People Ask Us To Spill Our Thoughts On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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There are different kinds of people we meet throughout our life. There are those who become our friends. There are others who just happen to pass through, while there are others who are brought into our lives just to test our patience. When we deal with the latter, it's hard not to act like a jerk to them too. Here are some stories from people who want to know what we think about their situations. Read their stories and let us know who you think the real jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change My Flight Schedule?

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“I travel a decent amount for work, and there are meetings taking place out of town on May 1st and 2nd. Normally if I have meetings on the 1st and 2nd, I’ll typically fly back late on the night of the 2nd, or early on the day of the 3rd. May 2nd is my significant other’s birthday, so I worked it out with my team that I would miss the work meeting on May 2nd so that I could fly back home early enough to be with my SO on her birthday night.

I booked a 10 am return flight that would get me back home to our apartment around 4 pm. More than enough time to get home, get ready for dinner (that I made advance reservations for), and have a great night out. My SO made a fuss that I should book an earlier flight back home so that I could spend more of the day with her.

I got slightly annoyed when she said this and pushed back saying that it was one of the earliest flights available. She said to check with another airline.

I got more annoyed at this point because I’m already missing work to fly back in time for her birthday dinner, and now she wants me to try to wake myself up at the crack of dawn so that I can take an even earlier flight to get home just a few hours earlier.

From my POV, what is the point? Isn’t it enough that I made arrangements to miss work and get back in time for her birthday? I understand that it sucks to be alone for part of your birthday, but I can’t control my work schedule.

Now she is saying she doesn’t want to spend her birthday with me at all because she feels like she has to force me to want to spend time with her, and that I should WANT to do this for her.

I’m at my wit’s end with this one. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, from this exchange, your SO sounds manipulative, ungrateful, and extremely entitled. Red flags around. I predict that, if you do get an earlier flight, she will still pout and sulk because ‘you didn’t want to do it, you just did it because I made you.’

If she does, it’s because she is trying to make it such a giant pain in the butt if you are not immediately catering to her, that next time you’ll avoid conflict by doing (or not doing) the fill-in-the-blank thing that she wants.

Look out.” CapriciousPenguin

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. I get your point… I do. But you need to also consider the 60/40 rule (The 60/40 rule says that if you think you are doing your fair share (50%) of the work, then in fact you’re probably only doing 40%.) The rule is applicable to all situations general or specific, she also needs to apply the rule. Source 14 years of marriage.” Treatwithcream

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You’re already missing work so that you can spend the evening with her.

She’s old enough to understand that birthdays are just random days and you can just celebrate with her on a different day. The fact that you are making the effort to get home early to spend that night with her should be more than enough. It seems like she’s being ungrateful for the accommodations you’ve already made and she shouldn’t be mad at you.” c0tt0nball

3 points (3 votes)
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ang 1 month ago
I would not ask my husband to skip a work meeting for my birthday. I would celebrate it on another day.
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21. AITJ For Bringing My Uncle To My Workplace?

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“I, (19m) recently attempted to assist my uncle (52M) with a technological issue he was having with his computer. He knew I worked in an information technology job and decided I was the best fit to solve his issues. I did what I could with the limited tools that I had, and found his issue to be one that I couldn’t solve, but one that my place of work (A retail store with client-based assistance to those who needed tech help) could.

I had him make an appointment and I myself went with him and assisted my coworkers in solving the issues with the now available tools that we had. My uncle after bringing the computer home set it up and after about 24 hours, had the same issue again. I directed him to the store where he needed to purchase a new storage device for the computer.

He decided to get it looked at again first, and made an appointment to do so. A little context about how the appointments work. The appointment system is primarily catered to people who have purchased the yearly subscription or have some sort of protection plan on their device where we can either fix their issue or ship the device out to the service center. Not all of my coworkers are able to directly work on the devices (this is important).

Our repair specialists are the only ones who are capable of putting their hands inside of computers and laptops (basically anything we can fix in-store) but the appointment system doesn’t know whether or not we have a specialist available.

Enter my coworker, (26F) who is a repair specialist. Nearing the end of her shift and closing in on the appointment time, my uncle walked in expecting to get his device repaired.

After speaking with my coworker, it became clear that this wasn’t an issue she could solve in the limited amount of time that she had on shift, and told him so. My other coworker (22M), wasn’t a repair specialist, and therefore couldn’t assist in solving the issue. My uncle didn’t have a yearly subscription and became very heated at the fact that my coworker wouldn’t stay late to solve his issue.

My coworker did what she could, but made sure that he knew that she needed to leave when her time was up, and when she did leave, he called corporate on her for not staying late in order to help her. Now my coworker (who management consistently targets) could very well lose her job because of my uncle. I don’t want to message him, due to the fact that he may call corporate again in order to complain about me.

I didn’t know he was even capable of such an act. I made sure to apologize for the actions of my uncle but my coworker harbors a (justifiable) grudge against me. I’ve lost the trust of my team. And could lose a great coworker.

Am I the jerk for introducing my uncle to my place of work and possibly giving him unreasonable expectations? I feel that I’m responsible for my uncle’s actions due to the fact that I was the one who introduced him to my place of work.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

So come clean and call corporate, and tell them your uncle was not even a real customer, because he had no subscription, and you tried to steal company resources for him.” Initial_Number_4747

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, this isn’t your fault. You didn’t act ridiculous and entitled, and we don’t pick our relatives. Your uncle is 1000% the jerk. It would be very nice if you could call corporate and explain the situation to them since your uncle is unlikely to retaliate like that against someone he has to see for the rest of his life compared to a stranger.” CapriciousPenguin

2 points (2 votes)
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20. AITJ For Telling My Family They're Overreacting?

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“My significant other (23F) is a picky eater. Not as picky as some people, but there are just some things she doesn’t like. She also has some digestive problems so there is a reason why she doesn’t like/eat certain foods. For Easter, I wanted to introduce her to my family since we’d been together for quite some time now. I come from a very old-school Mexican household.

I’m first generation along with my sisters and my brother.

So, we get to the party and I see my brother is cooking up fajitas (chopped beef and pastor) to make tacos for everyone to eat. My SO is not big on red meat as again she can be picky, but also she has stomach problems and would rather avoid the consequences of eating things. She opts instead to eat simple rice and beans and other sides we had.

You could tell she was a little embarrassed but I told her she had nothing to worry about or explain to people. Well as the day goes on I can see people in my family (and extended family) make little comments about how she’s ‘being rude’ for not eating the food my brother prepared.

I told her not to worry about extended family bc we never see them and also they’re just drama queens.

What really got me upset was my brother, his wife and my sister were also part of the gossip and we all noticed. I could tell my SO was mortified by this so we opted to cut out early. Before I left my brother approached me to ask why we were leaving and that’s when I told him ‘maybe if you guys didn’t act and gossip like high schoolers we would stay, but that’s not going to happen is it?’ My sister then joins in saying that we’re being rude for leaving early.

This turned into them calling me a jerk and my SO rude and disrespectful. I told them they need to grow up and realize the world doesn’t revolve around them and left.

My SO told me it was fine and that it wasn’t worth the trouble, but I, personally am tired of their ‘it’s my way or the highway’ attitude. She was extremely polite, greeted everyone, talked to everyone, and played with the kids, but God forbid she doesn’t eat your food.

Personally to me, it’s not a big deal, if you don’t like something or don’t want to eat something that will upset your stomach that’s fine. I’ve had people not eat the food I made and it’s no skin off my back. So, I ask AITJ?

INFO: I saw people asking if my family knew about her issues. I didn’t tell them beforehand because it honestly just slipped my mind.

At the party, my mom asked her why she didn’t make herself any tacos to which my SO replied ‘I have trouble with red meat,’ and my mom even offered to make her something else that she can better digest. My SO said no it’s fine and we went about the rest of the afternoon. I could’ve informed them beforehand so that part is on me.

It’s just the part that baffles me is that my parents who are OG old-school Mexican parents didn’t bat an eye and just went about their day. My siblings are very prideful, sometimes too prideful to their own detriment.”

Another User Comments:

“You are absolutely NTJ. You were a kind, supportive partner. As someone who also can’t eat a lot of things, I feel embarrassed and am hyper-aware of people giving me certain looks for eating or not eating specific things at gatherings.

It isn’t her fault and I’m sure she wishes she could enjoy food like ‘everyone else.’

I’m not trying to insult your family, but it sounds like they were super rude and just looking for a reason to hate on her. It’s not like she said their food sucks!

Tell your family to put themselves in her shoes. If they were allergic to something and were meeting people important to their loved ones, how would they feel if those important people gave them grief for not eating something they can’t or don’t want to eat? It’s stupid and trivial and has nothing to do with who your SO is as a human.

I would hope your family wants the best for you. Your SO sounds polite and sweet, and as I said, I commend you for being supportive!!” officialamberadams

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. Your SO is probably picky in part because she has digestive issues; she HAS to be picky. She’s not the jerk. You’re not the jerk for standing up for her. And your family isn’t the jerk for being a little put-off.

