People Hope For Positive Reactions To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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When we're in a situation where people are saying we're jerks, and we are aware that we have a good reason for what we had to do, we are forced to either just let it pass or stand up for ourselves, even if their stories and reasons for hating us are often one-sided. Here are some stories from folks who are trying to figure out if they really are jerks. Tell us who you think is the real jerk as you read on. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

18. AITJ For Not Helping My Neighbor With Their Frozen Wipers?

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“I (59M) live in a major city in Ontario, Canada. I live in a small subdivision and have 5 neighbors total on my street.

For the past few years during the winter when we’re getting a lot of snow or bad storms, as I’m leaving for my overnight shift at around 8-9 pm I’ll put my wife’s windshield wipers up on her car and do a quick walk around to my other 5 neighbors and put their windshield wipers up on their cars (obviously not if they’re outside or something, but if it looks like they’re in for the night).

Many of them forget to do this, as many of them have children and it typically slips their minds, and their wipers will be frozen in their car in the morning.

It’s just something nice I like to do to look out for my neighbors.

They’re all always grateful for this and thank me for it. Many of them started doing it too and there will be nights when I’ll forget to put my mine and my wife’s up, and in the morning one of the neighbors has done it for us.

Anyway, recently one of our neighbors moved and a new family moved in last week. It’s a young couple and their two young children. The other night I was leaving for my overnight shift at around 9 pm. It was snowing really heavily and we were supposed to be getting almost 30cm of snow and it was FREEZING out.

So I put my wife’s wipers up and do my usual quick walk around to the other neighbors.

I was hesitant when I reached my new neighbor’s house, as I’d only introduced myself once, but did it anyway. As I was putting the second wiper up on their pickup truck the husband came charging out of his front door yelling ‘HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY TRUCK?’ I tried to explain to him I was just putting his wipers up to help him.

He continued to scream at me to ‘get off my property and don’t touch my things AGAIN!’ The wife then came out and started yelling at me too. I apologized and started walking away. Some of my other neighbors heard the commotion and came outside to see what was happening.

They tried explaining to him too that it’s just something we do, but both of them weren’t having it.

Fast forward to this morning, I’m arriving home from my overnight shift, and as I’m walking in I see the wife of this couple struggling outside to break the ice off the windshield wipers of the truck.

Guess she was trying to take her kids to school and the wipers were frozen solid on the car.

She sees me and yells over ‘Hey there! Do you mind giving me a hand please?’ I look over to her and yell back ‘No sorry, thought I was to never touch your things again ma’am’ and walked back inside.

She yelled back at me ‘Wow jerk!’

Told my wife about this, she thinks I should’ve helped her because she was just trying to get her kids to school. I disagree as I was just following what they told me. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Their reaction was extreme, but not everyone is used to living in a neighborhood where people help each other out this way. They may also be new to living in a climate where putting up the wipers is necessary. They are new to the area, it was dark, the weather was bad, and they have kids in the house – I can kind of understand them being upset to find a stranger on their property touching their vehicle late at night.

I can even see how the rest of your neighbors coming over to argue with them in your defense may not have helped at that moment.

That being said, she should have been able to put 2 and 2 together the next morning when her windshield wipers were frozen to the windshield and everyone else’s were up.

She had a lot of nerve to ask for your help without first apologizing for her reaction the night before (or at least saying something to clear the air).” Forward_Squirrel8879

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I can understand the man’s initial reaction; it’s late, and some person you can’t identify/don’t know/barely know is fiddling with your truck.

But the second you explained you’re a neighbor and that you’re putting up the windshield wipers because it’s going to be freezing, I would immediately apologize and be like ‘ok’ and explain why I was upset.

The woman the next day merely called you a jerk because she was upset that you were right about the windshield wipers.

She was embarrassed, probably realized she made a fool of herself, and it’s easier for her to be angry at you than at herself.

Bear in mind, though, your reaction to helping her in the morning had almost guaranteed you will not be friends with this neighbor.

LOL.” geckobrother

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s the consequences of their own actions. If they weren’t jerks and let you help them before there was an issue, and if they didn’t yell at the whole neighborhood, they would not have had this issue. You had time the night before to help your neighbors quickly, you did not have the time or energy to help them the next morning after they essentially glued their wipers to the windscreen.

Be aware that this is not the only time they’re going to have problems. Tell all your neighbors to keep an eye out. My petty, black heart immediately thought ‘If it was me, and I was a jerk that can’t hold myself responsible for my own actions, I’d go out late at night and put all the wipers back down.'” Natural_Garbage7674

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stargazer228 1 year ago
NTJ... These fools did it to themselves.
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17. AITJ For Breaking Off From My Family At The Amusement Park?

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“I (26F) am currently on vacation with my siblings and their families and our parents, and my husband (26M) and our kids (8M, 8F, 6M, 3F). We are going on a cruise tomorrow and decided to vacation in the departure city for a few days before the ship leaves.

Yesterday, we went to an amusement park and things were going fine until lunch.

My sister Laura (33F) has 7 kids (14M, 13M, 11F, 9F, 7M, 5M + 3F) with her husband (33M). Her oldest son, Jude, is openly gay, he is very feminine and stereotypically gay, but we don’t have an issue with that.

However, Jude tends to use his sexuality to excuse bad behavior, most notably his pretty blatant misogyny. Most of Jude’s friends are girls and I’ve overheard him + his friends shame girls in his grade for being in relationships before.

My sister’s 13-year-old, Heston, has complete opposite interests, he’s the sporty one, and as far as I know, he hasn’t said anything wrong or bigoted, he’s a nice kid.

Heston is also starting to talk more + more about the girls he likes. Heston was showing some photos of girls he likes to the table while we were at lunch. Jude saw the girls and he kept making remarks on what the girls were wearing including calling them sexist names, mocking the girls for their hobbies such as sports, and mocking their weights.

I tried telling him to stop a few times and he wouldn’t, saying that I was only ‘offended because it was true’. When Heston was getting visibly upset, I pulled Laura aside to talk to her and when I did she said Jude couldn’t be sexist because he was gay and how his friends have said he’s ‘basically one of the girls’.

As soon as lunch was over, I told my family that I needed a break and we went to a different part of the park for the rest of the day. I specifically told the table it was because Jude was being disgusting and I asked him if he was this much of a bully at school.

When we got back to the hotel, a few of my siblings, including Laura, started to argue with me about if what I did was ok, they said that I was in the wrong both for breaking off and for the comments I made to Jude.

Laura continued to defend Jude, saying he was a good kid who was just voicing his own views, and some of our siblings agreed with her, but some were saying I was in the right and Jude went too far. Later that night, Heston came into our room and thanked me, saying he wishes he spoke up, and then asked me for some advice on girls.

Laura is also mad that I gave him advice on girls, but he’s a sweet kid and I know any girl would be lucky to have him. Laura said it was ‘disrespectful’ to her authority. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Definitely NTJ. That is horrible behavior and I wouldn’t want to be near it either, nor anyone who supported it.

Frankly, I think it’s awesome that Heston was able to recognize what you did for him and to come thank you and I’m so glad he was able to ask you for advice. It sounds like he needs real adult support while he’s at a confusing age, so I encourage you to keep loving on him and mentoring him.

It’s healthy for kids to have adult mentors outside of their parents, especially during their teen years, and it’s a downright necessity if their parents are as unsupportive as your sister. So don’t take your sister’s comments about you overstepping her authority to heart. Helping Heston develop in a healthy and loving manner is more important than avoiding offending someone whose priorities are so skewed.

Good luck on the rest of your vacation…” BallantineTheBard

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Being gay is not a license to be a bully, a jerk, or a misogynist. He clearly watches too much tv where gay stereotypes are promoted. Quite honestly most of the gay men I know are strong, masculine, and beyond kind and considerate.

It sounds like your nephew is overlooked and undervalued. The fact that he reached out to you proves that. Please continue supporting him as I suspect this won’t be the last time.

As for your sister, simply tell her that you will not spend time in the company of bullies and that you were only speaking your truth to Jude, who seems to be in favor of saying it like it is.

I may be inadvertently showing how old I am here but what’s good for the goose is good for the gander!” ElectricalGeneral721

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, he IS a bully and it’s good you called it out since his parents obviously won’t. I think there’s a fair chance Heston didn’t speak up because he knew he’d get mowed down and the parents would help.

Being gay does not excuse him to tear girls down by their appearance. ‘He’s one of the girls’. Even if he was actually a physical girl he would still be in the wrong. Bullying is bullying regardless of gender and sexuality.

As for leaving the pack, that’s what you’re supposed to do or at least that’s the advice I always got.

If a bully won’t stop, walk away. An awesome lesson you taught your kids too. Speak up, walk away, and find your happiness elsewhere. I hope they remember this. I’m happy for Heston too now that he knows he has an ally in you. Good job Mom/auntie.” PoeGirl1135

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Ninastid 1 year ago
Being gay does not give you the right to be a bully say definitely NTJ
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16. AITJ For Having A Dry Wedding Despite Upsetting Some People?

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“My fiance (34m) and I (27f) are getting married next year. We’re running into some issues with certain members of my family about our request for no booze at the wedding or reception.

