People Question Their Actions in These Riveting 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Yelling At My Dads For Reading My Private Journal And Confiscating It?
“I am 18F and the adopted daughter of two fathers, Alex (36M) and Kuri (35M). I was recently diagnosed with PTSD following a traumatic event one month ago.
Ever since I was diagnosed with PTSD, my fathers have been acting extremely overprotective of me. They won’t let me leave the house without a friend, and they won’t even let me stay in my room with the door closed. Recently, they’ve been invading my privacy too.
I keep a little blue journal where I like to vent when I’m having a bad day, and last night, I wrote some of my feelings in it. Mostly depictions of my flashbacks, along with some self-pitiful thoughts (survivor’s guilt, basically) that I prefer to write down in private instead of dumping them onto others, since I know they’re temporary feelings.
My dads came to me today with my journal in their hands and told me they were going to confiscate it, because they’d read through it and they said they wanted me to find a better outlet. Basically, they said it was for my own good that I should talk to someone instead, instead of dumping everything in a journal and making this whole cesspool of negativity that I could reference at any time.
And they said that if my PTSD got worse, it was best not to have a journal filled with constant reminders of my trauma that would only trigger me further.
I asked them not to take it away, they said no, it was for my sake. We started arguing, and I accused them of not understanding me and trying to micromanage my recovery.
I also accused them of disrespecting my privacy and said they were doing a pretty bad job of parenting if they think I’ll trust them knowing they snooped through my most private things.
It kept escalating, and then we got into a yelling match. They accused me of being ungrateful and having no respect for them when they were trying so hard to protect me.
I told them that being my fathers is not a free-for-all pass to go through my things. At some point, all logic devolved and we were just shouting at each other – them, about how disrespectful and bratty I was acting and me, about how they didn’t understand me and they cared more about controlling me than actually helping me.
In the end, I just went back to my room. AITJ for starting a screaming match with my dads when I could have worked this out peacefully, while still asserting my boundaries?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Nobody, not even your dads, has a right to go through your journal. They should not be taking it away from you unless your therapist has said they should.” android_queen
Another User Comments:
“Remind them you are an adult. If they persist in not returning your journal, move as soon as possible. They do not respect you as a person. Especially to read and confiscate your journal. It is completely normal to have a journal and write in it. Leave as soon as you can.” daffodil19721215
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your dads are not helping at all. You’re trying to deal with this in a healthy way and they’re demanding that you skip to the end of your recovery. If you try following their advice you’re going to fail and instead bottle up your emotions and not deal with your trauma.” darkwater-0
24. AITJ For Refusing To Engage With My Neglectful Father Now That I'm Successful?
“I (30 m) was always kept at distance by my father.
He solely provided for home, food and clothing. To him I always was the loser and according to him I was a “no one”. I had a hard time in school (I was a failure) and the pressure coming from him didn’t help at all. He humiliated me in front of his relatives whenever he could.
Any time I would try to have a conversation with him, he’d just keep it short and it would usually end with me being called “dumb” by him.
My mom would usually try to brush it off by naming some qualities of mine, but those were not enough for my dad.
Nonetheless, several years passed and I always tried to get his approval. It didn’t work, until recently.
Some years ago I made some big changes in my life and now suddenly I am the successful child.
Of course this made an impression on my dad and suddenly he started to praise me in front of his relatives. All of this is leaving me totally unimpressed. Any word of affection or attempts to have a conversation on his side are being blocked by me now.
Recently he vented about this to my mom, since he feels left out, due to the fact that she always knows what’s going on in my life and he doesn’t. He even puts the blame on her.
My mom always wants to avoid conflicts in the family by favoring my dad’s side of the conflict.
One evening when he wasn’t home it was my mom, one of my siblings and me sitting in the living room. She told me that I should engage more with my dad and I should speak to him more and tell him about my life. My response was quite rude, sure. I said: “Why should I engage with a “no one”?”
Mom was in shock and reminded me of his role as my father and my religious duty to love my parents. I laughed and started naming some examples of the past where he behaved like a bully.
My mom obviously “couldn’t remember” all of this. Yet of course she remembered the housing, food and clothing he provided.
Before leaving the room I answered, that those will be the only ties between him and me. She was confused. I explained, that I will always make sure that he will have a place to stay, food and clothes, but he will never have my affection.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dad is reaping the consequences of his actions.
He’s mean and shallow, and you are very smart to realize that his new interest in you is totally so he can bask in your reflected glory. You don’t owe him anything, not even the basics (but of course if you choose to provide them, that’s a kindness that you are certainly entitled to provide).
And I’m sorry your mom was such an enabler, but I have a feeling that she was stuck in a marriage that she really couldn’t leave, or one that she didn’t think she could leave, so she spent a lot of time making the best of a bad situation.” NotWithoutHopeYet
23. AITJ For Not Attending My Cousin's Child-Free Wedding Due To Lack Of Babysitter?
“My cousin recently got married and invited my partner and me to her wedding. She married into a very wealthy family and her new husband’s dad rented out the country club ballroom, hired gourmet chefs, paid for an open bar, etc. The whole nine yards and then some. It was going to be a high end glamorous event, much more so than anyone in my family has ever experienced (my 20 person wedding was catered by my mom and granny, for comparison, which was par for the rest of the family).
It looked like it was going to be a lot of fun and we were all really looking forward to it when it was being planned.
The problem is that when we got our invite, we found out that it was a child-free event. My partner and I have two young children, both younger than 6 (but not infants).
We didn’t really want to leave our kids behind with a sitter (and have never actually used a sitter before so we didn’t even know where to begin finding one), so we RSVP’ed “no” and sent her a gift from her registry. The fact that we weren’t going came up among some family (my cousin wasn’t there, though) and we were honest that we weren’t going because we couldn’t bring the kids.
We didn’t hear another word about it until a week or so after the wedding when my cousin sends me this absolutely scathing text telling me how hurt she was that we didn’t show up to the most important day in her life and mocking us with how it was so much better than our wedding was (my partner and I were married when she was a teenager, but she was there) and how we missed out on such an amazing time because we are too obsessed with our kids and wouldn’t leave them for a few hours.
I didn’t respond and have no intention of responding, but I am concerned that I committed some sort of social faux pas. I have never been to a child-free event before and I was under the impression that we were free to choose to come or not, depending on our comfort leaving our children behind, and that she would be fine with our decision whichever way we went.
Should I have tried harder to find a sitter? I didn’t think it would be a big deal to her since she had excluded people with children voluntarily. I feel like she should have expected some people to not be able to show up because of that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That’s a risk when the bride and the groom want a child-free wedding.
Not everyone can make it because well, they put their kids first when they don’t have a reliable babysitter. Which is the right thing to do. Honestly, the bride sounds like she’s happy to find wealth not the love of her life and wants to show off. She’s the one who lacks the etiquette, not you.” LittleBall-ofFur
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First things first. She did not exclude anyone with children. She simply said you couldn’t bring them. You were still invited and therefore not excluded. You did the right thing though. You weren’t comfortable with a sitter so you opted not to go. You didn’t demand to bring your kids – people are entitled to have child-free weddings if they want them.
Just as you respected her wish to not have kids in attendance, she needs to respect your decision to not attend. Caring for a child will always be more important in my opinion. I agree with you that she should have expected some people to not be able to attend as a result.” BananaAnna2008
Another User Comments:
“Soft jerk. Child-free weddings are very common, and while I respect your decision to not want to leave your children with a sitter, there will come a time when you’ll have no choice and they might as well get used to it. Plus, missing family gatherings like that one are things you can possibly regret later as they only happen once.” Outrageous_Emu298
22. AITJ For Not Sharing My Expensive Cookies With My Neighbor's Kid?
“I (22f) live by myself in a row home so my neighbors are right there. I don’t really talk to my neighbors except the occasional hello if we see each other. I don’t even know any of their names nor do they know mine. It’s also mostly families with young kids next to me.
I’ve had incidents with this kid three times now. The first I was getting stuff off my front porch and left my door open in between trips. I get everything and close my door and when I turn around this little boy (8-10?) was standing in my living room. I try to ask him what he’s doing but I get no response.
I realize he’s trying to pet my cat and I’m like oh no buddy you can’t be in here please leave my cat alone. I open the door and say I think you should go now bud and he starts heading to the door and stops at my tv and tries to turn it on.
