People Tell Stories Of How They Punished Someone To Get Revenge
52. Refuse To Pay Us? I'll Install The Spyware Back On Your Computer
“I used to work as a technician in a small privately-owned computer store. One day, a woman and her rude husband bring in their computer complaining that it was running really slow. They were a little abrasive, but polite enough for conducting business. Our store used to charge a $45 diagnostic which you agreed to pay upfront. They signed the paperwork without a problem, and we proceeded to check the computer.
There were at least five toolbars in the browser and so much spyware that it took 30 minutes just to load the desktop. Whenever we’re dealing with a computer that’s this badly infected, the first thing we do is make a quick image of the hard drive in the event that if the removal process destroys something or the hard drive tanks, we can at least recover the customer’s files later on.
I called them and informed them that the level of infection would take at least two hours to remove and that we charged $60/hour for that sort of labor. Seems like a ripoff, I know, but I didn’t set the prices, I just worked there. The wife agreed over the phone and I went to work.
Three hours later, I finally have all of the spyware and malware removed, have uninstalled a dozen or so malware apps (including Bonzai Buddy, ugh), and applied Service Pack 2, as well as installed spyware protection.
I then called them to come pick their system up.
When they arrived, I showed them the total bill: $165. The wife got a sour look on her face, but her husband blew a gasket and wanted to know how we thought we could get away with charging that much because he ‘could buy a new computer for that much.’ Even the cheapest junk desktop would run you more than $165 unless you bought a used system.
We went back and forth for several minutes, and I even offered to waive the diagnostic after getting an OK from my boss, but it was still a no-go. Technically, we didn’t have to give the computer back at all since the paperwork his wife signed stated that we could keep it until the balance was paid off, but I just wanted them out of my hair.
Ten minutes later, I gave them their computer back with zero balance and they smugly walked out the door. They didn’t discover until they got home that I had reimaged their system using the original backup image I had taken before working on it. The husband called the next day demanding that we fix it free of charge because we lied when we said we fixed it. My only response was ‘We did exactly what you paid us to do,’ and hung up. He never called back, and we never saw him again.”
51. I Interviewed My High School Bully For A Job
“There was a girl who brutally bullied me my freshman year in high school. No blow was too low for her, and she struck early and often because she thought it would win her favor with my older brother who was also in her Senior Class. He declined her advances, so she went full-throttle mean girl on me for the rest of the year. It was a relief to me that she graduated and moved on.
Fast forward about 6 years. I’m an EVP given free rein to hire a team to support a product I created. I’ve got 11 openings to fill, and I’m getting a few hundred resumes a day I’ve got to review and cull. Guess whose resume lands in my in-bin?
God, that set me back. I debated for a few days about what I should do. My knee-jerk reaction was to just accidentally drop her resume in the paper shredder.
That probably would have been therapeutic, but ultimately it would be unfair. The gal had experience in my industry, so she deserved a shot. I have the recruiter set up a panel interview for her. I’ll admit now that my motives for that weren’t entirely altruistic, obviously.
I unintentionally arrived a bit late to the interview, so my colleagues had begun to banter back and forth with the job candidate to kill time until I got there.
I could hear their laughter down the hall.
When I finally entered the conference room, she took one look at me and visibly blanched. I reached to shake her very trembly hand and said, ‘How nice to see you again.’ She got so flustered she could hardly respond. It was her deer in the headlights moment.
My arrival on scene completely blew her composure. My colleagues and I were quite professional with our questions, and for the next 90 minutes, she stammered through just about every answer while her eyes kept darting around like crazy.
If there had been some escape hatch handy, I’ve no doubt she would have taken it. It likely was the longest few hours of her life at that point.
When we ended the interview, I escorted her on the long walk back to the lobby. All the while, she’s quiet, dejected. I help her check out, return her temporary badge. She turns to me to say, ‘I’m really, really sorry,’ and starts to walk off, but I catch up to her to ask, ‘So when can you start?’
I’m sure her ego bristled at the thought, but I gained the most loyal employee I’ve ever had at that moment.”
50. Zoom Through Traffic? I'll Block Your Way
“On the interstate at rush hour, trying to get home. The thing is gridlocked far as the eye can see. Occasional jerk comes FLYING by in the breakdown lane (which was NOT authorized for overflow use on this particular stretch of highway). Almost all of them were going WAY over the normal limit as if to rub it in (or maybe because they were worried about getting caught?)
After 10 minutes of watching this, I decide to straddle the breakdown lane (I was already in the far right lane).
So I’m now taking up 50% of each lane and – lo and behold– these jerks who were previously zooming by now find the breakdown lane impassible. After five minutes or so I’ve got three or four of them stacked up behind me, honking like crazy. I casually glance at them in my rear-view and shrug, as if I don’t understand what the big deal is.
Crazed rage on the part of the aforementioned jerks ensues.
After holding them up for a bit I figure I’ve made my point, and slowly ease back into the right lane as traffic allows it. As soon as the opening in the breakdown lane is large enough, the handful of cars FLOOR IT around me, tires squealing, whilst offering obscene gestures galore. 60 seconds later a squad car FLIES past me in the breakdown lane with sirens blaring. It would be an understatement to say that I was downright euphoric when I caught up with the cop and saw one of the drivers that I’d been blocking getting ticketed. I’d like to think that I fulfilled my civic duty and then some on that glorious day.”
49. Speed Down Our Street? I'll Stand In Your Way
“The street we were living on was a one-way. The street was the last one until the main road. We usually watched the traffic from our garage. The main road was pretty close to the intersection as well.
They were doing some major construction for about a month. They were constantly changing up the lanes that were blocked off. When they did a certain change, for about a week, we had people driving the wrong way down our street.
They weren’t just driving though, they were flying down our street. ‘Cause, you know, they’re in a hurry.
So my husband got fed up with it and stood in the middle of the street to make them turn around. We were pretty much at the end of the block too. They would get so angry. One man pushed him all the way to the corner, which scared the life out of me.
Another came back and threatened to beat him up. One guy, this is just wow, drove over the curb and alongside two houses of front lawns. Most of them complained, and the cops came out. They told him not to do it anymore, then they sat at the end of the block waiting for instant tickets. We sat on the porch with popcorn.
Neither of us felt bad for what he did. For the simple fact that our neighbors came by and thanked him. Especially the one who was in a wheelchair, he was out daily and couldn’t use the sidewalk because there wasn’t one. So he was forced to use the street. The city ended up adding another ‘one-way’ sign to the three that were already there.”
48. I Made A Bunch Of Rude Girls Really Uncomfortable
“I was in Wal-Mart awhile back waiting to be checked out in the extremely busy and congested front of the store. I was patient, I didn’t have too many items. When a new line opened up right next to the line I was in, I walked towards it and came up to a woman who had even fewer items than me. We were right at the mouth of the line and had briefly exchanged ‘No you go aheads’ when this gaggle of self-righteous bimbos pushed past us to cut in line.
The woman and I were pretty indignant and she asked me why people were like this, following up that she was from a small town where people are actually considerate. I told her not everyone was rude here and she laughed and walked away. I stayed in line behind the girls.
They kept staring me up and down, and giving me looks. I’d assume (at least one of the reasons being) because I’m fat.
I was already annoyed, so I got up -really- close to the girls, and stuck my hands on my hips, letting my elbows get up in their personal space. I breathed out of my mouth, slouched down, and just stared at them without blinking. Even after they left, I made a point to stare at them leaving before I began my transaction. They didn’t like that too much.
As I was leaving, I saw them sitting on a bench, so I sat down right next to them and continued to stare. Then I pretended to fart and was like ‘Oh, ‘dem beans!’ before getting up and wafting my hand behind me as I walked away. They got up immediately afterward.
If you’re unnecessarily rude, I’m going to make you as uncomfortable as I possibly can.”
47. Throw Rocks At My Car? I'll Throw Paintballs At You
“When I was driving home one night from work a bunch of kids hiding above a train viaduct, which is heavily wooded, threw snowballs and rocks at my car. It was around midnight and dark so I was obviously surprised and almost got into an accident because it was icy. I lived two blocks away from the viaduct so when I got home I put on my full body snow camouflage that I used primarily for hunting.
I also took my paintball that fires on full auto around 24 BPS. I then snuck back to the viaduct and the little jerks were still there. The kids seemed to be around 15 years old and there were five of them. I unloaded two full hoppers (400 rounds) at them from a distance of about fifteen feet away. They all dropped to the ground and one tried to run away but there was nowhere to go except to jump off the viaduct which is way too high to do.
Their screams and the look of complete terror on their faces still make me laugh to this day. They had no idea what was happening to them or where I was. As they were laying there in shock and pain I went home. I didn’t say anything to them. I just unloaded and then went back home. I almost felt bad but in my mind I was justified and they deserved it.”
46. Here's Why You Should Always Proofread Your Assignments
“Generally I’m not a mean person and I try to be nice to everyone, but this was an opportunity.
From primary school until high school, I was bullied by a girl I was formerly in a social circle with. Passive aggression was her strong suit.
