People Try To Redeem Their Reputation With Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Exposing My Children To Germs?
“My MIL has been making mine and my husband’s life miserable since I gave birth to my first kid 5 years ago but lately it’s been getting worse. She’s always complained about how irresponsible we are because our kids should never get sick of anything at all and even if the kids have just a runny nose she’ll start crying about it.
My youngest daughter, aged 2, has gotten sick twice since September. Nothing serious, just the usual and normal childhood sicknesses. She got through that pretty lightly.
She got sick and we took her to the pediatrician couple of days ago and MIL had called us while we were there.
We’d plan to keep it a secret because we couldn’t stand to deal with one of her tantrums again and we’d just keep her away from the kids until my youngest got better. She called my husband while we were at the pediatrician and he picked up and said he’d call her later.
She kept bombarding him with texts on why we are away from home and my husband ignored her.
Once we got home she was sitting on our front porch and saw my daughter sick and coughing with a bit of a runny nose. She started blaming both me and my husband and mostly me about how irresponsible we are for sending the kids off to daycare or my oldest one to kindergarten, for letting the kids out of the house in general, and how we are terrible parents who torture our kids.
Both my husband and I confronted her about this and we got into an argument in the middle of our porch and some friendly neighbors of ours heard our fight and stepped in to calm the spirits. They asked what happened and MIL said her side and we said ours.
To my and my husband’s surprise both of our neighbors who we very much love, sided with MIL and said we are indeed irresponsible parents for this and that MIL is 100% justified in being mad at us.
I’m beginning to really lose my mind with all this, AITJ in any way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, kids get sick and.(since you said MIL is a germophobe) also need to be exposed to some dirt or they actually develop more allergy and potentially asthma issues. She and your neighbors were out of line. While daycare does tend to mean they get sick more often kids also get a lot of socialization and learning there so it is a trade-off and not even optional for most people.
Unless she is replacing your income and paying your bills she gets zero say in these decisions. Glad your little one was only mildly ill.” Americanhealth74
Another User Comments:
“Small children get sick about 10 times a year, often mild such as a cold. This is necessary to build up their immune system.
If children never get sick, they can get sick more quickly when they are older. It is fine for young children that their environment is not 100% free of bacteria. Of course, you have to be careful with babies or children with, for example, an immune deficiency, but children between 2 and 5 already have a reasonable immune system.
I would go no contact with MIL.
NTJ” Forsaken-Program-450
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL sounds like she has anxieties that she is letting run amuck, and spewing all over you. She won’t rest until she feels like you are in just as much of a ridiculous panic as she is, and that would be no good for anybody, but she just wants to feel like she is ‘right.’ You will have to enforce boundaries, and calmly remind her of them, and that you and your husband are the parents.
She wins if you get into it, bickering with her. ‘We will see you later,’ should be repeated over and over again when she shows up.
I don’t know who these neighbors think they are, dispensing judgment over a private family matter, but I definitely wouldn’t ask for their advice for anything ever again.” valhrona
17. AITJ For Ignoring My Cousin During A Wedding Ceremony?
“So I (16f) have a younger cousin (5m) who is autistic. He is high functioning and a sweet kid. Today I went to our other cousin’s wedding and he was there. I was talking to him before the ceremony plenty before we were seated.
During the actual ceremony he was talking and trying to talk to me and I wasn’t talking to him because it was during the ceremony when the bride was walking down the aisle and the vows were being said.
My aunt and uncle eventually left the ceremony and after we found out they left the whole wedding but I wasn’t told why. I didn’t worry about it too much and had a great time at the wedding.
When we got home my mother pulled me aside and told me the reason my aunt and uncle left is that they were mad at me for not acknowledging and talking to my cousin during the ceremony.
I had explained to my mother I was being polite towards the bride and groom and giving them my full attention during the ceremony. She said she understood and said it was a valid reason, but she still wanted me to text them and apologize.
I said I didn’t really have much to apologize for but now I’m having second thoughts.
So AITJ? And should I text to apologize to them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
You were, in fact, doing your best to be polite to the 2 people who mattered the most: the bride and groom.
I’m honestly surprised that your aunt and uncle didn’t prep your cousin ahead of time, to let him know that he will need to be quiet for a short period of time. It was on them to gently shush him while the ceremony was proceeding, but in the end, they did do the right thing by removing him from the ceremony.
I don’t understand why they felt the need to leave the whole wedding, though. Surely they have to be aware that the whole world does not revolve around their kid at all times. Getting mad at you is just extra drama that isn’t on you.
I don’t think you should have to apologize to anyone.” This_Miaou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin is there with both parents and it’s their responsibility to look after their kid. You are reasonable to be polite as the bride walks down the aisle.
Though I understand that you could give him a nod of acknowledgment or a short hi but you’re not in the wrong for wanting to stay quiet in a ceremony. The responsibility falls on the parents.
If you have time you can explain to your cousin why to teach him a valuable lesson and assure him you didn’t ignore and still love him.
But to apologize to your aunt and uncle is not needed, in my opinion. They should understand the situation or are they looking forward to you being the babysitter that’s why they’re angry?” Horror-Perception-50
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they should have told their son to stop talking during the ceremony or taken him out if he was having trouble.
They sound nuts. They threw a hissy fit and left the whole wedding because you didn’t want to be a rude jerk and talk during the wedding.
Please don’t apologize. Or if you do, make it super passive-aggressive. Like ‘I’m very sorry you felt I was ignoring your son when all I was doing was being a respectful guest and focusing on the wedding ceremony.
That’s the reason we were all there, and talking would have been incredibly rude’.
To be clear, you have nothing to apologize for.” AshlynM2
The aunt and uncle should have explained to their son prior to the wedding that he was going to have to be quiet during the ceremony.
That's what rational parents do.
But based on how they left the wedding in dramatic fashion over this perceived "slight", they clearly aren't rational parents, and OP doesn't owe them anything.
16. AITJ For Not Going To My Parents' Anniversary Dinner?
“Yesterday was my (28F) parents’ 25th wedding anniversary, and because it’s such a big year for them, they had planned a special dinner at a very nice restaurant and invited everyone in the family including my wife (27) and me about a month in advance.
Initially, despite my wife just giving birth to our twins a month before the invite we decided that we would just get a babysitter so that we could attend. However, my wife’s mother passed this past Tuesday, and although we knew that cancer was making her very ill and that this day would soon come, my MIL’s passing still shook my wife’s world.
It was just her and her mom growing up, and they were the closest you could get, so it’s safe to say that my wife has had a long week, dealing with her mother’s passing, making arrangements, and raising and nursing two infants.
So on Thursday, I informed my parents of the unfortunate tragedy and told them how hard my wife was taking it and I apologized and told them that I didn’t think we could make it because my wife just didn’t have it in her to go out(at this point my wife couldn’t even open her eyes without crying).
They did the usual ‘awh, we wish you could both be here.’ But assured me that they understood and wished my wife healing. I went to drop off their gift Friday morning and nothing but well wishes were said to me when I went.
However, yesterday night, I received three voice-mails from my mom crying, saying how she couldn’t believe that I chose my wife over them and how she was disappointed and if that was the case then she didn’t want to be in the lives of mine, my wifes’ or our kids.
This shocked me in all aspects and I tried to get a better understanding of what was going on, but whenever I tried to call my parents, I was met with hostility and negative comments. I love my parents, but I love my wife more, my wife is my other half and she needed me.
To me, staying with my wife and caring for our children was the right call in that situation. Was I wrong to have assumed that was the right thing to do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing. Your wife has had a major loss at a time when she is likely still dealing with some level of hormonal baby blues – postpartum depression and exhaustion from caring for twins.
She needs you by her side. Your mom was being selfish with her calls. You should probably let the emotions sit. Give some space, and then write to your mom informing her that while you love both her and your wife and children, this is not a competition of love.
Your wife was in an extremely fragile state, and you had a responsibility toward her to make sure she was not alone and had the safety and support of you by her side.” Girl_with_no_Swag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Firstly my condolences to you and your wife.
Losing a parent is so tough and she has a long road ahead of her. That on top of being a new mother? She must feel so overwhelmed. She’s lucky to have a loving and supportive wife by her side as she grieves.
Your mother is not only in the wrong, she is acting narcissistic, self-absorbed, and hurtful.
Hurtful not just to her daughter-in-law, but to you, and your wife’s recently deceased mother. Does she have no respect or manners? That poor lady just passed away a few days ago and your mother is throwing a fit over a stupid dinner? It’s so insensitive.
When you experience the sudden passing of a loved one it usually changes your perspective and makes you realize that you shouldn’t care about trivial matters. Neither you nor your wife should have to deal with this right now.
Don’t let her get away with this behavior.
