People Fondly Recall Their "Got 'Em Good" Revenge Stories
43. Accuse Me Of Lying? I'll Show You That Honesty Is The Best Policy
“In my sophomore year, I transferred to a small Catholic high school because I was bullied pretty badly at my public high school. I was very eager to show my teachers that I would work hard and show my parents that I wanted to improve my grades.
English has always been my strong suit, so I was excited when my English teacher assigned us four essay questions the first day for the Scarlet Letter. I started to work on them from the moment I got home, to the moment I went to bed.
I was very excited and knew my answers were very in-depth and delved into the symbolism that Hawthorne is famous for. (Let me note that I used absolutely no outside sources for my answers, only my mind, and the book).
When I got to class, I excitedly handed them to Mrs.
Leary and couldn’t wait till she graded them. Silly me…
She handed them back with my answers crossed out and the word PLAGIARISM written in huge red letters across the top. I was heartbroken. I didn’t know what to do, so I said nothing. In the next three assignments, the same thing happened.
On the fourth, I came out of school crying. My aunt was picking me up that day because my mom had a meeting. My aunt was mad. My aunt is a very cool lady and gets along with everyone, but when she gets mad, heck hath no fury.
She marched into the school and reamed Leary out. Leary acted all apologetic blah, blah, blah.
So the next assignment, I was happy to get back. But guess what? THE SAME THING HAPPENED. Big red X’s and at the top: ‘Read and define the word PLAGIARISM.’
So, it became clear I needed to take matters into my own hands.
I asked what the problem with my paper was and she said ‘It was obviously beyond your reading comprehension level.’ So I said, ‘Listen, lady, I don’t know what your reading comprehension level is, but I’m not going to dumb my work down for you.’
I was sent to the principal, to whom I showed all 5 assignments.
She got quite a kick out of it…
I guess she was awful to everyone because she ended up getting fired.
Screw you, Mrs. Leary.”
Another User Comments:
“Ugh, I had this too. Back in high school, I had this teacher with who I didn’t get along the best. Now I’ll admit, I talked a lot in class, but knew the stuff, and did the work.
We had a final paper to write instead of a final/semester test. I wanted to boost my grade a bit more, so I worked really hard on it. It still sounded like it was written by me. I didn’t plagiarize because this was 2011, and obviously, teachers can type your text into Google, and immediately find what you wrote.
She didn’t even have a computer at their desk. Never left the desk, but when I got my paper back it had PLAGIARISM marked on it. She refused to look online to see if I had plagiarized.
The worst part? Some girl that she loved actually plagiarized, and admitted it. She got 100% for honesty.
Forget that butthead. I’ll admit when I was punished in HS it was always for good reason. I was in the wrong. This is the one exception though. Ugh.” TravisGoraczkowski
42. If You're Going To Pick On Someone, Make Sure They're Smaller Than You
“There was this kid in Jr. High that was always in my business. Not a bully, but just 2 parts jerk and 1 part bee with an itch. Constantly trolling me, following me around talking crap. I tried turning the other cheek, being nice and crap like that, but it just was not working.
Fast forward to high school, we are both on the wrestling team. I’m like one weight class above him, so we have lots and lots of close contact and he was still being a loser.
Double leg takedown. Scooped that head up in the air and dented the mat with him.
The coach got angry and made me do extra cardio after practice. Felt really good.”
Another User Comments:
“We had a kid like that on our wrestling team.
Unfortunately, I was the smallest kid on the team and he was way bigger than me. He liked to push me around and generally harass me and there was little I could do.
His game was to see if he could push me to the point of fighting so he could beat me up (I never let him).
Fortunately, the guy that ended up being my best friend (and the best man at my wedding, and me at his) who was a weight class above me as well as the 190-pound friend of his who really didn’t like bullies, and really didn’t like that guy in particular (he was a loser in general).
They helped me harass the crap out of him (our favorite was kicking the tires on his souped-up civic and getting him to run out of the locker room without clothes on when the alarm went off). I harassed him to the point where he was red-faced and ready to beat me at which point they would step up and remind him of all the times he harassed me.
Was it kinda wussy to have bigger ‘kids’ protecting you? Sure. But when you’re small you gotta be smart and sometimes you have to swallow your pride and find your revenge where you can.” puterTDI
41. Dare To Cut Through Traffic? Get Ready To Be Drenched
“I was living in a Middle Eastern country a few years back. Nice place, but because 50% of the population in the region is under the age of 20, the roads are simply overrun by teenagers and early-20s jerks. The culture’s fatalism makes young guys even more reckless and irresponsible than they are already programmed to be by their hormones.
So, after a rare rain shower, the highway is flooded up ahead. 18 inches deep. Traffic is backed up for at least a mile, and it takes us 15 minutes to get to the flooded patch. Everyone is angry. Then I see two cars full of teenage jerks passing people on the shoulder on the right from way behind me.
Mother trucker, there’s just no excuse for that crap.
Eventually, they get to where I am, and they pass me just as we’re reaching the 50-yard stretch where the flooding is crossing the road. And wouldn’t you know it? One of them crosses into the far left lane, and one stays in the right lane to avoid the deep water…
in the middle lane…
And wouldn’t you know it? Their windows are rolled down…
I’m in a Toyota Land Cruiser – a nice big 4WD. So while they’re crawling through a foot of water in their little action-boy Hondas, I decide to screw it and GUN IT between them through the deep stuff in the middle lane.
The wave from my front wheels was about 6 feet high, and it had to have put 20 gallons of water through the windows of both cars. Completely. Drenched. All of them. With nasty urban stormwater runoff. BUUUAAAAHAHAAHAHAAAHAAA!
Of course, they chased up after me once they cleared the water, screaming and cursing, but I just pretended to be on my phone and ignored them. Eventually, they gave up and (I hope) figured I had just been as impatient and selfish as them and had hosed them by accident.
Most satisfying revenge of my life.”
40. Break Girl Code? I'll Make Sure No One Shows Up To Your Party
“In high school, one of my best friends started seeing my ex the day after we broke up… Which happened to be my 16th birthday. So then and there I decided to ruin her sweet sixteen. I just wasn’t sure how.
Fast forward three months. She planned an extravagant birthday party and played hooky from school the Friday before the big party to prepare.
This was my opportunity. I told everyone at school that she had gotten the flu, and was postponing the party (hence why she wasn’t in school). We were neighbors so everyone bought it.
The next day she got all dolled up, arrived at her sweet 16 party in a large rented ballroom only to spend the entire party with her mom and little sister, not one person showed up.
Looking back it was terrible and mean, but to a 16-year-old girl I felt she broke sacred girl code, and that’s never okay.”
39. Ask About My Passport One More Time And I'll Send You Flying
“Okay. I have two older brothers. Eldest is a good person. The middle is a monster. He is a felon. He has tortured my family for 20 years and I have taken the brunt of the assault as the only person willing to openly challenge him.
He stole my mother’s wedding rings, my grandmother’s car, and my tv – to name a few things. My family has decided to try again to welcome him back into their lives so I followed suit.
It’s Christmas 2013 – the best holiday celebration I could ever imagine.
All is well. Middle brother walks in the door to collect presents two days after celebrations – Strike one. Middle brother drops a bag of illegal substances when he walks in the door – Strike two. Middle brother criticizes eldest brother’s renovations and tells my grandmother she wasted her money.
– Strike three.
In the car on the way home, I decide it is best to go back into town together so it saves someone a trip. Middle brother asks me for my passport. I say ‘no I can’t do that.’ Middle brother concocts a magical story where I have borrowed his ID to get into clubs when I was a teenager.
Lies. I did not and would not. He says he needs it to get to a party. He’s 300lbs and 35 and would never be carded under any circumstances.
Middle brother differs from his standard method of persuasion and starts yelling and is getting increasingly loud and argumentative.
I tell him that it is illegal and that it would be very bad for him if he gets caught.
There’s a line somewhere between asking and demanding something of someone – he crosses it. My heart raced like it used to when I was a boy.
When he used to follow my friends and me and beat us with his friends. I remember him pulling me out of a lake where I almost drowned. But it’s not him anymore. The brother I knew is gone and there’s a total stranger directly behind me demanding the symbol of my liberty.