We had a class together, in which I was kind of a teacher’s pet and achieved high grades. One day, she was having trouble with an assignment and to my surprise, turned to me for help.
I agreed and had her send me the assignment via email. What she actually wanted though, was for me to rewrite the essay and elaborate on her poorly conducted points.
Rather than do what she wanted, however, I scrolled to the middle of the assignment and typed out random inappropriate, yet harmless, words – it was simple, unpredictable, and relatively innocent as far as inappropriate words go.
I began rewriting the first paragraph in order to make it look like I’d actually done what she had asked of me. A couple of days later, I emailed it back to her, and hoped that she wouldn’t proofread it; as her writing was poorly conducted, I assumed that she didn’t proofread anyway. There was no thank you, or appreciation shown. She didn’t respond to my email, just simply handed in the assignment with no acknowledgment towards me.
A week or so later, our assignments were handed back to us. My teacher smiled as he handed mine over and told me that I’d done very well; I glanced around the room and saw the girl’s smug smile upon hearing this. Her paper was handed over and she excitedly skimmed through the pages. Suddenly, there was a pause. Her smile turned into a look of confusion as her mind registered what was in front of her. There, in the middle, was a red circle around the inappropriate words along with ‘what is this?!?’ in my teacher’s handwriting. Her head turned towards me and I could see the inner temper tantrum building. I smiled and went back to reading my own assignment feedback. She never confronted me about it, nor did she bother me again.”
45. Keep Neglecting Your Job And We'll Make It Harder For You
“I work a pretty dull labor job provided by the town for young people and we usually just pretty up some bushes and stuff. But today we’re shoveling a few tons of new sand at a kindergarten. I used to be the only girl in the group which suited me great, because I hate small talk, gossiping, and so forth. I just wanna work, make crude jokes, and talk about video games in peace.
So a few weeks ago, 2 girls join the group and they’re all the things that annoy me. They gossip about who said what on social media all day long and do each other’s hair and whatnot.
Today they decided it was pretty funny to giggle and play around in the slide and swingset and gallop around laughing their butts off, while most of us are just shoveling away into the wheelbarrows the girls are supposed to be hauling.
But because they’re not paying attention, every time we need a new one, we have to call them like a lousy raised pack of mutts.
We devised a pretty cool way to get back at them since we’re doing all the work. The guys and I decided to just keep shoveling in the wheelbarrow until it was literally covered in sand. You couldn’t even see the thing! When they finally notice it they of course start complaining to our boss and he just looks at them, smiles and tells them to dig away. Felt sooooo satisfying.”
44. My 5-Year-Old Hates Baby Talk And She'll Make Sure You Know It
“This one isn’t my own invention, but my daughter’s. She is quite a precocious child and has been speaking in complete sentences before she could walk. Anyway, she’s five, now, almost six…and yet very occasionally, adults insist on ‘baby talk’ when they address her. I don’t know if it’s purposeful (I think so, because she’s quite devious when it suits her) or not, but she gets a quizzical look on her face, and then addresses the adult as if they’re stupid.
A typical exchange (last week at the grocery store):
Grandmotherly figure: ‘Oh, and look at you you widdle pwincess! How pwecious awe you! And what a BIG giwl you awe! Oh yes, you awe!!’
My daughter (extremely slowly): ‘Tha-a-a-a-ank yo-o-o-o-u, ma-a-a-a’am. Yes, I am a big girl.’
I snickered the whole way home.
Sometimes the adult remains clueless and the exchange goes back and forth for quite a bit. Afterward, my daughter usually turns to me and says something to the effect of: ‘Mommy, it’s rude to ignore people that talk silly like that, right? Because they can’t help being that way?’ ‘Yes, honey. That’s right.'”
Another User Comments:
“This reminded me of a friend’s little brother. He was inside the car and his aunts came by the window and started baby-talking to him, he proceeded to slide it shut slowly without even turning to look at them.” cherrybam
43. Refuse To Let Me Off The Train? I'll Push Through You
“I live in NJ and work in NYC, so my mornings are full of train rides. I take the path into the city (which is in essence just a subway train that runs from the very eastern parts of NJ into the city) and am constantly frustrated by people who refuse to queue up to get on the train. The doors open, and instead of waiting for passengers to exit like civilized human beings, they try to push their way through the exiting crowd like some kind of moronic salmon.
When they do this, they slow down the people trying to get off the train and create more of a backup for the people trying to get on the train. Basically, they are the worst kind of people.
A couple of weeks ago I decided I have had enough of these shenanigans, so now whenever I’m trying to get off a packed subway or Path train and someone just has to force their way through, I walk through them.
I’ve done this approximately 5 times now and it’s so satisfying. The last time I did it was particularly good:
The guy got about 3 feet into the train by weaving/pushing through the people before he got to me, but that’s as far as he made it. I walked forcefully into him, sending him backward out of the train and landing him on his butt back on the platform.
As I stepped over him I turned, and in my best, I’m so calm right now that you know you shouldn’t try something voice, said to him, ‘You know you should really wait for people to get off the train first.’
I even got an approving nod from the guy next to me. It’s the closest I’ll ever get to know what it’s like to be Batman.”
42. A Simple Phone Call Spiraled Into Big Trouble For Reckless Driver
“A few friends and I were headed down the road to the bar (I was the front passenger) when some jerks probably still in high school pulled up beside us in a white truck. It wasn’t a full extended cab, but they’d managed to cram 6 or seven of them into that rust bucket. They spotted us and started screaming out stupid stuff (as most teens do).
They commented on everything from our car being trash (Audi A4) to the fact that my friend was of color. Needless to say, these rednecks were a bit rowdy. Soon after flipping them off someone in their truck decided it would be a good idea to swerve in and around us. This started to get serious. We slowed down to fall back behind another car, right as we let go they threw a rock or something at the car.
That’s when I noticed the ‘how am I driving’ style sticker and that this was a company truck. First I called the number and reported teens drinking and driving (that they’d thrown a beer can at us) as well as other items. Then I told the lady that they’d run us off the road (keep in mind she’s not a dispatch or anything, just a company that takes complaints and forwards them to the owners.) At the end of the call, she asked for contact information (luckily as I was using a Google voice number on my phone) I decided to give it to her.
I supposed I’d get some lame apology from the kid’s dad or whoever owned the truck.
Two weeks later, I get a phone call on the Google voice line, It was the owner of the truck. He expressed his concern and apologized numerous times. He went on to say that he’d been having discipline issues from his son and that he’d caught him drinking before (who didn’t have a drink in High school).
The crazy messed up part is he then went on telling me about the phone call. It turns out that right after I called that number, they called him. Frustrated and wanting to teach his son a lesson, he told her to report it to the local police. He then called the police himself with a description of the vehicle. Long story short, his son and friends were apprehended and when they were pulled over they had an open container in the back seat! His son was arrested and at the time of the call was pending his court date. Talk about bad luck. We had no clue that they were drinking in the truck, we thought they were just being jerks. At first, I felt bad, then I realized that they were acting like idiots, being unsafe on the road, and just were jerks in general.”
41. Fart On Me? I'll Let It Rip On You
“My wife had a bad habit of farting on me. Like, she’d just be walking by me while I was on the couch and let one rip right at eye level or wait till I had my head down doing something and just blast me right in the face. I decided that this was some nonsense that needed to be nipped in the bud, and I started plotting revenge.
First, I ate nothing but onions, beans, sauerkraut, and heavy beer for a week. At the end of that week, my colon reached a sort of critical mass of gas production where I could produce massive farts nearly on-demand, and they REEKED like burning tires and sulfur.
I then talked my wife into naughty times, and spent 15 minutes clenching my sphincter so hard it could cut twine. Finally, my plan had come to fruition. I whispered ‘revenge!’ and let one rip.
Cleaning puke off myself, my bed, and the wall adjacent, sleeping on the couch for a week, and being banned from eating anything containing onions was well worth it. She still won’t even fart in my presence.
Yes, we’re still married. And yes, we’re horrible, disgusting people.”
40. Mess With My Brother? We'll Mess With Your Dogs
“I have a neighbor that used to yell at my little brother for walking the family dog past her house because it made her dogs inside go crazy.
Not, mind you, stopping to let the dog do its business or walking on her property in ANY way, but simply walking our 10 lb dog (who NEVER barked) past her house on the street itself.
Problem is, we live on a dead-end road, so you had to go past her house to take the dog for any kind of walk.
My brother, who has Aspergers, would come home all upset from being screamed at. This witch would come out and scream at someone she knew was disabled (she had lived on the block literally longer than my parents had and we were in that house when he was born) and call him names at 6 am. She even went as far as to call my house at 6 am to complain.
Needless to say, when you mess with my little brother we get a little evil about it. Pick a fight with me, fine. I can take care of myself.
He, however, is a very sweet, sensitive soul who wouldn’t hurt a fly.
After weeks of thought, we all went out and bought dog whistles. 5 of us who drove. Since our street is narrow and windy you wouldn’t go past much faster than 5-10 mph or so, which made rolling by with the windows down laying on the whistle very easy.
