People Question Their Actions in These Intriguing Am I The Jerk Stories
25. AITJ For Being Upset With My Roommate's Constant, Unannounced House Guests?
“These past couple of weeks have been rough, to say the least. I currently live in student housing with me, my partner, and my pup. We also live with two other roommates. They’re honestly the worst roommates regardless of this incident but here’s the story:
These past couple of weeks, one of our roommates has been having at least someone spend the night in our place.
The thing is, it’ll literally be anyone. A couple weeks ago, my roommate’s partner’s friends were staying in our apartment for about a week. I wasn’t too upset because they were out for most of the days, but got frustrating because they stayed in our living room, which meant that we had no access to that room, or our kitchen.
This was a week-long ordeal. Now, he’s having his parents/family stay the night almost every weekend. Two weekends ago, it was his mom, sister, and a friend of theirs stay in his room while he stayed at his partner’s place. It got annoying because his mom used our dishes without asking and didn’t clean them, which is one of my biggest pet peeves.
She’s been here almost every weekend since May. Fast forward to this weekend, his family of 8, including mom, dad, sisters, a sister’s husband, their kid, their dog, and others, are occupying the entire downstairs of our apartment. Keep in mind that he never communicates when people will be staying in our apartment, so it gets frustrating.
Also, he always stays at his partner’s place when his family stays at our place, so he doesn’t have to deal with it like I do. To make matters worse, our complex manager has been doing renovations while we are living here this past week (litigation TBD!). I haven’t been able to be in our place, let alone with a whole bunch of people that I don’t know, nor do they respect my privacy.
Last night we tried to go downstairs to grab a glass of water, but his family’s dog was out and barking at us so we couldn’t. Ever since then, I’ve been very short with his family, almost rude. It’s hard because he’s also my friend and I want to talk to him about it, but he’s also making it so hard to continue being nice to him.
He’s also very headstrong so, communicating that with him is difficult. And, it’s his family as well. I dunno, all I gotta say is, living by yourself saves you a couple headaches than living with roommates. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You say this is student housing? If so, the revolving door for different people staying overnight is not normal. Usually roommates have some kind of contract or rule for overnight guests.
If you don’t have this, now you know for next term! Get the university involved. Cities may also have ordinances for more than “x” number of unrelated people living in one residence for more than “x” days per month even if non-consecutive.” Fireberg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if he’s your friend, I’d suggest to let him know how you feel without telling him directly what to do.
let him suggest something first and then come to a solution that works for you all together.” banang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ report these people to management. Make their life miserable. Okay loud music. Pretend to have loud arguments. Turn up all lights when you go down to “get a glass of water” at all hours of the night.
If that doesn’t work, when they leave, invite your friends every weekend to beat him to the punch.” AlarmingDelay3709
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Care For My Autistic Brother In The Future?
“I, 23 f, have a younger brother, 12, who is autistic. On top of that, my parents have spoiled him rotten. This past school year he stayed one full day at school, if that.
Something won’t go his way, and he’ll leave school, but my parents refuse to do anything about it because “he’s autistic” and “there’s nothing they can do.”
I am autistic as well, and I never acted like that. In fact, had I acted like that, I don’t think I would have seen the light of day ever again, but that’s besides the point.
My dad was over at my house last night and talking to my MIL about him. He mentioned setting up a trust fund for him because they know he’s barely going to graduate if he does at all, and he’s never going to move out. He then stated that he’s putting money away for when they’re too old to take care of him, and then I can take care of him.
I am not okay with this. I do not want him in my house. I don’t want to care for him. He is disrespectful, rude, and selfish. I love him, he’s my brother, but he severely overstimulates me when I’m around him too long. My husband and I plan on having a baby in the next few years, and I don’t want my child to be around him for a prolonged period of time.
Neither does my husband. He swears constantly, he threatens us, and more. I refuse to put my child in harms way so my parents can have a peaceful retirement.
I told my dad this and he he just rolled his eyes and said “well then your sister or brother can do it.” This isn’t fair to them either.
They are subjected to him on a daily basis, and they deserve to be able to leave the house and not have to look back. They take the brunt of his mistreatment on a daily basis, and I don’t think it’s fair to them that they take care of him because I’m refusing to.
I personally think it should be up to my parents to arrange alternative care for him, instead of relying on their eldest daughter (who they’ve parentified since age 8) to raise the literal spawn of Satan that they’ve created.
I thought that I was standing up for myself, but I’m not so sure anymore.
So, AITJ for not wanting to raise my brother once my parents can’t anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house, your time, your life, your choice. Your parents are fully wrong assuming you’d be okay with taking full care of your brother. That is not your battle to fight. They can find other ways to care for him instead of assuming their other children would be okay with it.
You should not have to put your life on hold because of this. Especially since you have plans for having kids. Wishing you all the best dude, I know this is a tough situation but you deserve to make your own choices about your life without taking full care of your brother.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As a caregiver, you can find the right group home for him and make sure he is well taken care of. The trust fund your parents are setting up will pay for the group home. He will probably need a guardian and someone to take care of paperwork and stuff for him. You can do that without having him live with you.” krankykitty
23. AITJ For Choosing My Stepson's Confirmation Over My Half-Sister's?
“I (30’s male) have a half-sister (14) who just got confirmed and she, our dad and her mom have asked me for the last year if I was going to be there.
However, six months before that, I got invited to the confirmation of the son of a really close friend (whom I’m now seeing) and I accepted, not knowing my sister’s would end up being on the same date.
I said no to my sister from the beginning as I have always been told “you have to go to the first appointment you make.” After I got together with my friend, I was even more persistent in going to his ceremony and not my sister’s as he is now my stepson and I have seen my sister maybe six times over the last decade as they live in the other end of the country.
Finally, a couple of days before the RSVP, my stepmom called me yet again to ask if I was going or not and even though she was told she was on speaker and my friend was sitting next to me in the car, she still talked bad about her and her son, saying things like I was just “too infatuated with [her name] to think clearly” and that “he is just your stepson, [my sister] is your sister so she is closer to you”.
In the end, my stepmom said that if I was a real man, I should be the one telling my sister “who will be heartbroken, that you’re not going to her confirmation” and of course I told my sister, again. She got really upset and asked why it’s always her who have to suffer, so I asked what she meant and she mentioned the deaths of older family members, causing me to tell her in a firm voice “you can’t blame me for people dying” making her hang up on me.
The next day, I got a text from my stepmom asking what I had told her “in a really harsh tone” because they had to go pick her up from boardingschool, and that I knew she’s sensitive. This was followed by my dad texting me that I should never contact them again and I no longer had a dad, mom or sister in that part of the country.
So AITJ for not going to her confirmation?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here You made your choice. So has your family. This boy you’ve known for a few months means more to you than your family. But I always side eye dudes when they allow women to bamboozle him. I wouldn’t let my kid call a random woman their mom after a few months.
I’d also question a women who throws her family away when she sees fit. But I guess the kid needs a dad.” NinersBaseball
Another User Comments:
“YTJ This doesn’t even sound real but he’s choosing who is more important” FrostingSuper4201
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – clashes of schedule are sometimes unavoidable and everyone involved here is old enough to understand and accept that, but your stepmother seems to have done a poor job of teaching your sister and managing her expectations.” redcore4
22. AITJ For Asking My Cousin To Reimburse Me For The Bath Products His Kids Used?
“This just happened today so I was wondering if I was the jerk or not. I’m(22f) currently living with my older cousin(49m) and his 2 youngest daughters (8f and 9f). I’m working as a live-in Caregiver at a company for disabled children and adults which requires me to be away from the home from 2-4 days at a time.
Last night around 12 am after returning from my job, as I was heading into my room , I noticed my door was open, lights on, and there was dog waste on the floor.
When I went to go get the tissue paper for the dog waste , I saw my bath and work hand soaps and body creams in the bathtub completely empty ( it was never opened prior to this).
I went down to talk to my older cousin about the kids using my products, and he said he will talk to them in the morning. Onward to this morning, I get a call from him asking to not let his baby mom and the kids in until he gets there.( the baby mom is another story.)
