People Open Up About The Merciless Revenge They Got On Someone
42. Dare To Park In My Spot? I'll Move Your Car Myself
“My dad used to live in an apartment building with assigned parking, as in every tenant had a designated space that only they were allowed to park in. Well, my dad would regularly come home to find someone else parked in his spot. He had asked the guy politely several times not to park in his spot and had even talked to the landlords who had done nothing about it, so one day he got home to find the guy parked in his spot again and decided enough was enough.
My dad had always worked on cars, ever since he was thirteen. He had a jack in his trunk and used that to jack the guy’s car up off its rear tires. It was a rear-wheel-drive car which meant my dad now had control of the car.
Using the jack he pulled the car across the lot and left it somewhat hidden behind a dumpster. Then he let the car down, put away his jack, parked in his spot, and went up to his apartment.
Later that day he got a knock on his door.
It was a police officer with an inconsiderate neighbor behind him. The officer asked my dad what he had done with the neighbor’s car and my dad looked him right in the eye and said ‘He parked in my spot and I’ve asked him several times not to do so, so I lifted his car up and set it over by the dumpster.’ Now, to give you an idea about my dad, he’s 6’5″ and back in the day was really well built.
He also has only one eye, and the fake one he’s got has always been too small, giving him a constant ‘madman’ look. When he told the officer that he’d lifted the car and moved it himself and even pointed out where the car was through his apartment window the police officer’s eyes got as big as dinner plates. He turned to the neighbor and said ‘Sir, I recommend you never park in this man’s spot again.’ Guy stopped parking in my dad’s spot after that.”
41. This Is What You Get For Having Bad Sportsmanship
“When my brother and I were kids, we used to play in our front yard all the time. Once, we were playing baseball and our ball rolled down the hill into our neighbor’s backyard. Anyway, my brother and I went inside to find another ball to play with.
In those 5 minutes, our neighbor walked up the hill and pounded on our front door. My mom answered and he flew into a rage at her screaming about the ‘goshdarn kids ruining his lawn.’ My mom tried to calm him down, but he put back his fist as if he was going to punch her.
When my mom flinched, he started to laugh and spat on our doorstep. My brother and I saw everything and declared covert war.
We were smart. We waited until he wouldn’t be too suspicious. To this day, we haven’t been caught… because everything ‘could’ have just happened naturally.
We didn’t do everything at once, but rather over the course of many years. Here is a rough list of all the things I remember doing:
We poured female deer lures into his car’s and house’s A/C intake vents to perfume his air with an unholy stench.
We saved up all shards of sharp glass, nails, etc, and would scatter them on the ends of his driveway. We bought high-strength / concentrated herbicide and would apply it liberally to his prized shrubs/flowers. We found his car in public parking lots and threw bologna on it to ruin the paint job.
No clue if this one actually worked though. We collected roadkill and assorted dead critters we found (we had cats) and would throw them under the tarp that covered his pool. We waited until they went on vacation and put sugar all over their doors and window sills in hope that bugs would get into the house and nest.
I still don’t feel guilty. The guy was a huge moron. Still is a huge moron, actually.”
40. Santa Claus Teaches Bully A Lesson
“When I was in 1st grade there was this jerk that we’ll call Eric who essentially made my life a living nightmare. He was constantly shoving me down, stealing the ball from me, and would consistently smack me or throw things at me in class when the teacher’s back was turned.
I often got in trouble for yelling at him or hitting him back, meanwhile, the sneaky jerk was an angel in her eyes.
It’s December, and the entire class is excited about two things: Bring your Dad to school day, and Christmas. Well, one day in class, our teacher was talking about Christmas and Santa Claus when Eric blurts out ‘Santa isn’t real! He’s just make-believe for babies.’ The teacher tried to make him be quiet, but the damage was already done.
The entire class was distraught, two girls actually had to leave the classroom because they were crying so much.
I got home and told my parents what Eric had said, and they convinced me that Santa was real and said that Eric was just a mean little boy.
A few days passed without further incident, and it was time to bring your Dad to school day. However, my Dad had canceled a few days before, saying that he had a really important meeting that he couldn’t afford to miss.
Well, the Dads all arrived to class shortly after lunch and were presenting briefly one-by-one when suddenly, who would burst into the classroom but Santa Claus.
Letting out a big ‘HO HO HO!!!’ the pudgy St. Nick strode into the classroom, hugged our teacher, and gave a brief presentation about elves and toy-making and his reindeer. He then went around the classroom giving all the kids mini Reese’s, and right before he left went ‘Say, which one of you is Eric?’ The teacher pointed him out, and Santa went up to his desk and said something like ‘You know Eric, it’s not nice to tell people that I’m not real.
If you keep being a naughty boy, you’ll be getting coal next week!’ Eric just looked back at him stunned and gave a sheepish nod. Santa then went and stood by the doorway, gave a cheery laugh, and right before he walked out looked me dead in the eyes and winked.
I was amazed and ran home telling my parents all about what had happened that day. Eric wasn’t as mean after that, and everything in the 1st grade was gumdrops and ice cream. It wasn’t until I was in high school that my mother revealed that Santa Claus was actually my Dad. He had gone so far as to buy an expensive fat suit and mask in order to fool me and everyone else.”
39. Never Cross The Pizza Guy
“When I was in my early 20s I was a delivery driver for the only pizza joint in a relatively small town. I would zip through traffic and in general be a nuisance to other motorists. One day I was cruising down a hill and the car in front of me started turning right, into their driveway.
I attempted to pass them in the oncoming lane and as I did the driver pulled away from the driveway they were pulling into to block the road. I screeched on my breaks as the driver proceeded to get out of his car and shout at me for ‘Crossing a double yellow line to pass.’ Not illegal in my state.
I told him the law was in my favor and to please remove his car from the road before I called the police. He continued to berate me, calling me names and generally being a jerk face. I eventually drove around his car on the curb and continued on with my deliveries.
Later that night I had ‘tied one on’ and decided the guy needed a little payback. I drove to his house in the middle of the night and seeing his car parked in the driveway, I knew what had to be done.
I found a brick in a parking lot across the road and threw it hard enough not only to go through his back window but straight through his side window as well.
I then got in my car and drove like a son of a witch thinking I would be seen, as the sound of two windows smashing must have woken anyone inside.
By the next morning, I realized I had been a total jerk and just tried to justify it as best I could.
For several years I didn’t think about the incident much, One day I got a delivery for the same address I had vandalized. I approached the door fearing the worst, that he would recognize me and put two and two together. When I rang the doorbell I heard some shuffling and a while later the door opened.
The man who had yelled at me was now in a wheelchair, injured it seemed. He didn’t give me a second glance, took his pizza, and signed the receipt with a 5 dollar tip. I didn’t even notice the tip until cashing out later that night and a feeling of deep regret came over me as I totaled my tips.
Before I had finished my math I took his receipt, scratched out the five-dollar tip, and charged him only for the meal. For the next twelve months the guy ordered a pizza almost every day and every day I would scratch off his 5 dollar tip. By the time he had fully recovered and stopped ordering his lunch from our pizza place I had scratched off roughly 900 dollars worth of tips.
Moral- I ended up worse off for getting revenge.”
38. Bad Brother? More Like Lord Of The Flies
“Friend and I were fishing at a local creek when my friend’s brother pulled up. Being the jerk he normally was, he started throwing rocks in the creek to scare the fish, and then he threw my friend’s bike in the creek. We were 13 at the time, my friend was crying and I felt so bad.
I jumped into the creek and got his bike out, and told him we would get his brother back.
About a month later we were fishing again and it was the dead of summer. I told my friend today is the day we get his brother back.
Caught a 2/3 pound carp, threw it up on the side of the bank, and left it there until we were done fishing. At the end of the night went back to his place and his brother’s car was sitting on the street. We took the carp, sliced it open and threw it under the driver’s seat, and rolled his windows 3/4 up.
The next morning when we woke and left I forgot about what we had done. Well, when I rode past his brother’s car I noticed the window was kind of black and then I took a closer look to find it was covered in flies. I actually got scared because I did not expect a window caked with flies.
By the time I got home, I was laughing in tears because his brother was always such a jerk to us.
Fast forward to baseball practice about 3 days later. My friend tells me his brother flipped out and ran into his house and punched him in the face.
His mom flipped out on his brother, the brother was grounded for the rest of summer. His mom said that my friend would never do such a thing and he played along and acted as if he had no idea. Apparently the smell never really left the car.
We nicknamed his brother lord of the flies.”
Another User Comments:
“When I was about 10, my older brother was seeing this girl who treated me like absolute garbage. One day my brother took me and her to McDonald’s and when our food came out she wouldn’t give it to me.
She had my brother whipped so he laughed along thinking it was all funny. Normally it would have been but she decided to take it a step further and throw the food out the window onto the dirty street. My brother didn’t replace it or even try.