Strike four. I tell him that if he mentions my passport again on the ride home, I will crane the steering wheel into a snowbank.
I hear ‘Give me your passport’ in the voice of a man I don’t know, from a face I don’t recognize. Blood and adrenaline surge from my heart faster and more rapidly than I have ever felt.
We pull into a parking lot, I open my door and wait patiently until that total doorknob works up the courage to fight me.
He steps out and yells something I don’t hear. I tell him that I’ll give him one more chance to get back in the car without saying a word about my passport ever again.
He says ‘passport’ with a wily grin and expects me to be the same cowering boy that I used to be. The same kid who loved him and adored him and wanted nothing else but to be just like him.
I connect the quickest and hardest fist I’ve ever thrown against another person directly onto his chin. He hits me twice above and below my right eye. I completely lose my head and wail on the left side of his face. If you’re reading this, middle brother – Screw you.
You bet your butt I felt no guilt.”
38. Keep Plagiarizing And I'll Get You Expelled
“I was an English adjunct for a few years — my favorite story involved a kid who I caught plagiarizing.
She was probably my least favorite student in the class. She would spend the whole class obviously distracted, either texting or trying to subtly talk to her group of friends (they all sat next to one another in the back of the room).
I could tell that they thought they were being sly, but I had a policy of basically not giving a rat’s tail what you were doing as long as you weren’t annoying your neighbors.
Anyway, they all put the minimum effort into the class. None of them gave a darn, and I’m pretty sure none of them really deserved to even be in college.
Eventually, they started to annoy me, and I had to constantly stop class (this is in COLLEGE) to shut them up. But hey, they were passing (barely) so they didn’t care.
One of these girls submitted an essay to me right before spring break. And… well, it was obviously plagiarized.
How obvious? It was literally a freaking sample essay from a grammar workbook-type website online.
I failed her for the assignment, gave her the usual plagiarism ‘I-caught-you’ speech, and reported it per department rules. At this point, she could still pass, but she’d have to be perfect.
Right after spring break, another assignment was due. Guess what? Yup! She plagiarized that one, too. So I set things up to ‘catch’ her, called her in after class, and told her what I’d found. Her response? Well, she didn’t plagiarize as she DIDN’T. WRITE. THE.
‘I didn’t write it. My friend did.’
‘…you realize that’s plagiarism, right?’
‘No, I didn’t write it.’
I explained to her that she had just admitted to double plagiarism, as not only did she not write her paper, but the person who uh, ‘wrote’ her paper didn’t write it.
She apologized and asked for another chance. I had to stop myself from laughing. I asked her why she thought she deserved one after I had just caught her less than a week prior. She looks dumbfounded and went into a rant about how college isn’t fair and how I’m too hard (for the record: we only had 4 800-word papers in this class).
She also thought she deserved credit for plagiarizing the paper (her story changed halfway through) from two different websites.
I reported it to the department, which triggered an academic trial. A trial is exactly what it sounds like. We both sit in a room, in front of the dean, a council of professors, and a student representative.
They hear the case, and then your fate is decided.
If you show up, you usually can prevent yourself from getting kicked out of school, as you can basically say anything and they’ll feel sorry for you. The one thing you can’t do is not show up, as that essentially means that I have free rein to make you look like a loser and get you expelled.
Welp, in class the day of the trial, all her friends were in class talking (loudly) about how they were going to write about how crappy of a professor I was on our reviews. Because I did my job, basically.
I went in that day and — surprise! — she didn’t show up.
I had images and comparisons between her paper and the site she copied her work from. I had detailed accounts from other students about how she was disruptive in class. I had copies of my syllabus that outlined exactly what plagiarism is. I had a recording of what she told me during our last conversation.
She was expelled.
I still have the letters her friends wrote (I received the ‘feedback’ at the end of the year, all anonymous, mind you) in an envelope. One of the letters is a page-long run-on sentence that says no one liked me and that I was the worst professor ever.
The other is basically identical. I only taught for two years, but these were the only two negative ‘reviews’ I ever received. All because I just wanted to teach and not have people plagiarize in my class.
Before I left, I checked up on both students. Both dropped out. Both had plagiarism charges on their record. Screw them. I hope the three of them are still complaining about how hard college was somewhere because they couldn’t handle writing 800-word essays.”
37. Lie In My Class? I'll Bait You Into Exposing The Truth
“I’m a professor. Many years ago, I had a small cluster of students in one course that I strongly suspected was gaming the system; scattered evidence suggested that they had knowledge of my test content ahead of time. I don’t let my students keep their test copies, and I re-write my tests every semester, so this was puzzling.
I determined that they were most likely finding the answers during the photocopying process, so I set out to test that possibility first.
When the next test in the course was getting close, I left the previous semester’s version of the test in the photocopy room as bait.
I then rewrote the new version of the test, keeping page 1 the same to avoid raising suspicions on test day but otherwise completely revising the questions. I made the new copies on another department’s copier the morning of the test.
Sure enough, when I graded the test I found that my copiers all had perfect scores on the page 1 questions, but then bombed all subsequent questions to varying degrees.
They all went from ‘A’s on the first two tests to ‘D’s and ‘F’s on the test in question. Those patterns alone probably wouldn’t be enough evidence for an airtight academic integrity charge, but one of them gave up the whole group and the plan when I called her in to confront her with the test copies.
Turns out they had access to my department’s copy room from a former student worker and would routinely pop in and steal exams in the to-be-copied pile after hours.
In the end, it caused a big disciplinary fuss in the administration with ‘F’ grades, multiple suspensions, and one expulsion, which is a true rarity given how gun-shy universities are about kicking out students. The copiers were hoisted by their own petard and I got what passes for professorly street cred among my peers for catching a well-organized group that many others had missed.”
36. Be Careful Who You Leave Your Drinks With
“There was this kid at my high school that nobody could stand, but for some reason always knew where to find the parties. My senior year, a group of friends and I were hanging out with a close friend of ours who was in town visiting from college.
So we decide to call the annoying kid, let’s call him John, to find a party.
I call John and he says there is this awesome college party he’s at and we all have to be there. So we get pretty excited, pack into my car, and drive out to the address only to find it’s not really much of a party…
there are no cars in the street, and John walks out and immediately starts talking about how lame it was and how there were only like four guys in there. BUT there is another party we should go to, so we decide to drive to that one.
On the drive over, John takes shotgun and I realize the dude reeks. He’s already pretty inebriated at this point, and keeps taking swigs out of this water bottle he’s carrying. I ask what’s in it, and he says booze and lemonade. I take a sip and it doesn’t taste too bad, but I don’t keep drinking because I’m the driver.
Eventually, we roll up to this other party, but the cops were already in the process of busting it so we decide to go sit at the park.
At this point, it’s me, John, and three other friends hanging out at the local rec center. I notice that John has left his water bottle sitting out on a rock wall by the jungle gym, so I stand up and get my friend Eric to come with me.
I pick up this water bottle while Eric and I are walking away and nobody notices. John is too busy being intoxicated and the other two are pretty into their conversation. Eric and I go out to this field near the rec center and I tell him to stand watch.
‘For what?’ Eric asks.
‘I’m going to pee in John’s water bottle.’
So giggling the whole time, Eric stands watch while I pee a bit in John’s water bottle. I shake the bottle up to get it mixed and set it back on the rock wall where I found it.
Eventually, we get up to leave and John immediately grabs his water bottle and takes a huge swig from it. Eric and I look at each other and start to laugh, and just say it’s an inside joke when everybody asks. We took John home, and then Eric and I explained what had happened to everybody else in the car.
I go back to school that following Monday and see John. I ask him how his weekend was and he talks a bit. But at the end, he throws in ‘dude, you remember that awesome lemonade I had on Friday? I took it to a party Saturday and like 20 people shared it with me. Some girl hooked up with me right after I shared it!'”
35. A Small Protest Against A Bad Business Can Bring An Entire Town Together
“A crappy repair shop in Moab, UT messed up our car which left us stranded in a nearby National Park. We called and demanded they tow the vehicle in, and while they said they’d come to get us they never did. When we talked with park rangers they were quite familiar with the shop: the biggest in town, and with a terrible reputation.