This is where I might be the jerk. Then I asked him can he reimburse $100 for my bath and body work products which actual total cost was around $200. He said” well you make good money, you shouldn’t have left them in the bathroom, they are just kids.” Which I said ” John(fake name) , my bath products were in my closet and were hidden so no one can use it and they went to my room for no reason” then he tells me ” you should be grateful after everything I did for you.
If that case then you owe me money for your keys and getting your car out of the pound”( which he is the reason why my car was at the police pound five and half hours away from us in the first place ). And hang up. I called his mom( my aunty). She said to since you both owe each just forget out it.
One of other aunties and my friend say that he dead wrong for using those excuses. Right now I feel grateful for him letting me stay with me but I’m just tired of the kids and him keep going into my room when I’m not there. I’m also paying the part of the rent ,light bills and decor for the house.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with NTJ but I do have questions about $200 worth of B&BW products. What did they do? Just completely empty/dump out 10(that’s assuming that they each cost $20) bottles worth of lotion/soaps? But no NTJ, that does suck.” CptKUSSCryAllTheTime
Another User Comments:
“soft YTJ – only because of the reason why you asked. this is just a lousy situation. I’m going to ignore the value of the stuff that was used, because that’s irrelevant. what the true issue here is the lack of respect for your space and your property. you’re paying rent and utilities, (why are you paying for decor?), and you aren’t even there 100% of the time.
he got your car impounded, he should pay to get it out. he needs to teach his kids (and himself, apparently) to respect other people’s things. and what about the dog waste? why should you have to clean that up? is it your dog? forget about your money, he’ll never pay you back. get a lock for your door or a locking cabinet and keep all your stuff in it, that you don’t want anyone getting into.” AcadiaRealistic2090
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for seeking reimbursement but I would be careful about your stuff being shut up in your room and consider a lock as a paying tenant, or consider moving. I echo the others shocked at $200 worth of $10-$18 per container Bath and Body Works products being straight dumped in the tub.” cranbeery
21. AITJ For Sneaking Out Of A Car Dealership After Hours Of Negotiation?
“I definitely think we are the jerks here, but my husband disagrees.
My husband (35m) recently lost his job. We are trying to slim down our finances wherever we can. We both have hefty car payments on newer cars. I have to drive to work 5 days a week on site and he was working remote.
We had discussed selling his car and just having 1 car but we do not live in a walkable area. Just to get to the end of our street is a mile!
After him losing his job, we decided it’s definitely best to try to sell his car and get something cheaper. His payment is around $520/month.
We are wanting to be less than $400/month. Used, lease, pre-owned, we have no preference. The only preference he has is he wants an SUV or truck since we live in an area with snow.
We went to a local car dealership just to start our search. They advertised some good lease deals. After getting there, we took a new truck on a test drive and he liked it.
The initial payment they gave us was close to $600/month. We said absolutely not. We told them as soon as we got there where we wanted our payment to be.
This salesman kept increasing what they would give us for his car. (Interesting that he started off in negative equity and then we were at the point we were getting $3k for the car).
Anyway, we had been there about 3.5 hours at this time with them going around in circles, bringing the manager, etc. My husband looks at me and says “let’s go”. To be fair, he did tell the salesman we wanted to think about it.
Again, the salesman kept coming back “well how about this car, or this one, etc. My husband said ya sure that one is fine on one of them and the salesman said he’d go get the car to pull up so we could look at it.
During this time my husband got up and left. We ended up sneaking out the back door and booking it outta there.
I think we are the jerks for just getting up and leaving. My husband says we are justified since he had said no several times.
I know car salesman are under a lot of pressure to make a sale, but on the other hand I feel incredibly rude and bad for just leaving.”
Another User Comments:
“What?? Of course you’re NTJ. Let’s reframe this. You were basically on a date and had certain boundaries you put in place when you arrived. Your date ignored them and was pushy. You stood up for yourself by leaving instead of staying and allowing yourselves to be taken advantage of.
You don’t owe your date or a used car salesman anything just because they bought you a cup of coffee. Absolutely the right thing to leave.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a wear down tactic they use. Honestly, shop online, figure out what you like and get them to agree to all the pricing before you even go in to test drive the vehicle.
I’d also hold off on letting them know you have a trade as long as possible. Fair warning right now is a horrible time to buy a vehicle. Used prices are still trending upwards and interest rates are much higher than they were even a year ago. So you may be hard pressed to find something less expensive that is still as reliable etc. Also the payment/month is also a sales tactic.
Don’t let them stretch your payments out to some ungodly term so that your monthly payment is lower.” ellanida
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Seriously are you nuts? I have a bridge I want to sell you, I can keep you busy for 4 hours to earn the $$$ Sales people use these tactics to sell you stuff….keep you in their office to break down your resolve, and end up with something you were not looking for.
They know if you leave, the fog of the situation will lift and you can have the time to think about if the deal is right for you. Now you have more information about a deal you may want. Let your husband lead on this transaction and learn from it. A tip to anyone wanting to purchase a car… always start to leave….
they will always come back with a way to sweeten the deal.” BeginningAccording96
20. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Irresponsible Sister's Child Anymore?
“I honestly dislike my sister. Could care less to have a relationship with her. My parents believe her lies, favor her, and so on. She even recently got arrested but yet my parents are blaming people around her and not holding her accountable. Instead they make excuses for her. And now instead of holding her accountable for not being a responsible adult, it’s my fault.
So am I the jerk?
She had a baby with a mutual friend of my husband and I. And out of being nice and not wanting a stranger to watch him, I offered to watch the baby during the week while she went back to work. I work nights so have to wake up earlier than I would like to watch him.
She’s constantly late, or will text me 10 minutes before she’s supposed to be here that she’s going in later. But then hours will go by and no word. She will forget to let me know she’s not going to work that day. So I basically plan my day around her and she could care less about letting me know she’s coming or not.
I find it so rude. I have him up to 10 hours a day, 4 days a week. For $80 a week. Today was my last straw. I woke up, she texted 10 minutes before being here that she was going to be here around 9 (normal time is 730). Fine whatever. 10 17 comes around and she tells me she will be here in 30 minutes.
So for 2 hours she knew she wasn’t going to be here basically til 11 but didn’t give the courtesy to let me know. Not the first time she has done this. I had stuff to do. I have my own stuff to take care of and two kids of my own. So at 11 when I waited passed the 30 minutes (she also lives 7 minutes from me), I left to the store and told her she’s on her own and I will no longer be watching him immediately and she needed to find different care.
9 doesn’t mean 11. Telling me you will be here at 12 and then at 1, I ask where you are, you laugh it off and say whoops sorry. Forgot to tell you I’m not going to work today. Not giving me notice or updating me is rude. Acting like I don’t have other stuff to do and I am supposed to just wait around and cater to you is messed up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one can take advantage of you unless you allow them to, and you are no longer allowing your sister to do that! Good for you. Can you encourage the father of the child to seek custody? Call the police if you know she has been drinking and gets in the car.” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could leave out all the back history and just go with the jerk behavior about babysitting.” Bananas4skail
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah, time to cut her and your parents off. She is responsible for herself. Until your parents understand that, no contact. And to heck with your sister.” lmmontes
19. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Estranged Father Stay With Me?
“So a little background- my bio dad wasn’t in my life from the time I was like 4-5 until I turned 26 and moved to the state we live in now. We’ve been working on building a relationship but it’s been… interesting. For lack of a better word.
To clarify- I did not move here to be close to him.
I moved here because it doesn’t snow, my kid (6f) has better opportunities and so do I.
To preface, he and I weren’t talking for the duration of this time. We started back speaking in the day before Super Bowl 2023. Anyway, he allowed his other daughter (33f), her kids (11M and 14M), and her friend (32f) live with him rent free for almost a year.
When he finally kicked her out he paid his rent fine in February but had struggles paying March and April. His complex worked with him but he was still behind for the upcoming month. Well he got behind again for May and June and started blaming them for him being behind. It made no sense.
How are people who left in January responsible for your rent being late in JUNE?
Either way, last month he got really, REALLY close to being evicted. The judge had ordered it and as of 7/5 he was to be served with a writ of restitution. I had previously told him in March/April when he was going through this that staying at my house was not an option.
I live in a 1br apt with my daughter (6f) and my friend/roommate (46f). We simply don’t have space. Not to mention, when they left, they left such a big mess that he ended up having roaches. BIG NO FOR ME!
