People Ask Us To Provide Criticism On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
35. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Buy Her Own Food Or Learn To Share?
“My (f 47) daughter (22) is still living at home since she graduated this spring. We are fine with it because she can save up from her first real job. It is tough out there so we are trying to help her out as much as we can.
The conflict that has arisen is that she is very possessive of food and drinks that she buys for herself.
Not like restaurant leftovers or anything. That’s obviously hers. But she will buy soda or cheese or sandwich meat.
And she will get mad if anyone else eats or drinks it. If she was buying all her own food I would understand but she isn’t. She still eats the food that my husband and I buy for the house.
So she has no problem eating our food but God forbid we touch hers.
The last straw was last night. Her dad made himself a drink and used one of her tonic waters. She got upset that he drank her stuff. He apologized but I had enough. I gave her three options. Either she starts buying all her own food which she can label and keep in the fridge, freezer, and pantry.
I will make sure neither her father nor I nor her brothers touch it. She can learn to share and appreciate the fact we are still feeding and housing her for free. Or she can move out.
She started crying that I was throwing her out for being upset that someone stole her food. I just told her that she had a week to decide.
Her dad says I’m being rough on her and that she buys herself treats that are not stuff I buy all the time. And that may be so but I still see her eating the groceries that I buy for the house and not contributing.”
34. AITJ For Not Snow Blowing My Neighbor's Driveway?
“Our old neighbor, Mr. B passed away last year. He was a very sweet old man, kind of like the neighborhood grandpa. He was a widower and, and the last couple of years started having mobility issues. When it snowed, we would go over with the snow blower, clear his driveway, and salt the walk. In the summer if I was out mowing, I would do his lawn too.
When his health went downhill, we got his groceries and would bring him meals.
When he passed away, we continued to mow the lawn and take care of the outside of the house when it was vacant. His children were very appreciative and thanked us for taking care of Mr. B when they could not be here.
They eventually sold the house, and the new neighbors moved into the house in the fall. We introduced ourselves and did the standard neighbor greeting. We noticed they didn’t have any lawnmowers or snow blowers, so we told them that they should get those things sooner rather than later since we typically start getting snow in November.
A few times when I was out mowing, the neighbor asked me to mow their lawn, and I obliged but told him that they should really consider getting their own yard tools or calling service.
We just had a huge snowfall, and are expected to get more this weekend. The neighbor came to my house early on Sunday morning and banged on my door asking when I was going to be out snowblowing as they needed to get to work.
I told the neighbors that I was not going out to shovel/snowblow any time soon, so they may want to dig their cars out so they could get to work. He told me that they didn’t have any shovels and explained that they were relying on me to come over and take care of it.
I told him that I was not planning on doing that, and told him that he could borrow a shovel if he would like, but I was going back to bed.
When I did go out to shovel and snow blow several hours later, I did not do their driveway.
The neighbors are now angry at me, and he confronted me outside saying that it’s my fault that they had to call out of work. My wife thinks I should have sucked it up and gone over, but I told her that I am not a landscaping service and that I should not have to wake up early and shovel their driveway.
AITJ for not snow blowing for the neighbors?”
33. AITJ For Being Angry At My Fiancé For Getting My Daughter's Cat Out Of Our House?
“I (f 35) got engaged to my fiancé Eric (m 37) 2 months ago. He moved in with me and my daughter Zoey (f 13). Everything was going well til he started complaining about Zoey’s cat which is strange because the cat is so sweet and quiet most of the time and so I had no idea what the issue was exactly.
Anyways, he went from complaining about the cat to making demands about her. He gave Zoey a list of places the cat can/can’t go, and things she’s ‘allowed’ to touch, and banned her from places like the kitchen and sofa (Zoey’s favorite place to cuddle with her cat). Zoey showed me this list and I had an argument with him telling him he needed to stop this because it was ridiculous.
He ranted about this being his house too and how he expects things to change after we get married.
A few days ago, I was at work and got a call from Zoey crying saying her cat wasn’t in her room or in the house. I freaked out too and went home to look for her. Zoey and I looked for 2 hours before a neighbor of ours brought her and told us that he saw Eric leaving her outside, getting in his car, and leaving.
I was surprised and quite angry. Zoey took her cat and went back inside. I immediately drove to my future in-laws’ home where Eric said he’d be. The second I saw him sitting with his family I went off and blew up at him in front of everyone. His mom asked what was happening and I told her her son got my daughter’s INDOOR cat outside the house probably hoping for her to get lost.
He argued about wanting me to stop spouting nonsense and go home and we’d talk there but I refused. It got worse and I ended up leaving after his family flipped out at him.
He sent a bunch of texts talking about the stunt I pulled in front of his family. He said that he didn’t mean to leave the cat out but after checking the cams I confirmed it. He still insisted that I humiliated him in front of his family and tried to turn them against him.
He’s been staying with a friend and has stopped calling and texting.
AITJ for blowing up on him in front of his family?”
32. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Significant Other's Mom At The Hospital?
“So I (23m) hate my significant other’s (24m) family with a passion. I can’t stand them, they are the most condescending, judgmental jerks I have ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It all started when I first met them. They talked about my looks and how I could improve it by losing weight, cutting my hair, and stopping eating like a pig.
I’m 188 cm tall and 80 kg. I go to the gym a lot and I would consider myself fit. They have something to say about my job because they think I’m not good enough to be a doctor and I work too much. His mother is the one who says all of this and the rest agree with her.
It has gotten to the point where I’m dreading every birthday, Christmas, or any other celebration because I have to see them again. My SO has told them to stop but they always say that I’m too sensitive and need to relax. The last time I met them they told my SO that he should dump me and find a man that’s better for him.
I was sitting next to him when it happened.
So his mom got into an accident and had to go to the hospital I’m working at and my SO told me to help her and make sure she gets the best care. I told my coworkers and they assured me that I couldn’t be on her case and that I wouldn’t need to be near her at all.
My SO and his family begged me to visit her and make sure she was okay on my break and I refused. I said I’d rather be alone in my apartment and suffer than visit his mom with him or without him. I can’t stand that woman.
He and his family have been messaging me nonstop telling me I am a bad doctor for not wanting to help a patient. But the thing is she’s not my patient so AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Wanting To See Proof Of The Gift My Sister Is Giving To My Daughter?
“I (38M) have a daughter, Daniella, who is turning 12 next week.
Over the past few years, my sister, Chloe (32F) has made grand promises to Daniella on her birthday and then fell through. The first came when Daniella was 9 and Chloe promised to take her to her first Broadway show. I checked with Chloe a couple of times that she could actually afford it, actually wanted to take a 9-year-old to the city (we live about an hour away), etc.
Chloe promised up and down it was all good. Then, 2 days before the show, she said plans changed and she sold the tickets. Daniella was naturally devastated but Chloe tried to make it up to her by taking her out to dinner the following week.
For Daniella’s 10th & 11th birthdays, a similar thing happened. On the 10th, Chloe put an IOU in the card and basically told Daniella she could cash it in for one of a few activities.
Daniella would text Chloe throughout the year, asking when they would do it, but Chloe always had an excuse. Eventually, the year ended with nothing being done. Daniella said that she didn’t care about not getting a gift, but it was disappointing to be promised something and then have it taken away. She actually talked to Chloe about it and Chloe apologized.
The 11th birthday was the worst example in my opinion. Chloe promised she would take her the following weekend to an amusement park that Daniella really wanted to go to. Daniella was so excited but Chloe continued cancelling on her until the amusement park closed for the season.
It should be noted that these things Chloe promises are stuff out of my budget most of the time.
I did end up doing 2 of the activities that were on the IOU, but things like a Broadway show as well as the amusement park tickets were not something I could afford. I did save up to bring Daniella this summer and she had a ton of fun, but I know it was disappointing for her last year.
Chloe apologized, but Daniella was less receptive to it at that time.
This year, Chloe told me she wanted to take Daniella to New York overnight to see a show. I asked for proof this was booked. Chloe said she would do it once she ‘figured out a time they could go’. I said no. No more of this.
She doesn’t have to give Daniella anything at all, but if she does, it needs to be something planned and something she doesn’t intend to back out of. No more IOUs. If she wants to gift these things, they need to be booked and non-refundable so I can see that she isn’t going to back out.
Chloe promised this time would be different. I said, okay, then do as I asked. Chloe said I was being unfair and holding the past against her. She also said I can’t control what she gives my daughter for her birthday. Some members of our family have backed her up, saying Chloe is harmless and Daniella needs to understand sometimes things don’t work out. I pointed out my daughter knows that lesson very well as she lost her mom young and the only consistent woman figure she has (her aunt) keeps letting her down.
30. AITJ For Deciding Not To Invite My Dad's Partner To Our Wedding?
“So about 5 years ago, my parents got divorced because my Dad was having an affair with another woman, let’s name her Chloe. My mum was (obviously) devastated after 26 years of marriage, and she quickly rebounded out of guilt, revenge, whatever.
