People Ponder "Am I The Jerk?" In These Stories

Being a jerk isn't the best feeling in the world, but it feels even worse when you aren't sure whether you were actually the jerk in a situation or not. If you're the type of person that holds grudges or lets things linger in your mind longer than they need to, it can get exhausting to replay scenarios in your head all day, wondering what you could have done differently. If you're caught in the middle of feeling like the biggest jerk on the planet, you might find comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Read on and let us know who you think the jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You're the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? EHS = Everyone here sucks

19. AITJ For Quietly Packing My Stuff And Leaving My Family's House?


“I (23F) live at home. I am in grad school and work part-time + intern at an office. I graduate in June and I’ve been applying to jobs as much as I can so I can finally move out.

My sister (20F) also lives at home but is doing school online and doesn’t work. I try to help with chores around the house as much as possible, although it’s difficult since I leave the house early in the morning and come home late at night.

Last week, I came home and there were clean dishes in the dishwasher. I said I’m gonna take a quick shower and then empty the dishwasher and my dad went on a rant about how I’m useless and never help around the house and that my sister is always the one doing everything.

I explained that I do help and that just because they haven’t seen me help doesn’t mean that I don’t. He asked me to give him an example and I told him that I took the garbage out the night before.

The conversation escalated to him saying that I should shut up and not argue any longer because he can easily make me homeless if he wanted to. I said ok and went upstairs.

The next morning while everyone was still asleep I packed my things and left.

I’ve been sleeping in my car for a week and taking showers at my gym. Later in the day after I left, my parents called and my mom texted me asking where I am when I didn’t come home when I was supposed to.

I didn’t reply and blocked my entire family’s numbers and social media and haven’t spoken to them since. They have been calling and texting my friends asking them where I am. I haven’t told any of my friends that I’m sleeping in my car so I got very confused texts from friends asking me what’s going on and why my parents are asking where I am and if I’m safe and ok.

I told my closest friend that I left home and that I’m safe and let her know to tell my parents that I’m fine but I have no desire to speak to them anymore.

They’ve been begging my friend to disclose my location and asking her to ask me to allow them to speak to me.

I went to my friend’s yesterday and she told me that what I did was awful and that I should speak to them.

I told her that they threatened to make me homeless so I left of my own volition but she’s insisting that making them worry about my safety is a horrible thing to do. I honestly think I just gave them what they asked for, they wanted to get rid of me so I left.

AITJ for leaving and refusing to communicate with them?”

Another User Comments:


But I want to step in a moment and talk to you as the mum you needed but didn’t get.

I have 3 daughters, 27, 17, and 13 and I would never want them to be sleeping in a car for a week, plus studying, plus working!

I am NOT going to tell you to go back.

But I really want you to look for somewhere safe to stay.

I don’t want you to spend another night in that car if you can avoid it.

If you can afford it, think about renting a motel room or an Airbnb for just a night or two while you explore options for the longer term.

That will give you time to look for a room in a shared house.

You can talk to your co-workers, other students, the student housing team, and the welfare team.

Explain what happened with your father, his threats, going into detail about the ongoing anger and harassment, and how it’s been affecting you.

They should have access to resources to provide you with emotional support, at least, and maybe they will be able to help you find some affordable housing too?

What’s been happening to you is emotional torture.

It’s not necessarily the worst case ever, as presented in this post, at least, but that’s just getting into oppression Olympics territory! It’s still a form of emotional torture and the problem with emotional torture is that it can be very hard for those on the outside (like friends and family members who aren’t present when it happens) to recognize it!

Because the harm from emotional torture generally occurs more as a result of an ongoing situation; a pattern of behavior, and a series of incidents; sometimes seemingly minor, that often happen over and over again, wearing you down a little more each time; it can be very hard to give concrete examples of exactly why this person is so awful to someone on the outside.

That someone on the outside, being a good, decent person will also see the single, out of context incident that you’ve described to them, and often, they’ll try to search for an innocent explanation, ‘Oh, maybe they were just very tired after work that night.’ They try to be a peacemaker because it’s a common human instinct, especially if they’re still young and are fortunate enough to have had no personal experience of bullying and harassment.

I want to ask you about your mum next.

Be honest, is she an active participant in this torture or a passive one? Is it possible that she is also a victim of your father’s long-term emotional torture and has simply learned to comply and stay obedient and quiet because it’s safer that way?

This might not have been a conscious decision on her part but more of a pattern that she fell into over the years until she eventually forgot who she used to be before she ever met him.

This is not an excuse for your mum but it may help you understand her behavior and why she didn’t stand up to him on your behalf.

When you do get settled, and I hope you do soon, you might want to keep an eye on your sister.

My father was also awful and I, as the oldest of two kids, was his primary target.

Then I left home at 19 and went to uni. That’s when he turned on my then 17 yr old brother. My parents ended up divorcing a year or so later, my mum moved up north and my brother ended up moving out into a grotty bedsit just to get away.

Without you there to draw his ire, your father may well start to target your sister instead.

Even if you don’t want to or can’t offer direct support, you may be able to make sure that other people will look out for her.

Good luck, OP and have lots of hugs if you want them!

And don’t be afraid, or too proud, to ask for help right now, you’ll be surprised by just how much people will want to try and help you! People, even strangers, can be kinder than you expect.” EmmaInFrance

11 points (11 votes)

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Pabs 1 year ago
NTJ. That’s the problem when people threaten…they think the other person won’t react and are shocked when they do.
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18. AITJ For Not Going On Group Holiday?


“So I, 20(F) have booked a group holiday for my friends 20-25(M/F). It’s something we’ve all wanted to do for a while. We are not going far; the destination is a four-hour drive. We were all really looking forward to the holiday, and I made sure to book and organize everything in advance, so everything would be sorted.

I will be driving the whole holiday, as I am the only person to have a car and license.

Now, this is why I am annoyed:

I asked everyone to pay some to fuel while we are on holiday.

Not too much, just £10 each. I have estimated I would probably go through two full tanks (£120). Not one of the people going agreed to this. They all said that, as I offered to drive, all fuel should come out of my pocket.

Also, they stated that I would be going to the holiday/same places as them anyway so there is no need for any payment.

When I booked the holiday, I asked for the nicest room because I booked the holiday, my card will be used as a security deposit in case anything gets broken, and I will be driving.

This was laughed at, and everyone told me off and said that room should go to the only couple who is going, as they will be able to enjoy the holiday more if they get the nicest room.

The couple also thinks it’s disgusting sharing a bathroom with anyone else and should get the room as it is an en-suite. All rooms have a double bed, and the house has two other bathrooms.

When it comes to booking activities, they have asked me to organize a schedule for the holiday, so we can get as much in as possible.

They have also asked me to book a good number of activities, which in total for everyone will cost £1000+. This was fine, as I enjoy organizing. But the issue is that no one wants to pay upfront.

They have stated they will pay me back after the holiday, but they are expecting me to pay for everything first. £1000 is a lot of money and affording it is going to be a struggle.

Said that ‘they would pay based on if they enjoy the time or not.’

I have spoken to my friends many times about these points, and every time it is a similar response.

So why I could be the jerk; I have decided not to go on the holiday.

As I am the only driver, this leaves everyone with no way of getting there. This has caused a huge argument. They all said that if I cared about them as friends, I would still drive them down.

I’ve been told I am selfish and have only done this to hurt them, to make their summer miserable.

Last night, the eldest of the group called me and was begging me to come on the holiday.

They stated that they would pay £5 each towards fuel and that should be the end of it. They told me they really want me to go as ‘it wouldn’t be the same without you’.

I told them that I wasn’t going and I know they only want me to go as a means of transport. To this, the friend states I would no longer be invited to anything and that I will not be welcome anymore, as I am no friend of theirs.

I have left them in a tight spot as now they have a holiday they can’t get to.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your friends are the worst, none of this is unreasonable. I prefer not to drive but whenever I go on a long drive with a friend I make sure I pay for or put money towards a tank of fuel, in the event they won’t accept my money I will buy lunch or coffee or something to say thank you.

It is ridiculous for them to expect you to front the activity cost, a lot of people don’t have that money lying around and for them just to put that burden on you is ridiculous.

With how they are treating the fuel situation I would also be concerned about whether I would actually get my money back.

Planning a holiday takes a lot of time and effort and for them also to be this disrespectful shows you how much they value you and your time.

I would honestly find new friends.” Distinct-Fun-9135

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… and these people are no friends to you, you’re better off without them.

I can’t believe they thought it’s OK not to chip in for petrol money (especially as fuel is £1.60 ltr at the moment) and they expect you to pay for everything upfront.

Also with a full car, you’ll be using a lot more fuel than you expect.

These people are users and are using you as a packhorse and meal ticket, you know you would have never seen any money after the holiday.

Frankly, they all sound vile and you’ve dodged a bullet.

Real friends would have split all the costs, upfront, and helped with the organization. Get yourself some new friends.

If they don’t want to lose their accommodation money they can hire a car, get a Megabus or the train, all of which would be a lot more than the £10 you were asking.” Neither_March4000

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and you need to get some new friends.

These people are users, not friends. They are using you to coordinate everything, reservations, planning, and transportation. And if your refusal to do this one trip is a threat of ‘you will no longer be invited to anything or welcome’, then your ahem-friends are NOT friends.

