People Ask Us To Probe Into Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Asking For My Ex-Wife's Permission To Get Our Son Involved In My New Wife's Family's Religious Ceremony?
“I have a thirteen-year-old son with my ex-wife and a two-month-old son with my current wife. My ex lives in another country, and my son just got back from spending six weeks there with her. No, the timing of the trip had nothing to do with the fact that my wife had just given birth.
This trip is at the same time every year and lined out in our custody agreement.
Our agreement is very strict. The most detailed section of the agreement pertains to our son’s religious upbringing. In addition to assuring that certain holidays will always be observed, our agreement also forbids either of us from taking our son to any service or ceremony for a different religion.
My wife is not a member of my religion, and she is not particularly religious. However, her father wants to host a religious ceremony from their religion which will welcome our son to the world. My wife and I agreed to this, as it is a beautiful tradition and involves giving to the poor and other lovely moments.
My wife invited my son, who said he wanted to go. I had the unfortunate task of telling him he couldn’t go because of my agreement with his mother. He asked if we could call her and request an exception since this is for his brother. I thought that was very reasonable.
We scheduled a time to get up early to call her (seven hours later there).
My son made his request, and my ex said no. She doesn’t want our son to have anything to do with my wife’s religion, which she is not fond of. Our son explained he just wanted to be there for his brother, but she said she wasn’t going to change her mind.
Now my wife is mad.
She said if I hadn’t said anything there would be no issue and my ex would never know. She said I created the issue and now my older son will miss an important family moment. She also brought up that she attended an important religious moment for my son while 7.5 months pregnant and was extremely uncomfortable because she’s willing to put in the effort to make our blended family work and said I couldn’t even keep quiet about one thing.
While I do think my ex was unnecessarily strict, I also don’t think it’s okay to lie to her (by omission) about our son. AITJ for abiding by my custody agreement and not lying to my son’s mother?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and congratulations on the birth of your son! I get why your wife is annoyed, but you did the right thing.
You agreed to the custody agreement, you have a legal obligation to stick to it. Also, she’s his mother, not your wife. She has a right to veto her son attending a ceremony which is part of a religion she isn’t fond of. I don’t agree with her decision, but I wholeheartedly agree with her right to make it.” PlayingOut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and honestly, I’d go ahead and schedule some counseling sessions if your wife thinks ‘just lie’ is how you get around inconvenient legal barriers to just do what you want. Your son’s almost old enough to make decisions for himself – and, in fact, you could go back to court and see if that part of the agreement can be revisited if that’s what he wants.
But until then, you gain nothing from not only annoying your ex-wife but handing her ammunition that you’re trying to influence him against her.” User
23. AITJ For Not Empathizing With My Sister-In-Law Who's Going Through A Divorce?
“So my partner Rachel (27F) and I (26M) have been together for 2.5 years. We live together and have for the past year. So I don’t really deal with her sister Ashley (31F) at all. Like I’ll let her in the house whenever she comes over and give her a little wave. But that’s it.
The reason is that I don’t think she’s a good person. When we met she was with her longtime partner and at that point husband. They had been married for 4 years. I liked her husband and he was one of the few guys my age at family events.
Well, about 2 years ago Ashley left her husband for an older rich guy with two kids.
Didn’t even talk to her husband. She left divorce papers on the bed. I was the one who had to show up to make sure he was okay. To make matters worse the guy was married. So she moved right in after the guy left his wife and kids. My partner was irate. And didn’t speak to her sister for almost a year.
But eventually, they started having a relationship again. But my partner knew I didn’t like her sister and never forced us to connect after. I didn’t attend the second wedding.
Another reason I don’t like her sister is that she’s lazy and entitled. She’s attractive and has always gotten by on her looks.
Even claiming that she only went to college for her ‘master’s degree’. She has never had a job. So now to my comment. I came home yesterday to Rachel and her sister on the couch. Ashley was hysterical and hyperventilating. I asked what was wrong. Rachel walked over to me and told me what happened.
Basically, Ashley showed up at her house and she was locked out. Her husband sent her a text that he was in love with someone else. She had moved in. And all of Ashley’s things along with the divorce papers were at an apartment. That he would pay the lease for a year but they were done.
I said, ‘Oh well at least the kids won’t hate you anymore’. Ashley always complained about her stepkids hating her. I then went back to our room to change. When I came back out to make food, Ashley asked me ‘Is that really all you have to say’… I said ‘Yep’ and went about making a sandwich.
When I looked up Ashley was staring at me. And I said this exactly ‘What do you want Ashley, do you want me to feel bad for you, it’s called karma. Just make sure the next one is single’. And I walked back to my room.
Ever since my partner has been upset with me.
She said that she understands I don’t like her sister. But I could have faked it for a minute. I said that she knows I’m not good at faking. And her sister got what has been coming to her for a long time. She’s been doing trashy things to people since high school.
But she is never held accountable so karma happened. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk but that’s not necessarily a bad thing in this case.
She has made some bad choices in her life and they’ve come back to bite her. Maybe what she needs is some tough love or an in-your-face reaction like you did.
My guess is that her parents as well as your partner have done this her whole life. So now she just expects everyone to take pity on her when she screws her life up.
Maybe she’ll think next time before doing something like this.” Ranos131
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you said what needed to be said.
The problem with a lot of people like Ashley today is nobody wants to hold themselves accountable and responsible for their actions. To every action there is a consequence, the fact that she thought a ‘happily ever after’ would come out of seeing and marrying a married man and not suspect that if he’d do that to his own wife what exempts her from having the same fate?
She was and is completely naive to that. Good for calling her out. I hope she learned a hard lesson from this.” CoverSquirrel26
22. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Biological Mom My Kidney?
“I (f 16) was put up for adoption by my mother Debbie (f 46) when I was 1. She was a heavy drinker and an addict. I was adopted by friends of my bio mom’s family, Patricia and Mike. My parents told me pretty early on I was adopted but never made me feel unwanted or unloved. I used to wonder about my biological parents when I was younger and last year my parents sat me down and told me all about my biological mother.
About 3 weeks ago, I was walking home from school when a woman stopped me on the street and asked me if I was ‘OP’, I said no because I didn’t know who she was and she was creeping me out. She didn’t believe me tho and told me her name and that she was my mother and that she missed me and wanted to catch up.
This really upset me and I started crying and told her to leave me alone. I walked away from her and left her standing on the street.
When I got home I told my parents what happened and they were both upset that she would track me down and start talking to me without contacting them and without thinking about how it affected me.
Debbie ended up calling my mom and telling her she desperately wanted to catch up with me as soon as possible. She said she was sober and a part of her recovery was making things right with the people she hurt with her addiction. My parents told me it was up to me what I wanted to do but that I didn’t owe her anything.
I decided to meet her, partly out of curiosity and partly because I was afraid she would relapse if rejected her. We met in a coffee shop, my parents sitting at a table close by. She started some small talk with me but clearly looked like she had something she wanted to say. About 10 minutes in she told me her addiction had led to her kidneys and liver failing and that she was on a waitlist but it was very long.
She then told me that I was a match for her and that I could give her a kidney and a piece of my liver. I was very upset and angry at her, she only tracked me down to get something from me, not to make up with me.
My parents saw me crying and came over and found out what she said.
I told her no and she completely freaked out, she started screaming at me and told me she gave me life and I owed her this.
Since then she’s been calling my parents, my house, me (I don’t know where she got my number), my school and she’s sent me awful letters. I understand that she’s desperate and this is life-threatening but I really don’t want to get surgery and give her my kidney and some of my liver.
My parents say it’s my choice but it’s clear they don’t think I should do it.
WIBTJ if I didn’t give her a kidney and some of my liver?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – OP she’s a stranger and just because she gave birth to you does not entitle her to YOUR ORGANS. There are a lot of risks associated with what she’s asking for, there are benefits too, but you should consider your own risks first.
Also, if she is making all these calls please contact the authorities about protection – restraining orders, etc. Notify the school that she’s not to be allowed near you, etc.
That went from 0-100 in zero time, I get it she’s desperate but holy cow that’s not ok.” No-Policy-4095
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have complete choice over what to do with your own body.
In addition, this woman approached you under false pretenses, claiming she wanted to ‘make things right’ when she actually wanted something from you. In addition, the proper way to have approached you would have been through your parents or by a letter or phone call, not ambushing you on your way home from school when you are alone and vulnerable.
In every way, she has been shady and manipulative (if not particularly competent). Her anger is a good sign that you are nothing but a donor for her.
Any surgery is potentially dangerous. As such, you are not obligated to undergo it for someone you don’t know, whether you share genetics or not.” bamf1701
21. AITJ For Choosing A Friend To Be The Executor Of My Will And Not My Wife?
“I (M, 29, military) have to update my will every year due to what can only be described as a hectic deployment cycle.
