People Ask Us To Ponder Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
35. AITJ For Not Giving My Ex Access To My Streaming Apps?
“My ex (26F) and I (28M) have shared custody of our 3-year-old daughter. Our relationship was already strained during the pregnancy and we tried to make it work, but ended up splitting up shortly after our daughter turned one. Honestly, I feel we are better co-parents than we ever were partners. We have a court-ordered custody agreement because I insisted on it, my ex was fine with just trying to make it work ourselves, but I pretty much forced her to go thru the courts.
She still holds this against me for some reason.
Since we all live in the same town and our daughter is in daycare, she alternates between us every 2 weeks. I feel it works pretty well. My ex has been going out with a guy for about over a year now and they’ve been thinking of moving in together.
I know he spends a lot of time at their place already as he always seems to be there when I pick up or drop off my daughter. He seems like an OK guy but I haven’t spent much time with him, he seems like he keeps to himself a lot.
My ex used to have access to all of the streaming services that I subscribed to.
Everything was in my name and paid for by me. But then I found out from my daughter that my ex’s partner had been giving the login information out to his friends and family. I confronted her about it and she said she would talk to him. But in the meantime, I changed all of the passwords.
She sent me a text about it a couple of days later asking me about it. I told her I changed the passwords on everything because of her partner. She told me our daughter is throwing fits because she can’t watch any of her favorite shows at their place now. I told her that was not my problem and that it would be easily solved if she spent 10 minutes setting up her own accounts.
She told me I was being petty and punishing our daughter for something that her partner did and that I’m acting jealous because she is moving on and I’m not. I told her that her partner broke boundaries and proved that he is disrespectful to me. She told me to grow up and that I’m taking things away from our daughter and making things difficult for her (my ex) on purpose.
She said she talked to her partner and he apologized but that doesn’t change much to me because he already gave that info away to people I don’t know.
She told me I should be working with her on this instead of working against her. She told me that I shouldn’t be punishing our daughter for things that her partner did.
I told her I’m not punishing our daughter, I’m protecting my information from a person (her partner) who I don’t know well and who has proven himself to be less than trustworthy.
She told me I’m being a jerk about this for no reason other than I don’t like that she’s moved on. I told her that has nothing to do with it. I pay for those services and I don’t want that info given out to people. That seems like a pretty basic level of respect to me.”
34. AITJ For Announcing My News To Everyone After I Tried Calling My Mother?
“So there I am in the labor room with my wife who just pushed out our first baby (a strong little boy) and I begin calling my mother to tell her the good news, she didn’t pick up (found out she was in the shower), I then call my in-laws and tell them, and I then message my siblings and cousins to spread the good news and get back to baby and mama as soon as possible.
The birth was very difficult, but we made it and I’m so happy. I notice my mum hasn’t called back or read my messages. Soon after I get a message from my sister saying I need to speak to my mum as she was really angry at me.
I call her back and she unleashes a barrage of insults and threats to sever relations, and expressing how angry she is for finding out via one of her sisters that we’ve had the baby.
I told her I’m so sorry and that given the difficulty of the situation I just wanted to send a mass message to everyone after trying to call her. She wasn’t having it and broke down on the phone saying she shares no happiness in this event etc.
I break down crying thinking why is this moment completely ruined, my wife was there with the baby crying and seeing me reduced to tears on my knees wishing mum would understand I didn’t do anything wrong.
Siblings have all taken her side, saying I shouldn’t have told anyone until mum picked up or was available to pick up the phone. I tried explaining how difficult the whole process was and how stressful it was but they were more concerned with how upset Mum was.
AITJ? I’m having serious mental health issues because of this and I don’t know if what I did was wrong. I’m more upset that nobody is trying to understand my circumstances and I just wanted to spread the news nothing malicious.
Also worth noting: when our father was rushed to the hospital due to a burst ulcer + terminal cancer nobody told me and I was told to let go of that anger.”
33. AITJ For Bringing Up Problems Between My Dad And His Wife?
“Last year my dad and I (20M) barely found each other. My mom went back to Mexico after I was born, we came back to the States when I was 7 and she didn’t know how to find him. Luckily I got matched with my uncle on ancestry DNA who’s my dad’s brother so we went from there.
He never knew about me this whole time and for over a year we have been catching up being in each other’s lives.
My dad has 2 kids with his wife. My younger brother is 8 and my sister is 3. We have hung out a lot and I love them. We get excited seeing each other, my dad says they think it’s cool having an older brother.
One with a car who can take them to the park in particular. I am not gonna lie, with his wife it’s a little weird because we don’t know how to address each other. Then obviously this was a surprise to her. We always say hi and small talk when we’re around but don’t talk too much.
So in a couple months everyone in his family, like my grandparents all my uncles and cousins on his side want to go on a family vacation.
The thing is she doesn’t want me to go with them. Cause it’s the only tradition that’s still the same from before I was around. And she knows his attention won’t be fully on them if I’m there.
She asked me to do her this one favor when I get to be around my dad any other day so give her this time but don’t tell him she said anything.
At first, I wasn’t gonna tell my dad she told me all this stuff but after telling them that I can’t go he kept asking why.
And then my grandparents and uncle were saying how come I can’t go, they were willing to change which date to go on the vacation if I’m too busy on that day.
It was really sweet they wanted me to go so I didn’t know what else to do except tell my dad. He wasn’t happy with what I told him.
He did say sorry for her making me feel unwelcome to go but everyone wants me there so don’t worry about that. She literally came to my place the other day to tell me she hopes I’m happy. They got into it and he doesn’t want to talk to her right now because of what she did.
Honestly, I had never seen her that mad or sad but she was saying it was all my fault because she thought it was a reasonable request after having to put up with me being in their lives.
The thing is yeah I’m glad my dad and me are getting to know each other. I’ve never had a dad before so now it means a lot to have this relationship with him and everyone else in the family. She’s his wife so I get it can’t always be about what I want. Now because of telling him I brought up all these problems and I’m wondering if I am a jerk for it.”
32. AITJ For The Review That I Left On An Anime Store?
“So my partner and I have a tradition for our anniversary that we each go to a store and separate, and after we buy each other gifts we exchange them in the car. It’s silly and cute.
We walked into this new mom & pop anime store (I am a huge anime nerd and my partner likes video games which they also sell).
We separate and I go look at stuff for my partner. A worker walks up to me and starts chatting, then points at my leg. I have a pretty big tattoo of Kakashi from Naruto on my thigh, among other anime tattoos.
He asks if I got that for my partner and I said no, I’ve always loved Naruto and then showed him my other tattoos which included the leaf village symbol, Gaara of the sands gourd, and a piece on my arm of Asuma Sarutobi.
He started quizzing me on the lore of the anime and I told him I wouldn’t have spent $1000 on tattoos of an anime I didn’t know about, and I didn’t appreciate him trying to catch me in a ‘Gotcha’ moment.
He told me he didn’t believe a girl could ever fully understand the real story of Naruto and the depth behind it (LOL).
I told him I didn’t need his services and that he can go back to the front desk. He told me I was a ‘rude wannabe jerk’ and walked into the back and I continued purchasing my items.
I left a review later (if you’re feminine presenting enter with caution, one of the employees will call you a jerk when you don’t want to prove your ‘nerd cred’ to him.)
The owner left a comment on my review asking for an email conversation and asked that I take down my review because people have started complaining about this employee as well and his sale revenue has dropped.
I told him I wouldn’t and maybe he shouldn’t hire misogynists if he doesn’t want bad reviews. My friends tell me I’m overreacting.
31. AITJ For Refusing To Return The Puppy I Plan To Adopt?
“I’m watching an Argentino puppy for a client of my boss (they run a dog grooming place). So the dog’s original owner Kathy (f 20) bought this pup from a backyard breeder and asked my boss to watch the pup for a few days till she could find her a new home since her apartment doesn’t allow dogs bigger than 20 pounds (pup is now 13 weeks and 20 pounds).
Pup stayed with my boss for a week but she is special needs so I volunteered to take her. At first, Kathy asked me to foster but then asked me to adopt the pup. So I said yes. She was happy the pup was going to a good home (I have a child and another dog with a fenced-in two acres of land).
Just the other day she asked for updates. And I let her know she’s doing great, she’s gaining weight (she was underweight when dropped off to us) and she’s very close to my child. She got upset and is now saying she’s taking her back because this was only supposed to be temporary till she can get her as a registered emotional support dog.
I asked where she would stay she said she’d go to a friend til she gets the needed paperwork. Then she’d be in a crate when Kathy wasn’t home (she works two jobs from 7 am-11 pm).
A bit about the dog: she’s deaf, has horrible separation anxiety, and has chronic nightmares. I’ve gotten her food aggression under control and started teaching her sign language.
Unless she’s sharing a bed with someone her nightmares have her up yelping every hour.
