People Are Stoked To Hear Our Opinions Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Not Taking A Blind Child To The Pool?
“We got one last really nice warm day, and I said I would take my son and his friends to the pool this morning. When he was texting everyone he told me one of his friends had a cousin over and asked if would we be able to take her as well.
I asked how old the cousin is and if she knows how to swim. He said ten and yes, so I said of course.
We get to the house, and I meet this cousin, and she is blind. Right away, I felt nervous. I was going to have six kids with me, and no other adults.
I’ve always been a little neurotic about water safety. My son is a great swimmer, and so are his friends, but I’ve never met this girl before, and I don’t know if she is a strong swimmer. I was worried that I would be constantly watching her the whole time, and that would mean I wasn’t paying enough attention to the other kids.
I decided to take the kids to the park instead.
The kids complained, but I said there was a problem at the pool, and they got over it. Eight-year-olds have short attention spans. The cousin is getting along with the boys, even though she’s a couple of years older. I did text all the parents to let them know where we are, for safety.
The aunt of the little girl just texted me back asking me what happened to the pool plan.
I texted back that I decided on the park instead. She asked why, and I said six kids at the pool is a lot, and the park is less stressful. She asked if I didn’t take them to the pool because her niece is blind.
I said six kids and water with one adult is just a lot. She said I was fine with five, and it seems obvious I just didn’t want to watch a blind child in the water. I responded that even if that’s true (which, yeah, it is, I just didn’t want to admit it), would that really be so bad? If I’m not comfortable with my ability to keep the kids safe in the water, I shouldn’t supervise them in the water.
She said if I can’t keep kids safe in the water I’m a bad mom and that I was being a jerk to a ten-year-old. I like this girl, she is so sweet, but I get anxious about water safety. Am I being a jerk? Should I take them to the pool?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – being unfamiliar with the needs of the child you did the right thing.
No one can tell you what the right decision is for you because everyone has to access the situation for themselves. If you were an Olympic swimmer and grew up with a blind sibling that maybe it would be different. Assessing the situation for what you feel is safe is 100% your job and you did it responsibly.
Sadly, being responsible often means disappointing some people in the process.” Any_Coyote6662
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t eliminate the outing. You were true to your abilities to watch all the kids in the pool. You need to feel comfortable with the whole activity before going to it. The aunt is just mad that you decided to change the outing because of the disability of her niece.
However, I think you could have first tried to get another adult with you. Also, try to volunteer with an organization that deals with disabled children/adults. So you can see how their disabilities do not show them back. Then you will feel comfortable with them in ‘dangerous’ situations. Please invite this little girl to more outings and see how she is not allowing her disability to hold her back.” Fair_Text1410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your kid’s friend’s mom is a jerk, though.
She obviously knows that her niece being blind is pertinent information that she should have shared, and her withholding the information put you in a tough position and sprung it on you at the moment.
I think you handled it incredibly well, you acknowledged you didn’t feel comfortable taking them to the pool, so pivoted to the park rather than making a big deal about the cousin and saying she couldn’t come or making it obvious she was the reason.
The friend’s mom is a double jerk – firstly, for withholding information and then for how she handled it after and made it a big deal.
You sound like a great mom.” Berly653
17. AITJ For Scolding My Kids' Babysitter For Taking A Shower At My Home?
“I hired a babysitter for my 5 and 3-year-old kids 2 weeks ago. My husband works shifts while I work long hours at a marketing company.
So far we’ve had no issues til yesterday. I came home at 6 pm and noticed the babysitter’s wet hair and new clothes. She told me she took a shower after one of the kids spilled milk on her.
I was confused but visibly upset but she tried to ‘reassure’ me the kids were fine because my husband watched them while she took her shower which only lasted for a few minutes. I was more confused that my husband was home when he had a shift to cover. I told her I didn’t think it was appropriate for her to shower in my home like that.
She argued that it was fine and that she had no choice and couldn’t leave the milk on her like that. We argued and my husband heard the commotion and got involved. He said it was not as big of a deal as I was making it out to be but I told the babysitter that I did not appreciate how she basically ignored how I felt about this and dismissed my feelings still.
She went home, but we still argued on the phone. She thinks she’s done nothing wrong and said I was being unfair when I mentioned potentially cutting from her salary after that.
My husband keeps saying that I’m overreacting and the ‘poor girl’ couldn’t handle having milk stains on her body and clothes.
But I couldn’t help but feel it was inappropriate and she should’ve checked with me.
AITJ for my reaction?
Just for info. I’m the one who pays her, not my husband. I told her to call or text (always available) if anything happens. I didn’t even know my husband was home at the time! If you noticed, I said that I argued with her even before she told me my husband was home.
And no, I didn’t know how big the stain was but she argued about being covered in milk for 6+ hours. As for the question of why my husband didn’t go to work? He said he was feeling a bit sick and swapped shifts with a coworker.
The babysitter is 24. She said she has the experience and yes she normally brings a bag of clothes, wet wipes, and stuff like that with her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I think you are upset that your husband was not supposed to be home, insinuating he lied to you.
Rather than get mad at him, you are taking it out on her. I am sure she would have contacted you, had he not been there. She probably felt it was no big deal since he gave permission. You didn’t even bother to look at it from her point of view that “oh, Mr.
X is home so I will ask him rather than bother Mrs. X at work.”
You obviously have issues within your marriage if the women you pay to watch your children need to take a shower because your kids got her dirty and causing you so much distress. I guarantee it is not the shower upsetting you.
It’s the fact your husband was home and you have no clue why.” AggressiveTurbulence
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you cut her pay over such a stupid thing, you’re going to get a bad rep with the babysitters and nannies in your city. Yes, they talk.
Babysitters, when watching kids have full rights to look after their own hygiene needs.
Anytime I was peed on, got feces on me from a diaper blowout, or had food/liquids spilled on me, I would shower after cleaning up the child and mess. My own mental health requires it.
You might be looking for a new sitter after that interaction. I’m not sure I’d work for someone who demanded that I can’t shower for my own personal hygiene after having something disgusting or genuinely a biohazard spilled all over my skin and clothes.
No one wants to spend hours utterly filthy if they can shower and fix the problem in less than ten minutes.
You NEED to pay her the agreed amount for the time she worked. If you dock her she may walk, and she’d have every right to.
I worked as a nanny for 15 years.
I always kept a change of clothes, shower supplies, and a bag in my car for my towel, dirty clothes, and used washcloths to go into afterward. You never know what’s going to happen during the day with childcare that would require a quick shower. I even kept a Clorox pen for my clothes.” depressivedarling
Another User Comments:
“So, the kids caused a mess, the sitter, being responsible, made sure the kids were being watched BY A PARENT, took a quick shower, changed clothes, and continued watching the kids.
If your concern were for the children, then knowing they were cared for should have ended things. If your concerns were for theft of utilities, then dock her pay the 0.85 cents it cost to provide water and power for her shower.
Instead, it seems you were initially concerned for the kids, found out your husband was home and became angry that he was home with the sitter. Still, because you can’t bring yourself to be jealous, you continued to insist on this ridiculous notion of impropriety. Just admit that you’re concern is that your husband and the sitter are getting busy while you’re at work, and then deal with your husband.
YTJ” kevwelch
16. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Apologize To Our Yard Guy's Son?
“Carlos has been my yard guy for a little over 20 years now. Over that time, his yard business has been extremely successful and he makes a decent amount of money. He has a son, Danny, who was around the same age as my kids Mike and Anna. The kids knew each other growing up and would go to each other’s birthday parties, but otherwise weren’t super close.
Anna and Danny ended up going to the same college (it’s a popular one in the state) and eventually announced that they had started going out. Everyone was very excited, and we invited Carlos and his family over for our Christmas dinner that year. It went really well. After a couple of glasses of wine, however, my wife made a couple of jokes regarding our yard being cut for free now.
Everyone was uncomfortable and I quickly shut that down and apologized and I figured that would be the end of it.
It has not been.
Also, money is not the issue here. but my wife has a tendency to be frivolous in places where it matters and a bit of a cheapskate where it doesn’t, and this has become the newest and most shocking instance.
This came up every now and then for years until Anna and Danny announced their engagement. All of a sudden, it was like a dam had burst, and my wife became obsessed with the idea of getting free or discounted services, citing that they are now going to be ‘family’, and that ‘family doesn’t charge family’.
I finally told her that Danny might come into the family but that Carlos isn’t our family, and it is perfectly fine for us to remain close customers to him. I’ve done absolutely everything I can to keep this away from Carlos, Danny, and Anna.
It boiled over this morning when Carlos came over with Danny to do some extra tree-cutting.
