People Question Their Actions in These Precarious 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

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Dive into a world of moral dilemmas, awkward encounters and controversial decisions with our latest article. These stories make you question, empathize, and gasp in disbelief, from Star Wars insults and secret pregnancies to heart-wrenching family dramas and parrots with a penchant for spinach. As you continue to read, let us know what you think. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

23. AITJ For Being Angry At My Daughter For Hiding Her Pregnancy To Manipulate Me Into Letting Her Partner Move In?

QI
“My 20-year-old daughter lives with me (m47). She has a partner Gary (20m) who currently lives with his parents.

She lost her job over recent circumstances and has felt too sad since then to look for a new one. I’m not sure if Gary has ever worked but he doesn’t now, mostly he just sits around my house playing X-Box and eating my food. I’m not Gary’s biggest fan, but my daughter loves him so I tolerate him and have always been polite to him.

About a month ago, she went missing for a little over 3 days. While she does go out a fair bit without telling me, this was a lot longer than usual. I rang her mother and messaged Gary and any of her friends I could think of, and no one had seen her.

Eventually, Gary responded with a picture of a baby and ‘Say hello to your grandson!’ She had never even told my ex-wife or me that she was pregnant (for context, she’s a bigger girl and had put on a couple of extra kilos over the last couple of months.

While it seems obvious now in retrospect, at the time it just seemed like normal weight gain).

She and Gary brought the baby back to our house sometime the next day while I was at work. When I got home, I asked her why she wouldn’t tell me something like this, and she said it was because she wanted Gary to move in with us, and she knew if she’d asked before the baby was born I would have said no and that she and Gary need to get themselves sorted, both get jobs and find their place to live before the baby comes (she’s probably not wrong). But if she waited until he was born then I’d have to say yes to Gary moving in because what kind of monster would keep their grandson from living with their father?
I was so mad at her reason for hiding it that I yelled at her, saying that it was an incredibly manipulative thing for her to do, and I was too angry at the moment to give her an answer about Gary. I told her I needed time to process and think, and asked her not to talk to me for a little while.
She rang her mother in tears. My ex then rang me to ask how I could be so cold, and tell me that I was ruining what should be an exciting and magical time for her, my daughter, Gary and myself. She said I’d look back on this in years and feel terrible that I spent the first days of my firstborn grandchild’s life making everyone upset by being angry at my daughter and her partner and stalling their plans to live together with the baby.
I feel like I’m justified in being angry about them intentionally trying to manipulate me, but everyone around me seems to think I don’t have a valid reason for being bothered in the first place, and that I need to get over it, move on and let them live together. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Don’t let him move in. Allow visitation. This will allow him to see his kid but light a fire under their rear to get out of your house. No overnights. If you let him move in you’re screwed. She will be pregnant again in a year and they will never leave.

Maybe your ex-wife can take them in? She seems pretty excited about their terrible decision for some reason.” 2Whom_it_May_Concern

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Gary knew about the baby. And instead of stepping up and getting a job to pay for this kid, he has the audacity to mooch off you and eat your food.

Diapers are expensive, my guess is that they are going to ask you to but them a LOT of baby items. It’s one thing to help family, but they took this to a whole new level. They are taking advantage of you, and you need to put your foot down now.

Don’t pay for anything. It’s gonna suck and they will throw a fit. Their plan was to manipulate you into helping them pay for things and having a free place to live. That’s not normal behavior for an adult. Also stop buying the guy food.

The partner is an immature idiot.” b3lindseyb3

Another User Comments:

“Ntj. That was incredibly manipulative and deceitful on their part. It sounds like your ex wife is just in baby mode, not reality. You are not stealing any “ magical times” by your reaction. They didn’t make it magical in the first place, they used this strategically to get their way.

And the fact that they know you would have held them accountable to acting like adults and avoided it, speaks volumes. They should go to someone who will support their delusions- like ex wife or Gary’s house. It is insulting to you that they tried to pull this type of stunt.” Mountain_Score2402

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... so she purposely kept A PREGNANCY secret knowing he wasn't working and that you would rightly set some rules up and your ex thinks YOUR IN THE WRONG... err nope you need to send daughter her mooch partner and the baby to HER MOMMYS HOUSE and SHE can support them the way you have been seeing how she is siding with them. Or you let him stay certain nights but he HAS to get a job and make ot clear you WILL NOT be providing g food etc for him and will only supply ESSENTIALS is absolutely needed for the baby... have they got clothes etc for said baby if so how the jerk have you missed all that being g brought in or is she expecting YOU to now go out and buy it all.. cos this kid has another set of grandparents i think you need to be speaking to them too and FAST
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22. AITJ For Losing Patience With My Partner Who's Milking A Year-Old Rib Injury?

QI
“Back story, I 24 have been with my partner Greg 27 for two years. A year ago he entered a fighting ring and got his ribs blasted. He went to the hospital and there were no breaks just soreness to the muscles. It’s a year later and he is still telling me he can’t bend over or stand up.

It’s so incredibly frustrating to be told no I won’t do it, or not today when it comes to real-life stuff that needs to be done. It leaves me picking up all the pieces.

We just had to move into my family’s home for a short while.

While being here the only thing that’s asked of us is to help get ready for winter (old farmhouse, livestock, and firewood) every time Greg is asked to do anything he sneaks off or says nope not today can’t do it. My family is starting to get very upset with what they deem disrespectful at this point.

My father kept threatening to invite over my ex who knew how to work hard. It’s becoming a lot to juggle the changes and the pushback Greg is causing on top of it all.

To try and get some leeway on not doing work around the farm Greg got a job at a very corporate fast food place in the meantime until he gets an offer in his field.

This morning he woke up 15 minutes before needing to be there for his second shift and said “I don’t know if I should go today I need to rest in case I get a better job.” I told him to go to work and stop milking it.

It caused an argument where he stated I don’t understand, I’m cruel, and I just keep making him overdo it. I’m at a loss, every day it’s like talking to a 7-year-old that’s refusing to brush his teeth. I can’t do it. I don’t understand how you can have pain so bad for over a year that you say you can’t stand up or do anything helpful but no doctor has confirmed.

I have genetic back issues that cause my hips to be incredibly tight and pop, my back most days feels like it’s been slammed against a metal rack. I live with pain, I build my life with pain included daily. I have no patience or room for understanding with this year-old rib injury that is making everyone look at me like why are you with such a bum?
Tldr partner is milking a rib injury and I’m about to lose it and kick him out”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but, it sounds like it’s more than just him potentially milking the rib injury. “I need to rest in case I get a better job.” Is he just lazy in general?

I’m wondering if this is a lifestyle difference between you two that you are motivated and hard-working and he just isn’t?” Veracious_Quokka

Another User Comments:

“NTJ But I do think you’re a jerk to your family for bringing this useless man into their family home and making them suffer his nonsense daily.

If you want to stay with this man and live like this for the rest of your life, fine. But bringing someone like this into someone else’s house? Knowing they’re disrespectful AF, lazy, and won’t pull any type of weight (job or chores)? That’s incredibly messed up to do your family who’s trying to help you.

(Personally, it’s only been 2 years, break up and move on before you feel even more obligated to stay with someone like this. But that’s off-topic and it’s not like his behaviour is exactly new to you.)” no_rxn

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My husband had a 7-point buck jump onto his lap while on his motorcycle on the highway.

This was 2 years ago. He was 70. He broke most of the bones on his right side, including a few ribs. He was in rehab for 2 weeks after the surgeries to put metal rods in a couple of places. He was cleaning the gutters 4 months later.” justcelia13

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... honey send this mooch back where you got him from.. he doesn't WANT to work he wants to live off you and now your family... either that or call his bluff getting him in the car take him to the hospital explain he's still so injured that he can't work stand etc there must be something seriously wrong with him amd refuse to leave him alone with the dr so you can find out just how bad he is.. I can guarantee you he will either back out of going or explode at you for exposing him... but to inflict him on your poor parents too is wrong and you know it.. you KNOW there's nothing wrong with him really you are just delaying the inevitable because you know he's got that good at lying people are likely to belive his lies over the truth
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21. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Spend Time With My Daughter After I Babysat Her Kids For Years?

QI
“I (33F) have an older sister, JD (41F), who had her first son at 15 and had 5 sons total by the time she was 24.

When I was 13 my parents and I, along with my sister’s family, decided to move in together for financial reasons. From then until I moved out in my early 20’s I was an unpaid babysitter. I had no choice. My sister’s logic was that I didn’t help pay the bills so I needed to contribute somehow, and my parents went along with it to keep the peace.

I skipped 9th grade because I was home-schooled, but had no one to teach me, and was expected to watch my nephews. (I ended up repeating the year).
That first year that I was “homeschooled” and every summer I would usually watch them all day, from around 6 am to 6 pm some days.

I didn’t get to see my friends a lot because of this. When I eventually went back to attending school in a building, I would have to watch them after school.

I hated watching them because they were constantly fighting each other and misbehaving. This was also before smartphones, and my nephews were always watching TV (it kept them calm so I didn’t fight it), so I had zero entertainment.
We did have a desktop, but it was my sister’s and I wasn’t allowed on it while I was babysitting.
I barely got any recognition for this, let alone an allowance. Eventually, the boys got older and I moved out and that was the end of that.
Fast forward to now. I have a daughter, Luna (3 years old), who absolutely adores her aunt JD and is always asking to sleep over on weekends. Honestly, I would not mind if she slept over for a night, because as much as I love her, having one night to be alone with my husband would be nice.
JD adores Luna as well, but always turns her down for sleepovers, and for day visits, no matter how short. She has a new excuse every time: She has to clean, she has to run errands, she has to do stuff with her husband, with her (now adult) children, etc.
This would bother me because it felt like she never made any time for us. I get that her own family comes first, but SOME amount of her time would be appreciated every once in a while. I like hanging out with my sister as well, and I hardly get to see her, even though we live 20 minutes away.
Then it hit me— she barely spent time with my kid when I used to watch all 5 of hers for hours at a time for the entirety of my teen years. I started thinking maybe I should bring this up, but I knew it would just make her angry and cause a fight.
WIBTJ if I explained to her how I feel?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but there would be no benefit to it. Your sister — and your parents — are never going to admit that they took advantage of you and made you an unpaid nanny for *years*.