He drove me home, dropped me off, and left.
The next day I went fishing. When I got home I took one of the left-over tubs of minnows (bait) and tucked it nice and high up in the lining of the seat of my brother’s car. It was a hot summer that year and the smell took a while to get really bad.
He tried cleaning his car and using air fresheners and nothing worked. I kept blaming the disgusting fish smell on his girl and told her to shower or close her legs (I was 10, it was the best I had). My brother sold his car at the end of summer and I think he really did believe the smell was from her because even today he refers to her as that smelly girl he went out with.” ShaneL79
37. Neglectful Father Discovers Stinky Surprise
“When my younger brother was about 3, my father had to look after him for the day. The plan was that he, after asking his boss, would take him to work for the day. It was office work, and he was friendly with his boss, so my mom assumed it was no big deal.
My father, however, didn’t want a toddler distracting him all day, so he left him in the car with the radio on and a carton of apple juice. (This is Britain, so the car wouldn’t overheat, but either way, he was being a jerk.) At the end of the day, he returned back to his car to drive home, expecting a sleeping toddler who wouldn’t tell his mother a thing.
Instead, upon his return, he found his son jumping up and down on the front seats to the radio on full blast, no clothes on and laughing, slipping around and covered in poop. He had soiled himself, removed his nappy, and his fecal matter was EVERYWHERE.
Poop was smeared all over the driver’s seat, the windscreen, the steering wheel, the satnav, the driver’s window, even hand-printed on the ceiling. Our dad didn’t even know that toddlers could even produce this vast amount of turd. The only car seat that was completely untouched was his own.”
36. Bad Parents? Just Leave Them Behind
“See my parents suck, I’ve been taking care of them for a while, while also going to school and whatnot, and still they are trying to betray me, pawn my things, etc. But I’ve become fed up with them. I’m out of town at the moment, but when I get back, the next time they ask me to walk two miles to get them illegal substances, I will walk outside, around the house, have a friend with a van come.
Bring my pre-packed stuff out of the basement entrance, leave and stay at my friend’s house for a few days until the day my train ticket is planned for, then move 2000 miles across the country and live with another friend who just got me a job. I’ll just keep them waiting for me to deliver their fix for the rest of their sad lives.”
35. Thanks For Ruining My Place, Here's A Stinky Gift For All Your Trouble
“When I was in grad school I lived in an apartment complex just off-campus. I had a two-bedroom apartment with a pretty big living area. It was great for pre-gaming. Whenever I would receive deliveries, the FedEx or UPS delivery guy would always leave valuable packages for my apartment outside my screen door because I was on the first floor, which was quite annoying since I told them to leave them inside the building.
I was taking a trip with my partner, so I asked the neighbors across the hallway to bring any of my packages in for me. I had ordered some books and other valuables that would be arriving while I was gone. I left them my spare key and my neighbors said it would be no problem.
Unfortunately, I returned to a problem.
My apartment looked like poop. Literally, there was dog poop all over and it looked ransacked as if there was a party. The apt was locked and my neighbors acted like they had no idea what happened. Unluckily for them, another neighbor said that she saw them have a party two nights in a row there.
These guys were hipsters/hippies, so I hatched a plan.
I went to Michaels’s arts and crafts and bought some candle-making accessories. At home, I picked up the dog poop (with a planter’s shovel), which was still malleable so it must have been relatively recent poop. It was also diarrhea-type poop so pretty liquefied and disgusting.
I mixed the dog poop with lighter fluid and Pomona’s Universal Pectin, which my partner uses to make jams. It kept the poop from drying. I molded the dog poop, lighter fluid, pectin mixture (using latex gloves) around two M80s and used a wick extension for the candle, and wrapped it around the dog poop mixture.
Next, I used the candle-making accessories from Michaels and filled the center with my poo incendiary. They left a lot of poop so the candle was quite big. I made two sample candles and tested them in order to make sure they worked. The first prototype didn’t have enough wax on top so the poo was exposed too quickly and could be seen before the M80s detonated.
In the end, I made the poo reside about 1.25 inches deep in the candle and only had poo wrapped around the sides of the firecrackers so as soon as the M80s were lit, the flaming poop would be everywhere.
I then sent the lavender-scented poo candle to my neighbors as a gift from a local bank.
I had a box from the bank for a glass they gave my sister after opening up a checking account. Being that they were hippieish, they always burned incense and candles. I knew they would love it.
A few weeks later, a couple of my buddies were over drinking and we heard a loud explosion.
We went across the hall and knocked on the door pretending to check on them. They opened the door and it reeked. There was dog poop all over the wall and the floor (some of it burning), on the ceiling fan, in their AC window unit, and on them and their food. My buddy looks at one of my neighbors and said ‘Wow, what happened?’ He responded ‘I don’t know, but this candle from XYZ bank just exploded.’ I then say ‘It smells like crap.’ My other friend says, ‘Crap happens.’ We chuckle then leave.”
34. Catfish Revenge On Brother And Sister Duo
“Back in high school, I went out with a girl for 6 months before she decided it wasn’t working out anymore, then she went behind my back with about 6 guys and stole my iPhone and wallet to buy illegal substances. I wanted to report her to the police as my parents encouraged me to.
To prevent me from doing such, her brother jumped me while I was walking home with his friends and busted open my lip pretty badly, then threatened me if I reported him or his sister (this is South Florida, so I believed he would do it).
My dad got a new job and we moved to a new city but I was still angry about this whole situation so I did the next best thing. I created two fake social media accounts of a random hot girl and guy, spent some time making it look legit with friends and such, and added my ex’s brother on social media with the girl and my ex with the guy.
It wasn’t too long before he started flirting ‘me’ up and tried his best to get in this girl’s pants. On the other hand, having already courted my now ex I knew exactly what to say to charm her to the point that she was in love with me.
This is where it all begins to get fun.
I started a relationship between the brother and sister with me as the intermediate thanks to Google Voice. Both of them had fairly typical south Floridian bodies so nothing really gave anything away when I sent their scandalous photos to each other, and I did a fair amount of photoshopping to remove identifiers in the room that may give away anything.
This went on for about a month and a half totaling about 200 or so photos between the two of them when I decided to reveal the curtain and send a group of unedited pictures that included key identifiers (face and rooms).
Oh, holy Jesus how everything went down.
I only wish I had some way to see how they reacted. Friends who still lived there told me her brother moved in with his dad that week and that they no longer spoke.
All in all, about 4 months till I got my revenge but it was amazing.”
33. Keep Being A Jerk? Have Fun Wrestling Your Way Out Of This Mess
“Everyone has worked with someone they hated. I’ve never had a job where there wasn’t someone who made my life miserable or whose very presence angered me. Usually, you just have to put up with them, but every once in a great while, you can get even…
‘Dave’ was a doorknob.
Stoop-shouldered, balding, in his 50s, Dave was a patronizing and irritating jerk. He’d been at IBM his whole career, had been making good money, and hated contractors. He thought they were bad for the company, that the only people worth anything were regular employees, and he made it his personal priority to mess with all of us.
Nothing overt, but constant subtle pressure was put on everyone whose badge said ‘Contractor’ on it. I think he developed this attitude from working with the guys from overseas, probably because they were so soft-spoken, but maybe he was just a racist. I dunno, but whatever the reason, he took every opportunity to send us on little errands, wouldn’t get back to us if we needed something, criticized anything we did, and generally made our lives a nightmare in a way that couldn’t be directly protested.
I was pretty good friends with the guy sharing the room with him, another full-time employee and one day ‘Robert’ called me up. ‘War. We’re going for coffee.’
‘Um, ok, let me just finish up a few things.’
‘You don’t understand. We need coffee NOW!’
Right. I headed over to his office and he met me about halfway there.
His eyes were shining with glee but he wouldn’t tell me what was going on until we had our coffee in the cafeteria. Once we finally had a table, he said, ‘Ok. Dave’s into some weird stuff.’
‘He’s into wrestling women!’
‘Dude, I still don’t get it…’
It turned out that there were men who pay women to wrestle them.
Some of them did it as a sort of hobby and others were extremely serious about it. Dave was one of the latter. Several times a year, he’d tell his wife he was meeting up with old Army buddies but went to Wrestling conventions instead. They were highly organized, had rings set up for use, referees to score the matches, and everything.
I never quite understood the need for refs, but hey, whatever. There were web pages devoted to the women who were available to wrestle and Dave’s favorite was a woman named ‘Red Robin.’ She was a little tiny woman who was an absolute beast and he paid her thousands of dollars every time he’d go to one of these conventions for her to wrestle him for about 20 minutes per match.
We went back to my office and pulled up Red Robin’s website.