I’m not sure if it was a miscommunication somewhere but I have it in text asking if I can adopt. But I feel like the jerk for not giving her back. I’m afraid she’ll lose all progress and Kathy doesn’t see a point in learning sign language.”
30. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom She Will Never Replace My Mother?
“Yesterday my stepmum got mad at me for my room being untidy due to packing to move into my own place. She said that she’ll donate the stuff that I bought with my own money to charity. I told her that, no she won’t because she doesn’t have my permission, but I’ll find some stuff that I’ll gladly donate (a ton of books, some purses, tops, and a few dresses).
I didn’t have a lot because I just cleaned out my closet of old stuff and donated most of it.
She got mad and said, ‘Is this how you respond to charity?’ I got annoyed and was a work, so she triggered my breaking point. I brought up something that has been bugging me for two years.
On Mother’s Day in 2020, she said ‘Third time’s the charm!’ to me. It hurt my feelings because my own biological mother didn’t want me and my adopted mother died when I was 5. My adoptive mother didn’t choose to abandon me, my brother, my two sisters, and my dad. She died of Wegener’s disease in 2007, almost 20 years ago.
I told my stepmom that ‘Unlike you, the third time wasn’t a charm. And how dare you say that to me. I don’t care if you said that in 2020, but that is the most insensitive thing to EVER say to someone who has lost a parent. You will never EVER replace my mother, so get that in your head and stop thinking you will ever be that important to me.
You have shown every reason to not be considered that. And I’m glad. I wouldn’t want some egotistical excuse of a human to ever replace my mother. Would she have been hard on me, yes, but at least she was my mother, not some stranger that married my dad.’
This morning, my dad yelled at me for saying that. I asked him ‘So it was OK for her to say that to me?’ He responded, ‘Yes it was!’
29. AITJ For Returning People's Dishware With Just Cookie Platters And Flowers?
“In January I (27f) bought a beautiful house in a gorgeous neighborhood. I own an online business that really took off in the last few years allowing me to make this huge purchase.
The house needed significant renos and the contractor had delays so I ended up living there through February and March while they finished up the work on the main floor.
During this time I didn’t have a working kitchen. Also, I have a weird diet because I can’t handle dairy or gluten and I’m vegetarian.
The community is very tight-knit, at first it was charming but it got intrusive real fast. All the women in the neighborhood are stay-at-home moms and cook all their meals. When they learned that my kitchen was undergoing renovation, I had at least one of them coming over every other day with Tupperware of something that had meat or dairy in it.
I explained my diet to them many times but they ignored it and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I was still grateful and appreciative but I let the construction guys have the food.
I work from home and it got super busy during those months, plus I’m not much of a cook, so by late March I had a whole shelf full of their dishware that I needed to return.
I know you’re not supposed to return someone’s dishware empty but there were just so many of them that it was overwhelming. I had also lost track of which belonged to whom.
I decided to order 7 platters of super cute cookies from a local business and had beautiful custom bouquets made as well, it all cost almost $1,000.
I loaded all the dishware into a box and went to each neighbor to thank them sincerely and return the dishes that belonged to them. Made small talk with each mom, expressed my gratitude, and told them my kitchen is done so I can handle feeding myself now.
After that, I had minimal contact with them until today when I ran into one of the moms while filling gas.
She was very passive-aggressive in that interaction so I asked if everything was ok. She told me how they all had coordinated to bring me meals while my kitchen was getting reno’d because in this neighborhood everyone looks out for each other and I didn’t even have the decency or manners to return the gesture. They were all very insulted at the way I returned their empty dishes.
Their expectation was that I would be sending over meals regularly to each of them after my kitchen was finished.
From my perspective, it felt like these women kept pushing their food-sharing culture on me even after I told them many times I could not eat their cream and cheese-loaded meaty foods.
I told her I was really sorry but I just don’t have the time or the energy to make elaborate meals like that, plus my dietary restrictions and lack of cooking skills wouldn’t add up to much anyway. We went our separate ways but now I feel like a jerk for returning their empty dishware with just the cookie platters and flowers.”
28. AITJ For Telling My Ex's Wife That He Will Be Attending My Daughter's Wedding?
“I (42F) got married really young (at 18) to my now ex-husband, ‘Bill’ (44M). We went out through high school but had been friends since we were little kids so we have literally known each other our entire lives which means we still have a bond. This will be relevant to this issue.
We have 4 kids ‘Lily’ (22F), ‘Robert’ (20M) ‘Samantha’ (17F), and ‘Tommy” (15M).
Our oldest, Lily is both graduating from college next weekend and getting married in July. Her school is a bit of a distance from us and she was allotted 4 tickets and got an extra from a friend. Both my ex and I are remarried and our spouses will be joining us so we can celebrate after the actual ceremony.
My husband, Eric (45M) is fine with this but Bill’s wife ‘Sarah’ (36F) is not thrilled.
Sarah reached out to Lily and me in a group text a few weeks ago and asked if there was a way she could attend the ceremony since she is so proud of her ‘bonus daughter’ and because she and Bill helped pay for school.
Lily was firm she wanted her parents and siblings. I did not say anything in the text exchange.
Fast forward to this past week and we receive an additional text from her but this time about the wedding. She is not attending the wedding as it is a destination wedding and only reachable by plane. At that point, she will be more than 7 months pregnant and has been advised not to fly.
She asked Lily and me to convince Bill not to attend the wedding because she might need him if she has an emergency. She thinks if it comes from us, he might be more willing to not attend. Lily privately text me and said she really can’t deal with Sarah right now and is too stressed to fight with her but is clear she wants her father at her wedding and asked me to reach out to Sarah.
I decided to call Sarah instead of texting so nothing gets misconstrued. She immediately started making her case about how she is a little older and her pregnancy and delivery might be complicated and she was scared she would go into labor when he wasn’t home. I told her Lily and I sympathize with her but it was up to Bill and it seems he made his choice.
She then unloaded what I suspect was years of hostility on me about how I have a hold on Bill and he listens to me and it’s unfair and I’m a jerk for not just going away. I tried to explain that she was aware that we had 4 kids together when they met and that what she was asking me to do was unreasonable.
She brought up the graduation and said she feels like an afterthought in all of this and it’s not fair. At this point, I was really annoyed and told her she was sort of an afterthought because both the graduation and the wedding are about Lily, and given that we have 3 more kids, she can expect to feel this way for every graduation, wedding, special event our kids have.
I really do not want to stress my daughter with this but I am wondering if I went too far or if I should try to explain Sarah’s point of view to both Lily and Bill.”
27. AITJ For Calling Out At A Kid Who Tried Pushing A Girl Into The Pool?
“I have a son in 3rd grade, and sometimes his class takes trips to the local pool during the summer. Last time it was my turn to chaperone, along with another parent Olivia, and the teacher.
In the middle of the day, I saw my son and Olivia’s son carrying one of their classmates toward the pool, and she was visibly struggling.
I yelled at them to stop (I was too far away to stop them in time otherwise), which admittedly caused a little scene.
I told them to put the girl down and apologize, and that they can’t just push or move people around just because they are stronger than them. I said I know they were just having fun, but it’s not okay to ignore someone when they clearly tell you no.
Olivia got into an argument with me and said I was blowing things out of proportion, they were just playing. Now, I remember how throughout my childhood I hated going to the pool with friends because the boys would inevitably throw us into the water, or push our heads underwater for a second ‘just to get your hair wet’.
Even in college, I was the special snowflake whenever I got upset over friends doing this to me, and I still find going into the water with other people slightly terrifying thanks to their actions.
Olivia disagreed and said adults, both men, and women, shove each other into the water all the time, and all is just in good fun.
I told her I find this equally messed up, and people who do this are bullies. I mean, they literally move you without your consent and cut off your air, drowning you for a few seconds. This has the power to give a kid nightmares.
Olivia called me stuck-up and said I had no right to lecture her son when ‘he’s done nothing wrong’, even though the little girl was visibly grateful for my intervention.
Olivia didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day.
I still think shoving people underwater and then laughing the aggression off is messed up, but I never actually talked to anyone about this certain topic and it is indeed a widely practiced thing between friends, both kids and adults. Was I really blowing things out of proportion? AITJ?
EDIT: the pool was shallow enough that her feet would have touched the ground, she wasn’t in danger of actually drowning.”
26. AITJ For Quitting Before An International Competition?
“I (19F) have been dancing at the same dance school for 10 years, I know the principal pretty well as I have her as a teacher 3 times a week.
Every Saturday I have a performing arts group. We are all pretty close in there and all get along.
Well, this morning we were cleaning up a piece ready for competition, I couldn’t go on my knees in a specific way due to an injury I have, I also have a pain condition that means no matter what, I do not know how bad my pain will be.
Some days it is fine others it is agonizing, she knows this and is usually great about it, but we had to run the dance a few times with me just having my leg in a different position so I was able to do it.
