People Seek Validation Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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Life is not always about happiness and being carefree. There will be moments when you have to be very careful with your actions or words around people, especially those who don't know you very well. One of the bad things that may happen if you're not too cautious with your decisions is you might get judged by these people and they might think you're a jerk even though you know that you're really not. Here are some stories from people who had been in situations where they were thought of as jerks. Read on and let us know who you think the real jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

23. AITJ For Wanting To Cut My Kid's Hair?

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“My ex and I have been split up for 4 years, we have two kids, ages 6 and 8. We have 50/50 split custody. I am a barber by trade, I am good at what I do, and I like to cut my own children’s hair. I generally let the kids pick their own haircuts.

My younger child has been growing out his hair since summer, trying to get it long enough to tie back.

He has been bullied a lot by dad and grandma (who help raise them during dad’s 50%) for liking ‘girly’ things like my little pony, the colors pink and purple, and wanting dress-up clothes. They have also been pressuring him to cut his hair for the last couple of months, to which I’ve said ‘he’s growing it out for winter, I’ll cut it when he is ready.’

On Sunday, during child exchange time, Grandma and I get into it over this bullying.

We have a raised voice conversation on my porch about how I am forcing my child to like girly things, and causing my older child grief from the embarrassment of having a brother who likes My Little Pony. I tell her she is being a bully, that my child can choose what they like to wear and what shows to watch, the older kid needs to suck it up, and I would see them next week at child exchange time.

Goodbye. I pick up my younger kid from school today, and they have a cropped short hack job haircut from Great Clips. My kid says grandma pressured him into this haircut, but he doesn’t hate it too bad.

On top of it, it feels to me like an act of revenge for Sunday’s fight, it’s an awful haircut, and I had to take him into my shop after supper and fix all the uneven bits.

Bangs were crooked, cowlick wasn’t cut down, and it had no texture at all. Basically a bowl cut. I will note that my older kid, who also needs a haircut, was not taken in for a Great Clips haircut. I cut his hair this evening.

I text my ex-husband and tell him that I’m a barber, and I want to cut the kid’s hair. It’s my job, my passion, and my kids.

He says it’s just hair, doesn’t matter who cuts it. Can’t see why this is important to me. I try to stand my ground, tell him that next time I want to cut the kid’s hair and he tells me I’m being an aggressive jerk and making waves for no reason.

I am livid, man. And I can’t tell if I am being unreasonable or not, because I am so wrapped up in the bigger picture – bullying my kid for having non-conforming interests, and feeling like this haircut was a direct attack on challenging the family matriarch.

So what do you think? Am I being the jerk for trying to demand that I be the one who makes the kid’s hair decisions because I’m a barber? Am I being too paranoid about the reasons for this haircut? Should I just let this one go?”

Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think that the way your younger kid is being treated by some of his family is wrong, and I think that this is at the heart of the issue for you – the haircut and you being a barber is just a superficial layer and it’s the part of the issue that you do have control over.

To me, it seems you were using the part that you did have control over to support your kid in how he wanted to look and who he is, but then your ex subverted that as a passive-aggressive act which is an affront to you (obviously) but I get the sense that you’re more upset that he is being bullied by the people who should be giving him unconditional love and support and that he basically got forced into changing his hair so that some people around him could feel better.

I think that you should consider the issue that is underlying this stuff – who your kid is and how he is being raised. If you turn this somewhat small issue into a huge one then it’s going to be a big fight that could drag out and affect both kids in a bad way. What you do need to do is, in my not-so-humble opinion, is to support your kid as best you can to allow him to be himself (and hopefully in time to be confident enough to say ‘No, this is my hair and I don’t want it to be cut like that.

I will compromise and get it trimmed/neatened up but you do not get to choose my hairstyle for me’).

He’s probably feeling bad about this whole episode, and I doubt he wants it to turn into a tug-of-war that lasts for months where everybody loses, he probably just wants to feel sad about it for a while and then to move on with life. In your shoes I’d talk to him about how he feels about his hair and if he wants to talk about it.

Be careful here – remember that you’re not trying to get him to dish the dirt on your ex. Ask him for permission first if he confides in you and you want to discuss it with your ex. If you go over his head (ha!) on this then he’s going to feel even more pushed around and even less empowered than he did after he was forced to get his hair cut.

So, what to do?

I’d say once you’ve cooled off enough that maybe you could explain to your ex why you are upset about the haircut episode and that you feel as if he is being forced to act in a way that puts other people’s comfort above his happiness and his identity, which isn’t good for his self-esteem and it’s not okay by you.

I’d ask him if there is something that you could do to make it up to him (even if it means getting a silly wig from the dollar store and spending some time styling that into a crazy haircut or something).

I’d let him know that you are sad and maybe even a little upset that he was forced to have a haircut in a style that he didn’t like but that you aren’t angry with him.

The next two things I’d suggest are very much based on context and your relationship with him, so be cautious if you do decide to do either or both because it could backfire and cause a stink.

You could let your son know that you would be happy to dye his hair any color he chooses (you could definitely save that one for 6 months down the track and use the ‘well I thought that we weren’t consulting one another on hairstyling anymore, and at least he wanted this one’ line. But I’m a vengeful person at heart – can’t you tell?) You could also talk to him about ways to deal with bullies – what can you say to people who are making you do something you don’t want to, what can you say to people who are teasing you about your interests, that kind of stuff – and maybe even explain how you stood up to someone and the process of it (like how it was scary but you stood your ground and told someone that it’s not nice to make someone feel bad about themselves, etc.).

But really what you need to do is be the bigger person – tell him that you love him no matter what his hair is like, and you think that he’s really brave for being honest about liking My Little Pony despite being teased about it and that you will never reject him. Tell him that if you ever accidentally make him feel ashamed about himself or who he is that he should say so immediately because you never want to make him feel bad about who he is.

And really, this is the long game you’re playing here – I can see that you and your ex didn’t end things on the best of terms and that communication between you two is not so great.

You even have some pretty different ideas about parenting. If you are angry about the stuff between you and your ex then put that energy into showing them up and being the better parent – not the one who talks their ex down to their kids, not the one who lets their kids do anything – but the one who is accepting, nurturing, loving, caring, and non-judgmental; the one your kids can come to with anything.

If getting back at your ex means being a better parent than they could ever hope to be at least that means that your kids still win. And one day, when they are older, they might not remember these specific episodes of their lives but they are going to trust you and be close to you because you cared for them rather than bullying them. And that’s what really matters.” Buffalo__Buffalo

6 points (6 votes)
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crafteeladee82 1 month ago
If you had/have dates, the things said, either to you or to the child to substantiate the Bullying, I would report it to CPS. Bullying a child, NO MATTER who it it is, but ESPECIALLY coming from a family member is N-E-V-E-R OK!!! Today it's your child's CHOICE to grow out his hair, tomorrow it could be as extreme as cutting contact with you, friends, family or even reality. Regardless of whether the haircut was done as "retaliation" against your argument with "Queen B", it was AGAINST the CHILD's wishes, thus establishing to the child that Dad & Grandma :
1. Don't give a flying flip about what the child wants, needs, feels;
2. That they can NOT be trusted, because of #1;
3. That now the child will be EVEN LESS likely to feel like they can even begin to express themselves or turn to even ADULT FAMILY for support and understanding because of this violation of the child's trust, and desires. And these are just the top 3!! Childhood SHAPES us into the adults we will eventually become. If we learn very early on that any "non conformity" will be "harshly" dealt with - no matter our desires or purpose for that non-comformity - we will loose all desire to expand our horizons and become nothing but drone, doing only what is expected. No matter what the age, what your ex & his mother did is WRONG!! Sounds to me like they both share a drastic fear of homosexuality and it is THAT FEAR that is powering their campaign to "save" your son from "turning to the dark side" (as those 2 see it.) They obviously are clueless about child raising as it is COMPLETELY NORMAL for children of either sex to go thru periods of growth where they lean to the tendencies of the sex opposite of their own. My own son went thru a period of wanting a Cabbage Patch Doll. His Dad (we too were divorxed) went BALLISTIC, "teased" him about it, etc. I finally put a stop to that by mentioning what the Court w might think about what he - the father - was doing over a NORMAL process of childhood!! That was the last my son cane home from Dad's crying from being tormented over his DESIRE to have a doll - he hadn't even gotten it yet!! He got his Doll at Christmas, was THRILLED, played with it exclusively for about 3 months, then it fell by the wayside. My son is now an inactive Marine, a current Federal Employee in the Southern portion of the U.S. a wonderful husband and father of 2 beautiful children of his own. While he is "in contact" with his father, he is by far closer to me
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22. AITJ For Not Letting A Friend Bring Someone To A Meet-Up?

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“I regularly meet with friends and do stuff with them, from going shopping to lunch. This time I was meeting a friend for lunch, who I’ll call Vesna.

A couple of days before we were due to meet for this lunch, we met by chance in town and she asked about bringing this friend, who I will call Dragan. I said that I didn’t want Dragan there, and she flew off into a huff.

Now, the backstory – Dragan is an addict. I’m not just talking about a few puffs or some nonsense, but harder stuff too. I know this because some time ago there was an incident where Vesna phoned me in tears one night because he’d turned up to a kafana (a social gathering place for men to drink beverages and coffee) where they were supposed to be meeting, totally smashed out of his skull on something, before eventually getting escorted out by police.