I went on to the main wrestling site and started reading Dave’s posts. And there were a ton of them. He talked in great detail and depth about the ‘sport,’ had invented his own move, called the ‘Twisted Ostrich,’ and told stories about amazing matches he’d won and lost.
Look, I’m all about people’s private lives remaining private, and I probably wouldn’t have done anything if he hadn’t so consistently been a jerk to me. But he had, so game on! I registered a fake account under the name Sue_Plex on the wrestling website and started corresponding with him.
I started by asking him some technical questions about the Twisted Ostrich, but it wasn’t long until he started asking me personal questions. As time went by, I fleshed out the character so within about a month he had become quite good friends with Miss Plex.
I told him I was a late-20s single lawyer living in D.C. My marriage had ended because my husband just didn’t understand my interest in such a harmless sport. It was so nice to talk to someone like him who really understood me.
It was unbelievably satisfying.
Every time he’d send me on some stupid errand, I’d think of how he was confessing his private life to the character I’d created. Oh, and he lied his butt off. He dropped a good ten years and his wife somehow. Finally, he asked for a picture.
Well, I’d already downloaded a whole set of a girl who looked about that age, and the photos didn’t look professional. I started with a simple one and he gushed about how pretty I was. Over the next few weeks, I sent him more and more photos, each more revealing than the last, but didn’t look posed.
He started pushing and taking it to the next level. I knew it! I knew wrestling wasn’t the only thing going on. This was just way too good. I kept up the charade.
He was hooked. His work slowed down, he became obsessed with Sue_Plex and quite frankly, my work suffered as well having to answer all his notes.
Fortunately, he didn’t notice because he was too busy sending off love letters. Now it was driving me nuts because there was this creepy 50’ish guy who was still giving me a daily ration of stuff but was secretly having an online affair with a character I’d created.
Robert and I had a ton of fun messing with the poor guy, but one day, he called me up again – ‘War. Coffee. Now.’ At the cafeteria, he told me that Dave had another ‘Army reunion’ coming up and we should see if we could get him to come to D.C.
to meet ‘Sue’ instead. Hmmm. Genius! I sent Dave an email and said we should get together sometime. Boom. In a flash, he responded that he had been thinking the same thing and had some time off in a few weeks. Would I be interested in him coming to visit?
Yes, I would.
As Sue, I arranged to meet him in D.C. at a local hotel. As the day approached, Dave became more and more excited and messed with us less and less. He still tried, but the conviction and heat weren’t there anymore. Robert and I were going nuts, having to act like nothing was going on while Dave prattled on about how happy he was to see his old Army buddies, what a fun trip it would be, how he was hoping he didn’t get pinned down by the snow, etc.
I guess he thought he was being clever, but since we already knew the entire story, it just came across as pathetic.
He left early on a Friday to catch his flight, smiling like a champ.
Tuesday morning, he showed up looking like his best friend had died.
We asked what was wrong and he tried to play it off like he was just tired from his long weekend, but as soon as he could, he sent Sue a message asking what the heck had happened and why hadn’t she shown up? We waited to respond until after lunch.
He was a basket case. Finally, we fired back a furious message that we’d called his house on Friday just to leave him a message and some WOMAN ANSWERED! We said we’d pretended to give her a survey and we knew about his wife and 4 kids.
So he’d been lying to us all along. Basically, we went crazy on him. We told him if he ever tried to contact us again, we’d tell his wife everything. We waited for him to get the email, watched him surreptitiously read it, and then we watched him have a meltdown.
He started sweating like crazy, called his wife to check on her, and finally left early. He was never the same after that. He pretty much stopped messing with contractors and kept to himself. We never sent him any more emails and he never sent any to Sue. My contract ended not too long after that and that was the last I heard of him.
It couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.”
32. Egg My Place? I'll Put You In Your Place
“This was a few years ago when my son wasn’t even old enough to walk yet. I had just kicked my partner out of our apartment because she was seeing someone behind my back, so I had more rage built up than normal.
It was a nice summer night, and I had my son in his bouncy seat by a screen door that led to our balcony which faced a somewhat busy street.
He was enjoying bouncy time and I was enjoying whatever happened to be on TV at the time. Suddenly, I heard a couple of loud pops and a couple of duller ‘smash’ sounds. Startled, I looked towards the balcony and noticed remnants of egg running down the window, and I looked at my son who had started to scream.
He also had egg on him since it had splattered through the screen door. Rage Mode: Activated.
I cleaned up the window, and I cleaned up my son. I put him to bed after I got him calmed down since it was his bedtime anyway. At this point, I was still fuming.
I was thinking about who would do such a thing, and my only rational explanation was teenagers who were bored and feeling destructive. We had egging problems on the street in the past, but usually, it was limited to cars that were parked along the street.
I immediately thought, ‘If I was still a teenager, I’d wait for the person to clean it up, and I’d be arrogant enough to go back and egg them again!’
I grabbed an old aluminum baseball bat and sat outside my apartment building. Keep in mind that this was a pretty rough period in my life, so I probably wasn’t completely sane after this happened.
I found a spot between two cars that were parked end-to-end in front of the building and a seat on the curb between them. 10-15 minutes went by and no sign of any delinquents. I was about to give up when suddenly a newer sedan comes around the corner and comes to a halt in the middle of the street almost right in front of me.
I look around the edge of the parked car’s bumper and see a car filled with teenagers…and one is slowly emerging from the passenger side rear window with eggs in hand.
I stood up immediately with the bat and made direct eye contact with the kid. He completely froze and all I could muster was a ‘You mother trucker.’ I started swinging at the car with a fury that I’ll probably never replicate.
I hear teenagers screaming to ‘GO GO GO GO’ and the driver floors it. With 4-5 people in the car, it wasn’t moving so fast. I’m a pretty athletic guy, so I sprinted after them. In one final attempt at auto-destruction, I threw the baseball bat like a battle-ax, end-over-end at the vehicle.
Glass was EVERYWHERE. And the best part…my bat fell out of the window and off the trunk, so I was able to retrieve it. I actually kept running after them after this, but I realized after about 100 meters that I wouldn’t be able to keep up on foot.
I started walking back down the street towards my apartment building. There is an identical building next to it that shares our lot. As I walked by, I heard a slow, clapping sound. I looked up to see a single man looking down towards me. All he said was, ‘That was AWESOME.’ I think I might have said, ‘Thanks’ but I really don’t remember.
I was so angry that things were almost a blur at that point.
I’ve never felt an adrenaline rush like that in my life. I have a slight one right now just after typing that out. I normally don’t get that angry, but with the circumstances of my life, it just happened. I think the thing that really pushed me over the edge is that they hit my son, and he would have been easily viewable from the street.
And we never had any egging problems after that incident.”
31. The Truth Can Set Some Free And Destroy Others
“The best revenge is served cold: 11 years ago, I was working almost 24/7 and trying to deal with multiple deaths in the family over the period of a few weeks…no time for anything and going nuts trying to hold it all together. My (now) ex decided that she wasn’t getting enough attention and started messing around on ‘business trips.’ Eventually, I busted her flat out – taped (remember tape?) a phone conversation of her talking with her friend about having a great time in Florida with a bunch of guys and that was it.
She knew I had the tape, so denial wasn’t an option. I decided to run with the truth, instead.
I left. Just left. Found a new place to live and at that point (11 years ago) simply spread a few (documented) facts around. No rumors, no pooping on someone’s property, just handing out documented facts.
Mishandling funds at work (corporate/state/federal funds – bad news), misreporting consulting income on her taxes. Wrote a couple of editors to publications showing where she’d plagiarized materials (we’re both academics). End of career.
When she was held up to paying me the equity on the house we owned at that time, she pled poverty and then showed up for work in a new corvette.
A few months later she moved to California and refused any payout on the house, which was on the market. I called the mortgage company directly (something they’re not used to) and begged her new address out of them (they have the information and aren’t supposed to give it out but when I explained the situation the woman at the mortgage company gave it to me).
My lawyer carpet-bombed my ex who simply assumed she could hide from the crap and I had a check in my hand within the week. So then she was broke, discredited, in the poop with the IRS and her funding agencies. Good enough.
End result: Not quite a jail, but the end of her long-sought academic career and certainly the end of her credibility. Ten years on, she’s managing a research institute out west but nobody respects her as anything but an office stooge and money-fluffer at this point. Should I have pooped on the `Vette? Probably, but simply telling the truth rocks sometimes.”
30. Refuse To Pay Us? We'll Run Your Business Into The Ground
“I worked at a place during college that served sandwiches and coffee. It was a cool place, a lot of people hung out there and I liked everyone I worked with, but my boss was the biggest buttface in the world.
One week on payday he got all the employees together and told us that we wouldn’t be getting paid that week and we would have to wait until next week.
