People Are Stumped On What To Do About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
22. AITJ For Refusing To Join A Family Trip I'm Expected To Pay For?
“My father is pressuring me to pay for my sister’s vacation with the family because she’s in debt while I’m financially stable.
I’m always willing to help my sister and contribute to family expenses, but I feel trapped as the only successful person in the family. I earn three to four times more than most family members.
My wife and I regularly visit Disneyland and travel for work and family gatherings, which might be fueling some jealousy.
Additionally, my parents recently came into money from selling land they had bought years ago. I’m concerned that they’re spending this windfall recklessly and won’t have anything left.
Recently, a relative of mine announced their wedding, and we planned to attend. However, my father insisted that my wife and I join their mini-vacation, which is only three days long.
I explained that this clashes with my work schedule, as my job follows a seasonal pattern and I must adjust my plans accordingly. This upset him, and he stated that I would need to cover the expenses for my sister to attend the next planned vacation.
To be forward I tried to get her on a family vacation a year ago and I had already paid for her to go, but she bailed last-minute. I won’t do it again.
It was impractical because even my sister has a busy schedule, much like mine, with seasonal work commitments.
Our schedules align closely, but my father insisted that everyone had to be together for the entire duration of the trip. In my view, such trips should be focused solely on the wedding and not be burdened with additional activities that might clash with the significance of the bride and groom’s special day.
He demanded that I cancel my plane tickets to accommodate his idea of a trip. The cost of our direct flights for my wife and me is $1.3k due to the long distance and expensive location. He even suggested canceling our planned Disney trip for later in the year to make room for this.
I thought his suggestion was unreasonable and refused. As a result, I removed him from social media, along with another family member who supported his demands.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Calmly and firmly inform your father that you’re not financially responsible for paying for your sister to go on vacation and that you’ve already been burned from paying for her last year only to have her bail at the last minute and you’ll not be paying for her in the future either, as again she’s not your financial responsibility.
You’ll also not be canceling any future holidays to accommodate his vacation either, that you are a married adult, and where and when you choose to vacation is no one else’s business and he needs to realize that you work and are unable to drop work to accommodate him at the last minute.
Also just because you’re financially responsible with your money, doesn’t mean that anyone in the family is entitled to both your and your wife’s earnings. So no more demands to pay for your sister to go on vacation anymore because it won’t be happening.” G8RTOAD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not required as an adult to pay for anything you don’t want to do or go anywhere you don’t want to go. You have to be upfront with your dad or this will never stop. You set a precedent last year when you paid for her, but in my opinion so did she when she canceled. She might have had a valid reason but you were out the money.
Tell them that just because you are financially responsible does not mean you are paying for any portion of any trip anymore that is not yours/wife’s/kids’ if any. You will only be doing this if you agreed to go, not just because he decided he wants it now.
You will not be canceling any future trips you have already bought and paid for, that is unreasonable to even ask that. If he can’t agree to these then stop vacationing with them. You aren’t a wallet and are just there to make things easier.
I’ve traveled with family and it’s nice occasionally but there’s no way I’d do it often just because of stuff like this, someone always tries to assert rules and it isn’t needed.” Beautiful_Pain_7287
21. AITJ For Moving Out Of My Sister's House?
“So I (26F) did not know I was going to be a free babysitter. I moved in with my sister (29F) and her son (9M) just under a year ago. She needed help paying rent and I had just broken up with my ex.
We agreed I would pay 40% of the rent and utilities.
As soon as I moved in she was gone every evening and often the weekends too. I was not too worried at first and she asked me to look after her son which she said was temporary.
He is really behind in his schoolwork and I realized that he never does his homework. I made him do his homework every evening which caused him to argue with me but I put my foot down. I had to tutor him every evening because he did not know how to do basic math.
My sister doesn’t even seem to interact with him much apart from getting him up in the morning. I found out from him she had been working evenings and weekends and leaving him on his own for years.
So it turns out she would leave him at home to do her other jobs.
She has one in the evening and a regular 9-5. In the evening, she also goes on the weekend shift sometimes so she isn’t even around on weekends a lot. Now I’m being asked to babysit every evening and I can’t even go out with anyone because I don’t want to bring guys around my nephew.
It’s really limiting to my life and while I like him I’m also resentful because my sister was clearly going to try to get me to babysit for her and had me move in without telling me that was what she expected.
I told her I was moving out at the beginning of March with a friend and I got a lot of guilting and ‘Why don’t you love your nephew?’ I accused her of having me move in to babysit and she argued I’m paying less than half of the rent so I need to make it up some other way.
I told her I babysat most evenings and weekends and if I got paid that hourly it would be worth more than the entire rent. She’s trying to guilt me and before I was around it didn’t seem like he had anyone around so he didn’t do his homework so AITJ for leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can do a favor to your sister from time to time, but what she’s asking of you is a fatherly role. I’d say that even a father wouldn’t want her to go out all the time while he handles all the homework and looks after the child in the evenings and at weekends.
Refuse and go out as you planned, explain to her that you agree to look after your nephew from time to time, but that he’s not your responsibility and that she must assume her role as a mother.
The homework problem is worrying. Your sister is neglecting her child and it’s dangerous to leave him alone so often.
At his age, he could be mature enough to spend an afternoon alone, but no more. Do the other members of the family know about this? Hasn’t the school noticed that he’s behind and isn’t doing his homework?” Asciutta
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There was no prior agreement or discussion regarding you taking on a significant responsibility to care for her child.
From the outset, the expectations regarding such a significant commitment should have been made clear from the get-go. Your personal life and autonomy have been significantly affected. It is understandable for anyone to feel upset if their freedom and personal time are restricted, especially without prior agreement.
You have contributed to the household by paying rent and tutoring your nephew which goes beyond the original agreement of paying 40% of the rent and utilities.
It seems that there was a failure to communicate openly about expectations and needs. In shared living arrangements, consent is essential, particularly with regard to caregiving responsibilities.
Moving out is the best decision in this untenable situation where your needs and boundaries were not respected and you’re not wrong for feeling the way you feel!” Deelicous
20. WIBTJ If I Put My Wind Chimes Back Up?
“I (29M) live alone on a small street of townhouses, which is right off of a major road in my city. Next to us on this road are new 15-20-story condos, which went under construction shortly after I moved in.
I’ve lived here for almost 8 years now.
This is not a quiet street or road. Traffic is constantly going by at high speeds, engines revving, horns blaring, and police/ambulance/fire truck sirens. I’ve had neighbors with dogs who bark almost constantly through the day and night. Construction is omnipresent with how many new condos are going up, jackhammers at 8 AM sharp.
One of my neighbors of 5+ years can be heard coughing violently and hacking and gagging— at 3 am from my bed. Three months ago, one of my neighbor’s fire alarm batteries started chirping to indicate low battery, and it was loud enough that I thought it was my own fire alarm on a different floor at first. They still haven’t replaced it.
Now the reality of it all is— we live in a busy, noisy city. I’ve never complained about these things to my neighbors because the fact is cities ARE noisy and that’s part of living with it. Perhaps it’s also just that in our (frankly, cheap and under-maintained) townhouses we have a higher tolerance for stuff that makes us raise complaints.
We’re just trying to get by.
While trying to put a bit more effort into making my place not a trashy student rental but a cozy, welcoming home, I got a set of wind chimes to hang on my front porch. They are loud enough that I can hear them from inside my house, but I don’t hear them when I’m wearing my headphones at my computer.
I had them up for a few days without incident, one of which was a very windy night.
On about the 5th day, a stranger (close to my age, also M) knocks on my door. He explained that he lives on the 10th floor of the new condos and that my wind chimes can be heard constantly, even throughout the night, and asked that I take them down.
Admittedly, I’m by default a very conflict-averse person in real life. I explained to the guy that I would, but also that I thought it was a bit much when all of the other noises in our area were far more obnoxious and just as constant.
He didn’t really seem to care, just said they were bothersome and asked if I would.
It shouldn’t irk me as much as it does, but… man, they’re WIND CHIMES. I wasn’t blasting 24/7 rock music or hammering sheet metal. None of the people who live on my street (and we’re squished in tight) commented on them.
And they could have been just as annoyed as this guy—but like the coughing woman or fire alarm house or barking dogs, we just shrug and deal with it. Having neighbors means sometimes they do stuff that annoys you. You pick your battles of what’s worth causing trouble.
The more I think about it, the more indignant I feel about it all. I’m usually one who is happy to accommodate others when asked, but this felt ridiculous. I want to be sympathetic but I can’t help but see this guy as just entitled.”
Another User Comments:
“Your choice to put them up shows a lack of consideration for others, as you’re contributing to the noise pollution instead of helping alleviate it. Living in a noisy area doesn’t give anyone the right to add to the problem, especially when it affects people’s ability to enjoy peace and quiet in their own homes.
It’s important to remember that your actions impact those around you, and just because others haven’t complained doesn’t mean they aren’t bothered.