Thankfully his mom comes by and sees what’s happening and gets him out and apologizes. I was stunned by this kid’s gall of entering a stranger’s home, but I moved on.
The second incident was I was trying to park my car in my spot behind my place and he stands in the road where I need to drive past. I finally get him to move but as I drive past he starts yanking on my door handles trying to get in.
I roll down my window tell him to stop and park. I get inside and see him yanking again. I grab my keys and turn the siren on to scare him. Nope. I had to yell at him to stop again.
Ok so now the third incident. I like getting crumbl sometimes. As I walk into my place with the cookies, the kid start asking me what I have.
I told him I got some cookies as a little treat. He asks for one and I’m like sorry bud they’re not for you. He starts crying and yelling for a cookie saying I was mean for not sharing. This gets the attention of his mom and she asks if he can just have one.
I’m like uhhh no 1) I don’t know you very well 2) they are pretty expensive for cookies. At this point I give up and go inside. His mom says it really that hard and calls me a jerk. I would never ask a stranger for some of their food, but now I’m being treated rudely by my neighbors.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t share those cookies with a random kid. why should you have to? Also it’s not like he’s a toddler. 8-10 is pretty grown up. Also his mum is the jerk, what kind of a mother is she??? Asking a neighbor she barely knows to share their food like wtf is wrong with people these days?” AlarmedLemon1273
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as a mum of a child who can sometimes do stuff like this, (not quite to this extent but doesn’t understand social norms) I’d be pretty upset if you did give the cookie. Not saying this mum is a bad mum, she could just be at the end of her rope and just had a bad judgment as she now knows she has to deal with the fallout.
Please try not to judge her too harshly yet, you can’t see their whole entire life.” Fawnfire_87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m absolutely stunned this kid just walked into a stranger’s house. Unless there’s some kind of development delay and he doesn’t quite grasp the concept of stranger danger, I can’t fathom kids these days that just don’t get it.
Don’t get into stranger’s cars and don’t walk into stranger’s homes.” Flicksterea
21. AITJ For Walking Out During An Unexpected Dinner With My Recently Released Mother?
“I’ve (18F) been in foster care for 3-4 years because both of my parents messed up badly.
Recently my mother asked me to meet with her on Saturday. I said no, I might be busy that day, Tuesday might be better (we are both free on Tuesday).
She continued to insist that I come to see her on Saturday because she needs to give me something and gave me an address to this restaurant an hour away from me.
After a lot of back and forth, I decided to just suck it up and meet up with her, thinking that she’s just desperate because this will be our first meeting after she was released (it’s been a few months).
When I went there I had to wait another half an hour because she was late, which plummeted my mood even more. When she arrived we went into the restaurant and she took me to a table with two other people (complete strangers) who were supposedly her friend and her husband.
Confused, I excused myself to the bathroom to calm down, my mother followed behind and asked why I don’t seem happy.
I just replied saying I didn’t expect other people.
She told me they’re rich and they will be paying for the meal. She really wanted to take her daughter for dinner but she doesn’t have the money to. She hasn’t even received her first paycheck yet, and her card has some issues. She then gave me £160 and told me to split it between me and my sisters.
We went back to the table. My mother continued her happy chat with her friend while I sat there not knowing what to do. After about 10 minutes I told my mother that I’m going home with the excuse that it’s going to be really late by the time I’m back. I didn’t give her the chance to reply as I immediately took my stuff and walked out.
While I was making my way home I messaged my sisters. They think I was rude for walking out so suddenly.
My mother then messaged me asking why I was mad. I repeated myself saying she was too insistent when I told her I might not come and I didn’t expect strangers there. I then told her I will split the money between my sisters (who are innocent), and to not contact me again unless it’s an emergency and if she needs anything she should contact our social worker instead.
I really don’t know if I was too harsh or a jerk for my behaviour.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That was really bizarre, I would have walked out too! It sounds like your Mother still hasn’t gotten her life back together and so you are better off not having her in your (or your sisters) lives until she can show that she has her stuff together.
Your lives have been so disrupted already and you really don’t need to have to go through this.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to make these decisions because she forfeited her right.” OU-fan-at-birth
20. AITJ For Sending My Ex His Share of Ticket Sales Via Apple Cash?
“Me (30f) and my ex partner (37m) bought tickets to go to an event that happened at the end of May, however we broke up amicably in April and decided we weren’t going to go to the event.
We decided to try to sell the tickets before the event happened. We both posted on our Instagram stories that we were selling the tickets but no one was interested. So I decided to list the tickets on the axs app in hopes that maybe someone would buy them.
Well, someone bought them but axs has a policy on not letting you transfer the funds to your account until after the event has happened. I waited a few days after the event and then tried to transfer the money to my bank account.
Axs said it would take 7-10 days for the money to clear into my account.
10 days pass and I realize the money hasn’t cleared into my account, so I check the app and realize I had accidentally left my old debit card linked (my card info got stolen and had to get a new card).
So now I have to wait for the money to go back into axs and re-transfer the money again after updating my card.
I explained all this to my ex, and told him we would have to wait a little longer. He asked me if I could front him his half of the money for the tickets because he was broke.
I agreed because I felt bad for it taking longer to get our money because of my mistake and didn’t want him to go without food or whatever he needed.
The thing is I don’t use Venmo, so I sent him the money via Apple Pay. At first he didn’t mind and thanked me for fronting him his half of the money.
The next day he goes off on me for Apple supposedly charging him $30 of fees to instantly transfer the money. He sends me a screenshot and the $30 charge is from the 16th but I see a charge for Apple bill 15.99, do the math for the total that cleared and realize he was only charged $15. So I send him additional money to cover the charge.
Now he’s saying I’m a jerk, verbally lashing out and making me feel stupid for sending the money via Apple Pay when he says I know he doesn’t use it. I honestly had no other way to get him money right away and just wanted him to have money quickly since he was broke.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why are you even asking this question? You know you did your best and come across as a really nice person. Your ex is broke and frustrated with life, let him be.” Sea-Horse1517
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Venmo, PayPal, and Apple Cash all charge a fee for instant transfer (not sure about cash app).
Zelle goes directly to your bank account but I don’t know if you have access to the funds right away. He just didn’t want to (or couldn’t) wait for the 3-5 business days for the free transfer. His finances are absolutely not your problem. Block him.” No-Arachnid-2546
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Break up with this tool.
Oh, wait, you already did. Ignore him, then.” smoothartichoke27
19. AITJ For Locking My Forgetful Partner Inside For Her Safety?
“(22M) So my partner (21F) has a bit of wanderlust. I’m almost positive she has some form of ADHD because she is incredibly forgetful and at times careless.
She’ll do things like leave her purses, books, phone, and at times keys in the car. Boil an egg on the stove and only remember once the water has completely evaporated and is burning, as well as other appliance related problems.
She always talks about how she’ll get around to getting diagnosed and medicated but never does.
Apparently she’s been like this her whole life. Anyways, we recently moved in together( a house that belonged to my grandmother but we both pay utilities/tax/bills) and it’s been great honestly except for these little problems. The major point of contention right now is how she will at times leave through the back door, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT on “walks’, and be gone for hours.
We have had disagreements about this multiple times in the past where I’ve told her that her walks are dangerous and make me uncomfortable.
She will leave at around 1 – 2 am to walk around our rural neighborhood for hours at a time, sometimes when her phone is on low battery. I have no idea why she does this.
She’s told me that it’s “exercise” and she enjoys the solitude but it makes me uncomfortable af. I worry about what could happen in the middle of the night with no one around, and she doesn’t appreciate me coming with her too much. Worse yet, she will leave the back door unlocked because she still hasn’t gotten her own set of house keys.
So it is up to me to readmit my wayward partner every few nights.
I’ve decided to draw my line. I’ve refused to unlock the back door and had it locked from both ends so she’s forced to use the front door for her trips. Not even she would dare leave the front door unlocked to go gallivanting into the night, so I’m good on that end.
The only thing is that she got incredibly frustrated at me and called me a controlling jerk and hasn’t been talking to me. I don’t think I am when she refuses to behave like a literal sensible adult.
So yeah AITJ? I find it ridiculous cause she could simply go out to get her own pair of keys to thwart me, but she’s the type that can’t have too many errands on her mind.