We’d negotiated a rate and I had a check already written out. Danny knocked on the door when he was done to get the check and my wife got there while I was in the bathroom. She made a ‘joking’ comment to him about already asking for money from the ILs and not even being married yet, and within the hour, I had an enraged call from Anna, and rightfully so.
I argued with my wife about it. It got heated, and I ended up calling her money-crazy and accusing her of valuing the 150 bucks that today cost over our daughter’s happiness. She’s convinced that them charging us like ‘regular customers’ is the wrong thing to do. More tough words were exchanged, and I ended up refusing to go to our weekly date night until she sent an apology to Danny.
AITJ?
EDIT: First off, what have we provided to Carlos and Danny? I am a cardiologist and I do actually see Carlos’ mother regularly. I can’t go into details about that but I do everything that I can to keep costs low and get her in where she otherwise might not be able to due to availability, etc.
Second, to the people who think I’m agreeing with my wife or haven’t told her to stop, I’d like them to reread the post. I’ve been telling her to stop. ‘Just tell her to stop’ is not the all-solving issue. I’ve expressed (as clearly as I possibly can) that she’s doing wrong and she’s putting our daughter in a bad situation.
That doesn’t mean that I can somehow magically force my wife to do something, physically or otherwise. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Third, I want to make it clear that this is the first time that this has really gotten to Carlos or Danny. I have done everything that I can, up until this point, to stop it.
I change the subject when I think it’s heading there. I try my best to express why it’s wrong (see above), and I also am the sole person who deals with Carlos or Danny at this point. There was the one comment at Christmas, and that happened four years ago.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would be brutally blunt with her about this, too, before she completely wrecks every relationship everyone in your family has with everyone in Carlos’s family.
Something like, ‘Family doesn’t use family to get things for free. I don’t know where this attitude that Carlos somehow owes you anything just because our kids are getting married is coming from, but it’s honestly straight-up insulting to his entire family and makes me embarrassed to be associated with you because I don’t want anyone to think I’m anything like that.
If you don’t cut the crap out IMMEDIATELY and apologize to Danny AND Carlos, I will contact all of them, tell them that this attitude is all you and that I vehemently disagree with it, that I value their hard work, their friendship, and look forward to joining our families, and if they choose to no longer associate with you or invite you to anything, I will completely understand and will attend without you if they ask me to.’
Do not let her continue this or you WILL lose not only Carlos’s services but will also lose your daughter because she is going to end up cutting your wife out and, if you don’t draw that hard line and come down on your daughter’s side of it, she’ll cut you out too.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife has made it clear that she will continue to treat Carlos and, by extension, her future son-in-law like ‘the help’ while simultaneously demanding a ‘family discount’ at the risk of a relationship with her daughter.
She is showing you who she is and how she feels about Danny & his family.
This is definitely a hill to die on, OP. She’s going to destroy a decades-long business relationship and permanently damage your relationship with your daughter.” Glitter_Voldemort
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is a complete jerk and going to ruin friendships because she’s such a cheapskate.
I think you need to have a sit down with Danny, Anna, and your wife and make it absolutely clear that she is not to engage with Carlos for any housework at all anymore. That you are the only person they will deal with. That way she cannot undermine you. She’s already making herself look like a quack to them. If Danny was my kid, in spite of how rational you seem, I’d be questioning if he should marry into your family just based on how unhinged your wife is about this.” giantbrownguy
15. AITJ For Not Supporting My Sister's Pregnancy?
“My sister (24) has 3 kids. I always watch her children. She had her first when she was a senior, in high school and since I was older I would watch her baby from the time she went to school to the time she got out, starting when he was 3 weeks old. I have gone above and beyond for her, always there whenever she needed it, which was a little too often.
Her kids would stay with me on the weekends sometimes and she just wouldn’t pick them up Sunday night so I’d have to take them to school. She makes okay money as an x-ray tech but she blows it all. Now that I have a better job, I would help her buy groceries from time to time and necessities because I felt bad for the kids.
She would mooch off me and our parents, she just thinks she can call us and ask for anything and we’ll give it to her. I’ve only allowed this so much because my nieces and nephews will go without food, soap, toothpaste, toilet paper, and sometimes even electricity.
I came by last night because she told me she had something to show me.
I get there and she runs up to me and hands me a positive pregnancy test. I just stared at her and was like are you serious? She was very excited and jumping all around. I told her she couldn’t take care of the ones she had, and why did she think this was a good idea.
She started to cry and said how she does everything for this family and her kids, so I reminded her of all that I’ve done. I will never throw something I’ve done for you in your face, I’m happy to help but she can’t act like I never helped her.
She told me I was a witch, and only thought about myself and that she would be happy for me if I was pregnant.
I told her I wouldn’t be lending her any more money or support, it wasn’t my job to feed her family. She kicked me out and that night my other sister FaceTimed me and told me I could’ve at least pretended to be happy for her. My sister has been continuously texting me asking if I really won’t help her out anymore and to think about my nieces and nephews.
I told her no, and she said ‘I never knew how sick of a person you really are.’ I don’t think I should have to fake being happy for her when she can’t even take care of her own kids she already has.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you will be if you allow her to bully you into caving.
She doesn’t care about the necessities of her kids because other people have always bailed her out and taken on the responsibility. Please tell her husband as well, I’d be shocked if he knew the full extent and continued to leave their children in her ‘care’. Please don’t allow the threat of your nieces and nephews not being cared for make you second guess yourself, she will provide for them when there’s no one else to drop the responsibility on, and if she’s really that heartless they shouldn’t be in her care at all.” Frankfourfingers101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Everything you said to her was true. She’s struggling with the kids she has right now so adding another mouth will not help. Time for you to set some hard boundaries. Free babysitting except for a true emergency, someone in the hospital for instance, actually only if someone is in the hospital, is out.
No more direct fundss to her. If you want to help then have food or clothes delivered. No more funds to her. I repeated that because that’s what she’ll want. The family will be upset with you but you have to make it clear you love your sister and her kids but you do not support her decisions to continue to make her life and her kids’ lives tougher.” WinEquivalent4069
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not lending money, because you never get paid back.
It’s giving money… And you should stop.
You also need to stop babysitting your niblings. You have been enabling your sister to keep popping out kids and do whatever she wants while you sacrifice your time and money to bear her responsibilities. Stop.
Stop babysitting. Stop giving money. Stop running her errands. All of it. Your sister needs the incentive to start making better choices.” teresajs
14. AITJ For Choosing My Family?
“I (25f) am stuck in the middle between my husband (26m) and my family. My husband has been dealing with some internal problems of hating my sister and her fiancé. Because ‘he tries to be funny and he’s not.’ And it has honestly blown up our entire family. My husband thinks since he doesn’t like my sister’s fiancé, then we all shouldn’t.
We just had a baby in May and so I am just feeling really overwhelmed w this petty situation.
Last weekend my husband helped my parents with their yard. My parents have helped us a lot in the past years and this was kinda paying off some debt, but also just being kind.
Well, my sister wanted to go to dinner with all of us and my husband freaked out changed plans and blamed my parents for not telling her no ‘because he doesn’t like her’ and he was looking forward to going to dinner. It has completely blown up into him calling my parents names, blocking them, and threatening them to not ever see our baby again.
I feel bad after a 10-year relationship I can not see past the fact of him disrespecting my family. Am I the jerk for not understanding his side of things and thinking that there’s no coming back from this? My life feels like it is falling apart and I just want to make the right choice for my child.
Edit: my sister and her fiancé have done nothing to my husband. Other than being annoying. He is the only person in this family who doesn’t like them. That’s why I think it’s some internal problem. See he’s been the only boy in our family for almost 10 years before she met someone so I don’t know if that has something to do with it or not.
It’s exhausting. He admits he’s being childish and doesn’t change. But for the most part, blames my parents for ‘disrespecting him’ and not telling her no to going to dinner.
Edit #2: I feel like my husband is losing his mind. He’s now saying that my parents are not allowed to see our baby.
He doesn’t want to go to counseling to fix this, and very impossible to talk to. I have tried understanding, being patient, and supportive, and even tried tough love towards him during his differences and none of it has helped. To be honest, I am a bit worried for my baby’s sake I do not want to uproot her life, change her routine, and whatnot.
I am stuck in the middle and I am horrified. He will obviously throw a temper tantrum no matter what.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is immature and controlling. Plenty of people ‘suck it up’ and deal with an annoying family member. ‘He tries to be funny and he’s not’ is an annoyance, not a reason to hate someone.
I am afraid that he is trying to cut you off from your family. Please consider if his anger and control extend beyond this situation.” wickedlucky214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is entitled to his opinion, but he is not entitled to force it on others, including his wife (and especially his in-laws).