YTJ for dismissing your neighbor’s concerns. Living in a community means respecting one another and working together to create a harmonious environment. By ignoring this, you’re contributing to a selfish and hostile atmosphere.
It’s not too late to rectify the situation. Consider apologizing to your neighbor and finding alternative ways to make your home feel cozy without disturbing those around you. Remember, empathy and understanding go a long way in fostering positive relationships with your neighbors.” AveryRouge
Another User Comments:
“When you live in a city/an apartment, there are certain noises that can’t be helped. Your neighbor coughing, their smoke alarm going off at weird hours, etc. There are also sounds that can be bad, but will usually quieten down at night, when it typically matters (construction and traffic tend to stop overnight).
Then there are noises that CAN be helped and don’t have any hope of quietening down when it’s keeping you awake. Wind chimes for example. I’m amazed you think that the windy night in that 5-day window didn’t contribute to your neighbor figuring out what unit you lived in, so they could come ask you to take them down, and that you think the noise is equivalent.
So YWBTJ.” El_Scot
19. AITJ For Agreeing That My Sister Should Care More About Her Physical Appearance?
“My sister ‘Mary’ is very smart and doing really well in law school academically. But she does not have good personal hygiene habits at all. She knows to keep good hygiene but just doesn’t.
She’ll usually go 3 but sometimes even 5 or 7 days without showering. Including when she’s on her period. We live in a very warm area and it smells REALLY bad. Like so bad that sometimes it’s hard to be in a small room with her.
Mom tells Mary that she should be showering every day, but Mary just says that she’s too tired to and she doesn’t like showering anyway. Mom got Mary a peri bottle too to help her stay clean down there but I doubt Mary actually uses it.
Mary hasn’t been taking care of her hair either. She’s dyed it a couple of times but hasn’t been doing the upkeep she’s supposed to so it’s really frizzy and the colors are kind of mashed together, if that makes sense.
She doesn’t brush it either so it’s really tangled too. I’m going to be honest, it looks really bad and she looks very unkempt in general.
According to Mary, almost all of her classmates have jobs or other law internships. But she’s struggling to find work.
She has a great resume and will get an interview very easily, but she never makes it beyond the in-person interview. Mom’s told her gently many times that Mary needs to work on her personal hygiene and appearance with her hair, but Mary really hasn’t listened at all.
Then a few weeks ago, a firm came to Mary’s school offering internships. Some classmates she says are much less competent than her and got the internships but she didn’t. That’s when Mom stopped sugarcoating it and told Mary that she needed to fix her hair and start showering daily because she was never going to get hired by a law firm if she kept looking unkempt the way she does right now.
Mom and Mary got into a big argument over it. It got pretty heated and they both said some things that were out of line. Mary came to me to tell me that she thinks our mom is shallow and only cares about appearances. I agreed with Mary that Mom did go pretty far in the argument, but that she isn’t being shallow.
She’s giving you professional advice. Law is a profession where you are judged based on physical attributes like appearance and smell. If you seem like you don’t take care of yourself, a client is going to assume you won’t take care of their case and will pick someone else.
It doesn’t matter how competent you actually are, that’s just how it works.
Mary got mad at me and accused me of trying to suck up to mom. Mary still is being super short with me and Mom and giving one-word answers to everything.
I think Mary should realize that we’re trying to help her. She’s already missed out on a lot of opportunities and will keep missing out on more if she doesn’t start caring more about her physical attributes. Mom honestly should have stopped sugarcoating it a while ago.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your arguments were exactly what I thought when I began to read your post. If she looks messy, nobody can believe she won’t be messy in her job. If she smells, she can’t work with customers. She wants to be herself?
Ok, but in that case, she must find a job from her house, without seeing anybody. That’s called respect. She wants to be accepted but she doesn’t respect others with her attitude.
I don’t know clearly how far your mother went in the discussion, but I suppose that she was keeping her word for months and that your sister’s attitude about how unfair it was that she didn’t receive what she deserved made your mother explode!
Sometimes we’d better tell things to people clearly than just try to be nice because they just don’t listen to us. That’s what happened with your sister. She didn’t want to change, and she refused to understand how she was wrong with her bad habits with hygiene.
Now, when she comes to a room and the smell is too much, just tell her. Don’t be nice because she’s not nice to you. Just tell her. I don’t understand how school and teachers never said anything about it.” Lyzab77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Honestly, I’m not sure what your mom said but it sounds like it was a long time coming. When everyone has calmed down a little, maybe just try again to talk with her calmly about it. Tell her that you love her and it’s hard to see her miss out on opportunities because she refuses to shower.
That no matter how talented and smart she is, people will not look past her smelling bad and looking disheveled. Maybe she’s intimidated by the idea of styling her hair and grooming herself and doesn’t want to admit that, so she hides behind ‘I’m too busy for that’.
Maybe offer to take her to the salon to get a more manageable cut and color?
An interview tip I got from a professional consultant years ago was ‘when you dress ‘unusual’ or ‘unique’, all the interviewers will remember is your appearance. When you dress professionally and ‘normal’, they will remember your qualifications and how you interviewed.’ So by neglecting her appearance, your sister is inadvertently making ‘every interaction and interview’ about her appearance.
She’s not presenting herself as the smart accomplished law student she is, she’s presenting herself to the world as the smelly girl who doesn’t know how to brush her hair.
Maybe emphasizing that you are trying to help people see her for her personality and NOT her appearance is a good approach since she’s accusing everyone of being shallow.” User
18. AITJ For Leaving My Partner To Babysit Alone?
“My partner babysits for her cousins on her days off a few times a month for extra cash. I tend to help out when I’m also off, or after work if they’re still there, because I’m the oldest sibling from a big household, and do well with kids.
She says it’s because I’m still half a kid myself.
Yesterday I got a text from her, asking me if I would like to come over. I get to her place, and we chat for a while, all while she keeps trying to offer me a beer, or a drink, which I continuously turn down, because I had plans with my dad that night, a late birthday celebration, since it was raining hard on the actual day.
She didn’t say anything about it, but looking back I think she made a face, but I’m not sure. We hung out a bit more, and I still had two hours before I had to go pick up my dad and her cousin pulled up.
Unsurprising, it’s my partner’s day off, she handles the kids well.
Well, then instead of the usual two children, there were five. Apparently, one of the kids wanted to have a sleepover at their aunt’s house and invited three friends. My partner kept staring at me from the corner of her eye, and I knew that she wanted me to cancel my plans with my dad to take care of these kids, and I waited for her to ask, or to say anything about it.
But she didn’t. So I didn’t.
I tried to help while I was there, took her dog outside, tried to wear them down racing him, haha, and then ordered pizza. They weren’t bad kids, or even very rowdy. Mostly excited.
I left at around the time I had originally intended, and my partner didn’t say anything but clearly wasn’t happy.
The night with my dad went great, but uneventful.
This morning I woke up to a text from her: ‘I have never felt as disrespected as I do right now. You are meant to be my partner, and you abandoned me. I needed your help, and you left me here to fend for myself.
What did I do to deserve that? Do you hate me?’
Followed by a text: ‘I think we need to talk in person.’
I’m honestly kind of angry myself, the more I think about it. She signed up to watch five children, and then got angry when she had to… watch five children?
But then I wonder if I’m being too harsh, because I do help out whenever I’m there, pretty often, so there was a certain standard set in her head that I would help. I don’t know. I think I would just like to hear the opinions of strangers before I have this talk and do something I regret because I think she’s being unfair.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should be incredibly angry at your partner.
1) She voluntarily signed up for babysitting without telling you but expected you to just go along with it.
2) She expects you to disappoint your dad by babysitting kids you never agreed to babysit.
3) She literally tried to give you booze to make you stay. She knew if you drank you wouldn’t leave.
4) She refuses to communicate with you until after the fact.
5) She reflected on this entire situation and only sees fault on your end.
Your partner is dramatic, needy, self-important, and childish.” saintandvillian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she is the one getting paid to look after the kids, and she is the one who agreed to do it ‘without ever checking with you’ if it suited you if she wanted your assistance. Add to that, she never said anything while you were there, and expected you to read her mind.
OK fair enough – you did read her mind. It might be the reason she didn’t ask is that she was afraid of the answer or didn’t want to come across as demanding or unreasonable (it would have been unreasonable to expect you to cancel plans you already had when she hadn’t checked with you before agreeing to sit).
Finally, you did help, while you could, and didn’t ‘abandon’ her. Her response smacks of entitlement and an expectation that she is all that matters.
In response, my thoughts are ‘You are meant to be my partner, but never even thought to ask me if I was free to help before you accepted to sit 5 kids, and expected that I would just abandon my plans because you didn’t plan.
What did I do to deserve such disrespect, especially when I did help for the time that I did have available? If you wanted my help, why would you not check with me first? I agree we need to have a serious conversation in person about how you think about others too’.