YEARS. You are a much nicer person than me because I would have downgraded her from ‘beloved sister I like to hang out with’ to ‘woman who never paid me for babysitting and I have to see at Christmas.’ Children love easily…Can’t you find someone for your child to love besides her aunt that doesn’t give a toot about her and that you (and presumably your daughter) hardly get to see?” lonnielee3

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you also can’t guilt her into babysitting for your daughter. if she is setting this boundary, respect it. tell her how it makes you and Luna feel, but don’t push it. and set your boundaries accordingly. it would be best for you to just distance yourself from her.” cracktop2727

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – also your sister’s poor decisions stole some of your childhood. She and your parents are the jerks for letting this happen. Also, you don’t need to pay bills, or contribute to earn your keep when you’re still a CHILD YOURSELF!

Plus you did more than contribute, you sacrificed your schooling and parts of your life for these people, and they can’t even see her. Your sister is selfish and entitled and your parents were bad parents to you for enabling her.” UnfairMilk8555

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anma7 3 months ago
YOU could also ask her to have her for the afternoon in return for all the FREE CHILDCARE you provided HER so she could make MORE KIDS while still a kid herself, amd expecting YOU as a kid to watch HER 5 KIDS!!! but she can't watch 1 child for an afternoon to gove you a couple of hours when you watched 5 FOR 12HRS A DAY for years !!!
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20. AITJ For Expecting My Daughter To Accept My New Wife And Stepson After My Wife's Death?

QI
“I (48M) recently lost my wife to cancer a year ago. It was very devastating for me and my daughter, Emily (17F).

Three months ago, I remarried to an amazing woman, Jess (41F). We’ve been working together for several years and she helped me out a lot when my wife was in the hospital during treatments. Things have always been tense between me and my daughter, as she has always been a ‘mama’s girl’.

They’ve been getting more tense since Jess and her son, Eli (8M) moved in two months ago. To give background, me and my daughter live in a 2B2B house. When it was just us, my daughter and I each had our rooms. Now that two more people have moved in, Jess and I thought it would be best if her son slept in my daughter’s room.

Emily originally did not agree with this, but eventually came around when I told her it was either to share a room or take the couch. I thought this arrangement was okay because once she turns 18 I’m expecting her to move out on her own.

Other than the room situation, Emily has been hostile with Jess and Eli since they moved in. I cannot understand why she could have this resentment towards Jess, who has done nothing but try to be a motherly figure for Emily. Now, we are planning a family vacation for me, Emily, Jess, and Eli. Emily and I had made the vacation plans together right after her mother passed as a way for us to mourn together.

I extended the invite to Jess and Eli after they moved in so we could all feel like a brand-new family. I originally booked two rooms; one for me and one for Emily so we could have our privacy in the evenings. But Eli has insisted on his room, so he can feel like a grown-up on his first-ever vacation.

I told Emily about the new arrangement and told her I could cover the cost of a new room for her, but only half. I can only do half because I am taking Eli to Legoland like he was hoping for this vacation. I am hoping that Jess and Emily will be able to bond while I bond with Eli and that our family will be blended by the time we are back home.

I expected Emily to be okay with this because she is a lot older than Eli and more mature than him. Instead, she freaked out and went off on both me and Jess, saying she feels like not only has her mother been replaced in eight months, but she’s also being replaced by the son I have always wanted. I admit I have always wanted to be a boy dad, but that doesn’t mean I love Emily any less.

I love Emily, and I do miss her mom. But I feel like I deserve to move on and get on with my life and find happiness. Why doesn’t Emily want that for us? So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ You remarry within 9 months of your wife’s death, Force your daughter to share a bedroom and then dare to complain your daughter doesn’t accept a new instant family????

Makes me wonder if Jess was on the scene as an AP BEFORE your wife passed away……. How dare you be so disrespectful to your daughter’s feelings and don’t be surprised if she moves out the day she turns 18 and doesn’t leave a forwarding address” ColdstreamCapple

Another User Comments:

“YTJ,  there are not enough words to say how much of a bellend you are….. You move on, with the speed of light, and expect your daughter to be okay with this. I call BS you being devastated, you replaced her so fast for your life to be convenient.

Your poor daughter, has lost her mum and has a father of the emotional maturity of a two-year-old.” Kukka63

Another User Comments:

“YTJ Emily deserves better, Jess and Eli deserve better, and rigamorus didn’t even set in before you moved on. If you have any hopes of salvaging your relationship with your daughter, you will cancel Jess and Eli’s involvement in the vacation plans and use the trip to actually talk and grieve with your daughter.” MotherBike

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anma7 3 months ago
YTJ.. less than a year after HER MOM DIES you marry your emotional affair partner then you insist she shares a room with an 8YR OLD BOY... cos well you don't want her there anyway once she hits 18... then you hijack the holiday you booked for her and you TO MOURN by bringing wife and new kid along but tell her he gets his own room ON YOU but she gets to pay for her own room cos YOUR NEW KID gets special treatment even though SHE is the 1 who's MOTHER DIED less than a year ago..... here's an idea if her maternal family are still alive let that poor girl go live woth them and then when she tells you to F##K OFF and stay away from her hope that jess and eli will be around forever.... YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE jerk for worrying more about keeping g your bed warm and your tail wet than your grieving g DAUGHTER.. who you admit was closer to her mom but its ok cos YOU picked her a new 1.... you are a joke!!! My heart hurts for Emily.... what's next oh well wife was dying so me an jess were getting it on anyway.. wel, we all know you were cos NOONE moves on that quick unless it's been happening i g for a long while before hand
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19. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Quit Her Home Daycare Business That Invades My Privacy?

QI
“Since I’ve been born, my mom’s had her home daycare. I’m 25. Originally, it was to make more income while she was staying at home with us. We constantly butt heads and I’ve tried to tell her she can make more money doing ANYTHING else. Our family has long outgrown the business, and it has taken a toll on everyone, even my mom.
When I was younger, it was good for my siblings and I’s social development. When I was 13, my mom would ask me to help with her kids. At first, it was just occasional, but then every day. She needed me to pick up kids from school/stay home with other kids so she could go get more kids.

When I said no, it became an argument of that ‘I didn’t care for the family’ or ‘I was selfish and never helped out’. I can’t count the times parents would leave their kids past 5 pm and I’d be the one who had to watch them because my parents had to take my siblings to their stuff.

There would be times when children would walk in on me while I was getting dressed. I also wouldn’t be allowed in my bedroom until 4 pm every day because she puts the kids in my bed for naps. The worst is that because she wants the money, she’ll take kids who are sick (vomiting, bronchitis, etc.) and keep them in our house and everyone’s beds.

When I was 16/17 I said I wanted my own space and I didn’t want kids in my bedroom because it’s my space/privacy. She refused and said this is her business and if I don’t like it I can leave. We would have fights because she would want us to bring our friends over and we never wanted to.

I never wanted to bring friends/partners around screaming children all the time. I also said since this is her job, I wasn’t going to be helping as she uses me constantly and if she wants to utilize me so frequently she has to pay me.

She refused and said I was being ungrateful. My brother left when he was 16 as he didn’t agree with her business/wanted his own space. My parents separated around 6 years ago, the home daycare wasn’t the full reason why but my dad worked from home and he couldn’t keep having the kids running around/screaming all day.

I was laid off from my first engineering job which I had for about 1.5yrs. We agreed that a bed/bath could be built in the basement. But I will have to pay for the entire bed/bath because she doesn’t want it. This will cost about $2200.

Then pay $300/mo for rent (both of which I’m more than happy to pay) and she claims that it’s too little and since I made more than her when I worked I have to contribute more to the ‘family’. I told her she’s only getting $300 (what she asked for) because I don’t have a job right now and I’m also not going to be contributing to water/hydro/food that she uses for people’s children that she claims on her taxes under her business.

She’s kept her rates/child the same for 15 years. With inflation, she can hardly afford anything and barely can save any money. She also works another cleaning job at night. I’ve tried to teach her and properly educate her on supply/demand, etc. But she doesn’t listen.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. It sounds like your mother has never really established any separation between her business and her family and has long expected you to prop it up. Having said that, at 25, you’re well and truly an adult. If you don’t like living there, get a new job and move out.” pepperbeast

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for wanting to, but she won’t. Let’s just be honest with ourselves, the only acceptable option you have is to do what your brother did, move out, ASAP. Your mom is not going to just magically change. You deserve your own space and independence, and the only way you’re going to get that is to leave.” BoyoDee

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.  You wouldn’t be home if you had another option. I’d encourage you to hold off on the renovations for as long as you can. Save that money so you can use it to help you move out. Your mom has very little money and her business is being shut down.

At some point, she’s going to either lose the house or have to sell it, and there goes your investment. Good luck with the job search and I hope you have better options soon.” SneakySneakySquirrel

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. however brother had the right idea at just 16 and MOVED OUT.. you KNOW she ismt going to change just move out already for gods sake.. you would get more privacy in a flipping room in a shared house.. mother doesn't want to learn cos she has YOU to work free of charge and YOU to subsidise the kids she cares for hence wanting more money from you... get OUT asap and leave money. To her own mess
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18. AITJ For Not Revealing How My Partner and I Met To My Sister?

QI
“I (26F) am from the UK and went to university when I was 18 and graduated at 20. Just before I graduated I applied for a job which allowed me to move abroad thinking this was a fresh start for me.