The marriage between my parents broke up, the house (biggest equity) was sold, and my mum managed to scrape every penny out of my Dad in the legal proceedings (good for her, although no amount can cover up emotional damage).
Mum has been with her partner now for 4 years, and he is the most decent, welcoming, and friendly guy I’ve met. He takes great care of my mum, never pushes any boundaries, is involved with the family, and is always there to help in any situation.
My dad, on the other hand, has stayed with Chloe since the divorce.
He has bought a house, acted as if everything is normal, and is quite honestly a sociopath. We’ve never met her, she has never expressed any interest in meeting us and has never once reached out to us (separately or individually) to introduce herself.
When I needed to briefly move back to my home country to finish university, I asked to stay at my dad’s house (that he shares with Chloe) for just a week or so while I found a room to rent in the city.
Chloe and my dad declined and said they wouldn’t be able to help out. Fair enough, whatever, I just spent more time searching and eventually found something, no thanks to them.
My partner and I are due to be married next year. We’re having quite a small wedding, only with close friends and family who we value.
We’re having the wedding in the country where my partner is from, so the few family and friends I have invited are flying out to celebrate.
We decided, as a couple, not to invite Chloe.
Dad is now kicking up a fuss and goes on a sociopathic rage about how we’re spoiled, and we’ve put him in an impossible situation. He’s clearly hurt, but the choice we have made is steadfast and will not change.
29. AITJ For Not Wanting To Punish My Kids For The Way They're Treating My Ex?
“I (44M) divorced my ex (39F) three years ago after I found out she was having an affair. It was a long and messy divorce, especially since she refused to leave our marriage and kept begging for a second chance. In the end, she gave up but she insisted on not telling the kids about the affair as she didn’t want them hating or refusing to spend time with her.
She is a great mother, so I agreed. I told the kids that she and I had disagreements that couldn’t be solved and for everyone’s best interest, us being apart would be for the best. We also share joint custody.
However, a few months ago my oldest kid (17F) ended up discovering the real reason why we divorced.
I don’t know how, but she refuses to tell me, I’m sure it’s all because my ex recently announced that she’s engaged to Jim, her affair partner. My kids hated him from before but after my kid revealed the information to her twin and her young brother they loathe him and my ex. They’ve become extremely rude and avoidant towards them, and are now refusing to spend any sort of time with them.
With the holiday season approaching my ex decided to ask me to intervene. She told me that she wanted me to sit down with the kids with her, and to explain that it was never an affair but basically that we disagreed about our marriage. She kept insisting that the kids were becoming more hateful every day and tearfully said that they were blaming her for ending our marriage and their relationship with her.
I didn’t say anything, merely said that they were speaking the truth and deserved to feel however way they needed to feel about this.
We got into a massive argument, and she ended up storming off saying she won’t be celebrating Christmas with ‘ungrateful brats’ who hate her. She insinuated that I do the same, but I refused.
We spent Christmas together for the kids but this time she was a no-show.
So on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, they came over to my place and we had a fun family gathering. They opened their presents and overall we had a great time. In the morning I posted several pictures of us together saying how great Christmas is with family, which my ex saw (I still have her on social media because sometimes she texts me stuff related to kids).
She was screaming saying I made her look like the bad guy now because everyone would notice she wasn’t with me in the picture, and how she didn’t buy them any gifts. She asked that I take away the presents until they apologize for ‘being cruel to their mother’ and to apologize to her affair partner, or at least to withhold them until she buys them some. I refused and told her she’s dealing with consequences of her own making, and since Christmas, she’s been posting vague posts about how horrible her ‘old’ family is and how cruel love can be.
AITJ for refusing to punish my kids or sit down with them to justify my ex’s infidelity?”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Do A Customer's Shopping For Them?
“I work in a tiny local shop in my town and a while ago a teenager (15 or 16 years old) poked his head through the door. He had a dog with him but he didn’t want to tie the dog up outside, so he asked me to get a few things for him so I did.
I wasn’t busy at the time so why not? He got maybe five or six things so I put it all into a bag for him, rounded the counter to give him the bag, took his money back to the till, and came back out to give his change all while he was waiting half in half out.
I didn’t say anything to him at that time.
Yesterday he came back and asked again for me to get something for him. Except this time I had just had a delivery of stock to put away. (It’s just me in the shop) I told him he could tie up the dog outside if he wanted or take the dog home first since most of our customers live very close by and we have a no dogs allowed policy.
But again, I got his stuff for him. I want to say that many of our customers come with their dogs and tie them up near the trash can or the fence and most of the time I can actually still see the dog on the CCTV.
So today a lady comes to the shop, I’ve seen her before she’s somewhat of a regular.
She asked, ‘What happened yesterday? The boy with the dog?’ I was confused at first because I didn’t remember any drama like that, but then I realized what she was talking about. I told her what I had said and she started with ‘That was my SON’ and berated me about how could she leave her dog out there when it might get stolen!? I don’t like confrontation, I don’t think I even looked her in the eye once during her tirade.
‘Would you leave your dog tied up outside!?’ I told her I didn’t have a dog. ‘See!’ She said it like my not having a dog made her right.
She then told me the usual, ‘I’m never shopping here again! Your customer service is terrible’ and left with an ‘I hope you DON’T get a dog!’ as her parting repartee.
So here I am. Without dog. But with a job. Which I’m starting to hate a little bit more every day. Because I know we’re not a perfect town but Madam, mothers have left their entire children in their strollers outside while they came in to shop. You would be hard-pressed to spend more than 10 minutes shopping in such a tiny place. I can see the entire front of the shop outside on the CCTV. I don’t mind helping customers it is part of my job but it’s not my job to get all your stuff while you wait outside with your dog. AITJ for refusing to do their shopping for them?”
27. AITJ For Refusing To Help Raise My Brother's Baby?
“My brother (20M) got a girl pregnant, and my father (mom died long back) and her parents convinced the girl to keep the baby as they are heavily religious.
I (25F) thought it was an extremely bad idea and told the same to my brother. I am not in contact with my father due to religious differences.
The girl wanted to go to college and did not want to have a kid. However, my father convinced her parents to take care of the baby while she/my brother goes off to college and they can help out on weekends and holidays. They would have to take care of the baby completely once they have graduated.
My brother cut contact with me because he felt that I was trying to ruin his future family.
Well, the girl and her parents passed away when the baby was 6 months old and my father was struggling to take care of a baby while my brother was at college. He told my brother that he had to take the baby while my brother was attending university full-time.
My brother refused but my father just drove to his college, handed him the baby, and drove off.
Now, my brother and I live in the same city and he is asking me to take care of the baby until he graduates. He told me that he would come to my place the second his college was over for the day.
He wants me to watch the baby Mon-Fri 6 am – 6 pm. I told him that was not going to happen. He begged me and my father. When he kept bothering me with this, I told him that this is not what I signed up for and he told me that this wasn’t what he signed up for either.
I told him that this was exactly what he signed up for from the second that they decided to keep the baby. He did not think of the worst-case scenario and was not prepared. He is devastated over her death and from what I know, he loves his child and spends every moment away from college with her (weekends, holidays, winter/summer breaks).
He was extremely close with his partner and her parents. He is coping with their death too.
I travel a lot and I would have to ask for a demotion to be able to stay at home. I think this is too much to ask of me. Especially considering that they haven’t spoken to me in years. I sent posts and messages congratulating when she was born but no one replied to me.”
26. AITJ For Making My Daughter Stay At Her Dad's?
“My daughter (16F) just recently had a secret relationship with her sister’s (17F) significant other (17M). To say this was a shock was an understatement. My oldest was completely heartbroken and shattered that her sister did that to her. Not to mention she was also really heartbroken by the guy. My youngest on the other hand is now saying that they are together and that it couldn’t be helped they fell for each other and her sister should try to be understanding.
I was stunned that she had the audacity to say such a thing and sent her up to her room while I tried to console my 17-year-old.
My 17-year-old can’t stand to be in the same house as her sister and I decided the best thing for now is to give their relationship some space. My girls have two different dads so I told my 16-year-old’s dad what was going on and he understood and agreed to take her.
My mom however has been giving me a lot of crap for what happened. She says that this is not the way to handle the situation and I’m going to make my daughter think I don’t love her as much as her sister. She says that since I’m the adult I shouldn’t be choosing sides and shouldn’t have kicked her out, especially because she didn’t want to go.
I am feeling a bit conflicted about this. On the one hand, I have siblings myself and could never imagine doing this to one of them. Not only that but if they did that to me I would NEVER forgive them. And if this were someone else like a friend, I would tell them to never let them back in their life because clearly she has no respect or value for them, and was willing to throw away that relationship for something that may not last.