The updates aren’t super complicated, I bring in the old copy and they make whatever changes I want. As I’ve gotten older, with life changes, things have gotten added and removed (ie. my house, cars, artwork, etc) to reflect my estate.
Last year I married my wife ‘Jen’ (F, 27, engineer). Words seriously can’t describe how great she is.
Gorgeous, brilliant, everything anyone could ask for. I’m the luckiest dude on earth. We have a nice house and an adorable dog, it’s a great life. We’re also, by virtue of our combined income, fairly financially successful, enough that updating a will becomes a hair more complex, but not much.
Needless to say, if I die, she gets everything, vice ~$2500 which goes to a charity I like.
Everyone is in concurrence this makes sense.
Here’s the sticking point:
In a will, you appoint what’s called an ‘executor’. This person’s job is to ensure the will is fulfilled to my wishes. Basically, this person is responsible for things like ensuring my wife gets everything, I get buried where I want, the charity receives the money, etc. For this, I initially appointed my best friend of 25 years, ‘Bill’ (M, 30, finance).
Our other friend of 20 years, ‘Fred’ (M, 30, logistics) is the backup. They understood the duties and responsibilities of the position.
After I got married, everyone thought I’d change it to my wife. When I didn’t, they were all surprised, but understood, while their wives and my wife were both surprised and a little annoyed, although I argued that if something goes wrong and I don’t make it home, she’s going to have enough to deal with, and having them help is just easier.
She argues they’ll be equally devastated and it’s unfair to them and her.
My parents think I’m all but telling my wife I don’t trust her (although they’re fairly insane so we’re all just nodding our heads) and are telling me to change it.
In short, everyone thinks it’s weird I maintained them as executors and it annoys our wives (although again, they’re still willing to do it).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Legal mind here (so, off the rip, this isn’t legal advice). Always. Always. Always have someone unrelated be the executor if at all possible. Your wife needs to understand the decision has nothing to do with love or trust, it’s just easier and more convenient, especially if the friends you currently have in place use legal and/or bureaucratic language regularly.
Also changing these things can cause disputes which can lead to the whole thing being invalidated.” Leprechaun1997
Another User Comments:
“Annoyed? You are doing your wife a favor.
Executing a will is horrible. Really horrible. With penalties if you screw it up. I have done it twice and sworn to never do it again. Just thinking about it is giving me a headache.
LOL.
Your friend has a bit more distance, and being in finance will likely be well used to the kind of meticulous bureaucratic nonsense that is involved.
No jerks here. I think you are doing exactly the right thing, to be honest.” Stoat__King
20. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Twin Sister's Kids For A Week?
“My sister and I are fraternal twins (male/female) but we are nothing alike.
Throughout my life, I resented my sister. It’s awful, but it is the truth. You know when people say that parents don’t have a favorite child? That’s a lie. My parents had one, and it was my sister. Everything in our home was meant for her, as the princess’ birthright. Birthday? Only about her. Presents?
She would get them every year/holiday, while I wouldn’t. Why were things like this? Because my family wasn’t rich, and all they could scrounge would go to her. As a man, my father would often tell me to just swallow it and toughen up. It was my duty to allow her to be happy.
This was the story of my life until I left home for college in another city. As college is free here (housing during college is also free), I could become independent of my parents and work part-time or assist teachers to make up any income I could to survive (food, etc.). Today, I’m in medical school, and I’m still doing all these things to get by, as I prefer it to being dependent on my parents.
My sister got married five years ago and currently is living in the same city in which I study. She has two kids, and they are quite lovely children. The problem is that she is constantly asking me to help her take care of them. Babysitting or taking them to parks, etc. However, I don’t have that much time, but this has never stopped her.
She once got my class schedule online to make ‘charts’ of when I should take care of the kids.
Regardless, at the start of June, (the week of the 6th), I had my finals, and the two weeks before that were full of unhealthy amounts of coffee and sleepless nights.
Now, during that period, I was barely looking after myself.
There was no way I could take care of a child. She, however, didn’t care and asked me if their children could STAY with me for a week, as she and her husband had booked a vacation trip. Even if I could, I wouldn’t do this. So, I told her that I wouldn’t take care of them, as I had other responsibilities.
She didn’t respond to my message after that.
During my vacation from school, I decided to call my parents and see if we could have lunch together. Almost as soon as my mother picked up the line, she was fuming. Apparently, my sister has been talking to them about how ‘awful’ of a brother and uncle I was.
That I did not lift a finger to help her out with the kids, going so far as calling me an ungrateful jerk.
Now, this really left a sour taste in my mouth. I’m not close to my parents, but I don’t want them to hate me or something. I don’t really know if I behaved too poorly or if I’m in the right.
Many years of strange familial interactions will make you feel that way. So, I want to ask you if I’m the jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The only people who are responsible for your niblings are your sister and their spouse.
This might sound kind of harsh, but what are you actually getting from your family?
They neglected you for your entire childhood (which is a form of mistreatment) and even now only seem to care about you for how you can make their life easier.
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life being harassed to help them? I can just imagine when you graduate medical school that they’ll be demanding you help pay for tuition for your niblings since you make so much more money.” annedroiid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because you don’t have kids, doesn’t mean that you don’t have your own responsibilities.
Your responsibility is to ensure that you pass school so that you can continue living an independent life without relying on your family.
Your sister sounds like an entitled brat, which is the fault of your parents for catering to her every whim.
She should not have booked a vacation without her kids before checking she had childcare first. Why couldn’t she take her kids with her?
If I were you I’d seriously consider going low or no contact with your family as they don’t sound like they’re good for your mental health.” Scarlettohara1605
19. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Mom's Retirement Plan?
“I (f 21) told my mom (f 41) that I won’t be supporting her after I graduate college. A little back story for my mom, she didn’t finish school, she left my dad for another man when they were still married, and has been living off her dad’s (my grandfather’s) money when she had me and my siblings.
When my grandad had an illness similar to dementia, she drained all his accounts and splurged on expensive groceries, a brand-new car, and illegal stuff.
It all started when I was helping my brother (m 14) enroll for the upcoming school year.
We were talking and she said to my brother that she will still support him until he finishes college while I support the whole family and my youngest sister (f 2) when she starts school.
I was taken aback by this because growing up my mom and I were never close. She left me and my dad when I was barely a year old, and had my half-sister a year after she had me. So my aunts, uncles, and grandad (from my mom’s side) took me in and supported my schooling up until now.
I said to her ‘No, I will earn money and get out of this awful country and work on myself’ (we live in a 3rd-world country by the way) and she was shocked to hear this and told me ‘Grandad paid for all your years in school and this is how you repay us?’
I said to her ‘Yes, he paid for it all, and your siblings took me in when they were less than 18 years old and took care of me. I’ll help this family, but not you. When I’m working I’ll send money to help with Grandad’s needs and meds but not you. Do you think I don’t know what you did with his money?
You barely have enough left from your salary because of the big loan you took! So no, I won’t be your retirement plan, I will leave when I want to leave and do what I want with my money.’
We then shouted at each other about me owing her things even when she left me before I turned 1 and returned when she ran out of money and was left by all the guys she ran away with.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ good for you! I’ve never understood the ‘You owe me because I raised you’ theory. Like we all know that you’ll need money so why aren’t you saving? I don’t know, I’ve never been one to lend money. I just think it’s a vicious cycle.
If I see someone in need, I’ll give a handout for sure with no obligations. But when someone expects it?! No way! And then it gets to the ‘You’re selfish’ hahahaha it’s not selfish when you work hard to earn your money. I don’t know, anyway, keep standing your ground! You owe her absolutely nothing.” emily8997
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First kids never owe their parents support. Everyone is an adult and should support themselves. Your mom did owe you support when you were a child and it sounds like didn’t do it. As an adult, you owe her nothing and you should get away from there as soon as you can and go no contact and block her.” jennifersb66
18. AITJ For Not Helping My Badly Injured Niece With Groceries And Gas?
“I have a niece who lives in my city. She is the only child from my brother’s first marriage, which ended, mercifully, in divorce (just like his second). My brother was not much of a father and, after the divorce, was never around and didn’t help with support, as far as I know (I don’t know if it was court-ordered).
My parents used to live near me and, as grandparents do, kept in touch with my niece and even took her in when she was in high school so she could get a better education because my city’s schools are much better than they are in my ex-SIL’s city. My niece didn’t finish high school and started running around with the wrong crowd.
Long story short, she got pregnant and dropped out of high school. Five kids and four baby daddies later, she is semi-independent with a steady job, but still calls my mother for help with various bills (my parents moved away and are now on a fixed income).
A few months ago, through no fault of her own, my niece was getting help from someone on the side of the highway and was struck by a car and badly injured. She is doing better, but still can’t work.
For whatever reason, her public assistance didn’t come this month (it’s the 24th so I question that) and my mother called and asked if I could fill up her car with gas and take her food shopping because she has no food.
