People Want Us To Point Fingers In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
23. AITJ For Saying My Sister-In-Law Doesn't Value Family?
“My husband and I decided to bring our two kids to Disney World for 4 days now that they are old enough to appreciate it. My husband and I are not in the best of shape so we decided to invite his sister and her husband along with us we have two separate rooms. We assumed we would spend are time in the parks together since it was after all a family vacation.
On the first day in the park we all did a few attractions together but then when we went to bring the kids to meet some characters she said she and her husband had other things in the park they wanted to do and would meet back up with us, we didn’t see them until dinner after we watched fireworks together and then went back to the hotel.
On the 2nd day we went to Epcot they stuck around with us until the afternoon but then split up with us again to ‘drink around the world.’ When we met up with them for dinner they were clearly very tipsy in front of the kids.
Very mature.
When we got back to the hotel that night I knocked on their door after the kids were asleep. I asked them if they were going to spend any time with the family on this vacation and told them running around an amusement park with kids all day is exhausting and we could use help.
She claimed the time they were spending with us was enough but they wanted to do their own thing too. She made a rude comment that she didn’t take days off of work to be our babysitter.
The next two days we didn’t speak to them at all they did their own thing and we did ours with our kids.
We didn’t see them again until the flight home which was awkward. I was so upset that they ruined the experience for our kids who were looking forward to spending time with their aunt that when I got home I wrote an email to our immediate family about the experience and at the end told them this was the reason we would be going low contact with SIL.
I included SIL in the email, sent it, and went to sleep.
Woke up to a ton of angry texts from my husband’s family calling me ridiculous. I just assumed she would spend time with family on family vacations. Clearly, she doesn’t value family.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And ridiculous. It’s completely NORMAL for couples or even friends to do their own thing for parts of the day on vacation! Even on a family trip. Your SIL is right, you invited them to essentially help with babysitting without letting them know.
LOL… and then get butthurt when they spend a little bit of time doing adult things. You have kids, they don’t. You then ruined your own time and made them spend less of the vacay with you because you confronted them about it.
A real piece of work. Can’t reiterate the YTJ enough.” Ok-Context1168
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your SIL did spend time with your family but also did things you obviously weren’t up to or interested in doing. You neglect to mention if you paid for SIL’s trip or if you had a conversation with her that you expected her to play nanny to your children.
If she paid her own way, she did absolutely nothing wrong. If you paid for her, it would have been nice if she spent more time with your family, but unless you specifically asked her to help with your kids and she agreed, she was under no obligation to stay by your side the whole trip.
It sounds like the real issue here is your health. If you are unable to manage your kids at a theme park over a multi-day visit that’s a problem. If your conditions are ones that are able to improve, you need to take responsibility and make changes that will allow you to take care of your children the way you want to and be there for them as you age.
If these are untreatable conditions, it is your responsibility to either hire someone who will be able to help you with child care or make an arrangement with a relative to help out with responsibilities clearly understood by both parties.
You’ve made this situation worse by sending out a catty email to the family. If you had a problem with SIL you should have worked this out with her directly. If you felt she wasn’t spending enough time with your family, you should have addressed it with her on the first day of the vacation instead of quietly seething and allowing your resentment to build.
Act like an adult and work it out.” kavk27
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, if you wanted a babysitter, you should’ve hired one not expecting your SIL to be one for you and your children. She did not take days off from work to be at your beck and call.
She doesn’t owe you her time. Especially when you weren’t clear as to why you wanted to invite her to begin with. You basically ‘lied’ in the disguise that you wanted family time.
You wanted to take your children to Disney that’s great but that was your responsibility with your husband to properly coordinate that.
You’re a parent, it comes with the territory. And I highly doubt your kids’ vacation was ruined because they didn’t see their aunt 24/7, they were at Disney for God’s sake.” Chantalle22
22. AITJ For Paying Only For My Food?
“I’ve been part of the same group since secondary school and now in our early 30s, we still meet up regularly.
I’m the only one who doesn’t drink and I also have some food restrictions. This means that my meal is always the cheapest option and I very rarely share a plate with the others even if everyone else is eating sharing style.
So for years, I’ve always had a separate bill, and then the group evenly splits the remainder. It was suggested by a friend years ago and nobody has ever made an issue.
One friend recently brought her new partner ‘Aaron’ to the meal to introduce him to the group.
We have a tendency to over-order so I didn’t think it was weird that he has a few drinks and ordered more than one dish.
When the bill came and my part was separated out Aaron started getting annoyed and told me to stop being a cheapskate and pay my share like everyone else.
I tried to explain but he just dug his heels in and got yelly and called me tight-fisted and selfish.
I got flustered and paid my bill and left. Am I the jerk for still taking a separate bill even a decade later?
Should I not be doing that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Aaron was very inappropriately inserting himself into a friend dynamic that he knows nothing about. He was being a major jerk to someone he barely knows. Don’t even bother wasting a thought on jerks like that.
It sounds like this happened very recently, but you should definitely talk to your friend about it. Expect an apology from the guy if you see his face again for him being a jerk.” Good_From_70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Aaron should be shunned from all future get-togethers. What a jerk! No one told him to pipe down? Was he a belligerent heavy drinker? I’m all for separate checks. There are always a few that drink a lot more than others, order a lot more food than others and they end up being subsidized by the group, which is gross, to me.
Unless everyone has ordered close to the same amount, separate checks respect everyone’s appetite and wallet. You never know when someone is dealing with a health issue, a dependency issue, or a financial issue.” Ignominious333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s obviously well established within your group that you pay separately.
Even if it wasn’t, you have the right to only pay for what you order.
His reaction was pretty scary and out of line. Also, the fact that it doesn’t sound like your friends did anything to stop him or back you up would make me want to distance myself from them for a while, at least. I get that they may have been shocked, but there’s no way I’d ever let someone yell and scream at my friend that way while I just sit there.
Just know that you did nothing wrong, and this guy is a giant red flag.” clwitch
21. AITJ For Prohibiting My Son From Sleeping Over At His Dad's House?
“I (f25) have been broken up from my son’s dad (m26) for about 2 years. Our son is 4 years old and his dad just moved in with a girl he has been together for one week.
He explained that she is just dealing with a hard time and needed a place to stay and he needs help with rent so it was a win/win for them. But my son shares a room with his dad when he goes over there on weekends and this girl is now sharing a room with them.
My issue is that I don’t really know her and they haven’t been together for long at all, so I am not comfortable with my son sleeping in the same room as both of them. AITJ if I stop letting my son sleep over at his dads because of this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ on the surface of it.
You don’t know her and probably don’t want to know her, but you need to check her out. You gotta go talk to her and watch her with your son.
It’s not ethical to keep father and son apart, so how long is she staying?
If it’s for the foreseeable future, you DEFINITELY need to get to know her. Blech!” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your worries are PERFECTLY fair and from what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like he’s arguing against that.
In the instance that you get to know her well enough (say a few weeks from now) and are comfortable with your son sleeping over with them, I’d probably suggest getting him a camping bed or sleeping bag so that he doesn’t have to share a bedroom with the couple.” LordToxic21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if he’s really only known her for a week and just moved her in that’s a giant red flag. No one in their right mind moves into someone’s home after knowing them a week… it sounds like the new girl is taking advantage of your ex.
I wouldn’t be allowing my son to spend the night with someone I don’t know and their father has only known for a week that’s for sure.” ariesgal11
20. AITJ For Getting Married?
“I (m20) have known ‘A’ (f20) since we were in kindergarten.
A was always a best friend, at 16 we started going out. It was great we’ve always been best friends so we just had a great relationship. When A and I were 17 she got diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer it has been so difficult watching A go through this.
A recently found out her cancer became terminal and they’re giving her 8 months-a year. That was so hard to hear A doesn’t deserve this she fought so hard since first getting the diagnosis. I decided to propose and get married to A and take time away from school (I’m in college) to spend it with A.
Yesterday I told my parents about what was happening/what I wanted to do. They were completely silent so I said I’ll let you guys know the wedding date which was just going to be a very small wedding with our close friends and family.
They both blew up saying I have a lot of nerve to invite them to the wedding after deciding to throw away my future for some girl… I tried explaining I’m not dropping out of college just taking a year off to spend time with A.
They basically cut me off saying I’m not welcome… they always knew A is very special to me but now they’re mad at me for wanting to spend the time I have left with her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents’ lack of compassion is quite astounding but I guess they just don’t want you derailing your life, many who take a year off never go back. But they should trust that you know what you are doing and be proud of you for being willing to be there for someone you care about.
I would just offer one word of caution, if you are married you will become liable for all A’s medical bills. I’m assuming as she is so young she won’t have life insurance to cover them. You could end up in a financial hole too big to climb out of.