My fiance and I are recovering addicts and we both have had problems with substances and drinking in the past. Because of this, we have opted for a dry wedding. We also are asking our guests to not bring their own booze either.

Because of our past with substance abuse, I get nervous around booze because I want to keep myself in check but it causes me a lot of anxiety to know there’s booze around.

Some of my family is really pressed about this request and they are mad and saying that I’m trying to tell them they can’t have a good time. I get they wanna have fun but being surrounded by wasted people at my wedding doesn’t sound fun to me.

To be clear, I never said they couldn’t go out and drink before the reception starts. I just prefer it to not be on the premises.

I feel like I have to right to be comfortable at my own wedding even if it means my family can’t drink for 2 hours of their lives.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – as a peer recovery counselor, I want to remind you that it’s okay to not have booze at events. It is also okay to not invite people who will be unhealthy to your continuing recovery. It always is a red flag when a person has a mindset that they cannot have fun without drinking.

If you have a sponsor or go to AA/NA, you may think about inviting some of the people you have become close with to share your day with you – and also give them a fair warning if you believe anything could be smuggled in.

Another thing you may think of is having friends or family that you trust that do not struggle with sobriety pay extra attention to what is going on in case something is smuggled in. Do not be afraid to kick anyone out or even have security.

This is your day and not theirs. If they are only coming to get wasted, they are not there for you.” Correct_Strategy_633

Another User Comments:

“Say dry wedding on the invite and go as far as having security at the door and make sure no one brings in booze.

The people that scream the loudest about it are most likely to bring in a flask or a bottle of their own. You have the absolute right to put your sobriety first, you wouldn’t have the wedding without that sobriety. If they’re complaining that they can’t have fun without getting wasted, give them a choice either have a crappy time with no booze at my wedding or get wasted and have the best time of your life somewhere else.

NTJ.” Expensive-Excuse-625

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Even without your reasoning, you will still not be the jerk. It’s your wedding. Not your family’s. Your reasoning does however make the family members who are pushing against it look like extreme jerks. If they don’t like it then they don’t need to attend.

End of story.

Your wedding is about you and your spouse. It’s a celebration of your love, commitment, and the start of your life together. Your wedding is NOT about making sure all of your guests get to party the way they want to.

If anyone says anything to you, I would reply with: ‘Our wedding is to our tastes. Not to our guests’. If you choose to not support us, and celebrate our love because you can’t do that without booze, we completely understand. Please just RSVP unable to attend by the date on your card.'” CatmoCatmo

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kbeaudway 1 year ago
Your guests are celebrating your wedding, not going out clubbing. If they can't have fun without drinking, they also have a substance jerk problem. Knowing your history, I can't even believe they have the nerve to object. Your choice is incredibly responsible and self-aware. If they can't support that, then they've really failed you.
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15. AITJ For Not Inviting My Evil Stepmom To My Wedding?

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“My (31M) Dad had an affair with our neighbor (and my Mom’s best friend) when I was about 7 years old.

They insist on lying saying they didn’t know each other before their previous respective marriages ended. My Dad lied about his earnings so my Mom got the barest minimum possible child support.

He asked for my college class schedule ‘so he could visit and have lunch with me’ but turned around and gave it to his lawyer to prove I was over 18 and not enrolled full-time to end support. All this to say – my Dad is hardly blameless but he is still my Dad.

We play hockey every week together in the same beer league and I remember that he never missed a game/event when I was a kid. He drives 2 hrs round trip to pick my little sister and me up from school to only drive us back to my Mom’s a couple of hours later.

His wife… to put it simply I despise her. She hasn’t worked since she was 16, doesn’t volunteer, and just sits around watching Oprah or WE.

About 8 years ago my then-partner and I broke up and I was going to be homeless. My Dad let me move into their condo.

I was on a futon in his office but I was very grateful. I paid market rent on time every month. His wife never made me feel welcome. I could work a double shift at the hospital (I did patient transport), pass out at 6 am and she would be vacuuming by 7:30 am.

If I came home after an afternoon shift (usually around 6 pm) she would have made dinner for the two of them and not made enough for me to have leftovers.

My Dad had unrealistic expectations of how quickly I would move out. In most places in my area, you have about a 3-month waiting period between applying for the apartment and actually moving in.

But he seemed to think it would only take a couple of weeks. To be clear, when I moved in he told me I could stay as long as I needed.

To the point: my now fiance and I are getting married. I do not under any circumstances want his wife there.

I put up with her at hockey, holidays, family BBQs, etc because she makes him happy, but I think I should be allowed this selfish ‘it’s my wedding day’ moment.

I invited my Dad out to breakfast to let him know that the invitation would only be addressed to him and that she was not invited. He blew up saying he ‘couldn’t believe it’ and ‘How will it look if he comes without her?!’ I stood firm and reiterated the decision is final. A bunch of guys from the hockey team are invited as well as his brother and kids (my uncle and cousins) so it’s not as if he will have no one he knows there.

He told another guy on the team about it and he called me a jerk. That he spends time with his mother’s abusive/heavy drinking partner to make her happy and insinuated I should do the same.

In my opinion, it’s selfish and disrespectful of my Dad to ask me to have someone I so greatly dislike at my wedding.

He says I’m disrespectful because ‘she helped raise me’ and ‘this puts him in a bad position.’

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Generally, spouses need to be invited together, but she has been rather nasty to you over the years, and she did have no problem breaking your family apart by sleeping with a married man.

Though that last problem applies double to your dad, who is directly responsible for breaking his oath to your mother and his duty to you. I personally wouldn’t be inviting him either and would tell him if he asked that I wanted only those who respected their marriage vows to attend while I took mine – adulterers detract from the solemnity of a wedding by reminding all of those present who know them what a mockery they themselves made of the institution.” Katja1236

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. It is your wedding so technically you can invite whoever you want. And your stepmom doesn’t sound like a good person. But you ‘tolerated’ your stepmom when you were homeless and willing to live under the same roof as her, evidently for a much longer period than your dad and she planned on.

And while your dad did the easy job of showing up at your games and some chauffeuring around when you were small, as an adult he just sounds like a guy you play hockey and drink beer with.

Is he any different than anybody else on your team?

Plus he treated your mom – who raised you – like crap – and screwed you out of financial support in college. I gotta tell you that your stepmother sounds no worse than your dad and if you are ok having someone like him at your wedding, not sure why you care if he brings his wife.

How does your mom feel about all of this? Your dad is a rotten dad, your stepmom is self-absorbed and lazy and you seem to be pretty immature. The only one I feel badly for is your mom. How does she feel about having her lying ex who screwed her and her kids out of financial support and his wife at the wedding?” introspectiveliar

Another User Comments:

“So, you’re NTJ for not inviting your stepmother. It’s your wedding and you don’t have to invite people you don’t like or are uncomfortable around.

But, I mean, you are a jerk for thinking she’s worse than your father whom you are inviting.

Your father broke his vows to your mother by having an affair, then he screwed your mother (and by proxy, you and your sister) over repeatedly. You described him coming to pick you and your sister up several hours away as an example of him not being horrible, except he did so after making sure he paid as little as humanely possible by law to actually take care of you.

Your mother was left with the majority of the financial burden on top of the physical one, and as SOON as he could prove it, your father most likely paid more to an attorney to stop paying you child support so that he could, once again, screw your mother over.” KimChiDiva

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, your dad and stepmom for obvious reasons. It’s your wedding, you can invite whoever you want. But you’re also the jerk because you continue to support and hang around your dad, who has done nothing but screw your family over.

I don’t understand why you’re so forgiving of your father but you hate your stepmom so much. You don’t think he’s aware of how she treats you? He knows and allows it, and encourages it based on ‘allowing you to live with him but at market rent’.

How nice of him to allow you to be his tenant. Just move on and be done with the both of them.” BigNathaniel69

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CG1 1 year ago
I can't believe you even want a Relationship with Your Father after what he did to you and your mother ..He Lied About The Reason To Have Your College Schedule To Have Lunch With You BUT GAVE IT TO HIS LAWYER FOR CHILD SUPPORT INFORMATION!!!???? Your father did you Dirty and you still want him around like WTF !!??
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14. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Think About Her Family?

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“My wife has a niece (18) whose family is an absolute crap show. Her mom is crazy and her dad’s family wants nothing to do with her so she was raised by her grandparents. When she was 16 her grandparents moved into assisted living and her dad’s family bought her a house maybe 15 minutes from us.

This kid’s house is huge. It’s 5 bedrooms, 7 baths, close to 4,000 square feet, and has an amazing backyard. They bought her a car and pay for her college and she gets a monthly allowance from them that covers all of her expenses, plus a few hundred every month.

She didn’t want to live alone so she asked if we (me, my wife, and 2 kids, 2 and 4f) wanted to move in, rent-free. My wife wanted to say yes but I didn’t want the extra 15-minute commute. We argued for months over this because the house is in a better school district and not renting could save us a lot of money but it’s not like we’re struggling financially.

We’re probably going to buy a house next year. My wife and kids still spent/spend hours every day at that house and she gave her niece a key to our house.

My wife’s/her niece’s family is chaotic. My wife doesn’t speak to most of them but her niece does.

Last week her niece showed up after a particularly stressful family dinner and my wife kept giving her wine while she ranted about how horrible the family is. Soon enough an entire bottle was gone and my wife’s niece was too wasted to drive herself home.