My father would blow his on the way in and out. 9 am and 6 pm give or take a few minutes. I was usually a few minutes after him. My other brother worked from 5 pm till 2 am.
We had these dogs barking around the clock for MONTHS. At least a dozen times a day we would set her dogs off.
Funny thing happened. She never complained/yelled at my brother again.”
39. Think The Game Is Rigged? I'll Show You How It's Done
“I used to work at an indoor amusement park and I was a games operator. So people would come to play those stupid games and try to win stuffed animals worth 1/10 of what they were paying.
Anyways, one time this jerk (probably early 20s, dressed in baggy garb and trying to impress his league of jerk friends) is playing the ‘knock the bottles over’ game and, of course, is doing an awful job.
He is basically putting all his weight behind throwing the beanbag and is missing by a foot, sometimes managing to make the top bottle sway. He starts calling me a carny and whatnot and says loudly that the bottles are all glued down and stuff.
So I jumped over the counter, took a bean bag from him, and threw it at the bottles, knocking each one of them over and right off the table.
I was 15 at the time and was just a little blonde girl. His friends all started laughing hysterically and the guy turned red.
Our job was pretty boring, and my friends and I often played the games and competed with each other so, safe to say, we were pretty awesome at them.
Made the guy look like an idiot. He did win the ‘thanks for trying!’ prize which was a tiny stuffed bear, which I gave to him in pink.”
38. Steal My Spot? I'll Dump Melted Frozen Yogurt On You
“It was a hot day in August, so I bought a pint of frozen yogurt to tide myself over right before work. I was a waiter, so there was no eating on the job. I only got in a few bites in the parking lot before having to run inside to clock in on time.
On the way home, I head to Target. The Target where I live is in a horrible mess of an underground parking garage with five parking spaces out in front of the street.
These spaces are like the golden tickets and this was the first time in over a year that I saw a vacant spot.
I slow down, put on my blinker, and pull up slightly to parallel into the space. As I’m backing in, some jerk behind me speeds up and wedges his Civic headfirst into the spot despite the fact that I was in front of him and clearly moving in.
It was a tight squeeze to begin with, and the jerk has no way of getting in headfirst, but he goes for it anyway.
We’re now in an awkward standoff, diagonally parallel to each other. Traffic is at a standstill behind us and the dude isn’t budging, so I roll down my window and tell him to go find his own spot and not shark me out of mine.
He rolls his window all the way down and tells me to go screw myself. His partner is cackling in the passenger seat.
I see their YOU MAD? faces and lose it. I grab the full tub of hot, long-ago melted frozen yogurt, summon my inner Koufax and hurl the pint at his face. The open container hits him directly in the forehead and the contents explode over his shirt, his dashboard, his steering wheel, and his partner. After taking half a second to revel in what looked like a glorious mess, I peeled out and parked in the garage.”
37. I Made The Jerk At My High School Fall In Love With A Catfish
“I set up a fake MySpace and trolled some jerk at my high school with a hot girl named ‘Carrie.’ It went on for like, 6 months. He fell in love with her, tried to send her things in the mail, and even sent her dirty pictures (doing whatever ‘Carrie’ requested). I still hated him, so I let it go on. I told him ‘Carrie’ was going to drive 100 miles to pick him up from school, and that she would try to be there early.
The kid waited outside in heavy rain for 5 hours. When he finally came inside, he sat in a hallway and cried ’til school was out. He had a week of in-house suspension and ended up missing a major test that almost made him fail the class.
I felt kind of terrible when I saw him blubbering, but then I remembered that he was a horrible human being.”
Another User Comments:
“Why don’t you enlighten us as to why he was a horrible human being? I’d like to know why he deserved that so that I may be less angry with you about this one.” rage_quit6677
Reply:
“When he was a junior, he pantsed a girl with Down Syndrome.
I think that qualifies you as a ‘horrible human being’ already. Also, we had PE with this kid named Ethan. I believe he was autistic. He would get angry and scream if the gym was too loud, or if he got confused. During a game of dodge ball, The Jerk waited until the teacher left the class and told Ethan to shut up. When he wouldn’t, The Jerk walked about 10 feet away from Ethan and threw a ball at his face so hard it broke his glasses.
(This wasn’t a foam ball, it was an air-filled rubber ball.) When the teacher came back, he and all his friends helped him up and said Ethan accidentally ran into a wall. This doesn’t even begin to cover what he did to kids weaker than him.
Oh, and he used to harass girls, too. In fact, during a baseball game, he shoved my best friend into a tree, then blocked her from getting away.
THAT was when I decided to troll him.
He was the captain of the football and basketball teams at a small rural school, so when anyone reported him to the office, they just shrugged it off. I know this for a fact because he harassed me as well. I filled out a harassment report every time, (I’m going to say 15 in all). Nothing ever happened to him, and the Dean of Students said it was just ‘boys being boys.’ The only reason he got the in-house suspension is because he was dumb enough to stand outside the main office, on video, and 2 teachers complained about his skipping.
I did this during our senior year because I wanted to watch him squirm. I, and many other students, endured 3 years of this before I messed with him. Karma sucks.” Eliytres
36. Want To Copy Off Me? I'll Make Sure You Pick All The Wrong Answers
“In physics 11 there was a massive jerk (at least to me and those around me) in my class, and he wasn’t too bright. As we started our final exam he took the desk next to me and was obviously copying my answers. I caught on quickly at about question 5 out of 40. From then on, I always ticked the multiple-choice box one to the RIGHT of the real answer.
So if the correct answer was B, I put C. If it was D, I put A, etc. I did this the entire time for every question.
5 minutes before the end of the exam, I took out my big white eraser and just clobbered all my answers then filled the right answers in. He panicked, also erased ALL his answers, and tried his best to play catch-up. When the tests came back, I made sure to stick around to see what he got: 31%.”
35. As Soon As They Tried To Pass Me, I Switched Off My Lights
“I was being heavily tailgated on the way back from school in May by a rundown corolla or something. It got to the point where I could no longer see the headlights of their vehicle. Fortunately, it was about 11 PM on a dark and straight road with absolutely no lights around. I had toyed with my brother earlier by turning off the lights for a split second on a straight-away and the area fell into complete and utter darkness.
So naturally, I decided to use this to my advantage. I gradually slowed down to about 7 under and finally, the opportunity for the tailgater arrived. They sped up to pass and as soon as they were slightly in front of me I killed all the lights. I could see the road perfectly due to their lights. The two ladies in the car were frantically looking for my vehicle while trapped in the other lane, afraid of re-entering into the side of my vehicle. When they started to move over I honked frantically. They were trapped in that lane for about 7 seconds before I turned my lights back on. No harm came of it outside of a few frightened faces.”
34. Complain About Your Order Taking Too Long? I'll Keep Taking My Sweet Time
“I used to work at Subway. When I was working alone and had a long line, I would make ~3 sandwiches at a time and then move to the cash to ring them up. It took a tiny bit longer per customer, but it was much more efficient for everyone because I didn’t have to wash my hands, put on new gloves, etc. every 30 seconds. If customers ever complained about this, I would make them the slowest. sub. ever.
I would put on each tomato with precision. Each olive was carefully selected. It was perfectly cut in half. Wrapped as beautifully as a Christmas present.
That job made me pretty passive-aggressive. I didn’t last long.”
33. Want To Cut Me Off? I Don't Think So
“Anyone who lives anywhere near Orange County is familiar with the 241 Toll road. There is one point where the 241 North has an exit on the right side to the 91 East and this exit can easily back up to two miles from the point of origin, especially during the school year.
It is not uncommon to see many drivers who, instead of waiting in the queue like the rest of us lemmings, attempt to speed ahead and cut in line, causing even more of a backup to the remainder of the people behind them.
But who the heck cares? I’m at the front and screw all you sorry tools behind me; that’s all that matters right?
Well, I’ve come to really enjoy trolling these anti-lemmings. I remember this one specific incident where this woman in this gargantuan Navigator had every intention of cutting me off. As she sped up on the lane to my left, I sped up. She slowed down.
I proceeded to slow down. I smiled meekly when she glared at me, and waved and halted, letting some room open up in front of me. She thought that this was an indication of apologizing, proceeded to speed up, attempted to jimmy her fat suburban butt into the gap, only to come to the realization that she wasn’t going to fit. Cars were building up behind her, honking commenced. I saw her give me the royal bird. I waved again, and drove around her, taking her spot.
… I hate my commute.”
32. My Grandpa Put Stinky Cheese In His Bad Coworker's Hammer
“When my grandpa was in college, he was on break one summer and was working at a construction site as a generic laborer. The laborers were broken down into groups and I guess each one had their own foreman. As it turned out my grandpa’s foreman turned out to be especially nasty. After dutifully and politely dealing with the guy’s nonsense for a few weeks, my grandpa and his fellow laborers had had quite enough and came up with a commensurate response for their position.
