People Confess Their Sly Stories Of Revenge
45. Yeah, It Sucks To Be Me
“I worked at a Bose store years ago, when I was about 24, in an incredibly slow area. We still did a little under $1,000,000 a year, but there were days where we stood around with very little to do. Oftentimes, we would clean the outside windows, since the little mall we were in no longer had outside custodians (the Bose store was the anchor for that outlet mall).
It was cold, so I put on my black hoodie, got my bucket, rag, and squeegee, and headed out to work. Now, I was still in my uniform, but with the hoodie on, only my khaki pants and black dress shoes were visible, no identifying tag to show I worked for Bose.
Up walks a young man, 22 (saw it on his resume later), and before I can greet him and say I’ll be right with him, he walks past me and mutters:
‘Sucks to be you.’
I can’t help it. I set my stuff down, walk into the building, take my hoodie off, and stand behind the counter, in my Bose shirt, with my Bose name tag, where he’s waiting, with his application and resume in hand.
His look was the best and most satisfying thing of it all – I read it as sucks to be me.
I took it to the store manager and told him the story, then suggested he give the kid a callback and tell him his skills would be better suited to something similar to a window washer.
My manager did it, too.”
44. I Got My Revenge And Helped My Son With His Project
“Once I knew my partner was unfaithful to me. It was pretty obvious. Not only had his habits changed, but he was going to the gym and looking into hair removal for the first time, but I didn’t say anything about it. He was a furry burger and I knew that bothered him. So, I decided to help him look more attractive but I wasn’t sure exactly how until my son started learning how to make Home Made Sugar Wax.
So I put 2 + 2 together and decided I could help my significant other look and feel better, well, lol, maybe not feel better but to look better, and also give my son an avenue to test his sugar wax on someone.
You see recipes are testy when you live at a high altitude. It’s so easy to overcook. So, I really didn’t want my son testing his new Home Made Sugar Wax on his own delicate skin when I had a willing lab rat conveniently right there at home.
We followed instructions exactly with much care. My son cooked it, and then I lovingly coated my S.O.’s lower legs up to his knees in the wax and we covered them with the strips we made. While those were setting, we did a couple of spots on his chest and a smiling line just right below them.
After we finished the coating process on the top, enough time had passed that the legs should have been perfect for stripping the hair right off them.
But it seems when you live at 10,000 feet, sometimes overcooking really isn’t that obvious as we learned in this case, lol. So, when I tried to pull the strips off they just would not move. They were stuck. My SO tried to pull them off, but it was too painful and he couldn’t do it on his own.
I suggested he soak the strips off in the tub, but he was afraid the approximate 2 cups of wax I had applied to him would get stuck around his junk and possibly glue it to his trunk, which was actually a very real possibility.
So it really seemed there were only 2 choices, they either be left on until they fell off in a few weeks, or be pulled off.
Since leaving them on was not an option for him, he begged and pleaded with my son to pull the strips off as he was the only one strong enough to do it.
How gross is that? Excuse me? Your mom’s SO wanting you to pull the wax strips off your body.
It just was not a possibility. After some negotiation, he decided to pay my son $50 to pull them off so that it was more of a professional endeavor rather than a personal favor.
By the time the process of removal actually started more than an hour had passed. Maybe 2? So they were really attached.
With my big strong son sitting on my SO’s stomach while I attempted to hold his feet down, one by one, my son ripped away as my SO screamed in agony as the strips came off, LMAO.
Once removed he had a big Smiley Face fashioned out of bald spots across his chest and upper torso while having perfectly smooth legs up to his knees which left him looking like he was wearing fur shorts.
Yeah, after that I really looked forward to him going on his next outing. I seriously could not get him out of the house fast enough as I sincerely felt this was going to be better than the E-lax cookies he had eaten for his last outing.
To this day, I’m not sure what possessed me to do such a thing, as that’s not commonly the way I handle things, but I have to say it made the break up so much more enjoyable when I finally did have that chat with him.
So, I don’t regret it as it was too much fun!”
43. Gossiping Acquaintances Got Confronted
“My daughter worked in a popular bagel shop on weekends and summer in High School. We had a neighbor that was very competitive and jealous of me I guess and my kids, never knew why. She went to the bagel shop where my daughter worked with one of her friends and waited in line until my daughter would be the one that waited on them. Pretending to whisper but certainly loud enough for my daughter and other employees and patrons to hear, the neighbor said to her friends, ‘you can tell that is S’s daughter, you can tell by the nose.’
My daughter and son were great students in HS, popular, good-looking, and always very giving and nice to everyone.
I guess she just wanted to hurt someone’s feelings. My daughter came home and told me about it, her feelings were hurt. I told her to pay no attention, some people are just small and it wasn’t very nice, just ignore.
The next time I saw that neighbor she was with a few other women in a store shopping. She ran up to me and said, ‘S, I haven’t seen you in ages, how are you and hubby and the kids, blah, blah.’ This is not my normal reaction but I did it anyhow.
I looked her in the eye and spoke loudly, we are all fine, thanks for asking. Then I said, Nancy, I’ve always wanted to say this to you since you attempted to make a young girl feel bad on a couple of occasions. My daughter could always get a nose job (she doesn’t need one) but there isn’t a darned thing you can do about your beady eyes or lack of personality and class! She stopped dead in her tracks, especially as the cackle from the other women filled her ears. Whenever she runs into me, she heads any direction but mine!”
42. I Don't Want To Argue With People Who Don't Listen
“My ex-boss thought that the people she employed she also owned. So she’d get angry and scream or whatever because she’s got other problems with nobody to listen to her. (I’ll sound misogynistic here).
She’s a 40-year-old woman who is single and is rumored to be the mistress to the head of the company who is married and has a wife in another country. The rumor might not be true (even though I’m inclined to think it is) but stop at the 40 and single in a country like Indonesia one can conclude that she is a very insecure woman and that indeed she was.
For some reason, she likes to talk to guys and expect them to humor her but when something is different, slightly wrong, she will direct her anger on the male population of the office, and being the only male in her room, I was often subjected to her mood.
One time I was at the warehouse on a Saturday and we were waiting for more detailed information as to where to send, who to address, and how many do they need to be sent.
I was the warehouse admin at the company. It was almost 12 o’clock and the delivery truck comes at 1 or 2 so we have to prepare the packages before that and since we don’t have the full info yet, she decided to talk to me about how I rarely work overtime on a Saturday when she almost always does.
I told her, I don’t think it’s necessary because I always finish my report and never need to finish it on a Saturday unless the company needs me for delivery on a Saturday, in which I’ll come.
But I’d preferably not work on a Saturday for a measly Rp. 60.000, when most people are paid a minimum of 100k–150k rupiahs on other companies in Jakarta for a day of working overtime. And that 60k is only paid in full if I work from 8:30 am to 5:00 pm. I think it bothered her because once I knew that they only pay 60k for overtime, I did say I’d prefer not to work overtime unless it’s really urgent.
(60k is really not much in Jakarta. You eat for like 15k once, so 3 times a day is 45k rupiahs. And my transport costs me 6k. And the 9K is what’s left.)
She told me, ‘If you work overtime, the company loses money. Do you understand that, Hakmer? So when the company asks you to come on a Saturday, you should come because the company pays.’
She went on lecturing me for half an hour about how the company loses money and how my life is supposed to be dedicated to the company and how the most important thing in the world is this company she’s head of the finance department of, and when she’s done she asked me,
‘Do you understand, now, Hakmer.’
‘Yes, I do, Ci,’ I said.
I always say yes because I don’t like arguments with people who don’t listen. I’d rather just get it over with. She should’ve stopped at that but then she asked me,
‘What do you understand?’
‘If I work overtime to help the company, the company loses money. And that’s why I don’t work overtime. I don’t want the company to lose money.’
I think her jaw dropped, I don’t know. All I knew was she wasn’t making any sound through the phone for a few seconds. And then she said, okay continue with what you’re doing, and didn’t talk to me for the whole day. She sent us the details of the delivery via the OB and didn’t use the phone.”
41. Jealous Coworker Sent Me Feedback
“I just got my current job in November of last year, as an IT engineer. My department is a really small one, only two IT engineers, 2 technicians, and my boss.
Though my position is IT Engineer, I am more focused on Web Development, so by January my co-worker approaches me and says, ‘You know they are going easy on you? The boss is not giving you the same amount of work they used to give to the guy who was here before you.’
Yep, that hurt, for many reasons—chiefly by being under-valued for the simple fact of being a woman, as well as for being new to the enterprise.
I decided I wasn’t going to have any of that. I was going to demonstrate to him and (mostly) to my boss that I didn’t need any special treatment, and that I could be as good as the guy who was before me. So I started a dynamic programming project, which consists basically of a platform that makes my life easier when it comes to developing demos, creating new apps, creating CRUDS, reports, etc… in summary, my program was like a small personalized WordPress, filling my needs and the needs of the requirements people would ask me.
People started noticing this project, since I was creating reports 3 times faster and prettier than the old guy, releasing brand new/renovated apps in less than 1 month, all because I had this ‘template of templates’ helping me. By June of this year, my co-worker approaches me again, telling me the same freaking thing: ‘You still don’t truly belong to the company, because they are still going easy on you.’
