People Question Their Actions in These Precarious 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Being Angry At My Daughter For Hiding Her Pregnancy To Manipulate Me Into Letting Her Partner Move In?
She lost her job over recent circumstances and has felt too sad since then to look for a new one. I’m not sure if Gary has ever worked but he doesn’t now, mostly he just sits around my house playing X-Box and eating my food. I’m not Gary’s biggest fan, but my daughter loves him so I tolerate him and have always been polite to him.
Eventually, Gary responded with a picture of a baby and ‘Say hello to your grandson!’ She had never even told my ex-wife or me that she was pregnant (for context, she’s a bigger girl and had put on a couple of extra kilos over the last couple of months.
While it seems obvious now in retrospect, at the time it just seemed like normal weight gain).
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Don’t let him move in. Allow visitation. This will allow him to see his kid but light a fire under their rear to get out of your house. No overnights. If you let him move in you’re screwed. She will be pregnant again in a year and they will never leave.
Maybe your ex-wife can take them in? She seems pretty excited about their terrible decision for some reason.” 2Whom_it_May_Concern
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Gary knew about the baby. And instead of stepping up and getting a job to pay for this kid, he has the audacity to mooch off you and eat your food.
Diapers are expensive, my guess is that they are going to ask you to but them a LOT of baby items. It’s one thing to help family, but they took this to a whole new level. They are taking advantage of you, and you need to put your foot down now.
Don’t pay for anything. It’s gonna suck and they will throw a fit. Their plan was to manipulate you into helping them pay for things and having a free place to live. That’s not normal behavior for an adult. Also stop buying the guy food.
The partner is an immature idiot.” b3lindseyb3
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. That was incredibly manipulative and deceitful on their part. It sounds like your ex wife is just in baby mode, not reality. You are not stealing any “ magical times” by your reaction. They didn’t make it magical in the first place, they used this strategically to get their way.
And the fact that they know you would have held them accountable to acting like adults and avoided it, speaks volumes. They should go to someone who will support their delusions- like ex wife or Gary’s house. It is insulting to you that they tried to pull this type of stunt.” Mountain_Score2402
22. AITJ For Losing Patience With My Partner Who's Milking A Year-Old Rib Injury?
It’s so incredibly frustrating to be told no I won’t do it, or not today when it comes to real-life stuff that needs to be done. It leaves me picking up all the pieces.
While being here the only thing that’s asked of us is to help get ready for winter (old farmhouse, livestock, and firewood) every time Greg is asked to do anything he sneaks off or says nope not today can’t do it. My family is starting to get very upset with what they deem disrespectful at this point.
My father kept threatening to invite over my ex who knew how to work hard. It’s becoming a lot to juggle the changes and the pushback Greg is causing on top of it all.
This morning he woke up 15 minutes before needing to be there for his second shift and said “I don’t know if I should go today I need to rest in case I get a better job.” I told him to go to work and stop milking it.
It caused an argument where he stated I don’t understand, I’m cruel, and I just keep making him overdo it. I’m at a loss, every day it’s like talking to a 7-year-old that’s refusing to brush his teeth. I can’t do it. I don’t understand how you can have pain so bad for over a year that you say you can’t stand up or do anything helpful but no doctor has confirmed.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but, it sounds like it’s more than just him potentially milking the rib injury. “I need to rest in case I get a better job.” Is he just lazy in general?
I’m wondering if this is a lifestyle difference between you two that you are motivated and hard-working and he just isn’t?” Veracious_Quokka
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I do think you’re a jerk to your family for bringing this useless man into their family home and making them suffer his nonsense daily.
If you want to stay with this man and live like this for the rest of your life, fine. But bringing someone like this into someone else’s house? Knowing they’re disrespectful AF, lazy, and won’t pull any type of weight (job or chores)? That’s incredibly messed up to do your family who’s trying to help you.
(Personally, it’s only been 2 years, break up and move on before you feel even more obligated to stay with someone like this. But that’s off-topic and it’s not like his behaviour is exactly new to you.)” no_rxn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband had a 7-point buck jump onto his lap while on his motorcycle on the highway.
This was 2 years ago. He was 70. He broke most of the bones on his right side, including a few ribs. He was in rehab for 2 weeks after the surgeries to put metal rods in a couple of places. He was cleaning the gutters 4 months later.” justcelia13
21. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Spend Time With My Daughter After I Babysat Her Kids For Years?
When I was 13 my parents and I, along with my sister’s family, decided to move in together for financial reasons. From then until I moved out in my early 20’s I was an unpaid babysitter. I had no choice. My sister’s logic was that I didn’t help pay the bills so I needed to contribute somehow, and my parents went along with it to keep the peace.
I didn’t get to see my friends a lot because of this. When I eventually went back to attending school in a building, I would have to watch them after school.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there would be no benefit to it. Your sister — and your parents — are never going to admit that they took advantage of you and made you an unpaid nanny for *years*.
YEARS. You are a much nicer person than me because I would have downgraded her from ‘beloved sister I like to hang out with’ to ‘woman who never paid me for babysitting and I have to see at Christmas.’ Children love easily…Can’t you find someone for your child to love besides her aunt that doesn’t give a toot about her and that you (and presumably your daughter) hardly get to see?” lonnielee3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you also can’t guilt her into babysitting for your daughter. if she is setting this boundary, respect it. tell her how it makes you and Luna feel, but don’t push it. and set your boundaries accordingly. it would be best for you to just distance yourself from her.” cracktop2727
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – also your sister’s poor decisions stole some of your childhood. She and your parents are the jerks for letting this happen. Also, you don’t need to pay bills, or contribute to earn your keep when you’re still a CHILD YOURSELF!