We were on our honeymoon and had more time on our hands than I imagine most travelers do. We went to the shop, demanded a full refund, and when they refused we sat out front on the curb in our camp chairs for two days with homemade protest signs.
I was overwhelmed with the support we got from locals, who honked and waved, stopped and chatted with us, and shared their own stories of horror. The owner called the cops on us, but the joke was on him! We’d already notified the police we’d be protesting and were well within our rights in doing so.
In the end, the shop owner refunded all our funds and left visibly distressed when we told him that even with the refund, we weren’t sure we were ready to leave town. Eventually, we did, but not before filing complaints with the Better Business Bureau and every review site we could find. They’d already been booted from the Chamber of Commerce.
We ended up becoming friends with an awesome local mechanic, and had a great story to tell. Justice was served! And without a tinge of guilt.”
34. Copy My Work? I'll Embarrass You In Front Of The Whole Class
“I was in a class where the professor had the two blatant plagiarists stand up and read both of their papers at the same time. Halfway through without even looking at them and his eyes turned to a wall as he said out the last conclusion statement.
Turns out they stole from his own body of work and they changed just enough of the paper to make it past the checker (but he reads every paper anyways). It was the most awkward and hilarious thing I have watched to this day. He then told them that each paper they wrote would be read out loud by them after each submission and he would personally grade their papers.
They also had to sit at the front and he would call on them with every open-ended question first. To be clear, he was furious that these two stole from him, called it their ideas, changed it into a weaker structure, and complained about their low grade.
He crushed them, it was great.”
Another User Comments:
“I know of a similar story from my law school days. Apparently, some student was brazen (or stupid) enough to copy a passage from the professor’s textbook and paste it into his final exam essay, and handed it in as an attempt to pass it off as his own.
The professor recognized the passage but wasn’t 100% certain it was a complete copy/paste job until the professor saw citation numbers in the text that weren’t accompanied by any footnotes. So, the professor checked his book and the idiot student had failed to delete the citation numbers, even though the student didn’t include the footnote citations themselves.
The professor confronted the plagiarizer about it and the plagiarizer wouldn’t confess, so the professor reported the plagiarizer to the bar association and now the plagiarizer probably won’t be admitted to practice law.” UniverseChamp
33. Disrespect Me? I'll Make Sure You Don't Get Into Medical School
“I’ve been a professor at a State University for the past 17 years and teach pre-health and pre-med students. I’ve many stories, both good and bad, but I’ve never felt the need to retaliate against a student.
Until one day, I met my Nemesis. This student wanted to go to medical school, though they were of very middling intellect and came off as socially inept and personally odious.
I and my class stood in her way, so I had to be shoved out of the way on her route to being a healer. She figured the best way to get ahead was to be the squeaky wheel and whine about everything. In academia, if you complain enough about a class, we give you a high grade and send you up to the next poor professor for you to torment.
Rinse and repeat.
So Nemesis went all out to find everything and anything to complain about:
The exam had 80 questions on it, syllabus said 75 questions: COMPLAINT. Lecture notes were released in a format that was based on PDF, but the student wanted PowerPoint (Heck, no): COMPLAINT.
Missed in-class questions on quizzes and the material wasn’t covered in lecture (readings, children? I assign them for my health?): COMPLAINT. Inappropriate language in lecture: COMPLAINT. I did not return her emails the same day she wrote them: COMPLAINT. Everything I did, said, or thought about: COMPLAINT.
By the end, she had escalated these issues all of the way to the top, and I got called into the Dean’s office. My administrators above me have worked with me for years, giving me no fear of a student ‘going over my head’ with a complaint.
But this student tried.
Dean: ‘This student has sent more than a dozen complaints to the administration.’ Me: ‘Just a dozen? I was betting far, far more.’ Dean: ‘Normally we would let this pass as this student is known for doing this, and has even involved legal counsel in previous classes.
But you have somehow exceeded her previous complaint record by a factor of 3, and none of her other instructors this semester have gotten one. She has singled you out for complaints, and some arguably appear to be about you specifically targeting this student. (Yeah, in clinical cases I replaced all of the patients’ names with her first name, even if the patient was a guy.
But her name was very common, and there were three other ones with that name in class.) So go easy, don’t antagonize her. Just ride it out, and be done with it.’ Me: ‘Thanks, Dean. Good talk, bro.’
My Nemesis kept it up. I gave her a higher grade than she deserved (which I believe was the whole point as she needed the grades for Med School).
Then I washed my proverbial hands. . . .
A year later, I was assigned to be the committee head of the faculty that create group letters of recommendation for medical school applications. And she submitted the form for our committee to create her recommendation packet. Students can, and SHOULD, waive the right to read these evaluations.
If you are afraid of what a professor will say about you, don’t ask them for a letter. My Nemesis made sure to point out to the committee in a formal letter that because of problems with ALL of the professors that would be writing letters, she wanted to make sure their letters were appropriate and of the correct tone and content before we sent them off.
Therefore she would review them before approving them for inclusion in her packet.
Nobody wanted to drop the atom bomb on her and write a true letter as, you know, . . . lawyers. And she would see all of these letters, as would her counsel before we sent them.
So our hands were tied.
But one brave soul went around and solicited her letter-writers into creating sublime choruses of praise; these would be the letters you would expect to read to the Nobel Committee about Hawking, Einstein, Newton, and Feynman. We are talking true works of art.
Nobody would believe that a student with this background or MCAT score could get one of these eulogy masterpieces, let alone a whole panel.
And I included a note from the committee stating that the student had previously filed academic complaints against each and every professor that wrote her a letter, therefore these letters may not reflect her true academic potential.
We got our FERPA lawyer to check this with a fine-tooth comb, but our committee ‘had a duty in our committee recommendation letter to inform those reading the professors’ individual recommendations if there may be a mitigating circumstance or formal action that could influence the veracity and quality of the recommendations.’ The student didn’t have the right to see that part unless they request it later.
After the letters have been sent out, unfortunately for them.
So she carpet-bombed the medical schools with primary applications; every MD, DO, and offshore school that existed got one. The cost must have been staggering, but with parents that can afford lawyers for their brat in undergrad, I am sure they footed the bill gladly to get her out of the house.
Within her application packet came those beautiful letters, and those three explosive paragraphs explaining that this student filed academic complaints against every letter writer, and did not waive the right to keep their letters secret.
It doesn’t take a genius on the admissions committee of each of these schools to read between the lines on this one and drop that application in the trash before granting an interview.
She did not get one interview. More than 30 applications, not one school invited her to continue her application process.
That gets a professorial BOOOO-YAAAAAH!
And for those of you whose lives I may have saved by preventing her from becoming the most litigious and incompetent doctor imaginable, and screwing up treatment to you or your loved ones, you are most heartily welcome.”
32. Disturb The Peace? I'll Shut You Out Of Your Place
“Years ago, living in an apartment in Johannesburg; the block consisted mostly of elderly folk and a few young working couples like me and my wife, who generally hit the sack early. The place was like a morgue after 10 pm. Until a couple of guys move into the place below us.
Party types, who would whoop it up till dawn. If anyone complained, they’d quickly get threatening. The owner of the apartment was one of the guys’ dads, so they had no fear of being kicked out. One evening, around midnight, they hooked up with some friends and girls to go clubbing.
They were outside in the road, talking, yelling, girls screeching. Eventually, they depart. I was furious, but being an original 90-pound wimp, felt helpless.
Then I remembered the tube of superglue in my desk drawer. I went to their flat, which had a serious security gate protecting the front door.
I put the glue nozzle into the gate lock – a heavy-duty bolt lock – and squeezed the sucker dry. A couple of hours later, lying in bed, I hear the Party Hardees arrive back. It’s the same deal as when they left – making a heck of a commotion as they spill out of their cars and head for the apartment.
Then silence. Later I heard they ended up breaking the bathroom window and getting in that way. The girls of course were having none of it so they buggered off, as did the friends.