She deserves to have some manners put on her. If I were you I would distance myself from her. She doesn’t seem to care at all about you or your wife’s feelings. Even worse I think her behavior is incredibly insulting to your deceased mother-in-law.” Sevenspoons
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother is a jerk.
She and your father will continue to be married. Your wife’s mother is gone. Ended. No more. She just had twins. She has to nurse two babies. That by itself is hard and stressful. Your wife can so easily experience some sort of mental incident owing to her post-delivery condition and the extreme stress and grief she’s feeling right now.
Your mother is ridiculous if she is still being manipulated by your brother. She doesn’t want to be in your or the kids’ life? GOOD. Can’t have some sympathy and compassion for your wife and the mother of your kids? Then maybe she doesn’t deserve to be in your family’s life.
Keep supporting your wife. Hope she heals well, mentally and physically.” Rohini_rambles
15. AITJ For Not Helping My Friend With Her Glow-Up?
“My friend (F20) feels unattractive. She asked me (F21) to help her ‘glow up,’ and we talked about pretty privilege. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
As a former loner, I never received attention and everything changed when my appearance became mainstream in college.
My ‘nerdy’ hobbies became ‘quirky’ instead of being made fun of. I told her about my eating disorder and my relapses.
She wanted to go through with it. We made a Pinterest board. I tried to follow a makeup tutorial to achieve a new look for her.
The results were good and I let her borrow my clothes & took Instagram pictures since she wanted to share her new look.
I was happy that she was happy. I used my products for the past months. I made a beauty box for her birthday using low-end and high-end products.
The total was $120+ but she meant more than that to me. After that, whenever I go to her room, the box is left untouched.
It takes me 45-60 minutes to do her makeup. I’d work on hers first before mine when going out. Also upgraded her wardrobe within budget.
Her personality became twisted. It led to an argument after bringing it up. She can’t expect me to do her makeup whenever she wants to party. I need to work on my academics, I can’t spend so much time doing her makeup for 4/7 days.
She thinks I’m jealous of her newfound attention & said, ‘Unlike you, I’m not an anorexic jerk.’
Hearing the last sentence hurt me. I said she shouldn’t be a spoiled entitled brat, expecting to be spoon-fed since I gave her all the resources.
She stormed out of my room in tears.
Our mutual friends ripped me apart. She reposted a TikTok about friends sabotaging each other when one’s doing well and tagged me on her public story. I didn’t engage with her and blocked her.
We haven’t talked in two weeks and she came knocking on my door, begging me to do her makeup for Halloweekend since she was partying with her friends.
This was the first time she apologized to me and I just told her no. She made a scene outside my dorm. As an RA, I couldn’t have someone crying in public and disturbing my residents.
I let her in and gave her some tissues and water to calm down.
She kept saying sorry and I just asked her why she was here. She said that she can’t do her makeup perfectly like how I helped her. I told her that she was on her own and she needs to leave. She was on her knees and begged me to help her since she doesn’t have much time to get ready.
I told her to stop and that I’m sick, so I want to lay in bed for the night. She wouldn’t stop screaming, so I told her to stop unless she’d like me to call University Police. She said I was abusing my power and that she would report me.
I encouraged her to go for it since anyone can call UP or talk with the Resident Directors.
At this point, I just wanted peace and quiet since I had a raging headache and coughing like there was no tomorrow. I warned her one last time before she finally gave up and left.
WIBTJ?
UPDATE EDIT: I’ve brought this up to my supervisor to keep her in the loop and I’ve documented this whole situation. I also told our mutual friends and they showed me screenshots of their conversations. She disrespected me even more. LOL, but I’m not even surprised at this point.
On the bright side, nearly all of our friends ended up taking my side, while only two didn’t. I decided it was best to cut those two off along with her. Hopefully, I won’t be hearing from them any longer.
Also, my lab results are negative!
I think it might have been a frat flu or something, but I did get my boosters a couple of weeks ago, I guess my immune system is just not up to par, especially with the changing weather.
Losing a friend honestly hurts more than losing a romantic partner.
It’s a different type of pain, but I’ll get over it eventually.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry but this girl is not your friend, she is a user. She had no business mentioning your eating disorder, and you did help her.
But she doesn’t want help, she wants people to worship her and make her feel like she is worth something; people put time and effort into things that are worthy to them. She has major self-esteem issues, which is sad, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to use you and come to you only when it suits her or she needs something.
You bought her products and shared your clothes, upgraded her wardrobe, etc., which is time and money that most college students don’t have.
She is undervaluing you on purpose because she doesn’t feel valued. Misery loves company, and she wants others to feel that way.
A real friend would have asked how they could help when you weren’t feeling well, instead, she yelled at you some more.
You did nothing wrong, stay away from her as much as possible and keep a record of what’s been happening in case she starts more trouble for you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did your best to explain how being pretty isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but she immediately went down the darker, selfish, entitled path once she saw how pretty she could be. You also went above and beyond, doing her makeup, buying her a beauty kit, and helping with her wardrobe.
It seems like she thought that once she got the look down, everything else would fall into place. She didn’t even bother to learn how to apply her own makeup or practice it from the sounds of it. Instead, she chose to bite the hand that dolled her up by insulting you in such a disgusting way.
A quick ‘I’m sorry, please do my makeup’ is not going to make up for the things she said to you. Keep her blocked and let her go since she’s shown how she’s become.” Konzern
Another User Comments:
“Jesus, y’all are in college but this is so high school at best
She’s not entitled to your time. You helped her because she was your friend. But she doesn’t want to do any of the work herself to be conventionally attractive. She wants you to do it. You’re not gonna be around forever… Eventually, you will both move on from college and have your own lives.
Who is going to do her makeup for work every day?
The time to start learning how to do your own makeup is before you need to do it regularly. She can watch tutorials like the rest of us. She’s an adult. You offered to help guide her through her journey as a friend, not to be her personal makeup artist forever.
It’s clear she doesn’t want to put the effort into herself. Ugh, all the behavior spelled out here is so annoying.
NTJ.” floatingwithobrien
14. AITJ For Being Quiet At My Best Friend's Engagement Party?
“My best friend (f29) just got engaged. I (f28) am so ecstatic for her, I was one of the first to know and have made a big fuss for her, got her a gift, went for dinner, etc. I also helped to book a venue for some engagement drinks for her to celebrate with a wider friendship group.
However, on the days just before the engagement drinks, I received news that my grandmother went into the hospital with a heart attack (now recovering), and my grandfather had gone into hospital with a stroke and is yet to wake up. In addition to this, on the way to engagement drinks, I was followed out of the tube and harassed by a man who wouldn’t leave me alone until I eventually ran away.
This also shook me so I was quite flustered when arriving at the venue for the engagement drinks.
With the news of my family’s ill health and other personal issues (broke up with someone only the previous week), I was quite downtrodden. I still had a smile on my face on arrival and chatted with everyone, I also made the group toast to the happy couple.
However, I was much quieter than I usually am and mostly observed the night whilst sitting at the table. I’m typically more vivacious and lively. I didn’t mention the events of that week on the night, although the bride-to-be is aware of having spoken earlier that day.
But, as I said, I was quiet and probably looked rather somber at what is meant to be a happy celebration.
The next day my best friend and bride-to-be launched into a tirade of saying I wasn’t my usual self and how she thought I didn’t even want to be there.
I admitted I wasn’t my usual self and apologized for any upset it may have caused but also defended the fact that I had gone to celebrate and just because I have something going on, it doesn’t eradicate my happiness for her but it had just been a rough day so I was a bit quieter than usual.
She wouldn’t accept the apology and was very upset and disappointed that I couldn’t just put everything aside for a few hours to celebrate her big moment and suggested anyone would feel the same in her shoes and that I’m meant to be her best friend and it didn’t seem like I wanted to be there.
I have assured her it’s not the case and apologized for a number of times for how it made her feel but her response is ‘everyone has stuff going on’ and they would bury it for the night to happily celebrate. She proclaimed that I’m not a victim just because I’m going through a rough time.
I’ve acknowledged I don’t think I am and that my only crime was being a bit quieter than usual. Note some of her other friends only showed up for half an hour so only 6 friends remained of the 12 invited, yet she admitted she hasn’t raised her disappointment with them.
I’m a bit shocked by the interaction and don’t know where I go from here. I’ve never experienced contention in my friendships.”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah NTJ. Definitely not.
Sounds like she is annoyed about other stuff, and this is displaced aggression.
Or maybe she really is just so self-absorbed that she expects you to make her the center of your universe. Can’t say with more context. But given what you’re already coping with, she should bring grateful that you not only turned up but helped her out with planning, etc.
Also, her feelings are not your responsibility. You have apologized and it was heartfelt, not sarcastic or obligatory.
I would keep my distance from her for a while. Focus on the other things happening in your life. She doesn’t get to dictate your feelings or behavior or tell you what’s important to you.