I told my mother that I couldn’t help her, but I would talk with my wife (I don’t want to say, ‘Let me talk with my wife’ and then have the answer come back ‘no’ because it could look like it was my wife’s decision when I know perfectly well whatever decision will be mutual – I don’t want to make her look like the bad guy).
It has been my and my wife’s agreement that we don’t extend ‘help’ to anyone who doesn’t normally make good decisions because, in our experience, those people never learn how to make better decisions and they’ll keep coming back for more handouts. Also, it wouldn’t hurt my finances if I did fill up her car and buy her a couple of weeks of groceries.
AITJ for not helping?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
And a massive one at that. It would do you good to get off your high horse for 5 minutes and consider that you could just as easily end up disabled and in need of assistance as she is, and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with ‘her bad decisions’.
Take it from someone who came from an upper-middle-class family, made all the RIGHT, responsible decisions about my life, education, etc., and STILL ended up living in abject poverty because of illness and disability.
90% of the judgemental, condescending description of your niece that you shared here is completely irrelevant to the issue at hand, which is that YOUR NIECE WAS BADLY INJURED in an accident, which the accident – NOT her ‘bad decisions’ or the number of children she has, or the number of fathers they have, or her behavior in high school – is the reason why she currently cannot work and is in dire financial straits.
And despite the fact that her current precarious situation is ENTIRELY out of her hands and not her fault or due to anything she has done wrong, and despite you openly admitting that you have the means to help her without any undue stress on your own finances… you refuse to help.
Not only that, you rather obnoxiously refer to it as ‘help’ (indicating that you don’t see it as a legitimate or real thing at all) and specifically talk about her ‘not learning to make better choices’ if you offer assistance… even though, again, none of what has happened to her right now has anything to do with anything that she has done wrong.
She was injured in an accident, and there seems to have been an issue with her disability cheque (which you doubt, but have no actual evidence to the contrary).
You are the worst kind of jerk and disingenuous to boot. Because what you really meant to say is: ‘I don’t want to buy my niece groceries because I find everything about her distasteful, and I would rather watch a desperate member of my own family starve whilst pretending that I am ‘teaching them a lesson in self-reliance’ than actually do something functionally helpful.’ Your lack of empathy is repugnant.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Jesus.
She has been hit by a car. What are you teaching her by not helping her get basics for herself and her children – other than ‘people who don’t eat go hungry and don’t have soap or laundry detergent.’
You said yourself that this is someone who grew up in a broken home with a useless father.
He didn’t even pay child support. No one parented her to study in high school and stay in school. What chance did she have in life? It sounds like she was doomed even before she was an adult.
You said she has a steady job and is semi-independent – and that’s amazingly good considering that she has five kids to schedule a job around and no education.
It’s not her fault that the kinds of jobs she can get don’t pay a living wage.
If you were struggling yourself, you’d be under no obligation to help. But you said it wouldn’t hurt your finances if you bought her gas and groceries. I just don’t understand your cruel and trashy attitude.
Even if her situation were her fault, it’s not her kids’ fault.
They are in no way to blame for the fact that she’s injured (and neither is she). Your attitude is simply shocking. Better hope you stay spry and wealthy until you die because I doubt she’ll be sending the kids over to help you out.” User
17. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Sister Because I Had A Flight To Catch?
“I (18M) have been forced to babysit my sister (10F) so many times.
It has caused me to miss so many events and I even almost lost my job because I was forced to babysit. My mom and sister are very selfish people who only care about themselves. My dad is not in my life.
Now I was planning to go to Hawaii with my friends. I had been looking forward to this trip for months.
The day I was supposed to go to the airport my mom decided to go out and party with some old classmates she met. Before she left she asked me to stay and babysit my sister and catch another flight.
Now the thing was I had been working hard to be able to pay for my plane ticket, and couldn’t afford to book another ticket so I said why couldn’t they take my sister alongside them?
My mom got mad and said why don’t I cancel my flight and book for another day. That’s when my sister decided to start whining and complaining saying that she wanted to go to Hawaii also. Time was running out, I had only an hour before I missed my flight so I said I couldn’t today and rushed to leave the house.
I also recommended calling a babysitter for my sister. My mom screamed at me loudly insulting me and calling me a useless brother who only cares about themself. That’s when I screamed back saying ‘I’m not babysitting. Find someone else because I’m not doing it.’
I then stormed out of the house, got in my car, and sped away.
My mom was blowing up my phone but I ignored it. When I got back I was ignored by both my mom and sister. My mom even told my family about the incident and they believe I’m in the wrong for this.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother didn’t need a babysitter.
She didn’t want you to go on this trip.
Start putting together a concrete plan to move out as soon as you are able. Save the money you’ll need. Make a list of friends who might be potential roommates. Start talking to your friends and their parents about your plans to see if they have additional ideas or can offer any help.” Sea-Confection-2627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Enjoy your vacation and ignore your mother hun. She is extremely selfish and entitled to expect you to babysit the day of your departure for a ticket that she didn’t even pay for so she could go out and party? There isn’t enough context for me to say this but maybe your mother is jealous which is a common thing with some moms. Regardless, your mom sucks and you deserve to enjoy your vacation.” Zucchinniweenie
16. AITJ For Ruining My Husband's Christmas Prank?
” “This year was the first time we would try ‘elf on the shelf’ with our kids. We have 3 kids, Lucas (9M), Andy (8M), and Claire (5F). Where Lucas and Andy are from our past relationships, Miles (my husband M 37) has accepted Andy as his, and so did I (F 35) with Lucas.
Every Christmas is special for Andy, his birthday is on Dec 24.
His dad started a tradition where Santa considers him to be a ‘kid of Christmas’. So he feels magical and special. I always try to give him that. Last year, I left ‘Santa Claus’ footsteps, and ate a carrot and ‘grass’ he left for Rudolf. Stuff like that.
My husband doesn’t think it’s a good idea I do all that for him, and I’m showing favoritism.
So, we should shut it down, because of my ex’s decision to create a tradition without considering my other kids’ feelings. I disagree since I do consider the 3 of them. But he asked if we could do something else, like Elf on the shelf. I had no problem with it, but I didn’t know how that worked. He explained to me quickly, and since he was the one who offered, I let him do it.
We bought the cute Elf. My kids named it ‘Bob’. Later my husband explained to them that they should behave, and never touch/hold Bob if they don’t want it to be naughty. At first, it was cute to see them spy on Bob and try to see it ‘fly’ each night. Andy was the most excited of all, I found him one night talking with it, asking it if Santa still remembered him.
But my husband took seriously the ‘Behave or Bob would be naughty’ part. Lucas was his first victim after he didn’t do his chores. The next day, his face was drawn with Sharpie markers. Then Claire, who touched Bob and her fave onesie was destroyed. Apparently, Bob had cut some pieces of it while she was sleeping.
Miles was having fun, but I could see my kids weren’t. I talked to him about how we should lower the pranks, he agreed but wanted to catch Andy since he hadn’t broken any rules. I told him that Bob’s supposed to tell Santa instead if he’s being naughty. We argued but he finally agreed.
Fast forward, it’s Christmas Eve and in the afternoon we had some of Andy’s friends to celebrate his birthday. So the kids were playing in the backyard. But my husband looked suspicious. I decided to look for Bob. It was supposed to be in the kitchen but it wasn’t there, I asked Miles where it was and he told me ‘no idea’.
I started getting paranoid, but Andy asked me if we could cut the cake already. I put my best face on and went for it. The cake was in a box, and when Andy opened the box. He starts crying. I take a look and it’s ruined. ‘Bob’ was covered in all of it, appearing he had been eating the cake.
Half of the cake wasn’t there anymore. Miles started laughing and so did some of the other parents.
My blood was boiling and I grabbed Bob and threw it in the trash, Then I grabbed Miles. We had a terrible argument, called me a jerk for what I did to Bob, that I’d ruined it, how are we supposed to keep the ‘magic’ with our kids if I wasn’t supposed to touch Bob.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But Jesus, there’s something wrong with your husband. He wanted Andy to do something wrong so he could punish him (things like destroying their clothes are not a prank it’s a punishment). Your husband is hazing your children.” Shiney2510
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He ruined the birthday party with his juvenile and sadistic prank, as much as he most likely ruined the joyful and child-like spirit of the occasion for the two other kids with the other earlier stupid pranks.
What a creepy and horrible Christmas ‘tradition’ to traumatize your kids with. A doll that watches over them and exacts vengeance. Jesus Christ.” peregrine_throw
15. AITJ For Telling A Woman On The Airplane To Control Her Dog?
“I (35M) flew home for the holiday and flew back this morning. The flight was only supposed to be about 2 hours. I’ll put this out there, I do not like dogs. I hate this trend of flying with your dog. I don’t understand why you can’t just leave it at home.
We took off, and as soon as we got to altitude, a dog, say 20 pounds, came walking down the aisle by itself.
