People Rely On Us For Honest Responses To Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

We choose friends based on our impressions of their kindness, reliability, and morals. However, it could be quite difficult to persuade others to choose us as their friends if they already have negative opinions of us. We should make an effort to explain who we genuinely are, just like these folks do, even though it could be challenging to forge new relationships because we already have a bad reputation for being jerks in the past. Let us know who you think are the real jerks among the people below after reading the stories. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

26. AITJ For Refusing To Make My Kids Give Up Their Rooms?

“I (37 female) have been with my husband (36 male) for over 5 years. We recently married in July. Hasn’t been a month yet. I am 7 months pregnant with our first child together. We are a blended family of 6. He has 3 kids, 2 of whom live with us.

My husband’s sister (30 female) and her two kids (9f & 5M) recently moved in with us.

To begin, my husband never asked me if I was okay with her moving in. I found out through a conversation with her. I can’t tell you exactly why she’s here but I’m sure it’s because she’s a single mother and struggles. Our household was not the only or even the best option. Their parents have a house with PLENTY of room.

Now my issues! I tried discussing with my husband the living arrangements prior to her moving in. Our 3 kids all have their own bedroom. His sister is occupying our extra master bedroom. So she has plenty of space. My husband told our kids Saturday morning to pack their rooms up because everyone’s rooms would be changing.

Our girls (15 & 12) would be moving into our teen son’s (16) room together. It’s the biggest of the 3 and our son would be getting the 2nd biggest room while his niece and nephew get the smallest room. This is a decision that was NEVER discussed with me.

Our girls agreed to let the 9-year-old sleep with them on a weekly basis while the 5-year-old remained in the room with his mom.

My husband said no. I suggested that his niece stay in the room with my daughter and my daughter advised she was okay with that she just didn’t want to lose her room. He denied that request. He stated that his niece and nephew shouldn’t be uncomfortable while living here. I feel completely uncomfortable and disrespected in HIS home.

I packed my daughter’s room and she is now sleeping on the couch. I told him I would be moving because he is making decisions for our household as if it’s just his. He responded I’m overreacting! I am in the process of moving out. AITJ because I don’t think my kids should have to give their rooms up?”

Another User Comments:


Wow, sorry the wedding already happened.

This will not be a good marriage since he’s not a partner. You are not overreacting; he’s making unilateral decisions without your input, including having other HUMANS MOVE IN WITHOUT A DISCUSSION.

Giving up the rooms is only part of it, his inability to acknowledge you are rightfully entitled to be part of major decisions is entirely wrong of him.

Legit red flags.” Fairmount1955

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s not about the kids’ rooms, It’s about him making every decision as if he’s the only one in the house. Not happening. You didn’t agree to the sister moving in. You didn’t agree to the room changes and he won’t compromise. This is not a marriage it’s a dictatorship. Be done with him.” an0nym0uswr1ter

7 points (7 votes)

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Deedee 2 months ago
It's bad enough that he didn't ask you if it was OK for her and her kids to move in but to make the kids give up their rooms when there were other options is ridiculous.
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25. AITJ For Yelling At A Mother At The Park?

“I was with a friend chilling in a popular park, we had been there for a while just chatting and soaking up the sun.

A group of 3 women sat down quite near us, and they had 2 young boys with them, about three years old. Everything was fine until I noticed that the boys were throwing around one of those plastic/metal toy trucks that mostly ended up around us.

They would throw it, run to collect it, and throw it again…

After a while, one of the trucks hit my knee. So I’m like okay, benefit of the doubt, the kid picked up the truck and I smiled at him, all good till now. But then, right after, the truck hit my shoulder. Now this time I turned around and glared at the mother, picked up the truck, handed it back to the boy, and said, ‘Can you please stop throwing this at me?’

He went back to his mother who was literally facing us.

I tell her to please take away his toy since he is clearly doing this on purpose and she hasn’t bothered stopping him. While she is shrugging, the boy throws the truck again and it hits me smack on the head.

I blow up, and my friend blows up. I told her to educate her kid and don’t let him purposely hit other people if not don’t bring him out in public.

She retorted back saying he’s just a kid, kids play, etc. I then said, ‘Well I guess that’s where he learns his manners from’ to which she responded, ‘You must be wrong in the head for getting angry at a kid’.

That was the last straw, my friend started laying into her saying that the fact she allowed them to keep throwing the truck at us and didn’t even make the kid apologize or take away the toys showed what sort of mother she is.

Mind you, a lot of people were looking at us at this point. We left after that. AITJ for making a scene and yelling at a mom in public?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but there’s a way to be more skillful with this age bracket:

OP smiled at the kid when the truck hit the first time. That’s fine for older kids who have developed a semblance of social skills, but 4 and under especially need firm boundaries up front.

They need to be told immediately something calm and straightforward like ‘Ouch that hurt me, please don’t hit me with that’ or ‘Hello, I did not like when your truck hit my body.’ Smiling or giving a big blowup reaction immediately enforces the behavior because it gives attention, which is why the kid kept doing it.

If the kid does it again, I’d say ‘Ouch you hit me again, after I asked you not to do that. I’m going to ask your mom to put this toy away until you’re ready to respect my body.’ Hand the toy to the mom and ask her to put it away, and if she balks, ask her to problem-solve for you how she’s going to help her kid respect your boundaries.

It’s caregivers’ primary responsibility to teach kids these things and give them a good foundation, but kids love to test boundaries so it also takes a village.” ScarredByThe90s

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Parent here. Trucks aren’t even a toy to throw. If my kids are throwing things and they are near others, I ask them to pay attention to the people around them before anyone even gets hit with a toy. After the first hit, mom should have taken the toys away or moved the kids away from people. Yeah, kids play. Not a reason for people to get hurt.” EbbStunning7720

6 points (6 votes)

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Botz 1 month ago
I would have found a garbage can and put the truck in there!
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24. AITJ For Confronting My Neighbor About An Offensive Meme She Sent Me?

“We (34f) (38m) have been married for almost a decade and we have 4 kids. We have lived next door to the elderly neighbors for 6 years. We never developed a relationship at all during that time.

7 months ago a hurricane destroyed our home. The kids and I had evacuated to our hometown. My husband stayed home for work.

The kids and I stayed in our hometown due to the extent of the damage and other circumstances.

My husband developed a relationship with the neighbors during this time. The three of them developed a close bond. They drank coffee, ate breakfast, and ate dinner every day together. I found the relationship to be endearing and encouraged it.

I met them once and had a quick dinner and conversation. That is the only time I have ever met them.

Weeks later at 6:30 in the morning I received an offensive and insulting meme in Messenger from the woman. Summed up it basically said I was unlovable, undesirable, unpleasant, and a burden but I could still be difficult and less than perfect and be deserving of kindness.

I never felt like a burden or any of those things or the other insulting things listed. I found it offensive, especially from a stranger.

I politely attempted to let her know she was making a false assumption. She let me know she was making no assumptions because she had seen my social media. I support mental health a lot.

I have lost people to mental health struggles and I have struggled myself in the past. So I explained that and that my social media is not a reflection of me as a person but just that… social media… not real life. She lost it. She attacked me as a mother. She attacked my marriage telling me I had no say over anything to do with my family, marriage, or property because we relocated to our hometown after the storm.

Her exact wording was ‘You are not here you have no say’.

I called my husband expecting support. We had had issues in the past with his mom and sister having disrespectful behaviors. We had therapy. We went no contact.

Instead of supporting me. He attacked me also. Blamed me for everything. Said I wanted to destroy his relationship with the neighbors so I did all of this on purpose.

Said I disrespected him by calling him and expecting him to take my side in a situation that he did not see an issue with. He said she was being supportive. I thought it was offensive.

I clearly stated my reasons and boundaries. He demanded a relationship with the neighbors. It has been a month. He swears I destroyed our marriage and family over my ego.

I say this situation was never about him and I never disrespected him by defending myself. My only role was to defend my own self-respect and self-worth from a stranger who had no rights or reasons to approach me with her false assumptions and accusations about me as a person or as a mother or to attack my marriage.”

Another User Comments:


This is just plain weird. It sounds to me as though your husband has been complaining about you to these people and they’ve egged him on in your absence. If he’s willing to side with neighbors over you, I’d say you’ve been having problems for some time – even if you didn’t notice – and the separation has brought everything to a head.

If you want to save the marriage, ask him to go for counseling. If you don’t, or if he doesn’t, get a lawyer.

I’m very sorry. This all sounds incredibly stressful for you and the kids.” stropette

5 points (5 votes)

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Plv1985 2 months ago (Edited)
Wow. It sounds like she got her assumptions from your husband himself most likely. He's probably been complaining about you in your absence. I'm so curious as to the meme though. It sounds awfully specific. Did she create the meme? How could your husband interpret it as something encouraging? I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree with the person that said you've likely been having marital trouble for awhile, whether you were aware or not. How elderly are these neighbors? Is an affair possible? Maybe they have a daughter your guys' age or something. This is why families should stay together.
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23. AITJ For Refusing To Cover My Wife's Part On Our Kids' College Funds?

“My (39M) wife (38F) and I both work jobs where we make between 70-80k. She makes a few thousand dollars more than I do.

My wife’s mom was not financially independent, so my wife was very scared of sharing finances. We have completely separate bank accounts. We charge shared expenses (groceries, kids’ activities, etc.) to our separate credit cards, and at the end of every week, we give each other the bill for half of the expenses we paid that week.

It’s a weird system, but it works for us.

My wife and I also care deeply about not letting our kids go into debt for school. So every month, we both contribute $100 to my daughter’s (11F) college fund and $100 to my son’s (9M) college fund. So each kid gets $200 total per month.

Last weekend, we were budgeting, and I asked my wife to send me the funds she owed for the kids’ college funds.

She said she didn’t have the money. She said that she had made some big personal purchases this month (including new car tires, a name-brand purse, and a fancy hair dryer) and she didn’t have $200 to spare for the kids’ college funds. So she said she wouldn’t contribute for the month of May.