You did your best, and if that’s not good enough for her… well tough. She’ll lose a good friend.” User
Another User Comments:
“This person is not your friend. If that was me and I knew in advance, I would tell you that you didn’t have to come, plan to come over the next day with hugs and Guylian Belgian chocolates (or some other luxury), and if you did attend I’d make sure you knew you could go to the bedroom for some quiet time if you needed it.
That’s what a friend would do.
She’s evidently worried her fiancé will have an affair, or she wouldn’t need everyone congratulating her successful impending branding by a man to feel happy, she would just be happy she’s marrying the love of her life.
NTJ and cut her off. Maybe she’ll get the attention and worship she wants at her next engagement party.
I really hope your grandparents get well soon. Look after yourself and don’t waste a single iota more of energy on this person.” HiddenDestiny251
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a shocking thing for a friend to complain about with another friend. She is NOT a friend at all, but an entitled narcissist. How dare she speak to you that way! Time to say goodbye. This is not a friend, no matter how long you have known each other.
Tell her, that after the way she spoke to you, you no longer want anything to do with her. Then block her everywhere you can. You deserve so much better. Don’t accept awful treatment from anyone, especially from those you think of as friends.” No_Pepper_3676
13. AITJ For Being Mad At My Father-In-Law For Calling My Daughter Fat?
“I (28f) have been married to my (34m) husband for 3 years now, together for 6. My husband has a 14-year-old daughter from his first marriage, who I absolutely adore. During the first 5 years of our relationship, I had a great relationship with my in-laws.
We spent a lot of time with them and saw them every weekend. The issue started two weeks ago when my FIL asked about my stepdaughter’s soccer team and the workouts that she goes through. I explained her very busy soccer schedule and he then said that we need to make her run more because she is fat.
For reference, my stepdaughter is 5’3 and 125 lbs. She’s very athletic and plays multiple sports. I was incredibly offended by this and said ‘excuse me?’ He then repeated it multiple times. I told him that he will not speak about our daughter that way and I hung up on him.
I told my husband what happened and he confronted his dad. It turned into a huge argument because he did not see an issue with this statement. My MIL got involved as well and was originally on our side of things. It’s now been 2 weeks since this incident.
Both of my in-laws are now saying that we’re overreacting and dramatic about the situation. She also said that we need to be better parents because we’re teaching her to be dramatic. AITJ?
Update!
My husband and I tried to talk with my in-laws about their behavior.
My MIL spiraled and began yelling at us. She said that if we cannot accept my FIL for who he is, we never loved him in the first place. My FIL then jumped all over us saying more disrespectful things and saying we do not deserve an apology.
The whole thing because very dramatic on my in-law’s part and ended with my MIL yelling ‘screw you’ at my husband. We have decided to listen to you all and we will be going no contact with them. This only upset my MIL further, saying that we’re taking her grandchild away from her.
She then promptly blocked us on everything. So as a result, we will not be allowing my in-laws to see our daughter. I don’t believe that this can be resolved or fixed.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do not let them steamroll you into accepting their toxic behavior.
And keep your stepdaughter away from them, because he’s the absolute worst and his wife is clearly going to enable his behavior. Being a teenager is rough enough, the last thing she needs is body insecurity because some old grouch has decided to start harassing her about her (perfectly healthy!) weight.
I can’t get over the audacity of him calling her fat, and his wife being okay with it.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He is of a generation that should know if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.
Grandparents should love a grandchild for who they are and shouldn’t be dependent on their weight.
You are not teaching your stepdaughter to be dramatic you are teaching her it’s ok to not be around people who would insult her physical form for no reason especially old men who could do with losing weight more than your active child needs to.” GeekyFreak07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Please keep them away from your stepdaughter until you can see a real change in their attitude. If they don’t get it, start sending them statistics on eating disorders and body dysmorphia. She’s perfectly healthy and there’s no reason to have adults around her who want to bully her about her body, especially adults who should love her exactly how she is.” User
Their granddaughter doesn't need to be in their general vicinity ever.
12. AITJ For Baking A Birthday Cake For My Ex?
“I’m an amateur baker and I like to make cakes for people for their birthdays. My ex doesn’t like sweet stuff but our kids like helping me make a cake for him so I normally make one for him anyway for their sake.
This year his partner planned a party for him and she told me she had already ordered him a cake so I didn’t need to make one. I told her that was fine but my daughter kept asking me when we would make her dad’s cake and was upset when I said we wouldn’t because she assumed I didn’t like my ex and that’s why I wouldn’t make him one.
Since the cake has always been more for the kids than for my ex, I decided to just make him a small one since it’s not like he eats cake anyway and I don’t want my kids to think I dislike their dad.
I told his partner beforehand that I was going to make a small cake and she told me not to and that I couldn’t bring it to the party. I told her I had to bring it to the party as that’s when the kids would give him his gifts.
I offered to come early and give it to him before the other guests arrived and then they could put it away and nobody else would know about my cake but she didn’t agree with me and repeatedly told me not to bring it.
I did take it with me in the end and now she keeps complaining to mutual friends that I did it on purpose to ruin the party and calling me weird for making him a cake after I was told not to.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
That’s a weird hill for her to die on, sure. But, as the host, she is the one responsible for the cake. Because SHE IS THE HOST.
But it also baffles me how you couldn’t find a way to tell your daughter that you don’t hate her dad just because you didn’t bake a cake.
With children, you can literally divert their attention to something else like ‘We make a cake every year, so this year we’re doing something different for dad, how about decorated cookies?’ They would be just as happy, and no one would be upset.
You could have dealt with it in 1000 different ways, but you played that you had your hands tied in a situation that would very obviously start a problem, so I suspect that was your intention, to begin with.
That, or you’re not very good at saying no to your kids, so your kids are going to walk all over you, or you’ll end up in an entitled parent sub that gives your children whatever they want.
EDIT for the hard of comprehension: the partner doesn’t get preference to get the cake because she’s the partner competing with the kids.
It’s because she’s THE HOST OF THE PARTY. It’s not DAD throwing his own bday party, it’s the partner. She planned, paid for, and threw the party.
Also, what happens when dad has kids with someone else, and those kids also want to get dad a cake?
Are they not going to share?
‘bUt MoM dOeS iT fOr OtHeR pEoPlE sO tHeY tHiNk ThAt’S lOvE’ – well, mom is no longer married to dad and should learn healthy boundaries. You don’t treat your boss the same as you treat your mom. Different relationships require different boundaries.
‘bUt ThE cAkE iS sO MiNiMaL’ – if it’s such a non-issue, why take the route where people are upset? The HOST of the party specifically asked not to do it. Yet, OP did it. OP made it an issue. Which is why I believe OP wanted to start problems with the partner.” bbbriz
Another User Comments:
“So I’m going back and forth with this because on one hand, I think the woman should be more understanding and let the kids bring the cake, but on the other hand you could have told your kids there were other ways to honor the dad this year besides the cake.
They are his kids and if they want to make a cake just for him then who cares unless the woman was trying to do a power move? Then it’s the fact that your kids should learn to give gifts that the birthday person actually wants.
The woman could have been trying to relay a comment from your ex that he didn’t want another cake from the kids this year or have been looking out for his interest in some way. We also don’t have the woman or ex’s perspectives on how you went about this and other situations, which could be a reason why she acted that way.
Ultimately, I think you should discuss these matters with your ex and limit or cut off contact with the woman to prevent further situations between you two and future escalations. Unless you are able to have a good relationship with each other outside of this.
It really depends on how your ex feels about this, but I’m going to say NTJ because I can’t imagine him having a big issue receiving a personal cake on his birthday from his kids. But talk to him about it for him to handle things with his partner and see if he cared about receiving 2 cakes.
I think he is the best judge of whether or not you were the jerk in this situation.” lolokotoyo
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused why you are starting a tradition with your kids where they make something for their dad that he doesn’t want. His birthday is about him.
If he doesn’t like cake he shouldn’t get a cake from you or the kids. You are making a cake because it’s what YOU like to do for people’s birthdays. If you replace cake with any other gift, this is super weird.
Your kids are young enough that this isn’t something set in stone that you have to do.
You could very easily encourage them to bake something else or make other presents. They’ve done it for one or two years at most. Maybe 3 for the 5-year-old but that’s not a long time or a real tradition yet. They view it that way because you are treating it that way.
You guys are split up. You are going to have to accept that things change and help your children understand that. If the new partner was doing the cake you should have respected that and helped your kids to see that change as positive.
YTJ, don’t use your kids as an excuse to stir up trouble.” sabrinawithablackcat
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You are both getting far too worked up over cake. Yes, she shouldn’t have been so defensive, but at the same time she told you not to bring a cake-that wasn’t that difficult of a request. And if I was providing the main dessert, past relationships or not, I’d be a little miffed if someone else tried to bring one.