Food is a huge part of a culture, family traditions, AND holidays, AND bonding/sharing with someone new.

Where I come from, I would force myself to eat food I don’t like because I know what it means to the host family (or if I had a digestive issue I’d politely explain it so as not to appear rude). Sounds like a culture clash more than anything. Give it time and hopefully, everyone will grow to understand each other.” the_glass_gecko

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for telling them they are overreacting because they are.

But you are a jerk for not telling them before the event about her dietary issues. You are also a jerk for making the first time you introduce your SO who has dietary issues to your family at a holiday party focused on food consumption. It sounds like your family is similar to the one I grew up in. They show love to people with food and wrap a lot of personal pride in their food.

Not eating it means someone rejects their love and/or does not respect or appreciate them.

Is that logical? Nope. Is it up to your SO to bow to that crazy? Nope again. But you know what they are like and what the dynamic around food is. You basically set the poor girl up for conflict on the first impression. Not cool.” I_Suggest_Therapy

Another User Comments:

“So, everyone sucks here but it’s 99% your siblings (and extended family), 1% you (for not telling them about her food issues, though I don’t think it would have mattered all that much), and 0% for your SO and your parents.

It might have been one thing if your SO was pitching a fit about how could they make food she couldn’t eat, but that’s not what happened here. She ate what she could and didn’t make a fuss.

Your mother did exactly what a good host should do which was to see to her guest’s comfort, and your girl did exactly what a good guest should do, which was to decline to have her host go through extra trouble for a minor matter.

Your siblings, however, appear to have been raised separately from you, possibly in a barn of some kind where no home training at all was offered.” Cultural-Ambition449

2 points (2 votes)
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rbleah 1 month ago
NTJ why the hell are people saying YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD THEM she has problems? It is NOT any of their business, do NOT need to be told of her medical problems.
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19. AITJ For Leaving When My Brother Made Fun Of My Child's Name?

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“My fiance and I are expecting our first child. We’ve struggled with finding names we liked because we don’t have many family members with girl names that we could use. We ended up making a list of any names we liked and decided on ‘Scarlett’. For privacy reasons, let’s say my last name is ‘Knight’. So we decided our daughter’s name will be ‘Scarlett Knight’ and we are still working on a middle name.

We were at dinner with my brother and his family when they asked us if we found a name yet. So we let them know that we are still thinking about middle names but we chose ‘Scarlett’ as the first name. My brother started laughing hysterically and asked us if we were serious. When I asked why he thought it was funny he brought up a couple of points.

Firstly, Scarlett Knight sounds like a storybook character and ridiculous for a real person. He said my daughter will be bullied for it. He went on to explain that too many kids are being given these ‘woke’ names, and while ‘Scarlett’ is not a woke name alone, paired with our last name it will surely bring more attention than she’ll ever want. He said we should try to act like we love her and give her a more respectable name.

Second, my SIL brought up that my daughter might not have red hair like my fiance’s hair. She felt that if my daughter does have red hair it’s nonsense to name her after it. However, if she doesn’t have red hair, but we have another daughter later who does it would be weird for the non-red-haired daughter to be named ‘Scarlett’ and for the redhead to be named something else.

Maybe it’s the whole pregnancy thing but the naming of my daughter has been so stressful that I yelled at them that this has nothing to do with the potential color of her hair, and it’s not right of them to accuse us of not loving our daughter. We’ve been asked about our name for her for a while now and we really thought we had found something amazing for her.

After I yelled at them I just burst into tears.

My fiance more calmly told them it’s not right that they said such things over our name choice as they know how difficult it has been for us. He excused us from the dinner and as we were leaving my brother told us he can’t wait to get a call in 15 years from ‘Scarlett’ about her jerk parents and how they chose to name her for attention rather than because they cared for her.

After we got home, my fiance helped calm me down and let me know that my brother has been sending him texts, calling him awful names for leading me out of the house. Apparently, my brother is mad we left in the middle of dinner because we ‘couldn’t handle the truth about our horrible name choice’.

I don’t really feel like a jerk because it was cruel for them to say we don’t love her.

However, now I calmed down and feel bad we left in the middle of dinner after I yelled at them, and didn’t bother to try discussing it any further.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Scarlett is a perfectly fine name. In fact, some friends of mine just welcomed a baby girl that they named Scarlett. It’s not a ‘made up’ name like some where people just jam letters together, or mutilation of a traditional name like spelling Megan Megyhanne or something.

It’s a name people will be able to pronounce without issue and be able to spell without guessing.

Every kid gets picked on for something at some point because kids are generally little sociopathic jerks. There’s not one bit of guarantee that her name will be the target of anyone’s teasing, so your brother and sister-in-law can shut it.” TheBearWillBeFine

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If he really had a problem with it, he could have had a civil discussion about why, but even then his opinion shouldn’t matter.

Scarlett is a beautiful name and honestly, I think fairy tale/storybook type names are amazing and beautiful and show an excess of love. It means that you think your kid is amazing and important and capable of great things, and that you want her to have a happy magical life.

Even if that weren’t the case, it’s just a name and I genuinely can’t understand why she would be bullied because her name sounds like a character or made-up or something.

All names are made up, that makes no sense. I also can’t understand how it’s a ‘woke’ name or whatever, which I assume refers to the weird celebrity-inspired trend of naming your kid Apple or North or with the really weird spelling of traditional names.

Scarlett is a very traditional name. It’s also completely messed up for them to say you don’t love your child and to say anything at all when he knows that choosing a name has been so hard on you.

Your child will be the main character and there’s nothing he can do about it.” lampalot7

Another User Comments:

“NTJ- Kids are teased for everything, if a kid is disliked for any small thing kids will find a way. Kids are cruel for some strange reasons, and most of the time it’s not evident why they start picking.

Also, a lot of kids go through times where they hate their names, some always do and will eventually ask to go by a nickname or their middle name.

A good rule of thumb is to pick a name YOU like and to imagine another child asking if Scarlett can come out and play and if you can see yourself yelling for her to come inside and brush her teeth.

If you can see both those situations and have no problems with them, you’re good. I truly think people who name their kid things like Harold Butts (harry butts) would have thought through their names, but I don’t know, maybe Harold likes the jokes.” mede04

2 points (2 votes)
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Morning 1 month ago
Scarlet is an awesome name. Likely with a name like Scarlet Knight, she will be the coolest kid in school!
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18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Move In With Me?

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“My partner (32) and I (24) started being together in December 2020. We have a great relationship and vibe really well together! When we met, he was making decent money and recently had moved into his first apartment all to himself. A few months later he quit his job in March 2021 for a short mental health break and to reset so he could progress his career into a better job.

I totally agreed and thought this was good for him because his company recently had gotten new owners and his pay was going to be cut by a 1/3. I also really believed in him and thought that he could do better for himself because he has many great qualities that will lead him to succeed in life!

Well, 8 months went by, and still no new job.

He took a lot of steps to find a new job, but couldn’t find a job that he was really interested in. I was very supportive and helped him every step of the way. I even helped rewrite his resume/cover letter, find job postings, network for him, etc. But still nothing. He wanted to find a job that inspired him but just couldn’t find it. Well, eventually he went through all of his savings and was at a dead end and needed to find a job ASAP because he couldn’t pay his bills anymore.

Let me just note that while I was very supportive and I motivated him to reach all of his goals, I was also very practical and didn’t want him to go into debt or live on the streets while reaching his goals. I gave him a lot of very helpful advice along the way, but he almost never took it.

He finally got a job (sales) in December 2021, although he has a lot of experience with it, the way the market is right now he isn’t making much income at all.

Now he’s being evicted from his apartment because he doesn’t make nearly enough to pay any of his bills. (Side note: he said he’s too good for a second job, even if it’s just temporary). He asked if he could move in with me because that would make sense financially since we would be splitting the rent. But moving in together with someone is a big deal to me.

I don’t like the idea of moving in because one of us is in a tight spot and needs a place to stay. I would like for it to be a more positive situation.

So, am I the jerk if I don’t want my partner to move in with me until he is financially stable? I don’t need him to be a millionaire, but I’d want him to be sufficient enough to support himself.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ…

But I wouldn’t call him a jerk either.

I think he set his bar too high for the new job; saying it has to ‘inspire’ him is just unrealistic. But everyone makes mistakes, I don’t think he’s a jerk for this. Nor do I think he’s a jerk for asking to move in; it does make sense financially and it sounds like you’ve been together a while.

But you’re not obligated to take him in, especially when you’re already trying to help him get a job and he’s passed by opportunities. It’s partially his fault.

All that said… personally, I do think it’s best for partners to take care of each other, even when someone makes a mistake. I don’t know your exact situation or relationship well enough to call you a jerk for this though, I don’t know how committed you two are, and at the end of the day, it’s always your choice.