She needs a dose of reality that the world doesn’t revolve around her.” Relevant_Turnip_7538
17. AITJ For Wanting My Stepdaughter To Brush Her Hair When We're Out?
“I have a ten-year-old stepdaughter who wants long hair but doesn’t brush it while we’re out. It’s past her waist now.
It becomes a tangled mess from her clothes, movement, weather, headphones, etc.
She will brush it in the morning at home, but won’t do it again later in the day, or allow us to do it.
I hope you can believe me that it really looks awful. Like she hasn’t brushed it in days. I don’t see other kids with long hair look like this.
She somehow gets it teased-looking, with parts sticking up, half folded over/up, divided strands so it looks unwashed, with balls of knots.
1) If she’s at home, in a park, playing with kids physically, or being active, etc then I don’t care.
2) she doesn’t go out with her mom much. Her mom is a homebody and doesn’t like crowds, events, spending money, etc. So her mom doesn’t see or deal with this as much as we do.
In contrast, my husband and I are very social, love events, and it’s not a hardship to buy tickets/outings all the time.
3) I know it’s icky to brush hair in a restaurant or near other people. I try to catch her in the bathroom or when we’re not near others.
I care because I think it makes her father and I look neglectful. I’m embarrassed. It’s not about looks (we’re a bit ‘alternative’ looking, so I 100% wouldn’t care if this was about style or expression).
I care because she looks dirty, so it’s going to reflect badly on us, the parents, who are out with her.
My husband just doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about looks, he’s very blind to detail (such as house cleaning, literally doesn’t notice a dirty floor type of person). Plus he says ‘but she brushes her hair in the morning.’
So I’m the nagging stepmom solely caring about my stepdaughter’s hair.
If you saw a ten-year-old with rat’s nest hair, would you judge the parents? Or figure the kid is just making their own decision and being a stubborn kid?
It’s also unfortunate because she wants to keep growing it out, so I’m worried it’s going to look worse and worse.
AITJ for wanting to make it a rule that we brush it when it looks like she’s been through a hurricane later in the day?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The bio parents don’t care and she is brushing it in the morning. This is a normal developmental milestone – learning to manage daily activities of living and self-care.
You are thinking about how this makes you look and feel. Your stepdaughter’s life skills are built through daily management of these kinds of tasks, without a hyper-focus on stopping normal activities to brush hair. This is going to impact her in other ways.
She could become very worried about how she looks and not want to engage in anything but that or avoid social interactions. Step outside of yourself. Talk to a counselor about your worry over the family’s image.” AdvantageJunior7890
Another User Comments:
“Of course YTJ.
You tell us that when you say that your real issue is how you think other people will think about you. Buy her better shampoo and conditioner. Get some leave-on conditioner/serum. If you don’t know how to teach her to manage her hair, consult with a stylist. Avoiding mats in her hair is good parenting.
Worrying about how your child’s appearance reflects on you is a problem best resolved by therapy.” Agnostic_optomist
16. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My In-Law's Ticket?
“I have a placard assigned to myself and plates for my personal vehicle as well because I am an amputee. My in-laws ‘West’ and ‘Mary’ are in their 80s. Mary asked me if I could take her shopping because she recently lost her license due to health issues related to her age.
When we were leaving, she didn’t want to take my car because she wasn’t comfortable with her mobility getting in and out of it, so she asked if I could drive West’s car. With his permission, we proceeded with taking his.
He always has his placard hanging and I thought nothing of it because he has back injuries and is an amputee of a lesser degree, but one nonetheless.
When Mary and I were leaving from shopping, we noticed the ticket for ‘illegal parking’ and I thought that it HAD to be a mistake. I’m limpy, she’s 80, and West is a combination thereof. Upon further inspection, it was >$400 for an ‘altered/fraudulent placard.’ I didn’t know what this could possibly mean.
I looked at the placard a lot more closely, and West had made a printed piece of paper and covered it over an old expired one. I had to scrutinize to see this.
That’s when I realized that the date listed on his in comparison to mine was a different color, and if parking violations are your job then this is probably really obvious.
The ticket goes to West as the car owner. When I asked him he did fess up about having altered one because he doesn’t want to go through the steps of getting one. He asked that I fight the ticket and show them my placard as proof and claim myself as the user of the placard.
The problem with this, is that it would make me liable for using a fraudulent one and I feel like it would incur questions as to why I have a legal one but am using a fake one, plus the fine would go to me.
I honestly did not know that he was faking it or that it was even for him. I figured it could be for Mary as well, who was with me.
AITJ for having him deal with the ticket? Or is it my battle because I didn’t use mine and/or question theirs?”
Another User Comments:
“Nope nope nope NTJ. You are not responsible for this, do not put yourself in a position where you could be suspected of fraud. It is West’s responsibility to make sure everything is up to date and working. Step out of this situation before you get implicated in something that has nothing to do with you.” Iamaquaquaduck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s West’s ticket, and if he didn’t want to take responsibility, next in line would be Mary, not you. If she didn’t want to go to the shops, you wouldn’t be there and you wouldn’t be driving the car. Mary and West are married, therefore Mary and West pay for the ticket.” MaxSpringPuma
15. AITJ For Not Doing What My Mom Told My Dad To Do?
“I (24F) live with my parents while I’m saving money to move out.
I got sick and spent the whole day sleeping. At some point, I woke up and went to the kitchen to make some ramen. From the other room, my dad started reading me directions off his phone. This is how the convo went:
Dad: ‘Can you preheat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit and put a potato in when it’s ready?’
Me: ‘What? Why?’
Dad: ‘Mom wants it.’
Me: ‘You mean she texted YOU and asked YOU to put in the potato for her?’
Dad: ‘You’re already in there and I don’t know how to work the oven.’
Me: (calling his bluff) ‘Ok I’ll turn on the oven while I’m in here but you put in the potato when it dings.’ (turns on oven)
Dad: ‘No you do all of it. Thanks!’
Me: (walks back upstairs with ramen)
I ate my food and started getting tired again so I laid down. Within the hour I heard my mom come home. I heard her open the oven and ask my dad ‘Where’s the potato I asked for?’ Then I heard my dad get up, check the oven, and then figure out what happened. He came to the staircase and SCREAMED my name THREE TIMES until I responded.
Me: ‘Yeah?’
Dad: ‘You said you were handling the potato!’
Me: ‘I told you exactly what I was handling, you assumed otherwise and ignored me.’
Dad: ‘You wanna play this game?!’
Me: ‘What game?’
Dad: (silence, walks away)
My mom did nothing about this and pretended it never happened. My dad and I have been at odds now for a few days.
I’m worried I’m a hypocrite here for being mad he didn’t just handle the potato as it’s such a simple favor. But it’s not like this is the first time he’s tried pushing favors asked of him onto me.
I guess this is my version of standing up to his weaponized incompetence but I don’t know if it was worth it anymore. AITJ for how I handled this?
Yes I am 24 living at home, but I am not mooching. I pay them rent, and I pay for my own bills/expenses.
I do my share of cooking and cleaning for the house and caring for our pets. They encouraged me to stay home while I settle into my new career and decide where I want to move.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you and your mom need to go on a one-week-long mother-and-daughter spa (or whatever you two like) bonding trip and leave Dad home alone to take care of himself.
I’m saying this as a serious suggestion… your mom needs & deserves a break. You are going to be moving on with your own life far too soon, moving out, building a career, perhaps marrying and having children. Having a trip that is just the two of you at this time in your life will build memories the two of you will cherish for decades to come.
To be honest, your dad probably wouldn’t mind having a week to just lounge around the house on his own, either… but he’ll definitely miss everyone else taking care of him! And hopefully, appreciate all that your mother does, and that you do, in the process.” Greygal_Eve
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, so, your dad uses weaponized incompetence to get out of tasks he doesn’t want to do it seems. It would have taken him less than 5min to walk into the kitchen and then turn the oven on which I highly doubt he doesn’t know how to do.
HIS WIFE ASKED HIM to do it not you. He’s the one being a crappy partner. You’re sick why would she want you touching her food anyway? I mean yes, we know the cooking would have killed any germs but I still don’t want a sick person making my food.
You also pay rent and bills, and cook and clean for yourself. You basically do everything a renter would do. This is also a pattern with your dad. He asks you to do tasks so he can get out of them. Sounds like he wants you to do ‘woman’s work’ so he doesn’t have to.
Your dad needs to grow up.” justhewayouare
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Apologize To My Friend's Cruel Husband?
“Last summer I (64f) went on a trip with my husband (Deer, 67m) to visit my friend (Doe, 67f) and her husband of 15 years (Buck, also 67m). Doe and I have been friends for over 40 years.
Doe and Buck recently moved about 800 miles away.
Buck has been difficult for Deer and me to socialize with from the beginning. But I valued my friendship with Doe and so I’ve tried hard to get along with Buck.
But he has personality qualities that are hard for me to cope with.