It’s just walking around on its own and people up and down the aisle are petting it. It is going up to people who, from what I can tell, were positively interacting with it. I got up, found a flight attendant, and asked about the dog. She told me they were told it was a service dog, nothing we could do, and also nothing they wanted to do this early into the flight.
Frustrated, I took a seat. It’s been walking around for a decent amount of time and I had no idea whose dog this is and, for what it’s worth, there was nothing on it indicating it was a service dog.
It came up to me. I moved my legs away and it came closer. It put its legs on me and looked up at me like it was waiting for me to pet it.
I lifted my legs up onto my seat. I yelled out, could someone please come get their dog? I yelled this twice. A lady in her 20s came over to take it away from about 5 rows up. I told her to control her dog and keep her pet in its carrier. She essentially told me to shut up, that I ruined her dog’s good time, and that I was the only one that had an issue.
Throughout the flight, a few people went up to her to tell her they enjoyed the dog. Each time she made snide comments about me. So was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Service dogs should be vested and close to the owner if they’re actually working. Granted yes they also get downtime, but that doesn’t mean they should be wandering unsupervised same as any dog.
Just because some people like dogs doesn’t mean everyone has to. Not liking dogs, phobia of dogs, allergy to dogs, or just not wanting an unsupervised dog all up in your space are all valid reasons for your response.
But maybe that’s just my phobia of dogs any taller than my mid-calf speaking.” Nixie_D
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I bet some people on the flight silently cheered when you called out asking for the owner to control their dog. I’m stunned the attendants didn’t do anything, partly because of people with allergies, and for other liability reasons. I am allergic to dogs, and I would have likely done the same thing that you did.
(And what about people who are afraid of dogs?) You should complain to the airline – not because there’s anything they can do about what already occurred, but because that might arm the attendants in the future, by saying to inattentive owners in future flights: ‘You need to control your animal. We’ve gotten complaints in the past and I don’t want to lose my job or force you off the plane.'” DCNumberNerd
14. AITJ For Not Bringing My Little Brother To The Aquarium With My Partner?
“I (22F) recently found out my partner (23M) of nearly 2 years has never been to an aquarium or a zoo or anything like that, growing up his family didn’t have much money so they never really took day trips. I decided to fix that and planned a date which I surprised him with. We’d be going to the aquarium that I went to a lot growing up and also go out for McDonald’s and stop by the pier to hit up some of the fair rides there, all my treat.
Basically a classic kids’ day trip that he never got to do growing up.
We had the date and it was a blast, my partner loved every minute of it and got super emotional at some points. A win of a date and everyone was happy. Until I was talking about it with my family recently, I’ve got a younger brother who is only 8.
My parents were kinda annoyed that I’d done this kid-friendly day and not taken my brother along to give them a ‘break’ and even loudly talked about all the fun the three of us could have had together. My brother heard this as they weren’t exactly being quiet and got super upset as he wanted to go to the aquarium and get McDonald’s and go on rides.
I was kinda mad at them for doing this and pointed out it was a date with my partner and bringing a kid would be weird, though I promised my brother I’d take him out for McDonald’s tomorrow.
Not good enough apparently, my parents pointed out how I still live with them so I need to be more considerate of my little brother and also them needing time.
Now, I pay rent and help out around the house. I’m not exactly someone milking my parents dry and I also babysit my brother all the time. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to go out with my partner alone even if it’s a ‘Kid Friendly’ outing. My family seemed to think though as it wasn’t a romantic one I should have.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your domestic duties, and your personal life should not intersect. You’re on a date, for Pete’s sake, you’re going to be putting your attention into your date obviously and want to do things like hold hands and kiss without being reminded what it would be like if you skipped the romantic years and went straight to being middle-aged parents.
By the way, I’m moved that you organized that day out as a date, that’s so considerate, that’ll have met an unconscious gap in his soul.” goldfishpaws
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re not your brother’s guardian/parent and you’ve just begun your journey into adulthood and were responsible enough not to be a parent so far.
Plus, it was a date, with adult behavior/interactions being an expected occurrence throughout and it’s not really that appropriate for an 8-year-old to observe.
Even if they talked to you beforehand, about them hoping you could take your brother from time to time to ‘give them a break’, it’s ultimately up to you when you feel you have time, and effort, to spare for babysitting without compensation.” wisedoormat
13. AITJ For Having My Birthday On Its Actual Date?
“My (17f) birthday is on July 2nd and my friend (17f) ‘Amy’’s birthday is on July 1st. Amy and I are in the same friend group but she came along less than a year ago.
I’ve always been friends with the same people, so most of our friends are closer to me than to her (with the exception of only 1 or 2 of them). I wouldn’t call her a close friend but I at the very least tolerated her until this incident.
I always celebrate my birthday on the exact day, never a day before or after (no particular reason, no one’s ever had an issue with it).
As we’ve known each other for less than a year, the topic of our birthday celebrations hadn’t come up between me and Amy before.
About 3 weeks before my birthday I brought up my plans to everyone in the friend group, including Amy. I said that, as usual, I’d be hosting a party at my house on the 2nd.
She didn’t say anything at all. A few days later though, while some of us were hanging out, she invited us to come to her house on the date of my party (and ACTUAL birthday) to celebrate HER birthday.
As I said, I’d already invited everyone a few days prior and I reminded her of my already existing invitation that everyone, except her, had accepted. First, she denied being invited even though everyone had been there when I had invited her.
Then said she didn’t remember me talking about this party at all and accused me of wanting to ruin her birthday and claimed it’s a tradition for her to celebrate with friends on the 2nd instead of the 1st. I then accused her of making this ‘tradition’ up just to annoy me (considering her past behavior towards me, I had no reason to believe that but in the heat of the moment it seemed right to say).
I said I didn’t want to argue about it anymore and left it at that. A few minutes later she said she was sorry for having her party on the same day because now I wouldn’t be able to have a celebration at all. I said that my party would be happening where and WHEN I’d already said it would be.
She got visibly angry and because no one defended her she left the place we were hanging out at.
On July 1st I wished Amy a happy birthday and didn’t get a reply. The next morning Amy texted me. She said I was a ‘petty jerk’ and was uninvited from her birthday party. I reminded her yet again that I wouldn’t be coming anyway because it was literally my birthday and I called her some names I won’t repeat as it wasn’t my proudest moment.
Amy didn’t come to my party as expected and later I saw a photo of her and two of our mutual friends on social media who I had also invited but are closer with her (they weren’t present when her meltdown happened).
The next day I got texts from the same friends saying I was the jerk for not just letting it go and refusing to change the date of my party.
That paired with me insulting her made me wonder whether or not I was in the wrong.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She clearly has something against you for no apparent reason. After this, it is better to get away from her and her friends (or at least the two who are closest to her), she has already shown how she really is, better to get away before she escalates to major problems or stupidities (because it was stupidity what she did).” Stigma16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but in the future, it’s a lot easier for people to be on your side if you have the higher moral ground. Try not to lash out with insults, even when you’re upset. It rarely pays off. It also muddles the waters of Who’s the Jerk Lake. In an ideal world, you’ll be calm, explaining facts to her while she tears down the world for not revolving around her.
Optics are very important. Happy Birthday, hope the drama dies down.” An_Acetic_Alpaca
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cancel My Trip With My Husband For My Mom's Cruise Vacation?
“My mom (63F) has been planning a cruise vacation with me (29F), my husband (28M), and my brother (27M) for a while.
It‘s been rescheduled 3 times due to the global crisis, then finally moved to this upcoming weekend. Because it was postponed for so long, the cruise line gave us ‘future cruise credit’ which was essentially free funds for letting them hold our deposit; this allowed us to do a more expensive cruise than she had originally booked. She’s been talking about it nonstop.
Well, after 2 years of being cautious, my husband and I finally got sick.
My mom was understandably upset when I told her. She immediately asked, ‘So what about the cruise?’ Because you need a negative test to get on, I told her I wasn’t sure if we’d be okay by then. She lamented how crappy the timing was, told me to make a medicine/grocery list so she could drop some supplies off for us on the doorstep, then left it at that.
(A note: she won’t lose any money. The cruise line will refund 100% of what she paid because we tested positive, but she’ll lose the ‘future cruise credit’ funds that expire Sept 30th, which means we won’t be able to do an equivalent expensive cruise to this one if we reschedule.)
She ended up calling back a few hours later and excitedly told me she had found a different cruise to switch to, at the end of September before the credit expires.
The problem is, my husband and I already have a vacation for just the two of us planned for that 3-day weekend. I’m a teacher so time off is precious, and doing the cruise would require me to take a day off work, which I don’t want to do. Worst of all, our trip isn’t fully refundable, so we’d lose about $500 if we had to cancel it now.
She was NOT happy when I explained this to her. She kept jabbing at me, saying ‘So you’d rather go on a trip just for you to some hotel, instead of go on this cruise with your family?’ and ‘I’m just very disappointed in your choice.’ When I told her how much money I’d personally lose, she just waved me off and told me ‘This is an extenuating circumstance, they’ll refund you if you just call and explain the situation’.