My sister and I were just raised by our mother who passed when I was 19 which did make university challenging for me. We also grew up in a dysfunctional household and I decided to be estranged from both sides of the family because if I’m honest they’re both crazy af and I just wanted a drama-free life, is that too much to ask? Due to this, it did create a falling out between my sister and me but we eventually reconciled around two years ago.

Experiencing working abroad has been one of the greatest experiences of my life and although I loved every minute of it I missed home (the area I’m from) and decided to move back to the UK. Around 11 or 12 I started saving any money I got which has built up a nice sum in my bank account so when I decided to move back home to the UK I decided to move back home I bought a house in the town I grew up in.
Whilst in the process of moving all of my belongings into my new house one of the neighbors came out and we quickly realised we knew each other because she was my lecturer and taught me at university. We caught up and became great friends.

The friendship has since turned into a two-year relationship and we’re pretty happy together. There is a ten-year age difference between us as she’s 36 but that doesn’t bother me and I plan to propose soon.

My partner already knew about my family life as I was always open about it and she was aware I had only just reconnected with my sister when we started seeing each other. My partner asked me to not bring up the fact I’m in a relationship yet as she just wanted me to build bridges with my sister who I found out was now married and had a child.
My sister and I have been doing alright so a few months ago I introduced my partner to my sister as my partner. We had a family dinner and my sister loves her SIL and they instantly connected. This week we had a family dinner again with her husband and their child and my partner and me.

My sister talked about a certain topic she’s fascinated with and my partner told her she taught me a bit about that topic when I was at university. My sister was shocked to hear this as she didn’t know that’s how we met.

After the dinner, we got home and my partner instantly revealed she was upset with me for not revealing how we knew each other before our relationship the thing is I don’t normally say/reveal anything unless asked but most of the people in my life know how we met.
So, AITJ for not revealing our “past”? I will accept my judgement.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Your past is not a secret that needs to be revealed. Your partner is probably uncomfortable that she had that attention on her. It wasn’t cool of her to blame that on you.

Hopefully, she’s settled down now. I don’t know why she wants to regulate what you tell your family about her, first asking that you hide the relationship and then being upset that you hadn’t revealed how the two of you originally met.” MarkedByFerocity

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – She’s going to find out eventually. You met and started seeing each other completely independently from school. It would be very different if she were your only teacher and groomed you from a young age which is what I think your sister might be worried about.” guitar game

Another User Comments:

“NTJ normally I would say yes that would be a normal disclosure, but it sounds like you’ve barely reconnected with your sister. Things aren’t normal in your family at the moment” WavesnMountains

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. ask her why she has done a sudden 180 on you... first off dint mention the relationship now its why didn't you tell her i was your lecturer.. really!! What's her issue, does she think your ashamed she's your old professor? That she's older ? What exactly? Amd why is sister shocked.. sorry you were no contact for years for gods sake it's going to take years if not forever to get to a proper sisterly relationship to where your both fully caught up on EVERYTHING you both went through/did over the years for gods sake.. however this woth the partner needs clearing g up first definitely before any proposal etc
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17. AITJ For Wanting To Deny My Almost-Sister-In-Law A Job At My Workplace After Her Infidelity?

QI
“I (20F) have a partner (20m) who we’ll call Jack.

Jack has a brother, Hank (25M) who has been with his now ex-fiancé since middle school (a little over 10 years) who we’ll call Raine (24F). Hank and Raine were the IT couple, I even found myself comparing Jack and I’s relationship to theirs.

I was to be a bridesmaid in their wedding and Jack the best man. I went wedding dress shopping with her, we called each other “sister-in-law” (even though neither of us was married to the brothers just yet), and I truly looked up to her like a big sister.

Hank is one of the kindest, most loving men I’ve ever met besides Jack. He never had a sharp tongue towards Raine or had any ill intent for her ever. Raine was always the same with Hank… until she stopped coming to our weekly family dinners at Jack and Hanks’s parents’ house.

Jack’s mom (56F, let’s call her Jane) has breast cancer. Along with Raine’s abrupt ending of family dinners, she never once called or texted Jane about her condition or how she was… which we collectively forgave her for. All of this was excusable until Jack and I went to a family dinner to find Jane and Hank crying in the kitchen.

This is when we find out Raine had been unfaithful to Hank since July (it’s October now) with a 33-year-old MARRIED MAN with A CHILD. I cried along with them as Jack stormed out, angry. The remainder of the evening consisted of Hank begging me and Jack to not text Raine or blast her on social media (as he is an angel) and Jacks’s parents telling me to not disrupt her chance at a job at my sister’s restaurant.

This is the part where I might be a jerk. I am currently a manager at a fancy burger and shake restaurant. We have a sister restaurant that is the most upscale steak and oyster restaurant in the city. Servers there are destined to make up to $1000 a night.

I have plans to move there come December, and Raine has been looking for a job there as well. I want to tell the hiring manager of said place that I will not work with her.

Me disrupting her dream serving and very profitable job only has one pretty bad outcome inhibiting her from moving out of Hanks’s home.

I have the position to stop her from working there and since her affair partner was a client of her old job, I have a very good reason to do so. The fallout of her unfaithfulness has led her to lose her current housing, both of her shared cats with Hank, her support system, almost all of her friends, her job, and Hank.

AITJ for wanting to add to her loss?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here…Hank and family asked you not to get involved. You don’t even know if she will get the job. If she does and once you move there you can let it be known to the powers that be that you are not comfortable working with her due to history and see what happens from there.” Neat_Pangolin_6643

Another User Comments:

“NTJ- you are in a position to stop her, so do it. If you are forced to work with her, you will be unhappy. She can work elsewhere. I would tell them you know her personally, she began an affair with a coworker.

They both were married and you do not want that drama to interfere or affect business. Because it is high-end, you want to protect their image.” United-Manner20

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. however maybe explain that you WILL NOT work with her and possibly explain that due to her previous behaviour with a FORMER CLIENT at her old job has caused you inlaws personal upset... the thing is the longer she is at your BILS HOME the longer HE SUFFERS.. so maybe delay you moving to that location so that poor hank can get his lying jerk ex out his home and begin to heal.. maybe this is why his family are begging you not to stop her getting g the better job... however there's nothing to say she will get the new job if someone 'happened' to tip them off before her interview about said affair with a married man and her dubious morals and work ethics... but it would have to be anonymous.. explain as its a high end restaurant you would rather not have disgruntled wives coming in to yell at your staff for her transgressions
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16. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Embarrassed Me At A Wake?

QI
“So, I (18) have been looking forward to this one event yesterday for the entire week. I purposefully asked about moving my work schedule around this day for this week because I knew I wanted to have time to get ready, I planned an outfit for the event, and I told my parents days in advance that I was going to this event (which is pretty important considering they often only let me go out once a month).
However, about a week ago, a good friend of my dad’s passed away. I was asked by my mom to even donate to his family (didn’t go through though, don’t know why, my mom didn’t follow up). His family would hold a wake of sorts where loved ones of the deceased would stop by, pray, and make donations for his funeral. It happened to be on the same day as the day I was planning to go out with friends.
So I figured, fine, I’ll go for a bit with my family. We were supposed to go around 3, and the latest we’d be back around was 6 — it would run an hour into the event, but considering that the event lasted until 10 that was fine by me. Now we ended up leaving around 5, I didn’t think we were going to go anymore considering my brother just left to go partying with friends and I genuinely just had a bad day and cried in the shower for the longest time because I wanted the space alone to do so.
The drive is 30 minutes, and I’m told we will be in and out of the wake, we get there at 5:30 and instantly my mom tells the widow that we weren’t staying long because “my daughter has plans to go out with friends.” It throws me off and I feel extremely embarrassed, the widow instantly gives me a look.

But the real kicker is that my mom later lies to cover the reason why my brother wasn’t attending the wake. We leave at 7:30, but not before my mom goes on to tell everyone she talks to that we are leaving early because I have plans.

I’m pretty sure everyone dislikes me by the end of it, the widow gave me a pretty curt goodbye and I feel awful.

By the time we got in the car, I just started bawling my eyes out because I felt embarrassed, I had a pretty bad day already, and I felt like literally everyone in that wake hated me because I was going to be honest I was pretty selfish!

I just wished that my business hadn’t been thrown out like that when my brother didn’t get the same treatment. My parents and eventually my older sister began to berate me for crying over this when I was going to see my friends either way and “that a real person died” and “that I didn’t care”.

Bear in mind I was pretty quiet, I didn’t bother talking to them after I initially explained that it made me upset how my mom told them about my plans when she covered for my brother.

So ya, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ It sounds like your mom didn’t want to be there and gladly threw you under the bus to avoid as much of it as possible.

Why do they only let you get out once a month? Are they opposed to it? It seems like they tried to emotionally sabotage any chance you had at enjoying yourself.” DragonCelica

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They are being purposefully abusive here. One kid doesn’t attend at all to party with friends and that’s fine, but you’re the reason they have to leave early, even though they didn’t have to drag you there and they went late.

Sounds like they went late on purpose and purposefully dragged your name.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If you work, you have probably heard some variation of the idiom that we are judged by the standard that we set for ourselves. Those who work hard and set a high standard for themselves seem to get in trouble when they miss something, but those who are lazy and do nothing never seem to get in trouble at all.

It’s unfair, and it sounds like what’s happening in your family life. Also, not to create controversy as you seem to just accept this, but it seems odd that you are only allowed to go out once a month… You’re 18. That’s the universal age of adulthood… Edit: I just want to be clear; you seem like a genuinely good person too.