The next day they had to get in a locksmith who used a blowtorch to cut the lockout out of its steel casing; this damaged the door behind, so both gate and door had to be replaced, along with the bathroom window. Because these boneheads did not have the money for all this, the dad who owned the apartment had to cough up the funds. He was so angry that he kicked out the roommate. From then on, it was the quietest flat in the building.”
31. Dump Me Before Gym Class? I'll Make You Regret It By Next Period
“In 4th-grade gym, I discovered heartbreak, revenge, and victory all in one class period.
Moments before class had started, this boy dumped me because I was too weird. There I sat in disbelief and sadness, and he just ran around like nothing had happened. We were put on opposite teams, only making the chasm between us greater.
Now, I am possibly the worst person at sports, wiffleball being no exception. I stepped up to the orange rubber plate, the bat heavy in my hands. The Ex was pitching and called out to everyone in the outfield
‘Don’t worry about this one, she can’t hit anything.’
I was embarrassed.
I was heartbroken. Mostly, I was furious. I said nothing, watching as he casually drew back his arm. His eyes gleamed as the ball flew from his grip, careening towards me. I raised my bat and swung with all of my measly strength. The Wiffle ball met my bat with a dull, plastic WHACK. Next, the Wiffle ball met The Ex’s groin, square on. I watched as he crumpled to the floor, a wailing heap.
My team cheered for me as I ran around the bases, greeting me with high fives as I cleared home.
It was beautiful.”
30. Hit Me With A Basketball? I'll Punch You In The Face
“When I was about 15, I stayed the night at my best buddy’s, along with a few other friends. One friend (let’s call him Joe) decided it was ‘hit me in the nuts night,’ and proceeded to sack tap me. An hour later he did it again, I told him to fudge off or I would kick his butt.
Granted, he was a little bigger than me, but I had boxed and had a feeling I would be fine. Joe let me be. For about 2 hours.
I was standing across the room, in my friend’s basement, and Joe nailed me right in the goods with a basketball.
A BASKETBALL. I immediately felt like I was going to puke, so I went upstairs to lay down. My best friend comes up and I whine about Joe and my groin. Suddenly Joe is standing over me, smacks my face a bit, and says ‘What’s the matter wee-baby?’
I instantly got in his face, and he said ‘you won’t do anything.’ He then took a fake swing at me, trying to get me to flinch.
In my most awesome moment, I didn’t flinch whatsoever. I was too close to take a good swing at him, so I reared my head back and blasted his face with the top of my forehead. He ran into the bathroom, I went into the upstairs bathroom. The scar is barely visible today, but my friends still reminisce about how I looked terrifying and slightly psychotic. My groin has been safe ever since.”
29. If They Wrong You, Just Accomplish All Their Dreams Before They Do
“I like to get revenge by accomplishing all of a person’s dreams before they do.
Once I went out with a girl who told me about all of these life goals she had. Go on a road trip with no predetermined destination, go night swimming in a lake in the middle of nowhere, etc, etc.
Whenever I suggested we go do one of those things, she had an argument that it was not sensible at the moment but would be when she finished school, secured a job, and so on.
She dumped me, and I got my revenge by doing all those things she wanted, but with other women.
To my knowledge, she has still done none of them.
Another time, I met a guy who always wanted to start his own coffee shop, but he started spreading malicious rumors about me and I lost a lot of friends. One friend I did not lose however had an idea for a coffee shop that he needed someone to get going for him.
Lastly, I was working in student life at a university and butt heads with one of the other program directors who was very demanding with his participants. Show up at X time and do not leave your seats until I say, and so on. When students complained I tried to talk to him about it and he basically told him I had no idea what I was talking about I had no seniority and I should leave his students alone.
So I just started another program that became successful and made his program redundant. Got promoted ahead of him.
Why would you take revenge that makes the world worse for someone else, when you can make it better for yourself?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve got an ex who has, now and then, gotten a hold of me to ‘make sure I’m getting over her.’ It’s very pretentious conceited bullcrap that she usually backs up by claiming my social media content makes it obvious I am still pining after her.
She does not have social media or so she says and claims she has a friend who fills her in on my profile.
As I know for a fact she is reading I make a point of making her regret it as much as possible. I post about the wife, family, newborn child, adventures, and travel.
And how much I ABSOLUTELY LOVE MY LIFE. How I could never have had the life I do if I hadn’t met the most perfect woman in the world.
Do I miss her? No. I just relish the thought that the woman who faked both a marriage and pregnancy is sitting alone reading about how happy I am.
Doing the things she never will. And that it makes her jealous enough she needs to live in a fantasy world where I still love her.
I haven’t seen her in six years. I get these messages a few times a year. I have never replied.” psinguine
28. If You Don't Want Me At My Worst, You Don't Deserve Me At My Best
“In middle school, I was kind of… The ugly duckling. I had teeth too big and my smile was awful. No chest. Didn’t know how to dress. Horrible haircuts. No idea how to put makeup on. I also had a huge crush on this kid (let’s call him Mike).
So Mike, from 6th to 8th grade, wouldn’t give me the time of day. Made fun of me behind my back. Laughed in my face… But awkward me still wanted to go out with him. Got sent to summer school in between 8th and 9th grade where I proceeded to make friends with one of the more popular kids in my soon-to-be high school.
Over the summer I grew into my teeth, and chest. I got new clothes, and learned makeup. Started my freshman year looking like a different person. Mike saw me and ended up cornering me in the hallway. We had a conversation where he started telling me how good I looked and asked me out.
Because of the confidence of being friends with some of the ‘cool’ kids, I laughed in his face. Told him he had his chance and lost it, that was his own fault and I walked away smiling. To this day, 17 years later, that’s one of my favorite memories of high school. Being able to turn down my crush because I was hot and he had missed out. Revenge is sweet.”
27. Spill My Secret? I'll Spill Something Special In Your Pants
“When I was a kid (probably 4 or 5 years old) I was watching Dumbo with my neighbor. The ‘elephants on parade part’ was scary as all heck to me back then, and I peed my pants. My neighbor told everyone in my Pre-K class and would not stop calling me the ‘pants-peer’ for weeks.
Finally, one day I slept over at her house and took a pair of her pants out of her closet, put them on, and peed in them. I woke her up to show her, and that’s the story of how I became the two-time pants-peer.”
Another User Comments:
“Great story, reminds me of the time I stayed over at a friend’s house and got up at midnight to pee but was unfamiliar with the house and couldn’t find the bathroom in the dark and was terrified of turning on a light and waking up her family, so I just peed on the kitchen floor and went back to bed. The next morning I awoke to hear my friend’s mom yelling at her daughters, ‘WHICH ONE OF YOU SPILLED MOUNTAIN DEW ON THE FLOOR!?'” meister_eckhart
26. If You Won't Put In The Work, I'll Let The Law Deal With You
“Many years ago, I had this co-worker who was the supervisor’s nephew. He was a young guy, 18 or 19, and a complete punk. I was in charge of the dept. we were in. I’d always have some issue with this kid but his uncle would never handle it.
He’d be on his cell phone texting his girl of the week or would come in wasted. Could never get him to meet the nightly quota without some difficulty.
The last straw for me happened when he got my phone number and gave it to several girls he knew.
I’d get texts from some of these girls, which made it awkward to explain to my partner at that time.
Eventually, I figured out the kid’s routine for which days he would likely come to work under the influence. I knew what truck he drove and the route he comes to work by.
So I told an old high school friend about encountering this intoxicated driver, on a regular basis, going to work. This friend of mine was on the local police force at that time and said he’d check into it.
The next week, the kid misses the second day of work.
He was marked as a ‘no call, no show.’ Naturally, his uncle dismissed it. Then he missed the next day and his uncle comes over to my dept. and tells me that he’s going to send someone to help me for the rest of the week.
I asked what had happened, the supervisor says that ‘his nephew was stopped by the police yesterday and he was driving under the influence, then they found some illegal substances in his truck and arrested him.’ My supervisor ends by asking which toolbox was his nephew’s, meaning that he likely lost his job.
Sure enough, the following week the supervisor comes to my dept and empties his nephew’s toolbox.
The kid was still serving time for the substance possession last time I heard.”