If he really needs it he can get a roommate.” temp17373936859

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There are so many red flags here. A grown man needs to be practical about his expenses and what he needs to make. If he thinks a second job is beneath him, I can only imagine what he would think about being asked to do half the housework, pay the utilities and rent… he absolutely needs to be able to support himself.

You are correct – moving in together needs to be because you both want to and not just because he is being evicted. There seems to be a bunch of stuff missing here – if you’re looking for 8 months and you don’t have savings, you take a job that will pay the bills while you keep looking. You don’t have the luxury of taking your sweet time – he was doing that because he thought you would bail him out.

Not to mention if he moves in and starts paying rent, he will have rights that may make it very hard for you to kick him out.

So you may want to look into that before you let him move in, even if it’s just for a short time.” Canning-mama-1998

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Him moving in with you is a good idea financially… But only for him, especially if he doesn’t plan to cover half the rent, utilities, or groceries.

He can rent a room in shared housing and figure out how to take care of himself.

Also, a 32-year-old man who is ‘too good’ to work a second job so he can pay his living expenses isn’t really worth investing more relationship time into. He isn’t suddenly going to become more responsible. It’s time to let this relationship go so you’re available to meet a man who acts like an adult.” teresajs

2 points (2 votes)
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ashbabyyyy 1 month ago
He’s too good to get a second job but is fine being evicted? He sounds immature, irresponsible and delusional. NTJ
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17. AITJ For Being Angry At My Sister?

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“I (18 F) had lost my dad at age 4 and my sister (16) had lost her grandma around 4 or 5 but my sister never wanted to celebrate her grandma’s birthday because well I don’t even know.

But around the week of my dad’s birthday, my sister and I had gotten into an argument about how I always celebrate a birthday for a man that’s not even here, her words, and here is how our convo went:

Me: What do you mean by that?

Her: You always spend money on someone who you’ll never see again.

Me: I like to be happy on his birthday and not sad.

Her: How are you going to be happy the day after he passed away?

Yes, that’s exactly what she said. I ended up telling her that she was being so rude and my dad did pass the day before his birthday so I try to be positive on his birthday. She ended up saying something along the lines of ‘stop acting like that, you have your grandma and I have my dad so it’s fair.’ And by grandma I mean my dad’s mom.

I ended up saying that she has my mom’s mom or our stepdad’s mom who has been here since we were little. I also told her that she was being a jerk for saying it was fair and never had been this ignorant about this and saying that she has brought this topic up at least 3 times and I ended up saying more but I can’t remember what.

She ended up telling our mom and her dad but my mom was on my side saying that it was rude of her to say that but her dad said I could’ve reacted differently and I can’t help to think that I was being even more of a jerk than she was. So am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Everyone grieves differently and everyone celebrates birthdays differently.

What your sister might consider ‘fair’ might not be what you or someone else would consider ‘fair.’ Who is she to tell YOU how to celebrate your dad?

She was being a jerk.” MissSuzieSunshine

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but your sister sounds super immature, even for a 16-year-old. A grandma passing and losing a parent are not even remotely the same.

Grief is personal and it never goes away, it just becomes more bearable to live with over time.

It’s also not a linear process, and you can go back and forth between different stages at different times, so don’t let anyone tell you you’re doing it wrong. There is no right answer. I’m sorry for your loss.” CapriciousPenguin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She may not fully understand it, but a grandma is not interchangeable with a dad. No loss is really equivalent to another because each person is unique.” FrederickChase

1 points (1 votes)
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16. AITJ When My Roommate Kicked Out My Rude Friend?

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“My roommate (F21) and I (F20) live in an on-campus apartment at our school and whenever my friend F20 needed a place to live she asked if she could move in. Both of us were ok with it at the time. Only my roommate and I are paying for the place and could get in trouble for letting her stay.

On the fourth night of her staying she smoked in our apartment, I told her she could not do that in our apartment.

Her explanation was that she just didn’t feel like going to her car that time but would from now on. I find this disrespectful because she knows my roommate and I don’t drink or smoke so why would that be okay to do in a place that isn’t hers? Not to mention it’s an on-campus apartment.

From the beginning, we made it very clear that we liked to keep our doors and windows locked at all times while we aren’t there or at night because we live in a ground-level apartment.

My roommate or I had to let her in anytime she needed it because she didn’t have a key.

I would talk to her whenever things made me upset or I didn’t like that in our apartment but one night she decided to go party and instead of asking me if I could let her in later she left a window unlocked. So in the middle of the night, she crawled through the window.

If someone saw that and reported it we could’ve got in a lot of trouble or someone else could’ve crawled into the apartment.

Without my knowledge, my roommate told her she needed to move out and I didn’t find out until a little later. I draft a set of rules to follow and asked my roommate if she followed those and if could she stay since she needed a place to live.

I then sent them to my friend and said hey I’m waiting for my roommate to text back but if she’s okay with it then you can stay if you follow these rules. My friend texted back super rudely and I still offered for her to stay another time. Then she was even ruder to me and said she didn’t do anything wrong. So I said that she was disrespectful to us and that we are allowed to be upset about it.

Now she’s saying I’m a bad friend because I didn’t stick up for her against my roommate, who is also my friend and pays to live here. Although I did offer a compromise and she proceeded to be rude to me. It’s also like she expected me to stand up for her before it even happened but I didn’t know it was going to happen. I just thought my roommate was texting to say hey you can’t do that we find that really disrespectful not hey you need to leave.

There were also a few other things but these were the worst. She only lived here for a month. I feel like I’m not the jerk bc it is our place that we pay for and we really put our heads on the line letting her stay here. Then she proceeded to do two very risky activities that could’ve gotten us in a lot of trouble.

If I were to stay at someone’s place for free I would make absolutely sure everything I was doing was ok.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, she doesn’t pay to live there, and if it’s an on-campus apartment she could get you kicked out as well for breaking campus rules (pretty sure my college would have happily kicked us out for smoking in the apartment.) Don’t put your own living situation at risk for someone who clearly doesn’t care what ramifications their actions have.” PNWPainter02

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

You should have backed your roommate up. They were doing you a huge favor by letting your friend stay, and when she refused to follow the rules and upped the chances you guys would get discovered and kicked out for having her, then your roommate was well within their rights to demand she get out. Your roommate does not have to risk her housing even if you want to.

Show your ‘friend’ the door and perhaps work on setting boundaries so you aren’t taken advantage of again.” Better2021Everyone

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She is mooching off of you and your roommate, disrespecting your boundaries/house rules, putting you at risk of getting booted out of your apartment, and putting your safety at risk. She is not your friend, she is leeching off you guys and gaslighting you when she is the bad friend. She is a user and you deserve to expect respect from your friends.” CapriciousPenguin

1 points (1 votes)
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ang 1 month ago
Boot her out, and say no next time someone asks for free housing.
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15. WIBTJ If I Write A Letter To An Old Friend?

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“I (23F) had been best friends with another girl (23F) since we were about five or six. We were always really close and we were roommates for about four years while in college with minimal issues. Until about two years ago. I’m a first responder, and I had a really traumatic call that ended in my patient not making it.

My friends all seemed to be really supportive – at first like they sat with me while I cried after finding out my patient died.

But after a while, that support stopped. My reaction to my PTSD was to withdraw and isolate myself, and all of my friends let me. They all seemed to expect me to be back to normal and I just wasn’t. My relationship with my best friend especially became strained as I withdrew, and she stopped talking to me.

Eventually, our entire relationship was me asking how she was only for her to usually respond with one-word answers.

I once went over two weeks without any of my friends even asking how I was doing, even though I’d still try to check in every time I saw them. After a couple of months I finally sought out help, but the therapist I initially went to didn’t help. Despite that things seemed to get better between me and my friend, for a little.

After about a year, my friend sat me down and we had a really good conversation about how badly I was doing and she encouraged me to go get real help.

Only over a break, while I was starting therapy, my friend texted me saying our apartment was going to switch up room assignments and she moved out of our shared room. From that day, I hardly ever saw my friend.

She stayed in her new room while I was trying to make the changes we’d talked about like being more present even though it was hard. I was really trying – I stopped isolating myself, and I made more of an effort to be around, but it didn’t work.

We never talked, and I felt too much like I’d done something wrong, like she was angry at me, to say anything.

To cut to the end of the story, a few months ago I’d finally had enough. My roommates (all friends, and all my friends, I had thought) went on a trip to Mexico together, and none of them even told me until the day before they left.

The day they left I started looking for a new apartment. It was too much to have the people I’d been so close with once just abandoning me and leaving me out, and my therapist encouraged me to get away from them. I hoped the distance might settle things between us and we could try being friends again, but she never responded to any of my texts.

Would I be the jerk if I wrote a letter explaining my side of things and how I felt, and why I left? If she doesn’t want to talk to me, which I feel she’s made clear by not responding, maybe I should just leave her alone and move on. I may have just missed an opportunity to fix things. But our friendship was everything to me for years, and if there’s a chance I can fix things I want to.