You were willing to be late (by likely 3 hours judging by the time your family finally left) to your event because this wake was important to your parents. That’s something they should appreciate, yet it doesn’t sound like they included that when they told everyone that you’re the reason they were leaving.” Leading_Atti2de

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. oh hang on so as the daughter you have strict rules that you HAVE to obey and because parents didn't want to actually be at the wake anyway used your rare plans as the excuse to keep theor good standing in the community amd woth the grieving family etc to make their escape while ignoring the fact that golden child brother just didn't go anyway and that's ok... then because you RIGHTLY got upset at being used as the family scapegoat again they flip it on YOU again and probably not for the first time in your life to berate you and make you feel worse. You are not the jerk however I think you know this deep down u fortunately u til you can escape parents home you are going to be very stuck and be treated like this forever
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15. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend Who Made My Family Member's Death About Them?

QI
“I lost an immediate family member. The death was sudden and extremely tragic.
I had the very difficult job of informing people about the news. For close friends and family, we felt it was best to do it over the phone.

As I was the most semi-coherent of the bunch, it fell on me. I know people are morbidly curious about death. But at the same time, it was tough to rehash several times a day.

I had one friend whom I let know what happened. They’re my friend.

They don’t know my family or the member who died. Kinda like an old work bestie, you catch up with every so often. Honestly, I wouldn’t have said anything but we had plans I had to cancel. Explained the situation as best I could without going into a lot of detail.

They said (paraphrasing), “This is upsetting to me. I have a friend who was (insert specific situation here). They recovered but I can’t imagine what I would do if they didn’t.”
I didn’t say much to that but it did tick me off a bit.

It’s great their friend recovered. My family members didn’t.

They contacted me a few days later and said they were really sad thinking about my family and me. I thanked them again but was getting miffed that every conversation began with how THEY were feeling.
They did it AGAIN. This time they told me about how sad they were so close to losing their friend and how they understood my feelings of sadness.
I don’t know if I was neck-deep in grieving, exhausted, tired of dealing with everyone else’s feelings when I hadn’t properly acknowledged my own or the fact it was like they wanted me to comfort them, when I blurted out, “For goodness sake, this isn’t about you!”
They disconnected after apologizing and left me alone. I haven’t heard from them since.
I spoke to my mental health provider about what happened. She said she understood my anger but tried to get me to see that they were trying to connect with me albeit not very gracefully.

She reminded me that people like to try and share experiences and attempt to find common ground. She said my friend probably didn’t know what to say, was uncomfortable with the news of the death of someone so young, and tried to connect with the experiences they had. She said I should maybe think of it that way instead of being angry at someone who probably had the best intentions and that most of my anger was probably about the situation and not them.

So now I feel like rubbish not only did my family member die but I snapped at someone who was only trying to help. On the other hand, I do feel their comments and ways of trying to connect selfishly as if I needed to comfort them.”

Another User Comments:

“Honestly no jerks here You’re going through a painful time. While they were trying to help they ended up making it worse for you. I don’t think either person here deliberately did something wrong. Give it some time and reach back out when you can discuss what happened with them and explain why what they said was upsetting to you.” Mr-Lorus

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. Your reaction is understandable, but I, too, think that your friend only wanted to try to comfort you, even if they went about it the wrong way. I don’t think you need to crawl and apologize, but just explain yourself, if you want to reconnect.” backyardchick

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. When my dad died suddenly, I had to track down his customers (he was a plumber) and let them know. Fortunately, they were all gracious about it, but I was terrified one of them would be more about their unfinished work than my loss – and they were total strangers, not an alleged friend.

Oh, and find a better mental health provider: yours has a weird idea of what constitutes empathy.” Remember1959

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
Remember1959 is wrong, that is a very common way of trying to connect with someone, especially amongst neuro divergent people, tryifn to find a common ground helps people to process their feelings in relation to difficult information such as this. A good mental health provider helps you understand how other people are thinking instead if just validating your own feelings. Her friend wasn't being selfish, just not very thoughtful
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14. AITJ For Refusing To Bring My Cats To My Unclean In-Laws House Due To A Problematic Cousin?

QI
“My husband (29M) and I (28F) have 6-month-old indoor cats. My in-laws recently visited and loved them so much. They want us to bring the cats to their house the next time we visit because it is a 1-hour drive and they don’t always have time to visit us.
I told my husband to tell his parents no because his parents’ house is very unclean. They rarely mop the hardwood floors and wear their shoes inside, even if it is rainy and muddy. There is sticky gunk on the floor that’s been there for months.

My husband got sick a lot when he still lived at home, and he thinks it’s from the lack of cleanliness. I can wear shoes when I visit, but I don’t want our cats to be running and playing around in them. The husband completely agrees.

Another reason is a little complicated. My husband’s cousin “Oliver” has crossed multiple boundaries with us, especially regarding our cats. The first time Oliver visited our new house months ago, my husband had gone to pick up takeout for all 3 of us and while I was in the bathroom, Oliver took our kittens and drove to the park with them for hours.

We freaked out, and later when he returned with them, he said kittens need to go for walks and we were neglectful by keeping them indoors. He said our kittens would have a better home with him, so we quickly made him leave and promised not to let him anywhere near our cats again.

My in-laws said that Oliver was probably still emotional from losing his outdoor cat 3 years ago. I suggested therapy, but mental health is a taboo topic in their family, so that suggestion was rejected.
Oliver does not live with my in-laws, but two other cousins “Sarah” and “Lily” live with them rent-free.

Sarah, Lily, and Oliver are best friends. Oliver always comes over, because he gets free food from the girls, who get free food from my in-laws. My in-laws do not want to prohibit them from bringing Oliver over or even ask Sarah and Lily to give them a heads-up if they want to invite him over.

They also can’t prohibit Oliver from coming over unannounced. It’s important to note that Sarah and Lily’s mom and Oliver’s mom are both older sisters of my FIL and per their cultural tradition, my FIL can’t risk offending his older sisters.

For these reasons, I do not want to bring my cats over if there’s even a chance that Oliver will be there or will come over.

My husband and I both feel like he might just take off with our cats. If it happens under my in-laws’ roof, they will let it slide because they’d offend my FIL’s sisters if they suggest Oliver is a catnapper.

My husband told his parents, who got mad at me (not my husband), called me a jerk for being elitist and even suggested they enforce a boundary about Oliver during our visit.

I feel kind of bad because my in-laws are generally nice to us and genuinely love our cats. We’ll visit them still, but just not with our cats.”

Another User Comments:

“I don’t know what the customs are around where you live, but I have never heard anyone visiting others with cats.

All cats I have known genuinely hate traveling (even short 15-minute trips). It sounds like unnecessary stress for their animals – they are not dogs. Also, I miss the logic here…. how is a 1-hour trip too much for the parents but it’s easier for you to do the same trip with animals?” Pandorasbox1987

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. For one thing, most cats do not want to spend over an hour in the car each way. Ever. Esp. kittens. So it would not be good for the cats anyway. And that is aside from your already extremely valid points!

Do not let Oliver near your babies! (Yes, I have traveled with cats before–I had 1 that loved it, and 1 that would lose all bodily functions at the 3rd turn from our house–the rest have been somewhere in between. I have had cats for almost 35 years and currently have 8.

That’s a lot of feline travel experience!).” AlvinOwlHirt

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and the reason wouldn’t even matter, regardless of what it is. If they want to visit your cats, then they can just visit your house. If they complain, well, sucks to be them.

They’re *your* cats, and they have no right to violate your boundaries.” YourLaundryBasket

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. just tell inlaws that your cats are INDOOR CATS.... they will not be travelling g to their home, as cats are NOT like dogs and ge really DO NOT LIKE changes in surroundings etc... that they can see them when THEY COME TO YOU. And explain. Tnat Oliver may well miss his outdoor cat if that's the case he needs to go get another but he removed YOUR cats from YOUR HOME without permission and as such he WILL NOT get near your cats again.... that you understand that FIL is reluctant to upset his sisters however you will not be visiting g qoth the kittens any time soon. I would then leave it at that unless you want to go scorched earth amd tell them you don't want your cars in their home where they could get sick... also if hubby agrees with you about HIS COUSINS behaviour why is he not shutting HIS PARENTS down while they are blaming YOU alone for refusing to take the cats woth you... think you have more than just a inlaw issue i think you have a slight hubby issue too
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13. AITJ For Calling My Fiancé Manipulative Over Prenup Disagreement?

QI
“My fiance(28F) and I(31M) have been together for 4 years and living together for 2.

I’m a lawyer specializing in commercial real estate and wanted a prenup. I never thought about it until I was in a relationship but I thought about it when we got serious and talked to her about it. I also watched some YouTube videos about men getting taken advantage of in divorces and got scared. She was extremely angry and thought I was trying to take advantage of her.

Now I also did it because my parents wanted me to. They have some assets they want to pass along to me. Not a huge amount essentially a million-dollar house (which is only a 3 bed 2 bath but in an expensive city).

We argued for like 6 months and I agreed to drop the prenup conversation.

The reason I did was because her salary is very high and she is very hard-working. She is also very well educated with a master’s and her family so fairly well off too. So I just don’t think she would try actually to take my assets.

She also is very prideful and after talking to her it seems she hates the idea of agreeing to sign a prenup being more of a pride thing. I also accidentally told her my parents wanted it which hurt their relationship. I got a lot of flak from my dad who had his assets taken by his first wife and argued with him a lot about it.

I had to shut them down and they are angry at me for not doing what they want.

We are very close to the wedding. About 2 months away. We are going to the Amalfi coast in Italy to do the wedding. Then my fiancé hands me the prenup and tells me to get a lawyer who specializes in it to read through and sign it.

The prenup had most of what I wanted but some of what she wanted and it was fair at first glance. I was surprised because she was very against the prenup and now she is ok with it. I argued with my parents over it for her and it damaged our relationship.

I got angry and called her manipulative and she shot back she wasn’t okay with it initially and it took months of therapy for her to realize why she wasn’t okay with it. She said she felt like I should be okay with proposing to her with full trust she wouldn’t take advantage of me.

