People Express Their Worries About Their Ridiculous "Am I The Jerk" Stories

"I (42 M) am significantly older than my sister (19 F), Isla, even tho we have both the same parents (they had me young and her old). Despite this we are super close and always have been even tho I was in my 20s when she was born, we are closer than most of my friends are with their siblings and she is one of my best friends.

Isla is getting married in 2 months to her fiance (20 M). They are having a bit of a non-traditional mixed wedding party on both sides and Isla asked me to be her best man/man of honor, I'm the only family member in her wedding party.

One of their wedding rules is no significant others at the wedding and your partner can only come if you are married. This makes sense as most of her friends are 17 - 25 in 5-minute relationships and you don't want random people in your wedding pictures.

I thought she'd make an exception for me tho which I know sounds selfish but hear me out.

I have been with my partner, Scott (45 M), since I was 21, he has been my partner longer than Isla is alive. We are not married because Scott's cousin is a gay man living in a country where being gay is illegal so we have decided not to get married in solidarity until he can get married. Scott is like a second brother to Isla and she has known him her entire life and loves him.

In her stroppy teenager phase Isla would run away to our flat and hang out with us for hours and these days she's always coming around to talk to me and Scott. She is also not homophobic, she's been super supportive of me and all her queer friends and is always bragging to her mates about me and Scott. Scott and I love each other, have lived together for 15 years, and are very committed to each other, it's not like some fling.

Isla told me that she couldn't make an exception because it would look like favoritism and no unmarried couples means no unmarried couples.

I asked if she could invite Scott separately and she said no, though she was very very apologetic to him and on the verge of tears in a way I've never seen her.

I told her that, unfortunately, Scott and I are a package deal and if he wasn't invited I wouldn't be going.

I worry that it might be because her partner is homophobic (I have never liked him for other reasons) but she is very resistant to criticism of him and if you try to say he's done anything wrong she'll get super defensive.

Isla herself just said that she understands why I don't want to go and she hopes this won't ruin our relationship but her fiance and my parents are both angry at me and saying that I am being selfish and a jerk and taking the attention away from Isla.

Scott has also said he thinks I should go to support her and, although he is upset about not being invited, I shouldn't miss my sister's wedding day. I thought Scott at least would be on my side as we are both very upset about him not being invited but it seems that no one is on my side so AITJ?"

Another User Comments:

"NTJ and your sister are making a mistake here. She's known Scott as a person, like a second brother, her whole life. This no-partner rule shouldn't apply to people who you have a separate relationship with. I wonder if this is indeed her kowtowing to the homophobic wishes of her fiancé and not really what she wants to do at all.

That's a bad omen for their future as a married couple if she's so easily bulldozed by him. And you all are common law married by the rules of many states so she can stuff it with that non-married people rule. She's also delusional if she thinks this will have no effect on her relationship with Scott and you moving forward. It will eventually, she's just too young and naive to get it." Hot_Box_4574

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. The fact that she was in tears when she was saying no to your partner attending sounds to me like she has been given a three-line whip by someone else.

I would guess that her fiancée has said that he doesn't want gay people at the wedding, probably because his family members are 'conservative' or some stuff like that. You have been invited because he couldn't exclude you as her brother. I would ask your sister what's going on - why is she excluding your partner? Is that what she wants, or is this coming from his side? And I think it's the right call to not go to the wedding. This is a point of principle. We don't acquiesce to homophobia. She's so young, and you are wiser. I hope you can forgive her.

Ask Scott if he would go under the same circumstances (probable homophobia). I think you both need to be on the same page here." ShutUpMorrisseyffs