My dad’s brother (57M) called me saying my dad had told him if he was to be kicked out, he was coming to stay with me.
I was proud of myself because as angry as I was I simply said “no he’s not. He better figure out how to stay in his own apartment.”
To make a long story short, he absolutely figured it out and is still in his apt. But was I the jerk for telling him coming to my house wasn’t an option?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your dad has only been back in your life for a few months, and you don’t owe him anything. It likely wouldn’t even be feasible for him to live with you.” puntacana24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your place, your rules. You barely know this man. Something in his story doesn’t add up.
He kicks the group who had been living with him out for free and now he can’t make rent. My money is on they were supporting him and they bailed. Second option is he lost job or income and they bailed. Either way, big red flag to keep him out.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He is basically just a friendly acquaintance. He did not parent you, he did not support you, he was not a part of your life in any way shape or form when it mattered most. Just because you are in contact with him now – does not automatically confer ANY ‘kinship benefits’ to him with regard to calling ‘dibs’ on your sofa.
You are an independent adult, with responsibilities and a child, and you do NOT need to take on ANY more burdens than you want to, regardless of his ’emergency’. There is no shame in this, there is no obligation on your part. Stand firm in your ‘NO’ and don’t worry one bit about this.” TrainingDearest
18. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Car And Drive My Parents To The Airport?
“I live in Medium City.
My parents (58F/64M) are recently retired and live part-time in a few different places including Tiny Ski Town, just under 3 hours away from me. This winter/spring, parents are going to spend two weeks in Tiny Ski Town, then six months abroad this winter/spring, and booked tickets abroad flying out of Medium City Airport.
Background: Dad is great, Mom and I have a sometimes-rocky relationship. Mom tends to be fairly manipulative/gaslight-y, and has a history of taking advantage of me. Their retirement income is about $120k/year after housing costs, so money is not an object. I am not against helping them out- husband and I drove up/down to install a water heater for them last week, and shuttled their car up the week prior.
They are of entirely sound physical + cognitive ability to rent a car and drive themselves.
Mom called me last night, asking if I wanted to “Spend the weekend skiing in [Tiny Ski Town] and drive them back to Medium City (where I live) Sunday for their flight on Monday, and we will spend Sunday night at your house”, cause she didn’t want to pay for parking in Medium City Airport for six months.
A) I don’t ski, and there’s no snow in Tiny Ski Town that time of year. B) Taken by surprise, I responded that I could not commit to a weekend up there since that is the weekend before Big Work Event, but I could do a one-day round trip from Medium City to Tiny Ski Town to pick them up.
About an hour later, after googling public transport options and rental car costs, I texted her and my dad, encouraging them to look at public transport options (not super reasonable, but they exist) or the cost of a one-way car rental at $130 (inclusive of fees).
She responded the next morning, asking if she could borrow my car for two weeks (the entirety of their time in Tiny Ski Town) so I wouldn’t have to drive them up/down on the final Sunday.
Hard no on that, cause I need my car for everyday life.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the first time we flew out to visit son and family they picked us up – I was mortified. Two hours each way! When we got to the house I found a shuttle service that was only 10 minutes from their house – had I realized what a long drive it was I would have politely told them no in the first place.
Your parents will survive.” Ok_Homework8692
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And probably map out like you did here for us and point out that they’re just cost shifting. That your time is worth some thing and so they don’t get to shift their expenses to you, even in the form of time cost. Point out that even if they paid you $10 an hour to drive, they’re essentially breaking even on the one-way rental cost. But you are being inconvenienced in that situation and no one is being inconvenienced with the rental.” PracticalPrimrose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If your mom has a history of messing with you, messing with you is probably the point here, because she isn’t being at all reasonable about the value she places on your time compared to her money. And borrowing your car for two weeks?! It’s not ideal to agree and back out, but it’s fine if done quickly enough.” -TheBaffledKing-
17. AITJ For Not Apologizing When My Dog Pooped In Front Of A Cafe?
“I just had an experience that I am not sure how to feel about.
I was walking my dog on a commercial street filled with small businesses and shops in Queens, NY. I had just come from the vet and my dog, a beagle mix, had been pretty nervous, so I thought a little walk would be nice.
As we are walking, my dog suddenly stops and poops in the middle of the sidewalk.
Now, this is not an ideal place for him to go, and usually he tries to find a grassy spot off to the side, but apparently he needed to go and this was where he was going. This spot he chose to go on the sidewalk happened to be a in front of a cafe (about 4 feet in front of it).
I didn’t think much of it, or even notice what business I was in front of. I got out a poop bag to pick it up. I picked up the poop in the dog bag and tied a knot. There was a small amount of residue that I couldn’t get off of the sidewalk (not sure how to avoid that).
Just as we were about to continue walking, someone pops out of the door (who I assume is the owner of the cafe) and says in a rude tone, “This is a business, don’t let your dog poop here (pointing to where the dog had pooped). He should have pooped over there (points to the curb)”
I didn’t know how to respond and I think I mustered something like, “This is a sidewalk and this is where he stopped to go.”
I didn’t feel like I should apologize for anything in this situation so I did not. I was more annoyed than anything. I turned and left without further engaging with the person.
I noted the shop and made a mental note to never visit it.
Just for a better visual: This cafe has no outdoor seating. This is just a public sidewalk in front of their cafe that is on a pedestrian street in a big city.
I am not sure what I could have done differently.
I picked up the poop. The owner of the cafe didn’t need to come out and say anything. They don’t own the sidewalk in front of their cafe. This is NYC, we all have to share the sidewalk.
Who’s the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For all those saying otherwise, have you ever experienced walking a dog and them needing to go?
because let me tell you, once they decide they need to go, despite all the tugging and pulling on the lead, *they wont budge*. my dog once went on someone’s driveway and point blank refused to move anywhere else (it was embarrassing, but I did all I could and she wouldn’t move).” boredbakerpianist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a former city resident and dog owner I know that sometimes the best trained dog just has to randomly stop and go someplace they normally wouldn’t from time to time. I probably would have said sorry though. I think restaurant owners get irritated though because there are people, even in NYC where there’s a lot of compliance with picking up after dogs, that just don’t do it.
But not the jerk, you picked it up.” jersey385
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You cleaned up after your dog. That’s what NYC’s current pooper-scooper law requires. The old curb your dog law was replaced because the advent of scoops and bags you could use to clean up after your dog made the idea that you need to get your dog to the curb/gutter so the weekly street cleanings could sweep it away obsolete.
With that said, if at all possible dog owners should always try to get their pets to a reasonable area to go to the bathroom for many reasons, including sanitation and not blocking pedestrian traffic, but sometimes anyone who’s understanding should acknowledge that that’s not always possible.” The_Evolved_Ape
16. AITJ For Wanting to Call CPS on My Neighbor's Overcrowded Place?
“I know anything involving CPS is a delicate situation, and I don’t want to ruin people’s lives by making the wrong decision. So please help me out.
I (30f) am a single homeowner, my next door neighbor L(70sM) is a widowed old man who has made lots of questionable decisions about who he allows to move in to his home since his wife passed away 4 years prior.
He typically goes through a cycle where he will move in a roommate to help out since he has mobility issues and is on a fixed income. The roommate is usually someone much younger with a dubious past and a sob story.
L says he is giving these people a chance to get on their feet but within 4 months there are multiple other ‘roommates’ or ‘friends’ or ‘family’ of the original roommate moving in.
The house will become the local house of questionable activities, I start calling the cops for domestics and illegal activity, and eventually the house is cleared out again.
Usually I do not feel bad calling the cops on L’s substance addict and felon ‘roommates’. In this latest cycle another neighbor who is friends with L told me a woman in her 30s and her son were evicted from their apartment so L moved them in to help them out in exchange for helping him upkeep the home.
Per the usual cycle more and more people have moved in. There are at least three children under the age of 10, and 1 under the age of 5 in the house. At least 5 dogs. 2 women, and an unknown number of men. I genuinely do not know how many people live there currently, but I do know at least two adults are living inside a shed in the back yard, and no one in that house is employed. This was all said to me by a roommate during a brief conversation on trash day this week.