Like, yes she is being petty here, but you should have just compromised by baking a bunch of cupcakes or brownies for guests or something (i.e. lets the kids have fun baking while not overshadowing the main cake). Or, better yet, baking something savory since your ex doesn’t even care for sweet stuff.
Like, it wouldn’t have been that hard to explain to your daughter ‘this year daddy wants pizza rolls from us instead of cake’.” CuckooPint
11. AITJ For Not Splitting The Bill Equally?
“My (31M) wife ‘Rachel’ (31F) and I were invited to go to a group dinner at a nice restaurant on Halloween.
Originally when we were invited we thought it was going to be 6 people. When we got to the house before dinner we found it was 12 people. Of those 12 people, we were friends with two including the host ‘Sarah’ (32F) and her partner ‘John’ (32M). A few people we had met on previous occasions that Sarah had hosted along with mutual friends.
It’s a smaller community we moved to three years ago.
The night started at Sarah’s house prior to the event at a nice restaurant. There was wine being served and my wife kindly refused as she is six weeks pregnant. At this point, we haven’t told many people including Sarah.
Sarah was pretty persistent about my wife drinking as they are friends. My wife then told her she is pregnant as well as most of the people at the party found out at the same time. We didn’t expect to be telling a large group of people as this is very early on in the pregnancy and our first time getting pregnant.
We get to dinner the plates are around $30/person and there are a lot of appetizers ordered. Also, there is a large amount of booze being ordered. I was drinking and obviously, my wife was not. The bill comes out with the final being close to $1500 total for 12 people and close to $700 was booze and $500 for food.
Someone had ordered $120 bottles of wine along the way. We were told to pay $150 per person. My wife tried to talk to Sarah the host but was ignored. We didn’t feel right to have to pay for the booze equally as my wife didn’t drink any.
At this point, I’m pretty intoxicated so I wasn’t much used to speaking up. I sent over $200 to the guy who put his card down this was the $150 for me plus the extra $50 that covered more than my wife’s meal she had.
Snapped a picture of the check to refer back to tomorrow. Figured we could deal with it later as our group is all now heavily intoxicated.
The following evening I get a text saying ‘Hey you venomed him $200 instead of $300 for you and your wife It was $150/person!’ I apologized for not explaining last night that we didn’t feel it was fair for us to pay for the booze for my wife since she didn’t drink.
I was massively hungover and it completely slipped my mind. It then turned into a downhill battle about how this messes up things for everyone else. I mention it would be an extra $10 from all individuals instead of an extra $100 from us. Then I was told that when you go to group dinners you are expected to pay an equal amount.
I kept saying I’ll contact everyone to let them know I personally don’t have their phone numbers so I asked for them.
Next thing you know I’m getting text messages from her partner who is my friend about how I was a jerk for not paying the full amount.
The texts from both circled around how they didn’t know she was pregnant. Basically said I shouldn’t have come if we didn’t intend to split the bill evenly. I was pretty taken aback by this concept, plus their reaction.
So, AITJ for not splitting the bill evenly?
Edit: I did the math and split the food plus regular drinks for 12 people and booze for 11 people. Technically we should have paid $216. Add on I don’t drink wine.
Edit 3: I get that I should have said something then but mistakes happen. I also understand they would have to text people to reconcile the missed amount.
If I had their numbers I would do it myself. I apologized for the inconvenience. What I’m focused on is the fact that Rachel and her paartner said we deserve to pay the full split price. They are adamant we should pay the extra $100.
UPDATE: It continued to spiral to the point when Sarah sent me the list of people’s Venmo accounts to request the difference. As she said she said they are not cheap enough to request $10/person. I sent a Venmo for the remaining $100 to the cardholder and apologized for the miscommunication.
Then decided to text the people letting them there was a miscalculation, then explaining what happened let them know Sarah was unwilling to text them. Everyone was very nice and paid me back almost immediately. Offered to hang out again.”
Another User Comments:
“I do not understand why any group splits the bill evenly.
In my opinion, it’s a way for cheap people to get everyone else to subsidize their treating themselves. $120 bottles of wine? Seriously? If I order $50 worth and you order $30, why would you agree to pay $40? Ask for separate checks for crying out loud. If the place refuses to do that, and I would be inclined to turn around and walk out if they tried to pull that crap, you all have calculators in your pockets.
Your wife was stone-cold sober. She could have done the calculations if the rest of you were too wasted to handle it. And by the way, I really hope none of you drove after that! And your friend is a special kind of jerk for continuing to pressure your wife to drink after she declined. No means no. Why is none of their business.” JewelCatLady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s never assumed the group bill is split evenly. Your group is not doing it right if that’s what they’re telling you. It’s usually not split evenly because people buy food and drinks according to their budget. Why should the people who bought cheaper meals pay for the more expensive meals?
Why do the people who got more pay less? That’s not how bills are usually split. Booze is a huge expense at a restaurant. No way I’d be paying for everyone’s drinks when only you were actually drinking. That’s not cool to assume you’d pay for their drinks.” Liss78
Another User Comments:
“‘Rachel was pretty persistent on her drinking as they are friends.’
Gonna stop right there and note that Sarah is DEFINITELY a jerk for pushing people to drink when they said no. Drinking culture is way too ingrained in most of the world and is seriously dangerous, pregnancy or no pregnancy.
The least people can do is let people make their own choice whether to drink or not, without pressure.
Much that follows in this story is a consequence of Sarah being overly pushy about drinking.
You getting ‘too intoxicated’ to the point where you weren’t much used to speaking up is also absolutely part of the problem.
Not splitting bills is fine, but you need to actually clearly sort that out at the time, not days later. NTJ for not wanting to split evenly, but YTJ for getting so wasted that you couldn’t deal with it at the time (or help your wife deal with it), and instead made the whole thing more complicated. Everybody else is a jerk for ordering $120 bottles of wine and expecting it to be split without proper discussion.
Everyone sucks here.” AnonymousWritings
10. AITJ For Keeping My Niece And Nephew's Secret?
“My sister is a mom of four right now. She has Sloane (14f) and Cian (13m) and Riley (7m) and Bria (4f). Sloane and Cian have the same dad, my sister’s late husband Robbie.
Robbie passed away 6 years ago and 5 years ago my sister met Shane, her current husband. Shane already had Riley when he and my sister met but Riley had no mom in his life so my sister has taken over that role and Riley calls her mom.
Back when my sister and Shane first got married Sloane and Cian had told me how their mom called Riley her son, how she and Shane called him their brother, but how they didn’t think of him as their brother. They said that sometimes Shane would be called their dad too and they didn’t feel that way either.
They asked me not to tell their mom because she wouldn’t like that and would try to change how they felt. I told them they could talk to me if they needed to and I hoped things could be okay. They said they weren’t unhappy.
But they didn’t feel the way their mom wanted them to.
Over the years they have talked to me about not feeling a sibling bond like they do with each other toward Riley and then Bria when she was born. They also don’t consider Shane their parent and even though they call him their stepdad, they do think of him differently than Robbie and my sister.
The truth came out a few weeks ago because Sloane made a scrapbook as suggested by her therapist (both she and Cian have gone to one on and off since their dad died) and my sister went through it and saw that she hadn’t included Riley, Bria or Shane in it, but had included her, Robbie, Cian, and their extended family.
She also had stuff about her best friend there. My sister talked to both her and Cian and they told her how they felt.
She then spoke to us. Afterward, she told me I hadn’t looked surprised and why was that. I told her that it hadn’t surprised me.
She said I knew. Then asked me how could I not tell her. I’m supposed to be her brother and I let her continue thinking everything was perfect when her kids were putting up walls around their hearts and how she could have done more, could have focused more on time between the older kids and the younger kids.
I told her that the kids hadn’t wanted her to know and I didn’t want them to feel like they couldn’t talk to me.
She said it was no excuse. She told me I had failed as an uncle to all four by allowing this distance to grow.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You held the kid’s confidence and that’s exactly what an uncle should do. You are there to be a good and loving person to the children, not to spill every word to their mom. Now, if the kids are not doing well mentally, that’s completely different.
But In this case, they are expressing their feeling to you. Feelings that mom can’t change but will try to change. You 100% did the right thing. If you were to tell your sis everything the children would stop going to you and telling you things.
It’s important to have another adult around who can keep children’s confidence. They’re going to tell someone, it might as well be a person who your sis can trust and who can express dangers to her.
You’re doing a good job!!” Complete_Ability_530
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one, I’m going with ‘no jerks here’. Generally, things their parent needs to know should be told to the parent, regardless of how the kids feel. However, here, 1) the kids came in confidence, with a need to talk to someone who knew them and they trusted. They needed that, and their trust would’ve been shattered had you spoken to your sister about what they felt.