We got into a fight because I said that if she had money to spend on a purse, she had money to go toward our children’s futures.

And she acknowledged that she did wrong.

But here’s the part where I might be the jerk: my wife said it wasn’t fair for our kids to get stiffed because of something she did, so she suggested that I contribute her part to the kids’ college funds. That would be $400 in total for me to spend.

I told her absolutely not. I do have the money available, but I believe that paying her part would set a terrible precedent. If she wants to be financially independent, I’m happy to do that, but it means that I won’t cover for her when she wants to buy special treats for herself. I told her to find the money, or our kids would get stiffed.

My brother said I was being the jerk to my kids and that I should just pay her part because my kids don’t deserve to be punished for their parents’ way of separating finances. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your wife is. SHE is the one who purchased ‘a name-brand purse, and a fancy hair dryer.’ The $200 should have been put away first and THEN, if she had sufficient funds, she could have bought these items.

Otherwise, she should have foregone the purse and perhaps bought a less expensive hair dryer.

By the way, this is none of your brother’s business.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – weaponizing her own children to get you to cover her extravagant decisions! How scared can she be of separate finances when she’s effectively spending some of your cash, by spending beyond her free-spending limit in the knowledge she can rely on you to cover the essentials of building for the kids’ futures?

I wouldn’t cover her or she will slowly take over part of your pay, by simply not paying towards her children in the knowledge you will cover any shortfall if she decides at any time she wants her money spent on purely personal items and not on or for the kids.” cynical_old_mare

5 points (5 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
Ntj.. tell wife that next month she pays double end of that way kids ai t getting stiffed tell brother to stay out of our relationship as YOUR WIFE messed up and chose a purse and a hairdryer knowing you have an agreement to put 200 into the kids college funds. She knows what salary she gets every month, she knew what monthly c9mmitmentsmshe has. This is on her not you. She wants separate finances she gets to sort her own mess
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22. AITJ For Speaking Up To The Unruly People At The Movie Theater?

“So last Sunday I was out with friends at the theater to watch the new Batman movie that came out recently (which I recommend, it was very enjoyable). We got in, sat down at our assigned seats and the movie started. In front of us was a couple (in their thirties I would guess), and behind us on the right was a small group of teens/ young adults (4-5 guys, probably around 18-20 years old).

During the first hour of the movie, these guys behind us were talking to each other and laughing without any consideration for the other people trying to enjoy the movie. A few people around them told them discreetly to stop talking, but they kept on going. At that point, I was starting to get annoyed, but I managed to ignore the noise and got back into the movie.

But a few minutes after that, suddenly a bucket nearly full of popcorn flew over our heads, showering us with popcorn and hitting the lady sitting in front of us right in the head. Looking at the trajectory of the bucket, it obviously came from that group of jerks (they were the only ones sitting in that direction).

The lady was obviously surprised and looked back, but then she turned around and didn’t say a thing.

I, on the other hand, was mad. I stood up and started unloading on these guys, giving them a piece of my mind and yelling at them. I don’t know if they were too shocked that someone dared to call them out or if they didn’t care, but none of them said anything back to me.

I sat back down and turned my attention back to the movie. About 5 minutes later, security got into the room and these guys were escorted out.

After the movie was over, my friends told me that I had acted a bit like a jerk because by yelling I disturbed the whole room, while these guys would have been kicked out anyway considering the theater had security cameras in the room.

And that the lady who got hit by the bucket was the one who should have said something and not me. Still, I was mad at their behavior and I think they deserved to be called out. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No, EVERYBODY should have called out boorish, rude, and inconsiderate behavior. You are in a theatre to watch a movie, not to witness these stupid teenage antics and be distracted from a movie you all paid money to see.

If the lady didn’t want to say anything, that is her prerogative but OP was well in his right to speak up. NTJ.” BeeYehWoo

Another User Comments:


On one hand, they’re essentially still kids (legally might be adults but a baby adult) so jerking around is to be expected, but they should’ve stopped once someone said something the first time.

Everyone around them probably wanted to do the same thing but social grace told them to ignore it the best that they could.

Everyone in that theatre also paid to see the movie and should be able to see it without distraction from other people. You’re not an island, others around you are affected by your conversations, phone usage, and jerking around. Reactionary stuff is fine (‘What?! Did you see that?’ ‘I knowwwww!’) but a conversation about your uncle Bob’s pancakes has nothing to do with the movie.” xaledonia

4 points (4 votes)

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Kilzer53 2 months ago
Ntj. Ur friends are cowards.
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21. AITJ For Going Off At My Homophobic Uncle At My Great-Grandma's Birthday Party?

“My (28M) uncle (55M) is a religious guy but he is also a jerk homophobe and I happen to be gay. It’s not like I’ve come out to my family but they know. I mean I live in another country with my ‘roomie’ in a house we own with a set of twins. The reason why I haven’t come out like OFFICIALLY is because I don’t have to explain my life to anyone.

I live in another country but I came back to my homeland to celebrate my great-grandmother’s 100th birthday, my ‘roomie’ (Husband) couldn’t come because our babies were just months old and preferred to stay in Austria.

Her party was two days ago and a huge party was thrown, my uncle was drinking some liquor, so he suddenly mentioned that Mary (his wife 35) is pregnant and then he said: ‘I told Mary that if this child happens to be gay, I’ll disown him and I’d probably have him beheaded, (looks at me and says) You’d do the same, wouldn’t you?’

(A little background info: my uncle had a daughter named Catherine, she was his first child but he never provided for her, and never spent time with her, he has built houses for his mistresses but his daughter is renting as a single mom and he doesn’t help her.)

So, I said: ‘No, you know, I’d have my son beheaded (I’d never) if he happens to be a deadbeat who abandons a child and never provides for them, if he’s a deadbeat who sees that his daughter is struggling financially with two kids as a single mom but does nothing to help while building houses for mistresses that have an affair later on (his mistresses kicked him out after he builds the house, he has built at least three) that’s how I’d disown him, just if he happens to be as repulsive and deadbeat as you are’.

A lot of his friends, his wife, and the children from his previous dead wife were there, his face went red, and was seemingly ashamed.

My great-grandma scolded him and my grandma scolded me so my great-grandma ended up scolding my grandma for scolding me and it was all a mess.

My parents say that as I know how he is I should have just ignored him.

The party wasn’t the same from that point.

So, great-grandma says I did nothing wrong but grandma says I ruined everything.

I need some opinions from strangers, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:


Putting up with a homophobic uncle is not required, especially considering he has no room to judge. Secondarily, your great-grandmother is the celebrated person at this party, and she doesn’t think the party was ruined.” Otter39

Another User Comments:


Your great-grandmother is amazing, though, and the thought of her scolding her daughter, your grandmother, makes me smile. Not cause of the situation (which is not funny) but the mental image.

Your uncle deserved all he got and you had every right to call him out.” popcornnpickles

4 points (4 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
Ntj.. Great grandma agrees with you!! It was her party !! She isn't bothered so tell the others to shut up k ow theor roll and sort out the homophobic cheating deadbeat moron that 1 obviously raised cos I am sure she didn't raise him that way. Tell parents you spoke the truth and you willnpt have him try push his crap onto you
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20. AITJ For Not Being Accommodating Enough To My Mother-In-Law?

“My wife and MIL have been trying for the past few months to find a time for MIL to come visit us. MIL is currently separated from her husband (my wife’s stepdad) and is kind of bouncing from family member to family member helping them out. She’s been house-sitting, dog-sitting, cleaning, painting, organizing, etc. in all the different places she goes.

I honestly do not want that kind of help at our place, I don’t think we need it. But my wife wants MIL to visit so she can at least spend time with our 3-year-old son.

Two weeks ago, MIL texted my wife on a Thursday to let her know she would be coming the next day.

Not the most respectful or convenient thing to give one day’s notice in my opinion, but not the end of the world. She also told my wife that she plans on spending 2-3 weeks with us. Again, that seems like a long visit and a bit presumptuous on MIL’s part.

I told my wife I would appreciate a bit more advance notice, and she just kind of said this was what works for MIL.

I asked about the long stay and my wife said that she has a lot of work stuff going on the next couple weeks in the evenings and on weekends so that MIL could help me out at home. I told her I didn’t need the help and I didn’t necessarily appreciate the implication that I did.

She told me it would be good for MIL and our son to spend some extended time together.

Last week my wife had to work in the evenings and on Saturday. I tried to keep to our son’s routine as best as possible, but MIL kept indulging him whenever he wanted to stay up later or play outside later than we usually do.

Not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, it’s just kind of frustrating. But my son loves playing with MIL so I didn’t say or do anything about it.

What I did do was pretty much ignore MIL after my son went to sleep or when my wife was home. I just hung out in the basement and relaxed.

I wasn’t rude to her, I just didn’t really initiate conversation or go out of my way to spend time with her. I guess she told my wife that I have been making her feel unwelcome and uncomfortable.

My wife confronted me about this over the weekend and told me I need to be nicer to her mom and make her feel more welcome while she visits.

I told her that it was not my responsibility to make MIL feel comfortable in our home. I told her that I would be civil and polite and help MIL if she asked, but I was not going to go out of my way to be proactive for her.

My wife said that MIL is going through a hard time and it’s been hard on her going from place to place without having anywhere to call her own.

I told her that’s her own choice as she was the one who moved out on her husband and that she has a place to call her own, she just doesn’t want to go back.

My wife told me to stop being a selfish jerk and to at least act like I was okay with her mom being there for a few weeks.

She said it won’t hurt me to not act like a jerk while she’s here.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, how hard is it to be nice to someone going through a hard time? Yes, it is inconvenient, but just try.

However, the real issue is between you and your spouse. Just be kind to your MIL for the sake of your spouse.

