People Hope They Made The Right Choices In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Telling My Husband His Parents Are His Responsibility?
“My in-laws are very difficult and have just gotten worse with age (and chronic conditions). My FIL is aggressive, self-absorbed, and very controlling. They come to me every time they can’t get ahold of my husband, or want medical advice (as it’s easier to use me as their personal nurse than to talk to their care providers).
It’s gotten to the point where I do not want to be around them or talk to them. I have told my husband that I am setting this boundary for myself. We of course got into a fight about his, he feels I’m being too harsh and leaving him alone to deal with his parents.
But I feel I have gone above and beyond for them, and he (my husband) has just gotten used to me always stepping in and finding solutions for them.
Basically, am I a jerk for telling my husband his parents are his problem?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband said that you were “…leaving him alone to deal with his parents…” You mean the same way he left you alone to deal with his parents? He doesn’t want your help or support. He wants to put the responsibility of his parents on your shoulders.
Which is why he doesn‘t respond to them. He knows they will call you and he knows you will deal with their drama. Would he do the same if it were your parents? I doubt it. Does your mom or dad blow up his phone expecting him to solve their problems?
A lot of times there is this expectation that a wife is the gatekeeper for her husband’s relationship with his family. Which is nonsense. You told him what you are going to do. There is nothing to argue about. Block his parents and let him deal with them.” Banana_Puddin11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they’ve had their whole lives to learn how to be decent people and apparently never did. They aren’t going to now, and it’s only going to get worse. My mom helped get my dad’s mom a house, moved her stuff all the way from Florida to VA, took her to appointments, entertained her when she randomly showed up at the house, etc. She also helped with his mentally ill sister, again, hours and hours spent on grocery shopping trips, appointments, etc. You know how much thanks she got in return?
Little to none, actually just some nasty voicemails and notes from them. How much support did she receive when her mom got dementia and she was overwhelmed? Little to none besides from my sister and me. They’re his responsibility, save your energy for when people who appreciate you need you, he will figure it out.” Total-Mistake-1990
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It sounds like you’ve reached a breaking point with your in-laws, and setting boundaries is totally reasonable. You shouldn’t have to shoulder the burden of managing their needs and difficult behavior on your own. You need to communicate to your husband that you need him to take more responsibility in dealing with his parents.
You’re not abandoning him, but rather, you’re prioritizing your own mental and emotional well-being. It would be helpful for you both to have a calm conversation about finding a solution that works for both of you while still ensuring his parents receive the care they need.” BellaBumblezzs
20. AITJ For Rolling My Eyes At My Mom And Stepdad's Negative Talk About My Dad?
“So my parents divorced and my mom’s marriage to my stepdad is messy.
Mom and stepdad had an affair. Dad is confirmed as my dad via DNA and I say this because I know the question will get asked. My mom left my dad while she was pregnant with me to be with my stepdad. The first year of my life they were in and out of court constantly and fighting.
It was over the divorce, custody of me, and my last name. My mom wanted to give me my stepdad’s name. Dad fought against it and I was given his name which was something my mom tried to really change. Especially because she took my stepdad’s name.
But the courts took Dad’s side and agreed with him that given the situation, it seemed a lot like parental alienation to not give me my bio dad’s name. My dad also brought my mom and stepdad to court so my stepdad didn’t have any parental responsibility toward me and could not act as a legal parent to me.
So no signing me up for extracurriculars or going solo to doctor appointments and stuff. He also can’t take me out of state without permission from both my parents and my dad has the right to make him leave parent conferences and stuff. My dad won that.
I know about this because my mom and stepdad have mentioned it a lot. My dad has on occasion said a couple of things that let me know how glad he is that my stepdad can’t take on the full responsibility of a dad to me.
But he talks less about it where I can hear.
I’m 15M now and they still hate each other. I’m pretty sick of my mom and stepdad hating on my dad. My mom and stepdad have asked me before if I’d like their name or if I’d like to add their name to my last name.
They try and get me to invite my stepdad along to the Father’s Day sports event my coach hosts for the football team every year. I always pick my dad but my stepdad really wants to be part of it. But I don’t really want him there and I don’t want him there over my actual dad.
It’s all a mess and three days ago my mom and stepdad were talking about how badly my dad messed up my and my stepdad’s relationship and how petty he was for taking them to court to prevent my stepdad from being the best parent to me.
I rolled my eyes when they were talking about it, they called me out, I was like I don’t care and they said I had a bad attitude and should show more respect. Which made me roll my eyes again.
They’re still upset today and I know it’s also because they know how little I care about my stepdad being denied certain rights to me and how I don’t care about their hate for my dad.
But AITJ for rolling my eyes and the attitude?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom and stepdad are exasperating you and doing something that no adult should ever do: drag children into adult quarrels, use them as levers in their conflicts, or hurt the other parent.
I am very sorry that you, so young, have to deal with this situation on a daily basis.” ConfusedGranny0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am willing to bet that your mom and stepdad have rolled THEIR eyes at you, probably on more than one occasion, over the last 15 years.
And I’m sure that to them, it was in NO WAY disrespectful. Can’t have it both ways, guys. But considering the amount of trash talk these guys seem to give, they have no awareness of what being respectful actually is. And honestly, good on you for just rolling your eyes – I would have popped off at the mouth hard enough to warrant a shocked slap from Mom.” OminousScissors
Another User Comments:
“As a step-parent myself, I have no rights. I do the best I can and leverage what contributions I can to get better outcomes. I had to take Bio Dad to court, through Mom, to get him to shut his mouth and garnish his wages.
Your step-adult is an insecure man, end of story. He knew what to expect when he decided to marry your mom. You seem smart enough to keep your mouth shut because discussion won’t help. They’re mad because they just want to cause issues, so will harp on your eye-rolling.
Anytime this is brought up again, say it’s already been settled through court. As a minor it really isn’t up to you, so call your Dad so he can remind them of what’s up. NTJ.” KBilly1313
19. AITJ For Insisting My Fiancée Let My Family Join Her Family's Annual Trip?
“I (30M) am newly engaged. I have been with my now fiancee for 8 years.
She’s 28.
We live out of state from both sides of our families, my mom and her dad live in the same city 5 hours away so we take multiple trips a year. Over the past 4 years, my fiancée has visited my mom’s place less and less.
While it does make sense she visits her dad and sisters, she doesn’t even stop by sometimes. My mom has started to notice but I just make up excuses every time. I wish my fiancée would consider my family more, but given some things that happened, I think she’s emotionally washed her hands.
Both of my adult siblings still live at home, one having a slight disability. My brother does not think before he speaks and just says anything. Telling my fiancée she’s not family after 8 years is one example. He does it to everyone his ADHD just gets the best of him.
She and my sister haven’t got on the best and she also has a 4-year-old son who lives at home with my mother. My fiancee swears my sister doesn’t want her around my nephew, and doesn’t even want her to know who she is.
My mom isn’t the most social person and rarely reaches out to my fiancee, but their relationship is good when they do speak. I come from a very anti-social family, I think that’s one thing my fiancee isn’t used to.
I generally spend more time with my fiancée’s family because they are the family I always wanted but never had.
Plus it’s more comfortable for both of us. I also choose to be with her side more for holidays than my own. My fiancee has always considered us splitting holidays just so my mom doesn’t get upset even though I know she won’t come.
It sucks after a while to keep visiting my mom’s house alone when it’s never that way on her side.
Well, every year my fiancee’s dad’s side of the family books an Airbnb for a weekend for all of us to go.
Last year was 50 of us! Everyone puts in $300-400 to cover our meals/house along with any excursions we do. It’s a really good time. My mom called and asked me if they could join us this year (they would pay for their own rooms or get a separate house close by if needed) and that my siblings also sounded interested. My mom wanted all the details.
When I asked my fiancee about it she told me no. She said she wasn’t comfortable with them coming along given they barely consider her family as is. I told her that maybe having them come out with us vs her always having to visit would help the relationship and help us bond.
She kept repeating she didn’t feel comfortable with that, and how “my family never took the time to meet her family before, so why now?” Also by them asking to come along she feels used. I just don’t understand. I love my fiancée, she is such a family-oriented person but I don’t understand why not now.
I insisted she let them come because we are getting married anyway. Isn’t this part of marriage?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Why are you pressing her to prioritize the family that even YOU admit you would rather NOT spend time with??? You’re minimizing her negative experiences while pressuring her to ‘get over it’, effectively.