She will have a list of five and then feel overwhelmed and tapped out after completing one. I love her but she is insane.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It is not normal to not provide your partner with keys to the place you both live in. It is not normal to weaponize the lack of said keys to keep your partner in your house.
What. The. Actual. Heck. Agree that it might be wise for her to seek diagnosis and treatment because I worry she would burn down a house at some point, but that does not give you the right to force her to stay inside. Your discomfort with her making choices you do not agree with (the nightly walks) do not give you the right to force her to stay inside.” gune03
Another User Comments:
“I had an ex-partner who would leave in the middle of the night and go for these walks and disappear and really worry me. He was the same age and turns out he was developing schizophrenia. Maybe not the case with your partner because schizophrenia is more common in males but just putting that out there” greenolive10
Another User Comments:
“I used to do this myself all the time, it’s the perfect time for solitude and peace it’s nicer than walking in the daytime. Honestly I think locking her in is taking it a bit too far, you can get her keys and if she forgets them maybe she has to stay outside till you get up or you leave a key under a mat.
I do think though that she needs to remember to lock the door. Everyone’s the jerk here.” Scratchy-cat
18. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Gambling Parents More Money? (delete)
“I (16f) had just been in an argument with my parents over money.
A little background info:
I am in high school and am about to graduate, I have a job and I watch over my two younger brothers as if they’re my kids.
I feed, bathe, and get them to and from school. I buy their clothes, school supplies and anything they need. I help my parents with groceries, bills, and anything else to keep a stable lifestyle. I have been there for them since the day of their birth. From changing their diapers to getting them ready for preschool and other grades.
Present:
I had gotten in an argument with my parents about me not giving them $850 for “bills”
My parents are big gamblers. Every weekend or any day that they’re off they drive us to Las Vegas and leave me in the hotel room with my two younger brothers to watch over them as they go gamble.
I’d continuously give them money for bills, groceries or anything else we need and they would spend it at the casino and come back empty handed. They swear they’d pay me back. They never do. They have done this to my older siblings also.
Going back to my first paycheck, I was so proud of myself because I had gotten $560.36 my parents had asked me all day, “how much are we going to get?” “we are your parents, you can’t just not give us money!” “we gave you a roof over your head!”
I reluctantly gave them $350 (the amount they asked for) and they swore it was for groceries and the bills but spent it at the casino.
This became a regular thing every since then and I finally got tired of them. I had told them off and yelled at them.
In between the argument my parents told me that I’m “ungrateful” and that they’re disappointed in me, telling me that I should have been a miscarriage or they should have terminated my pregnancy when they had the chance.
I had yelled at them and told them that once I turn 18 I am moving out and I am taking my younger brothers with me (if that even is a possibility)
My father had disowned me and told me to (off) myself. Now, everyone in my family picks me out to be the bad guy.
The only people who are on my side are my older siblings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So sorry to hear about that situation, First of all do not hand them another penny, especially if they are going down the bullying route as they will soon start begging, If they are refusing any help or support for their gambling addiction then you can’t help them as they aren’t willing to change, Only thing I can suggest is to look at contacting the authorities at 18 and seeing if you can get custody of your siblings due to neglect as that’s what they are doing, they are neglecting all of you” Dapster93
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your parents are negligent horrible abusive parents and I hope you leave and never go back! Talk to an attorney about rights to your siblings and don’t give your parents a dime more they don’t deserve it, you and your siblings do! So sorry you are in this situation” Right-Blueberry-7604
17. AITJ For Using My Son's Money To Pay For His Meat Consumption?
“When my son got his first part time minimum wage summer job a couple of years ago, we created a bank account for him to put his money into. He works during the summers, and goes to school for the rest of the year.
My son is a huge fan of anything meat-related, chicken, steak, things of that nature.
We have it for dinner just about every day. I’m sure many of you know just how EXPENSIVE it’s gotten over the last few years. Since my son eats more food than anyone else in the house, and he has his own source of income, the money spent at the meat market comes out of his account.
He didn’t know that. I mentioned it to him in a passing comment now and then, but he always thought I was joking. I have worked from home, so he drives my car, but I pay for gas, insurance, repairs, and everything else. He loves cars and driving, and the car he’s borrowing from me is a sports car, so he’s the one who goes to the market to buy the meat.
He gets to drive, my wife doesn’t have to run errands herself. The credit card we gave him is attached to his account, but he doesn’t know it. It’s the only thing he uses the card on. If he goes out with his friends for food or pays for gas, he uses a separate card from my/his mother’s bank account.
He’s not fat or anything, in fact he’s a bit skinny, but he eats so much of it and it’s so expensive, I think it’s a good compromise.
Here’s the problem though. He’s 18 now, going to college next year which I am paying for, and he recently showed me a car he found on an online marketplace he wants to buy.
He says with the money he’s earned in the last few years, and this summer too, he’s right at the edge of being able to afford it. I couldn’t help but laugh and tell him all the money was already spent on the food that HE eats. There’s pretty much nothing left. I asked him if he really thought he was getting all this for free?
Now he’s furious. I understand why, but he has every privilege in the world. I pay for 99% of his things, including the college he’s going to next year that costs 70k annually. If he loves meat so much, at this price level, how could he expect to not have to pitch in in some way?
He’s 18 now.
My wife was in on it too, but it was my idea. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You’re literally his parent and you’ve been taking from him for food?? If you had at least had a real conversation about him contributing towards the meat shopping it would have been slightly better.
But straight up taking from him? What were you thinking??” Qwerty919991
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, awful parenting here, just AWFUL. All you had to do was communicate about finances and food costs. You could have planned and budgeted better, and he could have had input into whether he wanted to adapt his eating habits or contribute to food costs.
This is 100% theft and I hope that your son pursues whatever avenue is available to him for recompense.” DangerLime113
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Kids don’t ask to be born and you pulling the car well we do support him when it comes to x,y,z. Yeah as a parent should. I am always surprised when parents pull this card literally when THEY decided to have kids.
The least you could have done is actually tell him that the money was coming out of his account. Also my brother loves meat and eats it a lot. But guess what? My parents are paying for it as good parents should. You’re ridiculous.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Asking My Parents To Transfer My College Fund From Their Retirement Account?
“When I was born my grandpa gave my parents 10,000 dollars to begin saving for my college education.
He assumed that it would be put away into a high interest savings account in order to help me start saving for college. Over the years my parents claimed to have added my birthday money to it, but that seems to be false.
Anyway, flash forward to last year when I was trying to get loans for college I asked about this account.
I found out that a significant portion had been taken out to pay for an unknown (to me) cost. I believe it was 5,000 dollars. This upset me greatly, but in the interest of unity I decided to not push it. My parents due to their credit score were also not able to secure me a loan at a reasonable interest rate from a college.
My uncle stepped in and essentially gave me a 0 interest loan. He’d pay for my tuition, but I’d be required to pay him back in the future. This was greatly appreciated, obviously.
One more flash forward to today. I decided that I no longer wanted my parents to have control over this ~5,000 dollarish sum.
When my mom got home from work I asked to talk and asked for the money to be transferred to a mutual fund or a 529 that would be accessible to me. Not to take money out of, but I am simply no longer comfortable with them handling money that belongs to me. I should mention that they’ve taken upwards of 1,000 dollars from my bank account before (but this WAS paid back after a couple of months).
Anyway, our discussion went relatively smoothly. I found out that my dad was able to get the money back to 10kish via investing and that it was currently in his 401k. This upset me greatly. Why was my money for college in my parents’ retirement fund? I told them that was not okay and I would like it transferred to a mutual fund ASAP.
My dad confirmed that he would transfer around 15k (which by my math is around 10k short assuming a 5% compounding annual interest rate).
I thought the discussion went relatively well, but when I went downstairs to make dinner for my family I heard him crying. I feel like a jerk. I’ve always been a family oriented person; my dad is almost 60 and probably doesn’t want to work his entire life and taking away 15k from their retirement fund probably would set him back a couple of years.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was intended for you – it’s your money. But I wouldn’t rush to assume he’s purely irresponsible/ malicious or whatever. I’m sad for your dad. You probably don’t know exactly what happened with your parents’ finances, maybe there were things you know nothing about, maybe he just wishes he’d managed better, who knows?