I know a lot of it is my fault, because of how withdrawn I was, but I can’t help how hurt I felt.”

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ in this situation, but I would not advise reaching out to someone who has made very clear she is unable to be a good friend to you. She drew her line in the sand when she decided to switch room assignments and even more so when she and all of your other ‘friends’ went to Mexico without you.

I’m sorry you had a traumatic experience that caused you to retreat. It could just be you all didn’t know how to relate to each other anymore. Sometimes, it takes things like this to happen to realize what you need from future friendships/relationships.

Write the letter for yourself. Say all the things you need to say. Write more than one. Write often. Let all your thoughts and feelings float onto the page and hold onto those written words for yourself. From what you’ve stated above, it will only be falling on deaf ears. It is up to you to find healing in yourself.” droseri

1 points (1 votes)
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14. AITJ For Not Wanting Pineapples On Pizza?

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“Every night each person in my family gets to choose and cook what the family eats, if you don’t like it cook for yourself. Last night was my night but I didn’t feel like cooking so I ordered a pizza, to be exact a deep dish pepperoni from Little Caesar’s. Simple and easy night right? Wrong, when the pizza arrives everyone grabs a slice and goes to their little eating place, except my 16 yr brother.

The little idiot is an entitled brat who gets whatever he wants when he wants so when he looked at the pizza he said ‘where’s the pineapple?’ I come back with ‘I don’t like pineapple, they don’t like it so I order a simple pepperoni, simple night, you know’. He sprouts back with complaints with ‘I know he likes pineapple so why didn’t I order a pineapple’.

Everyone goes silent as he starts full-on cursing me out. Shush him and tells him it’s not a big deal (cause it’s not right?) and my mom steps in with ‘just order him his own little pizza, you’re being petty.’

I’m dumbfounded, so I tell my mom ‘respectfully no he can buy his own’ cause he, you know, has a job even if it’s part-time. She sprouts back with ‘it’s your night so you can just pay for it, it’s not that much money you’re being petty.’ After she said that I take my slices of pizza and go upstairs knowing there is no point in continuing this meaningless argument.

Now my mom and my brother aren’t talking to me cause of ‘how rude I was’ to them. I know it’s only 10$ for a pizza there but I’m not spending extra for something only he’s gonna eat and this has been at the back of my brain cause what if I could’ve just bought a pineapple pizza and avoided this whole thing? But am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all.

You even said yourself that the rule is ‘if you don’t like it, cook for yourself.’ Why shouldn’t that apply to him as well? And if that’s the rule and the pizzas are ‘not that much money,’ as your mom said, then why can’t he order it himself? ESPECIALLY since it’s not even that you got something he hates (which could be picked off,) but that you left off an ingredient that he likes, and ONLY he likes.

It is ridiculous for them to expect you to have gotten it in the first place let alone to get an entirely separate pizza just for him.” lampalot7

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, if I understand correctly the rule is each person cooks food for one night, and if the rest don’t like it they cook something else for themselves right? This is no different, you provided pizza (even if you didn’t cook it) if he didn’t like he could have got another one or cooked something.” Ok_Flower6910

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

It’s not your job to give in to your brother’s temper tantrum. You were nice enough to buy pizza for your family. They should say thank you, not be demanding another one.

I would have opened that kid a can of pineapples and told him to knock himself out, but he’s not getting his own pizza. The kid needs to learn to sometimes accommodate other people’s tastes, not just demand his own full pizza. That’s entitled.” depressivedarling

1 points (1 votes)
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13. WIBTJ If I Defend My Partner From His Mom?

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“I (22F) have a partner (24M). He’s kind, happy, & just a positive presence. He has a full-time job (in terms of hours) but his plans to move out were derailed. Currently, he is looking to move out from home where he lives with his parents, brother (18M) & sister (26F). Sister is in process of moving out currently. He is an adult & given their financials (not great), he pays his own bills/even groceries occasionally.

My partner has been having self-esteem issues – down on himself for not earning a lot, not moving out yet, only having an associate’s degree (financial reasons), etc. This bothers me & I’ve noticed something worsening it but I’ve kept quiet, except in private. That thing? His mother. His mother is constantly ragging on him for things that aren’t his fault. Publicly humiliating him for his weight, (he’s quite thin.

Swimmer/high metabolism, she’s overweight) publicly humiliating him for his job/income, asking friends to ‘whip him into shape’ behind his back, teeth/hair/general low blows.

I’ve heard of past behavior like refusing to pay for/explore loans for the ivy league school he got into cause he ‘wasn’t worth it’. She is shameless/relentless. She shames his substance use but is a borderline heavy drinker herself.

He’s not aggressive (I am). I’ve tried to push him to stand up to her.

She is not hard on the other kids. To give an example – my partner got a dog at the start of 2020 & it was established that she is HIS dog/HIS responsibility. He does everything for her (occasionally relying on fam to walk/feed her if they’re home & he’s at work). His family loves the dog & (including his mother) dotes on the dog.

One night, the dog was acting strangely after his parents took her out.

My partner & I took her to the hospital, & left with a diagnosis that she ate something bad outside, like a fungus – & with a $2,000 bill. His mother admitted to seeing the dog eat ‘weird moss’, but thought nothing of it. Never apologized, got on my partner about being a bad dog owner & only offered a (tiny) amount of help with the bill, which resulted in him paying all of the funds in his checking account (thank god for savings!).

He didn’t complain, as he really loves the dog. His mother harassed him for weeks for being a bad owner/having no money to give her for ‘rent’. If my partner spends the night at mine/stays out late (rare occurrences for this very reason) his mother makes comments like ‘glad you’re abandoning your dog/dumping her on us’. Yes, the dog is his but she says these things AFTER agreeing to help.

I’ve said his mother is unhappy with her life (unfulfilling job, overweight & not financially stable) & takes it out on him. I see it weighs on him & how it hurts to think she hates him. I want to do what I can to help. I just don’t want to make it worse. I have a record of being a ‘punishing’ person so I would try to be respectful, but I want to stand up for him next time she does it in front of me, which is frequent.

So WIBTJ/out of line if I got involved next time?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m of the opinion that you are never the jerk if you see somebody being mistreated in front of you and you stand up for them… in a lot of cases you are the jerk if you don’t. However, given the circumstances here I would say that I would make sure your partner is OK with it first and that he isn’t going to experience a worse time at home if you do that.

Speaking up could create retaliation that is worse for him than just taking it, especially given that he’s trying to move out. It might be easier for him to just keep his head down and get out before he starts making any waves… after that though full steam ahead from me.” cleanpage4adirtygirl

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ but a soft one.

The problem is that you won’t fix anything by doing it.

First of all, ignore people telling you to invite him to live with you. That’s not how that kind of decision is made.

Second, I think it’s fair for you to be outraged by the way your partner is treated, BUT it’s not up to you to fight because if your partner doesn’t learn to defend himself and impose limits, the situation will only repeat itself. In fact, you could end up making the situation worse because he still lives with her, and things are sure to get tenser because of you.

There is no doubt that the mother is a bad person and deserves to hear some truths, she just doesn’t have to hear it from you. Because that will generate nothing but confusion and anger. She will think that he said stuff about her to you and get mad at him.

I think a good alternative is, instead of criticizing her, every time she says something negative about your partner you say something positive.

‘You are a terrible dog owner’

‘I think you’re wonderful with the dog.’

The goal is to make both your partner and his mom realize how mean she is being, maybe she will get embarrassed, and stop at the moment, maybe she will get angry, if she does, then defend YOURSELF. But hopefully, this will make your partner want to defend himself too, and bonus, you will minimize the damage to your partner’s self-esteem.” Additional-Rate2301

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Defend him till the very end. Build him up. Be the love and light in his life that she isn’t. Sending you lots of love and luck!

Ps. Don’t attack her personally, focus on everything she does being awful to her son, as that’s where it’s your business. Someone attacking your partner – is totally your business. Her weight/life – is not your business. Not saying you would, of course, just reiterating the importance of maintaining the high ground at all times so she can never put blame on you or come at you.” ADHDAnnieEdison

1 points (1 votes)
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12. AITJ For Telling My Mom About How She Hurt Me In The Past?

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“My (16) mom (53) was holding our cat and just trying to be affectionate with him. Our cat doesn’t like to be held at all and he was meowing a lot and trying to push her away with his hands, but she kept holding onto him regardless.

Every time he starts to cry like that I start to feel really really bad, and I can’t even tell her to stop because she just gets really angry at me instead.

My mom has a really bad temper that lasts for at least a day so I try my best to ignore what she’s doing.

But today, I got really upset and I said something like ‘He doesn’t like it. He’s meowing and he’s struggling against you. Why can’t you just let him go?’ She got offended and told me something along the lines that ‘I break her heart so many times but I don’t worry about her.’ And then she asks me if I like the cat more than her.