8 years is plenty of time to form her opinions and you need to respect them. There is nothing keeping you from going as low contact with them as she has, or suck it up and keep going alone. They aren’t stupid and they KNOW she doesn’t think highly of them, and they ALSO don’t think highly of her.
Stop trying to force things before you lose ‘the family you always wanted but never had.’ YTJ.” ChaoticCapricorn
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So if you were invited to your FIL’s house for dinner and your family wanted to go too, you’d just let them.
It isn’t for your family to ask nor for you to decide if they can attend this vacation. I can see that now – because you are newly engaged – your family might want to meet your future in-laws. The right thing for your mother to do would have been to invite the in-laws to her home or a restaurant (where she picks up the bill) to meet them.” AndrosGirl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is something her family plans and looks forward to. By your own admission, your family is antisocial and your brother can and has said hurtful and negative things to your fiance which you excused as being due to his ADHD.
Why on earth would you want to have your family join in on your fiance’s family vacation? If you want the families to vacation together it would be better if you first do a family vacation with your own family and make sure you all can get along together well and that your brother has learned to treat your fiance respectfully before adding your antisocial family to your fiance’s family vacation.
When people vacation often, they have to take time off work. The last thing people want to do is take a lot of time off for a family vacation only for it to be crashed by your antisocial family who will most likely mistreat your fiance in front of her family and make it an awkward time.
It still dumbfounds me that you think your family vacationing with her family is a good idea when you yourself spend more time with your fiance’s family because it is more enjoyable.” Gladtobealive2020
18. AITJ For Making Things Uncomfortable During My Dad's Engagement Party?
“My dad is a serial two-timer. He two-timed my mom a lot during their marriage and it came to light after she was diagnosed with brain cancer 5 years ago. Mom found out when she was already terminal and my dad’s answer to this was to run away to his (at the time) affair partner’s house, leaving me (16f who was only 11) and my sister (15f who was only 10) to fend for ourselves and take care of mom.
He then tried to get his way back in for my mom’s last few weeks and she somewhat gave in for our sakes, because she was worried we’d hate him if she didn’t, but then when the end came he was with his affair partner.
When mom was gone we refused to live with dad and his affair partner. We told Dad we were not going to let him act like nothing bad happened and there was no way we wanted his affair partner to be our new mom. We ran away from home to get our way and CPS got involved and decided we should live with our maternal grandparents.
But our dad was given visitation rights by the courts so we have to see him one Saturday and one Sunday a month. But not overnight.
Dad and his last affair partner were on and off for a few years. We found out one of her kids was actually his and that kid is 6 now.
She has an 8-year-old as well from the guy she was married to at the time she had her 6-year-old. So there’s messy stuff on her side too. We don’t see or interact with them ever.
Dad and his affair partner are now engaged and they wanted an engagement party with family and friends and Dad insisted we had to be part of that.
It happened on Saturday. Dad made us use the engagement dinner as our visitation with him but we tried to fight against it. So we went but we weren’t happy and during the dinner, Dad and his affair partner were talking about how excited they were to bring the family together, his affair partner was saying she was so excited to officially be our parent and to have us be closer because of it.
Their immediate families know the score but not the extended family. Their friends mostly knew, I think. They were saying how it was the most wonderful time and stuff and then my sister and I started saying it wasn’t for us and then sarcastically said how we couldn’t wait to be a family with dad’s affair partner he was seeing all throughout our mom’s cancer and who he chose to be with when his wife was dying leaving his daughters alone with their dying mom because he didn’t even call our grandparents to tell them it was her final few hours.
We also brought up how he had fathered the 6 year old during his marriage to Mom.
This led to a lot of questions, surprise, and anger. The latter of which was directed at us. My dad and his affair partner were furious we made the engagement dinner uncomfortable and asked us why we’d do that.
My sister said we weren’t going to pretend we were happy for them or us. I said they forced us to be there and we were clear we didn’t want to be. They said we behaved like spiteful children.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, “you behaved like spiteful children” – yes, because you were children when he left you and you are still children now.
You have the complete right to be spiteful and you are obviously still children. They are the adults here. Such a lack of awareness on their part is amazing.” atealein
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my mid-50s self would have done the same thing, maybe I would have stood up for a full toast/roast moment, if that makes me a spiteful child, I’ll wear that label like a badge of honor.
Deeply sorry about your mom, it’s hard enough to lose a parent when you’re so young, but to have such an unwashed pinecone as your other parent is truly miserable. Don’t take your foot off the gas, let him know you’ll do the same anytime he makes you visit, and if he insists on you being at the wedding, let him know you’ll have a full floor show planned.” whatsmypassword73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What happened to your mom is heartbreaking, and I’m so sorry that you and your sister had to experience that. Your dad is the jerk for choosing to abandon his family, and especially during such an awful time. I think you and your sister have a right to decide how close you want to be to him and his affair partner.
The court may require visitation, but no court can require you to feel any way towards him. Forcing you both to attend the engagement dinner in light of your mother’s passing was cruel. Any sane adult should recognize that. His continued cruelty and selfishness make you both NTJ.” SlowEntertainer5217
17. AITJ For Not Cooking Dinner While Sick Despite Doing All The Chores?
“I (24f) called in to work sick today because I have a fever, aches, and a sore throat. My husband (26m) went to work and the only time he messaged me was to give me chores to do. While he was at work, I cleaned the entire house, mopped, cleaned the bathroom, did our laundry, etc. When he got home, I was in our bedroom putting our laundry away and the first thing he asked was what was for dinner.
I told him I spent the entire day doing the list that he sent me so I haven’t cooked yet. He got annoyed and said that since I was just home all day, I should have been able to do a simple task such as cooking.
I said we can just order takeout or something but he just got upset and went to his mom’s for dinner. I don’t know what I did wrong. I didn’t call into work to be a housewife. I stayed home because I’m sick. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“I think that a HUGE red flag was overlooked. It wasn’t you not cooking dinner that was the issue at all; it’s the fact that your husband showed ZERO empathy for you being sick. Even worse, he gave you a “CHORE LIST”, like you were a child trying to earn an allowance to do while you were ill.
The heck?! You are NTJ. Your husband SERIOUSLY is though. Being he ran to his mommy’s house after having a tantrum, I’d be changing locks or packing up and going elsewhere, because I fear that this is just the start of him treating you poorly.” Realistic_Frosting_2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has a lot of nerve sending you a list of chores to do when you are not feeling well. That you did all that work while ill is a sign that he is already beating you down emotionally and mentally.
Please, please find someone to talk to, be it a close friend, family member, or therapist. I’ve had friends who were in abusive marriages and the emotional/mental abuse took them years to overcome. Protect yourself while you can. If you don’t have children, do not get pregnant now!” PuzzleheadedAd9782
Another User Comments:
“You are being successfully conditioned to accept abusive behavior. Your life will not improve, it will get much, much worse if you stay with this offensive excuse for a male — I won’t call him a man because he is far from being a man.
A real man would have insisted you stay in bed and rest, asked what he could do to help you, picked up or cooked dinner, and then done as much of the household chores as he could. The boy you married pitched a fit and ran to his mommy.
Please, as so many are suggesting, do not get pregnant. Your workload will increase and he won’t lift a finger to help you either throughout a pregnancy or after with a child. If you stay with him you will lose yourself. Your self-esteem, which is already suffering, will completely disappear, any pride in yourself that you had will be insulted and mocked, and any attempts to stick up for yourself will be verbally (or physically) beaten out of you.
It will take you years to recover from what is being done to you, if you ever manage to fully recover. You deserve so much more. You deserve a man who loves and respects you. You deserve a man who protects you and cares about you.
What you have is none of that. NTJ. Please make an escape plan and do it. The entitled, whiny child you had the misfortune to become involved with is a massive jerk.” shattered7done1
16. AITJ For Wanting To Split Nighttime Baby Duties With My Wife?
“My wife (34f) says that I (33m) should take care of the baby every night that I am at home because she needs more rest than I do.
While I understand that it’s way more tiring the full-time mom job, she does have two more people who help her during the day and we rely on my job’s income to make ends meet and I’m not concentrated or motivated after not sleeping well.
Additionally, while I am away (around once every two weeks) she hires a night nanny.