Plus you did more than contribute, you sacrificed your schooling and parts of your life for these people, and they can’t even see her. Your sister is selfish and entitled and your parents were bad parents to you for enabling her.” UnfairMilk8555
20. AITJ For Expecting My Daughter To Accept My New Wife And Stepson After My Wife's Death?
Three months ago, I remarried to an amazing woman, Jess (41F). We’ve been working together for several years and she helped me out a lot when my wife was in the hospital during treatments. Things have always been tense between me and my daughter, as she has always been a ‘mama’s girl’.
They’ve been getting more tense since Jess and her son, Eli (8M) moved in two months ago. To give background, me and my daughter live in a 2B2B house. When it was just us, my daughter and I each had our rooms. Now that two more people have moved in, Jess and I thought it would be best if her son slept in my daughter’s room.
Emily originally did not agree with this, but eventually came around when I told her it was either to share a room or take the couch. I thought this arrangement was okay because once she turns 18 I’m expecting her to move out on her own.
Other than the room situation, Emily has been hostile with Jess and Eli since they moved in. I cannot understand why she could have this resentment towards Jess, who has done nothing but try to be a motherly figure for Emily. Now, we are planning a family vacation for me, Emily, Jess, and Eli. Emily and I had made the vacation plans together right after her mother passed as a way for us to mourn together.
I told Emily about the new arrangement and told her I could cover the cost of a new room for her, but only half. I can only do half because I am taking Eli to Legoland like he was hoping for this vacation. I am hoping that Jess and Emily will be able to bond while I bond with Eli and that our family will be blended by the time we are back home.
I expected Emily to be okay with this because she is a lot older than Eli and more mature than him. Instead, she freaked out and went off on both me and Jess, saying she feels like not only has her mother been replaced in eight months, but she’s also being replaced by the son I have always wanted. I admit I have always wanted to be a boy dad, but that doesn’t mean I love Emily any less.
I love Emily, and I do miss her mom. But I feel like I deserve to move on and get on with my life and find happiness. Why doesn’t Emily want that for us? So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You remarry within 9 months of your wife’s death, Force your daughter to share a bedroom and then dare to complain your daughter doesn’t accept a new instant family????
Makes me wonder if Jess was on the scene as an AP BEFORE your wife passed away……. How dare you be so disrespectful to your daughter’s feelings and don’t be surprised if she moves out the day she turns 18 and doesn’t leave a forwarding address” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, there are not enough words to say how much of a bellend you are….. You move on, with the speed of light, and expect your daughter to be okay with this. I call BS you being devastated, you replaced her so fast for your life to be convenient.
Your poor daughter, has lost her mum and has a father of the emotional maturity of a two-year-old.” Kukka63
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Emily deserves better, Jess and Eli deserve better, and rigamorus didn’t even set in before you moved on. If you have any hopes of salvaging your relationship with your daughter, you will cancel Jess and Eli’s involvement in the vacation plans and use the trip to actually talk and grieve with your daughter.” MotherBike
19. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Quit Her Home Daycare Business That Invades My Privacy?
When I said no, it became an argument of that ‘I didn’t care for the family’ or ‘I was selfish and never helped out’. I can’t count the times parents would leave their kids past 5 pm and I’d be the one who had to watch them because my parents had to take my siblings to their stuff.
There would be times when children would walk in on me while I was getting dressed. I also wouldn’t be allowed in my bedroom until 4 pm every day because she puts the kids in my bed for naps. The worst is that because she wants the money, she’ll take kids who are sick (vomiting, bronchitis, etc.) and keep them in our house and everyone’s beds.
When I was 16/17 I said I wanted my own space and I didn’t want kids in my bedroom because it’s my space/privacy. She refused and said this is her business and if I don’t like it I can leave. We would have fights because she would want us to bring our friends over and we never wanted to.
I never wanted to bring friends/partners around screaming children all the time. I also said since this is her job, I wasn’t going to be helping as she uses me constantly and if she wants to utilize me so frequently she has to pay me.
She refused and said I was being ungrateful. My brother left when he was 16 as he didn’t agree with her business/wanted his own space. My parents separated around 6 years ago, the home daycare wasn’t the full reason why but my dad worked from home and he couldn’t keep having the kids running around/screaming all day.
I was laid off from my first engineering job which I had for about 1.5yrs. We agreed that a bed/bath could be built in the basement. But I will have to pay for the entire bed/bath because she doesn’t want it. This will cost about $2200.
Then pay $300/mo for rent (both of which I’m more than happy to pay) and she claims that it’s too little and since I made more than her when I worked I have to contribute more to the ‘family’. I told her she’s only getting $300 (what she asked for) because I don’t have a job right now and I’m also not going to be contributing to water/hydro/food that she uses for people’s children that she claims on her taxes under her business.
She’s kept her rates/child the same for 15 years. With inflation, she can hardly afford anything and barely can save any money. She also works another cleaning job at night. I’ve tried to teach her and properly educate her on supply/demand, etc. But she doesn’t listen.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It sounds like your mother has never really established any separation between her business and her family and has long expected you to prop it up. Having said that, at 25, you’re well and truly an adult. If you don’t like living there, get a new job and move out.” pepperbeast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to, but she won’t. Let’s just be honest with ourselves, the only acceptable option you have is to do what your brother did, move out, ASAP. Your mom is not going to just magically change. You deserve your own space and independence, and the only way you’re going to get that is to leave.” BoyoDee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You wouldn’t be home if you had another option. I’d encourage you to hold off on the renovations for as long as you can. Save that money so you can use it to help you move out. Your mom has very little money and her business is being shut down.
At some point, she’s going to either lose the house or have to sell it, and there goes your investment. Good luck with the job search and I hope you have better options soon.” SneakySneakySquirrel
18. AITJ For Not Revealing How My Partner and I Met To My Sister?
My sister and I were just raised by our mother who passed when I was 19 which did make university challenging for me. We also grew up in a dysfunctional household and I decided to be estranged from both sides of the family because if I’m honest they’re both crazy af and I just wanted a drama-free life, is that too much to ask? Due to this, it did create a falling out between my sister and me but we eventually reconciled around two years ago.