My gut tells me this is not safe for the children, and that CPS should be involved. But I admit my own prejudice in that I am annoyed by the constant intoxicated parties, and that in an otherwise nice working class neighborhood my neighbor seems determined to run the local house of questionable activities.
If I involve CPS and code enforcement am I helping the children living in that situation, or am I unable to look at this with any compassion due to my own frustrations and past experience with L and his previous ‘roommates’?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If there are children in “*the local house of questionable activities*”, you know what to do! I’m also curious about what is going on with this neighbour. Is he going senile? If not, maybe you could do the pair of you a favour and help him to find a decent tenant when this latest group is evicted.” -TheBaffledKing-
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A good friend of mine used to be a CPS worker and we both watch a lot of CPS court hearings.. **Please, please call CPS.** If it’s nothing, the case will be deemed unfounded and nothing will happen. If it’s something, you’ll be glad you did something.” kay_el_eff
15. AITJ For Not Informing My Friend About The Importance Of GCSE Scores?
“I live in England, where every child at the age of 16 has to do GCSE’s. Every child has to do Math, Science and English and they get a couple extra options e.g. History, Music, IT etc. But in my school we do one mandatory GCSE called Citizenship and we do this in Year 10 not 11(9th Grade).
Leading up to this I always talk about GCSE’s and our future with my friend group but there is this one girl, we’ll call her Chantel, who always gets annoyed with me every time I mention anything to do with studies. Now come Year 10, she should be revising for Citizenship but she refuses saying she doesn’t care about it ‘It’s not like it’s important so don’t care what I get’.
I have an older sister whose already done her GCSE’s, a month before we do our exam she tells me that it’s good I have been studying hard seeing as the results of my GCSE’s get me points and those points can help choose what subject I do for sixth form. I was surprised knowing this and told most of my friends because I wanted them all to succeed. Time to do our GCSE and we’re in this big hall and we have 1h and 45mins to do the exam.
From where I am sat I can see Chantel easily and every time I look at her she’s never writing anything. I come out of the hall calmly and feeling good. Me and my friends go outside to discuss how we feel about the test, one friend ‘Amy’ tells me how she’s happy that I told her about the points or she wouldn’t have studied as hard as she did and the rest of my friends nod their heads and agree.
Chantel asks what she was talking about and I explain to her that if you get a high score on a GCSE you get given points, and those points help you get the subject you want for sixth form. Then her face goes pale and she starts shouting at me for not telling her that, because if she had known she would have studied harder.
I tell her I didn’t bother because every time I mention GCSE’s she gets annoyed and she used to say she’s not going to sixth form, she’s going to college instead. She says her mind may change but it was something that should be mentioned, so tell me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your sisters explanation is a very simplistic one and as with most of these things misses out a lot of important context.
Chantel is right that she’ll be able to do a course at college whatever her grades – it might not be the one she wants but I guess she knows the entry requirement and if not then it’s a life lesson.” bidgebodge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not responsible for anyone else’s motivation or education.
You could have not told anyone at all what you knew and you still wouldn’t be the jerk.” jazzys0l0cup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I recently did my GCSEs finished on the 20th of June I did my absolute best to make sure I did well this was by revising, her struggling doesn’t involve you at all she decided not to revise so she set herself up for failure!!!” XylemBullet
14. AITJ For Telling My Niece She Had Enough To Eat After She Finished All The Food?
“My niece and daughters are best friends. They’re 10yo born a few months apart. I have a younger son who is 5. My niece stays for long periods of time and I don’t mind. But when I go grocery shopping I go once a month because I get food stamps and I only get 251 to feed my family of 4 once a month so I go hill shopping and on month by month schedule.
This month was meat. So I spent a large portion on meat for the deep freezer and small things we need like eggs, butter, milk, cereal etc because it’s summer.
I sometimes try to be lazy and make a big pot of something so we can have left overs and eat off it for 2-3 days.
This time it was gumbo in my 8qt instapot and rice. I announced dinner was ready but my youngest had one of his asthma attacks so my partner and I were focusing on giving him a treatment so I told the girls to eat.
My daughter wanted to wait till her brother was ok and stayed with him to hold his hand (I don’t know why.
I did tell it was ok and to go eat but she wanted to stay with him)….my niece tho ate the entire pot of gumbo solo and the rice. I chalked it up to being a only child and normally being home alone so it’s not like she has to share and she can normally eat her fill so I wasn’t mad about it.
Mildly annoyed but she’s a kid…so I was like “ok. What ever. Let me just make hot dogs and Mac and cheese for the other 2.” So I made my 2 Mac and cheese and hot dogs. My niece then asked where was here’s to which I told her “I think you had enough for right now but later tonight we can make cookies and watch Mario again and have snacks.” As a distraction…Which I guess hurt her feelings and next thing you know she called mom, her mom is at my house cussing me out for withholding food from her kid and only feeding my 2 when she’s there.
And I must apologize if I wish to see my niece again. Which I tried to do. But in my heart I still don’t think what I said is wrong.
So please correct me. AITJ. Because I never have a problem apologizing to a kid. Please correct me if I am wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Explain to her mother that she ate the entire pot of food and you had to make a separate meal for your family. If anyone deserves an apology it is you but you aren’t making a big deal of it. And it may be good for your niece to stay away since she doesn’t understand boundaries.” DontAskMeChit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. You are NOT wrong. The mother is wrong, and her greedy daughter is wrong. Use this as an opportunity to not invite the human vacuum over to your house anymore. Or, if you do, tell her mother that you’re on a tight budget, and you cannot afford to feed her pig, I mean, her child, without financial help from her.” AtTheEastPole
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She was likely listening to her body that was telling her she was hungry, and you basically told her she was wrong. This is not about her being on an only child and not knowing how to share, this was her expecting that she was allowed to eat until she was full.
I have a really difficult time believing that this 10 year old ate 12 portions of dinner (four people In your family x 3 days) in one sitting in the time it took you to help your son recover from his asthma attack. If you cannot afford to host guests due to relying on food stamps to feed your family, tell your sister that.
Stop hosting her for long periods of time.” BaconEggAndCheeseSPK
13. AITJ For Crying When Our Dog Ran Off At My Dad's Construction Site?
“My (18 f) family has a dog. Our dog is very young and always interested in everything. So if we go on a walk he would try to run after everything that moves. (He is on a leash so he can’t run off)
My father and our dog are best friends. The dog is always sad without him.
So our father started taking him with to work. (He controls the construction for different buildings)
The issue is that he always takes him off the leash and let’s him run around. Now I think construction is already too dangerous. But now he is able to run off on streets etc.
I am so scared for him.
Every day our father tells us how funny it was when he runs off again. But I don’t think it’s funny.
Now there is one construction my father works on, that is just a few streets away from our home. So my father is working there and then calls us. Our dog ran off and has not come back in half an hour.
We immediately panic. We drive around on our bikes to look for him. But he is nowhere to be found.
My mum then calls the animal shelter and gives them his description. Soon they call our dog was brought to them. I was crying while we did not know where he was and when my dad came home to drive with us to the shelter he saw my tears and said that I am a jerk for making him feel bad by crying.
Since it is not his fault that he ran away. (I did not say anything btw I just still had tears in my eyes)
So he got so mad that he did not drive with us to the shelter and also did not talk to me for a day.
My mum also said I shouldn’t have shown him my tears because it is unfair.
Just so you know, more or less the same thing happened about 5 times now and I hate it. The dog can get hurt so easily and I don’t know what to do. My dad gets mad so easily and I already tried to bring this issue up to him. Every time he just storms off and does not talk to me for some time.
My mum and sister also think it’s bad but they don’t dare to say anything.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has happened 5 times, and he still does it? Even when he knows if it happens again it’ll hurt you again? Christ OP, your dad is a total jerk. Plus, a construction site is not an area for a dog to freely run around.
It risks the dogs life, and the lives of the employees. What if the dog distracts someone, and they get hurt, or maybe the dog runs into some falling debris? At this point it seems that your dad doesn’t even care about the dog.” Ryansgame13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone is scared to make him mad; sounds like he’s abusive.
I’ve heard this story many times before and I’ve lived it. I’m really sorry you’re going through this if that’s the case. Life gets better when you get out. Therapy helps.” djebono
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. For starters, you’re allowed to cry and have emotions, it’s human. Especially in an upsetting situation like that.
