People Speculate "Am I The Jerk?" In These Stories
14. AITJ For Being Disrespectful To My Opponent In Super Smash Bros?
“First off, an explanation for disrespect. The sort of official meaning for disrespect within the smash community is beating somebody while they’re already down. For example, someone has been knocked off the stage but can’t get back on, but then the opponent jumps off and hits them further, basically overkill. However, the meaning of the word has widened significantly over time.
Now for the actual story. I was in a smash tournament, which I won in the end. I actually played the guy who I “disrespected” earlier on as well as in the finals. I knocked him into the loser’s bracket and he got really angry and had to step out for a while. No big, this happens all the time in venues.
People get really into the game. After a while, we hit the finals and he won in the loser’s bracket. I didn’t drop a single game up until that point when he beat me.
In smash brothers tournaments, we play a set with the best out of X amount of games against each person. Think Tennis in a sense.
We were doing best out of three matches throughout including in finals (although many do best out of five for finals matches). He beat me in the first finals game of the set. Then in the second game, he starts out at a lead but I gimp (use a weak move to stop the opponent from coming back to the stage) which led to me gaining traction and winning that game.
So now we are at 1-1. At this point, he was already getting angry and I was getting annoyed at him for getting so angry at a game.
In the third game, he starts off strong but I take a stock (life) off of him and he can’t seem to figure my strategy out. He’s playing as Cloud from Final Fantasy 7.
Cloud has a special move that is essentially a charge meter you can actively charge. Once charged all the way, your stats are boosted for a while until you use another special move. In Smash Bros tournaments, if there is a time-out where the clock hits 0:00, then the person with more stocks wins the game.
I noticed that I could run down the clock or take another stock from him to close out the game, set, and tournament, but I decided to “disrespect” him.
Instead of trying to come after me, he kept charging his charge meter so I started using taunts (little animations that mostly don’t deal damage) to pass the time since I didn’t need to go after him and also to, literally, taunt him towards attacking me.
My opponent didn’t want any of that and became verbal in his opinion of my taunts.
He called it disrespectful even though we were both in the neutral state of the game (neither side has a clear positional advantage) and proceeded to quit instead of attacking me. I taunted him three times before he quit which led to a very lackluster victory. I didn’t see him at all afterward.
I asked some friends about it but they usually have similar opinions as I do, hence why we get along so well.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you did a single thing wrong.
While he spent time trying to lure you while gaining an advantage at the same time (powering up), you responded by basically calling his bluff. It is the prerogative of the losing player to attempt to make up a deficit. It is not the winning players’ duty to offer them an easy chance to.
In my (non-competitive) experience, Smash is as about an advantageous and disadvantageous position as it is about anything else.
He can’t expect you to willingly come at him from a disadvantageous position – it is his job to force you into one. The fact that he got so upset doesn’t have anything to do with the morality of your conduct, it only has to do with his inability to play dispassionately. It would be a little different if you were actively running away, but you weren’t, and even that, while annoying, is just another strategy.
In my opinion, you were not being a jerk.” zlacapitaine
Another User Comments:
“My old roommate was big into the smash scene and had a tendency to get super salty at all games.
It got to the point where it was no longer fun to play with him at all. In my opinion people like the person you describe ruin the spirit of what should be a fun game that, in the end, shouldn’t be taken so seriously.
I find it hard not to side with you on this one, but perhaps the taunting was a bit much after you could already see he was frustrated.” Ressar
13. AITJ For Quitting My New Job?
“I was employed with a company where I made $16k more a year plus about $5k more in other benefits than the job that I accepted two months ago. I was very unhappy working there (had no work-life balance, poor job fit, and training). This was an anomaly for me… but after six years with that employer, I quit after establishing a year of living expenses.
I was propositioned by an old contact to interview with her for a position that she had. I’m overqualified but stressed that I was okay with that and the corresponding income, $17/hr, just so long as the work aligned more with my values. Was completely sold by the manager on how great the job was, how awesome her team was, and everything that I wanted to hear.
So much so when she countered and said $15/hr was my wage and with commission I would have no problem making $17. I happily accepted because of the healthy, happy work environment. She also told me that the staff had thousands of dollars of gift cards in their wallets.
Fast forward, within the first month, I saw the constant unprofessionalism, backstabbing, and poor service that the ENTIRE team does.
They’re very insecure and of about 9 women, only two or three are nice to me. They’re entitled, demanding, rude, and do not reciprocate. I get talked down to. I am their workhorse and get the tasks assigned to me that shouldn’t be. The (hiring) manager is our operations/office/general manager and she’s told them from her own concern to not put so much on my plate.
They’re insubordinate to her, and behind her back tell me to disregard what she said. I get barked at and disrespected, and it’s completely unwarranted. They were mad that it took so long to get a replacement and I feel they channel their frustration through to me.
The office is also very toxic. Most suffer from anxiety and depression and because I am mentally fragile from my last job, I attract it like a magnet and absorb it.
I am profoundly anxious and depressed. I am normally very, very happy. But, instead am left feeling awful and anxious about what they’re saying about me when I’m not there. I try hard every day, am friendly and warm, and encouraging. AND it’s getting worse. I’ve talked to the manager, who said “if you aren’t crying..
then you’re doing it wrong” and keeps insisting that it will get better… though, nothing has and I fear getting more invested. I cry most of my weekends away and am physically exhausted from all the negativity that I feel.
My last conversation ended with “I hope you aren’t having second thoughts about coming here…” I’m finding myself becoming bitter for taking a job and income that degrades my self-worth, though outwardly, you would never know.
I felt that I was lied to… there have never been thousands of dollars in their wallets, the most I could make is $16/hr with the commission during the GOOD times, and the staff and the work is so far from the expectation that she set when I interviewed her on it.
All I want to do is leave.
But, I’ve proven myself needed. They’re tightly staffed… have holidays coming up and my attendance is needed to cover those shifts. I would imagine that there are solutions in place. For instance, I have been the first of three new hires. The second is almost up and ready for work. And, there might be other locations to borrow from.
And there are people in the office that are cross-trained to do my job… certainly covering for my absence would affect theirs. Am I a jerk for quitting so soon? Obviously, I would give two weeks’ notice, but does that make me a jerk? What do I share with my colleagues since they will be bitter about me leaving? What do I even say?!”
Another User Comments:
“You don’t owe them crap.
You have enough living expenses saved up, and your life is stressful and crappy because of this place.
I would say it’s always better to leave a current job for another job offer, but if it’s as bad as you say and you have as much saved up as you say, leave as fast as you can.
You are never a jerk for leaving your employer when it’s in your best interests.
As much as many managers may try to tell you otherwise, you’re not friends and you’re sure as crap not family. You agree to perform a service for a certain wage/salary, and if that wage/salary is not worth the burden the work puts on you, regardless of the reason, you have every right to leave and seek employment elsewhere.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“No, you are absolutely not a jerk.
The girl lied to you about the job environment and colleagues. Did you bring these issues to the manager? I’m sure you did but even if you didn’t it seems so ingrained there isn’t much less of dropping most of the staff they could really do.
I say give your notice and look for something you want.
Take the 2 weeks on the chin and work on improving your happiness and not necessarily your financial standing.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“You sound like you’re surrounded by jerks, but you aren’t one yourself. Look at it this way… would you care if these people thought you were a jerk? This doesn’t sound like what you signed up for and were promised.
While I understand your desire to not leave them short-handed, if they no longer needed you to be there, you’d likely be gone that afternoon.” EnderAlexander
12. AITJ For Being Angry At My Roommate?
“Let’s get some context: We have a 3-bedroom apartment, and we rent the master bedroom out to a roommate. When he moved in, he agreed that he would help to clean the place; said it would be no problem.
The master bedroom he lives in has a bathroom. I consider it a half-bathroom and only worth the toilet, sink, and storage – BUT it’s technically a full bathroom with a stupid shower you can’t stand up in.
We told him it was cool if he used the common bathroom to shower as long as he helped clean the bathroom, and he agreed.
The day he moved in, he insisted that he can’t use the toilet in that bathroom either (it’s an old building built in the 30s so it is awkward). We said that we could all share the common area bathroom as long as he helped out with the responsibilities.
MONTHS LATER, he hasn’t cleaned anything.