The friendship has since turned into a two-year relationship and we’re pretty happy together. There is a ten-year age difference between us as she’s 36 but that doesn’t bother me and I plan to propose soon.
My sister talked about a certain topic she’s fascinated with and my partner told her she taught me a bit about that topic when I was at university. My sister was shocked to hear this as she didn’t know that’s how we met.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your past is not a secret that needs to be revealed. Your partner is probably uncomfortable that she had that attention on her. It wasn’t cool of her to blame that on you.
Hopefully, she’s settled down now. I don’t know why she wants to regulate what you tell your family about her, first asking that you hide the relationship and then being upset that you hadn’t revealed how the two of you originally met.” MarkedByFerocity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She’s going to find out eventually. You met and started seeing each other completely independently from school. It would be very different if she were your only teacher and groomed you from a young age which is what I think your sister might be worried about.” guitar game
Another User Comments:
“NTJ normally I would say yes that would be a normal disclosure, but it sounds like you’ve barely reconnected with your sister. Things aren’t normal in your family at the moment” WavesnMountains
17. AITJ For Wanting To Deny My Almost-Sister-In-Law A Job At My Workplace After Her Infidelity?
Jack has a brother, Hank (25M) who has been with his now ex-fiancé since middle school (a little over 10 years) who we’ll call Raine (24F). Hank and Raine were the IT couple, I even found myself comparing Jack and I’s relationship to theirs.
I was to be a bridesmaid in their wedding and Jack the best man. I went wedding dress shopping with her, we called each other “sister-in-law” (even though neither of us was married to the brothers just yet), and I truly looked up to her like a big sister.
Hank is one of the kindest, most loving men I’ve ever met besides Jack. He never had a sharp tongue towards Raine or had any ill intent for her ever. Raine was always the same with Hank… until she stopped coming to our weekly family dinners at Jack and Hanks’s parents’ house.
This is when we find out Raine had been unfaithful to Hank since July (it’s October now) with a 33-year-old MARRIED MAN with A CHILD. I cried along with them as Jack stormed out, angry. The remainder of the evening consisted of Hank begging me and Jack to not text Raine or blast her on social media (as he is an angel) and Jacks’s parents telling me to not disrupt her chance at a job at my sister’s restaurant.
I have plans to move there come December, and Raine has been looking for a job there as well. I want to tell the hiring manager of said place that I will not work with her.
I have the position to stop her from working there and since her affair partner was a client of her old job, I have a very good reason to do so. The fallout of her unfaithfulness has led her to lose her current housing, both of her shared cats with Hank, her support system, almost all of her friends, her job, and Hank.
AITJ for wanting to add to her loss?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here…Hank and family asked you not to get involved. You don’t even know if she will get the job. If she does and once you move there you can let it be known to the powers that be that you are not comfortable working with her due to history and see what happens from there.” Neat_Pangolin_6643
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you are in a position to stop her, so do it. If you are forced to work with her, you will be unhappy. She can work elsewhere. I would tell them you know her personally, she began an affair with a coworker.
They both were married and you do not want that drama to interfere or affect business. Because it is high-end, you want to protect their image.” United-Manner20
16. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Embarrassed Me At A Wake?
But the real kicker is that my mom later lies to cover the reason why my brother wasn’t attending the wake. We leave at 7:30, but not before my mom goes on to tell everyone she talks to that we are leaving early because I have plans.
I’m pretty sure everyone dislikes me by the end of it, the widow gave me a pretty curt goodbye and I feel awful.
I just wished that my business hadn’t been thrown out like that when my brother didn’t get the same treatment. My parents and eventually my older sister began to berate me for crying over this when I was going to see my friends either way and “that a real person died” and “that I didn’t care”.
Bear in mind I was pretty quiet, I didn’t bother talking to them after I initially explained that it made me upset how my mom told them about my plans when she covered for my brother.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like your mom didn’t want to be there and gladly threw you under the bus to avoid as much of it as possible.
Why do they only let you get out once a month? Are they opposed to it? It seems like they tried to emotionally sabotage any chance you had at enjoying yourself.” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are being purposefully abusive here. One kid doesn’t attend at all to party with friends and that’s fine, but you’re the reason they have to leave early, even though they didn’t have to drag you there and they went late.
Sounds like they went late on purpose and purposefully dragged your name.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you work, you have probably heard some variation of the idiom that we are judged by the standard that we set for ourselves. Those who work hard and set a high standard for themselves seem to get in trouble when they miss something, but those who are lazy and do nothing never seem to get in trouble at all.
It’s unfair, and it sounds like what’s happening in your family life. Also, not to create controversy as you seem to just accept this, but it seems odd that you are only allowed to go out once a month… You’re 18. That’s the universal age of adulthood… Edit: I just want to be clear; you seem like a genuinely good person too.
You were willing to be late (by likely 3 hours judging by the time your family finally left) to your event because this wake was important to your parents. That’s something they should appreciate, yet it doesn’t sound like they included that when they told everyone that you’re the reason they were leaving.” Leading_Atti2de
15. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend Who Made My Family Member's Death About Them?
As I was the most semi-coherent of the bunch, it fell on me. I know people are morbidly curious about death. But at the same time, it was tough to rehash several times a day.
They don’t know my family or the member who died. Kinda like an old work bestie, you catch up with every so often. Honestly, I wouldn’t have said anything but we had plans I had to cancel. Explained the situation as best I could without going into a lot of detail.
It’s great their friend recovered. My family members didn’t.
She reminded me that people like to try and share experiences and attempt to find common ground. She said my friend probably didn’t know what to say, was uncomfortable with the news of the death of someone so young, and tried to connect with the experiences they had. She said I should maybe think of it that way instead of being angry at someone who probably had the best intentions and that most of my anger was probably about the situation and not them.