It will make your wife’s life easier. It’s short-term. In long marriages, people make sacrifices for each other. Every little act of kindness you do for your MIL, you are really doing for your wife.” Sunny9226

Another User Comments:

“MIL gives you 24 hours of notice before she decides she’ll be staying for 3 weeks. It doesn’t sound like you were consulted at all, and having extended, non-emergency guests is absolutely something you need to clear with your spouse.

She undermines your parenting. Sure, one time staying up a little later isn’t going to ruin anything, but 3 weeks of indulgences is going to make getting back to routine a nightmare.

She expects you to do a full-time job, come home, struggle to parent with her undoing your work, and then what? Play court jester for her? You’re not her source of amusement.

How would your wife feel if you unilaterally invited your mother over and told your wife she needs to entertain her for 3 weeks, on top of everything she normally does?

NTJ. Tell MIL to learn how to work Netflix and entertain herself.” NotTwitchy

4 points (4 votes)

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Plv1985 2 months ago
Yes, she gave short notice of exactly when, but you knew it was coming. I bet what you call civil and polite is coming out as put out and annoyed.
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19. AITJ For Laughing When My Dad's Partner Said Their Future Daughter Would Replace Me?

“I (20F) live with my dad (39), his partner (36), her son (6) and my two little brothers (16, 11). My dad and his partner have been together since I was 17. Everything was good in the beginning. At first, she would just visit or stay the night sometimes, she would help wash the dishes that she used, order us food, and take us places.

That changed when they decided we should buy a house and move in together. My siblings and I all agree since we liked our dad’s partner and her son but the moment we moved she changed a lot.

First, she stopped buying stuff for us and made a fuss about every little thing my siblings and I did.

She complained about how we clean, how we wash our clothes etc. But the most she complained about was how much my dad and I spend time together. I’m his first child and his only daughter so I always considered myself Daddy’s girl since I’m not really close with my mom. His partner didn’t like that and started talking about how when she has a daughter with my dad he’s never going to love me that much anymore.

I ignored her comments since my dad already told us he was done having kids.

The other day my dad and I were chillin in the basement. I was watching him play a basketball game. I laid my head on his shoulder as I always do as I watch him play. His partner came downstairs a couple of minutes later and I could see how angry she was.

I just rolled my eyes and looked back at the TV. My dad was done playing and went upstairs to get ready for work. When he was out of sight his partner told me ‘You better get all the love from him right now because the moment we have a daughter she’s going to replace you’.

I started laughing thinking she must be joking. She got mad at me for laughing and went to tell my dad.

The walls are kinda thin so I can hear their conversation. She’s telling my dad how I laughed in her face for talking about their future baby then I hear my dad laughing asking ‘What future baby?’ She got angry yelling at my dad saying he spoiled me rotten and that when they have a girl he better do the same.

I can hear my dad laugh again telling her he’s not having any more kids. She continued yelling at my dad and started packing her and her sons’ stuff then left.

My dad asked if I was okay and to not be bothered about what she said. He gave me a kiss on the head and left for work.

My dad’s partner’s mom started texting me saying what I did was disrespectful and that I needed to stop being a jealous jerk and to stop acting like a spoiled princess when I was an adult. I blocked her number knowing what I did wasn’t wrong but I wanted to know AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“She’s either already pregnant or she’s gonna lie about her use of contraception to ‘trap’ him into having another kid.

I hope he stays vigilant. He sounds like he’s got a good head on his shoulders, so I’m glad your Dad’s got your back. NTJ.

But the woman is a major drama llama and doesn’t need to be your stepmama.

Personally, sounds like she’s projecting. Maybe she didn’t get the physical affection and love of her parents the way you get from your dad (which is beautiful by the way! As a parent myself that makes my heart warm).

In her head, the only way to get that same kind of love at this point in her adult life is to live vicariously through her kids. Hence, why she wants a daughter so badly to live that life through.

You did nothing wrong. And for her mom to get involved means she’s willing to send others to attack on her behalf.

Make sure your Dad knows about that and don’t ever engage, you did right by blocking her.

If she really wants to lose her mind over a problem that technically she created then that’s on her and she can go deal with it. I think it’s awesome that you and your siblings have a great relationship with your dad and that’s a really special awesome thing that you should never let go of.

Don’t let her ruin your world, screw her have a good life, OP.” OsaBear92

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Your dad’s partner sounds like a real piece of work. It’s good to see he is on your side and kinda feels the same way as you towards her/new baby. I would sit down and have a serious talk with your dad, especially about her wanting to replace you. If my daughter came to me with that it would be over. And stress to him she is looking for a ‘lock him up’ baby and he should be careful, very careful.” Shantomette

4 points (4 votes)

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Plv1985 2 months ago
Yep. He needs to get a vasectomy or she's gonna trap him. He didn't respond how she wanted so she ran to her mommy? Lol. Ad that woman said you were the one acting jealous? That woman is jealous and delusional. He needs to pack the rest of her stuff and be done.
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18. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mother-In-Law For Ruining Our Vacation With Her Obesity?

“My wife (27F) and I (30M) have been together for nearly 2 years. We had planned a vacation to a town about 800km away and decided to meet her parents at the hotel on the day of the arrival. The itinerary was for 4 days and I had booked and put down advances for everything from the hotel to the local transportation, private waterfalls, and a bunch of other activities for those 4 days.

My wife’s mother (58F) is morbidly obese for her height (5′ 2″) and weighs about 230lbs (105 kg) and she can barely walk half a step at a time. We have been telling her to reduce some weight and do some physical activity that she can do like walking, stretching, and so on. Also to cut down on calorie intake as she keeps munching on snacks like chips and chocolates.

The excuse she gives is that she’s diabetic and would get ‘dizzy’ if she doesn’t eat any of those. This would turn into huge arguments, even with her husband and she would not improve her lifestyle and keep eating things. She always requires one person to be with her for ‘support’ and to get in and out of cars and such.

Fast forward to yesterday when we had already reached the hotel and somehow while getting into their cab, she fell down on her bum and broke her hip. Rushed her to the nearest clinic to get first aid and some emergency scans which proved that she had indeed broken her hip. Getting her into the ambulance was itself difficult as it took 4 people just to lift her from the ground and onto the stretcher.

We couldn’t get anything more than first aid at that place since it was just a small village and she needed immediate care for the broken bone. So we ditched all the plans, hired an (exorbitantly priced) ambulance, loaded her and all our luggage, and traveled back to their place to admit her to a hospital.

We, of course, lost most of our reservation costs, ticket costs, and everything, and add to that the first aid, ambulance, and hospital-related charges where we were waiting for surgery. I was initially involved in getting her to a good hospital but when my wife brought up this trip and how we can plan one more when her mother is alright, I told her I’m not going anywhere with her mother until she turns her life around, reduces a bunch of weight and stops being a burden for everyone around her.

She told me I’m a jerk for saying this and her mother is only fat because of ‘medical complications’ which was frankly nonsense because even the attending orthopedic doctor told her in a subtle way that this could have been avoided if she was 20 kgs lighter.

I was royally mad about losing my vacation time along with a bunch of funds I had been saving up, while also being a physical burden because we had to travel on a cramped ambulance for 12 hours on bad roads.


Another User Comments:

“Your MIL is lying about her snacks and I have serious doubts about her sugar control. If she has diabetes, likely, that it is out of control and she will start losing toes soon enough. She needs to go on a draconian diet and have constant sugar control to get her body back into a less obese situation.

That will also have the benefits of better sleep, more energy, and hips that don’t break so easily.

For your situation, though? NTJ

You have every right to not take her with you. A compromise would be to take her with the understanding that if what happened before happens again, she can figure it out herself as you won’t be in the ambulance this time.

Even so far as to just go it alone for the rest of the vacation.” crymson7

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The fact is it’s unsafe for your MIL to go on these kinds of trips. Therefore not in her best interests. It’s easy to cave to and placate stubborn people but another fall (much more likely than average given her weight and difficulty with walking) and being that far from medical help could end up much worse. It’s in everyone’s interest that she doesn’t go on trips like the one you took.

If no one will let you take a vacation you want without her, you could go somewhere and split off for the more risky stuff like waterfall hikes and be together for things like museums or shopping in town.” Practical_Welder_425

3 points (3 votes)

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Deedee 2 months ago
I have been a diabetic for 30 years. Yes, I was morbidly obese, but I had weight loss surgery and lost over 100 pounds. Constant snacking is not good for diabetics. It means she is taking too much insulin. She needs to see a nutritionist and go on a low calorie diet. I still struggle with my weight, but my doctor put me on Ozempic and that has helped me lose another 40 pounds. Walking helps and there are chair exercises she can do to gain strength.
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17. AITJ For Airing My Grievances To My Husband?

“My husband (39M) and I (39F) had a very serious discussion earlier this evening. We usually discuss his work day when he gets home to give him a chance to relieve any stress or bounce ideas off me, etc. He was asked by a coworker to hang out outside of work. I normally wouldn’t have any issues with this except the person who asked has a reputation for drama and manipulation of two other employees they work with (they are both her exes and she is seeing one of them again) and she’s proudly proclaimed that she has them wrapped around her little finger.

This person has caused both her exes and herself to nearly get fired due to this drama (she and her current ex had a screaming match in the parking lot in front of customers after he confronted her about her dalliances outside the relationship and her ‘Yeah, and?’ attitude was not what he wanted to see/hear).

For the past few weeks, she has been ‘doing better’ according to my husband, enough to earn a little bit of praise from him. They’ve been so amicable lately that she has been giving him rides home occasionally, which I admit has made me a bit nervous but I trust him enough that I know nothing will happen on his side, and when he got home tonight he asked if we had plans on his next day off because she invited him to come hang out with her at her friend’s house.

He brought up the idea of them hanging out last week and I told him I would be fine with it as long as it’s in a public place, so when he told me where she wanted to go I was not happy. I usually trust his judgment when it comes to who he chooses to be friends with but this did not sit well with me.

I’m not the confrontational type so I just sat quietly with my thoughts (and admittedly brooding). He noticed and asked me what was wrong. We’ve been together for over 20 years so he knows if he asks me what’s wrong I will be honest (sometimes brutally). So I told him. By the end, he was obviously not happy.