I told her I was sorry and that we’d go on another trip another time, but she just angrily hung up.
My brother then texted me that she had called him and was saying how upset she was that I was being so selfish for not canceling my trip so we could do the cruise.
He’s on my side, but I know my mom thinks I’m a terrible person for not changing my plans.
I understand why she’s upset, and she has every right to be disappointed with the situation, but I don’t think I should have to give up my trip so that she can have hers.
Yes, the timing sucks, and I’m sad too, but I feel like asking me to just call a loss of $500 isn’t fair to me.
AITJ for not wanting to cancel my trip?”
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ – it sounds like your mum will be losing a lot more money on this cruise than you would with your holiday.
Can you look to see if there are any other available days? And if not you need to see what you can do to make this right. Your mum losing the free extra credit is the equivalent of wiping out all the funds she lost in keeping it as a deposit for the cruise (instead of earning through interest).
Very very costly.” VividEfficiency7347
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Girl you and your husband can go on plenty of vacations alone and you guys live alone (presumably). I’m sure the hotel will move the date so long as they keep your deposit. Your mom isn’t getting any younger, she’s paying for the cruise.
Just go – y’all have a good relationship, keep it that way. And your brother was wrong to call you. Everybody deserves the right to vent about others without getting back to you so long as they aren’t outright bashing you – it does seem selfish of you to be so inflexible after everybody’s been jerked around the past few years.
Trust me as somebody who lost both parents by 24 you won’t one day regret the time spent with your parents but you will long for the times you didn’t have one day.” Hour_Lazy
11. AITJ For Refusing To Perform At My Ex-Sister's Wedding For Free?
“I (20F) have had a rough relationship with my mother’s ex-husband’s family.
My ex-step-sister, let’s call her Kat, (22F) accepted an engagement and planned her wedding after going out with the guy for 4 months. I’m a performer and often sing at weddings and different events.
A little backstory: After my mom’s divorce, the entire family including Kat blamed the divorce on me (I was 16 when they divorced) because I have depression/PTSD that my ex-step-father worsened due to how he treated me.
My mom noticed this and he turned on her after calling him out. Kat would say horrible things to me, specifically saying that I would never make it as a performer because I was crazy.
When Kat planned her wedding, she first asked me to help her plan her wedding and book venues, etc. I had to refuse because I am a college student who works full-time and performs. A few weeks go by, and she asks me to perform at her wedding and sends a huge list of songs for me to prepare for in less than a month.
She also said that I owed her one for all of the pain I caused HER during the divorce because of my mental illness. She said that I have to do this for free because it’s only fair to her and her family.
I explained that my time and resources were too precious to do a wedding for free.
There is a lot of preparation that goes into it as well.
Her entire family has been blowing up my phone and basically harassing me saying that I’m a jerk for not doing this for her since I’m not even good enough to be a professional performer and since I caused so much heartache in their family.
Even my mom is saying that I’m being a jerk since we grew up together.
Am I the jerk for refusing to perform at my ex-sister’s wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. NEVER feel obligated to perform for free. Your time and art are too valuable to allow people to take advantage of. If you want to gift someone with your talent that should be a decision you make (you know, cause they deserve and will appreciate it), and not one you’re guilted into.
Regardless of what your relationship with Kat may have been like before or after the divorce – you owe her nothing, and I hope your mother will see it too). Kat’s mad cause she can’t hustle and guilt a free service out of you. If anything, if you have colleagues that would be in her budget, give her some recommendations, but even that’s being too nice since she said you’d never make it as a performer anyways.” Batty_Britt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Screw. These. People. You owe them a boot to the butt out the door and nothing more.
Kat first wanted free wedding planning help but you dodged that bullet. So then she went to plan B which was a free wedding performance but you weren’t down for that either. So she and her family turn to victim blaming to try and flip all the crap she and they put you through back on you to make you into the villain and force you to ‘make amends’.
Even while they are busy talking trash about your singing they seem super intent on having you perform for free. This means your singing is really good but they don’t want to pay and feel destroying your self-confidence and self-worth to get you to do what they want is acceptable. They are just trashy people.
End of story.
Do not do anything for these people. Do not go to this wedding. In fact, going no contact with all of them seems like a really good idea for your mental health.” Karmic_Kiwi
10. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Get A Job?
“My husband (28M) and I (30F) have been married for over a year now. 3 months ago, he quit his job due to work dissatisfaction and wanting to change his career trajectory (from consulting to computer science in which he has a grad degree).
I’ve been fully supportive of his goal. He is still young, and I’m sure he can build a good, stable career even in a new field as long as he works hard.
Recently whenever I ask how his job search is going, he has evaded the topic, giving one-word responses and looking dejected. I told him to take his time, no rush and I can support us for the time being.
But two nights ago, he sat me down and told me he no longer wished to find a job but become a stay-at-home dad.
I was shocked for two reasons:
- We don’t have any kids! I’m working my butt off to get promoted at work and simply don’t have the capacity (or the funds) to have children.
In the future, maybe but definitely not now or anytime soon. He agrees to this as well.
- He never expressed any interest in being a stay-at-home dad before or even after our marriage. He always told me of his ambitious career and life goals (opening his own business, retiring early after smart investments, etc.). Lifestyle compatibility was a big reason why I was attracted to him in the first place.
I told him no, I don’t support that because I had always envisioned the two of us to be working and building an income together. There’s also a certain type of lifestyle that we both agreed to aim for prior to marriage and we can’t do that with my income alone. He said if money is the issue, then he can ask his parents who are well-off for help.
But already his parents have been paying for his half of the rent and gifting us with occasional spending funds. I don’t want to keep asking for money from his parents – we are adults and should be capable of paying for our own lifestyle.
When I asked why he doesn’t want to work, he said he discovered he loves staying at home and having freedom.
He also loves cooking and taking care of the house. He has been doing a good job cooking and maintaining our apartment but honestly, I can do that too and it doesn’t require much work, in my opinion (our apartment is small and we mostly dine out anyway). I don’t see how our current living situation warrants a partner to stay at home.
He also said he would cut down his spending and expensive hobbies so that we could live comfortably off my income and his parents’ financial help.
I told him I didn’t want to live with a husband who didn’t work. It may sound harsh but I would rather leave the marriage than spend the rest of my life supporting a grown man while sacrificing my own long-term financial and lifestyle goals.
Since our talk, we haven’t really been speaking to each other but he has been making a greater effort to keep our apartment clean, getting groceries, etc., as if he can change my mind.
So AITJ for refusing to let my husband not work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You don’t have kids. Therefore, it is impossible for him to be a stay-at-home dad.
By definition.
And a financial life plan that includes routine money from his parents is not a viable one. Your family needs to be self-supporting.
And if the two of you do decide to have kids, he’s not going to be the one able to do the work of gestation, labor, and breastfeeding. Someone is going to have to support your family while you’re taking care of the kids, and that is going to have to be him.
Even if you swap after a while and you go to work while he stays home – that is years in the future.
Being a stay-at-home dad is a someday-maybe dream, not something that is viable now.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your long-term goals no longer align, people get divorced for smaller reasons than this.
He’s not a stay-at-home dad if there are no kids. He’s just jobless at that point. Sure there are ways he can contribute domestically, but you even said, there isn’t much to be done. If you don’t want to trade the difference of the absence of his income for whatever work he could do domestically, then you don’t have to.
To each their own.
If you guys had discussed this and BOTH agreed to it before, then whatever floats your boat, but since you are not okay with it, this is a problem. You having to support the two of you financially is a huge ask of him, and you are well within your rights to say no.
He seems fine with leeching off his parents, but it still won’t be enough to achieve the success you want if your income has to support the two of you. What happens if he and his parents fight, or they die, or can no longer give him money? If he wants this kind of lifestyle, he can do it himself, you are not obligated to support him.
He discovered he loves staying at home and not having to work? No kidding, so does the vast majority of the population, people aren’t going to work just for fun. LOL. He’s in customer service, he should just find a remote job.” LipstickBandito
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have A Gender Reveal Party?
“My husband and I are expecting a baby. We are planning to move to my home country because the cost of having a baby is much much less.
So obviously I have been basically letting my husband’s mother play dolls with us.
She is going to miss her son and grandbaby. So no big deal. I have included her in doctor’s appointments, milestone events, etc.
So she asks when she should throw the gender reveal party. Where I am from that’s not really a thing. And also I don’t feel comfortable with the whole concept. Especially knowing that some of his family members are those weird ‘boy-favoring people’.
So I told her, that it was very nice but I’d prefer not to. If she wanted we could just do a bigger baby shower.
She didn’t seem to understand but didn’t bother me.
So last Thursday we went to the doctor (my husband was working so only MIL and I). The doctor asks me if I wanna know the gender of the baby and I say yes.