He talks over any and everyone. He’s been there and done that only bigger and better. No one else is ever allowed to finish telling a story. All conversations are immediately interrupted by him so he can talk about himself. Also, in his ugliness and arrogance, he publicly belittles and is rude to Doe in front of anyone.
For even the slightest reason he will call her by belittling names. Yet she’s one of the sweetest, nicest people I know. It’s a struggle to be around that and I have more than once stood up for her and called him out on his behavior.
I knew this about him when we traveled to ‘enjoy’ 2 weeks with them in their new home. Only the situation was that he had become worse. So much worse.
The first night we were there, we all sat down to watch TV after dinner. He laughed at us and said that because this was ‘his’ home, he would decide what we were going to watch.
He turned on a movie he had already seen and proceeded to talk commentary through the whole movie. Never shut up the whole time. I could have tolerated the trip if this was the worst of it.
The worst was how he treated Doe in front of anyone, including Deer and me.
His gaslighting, rudeness, name-calling, and all-round inappropriate ugliness had ramped up 20-fold. Plus now he is dabbling in conspiracy theory behavior. He’s a racist bully.
I know my reaction to his behavior during the trip wasn’t one of my proudest moments. If he snarled at her I called him on it.
If he gaslit her I corrected his version of events. I stood up to all his nonsense. It was not a pleasant vacation for any of us. Deer and I agree it won’t happen twice. We are done with extended exposure to Buck. I’m sure Doe and Buck now feel the same about me.
Doe wants me to apologize to Buck.
If I was to have any conversation I feel like I want to let Doe know she’s in an abusive relationship. And if I was going to apologize to Buck, l can’t find an angle for an apology that I can accept.
I haven’t apologized to him yet. It’s been almost a year.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, but not for the reason it likely seems. What you describe implies Doe is in an abusive relationship worse, likely much worse, out of your sight. Her safety, until she’s ready to leave, is based on how he is treated.
Apologize to save face for your friend. Not because you did anything wrong in standing up to a jerk – you didn’t. You tried to stand up for her with good intentions. But rather because you standing up to him is likely meaning she’s getting harmed more.
Soft YTJ solely because you’re putting her at greater risk. You meant well, but this needs to be about her and not you. Apologize to him openly… then very, very privately let her know that you feel his treatment of her is wrong, you love her, and that you will be there for her.” RumpusParableHere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s good that you did your best to protect your friend, someone had to. The problem if you don’t apologize, is that Doe asked you, because at the moment she’s in that mindset of ‘My partner has done nothing wrong, but my friend has been rude to him’.
If you don’t, you’ll be the bad guy to her, and it’ll be easy for him (especially given his personality) to brag behind your back about how he always knew you were no good. All it’ll do is create some more isolation for Doe.
There’s of course the worry that if you apologize, Buck will also twist it into a win for him (‘See, I knew I was right and she was wrong to talk to me like that’), but at least it allows you to stay in her life.
And maybe, over time, help her understand that Buck’s behavior is distasteful. Maybe down the road, you can bring up the concept of abuse. But not while she’s seeing you as the offender.
Bite the bullet and offer a bland apology. But be clear with Doe in private that you’re doing it in the name of your friendship, and to not let her be isolated by Buck’s impact on you.” ladyteruki
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Buck is a jerk. You shouldn’t apologize to him. However, you chose to stand up to him, on her behalf, AFTER they moved 800 miles away. How many times did you defend her or talk to her about Buck’s behavior in the previous 15 years?
Sounds like you bottled it in & then let him have it once you knew you had that distance buffer.
It would’ve been okay to say something a couple of times, speak to Doe or Buck privately, and then cut the trip short if need be.
Or get a hotel & just see Doe for the rest of the trip. But to stay in their home and just add to the toxicity for 2 weeks was a bad call, in my opinion.” Status_Change_758
13. AITJ For Refusing To Contribute To My Grandpa's Extra Care Duties And Expenses?
“My late grandma was widowed with five children when she met Grandpa. My mom was the second oldest at 9 and her older brother was 10. Their younger siblings were 6, 4, and 2 at this point. The stepdad became dad to the younger three but my mom and older brother never saw him as dad and never cared for him.
Neither took his name but the younger three did and I believe they might have been adopted by him. My mom and her older brother said no to adoption so I know they weren’t but I’m unsure if it went ahead for the younger kids.
When my mom got married it was my uncle who filled the role of father of the bride (walking down the aisle and the dance).
My mom has me and my brother. My oldest uncle had two sons before he passed away a few years ago.
My younger aunt and uncles, including two additional ones from my grandma and grandpa’s marriage, all have their own kids.
Anyway, grandpa is now in need of extra care and my mom’s siblings were all trying to divide up the duties and financial responsibilities. My mom told them she wasn’t getting involved and was not going to care for him.
They argued about it but Mom held firm and told them he was not her dad, he was not her family and she was not interested in treating him like a parent.
When mom didn’t give in and made it very clear she did not care, my aunts and uncles approached my brother and me.
They said since we loved Grandpa and called him Grandpa and had a relationship with him, we should take over our mom’s share of it. They said our cousins (uncle’s two sons) had already said no and they felt we should be better than that and help care for our family.
They said he deserved better than Mom was giving or than my cousins would give. There was a lot of guilt-tripping and telling us how important it is to show family is more than blood. I’m 19 and my brother just turned 18, like a few days ago, so this is a lot and for that reason, I said no.
My aunts and uncles said we should be ashamed of ourselves. This started another fight with Mom and they accused her of raising us to crap all over their dad and how she never should have refused him as a dad and as our real grandpa.
This was all stuff they came up with, by the way. I never said anything like that and neither did my brother.
But it also came back to us and they said we were so wrong for saying no.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do it because you want to, NOT because you’re being pressured into something that isn’t even your responsibility and because you don’t want to!
If your mother’s step-siblings ‘care’ so much about their father, then why don’t they just look after him and include only the ‘step-siblings’ and share the responsibility amongst them?! Because it’s their ‘father’ after all. Your mother never claimed him as her dad, so it won’t matter to her, so it shouldn’t even apply to you (op) and your brother.
In life, people just need to learn the hard way. Stand firm with ‘Mom’ and say ‘No’. Sometimes, it’s just easier to love family from afar. Do what you want with the information above, but don’t forget you’re ‘human’. Do what’s best for you and what you want, don’t stress yourself about it.” B0RAAB0RAA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, no one but Grandpa is responsible for his care. When he was younger, he should have made preparations and saved money for his later years. No child is responsible for the care of their parents. Is it great and nice when they do, sure.
But no one is morally/legally bound to care for another adult. Your aunts and uncles are all giant jerks. You don’t guilt trip brand-new adults into caring for an elderly person.
First off, it’s not even remotely close to your responsibility. Second, you two are still basically kids… You have no clue what it takes to care for an elderly person.
There’s a reason people get special training to do things like this… ‘Cause it ain’t easy.” SigSauerPower320
12. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Bring Our Car Home?
“I’m (32f) a stay-at-home mom with one child. We only have one car.
My husband’s (34m) job is split into 2 shifts. They are a fairly short-staffed department keeping an eye on and running some heavy machinery but it’s not usually a lot of active work. If the other guy calls out my husband usually has to fill in for him, although there’s a floater guy ‘Ben’ who can also fill in.
Kiddo (4) has a class scheduled for this afternoon. My husband, ‘Andrew,’ knows this. I mentioned it again yesterday so that he’d know not to volunteer for a double.
Late this morning he messaged me and said that he might be working a double today.
I asked him to bring by the car because we had plans. He said that it was 40 minutes here and back so I suggested he ask someone to cover his duties for that time in case something happened. I also suggested he ask Ben if he could take the shift instead.
I was thinking of the shift change, around mid-afternoon.
He ended up being able to pick me up so I didn’t have to figure something else out or try to reschedule, which would have had to be done over the phone. I made sure that I grabbed dinner for him to pack and I got me and Kiddo on the porch to wait so we could get right in the car.
He was very angry.
We had a bit of an argument about whether I was unreasonable with my request. He said that Ben couldn’t do the shift because his wife had work ‘unlike you.’
‘Excuse you? I’m watching our child.’
‘Yeah, and you’re doing SUCH a great job at that.’ I didn’t let that bother me because I knew I was doing a good job.
He said that I was taking Ben away from his job (for 45 minutes.) He said that I knew what I signed up for (it’s my least favorite part of the job and a major downside.) Did I want him to quit? Because he can quit.
He said that it was not a normal request and I shouldn’t have expected it of him.
The rest of the drive was in silence until we got to his work. He turned down the music volume and said that he didn’t appreciate me making him look bad to his coworkers.
So now I’m feeling really bad. I had to sit in the parking lot and shake it off a little before driving home. Was he right about me asking him to come give me the car during work? It seemed acceptable to at least ask.
(He just messaged me and apparently what they did was against company policy, which I didn’t know, and Ben could get in trouble for it. When I asked him why he didn’t just tell me that up front he said that he thought I knew what I was asking.)”