I clean my bathroom weekly, so we typically clean it about 24 times in that timeframe. We’d ask him to clean the bathroom, and then he’d leave the apartment and say he isn’t home and can’t clean – and he’d never clean it even after he got back. He hasn’t helped buy toilet paper. He hasn’t bought cleaning supplies.
He hasn’t taken the trash out. Nothing. We had a discussion about it and talking to him about this frustrated us to the point that he was told to just not worry about it we will deal with it ourselves.
For the last few months he has lived here, he has not come out of his room, not talked to us, not bought toilet paper or cleaning supplies or anything, and not helped to clean the bathroom.
But he keeps using it, and he’s been in that bathroom while we had to get ready for work.
I understand not using the shower in his bathroom because you have to sit to use it and use a shower head on a hose – it’s not great but other roommates have preferred to do that instead of sharing a bathroom.
However, he uses the common bathroom for EVERYTHING – toilet, shower, etc. If he uses his private bathroom it’s basically for the sink and for storage. He even leaves all of his shower stuff in the common bathroom even though he has his own bathroom.
Now, he is upset at having to pay so much money in utilities, and he wanted to split it differently.
So when he brought up the money he thinks he shouldn’t have to pay, I brought up the fact that WE pay for the toilet paper he has used for 8 months, the fact that we buy cleaning supplies AND clean even though he doesn’t, the fact that WE buy the salt and shovels to get our cars out, and the fact that he doesn’t help with ANY of that.
I don’t really care that he doesn’t clean the floors or the kitchen because he doesn’t use them – he sits around in his room and in the bathroom.
I brought these things up to him. I don’t want to be taken advantage of anymore, and if he wants to split the utilities differently, I want him to either use his own bathroom exclusively or start helping us clean and buy toilet paper for the common area bathroom that he uses instead of his.
He proceeded to tell me he was doing US a favor, got crappy, and eventually agreed to clean every third week.
(three people living here, the bathroom gets cleaned once a week).
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you know the answer. He’s the jerk.
If he wants to discuss finances, each roommate needs to draw up a budget they feel is fair (independently) and then you discuss it as a group.
A solution I see is he doesn’t clean, or buy toilet paper or supplies but pays more in rent for the privilege.
Because really, if he doesn’t clean now, his once-every-third-week cleaning is gonna be crappy.
I don’t have an answer for the utility thing – if he doesn’t cook he may have a point. Maybe he feels he’s being charged for the energy the stove, etc. uses and doesn’t like it?” redthoughtful
Another User Comments:
“No, NTJ. The way I see it you have a few options.
He can either start cleaning the bathroom on the agreed-upon schedule, start paying a fee to use the common bathroom, start using his own bathroom, or you can ask him to move out. He is going to play the victim and complain. You and your other roommate need to stick together on this. You two sound very reasonable.
If what you say is the truth (I don’t doubt you, there are just always different parts to the story) then you have put up with enough.” Viperbunny
Another User Comments:
“I personally can’t imagine a scenario where I use a common bathroom instead of one in my room. I’ve never met a toilet I CAN’T use. I’ve shared a few houses with people and I think the person with the master bed/bath should pay more monthly than the others. If nothing else he has a bigger room with more storage. You’re definitely not the jerk. Lazy roommates can really ruin a nice place to live.” Jaylegend22
11. AITJ For Refusing To Do Long Distance For Five Years?
“My partner and I have been together for a little over 9 months now. We both plan on entering university this year, and there is a big chance of us having to do long distance during our bachelor’s. I want to pursue dentistry (a five-year bachelor’s plus master’s course) because it’ll give us a cushy income and I wouldn’t have to work as much as a doctor, giving me time to focus on my family.
He wants to pursue a mechanical engineering degree (3 years bachelor’s) and then would like to do a master’s (additional 2 years).
The reason we might have to do long distance is that dentistry in the city we live in is very, very difficult to get in, compared to other nearby cities. I simply do not have the grades to make it in here.
He must stay here because he can’t afford to pay for his mom’s rent, as well as his own if he lives somewhere else. I understand this. While I’m still part of the lower class, his family has an even lower financial status than mine.
His dad sends him money every month for their rent, even though his parents are divorced.
His mom lives off of this money, as well as the government. She only works 8 hours a week because she goes to mandatory language school, and already has quit one job because the hours were too long. She has had rheumatoid arthritis for ten years. She quit another job, where she would work for 18 hours because she didn’t like her coworkers and the job didn’t fit into her time schedule.
You see, even with her working 18 hours, her son could have pursued an education anywhere else (not necessarily with me, of course, but to places with a better program).
His mom has to go to school for around a year, and by law is required to then pursue another job so that she wouldn’t have to live off of the government forever.
That means in around a year, she MUST find a better-paying job to support herself, first of all, and then her son. If she doesn’t, she has to pay a hefty fine.
I get that we have to do long distance for his bachelor’s. But, after a hypothetical four years of being together, I’d trust that he would want to move out of his mom’s house and move in with me.
He could find a job, or he could work, whatever floats his boat. If he were to pursue a master’s, his mom would HAVE to earn more (by the law) and could support him even better than she can now.
To be honest, my partner could go pursue his bachelor’s somewhere else already. His mother just refuses to find another job, even though he’s tried to talk to her about their finances.
They can barely pay their bills, but his mom has been saying that she’s going to pass away soon for the past 10 years and lives her life like it’s her last year. I understand that she has a really bad illness, but she’s been living recklessly for the past 10 years and she’s still alive.
She can still work and has a lot of time on her hands. My partner doesn’t want to confront her, because she can be a bit manipulative at times. I’m just going to blame that on the pain caused by arthritis.
Anyways, I told my partner that after his bachelor’s, I would not like to do long distance any longer.
3 years is already a long time, and I’m already the type of person who was never going to pursue a long-distance relationship again. He says we might have to do long-distance for 5 years, and I’m just not willing to wait that long. He keeps making up excuses for why he might not be able to move in with me after 3 years (for example, he may not be able to find work, he might find a better master’s program elsewhere, etc).
Heck, he’s making up excuses not to leave his mom now. My stance is, that there’s never a good time to move in together, there’s never a good time to get married, and there’s never a good time to have kids. He keeps making up excuses, now and for the future, and I’m really turned off by it.
Am I being the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are just going to university. My guess is that you are 18? That’s extremely young to be making a commitment like that.
Moving in with your partner right now is a terrible idea. Committing to someone when you have no experience of the world is a terrible idea, locking yourself into a long-distance relationship you aren’t 100% committed to during the one time in your life you get to experiment more than any other is a terrible idea.
You’ve been together for nine months.
It might not feel like it, but that’s an eye blink. Five years is not. I don’t think it matters whether you are being a jerk or not – committing yourself for that long is just a bad idea. Especially since, to be honest, you probably won’t be together for that long.
I only know one couple that survived different universities, versus probably a hundred that split, and they started seeing each other after they’d been apart for a year.
They liked each other that much. Both are extremely driven and both have a lot of experience with other people – and they started when they were 21, not 18.
If you’re that perfect for each other, you will end up together after University. If you lock yourself down when he doesn’t want to commit (or, worse, begrudgingly agrees to it to save the relationship) you are insane.
I don’t think you are being a jerk but more importantly, I think you are making a wise decision.” PoopInMyBottom
Another User Comments:
“I know this situation feels like complete life or death right now, but the truth is that the vast majority of couples break up either before leaving for university or during that first year.
I did, and I thought we were forever. Why? For these reasons and more. You both are going to change and move on to find people in your immediate cities to replace the day-to-day support and fun you need. There’s no good reason to prolong things miserably when you will be 100% completely different people by the end.
How different were you five years ago, at (assuming) age 13 or 14? You will easily change just as much in the next five years, prompted in part by moving to a brand new city and making a new life for yourself. A new you is going to emerge by necessity and I’m excited for you to grow into that person.
I know this sucks, and I’m sorry. Embrace the nine months of good times you’ve had but know that the next five years are going to be filled with hard, rewarding work. Don’t make that time also dreadful with long distance just to finish with someone you don’t need anymore.” wentlyman
Another User Comments:
“Nope. If you can’t do long distance for this amount of time, then you’ll just have to call it quits. You are not and shouldn’t be the jerk for not wanting to commit yourself to that situation.” imstarlordman
10. AITJ For Unintentionally Spreading A Rumor About My Sister?
“Right, first off this isn’t recent. If anything it happened several years back but it’s tearing my family apart, my sister holds a grudge over it still and it’s been stopping me from repairing relationships damaged over the incident.