Average costs of the last 6 MBD is around $115,000.” miteymiteymite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and while they can be selfish about their son, they also need to understand how important it is for you. Go on, take the time off and the next few months would make someone very happy and also be the most rewarding time of your life.
You can always get back to things like studies and jobs and you will always repent and blame yourself if you missed this chance. Just don’t have your parents anywhere near the marriage or they might ruin it for you and the rest. Just keep it simple and invite only those who truly care about your happiness, even if it’s just the two of you.
It’s all that matters. Wish you well and cherish the time you have with A.” SPolowiski
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are though. They are more concerned with your education(which you can always go back to, though it may be difficult) than you doing what’s right in/for your heart.
Sounds like you will regret if you don’t take this time with A, so do it. You are an amazing person at your age to be able to deal with something like this and take such amazing care of someone you love who is terminal. You’re doing the right thing and your parents should come around eventually.” 2Boredatwk
19. AITJ For Not Offering To Pay The Bill?
“My (23M) significant other (21F) and I have been together for a year and a half. Her family is super sweet and I get along great with them.
Now my SO’s dad is pretty well off. Every time I’ve gone out to dinner with her family he always foots the bill.
Her family has been great to me. They always welcome me in their house. I went on a vacation with them back in the winter. Her parents paid for our hotel for the entire week, and her dad gave her money for food (granted it was for her, her brother, and myself), I also only paid for half of my flight because my SO offered to pay for the other half.
The only thing I really had to pay for is food a couple of days out of the trip, which my SO pitched in and helped with too.
This past weekend my SO, myself, her younger brother, and her dad went out for brunch.
I was spending the weekend with her anyway so she invited me to join them. Before we left she and I were talking and she mentioned how maybe I should offer to pay for brunch, as in for all 4 of us.
She assured me that her dad would 1000% refuse to let me pay, but he would probably really appreciate and respect me for offering.
Now here’s where I may sound like a jerk but I honestly laughed at her suggesting this.
I told her I would offer to cover our (her and my) portion of the bill, but to expect me to offer to cover the entire bill is obscured. Sure, I work a full-time job and all of that, but I have my own bills and stuff to worry about too, and she wants me to offer to pay for a $150ish brunch?!
She told me that if her dad accepted, which she could 100% guarantee that he wouldn’t, she would send me half of the bill. I continued to laugh and told her I’m not doing that, I’ll offer to pay for our half and that’s it.
I asked her if the roles were reversed and if she would offer to pay for the bill for my family. (8 of us in total including my SO), she said that’s completely different. That’s 8 people, not 4.
We both have VERY different upbringings, in terms of the situation I mentioned about paying the bill.
She grew up in a decently well-off family where they would constantly argue about who would pay the bill because everyone in her family would always offer out of courtesy. I grew up very differently as I come from a family that was not financially well off.
If someone offered to foot the bill, you’d just sit back and let them do it.
When we went to brunch I offered to cover both her and my portion of the bill, her dad immediately refused and covered the whole bill.
She gave me an ‘I told you so look’. She thinks I was a jerk for how I reacted to the situation, and says I should’ve trusted her. She told me she needs some space because my reaction to the whole situation is kind of a turn-off to her and she needs to think about things.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yup YTJ, big time.
There are 2 things here: First, according to you, your SO’s family has been crazy generous. You let them pay for a trip overseas, and you only paid ½ of the cost for your flight?
Pride alone should have stopped you from allowing that to happen. You owe them, big time.
Second, your SO already said she’d pay half the bill. So even if the father had accepted, you would have been out nothing.
This is about perception man, your upbringing is irrelevant here. It’s time to grow a pair, realize how others see things for once, and live up to your half of the deal.
She’s right, you’re the jerk, If you can’t figure this out on your own, she deserves better.” Jaxson-2022
Another User Comments:
“Your SO offered to send you money for half the bill on the off chance her dad accepted your offer to pay so you would only be paying the amount you were willing to pay anyway. What’s the problem?
She’s trying to make you look generous.
Also, you hardly paid anything for the trip so you could at least offer to cover one meal for everyone.
She’s right and you are such a jerk.
Offering to cover the meal for everyone would have been a thoughtful gesture, which your gf understands and you do not.
It seems like she can’t even make you appear to be a thoughtful and generous person, which you are not.
YTJ. Big time.” readytojudgeLOL
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your SO’s family has been really generous with you so far. Not everyone can return gestures on the same level, but after the wedding trip overseas, how can you be stingy over a $150 brunch?
That’s crazy! And to laugh at her for this suggestion is just rude and immature.
How your family handles splitting checks is irrelevant to the conversation because you are not with your family right now – you are with your SO’s.
And I can guarantee that this came up because someone (hopefully a sibling and not the bridal couple) noticed that you were pretty much handed a free vacation. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone had asked your SO about your etiquette or finances at some point, so rather than saying to you, ‘My brother thinks you’re a greedy cheapskate,’ she floated the idea of you covering brunch.
Good job being a complete boor.” MiskatonicUAlum
18. AITJ For Prioritizing The Kid I'm Babysitting?
“I (17F) live in an apartment block and I have a neighbor who has a ten-year-old daughter called Paula. She’s a nice kid and I’ve sometimes invited her to my apartment to play some video games and have babysat her when her mom had to go somewhere.
Last weekend, my neighbor texted me asking to babysit Paula because she was busy with a meeting at work.
I accepted to babysit her and she was brought to my house on Saturday. We were having a good time for the first couple hours until some friends of mine reminded me we had planned to go to the movie theater that day.
But Paula was with me and I obviously couldn’t leave her alone, so I decided to bring her to the movies with me. I told her mom about it and she was fine with it.
So Paula and I met with my friends at the movie theater and initially, they had no problem with her being there, but then they told me they wanted to watch a horror movie which wasn’t really appropriate for a kid like Paula.
Then Paula asked if we could instead watch the Super Mario movie, which is family-friendly and is also a film that interested me, so I was fine with it.
But my friends said they didn’t want to watch a childish film like that and insisted they really wanted to watch a horror movie.
Being Paula’s babysitter, I said I had to go with Paula and we both went to watch the Super Mario movie leaving my friends behind. Paula and I really enjoyed the film but my friends are mad now and have accused me of ruining our movie plans just to appease a little girl.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You behaved with courtesy, kindness, maturity, and understanding that sometimes situations change unexpectedly but that mature people make the best of them.
Your friends aren’t very mature. Especially given that it doesn’t sound as if you’d agreed which film you’d want h in advance anyway.” YouSayWotNow
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You’re the jerk for double-booking yourself, and it sounds like you just brought Paula to the theater without giving them a heads-up. You should have let them know in advance, so the plans could be adjusted accordingly.
They are jerks for suggesting taking a 10-year-old to a horror movie – one that was presumably rated R. I’m not sure Paula would have been let in even if she wanted to!
If your friends think their night was ruined by you not being there, they must be pretty good friends.
So apologize to them and don’t lose that!” RyanStoppable
Another User Comments:
“You’re apparently more mature than your friends who are in a snit over your choice of a movie that’s appropriate for a 10-year-old girl. I’m sure Paula’s mom appreciates your consideration.
Your friends got to watch their horror film – admittedly without your company – and you watched Super Mario with Paula. A good time was still to be had had you all gone out for ice cream or pizza. Instead, they couldn’t compromise and now they’re angry.
There will be other movies and occasions for you all to hang out together. They’ll live. NTJ.” GibsonGirl55
17. AITJ For Kicking Out My Friend Who Keeps Bringing Food With Nuts Into The House?
“I have an allergy to peanuts, coconut & two tree nuts.
It’s a ‘end up in hospital’ allergy. I also was married to someone who didn’t care about it, and I frequently ended up in the hospital for two years until we got divorced, and have a lot of trauma around that.
My good friend was getting divorced, we get along great, and she has two kids. I have room in my house kinda; we had to make a lot of changes to the furniture (get rid of it), where things went etc. She is more than aware of the allergy and what happened in the marriage.
There’s been a few instances of the allergy and foods in the house over the last eight months, and we had been working through just to stop using the pots/pans, and to stop bringing the nuts into the house.
In the last few weeks, I’ve started getting sick again, with extreme fatigue, feeling awful, not sleeping properly, and heart palpitations. It’s starting to affect my mental health a lot. I think this weekend, I just had enough; I kept falling asleep during the day for the last couple of weeks.
We talk about it, and nothing changes.
Yesterday, I did the dishes for the third time that day, and I’m literally cleaning dishes with nuts on them. I broke down, I had already spent two hours just not being able to stay awake mid-day on the couch.
I said it was too much, and it was another ‘I’m sorry you’re feeling unwell’ type of apology, which isn’t an apology. nothing changes. I keep feeling sicker. She said she didn’t bring the items into the house, her ex made the kids food.
but she cooked it, served it, and then left the dishes for me to clean. I just feel like because of the last time, I know I’m going to just mentally and physically not be able to cope with this, and will lose my cool at some point, and it won’t end well at all.