25. Keep Being A Bad Kid And I'll Make Everyone Believe You Smell Bad
“I taught English at a ritzy private school in South Korea. We weren’t allowed to discipline the kids for any reason, no matter what, because the school was making bank from the tuition.
For the most part, the kids (grade 5-6) were pretty good but there was this one kid.
He was a little poop about everything, always disruptive, bullying the other kids, throwing pencils, writing swear words in Korean on the whiteboard before class, never listening, etc.
I started eating a lot of kimchi on the days I taught that specific class, which gave me wicked indigestion.
When I walked by the kid I would let out these horrible silent creeping hot farts. No one ever blames the teacher and after a couple of weeks, he became known as the farty kid.
He was still a little poop, but it made me feel better knowing that he was knocked down a few pegs.”
24. Keep Being A Jerk And I'll Subscribe You To Every Magazine
“There was a guy in high school who was a complete moron to me, for a couple of years. I decided to exact revenge via a magazine. I went to the school library and pulled subscription cards out of every female magazine I could get my hands on, and a few strange ones like Psychology Today and Architectural Digest, and filled out cards in his name, with his address, and checked ‘bill me later.’
I overheard him complaining a few months later how he kept getting all these magazines he never ordered and it was getting irritating.
Another User Comments:
“Similar method: When I was 17 my friend decided to give my name and number to recruiters for every branch of the military. It was during the height of the Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts, so they were desperate for bodies. I would get calls weekly from the army, marines, air force, reserves, national guard, etc.
Once my friend confessed what he did, I just started giving the recruiters his name and phone number when they asked if I knew anyone interested.” lokigodofchaos
23. Keep Being Mean And My Magic Dandelion Will Shut Your Mouth
“I was probably like 10 years old at the time. So this awful girl was a friend of my awful cousin’s, and I was stuck at her house for the day. I took a dead leaf and a dandelion and told her to hide the leaf somewhere on her, and I would use the dandelion as a magic wand to find it.
So I’m pretending to scan her body looking for it when I make my way up to her mouth. I stop at her mouth and I’m like, ‘Open your mouth.’ She made this smug smirk that was made 100 times better when I jammed the dandelion down her throat. She’s crying, my cousin’s crying, I’m getting yelled at by grown-ups, and the whole time I was just soooo satisfied.
I didn’t get in any trouble with my parents because they knew how this girl had been giving me crap for a long time.”
22. Keep Bullying Me And I'll Trip You Over
“When I was 14 I moved to a new city and there was one fat kid always arrogant and being a butthead to everyone because he’s MUCH bigger. Let’s call him Jake.
Of course, as the new kid, I was a huge blip on his radar so Jake bullied me for about 2 months until I reached my limit.
One day he was doing his normal routine of being a butthead to everyone smaller than him, taking kids’ backpacks and chasing them through the hall when I saw my opportunity.
We had these movable benches in the hall so when I saw him coming towards me chasing a kid, I waited for the kid to run through first and I pushed the bench right in front of Jake’s feet.
He fell down like a sack of potatoes and you could feel the earthquake his stomach and face made when he hit the ground. He knew it was me and I can still remember his face when he looked right at me from the ground missing a tooth like a scared kitten.
I never had problems with him again and I don’t know if it was because of me but he stopped being a huge jerk to everyone and after high school we became friends. I hang out with him every weekend now.”
21. Keep Leaning Into My Desk And I'll Make You Fall Over
“When I was in the seventh grade I sat behind a jerk who hated me and enjoyed being annoying. Every single goddamn day he would lean back in his chair and hit the front of my desk, over and over again. If I was trying to write something, he would do it even harder.
So one day I decided enough was enough, and in the middle of a lesson, he started again. So I waited, and right as he was leaning his chair back fast, trying to knock my desk hard, I pulled it back. Without my desk behind him, his chair tipped right over and he hit the ground hard.
I can still clearly remember him whispering ‘you bee with an itch’ beneath the laughter of the whole class and the teacher yelling at him to get up. The look on his face was a mixture of shock, embarrassment, and pure rage as he looked up at me from the floor.
Jerk never messed with me again.”
Another User Comments:
“A guy in 7th grade used to sit behind me and kick my chair constantly – we had those wire cubby things under our chairs, so he could do it without the teacher seeing.
One day he was doing it to me, really bad during a test, so without saying a word I reached down and grabbed his shoelaces, pulled them as hard as I could, and tied them in tight double-knots around the wires under my chair.
The entire room was silent as we took our test, so he tried like heck to pull his feet out of the shoes but they were too tight and he couldn’t reach forward to untie the knots. Eventually, he ended up trying to stand and falling out of his chair with the whole class laughing.” lolzergrush
20. Keep Treating Me like Trash? Say Hello To Your New Trashy Roommate
“For ten months I had the worst roommate ever. A 40-year-old guy who acted like he was 21. His parents supported him and paid for his condo, which I rented a room in with no lease. As such, I had no tenant rights which he took advantage of.
He was loud, intoxicated, and yelling racial obscenities at the TV daily. He was constantly forcing me to listen to his rants about things he had no real knowledge about. This guy was the most spoiled, entitled, inconsiderate, narcissistic person I had ever met.
The day I was supposed to move out he was passed the heck out from a day-long booze and substance binge.
I moved all of my stuff into the truck and was driving off when it hit me: there was a possum carcass on the side of the road near the condo. I went back up, grabbed his BBQ tongs and a bag, and picked up that carcass.
I walked back up again, went in, opened the door to his room, and whipped that carcass onto his bed, then walked out of that place for the last time. He never even stirred as the dead possum, rotting and baked by the sun, landed next to him with a sickening plop. He deserves worse, actually, but I did what I could.”
19. Let's Add Some Kitty Litter Into This Prank War
“I was at a local Beerfest with some friends and family. It took place in a medium-ish sized fireman’s field with an inadequate amount of washrooms for the hundreds of hop-slugging, bladder swollen patrons. To combat this, many of the fest-goers took to the woods behind the field to relieve themselves.
I was on such a trip when I felt a sharp sting in my back and a splattering of unidentified goo on my cheek and ear. I looked down to see what was left of a rotting black walnut on the ground, my mystery projectile. A bushy-bearded friend was at the top of the hill bordering the tinkle woods and when we locked eyes he pointed discretely at my brother.
Ah yes, that jerk would do something like that. I armed myself with a walnut of my own (for those that don’t know these are nasty, black, gooey, and stain badly) and snuck up behind my attacker. When I was somewhere between point-blank and spitting distance I wound up and threw as hard as I could.
KANG MOTHERTRUCKER! Right between the shoulder blades. He grimaced in pain and as he turned around I could see it in his face, he had no clue why he was suddenly attacked. He was innocent. Nearby, our friend, the real offender, deceiver, traitor, killer of buzzes, evilly laughed as my brother got angry and I got apologizing.
It didn’t need to be said, the look we exchanged was enough to know that our revenge would come.
Cut to the after-party at my house. We devised our revenge and decided it was time. My brother (bless his brave, dumb, soul) scooped a handful of crumbles and nuggets out of the kitty litter box and hid with it, waiting to strike, in the upstairs bathroom.
I hid down the hall in a bedroom, and we called for the mark under the guise of ‘having something neat to show you.’ He took the bait and proceeded up the stairs. As he turned past the room I was in and towards the bathroom, I made my move.
I sprung, the tension of my legs unleashing like a jack in the box who had heard about enough of that pop goes the yeah yeah, whatever.
Anyways, I jumped, grabbed the waist of the victim, and yelled UUUOOOOOOOO, our secret code word that let my brother know it was his turn to move.
As I held the guilty party in place (he was supposed to go down but he was bigger and possibly less inebriated than me) my brother emerged from the bathroom brandishing his dusty fist and with a high-pitched scream of POOP! He thrust the littery dung heap into the mouth area of our bullishly bearded friend.
He knew he deserved what he had gotten but was in shock. He instantly started denying the event had even occurred. My brother and I returned downstairs to the party to tell our tale of triumph only to have our friend come down shortly after and deny that any of it was true. But that was fine, for his beard was littered with sprinkles of litter. Our revenge was had, and our efforts were regaled to all.”