Another User Comments:
“Honestly no jerks here You’re going through a painful time. While they were trying to help they ended up making it worse for you. I don’t think either person here deliberately did something wrong. Give it some time and reach back out when you can discuss what happened with them and explain why what they said was upsetting to you.” Mr-Lorus
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your reaction is understandable, but I, too, think that your friend only wanted to try to comfort you, even if they went about it the wrong way. I don’t think you need to crawl and apologize, but just explain yourself, if you want to reconnect.” backyardchick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When my dad died suddenly, I had to track down his customers (he was a plumber) and let them know. Fortunately, they were all gracious about it, but I was terrified one of them would be more about their unfinished work than my loss – and they were total strangers, not an alleged friend.
Oh, and find a better mental health provider: yours has a weird idea of what constitutes empathy.” Remember1959
14. AITJ For Refusing To Bring My Cats To My Unclean In-Laws House Due To A Problematic Cousin?
My husband got sick a lot when he still lived at home, and he thinks it’s from the lack of cleanliness. I can wear shoes when I visit, but I don’t want our cats to be running and playing around in them. The husband completely agrees.
We freaked out, and later when he returned with them, he said kittens need to go for walks and we were neglectful by keeping them indoors. He said our kittens would have a better home with him, so we quickly made him leave and promised not to let him anywhere near our cats again.
Sarah, Lily, and Oliver are best friends. Oliver always comes over, because he gets free food from the girls, who get free food from my in-laws. My in-laws do not want to prohibit them from bringing Oliver over or even ask Sarah and Lily to give them a heads-up if they want to invite him over.
They also can’t prohibit Oliver from coming over unannounced. It’s important to note that Sarah and Lily’s mom and Oliver’s mom are both older sisters of my FIL and per their cultural tradition, my FIL can’t risk offending his older sisters.
My husband and I both feel like he might just take off with our cats. If it happens under my in-laws’ roof, they will let it slide because they’d offend my FIL’s sisters if they suggest Oliver is a catnapper.
I feel kind of bad because my in-laws are generally nice to us and genuinely love our cats. We’ll visit them still, but just not with our cats.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know what the customs are around where you live, but I have never heard anyone visiting others with cats.
All cats I have known genuinely hate traveling (even short 15-minute trips). It sounds like unnecessary stress for their animals – they are not dogs. Also, I miss the logic here…. how is a 1-hour trip too much for the parents but it’s easier for you to do the same trip with animals?” Pandorasbox1987
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For one thing, most cats do not want to spend over an hour in the car each way. Ever. Esp. kittens. So it would not be good for the cats anyway. And that is aside from your already extremely valid points!
Do not let Oliver near your babies! (Yes, I have traveled with cats before–I had 1 that loved it, and 1 that would lose all bodily functions at the 3rd turn from our house–the rest have been somewhere in between. I have had cats for almost 35 years and currently have 8.
That’s a lot of feline travel experience!).” AlvinOwlHirt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the reason wouldn’t even matter, regardless of what it is. If they want to visit your cats, then they can just visit your house. If they complain, well, sucks to be them.
They’re *your* cats, and they have no right to violate your boundaries.” YourLaundryBasket
13. AITJ For Calling My Fiancé Manipulative Over Prenup Disagreement?
I’m a lawyer specializing in commercial real estate and wanted a prenup. I never thought about it until I was in a relationship but I thought about it when we got serious and talked to her about it. I also watched some YouTube videos about men getting taken advantage of in divorces and got scared. She was extremely angry and thought I was trying to take advantage of her.
Now I also did it because my parents wanted me to. They have some assets they want to pass along to me. Not a huge amount essentially a million-dollar house (which is only a 3 bed 2 bath but in an expensive city).
The reason I did was because her salary is very high and she is very hard-working. She is also very well educated with a master’s and her family so fairly well off too. So I just don’t think she would try actually to take my assets.
She also is very prideful and after talking to her it seems she hates the idea of agreeing to sign a prenup being more of a pride thing. I also accidentally told her my parents wanted it which hurt their relationship. I got a lot of flak from my dad who had his assets taken by his first wife and argued with him a lot about it.
I had to shut them down and they are angry at me for not doing what they want.
The prenup had most of what I wanted but some of what she wanted and it was fair at first glance. I was surprised because she was very against the prenup and now she is ok with it. I argued with my parents over it for her and it damaged our relationship.
But now that I’ve done that she is ok giving me the prenup I want. I yelled at her that she was manipulative and should have told me earlier and she argued I wanted a prenup because I watched biased men on YouTube and listened to my parents over her so she needed to see if I would take her side.
I’m still upset but technically she agreed to the prenup. We have enough time to review and sign it but I’m just angry at the way she agreed to it. Like she planned this move to test me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You admit she has far more assets than you and she worked hard to make it. You allowed random biased individuals on YouTube to convince you that women are evil gold-diggers who only want to steal from men and ruin their lives then got mad when you realized if anyone needed a prenup more, it was her.
You deserve what you got. I don’t even know why she’s marrying you. You sound extremely insecure.” mauvebirdie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. For listening to biased men on YouTube, for yelling at her when she gave you what you wanted, and for blaming her for your problems with your parents.
I don’t know why she still wants to marry you, but at least when she divorces you she’ll have a prenup.” HoshiJones
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What you have presented here is what is called a “non-problem.” You are simply refusing to accept the solution because your fiancée is the one who made the decision, not you.
You might be a huge jerk because of this.” Unfair_Finger5531
12. AITJ For Telling My Abusive Mother I Don't Love Her?
“My mother is has a favorite child and it’s obvious who it is and it’s not me. I’ve been sickly since I was born, always having some sort of problem and always needing to see a doctor.
My mother and stepfather took turns staying at home to take care of us. We never wanted our mother watching us because she would always ignore us. She would load up the fridge with tv dinners and almost never cook. (She wasn’t a good cook anyways) And she only gave us attention when she wanted the house clean and it wasn’t good attention.