Friends understand. Friends forgive. Friends share. Friends do not put an entire load on one person so that all they have to do is have fun. I also bet you would NEVER get all of the funds back that you put on your card.

Stand up for yourself. Perhaps they are too used to you always being the Person Who Always Raises Their Hand and Yells I Will Do This Let Me! Do not allow yourself to be berated like this.

Take care of YOU. And again, friends don’t threaten like that (you are no longer in our group) crap. That is Mean Girl crap.” NCKALA

10 points (10 votes)

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LorkhansDaughter 1 year ago
Get new friends. ASAP
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17. AITJ For Throwing My Coworkers Under The Bus?


“I have a history of depression, anxiety, and other mental health/general health issues. It’s been difficult for me to find and keep a job.

Cut to the summer of 2019. I got an interview at a pretty big company with one of their department heads, who we shall call Janice.

She gave me a shot when I really needed one, which makes what happens next all the more upsetting.

During 2020, our team got toxic, and a busy summer for our business left me extremely burnt out.

I took time out & later left the team completely, moving into another team in the same, open-plan office. I was still on good terms with the rest of the team and part of the work group chat.

I stayed to avoid causing drama & I think that’s why they never deleted me.

During this time, many people started to work from home. Janice’s team is one of the biggest and in a team of about 12-13 people, they only have the capacity for about 2/3 to work from home.

When I worked in that team, we played pass the parcel with the laptops because there wasn’t enough to go around.

Cut to about a month or so ago. 5/6 members of Janice’s team were sent home for being sick on the same day.

The office was evacuated with the exception of workers who couldn’t do their job from home.

During my time working from home, I kept up with Janice’s team through the group chat. I was morbidly curious about how Janice would cope.

She had changed within the past year.

Janice started texting the team asking them to come back to the office even if they were sick. I couldn’t believe it. Janice had changed but up until this point she’d been careful.

A couple of days later my own boss urged me to go back to the office.

One of my team was sick the day before, so I dug my heels in.

And then it happened.

The sick members of Janice’s team talked about coming back the next day, all while talking about how sick they were.

I emailed HR & the head of health and safety to verify company policy.

The health & safety guy confirmed my concerns. I asked if there were any exceptions. He said no. I told him and HR about Janice’s team and HR was quick to try and gaslight me.

They told me there hadn’t been any need to test anyone, even when they had been cc’d in my emails to health & safety confirming the policy. HR told me I didn’t know the full story.

I told them I did & had evidence to prove it.

I don’t know what happened next, only that the members of Janice’s team who’d offered to go back sick appeared online the next day for a couple of hours at most before going back offline.

About an hour later, I was removed from the group chat.

I don’t feel guilty for throwing Janice under the bus & I hope she was reprimanded. I do, however, feel a bit bad for violating the team’s privacy.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I had a boss like this and they had absolutely no regard for how being ill could affect other people.

I would have maybe approached her directly and given her a chance to make amends but if you’re not a confrontational person then that’s not the best thing to do. You definitely did the right thing and possibly saved people from being seriously ill.” Careless_Reading_527

Another User Comments:


It’s a work group chat where they openly discussed violating company policy. If you hadn’t told HR someone else would have at some point. Your debt to Janice didn’t include helping her subvert the law or company policy.

Frankly, if she was foolish enough to put a demand to come to work despite clearly being sick and a risk to others in writing, she was always headed for a showdown with HR.” BigBayesian

8 points (8 votes)

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Shywolf 1 year ago
NTJ at all. Those who are in office are healthy....and for this Janice to bring these people in that are SICK could severely affect those that aren't sick. In fact they could even pass around the sickness and make it 10x worse. For HR to gaslight you, is a major issue. I would hope you woul dhave gone higher above HR for trying to keep your workplace safe, and they went above to violate the company policy......
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16. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Is Raising Her Kids Wrong?


“I (F22) have an older sister (F39). A couple of years ago she got remarried. She has three kids with her first husband. Her second husband (M36) had two kids from his first marriage and my sister and her husband have one kid together.

So all together they have six kids.

In the beginning, everything was great. My other sister and my sister’s husband are childhood friends, so we already knew who he was. Honestly, he is a pretty awesome guy and my sister’s kids love him.

Since my sister had her kids I have always been there for them.

Whenever they need something they always call me (this started especially when she got divorced from her first husband. Which meant she was a single mom for 10 years.) My and her kids have pretty close ages so we get along well.

Whenever they need help with their homework or need a ride they call me. I am also like this with our other sibling’s kids. I also buy gifts for them, which sometimes are expensive.

I ask them directly what they want for their birthdays and Christmas. I ask them because my sister always says they want something and they never want that. So when she got married I naturally started to do the same with her husband’s biological kids.

In the beginning, they were very shy, but now they also call me when they need something, like the rest of the kids.

Since my sister gave birth last year I have noticed she has started acting differently towards her husband’s kids.

At first, I dismissed it and thought she was tired from the pregnancy and the birth or that it probably was hormones. Until it was one of the kids’ birthdays and I bought a gift for him.

When he opened it she looked very angry. Afterward, she came to me and started telling me that it was a way too expensive gift that I had bought for a kid which isn’t ‘ours’.

I was shocked and didn’t say anything.

Later she talked to me again and said that I should not spend so much time and money on kids who are not ‘ours’. This time I told her off and said that it is my money and time, so I can spend it however I want.

I also told her that if she keeps acting this way and raising the kids this way, her husband will get very hurt and a rift will be created between the kids. She is now mad at me and has not talked to me since the birthday.

Her husband has called me and asked what happened, but I can not get myself to tell him, because I know how hurt he will get. He treats her kids like his own.


Another User Comments:


It’s possible your sister has some postpartum depression and/or anxiety going on and could use an evaluation by a medical professional. Especially if she wasn’t like this towards her stepkids prior to giving birth, it seems very likely that this is treatable, but needs to be dealt with ASAP.

Talk to her husband privately.

You don’t have to go into every single detail if you don’t want to, but I think at least telling him the basics of what you’ve observed – that since she’s given birth to their child, her feelings towards his children seem to have shifted and not positively, and you’re worried about her – and that’s what has caused this fallout between the two of you.

I would venture a guess that her husband HAS noticed this shift in her behavior as well, and maybe getting it confirmed from you would be the push he needs to encourage her to seek help or pursue other avenues such as separation/divorce if she refuses.” hannahsflora

Another User Comments:


You are a good person with a kind heart!

This situation is so tricky. He needs to be made aware of this. It’s only a matter of time before the kids start to notice her attitude towards them if they haven’t already.

If they don’t have their father backing them up it will traumatize them. They will grow up with memories of an awful stepmother and a father who ‘didn’t care’. It might hurt him now, but how hurt will he be when they go NC at 18?

I’m not saying they should necessarily divorce, but both marriage and family counseling are very much needed here!

I’m glad his kids have you in their corner.” AnEmuOnAcid

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but your sister is a different story.

It’s strange to me that she’s suddenly rejecting his kids. It could be hormones, or it’s also possible there’s something going on in her marriage that you don’t know about.

Either way, you should talk to her husband and get a feel for what’s going on.

I would let him know what she said. It’s very possible that something hormonal is happening, but he needs to sit and talk with her about what was said. They need to get to the center of what the issue is.

If you don’t tell her husband, she’ll continue to reject and neglect his kids behind his back, which would be damaging to them.

Talk to him.” LowImagination3028

7 points (7 votes)

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Leec 1 year ago
You are most definitely ntj, good for you for standing up for those kids, I understand feelings can change but her saying and acting that way is so cruel to those children they are innocents for goodness sake. Personally I would just tell him straight he may have already noticed the change in her towards his children but maybe second guessing himself that he's just seeing things, at the end of the day those kids deserve better
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15. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Mom For Disappointing My Partner?


“I (17F) wanted to get my partner a present but the place I wanted to get it from was about a 20min drive away. Where I am, the driver’s permit that I have means that if I drive without supervision I can get fined over $160 and get points taken away.

I’m paying for the present using my own money and just needed my mum to sit in the car while I drive.

I told her a couple of days in advance that I needed to go there and she kept postponing it to the last possible day of me getting the present for him to the point where I only had an hour left to find someone to take me there before the store closed (she’s the only adult in the house and no one else was available to drive me there with such a short amount of notice) so I couldn’t get him a present and just ended up having to buy him some candy and stuffed $30 into a card.

I was pretty annoyed, I hate giving just money to people and prefer buying gifts that show that I have been attentive to our conversations and the stuff he’s into and I found the perfect gift that combines three of his favorite things – art, modern history, and tanks (I wanted to get him a specific model kit that they had at that store).

The card also sucked, I wrote a crappy inside joke that we have and like a couple of words about how I really care about him, I’m really bad with my words and was relying on the gift to convey how I felt.

I’d done all this research for it too because he’s a really social person (literal definition of an extrovert – total social butterfly – he’s friends with everyone in our grade to some extent) and I found a model club that he could go to so he’d have people he could hang out with while putting it together (or he could put it together with me).