I told her that our cat and she are two different things and I added, ‘Well you’ve hurt me too. You may have forgotten what those were, but I won’t forget.’ I think I was dramatic here. It was unnecessary of me to say that.

She then asks me when has she hurt me. So I told her one of the times.

(It was when I was maybe 7 years old, that I had a pinched nerve which caused it to be extremely painful for me to walk, let alone stand.

My mom knew I complained about my leg hurting a lot so I hated it when she spent so much time at the store looking at things she would never buy. Basically, I asked her ‘why are you going to look at these things when you’re not going to buy them’ and the lady who overheard laughed a little. I guess she got embarrassed and started to scream at me and told me she was going to leave me in the store forever and that she was never going to come back.

She came back maybe half an hour later but I was a sobbing mess at that point.)

She just looked at me blankly and said she ‘wouldn’t leave me in the store for half an hour.’ Ok, but you did. I knew because the sun was high in the sky becoming sunset.

I told her it happened and she said ‘what about the good things? Do you think of any good things’ and I said yes of course I do.

And I said a moment where I’ll never forget when I was getting bullied in school and she took me out for sushi after school ended one day. She didn’t know I was being bullied but she knew something was wrong.

But then she just said ‘Yeah’ and slammed the door to her room. I think it might have been wrong of me to tell her. She’s been very temperamental in the past and controlling.

I don’t know what I did to break her heart multiple times other than not wanting to recover from my eating disorder when I was 14. We were constantly fighting because she just wanted me to eat and I just couldn’t. Because of her temper, as a kid I always stayed silent and out of trouble around her. I only started talking back when my eating disorder was at its peak.

I might have gotten too dramatic but she asked me to tell her, AITJ? Should I have just kept my mouth shut?”

Another User Comments:

“Was this an instance of gaslighting?

NTJ, it’s terrible that your mother is this way. What you believe is not true, how you feel isn’t valid, and what you think is less important than her feelings and skewed memories.

Don’t let her guilt you into thinking those things didn’t happen.

She can fess up and apologize, but she can’t pretend they didn’t happen. Good luck OP, I hope you can get a good counselor to help you through all this baggage in the future. You matter, and you’re important, and it’s not your job to make your mother feel better. It’s her job to take care of you in a safe, healthy manner.” Rohini_rambles

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Sounds like your mum isn’t really cut out for mum-life. I wonder if she also accuses you of making stuff up, or faking illnesses to get out of stuff.

Some parents just don’t recognize that their kids have feelings too. They have an idea of how you should behave and get upset if you deviate from it even slightly.” TopBluejay8238

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mother is a master emotional manipulator, and that’s a bad thing.

She is also basically following the narcissist’s prayer.

That didn’t happen.

And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.

And if it was that bad, it’s not a big deal.

And if it is, it’s not my fault.

And if it is my fault, I didn’t mean it.

And if I did mean it, you deserved it.

She either chooses this or immediately guilt trips you with questions about good times as if you bringing up one bad time will negate all the good times.

So now you have to go into damage control and reassure her that there were good times.

One way to combat this is to immediately interrupt her and say, ‘Of course there were good times, but there were bad times too and we are talking about them right now.’ You are allowed to remember and bring up bad times, and you are allowed to feel sad about them. It isn’t you being dramatic in any of your examples.” ICWhatsNUrP

1 points (1 votes)
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11. WIBTJ For Traveling To Thailand Without My Friend?

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“My friends and I (Jennifer, Cassidy, Luna) all want to go on a trip to Thailand. Last week it was Luna’s birthday and Cassidy was nice enough to give her the present of funding Luna getting a passport. At the party, I brought up going to Thailand as Luna, Cassidy, and I have been talking about going there for 2 years. Luna said she would love to go.

The next day in our group chat, we were all discussing the details, like flights, etc when Luna said she would not be able to go due to her not having the funds to go. She said even though it was her dream destination we should still all absolutely go but just not discuss the trip in front of her. Jennifer was nice enough to offer to fund Luna’s trip but Luna turned her down.

It all came to a head this weekend when Luna and Cassidy had a discussion and yelled and called me and Cassidy fake friends and liars. Luna said that she was the first one to mention Thailand 2 years ago when we were at brunch and that it was her dream destination. The thing is, Thailand has also been my dream destination and I had tickets booked for 2020 (before I had even met them) but obviously couldn’t go because of what’s happening in the world right now.

We have all been trying to reach out to her and solve this, as the longer we wait the more flight prices have been increasing. She has been ignoring our texts. We even offered to book her flight with travelers insurance until we work this out. She reached out today and said that she no longer wants to go with any of us because in her words ‘just because we started to feel bad about it now, it doesn’t change anything’.

She also mentioned that her step-grandfather passed away today.

WIBTJ if we decided to go anyways?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Thailand is a popular vacation destination. Your friend didn’t invent the idea of going there. It sucks to not be able to afford the things that you want to do, but that’s life sometimes. However, I do have to say that Thailand itself is pretty inexpensive to visit especially if you budget carefully, generally the biggest expense is airfare (or it was for me).

Maybe your friend will be able to find a way to afford it but even if she can’t she’d be rude, selfish, and immature to throw a tantrum about you going without her.” Suitable-Cod-1381

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s unfortunate she can’t make the trip but she’s acting like ‘if I can’t go no one can!’ It is also very entitled of her to dictate where you can go, with whom, and when.

Don’t give in. Enjoy your trip.” SophieCatNekochan

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Look, it’s tough when you discuss it together and then one has to pull out. That doesn’t mean you need to not go as well. It just makes for a tricky situation to navigate.

Not sure what her fight was about with Cassidy, but something could’ve triggered her complicated feelings about this.

Either way, she may come around after she’s had some time to let her emotions settle.

But you don’t have to wait around for that.

I remember talking about Australia with my best friend for years, and we were supposed to go after I finished college (she chose to do a shorter community college stint), so I saved and I saved. Then, when I almost graduated, she decided to go to college anyway. I traveled without her and promised to plan another trip when she was ready. It never came, because she made other choices (and she sucked at saving). I cannot imagine if I had waited all those years for her, for nothing. I would’ve missed out on so much. Of course, it helped that she never got this angry at me.” Throwaway-2587

1 points (1 votes)
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10. WIBTJ If I Refuse To Babysit To Get A Job?

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“I’m a 22 male who is living in a small room with my partner (26) in her friend’s house (29f) and her husband (45) with their 4 kids, ages ranging between 1 year old to 8 years old and her friend’s brother (21) who’s the kids’ uncle. I have the opportunity to work at a warehouse that pays almost $21 an hour but the company requires me to work any and all shifts if needed until I have built up seniority to get a set shift.

Unfortunately, I may be the only adult here since the kids’ mother and my partner will be working from 2 pm until late and their father and uncle will work from 6 am until like 4:30 pm. Meaning I won’t be able to work until after 6 pm most days which makes me ineligible for the job at this point in time.

The company I would be working for will also help me go to college and has a 401K and is unionized so there may be more benefits I don’t know about.

I want this job so I can pay my bills and take my partner out but that means either my partner or someone else would have to be the permanent babysitter and the Mother and Father can’t afford to give up either of their jobs. So if I took this job right now, would I be the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“If you agreed to be the babysitter when you moved in, then you would be the jerk.

But if sitting was never part of the agreement, then no, NTJ. I would say for you, move out. Take the job and move out…” The_Fires_Of_Orc

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, are you being paid to watch the kids? Or is rent being knocked off in lieu of payment? Frankly, it sounds like indentured servitude if you aren’t being given the opportunity to do something different in your life.” TCTX73

1 points (1 votes)
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9. AITJ For Being More Concerned About My Friend's Feelings Than My Partner's?

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“My partner (m27) ‘Tom’ and I (f24) met about nine months ago and have a great relationship, despite certain trust issues he has due to a former relationship. I’m not a jealous person and often struggle to show empathy when he voices those feelings, but I try my best and thought that overall we are pretty good at communicating. But now we had our first big fight and I think I might not have handled it the best, even though I still think I am in the right.

Tom likes all of my friends except for ‘John’, my best friend since we were tiny kids. Tom has met John just once but hates him. And to a certain degree, I get that John might be kind of intimidating to a new guy. He’s a professional athlete, objectively speaking quite attractive, and has a very charming personality. That said, John and I never had any romantic feelings for each.

I told Tom this when I first sensed discomfort from his side and explained that we grew up pretty much as close as siblings up to the age of 15.

The actual argument happened yesterday when I told Tom I’m planning to visit John next month. At first, Tom asked questions like where would I stay (John’s flat), where I would sleep (his guest room), and who else would be there (nobody, that’s the point of us catching up).

I tried to calm him down and remind him that I am not his ex and that he’s again projecting his issues onto me.

It pretty much spiraled from there on. At some point, Tom said something like ‘He’s rich and attractive, of course you want to sleep with him.’ I was already so annoyed by then that I just laughed in his face and told him that John’s neither the richest nor the most attractive person in my circle of friends, and if that’s his concern he should probably worry about ‘Clara’, a close friend and the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on, who is also from old money.