I had to drive almost 20 miles at 10 pm at night to go and get her and take her home.

Now Vesna knows fine and well that I have a fairly strict anti-substance opinion and has consistently tried to get me roped into dealing with this guy, even when she knows I don’t want to know. I’ve dealt with far too many addicts to know that the moment I get involved, I’m in for a whole load of drama.

But she thinks that the sun shines out of his backside.

So, was I a jerk or not?’

Another User Comments:
“I don’t necessarily think you’re a jerk for not wanting to have lunch with someone you didn’t like, although I do think you’re generalizing a bit on the ‘addict’ personality. Vesna shouldn’t really be upset with you unless you were overly rude about the idea of her friend joining you.” RoonilaWazlib

Another User Comments:
“No. Vesna knows how you feel about Dragan (you appear to have been upfront about it and not shirked the issue) and should respect that it is not going to happen between you and him, friendship-wise.” User

4 points (4 votes)
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21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Younger Cousins To Use My Laptop Whenever They Want?

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“I have two younger cousins that for the purpose of this post will be called I and LI. I is a sweet little 5-year-old girl and LI is her 2 1/2-year-old younger brother. The thing is they both want to use ‘Molly’s (I’m Molly.) Laptop’ because it’s newer and faster. I’ve told their parents multiple times that they are too young and I don’t want my laptop/Ipad/iPod/headphones/wireless keyboard broken.

They still ask and I always get in trouble for saying no. I love them both but it irritates me. I also happen to have a computer for me that she can use while they are visiting and LI and she are both allowed to use my Ipad with me supervising what they do. K and A have their own stuff and are older than me and K rarely lets her brothers J and C ask.

M is also my cousin but this doesn’t matter for him because he rarely comes to Pennsylvania to visit (We live somewhere in Maryland and I live in southwestern PA.). S (a girl one year younger than me) is allowed to use them if she asks but she never does and then I’m the one who gets in trouble for what she does to them for wanting her to give them back.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“No, you are not the jerk. It is really awful for them to basically demand to use your stuff. I have a two-year-old and a six-month-old and I wouldn’t want them to use anyone else’s electric devices out of fear they would break them. I get nervous when my mother lets my two-year-old use her tablet. If they want their kids to play with expensive things they can bring their own.

It is not on you to supply these things.

I would flat out tell them the children can’t use your devices because you can’t afford to be without them if they break and you would hate for them to have to struggle to come up with the budget to replace them. The ‘we will watch them,’ or, ‘they know how to be gentle,’ argument does not work when it comes to toddlers.

If you have to, lock up said devices and don’t use them around your cousins. Best of luck and sorry you are dealing with this. Things like this annoy me to no end.” Viperbunny

Another User Comments:
“Parent of 7 & 8-year-old boys here. No, you’re not the jerk. You don’t want your stuff broken or otherwise dirty/messed up. Breaking stuff is an area where children excel. The 5-year-old, maybe I would let use it while supervised then given a level of trust they could use it respectfully and gently they could use it unsupervised. The 2 1/2-year-old, not a chance they’re using it unsupervised, I don’t like sticky electronics. And, they have an alternative computer and tablet to use so their parents just need to get over it and grow up.” UnreasonableDoubter

3 points (3 votes)
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DCisive 1 month ago
Let their parents know that unless they sign an agreement to replace what their little monsters break, it is never going to happen.
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20. AITJ For Calling Out My Cousin For Bothering My Brother About Calories?

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“First off, my cousin is a jerk to my little brother. He’s always saying ‘man you eat so much,’ or, ‘maybe you’re just mad because you’re hungry,’ in a very condescending way. I’ll admit, my brother does eat a bit too much and is overweight. But here’s the thing, my cousin is morbidly obese. My guess is 350 pounds. So the other night, we were all having tea.

My brother was eating a zebra cake, but he hadn’t had one in years, so he was really liking it. But then he saw we had bread, so he put down the zebra cake so he could have bread instead. My sister asks, ‘why don’t you just eat both?’ And he replies ‘Too many calories.’ All of a sudden, my cousin says, ‘you were just eating a zebra cake, you obviously don’t care about calories.’

I was mad.

I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was something along the lines of ‘Shut up about calories when you’re talking to him. Look at yourself for once! Jesus!’ Yeah, that seemed to do the trick. He shut up, and didn’t say a word for the rest of, the tea time. Then he moped around, acting like I insulted him for no reason. I know you might be thinking, ‘maybe he is just looking out for your brother,’ but no.

He said it in the same condescending way as usual. Am I the jerk or is he?”

Another User Comments:
“I think the whole situation could have been handled better – especially by a parent here – if your cousin is harassing your brother. But whatever.

The point is nobody else has pulled your cousin aside and said to him that the way he treats your brother is unacceptable.

So it sounds like it built up for a long time until finally it reached a head and you couldn’t hold your tongue any longer.

Is what you said mean? Yeah. But compared to what he said it’s pretty tame.

Maybe you could have done it differently. But that’s not how it happened. And you know what’s worse? Being a bystander when someone else is being harassed – if you don’t challenge the harassment then you’re allowing it to continue.

Maybe next time if he tries it on with your brother you could calmly say to him that it’s pretty clear that he is in no place to criticize others for their eating/weight etc.

It might take a couple of times before he gets the message to shut up, but it sounds like nobody else is going to do it. If he complains to anyone about you saying that, let them know that you’ve only said it when he was picking on someone else.

You’re not the jerk.” Buffalo__Buffalo

Another User Comments:
“I think he’s the jerk but maybe it is out of a deeper concern or shame for being so overweight so he doesn’t want your brother to go through the same as he does/know he will. Doesn’t excuse the hypocrisy though.” squireofverve

2 points (2 votes)
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Delight 1 month ago
NTJ. Anybody this openly judgmental isnt gonna stop if you ask nicely. Only self preservation is gonna motivate him to treat people kindly. And I don't think he was trying to get your brother to loose weight to spare him shame...since he's actively shaming him already. If he wanted to spare hime shame, he would talk to him privately & compassionately.
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19. AITJ For Spending The Night With My Partner Last Night?

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“Last night, my partner and I got back from an evening at the beach. We went to my house for a little bit just to spend some time together (she texted her mom to let her know that she was safe). We watched a TV show here and there and then spent the next few hours just talking to each other, kissing and cuddling. Without us realizing it, it got a little late and we grew tired.

She asked if she could take a quick nap which I said was no problem. However, I ended up falling asleep as well and when I came to, it was 2:00 in the morning. I realized that I was way too tired to safely drive her home and we ended up spending the night together and didn’t wake up until 7:00 this morning. My parents were already asleep by this time and I didn’t want to wake them and I hoped that they’d be understanding.

A few minutes after we were both awake, I made her breakfast and then drove her home. My mom was more understanding than her partner who said what I did was horrible and a jerk thing to do. My mom of course still wasn’t exactly pleased but she was happy to know that we didn’t sleep together or anything (which I wouldn’t have done anyways because we’re not at that point yet.) Did I do the right thing last night or am I, like my mom’s partner says, a jerk?

Additional Information:

My partner and I are both close to 19 (she turns 19 next week and I turn 19 in three months).

We have been together for a little over a month.

My mom’s partner and I have been at each other’s throats for 8 of the 13 years that she and my mom have been together. Which is why I’m asking this on here because I know I might be a little biased when it comes to what she says.”

Another User Comments:
“Nope, you’re still 19 and you don’t need permission to sleep with your partner whether you have intercourse or not.

However, if it was your parents’ house and they have their own rules then you might want to consider moving out on your own. I moved out 3 weeks after I turned 19 from my parents’ house because I was experiencing some growing pains with my parents during this time as well. Try to remember that your parents are probably having a hard time transitioning and realizing you’re an adult and that you can make your own choices now so they are being hard on you in areas where they shouldn’t.

Anyhow, I don’t think you’re a jerk at all!” User

Another User Comments:
“Were your parents aware that your partner was at the house while you were watching the tv? I think either way you’re not a jerk, but if your mum and her partner weren’t aware she was at the house at all then it’s a little bit more understandable why they may be annoyed. Either way though, you’re 19. What you did was perfectly reasonable.” zonko_rose

Another User Comments:
“Sounds like you did the safe thing, did your partner’s parent (assuming she lives with them) know that she would be home now in the morning and not earlier? That’s the only possible jerk thing I can see and what would be your partner, not you.” nsgiad

2 points (2 votes)
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lasm1 1 month ago
How stupid, you're a fucking adult.
3 Reply

18. AITJ For Disagreeing With My Boss?

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“Yesterday, Saturday the 3rd, a customer at the convenience store/small mom-and-pop sized pharmacy I cashier/stock at walked out with two ~$75 cartons of smokes and zoomed off in his still-on car. I was the attending cashier, but the carton theif made particular certainty to distract both another clerk and me with several legitimate questions on price and expiration. He claimed he wanted his mother to decide between the two separate brands, but took the cartons in hand toward the door.

I joked with my coworker that it would be startling funny if he just left while we examined his other potential purchases; when he actually did this both my fellow clerk and the one attending pharmacist raced out to stop him, but to no avail. I remained inside as other patrons were still in the building.

Now, with the position that my placing of the cartons on the cashier tables was negligible, my manager said both over the phone and in a conversation with the aforementioned clerk after I left Saturday afternoon that the $150 and change lifted ought to be redacted from my upcoming paycheck, the equivalent of about 3 of the 5-hour shifts I do on days I work.