He was upset that I didn’t trust his judgment and reassurances that nothing would happen.

During the airing of my grievances, I stated several times that I trusted him, but I didn’t trust her. I reminded him his quick-to-trust nature has gotten him into trouble before. Several years ago we went through a situation almost exactly like this and the end result nearly destroyed our marriage and our family and nearly got him fired and beaten up.

He said he was hurt that I brought it up, completely disregarding what happened before and the fact that it took years to get where we are now. I’m not eager to repeat that bit of misery, but I hate that I hurt him despite all that. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:


I get that people don’t like their past mistakes brought up and tossed at them, but in this case, if it’s a very nearly identical situation, and he seems to be going head first into it again, being worried and unhappy about it going on isn’t unjustified.

Also, you’re both too old for this kind of drama. Said by a person in the exact same age bracket as you both. Life is way too short to be wasted on what sounds like a powder keg waiting to go off.” RageofAeons

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are entitled to your opinion and justified in your concern, especially as he has form.

People rarely change without serious commitment and backsliding happens.

Work colleagues who are self-confessed manipulators need more boundaries, not fewer ones – especially if he’s in a supervisory role. Why on Earth would he want to hang out with her? She sounds awful. What could possibly be so alluring about the idea that he would risk causing trouble in your marriage? Or at work?

‘He was upset that I didn’t trust his judgment and reassurances that nothing would happen.’

He can’t promise nothing will happen. He can’t control what she’ll do or say. It sounds like you’re still rebuilding trust after what happened before. I’m sure you’d trust his judgment more if he was applying it to avoiding bad situations and owning his mistakes.

‘I hate that I hurt him.’

Does he hate that he’s hurting you?” bethan2406

3 points (3 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
Ntj... he does not care that he's hurting you by putting himself in the position and situation of going to her friends house rather than a public setting.. she has form for causing drama amongst her Co coworkers and now she's trying to drag your hubby of 20yrs in to her circle suddenly. You didn't throw the past in his face you brought it up because it almost cost you your marriage and you were trying to get him to think about things but nooo.. he's taken it the other way whereas if she drags him into her drama now and you tell him I warned you then he's going to still be hurt but then so will you. Just tell him you would rather he didn't hang out with her period. Al9 ask why allof a sudden is she wanting. To get close to to hubby outside of work
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16. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Rent To My Parents?

“I (15f) worked at a seasonal job with pretty decent tips. I started the job a while ago now and was a casual, I haven’t been called into any more shifts as the job was mainly for summer and now they don’t need the extra help.

My parents (50f) and (49m) made me get a summer job earlier this year.

As a 15-year-old, they expected my pay to be more than 10-11$ per hour. When they found out it was half decent pay and the regulars tipped quite well they made me pay around 3/4s of my weekly salary to them for rent, food, and appliances.

I didn’t particularly mind as I have decent savings and have had an allowance from my grandparents for the past 6-7 years, so the amount they took from my job was practically reimbursed.

The problems only started when I found out they were taking a lot more than what they should have been from my bank account, ($150-$250 more than they should have) which at that point was all of my pay and more with at some points even dipping into my grandparents’ money to pay for their trips.

When I confronted them about it they called me a selfish little jerk and that it was ‘the least I could do to help my family since you don’t help out any other way.’ I told them I would have preferred them to ask me before dipping into my savings for trips as I have helped them out with money before.

They both became extremely mad and claimed they were not doing anything wrong because they were my parents and as long as I lived under their roof I would have to pay what was required.

Since then I have told my grandparents about what I have been experiencing and have made a new account under their name so they can no longer access my savings.

Since then my relationship with my parents has become toxic and my mother hasn’t properly talked to me since aside from threats to send me away.

So am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and please take that threat to ‘send you away’ very seriously. I’ve heard so many horror stories about teenagers who were sent to ‘wilderness therapy’—parents removing their children from school and signing them off to forced labor in the middle of nowhere is unfortunately 100% legal, and can even be paid for with insurance.

It is not normal for parents to expect a 15-year-old to help with household expenses, let alone travel expenses. They are neglecting the most basic responsibilities to care for and shelter their child, and you cannot trust them. I think you should pursue legal emancipation immediately.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, until you are 18 you don’t owe your parents not even 1$!

That’s why they are the ‘PARENTS’ and you are the KID! They made the decision to have a kid and with that decision comes responsibility for them to take care of YOU until you are an adult; in no scenario you should take care of them while you are underage! Don’t give your parents any money, not even summer job money, they don’t have the right to that money! Put all your funds in your account and save for your future! With parents like these, trust me you will need it!

And don’t fold under pressure or guilt, they chose to be parents and it is on them to provide for family and their underage kids! Don’t even give them the number of the account nor the name of the bank, because if they have the info they might try to access it as you are a minor under their care! Make sure that bank reports go to your grandparents’ address so your parents can’t find them and misuse them!

Good luck!” CrazyMath2022

3 points (3 votes)

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Ninastid 2 months ago
Ok seriously??!!! You are fifteen years old why do you have to pay anything for being born that is basic necessities that your parents are supposed to provide for you I would ask your grandparents if you could move in with them
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15. AITJ For Calling The Cops On A Strange Woman At The Store?

“My son takes after his mom. He has brown skin and eyes and dark curly hair. I’m pale with blue eyes and dark straight hair.

So we were at the store. I’m pushing the cart, and he’s holding my hand. I’m looking at the shelf when I hear a woman say something in Spanish. I don’t know what she said because my Spanish is mediocre and I have to pay attention to understand something.

I don’t know if she’s talking to me or not, so I turn to look.

A woman is leaning over talking to my kid. He doesn’t speak Spanish, so he’s just sort of staring at her. I start listening. She’s asking him if he knows me and where his mom is.

I interupt her and say ‘El no habla español.

Necesitas ayuda?’ She straightens up and glares at me, but she doesn’t answer. She just stared at me for like 15 seconds, which doesn’t sound like a long time, but it feels like a long time when a stranger is staring at you.

She stepped closer and reached out for my kid. I yanked him back and then picked him up.

This woman was giving me the creeps, so I grabbed my cart and started to walk away. She followed us, and when I looked back she was on her phone. I thought she was texting. I headed for checkout.

She got into the self-checkout line behind me, and that’s when I realized she was filming us. I stepped over the barrier of the line and abandoned my groceries.

She ducked under to follow me more. I called the police and explained my situation, and they said they would send someone. She was still following me, so I asked a store employee to get security. She said they didn’t have any security during the day but could get someone who spoke better Spanish to talk to her, which I accepted, because what could I do?

So another employee walks up and talks to the woman in rapid Spanish.

He told me she said my son didn’t look like he knew me and wanted to ask him some questions. The employee said he could translate, but I said no, and that we would wait for the police. He translated that, and then the woman left.

I waited inside for the deputy to show up. He walked us to our car after I explained the situation.

The situation was so unsettling that I ended up telling all of my friends. Some of them think I was a huge jerk. They said that woman did what I would want anyone to do if my kid was in trouble and I should have been understanding, not potentially gotten her in legal trouble.

I see their perspective, but I was freaked out.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He is your son. While I can understand her being concerned and cautious (which wasn’t what she was) if the kid was acting odd or like he needed help, that’s not how you handle those situations. She was harassing you and could’ve actually made it worse if you were a trafficker or kidnapper.

Also, if you were kidnapping, when she got suspicious and confronted you, you would’ve run, not asked for help. That should’ve tipped her off more too.” Blonde-Engineer-3

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Since she slipped out of there, it indicates that she may have been trying to abduct your child. It would be interesting to know if any of the workers have ever seen her before or since.

You did the right thing for your child to call the police. Your friends are so incorrect and very infuriating. Good luck to you.” FRANPW1

3 points (3 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
Ntj.. if she was truly innocent she would,d have waited for the police and explained her fears rhe fact she ran before they got there is suspicious to me too. You did right protect your son every way possible
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14. AITJ For Not Taking My Sister's Stepsiblings On A Vacation?

“So my half-sister and I have the same dad, different mums. She’s 16, I’m 31. My sister’s mum remarried last year and her husband has two daughters. So they are her step-sisters, but not mine.

I had planned something for me and my sister, a vacation only for us sisters.

About two weeks before, her mum called me and asked if I was willing to take her two step-sisters as well.

They are 16 and 15. She said they haven’t been on a vacation in a long time, they’re really jealous and are giving her a hard time. She can’t take them on a vacation because their finances are very tight and it’s really unfair to the other kids that my sister gets to go on a vacation right now.

I said no and my reasons were that I really don’t know these kids, I can’t be responsible for them.

Also money-wise I couldn’t really double my budget for 2 extra people. This was also something for me and my sister, wasn’t really planning on taking 3 kids on a vacation. This would completely change the experience.

I didn’t even take my husband because I wanted it to be just for me and my sister.

Anyway, my sister and I had a great time and we’re back. Her mum called me again and told me that the other kids were heartbroken by my actions! I’ve only met these kids two or three times, I don’t know what was expected of me here…

She said I was heartless and really mean, and I could have made it work for all of them. She said this would have also gone a long way for my sister to bond with her stepsisters, although I generally expected that would be her responsibility as their parent, but anyway.

I’m so taken aback by her phone call that I’m questioning whether I’ve actually been the jerk in this situation.

Am I the jerk for refusing to take all three of them?”