He was really sweet about the gift but I could tell he was kind of disappointed… I got really mad and told my mum off for it when I got home and she kind of just told me that I shouldn’t have just expected her to be able to come with me (even though she said yes and had been doing nothing for the entire week) so it was all my fault that I disappointed my partner.

I’m not sure if I’m the jerk or if I was in the right for expecting her to follow through with coming with me on a 20min drive. She’s never been a reliable person so I feel like I should’ve expected this.

To add salt to the wound my birthday was today (day after his) and he got me a really amazing gift.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He didn’t whine about your gift and he got you a nice gift. He sounds like a keeper and he would probably be receptive to an explanation.” Smudgikins

6 points (6 votes)

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Pabs 1 year ago
NTJ. Your mom is. I’d explain the story behind the gift to partner.
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14. AITJ For Telling My Co-Teacher No One Wants To Eat Lunch With Her?


“I (28F pregnant) am a public school teacher. I have a co-teacher (Ms. G) and we would avoid eating with her. I used to eat lunch with three teachers in the same grade level as me who are between 48-55 yrs old.

Two of them had to take medicine after meals for different illnesses (which will be important later). When Ms. G got transferred to our school and got placed in our grade level, we immediately invited her to eat lunch with us to make her feel welcomed.

Each of us would order different kinds of food and share it. It doesn’t bother us if one person will say that she won’t share her food that day. She immediately liked our setup.

Then a month ago when we went out to eat lunch, she told us that she already had her lunch ahead of us because she got hungry but she would still come with us.

We offered our food and she said she’ll just taste them and that’s it. Before our meal ended she said she’d go ahead because she had forgotten to do something for her next class.

All of us were looking at each other after she left because she scarfed down half of our food. One of our co-teachers (she was sitting right next to Ms. G) was left with only rice on her plate.

She was a little bit annoyed because she didn’t bring extra money to get another lunch. This went on for weeks.

After Ms. G’s last eat and run stunt, all of us were left with too little food to share with each other, the two older teachers announced that they would eat lunch in their classrooms the next day.

They had to make sure that they are full and because of the medicine they were on a tight budget and couldn’t afford to buy two lunches every day. After hearing this my other co-teacher said that she would ask her husband to take her to lunch the next day.

The next day, Ms. G approached me and asked where are the rest, I told her that they would be eating somewhere that day because of some reasons. When we got our food, she once again scarfed down her own food and half of mine.

I didn’t get a chance to even taste her lunch because she touched all of it with her bare hands. I didn’t finish half of the food that she left me because she also touched those.

I ended up ordering more food because I was still hungry. I was so annoyed.

I decided to eat my lunch in my classroom the next day and Ms. G went to my classroom and decided to eat with me there (she brought her own lunch).

I don’t know what came over me and I just blurted out: I’m sorry but I don’t want you to eat here. She asked why and I told her everything. She got up and left with her food.

The next day, teachers were talking about us ‘bullying’ Ms. G. It got worse by the end of the day that all five of us were called by the school principal. After explaining our side, the principal still insisted that we apologized to Ms.

G. We refused because we firmly believed that we did nothing wrong. This got out and we ended up with disapproving looks.

So, Am I (Are We) The Jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but it’s leaning towards an ESH.

Ms. G was absolutely abusing the lunch system you all had. It was a jerk move on her part, and I guarantee you she knew what she was doing.

It’s why when you all decided to start eating lunch in your own rooms she packed her lunch because there was none for her to eat.

But where you all fall short, is not confronting her about what she’s doing.

It would have been better if the 5 of you had an adult conversation about what was happening, and how you didn’t like that Ms. G was leaving not enough food for everyone.

You all escalated the situation by not talking about the problem, and that’s why you’re being accused of bullying.” Emmiburr

Another User Comments:


Ms. G sucks for eating other people’s food while not ordering or sharing her own. You all suck for just shunning her without saying anything to her or having a discussion. Like you seriously could have said something during every one of those meals that she was eating too much of your food.

You should apologize for how you treated her.

That doesn’t mean you are apologizing for being angry with her for eating your food.

I’m also curious how it is that she could eat so much food so quickly while none of you were able to eat your food.

That part seems a bit odd. It makes it sound like you all just sat there and watched her eat your food and then when she left you decided to start eating your food.” Ranos131

Another User Comments:


Boy, this story got twisted around by Ms. G.

You did nothing wrong. You went above and beyond to include her, and she took advantage of it. I would go right back to the way it was, the original group.

Do not invite Ms. G. You’ve already suffered the misinformation blowback.

Institute at temporary, no sharing food across plates policy, until you are sure she will not be crashing the group again.

It’s not uncommon to have semi-permanent groups eating together at schools.

What is unusual, is having such a nice, cooperative group. Too bad Ms. G wasn’t smart enough to see her blessing in being invited and took advantage of your (collective) generosity.

She can find a different group to mooch off of.” Educational-Food9471

Another User Comments:


I understand those other two teachers. I mean I take medicine in the morning, and if I don’t eat after that, I feel sick. So I understand why they were annoyed and avoided her during lunch.

You should report that to the district, not the principal since she ate YOUR food with her BARE HANDS, that is gross! Then she wants to spread drama around the school and bully 5 teachers since she was called out on her bad behavior, and get all the other teachers to hate you.

Also, I want to know how it got out.

Cause if someone overheard you guys talking to the principal about it, shame on them for telling others. If it was the principal then you can have them fired for that, since they didn’t need to tell the other teachers.

If it was her though, you can call your district about it and have her fired.

Cause also, you went to your classroom to eat lunch, and she just walks in without knocking. She didn’t even ask if she could eat with you.

So don’t let her win this stupid battle. You and your friends keep up your chins and don’t listen to others. If she still causes more trouble for you girls, do something about it. Document it and send it to your district, cause then that’s harassment.” Ghastytheghast

6 points (6 votes)

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Bruinsgirl143 8 months ago
Ntj and don't apologize for setting a boundary
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13. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Mom Over A Lighter?


“Today I blew up at my parents over a lighter but not just because of it. Let me explain.

My parents never respected my privacy or personal stuff, I tried to explain to them a lot of times, at least once a day that I need my personal space, I need my privacy and they have to respect me

I started to work last year and after that, I never asked them for money.

I do buy all of my clothes, furniture, food, and everything I use in general, sometimes I buy stuff for them and for the house, and if they asked me to buy them something, I never take money from them.

Before working whenever I asked them to not go through my stuff they would tell me that they bought them and everything I own belongs to them.

Now that I use my money they can’t say that anymore instead they call me selfish and disrespectful to them and accuse me of hating them because I don’t need them financially anymore.

My mom always goes through my room to use my makeup, clothes, and expensive perfumes.

And when she uses them most of the time she ruins them. I don’t even know how or why, but she seems like she’s inconsiderate to them.

My dad also uses/take stuff from my room without asking, like glue, scissors, and diet food that I eat because I don’t like what they eat in general.

And when I ask about this stuff they lie about using them. Growing up, I developed trust issues because of them, always lying about everything.

This morning my mom went to my room again and took the lighter from my desk.

I use candles because I suffer from an anxiety disorder, and using candles helps me calm down. I looked for my lighter everywhere to the point I wanted to cry.

When I asked her at first she said they didn’t know then after 3 times of me asking her, she finally said that she took it.

I blow up at her, I was yelling and telling her that I never ask them for anything, and I help them sometimes, and I hate them for not being helpful or useful to me.

I went to the living room where my dad was watching the TV and I yelled that I wish I lived alone because they are not useful and they only cause me more stress and anxiety.

My dad started to yell but I went to my room and shut my door.

My home is pretty silent and no one is talking, I feel so bad and guilty, I know that I exaggerated over a lighter but it wasn’t just the lighter, I just needed to get this off of my chest.

So AITJ for blowing up at my mom over a lighter?”

Another User Comments:


You’ve repeatedly asked your parents for a level of privacy which includes not touching your things without asking. Your mom also knows she’s wrong because she lied about taking the lighter when you first asked.

Hopefully, your parents will make some changes, especially because as you get older you should be expected to have more privacy. If they can’t understand, then this might be something you have to put up with until you move out. Good Luck.” Izzafizzacal

6 points (8 votes)

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StumpyOne 1 year ago
Seems that the lighter was the straw that broke the camel's back. Not the jerk
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12. AITJ For Not Letting My In-Laws Hold My Baby?


“My MIL is super toxic, doesn’t take her meds for being bipolar, but pops pills for the fun of it. Horrible mood swings given she’s diagnosed with bipolar but she’s also a nasty person in general.

She treated me terribly from day one of my SO and I getting together. Threatening me, saying she was going to call the cops on me for really dumb stuff like not letting her in my house that I rented in my own name? She started tolerating me when we announced our pregnancy after SO and I have been married for 3 years.

By tolerating I mean she stopped speaking to me directly and only asked SO about the baby. Basically, I went from being hated to not existing.

Cut to now, baby is 7 months old and we fly out to see family.

I didn’t want to see MIL at all. SO and I agreed long before this; due to his mom’s substance issue and unpredictable behavior as well as how she’s treated me in the past, I didn’t want his mom even around our baby.

After SO had a change of heart and begged me to let his mom meet our kid I agreed but I said I will be holding our baby the whole time and no one else because MIL makes me very uncomfortable and I don’t want to give the most important person in my life to someone who used/to torment me.