At no time in my training was I informed that this was to be avoided; I’ve been working there for about a month without any similar incident occurring. I still have yet to speak with him in person or be enlightened on the extent of his and the owner’s pursuit of law enforcement, but right off the bat, I disagree heavily that I was culpable enough to be more or less fine the lost cost for my inability to spot and stop a criminal act during work hours.

I live in NJ and I have very little knowledge of how a business’ liability insurance decides these cases; I’d like very much to soon come up with a rational position to take when I speak with him tomorrow afternoon.

AITJ for not feeling responsible for my workplace’s loss of money and for believing that the owner is capable of recuperating these losses without my reprimanding?”

Another User Comments:
“You did screw up, but his recourse is to reprimand you or fire you, I believe.

You don’t get the profits of the company, do you? You are an employee. You get your wages and that is it.

So you also don’t have the risks of owning a business, either.

Yes, you made a mistake, but just like taxes, electricity, rent, etc, mistakes are part of the cost of doing business.

Your boss is not going to find an employee that NEVER makes mistakes. It’s up to him if yours are so bad he doesn’t want you to work for him anymore.

But trying to get you to just pay for stolen merchandise… seems total nonsense to me.” robobreasts

Another User Comments:
“As far as I’m aware, most (if not all States) have laws preventing companies from doing what yours is threatening.

You are not at all the jerk, and I would contact police yourself, as in my mind he’s trying to extort you.” Doormatty

Another User Comments:
“He is wrong. Insurance should cover it. What he is doing is unethical and wrong.” real-dreamer

2 points (2 votes)
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17. AITJ For Reporting My Friend For Verbal Abuse At Our Job?

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“One of my best friends has a fiance named John. He is a very smart and funny guy who I’ve always gotten along with, but generally has problems getting along with a lot of people. He is constantly making inappropriate jokes, saying what’s on his mind without thinking about it, offending people, and challenging authority. I’ve always respected his honesty and crude sense of humor, but for these reasons, he has always had problems holding down jobs.

I’ve worked at a group home for seniors with traumatic brain injuries for about two years.

One day, my friend (his fiancee) asked me if I could get him a job at my group home. I was hesitant because of his personality, but there were open shifts at the home and I felt like I needed to help him out. So, I got him a job. Immediately he started to ruffle feathers.

I work with 8 other people and every one of them hated John within the first two weeks. I still loved him as a friend, but even I couldn’t stand working with him. He was just annoying, constantly following people around and questioning things (normal for new employees, but his way of doing it was just obnoxious and intrusive).

The first part of this incident happened like this… one of his running jokes with me was about ‘blumpkins’.

We would both basically just say the word randomly to each other to get a laugh. One day, I was teaching him how to change a client’s diaper. This was everyone’s favorite client (Henry). Henry had overheard one of us say the word ‘bumpkin’ and he asked what it meant. John didn’t say anything and looked at me to see if I would respond. I have a great rapport with Henry as I’ve worked there for two years, and he asked what the word meant so I went ahead and told him.

I said ‘A blumpkin is when a man has ‘a good time’ on a toilet.’ John seemed pretty surprised that I said this to a client and he said, ‘You can say stuff like that to them?’ I shrugged my shoulders and said, ‘Well, he asked what it was. And he’ll probably forget about it in 5 minutes.’ Then we moved on and that was that.

Henry did forget about it.

Then, about a month later, things had gotten worse with John and the rest of my coworkers/supervisors. I talked to him about this several times and he actually agreed that it would be best if he transferred group homes because of how bad his relationship with our manager was getting. The week before he was going to transfer, he was standing around talking to me while I was brushing Henry’s teeth and getting him ready for bed.

This night, our supervisor was a good friend of mine who had to work with John the most and was getting very frustrated with him. While I was brushing Henry’s teeth, John came up to him and asked an inappropriate question. Henry was not amused by this question and just scowled at John. Henry usually doesn’t appreciate crude humor like this and wasn’t in a great mood this evening.

I gave John a look that said ‘Don’t push this.’ But, he did push it. He asked the same question again and Henry became visibly upset. He slammed his fist down on his wheelchair and yelled something at John that we couldn’t make out. I told John that Henry had been in group homes with a traumatic brain injury since he was 18 years old, so the subject of the nasty is a touchy one.

My supervisor witnessed this entire incident from across the room but hadn’t heard what anyone had said. I immediately removed Henry from the living room and took him into his room to calm him down. As soon as I got in there, my supervisor came in and asked me what had happened. Without even thinking about it, I told her the truth.

The next day, John texted me and told me that she had told our house manager what had happened and that he was being investigated for verbal abuse and got put on paid leave.

He then told me that I ‘better be ready to lie for him.’ I told him I was not comfortable lying, especially since I had already told my supervisor the truth right after it happened. John got very upset with me because I told our supervisor the truth knowing that she didn’t like him, and I should have known she would report the incident and he would get in trouble.

He’s right, I should have known that, but it wasn’t what I was thinking about. I was thinking about Henry. His other reason for being so mad is that I taught him it was OK to say things like that to clients.

It’s now been about six months since this happened. John ended up quitting before the verbal investigation even concluded. He has not talked to me since.

He unfriended me on social media and told me that I am no longer allowed in his house. This has ruined my relationship with my best friend. I do feel a little guilty for ratting him out, but it was not my intention to get him fired or hurt him in any way. I was interviewed about all of this by HR of my company and also a rep from Adult Protective Services and I told them EVERYTHING, including the ‘blumpkin’ incident, which was extremely embarrassing.

Even though six months have passed, I still think about this all the time and am greatly saddened by my loss of friendship with both John and my best friend. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:
“I’ll go out on a limb and say yes, in a way you are, but not for the reason you think.

You’re the jerk for not saying no when it came to getting him a job he wasn’t suited for.

That’s when you should have said no and you acted improperly.

The second time you acted improperly is when you were going along with his jokes. You should have strongly lectured him that you went out on a limb getting him the job and he needs to be a different person. Then, you played along with the jokes until you got caught, and then you decide to be stand-up about the whole thing?

This guy sounds like a world-class jerk, but you knew that already, and you still recommended someone who was unsuitable for the job to your employer.

That set up him and your employer. On the job, you played along when his unsuitability began to evidence itself again. When he got caught, then you decided to start making proper decisions.

You did the right thing in not lying, but by not saying no when you should have when you were asked to get him the job, and encouraging him in inappropriate behavior after he got the job, you ensured it would end exactly the way it did.” Subduction

Another User Comments:
“You are, unambiguously, not the jerk.

John is not merely ‘the’ jerk, he is ‘a’ jerk. In general. And all the time.

You pulled a favor for him and got him a job, in which he immediately ruffled feathers – this shows no gratitude or respect to you, the guy who got him the job. He should have worried about making you look bad at work.

Then, he verbally abused a client. This is incredibly unprofessional, and a generally horrible thing to do.

He absolutely deserved to get fired. In fact, not reporting him would be a jerk move, allowing him to continue in a job where he clearly is causing more harm than good.

To blame you for him abusing a client and ruining your working situation – in the job you got him – is the very pinnacle of idiocy.

Why this is flared as ‘too close to call’ is beyond me.” PitchforkJoe

Another User Comments:
“Never help someone get a job if you are not sure they are good workers.

When you recommended him for the job you were vouching for him. You put your reputation on the line for someone who didn’t deserve it AND that can damage your reputation. Next time, pass on recommending a friend.

You are not the jerk. John crossed the line in a big way. What he did was wrong and we’re right to be honest. John should not be in this line of work and he is a pretty terrible friend. It is a hard lesson to learn, but this guy seems immature and bad news. It may hurt, but cut your losses and move past this. You don’t need friends like this.” Viperbunny

2 points (2 votes)
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DCisive 1 month ago
While you are not the jerk for telling the truth about John, you ARE the jerk for not listening to your conscience about getting him hired at your facility. You let him abuse a client and your responsibility is the welfare of your clients and John's behavior on the job was predicatable. "Friends" like John who thrive on upsetting people should not take precedence over your responsibility to your clients -- and you presented the opportunity for him to do so. Your response came too little, too late. You failed Henry.
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16. AITJ For Not Seeing My Parents Every Weekend?

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“I moved out of my parents’ house last year in June. I turned twenty in September and had been working forty hours a week plus half-time college student stuff. I’ve gotten kind of caught up in my life being on my own. I hang out with my friends more. I’ve been feeling great. And I try to contact my parents at least once a week. In January, I went with my mother on a cruise.

When I returned, my dad told me that they felt like I didn’t love them because I didn’t visit enough. My stepmom clarified and said that they were just hurt that I wasn’t coming over every weekend. I tried to explain that I’ve been busy and doing stuff but they weren’t having it. So am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:
“I’m saying no.

Starting a new life on your own as an Independent Adult is tough.

At least, I think it is, and I’m in sort of the same situation as you. Try to explain to them that there are a lot of things happening in your life right now and that you simply don’t have time to visit every weekend.

Then again, this is tough on your parents, too, and you have to understand that, as well. Don’t spend all your energy running between them and your new life, but make sure to visit them as often as you can manage.” Pekin

Another User Comments:
“It’s amazing how horrible people are at thinking about other people’s resources.