And if you crying makes him feel bad and at fault, then good, because he definitely is at fault here. Especially in a place as dangerous as construction sites, no one should ever have their dog off a leash. Sometimes, it’s a law, depending on where you are. And 5 times is just ridiculous. He either needs to leash the dog or stop taking it to work with him.” rixtria
12. AITJ For Banging On The Ceiling To Quiet Noisy Upstairs Neighbors?
“I moved into a new apartment a few months ago. There is a family with little kids that live upstairs. I’m a university student. At first, it was a little noisy but tolerable.
The kids would often run around, jump, and drag furniture, I could hear their footsteps and thumps, I thought it was just them being kids. One month later, it got much worse. I can hear loud banging from upstairs on weekday evenings and weekends, lasting intermittently for hours, not entirely stopping until 10pm, and often starting again early in the morning.
All this banging on top of running around, jumping, things dropping to the floor, and screeches from furniture being dragged around. For me as a student, the noises are really disturbing to me as I need to do my work or rest.
I tried writing notes to the neighbors about this, and at first they apologized and said that they would control their kids.
But it didn’t get any better. I tried communicating with them again but got no response. I waited for a few weeks and everything was the same. I contacted the property manager and told her about the problem. She communicated with them and they said that they would make an effort to be quieter.
Unfortunately, the problems got worse. While in my bedroom, I could hear loud banging, then parents’ scolding, and then kids crying and even louder banging. My walls also shook a few times, probably because of someone jumping. I told the property manager again and she said that she couldn’t do anything because they weren’t violating any policies.
I decided to take the matter into my own hands. Whenever I hear loud banging, I would go and bang on the ceiling with a stick, as many times as I hear the banging. If I hear banging ten times, then I bang on the ceiling ten times, never more times than I hear. A few weeks later, I hear much less banging from them.
Then I got a message from the property manager saying that my banging was making the upstairs neighbors upset. I responded by saying that I only banged because they did, and she didn’t say anything else. Am I the jerk for banging on the ceiling to tell the upstairs neighbors to be quieter? Am I too harsh on the little kids whose nature is to make a lot of noises?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, have same problem. Upstairs neighbors never take their kids for a walk nor they attention pre school / kindergarten. So running around, dropping stuff, furniture dragging is a thing. Had a good laugh about upstairs neighbors having a problem. Just don’t acknowledge you are doing it on purpose and you won’t violate anything, like they don’t.
Tell them you see a spider and tried to kill it lol” Ok_Yesterday_6214
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I could hear my old neighbors cough and sneeze and wanted to say God bless you because they could probably hear me. Hearing their child say Oopsie 100 times a day was horrible. But that’s also apartment living.
Kids are kids. Even people who walk quietly can sound loud in some buildings. They didn’t do it during “quiet hours”” Lcdmt3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but what do you expect when you live in an apartment? Not everyone is going to be respectful, and they’re not breaking any laws. I understand it’s probably all you can afford being a student, but unfortunately that’s just apartment living.
I’ve had some awful neighbors so I do feel for ya.” Witch_on_a_moped
11. AITJ For Not Including A Fellow Student In My Activities Abroad?
“I (23M) am a Masters student from the US conducting capstone fieldwork in Africa (an English-speaking country). Grace (23F) is another student from my program in the same country, different city, about an hour’s drive away.
Thomas (20M) is an undergrad who is also here, living in the same guesthouse as me and working for the same host org. We all share an academic advisor at our university, hence us all going to the same country to conduct work.
I don’t see Grace often, and we aren’t close friends so we don’t communicate much.
I ride to and from work every day with Thomas, but that is about the extent of our interactions, because he and I have next to nothing in common. I am into mountain climbing, white water rafting, and sports. I like going for runs in the morning and trying new foods, and I am fairly sociable so I have made friends at the host org.
Thomas, on the other hand, is not athletically inclined whatsoever, and has seriously struggled whenever I tried to include him in my free time activities. He complained to our advisor that he didn’t feel safe when accompanying me on said activities, but never raised those opinions to me. He doesn’t like trying new food, and is conversationally challenged when it comes to talking with the people here.
Following the incident with him complaining to the advisor about my “disregard for his safety”, I stopped trying to include him in my free time activities. He then also complained to my advisor that I was excluding him and preventing him from bonding with the host org. I play church league soccer (football for my non-Americans) with one of our coworkers, so we’ve become close through that.
I don’t think he’s found any inroads to make friends such as this.
Recently, my advisor and Grace (separately) expressed their dissatisfaction with my lack of effort to include Thomas. I know Thomas communicates with them more than I do, so that’s how they’re aware. They said as peers from the same university I should be making sure he gets along better and including him in my activities.
I respectfully disagreed, and said it wasn’t my responsibility to make sure some kid is having fun, especially after he complained when I did include him.
Grace said I was being a jerk, advisor said I need to be more inclusive and a better role model. AITJ for refusing to care?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Definitely explain to your advisor that you have tried to include Thomas; after he complained about it, you stopped including him since he said nothing to you about it, but rather went to the advisor instead. You’re not going to change your free time activities, so it would be stressful to continue to try to include him in things that he doesn’t like.
Perhaps Thomas should be moved to Grace’s city, so that he would be happier.” HeatherReadsReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Remind everyone that Thomas is an adult. You never volunteered to be his babysitter nor did anyone disclose that being his sitter was a condition of your degree program. Point out that if he needs someone to hold his hand, then he shouldn’t be living/studying/working overseas.” Flat_Contribution707
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because you have tried to include him in your activities and it just doesn’t suit him. However maybe you could try to connect through his interests? He’s obviously finding things lonely and because he’s struggling to connect with people it’s only gonna get worse. If you find some way to connect with him or introduce him to others in the host organization then he likely won’t complain to those above you.
That said it’s not your responsibility and you’re not preventing him from meeting people, you just have an easier time connecting because you share common interests.” UnNecessaryMountain
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name My Daughter After My Abusive Mother?
“Two years ago, my sister (I’ll call her Marie) passed away. She had a myriad of health problems, and though her death was not sudden nor a surprise, our entire family was hit extremely hard. My mother especially, as they were very close. Unfortunately, my mother was an awful person to everyone except for Marie.
She was abusive to me and my other sister Anna in ways better left unsaid, but suffice to say we will have no problem throwing her in the worst, cheapest nursing home we can find once her mental state declines a bit further.
Before she passed away, Marie made it known that she would like the next girl born in our family to be named after our mother.
Whether or not my mother put her up to it is something we’ll never know. Anna and I both agreed at the time, although I only did so because I didn’t have the heart to tell her no. Now that my wife is pregnant with our daughter, and I can’t do it.
I can’t honor the woman who put me through so much torment.
I spoke with Anna about it, and she told me that I’d made a promise to Marie. She said that to go back in that word would be spitting in the face of Marie’s memory, and to think of it as honoring Marie and not my mother.
I accept Anna’s logic, but emotionally I’m extremely unsure. My wife is totally on board with whatever I want to do because we’re using her all time favorite name as the first name, so we’d be using my mother’s name as a middle name if at all. I know this is a tad above the typical online forum’s pay grade, but if y’all could give me some perspective that would be appreciated. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That wasn’t a fair thing that your sister asked you to do. If she’d been acting as a good sister at the time, she never should have asked it. Certainly, it’s understandable that her illness and physical frailty may have clouded her judgement, and it’d probably be healthy to forgive her for that at some point if you haven’t already (and it sounds like you already have forgiven her that, OP).
You are not bound to honor her, even if your sister asked you to. It’s as simple as that. You do not owe her memory something that will be painful to you, and will probably provoke pain every time it comes up. She should never have asked, and she probably wasn’t thinking clearly when she did.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“Ntj Only you can make this decision, and whatever it is you should make the decision you can live with best, because you’re going to have to live with it. Could you middle name her after Marie instead? It does seem like an odd thing for Marie to come up with.” ScubaSuze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The reality is that Marie is dead, and will not know if you kept your promise or not. That being said, could you use Marie’s name, or give your daughter more than one middle name? My sons have two middle names each, and they usually drop the second one for anything but the most official of paperwork, so you could make it her second middle name if you absolutely felt like you should keep that promise.
