People Wonder If They Are A Jerk for Standing Their Ground
25. AITJ For Telling My Partner I Don't Like His Friends Because They Act Inappropriately?
“My partner just finished his 4 years at post-secondary and has always had some trouble making friends. He has never really had a friend group before, just a few close friends. At Uni, he met a group of friends that he has been buddies with for a while. The group is 8 people and I have hung out with their group several times before and had never had any issues.
The issues started from 2 girls.
The first ‘red flag’ happened when we all went out to go watch a movie. We were standing in line waiting to buy tickets when I noticed one of the girls in the group giving my partner the ‘eyes’ and checked him out in front of me multiple times. Yes, this did bother me, and my partner did not notice her, but I decided to just keep a mental note of it and move on.
I’m not one to start drama and didn’t want to ruin the movie for all of us.
The second thing that bothered me was when we were hanging out and one of the girls had done a lingerie photoshoot and was talking to just my partner about how there were multiple roaches on set and wanted to show him pictures of the bugs.
I assumed that she would just show him pictures of the bugs but I was wrong. The video starts of showing the roaches but then pans over to her posing in revealing clothing. My partner quickly turned to me and made sort of a ‘wtf?’ face. It also made me uncomfortable as well as him.
This girl also likes to send revealing pictures to their friend group chat as well which also makes me uncomfortable because… why?
Eventually I got tired of keeping this from my partner and just explained to him how I felt. I did not want to be rude, but I just explained to him that those scenarios made me very uncomfortable and that I didn’t appreciate how they acted when I was around, and that it worries me if they do that and more when I’m not around to see.
He understood and was apologetic and said he understands my points, but that there is nothing he can do about it because they are his friends and that I just have to sort of deal with it.
It made me upset that he is not doing anything about it, in which I then told him that I don’t like his friends to get the point across.
If they are going to act that way around me, it’s disrespectful. He got mad at me and said I was overreacting and since then he has been putting off telling me when he goes and hangs out with them because he knows I don’t approve and will get upset.
Am I in the wrong?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to like his friends. He doesn’t have to like your friends. Actually, the less friends you share, the better for you both as you have ‘safe spaces’ to vent and discuss issues with friends that will have your back without feeling conflicted. These girl friends of his seem dodgy.
If he refuses to see that and doesn’t set clear boundaries, you might end up with problems down the road.” the_penitent76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but 16 and 18 when you started being together? Neither of you had grown up and a lot of maturing happens in those years. Also he sounds like he was particularly socially behind.
He can do something about their behavior. He doesn’t want to. Perhaps you both need to move on and see who you are as individuals.” LCJ75
24. AITJ For Not Tipping My Partner For Picking Up Items For Me?
I (30F) live on the east coast, my partner (32F) lives on the west coast.
There’s a store I used to frequent when I lived over there that isn’t available out here on the east. I asked my partner if she could pick up a few items for me the next time she went there and she said yes.
The next day she calls me saying that she got on the wrong freeway to go to the store and now has to turn back, detouring her from where she was going that night. I told her it was fine to go another day because 1. I didn’t need the items urgently & 2. I understand traffic is no joke, but she insisted because she needed to pick up some things from there too & was already turning back.
I told her okay cool and ended the conversation.
Later, she texts me my receipt with a total of $285. So I sent her $285. She then starts sending me a bunch of messages saying how rude and inconsiderate it was that I didn’t round up the total to $300 as a “tip” because she went out of her way to go to the store for me and that it cost her time & gas because of the detour.
I responded saying I was fine with her going another day but it was her who insisted on still going because she needed to go there anyway. She said it was rude because she was going to have to pack & mail it to me, though I said I would cover the cost of that too.
Here’s where I may be the Jerk, I told her that she shouldn’t expect a “tip” from me since we are in a relationship and if the roles were reversed, I would have never even thought to ask her for such a thing. She argued back basically saying different strokes for different folks.
I started getting upset so I brought up the fact that she was living rent free in my apartment for 9 months before she decided to move to the west coast so this was the least she could do. She responded saying that she didn’t even want to live with me, but she had to move in bc her lease was up and didn’t have another place in plan and that this was a completely different situation & why would I even bring that up.
If I’m honest, I do feel like I’ve been taken advantage of our entire relationship. I paid for pretty much everything when we were living together and prior. (Rent, trips, eating out, activities, etc). So I was pretty passive about this whole situation with her.
We went back and forth for a while, I ended up sending her the additional $15 & apologized because I knew she wouldn’t get over it and I wanted to stop fighting.
Even after that she made a snide comment saying I should’ve gave her an even $20.
Am I the Jerk for not tipping my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’d never expect my partner to tip me. I appreciate it when someone rounds up whatever they owe me. And honestly if someone reacts that entitled and starts a fight with a person they supposedly love… man, I’d have to take a bit of time for myself to reevaluate the whole relationship.
Those 15 bucks seem to be worth fighting with you. That’s a pretty low price on a relationship…” CalatheaEnthusiast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You deserve better. I feel like she’s the kind of person with whom “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” becomes abundantly clear. If you had “tipped” her (and used that language) she probably would have gone off on you about objectifying her and not seeing her as a person and choosing to be insulting because of it and on and on, and then required expensive gifts to make it up to her/prove that isn’t the case.
You were looking for a partner and found a leech disguised as one. Now that you know, why should you stay? But please extract yourself carefully. She seems capable of damage the sane mind can’t fathom.” ItWouldntWorkAnyway
23. AITJ For Breaking My Lease Over My Roommate's Secret Ferret Obsession?
“I (24M) just moved to a new city with a roommate (27M) I met online. We had spoken for months before this and seemed to have a lot in common. He told me ahead of time that he had a ferret named Lucky.
He sent me a lot of videos and pictures and overall she seemed like a cute pet. I’ve heard bad things about ferrets, but I ignored them because my roommate seemed cool and Lucky was adorable. In person, she was even cuter so I didn’t think much about it.
A few weeks into living with him I noticed that Lucky was bipolar.
Not literally, but it seemed like sometimes she was playful and nice while others she was more aggressive. Again I chose to ignore this because I knew very little about ferrets so it’s possible that they were just like that. But as I got to know Lucky I realized something. She was almost certainly two different ferrets.
When Lucky was nice she looked slightly different than when she was mean. This revelation hit me like an anvil so I immediately confronted my roommate about it. He confessed that he actually had two ferrets (Lucky and Domino) and that he thought I wouldn’t agree to room with him if I knew. I was a little peeved but forgave him for lying and didn’t make a big deal out of it.
However, I remained suspicious which led to the next revelation.
Part of me thought that my roommate was still lying so I did a little investigating. For context, we rent a house and he lives upstairs while I live in the basement. I couldn’t (and generally wouldn’t) snoop in his room mostly because he locked his door.
I originally thought this was totally acceptable but by then I thought it was suspicious. What really tipped me off was that the Instagram profile where we mostly talked only had pictures of Lucky, which is why I didn’t think he had two ferrets. I dug around looking for alternate pages but couldn’t find any.
Then I remembered him deliberately asking if I used TikTok (I didn’t) and checked there. And, my god. This man had a TikTok account where he showed off his TEN ferrets. TEN weasels that had been living under my roof for months at that point.
I confronted him again and this time he was much more defensive.
He was mad that I didn’t believe him the first time even though he was still lying. I told him that if he had just told me about the ferrets right away, I may have been ok with it (probably not, but maybe). But now that I couldn’t trust him, I couldn’t live with him.
I called the land lord and broke my lease. I’m staying on a friend’s couch for now but my roommate keeps blowing up my phone, cussing me out. He thinks I’m in the wrong but idk how I possibly could be. So am I the jerk for breaking my lease over my roommate’s ferret obsession?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get out of there. You agreed to move into a house with one ferret and there’s ten. He lied to you. Some people might say that you have lived there for weeks and they didn’t bother you but that’s not the point. You did not sign up to live in a house with 10 ferrets.” needstobesaved
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is probably one of the funniest AITJ posts I’ve read. But seriously, good move on getting out of there. I don’t know what laws and services are in your area, but I would call someone about the wellbeing of the ferrets. This seems like it could develop (if it already hasn’t) into an animal hoarding situation.” Wizardinred
22. AITJ For Wanting A Restraining Order Against My Drone-Using Supervisor?
“I am a 19 year old male Security Guard having to deal with weird behavior with my supervisor. This all started about 9 months ago at my new job about a month or 2 after I started. My supervisor (42M) started bringing in his personal drone to show it off to the guys to see their reaction. I have always thought they were cool cause I was always been into technology since I was a kid.
He continued to bring in new drones that he would get to show them off. Then one day on my shift I see something flying in the air, assumed it was possibly a plane cause I work not far from an airport but I was mistaken. My boss comes in talks about different behaviors that I was doing and then told me how he was using his drone to monitor my behavior.