But now that I’ve done that she is ok giving me the prenup I want. I yelled at her that she was manipulative and should have told me earlier and she argued I wanted a prenup because I watched biased men on YouTube and listened to my parents over her so she needed to see if I would take her side.

I’m still upset but technically she agreed to the prenup. We have enough time to review and sign it but I’m just angry at the way she agreed to it. Like she planned this move to test me. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

You admit she has far more assets than you and she worked hard to make it. You allowed random biased individuals on YouTube to convince you that women are evil gold-diggers who only want to steal from men and ruin their lives then got mad when you realized if anyone needed a prenup more, it was her.

You deserve what you got. I don’t even know why she’s marrying you. You sound extremely insecure.” mauvebirdie

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. For listening to biased men on YouTube, for yelling at her when she gave you what you wanted, and for blaming her for your problems with your parents.

I don’t know why she still wants to marry you, but at least when she divorces you she’ll have a prenup.” HoshiJones

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. What you have presented here  is what is called a “non-problem.” You are simply refusing to accept the solution because your fiancée is the one who made the decision, not you.

You might be a huge jerk because of this.” Unfair_Finger5531

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anma7 3 months ago
YTJ... so cos daddy got screwed and then you watched better men on youtube.. instead of explaining it in a SENSIBLE WAY.. like ok honey we are now engaged however we both agree that BOTH PARENTS have assets that we will inherit in the interest of fairness may e we should BOTH sign a prenuptial meaning we will both be protected IN THE EVENT that we split at any point and decide to dissolve the marriage... that a prenuptial can cut our alot of nasty drawn-out EXPENSIVE hassle... but nope you did it the immature way and framed it like my daddy wants it cos you might be a gold digger... your lucky she wants to marry you after this crap tbh
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12. AITJ For Telling My Abusive Mother I Don't Love Her?

QI

“My mother is has a favorite child and it’s obvious who it is and it’s not me. I’ve been sickly since I was born, always having some sort of problem and always needing to see a doctor.

My mother and stepfather took turns staying at home to take care of us. We never wanted our mother watching us because she would always ignore us. She would load up the fridge with tv dinners and almost never cook. (She wasn’t a good cook anyways) And she only gave us attention when she wanted the house clean and it wasn’t good attention.

Since I was a sickly child there was usually only a week out of the month where I felt ok. Because I didn’t want to put up with her unreasonable chores (Like cleaning a single room EXACTLY the way she said to clean it, which included vacuuming the carpet for hours until not a speck of dirt/dog hair was on it) I hid.

Which consisted of me always putting something in front of the door/locking a door on her and her banging on the door screaming for me to come out. I got grounded a lot and eventually she put the locks on the outside of the doors so she could lock us in and we couldn’t lock her out.

This is only one of many other things that have happened, but this would get very long if I mentioned more. I am 25 now and have become more aware that I had a traumatizing childhood. My mother wants to keep the status quo by making her adult children say that they love her, but I flat out told her I don’t love her.

I told her that she was downright abusive growing up and she retorts by saying she did the best she could and that I should be grateful. I even once left a family reunion when she started blaming me for something that I didn’t do and she cried her eyes out.

I know she did because my siblings called and told me to apologize and I still won’t. I do feel a little bad about telling her I don’t love her because I can’t bring myself to hate her. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ My heart goes out to you, and I’m sorry for all of the damage that monster put you through.

I’m a mother of two, and I told myself that if I have ever had children, I would never treat them like how my parents treated me. Parents like her do the bare minimum and act like they’re the parent of the year. No child should ever be put through this, and they didn’t ask to be here.

Right now, you need to focus on healing and therapy. I’m sending you my love and good thoughts. If you need to talk, you have a friend right here.” tbns82

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... honey get yourself into therapy AFTER cutting them all down to at least low contact... they are just as much her victims as you are and as such tney are now u dee the impression mentally that what she did was love and tnat as your mother she deserves your love because she birthed you all... you need to remember SHE CHOSE to be a parent you DIDNT CHOOSE to be born and as such you DO NOT owe her anything unless you are unfortunately financially dependent on her for whatever reason still... if you aren't then cut her off... the reason she cried at the family event is probably because she was called out on what you told people.. amd the tears were a way to manipulate the siblings to side with her which again is natural especially if they were the favoured children... If dad knows how she treated you then he too needs cutting off for allowing her to treat you all This way... it was his job to PROTECT you kids not allow his wife your supposed mother to ABUSE you all instead...p,ease seek therapy they will help you deal with all your feelings and help you become strong enough to CUT HER OFF PERMANENTLY and possibly help the others realise what you all went through isn't a normal childhood and upbringing at all
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11. AITJ For Suggesting Baby Names From a Video Game?

QI
“So my partner (32M) and I (25F) are expecting a daughter, and we couldn’t be more excited. We’re currently thinking of names, and we agreed that it has to be a name we both like. If one of us doesn’t like it, it won’t be an option.
I enjoy playing video games a lot, whereas my partner doesn’t play at all and thinks it’s childish. It’s fine to hold that opinion of course, and he doesn’t stop me from playing, so it doesn’t interfere in our relationship.
Recently I’ve been playing through some games where I saw names that I thought were beautiful, so I suggested them to my partner as potential options.

He initially also liked the names, but when he asked how I found them and told them they were characters in a video game, he got upset. Saying I’m forcing my hobbies upon our daughter before she’s even born, that I will make her a target for bullying, and that I’m childish for even suggesting it.

The thing is, the names I suggested are perfectly normal names that are also used in the real world (Melia and Sena), so it’s not like I’m suggesting to call our daughter a strange name.
Is my partner right? AITJ for suggesting names from a video game?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ all names come from somewhere. A lot of people take inspiration from TV, movies, games etc. If he liked the names and now doesn’t because you heard of them from a game that’s a bit ridiculous. Also not nice to mock you as childish for enjoying gaming as a hobby, wonder how he would feel if you mocked his hobbies or interests?” illyriiaseekinghelp

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here His changing his mind based on the names coming from a video game is understandable. He isn’t into gaming, so he has no real perspective on how well known the games are in that culture. Those two names went from simply sounding good to him, to making him think you would be doing something that becomes dated and silly pretty quickly, like all of the kids named after Game of Thrones characters.” Signal_Wall_8445

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – maybe look those names up and show him they didn’t originate in the video game that’s where you just heard it. For example: The name Melia is a girl’s name of Spanish, Greek origin meaning “ash tree; honey; work; plumeria”.” sburges3

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anma7 3 months ago
NJH... just as your not a jerk for suggesting the names he's not a jerk for shutting them down... its a fact that yes some kids given unusual names ARE bullied.. however may e google said names and find the ORIGIN of saif names and show him they are REAL names not made up, tnat tney have been used for X years in various areas/countries and that justbecause you heard it on a game doesn't mean it originated FROM the game.... i kind of get his reasoning g but if you can prove its not a made up or way out there name that won't set her up for bullying then it could possibly go on the possibilities list.... i think he's viewing g your name picking skills the same as your hobby immature in which case why did he marry you let alone choose to have a kid with you.... think you both need a come to jesus conversation before this baby enters the world and throws your lives upside down
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10. AITJ For Telling My Former Weight Loss Buddy To Stop Blaming Others For Her Problems?

QI

“I, F31, met my former friend, F32 roughly two years ago when met at a weight loss group.

We were of similar heights & weights and had the same end goal in mind so decided to be each other’s accountability buddies.

We quickly bonded over the weight loss journey and other similar interests and became quite close.

However, as my weight loss journey proved productive, I am currently down 150lbs and have hit my goal weight, she has not.

As we progressed and she remained at her weight and at some points gained she grew more and more passive aggressive. At one point I stopped sharing my progress and focused on trying to get her to not lose hope and give up.

We are nowhere near as close as we used to be, partly due to her being incredibly passive-aggressive, partly due to a variety of snide remarks and partly because her lack of accountability really irking me.

She only reaches out to complain. Didn’t get promoted? Boss is fatphobic. Didn’t get a second date? Guy is fatphobic. Someone disagreed with her? They’re fatphobic.

When she went on to accuse me of being fatphobic because “I lost weight and therefore hate fat people” I lost my temper and told her that the world isn’t out to get her and that while this world definitely focuses on appearances too much she can’t go around throwing accusations around every time she doesn’t get her way.

I told her that if her weight was making her miserable she should step up and do something about it. I pointed out that plenty of overweight people manage to accomplish their goals without losing weight and that she needed to own up to her shortcomings, maybe even work on them.

I also told her I wasn’t interested in further contact if all she was going to do was be passive aggressive and salty.

She called me fatphobic, again, hung up and we haven’t spoken since.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Lmfao I lost a lot of weight several years ago and someone told me it was because I was fat phobic too.

I was coming out of a deep depression lmfao. Like no I promise I was not thinking about literally anybody else or their body when I started taking walks and eating more vegetables and generally no longer abusing myself. This is just to say, she’s not the only person who is ridiculous in that way lol” cursetea

Another User Comments:

“My best friend is 75 pounds overweight. I gained about 25 pounds during a difficult period. We started a new diet plan together. I’ve lost all the weight, she lost some, gained back more. She is my BIGGEST cheerleader and I am hers.

NTJ. Block her. She brings nothing to the table. Friends encourage one another. Sure, jealousy can pop up here and there but a good friend keeps it in check or talks about it like an adult.” nerdyviolet

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, cut her off. She is toxic I am fatphobic….

to myself! Been trying to lose weight and I blame myself, not others! I do joke my partner has been fattening me up, but it’s that, a joke. I hate how I look and have been trying to stay active. Your friend needs to look at herself, not others.