On the other hand, she’s my daughter and I don’t want her to ever think I don’t love her or prefer her sister. I also want my kids to have a good relationship with each other, but I can’t pretend I like the person she’s become to do this to her sister. I’m trying not to let the anger of her actions cloud my judgment but I’ve never been angrier at one of my kids.
I know she’s a teenager and teenagers do dumb things but I would have never done this, even at that age. Plus what kind of signal would it send to my 17-year-old if I just overlooked what her sister did to her?
I’ve asked family and friends for their opinions but while some agreed with me others disagreed and I just don’t know what’s right.
I just feel so conflicted.
Edit: My youngest is not staying with her dad permanently. Three weeks at most if my daughters don’t want to try to talk before then. My other daughter’s father lives a couple of hours away so no she can’t stay with him. My 16-year-old’s father and I have come up with a plan for him to try to get her to see reason while she’s at his house, and when she comes back, I’ll offer both of my daughters family therapy.
My oldest is already in therapy because she has clinical depression but my youngest isn’t and I think it might benefit them to talk things through with a therapist. Her father might also get her a separate therapist if that’s something she’s open to. I’m not using sending my 16-year-old to her dad’s as a punishment but rather as space to give them both time to think things through, like the option of therapy and how they want to handle this situation.”
25. AITJ For Getting Pregnant Alongside My Sister-In-Law Again?
“My husband (30M) and I (28F) have three wonderful daughters ages 10, 4, and 1.
For back story: we had our first daughter relatively young and wanted to wait a good while before adding to our family. My relationship with SIL has always been up and down but I still tried to be supportive and involved in my husband’s family.
At the time we started trying to conceive my SIL was not seeing anyone and expressed multiple times she wasn’t having children. 3 months into trying to conceive, she introduced us to her new partner, and about 5 months into trying to conceive, she called us and asked us to come over immediately, and we did.
She then told us that she was pregnant. We were so excited for her but it did still sting at how fast it happened for her while we had been trying for months at this point.
The next month I found out I was finally pregnant and at first, they were so happy until she found out she wasn’t having a girl (her issue I won’t get into that) but that’s when arguments started and I was repeatedly told ‘you don’t know for sure you’re having one’… I did.
Flash forward to 3 years later we were ‘fine’ and expressed wanting more children multiple times in casual conversation. She and her now fiancé started trying to conceive and ended up conceiving in June and while I wanted to wait longer I had to have my birth control removed for health reasons that September to which our third daughter snuck up on us in November.
She was not happy and they (she and my husband’s parents followed along) were the least interested in this pregnancy and to be honest, my 1-year-old currently.
Recently she said it was my fault because I could have given her this pregnancy and didn’t need to be pregnant at the same time AGAIN.
Should I have stopped trying when she announced being pregnant the first time? My husband says we’ve done nothing wrong but it’s been 4 years of hearing this in different ways and now adding my third child into it and I’m starting to think it’s my fault and should have just waited… so AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Telling My Mom's Best Friend That I Still Look Better Than Her Despite My Diet?
“I (16F) was on holiday last week with my mother (48F), her best friend Rita (46F), and her husband Mark (50M) and son Jake (15M).
Rita and my mother have been best friends since their teenage years. Rita had been quite overweight since she and mom were teenagers but recently lost weight last year. I can tell this REALLY upsets my mom but that’s not relevant to the story.
This sudden weight loss has been due to Rita’s diet.
She only eats between 12 pm-5 pm and won’t have any sugar at all. She drinks copious amounts of water and coffee. In my opinion, this is not healthy but it’s Rita’s choice.
Over the week we were away, Rita constantly commented on everything I ate and drank and made snide comments about my body.
She seemed to take real issue with how much I ate.
It came to a head on the last night of the holiday. I had a big steak and tonic water. When I ordered the tonic water, the waiter asked what type I wanted and Rita chimed in saying I better get slimline and watch myself. Her husband looked shocked but I didn’t say anything.
Later on, she commented on how much of the steak I had eaten and told me I should skip dessert. When Jake insisted we share a sundae I said yes. This really set Rita off, she told me to stop being such a greedy pig and to stop eating because I’m so chubby already. (I’m slimmer than her)
When I told her to shut up and get a grip, she tore into me calling me names and insulting my looks.
I told her to shut up and I didn’t need to follow her stupid diet to look good.
Here’s where I could be a huge jerk – I told her I still looked better than her. And my current diet (none) works better than hers ever could. I know this was absolutely horrible of me because many people including myself are incredibly insecure about their weight.
Rita got incredibly angry and called me a vicious cow and a few other words I don’t care to repeat. I told her to grow up and then her husband dragged her away.
Rita is very angry at me still and so is my mother. Jake finds this funny and doesn’t really like his mom anyway. My dad is absolutely disgusted by Rita and my mom for not defending me.
I’m not sure if I am or not though. AITJ?
Edit info: Rita has been making comments about my body since I was about 10 and this was the first time I’ve ever said anything back to her. I’ve complained to my mother before but she said it’s normal for people to call out what they see so I stopped complaining a few years ago.”
23. WIBTJ If I I Tell My Incompetent Coworker That I Don't Want To Be Her Friend Anymore?
“A coworker and I started in the same position roughly 6 years ago. We work on a team of about 15, but only 5 of us hold our credentials and do the same job. When we started, Anna invited me to get together outside of work. We were both out-of-towners, so I was grateful. She was nice, but I knew after the first few meet-ups that we just didn’t jive.
So, I politely declined most other get-togethers. I’m not much for one-way monologues.
Over the years, she’s pressured me into uncomfortable social situations after I give polite excuses and sometimes just outright say ‘NO.’ She’s even tried inviting herself to my house (I’m married with kids and just don’t have the time or energy she thinks I do…
she is the same age, by the way.)
She group texted me for months, from 6:30 am-10 pm, and kept doing it after I asked her to stop 3 different times. Then she laughed about my ‘boundaries’ to a colleague. She constantly tells people that she didn’t learn how to do ‘that is grad school’, then when provided with the training, cries because she doesn’t want to do it, or we just have to reteach her the basics of her job.
After about three years, I realized she was incompetent across the board at work. I used to think she was unsure of herself until I realized that she also avoided doing anything to help herself.
Eventually, we all switch job sites and I see what a mess she’s made that I have to clean up. I realize that she’s had the smallest load of us all, but complained for years about all of the work she’s had.
Was always the last one to offer useful help if she offered it at all. Her old sites complained that she had time to watch TV and listen to Podcasts which made everyone dislike her. Apparently, she walked around telling people that she didn’t know what to do, and when someone gave her an idea, she passed it on to someone else.
Recently, I realized that I’ve been getting called in to do things FOR her because none of the supervisors trust her competence, and am already working 50-60 hours/week. She goes home on time nearly every day.
Now I’m at the point where I can’t stand working with her. When given feedback she cries and says people don’t like her.
Others just feel sorry for her and avoid her, but I’m stuck on a team with her and can’t. But on top of her lack of insight or social skills… her incompetence makes our lives harder. I can’t feel sorry for her anymore.
I want to block her on my phone, ignore her stupid emails, and the next time she complains about all of her work, tell her to take her complaining elsewhere, and to NOT email me or include me on a group work chat unless it is strictly about work.
Ever. I don’t want to be her friend and I guess I need to say those words directly.
But, would that make me a jerk? I don’t want to be mean, but she doesn’t get hints, and now that I know she’s generally lazy and entitled, I want nothing to do with her.
PS: Supervisor does know…”
22. AITJ For Wanting To Eat Unhealthy Food?
“I (28M) have been with my lovely partner (29F) for 3 years. We moved in together about a year ago. Aside from this issue, our relationship is perfect. She’s a smart, compassionate, and successful woman and I love her very much.
I work part-time while my partner works full-time as a nurse. As such, I have taken up more of the chores around the house, including cooking.
I love to cook so I have no issue doing it.
However, my partner’s food preferences are so insanely restrictive that it has sucked the joy out of cooking for me. She refuses to eat anything she deems ‘unhealthy’ which means no spaghetti, no hamburgers, no sloppy joes, no chili, nothing. Our go-to meal is grilled chicken with fresh veggies, which is delicious, but not ‘I’ll eat this 7 days a week’ delicious.
I’m so bored of eating the same meals over and over. Anything with ‘too many’ carbs? No. Anything greasy? No. A few times I’ve made my family’s lasagna, or grilled some hamburgers, stuff that I want to eat, and my partner would blow up at me and refuse to eat and guilt me about it.
I have reached my limit.
I haven’t eaten something I like to eat in almost a year. I sat her down a few days ago and said I was going to start cooking things I wanted to eat. I would still incorporate her favorite meals during the week, but some days I would cook stuff that I liked too.
She was furious.
She said that it was unfair of me to cook something she didn’t like, especially when she worked long shifts and looked forward to dinner. She said that we both eat healthy meals, whereas she would not eat unhealthy meals, so I’d be selfish for cooking something that only one of us could eat.