Okay, so a brief bit of backstory. My mum died when I was 10, so a year later my dad took my brother and me to a support group for families affected by lost loved ones.
We met my dad’s new wife-to-be and her daughter, who was the same age as me. Over time they became close, and my brother and I bonded with our soon-to-be step-sister to the point of sleeping on her floor after nightly Star Wars Battlefront sessions.
About a year later, my dad remarried and they moved in with us.
My best friend took a liking to my step-sister, and she was interested in him. Because they were both shy (first relationship and all), I helped them coordinate a relationship for a while. My step-sister and I became good friends to the point of me considering her just a plain sister, even though I didn’t (and I guess still don’t) see my step-mother as a real mother to me.
My friend and my sister broke up over something stupid, and she harbored some resentment towards me for a couple of weeks as I tried to say he wasn’t a complete jerk, but she eventually forgave me.
Fast forward another year, and we’re about 12 or 13 years old. My friend group and her friend group are pretty tight at this point, albeit with some awkwardness between my sister and me sharing friends (and her dislike for my BFF/her ex).
We still spend most of our breaks (recess) playing football (soccer) on the field, whilst she and her friends reside in the lunch room gossiping and joking. Occasionally my BFFs (the ex and another guy) would leave our group to go chat up girls from her group (the ex would chat up one of my sister’s friends, and the other BFF would try to flirt with my sister with some success).
One day as my group was walking across the playground to grab something from the lunchroom, my two friends came storming over.
They had just been with my sister’s group as usual and looked livid. Apparently, my sister had been extremely aggressive and rude to the pair of them without any provocation (later corroborated by her friends). They asked, “Why is she being such a massive witch? Is she just like that?”
I kind of panicked, wondering what I should say, but overall I didn’t want people to think my sister was a bad person.
Somewhat selfishly I also had been hoping my other BFF and my sister would get together at some point (due to similar interests and affection shared between the two), so that also factored into me not wanting my sister to be known as an “explosive witch”.
I suggested that it was “probably (my sister)’s time of the month, like hormones or something.
She’s not a bad person”. The group calmed down and talked amongst themselves, as some began whispering and giggling about the idea of my sister having a period (immature kids starting puberty and all). I told them to shut up and we went on with our day. Now, bear in mind that I was a 12-year-old kid who had barely begun to learn about puberty and female hormonal changes, so it was the first thing that came to mind as to why she was acting odd.
I also thought it was okay, as it was part of a normal bodily process that all women go through.
Got home, and my dad had a go at me for making my sister upset. Apparently, I had been spreading rumors about her, which embarrassed her. I apologized and explained the situation which he accepted but said I should tell her that.
She refused to talk to me and instead ignored me for the next 5 years (literally, she would only talk to me on rare Christmases when she had to).
The “rumor” was only between my group and hers and literally disappeared within a week (my friends were like goldfish, forgot about it once they heard the new canteen burgers had mayo as standard).
If anything it improved my friend’s views towards her, and my other BFF even suggested they should go out sometime.
Side note, that didn’t work out because while she was considering it, she told me to go away and pushed me back down the stairs (I still believe as an accident), and said I’d never achieve anything.
My friend heard about this and stormed up to her criticizing her actions before calling her an idiot and storming off (the moment she swore a lifelong grudge against my BFFs).
Point is, she still refuses to talk to me, even attempted to convince her fiance that I’m bad, even though he and I get on alright.
I can sort of understand her hatred for my friends (one broke up with her over Runescape and later flirted with her friends, the other won her heart before defending me and called her an idiot). But I don’t get why she still bears a grudge against me. I’ve been trying to make amends. I always talk to her politely if I have to talk to her, I say nothing but good things about her (even defending her actions when talking to my friends), and always buy her birthday and Christmas presents that I put a ton of thought into.
She hasn’t invited me to her wedding, a lot of my old friends that also were friends with her refused to talk to me (those that do are rude and dismissive), and at this point, it just hurts me tremendously.
So I guess, is she justified? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“To me, it sounds like there’s a lot more going on here.
First off, you were a kid and you said some crap that’s basically something that you knew would calm your friends down and keep them off your butt.
What you said seems like you’re only blaming hormones for your sister’s behavior, but in reality, you’re saying that your sister was going to be irrational every 28 days.
That’s a jerk move (it’s also misogynistic).
So, I mean, I feel like you’re kind of the jerk here. Seems like there’s a lot of residual drama from all this, and I’m guessing you’re also really young.
Just be open to the possibility that you’re wrong, and offer to apologize and talk.” jonny_wags
Another User Comments:
“Twelve-year-old you is not a jerk. A dumb kid who doesn’t know better, but not a jerk. And I understand your sister being mad for a week or two, but 5 years? Something doesn’t sound right here. You’re either leaving something out or your sister has some deep-rooted problem.” Reddit user
9. AITJ For Dropping My Brother Off At The Corner?
“My brother came home from university for easter and left today. As I was about to leave for work this morning he came from his room and asked me to quickly drive him to our dad’s to pick up a pair of shoes before he goes to the bus station. I said “No problem but I have to drop you off at the corner (2 blocks west of the subway that goes to the bus station) because I’m taking (little brother) to school.” So we go to our dad’s, and he picks up his shoes.
Then he starts trying to convince me to drive him to the subway station because “it will be so much easier”.
Keep in mind the subway station is 2 blocks east, there is morning traffic and it would make our little brother late for school. His bus is in an hour, and it takes at most 20 minutes to get there from the subway station.
So I stop at the corner at a red light for him to get out.
I say “Ok, I’ll stop here so you can get out,” and he sort of snaps at me to at least grab his bag from the back seat (we are in a fiat too, by the way, close quarters).
Then the light turns green and I sort of snap back “Get out the lights green!” So he grabs his bag quickly and punches me as he leaves, calling me a selfish jerk.
This really ticked me off. So mad that I wanted to run over the biker in the bicycle lane next to me.
All weekend I ran around for him. I let him use my computer to write a paper since he forgot his charger. Did I get a thank you when I asked for it back when he was done? No, when I asked to have it back, I got a snappy “One sec!” as he surfed social media.
Eventually, I just grabbed my laptop out of his hands. Did I get a thank you when he asked me to drive him to the subway to go play soccer, which is about a 20-minute drive away (on easter Sunday)? No, I got complaints that I wouldn’t drive him all the way to soccer, and a sales pitch on taking him all the way there instead of just to the subway.
Finally, I gave in and drove him all the way there.
So, naturally, I called my dad just to vent a bit. A few minutes later I get a text from him saying I deserved to get punched since the way I told him to get out of the car wasn’t nice. He told me to stop acting like a 12-year-old and tattling on dad.
I responded by saying I’ll stop being a 12-year-old when you stop acting like a baby with a tantrum when he doesn’t get his own way and called him out on acting incredibly selfish all weekend. He then responded with an essay of a text saying how I never ask him about himself and how I don’t do anything unless it benefits me.
I pointed out how on social media (our main medium of talking, since we live 2 hours from each other) I have initiated every conversation, sharing something interesting or funny with him, asking him when he’s home next, etc.
And the last time he started a conversation was in February asking me to send him funds (my dad gives him around 1300 a month – he went through a thousand in 2 days this past week paying off bets he lost and buying himself new pants).
‘Yeah, I’m so selfish for not giving you the opportunity to talk about yourself,’ I say.
Another User Comments:
“Your brother sounds like someone that has learned through his ~20 years of life that he can manipulate you into doing more than what you agreed to do.
If that is true, then only doing what you agreed to do is going to feel to him like you are a jerk because he is used to getting you to agree to X, then tacking on Y, and Z as well.
He can play shocked that you won’t do this “little” thing for him, because you probably have taken the bait in the past, and some unconscious subroutine in your brain says you are bad if you upset him, so you do what he wants.
So to him, yes you are a jerk. But here is the kicker: You will never change his view. No matter how many reasons you give him to explain your point, he won’t suddenly say “Gee bro, you know, I thought I had good reasons for thinking what I did, but now it is crystal clear that I in fact was wrong.” That will never happen.
All you can do is what you want to do, and let his butthurtness be his problem.