It got to the last few minutes of class when she asked us to run the dance full out.
At this point, my ankle was in agony and so I sat the same way I had for every other run. When she asked me to sit up like the others, I told her I couldn’t and that led her into screaming at me in front of everyone and also shouting at each girl if they moved out of position.
She continued to shout at me even after I started to cry in agony and embarrassment. I picked my things up and left as I was walking out saying that I quit.
I got a text from her 20 minutes ago that said ‘I hope you don’t pull that stunt again and I expect you to be full out on Tuesday if not I will cut you’.
I messaged back saying ‘I made it clear I am not coming back. There have been other times you have ignored the fact that I am disabled and am not able to do some of the things in the classes I am in all the time’.
Her message responding to that said ‘You are part of a team.
You can’t leave that team right before show and comp season’.
This is not the first time she has ignored my disabilities and has gone so far as to say if my dog was an assistance dog so was hers and she wanted to bring it anywhere, there are other instances over the years where she has made me uncomfortable but they are mainly ‘jokes’ but this was humiliating and honestly I don’t enjoy shows and comps.
She always makes me do them saying I will miss out otherwise and she knows I will be upset if I miss out.
So AITJ for leaving my dance team 2 weeks before an international competition?
Want to add a few things
- I would not change what I am doing at the comp only in class as we spend a lot longer in that position in class than we would on stage.
- My teammates are amazing and one of them is helping me sort things out right now.
- I have had issues with my teacher before but they have all been small things and honestly I can get over those.
- I have been there so long that it would be hard to go to another performing arts school.”
25. AITJ For Not Seating My Sister's Future Parents-In-Law At The Family Table At My Wedding?
“I (30F) and my fiancé (30M) are getting married in a month. Now that everyone has finally RSVPed we have started organizing the tables.
- We don’t have a wedding party, so the ‘main table’ is just going to be the two of us.
- I have two sisters (R – 28 and S – 22) and a brother (T – 23).
- All my siblings are in a relationship, only R is engaged and will get married in a year.
- My mom’s older sister and her husband are like second parents to me and I am really close with their daughter (H – 28).
So now to the story:
I few months ago my sister ‘R’ told me that I should invite her fiancé’s parents because ‘it would be the polite thing to do’ and ‘they are going to be family to me’.
No one in my family has ever met them (other than my sister) and they honestly mean nothing to me. but I agreed because they are going to be my sister’s family and it was important to her.
A few weeks later she told me that her fiancé’s brother (30M) will also be coming. I don’t know how that happened cause he wasn’t invited.
But anyways, I said ok.
Back to today. I sent my mom the table’s layout to get her opinion on a few of her friends that were coming. She was having lunch with my sisters and showing them the distribution. ‘R’ called me really upset because her fiancé’s family wasn’t at the family table.
This table has my parents, my siblings and their +1, my aunt, uncle, and my cousin H.
The table where her fiancé’s family would be is next to this one with some of my parents’ friends.
She said that I should swap my mom’s sister and her family for her fiancé’s family. I said that to me that didn’t make sense because I wanted my aunt/uncle and H close as they were people I really loved.
Also, I can’t just add them to this table because it would be too many people together.
She said it wasn’t right for her not to sit with her future PILs and I wasn’t understanding the ‘politics’ of table organization at weddings. I told her that I didn’t want to fight over that and hung up.
My mom called me later saying that she would be ok with the change as her sister would be at the table next to her.
It might be very petty on my part, but I don’t want to move my aunt and her family. They have basically raised me and I think they would be sad if they weren’t sitting at the family table.
My sister is not talking to me which I obviously don’t like cause I have always been close to her.
Am I being ridiculous? Maybe I shouldn’t care so much about this? WIBTJ if I don’t include them in my family table?”
24. AITJ For Telling My Ex I Don't Owe Her An Explanation For My Current Lifestyle?
“So I (26M) and my ex (24F) stayed together for over 6 years. The past year I moved cities and got us an apartment so she could stay at her new job. We had been on the decline for a while when we finally broke up, which was ‘mutual’ but she brought the idea up. She claimed, ‘Hey, let’s try to stay friends’.
Adding salt to my wounds, at the same week I lost my job, I was really feeling down. I waited a few weeks until she could move out, in that time I got a new (and better) job, and without having to pay for her expenses I was feeling really good. As soon as she moved out I started seeing other people again.
When she moved out she forgot a lot of stuff (clothes, shoes, purses, etc), and she would need to come back to get it. We tried to stay friends but she started arguing about stuff she never mentioned while we were together so my head went to ‘Meh, why bother’. When she came to get her remaining stuff a few weeks later, I was in a work online meeting, so I opened the door and said ‘Hey, I am working right now, I put your stuff in the closet but please check if I didn’t forget anything.’
Little info, she had a lot of privacy issues.
The kind of ‘You have never given me a reason to doubt you but I need to check all your messages even from before we started going out whenever you get distracted’ issue. And not only me, she did this with her friends and family too. Many friends of mine stopped talking to me because they felt their privacy was broken when she saw their texts.
So there I was, in my meeting, headphones in so I am not hearing a thing when I hear the door open rather fast and what sounds like yelling. I didn’t think it would be anything so I didn’t mute my mic. I remove the headphones and go ‘What?’ thinking I forgot something or maybe she needs something that could be in the office.
‘I can’t believe you already started sleeping around again! You were only waiting for me to leave, jerk!’ (It seems she was rummaging through my stuff and found my protection.) The whole meeting heard, and I was still working so I just went ‘You are not part of my life anymore, I don’t owe you an explanation or some kind of celibacy wait time. I have to work, I don’t have time to deal with you, you know where the door is.’ The meeting ended soon after and I actually walked her to the door because she was still looking for her stuff, but no word was spoken. AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Getting On The Flight Without My Friend?
“I (20f) went on a trip with a few of my friends a week ago. We were all booked for the same flight. I and another friend were the last at the airport – everyone else had already checked in and was past security. My friend ‘J’ has T1 Diabetes, and accidentally left his doctor’s letter at home.
In my country, if you want to carry insulin, EpiPen, and similar medications on board you need a doctor’s note certifying that you have a medical condition that requires you to keep your medication nearby. Even if he had gone home to get it, by the time he got back to the airport he would’ve missed the flight.
J said he’d catch a later flight, but asked me to stay as well. Changing flights, especially so last minute would’ve cost a lot so I said no. He was upset, but oh well. He catches a later flight.
Later on, when we’re all together and at the hotel, J starts saying he wishes he had a ‘nicer’ friend who would’ve understood having medications and stuff you need to deal with.
At which point I told him that I had to go through all the same procedures and stuff he did to get a doctor’s note that’d allow me to take my EpiPens on board. I just didn’t leave it at home.
I understand that insulin needs to be kept cold and stuff so it’s harder to store than an epipen, but the doctor’s note requirement bit is exactly the same.
He still said some stuff about how ‘it isn’t the same’ but didn’t bring it up again afterward. One of our friends pulled me aside and told me that I didn’t need to embarrass him by saying I remembered to bring my doctor’s note. That J already felt bad enough about missing the flight and having to pay extra to get on another one.
Now we’re back, and J is talking to me but he still says he can’t believe I left him all alone, just to ‘save a bit of money.'”
22. AITJ For Telling My Sister Our Parents Aren't Responsible For Supporting Her Financially?
“I (42m) have a sister, Sarah (33f). Growing up, our dad had his own small business and our mom was an office manager. We lived a comfortable life but were not rich by any means.
Our parents told us that they will pay for our 4-year degree and grad school should we decide to go. They made it clear that the fund is for school only.
They stressed that if we decide not to go to school, they’re not giving us the budget for a house or anything. They said they worked hard for their money so they’re going to retire early and enjoy their lives together. Once they pass, we’ll get whatever is left but we should expect nothing because they’re really going to enjoy their lives.
Does it sound harsh? Yes.
Is it reasonable and fair? I think so.
They were setting us up for life as adults and growing up, I saw how much they sacrificed for us. I truly believe they deserve to enjoy the last half of their lives as they see fit. I’m okay with receiving nothing. That is because I make a decent living as an electrical engineer with an MBA and my wife is an attorney.
We’re doing well.
Sarah, on the other hand, is not doing so well. She didn’t listen to my parents and decided she wanted to travel after high school and not go to college. She asked our parents to fund her traveling but they refused and told her she’s 18 and can earn her own traveling fund. She moved to the west coast and went no contact for a while from all of us until about 3 years ago.
She moved back into our lives but we’re not close.
About 2 years ago, she asked my parents for funds to put down on a house because she was tired of renting but they refused. They said their offer to pay for a 4-year degree and grad school still stands but they’re not paying for anything else.
She complained to me but I agreed with my parents and told her it was not too late to get a degree and a better-paying job. She didn’t like my answer and went low contact.