Since I was a sickly child there was usually only a week out of the month where I felt ok. Because I didn’t want to put up with her unreasonable chores (Like cleaning a single room EXACTLY the way she said to clean it, which included vacuuming the carpet for hours until not a speck of dirt/dog hair was on it) I hid.
Which consisted of me always putting something in front of the door/locking a door on her and her banging on the door screaming for me to come out. I got grounded a lot and eventually she put the locks on the outside of the doors so she could lock us in and we couldn’t lock her out.
This is only one of many other things that have happened, but this would get very long if I mentioned more. I am 25 now and have become more aware that I had a traumatizing childhood. My mother wants to keep the status quo by making her adult children say that they love her, but I flat out told her I don’t love her.
I told her that she was downright abusive growing up and she retorts by saying she did the best she could and that I should be grateful. I even once left a family reunion when she started blaming me for something that I didn’t do and she cried her eyes out.
I know she did because my siblings called and told me to apologize and I still won’t. I do feel a little bad about telling her I don’t love her because I can’t bring myself to hate her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My heart goes out to you, and I’m sorry for all of the damage that monster put you through.
I’m a mother of two, and I told myself that if I have ever had children, I would never treat them like how my parents treated me. Parents like her do the bare minimum and act like they’re the parent of the year. No child should ever be put through this, and they didn’t ask to be here.
Right now, you need to focus on healing and therapy. I’m sending you my love and good thoughts. If you need to talk, you have a friend right here.” tbns82
11. AITJ For Suggesting Baby Names From a Video Game?
He initially also liked the names, but when he asked how I found them and told them they were characters in a video game, he got upset. Saying I’m forcing my hobbies upon our daughter before she’s even born, that I will make her a target for bullying, and that I’m childish for even suggesting it.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ all names come from somewhere. A lot of people take inspiration from TV, movies, games etc. If he liked the names and now doesn’t because you heard of them from a game that’s a bit ridiculous. Also not nice to mock you as childish for enjoying gaming as a hobby, wonder how he would feel if you mocked his hobbies or interests?” illyriiaseekinghelp
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here His changing his mind based on the names coming from a video game is understandable. He isn’t into gaming, so he has no real perspective on how well known the games are in that culture. Those two names went from simply sounding good to him, to making him think you would be doing something that becomes dated and silly pretty quickly, like all of the kids named after Game of Thrones characters.” Signal_Wall_8445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – maybe look those names up and show him they didn’t originate in the video game that’s where you just heard it. For example: The name Melia is a girl’s name of Spanish, Greek origin meaning “ash tree; honey; work; plumeria”.” sburges3
10. AITJ For Telling My Former Weight Loss Buddy To Stop Blaming Others For Her Problems?
“I, F31, met my former friend, F32 roughly two years ago when met at a weight loss group.
We were of similar heights & weights and had the same end goal in mind so decided to be each other’s accountability buddies.
We quickly bonded over the weight loss journey and other similar interests and became quite close.
However, as my weight loss journey proved productive, I am currently down 150lbs and have hit my goal weight, she has not.
As we progressed and she remained at her weight and at some points gained she grew more and more passive aggressive. At one point I stopped sharing my progress and focused on trying to get her to not lose hope and give up.
We are nowhere near as close as we used to be, partly due to her being incredibly passive-aggressive, partly due to a variety of snide remarks and partly because her lack of accountability really irking me.
She only reaches out to complain. Didn’t get promoted? Boss is fatphobic. Didn’t get a second date? Guy is fatphobic. Someone disagreed with her? They’re fatphobic.
When she went on to accuse me of being fatphobic because “I lost weight and therefore hate fat people” I lost my temper and told her that the world isn’t out to get her and that while this world definitely focuses on appearances too much she can’t go around throwing accusations around every time she doesn’t get her way.
I told her that if her weight was making her miserable she should step up and do something about it. I pointed out that plenty of overweight people manage to accomplish their goals without losing weight and that she needed to own up to her shortcomings, maybe even work on them.
I also told her I wasn’t interested in further contact if all she was going to do was be passive aggressive and salty.
She called me fatphobic, again, hung up and we haven’t spoken since.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lmfao I lost a lot of weight several years ago and someone told me it was because I was fat phobic too.
I was coming out of a deep depression lmfao. Like no I promise I was not thinking about literally anybody else or their body when I started taking walks and eating more vegetables and generally no longer abusing myself. This is just to say, she’s not the only person who is ridiculous in that way lol” cursetea
Another User Comments:
“My best friend is 75 pounds overweight. I gained about 25 pounds during a difficult period. We started a new diet plan together. I’ve lost all the weight, she lost some, gained back more. She is my BIGGEST cheerleader and I am hers.
NTJ. Block her. She brings nothing to the table. Friends encourage one another. Sure, jealousy can pop up here and there but a good friend keeps it in check or talks about it like an adult.” nerdyviolet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, cut her off. She is toxic I am fatphobic….
to myself! Been trying to lose weight and I blame myself, not others! I do joke my partner has been fattening me up, but it’s that, a joke. I hate how I look and have been trying to stay active. Your friend needs to look at herself, not others.
Claiming fatphobia over anything is just ridiculous. She can take a hike, you go on your journey. Otherwise she will bring you down. Congrats on your progress” DatguyMalcolm
9. AITJ For Teaching My Dad's Parrot To Demand Spinach?
“I only taught our bird one word. She was already able to say ‘Morning’ and ‘Night’ at the appropriate times but has not yet learned to make a request/demand.
Dad had me looking after her for five months while he was working abroad, during which time I taught her ‘spinach’ after introducing her to the vegetable. Had no idea she would love this particular food so much. Now she screams ‘Spinach! Spinach! Spinach!’ whenever she wants it and Dad is upset at me for allowing her to develop this behaviour and not discouraging it when I had the chance to. I just didn’t think it would annoy my dad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Parrots are smart and easily trained, and it was a harmless activity for you to train the bird to say “spinach” during those five months. It makes sense that you didn’t know how much the bird would love spinach and demand it.