And the only reason he came back at you about talking to your dad, is because it worked, and dad sided with you.
You threatened how dad sees him and threatened his 1300-a-month meal ticket.
By the way, why can’t brother drive? Let me guess: DUI.” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“Yep, your brother sounds like a bit of a manipulator. But, I do not side with you completely either. The way you handled the car situation kind of makes you out to be the jerk.
Even though yes, you were doing him a huge favor by doing it, etc.. Your attitude in that situation, and the way you portrayed your pettiness afterward kind of let you down on this one. The social media thing kind of makes the decision for me though. The last time he tried contacting you was purely for money.
Not a good sign. If it is your only means of communication between physical visits that’s not right at all. A simple hi, how are you doing every once in a while wouldn’t go astray.
Simply put, you’re not the jerk… as far as I can tell.” sevenstorms
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for dropping him off at the corner after that’s what you both agreed to do. You are a small jerk for keeping track of all the petty stuff and holding a grudge and then complaining about it. Stop doing stuff for him if he’s a jerk to you and takes advantage, it’s just going to make you resent him more and ruin whatever relationship you guys still have.” BaylisAscaris
8. AITJ For Ratting Out A Guy At The Gym?
“I’m 18 and started going to the gym in late June of 2015. My town has two gyms in it. A YMCA and a Snap. The Snap doesn’t have a squat rack so I have a YMCA membership. Anyway in about late November this older dude, upper 20s if I’m not mistaken, really just started being a giant jerk.
Our first encounter was him approaching me to explain how I was doing something incorrectly and how he could do it better by leaning backward and arcing his back.
Later that day I see him doing Lat Pulldowns and he is doing quarter reps. So I ask him why he isn’t doing the full motion, being curious due to being a novice in the gym.
His reaction was to tell me to screw off and not speak to him again. It legitimately escalated immediately to that.
Eventually, time passed and one day my training partner and I were doing leg presses and had our water bottles next to us. Like most people, as observed and I would assume, we stand next to it when we were waiting on the other one.
He comes into the gym and goes to the deadlift platform, which is next to the leg press. After a set I go to stand up and see that he is walking towards me, I assume he is going to get some weights, so I begin to walk out of the narrow aisle so I can stay out of his way.
As I am doing so, without adequate time to fully remove myself, he insists on yelling, “Get the heck out of my way.”
I just think this is his way of fulfilling whatever grudge he has against me. Sorry for asking why you were doing a movement a certain way, one time, after you critiqued me.
Anyway, his fit was followed by him preceding to go over and tell a guy right behind me, while I had a headphone slightly off my ear, that when I left the gym he was going to fight me and jump me in the parking lot.
Now being in what I thought was a “Christian Family Facility” as I walked out that night I thought the appropriate thing to do is to tell the front desk, hey, pretty sure something’s about to go down. They tell me to go see the administrator and I tell him the above story and he walks outside with me as I leave.
Nice of him I suppose. Anyway, within the next few days he approaches me and says he talked to the guy. Then he proceeds to tell me that everything has been taken care of and that if anything happens again just to come see him.
After a few days, I walk into the gym and as I walk by a mirror, like any sane bodybuilder, I look in it and slightly flex my tricep.
He, standing in the squat rack that has a view of the mirror decides to once again scream “Don’t look at me”. I just kind of shrug this off and think hey, he’s kinda mad I talked to the admin about him. This will probably be a one-time thing. After it occurs around 5 more times I go and see the administrator after he did it when my grill was with me.
Same procedure goes by as last time. There was one minor difference. The admin told me not to look at him, or in mirrors where he can also be seen. This kinda irritates me but whatever.
Time passes. Sometimes he is kinda in my view, or I’m walking from place to place in the gym, and in such instances, it is hard not to look in his general direction.
He uses these opportunities to shout his remarks once again, “Don’t look at me”, throwing in the occasional idiot on the end. Being a rather passive person I let this occur a number of times but one day, after having a rather crappy day, he did it. So I told the administrator again. I am met with the same response as last time.
Everything should be good, just don’t look at him.
Well, Saturday I am at the gym. I am talking to a friend who I haven’t seen in a while who was recently hospitalized and was just in town for the weekend seeing family. Anyway, previously that week I had attempted to PR on Bench. I got 240 for a single and failed in my attempt at 250.
So I was talking about it. Anyway, the gentleman previously mentioned, you know the one who had repeatedly been a jerk at the gym, overhears me and decides to begin crap-talking me to a group of five or so people, rather loudly. My response as it has been countless times was to ignore the problem and go about my day.
Anyway as history seems to repeat itself today, I was at the gym, I had finished my workout and had decided instead of doing cardio on a bike for 10-20 minutes since I had some free time and had friends playing, I may as well play basketball for an hour or so. The nature of the gym is that the weight area is visible from the basketball course and vice versa.
After playing for about an hour I feel as if somebody is looking at me and I glance up. He and about four people are looking in my direction and then he proceeds to point. I think let’s just shrug it off. This is followed by somebody coming downstairs to inform me that for roughly thirty minutes he has been talking crap about me.
Once again shrug it off.
An hour passes, and I’m still playing basketball. Because to be honest I’m having fun and don’t worry I had 25g of protein immediately after lifting and then ate two peanut butter sandwiches after a game of basketball. I felt like I was being looked at again so I glance over again.
This time it’s him and two other people. This has honestly pushed me to my limit. I live in a rather small town and my parental figures have been informed of all of this previously.
When I got home though I went to my father and gave him my plan. It was to go to the administrator tomorrow and talk to him again.
If any altercation occurred I would let his superiors know. Well, my father decides to inform me that after the last incident he told numerous board members about it. Well, that was followed by him and I going to see multiple board members.
Honestly, this situation is rather stupid in my opinion. Everybody in the gym has a like purpose, to improve themselves in some nature.
The environment should thus be positive and people should support one another. In this gym, I have NEVER felt that. It is filled with negativity and hatefulness. People frequently put down others. The small things are easy to overlook because in the big scheme of things they don’t matter. This gentleman’s repetitive nature of consistently negatively impacting others seems different to me though.
All in all, I really want to know if I took the right steps? Am I the jerk of the situation by telling the administrator? What could I have done differently, I want to learn in case of future conflict? What should I do now if no action is taken and altercations continue to ensue?”
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk judging by your story but a lot of stuff seems odd.
It seems very odd that so many people are going along with his bullying. Most people avoid jerks that snap at other people and crap talk about them for no reason. Also, it seems weird that the gym isn’t doing anything about a potentially violent situation and their response is to tell you where you should or shouldn’t be looking.” radseven89
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk.
This is nuts, you’re basically being harassed and if I were the gym admin, I’d be very concerned that the other guy is nuts and will actually lose it and hurt someone, making the admin liable or at least morally responsible for ignoring the build-up. Can you talk to some of the other witnesses who have to listen to the trash talk and ask them to approach the admin as well?” Indiebr
Another User Comments:
“‘His reaction was to tell me to screw off and not speak to him again.
It legitimately escalated immediately to that.’
Your previous encounter obviously influenced this. Is it possible that you unintentionally insulted the guy, or perhaps you have poor social graces? There’s no reason for the guy to snap at you unless you gave him a reason. Did you? What part of the story did you leave out? Are you generally an awkward person? Do you often have issues with person-to-person interactions like this? Why couldn’t you have resolved the issue like a man without being a gym rat, and if you would have done this, would you be here asking if you’re a jerk? Of course, he’s not going to like you after you whined like a rat to the owner of the gym. Who would? You claim you are new to the gym and therefore I have to assume you don’t know proper gym etiquette, and since people don’t just snap and treat others like idiots for no reason, I have to assume that you’re leaving important information out of the story. For now, YTJ.” SolomonKull
7. AITJ For Feeling Upset With My Father?
“Before I begin, I know I am biased as heck towards my mother. My father and I don’t get along that well.
First of all, my father is in his early 60s and is an avid bicyclist. He’s been in this hobby for about 7 years, give or take, after some family issues. However, my mother and I believe that it has taken over his life, I mean, like, addiction levels.
He has spent thousands of dollars on this hobby and has invested himself in the local government with it.
He aims to ride hundreds of miles a month and it has reached the level where my mother and I don’t think anything of him riding 70 miles. While I am annoyed in general about all the talk of it, he’s always on the equivalent of bike social media and gets upset about likes and stuff, I kinda don’t overly care.