I don’t think you’re obligated, but if you think it will bother you then that’s an option. ETA: Sorry for your loss and your disappointing parent. Congratulations on your upcoming daughter.” Bubbly_Chicken_9358
9. AITJ For Body Shaming My Classmate In Response To His Bullying?
“For some context this took place when we were in 8th grade. I (f14 at the time) had gone to the school since kindergarten and John (fake name, m14) was a new student and came in at the beginning of 8th grade. He became popular quickly because we went to a private catholic school that revolves around sports and he loved sports and had a lot in common with the boys at the school so they embraced him.
Both John and I are overweight but he’s much larger than me.
At the beginning of the year I attempted to be nice to John because he was a new student, however my group of friends were a little alternative so he began making fun of me and my friends. Toward the middle of the year he began giving people nicknames, an example of this was that he called a very slim student “pink panther” because they had similar body types.
This student expressed that it made them uncomfortable but John didn’t stop. To counteract this I began calling John “cookie monster” due to his love for food. He was not happy with me.
He grew more upset with me throughout the year because any time he made a joke about me or my friends I would say something back insinuating that he was overweight.
A lot of the time him and his friends would call me whale and tell me to “go back to the beach” due to my weight and sometimes I would respond with something saying he wasn’t exactly skinny either (frankly if I was a whale he’d be the entire ocean). During this time we got sat together in English class.
He said something to me insinuating that I was a whale but he went on and on about how fat I was and moved his desk away from mine because he “couldn’t fit”. I replied to him saying that I was glad he was moving because his fat was getting in my chair and he was bulging out of the seat.
He began trying to respond but ended up crying and the teacher made me apologize.
I recognize that body shaming is wrong and in normal circumstances I would never do it, but I can see how making these jokes to John might have been wrong and people still won’t talk to me over this incident.
Did my comment go too far and am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“BOTH of you guys are at the wrong here. You both made jokes that wasn’t fun to either. But it seems like the guy has his own problems or issues, so that’s why he makes fun of other people. And I do understand that you were just trying to defend ur self.
I just think u guys should just ignore each other or try talking to him. Other than that I really can’t give you any more advice.” Jang_wony2
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Body shaming and bullying aren’t ok in any situation. But you’re both kids and I’m just wondering why no adults stepped in until that point…Were any teachers aware of the bullying going on?” HotPanic7312
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You really are trying to justify your actions pretending that “under normal circumstances ” you wouldn’t do it. But you, and he, both did without care or consideration – so dont lie to yourself about that, you were body shaming, it was no joke, you absolutely meant it to hurt him.
. . He, also, was out of bounds not respecting that his nicknames weren’t ok (honestly, pink panther is a pretty cool nickname)… congrats on helping create very traumatic core memories. In the future do better.” MontanaWildWiman
8. AITJ For Asking My Sisters To Pay For Extra Vacation Costs After They Forced Me To Babysit My Nephew?
“I(24M) have a nephew(4M) that is usually tossed to me by my older sister(27F) or younger sister whenever they decide to make plans.
Not that I don’t like spending time with my nephew, but they usually throw him onto me whenever I have plans or I simply just don’t want to deal with a screaming child.
My younger sister (17F) is mostly the one who watches my nephew as she gets paid for it but every once and a while, when she makes plans to go out, she inform me last minute and leave him at my place so I have no choice but to watch him.
Recently, it was my partner’s (22F) birthday and I wanted to celebrate by taking her out for a week at a beach and amusement park.
I informed my family about this event ahead of time so that there would be no interruptions. On the day of us leaving, I get a call from my younger sister saying how she can no longer watch my nephew as she is going to have a sleepover with her partner and couple of friends and that if we can please watch him as she will unavailable to.
I told my sister that I will not watch him and that I informed her that I made these plans and told them way ahead of time. She got extremely upset and called my older sister who also in return, called me extremely upset and how dare I put a girl over my nephew.
My partner overheard the convo we had and felt extremely bad that she offered to watch him and that we can bring him along but I continue to put my foot down and inform him that if someone needs to watch him, my parents can.
But in the end, I compromised and took him with us
Throughout the whole week, our vacation just didn’t go well, I could tell my partner was wasn’t enjoying herself as we both had to babysit my nephew, leaving us with no private times or relaxation which made me feel way more bad.
After coming back, I informed both my sisters that since we had to bring him along, if they both can pay us for all the extra cost we had to pay for including him and they are refusing to, calling me a jerk and that I’m putting my partner over my own nephew.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But you need to grow a spine. What they are doing is not ok, you might love the kid, but it’s not your kid and it should not have a negative impact on your life. It might come with angry people, but you need to say no and stick with it.” LatexBliz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But grow a spine man. And “putting your partner over your nephew”, that’s rich given why your younger sister was foisting him off on you. Time to stop giving in and possibly go a bit nuclear, as in if they dump the child off without prior arrangement you report the child as abandoned” B3Gay_DoCr1mes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking for payment. YTJ for ruining your vacation with your partner. Work on your boundaries. No means no. You are not a free babysitter and your partner *is* an important part of your life. You *chose* her. You didn’t choose to create your nephew, he’s not your responsibility.” ImAPixiePrincess
7. AITJ For Buying My Son A Phone After His Mom Took His Away As Punishment?
“I never know how to start this type of post, so I’ll just get into it.
I have a son Emil (15) with my ex-wife Candace. We split up a few years ago and it’s been rough, especially since Candace has become extremely strict with Emil, especially when he started high school.
Because of this, Emil spends every other weekend with Candace and her new husband Aaron.
Emil failed one of his courses this school year and has to take summer school. When Candace and Aaron found out about this, they gave Emil a bunch of punishments, the only relevant of which is that they took away his phone for the summer (we bought the phone when we were married and I paid for the cell data).
This Monday, Emil started his summer school course which takes place physically at his school. I was uncomfortable with Emil traveling to school and back on his own without a way to contact me. I contacted Candace to ask her to give it back to him so that he could be safe. She said no, so I bought him a used one off of eBay and set it up as a blank slate for him to use.
I opted for that option instead of a burner because I want this to be a long term backup in case Candace and Aaron take his phone away for other reasons.
This past month has made me realize I’m not comfortable with him not having a phone regardless of summer school. I’ve just spent the whole time worrying about him but this was the push I needed to finally get him one that Candace can’t take away (taking his phone for periods of time is one of her and Aaron’s favorite punishments).
I contacted Candace know in order to let her know that if she took the new phone away I’d call the cops for theft because this phone I paid for fully. I also asked if she would arrange to port the data from his old phone to the new one and she predictably said no.
Now she’s mad at me for circumventing her and Aaron’s discipline without talking to her first and for “taking the nuclear option”. I told her that I tried to talk to her about giving the phone back for summer school and she refused, and she said that that “didn’t count” for whatever reason.
Now I’m thinking that maybe I went a little too far, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ In this day and age a phone is a communication device necessary for safety, you’re treating it as such while Candace and Aaron are treating it as a toy/privilege to be taken away as punishment. You’re right to be worried about your son’s safety.
Aside from that, you can by your son a phone for any reason, it’s your money! Candace can make her opinion known, but in the end she’s your ex and has no say over how you spend your money.” Chaos-in-a-CookieJar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex is over the top with the punishments.
It’s not surprising that your son is choosing to not spend as much time with her anymore. You mention that the old phone was a joint purchase? That should mean that you have equal rights to it then. I would suggest maybe getting some kind of cloud storage that auto saves his phones data for the next time she pulls this kind of move.
I wouldn’t put it passed her to say he isn’t allowed the phone you bought whilst in her house.” wineandsmut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel the same way. There are too many dangerous events that happen at schools. My kid always has his phone on him in case of emergencies. And guess what?
He has never misused this privilege. And he is a major gamer and a voracious watcher of you tube. You pay for it- don’t let her get away with that nonsense.” Frequent_Ad_3797
6. AITJ For Kicking My Husband Out Because He Wouldn't Let Me Sleep In?
Lately, I have been beyond extremely exhausted. I’m pregnant with our third and deal with hypothyroidism. Our second is going through a sleep regression and consistently wakes up in the night, something my husband never handles (which is fine). I have had to pick up a part time data entry job to help make ends meet, but we don’t have the money for childcare.