And maybe he thought he could retire or do whatever else with that money and now can’t. It’s upsetting that he was crying alone whatever the circumstances. It was still reasonable for you to ask for it back, and control it. Try to let go of whatever guilt you now seem to have. Do your best, make something of yourself, and later if you want to do something for your parents who might face a difficult retirement.” No-Sea1173
Another User Comments:
“Unfortunate lesson: grandparents should’ve opened their own 529 (or UTMA) in your name rather than giving to parents blindly. (Not blaming grandparents I know hindsight is always 20:20, nevertheless, it’s still a good example)” DaemonTargaryen2024
15. AITJ For Ignoring My Sister-In-Law?
“My wife and I found out we were pregnant earlier this year.
We were beyond excited to start our family, and so when my wife lost the baby two weeks later we were naturally devastated. It took us to some of the deepest depths of despair and sadness. In the aftermath, we received an outpouring of support from friends and family, and that really helped us through.
Everyone was vocally supportive, everyone except for my wife’s sister. She had suffered the same thing last year trying for their second child, and, in contrast to my wife and I, who were open about our struggle, she had dealt with hers very privately.
So when my SIL didn’t reach out, I understood completely how challenging the experience might be, and how this could be a trigger for her.
So about a month goes by. My wife’s recovering well physically and emotion and we begin moving on.
At this time my wife is at the golf club where our whole family plays. A woman that my wife and her sister both play with comes up to my wife an offers her condolences along with apologies that she doesn’t agree with the SIL.
My wife asks what she means, and this woman says that my SIL had been telling the other women that my wife “faked her pregnancy to hurt her [SIL]”, whatever that means.
Now, I typically strive for stoicism, but hearing this infuriated me, and tore open the wounds that had just begun to heal.
We shared what we had heard with my in-laws who were horrified, and confronted SIL but she didn’t deny it or apologize.
Rather, she used family visitation with her son/their grandson/our nephew to force the in-laws to drop the subject (she threatens to cut off access often – her prerogative as a parent – but it means that she’s not held accountable for treating others poorly)
So from that day, it’s been about a month, I have opted to not speak to her, or my BIL who is enabling her, and will not until they apologize.
Over the long weekend, I ran into my BIL, SIL’s husband, at the club. He said “Hey” and I ignored him and simply walked on by – which has led to fresh new accusations by SIL to my in-laws that I’m a jerk and that I’m treating her husband poorly.
I feel like I’m being gaslit by my SIL, but if I’m being a jerk, I want to know.
My wife supports my decision, and while my FIL is disappointed to see the strife, he respects my decision.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t accuse someone of faking a pregnancy and expect them to just carry on and be friendly. I mean, it’s not surprising that your BIL is going to support his wife – I do feel bad that he’s stuck in the middle – but he should understand you supporting your wife too.
What a sick thing to accuse your own sister of…” tomtink1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Your SIL has serious issues & needs to address them ASAP. Unfortunately, there really isn’t much you can do. SIL is a total jerk & it sounds like it’s not just in this instance. They owe you the mother of apologies for this one.
I would certainly go NC after this.” Embarrassed-Math-699
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m sorry for you and your wife’s loss. Remain NC with SIL. Although I don’t agree with in-laws’ actions I can understand that they are in a very difficult spot. I’d Remain NC with BIL and explain to mother and father-in-law that they are not to relay or tell SIL or BIL anything about your lives until you have received a really apology and are willing to accept SIL back.” theBOOPisonfire
14. AITJ For Ignoring My Brother After His Inappropriate Jokes?
“I (17f) have two brothers; Josh (15) and Sam (13).
Recently, Josh has been making inappropriate graphic “jokes” about me that always make me really uncomfortable. I tried everything to get him to stop. I asked nicely, tried explaining logically why those things aren’t ok to say, I even tried shouting and being confrontational with him, but none of it worked.
I went to my mom for help/advice because I knew that if she told him to knock it off, he would. She told me to just ignore him and he’ll stop because “he’s just trying to get a reaction out of you, don’t fall for it”. That’s been her favorite line throughout my childhood; I wasn’t surprised. I decided to take her advice in the pettiest (and probably jerkish) way possible.
The next time I saw my brother was at dinner, and he asked me to pass the salt. I did nothing. Sam passed him the salt instead, my mom asked if anything was wrong, and I said that nothing was wrong. Josh then asked me to pass the potatoes, and I ignored him again. My mom passed him the potatoes and asked me more directly why I was ignoring Josh, and I said “who?”
At this point, Sam started crack up and Josh was getting red in the face. My mom responded “your brother Josh, honey are you ok?” I then said “my one and only brother is named Sam, who are you talking about?” Josh got fed up and interjected with “[my name], are you going crazy? I’m right here!” At that point, I couldn’t keep a straight face anymore and I, while cracking up, said “Did you guys hear something?
I could have sworn I heard a voice. Oh well, probably just the wind.” Josh smacked his palms on the table and stormed off.
Sam was full on cackling, my dad was confused as, and my mom gave me a death glare before going off to talk to Josh. My dad asked what was going on, and I explained. He sighed and called me immature, and Sam called me a legend and went back to eating his food.
Later that night, my mom told me that what I did was unacceptable. She said that if I had a problem with her advice, I should have gone to her instead of taking it out on Josh. My dad agreed with her. I fully admit what I did was petty, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom was right. Ignoring him did make him stop harassing you. Now she’s just mad because you took her good advice to heart. A good parent would have put a stop to his behavior. She enabled it with silence. Is he your parent’s favorite child or something because they are defending the wrong person?
Sam seems to be over his brother’s mess, too. Take a bow. I applaud you.” TheLastWord63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ make sure that you call out your parents to say that their silence is enabling your sibling’s bigotry…what you mother gave you isn’t good advice and if they don’t correct them then you know where you stand with your parents and their own values” Intelligent_Read_697
Another User Comments:
“You did exactly what your mother told you to do, She has given you the same advice many times. I think what you did was make a point that your mom’s advice may not be the best. She is upset that you took her advice and made her son angry. Josh will get over it.
No lasting damage was done. NTJ” Aggravating-Pain9249
13. AITJ For Confronting My Daughter's Fiancé About Their Fights and Skipping Her Wedding?
“My daughter’s husband is a narcissist. She used to call me and tell me about nasty fights they would get into about once every couple of months where they would argue and he would get 2 inches in front of her face and yell.
She would ask me not to get involved and she would get out if she couldn’t take it. I was really good but one day my husband called her fiancé about business. He is very serious when it comes to money so he ended up getting frustrated and hanging up on her fiancé. Her fiancé was upset my husband hung up on him – so he called me up to complain.
He complained for about 10min before I finally lost my temper and I confronted him about the way he’s lost his temper with my daughter in the passed. He responded with “yes I did act that way. I’m sorry I should not have, but she was acting crazy.”
He must have told his dad (who is his boss at work) because his dad sent me a message saying “you and your husband cannot talk to my son this way.
He really looks up to you guys, so from now on please call the office phone. I will not tolerate this again.” So I sent an email to his father at work giving him screenshots and typing out the date and time of arguments in which my daughter’s fiancé lost his temper with her in the past. His father never responded but unfriended us on social media.
I told my daughter she should have stuck up for me and she told me she was mad I got involved. Next thing I know she’s having 2 separate bridal showers because “you got into a fight with his parents so it would be weird if you went to their house now”. I told her this was wrong and she shouldn’t have had any bridal shower at all if this is how it was gonna be.
My husband reached out to her fiancé the day of the wedding to apologize. I told me daughter he never responded and it takes a big man to apologize. She responded with I think he’s blocked on his phone still. I told her she needed to tell him to read it. She never answered later telling me I should have just apologized in person if it meant that much because I was filling her big day with drama and she didn’t want to deal with it.
So I just didn’t come.
Our relationship has been weird since then.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I understand your concern, but your daughter is right. You’re making the issues about yourself under the guise of protecting her but it seems to be you’re making her life harder right now. If you’re really trying to support her, be there to support her.
A person in a relationship with a narcissist doesn’t need her family to chip in on isolating and alienating her. Of course her husband sounds like he sucks but you’re definitely not helping.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here I feel like your daughter is being punished from both sides. A narcissistic, controlling fiancé and a mother who is now emotionally manipulating her to get her way.