2) from what you’ve said, I doubt your sister would have dealt with it appropriately. She clearly has her own agenda, which is different from the kids.
The only thing I’d add is that you could’ve spoken to your sister about her attitude towards this ‘happy family’ and suggested that she talk to her kids and follow their lead, rather than try to push her own view on them.
That would not betray their trust but might encourage communication. That said, I understand your sister’s point of view, and while I think she’s misguided, I understand her wanting to know what’s happening with her kids.” Relevant_Turnip_7538
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your BIL passed away when your niece and nephew were 7 and 8 years old. A year after their dad passed away your sister met someone else and brought a toddler into their lives. A year later she added a baby to the mix. She must have gotten pregnant almost immediately after bringing a new man and his child into their lives.
And then she expected them to be okay with calling their stepfather dad? It baffles me that she thought children that young wouldn’t be upset about those changes. I can understand how, from a child’s perspective, it appears she replaced their dad almost immediately and then replaced them as well.
I think your sister feels guilty for not seeing how her children felt and are looking for someone to blame.
What I don’t understand is why she said she would have ‘focused more on time between the older kids and younger kids’ if only she had known.
Your niece and nephew were only 9 and 10 when their sister was born. What type of activities were they doing that included the younger children but not the older ones? Or did they include all the children and she’s saying she would have done more?
This is an unfortunate situation, but I think you did the right thing.
I think breaking a child’s trust when it’s not something that involves their immediate safety can be pretty damaging. And for what? Your sister is assuming she didn’t arrange enough activities that involved all of her children, but it’s more likely that she moved on faster than they were ready for.
She can’t change that. I think it would help your sister to get some counseling with her 2 older children. They all need to learn to communicate and she needs to be able to hear them.” sonny-v2-point-0
She sounds like she was looking for a scapegoat as to why she doesn't have the perfect blended family she thought she had, and tag, OP is it.
The kids needed an adult they could trust to talk about their feelings, and rightfully trusted OP.
And I also believe OP was right not to tell his sister anything, because her response proves the kids were right about how she would react.
She wants to change their feelings and blames OP for not being able to try and do so sooner.
9. AITJ For Not Giving My Son Pants?
“Today kids can wear their costumes to school.
My son’s costume includes a leotard. I got a call around ten asking me to bring in pants for my son. I was really annoyed because I was at work, but I went home and grabbed some. I got to the classroom, and there were SO MANY kids wearing leotards.
Not the majority or anything, but a fair number of girls were wearing costumes that had leotards.
I went up to the teacher and asked what the issue was. She said it wasn’t appropriate. I pointed out all the girls with leotards, and she said that was fine.
I said that if it’s fine for them it’s fine for him. If there’s a rule (and no leotards weren’t on the guidelines) it needs to be enforced equally. She said I needed to change him or she was sending him to the office.
I went to the office myself and got the principal. She was really annoyed but eventually agreed to go with me to the classroom.
She looked at the costume and said ‘it’s fine.’ And then left. The teacher was clearly frustrated, and when I was leaving and thanked the principal she rolled her eyes at me.
When I got back to work I told a friend the story and she said I was a little over the top.
She said the teacher was probably worried something would happen, but that’s stupid. If a rule exists, it needs to exist for everyone, not just boys. Was I wrong for taking a stand?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if your son was comfortable. I don’t even understand the argument that ‘outlines’ could show, to be honest. He’s at school, not at a crowded public park (not saying kids shouldn’t wear whatever they want in public, but I’d definitely be more concerned among a bunch of unfamiliar adults with phones/cameras).
If a kid asked a teacher privately about it, at 6 it’s easy enough to tell them to focus on something else/change the subject/distract/etc. And if there were teasing or any embarrassing scenario, it would be the teacher’s job to shut that down, not play into it.
Her own reasoning is just gross.” MixtureGlum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although you’ve gotta remember that that teacher has probably seen just about every disruptive behavior from kids imaginable and so is probably trying to head off a problem that they experienced in the past. That said, rules need to be consistent, and if they’ve had leotard problems in the past that they feel the need to head off, they need to make that rule clear in the dress-code and be consistent in its enforcement.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! The dress codes need to be seriously revised in our school systems! The double standard is gross and has everything to do with adults targeting CHILDREN. I couldn’t imagine wasting part of my day arguing with the people who are supposed to be shaping our children’s minds over a piece of clothing a 6-year-old is wearing.
I hope the little guy got lots of candy tonight and you can sleep soundly, knowing you were a good mom today. ” Agile-Adhesiveness31
8. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Pay Rent?
“My partner and I have been together for 3 years and have been living together in a rental for 1 year now. We have always been a ‘we have our own money’ kind of couple, but have always had a joint account that we both put money into to pay for groceries, rent, electricity, etc.
Prior to living with her I lived with my parents for a while and I was working full time so I managed to save up quite a lot of money, she is the complete opposite where if she gets money she spends it. I recently decided that I am going to put my savings into a house and move there.
All of the money going into the house will be mine and none of it will be hers.
When we spoke about it I said to her that when we moved into the house, I would like her to pay rent. She claimed that if we were to move in as a couple that she would not pay rent because she wouldn’t be renting a place, she would be living in my house with me.
I said that she would need to still pay half of the mortgage payments, but it would be no different from her paying rent to any other place we were living in, only at the end of the day, the house would completely be under my name.
Basically, I want her to pay rent to live in my place, she doesn’t think she should have to. AITJ?
Edit: I used the word mortgage in the story and that was a mistake, I never actually said the word mortgage, just the amount I asked for was equal to half of the mortgage which is about less than 25% of most rentals in the area.
I am also able to make payments without her assistance and will pay for all upkeep like any homeowner would.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to put your partner’s name on a house that she’s not paying for.
However, if you expect her to pay rent then this can’t be a one-way street. Tenants have rights. There needs to be an agreement so she is protected since she is paying rent. If you break up you can’t just throw her out if there are repairs that are 100 percent on you as the landlord, and so on.
I’d also consider long-term plans. I’m assuming you’re thinking long-term. So do you expect her to pay rent her whole life or are there any plans for what happens in x years? What happens if she wants to buy a house in a few years?
Are you going to live in two places again?
This whole arrangement makes sense for the immediate future but if there are no plans for any long-term changes, I’d quite frankly wonder if you considered this a serious relationship.” xxSKSxx_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is completely acceptable.
You need to draw up an agreement though that makes her a tenant. Any upkeep, maintenance, upgrades, or anything that adds equity is completely on you. Having a formal rental agreement protects both of you in case this doesn’t work out long-term.
It’s no different than paying rent elsewhere.
Just because you buy a house does not mean she gets to live for free. So have a rental agreement drawn up or she doesn’t live there if she won’t pay rent.” muskiesfan1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for expecting her to pay rent.
But half the mortgage payment may be too much, depending on the going rates for rent in your area.
Look at it like this: you have a financial advantage here because her payments are helping you build equity. That’s fair: you’re the one buying the house, and you have all the risks connected to that.
But she also deserves a financial advantage of some kind – after all, you’re not just roommates, you’re a couple.
Her financial advantage could take different forms. Your house could be closer to her work than her previous home, she could pay less to you than she paid in rent before, and she could have more space for the same rent or any combination of the above.
Just making a blanket demand for half the mortgage may be unfair, depending on how high it is. Presenting this as an opportunity for her to save money, though, while living in your common home, may go a long way towards making this more palatable to her.
Also, any costs for maintenance or repairs are obviously your problem, not hers.” HoldFastO2
7. AITJ For Canceling My Credit Card?
“My mother opened an account for me when I was 14, she had full access to it, and I have been saving up for around 4 years now. I tutor kids in primary, so I don’t make much, but I still saved up as much as I could.
My parents wouldn’t let me get a real job because they’re very conservative about girls working. I didn’t even get a phone till I turned 18, it’s not like I couldn’t buy one, I had the money to but in fear of my parents, I never did.
Saying that I couldn’t really tell how much money I had in my account unless I physically went to the bank or asked my mum who would just say wave me off saying money doesn’t matter and that it’s very little.
Recently, and I mean like literally in September, I got my first ever phone for my birthday, and they were reluctant about it too, but I’m starting university next year, so I need one, so they had no choice either.
I downloaded the app for my account to track my balance and stuff when I saw I had only $150 inside. It made no sense to me because I’d been saving for 4 years, and I never requested a card from the bank because my parents said I wouldn’t need one, so I never used any money either.
I got a full bank statement and found out I originally had around $2000 saved up. I called the bank saying I had some suspicious activity on my account, and they looked into it. They told me those transactions were from MY card, even though I never had one, and that all transactions were fine.
I told my mother about it, and she just waved me off saying she ‘borrowed’ some cash from time to time. I told her it wasn’t her money and that it was hard-earned money for me. She gave me a lecture about how she paid for my fees so I could be smart enough to even tutor kids, and that she let me a tutor in the house so that cost money.