He needs to grow up and understand that the world does not revolve around him and his opinions and stop throwing temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. He also needs to understand that he doesn’t rule your household like a dictator – you get a say in things as well, so he doesn’t get to unilaterally get to say who gets to see your baby or doesn’t.
Right now you have enough on your plate with one baby, you don’t need a second.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband doesn’t get to unilaterally decide who other people ‘like’ or ‘don’t like.’ Also, the idea that your parents would uninvite your sister from anything to accommodate your husband is quite honestly ridiculous – although you’ve been with your husband for years and I’m sure they love him, that’s THEIR DAUGHTER.
Of course, they won’t exclude her.
Your husband may need counseling, but at the very least he needs to be told that he isn’t the leader of a middle school clique, and he doesn’t get to decide who participates in the family. You were a family long before he was around, and his irrational bullying won’t change that.” MidCenturyMayhem
13. AITJ For Causing My Cousin To Dye Her Hair Blue?
“Today I (15f) spent the afternoon/evening in my uncle’s house, with my cousins, while our parents went to a restaurant.
One of my cousins, let’s call her ‘Amanda’ (15f), is very arrogant. Amanda likes to bully/play pranks on me and her siblings. For example, once she hid her brother’s notebook under his sheets, and when he lied on his bed and broke the notebook, she claimed it was just a funny prank.
Two weeks ago my uncles enrolled all their children in a beginner chess course, and Amanda can easily beat her younger siblings since they are 12, 11, and 8 years old. Today Amanda was bragging about her chess skills like she was a Grandmaster. She was being so annoying that even her siblings asked her to shut up.
When I tried to change the conversation topic, Amanda literally said I was jealous of her and challenged me to a chess game, she also proposed a bet, where the loser of the game would have to dye her hair blue. I questioned her about what dye would we use, and she told me she had bought a blue hair dye during the week, in other words, she had previously planned to take advantage of me because she assumed I didn’t know how to play chess.
In order to teach Amanda a lesson, I accepted the bet. We recorded the whole game, so if the loser refused to pay the forfeit, she would be exposed as a coward. Amanda didn’t last more than 20 moves against me, and after her defeat, she reluctantly agreed to dye her hair.
Amanda’s parents know I play chess with my mom since I was 9 (my mom is a better-than-average player), so after they found out why their daughter’s hair was blue, they started berating me and demanded my parents grounded me because I had exploited Amanda’s innocence. They are such hypocrites since Amanda intended to do the same with me, and if the roles were reversed, they wouldn’t punish her.
My parents think I’m a little wrong because two wrongs don’t make a right, but due to Amanda being 15, they think she knew what she was doing, and therefore I don’t deserve to be punished.
However, I can’t help but feel sorry for her now, what if our classmates start to make fun of her hair? The dye is permanent.
I thought about dying my hair as well, as a gesture of solidarity, but I don’t have the courage to do it. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. If anything you taught Amanda a very important lesson. She had a big head after defeating inexperienced players and was planning to do the same to you.
She now knows that she doesn’t know everything and needs to actually pay more attention to the people around her. The fact she didn’t know you’ve been playing chess for 6 years just proves how little attention she pays to other people in her life. If she can’t learn to treat people better and give them attention because it’s the right thing to do, at least she’ll do it because she will realize they can get the better of her if she doesn’t.” AnikiSmashFSP
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but you are a hustler lol.
Generally, people don’t take kindly to being hustled (basically when you let people think that you can’t do something and make a bet with them). It would have been better form to say ahead of time that you have played for years given you know she’s just started a beginner class.
In this particular instance, I don’t think you’re a jerk. It’s just typical nonsense between cousins, especially given you weren’t betting money it’s not that deep. And she sounds like she was quite literally asking for it so really it’s just her parents being overprotective.
I doubt she’d been planning the chess bet based on having blue hair dye though, I’d imagine she actually wanted to dye her hair lol so really no harm done at all.” Sophie_Blitz_123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP!
Amanda got exactly what she deserved! She made the bet with you and she had to take the consequences when she lost it.
And if the other kids at her school are so shallow as to bully HER for the color of her hair, then she’ll learn what it’s like to be on the receiving end of that kind of behavior. Who knows – it might even prompt her to think before she acts like a stinger-skeeter next time!” Marzipan-Shepherdess
12. AITJ For Abandoning My Parents Who Disowned Me?
“I (25F) live in Germany with my partner (28F). I come from a country where being gay is illegal. My parents had similar thoughts and when I came out at 13, they said I had to turn out straight, or else the consequences won’t be good. Since that day our conversations were minimal & they just gave me the basic education, food, and a roof for me to exist.
In contrast, they were always spoiling my elder sister who is 3 years elder than me with luxuries and special surprises.
I knew the reason, it was cause she was straight and ‘normal’ according to them. Fast forward, at 18 I got into a good college and my parents paid its fees.
When 4 years later I graduated, they wanted me to get married to a ‘good boy’ soon but I applied for a master’s program at a university abroad and got in with a scholarship. My parents said if I went there they would disown me for real this time. I went to Germany to study and my parents kept their word and cut off all contact with me.
I had done editing freelancing and worked as a social media manager during my college days so I had some money saved up to survive in Germany for a while without my parents’ support.
Anyway, for 3 years my parents didn’t contact me, I graduated from the university and am now working in a company which pays me well enough.
Two days ago, I got a call from my parents that they were broke & had lost all their money cause my elder system had gone addicted to gambling and had lost our house & other dad’s properties in the game. My parents asked me to send $2500 to them because they were really struggling and expected me to help them.
I just called them selfish giants, cussed at them and hung up. They called me again and said I owed them the money cause they had kept me in their house and paid for my education, food, and other basic requirements even after knowing that I was gay. They said I am basically ‘abandoning them in their worst situation’.
I just told them they wouldn’t get anything from me and hung up. I told my partner she says I am not obliged to help them. One of my best friends said that I have been acting like a jerk and not being grateful to them.
So the question is, AITJ in this situation?
Also, I can afford to send them $2500, it won’t harm me financially much but it’s just that I chose not to send them the money.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your parents were being jerks when they decided that they didn’t want a daughter who happens to be gay, they totally suck for that… I still can’t wrap my head around that kind of thinking… but I digress. They CHOSE YOUR SISTER and basically disowned you. If your sister hadn’t been spoiled by your parents and chosen over you, she may have been able to channel her focus and thereby avoid the gambling issues, but that didn’t happen.
Because your parents CHOSE your sister and disowned you. Sucks for them that their only child gambled away their property, money and possessions. They DON’T HAVE another daughter if we stick to their rules. If you weren’t gay would they be telling you that you ‘owe’ them? Because that’s ALWAYS nonsense when parents try to charge their kids for life.
They chose to have kids, which means that the human they created is their responsibility!
Go on and find your very own forever ‘adopted’ family and leave the DNA family to their own devices, they did CHOOSE the path they followed, and you are NOT responsible for THEIR TRASHY DECISIONS. They will still NOT ACCEPT YOU for who you are, you could give them five million dollars and they STILL don’t see how wrong they were to not accept YOU as a human.
They haven’t apologized and said that they researched being gay and found out it isn’t a ‘sinful choice’, it just IS how some humans ARE… so you owe them nothing. They will take the money and disown you again because they are too stubborn to learn that their belief system is disgustingly flawed and based on ignorance, hatred, and malice.
Sounds like you have a pretty good start with your supportive partner. She sounds like a good and loving human. The friends telling you you’re a jerk, ditch them… because you don’t owe your parents anything, and the parents are the ones who decided the ‘you aren’t our daughter’ stuff, so you are simply ABIDING BY THEIR DECISION.
Good luck and keep lots of loving and positive peeps in your life. You’re doing GREAT!” SageGreen98
Another User Comments:
“They disowned you, treated you badly because you didn’t conform to expected standards.
You made your decision and have built a good life for yourself. They cannot expect you to support them when they didn’t support you.
They only provided the basics and expected you to hide who you are and accept social standards which would have a negative impact on you. Given they gave your sister everything and she has turned into a gambler, that is on them.
You are NTJ, no matter what your friend has said.
Family is supposed to love, protect and support you to achieve as well as accept the person you have become. If they had done this, you might support them. But they didn’t and this is a consequence of their own actions and choices.
Keep living your life for you and in the way that works.
If they want to support and be part of your life, they have to prove to you that they have changed and want to accept and know the person you are. This to me means not asking for money for making an effort but because they are not accepting you but trying to manipulate you into helping them.” Possible_Laugh_9139
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If you send them money now, they will never, ever stop badgering you for more. Even if this situation is true (doubtful), this is like giving money to an addict – just, no. It’s a slippery slope. The next thing you know, you’ve depleted your savings, and your family is living in your bedroom, making you support them while complaining about everything and telling you that you are not going to heaven.