Internally I was freaking out! But played it cool and told him hey this isn’t cool with me that’s overstepping his position. He gave a bogus excuse of he’s allowed to monitor me and that he had permission, so I let it go. Then a few weeks later again caught his drone monitoring me and gave him the talk about how I’m not ok with this and its creepy and I would call the cops and he told me I have no evidence and they will do nothing.
Few weeks after that it happened again, and laid it down the next time he did it I’m calling the cops or we’re gonna have an issue so he stopped. Now about a month ago he decided to bring it in again, I was infuriated but kept my mouth shut cause I was still processing his stupidity.
So when I got home called HR gave them a report and talked to his higher-ups as well as the police and they said that they technically can’t do anything cause he possibly has permission and that basically because of his position it’s a blurred line. The cops told me to call my site that I work at higher ups to see if he had permission, HE DID NOT!!!
He had permission from the place he sat and thought that was ok, like HUH?
So a few days later everyone thought it was creepy that I’ve discussed this with and told this is going to immediately be taken care of, or so I thought. I had a few days off and tried relaxing about it then I decided to call the day before I went in and got put on the phone with the bad manager and basically got told he wasn’t doing anything illegal and that it won’t happen again and basically he got a slap on the wrist. This guy has a kid and a wife, what if his wife supervisor started doing that to her or teachers started using them to monitor the kids?
AITJ for wanting to get a restraining order?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I can’t believe HR thought this was OK. He’s invading your privacy. I’d go get a different job, but start with a restraining order if he keeps up that nonsense. I think you might need to go higher up on the HR ladder or to Legal. It’s not worth the stress to go through all this.
Hopefully you can just go find another job and walk away if they won’t deal with him.” Target-97
Another User Comments:
“Okay, so he’s spying on you using a drone. Is he videotaping you? I would ask for all captured video that he has, ask for the originals of all of it. He is being creepy and this should not be tolerated. Is the drone inside or outside a window?.
I ask because drones have rules they have to abide by and outside he may be violating some of them. (Depending on your local jurisdiction) NTJ” Ok-Pomegranate-3018
21. AITJ For Defending Myself After My Brother And His Wife Mocked My Weight Gain?
“I (28M) have an older brother (30) who is really into fitness, fitness tends to be his entire personality some days, and up until about a year ago, I was the same way. Despite our careers and families, back then my brother and I would hit up the gym twice a day for hours and in our heads basically competing for the better physique and what not.
Now I understand that way of life was not emotionally healthy for either of us, but it took a tragic loss that forced me to go to therapy to understand that. A year and a half ago, my best friend passed and I was absolutely heart broken, I fell into a very bad mental state where I admittedly stopped going to the gym and I put on about 60 pounds.
I’ve been in therapy for some months now and since then I have lost close to 15 pounds. My amazing wife has been the angel that she is throughout this entire journey and has loved me and shown me that she loves me at all stages of this journey and I’m just very lucky to have her.
With all that being said, Sunday I was at a 4th of July barbecue at my brothers and everyone was swimming and having a great time. I was hesitant on going swimming because no one has seen me without a shirt except for my wife in a year. But I pumped myself up to get into the pool without my shirt on and I had a good time.
As I got out of the pool to grab myself a drink, my brother who was standing by the pit asked me when I was gonna get back in the gym with him to “shed that weight off” as he was sure that Kelly(my wife) preferred my old body. Before I could say anything my sister in law(his wife) chimed in and said “yeah, cause if Paul were to put on weight like that, I’d be out of here.” Him and her just laughed it off as I just sort of stood there.
I then said “that’s sad that you would end your marriage over a bit of weight gain, and thankfully my wife isn’t as cold as you and loves me at every stage, even as fluffy as I am right now.” I then turned to my brother and said “I’ve actually been back in the gym for a few months now and I would prefer not going back with you.” I then walked away and thought that was the end of the whole ordeal. About 10 minutes later, my brother grabs me away from my wife and starts yelling at me how I need to apologize to his wife and calling me all sorts of obscenities.
I told him I wasn’t apologizing, but I would leave. So grabbed my wife and left. It’s been 2 days now and I’ve been receiving multiple calls and texts from different family members calling me the jerk? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You spoke the truth and if they feel the sting of guilt… then good.
I’m glad your wife loves and supports you. Sadly, that is lacking a lot these days. Tell them you’ll apologize… when they do. Because insinuating your wife only loves you for your body was cold and callous. Don’t let them destroy your journey, keep going forward and ignore them.” MistressKinx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their insecurities, projection, or whatever you want to call the cause of their need to put others down is THEIR problem.
Miserable people only tolerate and make each other miserable. Everyone else can and usually does cut them off or enforce stricter boundaries. Food for thought.” decodissonance
20. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Don't Want To Hear Her Constant Complaints About My Dad?
“My parents are divorced. Ever since the split, when I was about 13, my mom has been complaining to me and others about my dad. She manages to bring him up in any conversation, and just highlights how much of a victim she is. Mainly, she’s hurt because they split up the price to buy a land and build a house and he asked her to leave if she wanted a divorce so she evacuated along with me and my 4 other siblings who all were minors.
He also remarried and asked the new wife to move in with him. I was supportive of her because I didn’t want to see her sad, but it got to the point that it messed me up mentally and emotionally. She never cared about how it was effecting me, so I got resentful of her.
I felt like I grew up in a black hole which I’m still trying to recover from till today.
She doesn’t talk about my dad as much anymore but I think complaining has become a part of her personality. Everyone else is always disappointing her and she’s always just the disempowered victim who can’t do anything to make things better.
She’s so dependent on other people to do things for her, whether intentionally or unintentionally. She needs others to care for her but can’t care for others herself and can’t see that she can disappoint others as well ((especially as a mother)).
I’ve tried to set boundaries. When she complains about my dad and ridicules him in the process, it annoys me.
Like you can disagree with someone but you still have to be fair about it. When I tell her that, she just says I’m not fabricating things these are facts. But it’s true that she makes fun of him, and his whole family. Just gossips and mentions negative things, never has any positive thing to say about them.
And at the end of the day, they’re still my family and I’m tired of being involved in this huge “fight”. Like, yea, I know my father did bad things but he isn’t a bad person. I enjoy my time with him, even though he can do bad things or didn’t care about us fully.
Now, she’s complaining that my younger brother wants us to travel on vacation and she told him to ask my dad for money which he did. Before she continued I told her I don’t want to know. She said “you have the right not to know but you don’t have the right to say I’m spurring up drama/fabricating” which I didn’t say.
But she’s attacking me for saying I don’t want to know, again as if she was the victim. So I just replied “yea, sure, you’re always just the victim” and had to shut the car door because she was driving off as she dropped me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your mother has had a bad experience with the divorce from your father and should be able to feel whatever way she wants to about him.
However she should NOT be putting all of her thoughts and feelings and bitterness on you. You’re her child, not her best friend or her therapist. Your mother needs a therapist to start dealing with all the baggage she’s trying to make you carry. I have a friend whose parents divorced and his mother acted similar to yours (though his experience was more about keeping information from his father).
His relationship with his mother is forever damaged by her behavior. He hates obligatory family gatherings (unless it’s his extended family) and is always relieved when his work schedule allows him to skip them.” alshio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think it is healthy for either of you for her to complain all the time about your dad.
I think she needs counseling. Have you thought about moving in with your dad? I think you are wilting with your mom.” Ok_Commercial_3493
19. AITJ For Wanting To Remove My Items From The Joint Storage Unit Without Informing My Estranged Husband?
“My (32F) husband (37M) are separated. We rent and he took all of his things with him. I’ve assumed all the expenses for this place. He’s no longer on the lease.
After he left, we agreed that I’d pay for half, so I’ve been depositing that money into our joint account.
In preparation for an upcoming event, I went to the storage unit to retrieve a couple of folding tables. When I got there, I found a different lock on the unit.
I called him to ask about it. He had to think before he said, “uh, well, I had trouble with it last week.” When I asked him if I could have the key, he said “we’ll see about that.” I thought this was a huge red flag, because I asked him whether or not the folding tables were still in the storage until last week.
After we went to our weekly couples counseling appointment, I asked him for the key. He said, “no.”
I explained that I’ve been paying for my half of the fee, and that I should have a key. He said, “no. I don’t feel comfortable with that. I live out of town (15-20 minutes away).
You could take stuff out of there and I’d never know.”
I again explained that I’ve paid my half, and I have things in there, too. He said, “no. You can call me anytime and I’ll let you inside.”
My friends have offered to help me move all of my things out of the unit.
From my perspective, I have two choices:
– let him know that I intend to move all of my things ahead of time and coordinate a time; or
– let him know on-site after he showed up to remove the lock. (My support system would be present to help with the move.)
I don’t think I’m on the storage unit rental agreement.
Things got weird when we switched to a larger unit a few years ago.
Obviously, I’d prefer to solve this amicably, but I’m afraid of his reaction. Would I be the jerk if I chose the second option?