When I told my dad about it, he said to think of it as ‘parenting fees.’
I was beyond furious, so I canceled my card, and called the bank to cut off access to my bank account for my parents, they couldn’t see my balance or even spend my money, it didn’t even matter at that point because I had less than $200 in my account.
A week goes by and my mother one day comes up to my room fuming, telling me how MY card got declined when she was at the store and that it was ’embarrassing’ for her, and that someone nearly called the cops on her because they thought it was a stolen card.
I told her she should’ve been arrested for using up my money and that I don’t care if she got humiliated.
She told my father and now they’re threatening to kick me out, I get that I’m 18, but I can’t move out with like $100 in my pocket, If I had my original amount of money, I’d gladly do it.
I told them they had to cough up my money or I wasn’t leaving, instead, they called a ‘family meeting’ with all my relatives just to call me out and say how selfish I was for ‘counting every dime’ and that money ought to be shared or some crap.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. What gets me too is she was caught with the declined card while at the store, using your money to buy whatever. So I assume she was just using you as a bank when she wanted or needed instead of being the grown-up.
And the idea of parenting fees is so effed up because they chose to have you and then turn around and charge you fees to take care of you? They are toxic and I would do whatever you can to get away from them and keep it that way until you feel comfortable.
It’s not just that they used your money, it’s how they reacted to it when you confronted them like you don’t have the same rights. It’s crazy.” bvago07
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ, they are terrible parents who don’t even think of you as their kid.
There are no such things as parenting fees but STEALING is very real and a crime, not to mention a big SIN since they’re soo religious… In case you’re the type of saint who puts up with crap no matter what, ask yourself if you’d stay quiet or stand by while they did that to someone else.
Ask yourself if you’re going to let them keep using you, then eventually whoever you marry, then your kids…? They need to stop guilting you while they steal from you and treat you like their kid, not their slave. Anyone who disagrees with this does not care about you and your problems are not their problems. Take care of yourself.” Apprehensive_Salt485
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – just because your parents DECIDED to have children does not mean that you owe them the money you worked for. It was never your mother’s money to borrow without permission and she knew what she was doing by not letting you have access to your own information.
You had every right to cancel the card and it is horrible that she already used a majority of the money and was going to continue to use it until the account was empty.
You should definitely hold your ground and tell them they need to give every penny back or else you will be pursuing legal action.
Just because they are family does not give them the right to step all over you and steal from you. Especially when you are 18 meaning you could be going to college soon which is expensive. Do you have any other family or maybe friends you can stay with so you can start saving up again?” Lucky-Worth-02
6. WIBTJ If I Am Not Specific About The Cake?
“My fiancé just proposed last week and I am already budgeting. Our chosen wedding date is in 2024 so we have some time to think about how we are handling things.
I’ve had friends tell me how ridiculously expensive things can get and how services being for a wedding as opposed to any other party means prices can increase.
Now I completely understand that these prices are for ‘wedding quality’ and ensure that things meet those standards. However, my fiancé and I decided we just wanted a very very simple small cake. We are going to have cupcakes for the guests and just a tiny cake for us to slice for the tradition of it.
Now we value taste above looks so we really don’t need any frills when it comes to the cake. I mentioned to my friends that I probably wouldn’t specify that it was a wedding cake so that it hopefully doesn’t up the price.
Most just agreed that wedding cake is usually awful and they’re glad I’m doing cupcakes. However one of my friends said that it seemed wrong and that I’m basically tricking someone out of money they are owed. I figured that since I don’t expect the extra wedding care and quality then it was okay to pay no wedding prices.
But I wanted other opinions because she felt very strongly about it. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but there is a lot in between cupcakes and a wedding cake.
Look for a decent bakery and discuss the thing. With a good conversation, they will be able to offer you something that fits your taste and wishes.
for wedding cakes you pay extra, a part of that is for the decoration which takes a lot of their time and has to be done by a patissier, a part is for timing, they have to make it at a very specific moment, a part is for shipping since wedding cakes are often difficult to package and a part is because it is a wedding and people are willing to pay more.
So if you order a cake without decoration, only one layer, based on normal sizes (so perhaps 2 or 3 smaller ones instead of 1 large) and without a coating that will attract moisture. They can make a very nice cake for you at a decent price. Now you only need a bakery that understands your wishes and you will not have to pay the wedding uplift.” Bored-Viking
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not WANTING the extra frills. You just want some tasty cake. Sure, it’s FOR a wedding, but you’re not required to have a ten-foot cake if it’s not something you’re into. A simple wedding, simple cake. Plus, going simple and having simple expectations will likely be an incredible breath of fresh air for that baker as they’re probably used to entitled people nowadays nitpicking down to the last sprinkle.
I’d personally take the easy, cheap commission as a ‘break’ from the chaos of perfection and entitlement even if they net more profit.
Edit: you can always tip the baker if you feel like you should pay a little extra.” CielWolfsbane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The wedding industry is weird. As soon as you use the word ‘wedding,’ people attach all kinds of weird connotations and expectations that they’ll unapologetically charge you for – even if you don’t want any of it! Vendors deal with a lot of touchy bridezillas and groomzillas who lose their minds if everything doesn’t come out Pinterest-worthy, so they assume all the bells and whistles, and many will even charge extra just because they anticipate you being a stressed-out pain in the butt.
For wedding cakes, bakeries will prioritize aesthetics over taste and sell you all kinds of weird frills. They look great on Instagram, but they rarely taste good enough to be worth the calories, even at otherwise great bakeries.
In my opinion, price is only one of the plethora of reasons not to say the word ‘wedding’ to vendors.” H3yAssbutt
5. AITJ For Canceling A Trip And Not Refunding My Friend For Her Flight Tickets?
“I am currently on a semester abroad in Italy until Easter (from the UK). My friend ‘Polly’ wanted to come and visit at the end of next month.
We had been talking about this trip and planning dates for ages, and she still hadn’t booked anything, which is obviously fine. However, in the meantime, I had been having some mental health issues and family drama and would like to go home to my parents around the time she is supposed to visit (it is the only time that my family will be free when flights are affordable for me to go home).
Three days ago, I sent Polly a long message explaining the situation and that I was sorry I would not be able to host her at the time we had planned for her to visit. She had still not booked anything at the time but immediately seemed a bit defensive and sent me a message saying, ‘This is the only time I will be free to visit you, can I come on (specific dates)?
I can book flights today, is that ok?’ I immediately (within 30 minutes) replied saying, ‘No, I’m sorry, as I explained I would now like to go home at the time we had been planning the visit, and in any case, the first two days of your trip aren’t what we discussed and I have always been unable to host you at that time due to (specific commitments).
Normally I would say to book 2 days later but as I said I really need to prioritize my mental health and go home at that time if possible.’
She didn’t respond again until the next day and told me that she had already booked flights before checking whether I’d replied and that she was expecting me to host her on the dates she had outlined. To be honest, I was quite shocked by this and told her I couldn’t host her then and that she should have checked my response to her questions before booking the flights.
She is now very angry and insisting that I should pay her back for the cost of her flights (around £100 which is a lot for either of us), but I told her that this shouldn’t be my responsibility as she should have double checked with me before spending the money.
I later offered to refund half as a peace offering but she said this wasn’t anywhere near good enough.
Polly told our mutual friends the situation and they are all saying I’m the jerk and should pay her back in full as she and her family apparently have no money.
I’m devastated to have lost this friendship on top of everything else going on in my life and really confused about whether I’m in the wrong.
So AITJ for canceling this trip and refusing to refund my friend for her flight tickets?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You told her not to come. She chose to not listen.
Make certain any mutual friends of yours know that. You told her NOT TO COME. You told her THOSE DATES DON’T WORK.
She ignored you.
She can send the information for the airline to you and you can talk to them.
But those tickets don’t really exist. She’s just trying to get money out of you.” cathline
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She hadn’t booked anything. You did the right thing and let her know not to. She then booked immediately to try and force you to host her because she doesn’t care about what you need, she cares about her holiday.
Do you know why she wants you to pay for her flights? So she can go on her holiday at your expense. If she has so little money at the moment that she can’t afford not to be reimbursed for the flights then how was she going to afford anything in Italy?
The answer is that she was expecting to turn up and have you pay for everything after feeding you some story of Poor Polly.
Send your friends a message ‘I’m not paying for flights that I told Polly not to purchase. I feel like she is extorting me by only booking after I told her not to.
Why would she wait so long and then book within hours of me saying no except to try to force me to host her? Money is tight for me too at the moment. I know she was looking forward to the holiday, but my mental health and family come first. I was unaware of her financial trouble and I’m now wondering how she was going to afford food and events here even if she was staying with me.