Just, nope.
They disowned you. You are no longer their family… just a potential ATM. However, I hope to see you move past the pain and profanity and be able to respond to people with a polite, impersonal, ‘No, thank you. Do not contact this number again.’
In other news, major congratulations on your success in the face of long odds. You’ve done so well, and it is just your beginning. Best wishes to you and your partner for continued happiness.” Avlonnic2
11. AITJ For Not Renting My Daughter's Flat To My Cousin?
“So during the global crisis, my husband and I were looking for a project to keep us busy and we saw a local auction coming up for a flat. We decided to go along as why not. We ended up winning a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom flat which was in horrible condition for £7000.
We spent a lot of time renovating it together and more than once we nearly gave up and cut our losses as it was a nightmare but we recently completed it and I love it.
During the tail end of the global crisis, I also got pregnant with our first child, and we now have a daughter.
We decided it’d be a good idea, with how things worked out for the flat to be hers. We’ll rent it out until she’s 18 all the money going into a trust fund for her to help towards her future and if she’s not quite ready to leave the nest as soon as she turns 18 that’s all good it can continue to be rented out for her.
I know some of you will wonder what if we have future kids and how that’s not fair but that’s not going to happen. The birth was so bad that on my Doctor’s recommendation, I had my tubes tied so there will be no future children who could feel left out.
Our family, of course, knows of this project we’ve been working on and that we’re planning to rent it out soon and my Aunt reached out two days ago asking us to rent it to my 20-year-old cousin as he’s looking for his own place. I have hesitation over this as renting to a family seems like it could be messy as they may feel they can be laxer about the rent or get too comfortable and not want to leave when she’s older and may want it herself.
I talked it over with my husband, and he agreed he’d rather it go to someone who isn’t family. I didn’t want to be rude, so didn’t voice these exact concerns to my Aunt and cousin I just said we already had some potential renters lined up which is a white lie but I felt it better than laying out my concerns as they’d get offended and deny this.
My Aunt is upset over this thinking I’m being ‘spoiled’ and not sharing my good fortune with the family and how I should put family above strangers. She has even tried to get my parents to convince me to rent to my cousin as if I’m a little child they can tell me what to do which is laughable.
I do feel sorry for my cousin but this isn’t just a property I want to rent out to bring in a little money but an investment for my daughter’s future. Am I perhaps being too harsh though? I don’t want to cause further friction but I just feel renting to family is a bad idea.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I can’t blame you – business and family don’t mix well for the very reasons you just gave above. And, given your aunt’s reaction when you said no, I’d say you dodged a major bullet, as she seems extremely entitled. I’d guess that if you did say ‘yes,’ you would be in for a barrage of unreasonable requests, from demanding that you lower the rent to not moving out when you ask them to, and everything in between.
And the fact that she went to your parents to outsource her pressuring you is just another sign of how unreasonable she is.
Nope, you are on extremely firm ground by turning her down. Renting to a family is a bad idea, and you are just starting to see the reasons why.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your aunt pressuring you and calling you spoiled, then saying you need to ‘share your good fortune’ makes it perfectly clear that she is not expecting her son to pay a fair rent (which is normal with these family demands anyways). And I’m sure she doesn’t expect him to have to follow all of the standard rules, either.
On top of that, this is a terrible idea (as you know) to mix business with family. This will end poorly, and once things turn sour (they will), the entire family will start choosing sides. I mean, they’re already trying to involve your parents. Imagine how much worse it will get if he moves in.
Do not do it.
Also, congratulations on the latest addition to your family. This is such a beautiful gift for her. Not only is she being guaranteed a place to live, but saving up the rent will make a world of difference with the university so outrageously expensive. She’s lucky to have the two of you as parents.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you don’t get a management company to handle this flat for you, your husband, and your daughter (congrats, by the way), then perhaps inform the aunt that due to the fact there are rental applications, You’re considering there is no way that cousin could be considered.
Unless she puts in an application, of course, for a market fee + family rate, which would be more than the market value. That way your aunt can find more ‘reasonable’ rates. After all, the increased family rate is for when need to evict to lackadaisical payments or a potential hoarder situation.” JustXampl
10. AITJ For Not Pushing My Brother To Contribute More To Our Household Expenses?
“I’m 22f, my brother is 25m. We have two older siblings, 29m and 31f.
Since forever me and my 25m brother, Jim, have felt like we were taken advantage of by our parents & siblings. Our older siblings work and make their own money, but not as much as Jim and I do.
Jim and I work corporate and make much more money & our parents and siblings have always tried to micromanage our finances. Before we even worked we were the only ones they put pressure on to go to college while the same pressure was non-existent towards our older siblings.
Our 31f sister is married with kids but still demands we give her money because she’s always running out and she uses the ‘I have kids and I am in need of that money more than anyone else’s excuse.
Our 29m brother barely contributes to the house and even when he does he makes a scene.
So Jim and I are basically the only ones who pay our own part in our house with no complaints. Jim is engaged, and soon to be married and he tries to gather funds to move out with his fiancée.
He’s got a raise in his job and makes a lot of money but hadn’t told our parents and siblings that because he knows they’d try to micromanage him again so he keeps his actual earnings a secret and whenever our parents and siblings ask he just tells them a fake amount.
Yesterday during dinner, Jim sat next to 29m brother, and at some point, Jim’s fiancée texted him to send her some money she needed for a purchase they had to make. So he opened his bank’s app to send his fiancée the money and 29m saw the amount of money in Jim’s account and called him out for hiding his savings and actual salary.
They then demanded he gives them a huge amount of that money so they can cover their own expenses and debts because they refuse to save up their own money. Jim said no because that money is for him and his fiancée to move out and plan their wedding. They fought back and forth about it and I stepped in to defend Jim and said that since Jim is contributing his part in our house then our parents and siblings are not entitled to a penny more than that and Jim has the right to keep his finances private.
After all, he’s worked his butt off for that money and they don’t deserve anything more than what he already contributes. I also blamed them for their awful financial situations because most of their debts are because of silly and easy-to-avoid choices and not because of some unfortunate situations (long story short but their dept is not regular dept people have because of poverty but because of poor choices and bad money management plus some scams on top of it).
They implied Jim and I are jerks for thinking it’s okay to abandon the family when they’re in need. They called me ta for backing up Jim and supporting him in putting his future above our family’s needs and that as long as Jim and I live in their house then our money is their money as well.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
For the love of all that is good & dear, MOVE OUT! DO NOT GIVE YOUR SISTER ANOTHER DIME – she’s married for goodness’ sake. It’s not like her kids depend solely on her and no one else contributes to their well-being. Your older brother is a nosy mooch, more interested in kicking off drama at a family dinner than making a living & supporting himself and the parents he thinks you ought to be supporting.
You and Jim will never be able to have the lives you deserve with these people in your pockets. This is financial mistreatment and, at best, emotional manipulation. Plan in secret. Move out. Then get all new credit & debit cards issued, freeze your credit, and have Jim & his fiance put a password on All wedding vendor accounts so no one but them can make changes or cancel.
Get your credit reports and scour them to be sure they’ve not stolen your identity and, if they have, report it to the police.
You did right by your brother. I have a feeling that if you removed everyone else’s needs from your budget, you could do right by yourself & move out with your brother or your best friend.” Dissent-RN-78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You both need to move out.
Using adult children as financial resources for other adult children is gross. You are being exploited. Not wanting to be exploited isn’t abandonment. And no, living in the same home does not mean your money is their money. (But also more reason to move out.)
Even if they throw a fit when you move out, you don’t have to be around for them to yell at you; you won’t always be accessible to them.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t gift them any more money but consider gifting them a session with a financial therapist to help them recognize their poor choices.
All of you are equal adults with a complete say in each of your own affairs. They are not entitled to anything of yours regardless if it is your personal information or your possessions.
I suppose you can counter their demands for money with demands that they let you manage their finances if you ever want to do so.
You have no obligation to stay and support fully capable adults unless you choose to do so. Maybe if you weren’t available they would be forced to finally learn how to adult for themselves.” latents
9. AITJ For Wanting To Drive?
“I (F18) got my driver’s license about a week ago. To celebrate that, my parents and I went to a local restaurant in our car which I was driving. The way to the restaurant was fine, however, when parking next to our house after dinner my dad yelled at me for not parking next to the house the way he wanted me to backward (keep in mind that that was the day I got the license and it was really dark).
He shouted at me that I wasn’t able to drive the correct way and as I tried to explain that I couldn’t really see he shut me down.
That ended up in me crying in my room silently and him ‘apologizing’ as he said ‘congrats on getting your license once again’ as I went to bed.