Tom proceeded to tell me that that isn’t the same, even though I am bi and he’s very well aware of that, and when I kept asking why he basically told me that he sees John as a competition because he’s a guy.

Well, I told him that he and his biphobia can go screw themselves and left. I haven’t picked up his calls since then.

The thing he doesn’t know is…

John’s gay. This piece of information might have calmed Tom down, but it’s not my secret to share and I wouldn’t ask to, not in a million years. John’s industry still has huge problems with homophobia, so very few people in his life know the truth. And I actually don’t feel like a man I’ve known for less than a year is entitled to this highly sensitive secret just because he doesn’t trust me enough.

I think at some point this is a him-problem and I’m not going to stop seeing my friends just because he refuses to go to therapy.

AITJ for prioritizing my friend’s secret over my (probably soon to be ex) partner’s feelings?”

Antoher User Comments:

“NTJ. Yea don’t tell secrets. Your (hopefully) soon-to-be ex sounds jealous, manipulative, and mean. There’s no telling what harm he may try to exert over John.

This guy sounds mega toxic. Not worth it. Find someone else who won’t try to control and punish you for an ex’s actions.” ObjectiveLocksmith4

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And his jealousy is his problem, not yours. I would take this as a huge red flag and say bye. You don’t need that drama in your life. Your friend John is the keeper and you should not be sharing his secret with your partner – who would then likely use it to belittle John (and then you would definitely have to dump him due to his homophobia).

Frankly, Tom is homophobic because of how he views you being bi and how you being attracted to women is not really competition. Life is too short to deal with people’s insecurities that are unfounded – you are clearly not his ex and if he can’t deal with it, then why is that your problem? Do NOT out John without his express consent to do so.” Canning-mama-1998

1 points (1 votes)
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User Image
Stagewhisperer 1 month ago
Tom is trash. He's clearly not even trying to work past the trauma that caused his insecurity, and even if he wasn't so controlling and paranoid his biphobia is unacceptable. He needs to be single until he gets his head on straight, and you need to be with someone that actually respects you and your other relationships.
...Is Clara available?
1 Reply

8. AITJ For Warning My Son's Partner Of His Bad Behavior?

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“My son is 18, still pretty much a baby, and wild as a buck. He’s a lot like his Dad in that sense.

Multiple times I’ve caught him drinking, lying about his whereabouts, and sneaking out. He’s come home so wasted that he’s just puked everywhere. He’s been in a couple of fights at school and suspended for them as well.

His Dad thinks everything he does is absolutely hilarious.

He has a very, ‘boys will be boys’ mentality and I hate that. I have two other girls with my current husband and I don’t allow them to act like that and I won’t allow my son to either.

Well, prom night happened last weekend and I feared my son would act out. I patted him down before he left and sent him on his way to pick up his significant other.

The only thing that comforted me about prom was that I did feel like his SO was sweet and respectable. I’ve known her since she was little and had high opinions of her. I had hoped this girl would keep him in line for prom but I wasn’t naive to his antics.

Prom came and went and I had my son FaceTime me at his dad’s house after to prove he wasn’t at an after-party and did a drive-by an hour later to make sure his car was still parked there.

The problem arose around 5 am that morning when I went for a jog. I changed my route this time so I could go by his dad’s house. To my disbelief, I saw his SO’s car in the driveway. By this time his dad had already left for work.

I rang the doorbell until my son came and answered. He had obviously just woken up. I said, ‘I know your girl is here, let me in.’

He tried to block the door but I told him I would call her parents if he didn’t move.

He kept saying, ‘please don’t talk to her, mom’ but I wasn’t going to let him mess this girl’s life up as he was trying to do with his, and his dad did mine.

It was obvious that his SO had spent the night based on her appearance. I let my disappointment in her be known and told her I thought she was a nice girl but she wasn’t compatible with my son.

He seems to be a bad influence on those he’s around and has some issues he needs to work on. I also told her if she wasn’t careful she’d end up pregnant and alone because he’s really no different than his father.

I told my son he was grounded when he got home but he hasn’t been home since. I got a harsh text from my son’s dad later calling me a jerk for what I said to the girl.

He said that I made his son’s SO cry after I left and that I made him cry to his dad because I embarrassed him and he can’t figure out why his mom hates him.

I don’t hate my son but he needs harsh love. He’s been off the walls since he was in 8th grade. His dad constantly enabling him behind my back and thinking this behavior from him is funny is not helping.

I worry about his future if his behavior doesn’t change & that he’s going to knock this girl up and leave her as well. His dad thinks I’m a jerk and my son only texts me to bail him out. AITJ for what I did?

ETA: when I said I hoped his SO would keep him in line I didn’t mean I expected her to discipline him or anything like that.

What I meant was when he’s around her he doesn’t seem to ever act wild like he can be because she is not a wild girl and I assume he wants her to like him. Also, when I was speaking to his SO I wasn’t cruel, but I wanted her to be prepared for things she could expect if she became pregnant.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Stop projecting your own choices and regrets onto your child for one.

For a big part of your motivation about what you said to his SO to be about not wanting another girl’s life ruined like yours? Doesn’t sound like this was about him. It sounds to me like you have some wounds from your history that you are making your son’s problem, regardless of his own (pretty normal sounding) bad behavior. I can see why he thinks you hate him if this is indicative of how you normally talk about your son.

You sound like a bully.

Additionally, he wasn’t at your house and he’s 18yo so I don’t see why he’s subjected to your rules. It does depend a little on your relationship with your ex but to me, it sounds like you crossed a line by storming into somebody else’s house and punishing your adult son for something he did there.” cleanpage4adirtygirl

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You need to mentally separate the drinking and the hooking up.

It’s one thing to have a problem with underage drinking but sleeping together is normal, healthy, and legal. What do you think you achieved with your lecture? Acting hostile, and telling her they are incompatible and he will ruin her life is not helpful. A better approach would be to stay calm, not burst into their bedroom, then later give them some advice on how to be safe and tell them you are available to talk if they have worries or questions.

You also need to mentally separate your son and his father. It sounds like you are constantly comparing him to his Dad in a negative way and actively looking for ways they are alike. It’s very damaging for your son’s mental health and trashing his self-esteem is not going to help him get control of self-destructive behavior. It’s tragic that he thinks you hate him. You need to take responsibility for that and think about the things you do and say that make him feel that way.

For example, why would you assume that he would abandon any child they had? That is a terrible thing to say. You might want to consider some therapy for yourself to deal with your anger towards his father, and in the meantime keep any more thoughts like that to yourself.” MediumSympathy

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You need to calm down before your son wants nothing to do with you.

Sounds like you hate your son because you resent his father, and instead of being an understanding parent and trying to help, you think tough love is the answer.

Your son isn’t destroying anyone else’s life, this girl is also responsible for herself. Stalking him at his dad’s and not allowing him to have some fun after prom is so trashy. His father doesn’t sound like the best parent but you don’t either.

He’s not at your house and he can have his own rules for your son when he’s there. Not to mention the rage that would come out of me if his SO was my daughter and you thought it was appropriate to lecture her for no reason.

You can’t control who he sees at 18. You claim to know who this girl is but I promise you that you don’t know her at all, and honestly, I don’t think you truly know your son either. She knows who he is, trust me. It’s not your job to decide if she’s ok with that or not.

It’s almost like just reassuring that being safe is important when your son got home, would have been the simple solution here.

Good luck having a son that wants nothing to do with you as soon as he graduates HS.” SignalExtension8399

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Stickytack 1 month ago
Ytj. I was going to say ESH but you are coming off pretty controlling. It's pretty typical, though not good, that a teen sneak out and drink. Having calm informative discussions with your legal adult child, is what will ensure he doesn't distance himself from you. You're going to have to apologize and explain that you're just so extremely worried and it's coming out in some unhealthy ways. Family counseling could help. You don't have to be together to want to learn to work together for your son
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7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Help His Friend Get Pregnant?

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“One of my partner’s friends, Jen, has asked my partner, Luke, to donate sperm for artificial insemination.

For background, she was told when she was 16, that she would never have kids due to medical issues. She always wanted them though. She recently had surgery and is told that there is a good chance that she could have a baby. She is single, hence the need for a donor.

I am excited for her to finally get the chance to be a mom.

Before Luke and I got together (years ago), Jen had lightheartedly discussed with Luke the possibility that one day she might be able to have a child (she was having treatments), and he agreed that he would donate sperm.

Now, she is asking if he would still be willing to. He told her, that he and I would have to talk about it.

I just cannot wrap my head around it. All of the legalities check out, he would have no obligation to the child or rights. But, I just cannot bring myself to be ok with it.

She has said she would rather not go with an anonymous donor as there is a shortage so a lot of people are using the same one and she would not have a full picture of who that person is.

She knows my partner and he is in good health, smart, all the things you look for.