Whenever you hear that a friend or family member has received a big chunk of money, you immediately start thinking he’s walking around with 100% of that just bursting out of his pocket. But, when something similar happens to you, you would immediately know you’re going to lose a third of it to taxes, and you have expenses you’re behind on, and you have a debt to clear.

So when your friend wins $100,000 in the lottery, you think he’s got $100,000 to blow on a boat, a car, a home addition, or maybe a little paid vacation to somewhere awesome for him and his closest 8 friends… But if you won $100,000, you know the first third or half of it will immediately be taken by taxes, you might have some credit card or student debt you finally want to get rid of, or maybe it just saved your ass because your house needs a foundation to upgrade you could never afford.

So at the end of the day, you put out some fires, but you really only have a few thousand to save or blow. And if you have anyone in your life who deserves to share in your extravagant windfall and you give them something that costs half of every dime you really have left… they’ll be wondering why you’re so stingy.

Parents are like this. Despite the fact that they are familiar with the adult world and have also been overwhelmed by that world, as far as they know, if you have a full-time job, that leaves you with 5 evenings and 2 whole days every week that you can do whatever you want with…

so how much is it to ask that you dedicate a few hours on Sunday to seeing them? Forget that you have an hour commute and have to go to the gym, grocery shop, bank, cook, clean, fix, etc., etc. on every one of those five evenings; forget the fact that it’s an hour drive to see them, so if you give them a minute, an entire weekend day is lost.

Forget the fact that you have a partner to see or a wife who wants to do things with you, too, and work sometimes piles up and needs an extra day, and you have the right to a day of being alone and lazy once in a while. As far as they’re concerned, your pocket is bursting every week with 128 hours with ‘nothing to do’ and it’s really not unfair of them to expect some should be spent on them.

Because of this, your parents are jerks. Not because it’s horrible to want to spend time with you. Only because the expectation of a visit every week is self-centered and unrealistic. But you’ll never get them to appreciate your time issues. The best you can do is turn things around: get them to come to you. If it’s an hour’s drive, and they have to make it, you’ll be shocked how often parents who constantly beg for a visit will decide it isn’t necessary.

Even if they do make the drive, a well-scheduled 2-hour visit with the folks in your home can leave you a pretty much full day to do other stuff with (and if they’re in retirement, they’re basically looking for stuff to do, and you need that time a load more than they do!)” flignir

Another User Comments:
“No. They are being unreasonable. You are an adult with your own life and responsibilities.

It is unfair of them to expect so much of your time. My mom is like this. I am married and have two young kids. We live two hours away. It doesn’t matter how much we visit, it’s never enough. We go visit about once a month. I understand they want to see us, but we have things we have to do. They could visit us, but that rarely happens because they are busy. I guess my point is that they are being selfish here and are not treating you like an adult.” Viperbunny

2 points (2 votes)
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SunnyDuckling611 3 weeks ago
Every single weekend is an absurd request for one thing
But if I get the picture right. You went on a cruise with mom, then suddenly dad and stepmom are wanting your time?
It's a JEALOUSY thing
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15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To My Cousin's Birthday Party?

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“So my cousin is turning 14 today and she’s having a birthday party. Pretty much most of the family is coming, and normally I would too, except her brother harassed me for a year. My cousin, her parents, my parents, and two other cousins know this. But when I told my mom I wasn’t going, she got upset. Then I asked my friend, and she said that I shouldn’t let my cousin’s brother get in the way of my relationship with my cousin.

Idk what to do. I mean, pretty much everyone who knows about this has had such a…mild reaction, I feel like I’m overreacting. And it’s not like I was harmed. But still…”

Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk. I think that your parents are afraid that the whole relationship between the two families is going to be in danger unless you make up with your cousin’s brother. Your cousin’s parents might blame themselves when they see you didn’t come to the party, because of what their son did.

But if you are close to your cousin, she should understand if you just say sorry you couldn’t attend the party. But you are certainly not at fault and nobody blames you for not wanting to go.” Jaripsi

Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not in the wrong. Will he be there at the party? Also, I encourage you to seek counseling and invite your mom with you. A counselor might be better at getting her to understand why this is so difficult for you. I’m so sorry this happened to you.” User

2 points (2 votes)
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rbleah 1 week ago
If bully is going to be there tell mom you are not going. Call the birthday cousin tell the happy birthday but you can't make it. don't need to tell them why. Just say you have things to do. If they push tell you gotta go and hang up.
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14. AITJ For Growing Impatient On My Notoriously Slow Friend?

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“My friend and I were playing some online game together. I was with another friend in the game lobby waiting to queue up for matchmaking. The friend in question, let’s call him B, joined our chatroom and wanted to tag along. I invited him and he joined our lobby. The only thing he needs to do now is select something and then we would have approx 10 min time till the game starts.

He tells us that he was watching a stream and wanted to wait till it was over. So instead of wasting 1 second to start a process that would take a lot longer than his stream, he made us wait another 5 minutes. When he told us his stream was over, I said to him: ‘Can you pick now?’

B: ‘yes, yes. Why are you so annoyed again?’

Me: ‘you just had to lock and we could have queued up!’

B: ‘Stop bugging me!’

Me: ‘We just waited 5 minutes for you.

The world doesn’t revolve around you, you know!’

B: ‘You can go screw yourself, play alone!’

He leaves the chatroom.

I know this guy for years and although we are just ‘online friends’ I have met him several times. We play together all the time and I know him for being really relaxed and slow, while I am doing things in a rush. I was used to waiting and even tolerated his ‘AFK really quick’ just before a game that turned out to be a 30-minute break.

But recently this behavior of his went out of hand as he was getting passive-aggressive every time I was asking him If he was ready.

So, was I being a jerk for reacting aggressively towards his usual behavior?”

Another User Comments:
“Yes and no.

I’m going to assume this is a league of legends team builder btw.

No, because what happened in that situation is perfectly reasonable to get annoyed at.

Yes because it’s a little jerky to bring it up after the fact. When he tells you he wants to finish his stream, tell him to lock it there and then and explain why. I’m sure he’d be down to do that, no matter how slow and relaxed he is as a person (it really just makes sense). If he said no because ‘sometimes team builder can be really fast’, then that’s fine too, and wait for him.

All in all, I think the best way to phrase it is you weren’t a jerk, but it was just so avoidable. Tell him to do it while he can, instead of getting annoyed at him after he hasn’t.” User

1 points (1 votes)
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13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Summer Classes?

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“For my major, I needed a B-minimum in a lower level history class. I got a C+. I was told I had to take another lower-level history class over the summer on campus to continue in the program. Most students live within an hour of campus. I live out of state and couldn’t afford to stay on campus.

I talked to my adviser and got approved to take a similar, very expensive, class online through another university.

Older students in my position mentioned that they didn’t have to make up the lower level class over the summer and they took an additional upper-level history class during the school year. My adviser said that was not an option. I was not satisfied.

I went to the very old and influential history professor for our department and asked him what he’d be most comfortable with. He sided with me because of a number of factors including:

my distance from home

students doing the same thing in the past

my good GPA

not trusting an outside institution

overlapping content with my minor.

He claimed to be the one I really needed permission from. When I told my advisor, I was informed I was being disrespectful for trying to work around the system and going over her head after getting a no. I ended up taking the online class.

The way I see it I was trying to be assertive, explore all my options, advocate for myself, and avoid financial costs.

The way she sees it I’m an entitled brat who thinks the rules don’t apply to me, they were generous enough by letting me stay home, and I should have just made the grade, to begin with. What do you think? Was I the jerk?

In the end, if I had any shot of saving myself and my family a few thousand dollars of tuition, it was probably worth offending someone but I’m still torn up over it.”

Another User Comments:
“You were not the jerk.

When deciding classes, an advisor is just that, an advisor. Not a dictator. Her job is to make sure you get the classes you need to graduate. You found a better option that worked for you. Nothing disrespectful about that. But if it was disrespectful and it saved a lot, do it anyway. College is too expensive already. And the professor has more knowledge than her about what counts for your requirements.

Also wanted to add, that if you end up going to an outside institution, then applying that credit toward your degree, every time you apply for a new college/ try to get into grad school the new school will want to see transcripts from both institutions. So if you went to AB university and took an online course from CD to meet the requirements of AB, when you apply to EF grad school, you will need transcripts from AB and CD colleges.

Not such a big deal unless you already have other transcripts you need to track down. I now have five colleges I need to send transcripts for.” Ontheneedles

Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. I would consider talking to the dean of the department about this situation. Make it clear you did not mean this to be disrespectful but merely were looking into your options. Also, consider asking if you can get a different advisor because this person will likely be more an obstacle than a help.” Viperbunny

Another User Comments:
“You were not the jerk and good work on covering your own butt and getting a second opinion. I would just recommend not making a habit of jumping the chain of command. That’s not exactly what you did here but it walks a fine line. At the end of the day, you have to look out for yourself so well done!” User

1 points (1 votes)
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Shell1982 1 month ago
Definitely NTJ. You did the right thing, your advisor is the jerk..they're supposed to help you not hinder. In no way are you an entitled brat.
1 Reply

12. AITJ For Thinking My Sister Should Give Me A Cut Of Her Profit?

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“My sister was/is planning on going to a Taylor Swift concert with my mother. She needed $150 per ticket but didn’t have enough. She asked me if she could borrow $200 to buy the two tickets so I gave it to her with the promise she’d pay me back in her coming paycheck.