Or at least I stopped when I moved out 5 years ago.
However, my mother has always had issues with it. She was happy and supportive at first, but this has declined. She has been angry and upset and hurt by the bike over the last few years. This is due to massive expenses and the number of times he’s been hurt by it – twice before this, both times hospitalized.
The first time he broke his back and went back to riding and the second time he destroyed his fingers and went back to it – and no 17-year-old wants to get a call from the cops that their father was in an accident.
Anyway, she is also hurt because of the fact that he has neglected the rest of his life.
His schedule revolves around the bike, and I’m not kidding. He plans around the rides he wants, has maintenance hours, and does a lot of stuff. The problem is that it’s in excess, he rides multiple times a week, not including to and from work.
Because of this, he has neglected the house, badly. They have a pool, and it is basically a swamp.
The house needed a lot of maintenance for a while, due to damage from a storm, and the house was left missing infrastructure for about 2/3 years. Apparently, whenever my mom tried to fix it, my dad would get upset that she was going behind her back. But then he wouldn’t do anything himself or try, so my mom would and they’d fight.
My mom would give up because of this and just be upset.
This issue happened multiple times for a variety of things, a lot of stuff. Furniture, paint, carpet – they’re walking on ripped-up carpet in their bedroom – flooring, etc. He’d go to work, go ride again, and then come home “grumpy” and get upset at my mother if she didn’t have food ready.
A lot of, “You know how I am and how I should eat!” bull crap.
He would take time off work for rides and inconvenience his associates and such. I had heard him ranting to my mother about how unimpressed and unsympathetic they were due to his activities.
He’d also neglect the family, I’m not fully aware of all the details here.
But like, I know that he has blown off time with my brother to ride, when he visited me at my university, they had to drive so he could bring the bike, and my sister once commented that “Wow, I can’t believe you came here instead of bike riding.”
My mother and I were fairly close and always stated that he wouldn’t stop until he got hurt.
Which he did. He ended up getting hit by an intoxicated driver and is in the hospital. Unfortunately, he is not going to recover anytime soon. And I mean, years, and we’ll be lucky if he can walk again. He is still talking about the bike and how it’s his “one true passion and the one thing he cares about in life.” Which my mom is upset by, as he was under meds, so it was more truthful than just being sober or crap.
But now, he’s gonna lose his job and he’s immobile for the future.
So, my mom, who’s been a wreck, since he is a crap patient, is freaking out.
Here’s my problem, I’m not upset that he got hit, but I am upset that he put himself in that situation; which I feel might just be upset blaming. But I am angry at the fact that my life has now changed, I had plans for May, June, and July and now they’re up in the air because I have to go help him.
He can’t come to my graduation because he is hurt, he can’t do anything, and now I am sacked into helping him. And he doesn’t feel bad about it, he feels offended that he got hit and puts no blame on himself. I have to basically put my life on hold to help him and I feel upset at that.
I’m also upset that I now have to deal with my mother, who is a rightful wreck and try to make sure that she’s taking care of herself. I’m upset because I have a new nephew and my brother has been with my dad instead of his son. My mother hasn’t seen her grandson since his birth because she won’t leave the hospital.
I don’t mind helping the family, I did for his previous accidents, but I’m hurt by how it impacted me.
I can’t even enjoy post-grad life because I have to rush home to help my mother.
My mom on the other hand is ‘burdening’ me with this information, she’s always crying and ranting to me about him. About how mean he is, about his medical stuff, about how he complains to her, who complains to me.
I just feel angry and upset about the situation I’ve been thrust into.
I’m angry that he did this to himself and still doesn’t see what he did wrong, ignore my victim blaming. I’m upset that I now have to drop plans to take care of him. I’m upset that he won’t see me graduate, something I was excited about. I’m angry about how it hurt my mother and how I’m being affected by it.
Am I rightful for feeling this way or am I a jerk, because I honestly don’t even know?”
Another User Comments:
“No, not a jerk.
Your life has changed massively out of nowhere and it’s not surprising that the stress is making you resentful.
I’m not gonna sit here and pretend to be a psychologist but if your dad’s obsession is at the point where it’s actually affecting the house and his relationships then I think that he needs some real help.
That’s not me trying to diagnose anything, it just seems clear that he needs a professional because it sounds incredibly unhealthy.
However, even though this obsession has hurt people, I wouldn’t say that he put himself in the position to get hurt as he did. It was an intoxicated driver. The guys who hit him messed up bad, and it could have happened even if your dad was driving or walking.
This event wasn’t your dad’s fault at all. His continued obsession with cycling, though, sounds like it could be an issue in the future.
So honestly I would try talking to a professional if you can. A pro can tell you if your dad’s hobby is as destructive as it sounds and perhaps give you an idea of how to help.
I know that in a lot of countries this sort of thing is expensive, but it’s worth it if you think it’ll lead to a healthier life for everyone.
Regardless, best of luck. You’ve been dealt a crappy hand but I hope it works out.” Ultra-ChronicMonstah
Another User Comments:
“No. Your life has just changed massively, and what you feel is pretty normal, compounded by the resentment you already had at your dad pushing everyone and everything aside for his hobby.
You could try taking your dad aside, (not literally, obviously) and telling him his hobby has become an obsession and is hurting his wife. It just may be the wrong time to spring on a guy who’s just been disabled, but both you and she have undealt with resentment built up. At least tell him to stop being a crap patient and do as he’s told because he’s not the only one affected.
Tell him to stop moaning about the bikes, before he loses his wife and house as well.” Lamenardo
Another User Comments:
“Your feelings don’t make you a jerk, how you treat others makes you a jerk. As long as you don’t take your emotions out on anyone you should be fine.
Nothing in the post makes you a jerk (going off the information presented).” redthoughtful
6. AITJ For Wanting To Get Rid Of My Mom's Gifts?
“My mom and I have a complicated relationship, she has been love/hate to me since childhood for no objectively bad behavior on my part. Perhaps problems with her own mum or the fact that my dad left us. She married for the second time and does provide for me, but she neglected my nerves-induced speech problem, never took account of my opinion, made decisions for me, gave constant non-constructive criticism on every aspect of my life, and insulted me when I reminded her of my dad or his family, flipped out when I wanted to see him which made me avoid him for nine years out of guilt that I would be betraying my mother.
This has all built up over the years obviously and there were some lovey-dovey moments.
The situation has become way worse since I started university and despite all my best attempts have not been getting the perfect grades I was getting at school. I still live at home, I was guilt-tripped into staying home, all the while being made clear that I’m a financial burden.
My weakness, I admit. So, yes, grades. My punishment is to give her all the money I earn on the side because ‘her credit of trust is up’. She further ridicules me for having no money. I have to accommodate her emotional needs too, if I don’t listen to all her complaints, I don’t care about her.
If I refuse to go on weekly shopping trips where I walk behind her like a shadow and say how good she looks in XYZ, I’m not helping her. Lately, she’s been openly hurtful, saying how I’m going to fail my exams (no objective reason, and I’ve been accepted to postgrad next year), how no one will need me and I will be cleaning the toilets.
Today she stormed into my room while I was trying to revise and said how she should have beaten me as a child.
I did nothing to provoke this, I honestly do nothing to provoke her, she seems to enjoy unleashing onto me. I understand that my nature may be accommodating to this behavior and she might be worried about my future but come on… I do snap sometimes and then she tells me I’m crazy. By the way, I’m on anxiety medication and seeing a counselor, mum doesn’t know for obvious reasons.
Now, I realize I’ve made this sound very one-sided but objectively no one has anything bad to say about me…
I realize I am at fault for avoiding my father, that I see. But what mum gets on me about, it’s not confirmed by any other feedback I get. She says that’s because they don’t know the REAL me. Anyway, she sometimes has moments where she feels guilty, especially about the shopping trips. Asks me if she’s like an evil stepmother.
Jumps at any opportunity to buy me stuff, which is rare but hey. Recently I realized why this is, I feel unworthy. I legitimately do and even with the good non-materialistic things that happen to me, at first I feel so happy, then a deep sadness that I’m a fraud.
Also, I realized I don’t want anything physical to be associated with her.