I also have kids, and falling asleep like this and being sick all the time isn’t an option.
This morning on the way to work, I was late, because I was so sick getting out of bed. I just cried in the car.
I can’t do this, I know it’s not that difficult to live without nuts. It’s too triggering for me, and I feel like crap 24/7. Here are some things to note. We’re both female, straight, divorced, and just sharing my home.
She sends the kids off to school in the morning, and I pay someone else to watch my kids after school. She doesn’t pay rent, we split the household bills. I do love her and her kids, but I know if I continue on like this, there won’t be a friendship left. The problem is I live in a really nice area, and the rent is high.
she can afford it, and she won’t be homeless, but it would be tight. I also don’t want to blow up the friendship either by asking that she moves out with her kids, and don’t know how to navigate this without the drama.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I suspect she started out respecting your food allergies, but then started adding allergens slowly, watching to see whether it triggered your response. When you didn’t go into immediate anaphylactic shock, she figured it wasn’t a big deal. So she started bringing more reactive food in.
Since you haven’t dropped dead yet, she isn’t taking it seriously. So now you’re living with a woman who doesn’t respect your minimal but life-threatening requests, and who thinks she is allowed to judge what is a ‘bad enough’ reaction.
There may not be malice involved, but it is blatantly obvious, and escalating.
You are risking your life, and your children’s welfare by allowing her to be there one more minute. She is a hazard and needs to go. Sooner rather than later.
The friendship is already gone, and she is the one who destroyed it. In your own house, and to your face. You need to get angry. Why aren’t you angry?” CrankyWife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you have to advocate for your own health and your own family.
If this woman is truly a friend she will understand. Maybe give her an extended amount of time to move out and make it very clear in the meantime that the food guidelines must be followed. No more excuses for the food.
It should have already been communicated that these foods are restricted and if they want to eat nuts they can do it outside the home. Also, she should be cleaning up her own messes in the home. Good luck and hope that you will get feeling better soon!” Loveis_loveislove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and you need to do this as soon as possible because this is a literal risk to your life. Your LIFE.
She knows about the allergy. She is repeatedly, knowingly exposing you to this allergen while it makes you sicker and sicker, to an extent that is impossible not to notice.
This person is poisoning you. In your own home.
She may not be trying to kill you, but given how obvious this is, it would not be insane to think that she is.
Seriously. She needs to leave. Now. With a police escort if necessary.” candycoatedcowa
16. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Half-Sister's Guardian?
“My birth mom died when I (22f) was three. My dad remarried my stepmom Layla when I was seven and they later had my half-sister Lily (12f.) Lily has been diagnosed with IED (intermittent explosive disorder). Any little thing can make her explode.
I honestly don’t feel safe around her because of the things that she has done when angry and I moved out at 18 because of her. Lily goes to counseling twice a week and takes Prozac but it doesn’t really help.
Layla died two years ago, and my dad recently died as well. He always had health issues, but his health truly began to decline after a workplace accident last year. Since she doesn’t work, my aunt has been staying with Lily at Dad and Layla’s house, but she isn’t able to stay and will need to return to her own family out of the state soon.
Both my dad’s side of the family and Layla’s parents all live either across or out of the state. They agree that they are willing to take in Lily, but are begging me to become her guardian/caretaker so that she isn’t forced to leave her friends, school, and previous life behind after just losing her mom and dad.
I have told them all that I’m sorry, but no, I am not going to take in Lily and become her new guardian. I cannot handle her. I cannot meet her needs. I don’t even know how to coordinate the services that Lily needs.
I would have to drop out of school and likely find a different job to live close enough. I’m not going to give up my life for Lily and I shouldn’t have to, no matter how much I love Layla and my dad.
My aunt, uncle, and Layla’s parents told me I was a cold and callous person and sister. And accused me of not caring that I have denied Lily the chance to keep some part of her old life after her parents died so young.
I know firsthand how much losing your parents young hurts. And I have nothing but sympathy for Lily to have to go through that as a child.
However, that doesn’t change the fact that I cannot handle her. Leaving her school and friends behind will be hard but she will not go into the system.
Lily has family members who are willing to take her in and are better equipped to handle her condition than I am. But my aunt, uncle, and Layla’s parents say that I lack any true empathy for my sister and that while my dad and Layla didn’t have a choice, I chose to leave Lily young as well.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If these people want to uproot their lives and move so that she can stay where her life currently is, then they are welcome to do so.
You’ve acknowledged that you aren’t in a place to properly take care of her and live your life to the fullest. It’s not your responsibility, there are other people to assist in taking care of her, and while it does suck, you’re not being callous and uncaring, you are in fact putting her needs ahead of her wants.
I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry that you’re going through this difficult time with the rest of her family.” amp_ro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While Lily’s situation is tragic, you also lost your parents and deserve the opportunity to grieve.
Why should you uproot your life so your sister shouldn’t uproot hers? Your family members are trying to guilt trip you into taking on your handful of a sister so they don’t have to.
Don’t do it.
You are just embarking on your young adult life and would be giving up any semblance of freedom and normal life to raise a teenager with behavioral problems. This would kill your social and personal life, stunt your career, and probably kill any opportunity or desire to start a family of your own.
It is okay to be a little selfish since Lily has options.” pixelated_fun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are very mature for your age. You understand what your half-sister needs and you know that you cannot provide it. You would be doing her and yourself a disservice and damaging your relationship permanently.
She would also lose precious time in getting her needs met; she is at that age where every moment counts in her treatment. Your relatives are more settled than you and should take her, but if they are not able to provide a suitable environment, a foster household with parents trained to take care of children with severe emotional needs would probably be the best placement for her.
You can still contact and visit her, and you’ll have a sibling relationship instead of that of a caregiver.” birdingisfun
15. AITJ For Not Coming To My Brother- And Sister-In-Law's Second Wedding?
“I (36f) am currently 36 weeks pregnant with our (my husband (34m) and me) first baby, with a due date of May 20th. My BIL and my SIL are going to be having their ‘second’ wedding on May 13th, when I will be 39 weeks pregnant.
I say ‘second’ wedding because they got married last year in May two weeks after we did, but while ours was the full Catholic deal (sacrament, service, etc.), they had a wedding at a resort and this upcoming ceremony will be a smaller affair in a Catholic church in order to do the sacrament part.
My apologies if I’m explaining it incorrectly, I’m not religious myself but my husband’s family is and it meant a lot to them for us to be married 1) in the family church and 2) doing the whole Catholic thing.
The problem is that while the church we got married in is about 15 minutes from where we live (as well as his parents, as they live across the street from us), the church they will be doing this in is about an hour-ish north of us, but could be more depending on traffic.
When my husband first brought up the date to me (I think it was back in March), he was worried that I would be upset because it is the day before our first wedding anniversary. That part honestly didn’t bother me!
I love my BIL, I get along pretty well with my SIL, and I would love to be there! But I immediately told my husband that the chance of me feeling up to going was unlikely because that was one week from my due date and, if it hadn’t happened already, the potential of me going into labor and being that far away from the hospital that I’ll give birth in just seemed too risky.
It would probably be about an hour and a half drive to the hospital (again, could be more depending on traffic, especially on a Saturday).
I initially told him that if he still wanted to go, he totally could, but he declined because he doesn’t want to risk missing the birth if it were to happen.
He wound up sending a text to his brother essentially summing up what I said above, but never acknowledged it.
We brought up the potential that we wouldn’t be able to make it briefly to his mom and she kind of shrugged it off, saying that she worked until the day she went into labor, etc.
I feel like I might be the jerk because the chances are that won’t happen. I feel bad because my husband is close with his brothers and would like to be there for him (as would I). I also feel like my in-laws will be disappointed. But I also know that due dates are give and take and when the baby decides it’s time, then it’s time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
If they picked the date this year then they did it knowing your due date, so they’ve consciously picked a date that’s around your own wedding anniversary AND knowing you are very close to giving birth.
Your husband not going is his own choice. Unless you have a 90-minute from first contraction to the birth scenario then you should be able to give him enough notice to get back. He just needs to be very clear with your in-laws that is his choice and nothing you are making him do.” Opposite-Guide-9925
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are going to be 39 weeks pregnant. I don’t think anyone that far along wants to ride roughly 2 hours in a car, get dressed up, and set through a wedding.
You are not asking your husband to miss the wedding.
But if you want to keep the peace talk to your dr. I am sure they would agree that this isn’t the best idea for you to go. Then tell your in-laws that you won’t be there because your doctor doesn’t think it’s a good idea.
As far as your mother-in-law goes. The world she had her kids in doesn’t exist anymore. Things have changed and what was recommended then isn’t now.” gramsknows
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Reasonable to not attend. You are either going to be super pregnant or have a days-old baby.