We were fine with that but when the next payday rolled around he didn’t have the funds. This went on for about a month. We were all working under the table and he told us that if we quit we would never get any of what he owed us (we later found out he never planned on paying us).
We found out he was blowing his funds on illegal substances and gambling.
He stopped showing up to work for like 3 weeks so it was just the employees running the store. In those three weeks, we gave away pretty much everything in the store for free.
Literally emptied it out. Anyone who came in and ordered something got it for free. We even had a party there one night, an open mic and everything. So he finally shows up and he looks like he has been awake for a week straight. He comes in freaking the heck out, threatens to hurt us, starts throwing things around.
I was in the back and saw that he was double-parked outside, so I call the campus towing company that was literally a block away. While he is freaking out at us one of the employees says, ‘Hey, your truck is getting towed.’ He runs outside and watches his Escalade get towed away, we all bounced out the back door and never looked back.”
29. Words Have Never Been More Powerful
“My partner of 3 years who I met in high school broke up with me my first semester of college. We went to different schools and I later learned she was hooking up with one of her guy friends there. Anyways when we both were on break she asked me to bring back all the stuff she had given me, (presents, sweatshirts, cards, etc) so I drive to her house with all the things we’ve exchanged in the past 3 years.
Once I got to her house I saw that she had invited all her friends over and they were sitting with her along with her parents in the garage. Anyways, I walk up with her stuff and exchange, everyone there had that smirk on their face like they were laughing at me. Anyways as I give her back her things I say ‘if only I could give back your cherry I popped.’ The look on her parent’s faces was absolutely priceless, and I walked out of that lion’s den with the biggest smile on my face.”
28. If You Want To Continue Being A Bad Person, Maybe Quit Bragging About It
“One time when I worked in a small video store as an assistant manager there was this one customer who was being a real lowlife to the point where I got fed up with his garbage and threw him out. He had been a moron to every single other employee in the store, including our boss.
He was just a mouthy harassing jerk (it would take way too long to go into the details).
Anyway, I saw him in a little strip mall nearby one time and he was bragging to some guys about how he was finagling his worker’s compensation. Then he pulls out this wad of cash and waves it under their noses like a Japanese fan.
‘I got all these free funds from lying about my injured hand!’ What a loser.
Anyway, if you go into the blue pages of the phone book you’ll find this listing in all cap letters that says:
WORKERS COMPENSATION FRAUD HOTLINE
And take a wild guess what video stores keep in their records? Full name, home address, and phone number. Not only did I turn this guy in but was also able to provide great detail as to exactly how he was faking his injury as he explained it to his two friends.”
27. Rip My Mom Off? I'll Break Up Your Marriage
“A few years ago when I was 17, my mom was having a house built for her by a private contractor. He is a very angry, manipulative, redneck person who basically ripped my mom off of $400,000 and built the house really crappy, taking shortcuts, bribed the county inspector to pass the house on all the inspections, cost her about another 100,000 to fix all of his mess-ups.
And he also did this to about 7 other people over the course of about 4 years.
He was married and had just had twins. So once I found out about the extent of how much he ripped my mom off, and also how he threatened her (indirectly, thus legally) if she said anything, bear in mind she was the only single woman he had ripped off, so he took major advantage of her trust in him to do a good job.
Well, I told my mom I could have him removed from the face of the earth but she wasn’t fond of that idea…. so I made a fake social media account of some woman and messaged his wife and told her he was having an affair with ‘me.’
Two weeks later she packed up her whole house and took herself and her kids halfway across the country to live with her parents. He is now being sued by 6 people and has millions of dollars in debt because his wife was financing his business, but not after she left him. Stupid redneck buttface. Don’t mess with my mom. I guess I’m kind of a mama’s boy.”
26. Keep Bullying Me And I'll Spread A Nasty Lie About You
“I moved around a lot as a kid. Dad in the Army. Parents divorced. Not staying in one place made long-term friendships impossible. But my situation attracted bullies like flies.
I moved to a new school. A bully picked up my scent instantly. Tripping and shoving. Making fun of my clothes.
Nothing too terrible, but I was already unhappy, so I felt miserable anyway.
One school day, I asked to use the restroom. I passed by said bully on the way into the bathroom. He actually didn’t do anything to me this time.
When I entered the restroom, someone was in the only stall, pooping on the floor.
I walked out of the bathroom, disgusted, ready to tell on them (I was seven at the time).
I was ready to reenter my classroom when an incredible, yet devious idea came to me. I went straight to my bully’s classroom and walked inside.
Everyone looked at me, which normally would have given me enough hesitation to turn me around and head back to class.
But that day, I didn’t so much as pause. I walked up to the teacher’s desk, pointed at my tormentor, and boldly proclaimed that he had pooped on the bathroom floor.
The teacher’s reaction was better than I could have ever expected (for me). She made him follow her into the restroom while he cried and slobbered out ‘I didn’t do it! He’s lying!’ over and over again.
She then grabbed a wad of paper towel, handed it to him and we watched as he picked it up and put it into the commode. She thanked me for telling her and told me to go back to my classroom.
This happened about twenty years ago. I still look back at this moment as a turning point in my life. Like I became myself then.”
25. Underpay Us? We'll Rob Your Store
“I used to live in a very small town, like 250-300 people. We had no stores, gas stations, etc.
One day a local guy decided to open up a little store that sold the basics like groceries and rented movies. He hired a few of us high school kids, to work the store, and promised us $50 a week for the summer to be paid at the end of the summer.
We agreed and started working. We gave up our summer stocking shelves, cleaning the bathroom, lawn care, and whatever else.
Well, the end of the summer comes around. It’s our last day of work, and he comes by with our paychecks. $50. For each of us. For the whole summer.
Needless to say, we weren’t too happy, but his words were ‘what the heck are you gonna do about it? Drop the key off at my house since you won’t need it anymore.’
We came up with a plan to pay this jerk back. Before locking up the store for the last time, we left a window unlocked.
We dropped the key off at the house. Around midnight, we were back at the store. Grabbed as much as we could, stuff from the register, candy. Probably about $1000 worth of stuff, locked the window, then left through the emergency exit that had no alarm.
There were also no cameras of any kind.
The next day there were cops there. He accused all of us of doing it but had no proof. He ended up having to shut down the store a few months later because the town heard how he didn’t pay us and stopped doing business there.
I don’t feel bad. He deserved it.”
24. Try To Mess With Me And I'll Hack Into Your Secret Life
“During the last year or so of my marriage, I was spending a lot of time out of town, commuting for 3-4 days a week for work. One night I was working remote and decided to do some upgrades on my home computers, so I remote in and notice that the connection is REALLY slow.
I do some network traces and find that my wife’s computer is participating in a video chat with someone in another state, one where she has no family that I know of. Huh. Curiosity piqued, so I start to monitor more stuff, like IM conversations that are not encrypted.
Over the next few weeks, I keep my mouth shut as I collect more evidence, mostly Yahoo! and AIM conversations. I also had installed security cameras around my house because we had problems with the neighborhood kids, and eventually I catch footage of some guy coming and going from the house – at one point even driving my car.
I still keep my mouth shut because I know if I say anything my wife would just lie about it and somehow make me out to be the bad guy. I know who the guy is by now, and I gather more data on him. And then he does it.
He plugs his laptop into my network.
So, I’m a network engineer and security admin by trade. I know networks, I know how to monitor them, and I know how to .. fiddle with data. My wife knew this, the guy she was messing around with knew this, but he was still dumb enough to enter my domain and play around on my network.
I start grabbing usernames and passwords, email accounts, IM accounts, etc. I reroute all of their web traffic through a proxy so I can monitor where they go and how they log in. Eventually, I hit the jackpot – knucklehead runs a fairly well-known gaming forum that is a major source of revenue for him, and he logs in without using SSL (security layer).
He thinks it’s secure because vBulletin hashes the password before sending it in cleartext. However, if you know the hash you can use it just as well as the password itself! I use his admin username and password hash to log in and make a few admin accounts for myself, naming them something inconspicuous and changing the account creation date to make them look old.
At this point, I could have just wiped his entire site, but that would be too easy to fix – simply restore a backup. No, I had a better idea. Every day I went back and deleted random posts older than 6 months. Then I deleted every post older than 6 months.
I did this for 3 weeks straight before the guy suspects anything. I notice he kills one of my admin accounts, so I quickly assign admin privileges to my wife’s account then delete all my other admin accounts.
She calls me in a panic because her new boy toy is flipping out on her because it looks like she is the one who ‘hacked’ the forums and deleted the content.
Thousands of posts are gone and there is no way to restore them because a full restore would wipe out 3 weeks of new posts. She appears to be the only other person with admin access aside from the owner, and he is livid. I plead ignorance and pretend I never knew about the forum until she called me.