Another User Comments:
“Easy NTJ, but that’s the smallest part of this. You had made plans which required you to have the car. Ben calling out isn’t your or your husband’s responsibility. Husband unilaterally changed plans, he doesn’t get to be a jerk about it.
NTJ. More importantly. He does not get to demean you and your role as a stay-at-home like that. You both (I assume) made the decision that you would be a stay-at-home mom. That means it has VALUE. Cash value. Money you don’t pay in daycare, maid service, and personal chef fees.
UNO reverse. ‘Do you want me to quit? Because I can quit. We can pay for daycare and a maid and I’ll go back to work if you’re going to treat me like my work with our child doesn’t matter.'” Sufficient_Ad_6051
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your husband are sharing a car and are presumably agreeing on your kid’s classes ahead of time. If your husband needs you to cancel your kids’ class he needs to communicate that clearly to you. Perhaps you need to drop him off and pick him up every single day so that you have the car.
But it is his choice to leave work. He is an adult and can say no to you. It’s not on you to know the company policy. It’s on him and it’s on him not to break it. His acting like he has no agency in his life and you somehow got him in trouble at work is icky.
He sounds immature.” holliday_doc_1995
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Leave My Husband?
“I’ve been close friends with this girl, let’s call her Jane, for over a year. Our friendship started really well, with her kind of picking me up during a bad time.
I’ve been with my husband for over 8 years. We have two children together.
Jane worked with my husband for a couple of years before she left the job. They both have big personalities so sometimes they would clash, so they didn’t come around each other all that often. Jane also hates children, so when we hang out, I can’t have my kids with me, it can’t be at my house, and it can’t be something that involves other children.
We had a good friendship, and we would vent to each other about our problems and give each other great advice on life. My husband and I went through a rough patch because our youngest son was hospitalized for a month and it put a lot of stress on us, our finances, and our home life.
I stayed at the hospital for the full month while my husband would work part-time and then join us. Our family kept our oldest son. We went through a lot, but we made it out better in the end.
Jane told me the entire time that I should leave my husband.
If I had the smallest problem, she would tell me that divorce would solve the problem. She also pushed me to go home and be alone while my son was in the hospital, saying my husband could handle things and I deserved time to relax.
I didn’t want to, I wanted to be with my son.
I told her things were going great and better than before, and she would still find small reasons to tell me to leave him. My husband and I have a deal where one of us is allowed to leave during nap time or bedtime, or if we find a babysitter for one of the kids.
One child is disabled and one is a toddler, so it’s a lot to take on both and can be really exhausting. It was a decision we came to easily and it helped in not making us feel stressed. Jane didn’t understand this very well and would say ‘Your husband is a dad, he can watch the kids’ and try to push me to go out with her.
The other day, she sent me a social media post that said ‘Staying in a toxic relationship for your kids is only showing them that they were forced to stay together’ and I said ‘No thank you’ to the image. She said, ‘Read it again.’ And when I declined, I finally said ‘I need to say this as nicely as possible.
Please stop telling me to leave my husband. I am happy, we are in a good relationship, and I’d like to be able to celebrate my successes with my friends. Please stop making me feel bad for being with him.’ And she has been ignoring me since then.
I admit that my husband and I didn’t have a healthy relationship for a little bit, but we are doing so great now. I just can’t decide if I’m in the wrong because I’ve been thinking so much about it and I might be overthinking it at this point.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you and your husband went through a rough time, but you went through it TOGETHER, it sounds like no one actually did anything wrong, it just sounds like you were both under a lot of stress and things were hard.
I can imagine you guys had some arguments simply because of the amount of pressure you were both dealing with. Literally, nothing about that sounds like there’s anything wrong with your marriage, nothing you mentioned sounds anything like a toxic relationship… apart from your relationship with Jane.
I don’t know that she has any ulterior motives, but it sounds like the next step after ‘leave your husband’ would be, ‘give up your kids’. It may simply be that she can’t understand that the choices you made were to make YOU happy, even if those same choices would make her unhappy.
She hates kids so she can’t understand you wanting to be around them or that you would want to support your son in hospital. She clashes with your husband, so she can’t understand that you love him and that your relationship is perfectly healthy. She’s basing her advice to you on what SHE would feel in the same situation, I’m sure she would feel trapped in a toxic relationship with your husband and kids.
But she’s not you, and she’s ignoring anything that isn’t in her narrow perception of things.
I would let her know that if she keeps speaking about your kids and marriage like this, you won’t be speaking to her again.” Fiigwort
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, whether or not your friend thinks you’re in a good relationship or situation is not relevant.
You’ve made your choice and your friend should be supportive. She made her opinion known and you disagreed with her and made a decision that you feel is best for you. If she were truly a friend she would do everything she could to support you in the decision you made, and not try to sabotage your decision-making.
If she can’t let you decide how you live your life without being loud and judgemental about it, you probably need to find a real friend.” OxnardJEM
10. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Stepsiblings?
“So I (17F) have been forced to babysit for my dad and his wife of 5 years for the last 4 summers. The kids are my dad’s stepkids who are currently 7, 6, and 5. No, the kids are 100% not my dad’s kids. And yes, I am positive that they are not his kids.
Doesn’t really matter anyway but I wanted to put that out here because I know the ages would make it appear like at least one could be but no.
My dad was never a very good dad to me. When I was a kid he was really absent from our house.
He left raising me to my mom and would show up when others were around to make it look good. But he never got involved or cared about me or my life. Actually, the one time I was always sure to see him was his birthday when he would get Mom to cook his favorite meal and open gifts.
He never failed to show up when it was about him.
My mom got sick when I was 8 and my dad bailed and he filed for divorce. He left me to deal with my dying mom and unfortunately for her, the divorce didn’t go through before she passed, so he was still her husband, and yeah.
He wasn’t emotionally present for me then or physically. He dumped me on a babysitter until I was 11 and then I was seen as old enough to be left alone.
When I was 12 he moved in with his wife who was still pregnant at the time and they weren’t married then.
They got married when her youngest was about 5 months old. They told me I was going to ‘level up’ and be a good big sis to her kids so that they could live their own lives and the kids would have someone to look up to.
Then came the forced babysitting during the summer, all summer long. I always tried to find ways out of it but felt like I had no options, at least no realistic ones.
My dad’s wife is kinda better than my dad. She isn’t very involved or directly caring to her kids but she will often bark at me for not being more sweet to her kids and saying how sad her kids look when I don’t interact with them.
It’s more than my dad would do. But she’s not exactly getting involved with her own kids.
I’ve been planning for over a year to get out. I turn 18 in May and graduate a couple of weeks later. Most likely I will go to stay with friends on my 18th birthday.
I will be totally gone and never return. I won’t babysit and I know they expected that to happen and I don’t know that they would actually pay for someone else or if they’d maybe leave the kids without someone watching them. So I decided to tell my dad I won’t be babysitting this summer or at all.
In my head at least if she cares a little she might get someone else in.
My dad told me I have been the most consistent person in the kids’ lives and I’m a jerk for dismissing them like that. He told me I should be staying and doing what he and his wife want because they put a roof over my head for so long now.
He told me I’m going to cost him money with this. His wife started yelling at me for leaving her kids behind and how sad they’ll be.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not babysitting and for leaving as soon as possible. The kids’ parents are responsible for them – you are not.
If you truly believe they won’t take proper care of the children, contact CPS or the equivalent where you are after you leave. Be sure you have all of your own documents (birth certificate, any identity documents, etc.). It would probably be best if you hadn’t told them, but that’s water under the bridge.
If you have a safe place to store these things (at a friend’s or grandparent’s or similar), do so now. Do everything you can to arrange for your own life with the real support you have elsewhere.
You do NOT owe them for the bare minimum of providing you housing when you were a child.
They have failed you, not given you anything that would create an obligation. Look into resources available for free or low-cost counseling, too.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“Easiest NTJ all day. You’ve put more effort into taking care of these kids than their own parents, and far more than their trashy step-parent.
You seem to be the only one to genuinely care about their well-being. That may have been forced on you, but it sounds like you took it to heart and stepped up when no one else would. You, especially, do not owe anything to anyone for that, it was above and beyond what you should have ever been asked to do.
Your sperm donor doubles up on being a jerk for suggesting you owe him for ‘putting a roof over your head’ – he is legally and morally obliged to provide that for you – it’s quite literally the barest minimum he needs to do. He and his wife owe a HUGE debt to you (that they will never repay, clearly) for taking care of those kids from such a young age and sacrificing your childhood.
Move on with a clear conscience, you’ve earned it.” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Refusing To Swap Beds?
“My mom owns winter timeshares in a couple of cities. I’ve invited friends to these timeshares for the past few years. They ONLY pay for their own food and entertainment on these vacations.
The first timeshare has 2 bedrooms and a loft with 2 twin beds.