Any gift, from the past couple of years especially, I felt odd about it, very uneasy… Now I realize it’s because her hurtful actions towards me don’t match the nice things she buys. Sometimes it’s something I’ve been wanting for years, other times it’s just to ‘flash’. The most expensive thing has been around £200 – some jewelry.
That’s still a lot to me.
Recently I’ve uncovered this anger towards my mother, which provoked my fresh arguments. And I have moved this anger onto her gifts, I look at them and they disgust me. Like they carry all her weird negative emotions toward me… I feel like a jerk about this though… I’ve been wanting to get rid of them…
I can’t give them back because she will flip… Maybe sell what I can sell? Or am I over-reacting and this will pass? Though I must say, I’ve been feeling like this for years, only then it was more guilt based and now it’s just anger and disgust.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for feeling weird about the gifts.
Perhaps your feelings about them are because you feel that accepting the gifts means you are accepting her behavior in some way or accepting a sort of apology from her.
Do you feel like she’s using them as a way to say “there, we’re even now” and you can both pretend she isn’t horrible to you?” cottonthread
5. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friend For Getting Into A Relationship With My Cousin?
“So we begin with my cousin’s backstory. We aren’t blood-related (more like step-cousins) and I met her in my early teens. The moment I saw her I fell for her and was a little confused and shocked when I learned that she was my cousin shortly after our meeting. My heart wasn’t having it though and I ended up keeping that crush on her for about 5 years.
I made several plans to confess my strange affection but I always wimped out but that never stopped me from becoming hulk mode whenever she brought her partner at the time around. I definitely wouldn’t have to ask your opinion on THAT one! I know I was the jerk!
Anyway, during the 5th year of my crush on her, She moved in with my family and I realized the difficulties and incompatibilities of our “potential” relationship and I finally gave up.
I no longer share romantic feelings for her but I still feel protective of her.
Now for my friend. We have been friends since elementary school. We used to hang out a lot and we were cool. In our younger years, we were kind of jerky to each other but what kids weren’t? As we grew older, we grew more mature and our friendship did as well.
While it did seem he was always trying to one-up me, we still were close. During year 3 of my crush, I told him about my feelings toward my cousin. He didn’t treat me like a freak or make fun of me. He received and acted very well…that is until time wore on. It’s worth mentioning that year 3 was the year that my friend and cousin met so it made sense that I told him.
Also worth mentioning is that my cousin was with a guy at this time.
My friend started acting flirtatious with my cousin and it was ticking me off. She was my crush so I thought it was messed up. She expressed to me that it made her uncomfortable that he tried so hard and even said that SHE DIDNT LIKE HIM AND THAT HE WASN’T ATTRACTIVE (remember this. Obvious saltiness, sorry).
So a few times I have had to pull him aside to tell him to cool it, which he would for a while but then he would start with his shenanigans again. By the third time I had it so I told him to stop because I was in love with her and I felt like he was stepping on my toes.
FINALLY, he officially cooled it… for about a year and a half.
Time marches on. A little after 5th year and my cousin is single, I have no romantic feelings for her, and my friend is lurking. My cousin’s birthday rolls around and we have a party which my friend is invited to. At said party, he got extra gutsy with his old tactics.
He got more touchy-feely and even put his hands on her waist. Me being protective and testosterone etc, I was ticked off. I saw it as him disrespecting my previous feelings and trying to one-up me.
After the party, I pulled my cousin aside and decided to spill my guts about how I used to feel about her so that she could understand my previous jerkery towards her ex as well so she could understand that I believed my friend was trying to one-up me and vent about his jerkiness.
Her reaction to my previous romantic feelings? She said it was weird but that it was in the past and that she was ok with it. Her reaction to my friend? She confesses that she has had a crush on him for a long time. Well jeez. Isn’t it such a sad irony that the same convo I confessed my old feelings to her was the same she confesses her long-time feelings for my friend (or even frenemy at this point)?
Younger me would be devastated.
Current me wanted to be the bigger man though. Knowing that she had feelings and that my friend most likely does too, it would be jerkish of me to not tell her that he probably liked her. So I did. Then with her blessing, I told my friend that she likes him (without mentioning that she knows about my old feelings).
Then they got together to no one’s surprise (apparently I wasn’t crazy, everyone thought they liked each other), I had to endure the “Are you ok with this?” question from those who knew of my old feelings (about 2 or 3 people) and from everyone else who thought the idea was kinda messed up for the plain fact that he is my longtime friend and she is my cousin.
I don’t like them together. I can even say I hate it. I cringe when I see them together. I hate seeing photos of them on social media and seeing the stupid cutesy crap they post on each other’s crap. I hate it.
At the beginning of their relationship, they asked me to third wheel a few times but I always refused which earned me “you’re a bad friend” comments from my cousin (frustrated and rage sigh).
Every time I think about it, I wonder if I made the right decision to set everything up the way I did. Worth mentioning, right before they became official, I told him how strict my parents were (since she lives with us) and how he will be treated differently. In typical fashion for him, he complained about the rules and was being a crap brain.
Too many suspicious events happened and it caused the friend’s family and my family to grow some tension towards each other and for me to give him the same treatment my cousin’s ex-partner used to get from me (except turned down a few notches).
I wanted to fight him honestly.
Of course, I never tried to provoke one or challenge him but I would’ve relished the opportunity had it arisen. It got to the point where I had a man-to-man with him and said “we are no longer friends you are nothing but her partner to me” but he convinced me to start over.
Things have gotten better from the parent’s rule spectrum and we have been getting along “better” but I still feel that resentment. So after sitting through this long messed up story, who is the jerk? I really wanna know if I made the right decision.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m not saying your friend and cousin aren’t being jerks, but I am gonna say that you are being a jerk.
You just need to get over crap. You having a crush on someone, anyone, doesn’t give cause for everyone in the room to walk on social eggshells.
Did you make the right decision? Which decision are you talking about? I think that you helping facilitate them getting together was a nice thing to do, and I think that attempting to mend things with your friend is a very responsible thing to do.
Now you just need to work on handling your resentment better.
And to be fair, even admitting that your resentment has gotten the best of you at times is a step in the right direction. A lot of people don’t make it that far.
Besides, she’s family. Who cares if it’s by blood or not? Go get a crush on a girl whose family tree is a little further down the orchard than yours.” endymion2300
4. AITJ For Dropping My Friend?
“I had this friend, who I thought was a like-minded individual – we share the same taste in music, have generally the same outlook on life, we both play guitar, share a lot of other tastes too (like video games). Up until last weekend, I used to have him come over every Saturday to game, until I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I’ll start with the video games. He, as I did, grew up playing video games. You know people who, when they were little, spent a lot of time video gaming? Do you know how they generally tend to be good at pretty much any game you throw at them? Not this guy.
Obviously, I got tired of playing that game with him, so I spent the last five or six weekends trying out all kinds of different games, old and new, to try and find something that he’d be good at.
But it always ended up in the same fashion – He was completely incapable of working as a team, I had to consistently remind him to stay on the objective, and at boss fights, I would explain the mechanics (wasting my breath) as I just could not get anything at all through to his skull about what needs to be done.
I hated leaving him behind in BL TPS (Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel), so we played tons of other coop games (games he even played before), hoping one would activate something in his brain to become something close to a competent partner. I couldn’t take it anymore – I wound up just getting so irritated and frustrated with him.
Now on to reality.
This guy hasn’t had a job for about a year now. All he does is read comic books at his tyrannical mother’s house (those Saturdays spent with me were his only freedom from her). The thing is, we would get really deep into some really good conversations – topics like how to earn without leaving your house, how the Dark Web works, how to do blah blah blah.
And what I would do after these conversations is do some research and email him some cool information I found on whatever topic it was, then I would tell him “Hey, I sent you this email about that topic – check it out! Let’s see what else we can learn, or let’s see if we could utilize this somehow.”
And then he would never even bother to open the email.
I once even did a lot of research on resume-building (how to best format a resume and what to say on it), and I asked him to send me his current one so I could touch it up for him. Nothing.
No ambition, no innovation, no drive, no pro action. His actions both in and out of video games – if it requires the slightest bit of effort on his part other than opening his mouth (he loves talking), he could not be counted on in any capacity.
It’s just so frustrating because I wanted to not only help him but help myself, too. If he had shown any inkling of enthusiasm about any of those topics, like how to earn without leaving your house (I sent him an online thread about that which contained hundreds of ways to do it), we could have worked together to create something or do something that would better both of our lives.