So during naps, down time, after bedtime I have been working.
He has started coming home complaining the house is a mess or dinner isn’t ready, which I try to let roll off my shoulders. This is a new season we are both in after all. But it wears on me emotionally.
I have expressed how tired I am and how I am in need of a little extra support.
He gets frustrated and tells me he’s just as tired. He’s had to pick up overtime and is feeling stress from that. Usually however that’s where the conversation ends and I walk away feeling dismissed.
This past week was particularly rough. I felt I was at a breaking point and just needed some rest. As we were driving home from somewhere I told my husband that I know Saturday he sleeps in, but I seriously just needed a weekend where I could catch up on sleep.
He launches into a fight about how its not fair and he’s tired too. He said I could sleep in if he could take a couple of naps on Saturday and Sunday. I told him sleeping in wasn’t helpful if it meant I had to go solo on the weekend while he took two naps both days.
He told me that’s how relationships work and he’s offering support but I have to be fair. I told him nevermind. I’ll just get up. He responded that that was my problem and launches into a yelling tailspin on how I need to learn to be fair and no one said I couldn’t sleep. I just need to let him nap.
I’m the one making things worse. This is my own hole I’m digging. On and on and on.
To which I, at this point completely spent, pulled the car over and told him to find somewhere for the night, and then drove home. I felt in that moment being alone with the kids was better than being around someone but feeling alone.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is an easy NTJ, but to assess the extent of his jerkiness can you give us a bit more detail on how you share chores ? Because from this post it seems you are doing a full time job with childcare alone, working a part time job on the side, do nights while also cooking and cleaning.
What does he do ?” Cute-Can-4012
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m so sorry your husband disrespects you like that. If he wanted to take two naps a day on the weekend then he shouldn’t have had 2 (almost 3) kids. IMO you are contributing way more to the household than he is and he has no right to complain about things not being fair when he could cook or clean or get up with your second child in the middle of the night.
Good for you for telling him to go spend the night elsewhere. I hope you have friends and/or family you can talk to and count on for support.” bethholler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You cannot be expected to take on all the SAHP duties plus working overtime. The SAHP role is divided when the working spouse gets home from work.
Working does not mean you don’t do anything else around the house. His job, with overtime, is not even providing enough. I do think you are the jerk to bring another child into this situation. Children should have stable homes and this isn’t one. I’m sorry to say it, but you’d be better off getting a divorce and splitting custody in some way.” Key-Anteater-5310
5. AITJ For Asking My In-Laws To Be Less Intrusive During Our Visits?
“I (29f) have been married to my husband for 3 years and we have been together for 6. I am very introverted and have very bad anxiety due to some events from my past, so I get tired of people quickly and need time to charge, even when it comes to my best friends who I have known for years.
I’m also a gamer who works in a gaming industry, so games are my way to relax, so I usually make sure to take one of my portable consoles/laptop with me if we go somewhere for a long time.
To the issue: my husband has a large family and a lot of siblings (8 ranging between 14yo and 27), most of them live with his mother (his parents are separated).
We go and visit them every now and again for a few days up to a week at a time. Each time we go and visit I insist on booking a hotel room so we can have some privacy and peace and quiet, however it always ends up with us staying at someone else’s room in a house, so we can spend more time with my in laws (they throw a fit if we don’t stay at theirs).
Now don’t get me wrong, I love them, but while we are there I can’t rest or catch up on my work due to how loud they are all getting and how intrusive they get. From 7am until about 2am there’s constantly someone trying to come into the room every 10 minutes and starts a “small talk” with me when I just need some rest after socialising with them.
Going to the bathroom is even worse as there’s only one in the house, so as soon as you get in it someone will try to blast through the door and comment how much time you have spent in it. I have asked my husband to talk to them and give me just a bit of space to recharge, but no avail.
We have been staying over theirs last week and that’s what I have asked my in-laws while everyone being watching TV in the living room to be less intrusive and just give me a bit of space every now and then if they want us to stay in their house. I have also explained my reasoning behind it and assured them I love them a lot, but just need some time to recharge to be sociable again.
I was met with laughter and some of them called me an entitled jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being in introvert in a world full of extroverts sucks A. They think you’re sad or down and that they can fix you by…… Back TF off me, you are the cause! (We would have a support group for this issue, but we just don’t want to be around each other) But an ex did make me a “I’m in a time out” sign for our bedroom door when we visited family.
It was laminated and I would write, released at 1:15. It was our compromise to me wanting to spend the whole day and night in there and me making an effort to bond with his really nice (but amazingly effusive) family Good luck!” Bananas4skail
Another User Comments:
“The jerk in this story is your husband.
He has 0 respect for you & what you need. You’ve asked to stay in a hotel for more privacy & my guess is he refused. Then the family had the nerve to call you an entitled jerk? Like, WTF? You’ve asked for some privacy & there is no good reason they can’t give it to you.
The family who laughed at you are jerks too. I would just book the hotel next time & stay by myself.” Embarrassed-Math-699
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your husband should put his foot down and state you are staying in a hotel. You should tell your husband if he won’t stay in a hotel, you will by yourself.
It is a bit much expecting any quiet time with that many people in a house. They won’t know who talked to you last or when and asking them to figure that out is sort of rude. If you are at the house and working, a note on the door, “working, please do not disturb” would be more appropriate.” holisarcasm
4. AITJ For Wanting To Take My Kids To Visit Extended Family Despite Husband's Travel Anxiety?
“Me (30sF) and my husband (30sM) have two children (2 and 7) and currently live in a different state from my parents and where I grew up. Right now due to work and school we are able to travel to see my family about twice a year for maybe 10 days.
We have another trip coming up soon. The drive to the airport and plane ride totals about 5hrs one way (1.5hr drive, 1hr at airport, 2hr flight).
One thing about my husband is he is very much a homebody and has some anxiety which means these trips can be hard on him. I try my best to make things as comfortable for him as possible and also offer suggestions to help.
One thing he requests is that he doesn’t want to travel more while in the trip, which I totally get. The problem is if he doesn’t want to travel he doesn’t want any of us traveling either.
My extended family also lives in other cities around the state. One in particular lives on a lake about 2hrs away from my parents (where we are staying).
My parents and relatives would love to take my kids up for a night to play in the lake, boat, fish, do all that summer stuff. I have no problem with this but my husband is against it because he doesn’t want to travel more. I suggest that he stay back at my parents and relax but all he says is he gets lonely and misses us.
And that he would worry about the kids (even though my parents would be there, I would potentially be there, and my relative is a nurse so I don’t see what he would be worried other than his anxiety). He threatened to cancel the tickets all together.
I would like to go but AITJ when my husband specifically requested no further traveling on the trip?
I don’t want to keep my kids from the experience but I don’t want him mad either. He is also welcome to come too if he would miss us so much.
I feel so silly because I am an adult woman but I feel stuck between my family and my husband and I’m so stressed I just want to curl in a ball and sleep.
So would I be the jerk for ignoring my husband’s discomfort and going anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! It sounds like your husband needs to seek therapy for anxiety and codependency issues, if he hasn’t already. It’s not fair to you or the kids to miss out on wholesome times with the family.
And it’s not fair of him to try and make you feel guilty for wanting this.” JunieBscones
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband is not to blame for his anxiety issues but he is to blame for allowing it to go untreated which affects you and your children. I’d leave him home altogether and tell him your anxiety makes you want him to stay home, seeing as you can control others with anxiety at your house.” Risheil
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your partner is fine not to want to stay alone with your parents. Why doesn’t he stay at home, and lets you go alone to visit your parents and your relatives alone?” TinyCost2291
3. AITJ For Wearing White Slacks To A Beach Wedding?
“About a year ago my wife (F-28) and I (M-29) were invited to the wedding of a cousin of mine at a tropical resort. He’s a bit older than me and we aren’t particularly close or see each other terribly often but we’re still family. A couple months ago they sent out a second invitation with more details including a dress code, beach formal, which makes sense considering it’s being held at a more upscale place that’s near a beach.
I wear suits pretty much every day. I started wearing them for work but grew to enjoy dressing up and putting outfits together, even when it’s not socially required, thus when invited to an event such as a wedding where there are social expectations of dress I make a conscious effort to tone down my outfit and dress in a conservative manner.