Claiming fatphobia over anything is just ridiculous. She can take a hike, you go on your journey. Otherwise she will bring you down. Congrats on your progress” DatguyMalcolm

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... block her off and let her wallow alone seeing how she's looking for someone to agree with her stupid way of thinking as they say misery loves company's leave her be... and well done on YOUR WEIGHTLOSS. Good on you
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9. AITJ For Teaching My Dad's Parrot To Demand Spinach?

QI

“I only taught our bird one word. She was already able to say ‘Morning’ and ‘Night’ at the appropriate times but has not yet learned to make a request/demand.

Dad had me looking after her for five months while he was working abroad, during which time I taught her ‘spinach’ after introducing her to the vegetable. Had no idea she would love this particular food so much. Now she screams ‘Spinach! Spinach! Spinach!’ whenever she wants it and Dad is upset at me for allowing her to develop this behaviour and not discouraging it when I had the chance to. I just didn’t think it would annoy my dad.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Parrots are smart and easily trained, and it was a harmless activity for you to train the bird to say “spinach” during those five months. It makes sense that you didn’t know how much the bird would love spinach and demand it.

At this point, your dad will have to work with the parrot to re-train her so that she doesn’t constantly demand her favourite snack. It’s also worth noting that a healthy diet for parrots does include leafy greens so your dad might need to adjust his perception to give the bird enough greens in her diet.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ That’s adorable. I was tasked with feeding a neighbour’s dog for two weeks while they were away. Every time I opened the gate, their dog would bark at me. They were not impressed to hear their parrot screech “Go away dog” every time they opened the gate.

Oops.” Im_New_Here_Too

Another User Comments:

“NTJ My sister had a budgie and a roommate with a foul mouth. After the roommate got kicked out (for other reasons) the budgie would swear a blue streak. So my sister would say shut up or I’m gonna flush you down the toilet!

And the bird stopped swearing but would then say Shut up, flush the toilet! Was the best budgie ever. So stinking smart and sweet. Mis that little dude.” xcedra

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... lol that's hilarious, so he gets a highly intelligent bird, leaves it woth you for 6moths and you teach it to ask for spinach.... it could have been worse you could have taught it to swear or worse mimic a phone etc... tell him your sorry but she likes spinach and may e he should teach it to say spinach please if it's lacking manners haha
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8. AITJ For Not Inviting My Absentee Father to My Daughter's Birthday Due to Her Fear of Strangers?

QI
“My father and I (f31) haven’t had the closest relationship, though we love each other but there’s not a lot of contact since I was 14.
Ever since my daughter was born, almost 2 years ago, he visited her at the hospital right after she was born.

Then he saw her once in between (on our request) and on her first birthday. After that, I visited him twice with her but that was it. There was no effort into seeing her or even video calling her. Rarely asked about her or asked for photos.

Now that she’s turning 2, she has a new fear unlocked. She hates strangers, especially when they are in our house (an old niece recently visited and she wasn’t having it).
Now, I want to celebrate her birthday with only people she knows and feels comfortable with. Meaning not my dad.

She doesn’t know him. She has seen him a few times but doesn’t know him. Therefore I told him not to come. He then went on to say that it was nonsense and that he’ll be there anyway and will stay at our front door (with a gift) until we open.

I blocked him after that because he couldn’t respect the fact that she had serious fears.

So am I the jerk for refusing to come to our house on her birthday (especially) and in general until we’ve figured out how to make sure she’s comfortable around strangers?

Though I know that can be fixed if he would see her occasionally, it isn’t happening.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It has been his decision over the last 2 years to not be a presence in her life. His desire to be at her birthday party does not overrule her right to enjoy her party with people she knows.

The idea of “standing on the step til you let me in” is childish, and selfish knowing his presence as a stranger would be upsetting for her on her birthday.” whateverworks1470

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, he wasn’t trying, but the moment it would cause trouble, he just decided that he cared. And “if” he regrets not caring, he can show it in the long run.

Like slowly showing photos, video calling someone, your daughter recognizes, being next to him etc… If he cares, he’ll try. If he truly doesn’t care… Well, he’s already causing drama with tantrums.” AceAmphiptere

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I didn’t let people she wasn’t comfortable with go to her party either, because My daughter had this phase at 2 as well.

She was SO shy that if we were walking on the beach and someone made eye contact with her, she would face plane stiff as a board into the sand without even bracing herself. She would bury her face in my chest for a good hour before coming up for air.

Now she talks everyone’s ear off, a mom at the park with a 2-year-old who was shy and hiding from her couldn’t believe it when I told her how she used to be. She was floored because of how comfortable and confident my daughter was But he made no effort; so he got the fruit of his efforts: none.” salinecolorshenny

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. however it's a phase that most kids go through at that age... however he CHOSE tomstay away and probably lying thinks if he forces the issue by turning up you won't refuse him entry due to there others there... stand your ground and when ANYONE knocks the door/rings the bell make sure YOU or partner/hubby answer it and dint allow him to come in... maybe tell him. Go away or you will, cal, the police.. extreme I know but if he's determined to stay there and possibly try convince someone else to Letham in then maybe that's the only way to deal with him
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7. AITJ For Not Apologizing After Calling My Wife A Star Wars Insult?

QI
“I (29m) and my wife (30f) have been together for over ten years. She does not care for movies at all and has not seen any Star Wars except for Episode 7, only because I wanted to see it so badly in theatres when it first came out.

I’m not a super fan or anything but she knows I’ve seen and enjoyed the movies and my parents love them too.

For context, she and I haven’t had what is considered a “real fight” in about six years. Just minor arguments.
Tonight we were watching YouTube videos and just relaxing on the couch after work. We do this nearly every day and we both enjoy it. I don’t remember exactly what she said first, but I remember it sounded goofy so I said something like “What are you even trying to say, you scruffy-looking nerf herder” and started laughing, expecting her to laugh along.

I know she hasn’t seen Star Wars, but even without context, I thought that was a hilarious and playful insult. We normally go back and forth like that all the time without meaning any harm. This time, she did not agree.

She immediately exploded on me and started yelling and pacing around our apartment.

I tried to explain that it was a quote from Star Wars and it wasn’t a real insult, but maybe she didn’t comprehend what I was saying because she was seeing red or something. After all, she ignored what I said and kept getting angry.

(I’m the type that freezes under pressure like that). I was telling her how confusing this fight was and I had no idea why she was so mad or how it escalated to this point so fast, which in hindsight did not help the situation either.

After saying it a couple more times, she finally understood that I was telling her it was from Star Wars. I thought the fight would finally end, but instead, the fight pivoted to how I didn’t apologize. That just made me more confused. She had been yelling and arguing with me for a while (no idea how long but it felt like an eternity) and never apologized to me, even though a single Google search or even her asking “What’s that?” would have stopped this fight from ever happening to begin with.

I’m not apologizing for quoting one of the most famous movies ever made, even if I knew she hadn’t seen it.

The fight went on for so long that she ended up going to a friend’s house to get out of our apartment for the night.

I’m regretting it more now that I’m sitting here alone, but I don’t know. I don’t feel like it’s fair to force an apology out of me when I didn’t even do anything wrong, to begin with, the whole situation was just a big misunderstanding, right?

At least not without her apologizing first for blowing up over something so trivial that she didn’t even know the meaning of it.

I know being right or wrong shouldn’t matter with the love of my life, but this situation escaped me. Since we haven’t had a bad fight in so long maybe I am being too complacent.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You used a quote from a movie you know she hasn’t seen to insult her. You did your best to deflect in your post, but the reality is that, instead of justifying yourself by saying “It’s a Star Wars quote” while she was upset, you could have just apologized. Apologizing when you’ve upset someone is basic kindergarten crap.

You’re trying to get an apology for the reaction before offering one for the cause? Wild take, dude.” thatvolleyballsetter

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Who’s scruffy looking?? She should have assumed good intent. You say you’ve been married for years without major arguments, and I’m puzzled as to why she reacted so strongly.

I suspect there’s something else going on that’s stressing her out, and this was the outlet for her emotion.” Snapdragon5180

Another User Comments:

“I like how to didn’t write one thing that your wife said when she was “yelling” at you. Why was she so mad?

I’m sure said. YTJ. You insulted your wife by insulting her appearance and her ability to communicate. She had no idea what your comment meant, so literally was how she took it. Why on earth are you expecting an apology for the situation you caused and have yet to take responsibility for?

As soon as you saw she didn’t think it was funny, you should’ve apologized. Name-calling and then claiming it’s a joke…not a joke if the recipient isn’t laughing.” User

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
ESH. You say that this kind of banter is normal between you two and I believe you, it's pretty normal for most partners, so her reaction was a bit ridiculous. But you still KNEW she wouldn't know what the quote was from and you could also tell IMMEDIATELY that you upset her. In cases like these, where you didn't mean to hurt someone but accidentally did, apologizing is always the first step! "I'm sorry, I know you haven't seen that movie. That was a poor choice of words, but I promise I did not mean to insult you."
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6. AITJ For Not Wanting to Split Rent While on Maternity Leave?

QI
“I (25F) and my husband (31M) had a son in March. We’ve been married for 8 years and have always had a good marriage but I am genuinely wondering if I’m in the wrong here.
I am on maternity leave until January (we live in Germany) earning a little under 60% of my normal salary (I’m a nurse).

He is a lawyer with a small law firm earning more than I did working. He had been covering the rent while I paid for anything our son needed, anything I needed, about half of the groceries, as well as doing the lion’s share of the cooking, cleaning and childcare.

He came to me this morning demanding I pay « my half of the rent » but I don’t think that’s fair in our situation. I am planning to go back to work in January and we would then split the rent, household and childcare accordingly.

He often refers to me as a SAHM but the way I understand it, a SAHM doesn’t pay for anything because she doesn’t work outside the house or earn a salary. Also, I’m on parental leave, so not a SAHM? My friends with kids who are also on maternity leave don’t pay the rent.