My MIL shushes me. She says no. To put it in an envelope so we can give it to the person responsible for the gender reveal. I say no again and just ask her to tell us. MIL starts getting impatient and saying that’s no big deal. To just let her have this one thing.
I reiterated that we could have a bigger baby shower but gender reveals are off the table. She left crying. After the appointment, my husband called me asking what had happened. Apparently, MIL called crying saying I had been horrible to her. I told my husband everything. He said he understood me and that he is also not a fan of gender reveals.
But we should play along because his mother is sad.
The thought of standing there and doing the whole ‘ballerina or trucks’ crap makes me really uncomfortable and I just… ugh. But it’s true. We are leaving. So AITJ for refusing a gender reveal?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your MIL is being way manipulative. Stick to your ‘no.’ Being pregnant looks uncomfortable enough without adding unnecessary discomfort.
If she keeps it up, try crying and asking her why she’s being so mean. For bonus points, burst into an ugly-crying sobbing fit next time she brings it up in front of other people. (This will make you ‘as bad’ as her, but may be worth it.)” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She isn’t having a baby, you are.
You stated clearly that you don’t want to have a gender reveal party, but that you are happy to have a baby shower that she could plan. Seems straightforward to me. It’s not ‘just this one thing’ she’s been doing all sorts of things by your own accounting. Frankly, it sounds like this is the one thing you have pushed back on.
I would stick to your guns on this one. Gender reveal parties are wack anyways.” PearSwindle
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex Claim My Son As His?
“So my (28F) ex (29M) ‘Morgan’ is in the Air Force and he’s enlisted. We went out for about 10 months and broke up.
Our relationship was not the healthiest and it hit me very hard mentally. I believe a week after our break up I hooked up with people on the internet and basically found myself on the toilet with a positive pregnancy test about 2 months later.
Fast forward: My son was born, I didn’t put a father’s name on the birth certificate because frankly, I didn’t know who it was, judge me.
I don’t care. Well, Morgan ended up finding out from someone who I thought was my friend but she went behind my back because she wanted to sleep with him. (I moved to a new state for a better job since I’m a nurse and I think Morgan got deployed or something and he was briefly back in his hometown where we met).
So we went through a whole paternity debacle when my son was 3 months old and he wanted to put his name on the birth certificate only to find out he’s not the father.
Now my son is 9 months old and Morgan decided to hit me up again through a new phone number because I blocked him on everything else saying that he wants to claim my son as a dependent so he can make more money.
He told me that if I put his name on the birth certificate he’ll send me half of the money he makes. I basically told him he can get lost and a few other things too but he called me a jerk and I’m robbing his elderly parents of a possible grandchild since he’s the only boy in his family.
I didn’t care what he wanted but for some reason, I felt guilty and my best friend told me I shouldn’t because Morgan just knows how to get under my skin and play me like a flute. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Morgan is flipping crazy. And if he actually did claim him as a dependent, and the military found out.
He could face charges, if not prison time for fraud. Which he deserves, since he is pushing it. It is YOUR son. Not his. And in my opinion, you’re doing what’s right. Definitely keep your son away from him. And keep being the great mom that you are!” CompetitiveSea513
Another User Comments:
“This dude seems really messed up and there is no reason to believe him.
Once he’s on the birth certificate expect a custody suit. Not sure why considering he knows it’s not his kid but he seems to be deluded into thinking it is his kid or at least willing to pass it off as his to his grandparents and the military. If he truly holds that the child is not his but wants to use it to defraud the government, what kind of person is that?
Stay away from his crazy. You’ll end up co-parenting or maybe even catching a case.
NTJ.” User
7. AITJ For Telling My Stepdaughter She's Not My "Real" Daughter?
“My brother-in-law recently lost his home, his job, and his wife. My wife wanted her brother to come stay with us & I said no. She was upset because ever since her parents died, he was the only immediate family member that she had left. I suggested that we put him up in a hotel & she said it was unfair because we’ve let my sister stay with us before.
One, she never told me she had a problem with my sister staying with us. Two, my sister has never used illegal substances. I didn’t care that he’d been supposedly sober for 3 years; I didn’t want him in my house or around my kids.
We got into a huge fight & she stated that he was coming to stay in the house regardless of what I said.
I told her that if he came to the house, I would be taking my kids and leaving. I have two kids from a prior relationship (11 and 7). My wife has 2 kids from a prior relationship (9 and 5). And we have 2 kids together (2 and the baby).
Her brother was supposed to arrive yesterday. I picked my kids (11 and 7) up from school and we headed to a hotel, but a few hours later my wife called me and said that she had decided to put her brother in a hotel instead and to come back.
We came back but my wife’s 9-year-old daughter was mad at me because I didn’t take her with us. I tried to explain that I would have taken her if I could, but I couldn’t because she wasn’t really my daughter so I didn’t have the authority to do that.
She was upset and she ran to her room and I could hear her crying.
I thought she was still upset because I didn’t take her, but when I went inside and said, ‘Hey, let’s go hang out tomorrow – just you and me.’ She said she didn’t want to, and I asked why. She said, ‘Because you said I’m not your daughter.’
And I said, ‘You’re not, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you as much as my real daughters.
And by real I mean biological. But you’re still technically my daughter because I’m with your mom.’ She started sniffling and crying again and I felt like I was making it worse so I left and told her mom, who went and talked to her and later told me that she’ll be fine by tomorrow.
She wasn’t. On weekends, we’re usually the first ones up, but she didn’t come down to talk to me like she usually does. After her soccer game, she didn’t want me driving her home like I usually do. I asked if she was still mad about the daughter comment. She shrugged & said, ‘I don’t care.
It’s whatever. I’m not your daughter, so you don’t have to pretend like you want to hang out with me.’
I simply told her, ‘You’re right I don’t have to, if you’re going to keep acting like this’ and I left. I got home and my wife told me she had called her crying and that I needed to talk with her again when she came home, but I said I was done talking.
There was nothing else I could say. My wife is mad at me, but I’m mad because what I said was true and not even that bad.”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. You should have said, ‘I don’t have to pretend I want to hang out with you because I actually do want to hang out with you’.
The way you put it, you basically reinforced to her that you actually are pretending to love her. Kids are smart and pick up on semantics like that. She’s a fragile child who is trying to grasp a new concept and you should have acted like an adult instead of getting annoyed. You made it worse and this isn’t something she’ll get over in a few days.
At this point, it may take months or years to rebuild a relationship and it will be forever changed. Bad move.” cheebalibra
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You invalidated your relationship with her by saying she wasn’t your ‘real’ daughter, and then you told her that she’s only your ‘daughter’ right now because you’re in a relationship with her mom.
So now you’ve made it clear that if something happened where mom died or you two divorced, then that relationship with her is no longer existent. If you actually care about her as your REAL daughter (I’m not equating real with biological and you should stop equating them, too), then you care about her REGARDLESS of her mom.
You want to be there for her because you love and care about her just as much as your biological daughters and she’s just as real as them, too. Stop being whiny, go talk to her, don’t clam up, and stop being the jerk. Do better. You got this.” AuthorMiaou
6. AITJ For Getting A Second Job?
“I work in an office Monday-Friday full-time. In 2021 we had a lot going on within the business and my hours ranged from 40-47 hours a week. At the beginning of 2022, I got a raise, which was really nice.
During that conversation my bosses let me know that, with this raise, I needed to cut my hours down to just 40. Which, is fine, I understand the cost of labor increasing.
With the decrease in hours, I actually make less now per week than I did when I was working more with a lesser wage, but I don’t hold it against my primary employers.
It was actually kind of a nice break because my job was really beginning to stress me out.
In the last couple of months, I’ve gotten a second part-time job due to the cost of living increasing and the desire to buy property with my partner as soon as possible. I’m very organized with my savings, and having just my primary job would not allow me to reach my goals and also just barely give me any wiggle room for bills.
A couple of weeks ago they sat me down and said ‘Why are you leaving at 5 when you could be staying later?’ This confused me, so I replied: ‘You told me a few months ago to cut my hours down to 40 a week. So, I am working 9-5.’ To this, they responded by saying that I could stay later if I wanted but then I explained how I picked up a second part-time job serving in the evenings and I’ve arranged for my shifts to start at 6 pm so I wouldn’t be able to.
This surprised them and they asked why on earth I would need a second job. I explained to them that the cost of living is too high for my current earnings and that with my budgeting I would only have an extra few hundred every month and that is too close to ‘paycheck to paycheck’ for me.
In my second part-time serving job, I work on the weekends and a night or two during the week. I’ve arranged my availability with my part-time job so that it doesn’t interfere with my office job hours.
My contract says nothing against having a second job and it has never interfered with my work. I got this second job because the cost of living is high and it’s not feasible to carry on with only one job at this moment in time.
My employer knows this, however, I found out today that they are upset about the fact that I have this second job.
I’m genuinely confused as to why they would not like this, and after asking them why it would be a problem, they have chosen not to reply to that question.