She asked me to make two meals.
I said that it was unfair for her to expect me to cook two separate meals every night. I said she COULD eat the unhealthy meals, but she chose not to.
I told her sorry, but if I’m cooking, I want to make things I like sometimes too. She was so upset that she went to stay with her parents.
Now she is calling me a jerk as well as her family (they all eat only healthy meals). I just miss hot dogs and french fries!
EDIT: I also cook and pack my partner’s lunch, as well as prepare breakfast on days she is home. So I am cooking three times a day on most days. I am fine with cooking what she wants for breakfast and lunch, but I would like to have a day or two to choose what we have for dinner.
Cooking two separate meals is not only time-consuming but not exactly financially feasible since groceries are expensive, especially the ingredients she needs for her meals. I am burnt out and just want to enjoy the food I like every once in a while.
I work 30ish hours while she works 45-50 hours. I do all the chores except her laundry. I go to the gym 4x a week and am not unhealthy. We split finances 60/40.”
21. AITJ For Kicking Out My Sister And Her Significant Other At Around 4 In The Morning?
“I (23F) invited my little sister (19F) to my apartment to spend a night since she had never seen it before. She agreed and then asked me if her significant other (20M) could also come. I said sure because I knew him, they started going out in 11th grade so he became close with me and my family.
They arrive and I tell them that my apartment is only a 1 bed 1 bath so they would have to share my couch, they didn’t have a problem with it. So then an hour later I take them to get pizza for dinner.
Once we got back and ate I told them that I had to go to bed early because I had work early in the morning.
I told them that there were pillows and blankets in the closet and feel free to eat whatever they wanted. Then while I was sleeping I heard like a bumping sound but I just ignored it because my apartment complex is in the hood so it’s a lot of loud neighbors and sirens in the area.
So then I got up to get some water and it was like 3 AM.
When I walked out of my room my sister and her SO were out of breath and sweaty, and just staring down until I walked back into my room. I was just a bit weirded out but didn’t really think anything of it since I was half asleep.
Then like around 4:15 I heard loud screaming so I ran out of my room and my sister and her SO were ‘in action’. They were without clothes on my couch. So then I curse both of them out and tell them to put some clothes on and get out. I got them an Uber because neither of them had a car and they took the bus here.
I don’t really think I’m the jerk because I told them that I had work early in the morning and they still didn’t care.”
20. AITJ For Refusing To Dog Sit For My Roommate?
“I (22f) got a new roommate (19f) months ago at the beginning of the fall semester. We met through a mutual friend who was also my last roommate and when they (old roommate) left she (new roommate) ended up taking over her portion of the lease.
She had only lived in the dorms up until now and was starting her sophomore year (I’m in my senior year), she was so excited to have her own apartment, but what she was most excited about was getting to bring her dog up finally from home.
She said she adopted the dog when she was in her senior year of high school and it was a rescue (former fighting dog) and that she was super sweet, but does best when she is with her (roommate). She did let me know that the dog has some minor separation anxiety. I also have a dog so I was fine with her bringing her up.
She brought up the dog 3 weeks ago, and everything was fine. Only a few upsets, but she was very sweet and got along well with my dog so my roommate and I were optimistic. That was until I came to find out that her dog’s separation anxiety wasn’t minor, but actually pretty serious. I came home on a day when neither my roommate nor I were home and from the parking lot, I could hear a very loud sort of screeching howl.
It was heartbreaking honestly, and the dog could also not stand to be alone at all even if she knew people were home. She not only needs to be in the same room but also on your lap.
I usually work, but this is my last semester in school and per my major, I have to take a senior project course that’s pretty much a small dissertation course.
It is a lot of work and I still have 12 other credits so I decided to take out some extra loans and just focus on school this semester. Since I am not working I have more time than usual but I plan to use it for studying. Recently we received a notice from our apartment management that there had been too many noise complaints and something needed to be done or else both of our dogs would have to be removed.
I was pretty upset to hear this and so was my roommate. She works a lot and goes to school as well. She’s home in the mornings but most of the time doesn’t get back until late (10-11). She can’t afford to work less but the dog really needs someone to be with her almost at all times.
My roommate said she had hoped I would be home more often. I have class at 11 and then I like to stay until 5-6 pm to study for a few hours in the library and then I go home. My roommate asked if I would be willing to study at home from now on, but to be honest, I can’t study at home.
Her dog has to be on my lap and if she can’t get on my lap she whines until I let her up. If I put her in another room she cries at the top of her lungs. I can’t study like that and I don’t want the responsibility of another animal when I already have one of my own.
Now due to this, my roommate will have to send back the dog to live with her parents, but her parents don’t want the dog to come back and my roommate might have to rehome her with someone else. A few of our mutual friends have said I should just agree to come back home earlier to help her out until she can get her dog on anxiety meds, but I don’t know how long that will take or if it will even help.
I’m also just busy. AITJ?
Edit: I have had my dog for 3 years and he doesn’t have a problem with separation anxiety, but I also try not to leave him alone for more than 5-8 hours. I leave at 10 for class and come back 5-6 and he gets 30 minutes of walk in morning and at night.”
19. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Stop Telling People That My Kids Were Born From Surrogacy?
“I (f 29) have a 9-month-old son and daughter with my husband ‘Ben’ (35 m). They were born from a gestational carrier (GC). In the sake of complete honesty, I do have the ability to get pregnant and stay pregnant. I would’ve had a harder pregnancy, but it wasn’t impossible for me to carry them myself.
My SIL is strongly against surrogacy, gestational carriers, or any other version of that. She also has strong opinions on baby adoptions and the private adoption industry (we live in the US). Knowing this, SIL was not informed about them until after they were born and out of the hospital. However, since they were born, it has been nothing but subtle (and not so subtle) comments and insults thrown MY way.
- I was selfish for having a GC when I could’ve carried them myself, especially for all the ‘real’ infertile women out there who don’t have babies.
- I only did it this way because I’m vain and wanted to ‘keep my looks’.
- I ‘bought’ my babies since we didn’t know our GC beforehand and paid for her to do this for us.
She’s apparently fine with surrogacy or GC if they are sisters, friends, etc. who will remain in the child’s life and get bonding time during infancy.
- Emotionally traumatized our kids because they formed a bond with GC while in the womb yet never met her once born and don’t have a relationship with her. This is apparently the same for foster/adopted kids.
It all came to a halt for my birthday last week.
She was talking to one of my close friends about the emotional damage adopted kids experience who were adopted as babies privately. She made a comment similar to the last point, not naming my children but referring to surrogacy/GC as an industry, and saying it was just as traumatizing and cruel. I overheard, walked over, and asked if I could get her help with something in the kitchen.
Once alone, I asked her to please stop bringing up how my kids were born. I told her it was incredibly judgemental, and rude, and crossed the line. She told me not everything was about me, that this topic was something she was passionate about, and was only telling my friend about it to make conversation. I again asked her to refrain from talking about how my kids were born and it wasn’t just about this one comment, but all of them. She refused and told me I was sensitive. My husband thinks it was an unreasonable request but these comments aren’t directed at him. AITJ?”
18. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Contribute More To Our Household Expenses?
“I (33F) have been with my partner (46M) for almost 3 years. He moved in with me about 6 months after we started going out. Things were going quite well. He does not work, as he is a disabled veteran and collects a pension. I work a decently paying job and make about $60k more per year than he does.
He would give me a few hundred dollars here and there towards food/bills when I would ask and I paid my mortgage and the rest of the bills. He was paying about $1200/month in child support for his 3 girls who lived with their mom, now 15F, 17F, and 18F. I have 2 girls, now 10F and 13F, who live with me 60% of the time and live with their dad the rest of the time.
About 6 months ago his girls’ mom decided she couldn’t take care of them any longer. She had ruined their family home (no running water, septic was destroyed, holes in the floor, 5-gallon buckets used as toilets, etc.). It was awful to discover, and at no point when the girls visited did they share this info with me.
I don’t know HOW he didn’t know what was happening but he says he didn’t.
At that time, the courts decided the girls needed to live with their father, who lives with me obviously. I knew this would be a tough transition for all involved, so for the last 6 months I’ve continued to pay for everything and he’s given me $500/month towards their support (food, bills, etc.).
Their mother has contributed nothing. Upon discovering that I was getting a bit behind with finances, I itemized my spending and determined that my costs have gone up about $1700/month since they came here, just regular bills, which don’t include Christmas presents, clothes, salon trips, vacations, going out to eat, etc that I have also paid for.
I showed this to my partner and asked that he start paying me an amount closer to the cost of the spending, at least the $1200 he was paying in child support before they came here. He became very angry, accusing me of being money-hungry and insinuating he was taking advantage of me. Then he told me he would give me $750/month towards bills.