My wife said she was going to drive her niece home, make sure she was okay, and Uber home. After being at niece’s house for maybe a half hour, she texted again and said she was going to spend the night. I tried to remind her that she has a family here that she has to think of but she said she can’t leave her niece alone right now and said that she would’ve been able to take care of her niece and her kids if I would’ve agreed to move in with her niece.

She ended up not coming home until noon the next day, leaving me to take care of the kids all morning. I said she was being selfish and she has to think of her family and not just her niece but my wife thinks I’m heartless for expecting her ‘barely 18’ (she turned 18 4 months ago) niece to deal with everything alone.

AITJ for saying my wife needs to think of her family and not just her niece?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Your wife cares about this girl, but you don’t, and just like her father’s family, you don’t want anything to do with her. Now, she may be a hot mess, and we aren’t obligated to make room in our lives for everyone with a sob story, so not wanting to deal with her or the drama does not per se make you the jerk, because we all have our limits.

I can understand your not wanting to move in because that is a 24/7/365 obligation, and it would be a lot harder for you to set boundaries about what YOU are willing to do/tolerate.

But, not only do you not want to make room in your own life, it seems like you’re jealous of your wife, who DOES want to (and maybe needs to) make room in HER life for this girl.

They each understand the trauma of growing up in that family, and they may really need each other. But this isn’t all about avoiding drama, because you’re quite willing to create drama in your own family to get what you want, by trying to manipulate your wife and make her feel guilty for ‘not thinking of her family’ when she spent one evening taking care of her niece.

She is not the selfish person in this relationship at this point. Your wife is not an extension of you. She has the right to spend time with people other than you and your children, and you can take care of/keep an eye on the kids once in a while.

Now if this became a nightly event, it might be different, but at this point, it falls under the heading of your wife having a separate self while being married.” NotWithoutHopeYet

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Do any of you really believe that there wouldn’t be strings attached to living in that house?

Niece could rescind the offer at any point, her family might object… any number of things. This could leave them homeless. Especially since the niece sounds immature.

Not sure if this is based in America, but I thought the age of drinking was 21. If so, your wife should not be participating in getting your niece wasted. That is not a responsible environment for your children to grow up in.

Especially with your wife enabling your niece.

Quite a few red flags.

To play Devil’s advocate, I don’t agree with you resenting your wife for spending time with her niece. However, you are right to question the house move. If you do decide to go down this avenue, I would want something in writing so that you can’t be kicked out unfairly.

Protect your family/children first and foremost.” confused-88

Another User Comments:

“Everything your wife does is think about family, raising children, taking care of her niece, fighting to get her kids into better schools.

All you do is avoid taking care of family – selling out your kids’ future for 15 minutes less commute, getting upset when you have to take care of them for half a day, letting 18 yo niece live by herself, and in general doing anything to ignore her and make your wife ignore her too.

You are in no position to tell your wife to ‘think of family’. You don’t even know what it means. I think you think it means ‘ignore all family members and think only about me and my needs’. You don’t hold a candle to her and think you can tell her how to be.

You are so a jerk, and a sorry excuse for a partner, father, or uncle. Hopefully, your wife realizes that and gets divorced and moves into her niece’s house, where she can think of family without you getting in the way – make sure her kids get the best education possible and her niece is taken care of.

And you can buy a house next to your workplace where you can think about ‘family’ – yourself, yourself and yourself – all you want.” KittiesLove1

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

So you missed the opportunity to save for a house faster and live in a great house and school district for your kids because of a 15-minute drive?

And you are on here telling your wife to think of her family?

You also can’t take care of your kids for one morning?

So your wife can’t take one night/morning to help out a family member without it damaging her family? That’s not how the world works.

You two are partners, meaning she should be able to step away for a night to be social, sit with a sad friend, etc. You should be able to do the same. Her niece is also family and even if she wasn’t, your wife can have other relationships that take time away from her children for a few hours, both planned and unplanned.

Hopefully, your wife takes the kids and just moves in with her niece and they all have a great life together. That way you won’t have to spend any time parenting your own children or worry about the commute.” mfruitfly

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ashbabyyyy 1 year ago
Oh no! Did poor dad have to watch his own kids until NOON?! The horror! You’re a huge jackass. YOU didn’t want to driven15 more minutes despite the fact that your kids would be at betters schools? You’re selfish and useless.
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13. AITJ For Not Letting My Son's Partner Sleep Over?

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“I (m40) have four kids, the eldest being 21 and then underage kids.

My eldest son came out as bisexual a few years back, he’s in college now and living away.

Recently he got into a relationship with a classmate (m23), my son was supposed to come home as last weekend was his little sister’s (6) birthday. He asked if he could bring his partner and my wife and I said it was ok.

The birthday party was held on Saturday, the plan was for them to come Friday night, sleep in town, and then they would leave early Sunday as they have school on Monday.

They arrived around 6/7 PM. We stayed up talking and preparing some stuff for the party until it was around 11 pm.

Then my son said they were tired and will be heading upstairs. I was taken aback because neither I nor his mom told him his partner was allowed to sleep over. So I told him so, I said that he never asked us permission to invite him to sleep over and we thought his partner was gonna rent a hotel room.

The reason why we didn’t want him sleeping over is that we don’t know this guy, it’s the first time we met him, and it’ll be unsafe to have a stranger in the house overnight especially since we have young kids and we have to look after them.

Our son blew up and he ended up calling us homophobic and said we are ‘full of crap’. His partner tried to calm things down and said going to a motel for a night or two won’t hurt him. Our son ended up leaving with him too.

The next day he was still upset but showed up to the party. Although he said they had to leave earlier and left shortly after the party was done.

I am unsure if what I did here was really homophobic or not, so would like to know if I owe an apology here or not.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ but both parties could’ve communicated better. If I was your son, I would take it as a given that my SO wouldn’t be expected to pay for an expensive hotel room while visiting my family, especially if we were both in college and likely poor.

That’s a big financial burden.

I understand being wary of a new person staying overnight but it’s a little extreme not to trust your son and his judgment as well since they would, I assume, be sharing a room, and it sounds like they drove down together.

It’s not like the guy could just go running off with your things or one of your kids.” SignificanceSpeaks

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. I understand the concern here, and I don’t think it’s homophobic. It’s just regular ole paranoid, but I digress – it’s like the pot calling the kettle black.

He should have double-checked if it was ok for him to sleep over (who knows if you two had plans or there was something up) and introduced you to his partner prior to an overnight trip. You should have reiterated your rule when he mentioned he was bringing someone from out of town that you hadn’t met.

You need to talk to your wife because you two aren’t on the same page clearly.

The only normal person here is the guy. And why do you need to have been homophobic to apologize? You were a bad host when your wife was the one who opened the invite, to begin with.

Yes, say sorry even just for making this guy spend money. I don’t care if you apologize to your son, but 100% to his partner.” tjgarlicspread

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. This could easily be construed as homophobic on your and your wife’s part. This rule has never taken effect with any of your children’s romantic partners since this is your eldest child with the rest being underage, and this seems to be the very first instance within the family.

Your reasoning has some additional flaws as well. If the issue really were the fact he’s a stranger, you could’ve asked to meet him beforehand to get properly acquainted. Claiming he’s potentially ‘unsafe’, particularly around your kids, implies you may believe the horrifically false narrative that homosexuals are nasty creeps.

This is a disgusting deception peddled by anti-LGBTQ to vilify the community in order to push back on equal rights. It’s unfortunately quite common for heterosexuals to avoid ‘exposing’ their kids to homosexuals, under the guise of ‘protection’.

To give you credit, it seems like your behavior here was more out of ignorance than vindictiveness.

Regardless, you gave his partner a very ugly impression of your family, you betrayed your son, and you did some very real damage to your relationship with him.

As a gay man, with a parent who pulled a similar stunt as you, I’d highly suggest you apologize to him and ask him how you can do better and what you need to do to mend the damage caused. Listen to understand, validate his feelings, and learn to do better.” SummerOracle

Another User Comments:

“In my opinion: NTJ for wanting to be cautious around your kids. But other than that YTJ in a big way for the following reasons.

You just told your son you don’t trust his judgment (I don’t know if that is warranted or not if it is explain to him why.) You went back on your word, he asked and you both said it was ok.

You knew he was staying over, it’s common sense the guy would be staying as well, you never asked about sleeping arrangements. You assumed, got your assumption wrong, and then, forced your son and his partner out of your house (did you really think he was going to let his partner go alone?).

Think about it this way… Do you think your wife wouldn’t be royally mad if the roles were reversed and she had to get a hotel, but you didn’t go with her?

The way to handle this was to either bite your tongue, realize you messed up and allow it as a one-off and then mention your mistake after (or never as he won’t be a stranger to you after the weekend).

Or mention the mistake before, say you messed up, and put them up in a nice hotel. Not four seasons nice, but above a courtyard Marriott, and they never see the bill.” AITA476510719

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Ree1778 1 year ago
In our house partners, male and female can sleep at the house, but not together if you weren't married. People here think that's terrible and old fashioned, but the kids knew the rule and followed it. It has been the root of much humor now that they're all married. No one held any sort of grudge about it and they're all well adjusted adults. Not sleeping together for a couple of nights didn't traumatize them or make them hate us. It was just accepted as the family rule.
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12. WIBTJ If I Don't Build A Ramp For Our New House?