Poor daughter. I also don’t believe this story. I don’t think a mother summarizes her daughter’s wedding with “I just didn’t come.” Which is grammatically incorrect, by the way. You just didn’t go.” Sniffer_Bear93
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Whatever texts and conversations you had with your daughter regarding her fiance were her venting.
With the expectation of confidentiality. Not for you to send to his parents. If you have concerns for your daughter, you should have talked to HER. In private. You have trashed your relationship with his parents and now you annihilated your relationship with your daughter by betraying her trust and causing drama on her big day.” Historical-Goal-3786
12. AITJ For Standing Up To My Family Over My Deceased Father's Estate?
“I M19 never had the best home life with my parents divorcing when I was 4, and going to court throughout my childhood, and other parts of the family never getting along or just arguing, due to this most of my family is divorced and refuse to speak to each other like my father’s parents. Also, my grandfather never had a good relationship with my uncle or his children.
But once my father was in the hospital and everyone was in the same room there was a lot of tension and bad energy and once they left the hospital everyone just started yelling at each other on what to do about my father’s estate and personal things. All of them say things like was has your heart at best but my grandmother is very strict and likes things to have control of things (my father never could stand up to her) she comes over whenever she calls us to basically take care of her house.
Two weeks ago I could not stand the arguing anymore and put my foot down. I locked my father’s house and everything with it and told them this is my father’s house and I couldn’t take them all coming at me separately manipulating me. From my uncle telling me why do I have a relationship with my grandfather and how much he disrespected my uncle and my grandmothers, to my grandma telling me that I’m not allowed to speak to my stepmom and need to throw her stuff to the curb(they don’t get along).
And my grandfather is only fighting against my uncle and grandmother and it quickly turned into leaving me and my brother out of important things like my father’s motorcycle that he’s had since we were born (his literal third child), to almost putting our wonderful family dog in the pound. So I shut them all out and locked down the house and got an attorney.
The following day my grandmother needed something from the house and couldn’t get in when she called me asking I told her. She proceeded to scream and yell at me that I was the most selfish person she has ever met and that my father would be so extremely disappointed in me and I’m a monster and the whole family is basically shunning me now(I was very close with her growing up and she taught me how to sew and my passion for sewing) … this has broken me.
AITJ for standing up for my dead father?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Family doesn’t care about your dad, they are all in to try to get as much they can from the inheritance! Keep standing your ground, and start an inventory of your dad’s possessions and account ASAP, with photos/videos/detailed documents, that you will give to your lawyer.” brisemartel
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Kleptomaniac Sister To Visit My New Apartment?
“I (22F) have a younger sister (17F) whom I’ve always struggled to get along with. I do my best to be understanding. She’s been diagnosed with impulsive ADHD, our parents recently divorced, and she had to get a protective order against our father. I’ve done my best to be a good, supportive older sister to her through all this.
I’ve paid for countless treats for her; snacks, drinks, shopping outings, etc. I listen to her rants about our parents and her lousy ex-partner. I bare my heart to her when I give her advice, encouraging her to learn from my mistakes and to love herself. None of it seems to matter, though, because she’s spent the past few years constantly robbing me and others.
She’s constantly stealing and breaking rules, so part of her punishment involves being unable to access her savings account on her own (she has to go through mom). I assume this is why she steals, since she can’t go out and buy what she wants. I want to love and forgive her, but she continues to make it more and more difficult for me to do so.
My partner and I have signed a lease on an apartment, and we’ll soon be moving in. He and I have been together for 7 years, and spent the past 4 working towards our degrees at different colleges. We’re beyond excited to finally live together. My sister has talked about coming to visit us. This isn’t exactly music to my ears; my partner and I agree that we don’t want her in our apartment until we can be sure she won’t steal from us.
I’ve tried to talk to my mom about it, but she seemed upset by the notion. In her words, I’ve been a teenager too and should be more understanding of my sister’s behavior, especially considering what she’s gone through. I know it may seem extreme and will hurt my sister’s feelings, but I don’t feel comfortable subjecting everything my partner and I have worked for to my sister’s thievery.
Even though she’s been through tough stuff, I can’t ignore the possibility that she will steal from us. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no reason you should reward bad behavior with new territory to exploit Because now, it’s not just your stuff anymore (which is bad enough), but it’s your partner’s stuff. You can meet her at a local restaurant.
Just keep your purse out of reach.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- set down rules for sister that until she goes through therapy for a bit OR/+ she has earned your trust, she will not be visiting or staying at your place. You can arrange to meet up at your mom’s or visit at restaurants or such, but otherwise no.” Available_Bid_5320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister will never learn until she feels the consequences of her actions. Your mother is not doing her any favors. In fact, she’s actually harming her by enabling and making excuses for your sister’s behavior. Sorry to say but your mother is taking the easy way out.” Mekla11
10. AITJ For Threatening To Leave My Chronically Late Partner Behind On Our Trip?
“I (f25) and my partner (m27) have been together for 4 years and most things are fine. But he has a huge time management problem, late to absolutely everything and is delusional about how long he needs to do any task (e.g thinking he can get ready in 20 minutes, but in reality takes an hour).
For most of our relationship I have just accepted this and he’s made us late to so many events. But I’m a person who gets a lot of anxiety about being late, especially when I know other people are waiting on me or if I need to travel and catch public transport etc.
Anyway, we’re traveling at the moment and needed to get a 3 hour bus from one city to another. When I was looking at booking the bus tickets I saw there were 2 options: restricted ticket where you can only get the bus at the time you select, or flexible allowing you to get any time (more expensive option).
I asked my partner which one we should get and we agreed on the restricted one since it was cheaper and we would just make sure we are at the station in advance.
Fast forward to the day of travel I am waiting outside for him for 10 mins ready to get the metro we had planned to take which would get us to the station on time.
Seeing that he might not make it I texted him that if he was not ready by he time agreed on I would leave with or without him. Luckily he just about made it and we made the bus in the end.
Anyway, last night when he had too much to drink we started arguing about it and he said that if he was late and I had just left him he would have booked a flight to go back home, and not come on the rest of our trip.
He told me that his time management has always been bad and will never change, so it’s my mistake for not knowing that and not booking the flexible ticket. I told him that I had specifically asked him which ticket to book so that he could choose the flexible one if he thought that was safer.
To which he responded that I should have known to just get that one and not believe him with these things at this point.
So, AITJ for considering leaving without him to make the bus? and is it my fault for believing his words instead of making an executive decision based on his time management issues in the past?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but since you have anxiety being late you might want to reconsider a long term relationship with someone who has no intention of changing. Can you imagine being with someone for the rest of your life who KNOWS he has a problem and has NO INTENTION of changing “He told me that his time management has always been bad and will never change, so it’s my mistake for not knowing that and not booking the flexible ticket.
” after you specifically asked which ticket to get. HUGE red flag for the future.” Comfortable-Sea-2454
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for staying in this relationship, knowing that you have this constant source of conflict that will never end.” Veteris71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who used to be chronically late or even cancel because of poor time management, it can be fixed. It took me a couple of months to figure it out, but it can be done.
I learned how it made me look to other people and how being late all the time is disrespectful, even if you’re not trying to come across that way. Now, I am always on time if not early. It just takes self work. I personally could never be with someone who is chronically late.
It’s a poor excuse to say that “it can’t be fixed”. You need to think about if this is actually a good relationship for you.” SageIon666
9. AITJ For Pointing Out Developmental Delay Signs in My Niece?
“So, my wife [28F] has a *much* younger sister. My wife was born when her mother was a teenager, and then her younger sister was a planned baby when MIL was in her late thirties (Just wanted to clarify the age gap because it tends to stop people up when trying to figure out the ages of our family).
I am educated and employed in education, I’m a teacher’s aide for children and young teens with developmental disabilities.
There has been conversations within the family about 8 y.o. “Kayla” and her development. She was on the edge of delay in terms of speaking and walking, and motor skills as a baby. She was put into speech therapy and occupational therapy for tasks of daily living when she was 4-5 (she was struggling to catch on to the motor skills of brushing teeth, gripping pens, enunciating her speech).
She worked hard on it and she caught up to be pretty normal for her age, honestly. She can read, write, socialize well, she’s happy and bright and “normal” (for lack of a better term). She only has one or two accommodations at school (mostly for having extra time on testing as well as the option to type instead of handwrite essays).