I expressed that if he felt he could support 4 people for less than what I was asking him to contribute on his own, then he should do that. He says I should be OK because it’s ‘for our family.’
I feel like I am being taken advantage of, and what makes this feel worse is that I discovered my partner’s ex-wife also was seeing a younger person with a good job, and that guy is now suing her for taking advantage of him. It almost hits too close to home, but I do love my partner and his daughters, and I feel like he should contribute more to the support of his kids when I am paying the bulk of our expenses.
17. AITJ For Getting A Coworker, Who's A Mom Of 3, Fired?
“Becky and I are both supervisors. There are 3 of us in that spot plus our manager and a few other staff.
One day Becky leaves (on company time) for a personal matter. Our manager was out of the office. Becky did not properly inform Eddie about a job. He ends up blowing up the assignment without having details.
Customer calls and complains to the big bosses. Becky gets verbally reamed over the phone and pushes the blame on Eddie.
Becky gets back to the office. Eddie gets back shortly after. Becky berates him in front of me, 2 other staff, and 2 potential new hires. She calls him names, tells him he’s stupid, and accuses him of substance use.
She said, ‘If I’m going to get scolded, you’re going to get scolded’. Eddie was visually defeated. Super good guy. Friendly to all. Never complained. Always asked for more work. Incredibly down to Earth and humble.
This didn’t sit well with me but I didn’t want to escalate it in the moment. Later on, the 2 office members and I were talking about it and that she shouldn’t get away with that.
But neither of them was going to tell anyone.
The next day I told our manager. She said she heard something happened but didn’t have details. My manager said she would bring it up to bosses/HR but any action would depend on witness accounts.
Bosses/HR interviewed people. The 2 other witnesses didn’t give details. They said they ‘heard something going on’ but didn’t know what.
Reminder: The 3 of us spoke about it at length. They were full of crap. Eddie was interviewed. Did not want to go into detail so as to not start anything. My interview came, and I told them my view. Being corporate HR, they tried to dance around it (note: Becky was also the office kiss-butt).
Without more witnesses, they said they couldn’t do anything. Here’s the thing… when that incident was going on I put my phone on the desk behind her and recorded a majority of it. HR/bosses’ faces changed instantly. I wasn’t planning on offering the recording since I thought the other 2 would say something. It wasn’t until HR said the 2 didn’t give any details that I told them I had recorded.
Fast forward a few days. Becky is called into HR. Shortly after we had to pack up her stuff (she was too upset & embarrassed to do it herself). They came in to talk to us. Told us they had to let her go due to ‘liability issues.’ I felt awful. Getting her fired wasn’t intentional.
I wanted to stand up for a guy too timid to do it himself.
If it helps… we were then short-staffed. They made no effort to replace her. They let us be overworked. Nitpicked everything. When higher-ups would stop by the office, they literally greeted everyone in the office except for me. I ended up being the bad guy for standing up for a guy who was humiliated.
AITJ for recording the incident and getting a mother of 3 fired?”
16. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Cousin's Fiancée Borrow My Jewelry From Grandma?
“I (30F) have been asked by my paternal Aunt (Sally) to let my cousin’s (Adam) fiancée (Bec) wear a sapphire brooch on their wedding, that was left to me when my nonna passed away. For context, I’m the only granddaughter & we were very close. At 18, I moved in with her to take care of her whilst she was dying so that she could stay in her home.
Before she passed, she told us to pick any items that we wanted. My aunt said she didn’t want any of her jewelry as it was ‘ugly & tacky’. So Nonna left all her jewelry to me, except a few rings for the boys in case they wanted to propose with one. The brooch had been a gift from my grandad, and she wore it on their wedding day, she told me she hoped I would wear it at my wedding (my something blue).
Sally never wanted to wear it.
Sally is a difficult woman, she can be very nasty & selfish. When Nonna was dying, she refused to attend appointments with her or care for her. When she lost all her hair from chemo, Sally told her it was embarrassing to go out with her when she wasn’t wearing a wig or scarf.
When her hair grew back, it came back vibrant white, and Sally said she looked ‘horrific’ with her ‘pixie cut’. My Nonna was devastated, but I loved her new hair, I thought it was so cool, so I took her to get a violet toner, and she looked so incredible. Best of all, she loved it & felt so confident.
Just before she died, she was rushed to the hospital and we weren’t sure if she would make it. My dad was out of state in the middle of a bloody jungle for work, so we were scrambling to get him home quickly. Sally was no help in the situation and didn’t want to visit Nonna, so I was responsible for every decision until my dad could get home.
I have a daughter now, and she wore the brooch for her baptism. It will eventually be hers, and, I’ve considered putting it on a chain so she could wear it as a pendant. I just feel really hesitant about lending it to someone for whom it holds no sentimental value. Bec never met my Nonna, and Sally had her chance to ask for it before Nonna died.
She hasn’t directly asked me, just my dad. This is because she thinks he will just make me give it to Bec. I know he would have my back if I said no, but she has already been very aggressive about the situation. I don’t want him to get into an argument with his only sibling because of me.
All of a sudden, she’s decided it holds sentimental value when she used to hate it. I’m probably paranoid, but she’s manipulative and calculated, I feel like she will ‘forget’ to return it. It’s something that was really special to my Nonna and to me. I just don’t feel comfortable with it. My dad’s parents never got to meet my husband or kids, so having these items is how I keep them connected to my new family. Honestly, the thought of lending it just makes me cry. So am I the jerk, and I’m just being silly? Or should I go with my gut and say no?”
15. AITJ For Telling My Friend What My Dad's Partner Said About Her?
“My dad’s partner (30s) and I (15) have never gotten along, I don’t really like her and see her as a bit of a witch. I try my best to just not say anything and let her do it.
I come up to my dad’s every summer since he lives in a different state than me and my mom.
I don’t have any friends as I am very anti-social and have social anxiety (diagnosed by a psychologist). The summers are difficult for me, having a 5-year-old brother when I don’t like kids.
Recently this year though, I made a friend. Her mom is my dad’s partner’s friend but I like her, I’m gonna call her B.
B and I have gotten along very well and it made my summer a lot better having a friend to rant about my problems with and also just laugh and have fun with.
B had told me about her psychological problems, being in and out of mental hospitals, and having issues for the past few months but that since she’s on medications now she is doing a lot better.
My dad’s partner told me that ‘B’s parents may not let her stay over here as they think she has schizophrenia or Bipolar Depression. She is not allowed to go anywhere without an adult, and I don’t know if they would be comfortable with her staying here’.
I understand that, having my own issues with mental health I can see where her parents are coming from and have no issues.
‘But you can’t tell B I said this.’
I said ‘Mhm, sure’ which in teenage lingo means ‘Imma do it anyway just to make sure you are right’.
So I did, 20 minutes later I talked to B about it and she was confused ‘I don’t have any of those, I have Borderline Personality Disorder but not schizophrenia.
And my parents allow me to go places without them, I do it all the time. I don’t know where she is getting her information from, but it’s wrong.’
At that point, it seemed to me that my dad’s partner lied to me. I felt hurt, as that made it seem that she was trying to take away my only friend.
Flash forward to two nights ago, we had just come from a day over at B’s house and my dad’s partner said ‘Did you tell B about what I said?’ I said yes, as I was raised to not keep secrets and do what was right, and I knew doing that was right to be able to get the truth.
‘B had an episode because of it and thought that we weren’t going to let you two hang out anymore’. I didn’t really know what to say to that, yes, I felt terrible but at the same time, I knew I did what was right by her.
‘So, since you and B are such good friends, you aren’t allowed to see her anymore.’
My heart was crushed.
My dad made me go upstairs and give him my phone so he could talk to his partner, so I went upstairs. A while went by and his partner came over and opened my door, putting a step stool in front of it.
‘There is now an open-door policy’. I asked why, and she said ‘Because’ and then left.
I called my mother the next day and told her, as I had a panic attack that night and cried myself to sleep, now knowing I wouldn’t have any friends.
My dad said I broke her trust.
But she lied to me and has now taken away my only friend.
Edit: I DO like my little brother, but I’m not good with kids.
I never said summers were difficult because of my brother, they are difficult because I have difficulty socializing with others, not my brother.
Also, I didn’t do this without any reason. My reasoning was that my dad’s partner had lied to me before about serious topics and I wanted to make sure she wasn’t diagnosing my friend with something she didn’t have.
I did sugarcoat a bit for my friend as I know about her episodes and wanted to make sure it was something she could hear.
I did not expect the episode, maybe I should have, but at the time, it felt right and it still kind of does as I wanted to just get the truth.”
14. AITJ For Refusing To Put On My Mom's Wedding Dress?
“My mom got married 30 years ago in a wedding dress that she designed herself and got made by a tailor. It is made of lacy material and was an off-white colour which now borders on yellow/green due to oxidisation etc. Whereas the wedding dress I chose for my big day was a more minimalist style.