Well now his mom is throwing a fit because against my wishes we met up with MIL; only I wouldn’t let her touch my kid. Keep in mind this woman does illegal substances and is erratic.

SO said I made his mom cry and made everyone feel uncomfortable by not letting her hold my child. AITJ for not letting her hold my baby? I feel bad because I know she has mental health issues but at the same time, she refuses to help herself and is also a very mean-spirited person.

What happened at the meet-up is she tried to take my child from me without even saying a word to me, just walked up and reached.

I held baby back and said ‘I’m holding (baby) right now’ and MIL ignored it and went back again and I snapped and said ‘don’t touch (baby)’. After that MIL was attached to the kid like a vulture hoping my husband would take our baby to hold so she could then steal the baby from him and acted like I wasn’t even there.

Literally, the whole time ignored me but expected me to give her my child. Husband is trying to keep the peace but I feel like he tries too hard to ‘people please’ his mom.”

Another User Comments:


You have a mil problem and a husband problem.

It’s clear your MIL sees you as little more than an incubator. She didn’t ask about you even once while pregnant only about the baby. Even the way she approached you is creepy.

Who the heck goes up to a new mom and just tries to take her baby? (What the actual heck?)

You also have a husband problem. He was happy to set boundaries before he was near his mom (or at least to try and convince you he was setting boundaries).

But when you guys actually got there he was willing to coerce you into letting go of these boundaries and going to go see her, yea that is not okay.

Second, once you got there you set very clear limits on the fact your child was not allowed to leave your arms.

The fact that he has the nerve to turn around and guilt you over your decisions because ‘his poor mommy was crying’ is deplorable. Putting aside the fact his mother has treated you like a second-class citizen, she is an active addict, who has displayed erratic or disturbing behavior.

You’re absolutely in the right from wanting to shield your child from someone who A. Hates you and B. Has acted dangerously beforehand.

Literally, none of his behavior during this situation is acceptable. You need to have a firm conversation with him about the way that he acted and how his actions made you feel.

If he doesn’t respond to that and agrees to go see a counselor you should 1000% leave.” Pretty_Pen4851

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and you and your husband need to have a serious talk as to why he suddenly was all ok with bringing your infant child to his addict mother’s house.

Growing up around addiction is absolutely terrible for a child’s development, even if they don’t see the person on a daily basis, they will pick up on the erratic and unpredictable behavior.

Was she like this when your husband was growing up? Because maybe that’s what he always knew so he finds it easier to rationalize it? Or maybe she talked to him and crocodile teared her way into making him change his mind? You have no way of knowing until you have a firm talk with him.

Maybe he needs counseling to help him process some toxic thought patterns he picked up growing up with her?

At the end of the day you are protecting your kid and you will never be the jerk for this.

The role of active grandparent has to be earned by proving you can be a trustworthy adult that will make a positive difference in a kid’s life.” The_Death_Flower

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I wasn’t even through your first sentence and already would never ever give MIL the kids to hold or take care of.

The rest of the text doesn’t get any better. Your SO needs to step up! This is absolutely unacceptable, he doesn’t respect your boundaries at all and enables his mother. Have a private talk with him and take note of these red flags! He might not give you the needed support in other situations as well.

Reflect on your common past and whether this was truly the first time he failed as your SO.” mad-n-sane

5 points (5 votes)

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TJHall44 1 year ago
NTA but damn, why did you marry that guy? If he isn't going to defend you & his child against his crazy mum then you're better off without him.
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11. AITJ For Telling My Daughter She Has To Pay $200 A Month Of Extra Rent?


“I (53F) have a daughter Maisie (23F) who lives with me. For my work, I’m a manager at a fast-food chain that I have worked at for 31 years. Due to my long time with the company, I was awarded an extra $200 bonus if my shop took enough money and I know the owner well.

However, I was asked by him not to tell anyone about the bonus or he would have to take it away as everyone else would demand the same.

I agreed to this and said I wouldn’t tell anyone, and I didn’t. I’m on good terms with him and we follow each other on social media so I refrained from telling Maisie as she can’t keep secrets well.

But last month, (around a year after I got the bonus), my daughter found out that I had managed to pay off a credit card and wanted to know how as I didn’t think I’d pay it off for another year.

I told her the interest had gone down but she didn’t believe me and kept pestering me about it for days. I finally told her I would tell her if she wouldn’t tell anyone else so I told her I got a raise at work.

Despite having the bonus for a year, my daughter wanted to get dinner to celebrate so we went to her favorite restaurant which is quite pricey.

She took a picture of our meals and tagged me on social media with the caption ‘Mom got a pay rise’ which in her words she thought ‘nobody would notice’. Sadly I didn’t notice until the morning after, but the damage was already done.

The owner called me into his office and was very sincere when he told me he couldn’t give me the bonus anymore as a colleague had complained after seeing the post.

I also apologized, saying I kept it a secret as long as I could as I know my daughter can’t keep secrets well.

When I got home I demanded she remove the post and told her she lost me $200 a month.

She felt bad but told me it wasn’t her fault as I didn’t tell her the full extent of the pay raise and how it was so much money. I told her that unless she starts paying me $200 a month extra then she will have to find somewhere else to live to make up for it.

My oldest Mia (26F) thinks I’m being harsh on her and that it was my fault for telling her as I know what she’s like.

However, my daughter pays $200 a month in rent and spends the rest of her money on luxury items like expensive bags, perfume, and makeup.

I’m not demanding she pay an unreasonable amount, if anything $400 a month is incredibly cheap compared to other house prices.

AITJ for demanding my daughter pay $200 a month extra rent or I’ll kick her out?”

Another User Comments:


Your daughter is plenty old enough to be paying 400$ for rent, first of all.

Second of all, at that age posting something like that on social media is just cringy as heck. What exactly is she trying to prove?

Your daughter sounds very nosy and entitled.

I think it is fair for her to learn there are consequences for her actions. And also fair for this to be a learning experience for both of you – you need some real boundaries and learn how to enforce and follow said boundaries.

Also, your boss is a jerk.

I’d definitely be looking into whether he can even legally take that away from you. Did you sign anything saying that you would forfeit your bonus if word got out? Seems a little suspect to me.” mandes270

Another User Comments:


Your boss made your bonus conditional on something that he, most likely, does not have the legal grounds to ask you to do… If his choice of giving you the bonus, and not anyone else, was a legitimate one, it should fall to him to explain to everyone why you could get the bonus and no one else could (seniority, performance); yet, he found it simpler to pacify those who protested by taking away what was yours, yet you are not blaming him.

If it was such a problem, you had a lot of solutions to deal with your daughter’s curiosity, the first of which should have been ‘My finances are none of your business’; and if it was such a secret, you should not have allowed her to take you out to dinner, you should have noticed her whipping out her phone, you allowed all of this, yet you are not blaming yourself.

You don’t have a small part in this, your daughter sucks too because she behaved very childishly for her age, but your boss is the major jerk and you are lashing out at the wrong person.

That being said, your daughter is 23 and you can ask her for whatever you see fit as a contribution to the household, but there’s still right and wrong reasons.” exaltedbythesun

Another User Comments:

“ESH, but mostly the boss.

Your boss shouldn’t be keeping salary details secret. It is legal and proper for employees to discuss their pay with each other, and bosses who restrict that are a blight on our society.

Your daughter should have been more circumspect in her social media post.

And really, there’s no good reason not to lock down your social media these days. And her telling about your salary was a bit off, as it wasn’t her news to tell (talking about your own news/pay is fine, talking about others’ news/pay is a different story).

You shouldn’t be holding housing as a bargaining chip over her head.

Either let her stay or not. But you’re cutting your nose off to spite your face if you do this because you’ll be out both the pay rise and the rent she’s been paying if you follow through.

You also started off with a lie to her, and then changed to the truth later on.

If the lie was that important, you would have kept it up. Or just made up another lie to cover the first one (but that’s complicated). For example, I often find my Great Uncle Bumbry, who lives out in the old country, sometimes gifts me small sums of cash, sufficient to pay off small loans and the like.” Emotional-Ebb8321

Another User Comments:

“First off, who else at the job has been there for THIRTY-ONE YEARS????? I’ll bet, zero.

So it is none of anyone’s business that you get a $200 bonus and they don’t. Your employer sounds pretty terrible in all reality.

Having proof with your pay stubs showing the bonus for a year, and then of it being taken away after the social media post would wrap this up nicely! It doesn’t seem like you know your rights and are being taken advantage of.

Your boss/owner is NOT your friend.

A friend wouldn’t ‘reward’ your hard work and dedication with a measly $200 bonus and then take it away! I would recommend looking for another job asap, EVERYONE is hiring and with your experience and proven track record, I guarantee you’ll have no issue.

I also recommend getting your daughter out of the house.

She is 23! If she is only paying you $200, I can imagine her cost of living there has aided in getting your credit card debt as high as it got in the first place.

She obviously has the money to pamper herself with expensive makeup/perfume/other luxury items… she can afford to be out of her mom’s house! You are doing nothing for her but holding her back by allowing her to stay with you for next to nothing. She will never learn responsibility and how to be an actual adult

ESH, from your boss, to your daughter, and even yourself.” turd_ferguson083

4 points (6 votes)

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TJHall44 1 year ago
NTA but your boss & daughter are for sure. Also she's your daughter, not your keeper so you could have told her to MYOB instead of telling her dumb ass about the money.
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10. AITJ For Accidentally Making A Woman Have A Minor Allergic Reaction?