The next day, I get a call from her saying she accidentally bought tickets in the wrong section and needed to borrow my credit card to buy a new set of tickets.

This caught me off guard and she and I have not been on the best of terms because of unrelated events. To summarize; annoying her will end very very badly for me in my current position, but I don’t think she realizes that. Because of this I reluctantly gave her my card number so she could buy the second pair of tickets.

The second pair cost $329 in total.

So at this point, I’m out $529.

She’s since paid me back $100 of this. Still out $429.

I jokingly told her that she should split the profit with me or at least give me a cut when she sells the other tickets.

She responded rather emotionally saying I was being selfish and that she needed the extra coins to put into her savings account.

She currently has the other tickets listed for $450 EACH meaning she’d be making over $500 off of what I lent her and had to inconvenience myself to lend to her.

Am I the jerk for expecting a cut of the profit when she put me on the spot to lend her then later revealed she was only buying the second set to flip them?”

Another User Comments:
“You have absolutely no claim to any profit she makes reselling the tickets if any unless you had some agreement to that effect prior to the loan. It would be a classy gesture for her to show some gratitude to you for helping her out by splitting it, but if she doesn’t do that, she hasn’t lied to you.

The only thing you have the right to insist on is that she pay you back… or at least give you ALL of the moolah she gets from ticket sales immediately, if you are not yet paid back.

So, I think you’re the jerk if you truly demand that she pay you back more than a loan, but I’ll give you a pass if all you’re demanding is that she gives you the resale immediately since her screw up coerced you into loaning more than you agreed to.” flignir

Another User Comments:
“Never loan family or friends, give it to them.

That way you don’t end up looking like a jerk. For the record, you are both jerks here, you for not setting terms and conditions for the repayment in advance (or trying to change the terms since you originally just wanted to be paid back) and she for making a profit off your moolah and then being selfish is there is profit to be made. Learn from this and consider it a small fee for a valuable life lesson.” nsgiad

Another User Comments:
“Lot of moving parts here but I’d say technically no one is a jerk here.

However, you’re a jerk of the dumb variety, and your sister is a selfish and entitled witch. Honestly, if I were you, I would go ahead and escalate your own behavior to jerk status to put that little idiot in her place and not reinforce behavior that is going to lead to her being a piece of work for the rest of her years.” BaI1sack

1 points (1 votes)
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lasm1 1 month ago
You shouldn't have givin her your card to buy 2 more tickets. She knew what she was doing, she ripped you off.
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11. AITJ For "Grounding" My Roommate?

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“I live with a roommate. We both share a room but also have a living room and kitchen. Whenever he makes a mess in the bedroom, I don’t care because it’s only his side that’s messy, it really doesn’t bug me.

However, it does bug me when it spills over to the common areas like the living room and kitchen. He always has a massive pile of clothes in the living room (about 1 laundry load but rarely gets to 2).

He justifies this because it’s out of plain sight (behind our couch) and is close to his desk (which he never uses). He also has a habit of leaving clothes by our kitchen table (shoes and several jackets/shirts). The thing that upsets me most is that he leaves his textbooks, dishes, and papers on the living room table which prevents me from eating my meal in front of the TV.

Our apartment always looks insanely cluttered and it bugs me because I’m a neat freak. I constantly tell him to pick up his stuff in the common areas and to his credit, he does on occasion only to pile things up again in literally less than a day.

His excuse for not picking up more often is that he’s busy. But whenever he’s home he’s surfing the internet or playing video games.

I get that he wants to relax but it literally takes less than 5 minutes.

I sometimes take it upon myself to pick up all his stuff and put it on his pile hidden behind the couch. This upsets him (he never confronts me about it) but it does force him to put the stuff away. I admit this is a bit of a jerk move on my behalf but it yields results.

I feel like his mom whenever I move his stuff over, so recently I told him I’m tired of his things being everywhere and that he can no longer use my PS4 or TV until he consistently stops leaving his clothes in the common areas. The TV and PS4 are located in the living room and have been fair game for him to use whenever, but at the end of the day, I own them.

He calls my bluff so I put a password on my PS4 and TV.

I told this to my friend and he called me a mega jerk. What do you think?”

Another User Comments:
“Boy this is complicated, He is a jerk but I don’t know if you are too.

HE obviously isn’t respecting your shared space which is a jerk move on his part. He needs to understand that when a mess is outside of his personal space, even when it’s HIS mess, you are being subjected to it.

You say you’ve spoken to him about the mess, but have you really talked to him about how unfair he is being?

Maybe the PS4/TV thing is a bit petty. If you aren’t getting along and he’s not going to put effort into being a fair roommate I’d recommend other courses of action than “no more television.” If he is as you say this move won’t make him see the light, he’s just going to be more of a pain and your relationship will get even worse.

Anyways he IS a jerk but you need to find a less jerk-ish way to deal with him, unfortunately, for your own sake.” EmeralSword

Another User Comments:

“When you share a space it is not his responsibility to live to your standard, nor is it your responsibility to accept whatever he chooses to do.

You guys need to sit down and write out what is most important to you, pick the top things off each list, and make a promise to each other that you will abide by them.

If you can’t keep your promises to each other then you should find new roommates.

If someone has to be a jerk in this story then I think it swings mildly towards you. He’s definitely not meeting your standards, but you are communicating with him in very passive-aggressive ways.” Subduction

Another User Comments:
“I don’t know that either of you is exactly a jerk here. It sounds like he’s trying, though not as much as you’d like.

And you don’t owe him the right to use your PS4 or TV.

… but it wasn’t the nicest thing to do, and it’s likely to breed resentment, which could end up with him being less willing to clean his stuff up, not more. Maybe you two just aren’t compatible as roommates. It doesn’t mean you can’t stay friends. But I think you’d both be happier sharing your living space with someone whose neatness level is a better match.” flippy77

1 points (1 votes)
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DCisive 1 month ago
They're your electronics and you've been generous in allowing him to use them. But while he's "busy" on your equipment, he's "too busy" to clean up after himself. It sounds like he is operating at an emotional age of about 13 -- and he either has to learn how to live with someone or he's going to be notoriously unsuccessful with finding a woman who will live with him (or a man, whatever his orientation). Romance goes out of the window when you are knee deep in trash and being handed dirty dishes -- so you're actually doing him a favor. Try negotiation. If he is resistant, he's just the wrong roommate for you. Find someone better.
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10. AITJ For Snitching Their Awful Behavior To Their Psychologist?

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“I kinda got taken in by a friend and her parents after being kicked out for being bipolar. One of the parents, I swear to god has an (untreated) histrionic personality disorder and they are so incredibly difficult to live with. I mean having spent time in mental health facilities, you learn to spot this a mile away but this is slapping me in the face.

They treat their SO so badly, they are so passive-aggressive like if two people share a quick joke and the TV is on they will passive-aggressively ask for the TV to be turned up or tell you to pause it but will come in and start whole conversations when it’s something they aren’t watching and when you pause it when they come and talk they get soooo offended and storm off into their room.

Everything, and I mean everything, has to be about them and you HAVE to praise EVERYTHING they do (slowly dawdling a half-mile around an office over the course of the day is NOT exercise for Pete’s sake). They say how much they hate themselves repeatedly so you have to praise them and if you don’t, you’re the WORST PERSON ALIVE. I feel like I am suffocating.

I’m going to bring up their messed up behavior with their psychologist (they all see the same one and they’re getting me into them as a client too) because I’m about to be gone. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:
“Get out.

If you have a mental illness and you’re in an environment that isn’t conducive to your well-being then you need to make plans to get away asap. You aren’t going to fix this one, there’s no point trying to figure out who is/isn’t the jerk here, your happiness and health are at stake which is far more important than just about any other consideration.

If you can’t get away in good time then you need to stop investing emotionally to stymie the negative effects on yourself. Whether that means spending time in your room watching movies, spending time at the library reading, going out with friends, taking on a part-time job… whatever. Just try to spend as little time as possible in their faces or it will eat you alive.” Buffalo__Buffalo

Another User Comments:
“No, I don’t think so.

I don’t think you should call them out on their unhealthy behavior, simply to keep the peace and have a place to stay, but you don’t mention that you have or intend to. Disliking the way someone acts doesn’t make you a jerk.” User

Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you have done anything to be a jerk yet. All it seems you have done is think of some things that are probably true. Just realize that everyone has their own problems just like you, and treat them how you would like to be treated. The psychologist probably knows how screwed up they are already.” DudeWheresMyRhino

1 points (1 votes)
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DCisive 1 month ago
Just and observation. If the same psychologist is taking you in as a client, then it will have to come out eventually, but you should not take it upon yourself to track the counselor down and "reveal" until you are a client.
1 Reply

9. AITJ For Wanting More Intimacy?

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“My SO (M29) and I (F25) have been together a long time… He and I have been having problems for years but always manage to make it work (very strong personalities, but love each other anyway). But the last six months have been some of the most stressful times in our relationship. He went through the fire academy to be a city paramedic. He’s starting a whole new career.

It’s understandable that he’s stressed out and I did my best to be there for him. With some falling out, some meltdowns, and a few very frustrating financial issues to overcome, we started to get better again.

Now here is my issue. I’m a firm believer in emotional healing through intimacy. Can’t sleep? Get physical. Stressed out? Touching session. Feeling under the weather? Pound town. I really do feel like “being” together is 1.