At this point, your dad will have to work with the parrot to re-train her so that she doesn’t constantly demand her favourite snack. It’s also worth noting that a healthy diet for parrots does include leafy greens so your dad might need to adjust his perception to give the bird enough greens in her diet.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That’s adorable. I was tasked with feeding a neighbour’s dog for two weeks while they were away. Every time I opened the gate, their dog would bark at me. They were not impressed to hear their parrot screech “Go away dog” every time they opened the gate.
Oops.” Im_New_Here_Too
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My sister had a budgie and a roommate with a foul mouth. After the roommate got kicked out (for other reasons) the budgie would swear a blue streak. So my sister would say shut up or I’m gonna flush you down the toilet!
And the bird stopped swearing but would then say Shut up, flush the toilet! Was the best budgie ever. So stinking smart and sweet. Mis that little dude.” xcedra
8. AITJ For Not Inviting My Absentee Father to My Daughter's Birthday Due to Her Fear of Strangers?
Then he saw her once in between (on our request) and on her first birthday. After that, I visited him twice with her but that was it. There was no effort into seeing her or even video calling her. Rarely asked about her or asked for photos.
She doesn’t know him. She has seen him a few times but doesn’t know him. Therefore I told him not to come. He then went on to say that it was nonsense and that he’ll be there anyway and will stay at our front door (with a gift) until we open.
I blocked him after that because he couldn’t respect the fact that she had serious fears.
Though I know that can be fixed if he would see her occasionally, it isn’t happening.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It has been his decision over the last 2 years to not be a presence in her life. His desire to be at her birthday party does not overrule her right to enjoy her party with people she knows.
The idea of “standing on the step til you let me in” is childish, and selfish knowing his presence as a stranger would be upsetting for her on her birthday.” whateverworks1470
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he wasn’t trying, but the moment it would cause trouble, he just decided that he cared. And “if” he regrets not caring, he can show it in the long run.
Like slowly showing photos, video calling someone, your daughter recognizes, being next to him etc… If he cares, he’ll try. If he truly doesn’t care… Well, he’s already causing drama with tantrums.” AceAmphiptere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I didn’t let people she wasn’t comfortable with go to her party either, because My daughter had this phase at 2 as well.
She was SO shy that if we were walking on the beach and someone made eye contact with her, she would face plane stiff as a board into the sand without even bracing herself. She would bury her face in my chest for a good hour before coming up for air.
Now she talks everyone’s ear off, a mom at the park with a 2-year-old who was shy and hiding from her couldn’t believe it when I told her how she used to be. She was floored because of how comfortable and confident my daughter was But he made no effort; so he got the fruit of his efforts: none.” salinecolorshenny
7. AITJ For Not Apologizing After Calling My Wife A Star Wars Insult?
I’m not a super fan or anything but she knows I’ve seen and enjoyed the movies and my parents love them too.
I know she hasn’t seen Star Wars, but even without context, I thought that was a hilarious and playful insult. We normally go back and forth like that all the time without meaning any harm. This time, she did not agree.
I tried to explain that it was a quote from Star Wars and it wasn’t a real insult, but maybe she didn’t comprehend what I was saying because she was seeing red or something. After all, she ignored what I said and kept getting angry.
(I’m the type that freezes under pressure like that). I was telling her how confusing this fight was and I had no idea why she was so mad or how it escalated to this point so fast, which in hindsight did not help the situation either.
I’m not apologizing for quoting one of the most famous movies ever made, even if I knew she hadn’t seen it.
I’m regretting it more now that I’m sitting here alone, but I don’t know. I don’t feel like it’s fair to force an apology out of me when I didn’t even do anything wrong, to begin with, the whole situation was just a big misunderstanding, right?
At least not without her apologizing first for blowing up over something so trivial that she didn’t even know the meaning of it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You used a quote from a movie you know she hasn’t seen to insult her. You did your best to deflect in your post, but the reality is that, instead of justifying yourself by saying “It’s a Star Wars quote” while she was upset, you could have just apologized. Apologizing when you’ve upset someone is basic kindergarten crap.
You’re trying to get an apology for the reaction before offering one for the cause? Wild take, dude.” thatvolleyballsetter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who’s scruffy looking?? She should have assumed good intent. You say you’ve been married for years without major arguments, and I’m puzzled as to why she reacted so strongly.
I suspect there’s something else going on that’s stressing her out, and this was the outlet for her emotion.” Snapdragon5180
Another User Comments:
“I like how to didn’t write one thing that your wife said when she was “yelling” at you. Why was she so mad?
I’m sure said. YTJ. You insulted your wife by insulting her appearance and her ability to communicate. She had no idea what your comment meant, so literally was how she took it. Why on earth are you expecting an apology for the situation you caused and have yet to take responsibility for?
As soon as you saw she didn’t think it was funny, you should’ve apologized. Name-calling and then claiming it’s a joke…not a joke if the recipient isn’t laughing.” User
6. AITJ For Not Wanting to Split Rent While on Maternity Leave?
He is a lawyer with a small law firm earning more than I did working. He had been covering the rent while I paid for anything our son needed, anything I needed, about half of the groceries, as well as doing the lion’s share of the cooking, cleaning and childcare.
He often refers to me as a SAHM but the way I understand it, a SAHM doesn’t pay for anything because she doesn’t work outside the house or earn a salary. Also, I’m on parental leave, so not a SAHM? My friends with kids who are also on maternity leave don’t pay the rent.
He argues that I am bad with money (which I am, but our finances are split so I’m not sure why it concerns him and I don’t see how paying the rent would improve my finances). The way I see it, he’s looking for all the perks of having a wife who stays home without the drawbacks.