I’ve noticed lately that when she eats, she sticks her tongue all the way out before putting her spoon or fork in her mouth. She also fist-grips her cutlery despite lots of showing and repetition how to hold cutlery properly. I made a comment the other day after dinner to my MIL that Kayla sticking her tongue out to eat and the way she holds her cutlery is very reminiscent of developmentally delayed children.
All of the kids I work with do this, and it’s a common indicator of mental development delay.
My MIL was apparently extremely offended by the comment, as I found out later from my wife. My wife sided with her Mom and said that it was inappropriate for me to comment on, regardless of my closeness to the family or my occupation.
They asked for my advice a LOT when she was young and going through occupational therapy, and I did a lot of recommendations for programs and professionals for her. They never hesitate to ask about all sorts of questions with Kayla’s schooling and administration and progress etc. (she doesn’t go to my school, but same district).
AITJ here for just pointing out what I recognize as a common indicator in a kid that already had some challenges early on? Especially when previously I’ve been included in this conversation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they have asked OP “a lot” about occupational therapy and delays and are now “extremely offended” that OP has put forth an additional piece of information, the situation sounds a lot like OP was supposed to somehow perceive the change.” Petefriend86
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. You meant no harm, but you did overstep. However much advice they asked for in the past, no one was asking for it now. I’m a kindergarten teacher, but I would never comment on the development of another person’s kid unprompted. It’s just asking for trouble. If anything you could have brought it up to your wife and had her broach the subject with her mom, if she thought her mom would be receptive to it.
But honestly, parents don’t always have the same perspective as educators. What to you came off as a neutral value statement probably seemed judgy to her. I can see how it would. Now you know to keep comments to yourself in the future. Take the rules of our profession into your home as well – you’re an educator, not a psychiatrist. Share observations only of what you see and don’t share the alarms it sets off for you.
Don’t diagnose kids.” YuniX-2
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Help when they ask but your casual observation as a teacher aide is not a diagnosis from a specialist medical professional. You are not an expert in these conditions whether you see kids like this on the daily or not. To just come out with it especially knowing she’s needed help before was just rude.” BenynRudh
I get you arebtrying to help but they obviously are very guarded about their planned baby who has had so many issues in the past
8. AITJ For Inviting My Casual Fling to My Birthday Party Later Than Everyone Else?
“About a month ago I (20sF) started casually seeing this guy (20sM).
We had both agreed we weren’t looking for any serious level of commitment and so far it’s been low stress and fun!
My birthday is this weekend and I planned on having about 12 of my close gal pals (+1 guy who is best friends with one of the girls coming) over for a pre-drink (with cake) and then going out to a bar to dance a bit after.
I also told them that everyone was welcome to bring their significant others as it’s a big group anyway and I like all their partners and also so people have someone to get home safely with if they want. However, it was kinda short notice and people are busy so only one of the partners MIGHT be coming.
The guy I’ve been seeing asked what I was doing on the night and I told him my plans and he said he’d love to join after his shift if it wasn’t a small intimate friend thing. I said he could definitely just meet us at the bar! Last night he told me he actually wasn’t working that night so can come whenever.
However I still don’t think I want him there for the whole pre because:
a) might be weird doing a cake and presents with him there
b) it’s all my friends who know each other, he will only know my roommate and they have only met briefly
c) it’s effectively all girls (the one guy counts as one of the girls at this point lol)
d) it would be the first time he meets any of my friends (and it would be for hours) which feels like a lot if we are not seeing each other seriously and have no plans to do so
So I was going to tell people to come for 8pm and then him to come for 10pm so I can enjoy some time with the girls without being worried if he’s feeling awkward (I can’t help worrying I’m a worrier).
2 of my friends agree that it makes more sense for him to come later in the evening while one of my friends says it’s mean and that she would feel like a jerk if she was in his shoes getting the late invite. I see her point of view but also it feels like he would have way too much involvement in my birthday if he came the full time and we aren’t even seeing each other seriously or for long at all!
So WIBTJ if I just tell him to come later than everyone else?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t a serious relationship and you need to do whatever makes you feel comfortable during your night of celebrations. Just as long as you’re not leading the guy on, or giving him the impression that things are getting serious.
Makes total sense to me.” AdDangerous5081
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… you both agree its casual… it’s not time,i f ever it’ll be time, to meet the friends in that kind of setting….just be upfront, you are going to spend the time with your girls because they have something planned, but you really want to meet up with him after to continue the birthday party…no guy can be mad at that.” BeginningAccording96
Another User Comments:
“No. You are never obligated to invite anybody, and it isn’t like you are keeping him out, just asking him to arrive at the bar. You aren’t seeing each other seriously and like you said it is just low stress and fun so he also shouldn’t feel obligated to an invite (which it doesn’t seem like he feels).
I can see how your friend made the point that it would make her feel bad if she was asked to come later, but that is also from the perspective of her being your friend and knowing the other people there, where he would know only really you.” SentenceFormal1941
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay The Electric Bill Until My Roommate Reimburses Me For My Stolen Items?
“Me and three other people are living together next semester in September.
All of us are college students. The lease for the house began June 1st, however. So we are paying the rent and utilities throughout the summer despite all of us not having plans to move in until a couple of months from now. Two of us, myself and one of my roommates decided to move a few things into the place to declutter our rooms at our parents as soon as the lease period began.
When I showed up there, my roommate, we’ll use his nickname, Beaver, was moving stuff into his bedroom with his dad. I only had a small bin of stuff, so I was in and out. I left Beaver and his dad to whatever it was they were doing.
Earlier today, exactly one month later, Beaver texts the group chat that the AC was left on for a whole month, making for a very costly electric bill (electric is in his name).
Even though he and his father were the last ones on the property, and it was their failure to turn off the AC on the way out, he expected us to split it four ways down the middle.
Needless to say he got half of what he wanted from me, in fact the other two roommates haven’t even set foot in the house yet.
You guys are welcome to provide input if this decision was also a jerk move. I don’t think so, I didn’t leave the AC on I wasn’t the last one there that’s not my cross to bear. Not to mention when I see the rent payments on Apts.com it’s from this dude’s mom, not even him.
So because of his blunder with the AC I decided to head over to the house to shut it off since I was nearby at the time, closer than the rest of my roommates. Turns out when I showed up the front door wasn’t even locked.
And when I went upstairs to my room to see the things I left behind, all of it was gone.
A TV and a bunch of (not cheap) winter jackets. I’m pretty floored. I confronted him about this in the group chat and he claims to have “100% locked the door”
If that’s the case why is there no damage on any of the locks and why is my stuff gone? I told him that if he doesn’t reimburse me the money to replace the things I lost I’m not paying the electric bill until we break even.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Roommate was irresponsible! So sorry OP. Side note, idk where you live but if there is humidity, it is Crucial to leave a/c going to prevent mold if it’s a central a.c unit. I experienced issues breathing when I lived in an apt with two roommates. I went to the doctor and they told me it was allergies due to my environment.
It ended up being a severe case of mold triggered by my roommate turning off the a/c to save money. It doesn’t have to be up and running at full power but airflow is a must. Not saying your roommate is justified tho, just a caution from my experience. Might not be a bad thing that there was airflow.” No_Acanthisitta6165
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as only the people living in the house should be paying for utilities. Also, go ahead and find somewhere else to live because it’s too early for this much drama. If not, get a security cam and a dead bolt and or multiple other locks for your room to protect your stuff.
Don’t expect others to be as diligent as you are about protecting your things.” Hevans2016
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as only the people living in the house should be paying for utilities. Also, go ahead and find somewhere else to live because it’s too early for this much drama. If not, get a security cam and a dead bolt and or multiple other locks for your room to protect your stuff.
Don’t expect others to be as diligent as you are about protecting your things.” Hevans2016
6. AITJ For Stepping In As A Father Figure For My Grandchildren After My Son's Divorce?
“My (68 M) son (44) found out a couple years ago that his wife had been unfaithful and that their youngest (10 M) isn’t his biologically. He was 6 years old at the time. He has two other children, 17M and 13F that are his biologically.
Since then he and his ex wife have gotten a divorce, and he has partial custody over his two biological children, while his ex has full custody of the youngest.
The youngest was, needless to say, devastated when the man he knew as his father suddenly stopped showing him any kind of affection and said he wasn’t his father anymore.