A great stress reliever. 2. A good way to feel closer to him 3. Great way to relieve some tension and relax. Not to mention great for headaches. Now it’s gotten to the point that I can count on both hands how many times we’ve been intimate in 6 months. Before all of this, it was at least once a week (hectic jobs). I tried initiating a few times to be rejected…

I tried to be understanding. Maybe he is so stressed out that he can’t concentrate on anything else and can’t perform. It’s not me but the starting over of a new job later in his life has been more difficult than he expected. Until I found out he was “taking care of himself” at home. I then started sending naughty pictures and nothing.. Just a few comments on how it was hot with no physical contact.

I feel like it might just be me he’s not attracted to anymore. All of my frustration is turning into more fights and bad thoughts. I am trying to do everything I can to make it work and help him out when he needs it. I try my best to take care of him and his needs but my needs are not really being met. I don’t really ask for much.

Love me, be there for me, hear me out/let me vent, and sleep with me. I’m financially independent and pay for all my bills on my own (though he had helped me when things went down). Now the relationship is in danger because of all the stress with this as the cherry on top of a trashy sundae… What can I do?”

Another User Comments:
“There’s too much gray to call this one for me.

But what I can say is this… from what it sounds like it’s less to do with attraction to you and everything to do with your relationship. You’ve mentioned tons of factors – finances, job, probably a mid-life crisis, and honestly, I’m sure you’re probably unintentionally stressing him out by demanding attention. I know you believe in the power of intimacy, but not everyone does. For some people, it’s the last thing they want to do when they are feeling stressed.

For some people, it adds additional stress because you’re not in the mood for it anyway, but your partner is, and you have to make it good for them, but you don’t want to in the first place, and when you’re finished you’re right back to feeling awful. That’s just how it is sometimes.

Yes, you do have needs. It is absolutely in your right to have the desire and to ask it of him, but obviously, you can’t force it and it sounds like you are in danger of feeling resentful.

I think you need to work on your relationship. The intimacy will follow. It’s the relationship that needs work. Have you talked to him about all of this specifically? You may need to seriously consider couple’s therapy (not only for your intimate relationship but to discuss the tons of problems you as a couple has been going through).” TheGreenBasket

Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for what you want.

You’re just a jerk if you make him feel bad for not wanting the same.

I come from a similar situation. The one thing I learned is that there is absolutely nothing to gain from asking again and again. He knows and probably feels bad about it, which doesn’t help at all. If there’s an obvious reason for his loss of libido, try your best to help.

Otherwise, you have to accept that it is this way for now.

There’s a situation that makes your relationship harder and neither of you is at fault. You just have to make up your mind if you’re willing to wait it out, however long that takes. Just remember that he is most likely not happy with the current situation either but there’s nothing he can do.” notapantsday

1 points (1 votes)
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TJHall44 1 month ago
Omg just talk to each other!
1 Reply

8. AITJ For Backing Out On Renting A Place Last-Minute?

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“I found a room in a house that I thought I wanted to move into. The people were really cool, everyone was friendly and the place itself seemed great. It is a converted warehouse that is also used as a venue on Friday nights. It’s a ‘fixer-upper’, i.e. they’re installing everything to make it a house like cabinets, etc. So, it’s pretty bare-bones, and there are no windows, and I knew that and thought it was cool.

I saw it on a non-show night, then I gave the guy $500 for the security deposit and spent the night there, and was going to give him the rest the next day.

However, it turns out that the heating system doesn’t work (I thought he said it did), and they smoke inside, which I didn’t know, and if I DID know, I wouldn’t have taken the place.

There is also no ventilation system (yet, they’re installing it) and no windows (I knew these things, but thought it’d be ok) – the place smelled like stale beer and the atmosphere was just gross and stifling. Just a space heater for warmth. Felt like I was in the underworld/a cave.

So I told him that I couldn’t stay there because the atmosphere was stifling and honestly thought the place was unsafe, and he says ‘hey, well you kind of screwed us over because we have to pay rent tomorrow and you promised us you’d move in’.

Am I the jerk, or do I deserve my moolah back? I’d love people’s input because I don’t quite know how to negotiate this – I can see his point, but I feel mine is valid, too. And $500 is a lot to blow.”

Another User Comments:
“A refund has nothing to do with whether or not you’re the jerk. You’re not the jerk, but it sounds like you did something dumb with your money.

Is there anything in writing? If not, you’ll never get the moolah back, but there is enough there for a valid argument to happen.

There is such a thing as a refundable deposit. A ‘security’ deposit is always refundable as long as you don’t damage the property or break a lease. I assume there’s nothing in writing that gives the terms of any lease (so you didn’t break one), but also nothing that gives the terms of the deposit and says ‘refundable’ or ‘non-refundable’.

There are cases (even in the purchase of a home) where a deposit is taken by the seller’s agent just to determine that the buyer is serious enough to at least come up with some moolah before it is taken off the market to let the buyer completely inspect the property and confirm it’s suitable, (a diligence period). If a serious problem is found, the buyer gets his deposit back and walks away.

If he leaves for a frivolous or already evident reason, he loses his deposit.

If you have nothing in writing, I think you entered into an imaginary diligence agreement, and your in-depth inspection revealed that the property wasn’t suitable. Is the guy you gave the moolah to a would-be roommate or the prospective landlord? Because, it also sounds like the deposit, the overnight stay, and your decision to leave happened within 24 hours, so the guy with the is full of trash when he says you screwed him (unless your $500 convinced him to rent the place himself and he signed something or he realistically turned away other prospective tenants in that time).

If none of those things happened and he’s only another tenant, he just keeping you capriciously, not because of a clear agreement, or to assuage damage you caused. If he’s the landlord, (and the were greater) you could probably get it back from him just by telling him you’ll sue him for taking for a place that is not legal to rent as a residential space, and you’d be right to do it.

(It sounds like, between the heat and the use for other purposes, he’s probably breaking at least one local law you can hang on him.)

With all that being said (and TL;DR) I doubt the $500 is ever getting back into your hands because it’s too small an amount to effectively sue over. It was really dumb to fork it over without an agreement when you knew you hadn’t fully checked the place out.

But, if all my assumptions above are correct and you don’t get it back, you were effectively scammed.” flignir

Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk – you didn’t intentionally screw him over. However, you could have done a little more of an inspection the first time you checked the place out. Just tell him straight up that you didn’t know they smoke inside and that there wasn’t a heating system.

If the people really are pretty cool, they should be understanding. As for the moolah, listen to these other guys. Depends on the type of deposit.” KeroTrip

Another User Comments:
“You don’t get any amount back. To be perfectly clear, you don’t deserve it, you shouldn’t ask for it, and you won’t get it if you do. That is the purpose of the deposit, so if you back out they get to keep the because they could have found another tenant if you hadn’t put a deposit down.

Same as earnest buying a house. I don’t think you are a jerk at this point as you did not intentionally screw anyone around but if you try to get the deposit back you will be.

Did you sign a lease yet? If so, you could be on the hook for more money. If not, just part ways, find a new place, and try to learn from this experience.” DudeWheresMyRhino

1 points (1 votes)
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7. AITJ For Keeping My Roommate Up?

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“My college roommate and I get along really well. I really like him and we have the same opinions on a lot of things. He really makes being in college much easier.

The other part is that I have a lot of trouble sleeping at night. I am prescribed meds, but they don’t really work, so most of the time I’ll leave at night and go to the library to work or just walk around.

I’ll be gone for hours, and I’ll come back late at night and go to bed. I do my absolute utmost to stay quiet when I’m getting in bed, but I somehow always end up waking my roommate up. Though I’m being as careful as possible — I can’t stress this enough — I end up waking him up.

Today I got notified that my roommate is moving to another room in our apartment, to our suitemate’s room.

His room is bigger than ours and he’s on his own right now, so in that sense, it makes sense to me. But my roommate didn’t speak to me about this, and the suitemate in the room that my roommate is moving into is really mad at me for messing his single room up.

Like I said, I have a sleep condition that I’ve had for years that makes it impossible to go to sleep at normal times, as well as a verbal tick that comes out sometimes when I’m anxious which I bet keeps him up.

We’re close like I said, so I can’t figure out why he didn’t just come to me and talk to me.

He’s not around right now to ask, but it’s just really bothering me. I feel like a total piece of work, but I also know that I legitimately tried my hardest to be quiet about the whole night thing, and it makes more sense this way (maybe), and I can’t change my sleep patterns at will.

Still, though — why didn’t he talk to me? Am I a jerk here?

Anyway, everybody thinks I’m super inconsiderate, but I’m really trying my best not to be. I’m worried that no one will talk to me anymore, and I’ll just be exiled or whatever.”

Another User Comments:
“Screw that. You have sleeping problems that I’m assuming you’ve talked to him about. It’s not like you’re coming in hammered yelling every night.

Plus now you have your own room. Plus college isn’t for sleeping anyway and now you don’t have to worry about tiptoeing. Plus screw that roommate who took the bigger room and had you guys share the smaller room. That’s 3 pluses. Things are looking up for you bro.” RudeNewYorker

Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely not the jerk, this is something you have been suffering with for a while now…

You should have discussed this with him but relax it sounds like you guys are good friends, just explain things to him and if he’s really a good friend he will understand… as for the other friend, don’t worry about him, he’ll get over it” wanderluster9

Another User Comments:
“When you say roommate, I guess that means you both have a bed in the same room? Anyway, you are a late nighter, so you are simply not compatible with your roommate who is a light sleeper. This is neither your fault nor his. You just need to find another roommate who is either a heavy sleeper/someone that doesn’t easily wake up or who also stays up late.