Your husband is right not to attend. However, he should have called… not text. I can see why someone may get a bit annoyed at that. What you both should have done is collectively call (or visit) them and explain that you would have loved to come but can’t become of the pregnancy.
Quite frankly it doesn’t matter what your MIL thinks. Times have changed, especially for a first-time mother.” amish__
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your husband may be quite happy using you as an excuse to miss the wedding.
Being your first baby, chances are that you will have plenty of warning that something will happen during labor and it generally doesn’t move that quickly (unlike the movies) for a first baby.
I completely understand why you don’t want to go as it’s uncomfortable to sit in a car at that gestation even if you aren’t in labor. But worse when you are in labor. But there really isn’t a reason for your husband not to go.
Having said that, stranger things have happened and there are some first-time moms that do labor very quickly and very efficiently so there are no guarantees as to how long things will take.
So no one is in the wrong here.
It does sound like BIL is ignoring the fact your husband has told him he isn’t going to be there and the same for your MIL. Do they have a sense of entitlement and what they want they get? If so, this is your boundary.
You don’t have to go no matter what they say. You can always say you don’t want to risk you upstaging the bride if you do go into labor because everyone will be talking about you and not the bride.
That might get through to her.
Also, how long have they been planning this? You’ll have been pregnant for 9 months by the time they have their wedding. They could’ve made it for 4 weeks before or 4 weeks after that day. Either low chance of going into labor… or you’ll have a newborn.” KitchenDismal9258
14. AITJ For Getting My Son's Sick Dog Euthanized?
“I (M34) have a son (M14) who we adopted a dog for when he was 1 year old. The dog had been recently puking out all his food, coughing blood, and tumors, and smelling dead. I finally decided one day that enough was enough since the dog was so sick.
And I picked up the dog and told my son and wife that he needs to be put down. My son being hysterical said goodbye to the dog. My wife was sad as well but didn’t display any emotion.
I went to the vet and got him put down and came back. When I walked into the living room I was met with my son yelling and me and my wife crying. I tried to explain to my son that the dog was sick and it needed to be done.
My wife started scolding me and telling me that I’m a bad father. I didn’t wanna watch our dog suffer.
I did take him to the vet a couple of times and it was a lost cause. It was his time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get they’re upset, but they shouldn’t be upset at you. They should just be sad the dog passed away. At the first sign, an animal’s quality of life has declined and it’s painful for them to be alive, you should probably do the humane thing and just put them down.
It’s better than letting them waddle around with aching bones and tumors in their body
When I was 9 or 10, I had a cat that was barely out of the kitten phase, and perfectly fine, and my dad still put it down.
He tried driving it out a couple of miles and tossing it free but it came back to our house, so he killed it the next time. I think your son at age 14 is being a little too dramatic. He really didn’t like the cat or the hassle of it was the only reason.” sneakysammy89
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what was best for the dog. But I will say you do seem impulsive in this situation. It should have been more of a family meeting. Based on what I’m reading, it seems like there was no family discussion.
This is important to discuss in depth when it comes down to euthanizing what is most definitely another member of the family. Your son is young and had this dog since he was a baby. He isn’t going to fully grasp the importance of putting a dog down who is sick.
A lot of adults don’t even understand this concept. Tons of people are in denial when it comes to this type of thing. So you can’t really expect him to be understanding unless there is a big heart-to-heart.
Communication is important.” User
Another User Comments:
“If he was coughing up blood one of the tumors probably eroded through something important. You did the right thing, the kind thing. He deserved to be out of pain and an ending where he wasn’t waiting for his organs to fail on him.
So incredibly NTJ and I’m sorry this happened. Your son isn’t mature enough to understand and your wife will come around to it when she has processed her feelings. More than anything, it was probably a response to watching your son processing his emotions.” bentscissors
13. AITJ For "Ruining" A Wedding By Refusing To Do My Family's Makeup?
“My family and I are going to Jamaica for a wedding next Wednesday. The wedding itself is the Saturday that week however there will be small events on the Thursday and Friday leading up to it.
For context, makeup is a huge hobby of mine and I was previously in school to become a professional makeup artist. From the jump, I knew I’d have to help my mom, aunt, and grandma with their makeup since they don’t typically wear it and don’t know how to apply it.
I had no issues with this as we previously discussed what I’d help them with which was really just their eyes. All in all, to do 3 people should only take me abt an hour, giving me enough time to fix myself up as well.
Now it’s about a week before we’re leaving and all of a sudden I’m being told that I have to do a full face of makeup for 3 of my cousins for the wedding and the other events we have to attend.
This means I’m going to have to spend at least 40 mins doing their makeup on the day and most of the one day that I had to relax before all the wedding events will be spent planning out what I’ll be doing for them.
On top of this, I’m going to have to buy products for them which I can’t really afford on top of all the products I have to buy for myself and my immediate family. My grandma already agreed on my behalf as well which really annoyed me and for free no less.
She promised I’d do everything for free and they wouldn’t have to reimburse me for the products I’d have to buy.
I really wouldn’t have had a problem with it if a) my cousins didn’t ask so last minute (I mean we had months to plan this like come on) and b) if I’d at least get some reimbursement for it.
I know how my family is and even if they said they’d reimburse me they likely would not. I ended up refusing to do it which ended up in a huge argument and me being called selfish and accused of ruining the wedding.
My family is definitely being a bit dramatic but now I’m starting to feel as though I am being a bit selfish. I could do it but I honestly really wanted at least one film day to unwind and relax because the idea of attending this event is already causing me a lot of anxiety and no doubt the plane ride over is going to be a mess.
I’m also kind of leaving my cousins hanging and while they could get Mekhi artists down there it would be a hit last minute and would cost a bit of money that I could otherwise save them from spending… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ll give your grandma the benefit of the doubt that she was well-intentioned and simply doesn’t understand the time and effort that goes into doing a full face of makeup for an event like a wedding, so she thought it was ‘only’ volunteering a fraction of the time it is in reality but, yeah, people can’t go volunteering your time, skills, and (I’m guessing pricey) products, for free.
You aren’t the jerk for backing out, at all.
Dunno what the dynamic with grandma is, but if you feel you are trapped in this and like you got to, she definitely should be reimbursing you for the cost of the products (but again, you shouldn’t feel guilty putting your foot down here… I just know that sometimes we gotta swallow that crap down in the name of family dynamics, as much as it can suck).” QueasyCanalope
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You previously agreed to help your mom, aunt, and grandma with their makeup for the wedding, which was reasonable. However, being asked last minute to do a full face of makeup for three cousins is unreasonable, especially considering the additional costs and time it would take away from your own preparation and relaxation time.
It’s understandable that you feel frustrated and overwhelmed. Your family should respect your boundaries and not expect you to do something beyond what was previously discussed. It’s important to set limits and prioritize your own well-being.” anovelt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and good for you for putting a stop to this immediately. Grandma doesn’t have the right to volunteer you. If you’d given in this time, she’d do it again and other people might start volunteering you as well. You are not a charity shop.
They should be ashamed for even accepting when it would cost you time and your own money. Then be even more ashamed because they didn’t check that you agreed to it. Then ultimately ashamed because their history with you means you don’t trust them to reimburse you because they have demonstrated before how selfish and thoughtless they are.
Let them be mad. It’s not like they do you favors for free.” Office_Desk906
12. AITJ For Inviting Only A Few People To My Wedding?
“I (29) and my fiance (30) got engaged 2 years ago. During those 2 years, my fiance (John) and I would go back and forth about how we wanted the wedding to go. Initially, we thought it would be about 150 people. This gave me a lot of anxiety and after some discussions, and therapy, we decided that a small wedding would be a good compromise.
We’re down to less than 30 people and we’re happy and excited with what we’re planning so far.
This brings me to the problem at hand. Since we’re having a small wedding, we can only invite so many people.
My fiance has a large immediate family, so his side takes up more than half the guest list (which is fine by me since I would’ve gone even smaller for a wedding if we could’ve.) I wanted to invite people that were very involved in my life and so I decided not to invite my step-sisters (30,32).
It’s not that I dislike them or anything, it’s just that we don’t talk and don’t really have a relationship.
Background info: my mom (56) and my step-dad (65) married when I was 8/9 and my step-sisters did not live with us after that.
We saw them every now and then for hallmark vacations. Now, I see one of my step-sisters maybe once a year (and do not talk to her otherwise) and I haven’t seen or spoken to the other in over 8 years.
No dislike, just indifference for the most part.
My mom is now throwing a fit. She’s claiming my stepdad won’t attend and won’t give me a definitive answer about who is or isn’t going with her.
I haven’t talked to my stepdad yet about whether or not he won’t attend. My bet is that my mom is claiming he won’t come but hasn’t actually talked to him about it.