Another User Comments:

“What?! Of course NTJ. Not your children, not your problem. You did a wonderful thing for your half-sister, but you did not have any obligation to do it and you certainly have no obligation to do it for someone you’ve barely met. That’s basically like me going down to my random next-block neighbor telling them they should be taking my children on vacation.” Bubatom

Another User Comments:


These kids are literally not related to you in any way. They were acting up and giving your sister a hard time and your sister’s mum thinks they should be rewarded? All three of them are acting entitled. Good for you for taking care of your relationship with your younger sister and keeping to the plan.” Huhu_IamHere

3 points (3 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
jerk no no no.. NTJ.. her mother just wanted kid free time oh your dime.., you are not related to them you have NO OBLIGATION to them., she chose to marry their dad SHE chose to take them on... NOT YOU. Tell the entitled witch to sort HER STEP KIDS a holiday and help them bond. You sound like an awesome big sis who your sister needs in her corner if her mum is this entitled she thinks YOU need to pay for her steps to go on holiday... jeez some people
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13. AITJ For Disagreeing When My Son's Ex Assumed That I Wished She Was My Daugther-In-Law?

“My family and I (65M) have a cabin in cottage country and nearby my son’s ex’s family has a place. My son went out with his ex for about 6 years but we barely knew the girl. She would never talk to us, kind of turned her nose up at us I guess you could say and my son was often unhappy.

This girl also used to say things to him (in front of his mother and me) like he would be a bad dad because he plays games (me and his mom and two sisters do too for that matter. As a family we used to play LoL and WoW, MTG, Creatures.) not in an obsessive way mind you by her own admission it was about 2 hours a day, less than my daughters even.

She also said we would be bad grandparents to him once because my wife and I are a bit on the heavier side. Overall I won’t lie we were happy when he split from her. Still of course whenever we see her we are kind and cordial. She’s just a kid, but yesterday we had a weird interaction and now I wonder if I was a jerk about it.

My wife and the girl’s mother are on an acquaintance basis and they are rarely up here as their place is owned by the mom’s brother. Yesterday we were in town stocking up for the weekend and we ran into them.

They got to talking and my wife mentioned our son and his wife had a little girl recently and we are grandparents now.

There was the usual picture showing. The mom asked if they would be up with the baby this year and my wife said no because they had moved a few hours away and the little one is too small to travel but they would be up next year.

My son’s ex chimed in and said ‘Bet you wish I was your DIL so your grandkid would be closer!’ I couldn’t help it but I laughed pretty loud and said ‘No.’ I could have said a bunch more like how my DIL actually is our friend and gets to know us and puts in effort and treats my son well, makes him happy, etc., but I left it at the no.

Afterward, my wife thanked me because she said she didn’t know how she was going to respond to that but I guess the girl’s mom did text my wife and made a comment that I was a jerk to the kid (31F) and made her really upset. My wife thinks I should apologize if I see her again to keep the peace but I don’t really want to, I think she kind of caused the whole thing with her weird comment no?”

Another User Comments:


She’s not really a kid anymore at 31. She definitely knew her remark was snarky and rude. I’ve always thought that keeping the peace is overrated, and honestly, why would you want to associate with this woman more anyway? If you really like her mom I guess you could consider it, but really it seems like it would be better if this woman doesn’t talk with you anymore.” Chucktheduck214

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She shouldn’t have asked that question. The fact she did, and then got upset about your answer, makes me think if you’d indicated yes for the sake of politeness, she’d have brought it up to your son and/or DIL at some point in the future. You handled it well.” thats_not_mustard

3 points (3 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
Ntj.. she asked a question you answered it. The kid is 31 not 16 lol. She lrobs got her feelings burt that you didn't gush saying how you did etc etc.. but then why lie ? She isn't you don't son is happy you got a granddaughter end of
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12. AITJ For Not Serving A Customer Because I'm Off The Clock?

“I work as a bartender at a restaurant. This morning I came 30 minutes before opening and saw another bartender had already come in before me. We had a conversation and decided I’d start in a few hours as there was no need for the both of us to stand around there. I had my work t-shirt on (a black t-shirt with our logo on THE BACK), but as we weren’t open yet I decided to not go home (because I live in a city ~30 km away) so I sat on the terrace and had my morning coffee.

I must’ve lost track of time because when I looked at my phone it was around 12:20, so the restaurant had already been open for about 20mins. I was leaning back in my chair with my legs propped up on my bag that was sitting on the other chair when a lady walked up to me and quite rudely asked why she hadn’t been given a menu yet.

I apologized and explained to her that I’m off the clock right now, and pointed her to the inside where she’ll find someone to help her. Then she starts giving me a lecture on how I’m rude and refusing to serve her and just making her walk back and forth when she’s a ‘respectable guest’ and ‘a good tipper’.

Again, I apologized for the confusion and inconvenience and offered to go get the server, but she’s well past that point and now basically screaming at me for being unprofessional and disrespectful. I asked her to be civil and either pick a table and sit down or leave. Things went down. She started cussing and basically spitting on me for refusing service EVEN THOUGH I DIDN’T.

She’s attacking my appearance and threatening to write a review to run us out of business and about how ‘she knows the owner’.

My manager who had just come in sprinted towards us and I tried to explain, but the lady kept cutting me off while completely losing her head. The manager manages (LOL) to calm her down and the lady storms off saying she’ll never come back here again and how ‘we’ve lost a good customer’.

My manager is mad at me saying I could’ve just served her and it wouldn’t have been a big deal since I’m already here and the one waitress that was in was busy with another table. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: Although if you are in uniform and at work, you should be careful bc you are representing your employer whether you want to or not.

An employer could easily make a rule that you cannot hang out off the clock while in uniform.

This lady was unreasonable though. You did try a bit, but I can understand why your manager would be mad.” Ickyhouse

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Customers can be mean. While you want customers to have good experiences, they do not have the right to belittle or put down anyone simply because they do not like the answer given.

You were right in this instance and that lady was rude. If she didn’t come back, that would be great because you don’t need rude customers. Some platforms are great in letting establishments respond to reviews so if she does, by chance, write a bad one, hopefully you all can respond to it with the truth.” Sea-Tea-4130

3 points (3 votes)

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IDontKnow 1 day ago
NTJ. So she won't be back. I say good!
I really doubt she knows the owner because people like her make that claim all the time, but when she said that, I would've told her how she's embarrassing the owner, and shouldn't tell people that, when she's behaving that way she was behaving.
Your manager seems not very good at the job. A manager shouldn't tell someone to work off the clock just to please an a$$hole. A manager shouldn't be so yielding and unassertive with people like her. A manager should have a backbone.
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11. AITJ For Trying To Defend A Server?

“My (F24) husband (M23) is upset at me because I will not validate or understand his feelings.

This feels like the silliest and most bizarre thing to be writing, but he is upset because a server didn’t take his empty cup away when he came over to get mine.

We have a local pub here, and I’ve been in there more times than my husband.

The usual server was in there that I had seen before and when we got there he smiled and said hello, and I waved back. I told my husband he must have remembered me from the last time because the last time I was here and ordering food, I made a dad joke which made him and others at my table giggle.

The server said he thought what I said but didn’t want to embarrass himself and say it out loud, all jokes of course.

When we were almost leaving, the server walked past us and was heading to a table to pick something up and noticed my glass was empty. Just to clarify, I had an empty glass, my husband had an empty glass and bottle and there was an empty bag of crisps.

He grabbed my glass, my husband’s empty bottle, and the packet of empty crisps but left my husband’s glass. The glass was empty but there was a little amount of liquid at the bottom from where the ice had melted.

My husband immediately got annoyed and said that he did that on purpose. I said he took our stuff and went to go pick up what he was originally heading over for so maybe he didn’t have hands for it.

He said it was just a glass of course he could take it too. I said maybe he thought you weren’t done because of the stuff at the bottom and he then got mad at me for defending him. I made it clear that all I was saying is we aren’t sure he did it on purpose and probably didn’t but my husband said he is certain that he did.

I made a point of if he was trying to single him out, why did he take his empty bottle, to which I didn’t get a response. My husband said he was done and got up to leave.

We left and he was in a bad mood with me on the walk home. I tried to move past it and change the subject and he said he didn’t want to talk to me until I agreed with him that it was on purpose.

I said I would not do that because I don’t agree.

It‘s the next morning now and he brought it up again and is still upset. He is saying that I should be validating his feelings. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. What a really weird thing to get all bent about. Servers not taking everything on the table at the same time happens all the time.

They only have two hands.

I wonder if something else is bothering him. Is he bothered by the fact the server remembered you? Does he think the server is interested in you? Why does he think the server did it on purpose? Because I doubt this is about a glass left behind on the table.” cachalker

Another User Comments:


Validation is for feelings and is not predicated on agreement about the facts.

Your husband didn’t actually state how he feels; he just made assumptions about the server’s intent and demanded you agree with his version of the facts.

Had he said ‘I felt insecure and slighted when the server did that,’ that would have been a statement of feelings, and I would imagine you’d have had no problem validating that.

Your husband is misusing the concept of emotional validation to control you.” BornFightingJS

2 points (2 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
Ntj.., hubby is jealous of the server, jealous if the fact the server remembers you being in there alone and that's why he's accusing the server of slighting him intentionally. Maybe hubby doesn't like you going to the bar without him ? I di t know bit it's definitely a strange thing to get upset about to this extent.. oh and as a former bar person (I am in the uk) I have been shouted at fir removing glasses that have the smallest amount left in them.. so I would have left it too lol
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10. WIBTJ If I Remove All My Stuff From The Bathroom?

“My (20 NB) aunt (38F) and her kids (5M, 11F, 12F, 13M) live in the same house as my grandmother (64F) and me, but in different units. They occupy the first floor, and my grandmother and I occupy the second. To make a long backstory short: my aunt dropped everything to move out of state, but when the plans fell through she had to move everyone back.

They’ve been completely moved back in for around 2 months now.

For some reason, they still don’t have the heat turned on. I have no idea why. So my cousins sleep upstairs and they all take showers up here as well. Recently, I’ve noticed that they’ve been using my things. It started with my aunt asking for hair products (which I’m not too keen on sharing because they’re expensive, but my grandmother insisted I give her one bottle for now) and has turned into them using everything: my hair products, conditioner, shampoo, body wash, moisturizer, deodorant, AND my hairbrush.