Don’t beat yourself up over this. This is real small stuff.” User

1 points (1 votes)
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Gamergirl 1 month ago
Not the jerk man, maybe he didn't say anything because he didn't want you to feel bad. Who knows, but the other roommate shouldn't be mad at you, they would know you have sleep issues so too bad.
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6. AITJ For Wanting To Celebrate My Birthday?

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“My birthday is coming up and I had been thinking of doing a joint party with a good friend whose birthday is also this weekend.

I have been invited to dinner by a friend (who I am not very close to but I am very close friends with one of our mutual friends) the same night I am having my party. Before deciding to throw a party I asked her what the plan with her dinner was and whether it would be possible for everyone to come over to my place to celebrate my birthday after.

She replied that I should have told her before (fair enough) because she could have changed the dates around and that she’s already invited everyone.

She had sent out the invite for her dinner a week ago (it’s this weekend) and I sent mine out 2 days ago (I wasn’t sure if I wanted to celebrate). I sent her a text apologizing and saying that if it’s not too late after the dinner is over it would be great to see everyone.

I’m not very good friends with her even though we have known each other for a while but we don’t hang out on our own and just meet at parties.”

Another User Comments:
“I’m a tad bit unsure from this story (might be my inability to read at a fifth grade level or that its the story) but if you went to the dinner and skipped out on the joint party, i wouldn’t say you could do anything about it and you could just change the date of that.

But if you went to your party and the one that was planned for a week you skipped on then I think you might be a jerk. I could be wrong.” 10below8

Another User Comments:
“Well, if you sent out the invite knowing she had sent hers out and knew there would be an overlap of friends, you made a mistake. You’re not a jerk though. You just had bad judgment.

On a slightly related note, I remember a party I threw for two of my friends who were having a joint party. I threw it at my place, my brother and I did all the setting up, literally prepared everything except the invites for the party. We left the invitations up to my buddies who we were throwing the party for. Long story short, it was an amazing party, all courtesy of me and my brother.

However, one of the guys we threw the party for was totally ungrateful and kept going on about how he had no control over the party. He basically had a fit before, during, and after the party because ‘nothing went his way.’ He turned out to be an attention-seeking narcissistic little witch. We are no longer friends, because I can’t put up with his pointless nonsense.

In fact, almost all of our friends who attended ‘his’ party dropped contact with him and despise him for being so ungrateful. Just be happy your party didn’t result in that much drama! Happy birthday, it’ll turn out fine.” KeroTrip

Another User Comments:
“If the two groups of friends overlap more than say 20%, and you knew she had sent out the invites, and still sent out yours, then yes – you might be a jerk.” Doormatty

1 points (1 votes)
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5. AITJ In The Situation On The Train?

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“Yesterday I went by train to another town, as I had an appointment. Now the train I knew was going to take a while and so I took a book with me. Now the book I’d chosen was Na Drini Ćuprija, a well-known Serbian book. Even if you didn’t know it was Serbian the Cyrillic writing on the front was prominent enough that someone would know that it wasn’t English.

Now the train was busy but I managed to find a seat in a corner and I just quietly got on with reading. Now a couple of seats down this man kept looking at me and muttering something I couldn’t quite hear. I guess that he saw the book and just assumed I was non-English speaking or something.

After a while, he became more vocal and I could hear stupid comments about how I ‘should’ be reading in English and how it was ‘disgusting’ that I was in public like I was.

I proceeded to loom directly in his direction quite audibly and call him a rather rude name in Serbian (budala, meaning fool or idiot). This was more to make him aware that I was hearing him than anything else, and he seemed to shut up.

About 5min later he began chanting ‘EDL, EDL’ and making comments about how I.should be deported, as well as a number of comments like ”England’s for English people only.’ By this point, a lot of people on the train were getting irritated as they just wanted a peaceful trip.

But no one did anything.

By this point, I got ridiculously annoyed because I just wanted to read in peace. I got up out of my seat, went over to him, and got right in his face. I was so annoyed however that I initially spoke to him in Serbian, telling him ‘da, govorim srpski jezik. Da li imate problem?!’. (Yes, I speak Serbian. Do you have a problem?).

Then I shouted at him in English that he needed to keep his pathetic pea-brained opinions to himself among other things.

Chances are that he didn’t actually understand what I said to him initially, and I’m wondering if this, or my whole confrontation with him pushed me into the jerk category.

So I’m going to let you decide who was the jerk here?”

Another User Comments:
“He’s the jerk; there’s no question.

He’s wrong on every count: his thinking is bigoted; he was rude in public; he created an issue out of something that does not matter… (and I think he’s part of an organized hate group, but I don’t know recent English politics that well).

So you win. But, it’s worth pointing out that although you did nothing wrong in terms of book choice, he evidently got under your skin and made you join him in making the scene worse.

You could have ignored him, told him to mind his own business, or possibly changed train cars. Instead, you inexplicably swear at him in a foreign language, which sort of erodes your moral high ground and supports his asinine point-of-view. What purpose, other than trying to heighten the antagonization, could this serve? If you wanted to speak up for yourself, it should have been in the language everyone in the car was likely to share. Don’t get me wrong. He’s still the problem, but that doesn’t give you a free pass for everything you do after he starts the problem.” flignir

Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. The other guy is most certainly the jerk; you were just telling him off. I would have done the same thing.” CharlieLovesPie

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Realitycheck 1 month ago
Nothing to do with jerks.... the question is do you want tension between you two in the future WITH or WITHOUT your money?
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4. AITJ For Reacting To My Partner When She Said "Whatever" About My Anxiety Disorder?

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“I was born with an anxiety disorder that has slowly destroyed my life since I was 13. I’ve gone through 2 psychiatrists and 1 psychologist specializing in neurofeedback therapy. After dozens of therapy sessions, emergency hospital visits, and thousands of dollars worth of medical debt, my only form of control over my anxiety has been taking Xanax for the past 6+ years.

I’ve been with my partner for over 3 years and my anxiety disorder has yet to be fully understood by her.

We’ve had arguments before about it and she’s said things like, ‘Everyone stresses out all the time, you’re not alone in this’ and ‘All you need to do is think positive thoughts and relax’ or ‘Being addicted isn’t the answer’. She can’t seem to grasp the uncontrollable, life grasping, dark and depressing nature of anxiety and how it is a mental disorder and not just a mood swing.

I think it’s because she and her family have never dealt with a mental disorder before and, like many of us Redditors deal with, have no idea what the solution or results are.

So I went to her dentist’s office today because I wanted to try a new dentist. When I went today, I asked her dentist if she could schedule the first cleaning for another time because I have anxiety and I need to take medicine to be able to be calm through even the most basic medical procedures.

In fact, I start to hyperventilate, get short breaths, and panic when I go to job interviews if I don’t take Xanax beforehand. So her dentist totally understood and told me she was there to make things as comfortable as I need. I was on the phone with my partner just talking about my day and I told her this bit and she says, ‘Why didn’t you let her just do the cleaning? She would have let you relax or calm down if you needed to’ but it’s not as simple as that.

If I begin to get an anxiety attack, it will take a lot of downtime for me to get past it and the experience of it is too horrible for me to willingly go through. I tried to tell my partner this and she says, ‘Okay fine, whatever, I just think you don’t need to pop pills all the time and should have just let her do her job’…

So I stayed silent for a bit and then just hung up on her. Now I’m annoyed at her and just wanna curse her out.

Am I the jerk here? I have a mental disorder that’s plagued me for the past 10+ years and it will most likely stay with me for the rest of my life. I would have probably killed myself long ago if I didn’t have Xanax to keep my brain from going crazy and my body from self-destructing.

But it’s all trivialized by my partner as if it’s just something to shrug off my shoulder and easily fixed with a bright smile or something.”

Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. Do you know of any kind of therapy session that she could join in and maybe help her understand your anxiety? I have anxiety problems myself. Nothing like yours from the sounds of it, but my husband understands and helps me through it.

I feel like everyone needs that.” Elmer701

Another User Comments:
“A companion is one who upholds you regardless of their opinion on the subject. Whatever their stance on the matter, a true companion will place your feelings above their opinion. If you are scared of the creepy evil clown under your bed at the age of 32, that might seem silly to most of humanity, but the fact is, you are still scared.

A person who calls themselves your significant other wants for you what is best for you. Trivializing your discomfort is not what is best for you. What is best for you is to help you get better and, if not possible, help you live a better life.

Our world is overflowing with stories of people attached to intimate relationships that continue to poison their lives year after year.

I’m sure you’ve heard the stories. Ask yourself if you might not be one of these. Sometimes we chose to overlook the obvious to fulfill our agenda. Sometimes you are your worst enemy.” f0k4ppl3

Another User Comments:
“You’re not at all the jerk. But you’ve got to wonder if you’re with the right partner if after 3 years with you she still doesn’t understand this. To me, it’s not just dismissiveness, it’s arrogance.

Does she think she knows better than the doctor who prescribes your medication? She thinks she knows better than you, the person who has lived with this disorder for 6 years and seen how crippling it can be? She even thinks she knows better than the dentist, who immediately understood the seriousness of what you were talking about and worked to get you what you needed.