So, AITJ for not inviting my step-sisters to my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You don’t have a relationship with them. I doubt they will even care.
Tell your mom that she and your step-father are invited to the wedding, but his refusing to attend does not mean she gets to pick another +1.
Tell her that you need to know whether she is attending with him, alone, or not at all by the RSVP date and that if you do not hear from her then you will assume neither of them is attending.
No more discussions, no more debates.
If they are unhappy with your decision, they can choose to not attend. But you are not responsible for managing your mother’s feelings and you do not owe her the time and energy she is trying to get from you by throwing a fit.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments;
“NTJ
You said it yourself – you have very little contact with them, and next to no relationship. If you’re having a small wedding with a very strict guest list, then some people aren’t going to be invited. That’s just the way it is.
Not to mention that it’s your wedding. You’re free to invite or not invite whoever you and your fiancé want.” WolfGoddess77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s your wedding, and only those you want to be there need to make it to the guest list. Someone you barely know or talk to once a year need not be there while a few of your good friends can be.
If stepdad is having an issue with that, let him stay at home. No point being forced to invite people and it’s not a show of strength. Just an occasion where only those of you who you want to be part of the special occasion need to be there.” SPolowiski
11. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Borrow My Clothes?
“My (19F) sister (16F) and I both live at home, but I am working and she is in school. Since I started working, I’ve been able to afford nicer clothes than before. I’ve been buying pricier and higher quality clothes that are pretty stylish.
My sister has been very jealous of this fact and constantly begs me to share my clothes with her. However, I’m not comfortable with this because I’ve worked hard to be able to afford these clothes and I don’t want them getting ruined. That might sound unreasonable, but hear me out.
After I told my sister she couldn’t borrow a really nice shirt I bought that is very dear to me, she went behind my back and not only wore it herself but let a friend of hers borrow it and wear it on a night out.
The shirt then got ruined by her friend because it ripped. I was livid, but she is insisting this is all my fault and that I’m the bad guy because I wouldn’t share my clothes with her or use my money to buy any nice clothes for her.
She is basically acting like I deserved it because I’m ‘selfish’.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she would be buying a new shirt. She deliberately took your shirt then on top of that let a friend borrow it. You bought this, paid for it, and worked hard for what you have.
Tell her next time she does this you will report it stolen and then sue her for damages to your property. Keep all your receipts for everything you buy in a lock box or safe space to where she can not get them.
Obviously, she is 16 and you wouldn’t do that entirely but it’s nice to scare people who think they can do whatever they want. Most importantly tell your parents about this. Do not share clothes with her at all, especially after this total disrespect.
You are not entitled to share anything with her. Maybe this will teach her to get a job so she can afford her own things if she wants it so badly.” Love_of_Lemons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is a pretty common thing among sisters and roommates though.
You’re definitely not doing anything wrong by not sharing. You are not obligated to share your belongings with your sister. She’s also trying to put the blame on you, even though it’s all on her. Don’t let her do that.
It’s her fault and she knows it.
If I were you, I’d get a lock on my door so she can’t get in and help herself to your closet. If your parents aren’t cool with that, explain and tell them either they or your sister reimburse you for the shirt she destroyed and future clothing she ruins, or they let you get a lock so it doesn’t happen again.” Liss78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are right and it’s reasonable to feel that way. If you don’t want her to wear the clothes you bought with your money then don’t. Explain to her the reason tho cause she may think you do that on purpose for not trusting her.
Also, it makes sense if sometime you wanna leave the house and be alone starting your life. She can’t be jealous of this in the future too. She has to understand that her sister is now older making her choices and her life better.” Frost_y__
10. AITJ For Snapping Back At My Partner For Making Comments About My Weight?
“I (27, female) and my partner (30, male) have been together for 2 and a half years. I was a late bloomer and was always underweight until 4 years ago when I completed my studies and settled into a comfortable lifestyle and ate properly without much stress I was able to gain a bit of weight.
When my partner and I started going out, I weight 52kg and now weigh 61kg. I am trying to lose some of this weight because I have been getting a lot of comments from family and friends that I’m overweight.
I’m 5’2 so I understand that this is not good for me. These comments make me feel very self-conscious and very uncomfortable and my partner knows this. Last night my partner invited his tennis buddy and his partner for a barbecue and drinks.
He hasn’t seen him for some time because he has to join the firefighter training and he made some remarks on how tough the training was on him, My partner then said well he would be happy if I had a 3 months boot camp in his training camp so I can lose weight and be fit.
I brushed it off and he brought it up several times again but I didn’t fall bait to his taunts.
Later when I was wearing a swimsuit he pulled on my stomach and asked what the excess flesh was. I was so close to tears because they were all looking at me.
Then I told him I didn’t appreciate what he was saying. He said it was because his friend’s partner is a bit thick so he was trying to compare me to her which I know he was lying and if he shouldn’t make any negative remarks about people’s weight because he doesn’t know what they are going through and that he also needs to lose all his love handles and belly fat before commenting on others.
He got so angry and defensive and is giving me a bit of attitude. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
61kg is not overweight. It is in the normal range for your height.
I am so mad for you that it seems everyone in your life is commenting on your body.
It is completely unnecessary and please tell them to stop. NOBODY should be commenting on another’s weight. Period.
If you personally want to get into better shape, go for it. But you should never feel pressured to lose weight from someone else.
It is not their business.” Super_Gazelle_9267
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’re used to getting this kind of terrible treatment from your family so it seems normal, but it is not. It’s not ok and you don’t have to take it from ANYBODY.
Dump the guy and any so-called friends who are bullying you about this. Tell your family to back off. And get some people in your life who are actually supportive.” SneakySneakySquirrel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner’s behavior is unacceptable.
He shouldn’t be making derogatory comments about your weight in front of others, especially after knowing how self-conscious it makes you feel. His remarks were not only hurtful but also disrespectful. If he wants to address your weight, he should do so privately and respectfully.
Furthermore, it’s hypocritical for him to criticize your weight when he also has his own areas of improvement. As the saying goes, ‘People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.’
In any case, you have every right to feel hurt and upset by his behavior.
It’s important that you have a serious conversation with him about how his comments have affected you and that he needs to change his behavior. Remember, a healthy relationship should be based on mutual respect and support, not criticism and belittlement.” anovelt
9. AITJ For Giving The Family Ring To My Daughter?
“So my (52m) family has an heirloom ring that’s been passed down from oldest son to oldest son for the past few generations.
It was my great-grandfather’s ring that he used to propose to my great-grandmother, and they gave it to their oldest son to propose to his wife. That’s how it’s always gone, until now.
You see, I inherited the ring from my dad, but I had no sons myself.
I was, however, blessed with three wonderful daughters; Michelle (27), Fiona (24), and Emily (21).
Recently, Michelle came to me to ask if she could use the ring to propose to her long-time partner Susanna (27). I hesitated, but agreed, giving her the ring as well as my blessing.
Last week, Michelle proposed while they were out during a romantic dinner, and Susanna said yes! They later posted an announcement on social media which included a picture of Susanna wearing the family ring.
After the announcement was posted, I got a message from my brother, Greg (49).
He sent me a long rant that basically boiled down to that ring belongs to my son and you disrespected the family tradition by giving the ring to a girl.
Some background on Greg and his son: Greg is my younger brother, and we never got along.
It started out as a normal brotherly rivalry, but even into our 20s, he remained determined to one-up me at every turn. Greg knocked up his college partner (now wife) Janice with his son Tyler when he was 20. When he proposed, he asked our dad for the ring, but our dad refused because I was older.
Unbeknownst to me, Greg had assumed that since I had no sons, I’d be giving Tyler the ring when he wanted to propose to his partner Ashley. Greg told me to take the ring back from Michelle and Susanna, I said God no.
Since then, Janice, Greg, and Tyler have been passive-aggressively talking about me behind my back to the rest of the family, accusing me of dishonoring our family’s tradition. Whatever happens, I won’t be taking the ring back, but I want to know: AITJ for what I did?”
Another User Comments:
“And so once again, the ring has been used by the eldest child of the eldest child to make their proposal.
The family tradition was always going to change slightly – there is no eldest son of the eldest son this time, and your father had already been clear about it not going to Greg.
So quite how Greg expected it to go to his son I don’t know.
Most importantly, I think you absolutely respected the tradition, because the tradition is about welcoming a new bride-to-be to the family.
I wish you, Michelle and Susanna, and indeed Fiona and Emily and any partners they have in the future, every happiness.
NTJ” ieya404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That is a ring that has been given to firstborn children to propose for generations. In the past, it had been given to sons… Times change. You gave it to your first-born child to propose to her wife.
Because times change.
Greg sounds like he’s 1) bitter that he didn’t get the family heirloom and you did 2) has some REALLY old-fashioned ideas about gender that he should have left back in the 50s and 3) just wants it for his son.
Greg can, to put it kindly, suck eggs. You are honoring a family tradition. They’re talking about you ‘dishonoring tradition’ when THEY want to give the ring that has traditionally been given to the firstborn to someone who is NOT the firstborn?
God no.” Hazel2468
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congratulations on the upcoming expansion of your family and best wishes to the newly engaged couple. Your brother and his wife sat back eagerly watching your flock of daughters knowing they were women.
Guess what? Turns out proposing is an equal opportunity gesture! Sucks for your family but the oldest son now passed the family ring onto his eldest child for a proposal. Assuming you used the ring to propose to the mother of your children, it seems your eldest would have more attachment to the ring than your brother’s kid.
And since he thought he could use the ring when he wasn’t the oldest, why is he so salty when your eldest is a woman? Is tradition only important if it favors him?” wildferalfun
8. AITJ For Meddling With My Co-Worker's Time Off?
“I work at a start-up. It’s both high-pressure and flexible. EG. we have ‘unlimited’ vacation, workload permitting. I work on a team of 5 and ~40% of our work directly affects the others, so if someone is sick, then the 4 others have to take on that person’s work for the day.
We also have a designated couple of days in the office which is necessary for our work. We all have a tacit understanding to fairly distribute the work and our vacations, which has been working out really well… until recently.
We added a new member about 5 months ago.
The first 3 months, she was Johnny on the spot in the office, then about 2 months ago (if I’m being cynical, when her probation period ended) she started getting flaky. She’s had a couple of doctor/hospital visits and sick days (no questions asked, we tell her to feel better of course).
But then there are some questionable reasons she’s given not to work or to leave early: She’s starting vacation tomorrow so she can’t come in today (I genuinely do not understand what that even means); her sister’s mother-in-law is in the hospital; she has to drop off her husband at the airport.
Our manager is incredibly hands-off so when we need a day off, we don’t even tell the manager, we just tell each other. I’m the most senior member of the team by tenure only so the rest of the team asked me to say something to her.
I’m not the manager or HR so I first suggested to the team that we log all our days off into an open calendar. She didn’t utilize it. OK. Then she told us she couldn’t come into the office for the foreseeable near future because she ‘sprained’ her ankle (no doctor’s visit or x-ray, just a rolled ankle), I replied in an email (CC’ed boss) she should notify HR.
When the manager asked me if something was up, I told him the above and how it affects us.
He must have talked to her bc she’s pretty upset. She said she was entitled to personal time off for her health, and that I didn’t need to ‘run to the manager’.
WIBTJ for thinking some of the reasons for her days off are questionable and for getting the manager/HR involved?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
She was told there is unlimited time off and her manager is hands-off in terms of needing to know when/why time was taken off.
So… she took the amount she wanted without providing doctors’ notes etc.
Meanwhile, you and the team are struggling to meet capacity with her contributions and you brought it to the manager which is precisely what a manager is supposed to figure out.
It’s above your paygrade to tell her if her current usage of time off is appropriate or not.
That said, this is why ‘unlimited time off’ is a bad policy. There is always a limit. When that limit isn’t written down it just turns into this weird game of trying to guess what amount is actually okay based on testing the waters and watching others.” CreativeGPX
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ if it impacts you and it sounds like you handled it appropriately. But companies that have ‘unlimited time off’ policies without guidelines or policies to help people understand what is and isn’t appropriate are! Some people take advantage and then others are too stressed or terrified of taking time because it’s so open-ended they end up taking even less than if they had limited leave.
And your manager is the jerk for being so ‘hands off’ he has no idea who is there and who isn’t until it’s a problem.” No_Rope_8115
Another User Comments:
“Unlimited time off is great in theory but creates exactly this type of problem.
No jerks here. She’s using time off as she sees fit. Your workload being distributed this way makes the other folks ‘pick up the slack’ which means anyone taking a day off is impacting the team. This drives teams to flag folks using their stated benefits as ‘taking advantage.’ Maybe she is a flake, maybe she’s having personal stuff come up that’s impacting her legitimately.
You’re not the arbiter and elevating the problems your team is facing is correct. It seems like the whole team structure and time off benefit is contributing to making this a bad setup for all of you.” Willing-Helicopter26
7. AITJ For Helping A Grieving Friend With Household Duties?
“I (36m) have a long-time friend (34f) who I live about 4 blocks from. We have always been very close. Her husband passed away 3 years ago after a 9-month battle with brain cancer, during which she was his full-time caretaker.
I was also very close with her husband and since I lived close by I would go over and help as much as I could, be it cooking, cleaning, taking the kids out to do things, yard work, and maintenance around the house, especially as he declined and required round the clock care.
After he passed I continued to help my friend and her kids, and I spend a lot of time with her kids (now 11 and 9m).
Last year I married my wife, who I started seeing after my friend’s husband had passed, so this isn’t new.
Since then, there have been consistent arguments about my performing “husband duties” for my friend. Some examples of the things she was upset about:
My friend called because when she woke up a pipe had burst in the ceiling and she couldn’t find a plumber who could come out that day (I’m a contractor so I was able to call a friend and he went over asap) then I headed over and helped her clean up the mess and helped her with talking to her insurance and hiring a remediation company.
After that was done I helped her demo and replace the drywall.
Her car broke down, so I picked her kids up from school and went and played basketball with them while she got it to the shop and grabbed a rental, and then the boys wanted to have a pizza party, so we grabbed some pizzas and had dinner at the park.
She was relandscaping her backyard and putting in some raised planter beds and I went over on my day off to help her.
My wife is always welcome, she doesn’t usually want to go and instead thinks I should let her figure it out because ‘she’s a big girl and she needs to stop acting like I’m her husband’.
She has even gone as far as suggesting that my friend wants to steal me away from my wife because she needs someone to take care of her.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
It’s great that you’re connecting with your godsons, but it might be time to renegotiate boundaries.
Your wife feels sidelined.
Instead of spending ‘family time’ at their house, maybe take the boys out every week or two? Then there’s no confusion that you’re being slotted into the ‘husband’ role at their house. Helping in an emergency (like a burst pipe) is different than doing gardening, which she could do herself.
And going over for a bbq with just you and the family definitely strays into the ‘husband’ role.
You need a plan for when you have your own children – this much time with her children isn’t really sustainable when that happens.
And you need to make sure you’re spending a lot of quality time with your wife – she is your immediate family.
You need to decide what your priority is – if you want to be with your wife, she is not happy with the current state of affairs, and you’ll need to compromise.
If your priority is the other family, you have your answer (and your wife was right).” Nondescriptlady
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It is really nice that you help your friend out with these things and it is reasonable for your wife to have a problem with it when she and her children have obviously been through a lot.
It’s a bit much of her to be saying she’s trying to steal you away. Your wife does have a point though that it has been 3 years and she can’t just rely on you for everything and she is going to have to figure out how to do life on her own and deal with emergencies.
It is not your place to be that person she calls.” dazed1984
Another User Comments:
“YTJ dude.
What you’re doing IS husband duties. You run over at a call from her and will ‘invite’ your WIFE but she doesn’t feel comfortable because… it seems you have a wife and kids already.
Running over to talk to insurance and fix the leaks after you called someone to go fix it is a bit much. The pizza dates with just you, her, and the kids sound like a family thing. Running over on your DAY OFF when you could spend time with the person you actually committed to and married is just over the line.
They are your godsons. Not your children. You need to tone it down. You’re a married man who is trying to basically push your wife away because even if she is invited, she probably feels really uncomfortable because yall act like a married couple.
I’m sorry the dad died but you are not their father.
Of course, don’t just ghost the kids but schedule a day every TWO WEEKS to hang out with them, and don’t run at the drop of a hat for the person you didn’t marry.
You have 24 hours a day and are using your hours to spend time with other people other than your wife. She was probably really excited to be able to brag about the amazing man who helps her out and puts her first but got someone in a committed non-committed relationship with another person.” spookymom_26
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Originally you were helping out while she was taking care of her dying husband. To be blunt, she not doing that now. Three years is a long time to be so involved in the day-to-day running of their household.
Emergencies, absolutely help out. Daily cooking, cleaning duties, house projects? That’s too much. Doesn’t she have family who can help? I’m not sure why you got married if you spend all your spare time with another family.
Your wife is a jerk to herself. She should already know she’s not a top priority.” AliManny
Your wife went into this thinking she could change things and is forcing your hand.
Your friend really does need to figure out some things on her own. You can maybe get her a good list of helpful numbers, help her make a lost of important things around the house like where the breaker box is, the main for the water, ect. Basic car stuff like checking oil, charging the battery, check tire pressure... sign up for roadside assistance.
It sounds like her husband did the "guy" things and now she's completely overwhelmed and lost as to how to handle these things.