My aunt and I do not have the best relationship and she can be very manipulative. To avoid confrontation, I just mentioned it to my grandmother. She said she would talk to them, but I don’t know if she ever did. I’m mainly mad because some of the stuff they’re using is NOT meant to be shared, but to be fair I am a major germaphobe.

For context, I know they’re using my stuff because they only ever come up with and leave with their clothes. My grandmother and I use different products; hers are more catered towards dandruff, dry skin, and straight hair (my aunt’s family and I have extremely curly hair), so I don’t think they would use her stuff.

I’ve noticed chunks scooped out of my moisturizer, globs of my body wash and conditioner on the shower floor, and my hairbrush has been moved around a lot. It literally never moves because I’m the only one that uses it and it’s completely out of the way, so… and my deodorant has also been left open a few times, clearly not by me.

I know I could just confront her, but I feel like I’m going to be outnumbered, plus I know she’ll just use the ‘We’re family!’ excuse. So I considered removing all of my stuff from the bathroom. I will keep it all in my room and take it out as needed if it stops them from using my stuff.

But would this be jerk behavior? I feel bad because it doesn’t just affect her, it also affects her kids, and I know it’ll suck to go into the shower just to find you have nothing to use. But then again, that stuff wasn’t theirs to begin with. Still, I feel like I’m being dramatic and childish.

WIBTJ if I removed everything and left them with nothing to use?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – put your stuff in a caddy or basket that you can carry into the bathroom with you when YOU need it, and they can do the same. Even if they need to use your shower, they can provide their own products, just like if they were in their own apartment.

If you want to be really nice, get a set of baskets so that everyone has one to use.” JustAReader924

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think that’s a perfectly reasonable solution. I would also go a step further and place them in a locked area. Don’t leave them on a desk or nightstand where they can just walk in and grab them.

I would then let your grandmother know that these are your special items, and what you choose to spend your extra funds on. They are important to you and you will not be sharing them, and that you want her support on this, because you know your aunt is going to make a big deal about it.

There is no reason your aunt can’t afford a bottle of shampoo and some deodorant for her and her kids. If she tries to guilt trip you into sharing them just stand your ground. And say ‘If we’re family then you should respect my boundaries.’ Don’t justify it, don’t argue. Keep re-stating your boundaries. ‘These are my special items and I’m not sharing them.’ End of story.” Excellent-Jello7894

2 points (2 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
NTJ.. its on HER to supply hygiene products for HER and HER KIDS same as its on her to put the heating on in HER part of the house. Move your stuff, whe. They say something about having no products then you tell grandmother you WILL NOT SUPPLY expensive products for them to use because they ain't your kids and no matter that they are family her kids are hers to pay for. The raise a village concept is a good idea as long as everyone is doing their part.. she is a mooch who expects her childless niece to subsidise her kids that she birthed
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9. AITJ For Refusing To Hold My Daughter Until My Zoom Meeting Was Over?

“I (36M) am a professor at a local university. I love my job, but the amount of classes I teach makes it very demanding. We are decently wealthy due to stock investments, so my husband (also 36M) stays home with our daughter, who was born six months ago via surrogate.

My husband wanted to be a stay-at-home husband and father.

He does the majority of the housework, and I admit I could definitely pitch in more when it comes to cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. When it comes to our daughter, however, I consider myself to be very attentive and when I’m home before her bedtime, I put her to bed, play with her, feed her, etc.

This evening I came home and informed my husband I had an important presentation I was doing to be able to get a research grant for work. He was frazzled when I came home and seemed pretty exhausted, and our daughter was crying. I held her for about ten minutes while he was able to shower and get changed, and she calmed down considerably in that time.

However, when he came back downstairs and I tried to hand her off to attend my Zoom meeting, my husband wouldn’t take her. He said she was asleep with me quickly and he wanted to go and sleep too so he could catch up now that I was home and she had calmed down.

I told him I had an important meeting in ~10 minutes, and I wouldn’t be able to hold her during the meeting because I needed full mobility to present and type and I didn’t want to wake her.

He exploded on me, saying I do nothing around the house and he’s exhausted all the time. I told him we could talk about the distribution of labor later, but that right now I needed to go to my meeting and he couldn’t sleep. I handed him back our daughter after a little more arguing, went to my meeting, and when I came out, he wouldn’t speak to me.

AITJ for refusing to hold my daughter until after the meeting?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, your husband is going to burn out and you seem to think a 10-minute break for a shower is doing enough? Not a single person in the world is going to blink about a baby in a Zoom meeting. Make time, quickly, or you will lose them both.” Secret_Werewolf1942

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for this one night. Meetings happen.


YTJ for letting it get to the point where your husband was so frustrated that he ‘exploded.’ Do better with helping around the house. Or, if you’re ‘decently wealthy’, consider hiring a maid or relief sitter to come in at least once a week.” wdjm

2 points (2 votes)

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Botz 1 month ago
Screw that, he doesn't want to go out to work and wants to be a stay at home Dad, fine and dandy. He has no right to try and force the baby on you when you are still working. Ntj
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8. AITJ For Refusing To Accept My Old Tenant's Packages On Their Behalf?

“We used to rent out our basement but our family has grown so we needed the space. So we gave our tenants 6 months’ notice to move out. This was over 2 years ago that they moved out. The tenants incorporated a business using our address a month before moving out and never told us. It was a random name and FedEx packages came to our door that I refused to take because there was no name.

I was afraid we were getting scammed. Tenants informed us when they noticed the tracking of their packages and told us then. So I accepted their business packages for the time being.

Anyway, when they moved out we asked them to change their address so they get their mail. For 1 year, their mail still kept coming but no FedEx packages.

I texted saying ‘Please get your mail but please change your address’.

After 1 year, I have started marking their mail ‘Return to sender. This person doesn’t live here’. I don’t text them anymore. Last week, a FedEx package to their business arrived at my door and I refused it saying ‘We have no business here, I don’t know what that is.

I’m not taking it’. The old tenant texted me a few minutes later cursing saying ‘Why did you send my package?’ I said ‘You don’t live here anymore. Stop sending your mail to my house.’ I think they may have been tracking it.

He texted back ‘But you have always texted me. I live in an apartment now and I work during the day so I can’t get packages.

I have to drive to FedEx and it’s an hour away. Just take my package.’ I said ‘No, I won’t. Update your address’.

My husband said I should just help out because they were good tenants, but I refused. It smells scammy to me and I don’t like that their business is still listed under my address when they don’t even live here.

AITJ for refusing to help pick up their packages delivered to my house?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It does seem scammy that they incorporated a business at your address a month before their six-month notice to move out was to expire. It screams of some kind of fraud being perpetrated. Regardless, if the former tenant wants a mail drop spot, UPS has locations that sell mailboxes for just that purpose.” theDagman

Another User Comments:


They did not ask and when you started rejecting stuff they started demanding.

If they want to get packages then they need to have them sent somewhere that is not your address. Plus, if it is for their business then why not send it to their work? (I mean obviously, it is a side thing but there must be a way to get a PO box nearby or something)” UnluckyDreamer1

2 points (2 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
Ntj.. I would look into whether they have their business registered at your home.. it may have legal ramifications if it is scammy and they get caught. The fact they did this a month before they KNEW they had to move out is fishy let alone that 2yrs later they are still using g your address. Please take some advice from a lawyer and protect your family Nd home from possible legal issues. If it turns out their business is still, registered T your home find out what you have to do to have it removed ASAP
1 Reply

7. AITJ For Not Accommodating My Stepmom's Christmas Traditions?

“I’m (35f) Hispanic and European. I was raised by my mom with all the European traditions. My mom passed a few years ago and since I’ve gone down to spend Christmas with my Dad, stepmom, and family. They are all Latino and celebrate with Latino food and traditions.

In 2022, my husband (40m) and I moved to the same city as my Dad.

We decided to host Christmas at our new home this year because we have enough room and we have always wanted to host Christmas with a combination of my husband’s American and my European traditions. My brother (35m) is flying in with his wife and kids. And my husband’s family is also visiting. We are planning on hosting 30 people.

The plan is to have a Christmas party with snacks and food at 9 pm then attend the Christmas Service (online) at 11 p.m. In the morning we will open Santa Claus and regular gifts, have a Christmas breakfast, followed by Christmas movies, and then the traditional Christmas Dinner at 4 pm. I’ve spent days preparing for Christmas dinner.

(We are having the Christmas party catered as it is 30 people).

I invited my dad, stepmom, her sister, and their adult kids as well and I was telling my dad and stepmom today the plans and how we have been getting ready for tonight. I was then asked about the menu and criticized there was no food my stepmom and her family would eat.

They normally have Christmas dinner at midnight (Latino tradition) and open presents then.

I was then asked to accommodate their traditions to which I said no. This Christmas has been planned for months and a lot of time, money, and effort has gone into planning it. I said if they don’t like how we do it, they don’t have to come.

Now my dad told me my stepmom is at the market buying food and will be cooking her traditional food for her family and bringing it along and she’s very upset.

I said if she wants to do that, she’s more than welcome as long as she’s not in the way of the caterers tonight as the kitchen is occupied.

She’s now upset saying I’m excluding her family. They are all adults and if they don’t like it, they don’t have to come.

My dad says he feels I’m making him choose and he just wants peace so he can spend time with his grandkids. I told them they were more than welcome and could even bring their own food but the kitchen is off-limits and we are sticking to the itinerary as is.

Now my stepmom is threatening not to come. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think that since you gave your stepmom the option to bring her traditional food with her, she really has nothing to worry about. They will still have foods they are familiar with, and other options from the caterers to try as well. You mentioned that you have gone to your dad and stepmom’s home for Christmas in the past.