This brings us to our current situation. Next year is a major anniversary for my grandparents who live in another country. My family and my parents are going there to celebrate along with family members from all over the world.
This will be a huge family gathering with people from all over the world flying in and we’re all excited to go. However, it’s an expensive trip and it’ll cost about $20,000 for my family (me, my wife, and 2 kids). Sarah is married with no kids but she can’t afford to go so she asked our parents to pay for her and the husband to go.
They again refused and said they’ll still pay for her college at which point she blew up at them.
She called me to complain about how they’re living in a crappy apartment, driving barely working cars, and have no savings and our parents refuse to help. I told her she made choices in her life and she’s responsible for it.
I said our parents are incredibly generous to still offer to pay for her college and it’s still not too late. She hung up and I think we’re about to go back to going no contact.
AITJ for taking this stance?
Edit: Growing up we were not upper class, we were middle class. My dad worked 7 days a week and 12 hours a day at his business.
They always bought used cars and would drive them until it got too expensive to fix. A couple of years ago my dad bought my mom their first brand-new car as an anniversary gift and it was a Toyota Camry.
My sister has no learning disability that we know of and growing up she was a solid B student.
I haven’t heard any talks about trade school so I don’t know if they’re willing to pay for it or if she’s willing to go. However, since my dad was a business owner, he values ‘making your own way’ so he has offered her money to start her own business. He told her to come up with a business plan and go pitch it at the banks.
If they’re willing to loan her the funds, he’ll give her the same amount interest-free. She never did it.
My sister is not a bad person, in fact, she’s normal as anyone in the room. She just doesn’t like to be told what to do and will usually do the opposite just to get a rise. It was cute when she was a teen but now that she’s in her 30s, it hasn’t gotten her far.
Our home country is on the other side of the world and the date is during the summer because of all of the kids being out of school. Because of it being the height of tourist season, the plane tickets cost about $2500 each. Then we have to factor in hotel costs during tourist season and other costs such as food and car rentals.
We’re not the 1%. My wife is a great attorney but she’s not the type you see on TV flying to work in a helicopter and having a corner office on top of the Empire State Building. She also drives a Camry.”
21. AITJ For Letting My Fiancé Uninvite His Mom From Our Wedding?
“MIL can’t stand me. She is rude and passive-aggressive when she comes around, though thankfully she never comes around. We are currently planning a wedding and MIL is pretty mad because I tried to suggest that she wear a certain color. When I realized how angry it was making her I backtracked and said to wear whatever, but she has been huffy about the wedding ever since.
FIL is also getting married. His wedding is a month before ours and the bride is awful and has been trying to compete and make me feel bad. We recently had a housewarming and FIL told MIL how his fiancée has been competitive with me. MIL turned to me and said that it must be hard for me to compete with her.
I asked what she meant and MIL said ‘Well to be fair she is like 10 times prettier than you’.
I told MIL to get out of my house and she began going outside. I was like no you need to leave but she said she was getting her husband (doesn’t he have a phone?). My fiancé heard and came over to see what was going on.
I told him what MIL said and he looked gutted and got really quiet, couldn’t look at her, but said she is uninvited from the wedding because she has previously been warned about making little digs. MIL accepted it with dignity but FIL got mad and said he can’t uninvite his own mom over a jerky comment, which I found ironic because FIL doesn’t speak to his own parents.
I could tell my fiancé was devastated and didn’t want to do it, but I didn’t say anything. MIL’s husband came over and tried to say I should calm down because MIL has been well-behaved lately, which I don’t know what he meant by lately because I’ve only seen her once since summer and it was for the color fiasco.
MIL said it was our decision and told FIL and her husband to leave us alone. She left and my fiancé was down about it all night and still seems sad. Multiple people are saying I’m being selfish for not encouraging him to just let it go because it wasn’t that bad. I know he didn’t want to uninvite her, but he’s been reading up on boundaries and how to protect me.”
20. AITJ For How I Reacted When My Supervisor Hired A New Foreman?
“I (43F) and my supervisor (47M) have been working for the same building for the last 21 years. I met him on my first day of work and over the last 2 decades he became really close with me and my co-workers (we’ve met his family, he’s met ours, he would invite us to personal events and we’ve invited him, etc.) to the point where we considered him a friend.
That is until recently.
About a year and a half ago our foreman had decided to call it quits and retire. Having left the position of foreman open, many co-workers talked about how it would come down to me and another co-worker to take the position as we had the most experience and seniority. When the time came to pick, the supervisor came in and said that I had the position.
I was thrilled as well as many of my coworkers, although I did question why we had skipped protocol on officially making me a foreman. He told me not to worry about it and that management was happy.
Having trusted his words I went about doing the duties of a foreman for the next 14 months. That is until one random day he arrived with a stranger and in front of everyone declared him our new boss/foreman.
Shocked and puzzled I questioned him on what was going on. To which he replied that ‘they’ wanted someone new from outside the crew. When I asked who ‘they’ were he ignored my question and said how this would be good for everyone. He even went on to say how I should be friends with him as he could make me a lot more money.
I told him I wouldn’t accept this and he was violating the union contract, that even if he considered me a temp foreman it should have been for max only 4 months, anything after that I was officially a permanent foreman.
He got angry and told me to do whatever I wanted. Since then he has refused to talk to anyone in the crew and ignores anything from us. There were even rumors about him boasting about how there was nothing to prove I ever had the position. Unbeknownst to him I have every text, email, and video of duties as foreman over the last 14 months.”
19. AITJ For Going Off At My Dad For Giving My Food To My Cousin?
“I (20F) am overweight. I’m on a weight loss journey, go to the gym fairly regularly and eat a balanced diet with a limited amount of treats here & there (I’ve had problems with binging/purging in the past so my relationship with food isn’t great and I’m trying to improve it). For context – I plan on moving out after I graduate but right now I’m still living at home.
My parents, Dad especially, have always been on my back about my weight. Even now that I’m on a weight loss journey, my dad still treats me like I’m less than because of my weight.
I cook my own dinner a lot since my parents don’t cook with my diet in mind (not their responsibility anyway). Or sometimes they’ll order in from UberEats instead of cooking and since I’m trying to lose weight and that involves cutting back on fast food, I’ll pass on it and make my own healthier meal.
Some cousins came to stay with us for a little bit this week. I didn’t get to spend much time w them since most of my day is spent at the library drowning in assignments or at the gym, and I work during the weekends so I’m only really home in the mornings and late evenings.
On one particular day, my mum told me they were all going to order from Nando’s and said that I should join them instead of cooking my own meal for once, that it would be no harm even if I just had a smaller portion than everyone else. I agreed since it would probably be rude of me to eat my own separate meal alone in my room whilst everyone else ate together.
Dinner was at 7, but unfortunately, my dumb self lost track of time at the library so I texted my mum and told her to just save me a plate in case I don’t make it back in time. She said of course, and I made my way back home as soon as possible. Train delays sucked that night so I ended up getting home later when everyone was basically done with their meal.
My mum had a pretty sheepish look on her face and asked if I was gonna cook my own dinner, which confused me because I thought I’d been saved a plate.
Well, as it turns out my dad had given what was supposed to be my small share to one of my cousins, because ‘she needs a little meat on her bones!’ whereas I, of course, had enough of that already.
(funny how he managed to fat-shame me and skinny-shame my cousin in the same breath). My mum said sorry to me but my dad justified it because I am, after all, fat, and shouldn’t be eating this type of food anyway. I was so embarrassed, I just went to my room and stayed there until my dad came in and called me immature for ‘storming out’ and I just called him a jerk and (this is the part where I’m the jerk) told him he’s the reason that I absolutely can’t wait to move out so I can never speak to him again.
He looked very hurt and I tried to say sorry but it was too late since he hasn’t looked at me since.
I think I overreacted, but this just felt like the straw that broke the camel’s back. I don’t care about the Nando’s, I just wish my weight could stop being the only thing my dad sees when he looks at me.”
18. AITJ For Not Following Through With My Promise To Get My Family First-Class Tickets?
“I (29F) live far away from my dad and stepmom and sister, in another country over an ocean, so visits have been infrequent. I’m ok with that as I struggle to get along with them, and a bit of distance helps.
Recently I got engaged and my fiancé (28M) and I wanted to treat my family to a trip to visit us.
When we first were planning it in all the engagement excitement I said something like ‘I will try to get you on first class!’ Not intending to be fully committed, but just I will if I can. Later, I had the feeling they felt it was more certain, so I again said ‘If I can’ when referring to the airline tickets.
I wanted to be able to treat them to first class, but wanted to have them be flexible in case prices were way out of my budget.
Well, the time came to buy tickets and first class was crazy expensive, almost 3x the price of the normal seats. So I did the best I could and booked them on the class below first (can’t remember what it was called) so they got an upgrade out of coach at least.
When I told my family about the tickets they were excited and said it looked great.