Today I decided to tell her that I think it’s fair that I do one night and she does another and well, I opened a huge Pandora’s box. I’m now a horrible husband because I can’t do the night shifts every day even though I “used to wake up early to go to the gym and didn’t complain.” I don’t value that she couldn’t sleep during her whole pregnancy and that she is way more exhausted than I could ever be because she is still breastfeeding.
I don’t think of myself as a jerk but today she tried to make me feel like one. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your proposal to take turns is reasonable. Both of you have significant roles in the household and deserve rest. Do you have any support network that can give you a break from time to time, family members who can take care of the little one for a couple of nights per month?” Hour-Wind-2410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife has a lot of help. She needs to take at least half the nights, preferably all of the nights before you have to work. It’s irritating how so many people jump to “psychological issues.” It is possible for a postpartum woman to just be selfish & entitled.” Old-Run-9523
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It sounds like she’s dealing with some mental health stuff, possibly postpartum depression or some anxiety at least. You’re totally valid in working towards a compromise and clearly communicating the limits that won’t work for you.
My advice, see if you can get the night nanny to come a few more times a week. See if she could split the night, you cover 10 pm-2 am and she covers 2 am-6 am, or vice versa. Stagger your individual bedtimes to make it work.
Most importantly if she’s struggling with her mental health then she’s simply drowning under water and probably needs some therapy and potentially medication to help her level out and get back on her feet. That doesn’t mean all of the work should be pushed onto you, but at a certain point it is dangerous for your wife and your baby for her to “push through” and pretend like nothing’s wrong.” Professional_Chair28
15. AITJ For Snapping At My Dad After He Disrupted My Sleep?
“My (17M) dad (43M) and I are very close.
He and my mom (45F) got divorced about a year ago and he’s now engaged to his current partner (43F). Today, I got off a very long shift from my minimum wage job. It was an 8-hour shift, where I got verbally berated an unnecessary amount of times.
Driving home from work, my dad calls me and asked me to go see an open house with him. (We are moving because of the divorce decree.) I agree, reluctantly, and see the house with him.
About an hour later, I make it home. I go straight to my room and scroll on my phone as I’m about to take a nap.
My dad makes it home a few minutes later and calls, asking to watch a movie. I decline, saying I want to go to sleep. He asks several times, while I try and compromise, saying we can watch the Superbowl tomorrow, after my other eight-hour shift. He finally gives up, hanging up the phone.
I set my phone down and begin to fall asleep, but he comes into my room, along with my loud brother (13M) and Dad’s fiance. They sit down and turn an extremely loud movie off of my monitor. After about 10 minutes of my brother kicking the wall, my dad and his fiance talking, and the dogs fighting, I finally snap, loudly asking everyone to be quiet.
Immediately, my dad’s fiance storms out of the room, saying some annoyed remark. My dad stays behind, angry at me for being rude. I tell him that I am exhausted from my shift and I’d like to go to sleep, and we can hang out tomorrow.
They all finally leave my room, angry at me.
I understand that he just wants to hang out, but I had told him about my day, so he should understand why I am tired and don’t wish to hang out today. This is not a regular occasion, as my dad and I are very close and hang out often.
Am I the jerk for snapping at him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your dad sounds super disrespectful to act like that. Maybe he thought you were just being depressed and wanted to cheer you up? Hard to say without having all the context. But man, you should get used to being tired. 8 hours of standing is nothing, prepare for 12-16 hours of continuous labor unless you get a really good degree.
I know high school is draining but life only gets harder.” PreddiPrinceOfSheeb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a working stiff now, and people need to respect that and let you get your rest. I am curious … if they want to watch a movie, why the heck are they all crowding in your room rather than going down to the living room or something?
PS. I initially read this as your father not allowing you to rest after a long “shift.” Which would have led to a very different answer.” EnderBurger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can rest whenever you want and have some privacy. No one should go into your room while you already declined and stated you wanted to rest, they are forcing their presence.
Just as a remark, a daily 8-hour shift is pretty normal, even after school/college. Sounds like you want to justify this situation but you have the right to rest any time you want (as long as you are not taking advantage of the situation).
You can be just tired, not in the mood for hanging out with your dad, or just need some alone time, whatever. I suggest you try to set some boundaries. I don’t see why your own family would actively prevent you from sleeping, sounds pretty extreme to me.” Dizzy-Potato3557
14. AITJ For Defending My Brother After Stepmom Cut His Hair Without Consent?
“My dad, 47, remarried last year to my new stepmother, 32, after his and my mother’s divorce. I, 24, and my little brother, 10, don’t have much in common due to the 10+ year age gap. But he has decided to grow out his hair and I found that we bonded well when I braided it for him.
I would braid his hair and we’d talk about whatever was going on and we both enjoyed the time we spent. My stepmother would always express how she disliked the styles I did on him, but my brother loved it so I didn’t mind her negative comments.
Last month at family dinner my stepmother repeatedly asked my little brother how he would feel if he got his hair cut. After he told her multiple times that he had no intentions of cutting his hair at this point she just wouldn’t leave it alone.
I tried to help him out and change the subject because I could see he was getting irritated. But no matter what I said she wouldn’t leave it alone. And my dad wasn’t any help. A little more information, my brother and I aren’t very close to my stepmother.
My brother snapped at her and said it wasn’t any of her business what he did with his hair and that she isn’t even our real mom. This sent my stepmother into the kitchen with tears. This made my dad angry and we both got in trouble.
Last week my brother called me crying and said my stepmother had his hair cut off. I came over and after I calmed him down I asked what exactly happened. And he said he went to the barber for a shape up and my stepmother had instructed the barber to cut it all off.
I immediately called her and told her off expressing that it wasn’t her place to take that away from him. A while after I got off the phone with her my dad called and yelled at me saying it wasn’t that serious and he thinks it looks better that way.
I told him that my brother loved his hair and this could be a hit to his view of himself. My dad blew me off and said if so he can just grow his hair back. I took my brother for dinner fun to make him feel better and then to my mother’s house.
Even she was furious.
My dad called me and was upset that I brought my brother back to my mother’s. But I refused to take him back (my brother asked me to take him to my mother’s) and we both stayed the night there. My stepmother called in the morning and I declined.
My dad said she wanted to apologize and I said that I didn’t need an apology my brother did. He said I was blowing this out of proportion and that my brother will learn to like the hairstyle. My brother and I haven’t been answering any of their calls or texts but I have to know… Am I the jerk?
P.S. for those of you asking yes my brother, my father, and I are black. My stepmother is not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s petty revenge on her part. A person like that shouldn’t have children, that’s for sure. What type of deranged adult takes revenge on a 10yo!!!!
It might have been needed to cut your hair for school or some other activity but in this case, you explain. The fact that she did so without your mother’s approval is also a very big issue. Keep protecting your brother, you are doing a great job.” TwinZylander214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone who says you’re overstressing – ask them how they would react if someone cut their hair without their permission? He’s a kid, but his consent matters in this. You did a great job taking a stand for him. He’ll remember and appreciate this.
You might want to remind Dad that relationships with kids are meant to be maintained – not butchered. Ask him what exactly does he think his stance is achieving here? He’s making his wife happy – and? Does he think your brother will ever look at him the same again?
Will he ever want to be around him? What’s more important: standing up for his wife who had no right to cut his son’s hair or making sure his son feels safe and protected by his father? There is no between. You’re at the age you can question him so please ask.” Latter-Ad-4065
Another User Comments:
“Totally 100% NTJ. “My stepmother repeatedly asked my little brother how he would feel if he got his hair cut. After he told her multiple times that he had no intentions of cutting his hair at this point she just wouldn’t leave it alone.” Your brother made it totally clear he didn’t want his hair cut.
He rightly pointed out she isn’t his mom. Stepmom was way out of line here. She had no right to do that. I totally get why you & his mom would be mad. Your dad needs to step up here. If he lets stepmom keep that sort of behavior up your brother will end up hating him.” Apart-Ad-6518
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Remind My Husband About My Birthday?
“My husband (34) and I (33) have been together 9 years, married for 6. My birthday is coming up this week and I’m pretty sure he’s going to forget. He’s not a birthday person, and he’s not big on getting or giving gifts, and he spaced on a lot of birthdays and anniversaries at the beginning of our relationship.
But we worked through it and agreed to meet in the middle with him trying harder and me being more chill and that’s been mostly working.