He still has a very anxious attachment style as far as I’ve observed, and he’s been in therapy for three years now. He has problems at school and I’m pretty sure he’s being bullied for it.
His oldest became distant with him after this. He was 13 at the time, and you can see pretty clearly that he’s less affectionate with his father than he used to be.
After a while, he started asking me to help him with things that he would normally ask his father for, and he started coming over a lot more after school. Honestly I’m pretty sure he has dinner with grandma and grandpa more often than he does either of his parents.
10M still comes around to our house pretty often, too.
Since the divorce I’ve noticed 13F pull away from her parents as well – a year or two after the divorce she asked my wife to take her shopping for a Christmas dress, for example. It all came to a head in the past couple of weeks. First it was 17M’s graduation. My wife and I were invited, and he pretty much ignored his dad the whole time.
Then apparently he posted a picture of me and him to the Instagram with a caption that says something like “couldn’t have done it all without the man who made me a man.” After that it was the fact that his boy scout troop does this canoeing trip over Father’s Day weekend, and he invited me to come instead of his dad.
My son complained to me that he barely has a relationship with his kids now, and he thinks I’m horning in on his role as their father. My wife reads all these psychology articles, and she says it’s because after he dropped 10M his other two didn’t trust him anymore and they “pre-abandoned” him.
My daughter thinks I should probably let them sort it out amongst themselves and stop giving them another option so that they have no choice but to work things out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. I feel sympathy for your son. I can’t imagine the pain that would come from learning my wife had been unfaithful and that a child I thought was mine is not my bio child.
But the way your son reacted to that pain ended up hurting his kids. Honestly your son and all three kids should go to therapy. Good on you for developing relationships with your grandkids. The unfaithfulness created a lot of trauma, and your relationships with your grandkids helped them through that trauma.” winklesnad31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son and daughter-in-law are both the jerks here. It’s unfortunate, because the adults often don’t consider the effect their actions will have on their children. Secrets never stay secret. Your son should be ashamed of himself for walking away from the young child that he has raised for 10 years, leaving that child to flounder.
A father isn’t always the man who provided the sperm, it’s often the man who steps up and treats the child like their own regardless of DNA. He’s using that child to punish his ex-wife for her transgressions, which clearly make her a jerk. Your son and/or his ex need to talk with the youngest’s therapist about initiating family counseling.
That is something you could certainly be a part of. For now, I think it’s great that you have stepped up to be there for the children. They need you, don’t walk away like their father did.” Glinda-The-Witch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their mom is a jerk for obvious reasons. Dad made it abundantly clear that his love was conditional. The kids get to respond to that how they see fit.
You’re not stealing anything. You’re just having a relationship with people who want you around. Dad has had almost a decade to work on this distance with his kids and it’s not your fault he hasn’t. Edit to correct an autocorrect mistake.” dasbarr
5. AITJ For Giving My Friend A Thoughtless Gift?
“I (30F) have been friends with Penny (28F) for about 5 years now, Penny is one of the sweetest most generous people I know, something bad happens to you? Penny is at your house with a tray of cupcakes or will order something you’ll love off Amazon with a nice heartfelt message etc
Well recently at a friend’s birthday, she and her new partner Claire were a bit cold and standoffish with me and I haven’t been able to get a hold of her, but I eventually was able to get Claire to agree to meet with me to talk.
Claire basically told me she doesn’t like me, she told me I have been a horrible friend to Penny for years and Penny is finally starting to see who I really am.
She explained to me that Penny dropped $300 on me for Christmas, went out of her way to make my Christmas special and I bought her stuff from the clearance section of Five Below.
I was confused and she shoved me a picture of Penny’s Christmas gifts in a moving box, Claire said that Penny wasn’t hurt because I didn’t spend a bunch of money on her but that most of the items had nothing to do with her interests or hobbies.
I’ll admit something I know I dropped the ball last Christmas, I got so wrapped up in work and other things that by the time Penny was coming over to celebrate I realized I forgot to buy her a present.
I quickly grabbed a bunch of items I thought she liked and regifted her something I had gotten a while ago that I thought she’d like.
I explained this to Claire but she reminded me I didn’t forget to get everyone else a nice gift, I had no defense for this honestly, I just had more time I guess.
I honestly was speechless but Claire went on about me totally forgetting her birthday too, which in my defense I had a death in the family and totally forgot till she posted about it on Twitter.
I didn’t know what to do so I made her a card and wished her a happy birthday on Twitter.
Claire told me I really hurt her and that she felt that she had done something wrong to be treated so poorly.
I tried to tell Claire that there was no malice behind my actions but she basically said that made it worse and doesn’t want me trying to contact Penny again.
I feel absolutely terrible that I hurt her by getting her these gifts.
Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Here’s the thing, I wouldn’t be shocked if they have a lot more similar examples and for each one you have a good reason. Every single example can be explained away. But when it is a pattern the individual excuses stop mattering. And it isn’t about the gifts.
It’s about the times effort, and care. The fact that you somehow had more time for others? What does that even mean. You clearly didn’t prioritize Penny. Maybe reach out directly and try and make amends, but skip the excuses.” Reasonable-Ad-3605
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You for being careless and not planning ahead or making your friend a priority, or communicating that you’re overwhelmed and/or don’t want to exchange gifts.
Penny sucks because she iced you out instead of having a simple “Hey, you hurt my feelings, maybe we should back off on gifts” conversation, and Claire sucks for engaging in this elementary school game of telephone and relaying Penny’s thoughts and feelings to you.” Imaginary-Part1194
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If Claire is going to measure your worth as a friend by the amount you spent on gifts then I wonder how shallow her relationship is with Penny.
You truly did drop the ball when it comes to getting a Christmas gift but seriously she needs to move on if that’s her priority.” rifraf0715
Good.
YTJ. She never forgets you, yet you forget her until you're faced with the fact that you have, then throw useless and thoughtless gifts into wrapping paper.
Claire is right-Penny deserves better.
4. AITJ For Distancing Myself From A Friend Who Took My Daughter's Sentimental Souvenir?
“I have a friend who lives a 5 minute drive away from my home.
We visit each other often… Or at least we used to.
My daughter recently graduated high school. She and her friends went to Hawaii on their own (no parents) to celebrate this occasion. My daughter bought a beautiful artificial flower as a souvenir and brought it home. She left it out in the living room so that the entire family and guests could enjoy looking at it.
Well, my friend visited me two weeks ago. It was just us two downstairs – my husband was out and my children were in their rooms. I went to the bathroom and while I was gone, my friend noticed the Hawaiian flower. She thought it was pretty so she put it in her purse and took it to her home.
She didn’t even ask or tell me she was going to take it – she just took it when I wasn’t there and didn’t say a word.
I honestly didn’t notice the flower was missing and neither did anyone else in my family. The flower used to be right above the fireplace and that’s not a place we look at very often.
It was only when I visited my friend at her house the following week that she revealed she had taken the flower from our home because she liked it so much. I said my daughter bought it and that it meant a lot to her.
My friend said she liked the flower and that it looked good as a decoration in her home.
I asked if I could have it back and my friend asked why. She wanted to know if I didn’t think the flower looked good in her home.
I told her no, that’s not the case. It’s just that the flower wasn’t hers to take. To this, my friend said that we’re good friends and to give it a pass.
When I went home, I informed my daughter that the flower she bought was no longer in our home and she looked dejected and disappointed.
I told my daughter I’d make it up to her.
My friend and I were supposed to meet up at my place today. My friend texted multiple times asking if I was free but I didn’t respond.
I want to distance myself from this friend. If she could steal something that is so sentimental to my daughter, whose to say she won’t do it again for something bigger?
A few of my other friends have been defending this thief friend, so I’m not sure – AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not normal behavior from your ‘friend’.
Especially after you told her, it has emotional meaning to your family. Who knows if she hasn’t taken anything else from your home, she found it looks nice. Tell this friend off and tell her, that she violated your trust by taking something from you. As well as disrespecting you by not giving it back, after you ask.
So you don’t want to continue the friendship or at least don’t want her around your and your family’s stuff” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would have taken the flower back. However, this isn’t just about one item, it’s about being friends with someone who steals and brazenly keeps the item when caught.
I’m curious about your other friends. What possible defense do they have for this thief? How many reasons do they give for you to continue a friendship with this person?” General_Relative2838
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not only getting back the flower that your friend stole but you allowed her to think that it was okay to keep it.