Now the trip is over, and I have gotten the silent treatment from them. I finally got my sister to tell me why, and she said I was so rude to not follow through on my ‘promise’ of first class. Apparently, my dad and stepmom feel the same and were expecting an apology from me during the trip.
Having all of them think I’m the jerk makes me feel it might be true… but I can’t imagine being in their shoes with a fully funded trip/resort stay and being mad about not being in first class. So, AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Not Going To My Friend's Birthday Party Because I'm Still Grieving My Fiancée's Death?
“My (25M) fiancée ‘Rose’ (F, 23 at the time) died a little over a year ago. Car accident on the way home from my place (We were in the process of moving in together). It’s pretty much the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, and I don’t wanna jinx it, but I doubt there’ll be much worse.
We were, y’know, engaged, so it should be pretty obvious that I was in love with her, but I’m not kidding when I say that this girl was my other half in every sense of the phrase. I’m trying to get my life back on track, the way she would want me to, but as far as I’m concerned, she was it for me.
I don’t know how I’ll feel in five or ten years, but right now I don’t see myself ever finding anyone else. I do believe in an afterlife, and I’m pretty much just waiting to see her again, wherever she is. My friends have talked about trying to set me up with someone new, but I’ve shut the idea down.
I isolated myself after I lost Rose, and have only started actually hanging out and doing things with my friends within the past 3-4 months. Anyways, my friend ‘Matt’ (25M) is having his birthday celebration next weekend and is basically planning to do an at-home theatre kind of thing in his garage with a projector. I told him I’d go.
Our friend group (which she was a part of) is really into horror stuff, and I find out a couple of days later at his place that they’re planning to watch Alien (1979). That was Rose’s favorite movie of all time. Like, she could recite it word-for-word, we had matching Nostromo stickers for our laptops, and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched it with her and how many inside jokes we had about this particular movie.
The thought of having to sit through it now that she’s dead makes me feel physically sick. I genuinely think it would be too painful for me to stomach.
I pulled Matt aside and asked him if we could watch something else and explained why. He said no, he really wanted to watch it. I said that I wouldn’t be going if they were watching that movie, and he got upset.
He said I couldn’t hold onto her forever, that I had to start moving on and ‘living my life.’ I told him that I AM living my life, but that I don’t think I could handle watching my dead fiancée’s go-to date night movie. He then implied that I was using her death as an ‘excuse’ to get what I wanted, and said that I was making his party about myself and Rose by ‘threatening’ not to come.
That stung. I’m not usually a very confrontational person, but I pretty much told him to get lost and went home. That was the other day, and I’ve since received texts from our other friends saying I should just apologize and just come to the party. AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Calling Out My Flatmate's Significant Other's Unsanitary Behavior?
“So I (24F) have been flatting with three dudes for the last year. The house is cool, we all get along and I enjoy it here. We all have a rostered system for cleaning including the kitchen and bathroom but I usually clean the bathroom more than the others. The guys try and when they give up they ask me to finish it off.
It really isn’t a hassle for me as I would prefer a clean bathroom than not. But over the last two months, there have been a few issues.
One of the guys, we’ll call him Caleb, has a significant other, we’ll name her Alicia. They seem to have a roster thing going on where they stay at her place for a month and then stay here for a month.
It hasn’t been a problem as he always pays rent on time so we just go with it. Alicia is pretty reserved but overall a cool character and I’ve chatted with her a few times while she’s stayed.
Going back to cleaning, I’m constantly at the boys for empty toilet paper rolls on the ground. One of my pet peeves but I swear it’s just ugly lol anyway in the last month I’ve been noticing…
used sanitary items and rubbish are not in the trash bin… and I can safely say it is not me because I’m on the jab so I don’t get periods. The only other girl who has been in the house was, Alicia.
I quietly knocked on Caleb’s door and luckily it was just him as I wasn’t quite confident enough to talk to Alicia yet.
I told him what I saw and asked if he could nicely speak to Alicia about it and he said yes very embarrassed and that was that… or so I thought.
Over the next week, I kept finding used sanitary items and kept bringing it up with Caleb but he insisted he spoke to her. The last straw unfortunately was when I couldn’t get to her mess in time and one of the other dudes found it.
So I used the incident to call a flat meeting and invited Alicia.
During the meeting, I spoke generally about personal hygiene and how unfair it is to others to make other people clean certain messes. Caleb wasn’t lying when he said he spoke to Alicia because she completely blew up at me.
Alicia went off saying how dare I insert myself into other people’s personal lives and that I’m not the flat mother.
She even went as far as calling me an OCD jerk for cleaning too much. So I responded saying we wouldn’t be here if she knew how to clean herself and whatever contents may come out of her PERIOD (Ok I didn’t say period but that was the vibe). Then proceeded to tell her how she doesn’t even live here therefore me cleaning for is a privilege but I’ll be happy to drop the nastys in their room.
At that point, Caleb got up and ended the meeting. He said he understood where I was coming from but since it was his SO he was gonna take her side. I told him that was fine but he’s cleaning up for her now.
It’s been three days since the meeting and they’ve been staying somewhere else. I don’t really want to have bad flat vibes and I kinda feel bad for exposing her the way I did. AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Defending My Brother From His Wife?
“My brother James is married to Shannon. They got married just before the world went crazy and they’ve been together since 2017. Shannon has five kids. Lily (11f), Mike (10m), Katie (8f), Robin (6f) and Luke (5m). Shannon was newly postpartum with Luke, her ex had bailed and my brother fell head over heels for her.
He also loves those kids. He didn’t meet them for several months but when he did, it was clear it wasn’t going to be a simple thing of all these kids being so excited for a ‘new dad’. James knew that too.
Robin and Luke adore my brother and call him dad. Lily and Mike have never called him dad, do not like him being called dad, and they have a very hard time accepting him.
They remember the last time they saw their dad. They have an attachment there. They see my brother as somewhat of an intruder. He understands. He never pushed for more than they could give. Katie… she’s kinda a split between the older ones and the younger ones. Sometimes she seems to want him to be a dad to her, other times she freaks out about it and puts up boundaries and a wall.
Shannon’s parents give James trouble for not treating all five the same, for not claiming all five, etc. Shannon confuses him a lot too. Robin and Luke wanted to be adopted, they asked over dinner one night, Shannon said no, then told James he hadn’t looked the least bit excited about it, and if he had wanted to yes would have been his immediate answer.
He explained where his head was and she understood. Then brings up adoption around Lily and Mike who freaked out and started acting out, then it was my brother’s fault for some reason.
My brother has confided in us about it. Has expressed he’s not sure the marriage works for him. But he feels guilty, especially regarding the younger two kids who are very much his, but the other relationships are more complicated.
So it’s a mess you could say and while they were at my son’s birthday party recently she started talking to some people there about how great James is. How she knows her family gives him trouble, how two of her kids can try to chase him off, and how she expects nothing but the best from him in all aspects but she knows he would never abandon her kids by breaking up with her, and how he’s in too deep.
It made me mad because she made it seem like he would be wrong if he decided it was too much. I told her my brother deserved better. That he deserved more than just being picked on from different angles. She was not happy with me. My brother ended up getting in trouble for it when he said I was just defending him the way her family does with her and the kids.
I feel so bad that my words made things worse for him. Shannon said I spoke like their family means nothing and like he had it awful because he was raising her kids.
14. AITJ For Overthinking That My Wife Is Having An Affair?
“My (32F) wife (36F) and I have been married for 10 years and have a closed, monogamous relationship. She has recently been given a prestigious new position in her company which requires her to travel frequently. After her last business trip, I began noticing that she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. I addressed it and was given the excuse that she doesn’t want people to know she is LGBT+, which I find silly as she is very masculine presenting and anyone who sees her could easily identify her as a lesbian.
She is traveling again this month and is currently in a coastal US city that is exceedingly LGBT+ friendly. Last night, she told me she was having dinner at a ‘gay restaurant’. I tried to get some clarity as to what that meant and she said that yes she was in fact at a gay bar on a Saturday night.
Again, she says she is not wearing a ring because she doesn’t want to have to explain herself to ‘hillbillies’ that ask her about her spouse, assuming she is married to a male.
I calmly explained that her behavior makes me uncomfortable and I do not believe that she is acting in good faith or being considerate of my feelings on this matter.
Her excuse for not wearing a ring doesn’t hold water when she is attending public LGBT+ venues.
She responds by telling me that I have no room to be upset, bringing up that I volunteered at a pride event with another married friend 9 years ago while she was traveling and she ‘didn’t make a big deal of it’, telling me that it’s unreasonable to accuse her of having ill intent because ‘why would she tell me where she was if she was trying to have an affair or hide anything?’, and telling me I’m being dramatic and ridiculous.