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“My wife and I recently bought a new house.

After we closed on the house my sister came to see it and asked when we would like her husband to install a ramp. The ramp is for her son, who is in a wheelchair. He and other nieces and nephews used to come over to our old house all the time to hang out with our kids.

My sister’s husband, who works in construction, previously installed a ramp in our old house as well as my brother’s house because he and my sister want their son to feel welcome in everyone’s home.

Our previous house was very standard and installing a ramp was easy.

This new house however sits up high which means it needs a very long ramp. After measuring according to specifications we’ve realized that we cannot install a ramp unless we get rid of some of our home’s features.

Our front yard is a tiered garden.

It is my wife’s favorite feature as she is an avid gardener. We probably would not have bought this house if not for the garden as we had our eye on another. If we built a ramp leading to the front door it would cover the majority of the tiered garden.

The only other option is the side door (we do not have a back door). The side door however leads directly into the driveway that goes up alongside the house to the garage in the back. If we built a ramp in this area it would make the driveway too narrow for many of our vehicles.

We have very limited parking on our street so we would basically lose half our driveway parking. I also wouldn’t be able to get my old muscle car in the garage where I had planned on storing it.

I’ve explained this to my sister and she is unhappy about our reasonings.

Especially the one for the front door. She says she gets the parking problem, but the garden is just a cosmetic thing and not worth making her son feel unwanted or like a second thought.

Other family is also unhappy because now our house is unusable for family parties since our nephew won’t be able to come.

We do family parties on a rotating system between me and my brother since we’re the only ones with big enough homes. I said we could do the family parties out in the backyard in the summer. It’s big and has a lot of trees and a large canopy area where we can put some nice outside furniture and barbecue.

The garage also has a bathroom that is accessible, so it shouldn’t be a problem for my nephew to come so long as everyone hangs out outside. They think it’s unreasonable because it will be too hot to stay outside the whole time and people will need air conditioning.

If they go inside to cool down nephew will feel left out.

My brother also doesn’t like that the burden is now on him to always host. Especially since he will always have to host for Thanksgiving and Christmas which are the most hectic holidays.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – honestly, it is your house. Not your sister’s house. She didn’t put money down on the house, and she isn’t living in it, nor is she paying any rent. So she doesn’t get a say in anything that has to do with your house.

None of your family does.

Not everywhere is going to be wheelchair accessible. What is she going to do then, ask them when her husband can put the ramp in?

Also, not everyone is required to accommodate every person in their family. She is trying to guilt trip you into putting one in.

Also, she is the one who is trying to make it seem like your nephew will be singled out.

You shouldn’t have to revolve your life around other people. You also shouldn’t have to move your life around to accommodate everyone else. You gave other options.

If they don’t like it, not your responsibility and not your problem. It sounds like a them problem.” Disco_Pegasus

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You don’t have to accommodate everyone forever.

It would be nice if there was a temporary ramp possible for the side door that could be used when needed, and packed away the rest of the time – is something like this an option?

No idea how high the house rise is!

Also, you can offer in the future to host in parks or similar that are designed to be accessible, so you can still participate in the rotation to some extent.

Your brother might not like hosting all the time, but this is the issue with having a disabled household member.

You’ve just brought home a lifelong reality he’ll have a bit sooner than he’d have liked.

You shouldn’t have to buy a house to suit ramp designs if you don’t need them in your own family. The house is for you and your family for 95% of your lives, and shared a small/tiny proportion of the rest of the time.” Particular-Try5584

Another User Comments:

“I’m torn between NTJ and ‘no jerks here’. You should buy a house based on the needs and wants of the people that live in the house. Accommodating your nephew has been gracious but it’s no longer possible the way it once was.

I did notice your sister’s home wasn’t mentioned. You can tell her you are sorry your new house doesn’t work for her son but she can work on getting a bigger house that can be party central. I understand your sister wants her child to feel welcomed at all family events but not every space can be accommodated. Whatever reason you have for not wanting to put a ramp at your home should be the decision of you and your wife with NO guilt or expectations for others.

To belittle or demean your reasons feels yucky so I guess I’ve talked myself into NTJ.” keepthecrazyquiet

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stro 1 year ago
Ntj. I don't know how old the nephew is but if he's young enough they can carry him into the house and if he's in a standard wheelchair it can easily be folded up and brought inside.
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11. AITJ For Telling My Daughter Not To Get Upset About Her Wedding Gifts?

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“I have two daughters, Maddy (30) and Jess (28). They’re both beautiful young women with a lot going for them. Maddy got married in the summer of 2021 while Jess got married this past December. Maddy always wanted to have a traditional large wedding with the whole extended family and a big reception.

She ended up having about 150 guests attend and it was a blast. Jess however always wanted something more low-key, which suited her personality better. She doesn’t love being the center of attention and said many times how she thinks spending a ton on one day is unreasonable, which is fair.

From the time they were little my spouse and I saw that coming and were ok with it. Planning Maddy’s was a lot so we were honestly a little relieved when she told us. She had a very small wedding but then rented out a space for a celebration a week after that she invited relatives too.

Due to a few factors which I believe would be, doing it in the winter vs summer, not inviting people to the ‘real’ wedding, and just being less of a social person her whole life than Maddy, not as many relatives attended Jess’ event. We have a large extended family but only about 1/3 of the relatives who went to Maddy’s wedding attended Jess’ event.

She also didn’t receive nearly as many gifts. Maddy told us from the family her husband and she got about 25k which they put towards a down payment, while Jess got some money but just a few thousand, mostly from her grandparents.

Jess was complaining about it this weekend and saying how the ‘favoritism’ that Maddy got was unfair.

Said that it was proof that the family doesn’t care about her and, to be honest, she was sounding a little bratty. I told her she shouldn’t be surprised that people she chose not to include in her actual wedding weren’t willing to travel to the other event or be as generous and that she should be grateful people came at all and that her parents paid for everything.

I told her for having no expenses and still getting a few thousand dollars, she should be thankful. Jess did not take that well and called me a jerk and has been very very upset. I personally think she’s being a little overdramatic and will get over it but Maddy told me I was being a little harsh even if what I said was true.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. If I am not invited to a wedding, I am not sending a gift. You have on the one hand a larger wedding, with guests from both the groom and the bride, who were apparently very generous. Then you have a smaller wedding, with guests who were also generous – but they were not all the same guests.

Perhaps the first groom’s family is very well off, or his grandparents/parents gifted the majority of that sum. The second groom’s family may not be in that same position. Unless the few guests who were at BOTH weddings gave different amounts to each bride, then it’s not favoritism, it’s just the way the cookie crumbles.” krakeninheels

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but it’s a close one.

If she didn’t invite as many people it makes sense that she got fewer gifts. It was also very generous of you to pay for the wedding. Even though she invited the same people to the reception later, the guest list was still smaller for the wedding proper.

Some people might be inclined to give less if they aren’t important enough to get an invite to the ceremony itself.

But don’t confuse being accurate with being kind. Your comments, while true, were likely upsetting for her, especially since she did invite them to the reception later.

There is a large disparity in the amounts your daughters received as gifts, and it’s not strange that she is questioning why that is. If both of your daughters are saying you were a bit harsh, there’s a good chance you could have been more tactful in the way you handled this situation.” whattimeisit531

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Your extended family is allowed not to attend the wedding, or to give no gift, or give a lesser gift. And your daughter, likewise, is allowed to feel hurt by the obvious favoritism. You had no reason to invalidate her feelings.

I am shocked by the idea that the size/value of a wedding gift is accepted by so many as something you decide in proportion to how absurdly big a wedding is. Is that really what people are doing? ‘Steph is getting married but only serving appetizers at an early evening cocktail reception rather than having a multicourse catered meal like her sister, so we’ll get her a hand towel and not a full set of cookware like we got her sister.’

Your family enabled one kid to put a downpayment on a house. The other kid barely got enough for a downpayment on a used Honda Civic. This is justified because one threw a better party. The values expressed there are messed up.

Your daughter’s not entitled to the money.

She is 100% entitled to her feelings.” MeanestGoose

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

From whom/where did so many learn that between two individuals who are experiencing the same circumstances in life, there must be the same outcome? This whole logic is ridiculous. Even between siblings.

She didn’t have the same kind of celebration.

Hence the different outcome.

It is not your responsibility to make sure she gets an equal outcome as her sister. It never was, and is not; especially now that they are adults.

She is allowed to have her feelings about the matter. However, she made her choices and must live with the results of them.

It is in no way your fault that she did not get the same amount or quality of gifts that her sister did. Nor is it your responsibility to ensure that she is made to feel so. You paid for both weddings in full. They were both happy with the celebration itself.

There is no favoritism being shown.” Odd-Comfort-1478

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10. AITJ For Not Buying New K-Cups?

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“So I work in an office setting and in my wing of the office there is a Keurig that someone brought in.

Next to the Keurig is a list of rules pertaining to its use. Everyone in the office contributes to supplies for the Keurig (k cups, creamer, etc.) I do not use the Keurig at all (I buy or make iced coffee at home) and so I do not contribute.