Am I missing something here?
Am I doing something wrong by having another source of income outside of my primary career?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They wanted their cake, and to have some extra waiting in the fridge in case they wanted to eat it later.
The cake is your labor. Now they can’t guilt you into staying in cases of crunch-time or extra labour.
Maybe they expected you to still work those extra hours, but only record 40 (illegal unless salaried). Maybe they don’t realize that even with a raise you are getting less pay from them than before?” Dontdrinkthecoffee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – no further discussion is required with your company. Your free time is yours to use as you see fit.
Inconsistent work hours are unreliable and hard to budget with. You’re not paid to manage their ‘feelings’, you’re there to do your job without violating established, disseminated, and signed standards and policies. If you’re not breaking policy they can shut up.” ROZDOG69
5. AITJ For Using A Customer's Change To Pay For Another One's Purchases?
“So, this was a few years ago. Back when I worked as food drone #568, Tertiary popcorn drone of the theme park unimatrix. It was during the Halloween season, on a fairly busy day. It was also… hot. Like, insanely hot. So needless to say, the special refill bottles we sell were a hot commodity.
Now, here’s where our story truly begins. Due to the excessive heat, and the fact that my stand had the AC crap out, the computer running the cash register software overheated. It rebooted after a while, but it somehow lost all connection with the cash drawer. I’m waiting for IT to come, and people have wandered off, due to events happening elsewhere.
So, I didn’t really think there’d be a problem.
However, this one guy comes up. I immediately tell him the register is broken, and I can only take cards. He accepts this, and I begin making his order, a souvenir cup, a pretzel, and a bucket of popcorn. About 20 dollars worth of food. I total everything up and ask for his card, and he hands me a bill.
Normally, I would have kept stuff back on the counter until after I had the budget, but I was almost having a heat stroke at this point.
I told him I couldn’t take cash. He doesn’t carry a card. Now we’re at a stalemate. I tell him there’s another stand less than 20 ft. away and I know from radio chatter their line is short right now.
I hand him his bill back, and he slams it on the counter, yelling ‘Keep the change.’
He walks away, ignoring me asking him to come back. I look down at the bill in my hand, and only then do I realize the mistake. He handed me a crisp, new, $100 bill. I panic. I slip the bill into the fold of the cash drawer and radio for my supervisor.
He tells me to leave it, and if I don’t see the guy before IT comes, assume he left and treat it as an overage.
It comes and goes, and it’s been over two hours. I’ve got an $80 overage that my boss is telling me to treat the way I would extra funds. A guy comes up with his family, his wife, and several kids.
He asks me for as many cups of water as I can give him. He tells me how he’s taking his kids, as well as his nieces and nephews out for the events at the park. I do my usual upsell, and he tells me they’ve been getting by on free water, and will only be shelling out for soft drinks at meals.
So, I told him my situation. It’s near the end of my morning shift, and I’ve got a massive overage. I then explain that we are technically allowed to use overages to aid when guests are short…
This guy got a souvenir cup for everyone, popcorn, and pretzels, for less than 5 dollars out of his own wallet.
When the original guy finally realized his mistake and came back demanding his proper change… I just said I didn’t recognize him, and couldn’t give change on a purchase from that long ago anyway. Plus, my cash drawer was already closed and totaled. My lead was trying not to laugh the entire time.”
Another User Comments:
“He abandoned the money, verbally and physically, instead of walking twenty feet away. I think it would’ve been different if he had said he’d come back for the change later or something, but he didn’t even say that.
I think it also would’ve been different had you not used it in reliance on his words that it was abandoned. If you had just kept it and refused to give him change, that would’ve been petty.
But you used it to help guests, so I think you did the right thing with what information you had at the time. If he doesn’t want to lose $100 I hope he learns his lesson about saying keep the change.” CringeCityBB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did as you were told to and the dude willingly made this mistake.
You told him to come back, you told him you could not do cash, you told him about the other register, and you contacted your supervisor. He should take it up with him in that case, you did not really do anything wrong here. That’s now his and the park’s business, no longer yours. He can’t just demand the money back after he told you to ‘keep the change’ which many would have even seen as a tip.” ILikeSealsALot
4. AITJ For Making My Niece And Nephew Do Chores?
“I’m a 34-year-old woman and am currently watching my niece who is 10 and my nephew who is 7 for my brother and SIL over the Spring Holiday so they can go on a kid-free holiday. I run the family farm as my older brother wasn’t interested in taking it over when our parents got too old to keep up with the demands it has.
As the kids are staying with me for the time being I decided they’d help out on the farm in age-appropriate ways, nothing too taxing and honestly far less than what my brother and I did at their ages. If they do this in the morning they’re free to spend the afternoon as they please.
I think it’s a good way to teach them responsibility and besides I don’t have kids so the farm might end up being taken over by one of them one day if they take an interest in it.
My brother and SIL phone the kids each night to say goodnight/check how they’re doing and they mentioned how they were helping out on the farm.
When I talked to my brother and SIL after the kids said goodnight my SIL was angry and demanding to know why I was forcing her children to work and how they were here on vacation and it wasn’t right of me to do that. My brother asked what they’d been doing and when I told him it was mostly mucking out the stables and feeding the animals he tried to talk her down but she was even more upset to know her children were doing something so ‘dirty.’
I was rather bemused by this as it’s honestly not that bad it’s not like they’re rolling about in the dirty stables. I told her how they were having fun and it’s honestly not that bad and did no harm to me and my brother growing up. She has told me she doesn’t want my kids lifting a finger for the rest of the time I have them and it’s their holiday so they should be treated as such, my brother clearly thinks she’s overreacting but he also tends to defer to her in most things so I’m getting no support there.
Honestly, I don’t know what to do, I’m running a business, not a resort so I can hardly wait on them hand and foot while my brother and SIL are on holiday.
Is it truly so bad that I’d expect them to help out in the mornings while staying?”
Another User Comments:
“To be honest, most 10 and 7-year-olds probably won’t consider this work but a bit of an adventure.
What kid wouldn’t want to spend a few days getting to feed and play with farm animals? Sounds awesome!
They will probably all go back to school telling the kids and teachers how they got to be a farmer, and they will probably remember doing this with you for the rest of their lives, I remember just visiting a family on a school trip at that age!
For kids this age sitting doing bugger all or being forced to do the same normal school work and stuff isn’t a vacation. A vacation for kids is to get something new and different and exciting they can tell their friends about which is what you’re doing.
Like you say, age-appropriate stuff, nothing that’s hard work.
I’m pretty sure if they kicked off and said I don’t want to muck out or whatever you’d find them another age-appropriate job to do, but it doesn’t sound like they’ve been unhappy or unwilling whilst being with you!
They sent their kids to a working farm… Your brother grew up on that farm… He absolutely knew what was going to happen on that farm when they got there.
Did they think you’d just stop all the obligations of living and working on a farm to watch the kids? Your brother grew up there. He knows even on Christmas day those jobs have got to be done. No exceptions!
I mean SIL not wanting those kids to lift a finger? Well, we all know how that’s going to turn out!
It seems you, the aunt, are the only one who even tries to parent the kids!
NTJ.
Keep giving those kids a fabulous visit!” useragreement13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said the tasks were age-appropriate.
Not the same, but when I stayed with my grandparents we were expected to do chores (ironing, cleaning, helping in the garden, etc).
This didn’t need a discussion, ever.
You’re not a free maid.
Kids can pull their weight. As long as they have their own free time, and no task being asked is above their ability – what’s the issue here?
Even better if they’re having fun, which you said they were.
NTJ.” dancerwales
3. AITJ For Telling Our Bosses My Coworker Will Be Doing An Interpretative Dance At Our Work Conference?
I (28F) have worked with Kim (30F) for about three years. We’re managers at the same level, and we manage different (but related) teams. For the last year and a half, she has been taking modern dance classes, and talks about it a lot at work (this will be important later).
Kim and I get along well most of the time.
One thing that bugs me is that she volunteers me for things without running them by me first. For example, I’ll tell her I’m taking a weekend seminar on something, and then she’ll tell people that I will be doing a talk on this new thing I learned. I like sharing knowledge, but I don’t always have the time and energy for the extra work; I have told her this several times.
She always says that she is trying to help me have a higher profile in the company.
We are having a big conference/team building thing at the end of September that Kim and I, our bosses, and about 150 employees will be attending. It’s a multi-day event with training and roundtables, as well as some social events; Kim and I played a big part in the planning.
Sure enough, Kim sent an email early last week to me, our directors, and a few other people saying that I had some really good insights on self-care strategies (we’d been talking about it casually the previous week) and luckily there would be time for me to give a brief presentation on them during lunch on the 27th.
This was not discussed with me.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. I replied-all to the email, saying, ‘For sure! And I’m so looking forward to the original interpretive dance inspired by our 2024 diversity strategy that Kim is going to perform during the conference closing festivities!’ I thought this was an obvious sarcastic comment, but apparently not.