I hate being direct and avoid conflict as much as possible. I’m working with a therapist, but this is a lot for me to handle.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re more level-headed than I am. I would have been out there with bolt cutters and a new lock later that day. I would have taken my things, careful not to damage any of his, locked it back up and tossed him the keys next time I saw him. NTJ get your stuff, I’m glad you’re getting out, congrats on the divorce” Cultural_Section_862
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But people telling you to take a bolt cutter and just break in are giving bad advice. If she’s not on the rental agreement, it would be a crime. Furthermore, he could claim you took things that weren’t yours. Whoever said it was a way for him to control you was spot on.
Do your option 2. Tell him you need something from the storage, and when he gets there, move it all out. Have someone recording the interaction.” Murph1908
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s controlling you. Unless it’s something irreplaceable, let him keep the stuff and stop paying for the unit and stop going to couples counseling. Stop trying to fix this relationship with an irrational and controlling person.” Assia_Penryn
18. AITJ For Retorting After My Cousin Insulted My University Plans?
“I(18f) recently wrote my country’s university entrance examinations along with my cousin sister M(20f). This was her second time writing it after she wasn’t satisfied with her results last year.
M and I aren’t exactly close but meet via family once or twice a month. My dad was always comparing me to my cousin. It was always ‘oh your cousin is writing this math olympiad why aren’t you’ and oh M’s doing calculus why aren’t you. It felt a little unfair to me since she was older than me and a grade above so of course I didn’t know what she was studying or writing.
Fast forward to last year– M fails to do well in the entrance exams and takes a drop year to try again. My dad says something along the lines of ‘even M failed you need to work harder’ and pushes me like crazy. I would be watching TV and he’s say ‘I bet M’s studying rn tick-tock’.
Finally, our results came out a couple weeks ago and I did great. Better than M. She did better than last year but not great, unfortunately. I won’t lie to say I was super happy and not just from doing well in the exams I was happy cause I did better than M and it felt like I finally was the ‘better’ cousin.
The event in question happened last week at my grandparent’s birthday party. They congratulated both me and M. After dinner we started talking about my future plans and stuff and I mentioned what university I had decided to go to and why when M piped up like just absolutely criticizing over my plans for no reason.
We’re talking the most passive aggressive comments about my grades and how I got lucky in the exams. Apparently, she can’t picture me in a lab or studying in university and “always thought I’d pick something that suited me more, like becoming a PT teacher” no hate to pt teachers but she said a bunch of stuff that implied I’m a stupid muscle-head and not suited for academic stuff.
Finally, M outright said “you’re going to flunk out anyway so why not just clear the way for the deserving students”.
To which I replied that sure I’d love to do that and thanked her for her service in improving other students’ ranks for two years straight and said ‘keep it up!’. She got angry and asked me what I meant and I said she sure was talking a lot for a “20 year old NEET living with her mommy”.
I did not stop there and we argued for a while. She started sobbing and her parents gave me the dirtiest looks. I got a lecture from pretty much everyone at the table ranging from “be more understanding” to “you need to get over yourself”.
Yeah, it may have been years of resentment built up but I feel like it was the truth and she deserved it.
I feel sorry for her but I also kinda don’t. AITJ?
EDIT: y’all seem to think my fam’s super abusive and treats me different, but actually we get treated pretty much the same. It’s just that M was at a disadvantage and clearly very upset so I got the lecturing this time. As for why they didn’t stop her comments, I just asked a few of my relatives and the responses were: first off, they wanted us to resolve our differences like adults and didn’t feel the need to pitch in, and secondly, her insults can be loosely interpreted as jokes since she said them in a joking manner like she expected us to laugh, and no one had the heart to tell her to leave, cause it isn’t uncommon for people that fail the entrance exam to off themselves over here, so people were walking on eggshells around M.
As for my dad, he compares me to everyone we know. The neighbour’s kid, random teen on the news etc. I’ve told him I don’t like being compared to M, and usually he stops, and yeah maybe he’s a bit of a Jerk for not listening to me but idc cause he’s a wonderful father, and super proud of me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First of all, congratulations on your results! It’s pretty sad that everyone thinks so little of you. You proved them wrong and it’s still not enough for them. She’s obviously jealous of you for doing really well and a gaslighter for making everyone believe she was the victim here. So stick that middle finger up and march off to uni while she can take as many gap years as she wants.” vic_ticious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I see the Indian family get together are turning into roast battles after the declaration of the NEET result. Also after seeing this drama about NEET, I’m very happy that my family is against having a doctor in the family which makes the lives of me and my cousins easier.
In fact, all of us went for private colleges lol. You have fun studying for the next decade. Good luck!” randomperson4052
17. AITJ For Not Texting My Partner During A Stressful Day?
“I (24m) have had one of the hardest days in a long time. At the moment, I am currently planning a cross country move to accept a position that could kick start my dream career.
However, the last few days have been absolutely exhausting.
For starters, the truck I bought to improve my travel has been a complete lemon. And now I expect to have to invest thousands into it to make it operational. I’ve also been having to attempt at getting a passport on less than two weeks notice.
Which let me tell you, is not easy.
Then the worst part came. Around lunch time, I received an email that I may no longer be eligible for the job due to a traffic violation. For context, I was pulled over regarding my license plate months back and ended up finding out my license was suspended because of unpaid tolls (all of which I was never informed of).
Anyways, since then I’ve been scrambling trying to tackle all of these fires at one time. And if my offer is pulled, then it was all for not. Then another fire started.
Since the Passport office I need to go to is over 3 hours away, my partner and I decided to make a trip out of it.
But since the truck I currently own is having issues and she doesn’t drive, I needed to see if it could make it before I committed to driving it down.
At 1pm, I get a txt from my partner (34f) saying something along the lines of:
“Man it’s past 1 and still nothing from you?…ok”
Now, I understand communication is major in a relationship. And it means a lot to her. I responded and apologized, mentioning how a lot has been coming up today and I’m basically freaking out.
She responded simply by saying “K”.
After explaining everything that’s happened this morning. She stated how it takes a few seconds just to send a text, and after a fair amount of arguing, no longer wants to see me.
Then, when I made other arrangements with my roommate to get to the office after she stated she no longer wants to go, she got even nastier with me, saying how she now wasted a day off work waiting around and lost the day she took off tomorrow.
Note that I had intended for her to come with me even if I needed to rent a car.
I already got a hotel in advance for the two of us.
I will fully admit to my faults when it comes to communication at times. But in this case. Am I wrong for not texting her while I was trying to get everything done.
Let me know. I still care about her a lot.
But this isn’t the first time that she has been this way in an argument and I can’t take much more.”
Another User Comments:
“Eh, mild Y – T – J unless you guys are just accustomed to not starting your days until well into the afternoon. If the office is 3 hours away, if you left right at 1 you’d get there just before closing.
By 11 if you weren’t sure you’d make it, you should have sent a quick text because she did waste most of a day waiting around for you. You aren’t a Jerk for being stressed. All that sounds stressful. But you still have to manage your time in order to get *your* stuff done. Once late morning hit, you should have either been renting a car or rescheduling the trip and communicating.
Edit: NTJ based on OPs update below. You still suck a little, I hate waiting around all day, but you’re not a Jerk.” weeblewobble82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sounds like you explained the situation to your partner and apologized, that should have been enough. If she listened to you, based on your day, and was still upset then that’s on her.
She’s a Jerk. Things happen in life that you have to deal with. Yes, it’s easy to send a text – but it’s also easy to get busy and forget when you’re stressed.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Cutting Ties With My Adoptive Parents After They Reacted Negatively To My Homosexuality?
“So for context, I (22 M) am homosexual. My adoptive parents are part of a Islamic community of people known for going around the world and helping those in need by opening up schools, hospitals, donation centres and other thing of that nature.
My parents were living in Canada where they became foster parents and that’s where they met me. I was in foster care because my biological mom (18 at the time) and dad (19 at the time) couldn’t provide a safe environment for a person my age and since they were too young and unemployed, my biological parents said they’d adopt me even though they already have 3 kids of their own.
They ended up adopting myself, my younger brother and day old sister so we wouldn’t grow up separately. After we were adopted we lived in Canada for a few years and moved to Mozambique in 2011.
Now that I shared a little back story, let’s get back to me being a homosexual. In 2012 when I was 11 years old, I found out that I had a thing for men more than women and the coming year I learned about homosexuality in Science class.
My dad found out I was gay when he went through my history when I wasn’t home and when I got back he asked me if that’s what I wanted to happen to me. I was really scared because I could tell this man was disgusted with whatever he saw on my phone, so I said “Oh I was just searching up what we learned in Science class the other week” and pulled out my text book to show him and he didn’t really say anything after that.