My older sister has come to visit us for the last couple of days because she’s in the process of moving out. My family agreed to go hiking together as a ‘family activity’ and I was fine with that.
As I was getting ready my dad told me that I would be driving the car and because I didn’t know the way to the hiking place, he would be sitting next to me.
He gave me the keys and I told him that I wasn’t comfortable with him sitting next to me because I was concerned that he would be shouting again due to missing a turn or the parking lot being too crowded and me starting to panic. I offered him to be the driver or to let someone else drive but he said no, not accepting the keys.
I got irritated and carefully put the keys on the floor, saying that I wouldn’t be driving.
My mom noticed us getting angry and said that she would be driving, but my dad wasn’t having any of that. He grabbed his backpack and rushed back inside, meanwhile yelling that it was hilarious that I am worried about him shouting.
My mom sighed, looked at me, and said something like ‘great’ in an ironic tone before going back inside the house as well.
I went back as well, sitting on the staircase in our house as I noticed the shuffling sound of clothes. My father put on his motorcycle wear quickly and went away by himself, telling us that we should do something together as I wouldn’t be scared of him that way.
I have been in my room for approximately 5 hours now, doing pretty much nothing. I went out to have lunch but everyone is dead silent so I hurried and went back to my room.
I heard my sister say that she was disappointed in me for not keeping it together for at least one day.
So I guess everyone is blaming me now.
It feels important to say that all of us own a driver’s license. I’m unable to understand why a different person wasn’t allowed to drive because all that would have been avoidable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is showing classic DARVO behavior (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) in this instance – he’s denying he’d yell (while yelling), attacking you for ‘making’ him yell and leave, and thus role-reversing whose fault it is.
Your dad is definitely a lunatic and probably a narcissist. You should be planning on going low contact/no contact as soon as you can, if you’re thinking of University then pick one that’s close enough in case you need help but far enough away to be not worth a day trip, if you’re not doing that then save up and get out.” NomadicSwordsman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m going to guess that your father frequently blows up at people in the family or makes unreasonable demands or essentially controls you all with his moods. Your mom and sister should support you but in this instance, it could be that after years of dealing with his behavior, they have fallen into the habit of just coping/enabling.
Basically, convincing you to just go along with what he wants is a lot easier than getting him to change his poor behavior. So don’t let their comments get to you – they aren’t correct, there was no reason why you shouldn’t have been able to decline to drive, and on some level, they know that.
They just wanted the easier road where you tolerate being forced to drive, smile through all his criticism, and then you all play happy family.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know that you’re not to blame, you are the scapegoat that the rest of the family is also too afraid to lay the blame at the right person’s feet, due to his unreasonable anger and angst.
Your dad is the problem with his very childish and immature behavior. He has trained you all to be subservient to his out-of-control emotions. Instead of just going about your day, or heading out the three of you, minus dad. You all shuffled into the house into your respective punishment corners.
He wants you to suffer and reflect on your behavior toward him. While he goes out and has fun. You, your mum, and your sister are all falling into line and still following the pattern your father has set out.
It sucks that your mother and sister are so firmly in his behavior training that they blame you instead of telling him, he is out of line.
You are all trapped in this unhealthy cycle your dad has created. Only counseling will break it now.
Ultimately it sucks when you grow up enough to recognize you have outgrown your parents in terms of maturity. It will get better once you move out of your home and set boundaries with your dad. Healthy ones at that.” gemma156
8. AITJ For Not Watching Over My Friend's Kid?
“My buddies and I get together and watch the game. Some of them have kids. I don’t mind kids. I don’t have any but I don’t mind them. We usually make a day of it for big games. The partners and wives come too. We all bring some food. Pizza, beer, wings, etc.
It’s a good time. A friend of my friend’s wife was at our last game day. She had her toddler with her. Usually, the kids play together in a room but this one was quite young and she wasn’t familiar with all of us yet so she was just keeping the kid with her.
My friend’s ‘mancave’ is in the room upstairs. At this time everyone was downstairs getting more food or doing something else so it was just me and the girl with her toddler. I was just on my phone swiping away not really paying attention then out of nowhere I hear a scream and look up to see her grabbing her toddler who was about to about to crawl under the rail and fall off the ledge.
It was pretty high. She then starts to scold me and says that she just went to the bathroom real quick and I should have seen this. I said that she never told me that she’d be away. She just silently left and expected me to be watching.
My buddies are on my side but the mother and some of the women aren’t.
But I also wanted to open this up to a larger topic. Stuff like this has happened a lot throughout my life. Where I’m just in a room and the caretaker quietly walks out of the room expecting you to keep watch without asking or notifying you. I think it is wrong to expect others to watch your kids in general but to just leave is wrong.
Am I crazy or is this a total jerk move? I remember when I was younger and someone left the room with a small child in it and they see me at the party/event and rush back to the room. I’m not into watching kids but if asked to temporarily watch a kid I would probably say yes.
But it’s almost never asked. I don’t have kids or younger siblings so I can’t really relate to the life of looking after someone. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If you don’t know you are expected to keep an eye on the kid, because no one asked for you to or alerted you that they were leaving the room, and you had been preoccupied and didn’t notice, NTJ, assuming you really didn’t notice.
But if you did see you were alone with the child and just didn’t want to be responsible, you would be the jerk if you let the baby get hurt just to make a point. The parent would be at fault for leaving their child unattended, but even so, you would be the jerk if you saw and could have prevented the child’s injury.” Worried_Reserve
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Responsible parents of young children do not leave them alone without emphatically making it clear that there is at least one other responsible adult assigned to monitor the child.
If you’re encountering this situation a lot, you are around a lot of irresponsible parents.
All she had to do was say something to you before you left the room.
Had she done that, you still would have been in your right to say, ‘Oh, sorry, I’m not experienced at watching young kids and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for yours?’
But leaving the baby alone with you without even getting your attention about it?
NTJ.” lisa-www
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people have this underlying assumption that as soon as there is a child in the room, every adult is automatically focused on watching that child.
In their minds, it’s safe for them to leave the room because other adults are there, and they don’t ask someone to watch their child because, in their mind, the other adults automatically accepted that responsibility simply by being there.
It’s utter rubbish, of course. Nobody but them is responsible for their child, and if they want someone to take that responsibility, they need to ask. There’s no reason why you would even be thinking about their child otherwise.” FloatingPencil
7. AITJ For Failing A Lot Of Students?
“I teach a math class in eighth grade. Because the classroom is really small and they are many few people, they sometimes are a bit loud. But that’s ok and I try to give my best to accommodate them to be most comfortable.
Wednesday they were really loud and I announced an online quiz because we did not come to the point to do it in class.
I also stated that I would upload it on Thursday and it would be due on Friday at 6 pm. It is not much (10 questions) just to see where everyone is at. But it is graded.
I repeated myself twice that it was mandatory and graded and they did not listen apparently.
I uploaded the quiz and four people actually took it. They received feedback and their grade. The rest did not take the quiz. So I gave them all a 0 today.
In less than 15 Minutes the first student mailed me that I could not just fail him. A few students joined in complaining about the 0, and some of them apologized for not turning it in.
Then a mother emailed me about how I could fail her precious daughter. And that if 27 people failed it would mean my quiz was too hard and I would be a jerk to fail them all.
Until now I did not respond to any of these emails because then they would expect to answer everybody.
I will do this on Monday.
But I wonder am I a jerk for failing them?
Maybe for information: it’s maybe 1% of their grade.
Edit because I realized I need to clarify something: They were loud the entire period. Normally this is not the case. I don’t know what was different this day.
This caused us to be slower than I planned and not be able to test where everybody stood on the topic.
So at the end of the lesson, I told them that this quiz was being uploaded and they have to take it. They were not especially loud then. But some were distracted with packing their things and stuff.
Edit 2: It was written on the board. It was written in the class book (there is all stuff written down in means of tasks and topics from their classes).
Update: I just got another email from the same mother about why I did not reply to her email since she wrote the first Ismail a few hours ago.
I love parents.
LAST EDIT: Now to the quiz: They know how to do it, they did it often before, and they won’t fail the whole class because of it. Also, I am not responsible for telling their parents to remind them of a quiz. They are old enough to remind themselves.
They can retake the test. But not for full credit and not in class. I will tell them on Monday and it will be due Wednesday morning at 8 am, also online. As it is a simple ten-question multiple choice test you can do it in 10 minutes on your phone which is more than enough time.
Also an update on the mother mailing me twice: I got an email from her daughter telling me how sorry she was that her mom messaged me as she panicked as her mom saw the 0 and told her the quiz was too hard because she forgot about the quiz and therefore did not take it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – only because it’s hardly going to make an impact on their grade.