There is no reason I would know about the forum. They never made the connection between him using MY home network and his forum getting hosed. To this day new users are not allowed on the site unless they are referred by an existing member.
They never figured out what happened.
The incident caused him to break off whatever he had going on with my wife, which really left her stranded when I told her a month later that I was divorcing her. I had collected enough evidence from their IM conversations and her forum posts to satisfy my need for closure. She still has no idea how much information I gathered about her second life.”
23. Treat Your Employees Bad? You'll Hear From My Lawyers
“I worked as a server in a fine dining restaurant in a touristy town in Florida. The owners, a husband and wife team, were notorious for being cruel and petty, but it was 2008 and I had just been laid off so I had to take anything.
On top of that, I was engaged to be married (paying for the wedding ourselves) and planning a move to NYC as well.
This could be an incredibly long story, so I will just give a few examples of their cruelty.
1. Dyslexic Server who trained me was fired a week after I started because he took too long to write the specials on the chalkboard.
(They knew he was dyslexic.)
2. His replacement. Dec. 23rd. She was fired for selling the wrong bottle of wine. While this was definitely her mistake, their handling of it was despicable. She sold a $125 bottle of wine for $35. (Restaurant prices, not the restaurant’s actual cost.
those were $56 and $10.) The owner let the table know of the server’s mistake, saying ‘I hope you are enjoying that bottle of wine, it’s actually a $125 bottle. But don’t worry, you don’t have to pay for it. Your server will have to.’ Needless to say, the table was furious for being put in that awkward position and was gracious enough to give an awesome secret tip to cover the cost.
Here is the nasty part. She finished out her shift and paid the total of $125 thinking she still had a job. She was fired on Christmas eve by text message.
3. Me. I kept quiet as much as I could. I saw that whenever you shared any bit of your personal life with these idiots, they used it to torment.
The wife-owner followed me around the FOH (front of house) and berated me in increasingly weird ways with the intent to emasculate. Once they met my fiancé, and from that moment on, the wife-owner would make jabs saying ‘she doesn’t seem like she is too thrilled to get married,’ or ‘She probably expects better,’ and then laugh it off like she was just joking.
It was my strategy to just eat crap and save funds, and not let it bother me. She figured this out right away and got downright sadistic, trying to see how far they could push me and see what I would do without complaint. I managed to suck it up for 2 years thanks to booze, no backbone, and financial need.
My breaking point was when she told me to take away the chair our hostess was sitting in when no customers were around. Granted sitting on the job is supposedly unprofessional, but she was an elderly woman, sick, working outside. The hostess wouldn’t dare call in sick as she was working here illegally from Hungary and similarly had to eat as much stuff as was thrown at her.
So rather than talk to the hostess and possibly take over for her sick employee, she asked me to snag the chair from her without explanation. Here is the messed up part. I did it. I freaking did it. The hostess understood. Really, what could she say? She knew what was happening and gave me this look of understanding that I’ll never forget.
I got a few feet away and put the chair back, looking straight back at the vile poop bucket that asked me to be cruel to another person for her amusement. The owner didn’t say a word to me about my subordination and gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the evening.
2 weeks later, I was closing out my tips and receipts with the husband-owner. I had counted my bank prior to cashing out with him as I always did. Everything added up just fine. Turns out he had secretly added in a ticket to my tip for $150.
It showed on the report he printed 1 minute before running the cashout report. I had only 4 tables, all tips on all credit card tickets that night so it was not hard to keep track of. (Lucky me I thought) I questioned this and said I had double-checked my math and he must have made some mistake.
His response was, ‘If you don’t like it, there is the door.’ That pretty much sealed it. I knew what was happening and luckily my brain initiated the YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE FORCED TO QUIT SO YOU DON’T GET THE UNEMPLOYMENT MONIES Disaster recovery response.
I refused to pay him and said I will be returning to work tomorrow for my next scheduled shift, and we can work this out then. He said, ‘Screw you, get out.” I was fired. This was very important. I was fired. I didn’t quit.
I was a month away from moving to NYC with my wife to try to start a career in my field.
I just needed one more month of saving every last penny I made and I was out! This pretty much messed me over.
So I filed for unemployment stating the reasons I was fired on my last night, which met the eligibility requirements. The unemployment office contacted my former employer for verification and he said I was fired for stealing wine and there were witnesses.
My claim was denied. The next step was to dispute the claim. I disputed and it went to the adjudication process. Basically what amounted to a phone hearing between my former employer, an unemployment caseworker, me, and any ‘witnesses.’
This is where I got revenge.
I knew of the upcoming hearing, and my employer was notified by mail of the date.
The letter explained the process and instructed us to line up any witnesses and materials needed for the case. It also stated that you have a period of time to reschedule the hearing if needed. An unemployment worker explained the process to me over the phone before the letters were mailed.
I then paid an anarchist punk guy with beer to steal any of their mail from the unemployment office and bring it to me. Leading up to the hearing I also reported them to ASCAP for playing copyrighted music in their establishment without paying dues, (A fairly hefty fine) and reported some of their more crooked dealings to the IRS.
(Namely how the wife-owner would use her name as an employee for several of the illegal workers, underreporting earnings, etc) I also dropped a dead fish into their gutters above their patio, waited a week for the rats to appear, and called the health dept.
At the time of the hearing, the owner was caught off guard and tried to reschedule.
He was not allowed to reschedule because the letter (Which he never received…hehe) stated that failure to attend the hearing automatically results in a ruling for the other party. He complied and we went along with the hearing without his fake witness. During the hearing I kept calm but he lost his temper.
I answered my questions in a way to really get his anger going, and it worked. The key question posed to my former employer was ‘Had he not stolen any property, would you still have fired him?’ He slipped and said yes, sending the ruling in my favor.
A few weeks later I received my check for all the past months of unemployment. It was enough to get me to NYC.
2 and a half years later, I am still married and found an excellent job in my field with great pay, benefits, an awesome boss, and union representation. They are struggling to keep the doors open and have both had a host of financial problems.”
22. When Hockey Players Take Things Too Far
“I used to play minor league hockey, from the ages of 12-17. I was a goalie, and at first, I sucked. By my last year, I was playing Midget B hockey, the highest level I had ever played. But the year before that, I was on a team where I had become the whipping boy.
Bullied in the locker room by some members of my team. I remember being pinned down and having water dumped on me a bunch one time, not too fun. Pucks shot at my back at practice. The main facilitator was someone named Spencer. I don’t recall doing anything to be the source of his bullying, but there it was.
We barely lost a game all year, partially because our team was stacked, and partially because I was becoming a pretty solid goalie. But our locker room rapport was obviously terrible. No team cohesion and it all was to do with me being bullied. There were more specific examples that I can recall, just constant crap and not enjoying my time.
For whatever reason, I decided to not mention it to anyone and just sucked it up. In hindsight, I probably should have told the head coach, and things might have changed.
Anyway, fast forward to the next season. Rep tryouts happened, and I was one of the 4 goalies to make the cut.
I actually lost my best friend due to the fact we were both vying for the final slot, and the management chose me over him. But that’s another story. Spencer failed to make the cut. He was the house and I was in rep.
Our rep team was awesome.
I got along with everyone, and we went undefeated. I played the best games of my life and made memories that’ll last forever.
In the break between the regular season and the playoffs, one of our defensemen got injured. This meant that Spencer started ‘AP-ing’ with us, which is basically a tryout.
Comes to practices, does drills. No games until proven. But this was still a problem.
He would shoot pucks at me with my back turned. That usually is a good way to anger a goalie, ask anyone. He would come down for shots during drills and aim at my head.
I continued to ignore it.
After one fateful practice, the players are in the locker room changing. I wasn’t in the best of moods during this particular week, as my mom’s mental health wasn’t doing well several days previously. She was in the hospital’s psych ward. Somehow, Spencer had found out about this and said the single worst thing he could have said.
‘You’re such a crappy, goalie, your mom is going to spend the rest of her life in the hospital.’
Everyone in the locker room froze and looked at me. Blood pulsing in my head. I remember focusing on untying my laces, but it was impossible because my hands were shaking so much.
Spencer is done changing, so he gets up and leaves. Everyone goes back to their business, and I calm down enough to shower and clean up and head out myself.
When I left the arena, my father was waiting in his car, parked in the fire lane 15 feet from the entrance.
Between the car and me was Spencer. He has a stupid grin on his face, and says, ‘Say hello to mom for me.’
I immediately drop my hockey bag. I’m holding my goalie stick in my hands. I don’t even recall making a decision. I wound up, and with two hands, swung my hockey stick like a baseball bat as hard as I could into his side.
I told him to simply shut the heck up. I picked up my hockey bag, opened my dad’s trunk, and threw everything inside. When I hopped in the passenger side, my father remarked, ‘That was a bit of an over-reaction, don’t you think?’ And we drove off.”