Again I told her that I didn’t feel like she was valuing my perspective on the situation. The argument ended with her telling me things like ‘I’ll get up and leave right now’, ‘I’ll put on my ring first thing in the morning’, ‘I guess I’m not allowed to have any friends’, ‘So you’re saying I’m only allowed to go to straight aligned businesses?’ all of which felt very disingenuous, combative and deflective of my complaints.
After that, she left me on read for the rest of the evening and still hasn’t responded.
I feel like it is also important to add after the ‘not allowed to have friends’ comment that she consistently travels with the same rather close-knit group of married coworkers and could spend time with them, but I’m assuming she chooses not to as she was at a gay bar alone without her wedding band on a Saturday night.
Meanwhile, I recently started a new job and she has asked more than once if I’ve told my coworkers that I’m married (I always do) and ‘how hot my wife is’.
I’m not trying to be a ‘crazy’ partner but I feel like I’m being gaslit and I do not want to sit around looking like a clown. I’d really appreciate some input.”
13. WIBTJ If I Hire An Attorney To Protect Myself From My Parents?
“My mother has trigeminal neuralgia. (Painful nerve condition in the face). While visiting my home she was having a bad attack/case of it whatever you want to call it. We get very strong winds almost every day, about 25 mph. While she was walking up the stairs to my front door, instead of reaching for the door, opening it, and going inside, she was playing around with the hood of her jacket trying to block her face from the wind.
So while she was doing this she had the screen door partially open, the wind caught it and blew it open. Her words were she grabbed the door to keep it from flying open but then hung onto it and it dragged her off the stairs. 4-foot fall, caught on camera. She broke her leg and hurt her arm, possibly not able to return to work but my dad’s retirement covers her bills.
So she has been wanting to sue our insurance, and I told her I would pay whatever bills she had to pay and I offered to pay her car payments too so my insurance doesn’t drop me or raise our rates (I don’t know how any of this works and can barely afford the insurance we have now since I lost my job, and that’s rolled into our mortgage payments).
Today she presented me with paperwork requesting my policy information and told me she has a lawyer. Am I the jerk for wanting a lawyer, protection from her, and for wanting to fight her? We are only covered for 25,000 and I know the hospital charged way more than that, she had surgeries and rehab.
Also, our insurance agent will not call us back or answer us. I can’t afford to pay tens of thousands to satisfy her insurance. Stairs were installed by a licensed person. None of it was our fault.”
12. AITJ For Not Sharing My Inheritance Equally With My Two Brothers?
“I’m a 40+-year-old married father of 1. My mom died in 2020 unexpectedly and she had left her retirement accounts and cash proceeds from a house to me as beneficiary ($650K). I am otherwise financially well off with my wife and I working good jobs and owning our own home. I hired a lawyer to probate her estate because I knew nothing about her end-of-life plans (no explicit will).
We had talked about end-of-life stuff but she died right after retirement pretty young (65) and I was very uncomfortable talking about it with her because I didn’t want to think of her dying.
As I navigated probate, I discovered what she had in accounts but did not have access to them until the courts declared me the family rep.
Because I thought probate would split her assets three ways, I was transparent with my brothers about how much Mom had, so they didn’t think I was stealing from her estate. When the courts declared me a family rep, I discovered all her money named me the beneficiary. My brothers were left with nothing from my mother, on paper.
My middle brother had shut Mom out of his life for 12+ years due to his anger about her drinking problem. I had tried to get them to reconcile but to no avail, my mom was stubborn and hated being called out on her drinking, and my brother was mad at what he felt were lost opportunities in his 20s because of his relationship with my mom.
My brother and I have a tenuous relationship because he mismanages his six-figure income and is constantly borrowing from me. When mom died I gave him my mom’s car (worth $10K, his car was broken down), plus $10K in 2021 and $10K in 2022. He’s broke again despite my trying to help him and heavily resents that I’m managing my mother’s funds now.
I think he’s either got a severe gambling problem or is abusing his prescription ADHD meds.
My youngest brother is diagnosed schizophrenic, but living independently despite this and has gone off his meds for the millionth time. His money is managed by a fiduciary. He’s a disabled former vet and has 100% of his living expenses paid for from a settlement he got from the army plus his disability check.
I gave him $10,000 via his fiduciary but haven’t had much contact with him because he’s so unstable. When he’s on his meds, he’s ok. He wildly mismanages his weekly allowance and fights with his fiduciary. He takes illegal substances, and for a year wouldn’t even buy himself groceries. He gets his $150 allowance from the fiduciary on Fridays and gambles it all the same day. If he straight up received a lump sum of funds, I was worried he would die.
AITJ? My brothers sure think I am. I am trying to honor my mom’s wishes, keep intact this amazing windfall which would be wasted at the casino or on illegal substances.”
11. AITJ For Ignoring My Sister Even At Our Dad's Funeral?
“My relationship with my sister, Rose, had been rocky since our parents got divorced last year and I had blamed our mom while she said my mom was justified. Neither of our parents encouraged this, it’s just something that happened naturally once the reason behind their divorce was discovered. We started getting close and hanging out again until earlier this year when my sister got married and during the process of planning her wedding I went no contact with her.
Originally Rose had planned to have a ‘normal’ wedding in the morning, her religious marriage in the afternoon, then have the celebration after. She decided not to do the ‘normal’ wedding because it would ruin her religious ceremony, (her church had a rule that if you had a civil marriage you had to wait a year to do the religious ceremony.
They got rid of it last year, so this was purely a virtue signaling thing) and if my dad and I would’ve tried harder to meet her religion’s requirements we could’ve come to her sealing so it’s our fault for missing out. I wouldn’t have cared, but that meant my dad and I wouldn’t get to see her get married and my dad wouldn’t be able to walk her down the aisle.
My dad wouldn’t have cared either but he had cancer and knew he wouldn’t have much time with my sister. He was really looking forward to walking her down the aisle. When I found out I told her I wouldn’t go to the celebration and I wouldn’t be speaking with her again. My dad was so sad, I legit think his health got worse because of how sad he was.
I received calls from her since her wedding but have remained no contact.
Earlier this month my dad died and his burial was this weekend. My sister tried to talk to me a few times but I just kept ignoring her, until she and my mom cornered me and caused a scene in front of my dad’s family.
She and my mom called me heartless and my dad’s sister stepped in and said we should make up and Rose and my mom said it’s what dad would’ve wanted. I told them both to get bent and that they both chose their religion over being there for Dad while he was sick and needed their love and support. My mom’s family and some of my dad’s family think I’m a jerk for holding a grudge but my dad’s parents and most of his brothers agree with me but that conversation could have waited until after the funeral.”
10. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Leave Me Alone?
“I had to run away from abusive parents and an abusive partner when I was younger. I’ve built a good life for myself, but I need very strict boundaries. I’ve recently asked a friend to give me my key back, and he’s very upset so I do wonder if I protect myself too much.
This friend has always been very good to me, but also always gave me the uncomfortable feeling that he wanted more (and more, and more).
After 2 years, I recently gave him a key to my place since he had been feeding my cat when I was on vacation. I went on vacation again this month, I didn’t post anything on social media, but I sent him pics.
2 days before departure, he asked me about my train schedules back home. I don’t think he should know what time I’ll be home, it’s enough that he knows the day I’m coming home.
If there’s a problem during the journey, chances are high I will tell him about it, but I am very uncomfortable at the idea of someone knowing my exact train schedules. Especially when I already share so much with this person: he is the only one who knows where I am, with whom, he is taking naps in my bed, in my apartment, feeding my cat…
I told him I needed some privacy.
He got very angry and even mean. In retrospect, I admit I chose my words poorly because I said: ‘I’m sorry I don’t need and don’t want a guy on my back all the time, I think I already share so much with you’, to which he replied: ‘You can share with your partner then I’m not interested anymore’.
I corrected myself and told him it’s just about boundaries, and I honestly think that we share enough already. He hasn’t calmed down in the last five days, he’s been more and more insulting to me.
Here’s the situation: I am away from home, and this person who is insulting me, being very mean, and giving me the silent treatment when I ask to respect my boundaries, has a key to my apartment.
It’s not about him asking about my train schedules at this point, it’s really his rage outburst about me needing boundaries that is very problematic. I felt vulnerable all of a sudden, I wanted to cry, I was on the verge of a panic attack. When I came back home, I thanked him for taking care of my cat, but I asked him to give me my keys back.
The reason I came here is because he got even more angry, and he refused to meet me so I could pick up my keys. So, he’s upset about me needing boundaries, he keeps insulting me (‘I should have listened to what people say about you, you vicious selfish jerk, you treat people like garbage, you treat me like I’m disposable, blah blah’) and he’s keeping my key hostage when he knows how vulnerable that makes me feel. My interpretation is his behavior is emotionally abusive, but maybe I’m biased, maybe I’m being uptight and a jerk to someone who is just trying to be a good friend.”
9. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Be My Brother-In-Law's Full-Time Carer?