I mean, look — I don’t know you or her, and this is beyond the scope of what you asked our opinions for here. But if she’s still making comments like this after 3 years together and multiple arguments in which presumably you’ve tried to explain to her the seriousness of what you’re dealing with… as an outsider, I’ve got to wonder if she’s just never going to get it.” flippy77

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rbleah 1 week ago
NTJ I think she thought she could handle it but found out she can't. Maybe it is time to let go of her.
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3. AITJ For Holding Up The Line While I Check My Order?

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“I’m in the drive-through at McDonald’s. It’s rush hour and pretty busy. The last two times I was there, they screwed up the order in a way that you couldn’t see until you unwrap or open everything. So this time, when I get my order I open each sandwich wrapper before I drive away to make sure things are right. The guy behind me blasts his horn repeatedly as if I’m sitting at a green light.

Now, I understand his point. Even if he knows exactly what I’m doing, he probably thinks I should pull forward to let him get to the window before I spend everyone’s time checking on my order. But I don’t want to do this because if they did screw it up, I’ll have to park, go inside, and explain it to someone who had nothing to do with it (or drive around and wait behind at least 4 cars).

Also, since I sat and waited at that window for at least a half-minute before they showed up with food, I don’t think I wasted any time that made a difference to the next car.

So, was I being a jerk?”

Another User Comments:
“Yes, I think you were the jerk. I understand the frustration that comes with having a messed-up order, but it’s really just a 5-minute fix, on the 1/100 chance they made a mistake.

You were justifiably annoyed at that particular McDonald’s for messing up two consecutive orders, but you have to consider the fact that, statistically, your order is overwhelmingly likely to be in order. You are potentially wasting the irreplaceable time of the people behind you on the very unlikely chance that you’ll have to spend 5 minutes getting your order fixed (most likely time you’d have to waste whether you found the error while at the window or after pulling off to the side.)

Your last point, that the next customer would likely have to wait 30 seconds before getting his food anyway, isn’t that solid.

First, he might not have to wait at all. Depending on what he ordered, they might have had his food all ready to go. Second, the person at the back of the line, before the speaker, is waiting to pull up to the speaker and order. The sooner he gets to the speaker, the sooner he gets his food.

As a general rule, customers at businesses designed to maximize speed should appreciate the sense of urgency of the other customers and respect their precious time.

If you have a special need to studiously inspect your food, that’s on you. Move out of the way and check your food on your own time.” benito823

Another User Comments:
“The honker was the only jerk here unless you took longer than thirty seconds inspecting your order. I’ve had a second bag of food come out later than the first when ordering salads or parfaits. I’ve also had to wait thirty seconds to get some ketchup or salad dressing.

The only time I ever honk at someone is if they are doing something extremely unsafe on the road. Even after missed left green lights I imagine the person holding up the line feels embarrassed and doesn’t need an audible reminder.” lonestarfisherman

Another User Comments:
“I don’t work at McDonald’s but I work at a different burger place and I get what you mean but it can be frustrating for everyone.

Sometimes I’ll have 5+ orders that come off at the same time I need to hand out, or one order had an add-on so more accumulating because we already started cooking those, and it’s not like we can stop. If everyone would sit there and inspect their orders it makes it hard because other people’s food might get cold and then they return it and we have to remake their food, meanwhile, the order after theirs is getting cold and we could have to remake that too.

It’s just kind of a domino effect, but you’re right a good amount of the time it is our fault so I understand you wouldn’t want to get out of the car. It’s unnecessary the guy was laying on the horn at you but it can be hard to please everyone.

I feel bad because at my work I know I can come off rude because if I’m not moving the drives fast enough I get yelled at.

Each car is supposed to be done within 30 seconds (or quicker ideally) and if the customer sits there or keeps asking for different things it takes a while and there’s nothing I can do about it. Meanwhile, we’re supposed to provide excellent customer service obviously – like a lot higher than regular fast food places. It’s a little hard when in the meantime you’re getting yelled at to hurry up while we’re doing what the customer wants. Sorry, I went off on a little tangent and I know you weren’t even asking if it’s rude to the workers. Just trying to say why it might irritate people but I wouldn’t say you’re a jerk.” once_ler

-1 points (3 votes)
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DebbyT 1 month ago
YTJ. This is something that really irks me. People who are too lazy to pull forward, park, then actually WALK in if something's wrong with your order. You want to inconvenience the people behind you so that YOU are not inconvenienced. Typical 'me,me,me...it's all about ME' artitude. Grow up.
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2. AITJ For Not Inviting A Guy To My Wedding?

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“I was the best man in a friend’s wedding roughly 4 years ago. We were decent friends and we would hang out a good deal. After he got married, no one really saw him again. He was around, but was busy with his marriage and finishing up his degree (we were both in the same year of undergrad in different majors).

So we drifted apart. And then about 2.5 years ago, we basically stopped talking completely.

He had moved off campus and was commuting to classes. It’s cool. It happens. And neither one of us really made an effort to hang out with the other or make contact at all.

Fast forward to 2013 – I proposed to my partner and we started the engagement process. We started making invite lists and had to trim them down drastically. We got to my friend and decided that it would be alright if we didn’t invite him and his wife.

He had a bit of an argumentative attitude and we knew that he probably wouldn’t get along with one of her family members. Plus, we figured it would be one of those situations where they knew we were getting married (yay for social media) and would be happy for us but would understand not being invited since we had drifted so far apart.

Last week, I received a series of texts from the first friend saying that they are severely hurt and upset that they included me in their wedding and now they don’t even get invited to ours.

I told him that I could see where he was coming from, and that we would love it if they could make it.

He gave me an address to send an invitation but told me that he probably couldn’t get the time off work.

My thought was, ‘Sooooo… you want me to send you an invitation to a wedding you weren’t invited to…so that you can say that you can’t make it?’

Am I in the wrong here? I get that I was his best man, but we honestly hadn’t talked for at least two years.

Was I wrong for assuming it was fine not to invite him?”

Another User Comments:
“Inviting him would be polite, but since you haven’t talked in years I wouldn’t call you a jerk. People here are harsh. My husband and I didn’t get invited to a wedding a couple of years ago. The bride was a friend’s widow. We were there for her through the treatments and in his last week of life, we were camped out with her at the hospital and my husband helped arrange a memory memorial service (they were best friends).

She didn’t invite us to her wedding. My husband was really hurt, but I look at it from her point of view. Part of it was it was hard for her because we remind her of a tough point in her life. Another reason is the awkward introduction since we were friends of her first husband (she was very young when they married). My point is people drift apart and if you choose not to invite him that is your choice.” Viperbunny

Another User Comments:
“You should have invited him.

It’s that simple. I don’t want to call you a jerk because your intentions weren’t bad. But, all the same, if you were his best man you invite him to your wedding. Make it a point to catch up with this guy and hang out sometime.” dinosaur_train

Another User Comments:
“You didn’t have an obligation to invite him but you’re still a pretty big jerk IMO. People grow apart and events like this are the great equalizer to time and distance.” BaI1sack

-1 points (3 votes)
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Pabs 1 month ago
NTJ. The phone works both ways and he made no effort to keep up with you. Now he wants an invite to a wedding he said he probably won’t attend. Enough us enough. Life goes on. People change. People move in and out of our lives.
3 Reply

1. AITJ For Walking In The Street When No One Shoveled Their Sidewalks?

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“I was walking home earlier today (I live in Boston by the way) and no one in the backstreets towards my house bothered to shovel their sidewalks, so I had to walk in the street. I’m staying as far to the side as I can and some witch starts honking at me to get out of her way. There are snowbanks on either side of the road that is about 4-5 feet tall, so I decide to stand in the next driveway coming up in about 25 feet.

She holds the horn the entire time until she passes by and gives me a glare. Am I a jerk?

P.S. It should be noted that in hindsight I would’ve spit on her car.”

Another User Comments:|
“Neither she nor you were because, in these situations of dangerous weather, it is harder for pedestrians and drivers. The pedestrians have to make their way around the worst spots the best they can, while drivers, doing the same thing, have to cope with shorter stopping distances.

So… wrong place at the wrong time? Also: snowshoes.” coolt22

Another User Comments:
“No. It was a minor issue that the driver chose to deal with in a douchebag manner. As long as you’re not holding up a stream of traffic in a 60mph zone, it’s okay to walk on the street when absolutely needed. Here in Switzerland, hikers walking on the road are a common scene. There are no sidewalks in most rural areas.

Sure, they could step into the mud to the side of the road every time a car passes by, but that’s just inconvenient.” KeroTrip

Another User Comments:
“Here’s what you have to consider: Yes, the sidewalks suck when people don’t shovel. But you know what sucks more than slipping on the sidewalk? Hitting a patch of ice with your car and killing a pedestrian who was walking in the street.

It’s super trashy that people don’t shovel their sidewalks. But walking in the street, especially when the weather isn’t great, is never a smart idea IMO. The driver was being a complete witch, yes. But please, as a safe driver who doesn’t want to run someone over, please just walk on the sidewalk. Or walk in the street, but step out of it when cars pass.” VOZ1

-3 points (3 votes)
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rbleah 1 week ago
NTJ I would have flipped her off as she drove by
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Are their explanations convincing? You be the judge about who the jerk is! Upvote, downvote, and comment on your favorite stories by signing up for a Metaspoon account. Click Log In at the top right corner of this page to get started. (Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences)