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"My (F60) younger daughter (L, F26) got engaged earlier in the year. Her fiancé is a wonderful man and I am thrilled for her. My older daughter (S, F30) has been single for quite some time. Naturally, we always expected that S would get married first, and I feel terrible for her that she’s watching her sister live out her dream wedding without one of her own in sight.
I tried to convince L to put off her wedding until after her sister was married, but both my girls thought that was ridiculous so I didn’t push. L’s dress appointment is coming up in a few weeks, and both S and myself were invited.I called S the other day to check on her and see if she would rather go on a fun mother-daughter day with me if it was too painful. S said that she was perfectly fine and that we should be there to support L, which is so kind of her but I feel as though she’s just trying to put on a brave face, so I suggested that while we were there, she tried on a few dresses so it could feel like her moment too.
S said that it was a terrible idea and that the focus should be entirely on L, and that she genuinely doesn’t care that L is getting married first.She even said that she enjoys being single and doesn’t know if she ever plans to marry, which breaks my heart because I’ve been dreaming about my oldest daughter’s wedding my whole life.
S has apparently told L about my suggestion, and L now wants to uninvite me from the appointment. I feel like L is being insensitive to her sister and my brother and SIL agree, but S is on her side, so AITJ?"Another User Comments:
"YTJ
Holy projection. Has it ever crossed your mind that S isn’t actually that bothered that she isn’t married? You’re being really weird. It seems as though S getting married first was your dream, not hers.
Even if she was bothered by it (which I doubt), she’s obviously fine. Everyone follows their own path, not some artificial 'daughters get married in order of age' timeline. Stop getting so hung up on marriage and just be supportive of how your daughters say they feel." bordennium
Another User Comments:
"YTJ. Your daughter clearly does not care that her younger sister is getting married first and honestly, you are probably making her feel worse about it by bringing it up constantly. It sounds like you’re far more upset about this than either of your daughters.
Stop mentioning it, stop assuming S is secretly devastated when she’s told you multiple times she feels fine, and stop trying to swing the focus around off of your younger daughter who should be the center of attention right now. Allow yourself and the both of them to celebrate this wedding fully without worrying about old-fashioned, outdated beliefs about who is supposed to get married first." JolliedranchersAnother User Comments:
"Well your oldest didn't get her sense or considerate attitude from you, did she?
You are at risk of alienating both daughters with your bizarre attitude and request that the youngest postpone her wedding - for what?
Your youngest sees your focus is on her sister and your 'dreams' of her wedding when she is the one getting married. (Eldest isn't by any chance your golden child is she?) You want to use the opportunity for dress shopping for your youngest to get your oldest to try on dresses.
And now unsurprisingly to everyone reading this but you, the youngest no longer wants you there.Your eldest must be wondering why you are so keen to marry her off rather than respecting her single status. She doesn't need a man - or woman - to be valid you know.
And clearly, she is a woman with enough about her that she is not going to allow your nonsense to overshadow her sister.If you want to be a part of this wedding or your youngest daughter's life then focus your energies on the one who is getting married. YTJ.
Your attitude is really dreadful." Dogmother123