“I (24f) have been with my husband (24m) for 4 years, married for almost 2. We have 2 children under three and are currently living with my in-laws while we settle back into our home state.
Since the beginning of our relationship, my husband has made it clear that he wants to care for his brother (21m) when his parents get to the point of not being able to.
I’m perfectly fine with this, and I always have been. It has always been a matter of what we are capable of doing, based on his needs.
My BIL has various… issues, and that’s the most I can say about it. This is because neither my husband nor I have been told anything about what issues there are, what care he would require, and what my in-laws want for him.
The following is what we have observed in living with him, as well as my husband’s recollection of his childhood. We know this isn’t the full scope, and asking his parents has proven fruitless.
To the best of my knowledge, he operates in the mental space of a 12-13-year-old. He does nothing around the house, nor is he expected to.
Basic hygiene is… no. I could go into detail, but it’s too much.
My in-laws have been discussing the fact that within the next year or so, we are going to need to start stepping up with BIL, and I want to refuse. Not for anything other than they keep saying they’ll teach him some independence beforehand, but nothing is done to help him.
If anything, we are expected to give him everything, no questions asked. And I mean everything.
My husband and I have discussed at length what we do if he has no growth by the time we take on his care, and we can’t do that and raise our kids the way we need to. It hurts both of us to even say that, and I know he’s gonna be hurt the most if we don’t.
But I also feel like we are being expected of too much. My sister says that if we outright refuse, we are being jerks to him, as he can’t help it.
If he grows and gains independence before this, we are gonna take him in, but as it stands now, would we be the jerks if we refuse?
ETA: a couple of things…
- Hubby and I were in college when we started going out, had no kids, and didn’t plan on them for a few years. Plans got fast-forwarded, LOL.
- My sister is concerned that BIL won’t understand why we are refusing, and that will hurt him more. She knows the whole situation, and she’s been working with us (as has my mom) to try and figure things out on our end to make it work.
- My sister is NOT saying we take my BIL in no matter what. She is worried that by us refusing, he will be hurt emotionally because he doesn’t know what’s going on. She is helping us figure out the best course of action, but is keenly aware that as this is not his fault it’s happening, he might just see it as us refusing him.”
8. AITJ For Being Grossed Out By My Significant Other's Bug Interest?
“So, my (m19) significant other (m18) is really into Entomology and bugs, and stuff. He goes to school or something for it. He’s always had a thing for bugs and we both have Autism so I understand it’s not a thing he can control. That’s okay, he’s really cute and loves talking about it, I always listen to him since he knows a lot about it.
For the past year or so, he’s had a like, big fixation on flies in particular. Didn’t bother me any. He was pretty weird about me killing flies in our flat (we have three cats) and that didn’t bother me since he was always like that about spiders too. Recently though he heard about botfly birthing? He told me about it and asked me what I thought, and I was basically like, ‘Whatever floats their boat,’ and let him keep talking.
Fast forward a bit and he gets this massive welt on his leg. I’m obviously worried about it but he just brushes it off and says ‘Oh I’ve had MRSA/Staph infection in the past this is nothing! Haha,’ which I understand. He had MRSA just recently and recovered quickly so he had some meds leftover. He just took those.
Fast forward a bit more and he RUNS into my room overjoyed with a fly larva in his hand and blood pouring down his leg. And he’s like. ‘Babe look! It’s my baby botfly!’ And I’m BAFFLED. I can’t even bring myself to laugh because, I don’t know if I need to explain WHY? I obviously rush him out of the room so I can help take care of the wound on his leg before he bleeds out.
I don’t really remember where it went from here. I was really overwhelmed and forgot just about everything. I’m really grossed out by this and don’t know what to do. The thought of it grossed me out. I had slept with him while he had a fly larva in his leg? I don’t know what to feel.
I feel like a jerk because of how grossed out I am but I’m mad. He kicked me out of our flat for not accepting that it happened and I’m staying with our mutual friend right now. She says he’s being weird about my reaction but I’m doubting myself. We’ve been together for years and I don’t want a botfly to end our relationship. But I made the ultimatum(??) that he had to get rid of the stupid fly or I’m not coming back. He hasn’t responded to me.
Am I the jerk for that reaction?”
7. AITJ For Refusing To Work Overtime Without Pay For My Supervisor?
“So I (30f) work at a big grocery store (not in the USA).
Recently we got two new managers (I’m not sure if that is actually their title but they are my superior). They seemed nice but I quickly started to notice a pattern.
At the closing shift, once we finish our work and it is our scheduled time to leave/past the time, we can go home, but both of these new managers have asked us to wait for them saying stuff like ‘Oh you’re just going to leave me here alone? You’re not going to help out a colleague?’ I can’t really help them anyway cus they are doing management stuff but to be honest, even if I could, I want to go home and I’m not paid overtime at my work.
At first, I waited for them (literally just stood, waiting seeing how I couldn’t help) because they were new and figured they were just trying to adjust. But it continued and I was tired of leaving late so the next time I did the closing shift, I finished my work, and helped my other colleagues, then when it came time to leave, I told my manager I was leaving.
He again started the guilt trip. ‘Oh you’re leaving me? Why don’t you wait for me.’ etc, so I told him that it was not my problem that he is running late, and that if he couldn’t handle the extra workload he should have thought about that before accepting the extra pay (they get paid almost double than me) and I left.
The next day I found out he had been commenting with other colleagues about what I said and one of them came to me to tell me that that wasn’t nice, they have a lot of work (which is true, but still, not my problem) and I should just be a team player.
So AITJ? I really don’t feel like I am, but I must admit when I’m annoyed I can be a little jerky.
- There is no clock-in/clock-out system other than a sheet with our schedule handwritten on it which we have to sign.
- There is no overtime pay, at most they can ‘owe’ you time, as in if I stay an hour later one day then they can take an hour of another, but it does have to reach close to an hour. I’ve never stayed more than 30min past my time.
- There is no HR.
- It is a pretty big chain store, having multiple stores in my country and in other countries too. There are even stores in America.
- It isn’t only me that he is asking to stay, it’s the whole night team.”
6. AITJ For Not Wanting A Relationship With My Stepmom?
“I (m17) am not a fan of my stepmom. I understand she’s an adult and I show her the respect that I need to. Other than that I’ve tried to avoid her for the last 5 years. I try to maintain as minimum of a relationship with her as I can. My dad has talked to me about this and I refuse to change.
She’s a lovely woman and I respect her but I have a mom and even though she’s dead she’s still my mom.
She tries really hard to get me to do stuff with her like go to sports games or go to movies with her. I respectfully decline and mind my own business. I usually skip out on group ‘family’ activities and just hang out in my room and read.
This drives my dad nuts since I’m the only one of 3 kids not participating. I always tell him I’m not bothering anyone by chilling in my room and reading or watching Netflix. I don’t like participating because I don’t wanna play happy family with people I’m not close to. Also, it’s painful doing a family activity without my mom.
My dad tries to say that my stepsiblings are dealing with the same feelings. But they honestly aren’t they have a mom and a dad.
Yesterday my stepmom offered to take me out for dinner and I declined. She completely broke down crying. I was shocked and she explained how hard she’s trying to be a mother to me and that all I do is push her away.
I responded by letting her know that I don’t want that and that I already had a mother. She said that she really cares about me and I just treat her like garbage.
We argued for a while and my dad walked in on us and told me to get out of the house until he told me I can come back.
Keep in mind we rarely fight so my dad took it very seriously. When I got back he took away the door to my room, my Xbox (which I paid for with my own wages), and my laptop (which I also paid for) which I need for school. I especially need it because I have an online final for school next week and all of the review material is online.
He knows this and that made me mad.
I knew where he hid my laptop and grabbed it along with a few pieces of clothing and left. I drove to my grandma’s and explained what happened. She said that I’m free to stay with her as long as I want but no matter what I need to acknowledge that I’ve been acting like a jerk to my stepmom. I don’t think I’m acting like a jerk. I think I’ve made it clear I don’t want a relationship with her and no one respects that. I’m planning on staying with her until Wednesday so I can use my laptop for the online final without fear of it getting taken.
5. AITJ For Not supporting My Wife In Punishing Our Daughter?
“My (43M) dad (64M) used to love taking us on adventures as kids, but he’s slowed down recently. He still loves spending time with my daughter (12F). Okay, so Dad decided to introduce my daughter to his favorite childhood shows, and for whatever reason, SHE. LOVES. THEM. Star Trek, Bonanza, the Andy Griffith Show, all of it.
She’s hooked. She thinks it’s all fantastic.
Okay, fun fact about my daughter, she loves googling ‘fun facts.’ Her favorite phrase is ‘Did you know?’ Like we’ll drive past a sign saying we’re x miles from some location and she whips out that phone and is like ‘Did you know x location is the salamander capital of the world?’ It’s really cute and annoying at the same time.