Back in the day when anyone had any creative ideas, like putting our heads together to build a computer or explore a new part of town, everyone would get all excited about it and contribute and apply their intellectual abilities to make the idea a success.
Or we’d all at least learn something from failing. Nowadays I’m realizing nobody has that internal desire for exploration and discovery anymore. They’ll just stubbornly shake their heads at every new idea and point out all the reasons why it won’t work or how it’s too much effort. I dislike this new defeatist attitude and unwillingness to innovate and learn.
I’m assuming that attitude comes with age, but I know for sure that I personally have not lost my innate proclivity for edification (or desire for personal/intellectual enrichment).
Anyway, he basically caused me too much unhappiness on my weekends (which, when you work full time and a half, is precious valuable time). Of course, he was oblivious to that, because I tend to act cheery even if I’m not because that’s what decent people do (if a game wasn’t working out, I’d just suggest we move on to a different one).
So, I told him that I just can’t have him over anymore.
That dude loved coming over, and I bent over backward to keep him happy because I know he has a crappy life. But, gosh, I gotta be happy sometimes, too, you know? That guy is the worst kind of toxic – the kind that is unintentional.
He just thinks he’s living a normal life, and everything is hunky dory not having a job, and I just out of the blue was a huge jerk for telling him I can’t hang out anymore, and something must be wrong with me. No. That guy has no motivation to do anything, and that kind of attitude is toxic.
I want to do things.
Tell me, is it too much to ask your friend to read an email? Is it too much to ask, when playing Halo, to focus fire on the shield-regenerating enemies? That guy has a few screws loose in his head, and I’m happy to be without him. I wish he wasn’t like that, because honestly now I don’t have anyone to play with, but this past Saturday was freaking great playing a single-player game and relaxing and not internally screaming at an idiot right next to me.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re a jerk for bottling up all of these feelings until you snapped and closed out your friend.
You guys obviously had different ideas for what you wanted out of your friendship, but from the sound of it, you didn’t communicate with him on this at all and got more and more frustrated when your friend didn’t live up to the invisible standards you never told him about. It’s one thing if you’d said to him that you spent time and effort putting the emails together and you’d really appreciate it if he’d open them up and read some of the links etc because it hurt your feelings that he didn’t.
That gives him a choice and tells him what the consequences are if he doesn’t open the emails (hurting your feelings) so his choice is informed. You said yourself that you just faked being happier than you were and that he was oblivious, so of course, he didn’t change his behavior. He didn’t know anything was wrong.
And then you just cut him off, and he maybe still doesn’t even know now.” alexi_lupin
Another User Comments:
“I hate to tell you this, but you come off as not only a jerk but a pretentious jerk. Maybe you don’t realize it but maybe people don’t like you because you sound arrogant as heck.
‘Nowadays I’m realizing nobody has that internal desire for exploration and discovery anymore.
They’ll just stubbornly shake their heads at every new idea and point out all the reasons why it won’t work or how it’s too much effort. I dislike this new defeatist attitude and unwillingness to innovate and learn. I’m assuming that attitude comes with age, but I know for sure that I personally have not lost my innate proclivity for edification…’
You went from “him” to “everyone” pretty darn quick.
I love learning new things too, but I have friends that don’t have a lot of ambition, and that’s okay with me.
Just maybe try to stop looking down on people. You seem awfully passive-aggressive. Is he asking for your help? If not, sending someone tips on resumes is insulting.” Diarygirl
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, you’re a jerk. Not for the reason you think, though.
You just come off as one of these people with a crappy attitude. People are all different, and get different results from different things. I couldn’t give less of a crap about the other guy. It’s just your crappy attitude I have a problem with. Get off of your high horse.” UlfarrOT
3. AITJ For Asking For Reduced Rent?
“So this has been unfolding over a few days, but the bulk of it happened last night. Anyways, recently my roommate (roommate 1) has decided to let her partner and his roommate move into our house. Roommate 1’s partner has been living at our house (not paying rent OR UTILITIES) since the beginning of last semester, basically as long as they have been together.
Well, roommate 1’s partner, Partner 1, and his roommate, Curly, pay rent at a house about five minutes away in a slightly sketchier part of town. Well, apparently their house has been broken into before and they would like to move.
Now for some clarification.
Roommate 2 and I share a bathroom and each have separate rooms. Roommate 1’s dad owns the house and knows roommate 2 and I live here.
(He lives across the country) Well, when roommate 2 and I moved in, we were under the impression that we write checks to roommate 1 and she sends the money to her dad. We recently learned that the money roommate 1 receives stays with her and that’s her “allowance” so her dad doesn’t have to give her any money.
Okay, that’s fine.
We all agreed that it is okay for Curly and Partner 1 to move in since school ends in May and their lease isn’t up until February 27th. So they’ll be here for only 2ish months. Fine. Well, roommate 2 and I expected our rent to go down since we will be losing living space upstairs and in the kitchen and living room, etc.
Roommate 1 had even said a few things along the lines of lowering rent. Curly and Partner 1 are splitting rent for the upstairs room (even though Partner 1 lives in the master bedroom with roommate1). Roommate 2 and I ask roommate 1 what our rent will be after this month and roommate 1 says it will not change.
She said that we “pay for the room” when we pay rent every month. Roommate 1’s dad does not know that these dudes are moving in here and he specifically told her that no men, especially partners are not allowed to live here. Fine, but roommate 1 will be receiving an extra $500+utilities a month on top of the $300+utilities that she gets from roommate 2 and me.
Roommate 1 told us that since we pay by room rent will not go down.
She told us that her mother (who is not married to roommate 1’s dad) is the property manager, which we had not been aware of until last night. Apparently, roommate 1 and her mother have agreed that it is fair for roommate 1 to receive these extra funds from the boys living in the house without telling the actual owner of the house.
That seems sketchy to me. I asked her to please talk to her mother and let her know that roommate 2 and I are upset about the rent not going down. She has been avoiding my texts all day and she has not been to the house yet. When we approached her she was silent and did not say anything during the entire “conversation” where roommate 2 and I said we were upset and that it was unfair that her partner didn’t contribute and we would appreciate it if she and partner 1 would clean up after themselves better since more people are moving in.
Roommate 2 and I never signed anything because roommate 1’s dad does not officially lease out the house.
We did pay a $300 deposit when moving in. I asked for roommate 1’s mom’s phone number since she has not tried to talk to her about it or even tried to work with us. Roommate 2 and I are feeling grubbed out of our funds, but we can’t move out because I am graduating in May and will not be able to sign a lease.
Roommate 1 feels that we are cornering her and being disrespectful by being upset by rent staying the same while our living space is being occupied by two more people (even though partner 1 has been here for almost six months without contributing).
Are roommate 2 and I jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t a jerk for wanting reduced rent.
However, you didn’t sign a lease, so they can raise rent at any point, kick you out, or change the situation, etc. (What they can do depends on the laws where you live.)
If you want reduced rent enough to risk being kicked out, find the Dad’s phone number or email and contact him explaining the situation and asking for reduced rent.
Be sure to point out that her partner is moving in. This may cause huge problems and cause you to be kicked out, or it may result in the partner moving out, reduced rent, or Roommate 1 making your life a living nightmare until you move out.” BaylisAscaris
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk, just an idiot.
This sounds pretty under the table, so I’m assuming you don’t have anything in writing. This basically means that they can do whatever they want, and you pretty much just have to live with it. My suggestion is that it seems like you’re living in a toxic situation, and I would move out as quickly as possible.” UlfarrOT
2. AITJ For Telling My Friend He Can't Vent To Me?
“I have a friend who’s bisexual who we call Bi-friend who came out to me when I came out to him. This was around two years ago or so? We used to be high school buddies, then drifted away, then we got to catch up online and sort of came out to each other. We have a completely disjoint set of friends now.
Thing is, I’m the only friend he ever came out to. I live in a country where the culture is just starting to accept same-sex relationships. So it’s still a bit taboo in a sense. But not too taboo.
Just in case he came out to me because he’s interested in me, I made it clear that I’m not.
Everything I say onwards happened online now unless stated otherwise.
At first, it wasn’t yet a burden that he’d exclusively talk to me about guys he likes.