Last week I got a lengthy passive-aggressive email from one of my coworkers about how not everyone in the office is purchasing supplies for the Keurig when they should be. It kind of irks me because I don’t use the Keurig at all, but I decide to contribute anyway to be nice.

I got a whole box of ‘seasonal’ k cups from my MIL during the fall and before Christmas time. It had a whole bunch of seasonal flavors like pumpkin spice, peppermint, gingerbread, etc. I normally don’t drink these flavors so I figured that I would contribute (they don’t expire until Fall 2023 anyway).

So I put them in a large ziplock baggie and put them in the organizer where we keep all the k cups. I then got an email (passive-aggressive, again) from my coworker about how she prefers that we buy ‘new k cup boxes’ to contribute to the Keurig and that the office doesn’t need someone’s expired ‘leftovers’ (my k cups were NOT expired, by the way, sheesh).

She then passes by my desk and dumps all the k cups that I brought back onto my desk and says ‘I know it was probably convenient for you to bring your leftovers from home, but we need new supplies for the Keurig, not used. Please be more considerate next time’.

I did not say anything because I was so embarrassed.

Was I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – and if it were me I would have responded to the email (reply to all) that I agreed that everyone who uses the Keurig should contribute fairly but that since I do not use the Keurig she can take me off the email chain.

And then make sure you NEVER use the Keurig!

Also, who made her the boss of the darn thing? If nobody else wanted to use the k cups you brought in I’d have dumped them in the trash right next to the Keurig – in front of witnesses – and said, sweetly and sincerely, since I don’t use a Keurig I didn’t know they wouldn’t be used/appreciated. Don’t let this woman treat you this way.” Ok-Expert-3248

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your co-worker is the jerk. It was very nice of you to give your k cups, and you should not be obligated to contribute to something that you do not use. You should send an email stating that you offered the flavored cups even though you don’t use the Keurig.

However, they were unwanted. From this point forward, you will not be contributing supplies for coffee since you do not use them.

I have a feeling that your co-worker has deemed herself the ‘queen bee,’ and she thinks she can tell everyone what to do.

Time to put her in her place. She was very rude!” me0mio

Another User Comments:

“NTJ of course.

Some people like to take charge of coffee/tea supplies to fulfill their little dictator fantasies.

If your manager is approachable, I would definitely raise this incident.

This person shouldn’t be allowed to ‘coordinate’ if this is the kind of aggression they are displaying.

It’s not her place to send people rude emails ESPECIALLY people who do not use the machine, refuse donated supplies on behalf of others (who may have been happy to use them!) and dump stuff on your desk and make a scene without talking to you calmly is over the top.

They should nip it in the bud, ask everyone to keep their own supplies, and IF anyone feels the need to pool items communally they can be left at the machine on a voluntary and non-policed basis.

OR

If you are feeling fiery, send out an email to the team, explaining you drink iced coffee but have cups gifted from your MIL to share.

They are IN DATE, so if they fancy any seasonal flavors drop by your desk.” SienteElBern

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stro 1 year ago
Ntj and tell karen to go pound sand.
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9. AITJ For Giving My Husband The Silent Treatment After He Snapped At Me?

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“My husband (26M) works 7 days a week, Mon-Fri with his father and Fri-Sun with a separate client as a home care assistant.

I (27F) have a lot of anxiety about him leaving, and so we made an agreement that every 2 hours, I could text him, ask how work was going, and this has been working fine for about 3 years. (We’ve been married for 4).

Yesterday (which was a Monday), I sent my usual morning text, only to get a nasty one in response, something along the lines of ‘Why are you texting me, stop bothering me while I’m at work’.

Once he got home I tried to talk to him about it, and he got snappy with me, saying I needed to back out of his bubble a bit, and when I tried to find out what was making him upset, he told me to shut up and stop talking to him.

So today I did. I haven’t greeted him this morning, I haven’t sent my usual 2-hour texts, and I’ve been focusing my time talking to my sister who happened to be home from school for a snow day. He’s been blowing up my phone since, trying to call and text me, but I was going to remain silent until he got home from work (though, I am checking my phone, just not answering).

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

He shouldn’t have spoken to you like that, but I do wonder how much stress he must be under. You say it’s working fine, but maybe that is only for you, and what he is actually thinking/going through doesn’t seem to matter.

He works 7 days a week and then has to text you every 2 hours. No wonder he is stressed out.

I wonder how you are able to text every two hours at work as well unless you don’t work which would probably upset him more.

You have another outlet in your sister, so why didn’t you ever use her before you pushed him over the edge?

Now you are punishing him. Well, don’t you sound like a prize catch?

I hope after all the effort he has put into your relationship, he realizes that he would be happier to walk away.” TheVoiceofOlaf

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

You need therapy.

I can’t say this nicer, but you have a horrible dependency issue, and he NEVER gets a break, from you or from work. That isn’t healthy, and he is burning the candle from not just both ends working every single day, but also cutting a hole in the middle to burn there too having to message you every two hours.

He handled it poorly, but the dude needs a break. Why is he working 7 days a week? Are you working at all? If he is putting all that work in to support you while you stay at home doing nothing don’t be surprised if divorce papers show up.” Koda5111

Another User Comments:

“YTJ x100

You’re making your husband responsible for you and your emotions. That and the fact that he works 7 days a week for 3 years means that he’s overstressed and he’s finally hit his breaking point. It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Talking to him about it sounds more like it could’ve been him asking you to leave him alone and you just wouldn’t until he snapped again. And, instead of bringing this to your therapist, you’re giving your husband the silent treatment.

You both have an unhealthy dynamic.

His behavior is understandable if he’s changed his life to accommodate you and become your caretaker because you made him be that way. All you talk about is you and you and you, where is your concern for your husband’s sudden change in behavior?

You obviously can survive if you’re not texting him and you’re texting your sister.

Or, is him spamming your phone what you wanted to happen? You want his concern about you texting him and now you’re turning it on him as a punishment.

Neither therapy nor anxiety is an excuse that absolves someone of responsibility for their behavior or the harm they cause.

Take responsibility. Set up a therapist appointment. Get help for both of you.

Marriage is equal. It is give and take. All you’ve shown is you taking.” mimi7600

Another User Comments:

“I’m going with ‘no jerks here’ instead of ‘everyone sucks here’ because I don’t think there’s any good that comes of telling an anxious person they’re overly anxious.

That being said, every two hours, seven days a week is a LOT. I’m not saying he handled the confrontation about the texts well but it sounds like he needs some time off from the constant check-ins.

I also don’t love the fact that you’re ignoring him today when he’s blowing up your phone to check on you (and possibly apologize) – it’s petty and kind of cruel.

Call him, both of y’all apologize, and come up with a system that helps your anxiety but also works for both parties, not just you. A therapist could be of great help.” nmatenumber34667

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SunnieJ 1 year ago
JFC you need therapy asap. Honestly don't blame your husband. He's dealing with stressful work week with apparently no time off then on top of that he's got your needy as* texting him every two hours. Find a hobby.
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8. AITJ For Not Pushing My Daughter To Sleep Over At Her Grandma's House?

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“My mother, who lives fairly close, rarely sees my children. She blames me for her lack of a relationship with my children, and that’s okay. I’ve made peace with the situation.

Recently, she asked if she could spend a holiday with my children, as they are currently out of school. I happily agreed that would be wonderful, as I will be working, and I hope my children will have a good relationship with their grandparents.

Here is the issue.

My daughter (8) does not EVER want to spend the night somewhere without her parents. We had a rough patch in life when she was younger and she does not do overnight visits with anyone. We have tried it all and she is insistent on wanting to be with her parents every night.

I do not push the issue anymore as I hope she will outgrow her fear or try an overnight stay in the future when she is ready. She has her reasons (very valid) and I respect not pushing her out of her comfort zone on this issue.

Since my mom is planning to spend a day with my children, she is insisting they (brother included) spend the night. I said no, I will not push the issue and force her to stay overnight when she has clearly stated she does not want to.

I’m being called a jerk for not forcing her to stay overnight and therefore, ruining any relationship they could have. My mom feels as if I am hindering her relationship, yet refuses to come to my home or meet somewhere where I could stay as well to ease my daughter’s discomfort.

Opinions are torn. Those who know my family will agree with me, while others (and mom’s friends) think I’m a jerk for not forcing it, as they say, she has to get over it someday.

So, throw it at me! AITJ for standing up to my mother and respecting my daughter’s wishes?

I’m a step away from pulling the plug on the whole visit, as it’s very frustrating to be verbally attacked and called a jerk daily leading up to the visit since we do not agree on this issue.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. at ALL.

This is what a good parent should do. I’m so glad to hear that you are standing up for her. I would tell your mom either the visit is outright off the table since she doesn’t respect your daughter, or at the very least tell her if she tries again then it’s done.

I would say the former because she sounds like the kind of person who would try and manipulate your daughter into staying. It’s funny how family starts behaving better when the options are either being respectful or having no contact.

Now, I will say, you should absolutely get your daughter into therapy for this – whatever happened must have been very traumatic.

It’s true that you should work on her feeling safe to be without you BUT the way to work through phobias is with careful, controlled, bite-size exposure. NOT being forced to stay with someone she doesn’t know and who clearly doesn’t care how she feels.