But well he hasn’t asked me about anything, not even if I’m working that night or if there’s a restaurant I’d want to go to or anything.
And I basically schedule and plan everything we do. I’m so tired of planning thoughtful things for him to do for me so that I have something to say when people ask me what he got me. I don’t want to look up restaurants, check menus (last year during my birthday dinner he complained that there were only a couple of things on the menu he could eat, even though I told him where I wanted to go a week ahead of time and specifically asked him to look at the menu) and check schedules and just have him show up and pay.
I want to feel like I’m worth literally any amount of effort or thought, that I’m a priority for him, that he knows me and cares about me. I’ve been feeling like this for the last year and we’ve been talking (fighting) about it and I’ve asked him to take more initiative and act more like my partner, but it hasn’t been happening.
I know his mom has asked him about what to get me for my birthday, so he’s got to know it’s coming up. I also maintain a digital household calendar with upcoming birthdays and events that I’ve shared with him multiple times, but I don’t think he’s ever clicked the link.
Which is all to say, I’m not trying to trick him or set him up for failure. I just would genuinely rather not celebrate my birthday at all than plan everything by myself.
I also don’t know if I remind him if he would even do anything, and I think that’s the worst part.
If I don’t say anything and he doesn’t do anything then he just forgot. If I say something and he still doesn’t do anything, it would hurt more. But at the same time, I feel like it’s a jerk move for me to know that I want something from him and will be disappointed if he doesn’t do it, and to not tell him.
I’m really not trying to do some kind of gotchya thing. But it feels dishonest, especially with how much I’ve been thinking about it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been together for 9 years – he knows when your birthday is and he knows that you would like him to do something for it.
You shouldn’t have to ask every single year. Maybe make some unofficial backup plans for just you on your birthday (something you’d like to do but don’t necessarily need to book in advance, like going to a museum or a movie). And if he doesn’t do anything for your birthday, go celebrate on your own instead.
I know you don’t want to plan your own birthday, but if it’s just you it won’t take the same amount of mental labour as planning something for both of you or for a group. And you’ll still get to do something special.” Capresesandwitch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is the end result you want here? You want him to remember on his own which you acknowledge he’s unlikely to do. You accept you’ll be disappointed either way. What do you want for the rest of your life? This is really about the state of your marriage and how you don’t feel appreciated. Are you willing to have the hard conversation that may not give you the results you want?
Is marriage counseling possible? It sounds like you need a big change and it may not be one you want.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have no idea why people seem to think that if his love language isn’t gift-related that means he gets a free pass to make zero effort for you.
The bar is so low it’s buried. Even if he does your car maintenance or some other chore, or is physically touchy, or whatever, he still is a grown man who should be expected to have some method of remembering his wife’s birthday. He is not a medieval peasant with no access to a calendar.
As his wife, you should be important enough that he can at minimum say “Do you want to go out to eat?” You have a birthday EVERY YEAR. ON THE SAME DAY. How is this a gotcha? You’re not aging for the sole purpose of catching him messing up.
You have already communicated to him that you’d really appreciate something for your birthday. You shouldn’t have to do that every year. Can he remember when the Super Bowl is? Can he remember when fishing/hunting opener is? Or when the new game he likes is dropping?
Do you have to remind him daily to go to work? Would he notice if you stopped doing something for him that he appreciates? Maybe it’s not a birthday thing, but maybe quit cooking for him or maybe stop doing his laundry or something. After all, how could you possibly be expected to know he needs food or clean clothing, and anyway, shouldn’t he do it himself since you apparently are expected to fulfill your own needs?” MeanestGoose
I just always ask about dates to continually remind me. I also program them in my phone with an update for a week before.
He is the jerk here. I mean, anything meaningful would be great, from what I'm gathering from your post. Flowers, a thoughtful card and nice dinner...
He can do more. However, if this is that important to you, then you need to find someone who speaks the same love language.
NTJ
12. AITJ For Confronting My Partner's Mom About Her Habitual Lying?
“So I (23M) am seeing Kelly (25F). Kelly has two very nice mothers, Gina (64F) and Stacy (71F), that I get on with quite well.
The problem relevant to this post is that Stacy has a history of lying, very often, about things both serious and not serious, which Kelly has complained to me about a few times. While the lying does bother me, mainly because it hurts Kelly’s feelings and stresses her out, Kelly says she’s trying to let it go and has just come to accept it as part of her mother’s personality.
Well, I went to run errands with Stacy last week, and when she forgot her wallet I thought it was a genuine mistake. She’s in her 70s, she’s forgetting things, it’s no big deal, I’ll buy her the couple things she needs and she’ll get it back to me when she can.
It wasn’t until later that day when I was alone with Kelly and recounting my day that she stopped me and asked if Stacy had me pay for something. I said yes, and Kelly explained that this is something she does to everybody if they agree to go with her somewhere and she has/wants to buy something.
She claims she “forgot” her wallet, asks you to pay, and promises to pay you back, but almost never follows through. This was upsetting to hear, as I also don’t like to be lied to and had not experienced Stacy lying to me yet.
It’s also not even about money for Stacy, as she has quite a bit to her name, no debt, and Gina pays most of the bills.
Anyway, yesterday Stacy asked me to come with her again for errands because she needed to pick up some things and they’re too heavy for her to handle.
I agreed, and before we walked out the door I said “oh wait, I forgot something” and went and grabbed my jacket. I asked her if she was sure that she also had everything she needed, specifically listing wallet/keys/phone, she said yes. I asked if she checked before we stepped outside, she said yes again.
So on we went, and after the initial errands we stopped at the pharmacy and she ended up asking me to grab her something while I was inside, claiming she forgot her wallet again. The conversation went like this:
Me: I thought you said you had everything you needed before we left.
Her: I did, I guess I was wrong.
Me: You said you checked.
Her: I did.
Me: So did you lie to me about having your wallet or did you lie to me about checking for it?
Her: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Me: Do you really not have it with you or are you lying about that too?
Her: Why are you having an attitude with me?
Me: Why did you lie to me?
Her: It’s not a big deal. If you don’t want to help me then I’m going home.
Me: I don’t have an attitude, I’m just not going to deal with you lying to me. Lying has consequences.
She was upset, to say the least, and gave me the cold shoulder after this and Kelly says she hasn’t come out of her room since we got back from errands yesterday.
Did I go overboard here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously, this is her long habit and she isn’t used to being called out for it. She’s avoiding people because she is both embarrassed and angry. If you wanted her to re-think her habit, then you’ve succeeded. Stacy may not even realize the game she’s playing.
When she says “I forgot my wallet” what she means is “please buy this for me.” Gina has figured this out, as has Kelly. They either pay or don’t. In the future, I suggest you do the same, although I suspect it may be a while before she tries this again with you.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but how does your SO feel about it? My grandmother was a chronic liar and, at least in my experience, just not playing along worked as well if not better than confronting her. Granted, my grandma was genuinely mentally ill (BPD, untreated) and I obviously don’t know Stacey’s deal. Confrontation had a fallout.
Just “nope, I don’t have money to buy you something” a few times and she realized you weren’t an effective “mark” and moved on. Again, not the jerk. Just wise to make sure you’re not creating drama for your partner.” MyAskRedditAcct
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you might have been a little strong but you surely caught her there.
Absolutely justified. If I could change one thing, I would have stuck with your point when you said “Did you lie about checking or did you lie about not having it? ” I would repeat that over and over until she answers. Only one is true.
I think this is a good lesson for her and she’s lucky she doesn’t get worse consequences like destroying every relationship she has left at her vulnerable elderly age. She knows better. She’s just a con artist.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Mixing Different Foods And Upsetting My Partner's Family?
“I (23f Chinese Australian) have been seeing Andrew (26m half Vietnamese half Australian) for 4 years, and regularly stay at his place on the weekend.
He lives at home with his parents and older sister Hayley (30f). Not too long ago, Hayley suggested that since I stay over often, I should start paying them for groceries and bills, though I’m still a student so they aren’t too strict with the amount.
I transfer them $50-100 here and there to cover my share. His family treats me very well and I respect them, I have been really happy in my relationship so what happened today was quite shocking to me.
Andrew’s mother, Louise (60f), is Vietnamese and cooks amazing food regularly.
I love her cooking! Today she had cooked a delicious pork rib and taro soup, and I ate some for lunch. At dinner, Andrew was going to make some instant noodles, so I asked him to make me a pack of Shin Ramen (Korean spicy noodles).