1st year we went, I invited 3 friends, and one of their moms tagged along. The 2 moms got the 2 bedrooms, 2 of us slept in the twin beds, 1 slept on an air mattress, and 1 slept on the couch.
We all just stayed in our respective spots that entire week, no swapping.
2nd year, only 2 friends came, so 4 of us in total. That’s when my best friend, let’s call her Violet, suggested we rotate beds the whole week. I didn’t really like this idea, but I’m not very confrontational and it’s what the other 2 seemed to want so I just went along with it.
3rd year is when it becomes more of an issue. One of the friends, let’s call her Bailey, recently had a displaced disc, so I was gonna just give her the bedroom but Violet insisted on the whole swapping beds thing. On the night it was my turn in the room, Bailey got horribly sick, then woke me so she could sleep in the room near the bathroom.
I’m forced to sleep in her bed and guess what happens? I got sick too.
Ever since, I’ve really hated the whole swapping beds thing, I think it’s a pain and causes issues. I sort of put my foot down last time and limited the swapping to one person who got the bed for 5 days and the others got 1 day each but god I still think it’s stupid.
Now I have enough vacation time to go to an additional timeshare of my mom’s and this one has a different layout. It has 2 bedrooms, 1 with a king and 1 with a queen, and a queen Murphy bed in the living room. Violet doesn’t want to share a bed so she’s bringing an air mattress but she doesn’t want to sleep on it for more than 2 nights because her back will hurt, even though she’s the one actively choosing not to share.
I claimed the bedroom since this is my first time going to this timeshare in a long time and that’s the bed I used to sleep in when I was a kid. But she’s come up with a whole convoluted plan for swapping I didn’t bother reading.
I sort of want to pull the card of ‘Hey this is my family’s timeshare and frankly, I don’t want to give up the bedroom.’ But I feel like that’ll just make me a huge buttface.
Honestly, I wouldn’t mind doing a yearly cycle like one year one person gets it the whole week, the next year the next person gets it, etc. I just HATE the whole swapping thing!
But now I feel like I’ve set a precedent.
So WIBTJ for putting my foot down and stopping the whole ‘bed swapping’?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop being a doormat. Stop letting Violet ‘drive the bus’ and dictate how things should go in YOUR vacation homes.
She is a guest and nothing more. She’s being a rude and entitled guest at that. If she doesn’t like the accommodations then she can stay home. As high maintenance as she is, I really don’t know why you want her there at all.” SatelliteBeach123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a completely ridiculous request! But this is your mum’s property so I think it appropriate for HER to lay down the use of HER property rules. This can include, but not be limited to: Beds are agreed beforehand and no swapping of the initial arrangement can take place during the specified vacation period – for health & safety reasons.
You got sick when you unwisely agreed to go along with what was (really) inappropriate.
Since your mother is graciously and generously NOT charging others for the use of HER property, such guests must understand that the host’s own family must come first in any allocation of beds SHE is providing for everyone.
Violet is ridiculous and entitled. She should just be uninvited as her health (her back according to her claims) does not allow her to participate like a normal human. I do hope your mum is not a chronic people pleaser who will turn green at the mention of laying down such boundaries to those taking ridiculous liberties with her generosity.” cynical_old_mare
8. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit For My Neighbor Over The Summer?
“I (38F) have a neighbor, we’ll call her Sara (38F). I’m married with 2 girls (8 & 11), and she has 2 boys (8 & 12). Sara is married but her husband travels a lot for work and she works from home. I am a teacher so I have school breaks and summers ‘off’.
Over winter break Sara’s kids kept coming over to see if my kids could play. (Play means they have been sent over because they’re annoying mom and she’s trying to work).
Backstory, the kids were friends when they were younger, but as they got older they don’t really have much in common and they’ve drifted apart.
Her kids go to a parochial school and my kids go to public school so they don’t even have teachers or classmates in common. They don’t have a ton in common anymore and when they do play Sara’s kids fight, A LOT!
(With each other & with my kids).
One day over winter break the younger one came to the door to see if my kids could play and I told him they didn’t want to play right now. Sara sent me a text saying that she was on a work call and she could really use some time with the boys out of the house.
I caved and told my girls to just try and find something they could do together.
10 minutes later my oldest came upstairs crying saying that one of the boys made a nasty comment about how boring our house was and that it was dumb that I wouldn’t let him play Xbox.
The Xbox is my husband’s and it’s in our family room where I was doing laundry and watching a show. I told the boys if they were bored they were more than welcome to leave.
Now it’s almost spring break and Sara just asked if I could watch the boys for two days because she has 2 busy work days and I’m ‘off work’.
I told her no because we would be on vacation in Florida visiting family. She said ok and ‘jokingly’ said, ‘I guess I’ll just hit you up in the summer’. I replied and said that I would NOT be babysitting her kids over the summer.
(True emergencies sure) I said, ‘I’m sorry, but just because I’m not AT school during the summer does not mean that I am your free childcare’. Yes, I don’t physically go to work over the summer, but I take online classes for my Master’s and I teach online summer school.
Meaning, I am also working from home.
She blew up at me and told me I should help her because she’s alone a lot and now that the kids are older it’s harder to keep them entertained all day. I told her that I didn’t care if the kids played together outside during the summer, but I was not going to be a caretaker or responsible for her kids unless she was going to compensate me.
I tried explaining to her that the kids do not get along the way that they used to, my kids don’t fight with each other the way her kids fight with each other, and my kids don’t really want them to be at our house all the time.
Now she’s angry and not speaking and her oldest told my oldest that I’m not a good person because I won’t help my neighbor.
Am I really the jerk because I won’t watch her kids over the summer?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Nah. Just tell your daughter to tell him he has a bad mom who can’t even watch them when she’s home. See how she likes that. Or that he’s such a bad kid that good neighbors won’t watch them for free in the summer.
Also, what does her opinion mean for you? It should mean nothing. This is a one-way relationship where she takes and takes. What do you get in return? The Good Neighbor Award?” Antique-Sherbet-7733
Another User Comments:
“HA! Say nothing. Explain nothing. You are correct (and you know it) that you are not obligated to provide free childcare or help another mother out.
She should be signing her kids up for summer camp so she can have a few free hours every day. IF she takes this to the ‘neighborhood committee’ and if another parent says something to you, simply smile and ask if they have volunteered their time over the summer to supervise her children.
No? Huh.
She isn’t speaking to you. Gee, too bad. If her oldest says anything else to you then look him square in the eye and tell him that you are a very good person, just not available to take care of him over the summer and since he is 12, he should be happy to take on the responsibility of helping his mom out and being more responsible at home.
He should be happy to prove that he is capable.” Tinkerpro
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Responsible For Someone Else's Kids?
“I (23M) have a younger brother (13M) (let’s call him Rob). My parents are approaching their 25th wedding anniversary and have planned to take a trip to Europe in May. When they began planning this trip, they asked me if I would mind flying home to watch my brother for about 9 days.
Currently, I am attending a university located on the opposite coast of the United States but this trip would be right as the semester of school ended. I agreed to this because I want to spend time with my brother (and the fact that I’m a habitual people pleaser).
Now around two months after I agreed to watch my brother I find out that it will not just be the two of us. Apparently, a family of four is staying with my parents right now. This family (let’s call them the Richardson family) is a family that met my family about a decade ago.
It consists of two parents and two children around ages 4M and 7M. My parents (specifically my mother) became exceptionally close with them. However, I am not very close with them because I have barely seen them in the five years since I graduated high school.
This in itself doesn’t sound too bad until I share why the Richardson family is staying with my parents. Mrs. Richardson has in the last couple of years been diagnosed with cancer. The family is understandably struggling financially (healthcare in America) and Mr. Richardson works for a company that sells commercial-grade medical care to people to use at home.
The Richardsons live four states away (about an 8-hour drive) from my parents. They are staying at my parents’ place since it is much closer to quality medical care, and so Mr. Richardson can work opening a new branch of the company.
My problem is that I agreed to watch my brother with the understanding that no one else could do it.
Additionally, with the current state of the Richardson family, my mother is providing some much-needed childcare assistance. If I proceed as planned, there is a high likelihood that I will be taking care of three children and not just one. I did not agree to that and honestly, I don’t think I would be able to provide the help they need. This family has a history of overstaying their welcome and mooching off of my mother (who is also a people pleaser) for a place to stay, childcare, and other things.
Would I be the jerk for either bailing on taking care of my brother Rob, or at the very least making it clear I am not there to help this family unless it is absolutely necessary?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s just appalling that your own parents did this to you.
It’s pure mistreatment to expect someone without experience or, at least, a strong desire to look after kids, to be the person this family needs. Your mom, and probably your dad, will really beat up on you for backing out. But it is SO unfair and just plain wrong, and it puts you into a legal situation that could go wrong.
If your parents want to provide the care the situation calls for, they should be advertising now and preparing to pay adequately for the help. Unfortunately, you have to put your foot down NOW, which is going to be horrible, or parents will not have time to find the right help.