Am I being greedy and unfair or is he?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your husband is a jerk, for sure. What kind of man demands money from his wife and the mother of his child? Then again, you are thinking the same way he does – his and your half, what’s monetary fair and what is not.
You’ve been together for 8 years and have a child, you should not even think in terms of separate finances. You should be a team.” MediumWellSteak8888
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Why on earth are you two dividing your finances like this? When the chance arises, is he going to throw that he pays full rent in your face?
When you disagree about how to raise the child, are you going to throw the fact that you pay for everything baby-related in his face? Because that is the kind of behaviour your current arrangement incentivizes you both towards.” Sebscreen
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk.
He’s a lawyer, he should know child support in Germany doesn’t mess around and will put a far bigger dent in his finances than paying all the rent. It’s a percentage of income, so good luck getting a good deal when you’re making a lawyer’s salary and the mother has a nurse’s salary.
Unheard of. We also have a hardcore deadbeat shaming culture, so his reputation would be down the drain as soon as you say you divorced over his handling of finances.” OneJobToRuleThemAll
5. AITJ For Not Wanting My Biological Mother, Who Caused Me Much Distress, At My Wedding?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I suggest a good old-fashioned Baptist-style ‘come to Jesus’ showdown with your Confucian relatives to make it plain anyone who sneaks your egg donor into your wedding will be escorted out with her by security. The grandparents who raised you are your ‘real’ parents, imho.
If your grandparents demand she be there, forget the traditional wedding and elope.” lonnielee3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ ……… when Confucius was asked to describe the rules of ren he replied, “One should see nothing improper, hear nothing improper, say nothing improper, do nothing improper.” So since your biological mother fits into most of the categories, tell your family you don’t want to go against Confucius teaching by having her there.
Also ren can mean “not to do to others as you would not wish done to yourself.” So your family is fine with your mom going against these teachings but not you? Just like any religion, find how you can use it to prove their point wrong.
Best of luck to you. You deserve it!” StorySea5344
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, hope you can enjoy your wedding and am glad you found a very supportive man. Sometimes in life, people will teach you a lot about what to do taking them as counter-examples.
What she did is beyond imagination and what you’re doing is protecting yourself, the family you’re building and protecting herself from continuing to harm her daughter. Security or Elope, you can choose what you like best, hope you can still pray for her to change, but give it to god, letting her continue to harm you benefit nobody, your grand-parents did a lot for you but still failed to protect you from her in very serious circumstances.” Long-Leading
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Back To My Hometown To Care For My Aging Parents?
It’s a tiny, crime-riddled, substance covered horrorshow. I spent my entire childhood promising myself I would get out of there and I did. It’s a horrible town, and it’s in complete decline.
There are also a lot of lakes around here and my Dad loves to fish. But every time I bring it up, they refuse to consider moving.
My husband and I aren’t as fortunate (statistically 99.2% of people aren’t as fortunate), but we live comfortably in an area with all sorts of opportunities. I want my parents close so I can take care of them as they age, but they would rather grow old alone in their craphole. This would force me to drive 5 hours every time there’s an issue or emergency.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m also an only child and I’ve had to put my foot down with my mother several times. I love her and do care for her, but there are conditions on that, like she has to regularly take her medication, etc.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Parents need to deal with reality, their kids cannot and should not reorder their lives around taking care of their parents when there are perfectly good places near their children to move to. Putting additional burdens on your children for you is selfish and disrespectful.
They need to sell their place and get a nice condo or apartment near you if they expect you to take of them in old age. That’s it, take it or leave it, mom and pop.” mustng66
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have 3 kids and I will be darned if they’re going to uproot their lives to take care of their mom and me, ever.
I would never expect them to and I would fight them if they tried. Live your life. They are choosing to live in West Stabbington, let them take care of themselves, if they want to be closer to you, they can act like it.” PianistBrilliant4615
3. AITJ For Telling My Dying Grandad I Hate Him?
I loved my grandad growing up and I was pretty much his favorite. He taught me swimming, fishing, and how to play football. Everything changed when I hit puberty and I discovered I liked boys. Even though I was as stereotypically masc as you can get he still said horrible stuff to me when I came out as a kid… From the age of 14 -16, I was in an extremely abusive relationship with one of my football teammates.
I finally had enough and had a breakdown that caused me to end up in the hospital with my whole family finding out. When I needed support he told me he couldn’t believe I was so weak and he told me I deserved it for being a weak jerk. We quit talking after that.
Chemo didn’t do much and his cancer advanced fast. he’s probably going to die in the next week or so. Everyone went to visit him this week and initially, I refused to do so but my parents and my siblings pretty much forced me to go saying I’d regret not going.
I just kinda broke down crying and told him I hated him and hung up. I don’t even know if I honestly do and I don’t know why I said it. When the rest of the family heard about it they started telling me how awful I was for doing that and asking why’d I even come if I was going to be like that… A lot of my family is still mad at me for what I said. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your grandad was awful to you. I don’t expect he’d have had anything to offer you in his dying moments that qualified as a sincere apology. More likely million excuses for his bad behavior, or saying that he said what he said because “I love you and I want what’s best for you” or some such nonsense.
You were under no obligation to subject yourself to that for his sake or anyone else’s. You told him you hated him was nothing more than he deserved. If he wants deathbed absolution, let him call a priest. Love and peace to you ” Libba_Loo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for yelling at a dying man who is trying to apologize for the mistakes he made and wanting to see his once favourite grandson last one time. I mean what do you have to lose to hear him make amends? He is going to die anyway so why make him die regretfully?
If he acts the same just say forget him and leave but If the chances are that he is not, you will be in doubt if you did the right thing or not for the rest of your life and maybe you’ll feel the same thing when you are on your deathbed. You had good memories with him tells me he wasn’t a super evil person And according to comments here being cruel and spiteful to people is a good thing and forgiveness is a bad thing.