I would take a good hard look at the people advocating for your mom and consider whether they really have a place in your life. And that goes double for Mom.” throwwwawait

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. MIL is being a bully, and her sending her flying monkeys after you when you said no would have made me cancel the whole thing.

At this point, tell her it’s a day thing or nothing at all, her choice. When a child has trauma, lots of love and support is the best thing to help them get past it; forcing them makes it worse, and also breeds distrust and resentment.

Hugs to your baby, you are doing the right thing, Mama.” maidenmothercrone333

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all, your mother needs to build a trusting relationship with your child before she is entrusted with overnight stays. If there isn’t a long travel factor then she needs to settle down and show you she can be a good grandmother.

Forcing your kid out of her comfort zone will not make her magically bond with her grandmother.

Please keep respecting your daughter’s wishes. How can anyone think it’s a good idea to leave a child unsupervised with a woman who resorts to name-calling when she can’t get her own way?” ViolaVetch75

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Spaldingmonn 1 year ago
My daughter was going to a weekend girl Guides camp. I dropped her off on Saturday morning and picked her up Saturday night. I brought her back Sunday morning and picked her up Sunday night. She had an amazing time. Her Owls were so understanding but not all of the other parents. Who cares. She's my monkey.
Your daughter never has to attend a sleepover if she doesn't want to. NTJ.
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7. AITJ For Telling My Son And Niece To Suffer At School?

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“Last week my niece (8) stayed with my husband and me and our two kids (M9 and M4) for the week due to my brother and SIL going on a business trip. It was my brother’s business trip but he was allowed to bring my SIL along as like a mini-vacation thing so we babysat their daughter while they were gone.

My son and niece go to the same school, Son is in 3rd grade and my Niece is in 2nd. They generally get along great with each other. My husband drives the kids to school and I pick them up.

So basically what happened is my son is a very dramatic child.

He is the classic theater kid, but without having the theater outlet at school yet. So we are pretty silly at home because of it but it’s all in good fun. On the last day of school last week as they were heading to the car to leave in the morning my son turned to the screen door, planted his face and arms against it, and quietly screamed ‘NOOOO!’ as he slowly dragged himself down the door to pretended to ‘die’ on the ground.

He’s a kid, he didn’t want to go to school and he was being silly. I responded maniacally laughing and shouting through the screen door ‘Go! Go suffer the school day! AHAHAHAHA!’ as I closed the door on him. He got up, laughed, and went to the car.

I thought all was well and good.

Well, apparently not because when my brother and SIL got back my SIL called me furious and yelled and me about how I traumatized her daughter by telling her to suffer at school and now she doesn’t want to go anymore.

Said I was being mean by laughing in their face when they had to go to school when I knew they didn’t want to. (I mean of course they don’t want to. They’re kids.) I tried to apologize but she said she was just too mad and didn’t want to hear my excuses and hung up.

(The way their schedule worked is they got back in time to pick her up from school that day)

Now my brother is annoyed at me and said maybe I just shouldn’t do that kind of stuff anymore. I thought it was harmless fun but I don’t want to be one of those people who thinks they are having fun but actually are bullying everyone else ya know?

So tell me. AITJ for doing this to my son and niece? Son never mentioned anything about it and carried on like normal after school.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your BIL and SIL haven’t bothered to figure out the whole story. If they had, they would have learned that a) you were actually responding to your son, not your niece, and b) it was very clearly a joke and your niece knows that, and c) that at 8 years old, parents are supposed to INVESTIGATE a situation, not blindly believe their kid.

Parents like your BIL and SIL are exactly why we have a teacher shortage. They think their kids are always right.

Your SIL and BIL owe you an apology, and I would make it clear to them that their attitude toward you on the phone was inappropriate.

By the way – the reason why your niece needed to complain about you is that she missed her parents! An 8-year-old who doesn’t see her parents for an entire week can act that way. She found an 8-year-old a way to make sure her parents didn’t leave again.

Normal parents would know this.” OkSeat4312

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It just sounds like you have a different communication style/relationship with your son. I understand apologizing to them about the miscommunication, but I wouldn’t feel bad about it. Just make a mental note to be careful how you communicate around your niece.

I’m glad they are listening to their 2nd grader, but I can’t believe they are only taking her side of the story. They sound like really intense people. Especially after you just took care of their kid for a week. You’d think they would be more grateful.” Difficult-Shopping38

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

I think your niece witnessed the equivalent of an inside joke between you and your son.

She didn’t get the joke, probably because she’s only 8 and didn’t grow up around these sorts of theatrics. I bet she was confused, and talked to her parents to look for guidance, but of course, as she was eight and didn’t understand what happened so she was unable to explain the story in all its nuances.

Her parents misunderstood and made it worse because their reactions showed this is something to be upset and traumatized about, and so that’s the emotional behavior the niece conformed to.

If you want to mend bridges tell them you’re sorry you excluded her from an inside joke and by doing so caused a misunderstanding.

Don’t feed into the ‘it was traumatizing’ narrative that her parents came up with, because in the long run that’ll only hurt the kid more.” OpaqueObilisque

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IDontKnow 1 year ago
NTJ. I'm not understanding what was traumatizing. You were being goofy. Does your brother and SIL not know what humor is?
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6. AITJ For Revealing My Pregnancy In Front Of My Infertile Cousin?

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“I got pregnant at 17 a couple of months before I graduated high school.

I was subject to relentless bullying from classmates, teachers, and random adults. My cousin attended the same high school as me and was in the same year, and was considered popular among our peers. She was one of the people who bullied me the most. She was relentless and made my life miserable along with her complicit mother (my aunt) who loved to make comments too.

My parents ended up falling out with them over this so it was minimum contact for years.

My life was miserable because of them mostly but I got through it. My partner got a job and I did my degree online while working part-time and we got through it.

We are now married, and both have very well-paying jobs. I now have a 6-year-old and another baby on the way and I wouldn’t change a thing. My parents adore their granddaughter, and her great-grandparents absolutely spoil her and love it too. Our families eventually made up too through our grandparents though this is fairly recent, and I don’t see my cousin that much as I do resent her.

My cousin is unable to get pregnant and is medically infertile. She and her husband tried for a long time and her husband recently left her because he wants biological kids. She is understandably devastated.

It was my mother’s birthday and the whole family attended the get-together.

I showed my mom the scans and revealed the pregnancy at the party. My mother and everyone else were overjoyed. My cousin didn’t say much, and neither did her mom, but I thought that was fair enough. Later on, I was cuddling my daughter and being silly with her, and everyone was telling me how lovely she is and how lucky I am.

My cousin got up, left, and slammed the door. Everyone said to let her sulk, so her mum took her side and said I was being super insensitive and should apologize. I told her I still haven’t received an apology for their offensive comments so I won’t be apologizing to anyone, so she left too.

My family is divided. Some think I should apologize to keep the peace, some say I have done nothing wrong. I think I maybe should have been more sensitive as I see where it could have been salt in the wound but I am unsure about apologizing.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are owed an apology. A big one. No, that won’t magically make her problems go away but my god… you’re owed basic human decency. I also don’t think you were rubbing anything in her face. You showed your mum a scan photo.

Unless there’s a chunk of the story missing here, I can’t see what you did wrong. They’d have found out about the baby anyway and then you’d have had it in the neck for not telling them. Looks to me like they were always going to find a way to make you feel crappy.

Congratulations on your new pregnancy. Sending you lots of love and best wishes.” TopAd7154

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They have issues and this is their problem. Even if they never wronged you, you STILL don’t owe them an apology. Anyone who says so would feel differently if they were in your shoes and those people just don’t like change and don’t like conflict.

They owe YOU an apology for trying to make your mom feel like she’s not supposed to be a grandma on her birthday. They owe your daughter an apology for trying to minimize your love and pride for her. They are not allowed to steal your joy just because they are miserable.

They need therapy and so does anyone else who supports the idea that you should walk on eggshells. This is another human being we are talking about. Not a fancy car or fancy expensive thing to show off. This is about love, not possessions.” United-Loss4914

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

She bullied you severely, her mother bullied you severely. You have what she wants and now she’s throwing a fit.

You aren’t showing off, you are simply living your life.

You didn’t reveal the photos at your cousin’s celebration, it was your mother’s and you knew she would love it.

Do not apologize, this is something she needs to sort out on her own.

She cannot continuously affect your life so negatively to make herself feel better.” iDryft

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Squidmom 1 year ago
I agree with STRO. Karma came for her. NTA
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5. WIBTJ If I Don't Leave Food For My Partner While He House Sits For Me?

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“I’ve (49) been with my partner (50) for 7 years. We live in separate apartments for a couple of reasons: my son (11) is allergic to his cat and my partner lacks the funds to move out or to help pay for the larger apartment.

So when my son is with his dad (I divorced him), my partner comes over and hangs out for a few days.

He lives about an hour’s walk away. Yes, he walks to my place and says he likes the exercise. When the weather is bad, I’ll rent a car from a local car-sharing service and pick him up.

I don’t stay at his place because I don’t like the cat hair, he has no internet (which I need for work) and it’s a very long ride with public transit.

My partner doesn’t hang out with my son, so we’ve established ‘two separate worlds’ in a way. It’s a respectful but neutral relationship. It’s ok for me because my son is happy to have me to himself on our days together.