Can you arrange for your younger brother to join you at your school instead during that time?” FerretLover12741
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, your brother is 13 and there will be adults (an entire family!) in the same house so he really doesn’t NEED a babysitter.
Your mother just wants you to fly in and take over all this domestic labor she’s been providing for free. This is not a relaxing quiet time for brothers. She wants you to be the nurse, maid, cook, housekeeper, transportation, babysitter to 4 + 7, and full-time house elf.
This is a recipe for disaster and resentment.
What other expectations do they have waiting to spring on you? Will you even get any sleep? This is not a good plan. The Richardsons can hire in-home care for the time your mother is gone – with all the money they are saving by living off your parents.
I don’t know if your brother has extracurriculars during that week but having your parents fly him out to you and your brother doing his work online is the best bet. You wouldn’t even have to burn through all of your PTO. Good luck, OP.” Avlonnic2
6. AITJ For Refusing To Touch My Cousin's Pregnant Belly?
“My (19 male) cousin (42 Female, let’s call her Emily) has a very touchy personality and has had 4 pregnancies, and she loves getting her belly touched. It’s also important to know that I’m autistic, though it’s a mild diagnosis and because of this I have sensory issues that I try to ignore so as to not cause any weird situations at family events.
Because of this I’ve been apprehensive about touching Emily’s belly, but was convinced to when I was 16 during her 3rd pregnancy, and wow a shocker… I didn’t like it and made sure to voice out my dislike of it, and since then I’ve made sure to not touch any more bellies again, even when I’m offered the chance to.
And now, a day ago we went to Emily’s birthday party, and I found out she’s around 7 to 8 months pregnant (I’m not too sure as I’m not too close to my wider family and am not in any family group chats). She had every family member come and touch her belly and they all congratulated her for how well she’s been handling it, and a few hours in Emily got to me.
She first asked me kindly to come and touch her belly, I declined but still congratulated her as I am still happy for her, but this caused her to get moody and gave her a mean attitude and she then told me to just touch her belly and to ‘man up’ (which is a sore subject as it’s well known in the family that I’m not straight but it’s all tipped toed around and no one says anything and I don’t bring it up).
I yet again declined but she got fed up with my responses and proceeded to grab my hand and pull it towards her belly, but this is where I felt like I was the jerk, as she did this I yanked my hand back and this caused her to fall out of her chair and land on the side of her stomach.
The moment she hit the floor everyone started panicking and yelling at me, this caused a minor panic attack and I hid in the toilets to not freak out publicly. After that, I messaged my mum and told her that I was going home as I felt like I was not welcome at the event anymore.
She did get back to me but she said that’s fine and that there needs to be a serious discussion the next day as she has to do some damage control and will be getting back late but she won’t be fully backing me up till she gets my side of the story, which I’m ok with.
And today we had a talk and I told her what happened, she told me that she understands but told me that I could have handled the situation differently but she’s on my side, and she hasn’t been told what my cousin’s side of the story is as her husband called the ambulance as he was scared for his child and Emily was acting too hysterical to calm down.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People need to remember that ‘no is a complete sentence’. You said no you didn’t want to touch it, and so that should have been the end of it. It’s very disrespectful for your cousin to have forced you to touch her belly – if someone doesn’t want to touch or be touched then that is their right.
I’m female and I wouldn’t want to touch another woman’s pregnant belly. I don’t like being touched myself and I certainly wouldn’t want to touch anyone else in that way. I also hated people doing it to me when I was pregnant and I would like you said you did – say no I didn’t want people to touch me!
You’re perfectly entitled to not want to touch and you’re definitely NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! You were being polite, you congratulated her, and you said really clearly and non-judgementally that you didn’t want to touch her belly. She assaulted you (in a very literal, legalistic sense of the word) and then had a hissy fit because you weren’t happy about being assaulted. You are never required to touch someone to congratulate them, for anything – No kisses, no hugs, no hands on belly, it is always appropriate to just say ‘Congratulations!’ instead.” GlitteringBryony
5. AITJ For Choosing To Visit My Sick Mother Than Meet My Newborn Daughter?
“I (30M) work on a chemical tanker, my job usually consists of me being at sea on the ship for 6-12 months then back home for 3-6 months, and repeat.
I got married a year ago to Lisa (28F). Shortly after our wedding, I left for my 8-month work assignment back on the ship.
A few weeks after I left, we discovered that we were going to have our first baby. Due to financial reasons, Lisa and I agreed to make the hard decision for me to ride it out on the ship till the end of my assignment and possibly miss the pregnancy and birth completely.
A few days before I was due to go back home, I also discovered that my mother is in a critical condition in a hospital, she’s had this disease for a while now and it’s in the last stage.
I’m the oldest and the only boy out of 6 kids, some of my sisters have varying degrees of history of substance use, the rest are still in school, and none of them are able to support themselves.
We don’t have a dad I have been their sole financial support since I was 20. None of my sisters get along with my wife Lisa, as they see her as someone who will take me and their means of financial support away from them.
They’ve bullied Lisa on so many occasions, Lisa holds a lot of hatred for my family and I don’t blame her at all. I’ve always defended and protected Lisa but I know I could do better if I didn’t have to be away for work a lot.
The only person in the family I truly care about is my mother, I don’t have much care for my sisters due to how obtrusive they’ve been in my and Lisa’s marriage (I plan on going no contact once my mom passes).
My daughter was born and already a few days old on the day I finally landed back home.
There were two cars coming to get me from the airport. One was Lisa and her mother, picking me up to go back home to my brand new daughter I hadn’t met yet. The second was my sisters picking me up to go to the hospital to see my gravely ill mom.
It was the worst moment of my life. I made my decision; there was a good chance my mom might pass, and I was so scared I might miss her last moments. I have the rest of my life to make it up to my wife and daughter and I will spend forever taking care of them.
I told Lisa I’d be going with my sisters to the hospital, which I did and immediately raced back to Lisa to meet our daughter after a few hours with my mom. Lisa was upset but somewhat understood, but her whole side of the family has basically shunned me due to my decision.
Lisa’s mother basically told me I’m the worst person alive, etc. My wife’s family has branded me a jerk and refuses to talk to me. Was I really a jerk for the decision I made?”
Another User Comments:
“I know your daughter will never remember this, but your wife will always remember.
I can not imagine being your wife riding home with her mother. She was probably so embarrassed and humiliated. Your honeymoon-stage husband did not come to meet his daughter and hold you. No, he talked with his sisters and then left with them. She probably stood there so excited to be told thanks for the effort but go back home, and I will see you when I get to it.
I know why you had to go, but you left her, again, on her own. I understand, but you should have talked to her and maybe asked her to go with you or take you by so you can see how your mom really is.
But you did none of that. You left her alone.” No-Librarian-7290
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I feel sorry for Lisa and her daughter. Conveniently your bully sisters were at the airport, and so conveniently your mother’s condition changed so much exactly when you were coming back.
Your wife’s family is being trashy but I think they’ve seen how much your family has put their daughter through and that was the last straw. She spent her pregnancy alone, gave birth without you there and as understandable as it is that you wanted to see your mother getting in the car with your sisters was a trashy trashy move.
You could have had your wife drive you to the hospital, seen your mother, and then gone to your daughter. She hasn’t seen you for months and you get in the car with people that have harassed her endlessly.” Otherwise_Degree_729
4. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Passport Information To My Dad?
“I am 20 years old and I have just moved from my native country to study abroad. My parents divorced a few years ago (it didn’t end well) and after the divorce, my dad decided to start a new family. My brother and I stayed with my mom and she mainly took care of us, while my dad visited us or we visited him every month (we lived 3 hours away).
Because my dad made some deals with bad people, he had to flee the country a couple of months ago to the United States with his other family for safety. Luckily, we have a relative there who was able to receive them. That is the context of my problem.
Now when things have calmed down a bit, he wrote to me not long ago asking for my passport information. I, taking into account the problems he had before and wondering why he might need them, decided to contact my mom for advice. It probably wasn’t the most impartial advice from her, but she told me to tell him that she didn’t have my information at the time and that she would call him to ask him why he needed it.
Approximately 20 minutes later, my mom called me telling me not to worry about it anymore and my dad sent me a strange text, in which he told me that it’s great that I trust my mom, but the tone of the message was strange, as if he was resentful of the lack of trust towards him.
My mom told me that he told her that he needed it for some procedures related to his asylum application, but my dad did not clarify that to me either before or after asking me for the information, in addition to the fact that I do not understand what interests the agency in charge of these issues, taking into account that I do not live with him.
I feel confused about my possible ‘betrayal’ to my dad and I would like you to decide whether it was right for me to refrain from giving the information to my dad or not, given the context of my situation. He hasn’t spoken to me since this incident and I’m afraid this could damage our relationship.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Giving it, or not, will ruin part of the relationship. If you don’t give it, he will be upset because he is likely going to steal your identity to get an American passport or visa. This could ruin things because you ruined his plans.