But in 2019 when he almost caught me making out with my friend at the time and he was absolutely furious. He sent me home and sent my friend away even giving him bus money to leave. When he came back home, he started shouting at me, calling me names and slurs I didn’t even know existed. I just sat there and looked at him, didn’t say a single word and watched him just let it all out.
By the time he was done my glasses were covered in his spit because of how uncontrollably he was yelling and he picked up a chair to finally get a response out of me. He lifted the chair and swung it at me with all his force but thankfully I was able to kick it towards him before he could let go of it and ran to my room.
3 weeks later I moved to Canada and I’ve cut all ties with him and his wife ever since. It’s been about 4 years since I’ve replied to their texts or calls and other family members are telling me that I’m being unreasonable and should be forgiving of them since they took me in when no other families would, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honestly didn’t even need to read beyond the title. You’re not being unreasonable and you don’t owe them anything. Consider minimizing contact with the family members who are telling you that you do. You were already afraid of him as an 11 year old and he attacked you as a teenager, why would you ever want to let that back into your life?” egelskahann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Yes, they took you in, but then he tried to physically hurt you. You are not required to risk your physical safety to show gratitude. Until you get an apology that shows a complete change of heart and of thinking on their part, it’s very much okay to stay away.” cpagali
You owe them nothing for providing for you as a minor child. They made the decision to do so.
15. AITJ For Not Paying For My Partner's Airbnb After Delaying The Booking?
“My partner (23F) is part of an 8-person friendship group all 23 and older. They met in university and have always been close knit. I (24M) get on well enough with them, always keeping things amicable and asking lots of questions.
I have only seen them 4 times since my partner and I started to be together 2 years ago.
They all want to go to an event which is in August and my partner invited me too since other partners were coming. It’s a popular event in the UK, based in one of the bigger cities and its packed. As a result, all of the AirBnB’s are sold out apart from a few.
The best one at the time would have set me back £120 for the 3 days of being in that city in for accommodation alone, never mind extra costs for foods, drink and transport.
I was on the fence about coming because truth be told, I don’t like one of the guys she’s friends with – he’s the guy she was with before she met me and she carries significant issues from that relationship into mine which get in the way sometimes.
Also, he’s a Tory who comes from an incredibly wealthy family and doesn’t know the value of money. The guy has never had to try hard at anything in his life. The thought of spending 3 days in the city in the same AirBnB kind of made my skin crawl. That and I don’t exactly have £120 to spend right now.
I was reassured by him that we didn’t have to book that one and we can wait.
So, a few days passed and the AirBnB price jumped up and it would cost £300 to stay at a different AirBnB because the one we looked at first booked out. £300 was too much for me so I backed out.
Now everyone is annoyed with me for making them wait and causing them to miss out on the cheaper one even though the ex told me it was fine but thinking about it now, of course it would be fine to him. My partner wants me to pay the difference for her because she really wanted to go and I’ve ruined it for her because she also doesn’t have £300 to spend on an AirBnB.
I told her that I won’t pay for the whole trip but I can give her enough for half the trip and I felt that was more than fair.
She thinks I should pay because I let my dislike for her friendship with her ex get in the way and it almost sabotaged the trip for everyone.
I pointed out that he has cash coming out of his backside and if she wants to go so badly, to ask him for the full amount. She stormed off and we haven’t talked about it since but she’s been very active in the group chat for it about the best pubs so I’m guessing she did.
AITJ for not paying for my partner to go?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH they are Jerks for getting mad at you and blaming you for the price increase despite telling you it was ok to wait for a decision. But you are a Jerk because you clearly prioritize hating your gf’s ex over trusting her to keep him as a friend.
You can not want to go, not want to pay, and not like him, but don’t weaponize his friendship with your gf for the sake of an argument and expect her not to be upset” Altruistic_Garage360
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not sure why he suggested sitting on it since the price increase was inevitable but like you said, he’s wealthy so it probably doesn’t mean all that much to him.
If others in the group took issue with that they could have spoken up. That includes your partner. She could have countered this guy’s suggestion. Be sure to remind her of that once she cools down. Offering to compensate for some is more than generous. She’s really not entitled to anything.” Ok_Size2553
Another User Comments:
“YTJ slightly the Jerk for taking that long to decide, but saying NO is always fine. THEY did this to themselves, the reasonable approach would have been: “Agree till friday noon, or you are out.” or even betteR: “send the money till friday 12 if you want to go”. But you will have to accept that next time, you likely won’t be invited. Because you are a Jerk, badmouthing her friend.
Your jealousy is not his fault.” InterviewDense5585
14. AITJ For Confronting My Friend About Her Chronic Lying?
“My friend group have all known each other since secondary school – we’re all 19 and still speak and meet up very regularly.
There’s always that one person in school that just spews nonsense that everybody knows isn’t true but they just let them keep living in the fantasy.
She was/is that person.
At first, the lies were so small and insignificant that I just let them go but as time went on, they got bigger and held a lot of weight. Such as serious allegations towards teachers and even getting a student transferred to a different school. I’m talking about people getting into serious trouble with the lies she was telling.
Anyways, she sent a picture into our gc of a shirtless guy in a club with whipped cream on his chest and captioned it “how my Saturday night is going” and then proceeded the next morning to say that the guy in the picture did some horrible things to her and some other girls that I won’t delve into.
I didn’t question it at first and we all said it would be best to report the alleged incident. But, with this particular app, the pictures automatically save to your camera roll, I was looking for something and I noticed that the pic she sent was a screenshot from a guy’s Instagram and it was poorly cropped.
My curiosity got the better of me and I searched the guys handle and found his profile – the picture my friend had sent was from four years prior and I noticed that she follows the account and commented on the picture he’d posted earlier that day with the emoji.
I didn’t want to disclose much to the guy but I’d asked if he knew the girl in question and he told me that they went to army cadets together in primary school and he hasn’t spoken to her since.
He asked me why I’d enquired and asked if she was “doing it again”.
Basically she’d gotten kicked out of her cadet program for making a serious and false allegations about supervisors and other young cadets that were proven false with CCTV footage and solid alibis.
I confronted her about it in private but she refused to answer any of my questions and told me to stop trying to twist the narrative so I messaged her directly into the group chat and sent screen grabs of my conversation with the guy.
She exploded and told me to stop trying to ruin her life and that I could have just left it alone instead of intruding. A few of my friends also thought the same and said that I blew the situation out of proportion.
I’m just trying to get her to take accountability for her actions and get her to see that her lying is getting way too out of hand – I don’t think that she completely understands the gravity of the situation.
AITJ for not letting my friend get away with lying again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Good for you for letting this guy know what happened and understanding the gravity of the situation. It could cause severe issues for him. Explain to all of your friends that her lies could cause the target person a job, relationship, and even legal issues.
The lies can come back on her and cause the same problems for her, even a lawsuit for libel or harassment. She sounds like a pathological liar looking for excitement and attention. Best stay as far from her as possible, but monitor her communications to make sure you don’t become a target.” NonaYerBiz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend does not need to be defended when she lies. Likewise, the truth is the truth and should be known. Was it embarrassing for her? Sure, but that is on her. Pathological lying is a serious issue and not one others should support.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like she could be mentally ill, possibly BPD or bipolar as these signs can coincide with the illness.
I would stay stay from her and find new friends” hazzarda23
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Congratulate My Friend After She Blocked Me Post-Pregnancy?
“So, I had been trying for ages to meet up with my friend but as usual life has been getting in the way.
I feel I need to start from the beginning of our friendship to show full context.
We met whilst I was assistant manager for Gregg’s and she was a team member, we clicked because we both like anime and manga. I never really thought of her as a friend at the time, just another employee that I work with, but then she reached out on social media and we started talking.
We used to meet up quite often, go for coffee or go out for food, my ex was a jerk so I would often go to hers to rant. So this continued for a couple of years and naturally we became quite close. 12 months before her original wedding date (got cancelled twice due to unforeseen circumstances) she made me aware that her best friend had fallen out with her and she had demoted her from maid of honour, would I like to be it?
I said yes because I couldn’t let her down. I sorted out her hen do, payments for it, cancellations due to unforeseen circumstances, gave up my partner’s birthday to see her try on dresses and also made her wedding cake which she paid less than a third of the price for.
Fast forward, I’ve moved away, at least 90 minutes from her to live with my partner.
We tried hard to keep seeing each other but it was very one sided and I started to get frustrated paying for a lot of diesel every month to go and visit her. She has 2 miscarriages and then tells me she’s pregnant, obviously I’m overjoyed but I’m also making sure she’s at her healthiest (which she really isn’t) and I try to make her aware of this.
Contact dwindles and we both struggle to see each other due to distance and life being in the way, but I always make sure that I text her to see how she is. 2 months pass and nothing…she posts on socials that she’s having a boy so I reach out and congratulate her to which I receive an essay on how I’ve not been there for her or the baby, how I’ve been a bad friend and why am I messaging her.