You disregarded your daughter’s feeling that it was hers to begin with then lied to “only say it was lost!” knowing full well it has sentimental value to your daughter who has it by not disclosing it. You should have gotten it back in the first place.” adie_sammy1202
3. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Best Friend's Birthday Party Due To Her Twin Sister's Behavior?
“I (19f) have a friend ‘Jess’ (about to be 19f) who is having a birthday party this coming weekend. I would consider her one of my very best friends. I’ve known her for six years, but as a result I have also known her twin sister ‘Maddison’ (same age) for just as long.
Maddison and I don’t get along.
She is in the habit of messing with me and ignoring my social and physical boundaries because I’m ‘fun to rile up’. For the most part I just do my best to ignore her, and I can tolerate it on a normal day.
That being said, Maddison becomes a hundred times worse the minute she has had anything to drink.
I have only been at two events with her and drinks. Both were sleepovers at her and Jess’s house and both were horrible.
The first one was Jess’s 18th. Maddison got incredibly intoxicated and followed me around all night, poking and jabbing at me ‘playfully’, and talking very loudly over me any time I tried to speak.
I talked to Jess about it and she said it wouldn’t happen again.
Despite that, the second party was even worse. Maddison poured half a glass of Sprite over my white shirt (which made it see-through) ‘accidentally’ then proceeded to make a number of gross comments about my body which I’ll leave out to keep this pg-13.
When I asked her to leave me alone she just doubled down with the creepy talk and in the end I had to lock myself in a bathroom and call my mum to pick me up at 2am because I was so uncomfortable.
To the surprise of no one, Jess is having another sleepover for her birthday, there will be drinks, and Maddison will be there.
I told Jess outright that I wasn’t going to come because of Maddison. Jess said she’d make sure that I wasn’t bothered again but since I expressed the same issues with her before and it didn’t stop Maddison last time, I was adamant with my decision. Jess said she was sad but understood why I wasn’t coming.
A few hours ago, a mutual friend contacted me and called me a jerk, saying that Jess was crying on the phone about how I wouldn’t be there for her special day. A few of my other friends shared her sentiment and told me I was overly sensitive, saying I was trying to make someone else’s birthday all about me.
So WIBTJ if I still refused to go, knowing how upset it’s made Jess?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and while this is no excuse, are you sure she’s not into you? That’s the first thing I thought with what you’ve described. People who can’t process their emotions or feelings tend to act out.
She could also just be a jerk pure and simple, but gut says she likes you likes you.” Random-CPA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if you decide to go, stay sober so say the first hour. When Maddison starts, make sure everyone knows that, that is the reason you are leaving. Then when someone complains that you made a scene (because this sounds like the kind of group that will) remind them that the original plan was you not coming.” meeeee01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but if you do choose to go, make arrangements so that you can leave as soon as you feel uncomfortable. Whether you go or not, once again, let the enabler friends and Jess know everything that has happened so far, in detail, citing times when they have witnessed it happen, along with the inappropriate remarks… Ask them why they think it is okay for you to have to endure this treatment….” clevergirl_91
2. AITJ For Pushing My Depressed Mom to Be More Active?
“I (23M) love my mom (53) more than anything in the world. She has been battling with depression since I was born, and when my grandma passed away in 2014 she hasn’t been the same since. Often she spends most days sleeping in bed after work (or even calling out of work) and generally just doing nothing and watching TV.
I have my own battles with depression so I understand where she’s coming from, so I try my best to give her little pushes to being active.
I will say she has gotten a lot better than before, and of course some days are tougher than others. I try to ask her to do stuff with me, like puzzles, watch a movie, go for walks and I’m always met with the same responses of “Later” “I’m tired” “I don’t feel good” “30 more minutes”.
Being polite and waiting for her to do stuff on “her terms” has never worked. I spent most of my middle school / high school evenings and to this day making dinner and doing the house chores waiting on her terms, but my patience has worn out.
Today she said she wanted to get her oil changed and get groceries so I told her the longer you wait the less you’ll want to do it and she agreed. But still, sat there for hours.
Every time I asked her when she was leaving, “in a bit”. Same song and dance for years, I’m over it. I told her that she needs to go now or it won’t be done and she’ll end up regretting it for the whole week. She gave me a funny look and kept watching TV so I told her “I love you, but I’m tired of seeing you do nothing all day” and then she hit me with “Let me do things at my pace” and I responded “At your pace nothing gets done” and then she went to her room slammed the door and started showering.
I’m currently typing this while she’s showering, and I feel awful for saying something that obviously hurt her feelings. But also, I’m not. Years of asking and pleading and telling her how I feel hasn’t changed anything. I put my foot down and she listened. I just want her to get up and get active, because I know that’s what helps me when I feel stuck.
I love her, and I hate seeing her do nothing all day.
Am I the jerk for telling my mom how I feel and having her get up and get stuff done? Does anybody have any advice for how to navigate this, or been in similar situations? I have such mixed emotions right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Gently motivating your mom to complete tasks isn’t a jerk move. You have been carrying the weight of caring for your mom your entire life. You cope with your mom’s depression with encouragement and empathy. You’re a good egg, kiddo.” Sunshinehappyfeet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – in general, what helps you isn’t necessarily what helps someone else.
For me, I would be even more resistant to going. Instead I would need “hey l’ll go with you!” Or “we can do this fun thing after we’ve been waiting to do.” But it sounds like your mom approves of this approach.” Stlhockeygrl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re not really helping her. You’re guilt-tripping her about not being active and taking away her only means of happiness which is sitting around and relaxing.
Just because you see going outside and running errands as fulfilling doesn’t mean she does and if she wants to get them done later let her. Unless you’re going to get her a therapist with her consent leave her alone and allow her to find happiness at home.” No_Barracuda3622
1. AITJ For Telling My Mom That Her Favoritism Made My Brother Useless?
“My parents have 5 kids, 2 older adult girls, one baby boy (3 yrs old)
and then my brother (22m) and I (18f)
My parents only ever wanted a boy and so growing up my brother was spoiled and treated special by everyone including our older sisters
Despite me being the youngest my brother was the baby of the family, he had no responsibility and often got things the rest of us didn’t, he was the favorite child and my mom did not hide her favoritism.
She always went above and beyond for him and even though I was younger I got held to a higher expectation than him
After a lifetime of babying him, my mom finally decided it was time for my brother to grow up because she felt that he was too old to act the way he is.
He’s in school but only takes 1-2 class a semester, takes tuition money and blows it
He has no job and no income and does not want to get a job.
Every time my mom asks him to get a job, it turns into arguing
He can’t even cook, clean up after himself or do his own laundry.
She tried to get him to “grow up” on her own but all her attempts failed and so she’s started complaining to us, saying she’s worried that if she’s not here my brother won’t make it, she tells us to try and talk to him and get him to get a job etc.
Recently while complaining she said “ I don’t know what I did wrong” for him to end up this way
To which I said, it’s your fault that my brother is the way he is, ever since I could remember I would call you out on the double standard and favoritism but you’d deny it and get defensive, so and while my brother is an adult, it’s you’re fault that he’s essentially useless.
This hurt her feelings, she got upset and started crying and screaming at me, saying she did her best to love us and treated us all the same and to which I responded “your best wasn’t good enough.”
she then told my dad and our sisters that I called her a terrible mother and that I insulted her parenting and that I’m being unfair in blaming him, she’s really hurt and offended.
Now everyone wants me to apologize and take back what I said, they are calling me disrespectful and all kinds of names and while I didn’t mean to hurt her, what I said was the truth and I don’t feel as if I should have to take words back.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You simply told the truth as you observed it. You answered “I don’t know what I did wrong” with information. It’s not surprising she wasn’t receptive, since she’s never been willing to hear it during all the years of raising your brother. Not that it matters. At this point, it’s too late for her to fix.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“YNTJ. Most often, bad parents can’t handle the truth about themselves. They all want to think that they’re the most perfect parents in the universe and never did anything wrong. You just told your mother the truth and it’s up to her to psychologically deal with it. You did nothing wrong.” Mekla11
Another User Comments:
“Wow, YTJ. And a liar. You did mean to hurt her. You went out of your way to be unkind. It may or may not be true. I’m not surprised that everyone wants you to apologize. You should be feeling shame right now.” android_queen
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