She is a very sentimental person whereas I am the more practical type and I am also not nearly as into fashion as she is.
Anyway, she told me that she kept that dress for decades hoping that her daughter would want to wear it one day. While we were planning my wedding last year, she proposed that I could wear it briefly at the bachelorette party.
In my country, a bachelorette party is a more family-oriented affair than the wild parties you see in the West, so it wouldn’t have been completely absurd to wear it there but I simply wasn’t too keen on the idea of being seen in a wedding dress before my wedding! In the end, we compromised for me to wear it in my pre-wedding photoshoot (which was in the morning before the wedding) but I wouldn’t wear it at the actual wedding.
Our wedding day turned out to be very hectic and there was barely time to do the photoshoot with my actual wedding dress let alone hers but I still agreed to put it on because I knew how much it mattered to her. My mom was very skinny when she got married. I am at a healthy weight but my figure is definitely more curvy so the dress didn’t really fit me.
When my bridesmaids were putting my mom’s dress on me, despite their best efforts the zipper popped. We decided to call off the vintage dress photoshoot for this reason so I proceeded to put on my own wedding dress instead. My mom seemed to understand and didn’t insist that I put on her dress.
Nearly a year has passed since my wedding and she still sometimes brings up how offended she was that I wasn’t keen to try on her wedding dress and didn’t try to do a photoshoot with it afterwards.
I told her many times that I could do a photoshoot but I can’t pretend to be keen about it because I’m doing this purely for her. She is offended that I was so apathetic about her wedding dress from the start and says most other girls would be dying to have this opportunity.
I cannot pretend to be enthusiastic about something when I’m not especially after it’s been shoved down my throat so much.
I already told her I would do the photoshoot for her but I will not pretend that this is something I want, because I am doing it purely to make her happy. My mom now thinks that I am ungrateful for not wearing her wedding dress before, during, and after my wedding.
AITJ for not wearing my mom’s wedding dress when I am clearly not too keen on it and it does not suit me?”
13. AITJ For Refusing To Accept My Partner's Parents' 50% Increase In Rent?
“My (22F) partner (28M) asked me to move in last week, which I was absolutely thrilled about. He lives on the top floor of a two-flat, with his parents on the main floor, who own the building. My partner told his folks (both mid-50s, I think), who are both super nice to me, that I was moving in on one of the two weekly dinners that they get together for.
They were both happy and our conversation continued. Right before we were leaving, my partner’s mom gave us hugs and then said, ‘We’ll talk about the rent increase later’. My partner just nodded but I was thinking ‘what?!’
A few days later my partner casually told me that his folks had asked for a 50% increase in rent (they don’t have a lease agreement, it’s all done casually) and he said that it was fine.
I was pretty angry. He was already paying a comparable rent for the area, why are they jacking up the price just because I’m going to be there? My partner already pays half the gas & electric bills, so he was already getting screwed there and he buys most of his parents’ groceries (they buy like everything in bulk from Costco on my partner’s membership).
Add in that they don’t have a mortgage and whenever there are building expenses, my partner also splits those charges (excluding those in his apartment, which he pays completely).
My partner says that I’m being unfair and that I should ‘give his folks’ a break, which is nonsense, in my opinion. He also said he’d cover the increase and not ask me to chip in, but I think that’s setting us up for money arguments in the future and we can afford it between the two of us, so the cash isn’t the point, it’s that his parents are trying to soak him for no demonstrable reason.
We are still moving in together and I’m trying to let it go, but I need to know, AITJ here?
EDIT: Just to clarify, I had agreed to go halfsies on the rent with my partner, even with the increase. He wouldn’t be paying the difference out of his own pocket.”
12. AITJ For Taking My Daughter Swimming?
“I live in a high-rise apartment building. The rent is more than the other 2-bedroom apartments’ in the area but it has a lot of amenities. (24/7 concierge, Gym, Party Room, Movie Room, Pool, etc.). This is honestly why I chose this building. I have a 3-year-old daughter and thought that this would be perfect because we live in Toronto so it gets pretty cold outside.
I thought the pool would be nice to have during the winter months and just to generally help her learn to swim.
We’ve been here 5 weeks and I’ve noticed that the other residents don’t really take advantage of these amenities. I work out 5x a week and have only seen someone else in the gym twice (our complex has 700+ units.).
I figured it’s because most of the residents are pretty wealthy and go to the gym elsewhere as it’s a pretty well-off neighborhood.
Twice a week (or whenever we need some physical activity) I’ll take my daughter to the pool and we’ll work on learning to swim. There’s also a sauna and a hot tub that is in the same area but separated by a glass wall and door.
People definitely use those more often than the pool but it still isn’t really often in use.
I know that we can be loud in the pool so I try to only go during the day that way it doesn’t disrupt people after work who want to swim. For context, my daughter is deaf. She wears a cochlear implant but the processor can’t be worn in the pool so I clap for my daughter to know where I am if I’m behind her.
Because she also can’t hear herself she doesn’t know when she’s being too loud and sometimes when she gets over excited she screams but I try to correct her.
So today we were in the pool around noon and doing our normal practicing and she would jump in the pool and I’d catch her.
About 20 minutes in an older lady (probably 60s) came into the pool area from the hot tub and pretty much said ‘I’ve been trying all week to come here and relax and that’s pretty hard to do with kids screeching and splashing’ and then she said we were essentially abusing our pool privileges and how she’d report us to management.
This really shocked me and I was taken aback so I wasn’t as assertive as I should have been. At first, I thought she thought we weren’t residents. So I pretty much just stuttered over myself saying that we live here too and then quickly dried off and went back to our unit.
I don’t know if she actually reported us (I don’t even know how she’d know what unit we’re from). But I’ve been really angry thinking about it all day. I’m not sorry that I use the pool in the building that I live in and I refuse to apologize for my daughter’s disability. Maybe I was inconsiderate. But I am more angry than anything.”
11. AITJ For Not Adopting My Stepdaughter?
“I (45m) was married to my deceased wife ‘Tammy’ who had a daughter from a previous relationship ‘Jane’ (23). I met Jane when she was 6 and married her mom when she was 10. Jane’s father ‘AL’ was kinda like a Fair Weather Father to Jane, only around for birthdays and holidays but never wanted to be bothered with the day-to-day stuff.
AL literally dropped Jane off after the first 72 hours of what was supposed to be a two-week vacation with him because she got sick and he didn’t want to deal with that and never bothered to even reschedule.
Jane was obviously hurt by this but never stopped loving her dad and always placed, what I feel, was too much faith and hope in the man.
Unfortunately, AL died when Jane was 11, and Tammy and I tried our best to be there for her through the process but there are just some things that only time could make better. During this time Tammy and I had two children of our own ‘Kelly’ (13f) and ‘Ken’ (10m) and when it was revealed that Tammy had cancer, she was understandably worried about what would happen to Jane.
I told her that I would be more than willing to look after Jane and held no opposition to the idea of legally adopting Jane when my wife suggested it but I honestly didn’t expect much because while Jane no longer hated me (she felt that I was preventing her parents from getting back together), I knew she saw me more as her mother’s husband rather than a paternal figure.
Jane predictably was against the adoption and Tammy tried to force the issue, which caused some fights.
Unfortunately, Tammy passed away and since I had no legal right to Jane she was sent off to live with paternal relatives who were upset that there were no extra funds to take her in and ended up dropping her off at the bus station.
She called her maternal grandparents and they were able to arrange a bus ride for her. I didn’t learn about any of this until after it was done.
Since then, I tried to keep a connection between Kelly, Ken, Jane, and Tammy’s parents with regular visits and phone calls and I thought everything was good until recently Jane called me up at night wasted, berating me for being a typical evil stepparent who only loved their bio kids and not ‘taking responsibility’ by adopting her when she needed it.
I was confused. Jane didn’t want to be adopted and ended up with her grandparents who (from what I could see) took good care of her. Although to be fair, I did make more money and was able to provide much more than Tammy’s parents could, but Jane never expressed interest in coming to live with me so I thought I was doing the right thing. AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Announcing My Wife's Pregnancy On Christmas?
“My brother and his wife have been trying to get pregnant but unfortunately she’s had 6 miscarriages. That sucks, I know, I’m not discounting that at all. That being said she’s the center of attention kind of person, she will trash-talk other people all day long and try to make herself look like the best person in the room.
If anyone else gets attention she tries to take it away from them, usually by putting them down verbally, or by getting another dog or cat. Most of the animals she has were obtained right after other people she knew got pregnant.
Well, my wife and I got pregnant and discussed at length how we should approach this, keeping my SIL in mind as the main topic of conversation.
We didn’t want to upset her but we also didn’t feel like it was right to let her dictate our actions and make it impossible to celebrate the life that we’re creating. So we made t-shirts, announcing the pregnancy. Not gloating it, just announcing it.