I explain I’ve tried, but life is in the way and I can’t afford to keep driving 90 minutes to go and visit her. She flips, says she can’t go out anymore, pregnancy is really difficult etc. I completely side with her, it must be hard worrying about a baby you’re carrying when you’ve already lost two..
but this is not on me. She then blocks me everywhere! Without reason and makes her husband block me.
I contact her ex best friend to see what happened to them and low and behold….she did the same to her!!
So, she’s had the baby, my partner showed me the pictures which means she didn’t block him and I want to congratulate her but also… I don’t want to be in that position again!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, this is kinda just what happens when one side of a friendship gets busy. I’ve seen it happen with new parents a lot, but most of them just graciously give you a “hi” and talk about baby things now… like sleepless nights and such. Her rudeness is just stress, so don’t take it personally.” Petefriend86
Another User Comments:
“This person has a habit of blocking friends the second the friendship hits a hurdle or needs more effort from both sides. I would enjoy the memories of the friendship you had and let her go. She’s not worth reaching out to again. Maybe stay in touch with her ex-best friend. She’s been in your position before and maybe you can build a friendship with her.
NTJ” excel_pager_420
12. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Off Financial Support To My Wife's Grandmother Who Gives It To My BIL?
“For context, my(36M) brother-in-law (35) is basically a mooch, he hasn’t held a job for longer than 3 months since I’ve met him (12 years ago), is always asking for handouts and tries to mooch from everyone in the family, normally most of us try not to give him any funds so he can step up to his family (has a wife(32) and daughter(9)) we´ve tried to help him multiple times to get a job and well, work, but he always ends up quitting with any BS excuse.
So, about six years ago my wife (33F), MIL (57) FIL (58) and my wife´s uncle (54) decided to help my wife´s grandmother (85) retire, as she didn´t had any retirement funds and could no longer work, we decided to pitch in so she can retire, as we don´t have the same income levels (my wife and I are the only ones in the family with degrees) we pay 60% of her retirement (30% and 30%), MIL and FIL pay 20% and wife´s uncle pays the other 20%, this may vary if they get a bonus or anything additional to their salaries, but most of the year that´s what we pitch in.
Even though my wife and I incomes are good, we´ve been limiting ourselves (and our children 7M and 9M) to be able pitch in for her (not taking any long vacations (we still do weekend getaways from time to time, but nothing more)), not investing or saving as much as we would like and not contributing to our retirement funds as much as we would like.
To the point, 2 weeks ago my FIL found out that my wife´s grandmother has been giving funds to my BIL, not just some handouts here and there, she has been paying for his mortgage, food, services and clothing since we started giving her funds (she did that previously but tbh that is none of my business it became my concern when we started giving her funds).
We went to her house and confronted her and she ended up admitting that she pays for his every need, and she will keep doing this for as long as she can, my wife and I were furious as we all are basically are limiting ourselves so he could keep slacking.
So, my wife and I were talking last night about this (this month’s payment is due tomorrow) and we have different opinions on how to handle this situation (we consider our contribution as one), she wants to instead of giving her funds we buy her food and pay for her services and needs, so my BIL won´t be able to benefit from our hard-earned funds, (this is the part where I might be the jerk) I just want to cut her off completely as if we still buy her whatever she needs she could still be able to give some to my BIL.
Also, MIL, FIL and wife´s uncle will not stop giving her funds so she won´t lose all the support.
So please let me know if WIBTJ if I cut her off completely?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d start buying stuff for her instead of handing her cash or cut down on how much you’re giving her.
She obviously doesn’t need the amount you’re donating to her since she is able to give it away anyway!” AdAffectionate758
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You give the funds to help her, not him. It’s not an insignificant amount of it’s causing you to not invest or save as much as you’d like, or take your family on holiday.
Think about that – you are putting your family at financial risk (what if you can’t work for some reason, and you don’t have enough funds to pay your own mortgage) to help her, and she’s just wasting it on someone who can’t be bothered to help himself. I’d be fuming.” No-Cranberry4396
11. AITJ For Not Helping My Sister Move When She Didn't Tell Me She Was Moving?
“My sister and I (23) have a 16-month age gap, with me being the older one.
My sister is a genius; she held numerous leadership roles and took AP classes in high school. I was fairly intelligent, just not on her level. During our childhood, my sister and I were close, but we gradually drifted apart in middle school due to constant comparisons made by our parents. I could be minding my own business, and my dad would say things like, “You and your sister are in the same class; even though she is younger, she is still surpassing you.” The constant comparisons made it difficult for me to connect with her, particularly because I was consistently reminded that I wasn’t on the same level as her.
At one point, I just wanted her away from me because it seemed like whenever she was around me, everything became a competition with her always besting me. As a result, I mostly preferred to stay in my room and avoid interactions with my family members. I don’t mean I hated my sister; we simply weren’t close, more like roommates who barely spoke.
Occasionally, she would try to engage in conversation, but I would often take it as small talk. I presumed we were both comfortable with our current relationship.
My cousin and I were born just two months apart, and we have always been very close. I can’t remember a time when we weren’t close. During a recent family gathering, which included extended family, my cousin and I were having a conversation.
She was saying thank you to me for helping her move into her apartment. My sister overheard our conversation and remarked that I hadn’t even texted her when she moved into her apartment. I was taken aback by this because my sister hadn’t informed me about her new living situation, so I had no way of knowing.
Suddenly, she began crying and talking about how she felt neglected by me, comparing herself to my cousin. This incident caught the attention of our uncles and aunties, who were present at the gathering. They started asking what had happened, even though I myself was unsure of the exact problem. My aunt took my sister to another room for a chat.
When my aunt returned, she expressed her disappointment in me, mentioning that I hadn’t checked up on my sister or helped her with the move. While I acknowledge that I haven’t made significant efforts to improve our relationship, the same can be said for my sister. Over the past five years, our communication has been limited mostly to exchanging birthday wishes.
Now, my family is lecturing me, and my aunt is making every effort to portray me as the bad guy. She keeps on spouting how disappointed she is, and she can’t believe this is coming from me. My sister had also been upset and was locked up in my aunt’s room, crying..”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Holy cow, your parents suck. Why would they think you’d have a good relationship with your sister when they bent over backwards to make it toxic? And it sounds like your sister just wants to be the center of everything, something she was honestly conditioned to by your parents. If she needed help or wanted a relationship, she’s a genius – I am assuming she understands how to use a phone.” Specific-Succotash-8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister wanted help she could have asked. Instead she decided to make herself the victim. It takes two people to maintain a relationship. You haven’t reached out to her but she never reached out to you either. I get that your sister has been conditioned to believe she’s the main character since she was a child but she’s 20 something now, too old to be behaving like a spoiled brat” Ancient-Transition-4
10. AITJ For Not Attending My Friend's Wedding Because She Didn't Invite My Kids?
“Me 30f and my friend 30f have been friends for a good ten years I’d say. However we have drifted apart since they got a long term partner and I had a baby and we now have beautiful lovely families with children.
We received a save the date for the wedding addressed to me, my partner and my two children (my youngest had only just been born and she was waiting for me to name him before she sent my save the date) we pencilled it in the diary.
We then received the invitation and I cannot for the life of me remember if it had just mine and my partners name on the envelope or the children’s as well as I threw the envelope away and only kept the invitation and information but I’m pretty sure it said to the family
I spoke to her a few times about whether we were coming as my partner had a surgery that may have been pushed back to closer to the wedding and I didn’t want to come with both children on my own so I had to wait for the surgery confirmation. It didn’t need to be pushed back so I sent the yes’s for everyone and that was that.
Just a note to say the invitations were not personalised so just the back time place date. What gifts to bring etc.
Now a week before the wedding she messages to say am I still coming and I say yes. One of the children is a little poorly but by the time the wedding comes around we should be all better and in attendance.
She then asks who is looking after my children, I’m confused as I thought they were coming with me (we were invited to the reception only) and when I said this to her she was like oh. Did I not tell you they couldn’t come. Oh dear there’s not enough space for them to come.
Turns out she did this to another person as well who had to rush around to find childcare. The thing here is I absolutely could have found childcare at a push, but the conversation had really rubbed me up the wrong way. But I was going to try anyway.
However. That week was my birthday, my 30th she knew it was as we had recently spoken about it, and she didn’t even bother to send me a birthday message.
At this point I realise that I’m clearly not that important to her that I need to attend her big day and rush around trying to make last minute arrangements for childcare so I decided not to go. She was already aware that if I couldn’t get childcare I wouldn’t be coming so I asked a mutual friend to let her know I couldn’t come as I didn’t want to message her on her wedding day about it.
I feel like not telling her makes me the Jerk but I think I’m NTJ for not going but the more I think about the more I wonder.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The deciding factor for you not going was she didn’t wish you a happy birthday? You’re a grown woman with 2 kids but acting like a child yourself.