Normally I’ll wear some combination of navy or charcoal suit, white or light blue shirt, red or navy tie, and black oxford’s because it’s simple and appropriate but that sort of ultra conservative “uniform” doesn’t make sense for a resort wedding, which all though formal, are more casual and summery then a wedding held in a church or formal venue.
I decided on a blazer combination. It’s less formal then a suit but it’s still conservative and if done properly is right at home at a resort. What I wore was a navy blazer, light blue dress shirt, navy grenadine tie, white slacks, navy socks, and grey loafers. I thought that balanced formally and location pretty well white not being flashy.
I didn’t notice anything wrong during the ceremony or reception. It went fine and the only comment I got about my clothes was a compliment on my shoes. Once we got back to the hotel room my wife tore into me about my supposed lack of social etiquette and how I embarrassed her and how couldn’t I have known not to wear white to a wedding.
I thought the purpose was not be mistaken for, or draw attention away from the bride and there’s no way me and my white pants could have done that. Both her and the groom were stunning but my wife is still upset with me and seems to think I was in the wrong and I’m starting to question myself.
So AITJ for wearing upsetting my wife by white slacks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Put on your most concerned straight face. Thank your wife for pointing out your breach of etiquette to you. Tell her you’re now seriously worried that someone mistook you for the bride.” ThisWillAgeWell
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP, You definitely would not be mistaken for the bride, and in my humble opinion white or light beige linen slacks are the absolute height of cool summer fashion.
Well Done!” stephnetkin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — you’re right, it’s so you don’t take away from the bride. Unless the groom is wearing a white suit, there’s no reason someone in a suit can’t wear some white. The groom and other men at the wedding could literally be wearing the same suit and most would not care.” GalacticGrandma
2. AITJ For Defending My Wife Against Her Body-Shaming Sister at a Family Gathering?
“I (36 M) have been married to my wife (34 F) for 10 years, she’s an amazing woman and I couldn’t imagine my life without her.
We have 3 kids together (7 M), ( 4 M) and (2 F), because of this my wife has put on some weight but I don’t care because I love her regardless of her body. I met my wife when I was working as a doctor’s assistant and she was a receptionist, I knew I had wanted to marry her only five months after being together.
My wife has become insecure over her weight and her stretch marks, but to me her body is perfect. Whenever I try to be close with her, she pushes me away because she doesn’t want me to see her body. I do my best to assure her I love her no matter the odds, and I always try my best to make her happy.
The kids also do their best as well to cheer mommy up.
Yesterday was fourth of July, my wife’s family invited us to pop fire works. It was a big cookout thing. My wife’s sister, who I’m going to name drop because I really dislike her. Mackenzie, was making slick remarks about my wife majority of the time we were there.
I could visibly tell it was making her uncomfortable, but the moment she really upset me was when my wife was still hungry and going back for seconds and she had said “how do you manage to keep a husband eating the way you do”, my momma put down her plate and left crying. I went on a whole rampage talking about how she can’t even keep a man, let alone a man to take care of her and her misbehaving kids and all the bad habits she has is the only reason she’s in her shape.
And with that I grabbed a few to go plates, then made my exit with my kids right behind me. My wife had been sniffling in the car, I consoled her and reassured her how much I love her. I don’t feel bad for what I said cause she needs to watch her mouth when it comes my wife, I just want to know if I’m the jerk because her family keep calling her phone saying I need to apologize, and I see my wife is even more upset over their calls.
Was it the right thing to do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she reaps what she sows. She chose violence and she got violence. This wasn’t an eye for an eye this was a comeuppance. I wish nothing but kindness upon your wife.” binaryBee420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’ve found the best way to stop a bully is to hit them with something so personal they never want to mess with you again.
That’s what you did. Normally I’d never be in favor of mocking addiction or romantic problems but sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire.” wmciner1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like you would do well to find out which love language your wife responds to. It might be taking the kids out for the day and giving her a day to lounge around.
It might be sending her out with friends and she comes home to a clean house with dinner prepared. It might be hiring a babysitter and going out for a night out. You gotta find something to make her certain you love her and show her it’s because…she is who she is and that’s why you love her!
There is the obvious concern that the kids need to be considered when planning anything, so try to discuss this with her before you just up and book anything without anyone else’s input. However, you should still have a reasonably complete plan ready before you ask for her to weigh in. E: I didn’t expand upon anything related to your SIL because…it’s not worth your time.” Bubbly-Bus-8503
1. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Partner For Not Helping Clean Up And Making Jokes?
” “I’ll preface this by saying I (26F) have a very short fuse. I understand that and I’m trying to figure it out. My partner of 5 years (27M) doesn’t let me forget it. Anyway, today was one of those days where I came downstairs and started cooking and he’s on the couch scrolling through insta so I asked him to get off his phone and help which he did (he’s not one of those guys who doesn’t do anything I just hate being a mom who has to ask).
We ate dinner, I get up and start putting things away and doing the dishes. I look over and he’s scrolling on insta again. So I asked him to get off his phone and help and he said “what I can’t relax?” It’s a joke I get it whatever. He comes into the kitchen and starts saying how if it was him, he wouldn’t have said anything and would have let me relax.
That was fuse #1. So I get mad and he doesn’t understand why so I’m trying to explain that I don’t wanna be compared to him/how he would react/we’re different people, etc.
He keeps telling me to forget about it and it’s not that serious. Which I can’t.
He continues to go back to the joke he made and how he was kidding which isn’t why I was mad. So I keep trying to explain that’s not what I’m mad about and I’m getting more and more frustrated cause he’s not listening and he looks me dead in the face and says “did you have a bad day today?” That was fuse #2 and I lost it.
I went stopped cleaning, went upstairs, and took a shower. We start arguing again how we talked about how I would try to control my anger but we also said he should try to listen which he obviously didn’t (says listening and understanding are two different things but ok) and then goes on a rant about how I get upset about such little things that don’t matter, given that the world is huge and there’s people starving and that’s “selfish” of me.
To which I said I don’t care. Sure I’m selfish but at the end of the day I’m living for me and no one else. I don’t think being selfish and not diminishing how I feel because he doesn’t understand it or agree with it is a bad thing. So AITJ?
This is a reoccurring issue for us and apparently I’m just a jerk with an anger problem.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for this specific occurrence outlined above. It’s normal to not want to “mom” a partner, and it’s uncool of him to blow it off and try to diminish your concern by making a joke of it.
It takes mental energy to explain what needs done even if the other person is willing enough to do it – when they also try to turn it around on you, it’s that much harder.
That said, if you have an anger problem that you recognize and you’re trying to work through, definitely keep working on it because while in this specific situation it’s reasonable to be angry at how your partner was acting, there are plenty of times where something is genuinely not worth being mad about.” FlyoverHangover
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: You guys don’t sound very compatible. You want to get stuff done and done now, and he’s more laid back. You are uncompromising and irritable with him which comes across as your way is the right way, and his is wrong. In my house, we relax after dinner….big royal mess in the kitchen does get cleaned up eventually, but we put it off.
. . More often than not, we do dishes the next morning sometimes later that same night….the whole kitchen gets cleaned spotless. If I had a personal need to have the kitchen cleaned right after dinner, and my partner wanted to rest than I would let him rest and do the dishes myself. It sounds like you are allowed a short fuse and for the home to run as you want it, but your partner can’t get irritable at you, and your constant demands?
So yeah, you sound selfish…kind of controlling actually. You sound a lot like my mom and your partner sounds like my dad; they are making it work, but man I would not say it’s a happy marriage…..lots of fighting/yelling from my mom and lots of passive aggressive behavior from my dad.” User
Another User Comments:
“esh, he should’ve helped, maybe the joke wasn’t in the best taste but “fuse 2” hes just trying to understand why you’re mad. listening and understanding are two very different things. you might hear someone say they feel this way but not quite understand what happened. he was wrong for calling it selfish and making the dumb starving argument, but his original intent was to understand why you were mad.
you guys just need to communicate better.” peachypercy
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The. Tell the university exactly whats going on and ask them to move you and partner ASAP... that way ex roomie will have full rent and a spare room for his family to stay in lol