My partner is welcome anytime but he doesn’t make an effort to be involved with my son, so I never forced it.

Yes, it’s hard sometimes as a couple, but this is the best arrangement we came up with.

This is where I might be the jerk: Our finances are very different.

I’ve scrimped and saved all my life and I’m able to take care of myself and my son. My partner lives paycheque to paycheque. He has zero savings.

I pay for all the groceries when my partner comes over and I’ve helped him get out of a jam with taxes he owed. My partner owes me about $5000.

He’s paying me back as fast as he can, but it’s slow going for him.

Recently I rented a cottage for a few nights with my son. My partner says he’ll house-sit my apartment while I’m gone because I have a nicer place.

And he asked me to ‘keep the fridge stocked up’ for him. I told him he’s welcome to stay over but my finances are too tight and that I didn’t think it was my responsibility to take care of him in that way.

I told him that in the past I could afford it but my budget is too tight lately because of the debt he owes me of $5000. He didn’t like to be reminded of that debt…

He says I’m nickel-and-diming him and being unfair spending funds on my son but not spending this small thing of paying for groceries for him while I’m away on vacation.

So WIBTJ to just have my partner take care of his own food while I’m away on vacation?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Why does your partner need to watch your place at all? Does your apt need to be fed or have someone to make sure it doesn’t run around with scissors or accidentally drink bleach?

Tell him to stay home and watch his own place.

Your partner is a knob for getting upset at you for spending money on your child. Drop the dead weight hanging around your neck and have fun with your son. Of course, if you dump your partner you will never see the funds you loaned him again.

Only you can say if $5000 is worth your happiness and freedom. In the long run, it may be a drop in the bucket. Good luck!” 56degreewedge

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ. It is not your responsibility to provide for him. You have separate finances, separate homes, and separate life obligations.

You have been kind to loan him funds and pay for all groceries when he comes over, out of consideration for his struggling financial situation, and it sounds like he is taking that for granted.

He is not entitled to your money or care, and as a fellow adult, that responsibility is solely on him.

The fact that he cited unfairness for you to spend money on your 11-year-old son, who is a CHILD in your legal and financial care, speaks volumes about his immaturity and even learned helplessness.

It honestly sounds like he is taking advantage of you. I would be wary of someone who is choosing to depend on you financially but is uninterested in getting to know your child, especially after 7 years.

A good relationship depends on mutual love and respect for both people to grow and benefit from it, but it seems like he has been the only one to benefit from anything here. Please continue to be wise with the money that you have scrimped and saved to care for your son, who actually needs you.

Your grown partner can feed himself, which he should be doing anyway, even if he had not invited himself to stay at your larger apartment with internet under the guise of ‘house-sitting.'” mdvo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Thank him for offering to house sit but decline the offer.

You don’t need a house sitter. Change the locks and don’t give him a key. You are in the thick of this relationship but if you took 10 giant steps backward you would not be able to see your partner through all the red flags.

He is playing you.

He got you to put up 5K that was his problem, not yours. (How does someone with as little income as he has ended up owing 5k?) It will take him 10 years to pay it back. If ever. He gets annoyed that you are spending money on your child and not him.

Take this time away with your child to think about this relationship. You are intelligent, hard-working, a good mother, and practical with finances. Do you really need this guy so badly or think you’ll never find anyone else to hang out with?” Brennan_Boru1031

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ashbabyyyy 1 year ago
So, he’s leaving a love animal to come stay at your empty place? That makes no sense. He sounds like a loser TBH
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4. AITJ For Not Caring About My Friend's Jealousy?

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“I (19f) am a senior in college. My best friend Alana (20f) is in the same uni as me.

Alana is one of the most important people in my life. We have been best friends for 5 years, she’s an amazing friend. She’s smart, funny, athletic, and just a great person overall.

I have a friend, Sean (19m) whom I met online. We instantly connected and became close.

Later I came to know that he was in our uni, he was a junior. When we met in person, I introduced him to all of my friends including Alana.

Sean fell in love with her only after meeting a few times. After he conveyed his feelings, she rejected him as she’s a very traditional person and has decided to directly go for an arranged marriage.

Well, Sean is a very handsome guy and generally has girls following him around, has tons of experience, and never had to approach a woman first. Alana on the other hand, is not the prettiest and barely attracts any boys. (Please note that I’m not degrading her, it’s just for description purposes)

He didn’t take the rejection very well. He then made it very obvious to everyone that he liked her. She became the center of his personality, everything about him revolved around her. Despite this, she always acted very casually with him and he too didn’t do anything to make her uncomfortable.

Today Alana, one of our close friends, Hailey, and I went to get pizza after college. It was initially going to be girls’ time and we had plenty of things to discuss. Knowing that we were out Sean invited himself with us. We didn’t mind his presence and went along with our talks.

I talked about my elder sister and how she was being pampered by her fiance and in-laws and the conversation shifted to Alana as she revealed how she had received some marriage proposals. She was pretty excited and so were we for her possible engagement.

The 3 of us began to plan out everything we would do for her engagement party.

All the time Sean just quietly ate his pizza with a grim expression. Though I did notice it, I decided not to bring it up in front of everyone. As soon as he was done eating, he insisted that we leave and since I was the one dropping him home, we all left together.

After reaching his home, he told me how he was disappointed in me for bringing up such a nonsense thing to talk about. I asked him what he meant and he said he knew I was trying to make him jealous by talking about Alana’s engagement.

I explained that he misread the situation and that we were just having our girl talk. This upset him even more and he asked not to talk about these things with Alana. I laughed and said that it must be a joke and I can discuss whatever I want with my best friend.

We argued a little and I told him that his jealousy was not my problem and that he should learn to have better control over his emotions. He looked upset but didn’t say a word and left. Now he is giving me the silent treatment.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, Sean’s feelings are Sean’s feelings, not yours. He has a right to feel however he feels, but he doesn’t have a right to his actions. Telling you what you can and can’t talk about is controlling and not acceptable behavior.

Inviting yourself along is also rude. Let’s face it he did it just so he could be close to Alana, thinking that maybe one day she’ll see him in other eyes, like in a rom-com. This will obviously never happen. Sean needs to get a grip and move on, he’s likely only obsessed because Alana is the only woman to ever reject him.” mnl1121

Another User Comments:

“Sean is a jerk big time, but I am going to have to disagree a tiny bit on one point here. I think there is a slight possibility that OP is a minor jerk too, in this scenario.

He made Alana the center of his personality after she rejected him and made sure to let everyone know it… but Alana was totally fine being around him after that and he never revealed this to her with disturbing behavior EVER?

This just does not add up to me. It seems like a very one-sided point of view. I have my suspicions that Alana could have felt extremely uncomfortable around him. I would immediately assume that letting Sean be around Alana was not a good idea just from what was described.

Is it possible she brought up these marriage proposals in front of him on purpose to try and make him back off? It seems likely.

This is where I think OP may be a little bit of a jerk. If I had a friend that was acting so inappropriately about one of my other friends I certainly wouldn’t be bringing him around her.

OP says Sean has never displayed bad behavior but making a girl who rejected you the center of your personality and making sure everyone knows how into her you are… IS bad behavior in my book and there is not a chance on earth that Alana doesn’t know and feel at least a little uncomfortable about it.

Besides, he has never displayed bad behavior around YOU (before this incident) that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

But good on OP for standing up to him, he was acting completely inappropriately.” iraglassfromNPR

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Everyone else had made good points, Sean is absolutely the jerk here.

Sean isn’t in love with Alana; he was rejected by her and that hurt his ego so now he’s fixated. Real love comes from spending quality time with someone, getting to know them, and building relationships over time. That’s not what Sean has with Alana, and he is delusional if he believes he’s in love with her.

Even more alarming, Sean thinks his unrequited feelings give him some sort of claim over Alana. This entitlement is dangerous and misogynistic as if women owe anything to any man who expresses interest in them or somehow ‘belongs’ to the guy. No, Alana is free to choose who she wants to go out with or marry, and no one needs to alter their behavior to cater to Sean’s fantasies.

Really, you and the friend group should warn Alana about Sean’s attempts to control your conversations and his fixation on her. Does she even know that he’s ‘made his personality all about her’ and is ‘in love’ with her?” Lumoseyne

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Spaldingmonn 1 year ago
Sean sounds like a stalker.
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3. AITJ For Having My Baby Shower On My Stepsister's Birthday?

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“I’m (f20) six months pregnant with twins and just had my baby shower last weekend.

For some context my parents divorced when I was 12, I have two siblings, an older brother, and a younger brother. My dad remarried two years after the divorce, his new wife already had a daughter (f22) and they have three more kids together.

After the divorce, my mom got custody over us and we visited my dad on weekends.

I don’t have a good relationship with his wife or with his stepdaughter. His wife always tried to be our ‘new mom’ which neither I nor my brothers liked, and her daughter would always try to fight for our dad’s attention with us, especially me since we were both girls.

Because of this we never really liked each other and that hasn’t changed over the years.

Back to the baby shower. My partner and I decided to celebrate it this month as I’m already feeling too tired from my pregnancy and want to spend the last months in my house.