Christmas time, we come over to my mom’s place, do a present exchange, and then change shirts.
My mother was very happy but I could see the look on my SIL’s face, upset. She didn’t say anything and just shut herself in the bathroom, then left early later on in the day.
The next day she sent this message to my wife:
‘To say I’m disappointed is an understatement. We have had conversations about how hard infertility is during the holidays, and how hard/debilitating it is.
(bro) and I have lost 6 babies. Six. We have six dead children. Springing you’re pregnant on (bro) and me like that was uncalled for and completely ruined not only mine, but (bro’s) Christmas. You could’ve sent me a heads-up text about this, so we had time to process this. And if your excuse is ‘Oh I didn’t want it to ruin the surprise for Mom’, you’re wrong.
It’s a completely invalid fear. Because I would never ruin a surprise like that. Not only that, but you also saw how that affected me, and you wouldn’t stop talking about it. You’re excited, sure. But read the room. I can’t tell you how much that damaged our relationship, and honestly. I don’t know how many holidays I’m going to be there for now because of what you did.
What you did was completely selfish and careless. It showed me you really don’t care about me. And honestly, had we gotten a heads-up text, I’d be happy for you. But right now? I’m not. You both ruined Christmas for us. I don’t know why you thought that was such a good idea. You also had AN ENTIRE HOUR to do it before we got there.
I had to leave early because I couldn’t stand being there for another minute in a house that I didn’t feel loved in.’
The only time we talked about it was when my family was asking questions, due date, gender, etc., it’s not like we were talking about it throughout the day.
Am I the jerk (are we the jerks) for having decided to do the pregnancy announcement anyway?”
9. AITJ For Standing Up For My Son Against My In-Laws?
“My son, who I’ll call Sam, has always been incredibly passionate about history. He has been reading tons of books about history and asking us to visit museums since he was a kid. It was no surprise to us that he wanted to major in history in college. He got accepted into the history program at NYU and is attending this fall.
My husband and I were all really excited and wishing him the best of luck.
So, last night, we gathered with my in-laws for dinner but things went off the rails quickly. As we were waiting for our meal, my mother-in-law said something along the lines of ‘Sam, you should really reconsider. History is nice as a hobby, but you need to focus on something more practical for your future.’
I tried to stay polite and composed, as we are used to my in-laws’ way of thinking, and simply told her that history is Sam’s passion and I believe that he will be able to make a successful career out of his degree.
They did not drop the topic and my father-in-law began talking about stable income and job security. My husband and I tried multiple times to end the conversation naturally and divert the topic, letting them know that Sam has always been incredibly hardworking so we do not believe finding a job will be a problem for him, we do not want him to be stuck doing a degree/job he hates, etc.
My in-laws apparently did not want to have a nice dinner so they kept pushing the issue. I started to get fed up when they wouldn’t stop, and I ended up yelling at them in an angry tone that the decisions Sam makes were his and only his to make and that they could either support him or not.
After that, they let it go but there was still tension among us for the rest of the dinner.
We made an excuse to leave the dinner early, thinking they would forget about it by the next day, but I’m starting to feel worried that I might have caused a rift in the family by standing up for my son.
My in-laws are usually very kind and supportive but they have very strict views on college education, so I suppose this was inevitable. I do not regret what I did, however, but I’m just wondering if maybe I could have handled it differently.
Am I the jerk for defending my son’s decision and standing up to my in-laws at the family dinner?”
8. AITJ For Confronting The Nurse About What She Said About My Parents?
“I care for my parents, mainly my dad. He’s had a stroke, quintuple bypass, aortic valve replacement, and Pacemaker and has end-stage COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease), for which he’s in the hospital often. The man has nine lives. Recently, he went into the ER because his Pacemaker was beeping. It was the first time it had beeped so it freaked him out, especially since he’s had it less than a year.
My dad’s way of handling his many trips to the hospital is to joke around with staff and downplay the seriousness of the situation. He does this to relieve his own nervousness and to keep my mom from getting too upset. He was being his usual self as he got hooked up to telemetry. We were all trying to keep things lighthearted.
The ER has a machine that will run a diagnostic on the Pacemaker. To use it the nurse needed the model. My mom keeps a card in her purse for this very reason but couldn’t find it. After a while of searching, she was approaching a panic attack. The nurse was sighing while Mom was getting increasingly upset.
Finally, Mom found it and the nurse ran the diagnostic.
The results don’t come immediately. They are sent to the manufacturer then the nurse has to call to get the results. While waiting I went to the bathroom. As I was walking back, I passed the nurse’s station and could hear her talking to the Pacemaker tech.
She told the tech, in an annoyed voice: ‘Yeah this family is totally off’ like we were crazy people.
I was stunned, so kept walking but was mad by the time I got back to Dad’s room. I didn’t tell my parents what I heard because I didn’t want to upset them.
Turns out the Pacemaker just needed an adjustment, and then Dad was discharged.
At this point, I told the nurse that I didn’t appreciate what she told the Pacemaker tech. I told her that my parents were the kindest, least crazy people she could ever meet. They had been through so much they just couldn’t get super serious anymore for every potential emergency. She looked at me shocked, put her head down, and apologized – she didn’t intend for me to hear it.
There was an assistant in there too who just went wide-eyed and didn’t speak.
As we were leaving the hospital, my dad realized he had forgotten his wallet, so I went back to the ER to grab it. The nurse stopped me and was crying. She apologized again, said she’d had a long day, was flustered by my Mom’s panicking, and that she’d never purposely insult a patient.
I nodded and told her I’d pass her apology along to my parents.
After we left though, I started feeling really awful. My first career was as an RT in an ER and I know it can get exhausting. I also know some patients can really be difficult to handle and remember how my coworkers and I used to get frustrated. I further thought I was wrong to bring my complaint up with the assistant in the room (though I’m not sure when else I could have talked to her alone). It’s been bugging me since. So am I the jerk?”
7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Future In-Laws To Live With Us?
“My fiance (been together for 2 years) and I had his mother and little brother move in with us because their living situation wasn’t all that good. I was completely against having them move in in the first place because I wasn’t sure I could handle having a child around (let alone one with special needs).
I have depression, severe anxiety, and bipolar, something I’ve been trying to get help with for the last several years but up until last year I wasn’t able to get it.
Against my own instincts, I told my fiance it was alright because I wanted to help him as much as I could, you know give it the ‘ol’ college try.’
The kid is hitting his teenage years, has severe autism (nonverbal), tantrums, and tears things up.
His mom doesn’t clean up after him half the time (leaves messes, and food out during the night and he once went to the bathroom on the couch, something she didn’t even take care of properly).
I get so bent out of shape, and waking up to a mess in the kitchen every morning has all but turned me into a recluse because the other option would be going off on her, I feel like our bedroom is the only safe place.
He’s a kid but he’s caused water damage to both the bathroom and kitchen in just 5 months, he’s torn off the metal banister that separates the top floor from the stairs (I was scared to death my fiance or I were going to fall down it, I stacked totes on the edge to prevent that) and ruined personal belongings of mine and my fiance’s.
‘Angry’ doesn’t begin to cover it when I’m the one who’s going to have to answer to the landlord about the damages but my fiance says it’s a part of having a kid around who’s autistic.
I’m getting to the point where I just want to pack up and move in with a friend, the state of the apartment is causing my mental health to deteriorate.
I tried asking what his mom was doing to help him but my fiance said he didn’t know, or I was given the same response ‘she’s tired and doing her best.’
I’ve been told I should be more sympathetic about everything, to just suck it up. AITJ for being angry and not wanting them to live with us?”
6. WIBTJ If I Don't Want A Nickname?
“I (21M) have a close group of friends with whom I meet pretty often. There are six of us, and the other guys bring their SOs with them. One of them, Tom (21M), started seeing a new girl, May (20F).
We met her after about a month of their relationship, and she seemed nice – funny, kind, charismatic, and I was so happy for him.
But after a while blatantly claimed she ‘didn’t like my name’ and would come up with a nickname for me as soon as possible.
I was a bit surprised and said I preferred if she didn’t since I hate nicknames and made an active effort to shrug off any previous ones (it’s a stupid pet peeve but I can’t stand nicknames for myself).
She insisted that nicknames are cute and friendly, but I stood my ground and suggested she could call me by my surname instead since people do that too and it’s okay.
May and Tom asked me to talk to them in private. I was very curious so I agreed. According to May, I share my name with her most recent Ex, about whom Tom is quite insecure.
I pulled May aside and tried to ask as gently as possible if he was abusive or anything because if so, I would have agreed to a nickname – I don’t want to be the jerk who forces her to remember something traumatizing.
But no, it really comes down to Tom’s insecurity about the Ex, since it turns out he was somewhat of a rebound.