I understand that she has just spent a lot of money on tickets but I specifically told her not to do that. I told her not to, she then asked for dates that I didn’t agree to in the first place and asked if that was okay, and then didn’t actually check that was okay before she booked. That sounds like manipulation to me?'” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Screenshot your messages with Polly, send them to your friends, and ask them how is it that all this is your fault. It’s likely that they got a different story from Polly. If Polly ignored your mental health for a chance to force you into letting her have a free stay at your place, she might not be above lying about what happened.
Ask Polly to send you her tickets, booking confirmation email, etc. If she really has booked it, the way you can help her, if you want to (you don’t need it), is to check with the airline whether the tickets are refundable.” notuptospecs
4. AITJ For Not Financially Supporting My Sister And Her Kids?
“I’m (F28 years old) I always wanted a child. It didn’t work out right away, but when it did, I found out that a healthy son was unlikely to be born after a while.
Doctors said during pregnancy: the baby will have problems.
Well, right in his maternity hospital – to intensive care, immediately doctors, examinations.
Cerebral palsy is once. Epilepsy is two. Hearing and vision disorders are three and many more
Which lead to a lot of confusion in my family, luckily tho my husband has a very good job he makes six figures a year and he loves me and our son ever so dearly.
Idk what I would do without his support.
Now, I come from a relatively poor family, and so until my baby was born my husband helped me a lot with my family.
My sister Jenny (22 years old) has two kids on her own 2 years and 8 months old baby.
Before my son was born I helped her dearly, my husband and I even got her a one-room apartment so that she don’t have to live in rented apartments with her kids (her husband left her).
But the thing is when my son was born I noticed some weird things about Jenny at first I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but time went by and I noticed how often she pass by my husband work place, how often she text him and overall how much she visits our house.
1 day she came by to ask me for money, she asked around 25k$ to buy a car because she claimed it was hard for her to get kids anywhere. But I had to kindly decline because tho my husband makes good money, we still had a child on our own to take care of and it’s not cheap.
Now before anyone asks we help Jenny on monthly basis we pay her older son’s kindergarten bills, I tried to buy groceries for her from time to time and get kids toys and clothes when I could.
I don’t know where it went wrong, but she lost it when I said that I don’t want to spend 25k$ on a car.
She got mad and said to me how ‘ur child is not worth anything as he never is anything. I, on the other hand, have two perfectly healthy kids to take care of. Jacob (my husband) will leave you in a heartbeat if he has a chance.’ I don’t know what got into me that moment but I lost it too saying that I’m not here to listen to her crap and that I helped enough but she ends up saying ‘u give me pennies whilst u live in luxury and buy your ‘abnormal’ child everything when he doesn’t even understand anything’.
I only managed to say that unlike her husband mine at least have heart. I kicked her out of the house that evening and, later on, texted her that I’m not going to continue helping her unless she apologizes.
My family is on her side they said I was harsh and that I should apologize and that we both were wrong.
My mom said that I can’t cut my sister because if I do she will lose her kids because she has no job to support them, she said my hormones have just been wild recently and I need to calm down. Everyone called me a jerk from my family’s side.
I’m so lost right now, probably also due to post-partum depression but I have been crying all day yesterday and today. I want to know if what I did made me a jerk and I need to apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister needs to get off her butt and get a job.
It’s not your or your husband’s job to financially support her. While yes it was very generous of you to do it’s not your responsibility. She should have thought about all the help you provide for her before she talked recklessly to you. And honestly, I would go no contact with her even if she apologized for how she spoke about your child.
That’s horrible to say to anyway but especially to a family member who is providing financial support for you. And she is just hugely ungrateful, not just for the things she said but the fact that she expected you to buy her a 25K car!
She didn’t have to pick something that was so expensive, yet she did because she now has become entitled. And have a talk with your husband about the things she said to you and let him know that you would like him to go no contact with her and not provide any more assistance.” judgingA-holes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
As a mama too, she should understand. I’m not even a mom yet and I understand. Children are not cheap, especially when they have as many issues as yours! If you live in the US those hospital bills will cost much more than a car for your sister.
Although I don’t know the complete circumstance of your sister and why she can’t pay for her own things like a lot of single moms are able to, some people just have problems with being told no. It has nothing to do with you, none of it is your fault and you definitely don’t have to feel bad for bringing up the things you did.
She was inconsiderate and rude at first, all you did was just throw it back at her. If she can’t accept that you’re in a spot where you can no longer lend her money you don’t expect to get back, that’s her problem. Not yours.
Keep chugging mama, things will get better soon.” yesiamyes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You have nothing to apologize for. It’s really hard to understand the finances of this situation when we don’t know where you live, whether it’s realistic that Jenny finds a job, and what happens to the kids without support, etc.
It’s not hard to understand how awful it is that Jenny does not value your child because of their disability. Jenny deserves nothing. Jenny isn’t her children though. It sounds like you’ve been really wonderful and supportive with your help for them, getting them accommodation but also enriching their lives.
I’d just say take a child-centered approach to this. Do whatever you feel is best for your child but also if you can, your niblings.” beth_hazel_thyme
3. WIBTJ If I Move To My Dad's?
“6 months after my (f18) parents divorced, my mum (f42) got a partner (f39) I’ll call Z. I thought Z was really cool, except for the fact that she lived in another country.
Mum and Z talked over face time a lot, and Z and I chatted a bit too.
Mum went to Z’s country to talk in person, twice before Z packed up everything and moved to our country. Z and I do not get along. It’s so different from over the phone and we just don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things.
Every time we get into an argument over family or anything, Z always brings up her traumatic past, and how I shouldn’t complain because at least I didn’t have to deal with that, and other people have it worse.
We got into it again tonight.
I could see Z was mad and I didn’t know what I’d done this time so I asked her, and she snapped that she didn’t want to talk about it, which is a common occurrence. I yelled that I couldn’t fix it if I didn’t know what I’d done, and she yelled that I was inconsiderate of everyone around me.
I yelled back that I hadn’t even done anything today, except go out to a job application, and the bank, and cleaned up some of my dad’s stuff in the yard so he can come and pick it up at his new house. She just turned to my mum and said she couldn’t do this tonight and called to her dog and barricaded herself in my mum’s room.
I feel like I ruined dinner and like I’m never gonna be good enough, so I am thinking about just leaving for my dad’s.
So, would I be the jerk if I just moved to my dad’s?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the fact that someone doesn’t have it ‘worse’ doesn’t mean you’re not struggling.
It’s not a competition. And if she has some triggers it’s her responsibility to take care of them or at least begin with explaining them to people she’s living with so they can help with accommodations. Mental health state is not a person’s fault, but it’s their responsibility to take care of it.
And your care about your mental health would be to go live with your father rather than to walk on eggshells around your mom’s new partner. And don’t forget to take all your important documents and belongings to take with you.” It_s_just_me
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go to your dad’s because you don’t need to be in a toxic household. Let your mom have her partner if it makes her happy, but it’s obvious that they don’t care about you and your mental health, so if they act like they don’t want you there then leave.
It might be hard to begin a new, healthier life, but you’ll feel better once you take the toxic elements out of your life. You deserve better. So go for it!” WardenRae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, talk to your mother first though. So she has the opportunity to see she’s letting a manipulative snake stay in the house that will cost her, and her child and has the chance to correct it.
But be warned if she’s doing this in front of your mother and your mother isn’t doing anything she either doesn’t care because she’s being manipulated also OR she condones the behavior. Which a lot of newly divorced parents with ‘adult’ (I say that lightly since you’re only 18) children will allow it since they feel ‘done parenting’ since their nuclear family is gone and the spice of a new relationship is more fun.
Even if it’ll cost them bigger later, they’re normally too blind and need to be shown or just don’t care to ever see.” Kooky_Energy39
Even though you are 18 I see you as the child in this situation ( though you are on the brink of adulthood).
This is your home. Please talk to your mom about what is happening in your home. After this discussion, if there is not a suitable resolution then go to your dad's. Your are not the jerk. 39 year olds are old enough to self regulate. Her victimization of herself is not because of you.
2. AITJ For Leaving My Partner After She Ignores Me?
“I (27) went to a pumpkin patch with my partner (22) and a bunch of her friends. I was told it was a couples’ thing but I was the only guy there. That’s fine. I am okay with her friends. I am past the whole cutesy date thing but I like making her happy.
But then they all started ignoring me. Every time I tried to join a conversation or spend time with my partner I got frozen out. Like I was intruding. I asked her if she wanted to go do the corn maze with me and it was like I was some creepy guy at a bar.
They all had to come along. Like I was trying to separate her. I totally was but I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
Anyways they all decided to split up in the maze and my partner went with them.
Screw this noise. I could go catch the Seahawks game if I boogied. So I texted her that she had five minutes to respond to me or I was going back to town to watch the game and she could get a ride back with her friends.