We sent everyone the invitations about 2 weeks ago and it was already an issue since my dad called me and told me if the date was right since it was his stepdaughter’s birthday. I confirmed the date and we didn’t speak about that again. My dad showed up at the baby shower with two of my half siblings but neither his wife nor stepdaughter did which honestly wasn’t a problem for me.

But then I got messages from both of them telling me that what I did was awful because my dad wasn’t able to spend his ‘daughter’s’ birthday with her and they weren’t able to attend the baby shower. I told them my dad could’ve chosen to not attend the baby shower and stay home with them if he’d like, therefore it’s not my problem and it’s something they have to solve themselves.

His stepdaughter called me a selfish brat. Was I the jerk for this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Your dad is an adult who can make his own decisions. You didn’t threaten him to not have a relationship with your kids and force him to attend your baby shower.

Even if you did purposely choose your step-sister’s birthday.

Also, unless your shower was held late afternoon and lasted all evening, your dad still could have done dinner/spent time with his stepdaughter in the evening, and they still could have attended the shower. 22 isn’t a milestone birthday like turning 21 is.” RebeccaMCullen

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I mean technically you can hold the event on whatever day you want, especially if you TRULY would not have been upset if your dad and siblings had decided not to come. But still, you know in setting the date that you were making those people choose; I suspect you would have avoided the birthday of OTHER family members in order to allow them to celebrate without having to also make room for your shower and to avoid conflicts in making loved ones choose.

This reads to me a bit like you simply don’t care about her, but also maybe that you’re still competing for your dad’s attention or making him choose. It seems like you could have chosen a different date.” owls_and_cardinals

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Given your history with the stepsister, it does feel like you chose her birthday on purpose. Was there really no other day you could have had the shower?!

That said, no one ‘owns’ a day. Her and her mother’s response sounds as petty as your decision to host it that day.

He may not be her biological father, but your dad is clearly close to her. Maybe you and your stepsister both need to work on some jealousy issues.” BeeMacca

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Frankly, you knew when your step-sister’s birthday was and it’s common sense the date would cause issues with family being able to attend both.

I understand comments saying the step sis is 22 and shouldn’t make a big deal about a birthday at that age, but it sounds to me more like venting that you’d choose that date over any other. Why not the week before or the week after?

I’m not saying you don’t have a right to hold the shower whenever you want — six months is very early but no big deal — but doing it when you knew it would force your dad to make a choice between you was a jerk move.

Whether or not you like your stepsister is kind of irrelevant; she’s part of your family. You shouldn’t have put your dad in a position to choose when you didn’t have to, and hopefully, when you have your twins you will realize, as a parent, why that wasn’t a good move.” SignificanceSpeaks

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ashbabyyyy 1 year ago
She’s not his daughter, and she’s 22, not 12.
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2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law Near Me?

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“To start, my husband (m44) and I (f36) have been married for 5 years. We have been trying for a baby for the past 3 years but it was hard to conceive because of fertility issues. We were in the process of just accepting that maybe we aren’t meant to be parents but I finally got positive test results last December; my ob-gyn confirmed my pregnancy and advised me the usual (little to no stress, no to caffeine, no to raw foods, etc.).

She especially advised me to avoid stress because I’m very much prone to a miscarriage so early in the trimester. This was the best Christmas gift we could ever ask for. Now come to my dilemma: my mother-in-law.

My husband and his mother have a strong relationship.

My mother-in-law’s husband died when my husband was 17 so he had to be the father figure to his 3 younger siblings. He had to work while studying to help her with the finances. When he graduated college and found work, and even now that we’re married, he continued to give a portion of his earnings to his mom.

My husband being a family person is one of the reasons why I fell in love with him so I don’t really mind him doing this but when we found out we’re pregnant, we agreed that we would talk to his mom and that he’d stop sending her funds so we could prepare for the baby since his siblings can provide for her now anyway.

My mother-in-law didn’t take it well that her eldest will now stop supporting her. She started to bombard my phone with calls and texts asking me to talk to my husband about it. I tried to talk to her in a civil manner but she would always scream in my face about how I’m stealing her son away from her and how she never really liked me for him because she knew this would happen.

I work with geriatrics so I think I’m a very patient person but when she went to my workplace a couple of days ago to cause a scene, I just snapped. I told her she was too dependent on my husband and wouldn’t let him live his life, especially now that we’re having a kid; and that if she won’t stop bothering me, I wouldn’t let her see our child ever.

I also told her I don’t want her anywhere near me so I don’t want her coming to our house and antagonizing me. She left after security came but I immediately called my husband to tell him about what happened.

My husband was upset about this and told me that he won’t contact his mother if she continues to be like this to me and that he’d ask one of his sisters to take care of her for a while.

I appreciate that he’s doing this for me yet I can’t help but think maybe I was in the wrong for causing it and maybe I was too harsh to her. I don’t want him to be estranged from his mother, but I don’t want to put my pregnancy at risk as well.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your monster-in-law is a childish nightmare. I know she had a hard time losing her husband, but she’s using it as a crutch and a tool of manipulation on your husband.

To show up at your place of employment is an utterly unredeemable violation.

I don’t care what the issue is in a person’s life: the workplace is absolutely OFF LIMITS!

She could have caused damage to not only your professional reputation but to your health. She needs to get off the gravy train and take responsibility for herself.

Or she can go to her daughters and plead her case with them. Your poor husband has done enough! Good luck and congratulations!” Educational-Cry7500

Another User Comments:

“NOPE! YOU FOLLOW HIS LEAD!

She has shown you who she is, BELIEVE HER!

His being upset and not speaking to her, is EXACTLY what your husband should be doing.

You’re not causing an estrangement, SHE IS!

She sees him as a cash cow and expects him to meet her emotional needs. He was so close to his mother until she showed him who she really is. You can be a family person without toxic and abusive relatives.

Do you think she is going to stop? She will abuse you and him, still expect money, and a close relationship with tons of access to your kid.

Nope, NTJ. Do not feel guilty, protect your baby and yourself.” McflyThrowaway01

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Most of these stories end with the spouse siding with their mother over their partner.

Your husband sounds amazing and more like an adult than his mother.

It’s one thing for her to rely on her son financially, but she crossed a line by blowing up your phone and showing up at your workplace. (Side note: had you told coworkers you were pregnant yet?) She’s a jerk for refusing to have a rational conversation.” dsking

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Squidmom 1 year ago
NTA. I would be petty and I would have called the cops, not security. It's gonna get worse.
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1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay So Much For Gas?

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“Recently I found out that my younger sister and her partner were driving home for the winter break. I live on the way home and asked for a ride since I don’t have a car. Her partner lives two hours away from her, and he was the one driving.

So, the route was her partner -> pick up sister -> pick up me -> arrive home. My sister and I agreed to split the cost of gas beforehand because her partner was the one driving. They also drove me part of the way (but not all of the way) back to school.

The total roundtrip from her partner -> home is 768 miles. I drove with them for 281 miles. They also used the car at home during the week.

However, my sister just told me to send her $140 for gas. This is way more than I was expecting (it’s more than I would have paid for bus tickets).

I’m pretty sure she split gas with me based on the total gas they used for the whole week, including the driving he did to get from his home to hers, and all of the driving they did over the break. I was expecting to only pay for my share of the gas for the distance I drove with them.

AITJ for not wanting to pay for gas for the parts of the trip that I wasn’t on? They were driving by my location anyway so I didn’t cost them any extra distance, but this is where I want to know if that is fair.

I even calculated the cost based on distance and gas prices and I should have to pay a maximum of $60. This may seem like a trivial amount of money to some people, but I’m unable to work for 12 consecutive months due to school demands and have been trying to pinch pennies.

Plus, my sister doesn’t pay for rent, unlike me, because my parents bought her apartment as an investment (I don’t have a problem with this, really, because my parents pay more for my tuition, but she definitely has more money than me right now).”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You owe half of the gas it took between your school and your house. Personally, I’d Venmo a full tank of gas worth of $$. But that’s just me. Either way, you don’t owe what sounds like 2-3 tanks of gas… most vehicles these days are about 15-20 gallons… Depending on where you are, that’s $50-70 bucks if the tank is completely empty… $140 is literally 2 full tanks (if it were to take $70 to fill it) of gas… That would mean that ya’ll drove for 4 tanks of gas (if you’re paying half) between your school and your house… So short of you saying your school is like 1,000 miles from your house… I’d say they’re trying to rip you off.” SigSauerPower320

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. They picked you up and drove you home and took you back to school and you agree to pay gas money so they aren’t wrong in asking. However they should have calculated how much just the trip was in gas before the trip to let you know about how much it would be, so you could have planned the best financial decision.

Gas is really high right now, and depending on their vehicle’s mileage that might be a fair amount for them to ask for that mileage, but it should have been discussed beforehand.” Chelular07

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

The easiest way for this would‘ve been if they filled up on gas before picking you up, and filled up again dropping you off, you would split the second bill in half and call it a day.

Maybe useful for future trips. Her reasoning suggests she didn’t think it all through, looked at what they paid for gas in total, and sent you half that number. Calculating it with the distance, the price per gallon, and the miles per gallon the car is running on is now the next best thing.” sebbo19995

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Ninastid 1 year ago
Ntj give them the sixty but not a penny now and if they say anything day I was just paying for what it cost to pick me up with you not your whole fricking trip
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