That was it.
I had already released 3 FULL SYSTEMS implemented globally, migrated lots of trashy reports and applications that made me travel in time and feel in the ’90s, so I breathed slowly, calming myself down, and sent an email to my boss while also forwarding the message to him, which went something like this:
‘Hi Boss, this email is to let you know I’m tremendously alarmed by the feedback I got from my coworker this morning, he said to me in front of a provider that you were being acquiescent with me, and therefore I wasn’t performing all the tasks I should have been doing by this time.
I just want to know the reason for this, because if I applied for this job and if you hired me, I think it’s because I can do the tasks related to it, so I don’t see what would make you think I can’t bear the whole responsibility. For some background, this topic was already touched upon in January of this year with the same output, that you were going easy on me, and I used this feedback in my favor to get more focused and try to give more, but since I see that didn’t work, and my co-worker still tells me you are making this special treatment to me I decided to talk straight about it. Regards!’
So obviously I knew this was all my co-worker’s jealousy or God knows what, but I played dumb, and it worked perfectly! My boss replied that he didn’t know the basis of my co-worker’s comments and that he was more than satisfied with my performance, and that in fact, I had done way more than the old guy in way less time…”
40. Jerk Got Played At His Own Game
“I work on cars at a dealer, and we had this new service writer start. Guy thought he was the real deal, knew more than everyone. Had a terrible attitude when he dealt with technicians. He’s thrown tickets at us, called us names, and yelled. If we didn’t do what he said he’d go crying to the manager, make up lies, and start a mess. So I generally don’t start trouble, if someone asks me for help or a question I oblige.
I’m considered pretty knowledgeable when it comes to cars, I don’t know everything, though enough to diagnose. I had trouble dealing with this guy, the constant superiority attitude, never getting back to me about customers, and generally trying to make me look bad.
Well, one day, I got another of his tickets, customer states their check engine light is on. Code is a P0456, an evap leak, very small.
It’s still under warranty so I go ahead and run my tests, I pressurize the system and determine the purge solenoid is bad. I write it up, fill out all forms, get the new part and replace the faulty solenoid, and run a test to make sure I fixed it. Everything comes out good, the vehicle passed and I’m feeling relief, like cool I don’t have to deal with this jerk of a service writer.
I park the car after a test drive and hand it to the guy. I’m about to walk away and he stops me. He asks me ‘what was wrong with the car’?’ I inform him it was a bad solenoid. His response to that is ‘what was wrong with it?’ I look at him like, what? Why are you asking me what’s wrong with the solenoid? I realize he’s trying to make me look stupid, and everyone in the office is looking at us.
I get mad, tired of his crap. So I respond with what I could based on my understanding of solenoids.
My response is ‘Well if you could read what I wrote, you’d see the solenoid went bad. Do you know how a solenoid works?? Don’t answer that, a solenoid is a coil of copper wire that when energized creates a magnetic field, that field will apply magnetic force onto a pintle or plunger that makes it move.
When that plunger moves it moves the seal attached to it, generally that’s how this particular solenoid works. Now it has gone bad based on the readings I got with my multimeter, I could take the solenoid apart and show you exactly where in the copper coil it has failed due to either a build-up of high resistance or a broken connection however I am not paid to disassemble these tiny parts.
Instead, I’m paid to repair the vehicle and keep the customer happy so we don’t waste their time or mine… kinda like what you’re doing now. Any questions?’ He is speechless, his mouth dropped open in disbelief. I finish by telling him to next time read what I wrote. As I turn around to leave I hear the writer next to him laugh and say ‘damn dude, you shouldn’t mess with him especially since you’re going to need his help.’
I promptly went to the manager after this and requested that he be terminated. He didn’t get fired despite his constant bad attitude and lying to customers and technicians, or his obvious illegal habits. Instead, he quit to ‘pursue’ better avenues of employment. He did however refrain from showing me an attitude after that day. So I passively and aggressively shut down this jerk by playing him at his own game.”
39. Trucker "Helped" The Idiot With His Car
“This wasn’t me but an acquaintance of my father’s some decades ago. Let’s call him John. We live where snow falls just enough to make traffic problems a couple of times a year.
Most drivers either slow down or even stay home when it snows but some people have to drive and some people just don’t learn. It was snowing and traffic was slowed but moving. A meter or so had already piled up so things were treacherous.
John is traveling behind a semi-tractor, moving steadily.
Of course along comes an idiot sliding, skidding, and swerving around other cars. Rear tires spin away shooting slush, snow, and sand everywhere. John watches in his mirrors as the idiot barely misses other cars then edges to the side to let him by. Idiot swerves back out around a semi-truck whose brake lights come on as he cuts off the rig.
A few kilometers later everything slows to a crawl then the truck stops at the bottom of a steep hill. A few minutes later John gets out and trudges through the slushy snow to the front of the truck. Idiot is partway up the hill spinning madly but getting nowhere, effectively blocking the road for the large semi. Trucker climbs out of the cab and taps John on the shoulder, ‘Let’s help this guy out.’ He winks.
Nary another word was said. The two of them walk to the back of the idiot’s car. Apply shoulders to it, and as the tires spin, shove it unceremoniously into the ditch at the side of the road. High fives and back to their respective vehicles to drive slowly by cursing idiot.”
38. The Day My Dad Stood Up For Me
“I was one of those kids who was bullied in high school — not so much actively humiliated but mostly ignored. With one exception, and that was a person I will call Jeff.
Jeff whispered nasty things to me under his breath in art class. We lived near each other and he said nasty things at the bus stop. He sneered at me and called me nose picker and Lizzie Borden.
Finally, one day we were both walking to the bus stop and he threw a big tree branch at me, and I realized it was time to go to my parents, who were divorced.
First, you have to know something about my dad. His fits of anger when he feels that he’s being lied to are legendary. When he’s mad, he’s MAD (but not at us). I’m not condoning his actions.
I’m simply prepping you for the next part of the story.
He once got lost on the tollway and went back and forth paying toll after toll and getting more and more agitated as we all do when we’re lost. Finally, he got more directions and explained to the next toll taker he had already paid the toll many times, but the guy didn’t care. Dad ended up screaming and throwing the change at the toll taker.
Another time, we went out on a rented boat that turned out not to work. Same thing. The guy who rented us the boat refused our payment and again my dad threw a bunch of change at him, most ending up on the ground.
Back to the present. I was ashamed of the bullying because I figured it was justified and there was something wrong with me.
But one day my dad was visiting and I mumbled that this guy Jeff, who lived near us, was bullying me, and I described what he had done.
Up until then, my dad had been very preoccupied with the divorce and moving and his new life. So I was unprepared for what happened.
When he heard what Jeff had done, he got livid. He wanted to call Jeff’s mother, but the number was unlisted.
My dad said words that are forever etched in my memory ‘Well, he doesn’t have an unlisted house.’
He thunders in the direction of Jeff’s house and I meekly follow. Then we were in the middle of Jeff’s living room with his mom, my dad in full red-faced mode brusquely telling her what her son had done.
She called, ‘JEFF COME INTO THE LIVING ROOM.’ Of course, he had heard the whole conversation.
He meekly slithered his way in, knowing what he was in for.
‘Is this TRUE????’ his mom asks.
Big old bully Jeff, who was really a scrawny kid, meekly nodded his head up and down. He looked like he was about to burst into tears. He didn’t say a word the whole time.
The obvious double-teaming ensued, and I don’t remember what was said (I was 16), but believe me, I don’t think it’s something Jeff will ever forget.
As I stood there and watched the show, my feeling was not vengeful. Instead, I had this overwhelming feeling of love for my dad.
You see, he had not paid that much attention to me in a very long time. The divorce had taken him away and he was busy with his new life. I had no idea that he cared that much to do this. It was, in his own way, a sign that he still loved and cared for me.
Jeff never even glanced my way again. Ever.
This was the day my dad stood up for me. And Jeff got what he deserved. It is one of the fondest memories that I have of my dad, nothing but unselfish love, and it has sustained me for a long time.”
37. Sorry, I Forgot My Rat Was In There
“I was managing a large farm supplies shop (Stockfeed, fence posts to animal health) and I lived in the countryside. I was well known locally and would often chuck some bits and pieces into my ute (pickup truck) and drop them off to clients on the way home.
One older lady, Mrs. Grumpy (70?) would ring, want a 40kg bag of dog biscuits delivered, lugged into a distant shed, and emptied into a 200-liter drum with a removable lid.
Never a Thank you or moving obstacles to make it easier. I did it as her husband had been a good client and a nice guy.
The last time I delivered to her…I took the lid off the drum….and there was a huge rat running around on the bottom of the drum. I slowly tipped the dog biscuits in…the rat kept climbing…after 40kg it was near the top… then I slammed the lid on. Dear old Mrs. Grumpy never got me to drop any more off!”
36. May I Use Your Tongue, Instead, For The Trial Run?
“During one of my industrial internships, I had a colleague (let’s call him X). X was what one would typically call, a fawner. A suck-up. And a jerk of the highest order.
X was a contractor. I was an engineer. X felt threatened. So X went out of his way to make me feel uncomfortable. X would be condescending (it didn’t help that everyone at that company was senior to me).
So, after 1.5 months of tolerating crap, I was this close to unleashing the underworld on X. All I desired was a suitable opportunity…
And that opportunity came to me one fine Wednesday afternoon. I was printing some documents on A2 sheets and needed to cut off the white blank edges of the papers. So I take my sheets and go to the guillotine (or a paper cutter, in simpler terms).
X saunters round to where I am working and then casually asks me:
X: ‘Do you know how to use a guillotine? Have you used one before?’
Me (trying to be nice): ‘Yes. But could you please show me once nevertheless?’
X (smirks and passes a rather nasty look to my colleagues): ‘Well it’s easy. You put your fingers through the end and pull the blade…’
Me (in a flash of brilliance): ‘That’s REALLY nice, but I’d rather use your acrimonious tongue than my hands to do the trial run.’
All the while, steadfastly meeting his gaze, while maintaining a sincere, effusive smile.
The whole office burst into laughter, amidst shouts and jabs of ‘HE GOT YOU!’, ‘THAT WAS STUNNING’, ‘OMG! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?’ etc.
X took off early that afternoon and took the remaining two days off. Thankfully, he behaved professionally during the remaining time of my internship.”
35. Your Japanese Is Not That Good Either
“Several years ago I was in my orthopedic surgeon’s office awaiting a periodic checkup and x-ray for my recently broken hip. At that time, there was a new product on the market for which sales representatives were visiting doctor’s offices to evaluate the effectiveness of their products (an electro-shock bone mending stimulator of some sort as I recall).
On this particular day, a bright young rep requested to be in on my appointment as I had been loaned one of these heinously expensive devices on a trial basis.
Thinking this might be of benefit—allowing my doctor and me to ask questions together, I agreed. She and her assistant accompanied me to an examining room to wait for the surgeon. Both women were younger than me, were professionally coiffed, made-up, and dressed, and seemed to be knowledgeable about their product and how it would be of benefit to patients.
Whilst waiting, they talked between themselves, ignoring me.
I didn’t mind, there was really very little I cared to discuss with them until the doctor arrived. At one point, however, the Rep turned to me to thank me for allowing her and her assistant to join me in this evaluation. ‘Of course, I hope this is helpful.’
Had she left it at that, all would have been well. But—she added that she was relieved that I had agreed as the ‘other’ patient she had approached in the waiting room was not at all helpful.
While rolling her eyes and smirking, she stated that this older gentleman’s English was heavily accented, didn’t use the correct tenses, spoke in broken sentences and was practically unintelligible, and certainly wasn’t born ‘here’.
I had had it with Bimbo and Bimbette, and said, without thinking ‘Well, I would bet that his English is better than your Japanese’. They excused themselves and I never saw them again. I did end up getting the contraption for free.”
34. I Brought Him A Special Punching Bag
“I was a student at the time and had a part-time job at a men’s clothing store in a mall. The store I worked in shared underground storage with another shop. The other shop was also a clothing store but targeted more at teens and young adults. The people working in this shop was for the most part pretty teens and younger guys, all of which were good-looking and cool like you’d expect from a shop that sold Levi’s and Diesel jeans.
Now, every time my shop needed stocking up, we had to go through this next door shop, and down a set of stairs to our shared basement to get stuff. Most of the time this was okay, but this one guy was working in the trendy shop. He had an entourage of mates and pretty girls, never fewer than 4–5 people, always the same ones and EVERY time I had to carry a cardboard box full of socks or underwear to stock up, he’d use the box as a punching bag.
Hard as he could, he’d punch big holes in the box, with socks, t-shirts, or underwear flying everywhere, to the delight of his court.
I have to clarify one thing here, this wasn’t bullying, we were actually good mates, it just got bloody annoying over time since he didn’t stop no matter how many times I asked. Also, he was much bigger than me so I couldn’t really make good on any promise to kick his butt.
Well, one day I’d had enough and thought I’d teach him a lesson, so I put a sturdy piece of wooden shelf inside a big box of socks and carried it happily up the stairs.
And sure enough, he just couldn’t resist the juicy target and landed an all-mighty punch that almost crushed his knuckles.
Loud thud immediately followed by a very painful howl as he went down on the floor in front of his admirers, clutching his hand in agony. I continued next door, high-fived my colleague, and laughed my butt off. It was filmed perfectly. He stopped after that.”
33. Thanks, I Enjoyed My Shrimp
“I was at a Chinese supermarket looking to buy shrimp for my significant other. Shrimp is expensive and happened to be on sale for a great deal that week. If you’ve ever been to a Chinese supermarket, you’ll know that customer service is not the greatest thing and that some of the shoppers there are not very respectful, to say the least.
So I’m in the seafood line waiting to be serviced.
When suddenly, one older Chinese woman (mid ’60s) pushes her way in front of me to examine the shrimp that is on sale. Maybe it was because I wasn’t confident in my Cantonese speaking abilities (I am an American-born Chinese) or maybe it was because I thought she was just browsing – whatever the reason, I didn’t say anything. The next thing I knew, she was placing an order for 5 pounds of shrimp.
5 pounds of shrimp.
There was absolutely none left. I watched in anger as I saw the 5 pounds of shrimp being handed to her in separate bags. I was boiling inside from the rage.
I watched as she put the shrimp in her cart and walked away to look at produce. Then, a single devious thought popped into my head. I went over to her cart, nabbed a bag of shrimp, and scurried deep into the supermarket with the biggest grin on my face.
Shrimp never tasted so good… and I don’t even like shrimp!”
32. Entitled Woman Can't Make Me Budge
“Many long years ago, my brother (who has a somewhat nervous disposition) and I went to the post office in our small Southern town. I parked in a space, dead center, and we went in and did our errand. As we were coming out, some entitled bimbo in a big truck parked in the space next to ours a scant 3 inches from my driver’s side door.
She pops out of the cab of the truck and starts to rush into the building.
I say, ‘Hey, I can’t get into my car!’ She hears me, gives me a dismissive wave of her hand, and runs into the building. Because her time is more important than mine. We had to wait a couple of minutes for her to come back outside. I’m leaning against the trunk of my car, staring daggers at her, and she smirks at me when she sees me.
As she starts to climb into the truck, I push off from the trunk of my car and go and stand right behind her truck. She can’t miss me in the rearview mirror. She starts up her truck, looks in the mirror, and sees me. Then she turns around, and I’m still there, arms crossed, staring her down. My brother is freaking out. This guy who happened to be passing by and saw the whole thing is sticking around enjoying the fun.
She motions for me to get out of the way. I stand there, just staring. She then decides to honk her horn. No effect. She starts to back up, just a bit, very slowly, hoping to make me move. I’m a big woman. I don’t scare that easily. My brother is on the verge of a hand-wringing meltdown. The audience guy is laughing his butt off.
I tell my brother to calm down, I’ll be okay. He gets in the car. (His side isn’t blocked, just my side.)
She stops again, honks, gestures for me to get out of the way. I just stand there. She rolls down her window and yells at me, ‘I can’t get out of my space! Get out of my way!’
I smile. ‘I couldn’t get into my car, you blocked me from getting to the driver’s side,’ I say.
‘When I told you you were blocking me, you ignored me, and went on in.’
‘Well, I’m out here now, and I want to leave!’ she says. Because it’s all about her.
‘I wanted to leave six minutes ago,’ I say. ‘Now, I want an apology.’
She fumes, and puts the truck in park. Then she gets out of the truck. And takes a couple of steps towards me.
She is a skinny little thing, I could knock her over with a hard stare. This fact dawns on her as she looks my immovable self over, and she huffs like an outmatched dog.
‘Well. I. Am. So. Sorry.’ She isn’t really, and I consider screwing with her a bit more but decide I have better things to do.
‘Thank you.’ Nice, sarcastic smile, and I walk off and stand by my brother’s side of the car as she pulls out and peels out of the parking lot like it was a NASCAR pit.
The laughing guy says, ‘I wouldn’t have missed that for the world.’
Me neither, Laughing Guy, me neither. My brother made me promise never to repeat that stunt.”
31. I Found A Way To Get Change
“I once found myself in need of change for a parking meter. Looking around, I noticed that there were no stores nearby, and I started to feel my anxiety rising, as I was on my way to an important meeting. Then I noticed that there was a post office nearby – what a lucky break! I went inside and asked the clerk for change of a dollar.
He refused. I pleaded my case and tried to get him to exchange my dollar bill for four quarters, but he maintained his position with the smugness of someone who takes pleasure in enforcing rules for the sake of enforcing rules. He seemed to take pleasure in my misfortune, especially since he knew that he had the power to help me, but also had the power to refuse to help me.
Frustrated and annoyed, I started towards the door in search of a friendly passer-by. Then it hit me – I returned to the counter and asked to buy one stamp (this was the early 1980’s, so a stamp cost around $0.20 back then). The look on his face was priceless… I had triumphed, and there was nothing he could do about it. (It occurred to me too to ask for a one-cent stamp just to maximize the inconvenience to him, but that would have been an inconvenience to me as well, so I opted for the single, first-class stamp). I probably should have saved that stamp, maybe even had it framed!”
30. Must Notify You When I Leave My Desk? Will Do
“I was an Airman in the Air Force working in COMSEC. It’s difficult to fully explain this job to people who have never done it, but the short version is glorified inventory management with penalties for messing up including but not limited to prison time.
We were working out of a temporary facility and not all of us in COMSEC could fit in the secure room. So, we were spread out in multiple offices.
I and my direct supervisor shared a small office, while my NCOIC (manager) was in a different one.
One day, I did what all civilized humans do at least once a day, and went to use the restroom. I came back, my supervisor said Sergeant Smith was looking for you. So, I went to her office:
Me: Yes ma’am, you wanted to see me?
Her: Why weren’t you at your desk?
Me: I was just using the restroom, ma’am.
Her: You need to be at your desk at all times, and when you’re not, you need to let me know.
Me: Yes ma’am!
At the time besides email for computer communication, we were using Skype. It was common practice in that office to send quick messages to each other over Skype. So, I made sure to let her know every time I left my desk using Skype – just as she ordered me to.
Every bathroom break. Every drink from the water fountain. I even notified her I was leaving my desk to come talk to her after she told me to come talk to her. Every. Single. Time. I left my desk, she was notified.
Me: Ma’am, I am getting up from my desk to grab a form 16 from the printer.
Her: Why are you using a printer in a different room?
Me: I’m not, but I have to leave my desk to retrieve it.
That was the last straw. She had enough. She told me to stop telling her when I leave my desk except when I leave for lunch.”
29. Mr. Angry Got Ignored
“A few years ago, my mate took me out for a spin in his Lotus Elise. We are both in our early thirties.
We’re driving along a coastal road, going through the gears but not gunning it, when we become aware of a big new model Mercedes E class aggressively up close behind flashing its lights.
We can’t think of anything we may have done wrong and wonder if perhaps the vehicle behind contains a bored executive who fancies a race in the company car.
We indicate for the aggressive Mercedes to pass before it ends up grazing us. As it roars to overtake we get a glimpse of a couple – perhaps in their late fifties or early sixties – inside, a red-faced angry man behind the wheel.
The logical conclusion is he has some issue with two younger males in a Lotus sports car. A clear case of Wee Man Syndrome.
The Mercedes, with Mr. Not-To-Be-Outdone, overtakes and cuts in close to the front of the Lotus, before roaring away up the road.
As he gets away, he slightly misjudges a bend and whacks the curb with a force that most likely resulted in minor wheel damage and/or a slow puncture. We watch his car bounce back to the road and his furious braking as he corrects himself, before roaring off again at double the pace.
To our delight, we catch up with the Mercedes a mile further down the road, stopped at a red traffic light at a junction before where the road forks in two.
My pal thinks exactly what I’m thinking, and we pull up beside the Merc, just a couple of inches in front, just enough to be noticed.
And we both make the beautiful decision deliberately to ignore Mr. Angry in his newly scuffed Mercedes, to look busy in a conversation between ourselves about something else entirely.
We chuckle as we feel Mr. Angry’s rage reach boiling point.
And when the lights change, we drive off slowly and calmly, as the Wee Man and his apparently unfortunate docile wife roar off in the other direction, back home to Angry Land.”
28. I Dared The Lawyer To Sue Me
“A few years ago I made a day trip from Austin to Dallas.
Upon arrival at DFW, I boarded the Alamo Rent-A-Car shuttle bus. There was one other person on the bus. He never made eye contact with me and kept looking at his watch, apparently, he was late for an appointment.
Once we arrived at the Alamo rental office, being a frequent renter I went to the ‘Silver Service’ line.
The other guy was in the regular line, still checking his watch, with a couple of people ahead of him…
I was standing at the counter with the sales agent when this guy finally gets to the counter for service. His wait in line had been no longer than five minutes, but suddenly, in a very self-important way, he was screaming at the agent about how he had to wait a whole FIVE minutes for service.
And he went on and on, not stopping, not letting the sales agent get in a word.
I stood there and watched this spectacle of rudeness for about one minute, then I told my agent: ‘Please excuse me for a minute.’
I walked over to the rude jerk berating the Alamo agent and calmly said: ‘Pardon me. Would it be possible for you to act nicely instead of being a rude jerk?’
At this point, he looked at me and said: ‘You had better watch out what you say to me. I’m a lawyer.’
I replied: ‘Then sue me!’
He was speechless. Later as he left the building, he walked by me as I was loading my car and said: ‘You big old HICK.’
I replied, ‘Have a nice day!'”
27. Rude Colonel Received Backlash From My Mom
“My mom was shopping at a small mall which is located in a buildings complex in which most military members and their families were living. And as most of you may know, there is a superior-subordinate relationship and level difference between military members. (a lieutenant must salute his commander on the street even on a holiday.)
Anyway, my mom was just leaving the mall with both of her hands full of packages.
She approached the door. At that moment, a man has just passed her quickly, opened the door, and just left the door without even caring the door could slam the person behind. The door hit my mom!
Mom: Excuse me! Please be careful when you slam a door to the person’s face behind!
Man: (turned back with an angry face… stopped 1–2 seconds trying to find what to answer. Then he found a terrible one) I… I’m… I am a colonel!! (Seriously? to a lady??)
Mom: (a woman who is always ready for these answers) I am a human indeed!
He walked away murmuring…”
26. Self-Affirming Consultant Shames Himself In Front Of Representatives
“I was working on a construction project in the Middle East for one of the major contractors to the project a few years back (was a national infrastructure build, and was not in Qatar). The client had hired a world-renowned consulting group to oversee all of the project’s major pieces. One of the consultants was a self-professed schedule optimization guru who decided to work his magic on the established build program (2 years in) to allow the client earlier access to the works than had originally been planned.
There were several reasons this was a bad idea, but they could all be summed up by saying that accelerating a program that includes close to 100 buildings and related infrastructure across 100+ square kilometers of project space, across multiple major international contractors from several different countries, raises the risk of failure to what most would consider an unacceptable level. A quick note on the project management side, he was trying to compress the schedule without realistic compensation by forcing more levels of coordination between the various companies working on the site, all the while removing his consulting organization from responsibility for this new unrealistic level of coordination.
This consultant would get representatives of all of the contractors (and somehow I got added to the list of representatives) in a room, and start haranguing us on how this was supposed to work, all the while failing to notice that everybody in the room thought he was insane. Unfortunately, no one really wanted to come out and say that the emperor in this case really had no clothes, and should probably nip back into his closet.
The consultant had one incredibly annoying habit. He would make a statement, and end it with ‘right?’ as if seeking affirmation from the group, and then answer his own question by declaring ‘Right.’ This was done in a rapid-fire sequence such that his monologues often went along the lines of: ‘So the sky is green, right? Right. That means that we need to issue boots to all the workers today, right? Right.
The client sells boots, so you will all be purchasing boots from the client today, right? Right.’ This was not an actual argument made by him, but several discussions went along those lines. This rapid-fire pattern was so ingrained in him, that he would often inject these self-affirmations into his sentences, using them as some sort of oratorical comma.
After attending several meetings on this schedule optimization, I started making a tick in my notes every time he said ‘Right’.
Didn’t make any comment, no change in expression just made a little hash in the margin. I was doing those groups of five hashes where you do 4 lines then slash across them to indicate a group of five. About 5 minutes into the monologue, the representative from the European contingent across the table from me got what I was doing; the count was over 100 at this point.
Shortly thereafter, the whole table (about 20 people) had some idea of what I was doing. ‘Right, right’ finally caught on about 10 minutes later for no other reason than half the table was red-faced trying to hold in the laughter. After glaring at the table, and then at me for all of 10 seconds, and my puzzling question of ‘You were saying?’, he stormed out of the room.
The door closes, European representative leans across the table and politely asks me what the count was – room dies in laughter.
There were no more meetings on the subject from that day forward. The consultant was posted to a different project on another continent shortly thereafter.
I don’t know if I can truly argue that ‘Right?/Right.’ was truly mean or rude. One could argue that his self-affirming interrogatories were rude in that they forced a kind of tacit group acknowledgment that all of his statements were correct and so could not be argued.
I don’t think anyone would argue that my response was about as passive/aggressive as they come, right? Right.”
25. My Bully Became An Artist
“When I was at a high school art gallery, there was also a food table next to the entrance. I was starving at that time and decided to try the food.
Lo and behold, a bully that teased me for years was one of the artists of the gallery. And he loudly proclaimed to everyone that I was a glutton since I was staying at the table instead of looking at art!
Everyone laughed at his joke, and I felt so close to crying from shame.
But instead, I smiled, and slyly said ‘You know, you’re right. This IS an art gallery. I was going to go to see what kind of nice art you have made. Alas, since YOU have said that I was simply here just to eat, I’ll just walk away.’
The reaction was immediate. Everyone stopped laughing and looked at me very quietly. The bully immediately started apologizing and saying that he hopes that I enjoy the art gallery. And enjoy it I did.”
24. She Now Has To Donate For The Whole Month
“I work in retail, trying to pay my way through the obscene cost of higher education, and the store I work for just started a fundraiser yesterday. All proceeds, every penny, would go towards finding a cure for type one diabetes. I worked from open to close as a cashier but I hauled my keister out of the break-room during my break to donate five bucks because I like to think I’m not a despicable human being.
However, the number of people who ‘donated’ the day before was really starting to annoy me. Maybe seven hours into my shift, a mother and daughter come up to my register. I rang them out and like a good little robot asked them if they’d like to donate a dollar. The mom had the audacity to look at me, smile smugly, and say, ‘Oh, I’ve done it every time this week.
I’ll do it tomorrow.’
I remember the conversation clearly from there.
‘Really?’ I asked. ‘That’s pretty amazing.’
She agreed, ‘It is.’
With a smile, I know was too wide and didn’t reach my eyes, I said, ‘It always warms my heart when I see parents leading by example. I’m so glad you’re teaching your daughter to value the quality of life of children over a few measly bucks. What’s a dollar compared to the suffering a kid, heck the whole family, has to go through? Isn’t that right?’
The daughter gave her mother a hateful look and the mother was mortified and scrambled to grab her bags and leave.
‘Thank you so much for donating, ma’am,’ I called out as she rushed out the door. ‘Be sure to come back anytime next month, because we’re collecting donations through the month of September!”
23. Campers Get Back At Yoga Man
“I’ve worked at a summer camp for four years, and for all four years, there has been a yoga meditation class scheduled right next door to camp’s homeroom. Now, I can’t blame the yoga teacher for that, but his attitude was still horrendous.
We tried our best to keep 80+ kids quiet during lunchtime, but kids make noise. We’d send them outside, and he would complain that they were too close to the windows.
We sent them to the gym, he complained they were too loud in transition. His complaints even made it to our bosses – camp just didn’t like him much.
I work with our oldest campers, 12–14 years old. They started to catch on to the absurdity of the situation, and unknown to me, hatched a plan. The next time ‘yoga man’ came in to give us a piece of his mind, they waited until he was done complaining and had turned to leave, then they all screamed, yelled, and sang off-key, all while performing mock-yoga behind me. It was a terrible choir of teenage aggressiveness, and it took all my self-control not to join them.
He didn’t bug us for a while.”
22. The Italians Took Care Of Him
“I was at a concert with my wife, and this obnoxious guy starts to jump on us, his way of dancing I guess. I told him to back off and he just said he had the right to dance.
The concert with Depeche Mode was the best concert I have ever been to, and I did not really care for the band one way or another before the concert, sure they had their great songs.
But let me tell you this concert blew my mind. They were so awesome, and the singer Dave Gahan had everyone hypnotized, Martin Gore was awesome, jumping from guitars to keyboards. The huge video wall behind was spectacular. The sound well… you get my drift. It was fantastic.
So I tried to move away and this Italian guy next to me kept pushing me back. I was about to block him, I did not want that.
So I tried to push that big doofus away, not only was he bumping on me, but he hit my wife. So I got quite angry but did I want to get into a fight, well, no. Even though I could take down that guy, he might have friends. I looked at the Italians that were there, they looked tough, so I did a switcharoo, I managed to get to the other side of the doofus, and kind of pushed him into the Italians, and he was taken care of.
They screamed at him, pushed him down, and made very threatening gestures, even though they spoke Italian, that moron understood fully and disappeared completely. I so wanted to thank these guys but I did not want it to appear that I had sent that moron over to them, so I just looked puzzled at the racket that happened, and smiled at them, they laughed back. And we enjoyed the concert to the fullest. Oh man, I wish I had the Italian dude’s attitude, it was awesome, he was way shorter than me, but he had that thing about him that even much larger guys would never dare to touch him. These guys turned out though to be very nice, they saw we liked the concert and we started talking a little. Very nice guys. Impressive guys.”
21. We Fake Ordered From A Payphone
“During my lunch breaks, I used to go to a restaurant close to my workplace where they had an ‘all-you-can-fill’ salad bar where they had medium-size salad plates and you could fill it up as much as you could, at least that was my understanding. One day, when I went there again, feeling very hungry, I successfully filled up the plate more than usual. They charged me double the amount, when I objected the restaurant owner explained that I have filled up the plate twice as much as a regular customer would.
I got really upset because it was ‘all-you-can-fill’ and that’s exactly what I had done. I paid and left. After that, I never stepped into that restaurant.
Two weeks later, I arranged for a friend to call this restaurant from a payphone and had her place an order for 10 people for delivery, soup, salad, one main course, two sides, and dessert for each. On the phone, she gave the address of the building next to my workplace which was another company.
She has stated that she would do the payment once they brought the delivery. An hour or so later, our secretary was going through each floor in our building with the delivery boy from the restaurant, asking if anyone placed an order, explaining that the restaurant received the order from the next building but there might be a mix-up. Nobody claimed to have placed the order. The delivery boy left. After a while, the restaurant owner came with the same delivery going through the same episode. When nobody claimed the order he left still complaining.”
20. I Watched Him Shame Himself In Front Of The Audience
“As a young actor right out of college, I got a job working at an old, well-established theater in a small, picturesque Virginia town. The venue had just been taken over by a new artistic director, a man who had directed me in summer stock while I was still in school and who liked my work.
The former artistic director, a man I’ll call Ed, was also working as an actor in the company that year.
At first, he seemed perfectly pleasant, a larger-than-life fixture in the little community who was quick with a joke or humorous anecdote. As time wore on, however, it became clear that he was an egotistical dump-stirrer who didn’t necessarily want his successor to succeed.
In addition, he could be pretty jerkish to junior company members, of which I was one. Not yet a member of the stage actors union, I was required to perform menial chores and maintenance that Ed and the other union members could not be asked to do.
He was known to take advantage of this, treating some of us like personal servants. That got old quickly.
The theater world is a tight community, and actors always look out for one another, especially when in front of an audience. Anyone who has done even a handful of performances knows that, in live theater, things go wrong. People are late for entrances, lines are dropped, and props sometimes break or don’t make it on stage.
One of the earliest skills an actor develops is how to recover from those situations without breaking the reality of the play. If an actor ‘goes up’ (forgets his or her lines completely), we are trained to steer the show back on track. Someone will say the line for the actor if they can, or if not, someone will say something that reminds the actor what he or she is supposed to say.
In the company’s production of Lillian Hellman’s ‘Little Foxes,’ a drama about the greedy machinations of a wealthy family in the post-Civil War American South, I was cast as Mr. Marshall. Marshall is little more than a plot device in the story, a businessman from the North who bargains with the family to help them get their cotton to market, thus setting up the remainder of the play.
I had one scene early in the show with Ed, who played one of the show’s leads.
One night, during a performance of ‘Little Foxes,’ Ed went up. I had just delivered my line, and he was supposed to respond with something to the effect of, ‘If we cannot bring the cotton to the gin, we shall bring the gin to the cotton.’ Instead, he paused, looked at me with the familiar, deer-in-the-headlights expression of an actor lost, and said ‘… That’s a very fine sentiment… Mr.
Had this been anyone else, anyone who had treated me with a modicum of respect, I would have saved him. I would have seen a fellow actor in trouble and responded accordingly. Instead, I saw a jerk who had been treating me like dirt to be taken off the bottom of his shoes.
I pulled the prop pocket watch from my vest, glanced at it, and said, ‘Well, I must leave for my train.’
And with that, I exited the stage.”
19. Nope, You Can't Take Pictures
“I was once on a domestic flight in Italy, flying from Turin to Naples with Alitalia.
It was quite an empty flight, probably only about 70 passengers in total on a plane that had 250+ seats.
I was booked in a middle seat but seeing as the flight was only about an hour-long I was fine with that.
I had the whole row to myself until a man came and occupied the aisle seat on my left.
The window seat on my right remained empty as did most of the rows around us.
So just as we’re about to leave the gate he looks at me and asks me if I could move up to the window seat. I would not have had any issue with this however the reason he gave me for wanting to move up was that I was ‘taking up too much room’.
Now, I perfectly accept that I’m not one of the thinnest people around and I could definitely do with losing some weight however I’m a long way off being such a size as to make somebody else’s journey uncomfortable because I’m ‘taking up too much room’. I found it extremely rude and actually quite offensive, especially as quite a few rows around us were completely empty and he could have moved to any one of them quite easily.
I moved without complaint even though I was quite angry.
So later on, we happened to be flying over some snowy mountains (could have been the Dolomites but I’m not sure) and I happened to glance over at the guy and saw him open the camera app on his phone, clearly about to take some pictures of the view from the window (as it was quite a spectacular view) and so just as he leans over to take pictures, I shut the window blind…
He grumbled something under his breath, got up, and moved somewhere else and I didn’t see him for the rest of the flight.
I was extremely pleased with myself and for me is a perfect example of a passive-aggressive action against a rude person.”
18. The Whole Checkout Lane Conspired Against Petty Customer
“I went into an auto-parts store for a small part. I found the part quickly and went to pay for it. At this auto-parts store, the cash registers are at the same desk where people go to ask for help figuring out what part they need.
A man and his son were there ahead of me. I got in line behind them. The man started arguing about something really petty.
I don’t remember what it was, but it was something very trivial. The employee was politely apologizing for the tiny inconvenience — over and over because the man was complaining about the same thing over and over. I could see that his son was uncomfortable but seemed to be used to this from his dad.
It went on for a LONG, LONG time. We had been the only customers in the store when I had walked up, but over time more and more people came in and eventually got in line behind me.
FINALLY, he gave up and started walking away. The clerk turned to me and asked what he could do for me. I replied, in my loudest non-shouting voice, and pretending to be very pleasantly surprised:
ALREADY?? I JUST GOT IN LINE TODAY!!
The boy immediately turned and smiled, as did the clerk. I heard a chuckle from a customer in line behind me. The man who had made us all wait so long seemed quite surprised but did not comment.”
17. Steal My Spot? I'll Poke Your Tires
“Many years ago with my wife and baby daughter I was circling the very full parking lot of a huge local mall around Christmas time. Noticing a driver ready to pack up his car and leave I waited patiently for his parking spot with my blinker on. It was clear that I was waiting for that spot.
When the shopper pulled out a woman zipped around the corner and pulled into the spot before I could react.
I rolled my window down and told the woman I was waiting for that spot. As she ignored me and walked away her teenage daughter flipped me off without even looking back.
Really? Insult to injury? Not today Missy.
I found another spot much farther away. I let my wife out with my daughter in a stroller. I told her I would catch up.
I went back to the jerk’s car, removed the cap from the tire valve stem, and forced a small stick into the tire valve letting the air out. Then proceeded to another tire and did the same leaving two flats and only one spare.
My only regret is that I didn’t see the woman and daughter return and deal with the result of their rude behavior.”
16. Snoop Around My Journal? I'll Call You Out
“I once had a roommate in university that loved to go through my personal stuff. I kept a journal where I wrote my daily experiences and thoughts and poems and all other things like that. The roommate was always curious to know what I wrote down and would ask to read. I told him it was personal. ‘I’m not willing to share my personal journal entries with you.’
I discovered later that when I was away he would snoop around and read my stuff.
Not just that, he would go through my drawer and check through my documents. I was really upset when I found out.
One day, when he was in the room with me, I picked my journal and pen and began to write. I made sure he saw me writing. As usual, he began to ask me what I was writing. I told him it was personal. After ten minutes of writing, I tore out the page I was writing in, making sure he heard the sound of the paper being torn off.
I crumpled the sheet of paper and tossed it in the bin right before his eyes. Then I immediately left the room.
He would later go to the bin to pick the piece of crumpled paper. He would find written in the paper:
‘You really need to stop snooping around, stupid! Mind your business!’
I had filled the entire page with that message.
Later, when I returned to the room, I could tell he’d read my message. I didn’t say a word. Neither did he.”
15. Witty Guy Ran Prank Caller's Phone Bill Up
“My friend, Bob, lived in a shared house at university with some guys and he had insomnia (he actually didn’t, he just used to sleep from about 7 pm until 10 pm and then moan he could not sleep at night).
One of the guys lied to his significant other and there was a bad breakup. Then they started getting silent phone calls at about 2 am etc.
Unfortunately, Bob was awake at that time and just watching tv so he answered the phone. When the line was silent he guessed it was a prank call from his housemate’s ex so rather than hang up he just chatted to the silent line. He would tell it about the TV program he was watching, what he had done that day, any plans he had for the next day, etc., and just kept talking and running her phone bill up until they hung up.
The entire conversation was one-sided, she never said a word.
This happened several times until he actually started to look forward to it. Apparently watching The Incredible Hulk is more fun if you have someone to talk to even if they are not replying. Eventually, she stopped bothering because she was spending too much on her phone bill and wasting her time without bothering her ex. After all, Bob answered the phone so it did not wake anyone up.
Bob missed the calls so much he was going to phone her in the early morning instead and maintain the tradition.
Within a day he had a frantic phone call from her apologizing and begging him not to phone her and tell her about late-night TV and mathematics lectures!”
14. Bully Lawyer Tried To Fire Me But She Got Fired Instead
“I was once tempting, helping out a seriously broken, nervous wreck of a woman. She was the personal/administrative assistant to a high-powered lawyer who liked to work out her stress by abusing this poor lady – I’m talking screaming that could be heard throughout the entire office. I was there because she’d just come back from medical leave following a nervous breakdown; no guesses were needed as to the cause.
This lawyer, like many bullies, was at heart insecure. One day, I made the mistake of correcting her on a point in front of a senior lawyer.
One hour later I was called into her office and told I was being let go immediately, despite a prior agreement guaranteeing two weeks’ notice. I saw a hungry gleam in her eyes as she did this, and realized instantly that she was going for blood, that she wanted me to cry or get angry.
I hate giving bullies what they want. So I smiled, agreed with everything she said, and commiserated with her about the inconvenience to herself.
She got more and more frustrated and confused. I smiled more and more widely. After half an hour of digging, she gave up and said goodbye. I thanked her, shook her hand warmly, and left, still grinning with smugness and the sheer joy of throwing her for a loop.
Two weeks later I passed by the office for a visit and found out that psycho lawyer lady was gone. As it happened, her screaming and other behavior had made the seniors want her out for a long time, but lawyers write themselves good contracts and they couldn’t get cause… Until she fired me. Because she, you see, did not have the authority to terminate my contract. With that as the final straw in the case against her, she was finally removed.”
13. We Did Everything To Wake Him Up
“This happened to me on a really long flight journey. So it is 2 o’clock by my watch which meant the actual time was at least a couple of hours ahead and almost everyone around me was peacefully snoozing, while I (very wide awake) whizzed past various options available on the in-flight entertainment system. I was just about to get settled to see the movie when I noticed that a woman sitting diagonally behind me was standing and looking perplexed.
I didn’t care for like 10 minutes, but when she kept standing for a longer interval I was puzzled, so craned my neck to see a full view of the row. The husband of the woman in question was wasted and conveniently sprawled on the 3 seaters when the lady had gone to the washroom. Their toddler happily balanced himself on the edge of his center seat while she was left standing.
I watched for another five minutes where she kept trying to politely wake him up and not create a scene while he kept shaking his head and being stubborn. I decided to do something fun! I got up and started walking to the washroom which was behind me. While I crossed their row, I hit hard against his protruding legs pretending to lose my footing. This did the trick and jolted him from his peaceful state. He stared at me while I slipped past with a cheeky sorry. I had fun doing it, but I realized that what actually felt nice was the relief on the lady’s face as she sat down quickly, before he went back to 180 degrees.”
12. I Had Fun Shredding All Of The Reports
“I worked for a boss who was just a horrible, horrible person. She thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world, but her personality made her hideous. She was the kind of person who always looked for an excuse to talk about how ‘tiny’ she was, especially when she was in the room with people who were noticeably larger or heavier. She couldn’t find shoes because her feet were just too delicate and tiny, her waist was so small she had to buy children’s clothes, you get the idea.
If you want a really good snapshot of her personality issues, one day she came in bragging… bragging! that she refused to walk in the mall next to her daughter because her daughter was pudgy and embarrassed her.
I hated working for this woman. Hated it. To make things worse, she was an ineffectual management type who sat on her butt in an office all day, delegated all actual work to other people she came up with the most menial titles possible for (she had a slew of ‘my secretaries’ and ‘my clerks’ who answered to her) and was a master of making her nothing day of gossip and sitting around look like productivity to the bosses.
Meanwhile, all of the actual work she was supposed to be doing was being done by me, while she sat with a coworker friend and gossiped about subordinates all day.
One day, she was showing a superior around the office and she was airily throwing out nonsense commands (‘get me the blah blah report’) to make it look like she was extra important and that everyone was rushing to do her bidding.
Almost none of these reports actually existed, and by the time she got finished with the show she usually forgot about them. But one time she actually did get pinned down and had to come up with some actual copies of reports she’d made up. Then she told me to ‘just throw something together, they don’t know’ and I got stuck devoting huge chunks of my workday, chunks of time I should have been using to get actual work done, coming up with these nonsense reports that were nothing but fluff and numbers that had no bearing on anything.
Just to make her look like she was getting something done.
After months of this, I sat at my desk and realized that all of these nonsense reports were going nowhere and accomplishing nothing. Dozens of employees, on a whim from this woman, were sending me statistics that didn’t matter for a report that went nowhere, wasting their time too. She never looked at the report, no one else needed the report for anything.
They just got filed in a drawer, day after day, month after month. I think she only wanted them around in case she got caught doing nothing again. So I decided to start shredding them.
I only shredded the oldest couple of them at first, because I was afraid of being caught out. I thought that the minute I shredded them, someone would need them. But no one ever did.
So I shredded more of them, big nonsense reports that clogged up my desk drawers and were so thick I had to pull them apart and shred them in shifts. It felt liberating. It was like being in Office Space. I started using the mantra, “If I shred it, it never happened.” And that was pretty much true. The stupid reports just went bye-bye, and no one ever asked.
I discreetly called the other departments and told them that the supervisor thanked them for their work but didn’t need the stats anymore. They were relieved to have time freed up for all of the other things they needed to do. When the boss brought someone through and asked me if I was working on the report, I told her yes. I was not. I was doing all of the other stuff I was supposed to be doing.
She got a promotion (of course) and her successor never asked about the reports, so I shredded the last of them and gladly dumped the pile of shreds in the trash cart. And even though she never found out, it was my one big act of rebellion against a really terrible boss.”
11. I Convinced Him That My Internet Is Broken
“Whenever I’m in my room chilling, my uncle likes to walk in without asking and sit down on my bed and commandeer my computer so I can help him with mundane tasks such as uploading his pictures to Dropbox or illegally downloading music for him. This is all stuff he’s perfectly capable of doing himself but chooses to bother me with it out of laziness.
One day I was in pure chill mode.
I had my feet up and I was binge-watching Breaking Bad for the 3rd time on Netflix, he decided to stroll in and murder my vibe. He wanted me to reinstall Windows on his decade-old laptop for the 5th time, I know for a fact that he knows how to do this yet he decided to bother me with it.
I had the Windows 7 disk sitting in my drawer but I told him that I’d need to redownload the 4GB file in hopes of him leaving and coming back another time but nope, he said that he’d sit on the end of my bed and wait until the download is done.
Around 12 minutes into the 2-hour download I pretty much had enough. I just didn’t want him here anymore. I didn’t want to come across as rude so I had a great idea.
I logged into the home router from my phone and rebooted the router.
I kept rebooting it until I convinced him that the internet at my house is broken and he’d have to come back later, he promptly left.
In a completely unrelated incident, he dropped the laptop a few days later and completely broke the screen so I never did get to install Windows on that piece of work.”
10. He Got Tired Of Asking To Move My Elbow
“In the mid-80s a friend and I went to see Sting at an outdoor festival. Someone thought it would be a fine idea to have open seating on rows of benches. We took the day off work and stood in line. When the gates opened at noon, we went straight to the benches and staked out the ideal center spot, about 5 rows back.
Over the next several hours we took turns saving the seats and getting up to enjoy the festival.
Of course, by sunset the rows were filled, everyone shoulder to shoulder. Bags and blankets were stowed under the benches. When Sting took the stage, the people up front stood on the benches, no one behind them could see, and soon everyone was standing on the benches.
About 10 minutes in, a guy came up behind us and asked me and the girl next to me to move over.
I stated the obvious: ‘There’s no more room up here.’ The girl, apparently unconcerned about the people on the ends of the bench (who also had arrived hours earlier), squeezed over a few inches. He set a foot on the bench and said, ‘She was nice enough to move; why can’t you?’ (Yes, ‘jerk shaming’ has been with us since ancient times.) I repeated: ‘There’s no more room up here.’
So this self-entitled moron stepped onto the bench and squeezed up against me, pushing me against my friend.
If not for the crowds of people balanced on wobbly benches, I would have shoved him away, or worse.
Instead, I bent my elbow. It was down at my waist, barely protruding. He wasn’t going to push against me without that elbow in his gut.
‘Move your goddamn elbow!’ he shouted. Every time he yelled or pushed, the elbow got a little bit pointer. Eventually, he gave up and left, undoubtedly looking for an easier target.”
9. Vegan Thought She Ate Non-Vegan Pudding
“I went to boarding school for high school.
During my junior year, my social circle acquired – and I do mean acquired because no one was quite sure how we ended up with her – an obnoxious brat. Highly intelligent (taking junior-level classes as a freshman), but completely lacking in social skills, this girl had a tendency to come into dinner moaning that she was failing AP Biology (or AP Chemistry, or Calculus) and that she’d only scored an 89 (or a 92, or an A-minus) on her last test.
To make matters worse, she was a proselytizing vegan, and just to put the cherry on the cake, she acquired a partner and developed a habit of engaging in extended makeout sessions with him in the dining hall… at breakfast.
Let me be blunt: we hated her guts.
One night at dinner, after a round of ‘woe-is-me-I-only-have-an-A-minus-average in AP French’ she was eating chocolate pudding for dessert. The kind of chocolate pudding that wasn’t made from scratch, but a commercial product, either made from a mix or sold prepackaged in big tubs to institutional dining facilities.
I looked at her dessert. And I looked at her. And an evil thought crossed my mind.
‘I thought you were vegan.’
‘But you’re eating chocolate pudding. It’s made with gelatin as a thickener. Gelatin comes from boiling animal bones!’
She put down her spoon. A funny look crossed her face, which had taken on a curiously greenish pallor. She clapped a hand over her mouth and bolted in the direction of the restrooms.
It took everything I had to not burst out laughing. You see, the commercial chocolate pudding was dairy-free and thickened with carrageenan, which is derived from seaweed. The dietary disclaimer on the menu by the dessert table had a little (v) for ‘vegan’ next to the listing for pudding. Not my fault she didn’t do her homework.
I called it just desserts.”
8. Jerk Roommate Got His Bike Damaged "In An Accident"
“When I was in my last semester of undergrad, I had possibly the worst roommate ever.
Not only was he cheap (he convinced me and the 3rd roommate to pay the apartment deposit citing he’ll give it to us later as some of his funds were stuck in his previous house: we never got it back), he was a huge online poker addict eating up all our bandwidth so much so that I couldn’t stream YouTube videos.
He would get wasted and drive his bike really fast and would think it was cool (I sat behind him once by mistake and vowed never to sit pillion behind this guy again). Let’s call him A.
By the end of the semester, we all kept to each other and had minimum interactions. One day I was drinking at my friend’s birthday party when I get a call at around 11:30 pm that A has been in an accident and that I should get back home asap.
Just that morning A had annoyed me over something inconsequential and I really didn’t want to leave the party since I knew the other roommate would take care of him.
But for some inexplicable reason I felt I wasn’t doing the right thing so decided to head home early. As it turned out, big mistake.
I knew something was wrong when I went to unlock the door as I could see bloodstains on the handle.
On entering, I saw something I’ll probably never forget.
A was standing a few feet away from me. He had at least half a dozen cuts on each hand. I couldn’t tell the exact number. His jeans were completely ripped and they had turned red as well. He wasn’t wearing his shirt anymore but I could see some parts of it stuck to his wounds. All in all, it was the stuff of nightmares.
I and the other roommate cleaned up his wounds for over an hour. He point-blank refused to go to the hospital saying that the cops might confiscate his bike and put him in jail for reckless driving (the reason he got into an accident was cause he was driving really fast and hit a crossing stray dog, which probably died on the spot. I actually still feel bad for the dog).
I found that really stupid but he was wasted, hurt, and adamant so we dropped it. He promised that he’d go in the morning when he was sober.
Anyway, so we put him to bed and reassured him to ask us for anything. The next morning he wasn’t home so we figured he had gone to the hospital on his own. Later in the day when I saw him he was bandaged up and told me that his parents were coming to pick him up.
(Not once did he thank either of us for taking care of him and he didn’t even have the decency to apologize for being a jerk for the past few months.)
Well, so his parents came, spoke to us briefly, and took him back home. Before leaving I told him that we still had to pay rent which he said he’d send us once he was home.
Not only did he not pay the rent, but he would also lie that he’d do it the next day or that the bank was closed or some stupid excuse. Oh and neither did his parents tell us thanks for saving their kid, instead, they told us we shouldn’t have let him drive when he was wasted. Yep. They were that disillusioned.
Anyway, at the end of all this, I had had enough.
The bike which was wrecked in the accident was still lying in the garage and I decided that I wouldn’t let this guy get away with it so easily. So every day for about 3 weeks I’d go to his bike and remove some part of it and chuck it away. I even googled what parts are the most important of that particular model and I made sure I wrecked it so bad that it was impossible to fix it without spending a bomb.
I even invited a couple of my friends to mess it up and boy was it fun.
The best part? Since it was involved in an accident there was no proof of what I did to his bike and he never found out.
Was it petty of me? Most certainly.
Did I enjoy it? Oh yes.
Did he deserve it? 100%.
Oh, and did I mention I also broke the remaining tail lights that weren’t already broken in the accident. With parts of his own bike.”
7. I Messed Up Their Phone Receivers
“On my last day of work before moving to a new job, toward the end of a night shift which ended in the really busy newsroom of BBC World Service, I was publicly accused by a particularly nasty editor of being half an hour late back from a meal break.
Newspeople can be very abrupt and everything is urgent to them, but I wasn’t late, and it really upset me, particularly as this was my last ever shift and I wanted to leave on a high.
But this was ‘his’ domain I was working in – he was at the head of the big news table with his team of colleagues around him, an impressive collection of about a dozen phones (the push-button type with curly leads and handsets) in a big group in the middle, and important piles of paper, working towards the final news broadcast of the night – and it wouldn’t have been constructive to argue the point with him in front of his colleagues.
So when the last broadcast finished, which ended my shift (and my last working day there), while he and his colleagues went off for a coffee, on the way out I stopped by the group of phones on the big news table, methodically lifted all the phone receivers, and replaced them on different phones.