After the foreman went home one night, they took his trusty mallet from his tool belt, augered out a reasonably sized hole, and put in the smelliest, softest cheese they could find and then plugged the hole again and sanded it down so it was impossible to tell that the mallet had been tampered with. After about a week, they began to notice that the foreman was constantly smelling his hand. Apparently, the smell would not go away and the man spent a lot out of his own pockets trying to wash it off; he eventually went to doctors and even a psychologist to see if he was going crazy. The patience and subtlety of this make me smile every time I remember it.”
31. Turn The Whole School Against Me? I'll Make It Difficult For You To Graduate
“I used to be a touch on the vengeful side, with the mistaken idea that I was some kind of social vigilante.
This was never more evident than from what I did to Kyle.
Now, I should mention that Kyle was something less than a nice fellow, at least based on what other folks would say about him. He had a reputation, for instance, for informing girls that he was gay, and then later breaking down in tears when he ‘became attracted to them.’ I never got any kind of confirmation that it was true, but the rumor around my high school was that he had hoodwinked more than a few young women into relationships by ‘confessing’ that he’d never been aroused by a female before meeting them.
One thing that I did have confirmation about was Kyle’s tendency to tout his expertise on everything under the sun. Whenever he got into a debate with someone, he would cite the fact that he knew more than them, simply because he had been in Leadership Class for seven years. It didn’t matter if the topic at hand even pertained to something relevant, either: Whenever Kyle was losing an argument, he’d trumpet his educational history and declare the matter closed.
Usually, people would just roll their eyes and move on.
There came a day, though, that I personally decided to fight back.
Kyle and I were both in the student government, and one of our tasks was the planning of the school’s promenade. We had been allocated a sum of $10,000 to pay for the entire thing, which should have been more than enough (considering that our school consisted of less than two hundred students).
Unfortunately, an unwise decision on Kyle’s part wound up losing a tenth of that… and he found a way of publicly pinning it on me. I didn’t really care – after all, anyone whose opinion mattered to me knew the truth of the situation – but it was a little bit irritating to have students shooting dirty looks in my direction all the time. That irritation grew from mild to extreme when Kyle discovered (and announced) that I’d personally raised $15,000 for the school’s robotics team, and that I wasn’t willing to add it to our promenade budget.
Rather than accept my refusal with grace, Kyle went on a smear campaign. He turned the entire school against my friends, painting them as selfish misers who would rather tinker with machinery than help the other students have a memorable evening. He even went as far as to try and steal the funds at one point, hoping that the naivety of a low-level school administrator would be enough to cover the theft until it was too late.
That, for me, was the last straw, and so I engaged in a campaign of my own.
See, Kyle had scheduled his entire educational career to the minute, with absolutely no margin for error. Unfortunately for those plans, this left him unable to select Leadership as his elective one semester. That hadn’t been a requirement when he first took office… but after conspiring with the other elected students, I drafted an amendment to our school’s constitution, ordering that anyone in student government also had to take the affiliated course.
This left Kyle with a choice: He could either gracefully bow out from the next election and continue with his original plan (which allegedly included going to Harvard for art), or he could maintain his reputation as being a champion of the students… and not graduate.
It was, I’m embarrassed to say, a sneaky, manipulative, and underhanded method of exacting my revenge because I knew which choice Kyle would make.
Last I heard, he’d received an Associate’s Degree from the local community college.”
30. Don't Park In Between The Lines? I'll Make Sure You Have Trouble Leaving
“There are a couple of just downright awful parkers at my job. One, in particular, drives a relatively small car and can’t seem to grasp the concept of staying between the lines. I don’t care how messed up he parks, I’ll park next to him as long as I can stay between the lines of my spot. I’ve had to crawl out the back hatch before but the sense of satisfaction knowing he would have to climb in through the back of his car is so satisfying.”
Another User Comments:
“Some guy did that to me a week or two ago.
Parked over the line and I parked legally next to him. He comes out of the supermarket and realizes that he can’t get into his car and marches over to me with this ‘you’re going to have to do something about this’ look on his face. I told him I’d be happy to move but he needs to admit that he’s parked like a jerk. He says that we don’t need to stand on principle.
I say okay, as he’s pretty much defeated at this point. He then gets a second wind and tells me to forget it as he crawls into his passenger’s side and drives off.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“My partner, from time to time, is an awful parker and it just boggles my mind. It’s like he suppresses his inner jerk (as he is a genial and kind fellow; donates to charity, volunteers at shelters, treats me wonderfully, supports his parents, well-liked by men, women, and children alike, etc.) so much that every now and then it eeks out and he decides, ‘Screw everyone. I’m parking like a jerk.’ I hate it. He gets mad when I steal the keys and re-park the car, but I like to think it’s saved us a few smashed windows and keyings along the way.” freiheitzeit
29. Steal My Stuff? I'll Steal Your Man
“Back in college, I had a roommate that was seeing an absolute monster. She was manipulative, emotionally abusive, and a total leech. Time spent at our place involved her eating all my food, drinking all the good booze, and occasionally raiding my closet when I wasn’t around. The last straw came when she ‘borrowed’ my Wolford catsuit, and proceeded to RUIN it by wearing it to a foam party.
At that moment, I resolved to steal her man, the only thing of value that she had.
I started doing yoga and encouraged the roomie to join in. I made a point of wearing next to nothing, and she frequently dropped by our place to find me contorting around her man in nothing but booty shorts and a sports bra. She’d get all upset about it, and pick fights with the roomie over it.
Being a fairly oblivious 21-year-old, he was forever telling her it was no big deal, and that she didn’t need to be jealous. Being helpful, I suggested he invite her over to yoga along with us, which she staunchly refused to do because she hated me.
I started playing bartender when she stopped in. Roomie and I got drinks that were suitable for human consumption. She got the double-proof booze and made fun of me for not being able to keep up.
She got sloppy intoxicated and was put to bed early, while roomie and I went out. She was missing a lot of good times, while I, the ever-faithful sidekick, was there having a blast with him.
I started spraying my perfume on the side of the bed she slept in, prompting several arguments between them. One night, after I got her plastered, he went to put her to bed, and she was having none of it.
Started screaming about how she wasn’t sleeping in a bed that smelled like me. Things got really exciting when she started yelling about how she was going to go through all my perfumes, to prove…something. He literally had to hold her back from leaving the room, to confront me. She finally passed out, and roomie came back to the living room, where I was waiting with a cold beer and some sympathy.
Over a long talk, he finally decided it was time to dump her because she was accusing us both of some really awful things.
The next day, he dropped her off at her house, along with all her stuff, and dumped her. About 2 weeks later, roomie and I started seeing each other and happened to run into the ex at a bar. If looks could kill, I’d have been so dead.”
28. Harass Cyclists? I'll Cover Your Yard In Old Bike Parts
“I’m a cyclist and I was biking down one of the less-busy roads in my city. I was obeying all the traffic laws I needed to and holding a nice pace of 24 m/h in a 35 m/h zone. It was a beautiful day and my spirits couldn’t be better.
I hear someone come from behind honking like a mad man. I turn my head slightly and see a small white truck come up behind me.
I get over a little farther where he now has plenty of room to pass but he decides it isn’t enough. He clips me with his side mirror causing me to fall off my bike before I can unclip from my pedals. Next, he throws a slushie at me while yelling all sorts of profanities.
I would’ve probably done nothing if he hadn’t been rude, but people who say rude words just make me so angry.
I quickly memorized his license plate and recouped. I kept the license plate written on a sticky note in my car and was actively searching for it when I drove to town. Then one day, gold.
Same jerk, same car, same awful attitude. I tailed him to his home and wrote down the address. As a cyclist, I have a lot of extra bike parts that I don’t need lying around and even some old bikes.
I also managed to get about a dozen from a scrapyard. Every night I would stop by his house at about 1 am when he was asleep and place a bike or a bike part in his yard and leave the note, ‘suck it.’
When I had one bike left, I put water in his gas tank and let the air out of his tires by removing the valve stem. I left my last bike, a pink one with barely enough legroom for an adult to ride in his yard. The note said, ‘Good luck starting your car, here’s a bike, jerk.'”
27. I Hacked Into My Bully's Computer And Got Him Expelled
“Back in high school, there was this one kid, let’s call him Jake. He was the captain of the football team, and I was the stereotypical computer nerd. For three years, this kid had made my life a living nightmare. He was somehow in all of my classes, along with several of his mean friends.
It usually ranged from stuff like name-calling and stealing my stuff, but one day, it went too far.
I usually brought my laptop to school for my AP programming class, and usually only took it out there. One day during lunch, my backpack was slightly open, and my laptop could be seen. Jake saw this and stole it from my backpack. After much pleading for it back, he eventually took it over to the stairwell and held it over the edge.
He dropped it. All of my work was on that laptop.
A 35-page report that took me 3 days? Gone. My latest programming? Gone. That was it.
For the record, my school at the time was in the middle of becoming technologically up to date. They had several networked computer labs, and networked printers in every room (don’t ask me why). That was all I needed.
Our school IT guy was kind of an idiot and didn’t know how to set up security.
I managed to boot into safe mode as an Administrator (for which the password was blank) and used the command prompt to change the bully’s password.
I logged into his account and printed 1000 black sheets from every printer I could find on the network. When they looked at the logs to see who started the print order, they saw his name and expelled him.
The last I saw of him was him flipping burgers at some dump of a restaurant, and I don’t think he’s moved on from that.
I’ve told nobody about this, and still haven’t.”
26. Mean Girl Gets Cheddar Soup In Her Hair
“So my college cafeteria can get a bit crowded during the 12 o’clock lunch hour, and the girls can become really arrogant while waiting in line for their skinless, fatless chicken breast piece for their salad with no dressing. Anywho, one day this girl with long dark brown hair was blocking my way to get out of the food area. I asked her politely, ‘Excuse me.’ All she did was look at me, roll her eyes, move an inch to her left and turn back around. When I was squeezing past her, my tray may have bumped up against her back. Better yet, her hair ended up trailing through my bowl of broccoli cheddar soup. She never noticed.
It didn’t matter that I didn’t want to eat my soup, because I was laughing so hard I couldn’t.”
25. Invade My Privacy? I'll Get You Kicked Out Of College
“I had been seeing my partner for over a year, so, as expected, he had some ‘naughty pics’ of me. Apparently, he’d been seeing another girl for almost just as long and she found the pictures. This girl decided it would be so hilarious to send them to my dad, resulting in me getting sent to an all-female boarding school for two years. So I took the pictures of her on social media drinking and smoking and sent them to her college volleyball coach and dean.
She lost her D1 scholarship and got kicked off the team. She goes to community college now. (yes, I feel guilty. No, I’m not usually this terrible of a person.)”
Another User Comments:
“Similar story here…girl broke up with me after hooking up with tons of guys, including one on my birthday. She also continuously lied to me the entire two years we were together, including a couple of times she had to get an abortion because another guy got her pregnant.
She called me when she and that last guy broke up, she being completely intoxicated. Now, I knew she was also into substances and her roommates into harder substances. So I told her I was coming over, I’d take care of her, blah blah blah. In reality, I called the cops. She got kicked out of the school, received several felonies on her record for the sheer amount of hard substances she had (dealer-level amounts here, possibly supplier amounts), her parents disowned her, and last I heard she’s working at a seedy diner, scraping to get by.
Traitors aren’t allowed mercy.” AlphaEnder
24. I Told My Bully's Mother Everything He Did To Me
“I had an interesting opportunity in high school after participating in a fundraiser for a school function. I couldn’t get ahold of my father to pick me up after the fact so a nice parent gave me a ride home. That parent turned out to be the mother of a kid who tormented me mercilessly for six years through both middle and high school. He was not in the car.
It was just me and her.
I told her things about her son that she didn’t know. And hinted vaguely at a few relatively sociopathic things that may or may not have occurred. She seemed very concerned when she let me off at home and I was very nice and grateful to her for the lift and oh-so sorry I had to be the one to tell her.
The catharsis I felt after her car turned the corner of my street out of view would’ve killed a bear with its bliss.
I have no idea what went down later, but the next time I saw him he looked at me like he wanted to flense me with a rusty shovel but said nothing. I also booed him at our graduation ceremony. Teach that jerk to steal from and taunt me.”
23. Keep Tailgating Me And I'll Give Your Ride A Car Wash
“I used to own an ’88 Cherokee with a rear wiper. There’s a little hose that runs out of the bottom of the arm up to where the wiper blade is, so you can spray water onto the rear window near the arm.
On my Jeep, though, that hose broke where it would bend up into the arm, and pointed straight back.
I used to spray wiper fluid directly onto the hood of the car behind me when being tailgated.
One day after picking up my significant other from HS (many years ago), I encountered a jerk who got behind me all upset when I moved over at a stoplight into the next lane with a shorter line… HIS lane. I didn’t cut him off, he was way back there, but he was hauling his car towards the light and didn’t like having to slow down for me (even though he was going to have to slow down anyway).
So, he got RIGHT behind me. I proceeded to hold down the spray button and, through my rearview mirror, watched the stream of water hit his hood and splash up onto his windshield. He proceeded to RAM me and tried to push me forward.
My significant other and I both recognized him from school.
We proceeded to the police dept, where I reported him.
A few weeks later, I saw him SITTING AT THE BUS STOP AT THE MALL. I gave a friendly honk and a lovely wave as I drove by him in my Jeep… while holding down the button to spray water behind me.
Never heard again from the cops. I’m thinking his possible rebuttal of ‘but officer, his car was spraying water on my hood!’ didn’t stick.”
22. Impatient Driver Think He's Getting Ahead...And Then Is Forced To Stop With Everyone Else
“This morning, I was cruising along a country backroad going 60km (the speed limit, cops are notorious for watching these roads), when I see in my rearview mirror this jerk going like 90km an hour, and tailgating me for about 10 minutes or so. He kept trying to get around me, but there was always just enough incoming traffic to make it a bad idea. He is right on my butt man, but I just kept going the speed limit because screw him and I see a train going through up ahead, so there’s no point in rushing.
This guy gets in front of me (flips me off) and immediately starts pumping his breaks. I’m sure he thought I was just as angry as he was. (Nope, just enjoying the drive and drinking my coffee.) So I back off and give him some room.
Wouldn’t you know that once the train passes, he starts tailgating the NEXT guy he is behind and keeps trying to get past him.
After 10 minutes of driving the speed limit, this guy finally gets his chance to get in front of the car going the speed limit. He starts pumping his breaks for the next guy, trying to be a jerk. Then you see him start speeding again and then he hits a red light… like the rest of us.
I’m just keeping my distance, watching this unfold. It’s pretty funny watching road rage as long as it’s not directed at you.”
21. I Made The Popular Mean Girl Cry
“Eighth grade. I was the weird smart kid, socially awkward penguin girl. She was the pretty, confident, cool leader of the cool clique and class president. On the outside, she was sparkly and ingratiating with the teachers, but behind the chocolate-brown eyes and the darling braided pigtails, she was cruel. She ruled the eighth-grade girls with an iron fist of injustice, her two marauding lieutenants beside her, backing her up.
We were allowed to leave the lunch tables once we’d finished eating and kind of mill around in the hallway area right outside the lunchroom. I skipped the ‘lunchroom’ part entirely because I didn’t eat lunch. I’d find a quiet corner of the hallway and lean up against the wall and open up my book of the moment (I always had a book) and read for the duration of the lunch period.
So she came over to me, flanked by her two lieutenants. She stood in front of me, too close to me. She slapped the book down out of my hands (It was Watership Down, from the school library. It was not my book. I had borrowed it and was responsible for its condition and care while it was in my hands, and it fell, face down, on the floor.
It was the paperback edition, with a picture of a rabbit on the cover.
‘Oh, look at that. You’re reading a bunny book? Do you like the widdle bunny book? I thought you were all so SMART and stuff, but you’re reading a baby bunny book. Does it have pictures?’ There was chuckling from the lieutenants.
‘Well, aren’t you going to say anything? Defend your little bunny book?’
‘No.
It’s a book about bunnies, kinda. Not that interesting. What is interesting, Christie, is how you manage to have designer jeans. (It was the eighties, Jordache and Sassoon and Calvin Klein were really big.) Everybody knows that your mom works as a waitress at the truck stop. How does she afford your clothes on waitress pay? I mean, really, the pair of you live in an awful little single-wide in (poor community not in the main town) and it’s not like anyone lives out there if they can do better.
So where do the funds for your clothes come from? Is waitressing all she does at the truckstop, Christie? Or do the funds come from your dad? No, wait, that’s not right. You never see him. (Smalltown. Very small town.) If he never visits, he probably doesn’t care enough about you to pay support, either. Heck, maybe you were the reason your parents split up – he didn’t stick around very long after you hit the ground.
But anyway… where does your mom get the funds for your clothes? Or do you earn it yourself?”
By this point her henchpeople were mute, jaws dropped. Her face had gone white, eyes all big and glassy, full with tears just about ready to fall. And a teacher came up.
‘What’s all going on here?’
‘She slapped my book out of my hands and insulted me about it while her friends smirked and giggled.
And then I asked how she could afford designer jeans.’
‘Did you hit her?’
‘Nope. Didn’t lay a hand on her.’
‘But she’s crying. You must have done something.’
‘No. I just talked to her.’
‘Come with me to the office.’
I got detention. She never spoke another word to me, which was fine in my book. And she got pregnant in ninth grade and dropped out. I see her occasionally on social media (we are not friends) – she works in healthcare as a nurse, is married, and has five kids with two last names. She’s also a lot fatter than I am, which pleases me a lot more than it should.”
20. I Recorded How Everyone Truly Felt About The School Jerk
“Freshman year in high school a few of my friends and I realized that the leader of the ‘cool kids’ at our school was really just a jerk. He would be flat-out rude to people for no good reason, ruin the social lives of any girl he went out with after they broke up, would manipulate people to do what he wanted them to do with threats of spreading rumors about them, etc.