Luke and I have not yet had a child, I have one from a previous relationship, but have talked about trying to get pregnant at the end of this year, the start of next.

To clarify, I don’t think she is being a jerk for asking, but am I being one for saying no?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your partner seems to realize this isn’t just about his promise anymore, hence why he said he would need to talk about it first. Overall great communication going down here.

Keep it going. If you are not happy with the idea, be honest. You and Luke come as a pair. If Jen is a good friend, she will understand because circumstances change. She’ll be disappointed but she’ll work it out.

Don’t feel guilty for how you feel, OP. Your feelings are valid.” FaeraFae

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. It is a delicate subject. She’s not the jerk for asking. You’re also not a jerk for having an issue with it. It is one of those things that everyone needs to be completely in agreement and happy with, else it could one day all blow up and cause a very big argument.

If you’re not okay with it, then you’re not okay with it, and you don’t need to really give a reason.

In my opinion, your partner should respect your views and wishes over a friend’s views and wishes. I and my partner use anonymously donated sperm for IVF treatment and you can get a fair amount of information about the donor other than their name. There is also a database for how many children have been born and where for one man’s sperm and after 10 (I believe) live births then the sperm is no longer used.” HannaaaLucie

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but this isn’t your decision. You have an opinion about what Luke can do with his body… but he can proceed as he sees fit. Have a discussion with him about your feelings and see how that develops – communication and understanding go hand-in-hand. Feel free to engage a therapist since this is a significant hurdle and it should be carefully navigated.” chml2022

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KohakuNightfang 1 month ago
100% agree with chml. It's good of your so to take your feelings into consideration, but in the end it's his body and his choice. Friendships can be just as important as any romantic/sexual relationship and this seems very important for his friend and for him. Your feelings are valid, but it's important for you to work through them. Perhaps some therapy could help.
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6. WIBTJ If I Don't Have A Clear Answer For My Family Yet?

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“My (30 F) dad (65 M) was diagnosed formally with stage 4 prostate cancer last week. My dad, mom (66 F), and sister (33 F) all live within 30 minutes of each other but an 8-hour drive/1.5 ish hour flight from me. He’s started his first round of treatment already, which is set to go on for 3 months, and will begin chemo in either July or August, depending on his response to the first round of treatment.

I’ve talked with my bosses about my needing to travel home to help out with my family, and they’ve been amazingly supportive. However, I still haven’t gotten confirmation that I’d be able to move back home on either a permanent or semi-permanent basis. I’ve also been told by my dad that he wants me to continue to live as normally as possible for as long as possible.

I’m torn. I’m going home for a visit this weekend, and I’m anticipating my sister and mom will be asking about my plans to come home for his chemo and I don’t have the answers. I feel like if I give any pushback whatsoever, I’ll be labeled a jerk and selfish when I’m just incredibly sad and confused about going home to support them or following what my dad said about being as ‘normal as possible.’ I want to be there for my family, especially my dad, but I’ve also come to love my life where I am and am scared about uprooting that life, too.

WIBTJ for not committing to moving home just yet?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. My family faced similar issues when my dad had cancer and some siblings were local and could help out while others could not. It’s this way with most families, so know you are not alone.

Tell your family the truth–that you’ve tried to work it out at your job but have no guarantees yet.

If, for some reason, you have to stay where you are, then do what you can to provide emotional support to your mom and sister. Schedule regular video calls with dad at times that enable them to run an errand or something while knowing he’s being ‘watched.’ Have their favorite meal delivered to them from time to time, etc?” JeepersCreepers74

Another User Comments:

“I would suggest asking your bosses if there was a way to be a remote worker for the time being.

That at least would get you a temporary solution until you can hammer the rest out. Let me tell you: time is crazy and chaotic. From the time my FIL was diagnosed with prostate cancer, he lived maybe another year. We were lucky enough to only live an hour away, and he had to come to our area for chemo and treatment. Some men with this diagnosis can survive for quite a while, some even go into remission.

Then there are those for whom the treatments just don’t work. If you want to spend quality time with dad, do your best to go as soon as possible.

Your title question asks if you would be the jerk for not knowing if you’ll be moving back for his chemo. I would say NTJ. You have a lot to process: do you pack up and move? Will you want to stay or move back after a while? Will you be able to? Take the weekend to do some evaluation of the system, and talk to dad and mom.

This will help give you a better idea of what everyone is facing and what your roles are. Your last question is would you be the jerk for not committing to moving home just yet? My answer remains the same. You need to gather more information on the situation and roles everyone will be in and talk to mom and dad. Since I’ve already said NTJ, I stand beside that answer.” WA_State_Buckeye

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, your family is grieving with this news as well and would probably like for you to be there as an additional part of the family support network.

That being said, you’ve set up your own life successfully away from the family and need to keep that going. There is no point sabotaging your future by moving back permanently.” UnconfirmedRooster

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is going to sound cold so I’ll start by saying I do hope for the best for your dad. That said, I agree with your dad. No matter what happens, the one this is going to impact most is you and you’re gonna have to live with the consequences. Whether your dad makes it through this or not, that’s not going to change. If you were already planning to move back anyway then fine but if the only reason you’re moving back is for your dad then I don’t think it’s a good idea unless you have guarantees that it’s temporary (which is unlikely too).” thundaga0

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5. AITJ For Being Friends With My Friend's New Significant Other?

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“I was living with my friend Eric of 10 years and his ex-partner Liz for about 4 years when Liz asked me if I could take her to and from work for one week. She and I got along well and I did not see any reason why not to. It was on the first day I was taking her to work that she told me about how Eric had a new girl and began talking bad about her.

Eric had asked me to move out at the end of last year but my fiancée and I were having trouble looking for our own place in our price range, so he let me stay longer to give us more time to look.

Liz kept trying to drag me into their problems and force me to go to him and find out what was going on.

Eric confirmed that he was seeing someone new and that he was sorry I was getting caught up in this.

He also knew I was trying to stay out of it as it did not have anything to do with me. For the next few weeks, Liz was trying to cause problems for everyone, and things got worse when Eric brought his new girl Jess around to the point that she was living there basically.

One night I couldn’t sleep, and Eric was at work with Jess staying over.

We started talking and getting to know each other which Liz didn’t like and tried to start trouble by saying that we were on camera and that this looked suspicious even though we were talking in the living room. We ignored her and continued our chat. Liz contacted Eric and said something that made him suspect that something was going on. A week later he confronted me when my fiancée was over and told me to stay away from his SO (even though we were all living there).

Things began to get worse after that, Eric started telling me that I couldn’t park my car in front of the house anymore, threatened to have my car towed, and stopped letting me keep food in the refrigerator. He even tried to get my fiancée to break up with me by saying that I was being unfaithful to her again. (I did two-time once when I sent and received inappropriate text messages from another girl, but Eric was caught sleeping with another girl in a previous relationship.)

We did eventually find a place but had to wait to move in.

My future in-laws also offered to let me move in with them till the apartment was ready for us just to get me out of a bad spot. I accepted and was out of there that weekend. Eric and I stopped talking to each other as well. The day I moved into my own place was also when I found out that he broke up with the girl.

I don’t feel like I did anything wrong by just trying to get along with his SO. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“That’s a pretty strong reaction for two people to have just because you were talking to someone. Are you being honest that it was just talking?

If it was just talking, well, Eric and Liz should get back together. They deserve each other.

NTJ for just being friendly, if that’s in fact all it was.” monsteramoons

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Straycat610 1 month ago
Why the hell is this dude living with his ex? Of COURSE she's going to be starting shit. She obviously hasn't moved on and can't because how the hell are you supposed to move on from a breakup if your ex is in the home with you, and then bringing a new partner around?

There's nothing wrong with you speaking to his gf while you're both in the house. What are you supposed to do, lock yourselves in your rooms and ignore each other? Sit in awkward silence on the couch? He's your friend and you guys were living together. If he brings his gf around and has her basically moved in, it should be expected that you two can at least make small talk.

Good you got out of that situation, but he will never be able to have a new gf while living with an ex who clearly isn't over him, and while he will take the word of the ex over his friends and gfs.
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4. AITJ For Snapping At My Friend When She Called Me Skinny?

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“I (14F) have a friend (13F) who I was very close with and would tell her a lot of things. One day, we decided to go out after school and were just casually throwing around non-serious jokes then she mentioned how skinny I am and I need to eat more because I can’t gain weight. This threw me totally off guard as I trusted her not to say something so personal to me.

Prior to this I had some issues with eating and had been currently writing down all my meals for my doctor. I told her all of this and yet she still said that. I was more hurt than anything and out of anger, I told her to screw off and not to speak to me again. She wasn’t expecting me to say this and I walked away to call my dad.

She then told the rest of my friends what had happened. A few of them agreed with me and the rest sided with her and said there was no reason I should have blown up like that and it was uncalled for. She then told everyone she was moving schools because of me resulting in my being the jerk for pushing her out of the school.