Do you ask her to change her traditions while you are there because they aren’t European enough? Likely not. So why would she expect you to completely change the dinner itinerary for her and her guest? That’s not fair and you are not the jerk.” MagazineFun2041

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re not making your dad choose, his wife is making him choose. Your plans have been made for months in advance, & this includes your kitchen being in use, so her popping up at the last minute to declare that everything is unsuitable for her & demand to use your kitchen is beyond tacky.” Far_Anteater_256

2 points (2 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
Ntj.. tell, dad that youndi t exorct her to change her plans and menu when you g9 there so for her to expect YOU too is plain rude,you aren't making him. Choose HOS WIFE is after you extended the invitation to HER SISTER and the grown kids which you really didn't have to do. Her sense of entitlement is huge. Tell dad they are more than welcome to stay home if that's what she wants to do but younwill not change your plans for her
2 Reply

6. AITJ For Refusing To Return My Engagement Ring To My Late Fiancé's Family?

“I (31F) recently lost my fiance (37M) Jake. We’d been together for 6 years. His death was unexpected and I’m still mourning.

At the funeral (which I arranged and paid for) his brother (32M) Jim asked me when I was going to return the engagement ring to the family.

For context, the engagement ring with which Jake proposed is an ancient family heirloom.

It’s a gorgeous ring but what makes it priceless is the story behind it. Jake got the ring from his grandma a month after we started going out, he claimed he knew back then he would marry me someday and wanted to get his grandma’s blessings on the ring. When he proposed his grandma already passed away so having the blessings put on the ring made it extra special for the both of us.

I asked Jim if he was serious to which he said yes. Apparently, his long-term partner Stacy saw the ring a while ago and fell in love with it and the story behind it so she kept nagging him to get her something similar, which he couldn’t. He figured since I can no longer marry Jake he can propose to Stacy with it.

I told him that he was rude, that the ring was blessed especially with Jake and me in mind, and even if that wasn’t the case bringing it up during Jake’s funeral is incredibly disrespectful.

After the funeral, I got a message from Stacy saying it would mean the world for her to be the new owner of the ring and I could always think of her and Jim’s wedding as the bittersweet ending to my relationship.

She said the ring was blessed so one of the grandsons could marry the love of his life, and since Jim is the only living grandson left he has a claim to it. I blocked her.

My ex-MIL also reached out to me and said that although she understands my pain I can’t keep the ring since it’s a family heirloom, so I should suck it up and give it to Jim.

I snapped and told her no, the ring is staying with me and following me to the grave if need be. It’s a beautiful symbol of Jake’s love and I won’t let Jim and Stacy sully that memory of him.

The ring is legally mine so all they can do is cry about it and be bitter.

They keep harassing me on social media saying I’m a bad person and that I stole the family heirloom to spite Jim and Stacy out of jealousy but I ignore them.

Today I met up with my brother and he said that although Jim’s approach was highly inappropriate, I’m being selfish for keeping the ring as a keepsake.

I could always wear different jewelry that Jake bought me in his memory but they could never replace an heirloom that’s been in their family for generations.

I’m now back home and I can’t stop thinking about it, up until this point I was sure I did everything right but maybe I’m just being blinded by my grief.

A friend suggested I ask for an objective opinion so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You were family enough to pay for the funeral. You were family enough to have grandmother’s blessing. You were family enough to your partner. The ring is yours, OP. The memory is yours. Gift it to someone whose love you want to bless if you so choose.

Otherwise, do what makes you happy. NTJ.” 666Sweet666

Another User Comments:


They don’t want it back because it’s a family heirloom, they want it back because Stacy is shallow and Jim can’t spend the money. If he could buy the same ring they wouldn’t care, but are using the ‘family’ nonsense to manipulate you. Tacky, and disgusting. I can’t possibly imagine asking someone who lost their husband for the engagement ring back.” User

1 points (3 votes)

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Tinkerhel 2 months ago
Do check with a lawyer. Many states hold that an engagement ring is a contract. If so since he passed the ring should be yours and his family can go pound sand. If there's no law to apply, the lawyer can advise you best on legalities.

Whether or not you're a jerk about this seems to be thru someone else's jealousy filter. Stacy loves and covers the ring and it's easier to jerk at you than to shut her up. You're NTJ (at his funeral, really? How tacky.) Whoever had time to think about where your ring goes is TJ.
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5. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Cousin's Maid Of Honor?

“I (27F) have a cousin (26F) with whom we were really close and people thought we were sisters, but that changed in high school. She became a completely different person than what she was, it got to the point that she relaxed my hair with her hair relaxer (which is a strong one and mine was a soft one) just to see me in pain (because she started going out with my ex because she was the other girl).

Because of this, I had to cut my hair due to the fact that it was expired and my hair wouldn’t stop falling. After that, she would steal friends and men just to spite me, but I didn’t let this affect me.

From 2018 until late 2019 I went out with my ex (33M) and she hooked up with him and they got together.

She thought she would affect me by doing this, but she was livid that I didn’t care. She started harassing me by sending pictures of them together and leaving them on my balcony as a black voodoo doll. I got a restraining order due to the harassment, but it was for six months (lasted until 2020).

Now to the present she recently got engaged and she announced it on social media (I don’t have one friend and family who told me all about it, but I didn’t care), and the wedding was going to be a Christmas wedding.

Recently at a family dinner, she asked me to be her maid of honor because ‘Thanks to you we met’.

Everybody stopped talking and paid attention to what I was going to say but I flatly said NO. She then asked why and all I did was give her a look that said, ‘You know why’. She then started saying that it would be a good opportunity to bond again. I told her I wasn’t going to do it and ask for someone else since the day she was having her wedding I would be away on a trip.

She started crying (more like manipulating) ‘If I can’t do this, I will be uninvited to the wedding’. I told her fine by me. I didn’t wait for her answer I left her with a surprised Pikachu face.

When I got home, I got angry texts from my family saying that I should be the bigger person and do this for her (Toxic much?), I explained this to some friends they told me I did the right thing by turning this down and I gave her my reasons.

So am I really the jerk?”

Another User Comments:


This was all a setup.

She knew you would say no. That is why she asked in front of the family.

The plan all along was for you to say no so she could turn the family against you… or it was for you to say yes so she could run you ragged and then kick you out last minute.

Either way, she had an agenda.

I think you need to put some distance between yourself and your family for the time being. Let her play the victim. Let her be herself.

Continue to not respond or let it get to you.

You reacting is what she wants.” The__Riker__Maneuver

Another User Comments:


You being in her wedding, or even attending her wedding, is equivalent to you giving her another bullet cause she missed shooting you the first time.

Your family is toxic. I would even go so far as telling them that if they continue with the harassment you will block them.” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo

1 points (1 votes)

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LilVicky 2 months ago
Definitely NTJ go LC or NC with the lot of them.
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4. AITJ For Getting My Neighbor's Car Towed?

“About a year ago a new neighbor moved in next to me. She does not have a driveway and I do, so she has to park her car on the street. Occasionally, I would see her car parked in front of my driveway. Usually, I would just park on the street and not say anything, or I would go and ask her to move her car.

This went on for a few months, and she eventually got a parking ticket for parking in front of my driveway and stopped blocking my driveway entirely.

In May, my neighbor was parking her car in front of my driveway again. I asked her again to please not block my driveway. She said she would make no promises because she didn’t know how to park on the street.

I told her that she needed to learn how to park better because she lived in a neighborhood where that was the only option for most people and that it wasn’t my problem that she didn’t know how to parallel park. She got extremely angry and all of the goodwill between us stopped after that argument.

At the beginning of July, she started a new job where she had to work nights, and our schedules were now totally opposite of one another. I would come home and her car would always block my driveway, and when I went to leave for work in the morning her car would always be blocking my driveway.

After about a week of not being able to access our driveway, I asked my husband and he said it would be best to just let it be because working nights is stressful and she’s probably under a lot of stress having to start a new job.

I didn’t agree with this, but I kept my cool.

About two weeks ago, I got home from a bad day of work very angry and decided to do something about it. I called the police and let them know that someone was blocking my driveway. They said they would send out a tow truck to have the car moved. The tow truck driver began to pick up the car, and as this was happening my neighbor ran out screaming and begging with the tow truck driver to not take it because she would lose her job.

I felt no regret. She was doing something illegal and had already got a ticket for this once before, she had her warning. The tow truck driver just told her it would be $800 to pick up the car from the city lot.

This whole time she was saying some pretty mean things to me, calling me names, calling my husband names, and threatening us.

I have not seen the car on the street ever since.

A few days ago, I saw her outside and she began screaming at me telling me that she lost her job. I said that I was sorry for what happened, but that it was her fault for blocking my driveway. My husband and I talked about it, and he said that while he was on my side he felt that I was a jerk for getting her car towed and making her lose her job and that we should at least pay her the $800 to get her car back.

I’m not sure if they added on extra fees for storing the car for this long now, and I don’t think we should pay her anything, because I had already tried being nice once before and it didn’t work out. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – do not pay for her car to get un-impounded – you’ll basically be giving her a ‘pass’ to continue to park in front of your driveway.

She will see this as you admitting guilt (even tho you are not) and will continue her entitled behaviors.

All of this is 100% her own fault because she failed to take the time to learn how to parallel park. She had been talked to politely, ticketed, and talked to again and yet she still chose to park in front of your driveway.

The only thing I would have done was verbalize ‘The next time you block my driveway, I’m calling the cops.'” Nintendo_Kitty

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, this is on her. She is an adult. Being an adult is knowing not to do stuff you’re not supposed to do and when you do that thing, take the consequences!

She was rude.

You asked her not to, and she does it anyway.

Tell your husband if he gives her the money to get her car then he is siding with a stranger over his wife and you will know where his loyalties lie.

If he does this I’d really be concerned because I would think something is going is with the 2 of them. Because he should not care what happened, she was warned.” Wonderful-Set6647

0 points (0 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
Ntj.. so you do what Huby wants and pay her the money, she then keeps foingnit cos well they pay for it anyways.. just no, you asked politely she ignored you, when you can't get off YOUR DRIVEEAY to go to work because she purposely blocks your car in when she comes home it affects your job your finances. Just no tell hubby if she had been reasonable then she wouldn't have got it towed. She knew the risks she played the game and lost. End of
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3. AITJ For Making My Daughter Stay With Her Mom Because Of Her Behavior Toward My Partner?