We devised a plan to pay back the social ruin he had brought on a number of people. One of my friends brought a tape recorder into school and asked everyone how they truly felt about the kid. We informed them of our plan, so if they wanted to contribute we’d record them saying whatever they wanted. Needless to say, the recordings were full of hateful language and discontent toward the kid.
After getting recordings of about 70 or so people (many of which were people who ran in his social circle), I took the audio and laid it over the song ‘Friends’ by Big Wig, then proceeded to burn hundreds of copies of the modified track on CDs.
The next day at school a group of us handed out the CDs to everyone in our class of 445 students, including the kid himself.
It was a pretty momentous day as it really shook up the social structure of our class. I’m thankful I did it because it really changed the character of the class as well; everyone tended to care a lot less for all of the social cliques that plague the typical American high school and care a lot more about the character of people. I’m also thankful I did it because the kid ended up changing a lot after that and becoming a pretty decent person.
However, I always feel a bit ashamed for the hateful intent I had as the motivation for that project. Provided for a very formative experience for me at that age, though.”
19. Be A Rude Tourist? I'll Cover You In Ice Cream
“I work at an ice cream store in a very touristy town on a lake. Tons of tourists. Some are very nice and some are complete jerks. If someone is a jerk to me I will gently crack their cone before handing it to them. It’s never visible but in about ten minutes they will have ice cream soaking through their napkin and dripping everywhere. It’s not much but it’s enough to get me through the day.”
Another User Comments:
“Similar story: I used to work as a cashier at a local pool that was open to the public during the summer.
People would get different color wristbands depending on whether they paid to use the slides or not.
Whenever a kid came in who was clearly being a little annoyance to their parents or other kids, I would make sure to do a bad job of putting on their wristband, leaving a big overlap of adhesive that would stick to their arm and annoy them all day long.
It was a small victory, but satisfying.” [deleted]
18. Impatient Jerks Have To Wait Until I'm Done My Long Conversation
“I have a lot of elderly customers come through my place of work, and I’ve gotten to know many of them over the last two years. I also have an equal number of pushy rude people who don’t have much respect for their elders drop by too. When I have one of these pushy, impatient, visibly rude, and demanding jerks waiting in line with one of the regular oldies at the front, I make sure to ask the old dears really specific questions about their day (Mind you I’m genuinely interested, many of them live alone and enjoy a chat), get them started on the weather, ask them about their new grandkids and then ask if they have photos, etc – and just sit back and watch the jerk in the suit behind them tap their foot, repeatedly check their phone, shuffle their keys, sigh really loudly and make a scene. It makes me happy in my soul watching them fidget.”
17. She Wouldn't Stop Talking So I Stopped Listening
“I’ve spent years telling friends, family, and coworkers that I’m half deaf, which is actually true. Except that I’ve only lost the upper and lower 25%. In one ear (so maybe a 1/4 deaf, but that doesn’t sound as good). So basically I can hear most sounds well enough, especially in quiet rooms.
I started all this because I worked in an open office – we called it the bullpen – where there were 6 desks in a large room.
I was the only guy. The girl who sat closest to me enjoyed talking – and was actually nice – but wouldn’t allow you to just acknowledge her statement and move on.
I said ‘fair enough’ and ‘okay’ dozens and dozens of times a day to no avail. So I started just not answering her when she talked or asked me questions. And, like any normal person, she called me out.
I told her I was hard of hearing, which was technically true but in no way stopped me from hearing her. She did point out that I could hear her sometimes and that’s when I explained that I was only half-deaf and that I could hear better from one ear – the ear on the other side from her.
After that, she would try to get my attention once or twice, then give up and talk to someone else.
It worked so well I’ve been using it on everyone ever since. I’m sure going deaf will be terrible (I’ve been told this will happen, at least in the one ear), but frankly not having to listen to people’s inane chatter – and hopefully instead only hearing the things they really want you to hear – will be something of a blessing.”
16. I Took A Dump Right In Front Of The Tailgater
“My dad used to have a big 69 Ford pickup. Old truck, couldn’t go over 55, which is the highest speed limit around here. One day he’s in a 35 doing 45. A convertible is behind us on his butt. I am in the bed of the truck since my brother is in the front seat. Over 18? You can ride in the back. Nowhere else to sit, and I loved it.
Anyways, I’d been eating some bad food around that time. Mexican. Daily. Worked next door to a Mexican place. Not Taco Bell, authentic Mexican. Poop your pants Mexican. Bring you the plate of food only after you’re sitting on a toilet already Mexican. I had serious diarrhea.
I noticed this jerk on our rear and did my civic duty. I stood up, dropped trou, and released a liquid stream from my butt that splattered all over his car. The hood, the windshield, him, the seats. He went off the road into a yard to avoid it and I just sat back down and pulled my pants up.”
15. Want To Start A Fight? No Thanks, I'll Be On My Way
“So, on the day The Dark Knight came out I was driving my friend and me to the premiere to meet up with some friends. On the way, I was going about 80 on the highway in the passing lane, when some jerk comes up behind me wildly swerving trying to get me to get out of his way. I couldn’t however because my old rundown car couldn’t go faster and there were cars to my right.
Nevertheless, he stayed on my rear flashing his lights at me until I could finally move over. Being the awesome person I am, I flip him off as he drives by.
Bad idea.
He immediately hits his breaks, and comes up behind me again from the left side, and throws something HEAVY at my car. He then proceeds to pull in front of me, put his right blinker on, and signal with his hands to get me to pull over, presumably to solve our differences with fisticuffs.
I refuse, for obvious reasons, and think I’m okay until we get off at the same exit, and then end up at a stoplight next to each other.
At this point, he gets out of his car and comes over to my very open window, swearing and challenging me to a fight I had no interest in. It’s not until he starts to stick his head and hands in my car that I decide I don’t wanna listen to him yell at me anymore, so I just drive off through the red light leaving him standing in the middle of the lane.
The best part, was that this whole time my friend was dressed up as Two-Face, as we were all going to see The Dark Knight in costume.”
14. Break My Heart? You'll Regret That
“I got dumped in a heartbreaking way by a girl I had been seeing seriously. It was serious in that we knew each other’s families and our families knew each other. It wasn’t a harsh breakup with words. It was more of a break-off of contact until enough time had passed that I had humiliated myself making numerous attempts to contact her. She never once responded but eventually had one of her friends tell me it’s over and then berate me for stalking her.
So I sent her one last message: ‘why didn’t you just tell me?’ Again no reply. That just wasn’t right.
Now at the time, we shared a membership at a vintage video rental store. In fact, it was entirely her membership and I just had a copy of her card. I knew a few things about classic and rare collectible movies so I rented 4 of them.
The replacement cost was roughly $3,200.00. I kept them safe. I also kept them well past the due date. At first, she had her friends contact me. But when the store threatened her credit rating with collections she deigned herself to call personally. This was the first I’d heard of her in close to 4 months.
She was livid. I told her to calm down and call me in 3 days – no sooner.
The serial calling that followed went on for several hours. Like from 8 pm to approximately 3 am. I finally told her to calm down and call me in 7 days – no sooner or I’d make it a month and after that, I’d cut her off. She swore a streak and the calls ended at that instant. For a week.
When she called again I let the machine get it.
My OGM spoke to her by name and instructed her to leave only one message and wait by the phone for my reply.
I called her back the next morning and got her machine. I told her I’d try again in 2 days at a precise time and not to return my call.
2 days later I called. She picked up. I said 3 words: ‘read my mind.’ She didn’t understand.
I told her we would try again tomorrow and hung up.
Next day same thing. She understood this time. She acknowledged that the way she handled leaving was unfair. She also agreed that involving her friends and shaming me was wrong especially since I had done nothing wrong.
Then I told her to start apologizing and not to stop without my permission. Dig deep. No repeating the same phrase over and over.
No long pauses. No crying. No asking permission to stop. No excuses. Just one long apology. She began. I listened closely for the first 20 minutes. She said she was sorry… She handled it badly… She’s immature… Heart of stone… Attachment disorder…
I took a bathroom break. Quietly set the phone down. When I returned she was still going. She was cruel… selfish… Wishes she could take it back…
Promises to tell her friends it was her fault… Will apologize to my parents in writing… I set the phone down again. Walked to the video store. Returned the tapes. Paid the late fees of about $36.00. Returned home. Picked up the phone. 45 minutes have passed during the errand. More than 90 minutes in total so far.
I spoke: ‘I never want to hear from you again. That includes snide messages from your callous friends. No accidental passing of messages when our mutual friends get together.’ Never once did I mention or acknowledge the videos. She didn’t ask. I hung up. My only regret is that I couldn’t think of a way to make her suffer harder.”
13. Leave Your Cart Hanging Around? I'll Toss It In Your Way
“If I am leaving the grocery store or any store that uses carts and catch some lazy jerk leaving the cart randomly in the way, I calmly walk over to the cart and place it directly behind their car before they back out. They often get out and yell, and I just calmly tell them, ‘you forgot your cart.’ And every once in a while they just slowly back into it and slam on their brakes wondering how the heck it got there.”