So AITJ for blowing up at my best friend for calling me too skinny?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She knows you’ve struggled with food, and it sounds like it was even an eating disorder, and she says something like that??? That’s beyond messed up. Mentioning body image to anyone who’s dealt with anything like that is not remotely okay and you did the right thing by cutting off your friendship.

She shouldn’t have said anything to your other friends at all either as that was something incredibly personal.

Even if they know about it too, she shouldn’t be talking about it with them anyway. It’s clear that anyone against you never struggled with anything like that and that means that they don’t get an opinion at all, let alone argue that the only person who HAS is wrong about their feelings.

Also, it is completely ridiculous that she’s supposedly leaving the school because of you. If she actually is leaving, there’s no way that’s the reason. Her parents wouldn’t indulge in something so inconvenient for such a stupid reason. She probably is only saying it to get everyone on her side because she is unwilling to apologize or admit that she was wrong.” lampalot7

Another User Comments:

“This is all very dramatic.

She said a rude thing and you have the right to be upset, but she might have been saying that because she was insecure about not being skinny enough. It’s not an excuse for what she said but understanding her perspective will be helpful for you. You’re young and stuff like this will happen, let it roll right off your back. I don’t think you had to tell her to screw off and to never talk to you again so probably everyone sucks here.” river0fdeceit

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for being upset but as advised I would tell you that if something similar happens again, next time I would ask the person first to not joke about that ever again and explain that it makes you really upset.

It was the first time she told you something like that and you were joking and maybe she didn’t realize it affected you this badly, so if you explain to the person that they went too far you give them the opportunity to apologize, learn and change the behavior. You obviously don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, this is just what I would do. Anyway, NTJ.” Ok_Flower6910

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3. AITJ For Agreeing That Our Friend Is A Teacher's Pet?

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“My friend Leilah has always been close to our homeroom teacher.

We were in class one day but then a boy in our class noticed the favoritism the teacher gives to her and said it loudly. Our desks are all close to each other. The boy says ‘Look at Leilah and Mrs blank again’ ‘I wonder who the favorite student is’. My other friend Tia and I smirk and agree.

Leilah says ‘if you’re gonna talk about me say it to my face.’ So we all say ‘look we all know you’re the teacher’s favorite’. Leilah starts arguing and we go back and forth.

After school, Tia and I feel bad and apologized profusely via Discord. Leilah refuses to listen and says we embarrassed her.

So tell me, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, you never know what someone’s going through or how much a relationship means to someone.

I was a ‘teacher’s pet’ but my relationship with my dad wore me down and my bond with my teachers kept me going. On top of that, you don’t get to pick how much people mean to each other. Sure it sucks when you’re not the favorite, but embarrassing her about it is never going to a) help and is b) just mean and basically bullying.

Apologizing doesn’t count unless you acknowledge what you did wrong to actually cause the upset, not just being sorry for the upset.

Hope you guys make up, kiddos. Be more considerate and thoughtful in the future.” ADHDAnnieEdison

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2. AITJ For Not Giving My Son's Mom Funds For Food?

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“I share custody of my 11-year-old son with his mom 50/50. We split childcare costs, neither one of us pays child support.

Our son is hitting puberty and has a ravaging appetite. He eats a lot but is still skinny. I generally shop at a regular grocery store but my ex shops at Whole Foods.

She complained that her grocery bill has tripled because of my son’s appetite and asked me to fork over $50 a week to supplement.

It’s next to nothing for me but I refused and told her to shop somewhere else. She said she’s trying to feed him healthy food and so it’s expensive. I responded that’s her problem if she wants to spend $16 on a pound of salmon at Whole Foods when I can get it for $7 at Kroger.

I told her if I gave her $50 then I expect a meal out of it.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

You said it’s next to nothing for you. You are talking about YOUR GROWING SON and you won’t ‘fork out’ an extra $50.00 to help keep him from being hungry!? It doesn’t matter where she shops. Food prices are sky high because of inflation! Just because you share 50/50 custody doesn’t mean you have less of a responsibility! He is still your son! Not only are you the jerk, but you’re also a jerk dad for complaining about your child eating healthy!” EidelonofAsgard

Another User Comments:

“NTJ if your arrangement is a complete split of 50/50 then you each pay for your own time with the kid.

I agree with you. She can go to any other store, Aldi, Kroger, or Shop Rite. She’s choosing an expensive store and you should not have to supplement that. If she really wants to start something, then she’s opening a major can of worms with courts and custody and all that. Son is a growing boy; he’s going to eat and she needs to adjust HER budget to accommodate.

Or… to be fair, tell her she owes YOU $50 when he stays with you.” Sweet_Charming82

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, and a crappy dad.

You admit that the $50 is ‘next to nothing’ for you, and yet you are okay with your son going hungry to teach your ex a lesson. Your ex was straight with you about a financial need, and your response was to use your child as a pawn.

Gee, I wonder why you aren’t together anymore?

My son’s stepfather was more generous with my son than you are with your own son, and he has never used him as a pawn even when he was covering expenses most fathers would be expected to cover.” crochetbug

Another User Comments:

“Meh, everyone sucks here.

If you split custody 50/50 and there’s no child support then her budgeting issues aren’t your problem.

But there’s no need for you to be rude and judgemental about it.

Curious though, do you have a formal agreement thru the courts? If so, then the lack of child support would assume that both of you are on similar incomes. If not, would there be a significant difference in your incomes? If yours is higher, even with 50/50 care you could end up paying some child support (at least that’s how it is in my country – courts try to give the child the equivalent lifestyle they’d have had if both parents were together at each house, so higher earning parent can often pay some child support even at 50/50.)” kiwifarmdog

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ashbabyyyy 1 month ago
NTJ at all. You have 50/50, her choice to shop at Whole Foods is not on you at all
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1. AITJ For Calling Out My Brother-In-Law For Neglecting Their Cat?

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“My (f23) sister J (34) and BIL S (35) just bought and moved into a house. They have two cats and have lived in apartments for the whole of the cats’ lives. One cat, A, has been having trouble using the litter box and throwing up. J does the most when it comes to the cats and so it’s usually her problem to clean up. When they moved, S decided that A could just be an outdoors cat!

While I try to be eco-friendly where possible and think inside cats should stay inside, it’s not my cat so I’m not interested in debating that here, I’ve already made them aware of the ecological threat cats pose.

A is not suited for outdoor life as she is declawed, very chunky, timid, and has been inside her whole life. S made J just leave her in the shed in the backyard.

When I found out about this, I questioned J about it and she regretted it but wasn’t sure how to deal with S. She was distraught when she went to check on A and couldn’t find her in the shed, so I went over after work to find her.

While I did find her, catching her and getting her into her crate was an ordeal and my hand is pretty messed up from where she bit me (she’s up to date on shots and I’m monitoring the injury).

While I had to chase her down, it was painfully apparent that she wouldn’t be able to fend for herself outside as she couldn’t even make it over the fence.

Regardless, she was safe so I let both J and S know that she was contained and where to find her.

This is where I might be the jerk. I let S know that I did not approve of his actions and I thought it was a combo of laziness, cruelty, and incompetence. I told him if he doesn’t want the cat, that’s his prerogative but they need to use the appropriate avenues of either rehoming or surrendering it to a shelter and that I could help coordinate that if necessary.

While he never responded to me, he has been laying into J, calling her and me names because all cats do just fine outside along with other horrible things.

If I’m the jerk I accept that but still feel justified because I can’t help but think he was hoping something would happen to the cat and he could be rid of her. I’ve been farm adjacent my whole life and appreciate that animals can be pretty disposable to some people, but this is in a large city with so many other options, so abandoning A outside like that is so unnecessary but my sister already struggled with his emotional abuse and this just gave him more ammo.

I think I might be the jerk for telling my BIL how I felt in an aggressive way and creating interpersonal/marital issues for my sister and also possibly further endangering the cat.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I already agree with you that cats should never be outdoors, but with that aside nothing you did was wrong. That poor thing would not be able to protect itself and probably doesn’t even know what to do outside.

It is extremely neglectful to just toss a cat outside and assume that it would be okay. You did the right thing confronting your BIL, and your sister should probably take the cats and move cause he sounds like an awful person.” c0tt0nball

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Report him for animal cruelty and neglect and get that kitty cat somewhere safer, she is not okay there. You cannot let a declawed cat live outside, they have no way to fend for themselves or take care of themselves, that’s cruel and inhumane.

He is a major jerk for that and his treatment of your sister. They both need to get out. He sounds really awful.” Livetorun123

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. BIL is 1. ignorant when it comes to animals so he should recognize that he’s not in any position to make these types of decisions and 2. overly aggressive towards you and your sister. You aren’t responsible for his overreaction, and it’s important to advocate for those who can’t for themselves (i.e. the cat). It’s understandable to lose your temper when an animal is being mistreated, though it would have been preferable for you to have controlled your temper.” Mountain_Shock_9200

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