Kim texted me immediately asking what I was talking about, and I wrote back, ‘Oh, should I have checked with you before signing you up for that? My bad.’ Unfortunately, her boss did not understand that I was joking and replied to the email saying that he was really impressed that she was bringing such creativity to the conference and that he looked forward to seeing it.
Long story short, Kim is now freaking out because she does not have an interpretive dance based on our diversity strategy prepared, she doesn’t want to do such a dance in front of 150 people, and she doesn’t feel like she can back out since her boss likes the idea. I offered to own up to the fact that I was making a sarcastic joke, but she didn’t want me to.
I have apologized but I have to admit that I was laughing a bit while I did it because this is ridiculous. If the consensus is that I’m the jerk, I will pay for her new leotard and buy her drinks at the conference.”
Another User Comments:
“OK… this was totally a jerk move… I would be mortified to do such a thing, I’d rather quit my job than follow through with this… that all being said… I want to give you a standing ovation.
I hope this teaches Kim about consulting with you before signing you up for things without your consent and doesn’t result in escalated retaliation. She may even get a bonus for her creative contribution.
And if she didn’t pay you for your materials, resources, or any additional time that went into your spontaneous lectures, she can buy her own leotard.
NTJ.” ThisIsTheCaptain
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get what you give. She continuously signs you up for stuff you didn’t agree to beforehand, you pointed this out (maybe not in the best way as it was also sent to higher-ups and the sarcasm did not translate through email) but it’s ultimately on her since you offered to explain it but she for some reason didn’t want you to?
Weird. She’s basically forcing herself to do it at this point.” AxlNoir25
2. AITJ For Snapping At My Stepmom For Insisting On Being In The Delivery Room When I Give Birth?
“I’ve (29f) always had a good relationship with my stepmom (54f) who I’ll call Sophia.
When I was 7 & my brother was 5, we lost our mom pretty traumatically. My dad met Sophia a few years later & lots of family therapy after that. I was 10/11 when he introduced her as a friend & it took 2.5 years before they got married.
Sophia has always been great; she never tried to replace our mom, she left all of our family photos up, and was never offended we didn’t ask her to come to the cemetery (but came when we did ask).
She did my hair for high school dances, watched romcoms with us after breakups, taught my brother to drive, & cried happy tears at both our weddings. She treats my husband like her own son. She’s truly a great person.
Which is probably why I feel like such a jerk in this situation. I’m 6.5 months along with my & my husband’s first child.
Between the hormones & this new chapter of my life, I have been missing my mom extra fiercely these past months, wishing that she was here with me to meet her grandbaby. I’ve been visiting her grave a lot just to sit and talk, basically crying about how much I wish she was still here.
(I know it’s been 21 years but her absence is like a physical ache some days.)
It started a few weeks ago when my dad warned me Sophia had been remarking about being in delivery with me. The next time I saw her, she asked & I gently told her only my husband would be in the room with me.
Since the first no, she’s taken it as an invitation to change my mind. Every time she brings it up, I shut her down gently with an ‘I appreciate the offer but I still only want my husband in the room, we’ll let the family know when we’re ready for visitors.’
Then last weekend a couple of my cousins threw a casual coed backyard baby shower that included both my & my husband’s fams. I overheard Sophia chatting with another of my cousins who’s pregnant & Sophia was trying to get her to convince me to have Sophia in the room; my cousin was ignoring her mostly but then I heard Sophia say ‘A girl needs her mom with her for that.’ I was probably hormonal/tired but I was so upset, that I finally interrupted & just said, ‘Yes a girl does need her mother, too bad mine died in front of me & my bonus mom can’t seem to take no for an answer.’ I didn’t say it loudly enough for anyone but us to hear, but I was rather harsh & then I went to hide inside saying I needed to lie down.
My dad said he understands my side & supports me no matter what, but that I really hurt Sophia’s feelings by what I said & I should at least apologize for that. I do want to apologize but also believe I deserve an apology for not being listened to. It was also the first time I ever really felt like Sophia was trying to replace my mom & I just snapped a little.
I don’t know, I feel horrible so maybe I already know the answer but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sophia’s feelings wouldn’t be hurt if she had simply listened to you and accepted that only you and your husband would be in the delivery room. Instead, she keeps asking and is now trying to get others to intervene on her behalf.
It sounds as if you do love her and she has been very good to you over the years. But that does not exclude or support her insistence to be in the delivery room.
You need to have a private chat: first with your father and then with your stepmother. Tell your dad that you love and appreciate all Sophia has done, but her persistence in asking is causing you (and the baby) stress.
Tell him that her asking your cousin to intervene was out of line and it needs to stop now. Then have the same conversation with Sophia. And tell them both, in no uncertain terms, that giving birth is NOT a spectator sport and you’re tired of being asked when the question has been answered. You may want to go as far as telling them that each time the question is asked you will delay their meeting the baby by an unspecified or specified period of time.
NTJ.” Beck2010
Another User Comments:
“You tried really hard to be considerate of her feelings in this but she’s just making a whole load of assumptions and you snapped. You tried to explain it and you assumed because she respected your mum’s place that she would get how you feel. That kind of makes Sophia a jerk but I can see she feels a deep love and desire to support you.
But having lost my own mum I can understand how you feel not having her here when you’re about to be a mum yourself. I think since Dad gets it, see if you and he can have a chat and work out the best way to deal with this. You’re NTJ because she pushed you to snap.” pinguthegreek
1. AITJ For Ignoring A Strange Guy In The Neighborhood While I Was Walking?
“I used to live in a city where if a stranger was following you around trying to talk, it was pretty certain they were either trying to run a scam, harass you, or some combination.
So my habit is to not engage at all, not even make eye contact. Literally, just walk on.
And even if they do try and start some trouble, don’t engage directly, just grab your phone and start calling a friend.
So I moved back with my family for a few months to take care of my mom who had surgery.
And she lives in a suburban area.
I was gonna go to the library and decided to walk because it was only 20 minutes. In this neighborhood not many people walk, so I guess people find that weird?
I was walking down a street and someone was calling ‘Miss? Hello Miss? Excuse me ma’am’ and I kept walking.
He was standing in the front yard and I was walking in the street, but when I walked by the whole yard he started following me too.
I took out my phone and called my best friend. I only got her voicemail but I talked like she picked up saying…
‘Hiii, I’m on the corner of (street and street), I just shared my live location with you.
Someone’s following me. Denny and Frank are with you, yeah? Ok good and they have the truck there? Ok good. Yeah, a white man, I think he lives at 200 (Street) Street. Short brown hair, about 6 foot tall, 180 pounds. Yeah, I’ll stay on the phone with you till y’all get to me. Yeah, I’ve got that on me, and always do.’
The guy stopped following me.
When I got home my mom showed me a post from her neighborhood group. It was a picture of me from a distance taken by a doorbell camera. And the post said there was a ‘suspicious’ person that the guy, a resident, tried to ‘greet’ and who totally ignored him then got on the phone describing where he lives, what he looks like, and was talking about having a bunch of guys in a truck come by.
I laughed and told my mom my side of the story thinking she’d think it was funny, but she didn’t. She said around here you can’t just ignore your neighbors like that, people get to know and trust each other and he was trying to see if you were from around here and just look out for the neighborhood.
Apparently, she’s a friend of his.
I was like ‘Mom do you really want to be teaching your daughter to be talking with strangers who follow her down the street? Like okay, this was a misunderstanding but most of the time it’s bad news and I ain’t doing that.’
She said I acted really hostile and inappropriate and that I was gonna be making her look bad with her neighbors.
I said that her neighbor who thinks it’s chill to follow a girl who isn’t trying to talk is the one looking really bad.
She said it wasn’t like that here, and I said that it’s like that everywhere, people are people, and I’m not talking to someone acting like that.
She’s upset with me, and I’m upset with her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is like Female Safety 101. Your mom is missing the big picture because she knows the man, but to you, he is a stranger who is following you.
You’re right that there is something seriously wrong with your mom if she thinks it’s right to teach her daughter to engage with men following her.
The fact that he thinks you’re a ‘suspicious person’ for going for a walk in public tells you everything you need to know about if you should be interacting with him at all, and hopefully, your mom realizes that soon too.” elderpricetag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom’s neighbor may be perfectly harmless but following and yelling at a young woman isn’t the way to make a good impression.
You did nothing wrong, and that was a smart thing to do.
Had he stayed in his own yard and yelled something like ‘Welcome to the neighborhood!’ that would be different.
Maybe your mom will get this: if this suburb is so ‘different’ and ‘safe’ then why was that man assuming you were ‘suspicious’?
Turns out you aren’t the only person concerned that crime can happen anywhere; if this grown man was so worried about a young woman walking down the street you have even more reason to be worried about a grown man following & shouting.
It was a misunderstanding, but the man owes you an apology, and your mom should have your back.” CarrieCat62
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