When it was done, I decided I wanted some of the pork rib in my noodle, and mixed some of the soup in my bowl. Louise hastily stopped me, saying that no I should not mix the soup with my ramen. I was confused. Andrew came over and said the pork rib soup should be eaten alone and not mixed with my spicy noodles since the flavors are different.
I argued that Koreans also eat spicy rib soup, so it shouldn’t be too weird, and since I’ve had the rib soup by itself for lunch, I wanted to try a different flavor. However Louise insisted that the way I mix food is wrong, and Andrew said I should just eat my spicy noodles and maybe come back for a bowl of soup later.
The argument got quite heated as I didn’t understand why mixing food was such a crime (this had happened a few times before, when I added different condiments or mixed stir-fry with noodles, Louise pointed out that my eating habits were strange, but she never said more than that).
Then I got overwhelmed and ran to Andrew’s room and started crying. Hayley barged in and began yelling at me (she’s normally kind to me, but she does have a bit of a temper) “why are you throwing a tantrum in someone else’s house? We are feeding you food and you’re so ungrateful!”
I was really upset because I thought I did nothing wrong, so in the heat of the moment I stood up and screamed back “I paid for the food, why should you care how I eat? I’m not forcing you to eat what I eat!
If I go to a restaurant and pay for a plate of food, you think they’d kick me out for eating the food wrong? How ridiculous!” In the end, I was so angry I packed my bags and stormed out of their house (after Hayley got so mad she said I’m no longer welcome at their house), and now I’m on the way home and crying, wondering what I did wrong.
It really doesn’t make sense! I tried to put myself in their shoes and say if Andrew wanted to eat Chinese dumplings with tomato sauce, my Chinese family and I would not care at all (we’d just laugh it off due to personal tastes). So AITJ for mixing food/having different food preferences and upsetting my partner’s family?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but not for mixing the food, just for how this escalated. My granddad was famous for dipping his chips in ice cream which some people thought made him weird and some people thought made him a legend. My grandmom would yell at him for it, but it was all in good humor.
This whole thing should have been de-escalated by BOTH parties. This was not a hill to die on.” RumSoakedChap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner’s family sounds controlling to me. Sure it is their house and their ‘rules’, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is YOUR MOUTH and you can put whatever you want in any combination in it.
Just because it is their house doesn’t give them the right to disrespect you and force you to eat how they eat. If anyone thinks that way they need to be checked out. Just because someone is in your house DOES NOT give you control over them and how they eat food.
What the heck?” StinkieSloth
Another User Comments:
“Do you really think mixing foods is the real issue here? The sister gave you a hint about how regularly you’re over – did you discuss with your partner (then he could have a private convo with his family) about whether you’re there too much, imposing or doing things that make them uncomfortable in their own home?
Mixing food probably isn’t the only issue. ESH because the mom should not have started up about you mixing food. Hayley shouldn’t have lost it. Your partner should have told you if there is underlying tension. You acted like you pay a calculated share for the food based on how often you’re there and how much you consume.
You pay here and there. Plus you stay frequently without rent. You’re not family but stay too often to be a guest. A discussion should be had about your presence there and what is acceptable. Including how often you’re there. Why are you already thinking it will be awkward when you’re there next?
You should be asking your partner to talk seriously to his parents about your welcome. Including his sister especially if she is paying rent or bills.” Specific_Impact_367
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Roommate Borrow My Suit Due To His Weight Gain?
“My roommate (I’ll call him David) and I are both M23 and have been living together since sophomore year of college.
We’re both 5’11, and have been similar sizes throughout college. We both worked out regularly and weighed about the same (I’m 168 lbs). We’re super close so we would share clothes a bunch since we could easily fit into each other’s clothes.
Since graduating college, I think I look pretty much the same.
I still work out and still weigh about the same. David on the other hand has gained around 20 lbs. He works out less and now has a bit of a gut. We both drink a good amount of beer together, but I still work out and probably have a better metabolism than him, so it hasn’t affected me as much as it has David.
A few days ago, David asked to borrow my suit to go to a wedding with his partner. I told him that was fine, so he went to try it on. He came out wearing the suit (which was already a pretty slim fit) and I could tell that it just did not fit him anymore with his weight gain.
I asked him to take it off and said that I changed my mind about letting him wear it. He jokingly asked if it was because he looked bad or fat in it, and I responded jokingly saying yes, he was a little too fat for it.
He then asked more seriously and said that he’s worn the suit before, and I had to tell him it was because he actually had put on a few pounds and I didn’t want to damage the suit. He got upset at this and said that I was being insensitive and that he hasn’t changed that much since college.
I pointed out that he has a beer belly going on now, which made him even more upset. I told him that if he wanted to keep borrowing my clothes, he needed to lose the extra fluff.
Sure enough, after moving around for about a minute, the suit pants ripped pretty bad down the back.
He obviously got very embarrassed and went to change. After that he’s barely spoken to me, much less apologized for ripping my nice suit.
For more context, I know that his financial situation is a little difficult right now, so I wouldn’t ask him to replace the suit.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He clearly gained, and while I am sure he noticed things fitting differently, he probably didn’t want to admit it. No one does. It is probably why he doesn’t want to apologize. He knows he did the wrong thing, that it is his fault, but he is embarrassed and doesn’t want to hear it.
It isn’t mature, but it isn’t unusual to avoid things, especially when you are sensitive about them. You COULD have been more diplomatic, sure. But if this had been a suit from the 90s, when the cuts were wide and generous, it would have been different.
Today’s suits are cut very slim. I am not sure if you could have been better. I mean, yes, you could have said it in a different way, but he has gained weight and you didn’t pull punches.” JGalKnit
Another User Comments:
“You are NOT doing him a favor if you don’t make him repair the pants.
Let me say that again, You Are NOT Doing Him A Favor If You Don’t Make Him Repair The Pants. The only thing he learns is that as an adult, actions don’t have consequences, and that turns people into jerks. Tell him he needs to find a good tailor and get them fixed. He will ‘learn’ a lesson and take care of this issue so that you two can continue to be friends.
The next time you see him spending $20 or $40 you will start to get upset that he didn’t spend that money fixing your pants.” Turbulent_Pear2429
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s okay to be a bit mad about the suit being ripped, especially since that’s the concern you pointed out.
I do think you could have been more sensitive about his weight gain. Your communication seemed a bit harsh and men can also be sensitive about weight/looks. I sure hope you won’t speak to your (future) partner like that! But I get it, you sure aren’t the only guy that speaks this way.
I think it’s good that you don’t expect a refund from your friend, since he’s struggling financially. You do deserve an apology for the damage!” MotherT_90_Eur
9. AITJ For Choosing To Live Separately From My Stepsister To Avoid Drama?
“I (23) don’t live far away from my mom, my stepdad Bob, and my stepsister Ava (23).
I’m living with a roommate elsewhere though because honestly Ava is just a lot of drama and I prefer not to live with her.
My parents recently were asking why I didn’t move back in since they’ve largely paid off the mortgage and they don’t understand why I would want to spend extra money to live with a roommate instead of saving and having more space at home.
I told them that I preferred to live separately from certain family members. I didn’t say Ava’s name but they knew I was referring to her. Mom and Bob both said it upset them that Ava and I don’t get along but they wouldn’t press it.
I pay my own bills so there’s not much they can really do about it anyway.
I didn’t say this out loud to them, but I thought they were being a bit hypocritical because they both have siblings they don’t get along with either.
At least Ava and I can be civil with each other when need be.
Grandma reached out to me yesterday and said she and my parents don’t want to guilt me, but me living away because I don’t get along with Ava does really hurt them and it’s causing a small rift between my mom and Bob because they see as me preferring to “struggle” over being at home.
I thought that was a bit dramatic. I’m obviously not made of money right now but I’m getting by. I know Ava’s tendencies are because she’s been through certain things, which I do 100% sympathize with. But I’m not asking my mom and Bob to make Ava move out.
I’d just prefer we be living our separate lives.
Grandma said she wouldn’t press it, but the right thing would be to consider it and that it would make my parents really happy. Normally Grandma isn’t the type to get involved in things like this.
So I’m worried now if I am being selfish by not moving back into the family home and trying to get along more with Ava. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grandma not getting involved in stuff like this means she has no understanding of how every day sucks when you dread walking in the door of a place that isn’t a sanctuary from the chaos of the world, but yet another place you have to be on guard because you don’t know where the drama is coming from but you know it will be coming.