Do you think maybe your friend had other things on her mind – including dealing with guests who, last minute, can’t even say if they’re coming to the wedding or not? And then you asked a friend to relay your regrets to the bride, on her wedding day? So she paid for you and your husband to attend the reception and then you were a no-show.
I hope you make up for it by sending a big gift.” DoYouHaveAnyIdea16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the bride shouldn’t have invited children to her wedding if she didn’t actually want them to go. Only being invited to the reception sounds like a gift grab.” Angelgirl127
Another User Comments:
“YTJ For chickening out telling her you don’t attend.
You have two toddlers, I understand that they are priorities. But I think parents should be able to plan childcare for such occasions as a wedding or be the one to approach the topic if there are accommodations for children.” FalconJaeger
9. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Daughter's Wedding Fund To My Ex-Husband's New Wife's Daughter?
“F40 and I have a F19 with my now ex husband 43. We had a very loving and caring marriage.
He had brought a little boy into the marriage from a past relationship. I’ve accepted him as my own. It wasn’t until both of the kids were 17, they are 4 months apart, that we divorced. It was a mutual agreement.
I know there’s going to be questions about the ages of the kids, the ex, they were trying to have a kid so they went with IVF.
They ended up divorcing and she won what you would call custody over the embryos. She had the embryos implanted right around the time we started trying for a kid. I was due 2 months before her but ended up having her early due to complications.
My step-son, considers me to still be his bonus mom and just calls the wife by her name.
I had put a collage fund and wedding fund away for both of them. Well he ended up getting married this past April. The wife’s daughter is engaged and kept going on about how beautiful and it’s everything she wants for her wedding. It was a beautiful wedding and he included me in the mother and son dance along with his bio mom.
The now wife was so mad by this and caused a scene. Calling me very vile and gross names. My step-son had her taken out of the venue due to her actions.
My now ex husband and his wife aren’t as well off since the divorce. I was and always been the breadwinner. She had come to asking me to give them half or all of my daughters wedding fund so her daughter could have it.
Calling my daughter ugly and no man would want to marry her anyway. She also said it was her husband’s money anyway, it wasn’t, and she is the rightful owner of it now that she’s the wife. I ended up blowing up and going off. I told her to get off my yard and I will be filing a restraining order, to scare her.
Since the interaction with her, her family had been contacting me and telling me I’m being selfish with HER HUSBAND’S MONEY. I’ve been even receiving notifications that she’s trying to access the money via my bank accounts. I get calls almost everyday now that she’s going into the bank claiming she has rights to the money.
I’ve called cops and reported it. She’s still very unhinged. She was arrested the last attempted then told her daughter that my ex husband put her wedding fund in my account and I’m withholding it from her. The daughter had been contacting me, going off, slandering me on social media, yelling I stole her money, and has file charges.
The case came and went, she lost and is still trying to claim money is in fact hers. She’s still on social media yelling that I stole her money. I’m starting to feel like a jerk because I could easily donate a few thousand and have it replaced in a few weeks. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex husband’s step daughter has nothing to do with you. For some ungodly reason his current wife thinks the money is his and she and her daughter are entitled to it. Kind of makes me wonder who put that idea in her head… OP’s ex husband? Maybe not though, since it sounds like his new wife is an entitled Jerk throwing a fit that she wasn’t included in the mother son dance even though it sounds like she would have come into your ex husband’s son’s life when he was an adult..
he doesn’t owe her anything either.” ilovenaps321
Another User Comments:
“Don’t give any money because then it would appear that you are guilty of taking her “supposedly husbands” money. The nerve of some people! You’re Not The Jerk” 1-Dragonfly
8. AITJ For Withholding Biscuits From All Kids Because Of My Sister's New Sugar-Free Rule?
“I (35M) had a party the other day. We do this every year with my family.
This year I hosted the party and my parents, my grandparents and my siblings: Michael(31) with his wife Eli(30) and my nephews Emily(3) Kevin (5) and Jenny(36), together with Lorry(36) with her second husband Armand(38) and my other nephews Benjamin(7) and Jon(5). I have a son who is 7 and I am married to Elise.
For a snack for the children I decided to make something that I always do and is a batch of biscuits that all the children love.
Now, the problem is that when I went to offer the biscuits to the children my sister Lorry together with Armand told me that they have changed their diets and culture around sweets and now want Benjamin and Jon to eat no sugar.
I can’t deny that I felt a bit hurt as I have always tried to make my food the most homemade possible and healthy, especially since Lorry has always been very attentive for eating healthy, which until now it worked fine as she has never said anything about what I have prepared. But I decided to not say anything other than tell them that I will kindly abide by what they asked me.
Some minutes pass and I notice Benjamin and Jon sad, looking at the biscuits while the other kids were taking them. I felt very guilty how unfair I was looking towards them so I took the bowl. The children asked me why they could not get more biscuits and I tried to simply tell them that ‘If not everyone can get the same amount then I prefer no one getting it, so that Benji and Jon don’t feel left out’ they understood me and went to play.
Lorry heard me and told me that she felt attacked, as if I was doing this on purpose to make Armand and her look bad. I explained to them that I respected their decision but that they also had to respect my own feeling that I felt uncomfortable to seem unfair towards Benjamin and Jon over the other kids.
We ate dinner and everyone went home. Next day I receive a text from my dad telling me that I left Lorry and Armand offended and I am a jerk for putting them under the lights like that.
Be mindful that when I tried to take the bowl I
didn’t go far away from the adults so that the children could hear me but at the same time not make it seems as I was trying to cause a scene next to the adults.
And it was Lorry (then Armand) who made the scene in front of them, even when I asked them to go to the kitchen for privacy (but they refused).
I replied that next time she should have better told me this before I had to do something that is done for all the children in the family.
I talked about it with Michael and he was on my side together with my mom.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NJH. Tempest in a teapot time. It does seem that everyone overreacted. There was no reason to take the biscuits away from the other kids. They know their parents rules. Lorry and Armand made a scene and even got your father involved over them not wanting you to give their kids sugar.
Why not just let it go? I would hate to see what would happen if your family had an actual problem.” Sea_Firefighter_4598
Another User Comments:
“Life isn’t fair and trying to keep a fair balance is just stupid. Those kids couldn’t have biscuits but the others could. There was no need to refuse the other children.
Granted its not nice for those kids watching others enjoy a biscuit but that’s on their parents not the other children.” Really1979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The only Jerks here are Lorry and Armand for deciding to limit what their children eat and denying them enjoyment of foods at a party and then not giving you a heads up.
They are the ones who created an awkward situation. You did your best to limit how badly the kids felt watching other kids enjoy what was forbidden to them. L&A should feel bad. Healthy eating is great, but it’s mean to not let your children enjoy party food at all rather than teach them to enjoy these things occasionally in moderation.
They put their kids and you in a terrible position.” kavk27
7. AITJ For Keeping The Money My Relatives Gave Me Instead Of Giving It To My Mom?
“So recently, my relatives visited to celebrate both my graduation and my birthday. To cut to the point – usually, when they come visit, they give some money to me and my siblings. However, inevitably the money goes to my mom. Every time we’ve been given birthday money or Eidi (money to celebrate Eid, a Muslim holiday), my mother pockets the money.
This has caused some resentment, but we never really questioned it besides expressing general frustration.
Recently, my family visited again to celebrate my graduation. One of my aunts gave me money – my mom saw, and so she took it. Another aunt gave me money and told me to buy a couple pants and shirts for myself, and not to tell my mom.
So I didn’t. I pocketed away the money for myself, and deposited half of it in my savings and half in my checking account. To be frank, the total of this money was around $500. This has been the only time I have ever taken the money my relatives have given to me for myself, rather than giving it to my mom.
I figured since they gave it to me as a gift, I might as well use it for college, especially as I am low income, will be going no-contact with some of my family, and it will really help me out. The money in my savings account can now be used to cover my testosterone over the next two months.
My mom asked me if said aunt gave me money – I lied and said no. (I know it wasn’t the best idea to lie, but my mother has a tendency of freaking out and I have already been kicked out due to being trans; in fact, this argument happened the day after I came home from being kicked out.) She then called up said relative, who told her about the gift money.
Long story short, she basically called me a Jerk, said I should have told her about the money, that she usually uses the gift money to give our own cousins gift money, and that I would need to repay the $500 out of my next paycheck.
I argued that before now, every single penny our relatives gave to my siblings and I had gone to her and that now that I am going to college, this money could really help me out.
Plus, it was a gift given to me, which meant I had no obligation to give it to her. Heck, my cousin even told me not to. Despite this, she told me that I should’ve been more responsible and that I’m a Jerk for not giving the money to her. She then shifted the conversation into how she uses the money to pay the bills and how it would really help with car insurance (which I would perhaps be more empathetic about, if she didn’t already take the money that my other cousin had given to me).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- it is your YOUR money not hers. From now on, never let her take it again. You are not obligated to pay her at all. Especially when she gives it to other people and pay her bills. She is delusional for saying you need to repay the $500 out your check.