I hope you guys don’t die with regrets over your bad past deeds” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your grandfather was in the wrong for what he said and did, and he could be facing it on his deathbed. However, you need to realize that you will have to live with the choices you make here for the rest of your life.
I strongly urge you to visit him and talk to him. It may give you closure and peace. At the worst, you won’t have to live with regrets later.” TheTightEnd
2. AITJ For Cancelling My Husband's Gift of Accent Classes for My Parents?
It’s even harder for my mum. She comes from a poor rural background, so while my dad had the benefit of more education and has been able to neutralize his English and accent somewhat, she didn’t. When they moved, she was a homemaker and her efforts to make friends were met with disdain, even after learning enough English to socialize.
Eventually, she just retreated into her shell and stopped trying. She’s the most chatty, bubbly, warm person around family, but very shy in public and with strangers.
The boys have also improved in leaps and bounds in my native language since they get more practice now. This has caused problems because Jim feels left out when the kids and I speak together, which is pretty often as they love showing off the new words or phrases they learned. I told the kids that we should all speak English if Dad is in the room including him.
My parents have been doing this by default since they met Jim, and because we’ve been spending more time together, my mum has relaxed and opened up more. She’s also more social because she’s been able to meet more retirees in our area.
My parents’ 40th is coming up, and when I brought up gift ideas, Jim stated that he took the initiative to get them lessons with an accent coach.
His logic is that if my parents were more comfortable with English, they’d speak it more and we wouldn’t be leaving him out so much. I was livid because I was very protective of them, so I called the classes. I know exactly how my mum will take it, and I don’t want to see her lose her growing confidence.
He said I’ve been coddling my parents and it’s why they’re the way they are. The argument escalated, and I said that if he breathed a word of those classes, I’d never forgive him. He responded that he wouldn’t be attending the celebration dinner or any other event around my parents until they stopped teaching his kids to talk behind his back.
Now, our friends are criticizing me for canceling his gift and not supporting him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Signing someone up for accent classes would be humiliating. It can also be very very difficult to change your accent. I know friends who have learnt both English and Chinese since childhood, but still speak with an accent in either English or Chinese, depending on which is their second language.
Even among those who learnt English in kindergarten, they still mix up he/she and him/her because their mother tongue uses mainly gender-neutral pronouns. It’s already impressive that your parents can communicate decently in English. Having a strong accent shouldn’t matter.” Cats-in-the-rain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – for declining the gift, he was an insecure idiot. YTJ – for making him feel like a foreigner in his own home. Did I get this right that he could be outnumbered 4 or 5 to one, by people speaking a language he does not understand?
I see divorce in your future if you do not sort this out pronto.” SomeRazzmatazz339
Another User Comments:
“YTJ He is right, and you KNOW it. Your parents should have taken those classes 25 years ago, and not being competent in the language has hurt them for decades.
You would rather let them continue with that than help them because it would be an uncomfortable discussion with them? “He responded that he wouldn’t be attending the celebration dinner or any other event around my parents until they stopped teaching his kids to talk behind his back” He is right: They are not fit to teach your kids, it is GOOD parenting not to want your kids to get mangled language skills.” Aggressive-Mind-2085
1. AITJ For Refusing to Pay More Rent After My Sister Changed Our Agreement?
My twin sister suggested that we all live together so that she can move out of our parent’s house. At first, we were hesitant. However, we eventually agreed because it would be mutually beneficial. She found the place, a 3-bed at $1295/mo + utilities. When asked about how we would split up the rent + utilities, she said that she would split everything 50/50 with us. This is an agreement we came to a few months ago.
(For context, I make $29k/yr, my husband makes $55k/yr, and my sister makes $45k/yr). She proceeded to suggest that we pay 2/3 of rent + utilities and that she pay 1/3. I was caught off-guard by the conversation. I had to think about what she said and talk to my husband.
I didn’t want to argue with her or make her upset, so we negotiated down to paying $800 while she paid $495 for rent and that we would pay 65% of utilities. I still didn’t feel right about this, but I tried seeing it from her POV.
I approached her that night saying that I knew we had discussed this, but the more I thought and talked with my husband (who also felt it was unfair), the more I felt it was unfair for her to go back on our original agreement.
Before I could finish explaining my first thought, she began to interrupt + argue with me. She got upset and walked away from the conversation, saying that as soon as our lease was up (in 1 year), she would find somewhere else to live. At this point, I was shocked at how upset and angry she became. I ended up leaving the house for a bit with my husband to chat when I received a call from my parents.
My dad said that he tried discussing bills with her, but she insisted she could afford it easily. I feel guilty, but my family is telling me that I did the right thing by sticking up for myself. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – Your sister sucks for waiting until AFTER the lease was signed to try and renegotiate how payment should be split. But on the other hand, you suck for “not feeling right” about splitting things fairly. You and your husband are two people. You take up more space and will ultimately use more utilities.
You all should have talked more before moving, but you and your husband should be paying 2/3 rent and 2/3 utilities if you want it to be fair. It has nothing to do with who makes more and everything to do with paying each person’s fair share.
You and your husband together are not one person, so you shouldn’t be paying the same as one person.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t see how you two have convinced yourself that the original agreement was fair but I’m assuming greed has a lot to do with it.
You get a two-for-one deal. She’s subsidizing everything from the bigger bedroom to the showers you take. She should’ve realized it earlier, but she is indeed being screwed over and the fact that her entire family is happy to do it *and* make judgmental digs at her spending at the same time sucks for her.
I’d be pretty upset too.” ToxicEnabler
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There are 2 of you, you get the bigger room, and you two use up more utilities, but she has to pay HALF? Yes, it sucks that she brought it up afterwards but she didn’t realize how unfair this arrangement is until after you guys moved in.
And if you care about your sister, you wouldn’t screw her like that by making her pay more than her fair share.” Poison-Ivy126
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