So what if you could have more money if you lived at the house you used to live at? Another way to say that is: I’m going to “earn” some money by taking on a bunch of hassles I don’t need and want. Grandma probably isn’t malicious, but she wants to stop the complaints that she’s hearing from her kid.
And she’s willing to assume that if you go back everyone will be better off. But you know the reality. If you go back you can’t say you don’t know better.” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “But the right thing would be to consider it.” Okay, problem solved. You considered it, did all the research, and came to the conclusion that you prefer your freedom and domestic life to be drama-free and you’ll be staying in your own apartment so bring forth the tacos!
But, for real, you’re 23 and if you’re managing to live on your own, they need to just give it up and respect it. It’s a special kind of selfishness not to understand why you made the choices you’ve made.” Electronic_Goose3894
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are an adult and can choose to live anywhere. I think responding to your parents in a way that highlighted your personal growth and independence more than simply disliking your stepsister’s presence may have been better received by your parents. Their sadness is understandable, but pushing to have your grandma call you to double down is a bit of jerk behavior in my opinion.
You got this.” BonjourCheriex
8. AITJ For Telling Everyone About My In-Laws' Disruptive Behavior At Our Wedding?
“I (26F) got married to Jack (26M) in August. We have been together since we were 15.
Jack and I decided to have an immediate family-only wedding. It was extremely small, my dad and brother, his parents, and sister/husband. My dad paid for everything.
MIL/FIL ask if they can stay with us the week of the wedding, we say sure. They show up and they bring MIL’s sister, husband, and niece (14). The 5 of them are in the entry of the house and expect to stay with us this week.
I’m annoyed, especially since they weren’t invited but I say nothing. MIL walks right past me then turns to me and asks if we invited Jack’s cousin, we will call her Jane. I tell her no, we just invited you guys and my family.
The reason Jane is not invited is because she’s drama, wore white to Jack’s sister’s wedding, and made a scene.
The day before the wedding, I get up and notice my car is missing, I had last-minute things to get, turns out MIL helped herself to it, so she can go shopping at the mall.
I call Jack, he calls his mom, she returns the car 4 hours later. The mall is 15 minutes away from our house.
I was able to get everything I needed and head home. When I get home, Jack pulls me aside and tells me MIL yelled at him for having a camera in the house.
We have a camera facing the back door, we check it to make sure the dogs aren’t outside and it’s locked. Either way, it’s not hidden and it’s our home. To me that was suspicious, so I check the footage and hear how MIL/Aunt are absolutely berating me and our house.
I show it to Jack and he says to say nothing.
The day of the wedding arrives, MIL opens our bedroom door asking for an iron, I go grab one for her. I close the door and start getting ready, I have a picture of my mom (passed away) next to the mirror and I’m just in my head about it all.
Then MIL opens the door and asks for an ironing curler, I get her one. I close the door and lock it. I call my dad to linger outside the door.
The limo arrives to pick me and my husband up to bring us to the church, before I get out the door, MIL, FIL, aunt, uncle, and niece get in the limo and open the special bottle that my dad kept from his wedding.
So now it’s me, Jack, and all his family in the limo on the way to church. Like a clown car. They drink the whole bottle which I wanted to share with my dad and brother.
At the reception, Jack and I catch MIL going through the wedding envelopes to see what everyone gave.
She is pulling money out and telling Jack his sister is cheap. Again, I say nothing. The last straw was when I looked around and MIL/aunt were missing. I find them hiding calling Jane who didn’t even know about the wedding to tell her she wasn’t invited.
Lastly, I got my photos back from our photographer, Aunt/MIL/uncle are doing the peace sign behind our heads in every group picture.
I’ve told my friends what happened because it bothers me.. but my husband is saying I’m the jerk because I shouldn’t tell anyone.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You and your new husband need to have a face-to-face meeting and get on the same page about how to handle HIS relatives in the future because this is only the beginning of the meddling. I emphasized “HIS” because it is my firm belief each partner in a marriage should be the one who handles their own family members.
So I hope your new husband grows a pair and can do the job. NTJ for needing to vent as your husband would just tell you to be quiet.” GranbyTank
Another User Comments:
“Oh no. NTJ. Tell everyone who will listen. And have the photographer photoshop all those who did bunny ears right out of any pictures in which they chose to do it.
My petty self would then print those ones biggest of all and frame those ones only. When MIL asks why she’s not in them I’d absolutely tell her that the photographer photoshopped out people who couldn’t behave like grown-ups on someone else’s important day.
Don’t let her ruin your pictures. Just wipe her right out of them.” rileysauntie
Another User Comments:
“I believe you telling everyone is appropriate. They wanted to cause a scene and they caused a scene. They literally crave the attention no matter how they get it.
I teach. It is easy to think the kids will be embarrassed or humiliated when their antics become known… ummm no. We are embarrassed and humiliated but they do not care… otherwise they wouldn’t be stirring the pot. That is different than me making a scene or yelling or exaggerating or putting them down.
Just say the truth and how it appears to you. They deserve it. Your husband should have protected you from the invasion. Gotten them a room. Seated them in the church. Kept the drama away from you. Him not wanting to make a scene gave them license to do anything they wanted.” OlderMan42
7. AITJ For Showing My Brother The Reality Of Owning A Border Collie?
“My nephew really likes my dog Dixie and has been asking his parents for a dog for ages. I bring over Dixie to visit him every week. My brother really wants the same breed (I have an 8-year border collie) and I’ve warned him they are not meant to sit at home all day but he has an image of himself as a tough outdoorsman.
He goes camping once or twice a year with the family and fishes in a boat with a motor. He doesn’t exercise at all and generally watches TV at home after work as his main activity. He also travels for work 1-2 times a month.
My SIL works out more and probably would be doing most of the walking. She announced she was pregnant a few months ago and now they are planning to get a border collie puppy with the arrival of their newborn.
I marathon train with Dixie and I also work from home.
My partner also works out a lot and takes her on runs when I’m tired or on my period. And she’s 8 now, she was way more energetic as a puppy. I can’t imagine raising a border collie puppy and baby at the same time.
My SIL also had PND after my nephew was born. I babysat him several times a week with our mom because she couldn’t function for a time.
I left Dixie with them when we had a 3-week trip to Japan. My nephew loved it but my brother and SIL were shocked at how much walking she needed and wouldn’t keep up.
She was pretty crazy when I came back and I pointed out that this is an 8-year-old dog and as a puppy they are far worse. My SIL has now told my brother they aren’t getting a dog until their youngest is at least in grade school and they aren’t getting a border collie.
He is now mad at me because he felt like he needed this dog breed and I was preventing him from getting it. I felt like all I did was show them reality.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry to say but your brother is a lunkhead.
You gave him the cheapest lesson of all time in understanding that the dog he thinks he wants will not fit his lifestyle. He selfishly ignores reality and just wants what he wants. I’d say this. I did you a favor and I did that pup an even bigger favor.
You literally do not want the reality of living with a border collie pup. You couldn’t handle it. And somehow that makes you mad at me? Get over yourself and be thankful your wife is a realist. NTJ.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“Good Lord your brother is an idiot.
He does not NEED a border collie; he ridiculously wanted one. Your SIL has enough sense to realize the work that goes into such a breed and realized their family couldn’t handle it. I swear my eyes almost fell out of my head when I read they were going to get a border collie puppy when the baby arrived. Nightmare scenario there.
You did your SIL a huge favor letting her know what owning a border collie entails. It’s not your fault your brother is delusional. You DID show them reality. NTJ.” KimB-booksncats-11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is pouting because he doesn’t like reality. You saved them from having their house destroyed and their life upended by a dog they are not ready for, AND the heartbreak for their son when they inevitably have to re-home the dog, AND the trauma for the pup at having such a chaotic start in life.
So all in all, you did 3 good things. Let your brother be upset if he needs to, hopefully he’s a big boy and can get over it.” backcountrybarbie
6. AITJ For Removing My Roommate's Groceries From My Fridge Space?
“I live in a rented house split 3 ways. I did not know my roommates before meeting them, all was decided by the landlord.