I was literally watching the second quarter before she responded. It took her that long to notice that I was gone. She said her friend would have to drive really far out of her way to drop her off and that I should come to get her.
I was definitely over the limit and I told her to get an Uber and I would pay for it. She said never mind and spent the night at her place instead.
I just woke up to about fifty texts from her and her friends calling me a jerk for leaving without telling anyone.
I did tell her. She just chose to ignore me.
I’m kind of annoyed that I wasted all that gas and time and we never even got to actually spend time together. I’m upset with her and her crappy friends.
AITJ?
Edit: We have been together for about six months.
Our age difference is exactly four years and 37 days. I didn’t realize that made me a dirty old man.
I enjoy taking her out and having fun. She is just starting her career and I am established in mine. So I like taking her out for fun stuff she enjoys.
When I said I am past the cutesy date thing I meant that I would not be the one to suggest a date at a pumpkin patch. But she was a theater kid and I took her to see Hamilton. She loved it. I go out of my way to take her to things she will enjoy.
And when we hang out with my friends they all include he because she is awesome. My friends’ wives and partners all in life her in stuff too.
This is the first time she has behaved like this.
The pumpkin patch had five bars of signal and all of them were posting constantly the entire time they were there.
We spoke. It turns out that the friends were annoyed that I showed up. Not because I was there but because the other guys all blew them off to watch the game. So they basically convinced her that it should be a girl’s day. Which was fine.
If she had told me I would have gone to a pub nearby to get some food, have a beer and wait for her to get back to me. I was wrong about her sorority sister from Los Angeles being the tipping point. She was the one saying that they were being jerks, excluding me.
So I feel kind of bad about that.”
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not the jerk. It was obviously a bad call on her part for her to coax you into going. She should have known how the situation was going to play out. Also, shame on her friends for treating you like an outsider.
My friends and I always make sure to include our friend’s significant others in conversations and activities because we all know what it’s like to be the odd person out.
Also, the fact that it took her that long to realize that you weren’t there or to check her phone with me shows precisely where you rank in importance in her life.
Then because you didn’t hang around like a good little puppy dog waiting patiently for her, she chose to trash-talk you to her friends all night, which I can guarantee is what they were doing, because that’s what women do in groups together when they are angry.
Your partner sounds ridiculously inconsiderate. Not only do I think that you’re not the jerk, I think it’s time to get a new girl or just go back to being single. I mean if you’re running into these kinds of problems with something this small and simple, imagine what things will be like when life really gets complicated. Do you really think she’s going to step up to the plate and be a better person than she has shown herself to be?” Emparawr
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It’s bad manners to exclude your date from the group so she is the jerk. But you did not communicate with her your feelings, you just stormed off like a child. You say you were trying to get her alone.
Did you use actual words to communicate this? ‘Hey babe, could I have a word alone for a sec?’
And it’s completely feasible she does not text you until the second quarter. She may have been lost in the maze or thought you were.
Not in a ‘hey send in the sniffer dogs’ way, but that’s the way corn mazes work. Getting lost is sometimes expected and part of the fun. I work at a place with a corn maze and many people actively don’t check their phones so it’s more challenging.
Giving an ultimatum you are leaving five minutes before you left is incredibly short notice.
Your attitude toward her sounds incredibly condescending. You are ‘over the cutesy date thing.’ Maybe it’s the age difference, but you seem to treat her like a child. ‘Five minutes left in the pool or else.’ You are both better off not seeing each other.” kidwrangl3r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m reading from your edit, your age difference would not be significant if it weren’t showing that you two are at two entirely different developmental stages. It sounds like you also aren’t prepared to be in a relationship at all, let alone young people so perhaps you should take a break and consider who you are trying to attract and if you are actually prepared for being in a relationship
She and her friends should have discussed it just being a girl’s day and had your partner tell you not to come if they didn’t want you there. They used you as a ride and then disrespected your presence. That’s not okay.
Don’t get tricked by this being turned around and her saying that she actually had your back.
If she had your back she would have spoken up for you, not go along with her friend’s treatment of you ignoring you to the point where she didn’t even notice you were gone.
It still comes down to, from your edits, she has not apologized, she just turned it around that you were rude for leaving and that she actually had your back, and that you are a jerk for leaving.
You are not. If you go to an event and everyone there treats you like garbage, and the person who should have your back isn’t defending you that is time to leave. It doesn’t sound like she actually likes you that much given that she is okay with her friends treating you like this.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – You clearly thought it was going to be more of a date. She thought it was going to be more of a group thing. Yes, she should have communicated that to you much better. Yes, she should have paid more attention to you and included you in conversations and activities.
But instead of just going with it, you tried to force it to be a date. When that didn’t happen, you ditched her. Giving her 5 minutes to respond before speeding off and getting wasted so you couldn’t come back is a pretty big jerk move in my opinion.
Do you want her to be sorry she wasn’t checking her phone while socializing with her friends?
I’d let you off the hook if you told her in person that you weren’t feeling it and we’re going to head home, or if you came back and picked her up.” svenson_26
1. AITJ For Not Giving My Friend Her Dog's Pictures?
“I (27, female, photographer) moved to a different country some time ago and made new friends. One of them with a beautiful but already quite an old dog and we always joked about how cute he would look in pictures. Last week she texted me and told me how sad she was that her dog doesn’t have much time and she would love some forever memories (pictures) of him, so I immediately offered to snap some pictures for free and also told her I would edit them for free but due to me being quite busy I can only offer around 5 pictures for free.
So yesterday we met and I took some really cute pics of the pooch. Afterward, I put every picture with a watermark in an online gallery, sent her the link, and told her she should choose 10 pictures she wants for free. Today she told me that she would appreciate it if I could send her all 30 pictures but I explained to her that I don’t give out unfinished work since it’s my work and I only want the polished end product out in the world.
She got really mad and told me multiple times that she doesn’t understand why she can’t just have all of the pictures and even promised me she wouldn’t post them on any social media.
Also accused me of trapping her in a situation where she would have to use the money to get the rest of the pictures.
I feel quite sorry because her dog probably has not much time left and I understand that she wants those pictures, so I am wondering if I’m the bad person here or if it was correct to stand my ground.
Edit: I decided to send her all the pictures unedited. I know how it feels to lose a companion and it can be tough and yes, she is not a client, you guys are absolutely right on that one.
5 mins earlier however she received the folder, called me, and asked me why there is still a visible leash, and collar in the pictures. Not gonna lie, that left me slightly confused, however, I explained that removing unwanted elements is a part of my editing process.
She demanded I could at least use that filter on the pictures so it looks like her baby is running free. I really tried to explain to her that it’s not a filter that I can just apply with a click. It’s not a lot of work, and it’s not complicated but it still takes some time.
She was NOT happy to hear that.”
Another User Comments:
“I understand where you’re coming from, but you have already taken the pictures and will not be editing more of them. That means it costs you nothing to let her have the pictures.
I know what you’re saying about having unpolished photos ‘out in the world’ but these won’t be, really.
It’s not a portfolio or an advertisement of your work. It’s just kindness to a friend.
She is being rude to demand and makes accusations when you have already done something kind. It’s poor behavior, for certain. But it’s also a difficult time where it probably feels really hard to pick and choose which memories to keep and which to lose.
I can’t call you a jerk. But I think this is a time when it really wouldn’t hurt to let some unedited photos go.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You were kind to offer your usually income-generating services pro bono to a friend, and you even took it a step further by doubling your initial offer of 5 free shots.
She may have misunderstood the terms, she may be unusually ‘needy’ because she knows she’s losing her dog, or she might simply be one of those greedy people for whom nothing is ever enough. Regardless of the root cause of her current feelings of entitlement, she should be paying you in gratitude if she’s not paying in cash.
That said, you may consider removing your professional watermark from the unedited shots and giving them to her, with or without going ahead and editing the original 5 or 10 pics. Removing the watermark would presumably remove any link back to you as the photographer and likely eliminate the risk of the unprocessed photos affecting your business, while at the same time saving the friendship.
That’s completely up to you, of course, because I don’t think you would be a jerk for standing your ground, either.” randomomnsuburbia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think emotions are understandably running high and she’s forgetting that she’s getting £££ worth of free professional images and is stuck on that grief-stricken need to keep every memory of her dog close.
However, this was the agreement from the start. If you weren’t busy and if she’d asked gently maybe there’d have been room to edit more as an additional gift (I’m soppy about animals though!)… but you ARE busy, and she has been pushy about it.
I think when people see what they can’t have they feel like they’re missing out. If you’d said you’d provide 5 and done the selects yourself perhaps she’d feel less like she’s entitled to them because they’re ‘there’. If she had not seen the additional images she may not have been pining for them so much.” junglemice
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