Repay WHO? It’s your money. So how do you owe anyone? She is the one that owes you all the money she has stolen from you. If she needs money, she needs to ask.” Lemonhead_Queen
Another User Comments:
“As far as I see it, your mom seems to be playing some game in which she just regifts money intended for her kids, back to family unit it came from.
This basically negates the purposes of the gifts. It might be different had you known what she had been doing, but you did not. Now that you know, this all depends on your family unit’s financial standing, if you guys are in good shape, keep the money, but if this is only way your unit has been able to keep up with Jones’s then give it back.
Anyway you go, you’re NTJ-that was a gift for you, and at 18, I’d say it’s high time you get (and give) your own gifts” togocann49
6. AITJ For Lying To My Parents About Going To Medical School When I'm Actually In Vet School?
“My mom wanted to be a doctor, but she wasn’t smart enough to get in. She really pushed that dream on me. She’s been telling me I could become either a trash picker or a doctor since I was a little kid.
She said those were my only options so obviously I picked a doctor.
I was really brainwashed into thinking this was what I wanted. I didn’t even know it was strange until I asked my HS teacher what she wanted her kid to be, and she said she didn’t get to decide that.
I had multiple of my younger cousins tell me to keep an open mind and think about what I wanted to do, but instead I told them if I didn’t become a doctor I wouldn’t do anything, I’d be a total failure.
But I was wrong, I didn’t want this. I told my mom when I was a junior and applying to medical schools that I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a Dr she went into an uproar.
She cried, she screamed, she said she’d die, she said I was a failure if I didn’t go and she’d want nothing to do with me. I got so depressed I couldn’t continue with my classes and basically dropped out.
My extended family all sided with my mom that she was being this way “because she loved me” and “wants the best for me.” But it didn’t feel like that.
I knew that I didn’t want to be a doctor. It was fine when there was distance between me and this goal but now staring it down I realized I had no passion or interest. My mom told me my grandma’s dying wish was for me to be a Dr. I don’t know if this is true (I think my mom made it up) but apparently “it’s all she wanted.” I felt like a failure and basically didn’t leave my apartment for a year.
I was depressed to the point where I had to be hospitalized.
I knew I’d be miserable as a doctor, and I knew my parents would be miserable if I did anything else. So I decided one day I’d lie. I got back into school and focused on my goal of becoming a vet.
Luckily the major and classes were very similar, so my parents wouldn’t know anything was off and it would be easier to fake.
When I was applying to vet school, I told my parents I was applying to medical school. When I get in, I forged the letter and made it look like I got into medical school.
I’ve been lying and keeping them at arms length, and I’m not getting close to my second year of vet school. I don’t like lying, but it seemed better than losing my parents entirely. Was I wrong for this? None of the older people in my family know, but my cousins do, and swore to take my secret to the grave.”
Another User Comments:
“Whoa NTJ, Bhai! As a South Asian myself, I can totally relate to this and other white lies we have tell in order to preserve our own sanity and that of the ones we love! Although, we all know deep inside that our parents forcing their dreams on us is a total crappy move, sometimes it’s important for our own mental health to not have to deal with calling them out on it.” bimmer_rider
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you will have to tell them eventually. Evaluate your finances and start taking steps now to become financially independent if you aren’t already.” samusaranx3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but not sure you can keep this ruse up forever. What happens if she starts trying to pair you up and tells all her female friends with kids about you?
Then some auntie tells her about how you’re a vet and she shouldn’t lie? That scenario is 1000x worse. Pretty sure there was an Indian movie where someone committed suicide like twenty years ago due to societal/parental pressures. 3 Idiots? Anyway, in modern age you can’t keep this up forever as someone will start to google you.
Even if your last name is Patel, Singh, it will come out eventually.” KindlyComposer9489
5. AITJ For Accidentally Not Locking The Bathroom Door While Changing?
” “My husband and I just got married and I moved in with my husband and his family for the time being. He has 3 sisters who are living with us and one of them (the main one involved in this story) has had reservations about me moving in with them.
She has BPD and is easily triggered by sounds and my conjecture is that she has been catastrophizing the idea of me moving in for some time now. As a result for the last month I have tried my hardest to be as small of a presence in her life as possible. IE: if she enters a room I’m in I’ll subtly leave and will never look at her.
Also, the house has two bathrooms an upstairs full bath with a shower and a downstairs power room.
Anyways to today: So I went for a run this morning at 5 while my husband was showering, and came back at around 5:30. My husband was still in the upstairs bathroom next to our bedroom, so I had to use the powder room to get ready.
Because I had just come back from a run and it is the summer, I was all sweaty and gross and would’ve liked to take a quick shower but I had work early and couldn’t wait for my husband. So, I went into the powder room and could’ve sworn I locked the door.
I also enjoyed the way the light was coming in through the window, so I didn’t turn the light on. I used some paper towels to wipe the sweat off (gross I know, but it explains why I was changing in the powder room instead of our bedroom). As I changing back into my clothes my SIL opens the door, I run over and shut it.
She did not knock. The whole thing lasted maybe two seconds and afterwards I just stared at the door and wondered how she got in. I know that I didn’t lock the door but I really thought I had.
After all of that happened my SIL spam texted my husband very long paragraphs about how I need to lock the door and should be changing in my own bedroom and shouldn’t have even used the powder room (in the texts she was incredibly angry, rude, and hurtful) there was no “oh my goodness I’m so sorry!” when she walked in on me and she does not see that she could have and should have knocked (she has walked in on every one of her siblings and is notorious for not knocking.)
However I understand that I could have had a light on and yes I will double check the bathroom locks next time, and she is entitled to her emotions and to be grossed out however her string of texts have made me question if I’ve done something wrong here. Interwebs please advise.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This should have just been a case of “I’m sorry I didn’t know you were in there” followed by “sorry for not locking the door” and that been the end of the issue. She’s massively blowing this out of proportion and making you feel awful for what was just a harmless mistake.” FieryRobot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It feels like your SIL does this on purpose. Her reaction is over the top and sounds like some kind of power play so she can get one over on you. Yes of course remember to lock the door and put the light on but at the same time its up to her to check the room isn’t in use and apologies if she walks in on someone.” sjw_7
4. AITJ For Feeling Neglected After My Sister Gave Birth?
“I (17f) live with my parents and sister (20f), I’m currently on my summer holidays and spending most of my time at home and will be until I start working weekdays. Most of the time I’m home by myself as both parents work and my sister spends a lot of the time out of the house (this story is not about her).
I have another sister (24f) who gave birth around a month ago to her first baby and since she did all my parents want to do is go over to her house. They constantly want to go visit or have her over to our house which is understandable as it’s their first grandchild and her first baby.
My issue is that I barely spend any time with them anymore, we didn’t do much together anyway before as they worked and prefer doing things with my sisters or only on weekends when I’m working. But lately is gotten a lot worse and I feel very alone.
My parents are borderline obsessive, every time they visit my sister or she visits us, no conversation can last for more than 10 seconds until something to do with the baby catches their attention and whatever you were saying isn’t important anymore.
Every plan has to include some kind of detour to my sister’s house or to a store to spend more money on the baby. They have spend nearly £1000 on this baby.
They complain that they don’t have enough money for weekly food shops or household necessities, but will manage to find the money to buy baby clothes and boxes of baby formula.
Today they wanted to go straight to her house as soon as they got home from work, but ended up waiting until after dinner. When we did go I joked that my sister gets to see our parents more than I do.
I didn’t say this in a rude way and my mum knew I was joking and joked along, but my dad (who has been the worst since the baby was born) told me that I needed to stop being jealous of my sister when she’s struggling.
I told him I wasn’t jealous and it wasn’t that serious, he kept calling me names. We’re still here right now and I’ve still been being called names and cursed at for doing nothing.
I understand that being a first time parent is hard, and that my parents want to help my sister and see their grandbaby, but its making them crazy, rude and insulting to both their other two children and their son in law.
Am I wrong for being upset?? Is this normal for grandparents?? I feel so guilty every time I feel myself getting bothered.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made a joke, and your dad blew it out of proportion. You even admitted you’re not jealous. You just want to spend time with your parents, too. If I were you, I’d talk to mom because she at least seems to understand that the baby has completely overtaken their world.” invisibleobsessor
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. There’s a lot going on in your family right now. Is it possible that your sister is in a situation where she actually needs support from your parents? Still, if you feel neglected; you’re old enough to speak up for yourself. Have a real, sit-down conversation with your parents.
If money is tight, then being snarky towards your parents is probably the last thing your dad wants to hear. Having a mature conversation is the easy way to resolve this.” GroundbreakingTwo201
Another User Comments:
“Gonna go NTJ as you are still a child but your dad has likely blown up as your little passive aggressive “joke” and likely jealous energy towards your sister has not gone unnoticed by your dad.