It’s a good lesson to learn that sometimes you will mess up and there’s nothing that can be done. Not everyone is going to be a ‘nice’ teacher and help them out and they need to begin developing tools to help themselves in these situations because they will only become more prevalent the more they grow up.
It’s petty but just enough to where it’s fine. I’m sure they will pay more attention to things in the future.
If you go back on their grades in the slightest, YTJ. It’s only a teachable moment if you show them the consequences. Otherwise, you show them they can do whatever they want and everything will be fine if they complain hard enough.
And that’s softly setting them up for a wake-up call later down the line.” _Hashtag_Cray_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a teacher you need to make them aware of the material and walk them through it to help them understand it. You did that. Their retention or ability to adhere to the given tasks is up to them.
It was written in 2 different places and communicated verbally twice, the students have to take some responsibility for their own learning as well and this was on them. I believe most of them probably didn’t hear you, but that’s on them for not paying attention, even if they missed both the verbal notices there were still the 2 written ones.” skittlzz_23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is something that should be a lessons-learned opportunity.
As a parent, I get why it would be upsetting. But these are 8th graders. Kids who have four years left until they go off to college/high education or work. They need to learn these types of lessons in an environment where it is safe to learn them. There are no real consequences here, they can still have a good grade to end the semester. They aren’t going to lose out on scholarships or job opportunities from missing one quiz. We can’t hold their hands forever and as parents and educators, it’s our job to teach them and prepare them for the days when we aren’t there anymore.” BookyIdiot2
6. AITJ For Leaving Someone Else's Information On A Damaged Car?
“Yesterday, me and three coworkers went out to lunch. I drove. One of my coworkers was getting out of my backseat and the door dinged the car next to us. It was bad. We’re not talking about a tiny dent but a deep scratch with bare metal exposed. I told her it was bad damage and asked if she was going to leave a note.
She said, ‘no, we’ll just pretend that never happened.’ And went along her way. I told her I really think she needed to leave a note but she just laughed. I decided to leave a note on her behalf.
I was about to leave my information but then realized I wasn’t responsible for the damage.
I was very irritated that she didn’t care that she damaged someone’s property, so I left her name and number. Later, I got an irate phone call from her asking what I had done. I told her I left a note explaining the damage and who the owner of the car could contact for repairs.
She said I was a jerk, was taking Christmas away from her kids, and was uptight since door dings are part of owning a car. I admit I was very frustrated with her lack of care and fear that might have driven me to give up her info. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and had it been me, the note would have included a dropbox link with pics.
Your coworker, however, is a jerk who didn’t care that she damaged someone’s car, yours too, by the way, and laughed at the thought of owning up to it. I’ll bet she’d have a whole different opinion on the matter if it was her car so dinged. Far too many like her do damage to someone else’s property, walk away and leave others stuck with the repair bills on top of their own Christmas to pay for.
On a related note, you may wanna be careful around her, especially where your property’s concerned.” RDT64
Another User Comments:
“That’s a tough one. You are a good person to leave a note and be upset by your co-worker. Your co-worker is definitely the jerk. However leaving her details was kind of a jerk move – you dobbed on her, and here in Australia that’s frowned upon for minor stuff.
If you hadn’t left a note you may have been at risk of someone identifying you from CCTV or something, plus just being judged generally by onlookers, neither of which would have been fair for you.
I personally wouldn’t have done it for relatively low-level damage, especially given you have to work with this person, and the consequences are likely to ripple.
But NTJ. And probably time to look for a new job.” workingtoohardstill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your friend ruined someone else’s property, they owe it to them to pay for any repairs.
If your friend managed to do enough damage to expose bare metal, I also question if your friend owes you money for repairs to your car too…
Was it underhanded to leave someone else’s details without them knowing? Slightly, but equally, if you had seen a complete stranger bash a car and drive off, would you feel any guilt in leaving a note with their license plate?
And no, accepting damage is not just part of owning a car, any more than accepting a stranger stealing the phone out of your hand out using the pool in your garden. Just because it is common, it doesn’t make it correct to leave an innocent stranger with a bill repairing the damage you caused.
If she is worried about her kids having a smaller Christmas, she should perhaps consider being more careful in the future.” nrsys
5. AITJ For Asking My Fiancé To Just Have A Quick Golf Game?
“My (36f) fiance (50m) and I had an argument this evening.
We had plans with a couple for tomorrow that he’s friends with and I’ve only met twice. I have a little social anxiety, which is important later.
My fiance invited these friends to come over. Sort of. The two men would be playing golf while I and the wife would stay home and cook a nice dinner.
It’s a little 1950s, but whatever. He had been bugging me for a while so I finally agreed.
Anyway, I had a very busy day today at work and was very tired. And I was noticing that the closer this get-together got, the more anxiety I felt over being alone with someone I don’t know for several hours.
So when I got home, I asked my fiance if he could please (like, I really said please) play 9 holes instead of the full 18.
This made him mad, saying I’m embarrassing him, making him change it to 9 holes. I asked him how that could possibly be embarrassing, and suggested a few ways to bring it up.
He refused and said since he has more friends, I don’t understand being embarrassed. Ok, I don’t have a ton of friends, but I have 2 extremely close, lifelong friends.
I explain that I’m asking him a favor, to just kinda meet me halfway. Now he’s getting even madder, saying that it’s unacceptable to ask that of him.
So he says he’s just going to cancel because that’s less embarrassing than asking to play 9 holes. I told him that was ridiculous, no one is asking him to cancel, just adjust the amount of time we spend separately.
Well, he canceled, saying I am sick. And now, I know really well I’m never going to hear the end of this from my fiance, about how I forced him to cancel.
Which literally isn’t even true.
So, I called him a jerk and he told me I’m a terrible person and has locked himself in his office.
So, AITJ? I guess I could be the jerk for asking him to change the plans, but I really don’t think it was an unreasonable ask.
EDIT TO ADD: Having the men go play and then meeting up with the wife later was not an option.
The husband would not go if his wife was left home. I don’t know why, but there we were.”
Another User Comments:
“So first he coerces you into plans with his friends that involve you playing the maid with someone you don’t really know while he goes out and has fun. Then he shames you for not wanting to do it and refuses to compromise or even consider compromising.
Now, he’s not speaking to you, calls you a jerk and you know for a fact that he’ll hold this against you (which suggests this is a pattern in your relationship, not a one-off).
OP, do you not see how unhealthy this relationship is? This is not a good man, please start prioritizing your own needs.
I bet your social anxiety will improve dramatically when you aren’t with someone who treats you like trash.
NTJ” 21stCenturyJanes
Another User Comments:
“I still can’t get over the fact that you and the other wife are cooking for them, not because it’s how you like to bond with other people, or is something you and she have in common, or some other positive reason, but bêche he keeps bugging you to do it.
But never mind. Anyway, you are NTJ. it’s entirely reasonable to ask him this, especially if you’re tired and experiencing anxiety and, rather than cancel, you’re looking for a way to care for yourself but still carry through with this bizarre 50’s theme weekend.
And he lied about you without your consent.
And rather than being empathetic about your anxiety, and helping you find solutions that work, he is angry and embarrassed about it. I hope this is the only time he’s exhibited this sort of behavior, and it’s not a pattern. It is lashing out at you about friends is abusive. I’m so sorry you’re going through this end I can only hope that he’s wonderful every other moment of your life.
If not, you know, I have to ask why is he your fiance?” mxcrnt2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your request was reasonable even if you didn’t have social anxiety. And honestly, being made to babysit someone’s partner who you don’t know is the worst anyway so I wouldn’t even call that social anxiety, just being a normal person.
His reaction to you asking for a reasonable compromise (no matter the reason) is really concerning, is this how he normally reacts to you asking for input on things? I don’t want to jump to breaking up with him because that’s always a lot easier said than done, but if this fits a pattern of how he treats you most of the time I’d just take a minute to consider what your future is going to look like if you can’t reasonably expect to have a voice in the day to day goings on in your own life, without being attacked, and see if that’s the future you’re excited about.” User
4. AITJ For Saying My Mom Is Insane?
“I (17f) have an older brother: Jake (18m). Jake and I have different moms but share the same dad and let’s just say our dad favors him. A lot.
Jake is more or less the perfect child in the sense that he’s popular, well-liked, athletic, etc. I don’t exactly blame my dad and I wouldn’t call him a trashy father, but it does hurt sometimes that he misses my concerts all the time but wouldn’t dare to miss any of Jake’s games.
Jake also gets first priority on everything. I wouldn’t call my dad’s favoritism a gender thing because I have another brother (14) and my dad treats him like he treats me. As if we don’t exist or only exist when it’s convenient.
Jake is… oblivious? He’s not mean or obnoxious but he doesn’t acknowledge the favoritism either.
He just minds his own business.