I refused to answer any nickname she might give me in the future, but she made a point out of this and won’t settle on the surname thing. Tom says I am a jerk for possibly hindering their relationship and preventing May from getting over her Ex, and she says I probably want Tom for myself (I am a gay man).
Two of the others agree with me, but the others agree with Tom and say I am just stubborn and stuck up. No one agrees with May’s last ‘theory’, though.
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Eldest Daughter And Her Husband Ruin My Youngest Daughter's Baby Shower?
“I (56F) have two daughters – Haley (32F) and Stephanie (29F). Stephanie is 5 months pregnant with her first child. The father is not in the picture. Haley and her husband have been struggling with infertility for a few years. She has always been jealous of Stephanie but the pregnancy is making her even more jealous.
Recently I threw a baby shower for Stephanie. Haley lives a 16-hour drive away and Stephanie lives 4 hours away. I have only one guest bedroom with a queen bed. I also have a futon in the basement.
Haley and her husband arrived first and I told them to sleep on the futon in the basement because the guest bedroom was reserved for Stephanie.
I made up the futon with extra padding and thick blankets to make it as comfy as possible for them. Haley threw a fit because they drove 16 hours and I told her that Stephanie needed a comfortable bed because she’s pregnant. Haley didn’t listen and she and her husband went into the guest bedroom to take a nap.
They woke up and made up the bed then moved to the basement before Stephanie arrived but Stephanie wasn’t happy when she found out that her bed had already been slept in. They got into a small argument over that, and Haley accused me of playing favorites. I explained that she has never been pregnant so she doesn’t understand how taxing pregnancy can be on the body.
The next morning as we were getting ready for the baby shower Stephanie saw on social media that the baby’s father had found himself a new girl. I spent an hour consoling her while Haley and her husband set up everything. I came downstairs and Haley started complaining about what a ‘drama queen’ Stephanie is and I’m ‘enabling’ her.
I told her that if she was going to keep up her negative attitude, she’d better leave because I wasn’t going to let her ruin the baby shower. They left in a huff. When some of the guests asked why Haley wasn’t there I told them the truth, and a few thought I was being too harsh. AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Taking Care Of My Husband's Best Friend?
“So two years ago my husband’s best friend Nick lost his mom. We thought everything was fine till about two months after we got a call he was in the hospital. His own family would rather put him in a mental hospital and throw away the key. So my husband, his friends, and I decided to be there for him.
I however spend the most time with him since I don’t have a job and we are child-free. Our time together is usually spent cleaning, activities in and out of the house, and trips to therapy. Then I switch off with someone else and they do exactly the same stuff with him.
A few weeks ago my mom and sister sat me down.
They claimed they knew about my affair and wanted me to stop. At first, I was confused about what they meant till my sister showed a picture of me sitting with Nick at his favorite pizza place. I laughed and explained the situation which made them look at me even worse. My mom went on about how everything I’m doing for him falls under the wife/partner category and I’m disrespecting my marriage by taking care of another man (sister: your husband’s best friend no less).
I tried to explain how none of it was like that and he doesn’t have a wife/partner to support him. They then said that’s on him for not being datable and he shouldn’t be relying on another man’s wife to be there for him and that I may be making him fall in love with me by being with him so much.
I left because I thought they were just being insensitive.
When I talked to my husband about it he admitted he is sad. A lot of my time is spent away from him but he doesn’t see it as disrespectful to him or our marriage. However now that I know he does feel some type of way I’m starting to think maybe they were slightly right.
Edit: I’m not the only one who takes care of him there are 10 of us who all do the exact same things I do with him. I just have the most free time so it was decided by the group I’d be the one to do it. Also, there are no romantic feelings on my end, this feels like a nursing job.”
3. WIBTJ If I Only Want To Accommodate Guests For One Week Max?
“My wife and I live on a seasonal tourist island in the Mediterranean in a beautiful but small Spanish stone finca on a large orchard.
My wife does not work and I have a seasonal business. From March to October I work insane hours. I average 12 hours a day, usually in split shifts with a siesta in the afternoon, where usually I come home, eat, have a power nap, and then back to work.
This month I will do even more hours than usual as August is peak tourist season. On the upside, in the winter I don’t need to work because I make all my money in the season, and my wife doesn’t need to work at all.
Due to my unusual schedule, and after my own family came to visit for 2 long weeks four years ago, I decided that having guests in our house for more than a week is just too much during the season (in winter I’m fine with it).
My workload, plus having people staying who are on vacation is just too much for me. I need my downtime or I burn out. A week I enjoy, but any more and I start just getting frustrated and need my personal space back.
My wife has some friends coming to stay the first week of September for 4 nights and I’m really looking forward to it.
I know these girls, and they are great fun, our kind of people. No problem.
The other night, my wife said that her brother, his wife, and their toddler would come and stay the last 2 weeks of September and I was a bit confused, as we had discussed our maximum one-week strategy many times before. I said that I’d love to have them for a week and reminded my wife that we already had guests a week before that.
My wife starts to get upset with me and says 10 days. I remind her that they also have an 18-month-old, our house is far from child-friendly (we are child-free), and that it will be just too much for me right at the end of the season. She thinks I’m being a jerk because her brother needs a summer beach vacation and we haven’t spent a lot of time with them since the baby was born, which is all true.
I do really like BIL and his family, but also, they do not really speak much English and I don’t speak their language, so it takes even more energy to deal with that from my side.
So, WIBTJ for enforcing the one-week stay rule, or should I cave and keep the peace to my own detriment? My wife is pretty upset with me about it.
Bring on the judgment.”
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Sister's Wedding Without My Partner?
“My partner and I (both 35M), have been together since we were 17 so have been together for 18 years. Despite gay marriage being legal where we live, we have decided not to get married, it’s a big financial ordeal we can’t afford and both our sets of parents had long, grueling, and expensive divorces that were big features of both our childhoods so we don’t have the most positive opinion on marriage.
We do plan on having kids someday but not for another few years at least and adopting a child would be the only situation in which we would get married but we would prefer surrogacy.
My half-sister (19F) is getting married soon. We are very close and I was very excited for her big day, however, she recently revealed to me there are no +1s apart from husbands or wives.
I understand my sister is still a kid so she has a lot of kid friends in casual relationships and she doesn’t want them in her wedding pictures. However, my partner and I have been together since my sister was a baby so we are very serious and marriage wouldn’t legitimize our relationship further.
My sister is not homophobic, she’s actually engaged to a woman (21F) and has always been very supportive of me and my partner and come to us with questions about her own sexuality.
I know she can invite whoever she wants to her wedding but me and my partner have been together almost her whole life so it feels like she’s devaluing our relationship because we aren’t choosing to be married. She keeps telling me that gay marriage is legal so I should just put a ring on his finger and marry him.
Then we can both come to her wedding, I say I won’t do that and that couples can be legitimate without marriage but she won’t budge.
I told her that I was not coming if my partner wasn’t also invited as there’s no limited space, she’s getting married at a huge venue and would be perfectly fine with him coming if he was my husband.
She says that’s fine that I’m not coming if the alternative breaks her wedding rules. I don’t understand her rules but she says her wedding, her rules. My partner is upset as he’s seen my sister grow up but doesn’t want to stop me from going, but I don’t want to go if she doesn’t value my partner as a member of our family. AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Wanting My Daughter To Learn A New Language?
“My daughter, Augustina (11F), has been learning German and Russian at school since the age of 5. We added Spanish when she was 9 and it feels like it’s time to add another language when she’s back in school in September. I think either Mandarin or Japanese would be suitable (of course, she can choose another one if she has one that she wants to learn).
I’d hate for my child to be yet another English speaker who only speaks one language.
She just came back from music summer camp, and I’ve tried to talk to her about her language choices next year. I was shocked when she told me she didn’t want to take another language.
I asked her what she wanted to do instead, and she asked if she could have free time instead of another activity.
I said that she already gets 2 hours off in the afternoon, but she said that she has to do her homework then shower and get ready for bed and it’s not really free time. I told her that she watched Netflix when in the bath thus it’s free time in my book.
She said that in that case, she wanted to take Italian to which I replied that I didn’t think it was the right choice as it’s too similar to Spanish and it’s like too easy and suggested she pick something else and I gave her until end of the week to come to me with a decision otherwise I will pick one for her.
She went sulking to her room but didn’t say anything else.
My ex-husband just called me and told me I was crazy for expecting so much of our child and to give her a break. I told him that I only want what’s best and that she will take another language or at least another instrument (she does play piano).
He told me that I must chill, otherwise, he’d stop paying for private school. I have sole custody and he pays child support but private school is not part of the agreement and he only does it because it’s what’s best for her. I told him that he would be harming her but he said that the private school used to be what’s best but I am turning it into a nightmare for Augustina. I spoke with my best friends and one of them agreed with me and one with my husband and I don’t know what to think anymore.
AITJ for only wanting my child to learn another language?”