Fyi, you don’t get to dictate how anyone spends their time or money, parents or otherwise. Address the issue directly and this likely won’t happen again” hausofmc
Once you start work you won't realise how much tye ain't home etc.. and as long as they ain't demanding all your wages to pay bills or buy for the baby don't worry... you ain't the baby of the family anymore
3. AITJ For Refusing To Change Parking Spot Due To Problematic Neighbors?
“I, 40 F and my wife 43F bought our dream house in a city we love a little over a year ago. We were warned at the beginning from other neighbors that the family across the street from us were a “problem”.
Both ourselves and these problems are lucky enough to live in 2 unit homes. In their house is the mom and dad, 60s, and their daughter and her current partner 30s or 40s, and a young child. They are constantly screaming at each other and kicking each other out.
Our first interaction, my wife asked kindly that they please stop shooting all their snow from their 9 car driveway back into our just shoveled sidewalk and driveway.
They called her a “freaking b”. But did point the snow blower elsewhere. They are constantly cursing and screaming at each other so I chalked it up to their issues and sent cookies with a nice note to make nice. I should also say I experienced intense emotional mistreatment growing up, so these interactions put me in fight or flight mode.
We managed to avoid their wrath until about 9 months later. My brother moved into our basement apartment. He works different hours than we do so he parks in the street next to our driveway, rather than the tandem spot so that we aren’t constantly having to get each other to move vehicles. He parks in a spot that the problem’s ex-partner used to park in.
Her new man doesn’t have a car so my brother now parks in that spot. It’s public street parking. You can only park on my side of the street and we live by a triple decker rental with 1 parking spot so he does park right by our driveway to leave everyone room to park.
Within a month of my bro moving in we hear screaming and cursing, my brother and I go outside and they are attacking our grocery delivery guy for blocking their driveway. My bro goes outside to direct the driver somewhere else and the older male neighbor started screaming and cursing at me to only park in our freaking driveway however it wasn’t a problem when her ex parked there?
I did yell back this time. The next day I saw him walking and approached him explaining that I am not ok with people yelling at me, and apologizing for responding to his screaming by yelling back. I sent cookies again thanking him for talking it out. A week later his wife was backing out of the driveway and said “hope I don’t hit your car” my wife said “I hope you don’t too” which set her off, and again screamed and cursed at her.
Including “no more freaking cookies you witches!” Now, every time they see us they start cursing and screaming at us. We feel that to stop parking there would be giving into bullies. The last time it happened we called the police to document it. Are we the jerks for refusing to give into this?”
Another User Comments:
“Y’all are brave, buying a place despite being warned lol. We took a loss on a home a few years ago because we were trying to get away from two bad neighbors no one warned us about when we were looking. (Actually, our ex-neighbors sound like yours but split into two families.) NTJ but yeah…good luck.” Oldgamerlady
Another User Comments:
“EJ Why doesn’t your brother leave his keys somewhere so that vehicles are moved when needed? I have a short straight driveway (maybe 3 car lengths long). My husband parks behind me as his vehicle is the one we use most and our son’s partner parks in front of the house (street parking).
We have a set of keys for all vehicles in one spot so if I need to leave, our vehicles are moved around. It’s not giving into bullies if it saves your mental health.” Commercial_7336
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Young Cousin To Hold My Baby While Standing?
“I (F25) recently had my first daughter who is now only 4 months old. I have a 10 year old cousin and she really likes my daughter, but she wants to hold her all the time.
I particularly never said anything, but I never liked it because I am too afraid that she’d let my daughter fall. In detail, I never minded holding her while she was sitting, but while standing, it bothers me a lot.
From 3 to 4 months, my daughter started having tantrums and when she cries, she throws her back behind her, and if we are not careful, she can fall.
I started to tell my grandma (who stays with my baby about 2x or 3x a week only in the morning when I work) to ask my aunt to be careful when my cousin is holding the baby, and that I would like her to do it sitting down. But every time, especially when I leave my baby’s side, she takes the girl while standing and they says: “oh, but she holds her tight” or “I’m here helping her, no problem”.
My daughter didn’t take the baby bottle, so we are facing a feeding problem when I go to work, and this obviously causes her to cry and throw tantrums. My cousin has gone on vacation from school and is here at my grandma’s house (I live next door) and today when I went to comment, EXACTLY in those words, the response was as follows:
(Me) – Grandma, please don’t let my cousin hold my baby while standing, even more…. (I was cut off).
(Maw) – Don’t worry, everyone already knows that you don’t like HER to hold the baby, I won’t even let her touch a hand (She emphasized HER as if the problem was exclusively with her).
(Me) – I have no problem touching her, I’m just afraid that she might accidentally drop her on the floor, that’s all.
The same way I didn’t let my brother (who is 9 years old) pick her. The problem isn’t anyone, it’s a child holding her while standing. Just hold her while sitting, simple. That’s all, I’m not saying not to touch her.
(Maw) – No, don’t worry, she won’t touch the baby.
And from here we continued a brief discussion where I complained about her ignorance and that she didn’t even let me speak properly and came answering like this.
Anyway, my cousin loves my daughter very much, but am I the jerk for not wanting her to hold my daughter while standing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This always the “rule” in my family. Kids can hold babies but only while seated and with an (attentive) adult next to them. It’s okay to say your cousin needs to be seated to hold your daughter with no explanation to follow.
The problem with having older family help with your own kids is that they think their experience trumps your parental decisions. Keep that in mind as you consider how “helpful” grandma is. It’s nice and absolutely appreciate it but know this may be a forever issue and an alternative may be necessary soon.” Suspicious_Spite5781
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Gently, I’m sorry. You’re having your family (which includes your cousin) watch the baby. It seems everyone understands how to hold your baby and you’ve been very clear. There doesn’t seem to be a reason to single out your cousin as she’s supervised. But it seems you’ve made yourself clear at this point so there’s no need to keep bringing it up as it seems very targeted now” jrm1102
1. AITJ For Breaking Up With My Partner Over His Dog?
“My partner shared custody over his dog with his ex. He would see her once a week to pick up their dog. Context; this dog couldn’t exist on its own, he would eat? Choke. Drink regular water? Choke. Breathing? Choke. Got anxiety when left alone, got anxiety being in a car. Unpopular opinion, this was a pretty useless dog.
So when he would have him I was completely out of the picture.
I worked 2 jobs and rarely had time to spend with him and when we would plan something I would take PTO. (He never did). So one day I thought I’d ask “Could you spare a few hours with me? I got the night off!” I was so excited that I could finally spend time with him because at this point, the last I saw him was about 2 weeks ago (We would call and text in the meantime)
He said “Nope, I have the dog for the next 3 weeks because my ex is going on vacation. So I don’t have any time to spend with you.” My heart sank, “What if I go over there? Could I just keep you company?” I tried to compromise with him but he wouldn’t let me “Look, my dog takes up so much of my attention so there isn’t a point of you coming over.” I felt the knot in my throat
“Okay, maybe next time.” I tried to lighten my mood by surprising him on his lunch the next day. I called out sick that morning and picked up his favourite RedBull and went to get burritos for him.
I waited for him at his truck since I know he goes to his truck every lunch to avoid his co-workers.
I looked up and saw him walking over and I hopped off and ran to him “Hi! I brought you a burrito and redbull. I figured since the puppy is at daycare, I’d have lunch with you!” I gleamed at him and he rolled his eyes. “I’m not in the mood for burritos and I’ve had 2 redbulls already.” He brushed me off.
When I ran to hug him, he barely even wrapped an arm around me.
I tried to be strong and not show how hurt I was “Well how about you pick somewhere to go for lunch and I’ll pay for it. I should have asked you what you wanted before I drove here, I guess.” I trailed off (it’s an hour+ drive)
“Well I’m taking the rest of the day off to spend with my dog and since you don’t like him, just go home.” He handed me the bag of food and redbulls and started the engine.
I grew more and more angry and after a while of driving to blow off steam I drove to his apartment and broke up with him.
I’ve tried everything to make him happy but the only thing that does is his dog. So AITJ for blowing up over the dog?”
Another User Comments:
“Very, very conservative YTJ, because of lack of context. What he did wasn’t right, but even though you might not like the dog, to him it might be everything.
I know it was for me. You could have tried integrating the dog more in stuff you do together. Like asking if you can help with the care and when you are there and the dog is too, be proactive and help the dog. He would have never let you go then imo. But maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.
The red flag is him saying I have the dog I don’t have time for you.. You could have still been together then.” Solanserss
Another User Comments:
“YTJ The dog is a member of his family, not a disposable item. You made it extremely clear you had no use for the dog. He did you both a favor and ended things.” QuinGood
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You need to stop making this all about yourself. It seems like he has limited time with his dog. And trust me, if my dog was in such poor health and needs that much attention, I wouldn’t want anyone to distract me either. And I certainly don’t want anyone that doesn’t love my dog there.” throwevrythingaway
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