18. Mock Me Online? Here's A Taste Of Revenge
“A few years back, my 15-year-old cousin was staying over at my place which I shared with my partner at the time. Her parents were on vacation in Cuba for a few weeks. While she was with us, we had to make ALL of her food.
She couldn’t cook and waited for me or my partner to come home, otherwise, she would only eat chips or popcorn. She wouldn’t even make a sandwich.
One day, she updated her social media status which was a whiny complaint about how bored she was (she had free rein to go out) and how weird I was.
I guess she forgot I have her on social media. It really angered me since I made all of her meals and tried my best to keep her company.
That night, when I was making her a turkey sandwich, I took my revenge. I used the end slices of the bread loaf to build the sandwich and the bitter white part of a romaine lettuce leaf. I also put too much mayo on it.
She ate that sandwich. And she had a look of annoyance on her face.
But there was nothing she could do.
17. No Kid Can Outsmart The School's Librarian
“When I was in high school I was a librarian assistant at the elementary school that my mom taught at. There was this one little jerk who was always bullying this kid who was a little heavier set about his weight. I would always tell him to stop and he would for a bit, but the next day he would carry on.
One day I finally had enough and told him that he needed to go to the principal’s office and he responded with something along the lines of ‘I don’t need to listen to you, I’m strong!’ and then I knew that I needed to do something else.
So I told him that since he is so ‘strong’ that for the rest of the class period (about 30 minutes) he would have to stand in the middle of the room with his arms stretched out. Let me just say that it is more difficult than it sounds.
He took it as a challenge and walked his stupid smug face to the middle of the library and started holding his arms out. It didn’t even take a minute for him to start lowering them, and I would turn to him and say ‘Yeah, you must be really strong’ sarcastically and he would lift them back up.
About 5 minutes had passed and then my mom walked into the library to see what was up. My mom and I chatted for a second and then she noticed the turd face standing in the middle of the room and asked what he was doing.
The kid’s face went red immediately. I told my mom that he was bullying other students and was disrespectful. Turns out that my mom was this kid’s favorite teacher and he had no idea that I was her daughter. He ran and started crying into my mom’s skirt and apologized, but my mom still took him to the principal.
The rest of the year he was a little goshdarn angel.
Looking back, I don’t think I went about it in a good way, but I was 17 and had no tolerance for bullies since I was bullied a good bit in elementary – jr. high. I guess things worked out in the end?”
16. Think My Acne Is Gross? Wait Until You Drink This
“When I was a kid I had acne. My dad was very misinformed and didn’t really want to inform himself. He was one of those people who just figured anyone who had acne was ‘just dirty’ and that things like chocolate and pizza would cause acne.
He would make comments when he saw me eating things etc. saying that that’s why I had acne, he didn’t really realize they were hurtful. This is all despite the fact that he was paying for me to see a dermatologist and get prescription medication so he knew damned well I was doing what I could to get rid of it.
Well, one night he got on my case about eating some chocolate. I got after him and told him he didn’t have any idea what he was talking about and that if he wanted to open his mouth then maybe he should do some research. My mom backed me up.
Well, the next morning I was up eating breakfast. I had poured some milk and right before drinking it realized that it was bad to the point of being chunky. I just set it aside with the intent of dumping it out after I finished eating.
Well, he came downstairs and made some smart-alec comment (not being mean, just trying to be funny) and grabbed my milk without asking. I just had this flashback memory to the night before and rather than stopping him, I kept my mouth shut.
He ended up dry heaving into the sink and then I told him that next time he should be nicer and I would have warned him.
I was laughing pretty hard (we actually get along pretty well, this was just a blind spot that he had).
Did I feel bad? Not really, even if it wasn’t intentional he was being pretty hurtful. That being said, to this day I can’t drink any milk until I’ve smelled it several times, so I think I’ve been punished.”
15. Only One Of Us Will Win This Speed Race – And It Won't Be You
“I was driving to drop someone off when my radar detector went off. Saw a cop sitting in a parking lot. Dropped off my friend and headed back. The whole way some jerk is tailgating me. The speed limit’s 40, I’m doing 45 and he’s so close I can’t see his headlights.
We come up to a traffic circle and he tries to pass me on the right. I speed up and he keeps trying. We hit about 80-90 with him on the shoulder. Come up to the crest of a hill and I know the cop is right on the other side.
I hit the brakes and he flies up over the hill, had to be doing 90 in a 40.
I even stopped to let the cop drive out of the parking lot. MOST. SATISFYING. THING. EVER.”
Another User Comments:
“Awesome, I had something like that happen. I was in a left turn lane to turn onto a 4 lane undivided road.
Another guy in the oncoming lane wanted to turn right so we were going the same way. He tried to squeak through before I had the green, but it turned green as he got to his right turn. So we both ended up turning onto the road at the same time.
He gunned it, I gunned it, he gunned it more. It was a 35mph road. I hit about 45, I estimated he hit about 55. I backed off, 2 blocks later, cherries light up behind me and the cop flies past me and nails the other guy.
I was driving for Dominos at the time, and it was only a few blocks from the store. If I had gotten pulled over, damn sure one of the other drivers would have seen me, told the manager and I’d have been questioned about what happened and likely fired on the spot. This was back in the early 90s.” LGXboxDewNissan
14. Quiet Revenge On The Obnoxious Bully
“High school teacher here. Had a little poop of a kid we’ll call Anthony. Complained about everything, did no work whatsoever, talked about everyone, made fun of kids with disabilities, you name it. And, of course, he was always the first to start shrieking that he was the victim in every situation, everyone was against him, how come he always got picked on, and so forth.
Now, in my teaching career, which has spanned the better part of a decade so far, I’ve taught more than a thousand kids. Plenty of those have been ‘bad’ kids. The thing about bad kids, though, is they’re usually bad for fairly simple reasons. Stuff going on at home.
Unmedicated or undiagnosed mental illness. Trauma in their past. Heck, maybe just lonely. If you pay attention, you can find out why almost any kid is acting out.
That said, out of 1000+ kids, I’ve encountered maybe ten who are genuinely broken people. You could call them sociopaths.
No trace of empathy, no trace of conscience, or even inner life. People who basically exist to serve their own desires, exclusively, and have no compunctions about how they might most quickly realize those desires.
Anthony was one of those kids. The worst thing about him was his constant tendency to immediately trash anything that anyone else had put effort into, including my lessons.
We would nearly have these very vulnerable, tender moments in the classroom – where kids were talking about big, important issues and really growing intellectually in awesome and uncomfortable ways – and then Anthony would insult them or whatever else.
One day, this girl Patrice – an incredibly sweet girl, sensitive, with an artist’s heart – is sharing something in class for the first time.
Visibly nervous, shaky voice.
Anthony, of course, begins making fun of her hair, her glasses, her face. Loud enough that it’s plausibly a whisper, but loud enough so that we can all hear what he’s saying. I start walking toward his desk but am interrupted when Patrice very, very calmly says, ‘Fudge you, Anthony.’
The entire class was dead silent.
This girl never spoke, let alone swore, and she said it with such self-control. Everyone’s eyes are on me, waiting for me to react.
Anthony starts screaming, ‘DID YOU HEAR THAT? SHE SAID FUDGE! YOU ALWAYS GET ME IN TROUBLE WHEN I SAY FUDGE, THIS AIN’T FAIR, HOW THIS UGLY GIRL GONNA…’
I say ‘Huh? I didn’t hear anything,’ turn back around and continue the lesson. A few kids cheered. It felt really good.”
13. Refuse To Act Like An Adult? I'll Give You No Choice But To
“I was married to a very unstable, abusive woman for six years. We had two kids before we separated that she tried desperately to keep me away from.
After our separation, she took our kids to the other side of the country, dropped them with her mother, and came back to live off the child support and maintenance the court required I provide.
For six months, she lived fat and happy in government housing, while my kids were raised by their grandmother. My ex received all the support and didn’t give a dime to her mother to help with suddenly having two small children in the house.
At the end of the six months, before I start to leave for my next assignment, she totals our car (the one I was paying for the entire time), injures herself, and then tries to take me to court to pay for her medical needs because she didn’t keep her insurance cards on her, even though she was still covered.