Same User Comments:
“I learned this from my dad and he was in town a couple of months ago, where a perfect opportunity presented itself at the local grocery store as we were leaving.
Some white trash punk kid walked his empty cart over to the curb along the main aisle of the parking lot about 15′ from his car. My 66-year-old dad quickly got out of my car and limped over and placed the cart directly behind the kid’s car where his partner waited. Neither of them saw my dad place the cart so they backed into the cart pretty hard and it spun away toward my car.
They stopped for a second, realized what they did, saw the cart was out of the way, and proceeded to drive off. But while that was going on my dad got back out of my car, grabbed the cart, and launched it into the side of their car as they drove off. They slowed down for a second and I saw the white trash partner signaling to drive away to his partner behind the wheel. My heart was racing the whole time as I thought I was going to have to get out and defend my 66-year-old dad in some type of physical confrontation. But all ended well, and I would assume the kid learned a lesson and my dad didn’t get arrested.” foxgs
12. Keep Talking On Your Phone? Thanks For Your Generous Donation!
“A few weeks ago my work (a gas station) was having a fundraiser for local children’s hospitals. I asked everyone who came through my line if they’d like to donate a dollar. Ended up raising a ton, which is nice, but I digress.
This guy got into line behind a few people, talking obnoxiously loudly on his phone. He got up to me and blatantly ignored my friendly greeting, choosing instead to yammer on and on about how ‘wasted he got last night’ to whatever poor guy was on the other line.
I told him his total, and he literally threw a bunch of fives and ones at me and mumbled, ‘I don’t know how much is there, just put the rest on Pump 6,’ before snatching his bag up and whirling around as I tried to wish him a good day.
I can’t stand folks that talk on their phones while being assisted. It really angers me. So, in a fit of insanity and revenge, I scanned in a $3 donation to the fundraiser, and then put the rest on his gas pump. I got the sweet sweet taste of vengeance, sick little kids got a few more bucks, and the jerk was none the wiser. It was a win-win-win.”
11. Bully Chef Is Served A Drink Full Of A Certain Yellow Liquid
“I worked at a restaurant when I was a kid and our fry cook (several years older and much bigger than me) decided to make it part of his job description to make me hate my job.
It always varied, like the small stuff: picking me up and throwing me in a trash can in the kitchen or spraying me with the dishwasher hose. Or the stuff that really upset me, like locking me out back in the middle of winter when I’m super busy or throwing fryer grease onto my hand, which got him into some trouble.
I never did anything to him, as I had worked there before him and only crossed paths with him because we both happened to be there.
One night after we closed up, a bunch of us employees stayed and played some poker. I offered to get people some drinks, so I went to the bar to fill my 4-5 requests, one of them being his mountain dew.
Knowing I could get away with it, I debated with myself for 30 seconds while getting other drinks if it’d be something I could go through with. Then I thought about my hand being on fire from grease, so I did.
I peed in his drink. I filled about 1/3 of it with my pee and began to lightly cackle to myself like some kind of psychopath, imagining him sucking my Mountain Dew Pee through a straw. Sure as ever, after I gave everyone their drinks, I looked at him across the table as he took a huuuuuuuuge drink and watched him just grin at me like he always did. My poker face must be strong because he had no idea something was up.”
10. Steal Our Spot? We'll Pee In Your Car
“Aged 19 and out with a friend and looking for a parking spot near the pubs. A couple of 20-something girls cut us off and rolled into the spot we were obviously hanging out for (you know, up close, turn indicator blinking, etc). They nearly hit the car leaving the spot, got out laughing, and pointed at us – clearly enjoying the win. Their car is a nice new Lexus and they left the driver’s side window cracked open about a half-inch. My pal and I pee through the window crack and 3 intoxicated dudes come up, apparently like the idea, and join in. We tell them what happened and they promise to tell others to keep the flow going. Not proud of it. Also not proud that it still makes me laugh.”
9. Jerk Tries To Intimidate Me On The Road...It Didn't End Well For Him
“I was stuck behind a guy playing with his phone in a Ford Expedition, who was doing like 25mph under the limit. After about a mile I finally get the chance to pass him and flip him off. This sends him into a fit of uncontrollable rage and he proceeds to start tailgating as close as is humanly possible. I drop two gears and start increasingly breaking the speed limit to get away from the guy, and he proceeds to get more and more aggressive with his driving.
Now I should mention at this point, that I am driving a 2,200lbs Miata, on 205 width super sticky tires, upgraded brakes, and almost every suspension part known to man from Flying Miata. I have also done performance driving on tracks, and in different motorsports (drag, drifting, karting, rallyx) in one form another for nearly 9 years.
So I start taking increasingly twisty roads to try and get away from the guy, without having to blatantly break the law.
But this jerk is really angry I gave him the finger, and he’s not showing any signs of giving up.
After about six miles of having this jerk ride inches from my car in his 3 ton SUV, I decided I’m going to go ahead and take a corner very suddenly, at speeds I know my car can easily handle, that his heavy truck on under-inflated tires certainly can’t.
If he’s dumb enough to follow, it’s his problem. I give him the finger again, just to reinvigorate his irrational anger, and then prepare to hit the normally 15mph corner at 45mph and at the last possible second.
Naturally, captain macho road rage takes the bait because he’s too stupid to realize that I’ve essentially set a trap for him, by daring him to try and follow me around a 90-degree corner at speed.
He attempts to take the corner, and the inevitable happens. As predicted, the sidewalls fold under his front tires, and he promptly understeers straight off the road, wheels turned all the way to the right, and headfirst into a tree. I brought my car to a stop about forty feet away, laughed my butt off, waited for him to regain his composure, flipped him off again, and drove away.
Hopefully, it was the last time he will ever try to use his car to intimidate another driver.
For those wondering, the guy was fine. He wasn’t wearing his seat belt, but he had enough room to scrub plenty of speed, so he ended up hitting the tree at closer to 30 than 45. Watching the airbag bash him in the face in my rearview mirror was extremely satisfying.”
8. I Hope You Have Room For Lots Of Change
“When I used to work as a Retail pharmacy tech in a very ‘old money’ area of the state, we had to deal with some very self-entitled people.
Whenever someone would bring a basket of things, I never cared about ringing them up whether they had a prescription or not. But goddammit did I get furious when I told them the total and they would just throw the money down on the countertop instead of placing it in my outstretched hand.
There was NO WAY they could have missed my hand obviously waiting for their money. It was the most enraging thing a person could do. So every time it happened to me, I returned it in kind. I really loved it when older people would do it, and when I go to hand back their change their hand would almost come in contact with mine, and all of a sudden NOPE, change goes to the countertop.
A few people got pretty upset, but you know what? You can’t hand a 20 dollar bill to me? You get most of your change back in pennies and it all goes on the counter.
God, I’m so happy I don’t work retail pharmacy anymore. A couple of other good stories from that place though, and the other techs were amazing.
P.S. If you’re nice to the drop off technician, you will get your RX done quite a bit faster than the dude who comes in and yells ‘I didn’t have to wait 10-15 minutes at the other XYZ pharmacy!'”
7. She Was Mean To Me So I Exposed Her Embarrassing Singing Tapes
“I had this female neighbor I was kinda friends with, and we were both in sixth grade so we were around the age of 10-11. I didn’t realize it at the time, but her parents were going through a terrible divorce, full of infidelities and the lot. Her little sisters used to come over to play with my younger siblings, and one day they left a cassette behind.
Curious, I played it, only to hear a whole album’s worth of goofy stuff, this friend of mine and her two sisters singing lame pop songs of the time and just generally acting as kids do. For some reason, I got it in my head that I was going to embarrass her in front of an audience. She was often not nice to me, and generally acted like she was hot stuff, so in my devious mind, I thought I’d take it upon myself to teach her a lesson.
So this one Monday, I tell all these kids at school my cousin got me the newest 2LiveCrew single, and they just had to hear how raunchy it was. I invited a bunch of kids to my house after school and built it up all day, and had the tape set to this one particularly hard to listen to part, where my neighbor was singing and doing god knows what else to make her younger siblings laugh.
We all get back to my house, the mood is right, and I push play on my boombox, only for this girl’s face to turn bright red as everyone falls over in hysterics. She played it off like it was no big, and I proceeded to tell everyone they had to go because my work was done.
Ten minutes later, the phone rings, and it’s her mom going nuts to my mom, demanding an apology.
My mom flipped and made me march down the block and apologize to the whole family. Sidebar, my mom had no idea and was super upset about what I had done. Regardless, I said I was sorry and handed the tape back, but things were never quite the same. The girl started to distance herself from the crowd, and eventually fell in with some bad kids, and just a few short years later got into hard substances and robberies and just terrible stuff.
I’ve felt bad about it ever since. And while I’m sure the course of her life started to change for the worse because of the turmoil she dealt with at home, I still, at the age of 32, can’t help but feel partially responsible. This is the first time I’ve spoken about it since, and it’s been over 20 years but I think about it regularly. Kids are the worst, and I’m sorry Jamie.”