It’s like 99% of our conversation topics. At first, it was fine. But then it gets tiring since he keeps on sharing about guys I don’t know and tells me how hot they are. During the first few days, I was fine with it. But then it got old very fast. Especially since we’re basically leading different lives now and I’m pretty much disconnected from what he’s doing.
I told him this and tried to suggest that he tell other friends (friends that he hangs out with personally these days).
This is because (a) I’m not too interested in ogling strangers. (b) I think it’s healthier to have someone you see on a personal basis to be some kind of support friend for being bi.
He holds this belief that he can be happy without coming out to any more people. And I hold this belief that it’s always better to at least let your close friends know.
So basically, with his principle, I remain the only friend who he’s out to.
Today, I came to the realization that I am in some way enabling him not coming out to any more people because he can always have someone to talk to. This is because he talked to me about this guy he’s getting close with and that he wants to know if he’s straight or not and if he’s interested.
And if he is, hopefully, he is also someone who wants to keep to the closet.
My patience with tolerating this lifestyle grew thin because of the reasons stated above AND because I get stressed thinking that things could be better for him if he came out to other close friends. And so, I told him I’m not comfortable discussing boys with him anymore.
He tells me he’s not stressed about things.
So basically, I just implied that we act as if he never told me he was bi. And just discuss things that do not involve his crushes.
He tells me that he could be happily closeted for an indefinite amount of time. And I feel that I’m the one who’s closed-minded because I do not believe that.
It may just be a difference in opinions. Or maybe he has his own reasons to stay closeted. But to be on point: Am I the jerk for refusing to entertain my friend discussing these topics because I don’t tolerate his lifestyle?”
Another User Comments:
“I guess I’m just confused at your actual call to question here… what do you mean you’re not comfortable with his lifestyle? His being bi or his not coming out to others? You’re a bit vague on what you’re actually not ok with other than him talking to you.
Either way, it ultimately doesn’t matter, I guess. You’re not even a little bit of a jerk for not enjoying a conversation and wanting him to stop – as others have stated, the subject matter really doesn’t matter here; if it were about girls he found hot and you still didn’t give a crap about the topic, you’re still not a jerk for asking it to cease.
But, your actual question used the word BECAUSE…
if you want him to stop talking about it BECAUSE you’re not ok with him being bi, him not coming out to others, then yes… you’re a jerk for that. Still doesn’t mean you should be subjected to crap you don’t want to hear about… and doesn’t make you a jerk to ask him to stop.
Just leave out the reason why and say I don’t enjoy talking about this topic, which is true.” savage-0
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for asking him to tone it down. No more than if he were straight and talking about all of the women he’s trying to hook up with, sometimes you just don’t wanna keep hearing about that crap and it’s totally understandable.
However, only he can know if coming out is a good idea or not. You don’t know his family right now, or circle of people, so I’d bet he has a better understanding of the repercussions than you do. Pressuring him to make such a big decision, with permanent life-altering consequences, is a bit of a jerk move.
At the same time, this is a core part of his personality. Tone it down? Understandable. But if you expect him to pretend it simply isn’t who he is, you would basically be asking him to go back into the closet. You yourself said you think he’d be happier if he stopped doing that, right? That’s pretty uncool, honestly, if this guy’s your friend you gotta accept him for who he is or move on.” iamaneviltaco
Another User Comments:
“No one’s a jerk.
It is understandable that you don’t want to talk about the people he is attracted to and setting boundaries in any relationship is healthy. If he refuses to stick to the boundaries you set up and you really aren’t comfortable then the friendship may have run its course. You are not his keeper or confessor and it isn’t your job to be these things because he doesn’t want to tell anyone else.
If he wants to stay in the closet that is his choice. You can’t and shouldn’t force him out. I completely understand your point and you may be right, but it is his life to live and his decision to make. If it makes you uncomfortable it is your right to not talk about it or to choose not to remain friends.” Viperbunny
1. AITJ For Being Ticked Off At My Friend?
“So, some context. I (29f) have a friend (45f) who I met back in 2007 as she hired me. I was an exemplary employee and we were friends that respected the work/boss boundary. We haven’t worked for said company for years, but we stayed close since. She’s seen me work my butt off during my twenties.
Despite the age difference, she’s never had her financial stuff in order. I have ALWAYS made substantially less than her then-husband. She borrowed $40 during a time when I could barely afford to eat because she really needed it. Because of the petty amount (albeit I needed it), I didn’t mention anything… until years later when she was bragging about how she pays everyone back.
I just mentioned it out of principle.
She started working for a large finance company and gained employment through a referral. She recommended me and I was first interviewed in 2008 before the global economic crisis mandated hiring freezes in the finance sector. I didn’t get the job, but in all fairness, I didn’t have experience. I ended up getting into banking two years later and worked my behind up into a leading role.
Back in 2014, I applied on her recommendation. This was while I had banking experience (asset), but not yet lending. I was passed in favor of a candidate that did have just a little bit more but was told it was a very difficult position.
Sometime last year, I was doing better financially. The same friend has always been poor at managing her money (she makes about 20k more than I do, but with similar expenses).
I wanted to go on a weekend trip.. she desperately wanted to go but couldn’t afford accommodation but said she’d chip in for food. I was OK with that. We went shopping for groceries and she started loading the cart excessively as though we were there for a week. I didn’t moderate her because she said she’d pitch in for groceries.
The entire weekend came and went, and she didn’t spend a dime but took money out for activities for herself. I was perplexed and followed up when we went home. I was a bit aggressive about it because I felt exploited. She felt really bad about her behavior. She paid me back (not what I was expecting).
Time goes on, and I let it go.
I quit my job after carefully saving up living expenses for a year. I took a job that an old contact sold me on. Completely based on lies. The staff is absolutely terrible and toxic. I get bullied and alienated. The friend knows this and is excited to tell me in mid-June that the same company is hiring.
By July I haven’t heard anything, but she reassures me that they’re just busy. I feel like a jerk, but don’t ask her specifics by mid-July. I just vented that with everything going on at my new job, I was feeling very discouraged that I hadn’t heard from them. I was on the receiving end of some bad news that affected me economically and I briefed her on that.
During this time, she hits me up about three different times for money. I lent her $100 with the expectation that I’d get it back on 07/29 (Payday). The other two times, she found other arrangements before I could get back to her.
Today I decided to touch base with her to simply ask her thoughts if she thinks I should touch base with the recruiter that I originally spoke to briefly or if she thought it would be too aggressive for me to follow up in person with the hiring manager that might recall that I was passed over.
I was feeling very confused because the job requirements cite one year of data entry experience and a high school diploma. I am an excellent candidate and knock off everything they’re looking for, including assets. She hasn’t paid me back the $100 that she said she’d pay back on the 29th. So I thought that I wasn’t being a jerk by disrespecting her boundaries since it would seem like she clearly didn’t have an issue with violating mine.
She responds back that sorry, they hired someone…
maybe talk to the recruiter, she says, as per my original query.
I can’t help but feel ticked off because she knew how desperately I was looking to quit my job. I only stayed there so I don’t have to account for a failed job experience. I feel it’s reasonable to keep your friend informed not only about when they started interviewing, but more importantly that they had hired someone.
I’m not sure if those points are valid, or if it’s the fact that I’ve lent someone funds who breached my trust with money. Kind of like.. well, you don’t respect me, so why should I respect you?
Am I being the jerk here for feeling like I’ve been wronged? Would I be the jerk for calling her out on the fact that she sat like a waiting duck with Intel while I was going through a nightmare?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not the jerk for being ticked off at her.
You might be the jerk, however, if you pin her ears back for the wrong reason. Unless the position she referred you for reports to her in some fashion, she likely wasn’t involved enough in the hiring process to know when they were interviewing. The fact that a position would be opening up is the sort of thing that would come up in a staff meeting, but after that it gets iffy.
Should she have told you the minute she found out the position was filled? Yes. But you can’t expect her to know what’s going on with the day-to-day business of another department.
That being said, you really need to cut her off, money-wise. There’s absolutely no reason why anyone who makes that much more than you do should be coming up short, especially if she doesn’t have unusual or unexpected expenses.
And, given that she’s a total flake, you might consider cutting contact with her entirely.
It’s not clear from your post how long you’ve been in your current position. Could you let me know? I’ve been an employer for longer than I care to think about, so I might be able to suggest a way out of things.” Reddit user