“Context: I work in a restaurant, if a server takes an allergy order a manager must review and finish taking said order and inform the kitchen of the nature of the allergy. In my many years here this is the first time this has happened.

A mother informs the server and manager that she has an allergy (I can’t remember what it was now as it was a few days ago) – manager informs the kitchen and we begin to prep to make the order as instructed – we get out the allergy utensils, clean down, get out food substitutes, etc.

(basically go through the whole allergy procedure to make sure there is no cross-contamination and no way this customer could have an allergic reaction).

The server takes the food to the table and the manager takes the allergy dish (standard procedure in our restaurant).

Ten minutes later the father informs us that the mother is having an allergic reaction to the food. A second manager comes into the kitchen and screams at us wanting to know what went wrong with the order.

We talked her through what we did and how we were certain there was no cross-contamination and the allergy procedure was properly followed and she could check the CCTV to make sure what we were saying was true.

The manager took me and the other chef who worked on the meal to the table to find out what went wrong.

Chef: we followed everything to the letter there was no way there could have been any allergen in the meal.

Father: there wasn’t in hers but in our son’s.

Chef: I’m sorry?

Father: Do you not think my wife wouldn’t have tried our son’s food to make sure it was good? You should have thought about that before making his food with the allergen…

If we get an allergy we will ask if the table wouldn’t mind those allergens being removed from their dishes – however, this was not the case for this table as the mother and manager had had that conversation and she said no.

The first manager (who took the order and dish) informs us later on that the father was talking about suing the restaurant for this incident.

So are we the jerk and responsible for this? Despite going through a rigorous process and making sure her food had no allergens and she declined the allergens to be taken out of her family’s food?”

Another User Comments:


As someone with allergies both mild and severe, the first thing I learned was don’t eat food that has a chance of having the allergen.

People aren’t allowed to eat nuts around me when I can help it (most of my friends won’t, and if someone really wants to have that peanut butter sandwich I’ll just leave to let them eat what they want – except in my own house.

Even my SO is allowed his peanut chocolate bars, as long as he’s away from me, brushes his teeth, and we don’t engage in certain activities for 3 days. The man hasn’t had peanuts in 6 years by choice.)

There is no way that I would try someone else’s food unless I know it was prepared safely for me.

Anyone who has an allergy knows not to.

Sounds like she wanted a payday or attention.

Also, (at least where I live) it’s not common/expected for mum to try the kid’s food. Not unless the kid complains that it’s bad.

And in that situation, dad could have tried it instead of mum.

So she is the jerk, not you. You did what was required, expected, and reasonable. The only way you would be to blame would be if she had agreed to have the entire table prepared without the allergen.

Which she should have done if she was intending on eating the kid’s food. Even if the food didn’t directly use the allergen (because of x contamination).” Bivagial

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I have a boatload of food allergies, some cause hives, others like my seafood allergy (all fin and shellfish) I carry an EPI pen.

No one is responsible for my allergies but me. If a restaurant is willing to take all of those precautions as yours does, amazing, wonderful, my new favorite place. You guys went above and beyond.

It was stupid for her to try her son’s food, especially after the server asked if they wanted the allergen removed from all dishes and they said no.

I’ve accidentally eaten food that was cross-contaminated with shrimp two times over the years and I got bad really fast.

You know who I blamed? Nobody. I took that risk when I went to eat at a place that had my severe allergen on the menu.” HeatherM74

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and as others have said it sounds like a scam.

You didn’t make her have the reaction, you followed everything you were supposed to do, and she still chose to eat from another dish after saying ‘no’ to making all the food allergy-friendly. It’s not your fault at all!

Sometimes people are really that stupid though.

As a server I was once told by a parent ‘my daughter is allergic to peanuts and I forgot her EpiPen so you better not mess her food up’ and another time after taking orders I get handed back the allergy menu buried under the regular menus.

I say ‘Sorry but is there a food allergy I need to tell the kitchen about?’ ‘Oh yeah, I’m deathly allergic to shellfish.’

So yeah, it sounds like a scam but I can also believe people are just that dumb. Either way, it’s absolutely not your fault.” ApprehensivePasta

4 points (4 votes)

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Pabs 1 year ago
NTJ. Especially since it was asked and answered about taking the allergen out of everyone’s food. Your boss should keep that CCTV tape though.
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9. AITJ For Saying My Sister Shouldn't Be A Mom Yet?


“I (18F) have two half-siblings K (22F) and S (21M). We have different dads (my mom and he were divorced when I came along) and their dad died in 2018. S is left permanently and severely disabled after being born prematurely but I love him the same as I do K and everyone else.

He is still my older brother and I love him so much.

K has her share of problems like being bipolar and such. She has medication she takes and you can easily tell if she’s off them or not.

So, even starting to think about having children would be a long process. She would have to talk to her psychiatrist about it and it would potentially require her being off all or some of her meds.

Late last year, at our newly started family dinners (mom, BIL, me, and her.

My dad is always at work for these because he and K do not get along) she started talking about having a baby. My mom simply said she shouldn’t and hinted that she didn’t want to take care of the baby.

Knowing my sister, if and when she has a kid, there’s a high chance my mom would have to get custody of the baby. My sister is not a great person and I’ve seen that myself.

It was dismissed and never brought up again.

Until a couple of weeks ago.

My sister sat down at our dinner and said she had something to tell us. She said she has begun talking to her psychiatrist about having a kid.

My mom said she felt slightly uncomfortable with this considering they live in a 1 bedroom/1 bath weekly stay but she would still offer any support they needed.

I told my sister honestly I thought she shouldn’t be having a kid yet.

I said she and my BIL can barely afford to take care of themselves AND two dogs, having a kid is something so much more difficult. She told me I was just some stupid high schooler and ‘what do I know.’

I said that babies are a lot of hard work.

I suggested that if she could hold a job for more than a few months MAYBE she could start talking about it.

She stood up and called me a moron and at least she never had a pregnancy scare.

I was period was a week late and I was super bloated. I also used protection and birth control, but I was sweating because I thought that magically the protection didn’t work.

She and my mom stepped out back, argued for a bit, my sister stormed in crying, said I was a witch, cried to my BIL, and left.

I walked outside to my mom smoking and watching TV, laughing her butt off not giving a crap.

My dad and mom plus a lot of other family and friends said that my points were valid and I was polite about it.

But as brutally honest and upfront as I am, I feel guilty for telling her she shouldn’t be a mom. She and BIL have not been over or talked to us since. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ as long as you drop it from this point forward.

They’re valid points that should be brought up for the sake of her kids. Bringing it up once in a matter-of-fact way isn’t wrong. She definitely is not ready for kids if she can’t hold down a job.

She was always going to react that way though. People like that always do when you bluntly tell them the truth because they want to bury their heads in the sand about the consequences of their actions.

It would mean they are being selfish and they don’t want to acknowledge that.” AsharraR12

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your other family and friends are right you know, your points are valid and it seems you communicated in a reasonably respectful manner to your sister.

Your sister imploding and saying so many offensive and personal attacks on you (which were all unwarranted) shows, even more, that she’s not ready to be a mother.

It’s her responsibility to ensure the kid grows up in a conducive environment (1 bedroom/1 bath weekly stay is NOT it) with the appropriate finances and living arrangements in place.

Your mother being worried that she’ll most likely have to step in and take care of the baby is justified.

Is your BIL more open to communication? Maybe he can talk some sense into her.” ThomzLC

3 points (3 votes)

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Bruinsgirl143 8 months ago
Ntj but make sure you remind her what a stupid kid you are and how you know nothing WHEN she starts asking you to babysit cause no one else will
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8. AITJ For Saying My Partner's Job Is Just As Important As Mine?


“My partner (M30) and I (F24) have an almost 18-month-old together, he was planned as we both felt we were ready. I started my new job about a month ago for a sales company, it’s my first full-time job since giving birth.

It’s not an amazing job, but it pays minimum wage and I enjoy the job itself. I also get to work from home full time so it’s convenient. My partner also works full-time at a factory packing cereal.

Since starting full time we have put my son in nursery full time as my hours mostly work with the nursery, it’s expensive but my new wage covers it and some and my son seems to really enjoy the nursery.

For the last 2 weeks there a tummy bug was going around the nursery and my son got sick so I took the day off work. We sent my son back in after the weekend and the nursery said as his temperature is 37.5 he has to come home (that’s another story).

I frantically arranged, while working, for someone to go pick him up from nursery but no one was able to look after him for the day. As I had already had the day off the week before, and also had a doctor’s appointment that afternoon, I told my partner he would have to come home to look after the baby which he was annoyed about but did.

The following day he woke up late for work and decided to just not go in and have the day off. When he went back to work on the Wednesday he took overtime for the rest of the week to make up for his time off and also worked the Friday which he would have normally had off due to it being a bank holiday.

This has sparked a conversation about how we handle it when our son gets sent home from nursery in the future. I have said to him we will alternate who has to get him so we’re having minimal time off each.