Walking to the station in the early morning sunshine, against the tide of grey commuters going to work, I kept imagining the scenario for the next frantic news person trying to either make or receive a call in a hurry and wondering why they couldn’t hear anything on any of the phones. I’m sorry to say I might possibly have cackled to myself like a maniac. It still makes me laugh even now, 30 years later!”
6. Insensitive Coworker Demands Being Fetched
“I had a really rude co-worker, tried to boss me around, and treated me like her personal chauffeur. When we had off-site meetings (I lived 5~10 minutes away (by car) from the office, so my co-worker(s) and I would usually get a cab to my place (since I usually walked to work), get in my car, then go to where ever, and then I’d drop them off at a subway station on the way back home.
One time she asked… practically demanded that I bring the car around to where ever it was convenient for her. (for instance, I told her I’d pick her up at exit 1 of station A, she frowned and said ‘No, that’s not convenient for me. Pick me up at station B. (xx distance from my place to station A and B is more or less the same, BUT in the opposite direction we needed to go towards, plus the road is always really congested, so making the round trip would mean an extra 20~30 mins stuck in traffic)
So, I said okay, and then the next morning, about 5 mins before the time I said I’d pick her up, I called her and said I was running late so catch a cab to XXX spot, and that I’d pick her up there in 10 mins.
Also, more or less the same thing coming back. She’d ask to be dropped off at a specific location – not that far in terms of distance but a really congested area – so I would say okay then just drive home and say OOPS~ forgot about you and told her to take a cab. (Later she complained to me that because I didn’t drive her to where she asked and because of the heavy traffic, she paid a huge amount of cab fare and was more than 30 mins late meeting up with her friends for dinner.
So I smiled and said something along the lines of ‘well then I’m glad I wasn’t stuck in traffic just because of you since I didn’t have any plans to meet anyone in that part of town.’
I ended up working with her for a little over 3 years and really & actually cheered when she finally resigned. (due to personal situation) I hosted a huge dinner party with drinks for all my friends who listened to me rant during the tough times I had working with her. She was definitely one of the WORST human beings I ever met in my entire life.”
5. Can't Leave The Table Until I Eat My Veggies? Sounds Good
“I am a stubborn person. As a child vegetables made me gag. I also hated textures, but I compromised. I would eat anything without veggies. I also didn’t care about sweets and tended to stare into space as a pastime.
My parents were concerned about my nutrition. They tried escalating tactics.
1) You don’t get dessert unless you EAT THE VEGGIES.
Ha, no big loss.
2) No dinner until you finish veggies.
No problem I can ignore hunger.
3) Alternate bites of veg and other food.
The first bite was very big of normal food, then done.
4) Can‘t leave the table until you eat veggies.
This one was the funniest to me. They had to let me eat something as they were losing the power struggle, but they assumed I would need to go to bed.
Anyway, I had no trouble complying.
I slept at that table. They walked into my room saying they hoped I hadn’t broken the rule. Then calling my name they found me at the table. They tried saying I also couldn’t have breakfast until I ate the now cold veggies.
The veggies had been canned. Least appetizing prospect. I just sat there in yesterday’s clothes knowing my mom had to go to work. I tried to get out of school citing the table, and that I was already going to be late if I had to change. I don’t remember after that but I assume I went to school.
I was about 5. Unfortunately, they gave up and it was 10 years until I ate veggies ah. Yeah. That was probably bad for me. But what could the parents do? My mom tried to force-feed me a carrot when I was 4 and that didn’t help.”
4. Make Fun Of Everything? I'll Make You Feel Insecure
“There was this guy I went to college with ‘A’. He had a clean-shaven bald head, looked like Mr. Clean, and was maybe 6 foot 4 and jacked. ‘A’ was a bit of an Alpha male to the point of being a bit of a bully to people to establish his dominance. He was in my friend group and whenever we went out in a group he would always answer questions on our behalf and generally seemed confident.
‘A’ got on my nerves a few times but I am generally non-confrontational so I would never say anything. One night a group of us went out to a bar and had a pretty good time. About halfway through this gorgeous shy looking redhead walked in and walked straight up to the bar. On her way ‘A’ waved at her and said, ‘hey ‘B!’’ but she averted her eyes and kept walking straight up to the bar as if she didn’t see him.
I was pretty sure no one else noticed this and looked at his face. ‘A’ looked straight down at the table looking pretty sheepish for a few seconds before regaining his composure and getting up to dance.
I kept this in the back of my mind for a while but I started thinking he might have some low confidence. I watched him for a bit and noticed whenever we were talking about anything science or math-related he would never join in the conversation and would try to change the topic.
I love talking about science and I admit I might be annoying sometimes when I am excited about something. After a couple of weeks he started being rude to me just in small enough ways that I could laugh it off but after a while start getting to me. I am not witty at all so I could never defend myself very well or say anything back.
Fast forward to a party in the common room and he starts commenting making fun of the beer I was drinking or something else as trivial. I ignore it for a while and we move on to playing a board game. Of course, he starts making fun of the game we are playing and I am pretty annoyed. Now I can’t remember what exactly it was but I start asking some questions about science and start a discussion about chemistry, then we move on to physics, and then we start talking about Astronomy and it was all going great and I could see ‘A’’s face.
He looked like trash and I was reveling in it. I watched him the entire time and waited for him to say anything, anytime he did I would interrupt him and change the topic. I did this a couple of times and made eye contact with him the last time I did it. I saw him completely deflate and we went to sit down.
I can still see the picture of his face when he realized what I was doing and feel bad about it because I think he was self-conscious about his intelligence.”
3. I Spoiled The Book He Was Reading
“In 1988 I was living in Manhattan and had just finished reading Scott Turow’s bestselling mystery novel, famous for its twist ending, Presumed Innocent. I was on the 1 train going home one day shortly after having finished the book and the train came to a halt between 79th street and 86th street. We were there for about fifteen minutes when a guy on the bench opposite mine in the largely empty train, started complaining loudly about what he presumed to be the ethnic backgrounds of those involved in running the subway system.
I thought for a second about trying to engage him, but I knew it would be futile. I really wanted to mess up his day, but time was running out as the train had started again and I was due to exit at 96th street. I noticed he was reading Presumed Innocent and appeared to be about fifty pages into it. So I came up with my plan.
SPOILER ALERT: As the doors opened at 96th, I leaned over and said to this guy, ‘Rusty’s wife did it.'”
2. She Failed The Civil Service Exam
“A friend of mine, my sister, and I all took the civil service examination to gain career service eligibility. My sister and I were raised in a middle-class family while my friend, who was three years younger than me, was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. And yet, my friend was often jealous of anyone pretty or popular in school or who did better than her academically.
Graduating from college and getting a job didn’t change her.
A few months later, I wasn’t aware that the results of the exam had already come out on the civil service website. My friend called me up at 9:00 a.m. on a Monday and informed me, in a really snooty tone of voice, ‘I’m sorry to say this, but you and your sister failed the exam.’ I retorted, ‘Why not look up ‘Dela Cruz’ (our surname), not ‘De la Cruz?’ And she DID find out that my sister and I were among the list of passing examiners.
When she went to look up for her name under the ‘Ls,’ it turned out she was the one who failed! She tried to hide her disappointment by quickly mumbling that she had to go. Imagine how that incident could have ruined her Monday!”
1. I Just Want To Have My Locker
“I’m a college student. I don’t have a car and instead, use a combination of a bicycle and public transportation. My route to school involves riding my bicycle to the nearest light rail station, locking up the bike at one of the racks there, and taking the train to school. This station’s not necessarily in a fantastic part of town, and even if it was, I wouldn’t be particularly excited about leaving my main mode of transportation there unprotected for most of a day, several days a week.
Thankfully, the public transportation people rent out bike lockers at many of the train stations, and I quickly decided that I wanted one. So about a month before the semester started, I called the company and got an answering machine.
Okay, no problem, I’ll leave a message. Did that, never got a call back. Called again two days later, left another message. Didn’t get a call back.
So I quickly fell into a pattern of calling every couple of days, not even having my stuff out to pay for a locker because I knew the guy wouldn’t pick up.
School starts, I still don’t have a locker. So I just lock up my bike at the bike rack every day and pray, basically. About half the semester goes by with no problems, and by now I’m only calling every week or so.
Then one day I come to my bike and someone’s mucked with the brakes. Nothing so damaged I couldn’t ride it home to fix it, but it’s pretty clear that someone started to try and take the back wheel and either got interrupted or lost interest. I redouble my efforts and return to calling the guy every couple of days.
(For those of you who are curious, I had also called the company’s mainline several times in case the number on the site was out of date.
They redirected me to the same number every time.)
Eventually, my mom was done with this whole situation and files a formal complaint to the company. The next day, I get a call from them, asking politely if I’m the person who called the other day about a bike locker, carefully avoiding acknowledging that I’ve called dozens and dozens of times now. I respond yes, and get a bunch of stuff sorted out, let the guy gather all the necessary paperwork, and then sweetly tell him that unfortunately, I’m really busy at the moment and just can’t set up a time to meet right now, and I’ll call him back.
This was very satisfying to me for a couple of days, but then it quickly became clear that all I had done was start the whole cycle over again, and it was another four months before I finally got to the locker, during which time my seat got stolen in a torrential rainstorm.”