Jake goes to university now but he came home last weekend because our dad missed him. I was out with my other brother and we came home to a screaming match between Jake and my mom.
My mom then suddenly says: ‘I don’t know what your father sees in you but just know that it’s only a matter of time before he realizes he messed up and invested in the wrong child.
My daughter is worth more than you’ll ever be and I hope you go to sleep every night knowing that you’ll never be more than daddy’s money.’
I was horrified. I went ‘WHAT, mom?!’ because honestly… WHAT?! Jake stormed out of the house but I began yelling at my mom. She just kept saying that she was just tired of how dad treats me and that Jake’s too old to be acting like he doesn’t know what’s happening.
I said she was not wrong but that she went too far and she should’ve yelled at dad instead of Jake.
My mom told me that Jake isn’t as innocent as he seems and that he’s been manipulating our dad since he was little and that she was just sticking up for me.
I was so over it and I called her insane and said that she doesn’t need to stick up for me because again, she’s crazy. She immediately began to cry and say that I should be more grateful because she yelled at him for me as my mom. I just went to my room.
My mom’s been crying for days and it’s been a week. She refuses to talk to anyone and now I’m wondering if I went too far. AITJ?
Jake is not the bad guy here. No there is no hidden truth and no he isn’t a manipulator. He just turned 18, what exactly is he supposed to do? Yell at my dad and risk being cut off? He doesn’t exactly have a mother to go home to.
My mom had 17 years. Not once did she stick up for me. Instead, she would tell me to get over it. And trust me when I say that she still will not say a word to my dad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There was no reason to freak out at him like that on her end.
And Jake can’t help that your dad strongly favors him. But I do wonder why your dad does that, and I think it’s probably because his mom is dead and his stepmom hates his guts. Still no excuse, he needs to realize that he has other kids and not just one.
He can show Jake the love and attention he needs without neglecting his other children. And you’re completely right, your mom had 17 years to say something to your dad, but instead, she corners her stepson about it? It’s ridiculous, and I strongly suggest you find out whether or not there was an affair that adds to your mom’s hatred or your dad’s guilt.” Striking_Ad_6573
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, unfortunately.
But you all suck because of your father who drove you all to this point of rage, frustration, craziness, and entitlement.
Your mother has reached her breaking point and chosen the wrong person and the really wrong way to do it. Although she has a point, your brother is too old to be oblivious and is now choosing to profit from your father’s bias.
Till when? How far will it go? Will he get more in college funds? Inheritance? Help in the wedding? Deposit on a house?
You were right to call your mother out for being so out of it but you lost when you started yelling too. It doesn’t help anyone.
Your father created this mess, you should all be mad at him.” Ryuloulou
Another User Comments:
“I… umm… Okay, NTJ.
I’ll have to go with NTJ. Could you have responded better to your mother’s behavior? Yes, but you are 17, and you were completely blindsided by what you were witnessing. But you still managed to intervene and defend the brother who has been favored by your dad. Outstanding. I wish Jake had stayed to hear you being his shield.
You mentioned favoritism from your dad but what about your mother? Has she shown favoritism toward you and your younger brother? Did she go to your concerts but not Jake’s games? Did she treat him differently at home?
There seems to be more going on here with your parents, but especially with your mother.
Interestingly, she did not speak up for your younger brother but used you as the slighted example. This, added to the fact she wasn’t confronting your father, is rather telling. She used Jake as a proxy for your dad and you as a proxy for herself.
It could be a financial problem like if she found out Jake had a college fund but you don’t.
Perhaps Jake was getting SSI checks, and they stopped when he turned 18. If she does not have her own income, she may be worried about her marriage failing (thus the week-long crying jag). Or an age crisis: Jake is gone, and you are not that far behind him. Or, she was simply hoping Jake would remain at college, and your dad would direct more attention to you and your little brother (and her) instead of asking Jake to come home because ‘he missed him’.
There are myriad possibilities. Regardless, she was entirely wrong to attack Jake that way. You could try to sit down with your mother, apologize, and ask frankly what is driving this uncharacteristic behavior – respectfully, of course. But it is probably way beyond your pay grade. She needs to talk to a professional.
And where the heck is your dad in all of this?
You need to focus on your grades, not driving while high, being a good influence on lil bro, and being awesome. Forgive your parents and love them – they are human and flawed but you won’t have them around forever. I hope we get an update sometime in the future.
Cheers.” Avlonnic2
Another User Comments:
“Holy crap. There is a lot going on here, and something going on with your parents’ dynamic that I’m guessing you’re not aware of. It sounds like your mother didn’t stick up for you in 17 not because she didn’t see it, but out of fear of upsetting your father.
It sounds like she took years of frustration against your father and misdirected it at your brother when she felt he was finally old and independent enough to take it.
Yeah, it was crazy but your mom feels emotionally broken, unsupported, and alone. She could really use your love. I hope you can have a heart-to-heart about why she was quiet for 17 years, why she blew up now, and that you do see the favoritism too, but blame dad, not Jake.
Everyone sucks here/No jerks here because the blame game isn’t going to help anyone.” BTCMachineElf
3. AITJ For Calling My Sister Delusional, Insane, And Selfish?
“My sister, ‘Vicky,’ & my wife, ‘Alina,’ met in their first year of university. Alina was a shy international student, while Vicky was very outgoing. Alina credits Vicky for helping her grow out of her shell, & for helping her get past her ‘culture shock.’ Vicky actually introduced Alina to me & the rest is history.
Vicky & Alina used to bond over not wanting kids. Vicky used to claim that Alina was the only woman that understood her, & she wasn’t like ‘the other girls’ who wanted many kids early. Vicky used to go off on people in university who had kids early or go off on mums who ‘didn’t have their kids in control.’
I never used to want kids either, but I always thought Vicky was taking it a bit too far.
Alina agreed with me on this, but we didn’t really speak up about it.
Fast forward years later; Alina & I are happily married & Lina & Vicky are still good friends (albeit not as close as they used to be).
About a year ago, Alina & I welcomed our beautiful daughter into the world.
Let me be completely honest; we weren’t expecting her. When Alina got pregnant, we were sure that we didn’t want kids. We took a long time to carefully consider all our options & finally decided to keep the pregnancy.
I’m so glad that we did.
My daughter is about 1 & she is the greatest joy of my life.
Throughout the pregnancy, Vicky started to act very oddly. When Alina began to show, she started making comments like, ‘You’re ruining your beauty,’ or ‘You’re going to be a terrible mother.’ It was horrible. We didn’t speak to her for months, but we still held hope that she would change her mind after a while.
We were wrong.
After our daughter was born, Vicky started making disgusting comments about our baby, calling her ‘the thing that ruined (Alina’s) life,’ & the ‘ugly duckling of the family.’ The comments towards Alina didn’t stop either; she called her ‘used’ & ‘unattractive.’ I told Vicky to stop or never speak to me again.
I had not seen her in almost a year.
My mum invited the entire family for dinner this past weekend. I knew that Vicky would be there, but I hoped that she would be kind enough.
Once again, we were wrong.
At first, it was fun.
Vicky came over to (surprisingly) apologies to Alina for speaking about her body like that.
She said that she only did it because she felt ‘betrayed,’ by Alina for getting a child when they both agreed that they hated kids. She told Alina that Alina ‘owed’ her because she helped Alina get over her ‘nasty accent,’ & introduced her to her husband (me).
Alina &I found this so discomforting.
Alina tried to reason with her, but she got really, really loud that everyone stopped to stare. I told Vicky that she was being ridiculous, & she countered by saying that I caused Alina to ‘lose her value.’
After that, I couldn’t take it.
I called Vicky a ‘delusional, insane selfish woman’ & left early.
My family thinks I should’ve ‘heard Vicky out.’ Vicky is mad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already know this. Anyone who continually says hate-filled, disparaging comments towards a child and a family member has some type of major issue.
You said ‘My family thinks I should’ve ‘heard Vicky out’.’
No, you don’t need to hear her out.
You already have done that for a year. I’m sure your mother wants everyone to get along but you cannot and should not interact with your sister if she won’t sincerely apologize for her actions and stop her verbal mistreatment.
You need to take whatever action is necessary to protect your daughter and wife from her verbal mistreatment.
Calling her out on it is the least you can do.” Gladtobealive2020
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, people who define women by their children are the same kind of monsters that the people who define women by their choice to not have children. It’s feminism, the ability to be an independent working girl as a religious housewife with dozen of kids.
The only thing which matters is the choice of the woman to do it.
But you suck for letting your wife, your daughter, and yourself keep contact with someone who clearly hates and disrespects you. My aunt hates me because she hates my mom; I swear it can pretty much mess up a kid.