He said he doesn’t agree with it as he would risk losing his job and his is more important so I will have to pick him up from nursery in the future if our son gets sent home.

I’ve asked him why he thinks his job is more important (he’s only on slightly more an hour than me, but I earn bonus for sales). His only argument is that he’s been at his job longer and that I’m the mum so it’s my responsibility, as our son should come before my job.

He’s also said I’m more likely to walk out of the job with no notice (I’m not at all).

He’s also said he’s more entitled to do overtime at work than me as he’s paying off debt (his own personal debt he had before we met) and I can only do overtime if he’s free.

We were arguing while all this was said and I got upset and said I didn’t want to talk about it anymore at that time and he walked off in a huff. This was about an hour ago and now he’s acting like nothing has happened and is going to get annoyed when he realizes I’m still upset with him.

He’s definitely won the argument as he won’t talk about it any further in the future (that’s just how he is) and now I feel like I don’t have a leg to stand on!

So AITJ or is he?”

Another User Comments:


This is a communication problem. He isn’t hearing what you’re saying. The argument isn’t over. It’s never over until you have reached a compromise.

You’ll probably have to put it in basic terms for him.

Does he not love your child and feel responsible for its care?

How is it when he wakes up late and decides to take the day off work, that’s less of a risk to his job than if he has a family emergency?” No_Durian_3730

Another User Comments:

“I can see both sides of this.

I would say you’re NTJ, but you both need to work on communication.

If he was the one bringing in the most income, then yes I would see his point. Job security also plays a part.

But as you’ve said, you are both about equal.

My partner works 5-7 days a week, 10-hour days usually plus overtime. With our kids, it was always down to me to stay home with the kids if they were ill because I wasn’t earning close to what he was.

And for me personally, all the kids wanted was me anyway. So it just made sense. I tried getting a new job that I loved. I didn’t take much pay home after paying for childcare but it was worth it to me.

My youngest kept becoming ill after starting childcare, so I was having to take a lot of days off. I then chose to leave the job and be a SAHM because it was negatively affecting my work. But both my partner and I sat down and talked about our options, what we were happy with, and came to a solution together. Communication is key.” m3640

3 points (3 votes)

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TeaLikeTheDrink 1 year ago
NTJ...this is clearly stemming from the thought that he's the man of the house and you're the mother, therefore he earns the pay and you care for the kids. It's an archaic way of thinking that doesn't work at all with the two income household today's world requires.
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7. AITJ For Being Mad At My Coworker For Not Saying Thank You?


“I’m a taxi driver. I worked all day on my own yesterday because it was Sunday and we’re in a small town. My boss and my coworker (our dispatcher, who is also a driver) had the day off.

We have an app where we can log in and out of our several hotlines and there’s a special hotline only select customers like the hospital have so they can call all night when the regular hotlines are turned off (again, small town).

After my 12-hour shift, I logged out of all the hotlines and logged my boss into the special hotline, as per usual during nights when he hasn’t requested anything different.

At 1 AM, my phone woke me up.

I had a text message from my boss, telling me the special hotline rang and /coworker/, who should have been logged out since Saturday evening, had picked up and accepted a job for a courier service that calls when there are lab samples to be picked up at our hospital and taken to a bigger lab an hour away.

I asked, ‘What now?’ and he said he himself has to be working in 4 hours and, ‘Let’s see how he solves this one.’

Coworker and I have Mondays off. But I had been under the impression that he was supposed to work today because it’s Easter Monday.

And as we’re close friends, I felt bad for him now possibly having to do this job from 1 AM to 3 AM when I thought he also had to work all day. Therefore I texted him, asking if he’d be doing that job now.

Just then, my boss told me coworker wouldn’t do the job and if I could. Still thinking I was ‘saving him’, I replied, ‘Guess I’ll have to’, to which my boss thanked me.

Then coworker replied, saying how he had Monday off, yes, this one too, had had a drink and therefore wouldn’t be doing it, proceeded to rant about our boss’s wording in telling me he wouldn’t do the job.

All while hearing, in my now voice messages, me driving to the hospital to pick up the darn sample. I’d about had it with his ranting while never thanking me for going back out to fix his mistake – unlike our boss – and said something along the lines of how I need to sit down with my boss soon to figure out how much vacation time he owes me, so the two of them can do their muppet show on their own for a while.

He didn’t reply.

I am, in fact, the CEO of being non-confrontational. I thought about apologizing like 10 times in the car but I don’t know if I should. He didn’t log out, he answered the call even though he wasn’t working, he accepted the job, knowing full well he wasn’t gonna do it.

I was ready to ignore all that and offer myself up because I was under the impression he had to work (and also to keep my boss from being too mad at him, which is also part of my non-confrontationalness; I even avoid confrontations with others).

I would have been fine with all of it – for a thank you. And that our boss, who didn’t take the call or accept the job, thanked me and coworker didn’t, made it even worse.

So, when that thank you didn’t come from the right place, I was mad.

Was I wrong to be mad? Should I apologize?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but you shouldn’t expect him to thank you any time soon. You may just have to take the thanks from your boss and the comfort in knowing you covered for everyone as enough. It’s not healthy to keep things bottled up but what’s said is said. Move forward and if you can, talk to your friend about it.” Severe-Hope-9151

3 points (3 votes)

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Wodkabottle 8 months ago
Here's the thing. Lower your expectations. If you agree to do something, you're doing the thing. I totally understand nonconfrontation. But if you're doing the thing with the expectation of gratitude, you will be disappointed. Either do the thing or don't, but don't expect anything from anyone. Do it for the money or do it for your own gratification, but expecting a response will only lead to disappointment. Your boss thanked you. Take that win.
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6. AITJ For Calling My Older Sister Out In Front Of Family?


“I 17F do online school and have been since 7th grade (I’m in 11th going onto 12th). Usually, my mom pays for it but since I’ve gotten a job I’ve been doing so myself.

I did this by giving my sister the money and having her put it on her card to which the school would charge it.

However, I logged in one day to find my account frozen.

I called the school only to find she hadn’t been paying them. I had to re-enroll and start in 9th grade. I burst into tears after that call. I wanted to finish school as early as possible and now I had been set back 2 grades.

The realization also dawned on me that she had basically been taking the funds I gave her for my schooling and using it on herself. I eventually confronted her about it and she refused to admit it was her.

My mom ended up getting involved after I explained what happened however my sister still wasn’t budging and I never got that money back.

The 2nd incident was her trying to take my savings. I wanted to take driving lessons and save up for a car so that’s what I started doing.

I had 800 in savings total.

One day when I came home from work I found her in my room with my savings jar counting it. I rushed to her asking her what she was doing and she just looked at me and said I’m borrowing 350 from you.

Didn’t even ask, just declares that she’s borrowing it. I snatched the money away from her and said no.

She then got mad saying you have 800 it’s not gonna kill you. I explained that I was saving up and why and she just brushed me off saying she needs it to get stuff for her and her partner.

I was frustrated at this point and asked why couldn’t he get whatever you both need?

I already knew the answer to this though. He doesn’t have a job and he often stays at our house with my sister cooking for him and cleaning up after him along with spending all her cash on both of them.

He never provides anything and she complains about it a lot yet still stays with him.

The reasoning for this is because she’s the type of girl who acts like she’s gonna die if she’s not in a relationship so she just puts up with this behavior from him, regardless I wasn’t about to let her use my savings on whatever it is they were trying to do.

She stormed out after I once again told her no.

The final straw was on my birthday when she made a comment about how I was apparently lazy and always slept when I came home.

I work at Walmart, I’m usually in the back moving products and it can get tiring so yes I tend to take a shower and fall asleep immediately when I get home. I ended up yelling at her saying at least I’m actually trying to do something with myself instead of staying at home waiting hand and foot on a freeloader of a partner.

This left my family and her stunned.

Usually, I’m rather passive about things so I guess seeing me finally snap was unexpected. She didn’t say anything after that but now I’m feeling like I should have confronted her in private AITJ?”

Another User Comments:


I’m confused about:

Why your sister is in charge of your education. What kind of school resets an 11th grader to 9th grade over missed payments.

Your sister clearly doesn’t respect you, your priorities, or your property.

Since you’re a minor who lives with your parent, addressing this with your parent isn’t an unreasonable way to go. The fact that your sister is in charge of your education is weird though.

I’m still mostly confused about the school.” BigDayesian

Another User Comments:

“Nah, definitely NTJ.

I actually felt angry reading this. Your sister is lazy and very entitled. What did your mom do or say when you told her that your sister stole your tuition funds? And with all those other instances?

You should never explain your financial plans to anyone.

There was no need for you to tell her why you were saving money. It’s your money and it’s none of her business.

I’m truly sorry that you have to be set back 2 grades.

Take this as a lesson – when it comes to money, rather pay for things yourself. Deposit in the school account and email a copy of the receipt to the school and then call the school to make sure it reflects on their system.

It’s not safe for you to keep money in the house if your sister still lives in that house. Open an investment account that you can still withdraw if you need to. Or ask for financial advice from your bank on different accounts that will be beneficial for you.” shazrose

2 points (2 votes)

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Pabs 1 year ago
NTJ. But you need to learn that your sister cannot be trusted. With money or anything else. That money you have in a jar in your room…take it to the bank and open an account with your name only on it. And I would actually tell the bank to make a note that you have a relative named So and So who might try to access the account and they are not allowed.
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5. AITJ For Demanding My Parents Get Married?