He argues that I am bad with money (which I am, but our finances are split so I’m not sure why it concerns him and I don’t see how paying the rent would improve my finances). The way I see it, he’s looking for all the perks of having a wife who stays home without the drawbacks.

Am I being greedy and unfair or is he?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your husband is a jerk, for sure. What kind of man demands money from his wife and the mother of his child? Then again, you are thinking the same way he does – his and your half, what’s monetary fair and what is not.

You’ve been together for 8 years and have a child, you should not even think in terms of separate finances. You should be a team.” MediumWellSteak8888

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. Why on earth are you two dividing your finances like this? When the chance arises, is he going to throw that he pays full rent in your face?

When you disagree about how to raise the child, are you going to throw the fact that you pay for everything baby-related in his face? Because that is the kind of behaviour your current arrangement incentivizes you both towards.” Sebscreen

Another User Comments:

“You’re not the jerk.

He’s a lawyer, he should know child support in Germany doesn’t mess around and will put a far bigger dent in his finances than paying all the rent. It’s a percentage of income, so good luck getting a good deal when you’re making a lawyer’s salary and the mother has a nurse’s salary.

Unheard of. We also have a hardcore deadbeat shaming culture, so his reputation would be down the drain as soon as you say you divorced over his handling of finances.” OneJobToRuleThemAll

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... you have a massive hubby problem not a money problem as such.... ithink you need to hadh this out with him cos by the sounds of it you are right he wants the perks of a SAHM while you work and pay for more than he does anyway. Surely he knows as a lawyer that if you left him cited his devision of finances and chores etc as a reason for the divorce then hos reputation would be down the Shute and also his child support would would be triple what the rent is and whatever other minor things he's paying at the minute... if you know you are bad woth money why not get with a financial advisor to help you navigate your spending... oh and your right a SAHM does work OUTSIDE the home and doesn't have an income she relies solely on hubby's salary to support her and their kids.... so maybe print out the actual meaning of a sahm and give him it.... cos he is living in la la land atm.. does he know you are going back to work ?
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5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Biological Mother, Who Caused Me Much Distress, At My Wedding?

QI
“My (22 F) and my fiance (24 M) will start to seriously focus on our wedding plans by May 2024. I’m Vietnamese-American, and he’s Chinese-American. So we both grew up with a heavy Confucianism background from our families. My family convinced me to let my biological mother be at my wedding because “No matter what she’s still your mother.” But both my fiance and I flat-out said no.
My biological mother has been through 2 pregnancies from her broken relationships where her baby daddies impregnated women and did not take responsibility. She secretly terminated her first pregnancy, but when it was my turn, she was stopped by grandparents who were pro-life. They had a deal that my grandparents would raise me, and she could have a new fresh life.
Throughout at least the first 14 years of my life, my biological mother was barely around. She often travelling, partying, and gambling. Only comes back to the family when she runs into trouble and needs financial assistance. She only started showing up more often when she learned that I got into a college prep high school. I guess her thought process was: good education > high-paying job > big financial contribution to her retirement plan.
I was initially chill with her all of sudden coming back into my life. But she started to bring so much trouble into my life that I ended up cutting her off, which angers my family because of their Confucian values.
Here are some of the stuff she put me through:
1. Borrowed some of my savings to fund her leisures, AND THEN eventually stole all of my college savings to fund her vacation.
2. When we got into arguments, she would casually drop the, “I should have terminated your pregnancy back then.”
3. Convinced me to break up with my fiance because he’s “not rich enough”.
4. Stole and sell my documents to other people so that they can illegally use my identity. Because she needed money that badly. (Not even sure how she met these people)
5. Gave some ridiculous superstitious reasons for why she left me since birth. Saying “I had to leave you because the fortune teller told me that our horoscopes are against each other’s, which may result in my early death if I keep you around.”
6. When I was seriously sick and the family asked her to take me to the ER, she complained about the opportunity cost of her being at work and making money the entire time. At some point, she even made me sit on a chair, while she took a nap on MY hospital bed because she was “tired from work.”
I’ve caught winds of my family planning to casually sneak my biological mother into my wedding. My fiance and I planned to warn my family that we would hire security to escort her out if my family tried to sneak her into our wedding. This may cause a potential fight as we start to plan the wedding any further because of the Confucian values of both families. AITJ for not allowing my biological mother to attend my wedding?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I suggest a good old-fashioned Baptist-style ‘come to Jesus’ showdown with your Confucian relatives to make it plain anyone who sneaks your egg donor into your wedding will be escorted out with her by security. The grandparents who raised you are your ‘real’ parents, imho.

If your grandparents demand she be there, forget the traditional wedding and elope.” lonnielee3

Another User Comments:

“NTJ ……… when Confucius was asked to describe the rules of ren he replied, “One should see nothing improper, hear nothing improper, say nothing improper, do nothing improper.” So since your biological mother fits into most of the categories, tell your family you don’t want to go against Confucius teaching by having her there.

Also ren can mean “not to do to others as you would not wish done to yourself.” So your family is fine with your mom going against these teachings but not you? Just like any religion, find how you can use it to prove their point wrong.

Best of luck to you. You deserve it!” StorySea5344

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, hope you can enjoy your wedding and am glad you found a very supportive man. Sometimes in life, people will teach you a lot about what to do taking them as counter-examples.

What she did is beyond imagination and what you’re doing is protecting yourself, the family you’re building and protecting herself from continuing to harm her daughter. Security or Elope, you can choose what you like best, hope you can still pray for her to change, but give it to god, letting her continue to harm you benefit nobody, your grand-parents did a lot for you but still failed to protect you from her in very serious circumstances.” Long-Leading

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. courthouse or elope if they all keep demanding you allow your incubator to attend and keep dismissing the crap she has done to you over the years.. if they get upset tell them well if you had all accepted OUR wishes for OUR wedding then maybe we would have had the wedding you could all attend.... hopefully your incubator will decide attending isn't important and wint show up anyway but i personally would courthouse it
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4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Back To My Hometown To Care For My Aging Parents?

QI
“My parents are getting older and I want to be there for them. I’m an only child, so it’s on me to help. I want to help because I love them. But I’ve told them many times that I will never move back to my hometown.

It’s a tiny, crime-riddled, substance covered horrorshow. I spent my entire childhood promising myself I would get out of there and I did. It’s a horrible town, and it’s in complete decline.

I suggested they move to my area because it’s nicer and they have family and friends here (my mom’s siblings, my Dad’s hunting/fishing bros).

There are also a lot of lakes around here and my Dad loves to fish. But every time I bring it up, they refuse to consider moving.

Now, I think this next part is important.
My parents can afford to live anywhere they want. Literally.

My husband and I aren’t as fortunate (statistically 99.2% of people aren’t as fortunate), but we live comfortably in an area with all sorts of opportunities. I want my parents close so I can take care of them as they age, but they would rather grow old alone in their craphole. This would force me to drive 5 hours every time there’s an issue or emergency.

When my grandmother did the same thing to my father (refusing to move so he could help her – even offered to buy her a house) he was livid and couldn’t comprehend why she would be so selfish as to expect her children to drive 10 hrs to tend to her. Now, my Dad is putting me in almost the same situation.
Seriously, AITJ? I have no idea what to do in this situation.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m also an only child and I’ve had to put my foot down with my mother several times. I love her and do care for her, but there are conditions on that, like she has to regularly take her medication, etc.” LowBalance4404

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Parents need to deal with reality, their kids cannot and should not reorder their lives around taking care of their parents when there are perfectly good places near their children to move to. Putting additional burdens on your children for you is selfish and disrespectful.

They need to sell their place and get a nice condo or apartment near you if they expect you to take of them in old age. That’s it, take it or leave it, mom and pop.” mustng66

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I have 3 kids and I will be darned if they’re going to uproot their lives to take care of their mom and me, ever.

I would never expect them to and I would fight them if they tried. Live your life. They are choosing to live in West Stabbington, let them take care of themselves, if they want to be closer to you, they can act like it.” PianistBrilliant4615

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. remind dad of his feelings when his own mother tried the same with him... tell him he's doing the exact same thing TO YOU... amd unless he wants to be limited to possible weekly visits and video calls he needs to rethink his stance seeing how he wasn't willing g to do the same thing for HIS MOM that he's expecting YOU to do for them... even though your area is better they have family there and they would love it... sounds like he's doing the stubborn parent act.. also remind him you get the final say on any care facility he may have to go into at sone point
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3. AITJ For Telling My Dying Grandad I Hate Him?

QI
“My (19M) grandad is dying and is probably going to pass soon. All of my feelings about him are super complicated though. He was always really homophobic and misogynistic but I didn’t realize it was directed at me till I got older and realized who I was.

I loved my grandad growing up and I was pretty much his favorite. He taught me swimming, fishing, and how to play football. Everything changed when I hit puberty and I discovered I liked boys. Even though I was as stereotypically masc as you can get he still said horrible stuff to me when I came out as a kid… From the age of 14 -16, I was in an extremely abusive relationship with one of my football teammates.

I finally had enough and had a breakdown that caused me to end up in the hospital with my whole family finding out. When I needed support he told me he couldn’t believe I was so weak and he told me I deserved it for being a weak jerk. We quit talking after that.

My parents went pretty LC with my grandad, but my dad still wanted to keep in touch with him. They never made me talk to him anymore though even after he tried reaching back out to me and trying to make amends. He’d been sick for about a year and a half now.

Chemo didn’t do much and his cancer advanced fast. he’s probably going to die in the next week or so. Everyone went to visit him this week and initially, I refused to do so but my parents and my siblings pretty much forced me to go saying I’d regret not going.

We got there Thursday and on the moment of truth I couldn’t go into the hospital even at Everyone’s urging I just couldn’t do it. I got a call later in the day from the hospital. It was my grandad begging me to come see him so that we could talk.