21. Bully Finally Learns His Lesson
“When I was 11 I finally got my revenge on an evil bully who had made my life a living nightmare for six years. It wasn’t big and it wasn’t clever; there was no plotting or planning; just pure, physical, simple, and satisfying revenge.
He was riding circles around me, literally, at the park on his bicycle.
He would come closer and then further away, staying just out of reach, taunting me all the while.
This guy had caused me no end of emotional and physical torment for years… never in a way, I could prove, and this was long before schools took bullying seriously.
He never left a mark.. but his words cut deep. And that night at the park, I snapped.
With adrenaline-fuelled speed, I jumped, leaping not where he was but where he was going to be, extending my foot like a missile towards his bike. It connected, knocking him flying to the ground where he lay in total shock.
Seeing him there on the floor, unable to run or hide, I showed no mercy. I stood over him, jumped with both feet as high in the air as high as I possibly could. If bullet-time had been invented then, the cameras would have swung around me like Neo smashing an Agent into a wall – but this was no simulation.
When I landed – perfectly over his crotch – the scream resounded across the park and echoed through both our lives.
I walked away, flawlessly victorious. Yes, there were repercussions – his parents talked to my parents, apologies were made… but I was never bullied again, and I walk through life today, knowing that nobody ever runs circles around me and gets away with it.”
20. A Little Relationship Swap To Spice Things Up
“My best friend since I was 3 years old, started texting and flirting, then eventually hooking up with my partner of 7 years. He was apologetic, regretful, and begging for me back, as was she. It was a mistake they said, will never happen again they said.
Until it happened again. Well, my best friend had this obsessive relationship with this guy Billy, who was so heartbroken by her infidelity, he came to me. He felt like a loser having just lost both his girl and his job, so I hired him at my job where I was a manager.
We became good friends, and my now ex-best friend was going nuts. I then started a rumor that Billy and I were seeing each other and serious about it. She saw us in a car together, while I was bringing him home, and went bonkers. She started driving like a psycho and texting me saying ‘how could you do this to me??! Why would you do this to me??!’ but I ignored her.
I dipped off the road and dropped him off at home, and unfortunately had to fire him for stealing from work.
All in all, I got my revenge. I messed with her head. I messed with my ex’s head. Got them all upset, but never actually did the horrible act of unfaithfulness that they did. But they all think I did, and I’m ok with that.”
19. Convinced I'm The Father? I'll Prove You're A Liar
“I was seeing a girl about 8 years ago and she got pregnant. She miscarried about a month in and I decided that I wanted to get a vasectomy. She and I split up and my next partner and I were well into 3 years of seeing each other when she got pregnant.
I knew the baby wasn’t mine, so I was pretty safe in believing she went behind my back.
About 7 months into the pregnancy she started being an uber jerk of the highest degree so we split up and she threatens to take me to court for child support.
I tell her she can try and after the baby is born, sure enough, I get a summons to court. I deny that the baby is mine and demand a paternity test and while we both are waiting, I inform her about my vasectomy that I got before we even met.
I gotta give it to her, she held on to the lie that it was my child till the very end. But you should have seen the look on her face in the courtroom when the judge read out that I wasn’t the father.”
18. Sometimes The Best Revenge Is To Just Move On
“In 2009 I deployed for a 6-month tour to the Helmand Province in Afghanistan. Running at least weekly missions from Leatherneck to Now Zad. We were the only unit that would run that route in the entire AO, it was that bad.
A month into the deployment, I was just getting 6 months into my first ‘real’ relationship.
It was long-distance, as I was stationed in NC and she lived back home in NY. We were planning on getting married, but my Staff Sergeant gave me a little speech and I decided that it was best to wait until after the deployment.
She was already seeing someone else 4 months into the relationship.
I took it hard. And that’s all I thought about for 6 months while I waited to get back home. I had a bunch of her stuff, and she had some of mine. I never got any of my stuff back, but she had given me this tiny little dancer trinket to wear on my dog tags.
Her mother had given it to her before she ran off, so it had some sentimental value to her.
Oh, and 5 months into my deployment, her new partner who she left me for goes back to prison for probation violation. I get a message over social media that she ‘Just found out she’s six months pregnant, and it’s mine.’ There’s no way you ‘just find out you’re 6 months pregnant’ when you weigh 110 pounds soaking wet.
It was a sham to get me back, there was no pregnancy.
6 months later, I arrive back home. I go into the Subway where she works, and lo-and-behold she’s working. I walk in, and she goes ‘Welcome to Su…’ and cuts off mid-sentence as she sees me, with a look of absolute horror on her face.
I walk in, walk up to the counter, look her dead in the eyes, set the dancer trinket on the counter, shake my head, and turn around and walk out. I could hear her start crying before I got to the door.
I’m much more successful out of the military.
I have a great job, an amazing girl, and a sweet townhome. I’m about to get a dog here soon. I’ve never blocked her on social media, I just don’t see her updates in my news feed. She’ll poke me every once and a while, but I never poke back.
It’s nice to know that she can watch me be successful without her, and I know her life is in shambles. About once a year she tries to message me and ask me how I’m doing, but it usually ends with her going on some depressing rant about how she messed up and wishes she never saw anyone behind my back and left me.”
17. Never Mess With The Kid With The Walker
“I have Cerebral Palsy and as a result growing up I was picked on during grade school. During the time I was in kindergarten and 6th grade I was forced to change schools three times because of kids pushing me into walls, beating me up, and generally bullying.
I had to use a walker during this time to get around.
The last school I changed to was in 5th grade and there was this kid that gave me trouble every day, he was easily a 200 lb butthead. On my third day there he pushed me downstairs that led into the gymnasium.
I went to the ER with a dislocated shoulder. Fast forward 3 months later, this 200 lb butthead is standing next to the boy’s bathroom door talking to his buddies and said something to the effect of I would never have a significant other because I walked like a duck.
Well it made me mad, and I was never a violent kid nor am I violent today; I snapped that day though. I got as close as I could before he turned around and noticed it was me. Without saying a word I swung my walker like a baseball bat that connected with his nose.
To make matters worse since I had to pee, with poor balance I was falling into him at the same time. As we are falling towards the bathroom door some kid comes out of the bathroom and causes the doorknob to catch him in the back of the head/neck. After that day I didn’t get picked on anymore, kids did call me a crazy duck though.”
16. A Penny For Your Thoughts
“I used to have some friends back in my home town and we would get together and play football once or twice a week. The losers generally bought Slurpees from 7/11 after the game.
On one occasion, one of the guys (who was more or less a 17-year-old version of scumbag steve) bet everyone 20 bucks that he could kick a field goal from 40 yards (which is pretty darn good for a 17-year-old).
Now please note, I was not there. I was on the other side of the field retrieving another ball that I kicked way too far in the wrong direction.
So he makes the field goal, which I didn’t even see, and everyone pays him. I come back and he says for me to pay up.
We go through the routine of me asking him ‘What the heck for?’ Obviously, I refused to pay him because that would be ludicrous.
Fast forward a week and he’s still pushing me to pay up. I resist. He then proceeds to call my house for weeks on end and asking my parents to pay, I kid you not.
After 3 months enough was enough and I was one of the few kids in school with a job, so I devised a fun plan.
I went to the bank and took out 20$ in pennies. I unrolled them all into a small box that fit all the pennies well and taped up the top.
But not the bottom.
I put the box carefully onto his doorstep, which was basically a deck and had decent-sized spaces between each plank of wood. I knocked on his door and walked back to my friend’s waiting for the car.
Without looking back, I heard his door open and about 5 seconds later a shout of ‘OH YOU MOTHER TRUCKER’ as the pennies fell from the bottom of the box and between the cracks on his deck.
15. Make Me Drop My Books? I'll Throw Them At You
“There was a bully that got moved to our school after being kicked out of like 5 others and he settled in and started picking on the kids on my bus. For the most part, I was just quiet and stayed away from him because I was a skinny kid with big glasses that the other kids called names because I was always reading and lugging around a pile of books everywhere.
One day it must have been my turn and he knocked the books out of my hands from behind.
I didn’t react at all, just picked them up and waited.
He’d gone through picking on everyone on the bus and the driver now had him sitting in a seat by himself towards the front, and the next week when we had pulled up to my stop I waited to be the last kid off.
As I passed his seat, I had 5 of the heaviest books I owned – math, science, a huge anthology of English lit, and a couple of others.
I was never athletic, but I wound up all the angst and rage of every kid that had tolerated this loser’s reign of terror and it was batter-up time.
I swung at that big unsuspecting head from behind like I was Babe Ruth trying to save some kid from cancer and let him have it all.
And kept walking off the bus like nothing happened. The bully started to cry.
His mom pulled him out of our school and we never saw him again.