It is very common with widows. I read stories every day in online support groups from ladies who are clueless about things like this.
You'd actually be helping her with independence.
The next time she calls, give her the number of someone who can do the job and explain that you and wife have plans and this is all you can do.
I couldn't imagine losing my husband while having kids still home. It was awful enough just the two of us.
But she needs to get it together, figure things out and stop relying on you.
All of that being said, it's very noble and sweet that you're being so nice.
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay My Parents Rent?
“So I (19M) moved out of my parents’ house about a year ago.
There was nothing wrong in my life, I had a good upbringing, I loved being home, I had a lot of friends and my parents were loving. Or so I thought.
Anyways, I was going to have a big 18th birthday as it is the legal age where I stay (Australia), and means you go from boy to man.
Child to adult. I had a venue rented out and I had family and friends coming from all over to celebrate with me. We had a blast that night. I had my first drink and almost made it my last, I don’t remember anything from that night but from the photos I have seen, it looked like I had a good night so I was happy.
A few days after that night, my parents sat me down to have a talk. They told me that I’m a man now and that I’ve been working a lot of hours and yet they haven’t received anything.
They told me that as soon as I started working, they expected me to help pay rent. Obviously, I didn’t know any of that because I didn’t get told. They told me that I should’ve known better, but now that I’m 18, they expect me to help me with rent.
Honestly, I didn’t mind helping them if they asked. I was 16 when I got my first job at McDonald’s and am now working in construction. But they made it seem like I was in the wrong for not giving them funds.
And I get where they are coming from but from a young’s boys perspective, all I saw was green. All I saw was a triple-digit paycheck that I wanted to spend straight away.
Anyways I told them I’d start helping them from now on but it wasn’t good enough for them.
They told me that I had to pay them back all the money that I should’ve given them when I first started working which was almost 10K. I said no flat out and they got mad. They told me that either I pay rent and pay them back what they are owed or I move out and find my own place.
So that’s what I did. I moved out a few days after to my friend’s house for a bit, until I found my own apartment and have been living here for about 8-10 months. As soon as I moved out I got bombarded with calls and texts saying that I disrespected them by not paying them what they owe and making it harder for them to live now that they don’t have someone washing or doing their laundry, taking out their rubbish and all those little stuff.
They are both in their early 40s and more than capable of doing it.
My friends asked me why I never introduced them to my parents and told them what I’ve told you. Some of them already hated my parents and some of them said that it was my duty as their son.
I honestly didn’t know I had to give them money or help out. I would’ve if they asked but I feel like they just disrespected me and tried to gaslight me into giving them money. I just need to know if I am the jerk or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They decided to have a kid, it was their duty to provide a roof over your head + food for the first 18 years of your life so you don’t owe them anything. The fact that you were helping with chores means you were not freeloading either and you were helping as a member of the household.
Now they decided to give you an ultimatum and you chose. They can be mad all they want but they can only blame themselves!” PuzzleheadedLime6510
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, 50% of your friends are unhinged.
Your parents had a right to ask for rent once you turned 18 but they had no right to ask for 10k as a ‘debt’ from when you were a minor under their care.
You don’t pay rent as a 16-year-old and you owed them nothing.
They gave you a choice between rent and moving out, you picked moving out. Sucks for them if they were bluffing but they’re adults and should know better.” ZookeepergameOwn1726
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not unreasonable for them to want you to pay rent as an adult. It’s also not unreasonable for you to move to somewhere else – I mean, if you’re going to pay to live there, you should like where you live.
The part where they want you to pay back rent you were never told about is pretty unreasonable, though. Sounds like they’ve got themselves into a financial bind and in an effort to not be embarrassed about it – they have tried to force you into helping.” FormulaZR
5. AITJ For Telling The Kids That The Admin Did Not Renew My Contract?
“I (23F) had a long-term sub position at a school in my city parallel to my master studies (I am studying to be a teacher).
I had 4 classes since the beginning of the school year. My contract ends in two and a half weeks and then there will be 5 more weeks until the summer holidays. Prior to the Easter vacation admin told me I was definitely staying and getting a renewed contract until the summer holidays.
Well, last week it turned out it won’t be renewed because of reasons (like there is no actual reason). I am sad about it and I told my students that I would no longer be there and when my contract will end exactly so they can plan ahead.
I actually am on good terms with all 4 classes but 2 of them seem to like me really really really much. When I told them they said it’s not fair and that they want to keep me. I said, ‘I also want to keep you but it’s not my decision but I am happy to have met you.’
Well, a few kids decided to make it their decision and told their parents. A good handful of students and parents went to admin and told them what they thought about this ‘not-renewing’ my contract.
I received a bitter mail from admin that it was unprofessional to tell the students and was told by a teacher that is close to admin, that it’s as a jerk move of me.
Was it?”
Another User Comments:
“Teachers are important people for their students and should have their trust. You were well within your rights to tell your students that you won’t be there for much longer. The fact that the admin got backlash over that is literally no problem of yours.
They are just salty they got heat for it. How is it a jerk move? They didn’t think twice to renew your contract, you just wanted to do the right thing. Why would anyone take the side of an administration that doesn’t think twice about letting you go, despite the obvious fact you are quite popular?
NTJ.” Iothil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It was right and fair for your to tell the students you would not be renewed and it was fair to let them know that it was not your choice.
You didn’t ask them or their parents to intervene for you, they choose to do that themselves.
And the administration really ought to be able to handle a challenge like this professionally. Either they have reasonable grounds not to renew (lack of budget, some issue with your performance, or something else) or they don’t. It’s reasonable for parents to ask for an explanation.” YouSayWotNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for telling your students you won’t be back. That said, you may have crossed a non-jerk line when you disclosed that it wasn’t your decision and you wanted to ‘keep’ them. The children and parents saw it as a matter of blame or fault and went to bat for you.
Now admin is in a corner over it and unsurprisingly unhappy for being treated as the bad guy. It was a temporary contract; they were not obligated to share their reasons with you for not renewing. You could have told the children that you felt sad too, but you had only ever been hired on a short-term basis as a sub, and your contract was now over.
You could have accepted the decision and helped your students prepare not just for your parting, but for moving on. I hope you find a better administration to work for and a permanent position next time.” learning_moose
4. AITJ For Wanting To Refuse To Look After My Kids While My Ex-Wife Is Away?
“So my ex-wife wanted me to have our kids on her day so that she and her new partner could go look at a house. I felt/feel like I’m being taken advantage of and said no. So some background: After a year of heavy depression and not being able to pay bills I’m receiving money from socials to help me pay for everything.
When you apply for that you have to tell them how often you have your kids and I’m supposed to have mine every other weekend (because of money and health), so about 8 days/month. It was HER idea and demand that should be the case.
BUT I have had them a lot more than that, and I absolutely don’t mind that, I only feel normal when I have them and I love them so much, but it really screws with the bureaucracy of my economy.
I had them an extra day before this day already because she felt sick, and that’s fine too. She called me and ‘had such a bad conscience about it’ but the day after (she was too sick to have them) she calls me and basically tells me that she is going to look at a house with her new dude in the middle of our children’s sports practice and wants me to have them.
She’s not feeling ‘sorry’ this time and sighs when I have to check my calendar if I had any appointments. I feel like there’s a limit. She knows they have to practice at this time and still booked that house tour and I just feel so ‘taken advantage of’ because I never say no and always try to help.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You were looking at buying a PS5 or Xbox about a month ago. But you’re complaining that you don’t have enough money to afford to feed your kid for one extra day this month?
Get your priorities straight. YTJ.
The fact that you keep highlighting the fact that your ex is looking at houses with her new partner just screams to me that THAT’S what the problem is about. Get over it. Also, get a job if you want to afford a brand-new games console.
Disability benefits are there as a safety net for people who can’t work, not to buy luxury items for people who find it hard to work.” DOKTORPUSZ
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
They are your kids – it’s weird that you are living off social programs, so I’m assuming not paying child support or working, and you still have a problem with spending extra time with your own children.
Your kids definitely know about the tension between you two over this.
Depression is terrible, use this time with your kids to focus on your family life with them and you’ll find yourself getting better.” Jessika222
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You should be with your kids every second you can. You’re a parent now and you need to leave your ego and needs at the door because those little people need you. They need you 100% of the time, so you need to put aside all this pettiness and contribute every chance you get.
On the other side of this, being decent to your ex will help you down the road when (not if, when) you need her help with the kids. And, the little ones are paying attention to everything, so if they see you being crappy to their mother, it’s going to negatively affect them and their feelings toward you.
Yes, it stinks that your relationship didn’t work out and she’s moving on, blah blah blah. Who cares? Those kids need you to be a father who shows interest in them and makes them a priority. Every. Single.