So last week she comes downstairs and says ‘Did you know ABC made Burt Ward take pills to shrink his privates?’ Totally deadpan. Didn’t even crack. When I tell you, I WHEEZED. She showed me the article, and yep, they did. The 60s, what a time. My wife was mad. She told our daughter to never use that word or we were going to wash her mouth out with soap (empty threat).
My daughter pouted and went about her day.
The next day, she told Dad, who didn’t believe her at first and then absolutely lost it when he read the article she pulled up. I can’t remember the last time I saw him laugh that hard. My wife came out, heard what the commotion was about, and told our daughter if she brought it up again, she was in big trouble.
Well today, one of my wife’s friends called while the girls were having a playdate and you’ll never guess what my daughter did. You’ll never guess in a million years. Go on. Guess. Yeah, she told the story to her little friend, who also thought it was hilarious. Mother did NOT.
My wife is furious now and says we need to come up with a punishment.
I don’t want to punish her. I think if we stop making a big deal about it, she’ll get bored of it eventually. My wife’s argument is that she’s doing it for attention. Duh. She’s twelve. But she’s gonna learn about this stuff in health class soon anyway. Might as well get the giggles out of her system now.
AITJ for not supporting my wife and dragging my heels on punishing my daughter? My wife says even if I’m right, we at least need to punish her for disobeying us. I say, the harder we come down, the more she will push back.”
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Dad's New Partner To My Mom's Get-Together Event?
“My (30F) dad (60M) and mom (57F) have been divorced for 28 years. After a lot of hard years, they have forgiven each other and are now friends. My 2 brothers and I and our families (spouses and kids) are able to do a lot of family activities together with both our parents without it being awkward.
My mom plans and pays for a family reunion once a year and we get a big Airbnb. We usually invite my dad because he has never remarried and it’s easier to do one big get-together and he comes along. He recently got a partner who doesn’t speak any English and the only way they communicate is by using a handheld translator.
I have met her a few times and it’s awkward! Because I can’t even make small talk just hand gestures.
My brothers and I have decided not to invite him because we don’t want him to bring her and have it be awkward for her and us. Imagine being in a house with your partner’s ex and you can’t speak with anyone.
I’m thinking of her. But also us, it’s really awkward. My dad tries to push her on our kids and have them hug her and try to talk to her. We just aren’t comfortable with it yet. He found out we didn’t invite him today and he freaked out! I said we will have to plan our own reunion because this is Mom’s thing and it would be awkward with his partner.
He freaked out and said he was done and to tell my brothers to get lost! He thinks none of us understand that he has been single for so long and says that we should just be happy for him.
AITJ for not sucking it up and inviting my dad and his partner? Even though it’s my mom’s reunion that she had planned. Any advice?”
3. WIBTJ If I Tell My Daughter's Partner That She's Questioning Their Relationship?
“So my (F47) daughter ‘Beth’ (24F) has been with ‘Robin’ (24M) for about 4 years. They have known each other since childhood, became very close in high school, and early into adulthood began going out. I’ve also worked with Robin’s mom for many years and we all happen to live close. This relationship has been pretty serious or so I thought until today, and Robin has even mentioned the idea of marrying Beth and I have given him my blessing (not that he was going to do it real soon or anything, just brought it up at one point in the conversation that he thinks she is the one).
Well, today Beth was visiting in the morning. We were talking in the dining room and at one point she went to the bathroom. I didn’t even notice her phone was still at the table until her screen turned on with a notification while I was near it cleaning the table. It was for a message on one of those apps to meet people romantically.
I actually used the app myself a few years ago so I noticed right away and my heart sank. I took a picture of the notification and I confronted her with it when she came back. Beth looked really surprised and said that was private but she was in an open relationship with Robin. I knew this couldn’t be true so I called her bluff by saying ‘Oh, so if I message Robin or his mother about it they would confirm that?’ and she screamed don’t do that and broke down.
When she regained her composure, she tells me that for a few months now Robin has been talking more about their future together (I guess marriage and moving in and whatnot) and it was around that time she realized that she didn’t want to marry him or deal with commitment, so she turned to meeting people online.
She has been playing along with his talks about the future because she couldn’t bring her honest thoughts up and because I, friends, and family always talk about how great of a couple they are so she feels very pressured.
I was totally floored by this. I told her that what she is doing is wrong and incredibly unfair to Robin, and she needed to tell him the truth.
Beth said no, and when I asked why not she said that there is still a possibility she might change her mind and settle for him. The word ‘settle’ really angered me because I know Robin is a very good guy and I can’t wrap around her reasoning to do this so I tell her if she can’t tell him what is going on then I will have to.
She got very defensive and threatened to never see or speak to me again as this would ruin her life, and after some more back and forth on this she stormed out, demanding that I back off and never speak about this on the way.
I’ve considered sending Robin the snapshot, saying I feel like it’s something he needs to know, and letting him act on it how he prefers. I just want to know if this is the morally right thing to do or something I may regret.”
2. WIBTJ If I Invite My Wife's Coworkers Over For Dinner?
“So I (39M) am a stay-at-home father and my wife (30F) works in an engineering firm. My wife is always complaining to me about how hard it is being the only woman in her department and how difficult some of her colleagues are. My wife also says a lot about how horrible her boss is to her and how he treats her differently.
She spends a lot of time on the internet in groups discussing this sort of thing with other women, coining buzzwords, and venting. I’ve always held the personal belief that they can’t be that bad and that she is probably exaggerating for the sake of the groups she is in online.
At the end of last year, I tagged along with my wife to her office’s annual Christmas party.
It was held at the city museum. It was there that my wife introduced me to her colleagues and seniors. They seemed like very nice people and we bonded over some mutual interests (golfing). After the party, I pointed out to my wife that they seemed not too bad but she told me that I wouldn’t understand, which seemed a bit condescending to me.
I ignored her comment and said that I would like to get to know them a bit more and maybe make up my own mind.
Two days ago, I went golfing at the local range and ran into a few of them there. We caught up over a few beers and I mentioned to them that they should come over to our house for dinner.
I was telling my wife about this and put out the option of inviting a few of them over. She went nuts. She told me that I was intentionally doing this to push her buttons and that I was inconsiderate of her feelings. I calmly replied that I just feel like she was being too harsh on them. She asked me about the hypothetical preparations for the hypothetical dinner, and when I told her that it would be both of our responsibilities, she left to go to her auntie’s place. Her auntie has now been blowing up my phone.
1. AITJ For Not Paying My Brother Back?
“About 10 years ago my brother (Seth) gave me 12,000 dollars.
I had a very bad gambling problem and took funds out of my other brother’s (Carter) shop (about 10K $)
I gambled everything away. So right after that I called Seth and begged him to help me.
Seth took a loan for 12,000 dollars so I could pay Carter back, and Seth gave me the 2000 dollars extra and to start therapy to fix my gambling problem.
He was really chill about it until he began to plan his wedding.
All of a sudden my mother started to pressure me to pay him back as soon as possible because he was getting married and needed the funds. My brother didn’t ask.
Then the global crisis hit and his work hours got cut back. He began to ask me to pay him back slowly and that he knew the crisis hit everyone hard but that he needed the funds back.
I paid him back 2000 dollars but then I had to get myself a new car because my wife had a promotion and started to work in another part of the city and needed our car to get to work.
One year after the global crisis, they moved to another apartment and then he began to pressure me that I need to pay him back as soon as possible.
I wanted to pay him back but my wife surprised me with a vacation for my birthday. Then I had to buy another car because my first car broke down. Seth confronted me about the car and I told him that my FIL paid for it.
Seth’s wife organized a small surprise bbq for him and invited us too.
After the bbq, we told my brother about the vacation for my birthday, and Seth and his wife started acting weird after that. They were avoiding eye contact and when we left they were cold. I thought that was very rude.
After the barbecue, his wife texts me about how she wishes us a nice vacation and how she wonders if they have to sue us for the funds.
She goes on about how my brother works three jobs. So first of all my job is very hard too and how dare she suggest suing me?! I mean who is she?!
And I helped my brother out many times. When we were on vacation his wife drove my car because car driving causes her panic attacks so she wanted to try driving a small car.
I never asked them for gas money then, and my brother drove my car a few times too!
I bought him an Apple TV as a birthday present and I helped him move!!
I called him right after she texted me, and told him that if his finances are tight he shouldn’t have moved in the middle of a global crisis and that he shouldn’t have bought a 700$ TV.
Then he starts telling me that he gave me 12K and only asks back for 10K and he doesn’t even add the interest he paid the bank into that. Frankly, I didn’t ask him to give 12K.
He got really mad and now he isn’t talking to me, and neither is his wife.
My mom urges me to apologize but I just don’t see the point. Helping is mutual and I really don’t appreciate them urging me like that and acting like I never helped them. And I am really mad at his wife for getting between us. AITJ?”