It’s clear and simple: no basic decent respect = no relation. No text, no celebrations, no news, nothing. The day my aunt insulted me, my mom cut her and said they were done, when she accepted more than 50 years of trash for herself. Be a father, cut her.” Least-Designer7976
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Vicky has a lot of feelings that have nothing to do with you, your wife, or your child. It’s unfortunate that she’s taking that out on you instead of seeking help. As a child-free woman, it can be hard to ‘lose’ friends when they have children. We’re not REALLY losing friends, but the dynamics change so much and often results in seeing each other way less.
It’s important for people without children to have other friends who also don’t have children. Vicky probably thought that would be your wife long-term. Now she has to deal with that loss.
While I think you probably could have been more direct in your messaging and empathic to her position, you also don’t deserve the disrespect thrown at you. People just have a hard time communicating feelings.” scarletsyn
2. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Wash The Dishes?
“So I (23m) and my partner (Jen 20f) moved in together about 4 months ago. We know living together is harder than just seeing each other so we sat down and agreed to several things. Like we’re responsible for our own laundry. We also split chores on a rotation like I’ll clean the bathroom one week and she’ll clean it the next week.
We agreed if one person cooks or buys the food, the other person washes the dishes. We also agreed if we have friends over, the person who cooks doesn’t do the dishes rule applies. This is because we don’t have huge parties, our apartment is small, and invite over only a few friends so there are not a ton of dishes.
Anyway, I like to cook and am better at it so it just works out that I cook more often. Don’t get me wrong, she cooks too but much less.
So this weekend we had her best friend and her partner over and I cooked dinner. We ate and had a good time.
Once dinner was done, I brought my plates and stuff to the sink and then returned to my seat. We were talking and having a good time then Jen got up and told the group she wants to do the dishes before we head out. Her best friend asked why I didn’t help and I answered because it was her job.
I didn’t think anything of it and we eventually went out.
Jen was acting off all week and when I ask her what was wrong, she answers she was not feeling well. Today she came home and said we need to talk. She tells me that she doesn’t want to do the dishes anymore and that my answer to her friend sucked.
I almost didn’t know what she was talking about because I didn’t realize that I did anything wrong. Then I remembered the dinner and told her that what I said was true, it was my job to cook and hers to wash. She said I could have worded it differently.
So now she refuses to wash the dishes.
I said that’s fine, she can cook and I’ll wash the dishes and she can post it all over her social and tell her friends it’s my job to wash dishes, I don’t have a problem with that. She didn’t like that answer either and stormed off to bed. This morning I made breakfast for both of us.
She ate without saying anything then left her dirty dishes in the sink then went out. I guess she’s serious about not washing the dishes again.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You could have been more clear and said ‘it’s her turn because I cooked.’
Pretty sure her friends ragged on her about what you said.
And instead of just explaining it and moving on… she let it get to her.
She doesn’t want to do dishes anymore? That’s just childish. I would try talking to her again and see if she’s ready to have an adult conversation and act like one.
I wouldn’t cook for her anymore. She can do it all herself.
You’re not her Mom or her maid. She can buy paper products and tv dinners then.
Not sure why you would move in with a 20-year-old. YES, those 4 years can make a huge difference with mentality at that young age. If she can’t handle doing basic chores and being a good roommate then she needs to move back out.
Your relationship issues are second to this, for your information.” Help24-7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Jen should’ve set her friend straight about the chore balance you’d both already worked out & agreed to. That she’s still pettily holding on to what she very well knows is a misconception on the part of her friend is suss.
Maybe she’s not happy & it’s not about the dishes. Maybe her friend is dissing you behind the scenes & Jen’s starting to think of you according to the friend’s bad opinion. Who knows.
If this is so make or break for Jen, maybe she can go live with her friend and see how long it takes for that friend to demand she does her share of dishes when cooked for.
Or alternatively, she can live alone and do all the cooking and cleaning.
Yes, you could’ve phrased it better but you’re not the jerk. It was so easy for Jen to just correct her friend & she just… didn’t? Gotta wonder why.” Uppaduck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is a fair arrangement that if one person cooks, the other does the dishes.
And if you have a dishwasher, frankly, that person is getting the much better end of the deal, in my opinion. Jen does not sound like she is mature enough to be in a relationship. Your phrasing was not great but Jen should have just explained that OP cooked so it was her turn to do the dishes.
If she is unhappy with the arrangement, she needs to negotiate a different but even distribution of the chores. Instead, her plan is to… eat your cooking and leave the dishes for you to do as well?
While the obvious solution is to only cook for yourself and clean up after yourself since she refuses to compromise or negotiate, this sort of tit-for-tat is unhealthy in a relationship. If she won’t meet you halfway, you may want to rethink this relationship and instead date someone who sees your relationship as teamwork.” Cherry_clafoutis
1. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Older Sister?
“My (23F) older sister (26F) and I grew up in two different households for reasons that are both personal and unimportant to the story. However, my sister is a wonderful woman, and I get along with her just fine.
Recently, though, she had to move in with my family and me (our parents, one older brother, SIL, me, and four nieces/nephews) for financial and familial situations.
She had been living with us for close to six months and during that time we had grown closer than ever. She and I would go out all the time, she would offer me advice, and all around treat me like a little sister. It was a nice change from being around boys constantly (I was raised with three older brothers).
A few months ago, though, she went out of town to visit a best friend of hers and she had planned to only be there a couple of weeks and come back in time for my birthday. I was especially excited because it would’ve been my first birthday with ALL of my siblings there and this was something I was looking forward to.
However, two days before my birthday she decides she doesn’t want to come back and is instead moving over there permanently and won’t even be coming to the party either.
Initially, I was a bit upset but she’s a grown adult and she’s allowed to do what will make her happiest. I didn’t ever receive any acknowledgment that she even remembered it was my birthday though, despite how often she and I would rant and rave about her being here for it.
Fast forward a few months and I let her know I would be graduating college soon and I had a ticket for her if she would’ve liked to attend. She said of course she would be there and she wouldn’t miss it for the world and yet she still did. I never got an acknowledgment then either, though she did brag to me how every weekend she was driving five hours to go see her partner and driving another five hours back home.
There have been several other celebrations she has been invited to but I have since stopped talking to her unless absolutely necessary. I’m not sure if I’m being over dramatic or not or if I’m justified in being so angry and hurt over her not coming to any of these celebrations, am I the jerk?
EDIT: For clarification, my sister and I have different moms but the same dad.
I say ‘our’ parents in the post because my sister’s mother was not a very good mother and generally not a very good person either and my mom is the type to want to take in every child she can, even if they’re not hers. We tried for years (all of my childhood actually) to get custody of my sister, but her mother never wanted to give her to us despite my sister ending up in a less-than-ideal situation with people who were not family simply so she could continue collecting child support for her from my dad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think your sister has some attachment issues or other personality disorders.
You have a few choices, but if I were you, I’d love her as my flakey no-show sister and not go out of my way to do anything for or with her. Meaning, invite her if there’s no cost, but detach some and assume she usually won’t make it.
Someday she may work on whatever issues she has and you may have the sister you thought you had (that one that lived with you) on a more permanent basis.
In the meantime, protect yourself and decide if a sometimes awesome sister works in your life.
It’s ok to cut her out completely, but I’ve personally found (with a family member of my own) saying ‘this is a person I can love, but not count on’.” BountyMounty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Forgiveness to me is earned or given for YOUR benefit.
She hasn’t stopped disappointing and hurting you though so why should you forgive unless you want to? You are entitled to your feelings it’s what you do with them that matters. You can be hurt and mad and upset, absolutely. If you were wanting to lash out and cause her harm or pain too, THAT would be a problem.
Have your feelings and maybe even talk to her about them. Limiting contact may be what you need and space but you also can’t improve the relationship that way if you’d like to. It’s entirely valid though. She continually disappoints you saying she’ll come and doesn’t, I’d stop inviting someone to stuff too then.
I’m sorry you’ve been so disappointed and hurt by her, I hope someday she might recognize that and apologizes. You have a right to your feelings though and you can be mad or upset for a while.” SweetNatalieMayson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a jerk for not keeping her promises. But I think you’re not really her priority.
As for your sister, she has a mom, so why would your mother want to have custody of her? Even though in your opinion she’s less of a mom, she’s still her mom and takes care of her. And you can’t separate a child and a mom just because you think the mom is collecting money from the child support.
Please know some boundaries. And please don’t have high expectations of her.
Just love her but keep some distance. Just forgive her cuz forgiveness is actually for you to move on. But don’t expect her to come to anything you’ve invited. You will be calm that way. Don’t cut ties with her just keep her at arm’s length. You like her. Just enjoy the times that you have with her but don’t make her your priority. Some peoples are like that to us.” Far_Sentence3700
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!