Time.” HobbittBass
3. AITJ For Not Allowing My Wife To Engage In Multi-Level Marketing?
“My (31M) wife (27F) is a stay-at-home mom of our 2-year-old.
Meanwhile, I’m the sole breadwinner of the family. My wife has a friend, also a stay-at-home mum, who recently got into selling some dietary supplements and is trying to convince my wife to do the same. She claims she makes good money on it.
Now my wife is asking me for a $500 initial investment. This whole thing seems like an obvious Multi-level Marketing (MLM) to me so I said no and that it’s a waste of money. Now my wife is mad that I’m trying to stop her from having her own source of income, which is not true, I wouldn’t mind her having a part-time job, just this particular idea seems sketchy to me.
I really don’t want to be a controlling husband, I just think this is going to be a waste of our funds and her energy. Am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is definitely a bad idea and a very poor investment.
MLMs are scams at best and cults at worst.
However, just saying ‘no’ is going to anger and maybe even hurt your wife. If she’s interested in making her own money, maybe talk to her about other opportunities, like a part-time job.
If she’s dead set on this, I would recommend that you ask her to promise you that this $500 will be the only investment you’ll have to make. Explain that new business ventures are risky and that you can’t jeopardize your family’s finances for this.” Interesting_Flow730
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It does not sound like you are trying to control your wife financially, because you are more than plus with her finding a part-time job. Oftentimes MLMs suck in stay-at-home moms with the lure of being able to make their own hours and work only a couple of hours a week.
While she will have to work more than two hours a week (that claim isn’t really true), she can do it with the kids around. So if you want to be supportive of her having her own source of income, which will likely require her to work outside of the home, you will need to be flexible and make some concessions.
You all have to expect she might need to work some evenings and weekends and accept less time with her and more time with the kids and accepts that maybe the house isn’t as clean or whatnot. I’m not saying, you WON’T do these things, just that maybe your wife is thinking this way she can contribute without things having to change much for you and the kids and her.
I feel bad if it does. So if you assure her you support her in a part-time job outside the house, she might not be so attracted to MLMs.
And seriously there are so many MLM’s now it’s ridiculous.
And the only way you can make any real money is if you get people underneath you to sell and then you get a percentage of what they sell. I did MLM for a bit and the most I ever made after expenses was 400 for a month.
That was ONE time in a year otherwise, I maybe pulled in a couple hundred and it was more time than it was worth as I also had another full-time job.” Midlife_Crisis_46
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but realize that this is about your wife feeling like she doesn’t have anything for herself, or maybe she feels like she isn’t contributing to the household (she is, parenting is a huge amount of work, but doesn’t get viewed the same because no income) and wants to feel like she is.
Advise that you speak with her and see if you can’t find something she can do a part-time job or something she can do from home maybe, whatever, because right now, I’m guessing your wife doesn’t feel like she’s accomplished anything recently, and rightly or wrongly, it sucks to feel that way.” Rattimus
2. AITJ For Telling Things To My Dad?
“My stepmom hired a nanny to watch my younger siblings.
My dad didn’t love the idea, but he was okay with it. The first day I met her she tried to tell me to come into the dining room for lunch. I told her no thanks, that she wasn’t required to cook for me, because I’m not one of her charges.
She got an attitude with me and told me I needed to listen to her, and I told her no.
I talked to my dad about it, and he said he would take care of it. My stepmom asked me the next day to come directly to her if there were any more issues with the nanny.
She said that would be more efficient because my dad just talks to her to tell her to talk to the nanny. I acknowledged what she said but didn’t actually promise to do that.
I did have further problems with the nanny after that.
I came home from work one night, and she asked me where I had been. I was annoyed by her tone and told her to mind her business. She told me not to be disrespectful. I told her she was in my house and should respect me if she wants respect from me.
I ended up telling my dad about all this.
The nanny has been fired, and my stepmom is really upset. She told me it hurt her feelings I made an agreement with her but didn’t honor it. I didn’t actually promise not to talk to my dad, just acknowledged that she asked me not to.
I also feel I should be able to talk to my dad whenever. But she does feel betrayed, and I never actually gave her a chance to handle it herself. Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you’re old enough to have a job, you’re too old to answer to a nanny.
If your stepmother had handled that misunderstanding the first time, this problem wouldn’t have come up.
Any adult who tells you not to discuss something with your parent/guardian is automatically in the wrong. I told all of my nieces and nephews before they were 6 that if anyone ever told them they shouldn’t tell their parents something they should either tell their parents right away or come tell me unless it was a ‘good secret’ like a special present or surprise.
I believe that advice holds true, for the most part, at any age.
There should be literally nothing you cannot bring to your dad… and does he know that your stepmother tried to tell you not to talk to him about this?
In my opinion, she was WAY out of line to try to keep you from confiding in your father, both because that’s your dad & you can tell him whatever you want, and because it was an obvious effort to prevent him from knowing what is going on in his own home and with regard to his kids, no less.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, but your stepmother is giving off some red flags. It somewhat sounds like she wanted you to come directly to her, because your father already had concerns regarding the nanny, and she didn’t want to lose the nanny.
Yet the whole situation could have been prevented if your stepmother dealt with the issue properly the first time around. Maybe she didn’t because she likes to be in control a bit. I’m only mentioning this due to her reaction to you speaking to your dad, which would be a very logical and natural thing to do for, well most people actually.
Either way, with the next nanny, make sure you or your parents tell them that you are not part of their domain, and establish boundaries and rules for everyone involved.” Tigress92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But you could still apologize to your stepmom for excluding her.
You could have talked to both of them at the same time. Your stepmom clearly needs the childcare and your dad doesn’t seem very supportive. Neither of those things are your fault or in your control but it’s something to be mindful of.
Your stepmom was just asking to be in the loop and you could have done it. Firing the nanny seems really extreme. Everything might have worked out fine if your stepmom had been given a chance to set clearer boundaries with the nanny about what her job was and leaving you alone.
Or maybe not. Who knows. But it wouldn’t have hurt to talk to your stepmom since she asked you to.” TheUnsolicitedAdvice
1. AITJ For Not Wearing Pants Even When My Partner's Mom Is Visiting?
“My significant other (20M) just moved in with me a couple of months ago and he asked me to let his mom stay with us for 2 days cause his parents were going through a tough divorce. I can’t say I was happy about this, but it was just for 2 days, so I decided to tough it out for his sake.
On the second morning I was having my coffee while my SO was still sleeping (he had a tough week beforehand with college and work) and then his mother came into the kitchen to make her own coffee. Now I was only wearing socks and undergarments, but she didn’t seem to mind and even started making small talk with me.
I didn’t think anything of it, but then about half an hour later my SO also comes into the kitchen and looks kind of shocked. He pulls me aside and asks me why don’t I wear pants around his mother.
I told him that I was in the kitchen before her and she didn’t seem to mind when she came in and so I decided that it wasn’t necessary to change. Though he told me that it was creepy that I was so comfortable being without pants around his mom and that I should’ve put on some pants just for the simple fact that she was here, I think he’s overreacting over the situation: I’m gay, so, of course, nothing’s gonna happen with me and his mom and also this is still my house, so I think I’m still entitled to wear whatever I want inside it, especially when I’m sleepy in the morning.
His mom left now (and she never once brought it up), but my SO is still acting icy towards me cause of it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, But ‘jerk’ seems too harsh in this scenario, Just really a misunderstanding.
Yeah, I definitely think you should wear more proper clothing around your significant other’s mother especially if you want to have a good long-lasting impression. And if it’s something that’s important to your significant other I don’t think that’s unreasonable to ask.
Always good to be nice and proper around the in-laws. Plus it’s only for 2 days. Hope it all works out.” life11223344
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You’re right, it’s your home and you can wear what you like in it.
But to your SO’s point, it is a little weird to be in a state of undress around his mom.
It’s nothing she hasn’t seen before I’m sure but it’s common courtesy to toss on some sweatpants or something when you have company over.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Put on pants before leaving your bedroom while having a guest. Don’t put a guest in a situation where they could feel uncomfortable. Regardless of orientation, you were in your undergarments in front of an elder, your SO’s mother.
I get the argument that it’s your house… but you have a guest. Also, it’s now your SO’s home too. Why welcome her into your home if you weren’t willing to go out of your way to ensure her comfort?
If I were the guest, I wouldn’t have said anything just to avoid further discomfort. So MIL might just be playing it cool, especially since she has way bigger things on her mind. I want my MIL, any guest, to feel comfortable in my house.” RaeKn47
Another User Comments:
“Super gentle ‘everyone sucks here’ – When you have guests it’s polite to dress in a way that will make them feel comfortable (within reason). If you’d thrown on some PJ shorts you’d have been in the clear.
Although, if his mother has expressed that she doesn’t mind, YWNBTJ if you continued to not wear pants.
Your SO is also a jerk because he massively overreacted.” reeb666
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