When I first came, I was informed that specific cabinets/fridge spaces belonged to certain people. Example: the left side cabin belongs to the renter assigned as #1. The middle assigned as #2. The third assigned as #3 etc. This was told to me by the landlord, it was on my contract and the two housemates seemed to uphold this rule since when I first came, the right side cabinet and bottom of the fridge (which is weirdly much even?
Like it doesn’t go like a normal fridge and doesn’t have sidebars) was stated to be mine. I was strictly told to not impede or use the items of others.
All was well. In fact, I like this rule very much. The problem came when I did some minor grocery shopping and saw some stuff that definitely wasn’t mine in my section of the fridge: an almond milk carton + chicken from BJs.
I was a little miffed but texted the group chat to ask who it belonged to and why it was in my section. Housemate #1, “Leah”, said it wasn’t hers and confirmed when Housemate #2, “Cheryl”, said it was hers and just needed temporary space because her section was full.
I was a little annoyed and texted that I would’ve appreciated her asking me first but I get that she just needed temporary space. I asked her to come move her stuff or at least let me squeeze it into her section because I just picked up my own groceries.
Cheryl refused and said she was busy, that she already tried to squeeze it in (and to her credit she was right. I had no way of squeezing in the carton + chicken plate without crushing something). I replied that I’m moving her stuff out of my section because I can’t let my stuff rot.
I asked Leah in the chat if she would mind me putting Cheryl’s stuff with hers. Leah said no and I respected it.
I left her carton and her chicken plate on the counter, put my groceries in, and went about my day. Problems came to a head when Cheryl asked to speak with me in the living room.
She went off on me for basically tossing her food away because the chicken and milk weren’t good/safe anymore after being left out. I said sorry but that it was my space in my fridge. Cheryl asked me to compensate but I refused. She said she’d get the landlord involved for touching other people’s items and I got a little hotheaded and said I’d just get at her for using someone else’s space.
Leah yelled at us to be quiet and that we’re both being childish and that threatening the landlord is a low blow. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good on you for standing up for yourself. If you had let it slide this would not have been the last time, it would have become a habit of hers to take advantage when she felt she “needed” to.
The rules are clear, she broke them. It didn’t cost her much, and hopefully she has learned a lesson. Also, good on the landlord for making clear rules. I bet they have had trouble with people getting into long and dirty fights over space in the fridge before.” MenchitWolfram
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the only thing you could do. As you said, were you supposed to let your own food go bad because she was using your space? You even told her that she needed to do something about it and she just replied she was busy.
Too bad, so sad. Also, Leah is pretty hypocritical for calling you both childish when she wouldn’t even let Cheryl have some space temporarily that would have solved the issue.” inFinEgan
Another User Comments:
“This is the landlord saying “not my problem… but seemingly when it inevitably happens it suddenly becomes my problem, so here’s the compromise written into stone for all the children that can’t adult themselves.” Of course he’s seen this exact thing before do you think this is the first serious disagreement concerning fridge space?
No he’s had to find new tenants before likely due to them fighting over fridge space. Solution: get a bar fridge. Use the kitchen AND your own as bonus space if others get jealous explain you all pay equal to receive equal thus does not negate your fridge space.” Reddit User
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Dying Sister-In-Law Due To Financial Issues?
“My wife’s sister has cancer and was given a short amount of time to live. When we heard the news I suggested we go and visit asap. She lives all the way across the country from us. My wife’s sister decided she wanted a memorable trip and pushed it out to nearly the time doctors said she wouldn’t make it.
That was the beginning of the year. I didn’t agree that we should wait too long because you never know, but she and her mom wanted it this way.
Last week my wife lost her job. She has been unable to keep jobs for some reason and every time she gets fired it really hurts us financially.
So I told her tonight I wasn’t going across the country to see her sister until she has a job. When the trip was planned, my wife had PTO and now obviously she doesn’t. I’m thinking it would work for her to go out without me so one of us could stay back and work.
I’m self-employed so I don’t have time off. My wife insists that I need to come to support her but I’m terrified of what that could do to us financially.
The trip has not been paid for, dates haven’t been set.
I’ve only met her sister a few times and her sister has never met our kids —— AITJ?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not close to her sister, and you are allowing your wife and kids to go, but you absolutely need to be the responsible adult in the situation and make sure you are not ruining yourself financially.
The economic problems will create much larger problems for you and your children over a far longer time period than you not going on the trip. You could not have known that your wife would lose her job and not get a new one when you planned for the trip.
Canceling your own participation is a responsible and sensible choice.” MenchitWolfram
Another User Comments:
“Financial issues aside… Looking for a job while knowing her sister is dying and she’s going to want to take time off immediately to go see her (when as I’m accustomed you usually can’t start a job and immediately take time off) is going to be difficult.
Also, as her sister is on her deathbed, your wife is going to have a hard time dealing with that too after she passes. It’s a LOT. I don’t know what the answer is, but your wife’s mental health and the loss of her sister is paramount, and not being there for that or there for her during that is going to be hard to come back from.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As heart-wrenching as it is and as much as you want to be there for her, it’s ultimately up to the both of you to keep yourselves afloat financially. The last thing you need is to be homeless and/or starving.
I’d ask if her mother would be able to help with the expenses of a trip like that. You could possibly tell your wife to give a heads-up to the new employer AFTER she gets hired. You could find a way to reduce the costs of your water, gas and electric bills.
It might be possible to pitch a GoFundMe to assist in travel expenses for going up there. Just a suggestion, but it could help.” Reddit User
4. AITJ For Not Letting My Needle-Phobic Daughter Start Accutane Treatment?
“I 44f have a daughter Mia 15f. She has always been scared of needles and whenever I take her to get blood tests or similar it is a 1/2 hour ordeal and sometimes she flat out refuses to have the needle get anywhere near her. I was hoping she’d grow out of her fear, but she still struggles sometimes.
Mia also has moderate acne and is quite sensitive about it. I also had acne growing up, so I took Mia to a dermatologist and we’ve tried all the topical treatments and cycles of antibiotics. However, none of these have been very effective for her.
The last resort is Accutane, but as Mia is afraid of needles I said no.
Accutane requires monthly blood tests and our local practice is only open during weekdays. The blood test should take 10-15 minutes so I could take her in the mornings before work, but I can’t have Mia take as long as she usually does as I don’t have that time.
The side effects of Accutane are very dangerous and if Mia has them while taking it, the blood tests are nonnegotiable.
My husband thinks I am being a bit too harsh, as we should let her go on Accutane. Mia has said she will do the blood tests, so I should take her word and allow it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s telling you what you need to hear so she can get the Accutane, but given prior behavior she’s going to balk at the blood draws. Since your husband thinks you’re being a jerk, how about he gets to be the one to take her for the blood draws and deal with working it around his job?
That being said, medical anxiety is a thing. Has she seen a therapist to help her overcome her fear?” Thick_Drink504
Another User Comments:
“My husband is way older than Mia, (he’s also a doctor,) and he has a needle phobia. Telling a person to get over their fear doesn’t actually empower them.
So, tell her to take a towel with her or very dark glasses to cover her eyes. Lots of people do better with needles if they don’t see the jab coming. There are other options to help Mia with her needle phobia. Ask her doctors about them.
No jerks here. You just need another tool in your arsenal.” AndSoItGoes24
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Except Mia. She’s cool. You can’t just tell someone with a phobia to sack up and get over it. You said yourself that her fear of needles is not a phase.
Get her help for her anxiety and/or have the patience to recognize that she’s doing the best she can and this is hard for her. That said, it’s important for you to get to work on time, and if Mia’s fear makes that impossible, then you’ll have to find another solution.
What’s with your husband assuming that you can just be late to work every day? If he thinks Mia needs to get the treatments, then he can take her, and he’s a jerk for making it your problem.” CalamityClambake
3. AITJ For Not Including My Step-Sister's Kids In Our Family Holiday?
“I 27f and my husband 32m are on holiday with our kids 4m, 3f. I am also 6 months pregnant with twins.
We are visiting my family in my home town.
As my dad and step mum live in a small 2 bedroom unit we chose to stay in a motor inn owned by family friends. We got a really good deal on a 3-bedroom townhouse for the week.
While here we plan on taking our kids to the zoo, soft play center, adventure park, and a couple of school holiday programs and to catch up with family and friends.
My step-sister 28f is a single mum. She lives half an hour away with her kids 10m, 6m, and 3f.