“My bio-parents were high school sweethearts, and my dad’s parents didn’t approve of my mum. My parents were underage when they were seeing each other, and my dad’s parents, who were well-off, sent him to the US to study when he was 17.

They lost contact after that as they had a massive row before he went away.

After my dad moved out, my mum found out she was pregnant.

She was not rich by all means, her mother was a single mom, with some issues, because her father left them, and mum also had a little brother to care for.

So, she gave me up for adoption.

It was not an open adoption, my adoptive parents knew about her, her name, etc., but she didn’t know them.

My adoptive mum was kind and caring, but my adoptive father was awful and he made our life a living nightmare until a booze addiction finished him.

My adoptive mum died of cancer when I was 20, and before her death, she told me she is not my bio-mum and gave me my bio-mum’s name and whereabouts.

My bio-mum married one quite rich dude, and she has another son with him, but they got divorced a couple of years ago.

And my father is back in the country, he and my bio-mum are in contact now, but my dad didn’t know about me, she didn’t tell him before I contacted her.

I admit, I was very much upset about this situation, especially given how they all lived comfortably, while I was struggling in poverty with a terrible father.

I admit, I resented them very much.

When my father found out about me, he was very supportive and tried to do everything to get to know me, and my mum said she tried to find me as well, but I am not sure about that, she is not a very nice person.

I did some things I am not proud of – I admit, I was childish and acted out for some time, and they were understanding and patient with me, for which I am grateful.

Here is where I can be a jerk.

Recently I had my paperwork sorted out. I changed my name legally to my dad’s, and my bio-parents’ names are listed on my ID. They are my parents, my family, and I want my family.

I said to them I want them to get married.

I think they still have feelings for each other, no, I am quite sure they have feelings for each other, they are currently single, and nothing is in their way to happiness.

I said them, that if they really love me and want to make amends with me, I want them to get married and to be my proper family.

I am sure they will be happy together, and my life will be fulfilled if they get married, but my partner now says I am a jerk to demand this from my parents.”

Another User Comments:


You are acting like an overgrown child. You’re old enough to understand right from wrong, and exacting revenge for them being ‘happy’ all those years while you weren’t is to chain them to each other when the feelings they might have had decades ago may not be the same anymore?

Yes, sure, you deserve some form of happiness but that’s just taking it to selfish levels, OP.

My husband was neglected by his biological parents too and after decades of asking around, we’ve gathered some sort of idea that they might be well-off, but he never thought of causing them misery just so he could get his just deserts.

Yikes.” ixiVanr

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Them being together won’t fix all your problems and make you happy.

If they married, any relationship problems and misery would be blamed on you if they weren’t good for each other.

Then you could lose both of them.

You also can’t force people to love each other, and saying that they must do this for you to be happy is manipulative. It also will not make you happy, you just want to have a new childhood, but you can’t. You’re an adult now.” Dontdrinkthecoffee

1 points (7 votes)

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
Ytj.. you do not get to demand anything from them like that. You don't get to say who marries who. You might think that they would be good together but they don't if they aren't together.
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4. AITJ For Snitching On My Best Friend Because Of Trash Talk?


“For context, this girl has been my best friend for nearly two years now. We’re admittedly young, freshmen in high school. When I was struggling with my identity, she would always listen to me and validate me when I didn’t even feel comfortable sharing such an intimate part of me with my family.

She did help me come into my identity, and I wouldn’t feel so secure without her support. I also shamefully admit that I wasn’t really the best reciprocator, as when she would talk to me about her problems, I’d have trouble making it seem like I cared or giving the best advice because of my low EQ.

She’s always been rather egotistical, as she is very talented, smart, and conventionally attractive, at least relative to most kids our age. She has a private account that she only lets her friends follow, and she posts some…unorthodox rants on there.

She gets extremely passionate, and writes a lot of open letters to people she never explicitly names, but vaguely indicates, like ‘my partner’s ex,’ or ‘girls who___.’ She then hits them with a string of insults saying they’re ‘ugly’ with no real basis.

She says they’re satire and not supposed to be serious, but at this point, I highly doubt it and think it’s just a way for her to escape trouble for the person she really is.

Obviously, none of the people she is insulting follow her, thankfully. I confronted her about the nature of them, saying I won’t tolerate the way she brings others down just to lift herself up when she’s just insecure.

She didn’t respond to me and still continued to write these stories.

It went on for a while, and my friend and I decided to report her to the dean because she was getting out of control.

We got her suspended for a while, and she’s unfollowed me and hasn’t contacted me since.

She has experience with snitching, as her best friend before me also ratted her out for talking crap about some girl in real life and getting everyone to hate her.

On one hand, I think she did a bad thing and was a bad person and deserves the consequences.

On the other hand, she never attacked (at least explicitly) anyone who followed her account, and the people she actually seemed to imply didn’t get personally hurt. She was also there for me in my darkest hour, and I betrayed her when she probably just needed a best friend to talk to.

I’m very torn about the morality of this situation, and though people tell me I did the right thing and I did feel like that when I took the screenshots to the dean, I ruined her reputation at school over something trivial.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ I totally get that you feel crappy for calling her out after all she did for you, but what she’s doing still isn’t cool. Even if it doesn’t seem like anyone’s getting hurt, the vague description of the people in these ‘open letters’ is likely specific enough to be identifiable to the people that follow her.

That can lead to real-life complications/bullying, especially with the context you’ve given. Not everyone is gonna see that as satire, and some will take these opinions and make them their own.

Another thing to consider, is if she’s slandering folks on this secret private account, but they don’t follow her to see them, she might be doing it elsewhere too where you and the others following that account don’t see.

Be it another account, in real life, on a different media site, etc. She’s clearly not above slandering people in private, eh?

Just be careful, this may turn her against you, and you’ve given her a lot of ‘juicy’ details about you.

Just know that there’s a chance she uses this against you. She shouldn’t, and it’s messed up if she does, but it is a possibility.” Reddit User

Another User Comments:

“ESH. This girl is obnoxious but because this didn’t happen at school it wasn’t really the school’s business.

The suspension was probably legal if this is a private school with a code of conduct written into its contracts. But in general, it’s best to just let people do their own thing. Individuals like this girl learn their lessons eventually and it’s usually best to stay out of the line of fire (because you’re probably next on her hit list now).” DplusLplusKplusM

1 points (3 votes)

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
Ntj at all. Just because the people she is insulting don't follow her, doesn't mean that they are not going to hear of it or see it. That kind of thing is very damaging to people's self-esteem and self-worth. She needs some therapy. You did the right thing.
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3. AITJ For Going Off On My Friend For Lying About Me?


“I’m the ‘Mum’ friend, so whenever something happens I’m tasked to help which I have no problem with. Always happy to help those who I love.

I (17F) have some friends. Julie (16F) and Rick (18M) are in a different state to me and Ruby (16 Gender Fluid) but I am still very close to all three of them even though I haven’t met any of them in person.

Ruby has/had a massive crush on Rick, and did not try and hide it even when Rick got with Julie.

Recently (3-4 weeks ago), Ruby uploaded a post with a photo of Rick mostly covered with a heart.

(But you can tell it was him). Julie saw this after a friend of ours informed her. Julie messaged Ruby asking about it, and they lied until they admitted it was him and said they liked him.

(They didn’t ask Rick to upload a photo of him so he didn’t know). I helped sort it and he blocked them and crap.

Fast forward to earlier this week, Ruby uploaded a TikTok of them burning a photo of him and then turned it around.

Julie saw this (before I did) and messaged me asking me to talk to Ruby. So I called Ruby and talked to them. (To be honest, I was a bit soft on them) but told them they should probably take it down.

I told all three of them that I wasn’t on ANYONE’S side and that I was simply trying to help.

I told Julie later that night that I agreed to help Ruby mentally as I called them after the burning photo thing later that night and helped them through an emotional meltdown.

A few days ago I got a message from Julie that seemed odd.

I acted like nothing was wrong. (Because as far as I knew there wasn’t) then Julie went on to say that she heard about what I had done from a friend of Ruby. And that I was apparently on Ruby’s side.

(I never was).

I tried to explain and then called Ruby upset/angry and partially yelled asking why the heck I was being accused of stuff I didn’t do. Ruby put it on their friend saying that they had an argument and it would’ve been to get back at them.

I ended up video calling Julie so we could talk about it more. I told her I could hand it over to my partner as he had heard everything I told Ruby. She (thankfully) believed me.

And she added me to a group chat so all of us (other than Ruby) could talk about what we had been told. After, I was REALLY upset and angry due to everything I have done for Ruby.

(Too much to list here.)

The next day I ended up calling Ruby and going off about the things I got told. I told them I need space.

Today I saw something that worried me that Ruby uploaded.

I messaged them asking if they were ok. I ended up feeling guilty because of what they were saying and apologized for going off.

Ruby then said ‘I’m used to it.’

I’m scared I might be the jerk for going off and possibly jumping the gun.

And for doing it when Ruby’s not doing well.