I just kinda broke down crying and told him I hated him and hung up. I don’t even know if I honestly do and I don’t know why I said it. When the rest of the family heard about it they started telling me how awful I was for doing that and asking why’d I even come if I was going to be like that… A lot of my family is still mad at me for what I said. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your grandad was awful to you. I don’t expect he’d have had anything to offer you in his dying moments that qualified as a sincere apology. More likely million excuses for his bad behavior, or saying that he said what he said because “I love you and I want what’s best for you” or some such nonsense.

You were under no obligation to subject yourself to that for his sake or anyone else’s. You told him you hated him was nothing more than he deserved. If he wants deathbed absolution, let him call a priest. Love and peace to you ” Libba_Loo

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for yelling at a dying man who is trying to apologize for the mistakes he made and wanting to see his once favourite grandson last one time. I mean what do you have to lose to hear him make amends? He is going to die anyway so why make him die regretfully?

If he acts the same just say forget him and leave but If the chances are that he is not, you will be in doubt if you did the right thing or not for the rest of your life and maybe you’ll feel the same thing when you are on your deathbed. You had good memories with him tells me he wasn’t a super evil person And according to comments here being cruel and spiteful to people is a good thing and forgiveness is a bad thing.

I hope you guys don’t die with regrets over your bad past deeds” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your grandfather was in the wrong for what he said and did, and he could be facing it on his deathbed. However, you need to realize that you will have to live with the choices you make here for the rest of your life.

I strongly urge you to visit him and talk to him. It may give you closure and peace. At the worst, you won’t have to live with regrets later.” TheTightEnd

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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ as your feelings are understandable, but at the same time you may regret not giving him a chance. It's somethig yu may regret for a long time. It might honestly be more beneficial to YOU to go and see him and hear what he has to say. If he's nasty all over again walk out, but you can then take comfort in the fact that you were generous, and anyway the old monster is dead. If he wants to apologise it may give both of you some peace.
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2. AITJ For Cancelling My Husband's Gift of Accent Classes for My Parents?

QI
“I (30f) am a 1st gen daughter of immigrants. My husband Jim(34m) and I have 2 kids (5&7m) and speak English primarily. I’m bilingual and try to raise our boys to speak both but their English is much better because they speak it more. Jim tried to learn but it was hard for him and understandably, he eventually gave up.
Despite having moved nearly 38 years ago, my parents still have noticeably foreign accents and often make mistakes with grammar and pronunciation. It’s not enough to affect the ability to understand what they mean if you’re paying attention and understand context clues. That being said, it hasn’t prevented people from treating them poorly.

It’s even harder for my mum. She comes from a poor rural background, so while my dad had the benefit of more education and has been able to neutralize his English and accent somewhat, she didn’t. When they moved, she was a homemaker and her efforts to make friends were met with disdain, even after learning enough English to socialize.

Eventually, she just retreated into her shell and stopped trying. She’s the most chatty, bubbly, warm person around family, but very shy in public and with strangers.

My dad retired last year and they moved closer to us. It’s been wonderful because they love having the boys over, and it saves us lots on childcare.

The boys have also improved in leaps and bounds in my native language since they get more practice now. This has caused problems because Jim feels left out when the kids and I speak together, which is pretty often as they love showing off the new words or phrases they learned. I told the kids that we should all speak English if Dad is in the room including him.

My parents have been doing this by default since they met Jim, and because we’ve been spending more time together, my mum has relaxed and opened up more. She’s also more social because she’s been able to meet more retirees in our area.

My parents’ 40th is coming up, and when I brought up gift ideas, Jim stated that he took the initiative to get them lessons with an accent coach.

His logic is that if my parents were more comfortable with English, they’d speak it more and we wouldn’t be leaving him out so much. I was livid because I was very protective of them, so I called the classes. I know exactly how my mum will take it, and I don’t want to see her lose her growing confidence.

He said I’ve been coddling my parents and it’s why they’re the way they are. The argument escalated, and I said that if he breathed a word of those classes, I’d never forgive him. He responded that he wouldn’t be attending the celebration dinner or any other event around my parents until they stopped teaching his kids to talk behind his back.

Now, our friends are criticizing me for canceling his gift and not supporting him. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all. Signing someone up for accent classes would be humiliating. It can also be very very difficult to change your accent. I know friends who have learnt both English and Chinese since childhood, but still speak with an accent in either English or Chinese, depending on which is their second language.

Even among those who learnt English in kindergarten, they still mix up he/she and him/her because their mother tongue uses mainly gender-neutral pronouns. It’s already impressive that your parents can communicate decently in English. Having a strong accent shouldn’t matter.” Cats-in-the-rain

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – for declining the gift, he was an insecure idiot. YTJ – for making him feel like a foreigner in his own home. Did I get this right that he could be outnumbered 4 or 5 to one, by people speaking a language he does not understand?

I see divorce in your future if you do not sort this out pronto.” SomeRazzmatazz339

Another User Comments:

“YTJ ​ He is right, and you KNOW it. Your parents should have taken those classes 25 years ago, and not being competent in the language has hurt them for decades.

​ You would rather let them continue with that than help them because it would be an uncomfortable discussion with them? ​ “He responded that he wouldn’t be attending the celebration dinner or any other event around my parents until they stopped teaching his kids to talk behind his back” He is right: They are not fit to teach your kids, it is GOOD parenting not to want your kids to get mangled language skills.” Aggressive-Mind-2085

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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ, you are married to a racist with a superiority complex. If he doesn't like not being ableto understand, he could put more effort into learning their language. He is not the boss of any of you and needs to learn that he is not entitled to obedience.
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1. AITJ For Refusing to Pay More Rent After My Sister Changed Our Agreement?

QI
“My (24F) husband (25M) and I recently moved back to the state I’m from.

My twin sister suggested that we all live together so that she can move out of our parent’s house. At first, we were hesitant. However, we eventually agreed because it would be mutually beneficial. She found the place, a 3-bed at $1295/mo + utilities. When asked about how we would split up the rent + utilities, she said that she would split everything 50/50 with us. This is an agreement we came to a few months ago.

2 weeks ago, we signed the lease + moved in. We agreed that my husband + I would share the larger bedroom, she would get one room, and she + my husband would share the spare room as a home office/gaming room. We were all getting along great until my sister approached me, explaining that after she’d done some thinking, she no longer believed that our original agreement was fair because we made more money than she did.

(For context, I make $29k/yr, my husband makes $55k/yr, and my sister makes $45k/yr). She proceeded to suggest that we pay 2/3 of rent + utilities and that she pay 1/3. I was caught off-guard by the conversation. I had to think about what she said and talk to my husband.

I didn’t want to argue with her or make her upset, so we negotiated down to paying $800 while she paid $495 for rent and that we would pay 65% of utilities. I still didn’t feel right about this, but I tried seeing it from her POV.

The next day, I spoke to my parents + my aunt about it. My parents + aunt both agreed that it was unfair for her to renegotiate now. After speaking with them, I realized that I needed to speak with her again + insist that we go back to our original agreement.

I approached her that night saying that I knew we had discussed this, but the more I thought and talked with my husband (who also felt it was unfair), the more I felt it was unfair for her to go back on our original agreement.

Before I could finish explaining my first thought, she began to interrupt + argue with me. She got upset and walked away from the conversation, saying that as soon as our lease was up (in 1 year), she would find somewhere else to live. At this point, I was shocked at how upset and angry she became. I ended up leaving the house for a bit with my husband to chat when I received a call from my parents.

They explained that my sister had called them crying and yelling, saying that they needed to stay out of our business. She had the sentiment that she had been screwed over and that everyone was against her and taking my side.
For context, she just bought a new car (not out of necessity, she just wanted a newer one).

My dad said that he tried discussing bills with her, but she insisted she could afford it easily. I feel guilty, but my family is telling me that I did the right thing by sticking up for myself. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“ESH – Your sister sucks for waiting until AFTER the lease was signed to try and renegotiate how payment should be split. But on the other hand, you suck for “not feeling right” about splitting things fairly. You and your husband are two people. You take up more space and will ultimately use more utilities.

You all should have talked more before moving, but you and your husband should be paying 2/3 rent and 2/3 utilities if you want it to be fair. It has nothing to do with who makes more and everything to do with paying each person’s fair share.

You and your husband together are not one person, so you shouldn’t be paying the same as one person.” User

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I don’t see how you two have convinced yourself that the original agreement was fair but I’m assuming greed has a lot to do with it.

You get a two-for-one deal. She’s subsidizing everything from the bigger bedroom to the showers you take. She should’ve realized it earlier, but she is indeed being screwed over and the fact that her entire family is happy to do it *and* make judgmental digs at her spending at the same time sucks for her.

I’d be pretty upset too.” ToxicEnabler

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. There are 2 of you, you get the bigger room, and you two use up more utilities, but she has to pay HALF? Yes, it sucks that she brought it up afterwards but she didn’t realize how unfair this arrangement is until after you guys moved in.

And if you care about your sister, you wouldn’t screw her like that by making her pay more than her fair share.” Poison-Ivy126

-2 points (2 vote(s))
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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. i will tell you what's happened, you all agreed to the terms and then signed the lease.. she then decided she WANTS not needs WANTS a new car and even after dad tried to ask her look you have a previous agreement with sis and bil to pay the rent etc on house cos YOU WANTED to move out of here RAISING your outgoings she told him she could afford it blah blah blah... HOWEVER now she realises dad is in fact right and she has left herself tight on funds now but doesn't want to admit it so instead wants you and hubby to subsidise HER LIVING expenses... not on you or hubby... so she decides to try blame parents for not agreeing with her and demanding you and hubby subsidise her the way they have been.... NTJ if she wants to move out let her and then either make it work on you and hubby's earnings or get a room mate who is obviously MORE ADULT than your sister clearly is
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