Upon hearing we were coming to town, my step-sister automatically assumed she could leave her kids with us. They turned up at my stepmum and dad’s where we had lunch while waiting to check in to the hotel. She tried to leave her kids with us saying that “her kids haven’t got to do anything fun these holidays, we have plenty of room in the townhouse, it’s good for my kids to learn to be nicer to kids that aren’t as privileged as them, etc.”
We refused and my step-sister then started yelling about how we’re selfish for not including them, how it’s unfair that we can afford to go on holidays and do fun things that our kids probably won’t remember, we should be supportive of her, and more sympathetic to how hard it is for her being a single mum and it’s time I step up as her sister and pull my weight instead of expecting my dad and step mum to always pick up the slack with helping out with her kids.
I ended up getting angry and yelling back that her kids aren’t our responsibility, we have our own kids to worry about and it’s not my fault that she can’t be bothered to get a job and it’s not my fault she keeps having kids she can’t afford or take care of.
We ended up leaving and luckily were able to check in early. My step-mum and sister have been blowing up my phone along with some friends and family saying I’m in the wrong since we are in a financial situation where we can afford to have the kids with us and my step-mum could be around for a few hours each day to help so we should help out.
My husband and dad agree with me while saying I might have been a bit harsh in the argument.
So AITJ for not including my niece and nephews in our holiday?”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes! Have Dad visit you from now on. The entitlement of step-sister.
I would never be in the same room as her again. Awful. Stepmother not much better. Here you are pregnant with twins. The gall. I too have trashy steps because my dad married their mother. It’s not great. Avoid at all costs. Have a lovely holiday and best wishes for an easy delivery.” 11SkiHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are under no obligation to be free babysitters just because you are visiting. Your SS made a huge assumption and then got mad when you set a reasonable boundary. It’s not your problem if she is a single mother, and if she wanted a break, she should have contacted you ahead of time and asked, not just dumped them on you.
And it isn’t your problem that you are doing better financially than she is. It is also telling that your SS is using peer pressure to punish you for your actions – the typical act of someone who knows they are being unreasonable. And, if your SM feels so strongly about this, then she can step up and help her daughter.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is old enough to plan ahead. A normal parent would first check with you privately, ask if she and her kids could join in on one or more activities and it may be she could only afford one or the free activities.
Apparently, someone needs to explain to her how to be an adult. If she really just ambushed you all in front of the kids and tried leaving her kids with you then that’s ridiculous. You may be the jerk if in your frustration you attack her personally.
Just explain you’re glad to see her and the kids and if needed could happily pay for one event that she attends with her children. In other words, be kind to the kids and demonstrate how a mature adult handles things. Let her be ridiculous all on her own without you joining in.” PeppermintWindFarm
2. AITJ For Jokingly Telling My Sister She'd Make A Great Housewife?
“I (33M) have a younger sister (25F). Our parents are dangerous people, so as soon as I was able, I rented out a place so that my sister and I could have somewhere to live.
We got out of there when I was 18 and she was 10, and I took care of her until she was able to go to college (she is now in graduate school, doing very well for herself).
Basically, I’m not the most well-organized guy. I mean of course I take my job seriously (I work as a paramedic, and I aspire to go to med school soon, and I am responsible for peoples’ safety), but my primary motivation is making a living and breaking the cycle.
I don’t put too much effort into things like looking presentable or cleaning around the house or whatever. I’m too busy for that. So I admit that while my little sister was growing up, she was more often than not the one who washed the dishes and cleaned the floors.
Even nowadays, she spends her money on nice clothes for me and whenever she visits my apartment, she scolds me as if I’m a little kid and she cleans up the mess. It’s kind of amusing.
So last weekend, my sister visited me, and once again, she rolled up her sleeves and started tidying up the place a little bit while we were chatting.
While she was doing that, I jokingly told her that she would make a great housewife and that she should aim to find a job like a flight attendant or something where she could put her neat-freak talents to use. My sister was sort of embarrassed when I said this, and her face turned red. She went on this whole rant about how this wasn’t what she was going to grad school for, and then she entered my bedroom and freaked out when she saw the new clothes she bought for me, just laid out all messy on the floor.
It was enough that she even started crying! She was so exasperated, and all she could say was “you’re supposed to be an adult”. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – 1. So she can tidy, most adults can do that. 2. That does not equate to being a housewife, it demeans your sister and housewives and everything they do by minimizing everything down to “you’re good at cleaning therefore housewife lols.” 3.
Why did you bring flight attendants into this????? 4. Calling her a neat freak also seems mean in context. 5. It’s not just one poor joke it’s a series of awful things to say about your sister and people in general. 6. Just because you can’t get your act together doesn’t make other people fair game to be the butt of your jokes…” ReviewOk929
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Wow… Your sister isn’t embarrassed, she’s disappointed. You are supposed to be an adult and coming over to your home and seeing it in a state that she feels she has to clean…you should be embarrassed that this is your home.
Not to mention, she’s clearly a bright young woman who is going to grad school. Why would you say what you did? It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t factual. Regardless of your intent, the outcome that you’ve presented is that her ability to do a basic adult thing supersedes her education.
Grow up.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“YTJ on multiple counts. Dude, you trained her from age 10 to be your 24/7 live-in housekeeper! I’m willing to bet you reminded her frequently how lucky she was that you rescued her. Even though she’s in grad school, you still expect her to clean up after you.
You deride her as a “neat freak” because she is still trying to keep you from living in squalor. She is still buying you clothes and you’re 33 years old! Your suggestions for her future were taken as insults (note, I am not putting down housewives or flight attendants) because that’s how you meant them.
The “I jokingly told her” is just your weak, after-the-fact excuse. It is past time for you to grow up. It’s also past time for her to cut you loose and let you wallow in your own filth.” ParagonOfAdequacy
1. AITJ For Kicking Out A Cousin's Service Dog From My Party?
“I hosted a party last weekend. A cousin has a Golden Retriever service dog for PTSD and said she was bringing it. I didn’t doubt it was legit, but after the party, I now have my doubts. I don’t own pets and am not big on strange animals in my house.
I told her it could come but it had to be working.
Long story short, it wasn’t working all the time at my house. She let it do its business in my yard (she cleaned it, but still not cool with me), let people pet it, and let it wander off from her.
So I told her to leave. She claimed the dog deserves breaks from being a service dog. I agreed it does, just not when it is at my house. So I reinforced that she had to leave and kicked her out.
She threw a fit and called me a jerk and a bunch of other junk.
I caused an uproar in the family. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I am a service dog handler (PTSD & Cardiac); 1, she should’ve asked, not told. 2; I never bring my dog into another’s home if they don’t normally have pets. That’s a personal thing, however.
If the dog needed a break, she should’ve either asked to use your yard or dismissed herself for 5-10 minutes so it could use the bathroom outside by the sidewalk like pets do. Some handlers let people pet their dogs, I do occasionally when I’m having a good symptom day, but her dog is still required to be in complete control & wandering off whilst vested, and not performing a task is incredibly dangerous.
I also think bringing a service dog to a party in general is dangerous.” Environmental_Use121
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You said you were okay with a service dog. That implies a dog trained to do something for his or her handler and working.
This dog was simply a pet if not actually working at the time. But honestly, I don’t get the poop thing being an issue. Pets poop. Service dogs poop. I mean you knew that was highly likely when you agreed to have the dog there.” Kris82868
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have every right to act the way you want in your own house, but you clearly have no chill. Your comment about dog poop shows this crystal clear. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but your yard has poop in it.
Idk where you live, but birds, squirrels, chipmunks, coyotes, deer, etc. can all be crapping in your yard since that’s how biological beings work. When it comes to dogs, your cousin cleaned up the poop, so what’s the issue? If you want it totally clean, it’ll never be that way due to the existence of animals, plants, and things in general. Honestly, how do you react when your cousin or any of your party guests use the bathroom?
Are you equally disgusted even though it all gets cleaned up? Are people and animals not allowed to crap within a certain radius of you? But aside from the unnecessary anti-dog sentiment, you kicked a PTSD-suffering family member out of your house after inviting them in.
Not exactly the coolest thing to do. Imagine the rest of your family hanging out and kicking you out. Just think about it.” BloodyFrenulum
Dogs poop. Especially in New places as they get excited by new smells and things, well.... They move (pooping). She cleaned up that mess. You can't complain about that.
But, YNTJ for expecting more control of the dog.
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