I think back now that the poor jerk must have had an awful home life to act the way he did, but I live by the premise that if someone messes with you, your moral obligation in self-preservation states that you mess back by a factor of ten so that they never dream of messing with you again.
Scorched earth is the only thing some folks understand.”
14. It's Not Your Party But You'll Cry If I Say So
“Went out with a girl who I really liked, but she was always hot and cold to me, and when she was cold, she could really treat me like a bucket of liquid poop. It took me way longer than it should have, but I finally manned up and dumped her.
She proceeded to alternately try to win me back and seduce my friends; basically, an immature reaction from an immature person.
So, a couple of weeks later, I meet an amazing girl at a concert, and we start seeing each other. This new girl is awesome, cool, fun, and flirty but within a week of seeing her, I realize something else about her.
My awful ex had had a job the summer before, which had her basically spending the whole summer with a girl that she had developed a major complex about. Wherever the two went anywhere together, guys would always hit on this other girl and never hit on my awful ex.
It got to the point, that my ex had developed this major anxiety-complex regarding this girl she worked with. By pure random chance, I had gone out and met that girl, and was now seeing her.
The satisfaction I felt when I showed up at a party around a month after the breakup, and letting awful ex see who I was with was immense.
She had a total meltdown that included crying, screaming and ranting, before screaming at the guy she came with, ‘Take me home right now, we’re leaving!’
To which he replied, ‘Call a cab psycho, I’m not taking you anywhere.’
It’s the little moments in life that you have to cherish.”
13. Keep Being Bad Neighbours And You Won't Want To Live Here Much Longer
“When I was around 13/14 I used to hang out with my 21-year-old neighbors. I didn’t realize at the time that all these guys would do is convince me to do stupid crap then run away when I got in trouble. This continued until I was about 17 when I finally realized what was going on.
I was furious and wanted revenge but by the time I thought up a plan these guys had moved. I decided I would make my move anyway. These guys were serious stoners and always had parties. I went to a party once and chilled in the back.
In my car, I had 5 cartons of heavy whipping cream that I had purchased 6 months prior (I left them in the fridge until that day). I took each carton and poured one in each of the air vents. I had one carton leftover so I poured it into the A/C unit (not sure if it did anything).
The smell coming from the cartons was so rancid and disgusting I had to stop myself from barfing a few times. A few weeks later the house was up for sale, no one would buy it because of the smell though (or so I heard). They gave up on selling it and tried burning it down. After an investigation, the oldest brother was arrested for fraud and served 1 year in prison. I haven’t heard anything about them since.”
12. Bully's Small Error Leads To Public Fraud Scandal
“I went to school with someone who was a real nasty piece of work. He bullied me a substantial amount and eventually I got fed up with it.
One day when we were in the library, I saw him log on. As he went to access his emails, I snuck a look at the keyboard and noticed his password.
Lo and behold, the idiot used his name and a number and that was it.
Cue creeper time. When I went home I had a quick look through his emails. I noticed a rather interesting discussion between him and a friend of his. To cut a long story short, his mother had convinced Centrelink (unemployment benefits in Australia, maybe elsewhere, I don’t know) that he had a learning disability in order to claim more funds.
I forward this email archive along with his password to Centrelink. They probably couldn’t directly access his email account due to red tape, however, I think someone must have done it off the books. A few weeks later at school, I hear that ‘Bob’s’ family was getting taken to court and being forced to pay back all the excess that was claimed under false circumstances.
I don’t know how it ended up as I graduated before the case was settled but I know they had to pay back several thousand dollars at the least.”
11. The Milky Surprise
“Before my senior year of high school, I was very religious and tried to make Christian friends my age, so I joined a congregation in my town and got involved with the youth. Being summer, they had a camp in Louisiana they’d visit, so I went with them as a first-timer.
Now, at this camp, most of the people were white. I believe that I was the only Hispanic guy aside from two others, so I had a hard time fitting in, especially since I was new to the church and all. There was one particular kid they nicknamed ‘Milky’ because he was very pale.
Immediately, I didn’t particularly like him. He was loud and annoying.
Towards the end of the week-long event, I was sitting in a stall in the community bathroom. While sitting, I could hear Milky acting the fool and throwing things around. One of those things flew into my stall and hit me on the head.
I was miffed. When I got out, I asked the other guys who did that. They said Milky had and was bragging about it to other kids. I was pretty upset so I asked the others to call him back in, and I prepared my ambush.
I poured various lotions and shampoos into my palm and hid in the community showers.
As Milky walked in, the others asked him about how good he got me, and I could hear him boasting his little victory. Once I did, I ran out of the showers and slapped him on the right cheek with my wet palm.
It was a loud, wet slap too. Silence. He turned, disgusted and confused, to me and touches his creamy cheek. I laughed. His face turned to horror, and he ran out, crying at his realization. Everyone laughed and chanted, ‘Milky got milked on!’ I went to bed happy that night, knowing I caused him an uncomfortable night.
What I later found out the next morning is that he spent the entire night in his cabin and in the shower, washing his face. Guys said he even went as far as using bleach. Needless to say, I never went back after that. That’s one of my best revenge stories.”
10. If You're Going To Be Mean Then You Should Hold On Tight
“When I was seven, the Monica Lewinsky scandal happened, and my name happens to be Monica. You can imagine what a bunch of immature kids liked to call me. One girl who was several years older than me, whom I never talked to before, kept picking on me and calling me Monica Lewinsky.
I asked her to stop, and she didn’t. Keep in mind that this girl was pretty big compared to me.
One day, she was playing on this jungle gym in the shape of a fire engine and was trying to balance, so I took advantage of her vulnerability and started tickling her.
When I noticed she didn’t like being tickled and was losing her balance, I continued to tickle, which was probably my innocent way of being violent. The girl eventually lost her balance, fell down, and injured her leg. When I saw her later on in a cast with crutches, she looked at me with this apologetic expression and never called me Monica Lewinsky again. She was afraid of me, a little seven-year-old girl.”
9. Key My Car? I'll Smash Your Bass
“In college, there was this ‘bro house’ on the corner of our street (this was sophomore year, I was living in a townhouse with 3 other good friends.) This house was always having huge parties in the back yard and the yard was always littered with solo cups and beer cans.
Typical bro house.
Well, they had this little spot on the sidewalk where they had moved the cement curb slabs so they could park a car under this tree (street parking was awful because of sweepers), which wasn’t really a parking spot, they just made it to avoid the hassle of street parking.
Late one night I find no parking spots except for in front of this thing, but I didn’t realize where I was actually parking. There wasn’t a car in the spot so I didn’t think anything of it. Well, one of the jerks did not like that.
I wake up and my car is keyed all up and down both sides, and a giant smiley face on the hood. A week later someone had parked a PT Cruiser there and the same thing happened.
Fast forward about 2 months, we are moving out to a new place.
So I get this great idea. They had this window that was near the sidewalk and the guy who parked his truck on the side (the one who keyed my car) had an electric bass on a stand there. You could hear them playing sometimes, but they were awful.
It was just really pathetic Metallica cover songs. Anyway, I grabbed a cinder block and threw it through their window, and it smashed right into the bass, breaking the neck right in half. And then I bolted. Told my roommates about it a month later.
I don’t even feel a little bad.”
8. Bully Me And I'll Make Sure You Fail
“I was being bullied by this kid 2 years older than me in school, but I didn’t want to tell the teachers or my parents, because I wanted to handle it myself. Anyway, he wasn’t hitting me or anything, he was just verbally harassing me during the day; but hey, I was fine with that, I had plenty of friends to chill out with and he was a lonely bully.
So we have to write a Physics exam, and we all have those Graphical Calculators. You can write programs in them and Archive them so a RAM reset can’t delete the programs, only a Default reset can. Right before the exam, he came to me and told me to give him all the ‘trick’ programs I had.
Well, what he did not know is that I prepared one with the wrong formulas for that moron. When I transferred the program over to his calculator, I had a huge smile on my face. He got a 6 for that exam, which is equivalent to an F. Sweet sweet revenge.”
7. Spreading Germs To Get Revenge
“When I was 7 or 8 I did a science project on the antibacterial efficacy of various soaps. Basically involved keeping hands dirty for a day, pressing grubby thumbs into Petri dishes full of agar, then washing and doing the same again. I’d take tracings of the cultures: bigger colonies were bad, smaller ones good.
This ended up winning the county science fair for my grade in a large metropolitan area, so that was nice.
But before that, after I’d finished the experiments but before I’d discarded the dishes, I got into a dispute with my parents (don’t remember what about.) I thought, ‘I’ll show them.’ So I took the nastiest culture and swabbed it onto their bedroom doorknob. They both got sick as dogs and I had to take care of them for a couple of days. Served me right.”