6. My Friend Was Hitting On A Taken Man So I Exposed Their Relationship
“Back in college, I became friends with this chick who liked to sleep around a lot. I didn’t know about it at first, but by the time I found out we were already good friends and I didn’t really want to stop being friends because of that.
Anyway, one night we were chatting on social media after she had gone home and I noticed her getting a little distant and distracted during our conversation.
She chalked it up to being tired and said she was going to bed. But, I knew her pretty well so I could tell something was off and she wasn’t really going to go to bed at that hour. So, a hunch kind of told me to log onto her social media account and see if she was really logged off or just ‘invisible’ and still chatting with someone else.
Well, she was. Buuut… it wasn’t just chatting. She started hitting on him to test the waters until it turned into a full-blown ‘she’s trying to get him in bed with her.’ Curiosity leads me to find out more about this guy she’s talking to, who I didn’t know, and it turns out that he has a partner.
Now, that’s kind of where I draw the line.
I don’t think it’s cool for her to be seducing a guy who has a partner and I think it’s worse that this guy was actually up to it. Well, I watched their conversation get naughty to then eventually agreeing to meet to sleep together. As they are doing this, I decide and then plan to let the partner know that her man is a two-timer.
I create a throwaway social media account and screenshot and merge their conversation into images that I can send her. I write a message that won’t be ignored as spam and believable enough for her to check the ‘evidence’ and off it went.
I don’t exactly know what happened after that, but several days later I get a full caps message from my friend who’s clearly mad at me.
Playing calm, I ask her ‘What’s the matter?’ and she responds with something like ‘You know what!’ but I just continue to play dumb and continue asking what’s wrong. Well, after a few texts back and forth she becomes convinced that I really don’t know why she’s mad and she lets it go. Weeks pass and she never brings up anything about it again and we continue being friends until we eventually fell out.
I’m very convinced that she never figured out it was me. In fact, I’m not even 100% sure that the message ever got read by that guy’s partner. I just assume so because of the angry texts I received from her and her reluctance to tell me what she was angry about after she calmed down. But, to this day I still feel like I did something really mean and wrong and am somewhat conflicted as to whether I made the right move or not.”
5. Annoying Coworker? Just Unleash A Trail Of Pranks
“I worked in Montana at a seasonal job for a summer. There was a young lady we worked with who was, shall we say, boastful. She was 19, working with a group of much older people, and likely insecure. But that didn’t change the fact that she was on everybody’s nerves all the time with her bragging and lying. We’ll call her Cassie.
Cassie told long stories about all the substances she’d done, all the crazy pranks she’s pulled, all the stuff she’s stolen, what an incredible hiker she was, the guys she’s slept with.
Over the top stuff 99% of it obviously false.
So one day, we were sitting around bored, and three of us basically decided ‘Okay, we’re sick of this nonsense. We’ve gotta put Cassie in her place.’ So we laid out a plan and executed the following.
When she got done with work for the day, we filled a bucket with water and dumped it over her head, and danced around like we won the super bowl.
After she had taken off her wet clothes and into dry ones, we surprised her and gave her a ‘Classic breading’, Flour, Egg mix, Bread crumbs. (This is something she claimed to have done before. Nah.)
She was pretty mad after this and went to take a shower and leave. So naturally, we put some dead mice on her dash. Terrified the life out of her.
When she was gone, we took the pins out of her door hinges and put the door back on, so that it fell over when she tried to open it.
We also unleashed two industrial-sized cans of air freshener in her room as we put the door back on. Her room smelled like oranges for a week.
We taped a couple of sausages to the roof of her closet. They mostly just dried out and didn’t really have the desired smelly effect.
After it was all said and done, she crawled into bed that night only to discover that during our earlier raid, we had also salted her bedsheets.
And that is the meanest I’ve ever been to someone. Three months in the middle of nowhere with ten people will do weird things to you.”
4. Rude Roommate Gets A Little Extra Something In His Soda
“I went to Ozzfest a few years ago with a large group of people. The whole weekend my roommate at the time was being a huge jerk to me and my then partner. I had been nothing but nice to this guy but he was just insistent on behaving like a huge jerk. Between sets just before SOAD took the stage my partner and I offered to get our friends a soda, our treat.
The only person to accept was the roommate. We went and got the sodas, and on our way back I had a horribly wonderful idea. Now at this point, I should tell you we were in Virginia Beach in August. If you’ve never had the pleasure, the average weather there in August is usually around 100° with 95% humidity. We were hot, sweaty, and just downright nasty.
We had to take a secluded walkway back to our seating area, and I suggested to my partner that he should teabag the soda. His eyes lit up with depraved joy. We ran back to our seats just before the set started, and it was with evil intent that we handed the soda to our roommate. He drank the whole thing down in one mighty chug and pronounced it the best soda he had ever had.”
3. A Prank War That Ended Badly
“When I was at university, I lived with this one really cool guy who’s still one of my best friends. He studied Biology and Astrophysics, but he had failed and re-took two years, and was told that he wouldn’t get a third chance. He was really really struggling with Physics, due to having quite bad dyslexia and his depression was really getting in the way of his happiness, to the point where he hardly felt like he was in control of his life.
It took him weeks to understand equations that would take other students a day, and as a result, he was getting really down about it all.
We got on really well, though. We had some really fun times and laughed a lot at stupid stuff. One thing in particular we did was start a prank war. We took it in turns to prank each other, and we’d try to out-do each other each time.
So it started with:
Me throwing a banana peel at him while he was in the living room.
Then he farted in my face while I was napping one day. Then I emptied all of his microwave meal boxes and put fruit inside of them.
Then he collected about a hundred beer cans over the course of a month, and when I was at uni made a pyramid behind my closed door and climbed out the window.
I come home, open the door, hear a huge crash and see this carpet of beer cans everywhere.
I hid raw meat around his room, in places he wouldn’t look.
Then he squeezed a fish down the back of my radiator.
My response to that was what I think is the meanest thing I’ve ever done to someone.
He was out and I went into his room. It was exam time so he was really stressed.
I thought I’d do a big prank to try to get him to cheer up. He had a whiteboard on his wall that he used to draw funny stuff on, but occasionally had equations on it. This time, I went into his room and it had the longest equation I’d ever seen in real life. He’d been studying the equation for weeks, and it had annotations describing what each section represented and had a lot of notes.
He was so scared about failing that he’d spent all this time studying this one equation to make sure he didn’t mess up the exam. The equation was about the critical mass of stars and how it related to their brightness, with some aspect of gravity thrown in.
I wiped it. The whole thing. Then I drew an inappropriate picture on it that said: ‘Suck on this, Newton!’ I thought it was hilarious.
He comes back home, I come out from the living room, follow him upstairs. I can’t wait to see his reaction to the new prank! He walks into his room, says ‘what have you done?’ with a smile. I point to the board. He doesn’t say anything, and his face completely loses all happiness from it. I stand there, waiting for him to see the funny side, smiling so hard and holding in my laughter.
Then I remember that he’s really struggling with his studies, he’s having a really bad episode of depression, and all he wants is to pass this module so that he can be done and get on with his life. He doesn’t say anything and turns away. Then he picks up the wiper and pen, wipes it off, and starts to re-write the equation from scratch. In complete silence, with tears in his eyes.
I’ve never felt as bad as I did that day. I thought it’d be hilarious, but I ended up making someone’s year twice as bad by kicking them when they were down.”
2. I Was Annoyed That He Had A Crush On Me So I Made Him Eat Ants
“Kindergarten: there was this boy who wouldn’t leave me alone. He kept telling everyone he loved me, and I was getting annoyed.
Then he’s with his dad at Kroger and they run into my dad, and he gives my dad this bracelet (it was valentines day) and says, ‘tell OP I love her.’
That made me even madder, so the next day at school, he kept bugging me and I told him to go away.
At recess, our class was walking out to the playground and he ran up to me and asked, ‘how can I prove that I love you?’
Immediately in front of us, there was a huge ant bed. I told him ‘take a bite of that ant bed.’ I didn’t think he would do it!
He took a huge bite of the ant bed and the ants swarmed out and bit him all over his face and in his mouth. He had to go to the hospital and he was out of school for a week or two.
He never bothered me again, not that much, at least. Even a few hundred ant bites to the face weren’t enough to make him really leave me alone.”
1. Refuse To Dress Up? I'll Put Rocks In Your Candy Bag
“On Halloween, I’ll pass out candy in a big bowl to give to the trick-or-treaters. Occasionally, a kid will come to the door without having made any effort to dress up in the hopes of getting unearned goodies. Little do they know I’ve prepped the bowl by putting rocks in the bottom. So when I see one approaching, I grab some candy that’s plainly visible, but I also dig to the bottom and grab a rock. They see my hand hover over their bags with a fist full of candy and they feel a little ‘plunk’, but they won’t know till they get home that they got a rock and they won’t know from who.”
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