She tried to make that my fault and then assumed that could be rolled into the support and spousal maintenance she was receiving.
As a man in a divorce, it was my lucky day: The judge saw right through everything and awarded her none of her demands.
After my ex had been living off support and maintenance for six months (more than $1,000 a week) she still didn’t have a way to get herself to her mother’s again and our government housing had been terminated and cleared so she was couch surfing for about a month.
She managed to spend every dime and needed my help to get to her mother’s and our children. Even though the judge awarded her nothing else than what she’d already received, I was encouraged to have a discussion with her about her needs to see if she and I could come to some kind of agreement.
After six months of riding a bike to work (she had the car) and working out to combat stress, I was looking pretty damn good. The first thing she said was, ‘Will you take me back?’ I shook my head in amazement and started to get up to leave.
I hadn’t realized before but she was on crutches and her leg was in a splint from where she totaled the car. Our car.
I sat back down and laid out every detail of what I’d been through the previous six months; emotionally, monetarily, and mentally. I laid it all at her feet and then finished it off with a reminder that she’d unloaded our kids on her mother a dozen states away and then provided her no monetary support in any way while she stayed here, living life to the fullest, partying with her friends and making no plans for what would come next.
She knew she was dead in the water and that she needed me to save her. I knew it, too. The last thing I said to her, ‘You’ve lived well and long enough on my dime without having to earn any of it. I think it’s high time you get up off your butt and start acting like an adult.’
After that, I stood up and walked out to the sound of her cries from the empty courtroom, pleading me to give her more funds – still seated reaching for her crutches.
It was a little surreal hearing her call my name as the big wooden door closed on the sound of her voice.
That was the day I broke free from the grip she had on me after six long, hard years. I’d finally gotten my identity back from that crazy, toxic woman.
What felt particularly good was that all her partying and living large had finally come back to haunt her and everyone that she thought were friends abandoned her when it mattered most. Just like she did to me.
She had to get a job and save for almost seven months before she could rejoin our children at her mother’s. Less than a week after court I picked my kids up and brought them to my parents to see them for the first time in almost a year.”
12. Refuse To Clean? I'll Air Out Your Dirty Laundry
“I was in the Navy. I was in Basic Enlisted Submarine School with shared barrack rooms. I had two roommates who for a lack of a better term, sucked. They were dirty, they never cleaned and they just smelled bad all the time, oh, and also they NEVER woke up on time for anything.
Every week during room inspections we failed. Terribly. I ended up getting so annoyed with them because we started to get into a lot of trouble. So I plotted the revenge to show the inspectors that it wasn’t me making the mess and it was my two soil-sack roommates.
Every 4 or so days everyone stood duty. One weeknight I was on duty and I waited for the exact time that I was a roving watchstander in the barracks to pull off the trickery.
I peed in a Ziploc baggy and placed it in my friend’s freezer prior to my watch and there I had it, a sheet of pee ice.
I walked up to my room 60 minutes before inspection, knowing my moronic roommates wouldn’t be up, and slid this sheet of pee-ice under the door into the middle of the room. And you may ask why I didn’t just open the door as it was my room? Because I didn’t want to take the chance of waking one of them up during my covert operation.
The inspectors came around and sure enough, oops, I forgot to wake up my roommates like I did everyone else on the floor. Amidst the may-lay of the inspector banging on the door, them trying to get dressed and them both very confused and shuffling through the pee, all heck broke loose.
The inspector had those losers standing at attention, leaning over to smell the huge puddle realizing it was pee in the middle of the floor. The face he made when he made that realization was something I will never forget. He lost it. Those two got in a ton of trouble and since I was on watch they lifted all punishment on me, finally realizing it was them the whole time. I don’t feel guilty at all. I never did, I never will.”
11. Refuse To Pay Me Back For The Trip? Let's Take A Trip To Court Instead
“When I used to be a cheerleader, we were organizing a trip to Florida (from the UK) to do some training and to have an awesome holiday. I took charge of organizing the flights and asked everyone if they were OK paying me back if I bought all the flights together.
Yeah I know, bad idea.
Anyway needless to say one girl changed her mind about going because she was starting a new job, and just before we were due to go I got a handwritten note in the mail from her mother (we were in our twenties) saying that she never agreed to me booking a flight on her behalf and that she wasn’t liable to pay me because she had decided not to go.
I was in a bit of a panic because I didn’t have her home address, and she just ignored all my calls and emails. I wanted to take her to court but to do that you have to have their address in order to serve the papers.
After spending ages trying to ask around if people knew her address, and even trying to get her friends to give it to me without success, I stayed up all night figuring out a way to figure out where she lived.
It literally took me all night but I managed to hack into her Hotmail account and then her PayPal account, which led me to her home address.
(I could have just taken the funds from her account, but I did want to do this as by-the-book as possible…)
She turned up in court accompanied by her mother, and they tried to use social media photos to prove that I had used her ticket to take someone else in her place. I came armed with a printout of the airline terms which clearly stated that the tickets were nontransferable.
Judgment was swift. Victory was mine.”
10. Sleep With My Husband? I'll Make Sure Everyone Sees Your Scarlet Letter
“When I was nine (I’m 26 now) my parents went through a really rough divorce. Long story short, my dad had a very public and long-term affair with a prominent public figure in our area (We’ll call her Debbie.) Naturally, my mother was humiliated, but back then she was quite meek, unassuming, and not at all vindictive.
She only did one thing to the woman that broke up my family…
My mom is a nurse and about 6 months after the divorce she was attending a medical conference in our area. As she walks into the room, she saw that one of the panelists was the woman who slept with her husband.
Shocked, but always in control, my mother calmly walked to the very front of the room and sat down silently in front of Debbie. Now, Debbie had been a family friend for over a decade, so my mom was intimately familiar with her upbringing and unfortunate issues.
Remembering that she was an English Lit major in undergrad, my mom took out a red sharpie and drew a very large ‘A’ on the notebook that she brought to the conference. She turned it around and faced it directly at Debbie, never saying a word.
Debbie was visibly agitated, and when it came time for her to speak, something amazing happened: she started ticking. You see, my mother also knew that Debbie had a condition that when under immense stress, despite significant speech therapy and experience in public speaking, she began to twitch and stutter.
She twitched so much it impaired her speech, and she had to rush through her portion. When she ended, my mother calmly shut her notebook, smiled at the woman, and walked out of the room. She never spoke a word. That was the last they saw of each other.”
9. Sometimes You Just Need To Beat Them At Their Own Game
“When I was 12 years old, a kid beat me up at a birthday party for reasons unknown. 4 years later, the kid is a pitcher (and a very good one at that) for his school in the playoffs. I was playing for the other team.
After going 0-3 to start the game, I hit a walk-off home run off of him to advance to the next round. Kid actually started crying on the mound. I don’t think I’ve ever had a bigger smile than I did at that moment. Still have the ball in my apartment at college.”
Another User Comments:
“March 22nd: a date that will remain etched in my mind forever.
I was going to my best friend’s birthday, we have been friends for a while now so I decided to use my own money to buy him something nice. It’s not every day you have a pal like him.
I spent 25 dollars on a really nice baseball bat for him.
25 dollars was a lot for a 12-year-old boy to spend on a friend’s present, you know? I knew he needed it because we would always play baseball together and he never had a bat.
When I got to the party I had a huge smile on my face the entire time.
I knew my best friend would love the gift and I couldn’t wait for him to unwrap it! Once opening presents were underway, I could see him nearing my present in the long line of toys.
All of a sudden this boy out of nowhere gets up, goes to the pile, and hands his present to my friend.
What’s inside? A baseball bat. My friend practically exploded. It was autographed and everything. All I could do is just sit there, as he reached for my present next. After tearing off the paper my friend could only muster up a sheepish smile as everyone around laughed about the duplicate present.
I didn’t know what to do. I felt wronged and robbed. Being a pre-pubescent kid I didn’t really know how else to take out my anger except for wailing on this kid. I know it was bad but I tried so hard to please my best friend and this stranger ruined it.
I couldn’t even look at a baseball bat anymore without being reminded. I know it wasn’t a big deal but after that day my best friend started hanging out with this jerk instead. I picked up pitching and tried to let both of them fade from my life.