6. The Mighty Bag
“When I was younger and in middle school, I used to get picked on a lot and I didn’t have a single friend to my name. There was this one bully, in particular, we’ll call Kyle, who would always make fun of me and book check me or clothesline me in the hallway.
This went on for a good portion of my 7th-grade life. So the middle school dance was coming up and I tried to ask this girl Monica to the dance, she said she was sorry and unfortunately had to refuse because she was going with this guy Troy.
I say ok and begin to walk away, a few seconds later who shows up to see my sorry butt get rejected? Kyle… Kyle tells me ‘Hey man I just heard what happened… you ok?’ I told him yea I wasn’t planning on going anyway, then he says ‘Dude you know Kelly?’ I say yea why? Then guess who pops out from around the corner? Kelly does! He looks at me and says well Kelly here doesn’t have anyone to go to the dance with either.
Would you want to go out with her, I heard she’s kinda into you. So I suspiciously accept the offer only to hear Kyle scream at the top of his lungs ‘Ha forget you butthead! She’s already going out with me, and you’re stuck with no one else to go out with.
I hang my head in shame and walk home, and an evil plan pops into my head. I remember Kyle’s locker is in the same busy hallway as mine. I went to the pantry in my house and grabbed one of those quart-sized bags and began to spit in it every day whenever I get the chance to.
For about a week or 2 straight, I would spit in this bag. Then the day came when I was going to get back at Kyle. This day I go overboard, I had to use the facilities that morning so instead of using the toilet, I used the bag.
The bag was a bit heavy so I decided to wrap it in another quart-sized bag. Then I took the vile bag to school with me along with a toothpick. When the bells rang to let us inside I made my way to our hallway and watched for Kyle as the hallway quickly became crowded with other students.
Kyle eventually shows up around the corner and goes to his locker, I start to make my way towards him while remaining on the opposite side of the hallway, and then I grab my toothpick, I take the toothpick and poke two holes in the top of my bag.
Kyle opens his locker and bends down to take his books out of his backpack. His locker was wide open and I chucked my bag as hard as I could into his locker, the bag exploded in his locker and doused his whole locker along with his iPod, notebooks, backpack, and him.
I ran out of there as fast as I could and somehow he never found out it was me. I can still remember the smell, and his face after coming to the first period. Revenge was served delightfully, although this didn’t stop him from bullying me I will never let this small victory run from my grasp.”
5. A Salty Surprise For My Least Favourite Roomie
“My sophomore year of college, I’m stuck in a double with an insanely creepy freshman. He’s into incredibly weird stuff. Self-Acupuncture. Palmistry. Collecting his cut toe/fingernails. He’s also incredibly patronizing about my drinking habits (which at the time were quite tame), and extremely petty about all his stuff in the apartment.
As an example, he had a TV and couch out in the common area, which he took away after my other roommates and I watched football while drinking one afternoon.
So after a month or two of him creeping me out and being a general loser, he manages to land an equally creepy significant other.
She’s into similar things… acupuncture, the occult, and being passive-aggressive buttholes to everyone else. She starts spending the night, which I would otherwise have no problem with, except we’re in bunk beds and they start to sleep with each other every night. On one hand, I’m happy that the freshman weirdo is landing some tail, but after the first few times, I was livid that she kept coming over for intimate time while I was trying to sleep.
So, like any reasonable roommate, I have a talk with him about her coming over all the time and tell him to let me know their schedule so I could sleep on the couch or somewhere else. I assume everything is resolved and we have reached an understanding, so I go out drinking.
I get fairly inebriated and decide to go to sleep early (around midnight). Probably around 2 or 3 am, I hear both of them come into the room and they climb up into the top bunk. At this point, I’m quite awake, so I overhear their conversation (which I’ll summarize for brevity):
her: ‘Won’t your roommate be angry that I’m here? Didn’t he just talk to you about this?’
him: ‘Screw him, I don’t care what he thinks, he doesn’t deserve my respect because he drinks.’
This of course infuriates me, so I lay there seething with rage while trying to fall asleep.
They eventually start to sleep together, at which point I exit the room and go to pass out on the couch. Once again, I’m trying to fall asleep, but since I’m wasted I have to pee. Conveniently located by the couch is an orange pumpkin-shaped Halloween candy bucket, which just happens to be the perfect vessel to receive my intoxicated pee.
I release the Kraken, but also notice a jumbo-sized box of Cheez-Its next to the couch. Since wasted logic is great logic, I decide that the perfect retaliatory action against my inconsiderate roommate would be to put a shot of pee in his box of Cheez-Its, which I proceed to do.
I shake the box up a bit to evenly distribute the urine, and leave it open to air out a bit.
The next morning, I go out to do stuff and return to find my roommate and his partner finishing off the box of Cheez-Its. They eventually got married, and I like to think it was because of the holy bond gained by tasting my pee.”
4. The Sales War
“A buddy of mine posted an ad on CL (Craigslist) saying that I was selling my 2-year-old Vespa for $500. Obviously, that deal was not to be passed up so, throughout the day, I had about 50 people calling my cell trying to buy my scooter.
He finally took the ad down at the end of the day and we had a good laugh.
But I was plotting.
The next week, I went to Google images and found some pictures of killer home entertainment systems and super-nice furniture and made a CL ad stating that ‘I’m being deployed to Guam by the Army and my family is coming with me.’ I proceeded to list all of the items he was ‘selling’ and gave them crazy low, but not impossible, prices.
Xbox games for $5 each. Flat-screen for $150, etc… Enough to make it feel real, yet irresistible. I added a photo of his house that I snagged from Google Streetview and said in the ad, ‘the sale starts Saturday morning at 4 am. Please don’t try to swing by on Friday as you’ll promptly be turned away.
See you Saturday!’ He was awoken at 4 am on Saturday morning by a line of people all SUPER excited for the deal of a lifetime. He had to spend the rest of his Saturday morning trying to explain to people that it was all a joke and they needed to go home. Understandably, they were LIVID. I felt kinda bad for those people. They were collateral damage in our war.”
3. The Curse Of Bodily Fluids
“At an all-male military boarding school during high school, there was this HUGE jerk on my hall. We took his Febreze bottle and filled it with urine. Then took said bottle and sprayed his pillow, wall locker, and opposite corner. So he gets back, smells the urine, and immediately grabs his Febreze and douses EVERYTHING.”
Another User Comments:
“A guy at college was mad that this one guy would always stop at his room and drink beers, without ever bringing any.
His solution, pee in a bottle, cap it and put it in the fridge. The next time he overtakes a big swig and spits it all over. The guy who drank the pee said fair enough. Brought beers a few times afterward. Before a break, they were drinking heavily in the room.
He unlatched a window. Everyone goes on break. Pee drinker comes back 2 days early, opens the window, and enters the room. Had a beer with him. Drinks for a few hours and fills the guy’s humidifier. Turns it on and leaves. The guy had to replace everything. Bedding, clothes, books, etc… the smell of urine was overwhelming.” Reddit User
2. Be Unfaithful? I'll Get With Your Roommate
“My last partner was unfaithful, and she and her roommate at the time had gotten to that point in their lease where they weren’t super fond of each other and kept some distance. Her roommate was smoking hot, kind of bee-with-an-itchy sometimes, but wasn’t fond of my ex so I decided to make a move on her.
Best move ever. The look on my ex’s face when her roommate walked me to the door in her underthings after the first night was priceless. We proceeded to be together almost nightly for the next 8 weeks until their lease was up and for a while after that. My ex even walked in on us in the living room once. Kinda jerkish, but goshdarn was it fun and there’s no way I felt bad about it.”
1. When You Gotta Go, Sometimes The Toilet Isn't Your Best Option
“I had a friend in high school who became a jerk during our senior year. There were a bunch of little things that added up to our friendship falling apart, but at the worst of it, I pooped on his car one night. Real simple, I just crawled up on the hood of his car and took a dump on his windshield.
I just knew that he’d walk outside the next day and think, ‘what the heck is this?’
Fun fact: we’re actually great friends again now. He still has no idea it was me.”
Another User Comments:
“Senior year, I finally got a significant other. However, she was the ex of one of my good friends, so to make sure nothing was gonna go badly between us, I talked to him and asked him if it was ok.
He said yes, so I asked her out.
Two months later, said friend has become increasingly mean, and at a party that he and my girl were at together, he kissed her while she was super intoxicated. I was angry as heck, naturally, and wanted to think of a way to exact my revenge.
The opportunity presented itself perfectly. One night, I was walking around my neighborhood with a buddy, when I spot jerkface’s car parked by the side of the road. This sighting corresponded perfectly with the familiar feeling of pressure in my lower gut that signified it was a power hour poop. I looked at my friend with an evil grin, walked over to his car, and pooped on his door handle, driver’s side.
For the record, the car was a Ford Escape, so definitely possible.” Macctheknife