“I (35M) have two kids (14F and 11M) with my ex-wife Sadie. We have no formal custody agreement because we have always parented well together. We got divorced when Bella (14F) was 7 and my son Brock was 4. I stayed single for a long time and didn’t really bring anyone around my kids.

So I recently started seeing other women again.

Alyssa has an 11-year-old son who plays on the same basketball team as Brock. I didn’t really see the need to say anything to Sadie because she didn’t allow me to have a say in her love life (I didn’t like one of her last relationships and she told me too bad). My son and her son really love it.

My daughter and Alyssa got along very well.

So I have no problem with Sadie hanging at my house with the kids. If she has nothing going on and wants to see our kids I’m cool with her coming over and she will spend the night sometimes in my guest room. So she stopped over about two months ago and Alyssa was there.

I was in the other room but I heard some yelling. Then Sadie barges into my office. Almost in full tears. Screaming at me about Alyssa. I could hardly even make out what she was saying. I called her once she left to get the full story. Basically, Alyssa was Sadie’s childhood bully. Alyssa was a year older and picked on Sadie growing up.

Sadie demanded I break up with her because she didn’t want Alyssa around her kids. I said that wouldn’t be happening.

So I talked to Alyssa about everything. She said that she hardly even remembered my ex-wife. But that she remembers them being friends growing up, then having a falling out, then they didn’t like each other.

She said it was mutual dislike and not bullying. I decided to call my ex and tell her that she needed to let me know if she was stopping by going forward. And that the sleepovers probably needed to cease as well. She flipped out saying she couldn’t believe I would choose her bully over her.

I told her that this happened 20 years ago and she needed to get over it.

So now my daughter started disrespecting Alyssa out of nowhere. She went from friendly to mean in literally a month. I suspect Sadie told her something. I came home to find Alyssa crying in our room. I asked Bella what happened and she said some nasty stuff about Alyssa and that was it.

I asked my son what happened and he told me that Bella was being mean to Alyssa. Bella threatened to get her mom involved. Bella also went off on Alyssa’s son. So I told Bella she needed to go to her mom’s to stay for a little.

This has been a pattern now for weeks. Now my ex is blowing up my phone calling me a trash dad.

Saying I’m picking a bully over his own family. I said I’m not. That it’s time for me to start seeing other women again. And everyone needs to be accepting of that. That only my ex had a problem at first. But now my daughter does because of her. And that it’s time for both of them to grow up.

And that Bella needs to apologize for her behavior. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. (except for the kids)

You for turning away your daughter instead of sitting with her and talking it out like an adult. She’s 14, she can handle it.

Your ex-wife for alienating your daughter against your partner instead of just explaining to her calmly about the situation neutrally.

Again, she’s 14, she can handle it.

Your partner for downplaying the situation. If your wife got this angry seeing Alyssa again after twenty years, I suspect that there was more going on than just a simple, mutual falling-out.” RubberDucky656

Another User Comments:

“I’m going to go with YTJ. Here’s why. You seem to have had a good relationship with your ex-wife.

You didn’t mention she had problems with the truth. You also didn’t mention that she was jealous of your relationships and tried to sabotage them. Your ex-wife seems to have a much clearer memory of what happened than Alyssa (it’s strange that for someone who doesn’t really remember Sadie, Alyssa definitely remembers she was not at fault).

At the very least, it seems Sadie is convinced that Alyssa bullied her when they were young.

Of course your daughter would be upset by this situation, especially when it sounds like you accepted Alyssa’s memory of events over your ex-wife’s. People grow up, and they stop bullying behavior. Hopefully, Alyssa is not a bully now. But, it sounds like you accepted her version of events. That’s got to be hard for both Sadie and Bella to take.

There’s a certain irony in your not tolerating Bella’s ‘being mean’ to Alyssa when that’s the childhood behavior you choose to overlook in Alyssa. You chose a woman over your daughter, knowing why your daughter doesn’t like her.” General_Relative2838

0 points (2 votes)

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anma7 2 months ago
Ytj.. so for years you and ex parented well together... now you hook up with her BIULLY from schoolthe. You send daughter away for defending her mum and tell her and her mom to grow up and get over it. I had a girl that used to bully me at school.who once stopped me at my work and asked me if she bullied me at school cos HER FRIENDS she was with had till her she had and she didn't believe them.. whe I looked her dead in the eye and told her that her memory was very convenient since her friends know she had but she couldn't remember it. That's what they do tell others that they didn't etc. You are choosing your new bed buddy over your daughter ffs... YOU NEED TO grow up. Not Sadie and Bella
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2. AITJ For Being Honest With My Fiancee About Who's The Most Important Person In My Life?

“I (27M) was adopted by two loving parents when I was 13. I owe them a debt that can never be repaid, it is not an exaggeration to say they saved my life. They not only provided me with a stable home but got me caught up educationally, paid for my education and my dad (61M) gave me a job working for his company.

Thanks to them I have a fantastic life. A few months ago I got engaged to my fiancée (26F). She’s the love of my life. However, she doesn’t seem to understand that my debt to my parents is different than most people’s and that for the rest of my life, I’ll be making an effort to pay it.

We recently got into a fight when I refused to state that she is not the most important person in my life and she questioned our relationship. I really do not understand her point of view as she and my dad play very different roles in my life and she should not feel like she is in competition with him.

Older kids are rarely adopted and often just stay in the system till they age out. That was my fate until for some odd reason my parents adopted an angry, temperamental 13-year-old who was reading at a 3rd-grade level. If they hadn’t saved me odds are I would end up dead or in prison like so many of those I knew in the group home I was living at.

It’s not a stretch to say they saved my life. They chose me to bring into their home even though they were raising two kids of their own flesh and blood and very easily could have chosen a newborn baby to adopt that would be much easier to shape. They chose me, they saved me. My fiancée doesn’t understand how special this is.

AITJ for refusing to tell my fiancée that she is the most important person in my life?

Note: The reason why my mom is not mentioned in this post is that she passed away five years ago leaving only my dad.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, but it sounds like you could really benefit from therapy. I don’t blame you for feeling so strongly given your background, but the debt you think you owe to your father is unhealthy.

It’s wonderful to cherish your family and be grateful for his help, but you seem to think you owe him complete servitude and deference when you don’t.

The vast, vast majority of people who want to get married will assume that their spouse will be the most important person in their life, and vice versa. It is not normal and arguably inappropriate to feel so indebted to your father that you believe he is more important than your future wife.

You will be hard-pressed to find anyone who will be okay with that, and I’m not sure you’re ready to get married if that’s legitimately how you feel.” FrobisherLetters

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – while your parent can be a very important person in your life, your partner should be the most important person in your life (and then add children if you choose to do that). When you are in a relationship your partner’s wants and needs should come before people outside the relationship. You aren’t ready for marriage.” redmsg

-1 points (5 votes)

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mappster 2 months ago
NTJ!!! They gave you the chance for a better life. She may be the love of your life, but it's the life THEY gave you. Your feelings are understandable. You really really aren't the jerk here. She doesn't understand everything they did for you.
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1. AITJ For Eating All The Fruit?

“I’m vegan, my family is not. There were no big issues with that. I even cook sometimes for them because I’m the only one who can cook my old grandma’s recipes for special occasions.

I started to notice that since my family doesn’t really understand why I’m vegan they started to eat without me. That’s also not a big deal because since we were kids, I don’t even remember having my family at one table at the same time besides holidays and birthday parties.

The thing that bothered me was that they specifically started to hang out without me when there was no special occasion. They might not even invite me to cookouts where they will prepare BBQ. Usually, at these small BBQ gatherings, there have been always salads and potatoes. So, obviously, I can join them if they keep the same dishes.

But recently, there were no options for me at all. It was weird but I accepted it.

Also, I have to mention that other than these small gatherings, our relationship is no different than before.

Not so long ago I accidentally came in when they were ready to eat, so they invited me. I sat down, but there were no options for me.

I went back to my kitchen (we have 2 kitchens) and brought something to eat, just to be with them. When desserts were out on the table, the only thing that I could eat was fruits. Basically, I ate them all (there weren’t that many).

My dad didn’t notice, but my sister got upset that I ate all the fruits.

She said that it was not fair since she also wanted some. I told her that she ate cake, chocolate candies, and other things I couldn’t. But she insisted she wanted at least one banana and one orange and it’s not fair she doesn’t get to eat any fruit just because I don’t eat the other things due to my veganism.

Basically, she’s upset. And I’m trying to consider her feelings, but can’t wrap my head around the fact that she wants it all, and doesn’t even think that I had to feed myself and those fruits were the only things on their table that I could eat. Is it such a big deal that I ate the fruits?”

Another User Comments:

“You went and got your own food for the meal, but then ate an entire fruit bowl for dessert? When you just showed up at mealtime and they weren’t expecting you to join them?

This is all very strange, OP.

And unfortunately YTJ. It sounds like they ‘specifically started to hang out without you’ because you grew up and moved out. Can’t have it both ways. Either you’re a grownup who gets your OWN food or your parents cook for you and you leave enough for your little sister.” StereoOnCookingBacon

Another User Comments:

“Soft YTJ

It is impolite to consume an entire dish leaving nothing for anyone else.

That said, I understand you were hungry and that was literally all you could eat there at the time.

Might I suggest a couple of options? One is to eat ahead of time so that you can sample the fruit and whatever else you can eat there. The second suggestion is to bring something along for yourself so that you know you will not go hungry while you are there. The last suggestion would be the best one but totally depends on what your family is willing to do… Provide them with a few tasty easy-to-create recipes for dishes that you can eat. That way you know you will be accommodated when visiting them.” SeagullsNest

-2 points (2 votes)

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shan1 2 months ago
Some of you comes up with the most stupid comments on response to these questions. Sometimes I wonder whose and which story did you read.
1 Reply

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