Fast forward a couple of years and I end up playing against this jerk at my high school playoffs. I was becoming good at pitching and I thought maybe, just maybe, I could get closure to the whole ordeal by striking this kid out and forget the situation altogether.
What happens next? They won of course. I lost 25 dollars. I lost a friendship. I lost the playoffs.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I just broke down. I know It was childish, but he didn’t know the pain that he caused me for the past 4 years. And you know what that jerk did? He just smiled. A huge grin while all of my bottled-up feelings came out. I wish I could say I have moved on, but I probably never will.” ReigningTierney
8. Steal My Man? You'll Regret It
“My first ‘real’ significant other (we kissed instead of just holding hands) kissed another girl and dumped me for her when I was a freshman in high school. She had actively pursued him although she knew he had been seeing me, so I blamed her rather than him.
(I know, I know.)
Fast forward four years: I was a volleyball player throughout college. In the off-season, I played in a city women’s league and a co-ed league as an outside hitter. My team played a new team with a familiar face. She didn’t recognize me (different high schools), but I immediately recognized her.
My team’s setter kept giving me amazing sets and I kept slamming the ball over the net, just waiting for my shot. Finally, she was in the back row and my setter set me up. I hit the ball and the boy stealer stepped into the hit. It bounced off her foot, and went straight up into her face… and hurt her nose.”
7. The Greatest Revenge On A Bully Is Feeling Sorry For Them
“In elementary school (1st – 7th grade where I live), I was bullied by this girl. I was tiny, red-haired, with braces and glasses, and low self-esteem, so of course, I was a target. She was just fat and entitled. She gave me loose teeth and some emotional scars which made me apply for a secondary school in another district (my parents were a bit surprised when they got the letter about my being admitted, but that’s another story).
I went on to be accepted in one of the more prestigious public high schools in my area (again, I have no idea how this works outside Norway). Met her one day at the end of the second year. She had put on so much weight and was on her way home, four takeaway bags in hand, to her parents’ place.
I lived on my own and was out jogging, at my skinniest, that day.
My revenge was being nice to her. She had failed everything, and could only get into the lowest priority high school. I was in the highest priority. She had gained so much weight, and I was skinny and felt beautiful. She bought kilos of take-away, and I was out running. And I was so nice and compassionate. All those years of bullying… I just felt sorry for her.”
6. Want To Betray Me? I'll Stink Up Your Car
“About a month ago I found out my coworker, a good friend of mine was seeing my partner behind my back. I teamed up with a few other work buddies and decided to teach him a lesson. We went to a Korean mart and bought 2 frozen raw fish.
With the help of one of my buddies, I was able to get hold of his car keys. So we hid one of those 2 fish we bought earlier in a place that would be pretty obvious and easy to notice and we duct-taped the other fish underneath his passenger side seat.
He did find one of the fish and was pretty mad with us. Here’s the sweet revenge though: He kept complaining that he just couldn’t get rid of the fish smell from his car even though he cleaned his car with shampoo and had used all kinds of car scent.
I quit that work a few days after, so I don’t know if he found the other fish yet. We don’t talk anymore.”
5. Want To Egg Me? I'll Egg You Right Back
“Back in high school, the senior football players egged my dog (she was outside), house, and car. I had a few bros over and we ended up inviting some of the prettier girls from my school over. Football players didn’t approve of them being at my house and drove by egging and yelled ‘Screw you’ at me.
They also egged the girls’ cars that were at my house. I felt embarrassed that this happened to them at my house. I knew which car they drove because of the yelling idiot and recognized the car. My friends and I hopped in my car and bought around 100 eggs to take our revenge.
We hit the driver’s house first, and all of his friends’ cars parked around the house. Then we went out looking for them. Ended up meeting them on your average 2-way street, leaned out the windows, and absolutely pelted them while we were both heading opposite ways. They got out and yelled, and I stuck my middle finger out the window and we rode into the distance. They didn’t cause any problems to the girls or me after that.”
4. Want To Keep Copying? I'll Fail You
“My stats professor said he saw a group of really talkative and distracting kids doing well, and he thought it was fishy. He looked at the tests and saw that they all had the same answers, then he looked at the seating chart and noticed that they could all look over each other’s shoulders to the front of the class where the smart, quiet girl sat.
Solution: Give her a different test. Only her. When he handed back the tests, he told everyone who got under a certain grade, like a 50%, to come see him. Each student got like a 10% or something. When they were alone, he basically said, ‘Well, this is your punishment for copying.
Don’t do it again.’ I thought that was awesome.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m a stats teacher. This is similar to a kid in my class about 6 years ago. He was getting D’s and F’s all year, but then somehow ACED a multiple-choice test, the first time I ever gave it.
I didn’t realize it, but I had accidentally left an answer key at the front table which happened to be the answer key he saw and copied. I asked how he did so well and he told me after he bragged to everyone else, ‘I just worked really hard this time.’ OK, fair enough.
Maybe he did?
So the next time around, I did the exact same thing but I left the same answer key at the front of the room, never moved it. He used it again and this time got a 0. I pulled him outside the class and said ‘how did you go from 100 to 0?’ He was cool about it when he knew what I was getting at.
‘Mr. Teacher, I have to come clean, I copied the first one and then tried to do it again.’ I said I know and told him he could retake the 2nd test if he also retook the first test, which he did.
He passed each test by 1 point, but it was legit, so I was proud.” MEuRaH
3. Watch Your Back When You Mess With An Air Cadet
“Canadian air cadets, summer camp, got picked on and had things stolen by one other cadet with issues for the duration of the camp. Was allowed to go buy sundries at a local Pharmacy once a week. On the final day of camp, we did precision parade drills for friends, family, dignitaries, etc.
Sort of like graduating from boot camp. A formal event where we were expected to be at our best. Swapped the contents of a package of chiclets for a package of Feen-a-mint (laxative gum). Sure enough, the bully takes the gum as I opened the package in front of him.
A while later we are called up for drill. Since it was hot and we were in full uniform, if we experienced exhaustion or were about to faint we were to drop to one knee and wait till we took out of formation. He and one other guy dropped to one knee partway through.
I don’t know if he pooped himself but I like to think he did.”
Another User Comments:
“A buddy had a story from Air Cadet Camp – he got up in the middle of the night to put shaving cream on a guy who had been angering him and got caught by a leader who apparently knew the background… The leader said ‘Cadet! What are you doing?’ … ‘I’m shaving-creaming this guy’s face, sir!’ … ‘Very well, cadet. Carry on.'” superluke
2. Won't Give Me Your Number? I'll Throw Away Your Phone
“So my grandfather was driving and an obviously inebriated man threw a rock and shattered his windshield. My grandfather talked to him and told him ‘If you give me your real number, I’ll only have you pay for half of the windshield or we can figure something out.’ The guy turned out to give him a fake number.
A year later, my grandfather picks up a guy from Park & Ride (carpooling), who happens to be the man that shattered his windshield. They’re driving on the freeway and the guy doesn’t recognize him. He’s being rude and talking on his phone. My grandpa asks to see his phone and throws it out the window. The guy freaks out and my grandpa goes ‘Remember me?’ He then made him get out of the car.”
1. You're The Reason I Had To Dump My Girl, So I'll Take A Dump On You
“Back in the summer of 09 my partner and I were going pretty strong, but then I found out she was seeing this guy on the side. She admitted it and said she was sorry and I dumped her. Anyway, I didn’t know the guy but I remembered his name.
One night at a party a few months later I got introduced to a guy I thought was him, and I slyly worked out it was him. I’m not a guy to hold a grudge generally but this was something else.
I didn’t want to do anything to him but when I walked into a bedroom to make a phone call and there he was passed out wasted on the bed.
I didn’t know what to do but I knew I had too good of an opportunity to pass up. I was pretty intoxicated at the time but the first thing I thought of was to take a poop on him. I passed it off as a stupid idea but I couldn’t think of anything else so I went with it.
I left the party just after and I haven’t seen or heard from him since. Not a day goes by I don’t think about it. Needless to say, I haven’t told anyone about this in real life. I’m not sure but I’ll say vengeance was a dish best served crappy.”