So… AITJ for going off at Ruby?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, just a kid who has sadly created an identity of being overly involved in the lives of others.

Maybe take a break from trying to micromanage all these other people. Use this time in life to develop and grow as an individual. You’ll have adult responsibilities soon enough so you should take a break from being the ‘mum’ and allow these other minors the space to figure out their own problems.

Honestly, it’s the only way they’ll ever learn conflict resolution, emotional resiliency, and all the other things teens are supposed to be working on. They’ll never mature themselves if you’re always trying to solve all their problems for them.

Good luck.” DplusLplusKplusM

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for getting frustrated at someone who lied and purposefully tried to force you to take ‘their side,’ but you are the jerk for getting involved in the first place.

I get it’s difficult when you want to help your friends, but you should never be the go-between in these types of situations because eventually, someone will get upset with you. Also what Ruby did was really not okay… it’s acceptable to tell them that then stay away from the drama and let everyone involved take accountability for their own actions.” Specialist_Pomelo81

0 points (6 votes)

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Kclillie 7 months ago
Sounds like Ruby is messy and if you do indeed step away you need to stay away. If they actually needed help I don’t think that the what this is being handled by Ruby is the best way to go.
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2. AITJ For Letting My Fiancée Sleep When Her Terrible Mom Might Be Sick?


“Context. I (22nb) moved to a big city two months ago with my fiancée (21MTF). Overtime (and over a lot of problems) we agreed that her old friends were toxic to be dealing with regularly and that we wouldn’t give them our new address, as they often disrespected both our boundaries.

They often used her deadname and told her that I was toxic because she’d decide to spend time with me instead of staying at their house all the time like she used to.

She’d stay over at one’s place for weeks on end to get away from her toxic mother, but she felt that with me living there with her it was easier to cope with.

After we moved out she told me she wanted nothing to do with her mom if she could avoid it.

And now to today, April 18th, at 4:30 am. That friend’s mom called her via social media.

(We’ll call her AM.) Two hours still before I get up to move my car, four hours before my fiancée needs to wake up. She fell asleep late last night too. I got up and hit ignore call, and went back to bed.

But then AM calls again.

This woman is often up at crazy hours, so part of me assumes that maybe she’s been drinking a bit and wants to chat, I don’t know. I put my fiancée’s phone on silent, then head to bed again, annoyed.

And then all my devices start going off like a fire alarm.

I push ignore and text her telling her we’re trying to sleep, and AM texts ‘its important.’

Ok, shoot. I call, no answer. Send a text and minutes later AM sends ‘With all due respect…

It concerns (fiancée) and his mom.’

Well whatever it was, it could wait a few hours until she wakes up. Besides, we can’t drive the 2-hour trip to go see her mom any time soon.

So I text AM back, telling her that she can text my fiancée about it and she can reply when she’s up, she needs sleep.

AM didn’t like that. ‘You’re a heartless witch like I thought.’

I don’t know what I did to this woman to warrant this but I wasn’t having it.

I called her out for calling ME over something she refuses to give me details on, misgendering my fiancée and then expecting me to be shaking her awake over a 5 am call, only to insult me for it.

AM starts talking about my fiancée’s mom not doing well right now and continues to trash talk me so I send ‘ok’ and block her.

AM tries to keep messaging me on other platforms. First justifies the transphobia, then accuses me of keeping my fiancée from her mom, calling me a jerk, and telling me that ‘not everything revolves around you, witch’.

I blew up this time, rehashing all the reasons I thought she was being ridiculous and rude as well as adding that AM has no right to treat my fiancée like this to my face and then demand that I wake her up to talk to her.

Blocked the second account.

And maybe it’s the way this woman gets under my skin but I feel bad. AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:


AM was obviously awful about everything.

In typical circumstances, I’d agree with those that are saying that you should have woken your fiancée and let her decide whether to deal with the ’emergency’ (which ought, by the way, to be ESH, not YTJ, unless they thought AM was a little ray of sunshine).

But your fiancée had spoken and demonstrated her intent to go no contact with her mother.

So the circumstances are not typical, and your judgment call not to wake your fiancée was, as far as you knew, what your fiancée would have wanted.” SamSpayedPI

Another User Comments:

“ESH I’m afraid. AM is absolutely a piece of crap, but your partner has autonomy and it’s really up to her whether she deems the phone call important or not.

I understand your heart is in the right place, but ignoring calls and putting a phone, that is not yours, on silent for her own good isn’t actually for her own good. Sure, she needs sleep, we all do, but she has the right to decide whether this needs her attention now or not.

Don’t baby your partner and don’t make decisions for their best interest. She’s your equal, not your kid.” Hollifo

Another User Comments:

“Kind of YTJ. It’s your partner’s right to decide what’s urgent and what’s not and you should have at least allowed them to make the call.

All the social baggage aside, most people still want to be informed when a parent might be seriously ill. This would be doubly true if your partner is this mother’s legal next kin. If medical decisions needed to be made it’s not your place to interrupt the flow of information.

Maybe have a serious conversation with said partner to winnow the surface complaints from what they’d actually want when faced with life or death decisions. Most people would be pretty upset if their thoughts were disregarded in the face of a serious medical emergency.” DplusLplusKplusM

0 points (4 votes)

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TeaLikeTheDrink 1 year ago
NTJ...I've had to make sure that toxic family members don't keep being assholes to my man. People don't understand how toxic families will straight up make up emergencies, or it will be an emergency that isn't really serious, to worm their way back into your life. Why wake uour partner up and stress her out when she's already expressed a desire to be away from these people? Let it go to voice-mail and see if she wants to deal with it when she's well rested. Protecting your SO from that toxic nonsense was admirable.
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1. AITJ For Putting My Cousin's Partner In His Place?


“We all live together in a big house. Today, I finally spoke up to my cousin’s partner who has been vocal about his thoughts on what I do with my dogs.

I’m drained. I slept at like 2 am doing laundry, woke up at 7 am to help my sister with her less than a month old baby, and got woken up again at 10 am by my sister who is tired from running, baby in arms, because they didn’t put the dogs in the cages before going out.

This is not the first time and we are all aware that they are supposed to be caged if someone is going out or else they’ll run away/get dirty/get in dog fights/steal someone’s chickens.

Of course, my dog came home full of mud.

So I had to give him a bath but I already started saying out loud how what they did is so reckless and stupid. After giving the dog a bath, I couldn’t find them.

I think they already know someone is going to get nailed for this and avoided conflict. I agree that conflict should be avoided, but my sister told me he deserved it this time. So I went to my grandparents’ wing where he is using a blower to dry their Shih-Tzu.

I started with ‘Why weren’t the dogs caged?’ I wanted to be civil or at least be mature even though I’m the youngest in this house.

He was already defensive like ‘Why are you going off on me, I’m not the one that went out. I’m here’. His partner went to work, it’s a Monday, of course, we all knew she was the one going out.

That didn’t help his case so I repeated ‘Why were the dogs not caged? You’re the biggest guy here. It’s not that hard. You were all up in my business yesterday saying my dog was dirty and needed a bath, but you are the one letting him go outside and play in the mud?’

He started trying to offend me by ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, have some shame, why am I getting heat for this.’ I was walking off because I knew this isn’t going anywhere and especially not thru his thick skull.

And he was still babbling but I heard him say ‘crazy.’

My sister joined in the argument of course defending me because I’m being perfectly reasonable yet called crazy. So I was like ‘crazy? I should be ashamed?’

My grandma started making it about her and screamed how she gets inconvenienced by them all the time too but never says a word.

She said if we don’t stop she’ll end up in the hospital. She’s a Karen so we shrugged it off.

She also brought up how I was mad too yesterday because all 5 of them took baths through the shower and used all the water.

(Water is limited so we use both water tanks and drums.)

I said ‘That was a problem too but we let it slide since it’s not that big of a deal. My problem now is I’m being called crazy and that I should be ashamed.’ And I said to him ‘You are the one living in the grandparent’s house of your partner.

Why should I be ashamed?’

My sister told me I went too far. I don’t think so considering that is the first time I snapped in a year and a half of living with them and his entitled self.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, sounds like you are the one constantly looking for arguments with other residents of the house.

If they are YOUR dogs then they are YOUR responsibility, it’s up to you to get them trained to not run out of the fence every time the gates are open. A year is more than enough time to train.

Excuses about how getting them to go into the cage is the most you’ve managed only says something about your inability to train your animals and nothing about how responsible or irresponsible your cousin’s partner is.” Occasional-Mermaid

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and honestly you do sound crazy for yelling at him for not doing something you’re responsible for.

They’re your dogs, not his. And even after he told you that your cousin was the one who left not him you doubled down on the crazy and then you proved his point even more about you being unhinged by making a blow-up of him calling you crazy which you obviously are.” Key-Sheepherder3355

-1 points (3 votes)

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Rock42 1 year ago
Take care of your dogs. They are your dogs! I hope you are made sure to keep these animals in the house as it sounds like they wreak havoc wherever they go. Why are they not trained??. If they are allowed to run around and terrorize the neighborhood, they should go to a home that can help these animals. Your only recourse is cage them because they are such pains in the butts and may hurt others animals??? YTJ
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Sometimes it's obvious, other times it's not! You be the judge about who's the jerk! Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)