If you did give it, he could get caught using your information and it could go against you.
The American government holds grudges. So do the not-nice people your father ran from. If he changed his name in America to your name, they could confuse you for him.
That is dangerous. Your mom basically said not to give it to him, so he did not have good intentions. He is too worried about himself to worry about you. You have become a resource to him now. Keep that in mind, and don’t be in such a hurry to help him.
He is in this situation due to his own actions.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have done nothing to damage this relationship. Folks who are doing things that are shady will try to turn your justified, valid concerns against you because they are used to using others, not because there is genuine hurt.
That you don’t trust him is because of his actions. He is not trustworthy. This is on him. Do not take any responsibility for how his actions have hurt you. The proper response if he tries to guilt you is to go on the offensive.
You are allowed to be upset and even angry about how his character has damaged your life. Just because he is your father does not mean he gets automatic respect. He gets what his actions have earned.” kingofgreenapples
3. AITJ For Confronting My Stepdad's Parents About How They Really Feel About Me?
“I (17f) have a blended family.
My mom brought me and my two half-siblings (10 and 8) into her marriage with Mark 2 years ago. Mark also had two kids when they met. My younger siblings and my stepsiblings call Mark and my mom ‘mom and dad’. My stepsiblings’ mom is only sort of present in their lives.
She lives in another state and doesn’t really keep in touch with them often. They can sometimes go over a year without seeing or hearing from her and they don’t remember her being more present so to them, my mom is their mom. My siblings feel the same way about Mark because they don’t remember their dad.
I was 12 when my mom and Mark met, 13 when I met Mark, and 15 when they got married. Because of my age and being used to not having a dad, I never saw Mark as my dad. I don’t call him dad, I don’t introduce him as my dad either.
Mark doesn’t care. We have a good, solid relationship. But it’s different from the one he has with my younger siblings and stepsiblings. My mom also doesn’t care and she was really instrumental in everything being open and clear to both Mark and me when they were going out and figuring out how to blend things.
Mark’s parents do not like me. They hide it incredibly well. Like they have never said anything or shown this directly when my mom, Mark, or I are around. I was helping Mark with some errands recently and I met someone from his parents’ church who scolded me out of nowhere.
It really took me by surprise because I had seen this person twice, maybe, and didn’t even know their name. Mark doesn’t either. But she recognized me and she told me it was disgusting how I treated Mark. I was so shocked. She told me it wasn’t surprising they (Mark’s parents) didn’t like being around me and found my attitude repulsive.
She walked away before I could ask any questions.
A couple of weeks after that I saw Mark’s parents out running their own errands and heard them talk to someone else about how awful I was. They accused me of disrespecting Mark, they said I was a teenage terror who was out to make everyone’s lives miserable.
They made some wild accusations.
Then that weekend they were over at our house acting totally normal. Mark’s mom gave my brother her phone and he saw a contact saved under a devil emoji. I called the phone and sure enough, it was me. This is when I spoke up and called out Mark’s parents for how they talk about me and I told them they should be more honest around us about what they really think of me.
Mark asked me what was going on and I told him about their church friend and what I heard them say about me. Mark was furious with his parents but they were furious that I didn’t stay quiet because they’re allowed to find it disgusting and rude that I won’t accept their son fully.
Mark and my mom kicked them out but Mark’s parents said I was stirring crap.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stir that crap. They can be angry all they want at you because they know they were out of line and are in the wrong.
They should never be complaining about your family to other people. It doesn’t sound like Mark or your mum or siblings have any problem with your relationship with Mark. In fact, it’s probably one of the best-blended families I have ever heard about.
You don’t have to treat him like a dad but it sounds like you treat him like a member of your family and have a good relationship. Why is that not enough for them? Good on you for saying something and good on your mother and Mark for kicking them out.
Just because Mark is in your life, doesn’t mean you have to ever be near Mark’s parents again.” jtwjtwjtw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Unbelievable – Here we have the holy grail of blended families, people who care and respect each other, don’t overstep boundaries, and who all have the most suitable relationships with each other and what happens… a pair of idiots who has obviously seen the Brady Bunch one too many times tries to ruin the whole dynamic.
You haven’t done a thing wrong, all you did was call them out on their dreadful behavior. I mean, spreading lies at Church… that’s an interesting choice for them to make so I wouldn’t worry your head about anything they say.
My advice, though, is to leave the fallout of this to your mother and Mark.
I doubt this is the first time Mark has had trouble with his parents so he is the best one to handle it. But if ANYONE says another word to you in the street or contacts you or you even hear that they are continuing to spread lies about you, go to your mother and Mark immediately.
Don’t keep quiet about it and don’t try to handle it yourself. It shouldn’t be up to you and honestly, your mum and Mark are the best people to deal with it.” history_buff_9971
2. AITJ For Telling My Sister She's Not Trying Hard Enough To Hide Her Pregnancy?
“My sister, Amber, is currently 3 months pregnant with twins. She’s already begun to develop a bump. Right now, she’s only told me, our parents, and our brother, as well as giving me and our brother permission to tell our spouses.
We have all agreed to keep it a secret until she’s ready.
The issue is, she’s become very obvious about it. To the point where she’s doing near comical things to hide it when we’re around family (which has been frequently as of late).
Picture the stuff people do in sitcoms when the characters aren’t pregnant but the actor is. Covering her stomach with her purse, holding her older daughter in front of the bump, and wearing much baggier clothes when she’s typically the type to wear things that show off her figure.
Amber has always been pretty fit as she’s a gym rat. The bump itself doesn’t even look like extra fat or anything, just a very pronounced baby bump. If ever she has to move something from her stomach, she’s very quick to hide it.
So, obviously, many have caught on but for the most part, they were good sports. No one ever directly asked us but would make hints. I never entertained them.
We all gathered on Sunday for a family dinner. Amber was holding her 2-year-old for a bit.
When the little one wanted to go play, Amber then tried to cover herself with a blanket. My cousin (30) said ‘Alright, Amber, cut the dramatics. We all know.’ A few instantly reprimanded my cousin. Amber turned bright red. She refused to say anything at the moment, though later quietly confirmed to our aunt, telling her to spread it around.
Amber is now very upset. I agree our cousin was obnoxious and shouldn’t have said anything. I’ve tried to be supportive and comforting. However, Amber kept saying ‘I don’t know how they figured it out!’ I finally said, ‘Sweetie, you really weren’t trying hard.
I respect why you wanted to wait but by this point, it was quite obvious.’ She got mad and tried to insist it wasn’t obvious. I said it absolutely was and she didn’t help matters by acting like she was in a sitcom.
I stressed our cousin was wrong but she wasn’t as stealthy as she thought.
I was not saying she should’ve done more to hide it. I also don’t think she was wrong to hide it. I’m just saying the sentiment ‘I don’t know how they figured it out!’ doesn’t work when she was being obvious.
Now, she’s mad at me and says I’m victim-blaming. I said I’m absolutely not. No one should’ve said anything, but she was being obvious and she shouldn’t pretend otherwise. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion, the only jerk is your cousin.
Your sister is pregnant and probably feels very vulnerable. You lose a lot of control and bodily autonomy when you become pregnant, doubly so when you have twins. It’s completely fair to her to want to hold on to the power she has over herself for as long as she can during her early pregnancy.
She did everything she could and her body gave it away. With that being said, I think you should be a bit more gentle with her. It may have been obvious and sitcom-y to you and your family, but to her, she was GENUINELY TRYING.
You undermined a real effort she was making, which is why she’s lashing out at you.
NTJ, but apologize and reassure your sister that you’ll be there for her. Pregnancy with twins is scary.” musicquartz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were simply being honest with your sister about how her attempts to hide her pregnancy were not as successful as she thought.
Just trying to help her understand the reality of the situation. Her efforts to conceal her pregnancy as you described were not as discreet as she believed. Your sister may be feeling sensitive and emotional due to her pregnancy so recognize that you were not trying to hurt her feelings or blame her for the situation.
You were just trying to provide some perspective and help her understand why others might have caught on.
Give her some time to cool off, and then try to have a calm conversation about your intentions and reassure her that you are there to support her throughout her pregnancy.” CorneliaStanphill
1. AITJ For Snapping And Yelling At My Aunt At Her Brother's Funeral?
“I (21F) come from a huge family where I have many cousins ranging from 25 years old to 7. One thing all my cousins and I have in common is that we all dislike this aunt (56) who we will call ‘E’.
E has a horrible habit of commenting on the bodies of myself and all of my cousins. Today was a bad day for my family because we had to go to a funeral for an uncle and because of this a lot of the family were in formal wear.
All day today E has been making comments about everyone.
For some context, she looked at the 7-year-old and told her she should’ve worn a skirt that reached her ankles because she has horrible cankles. She told a male cousin of mine who was crying to ‘man up and wipe his tears away’ because he was embarrassing her by crying.
And she told me that I should’ve worn leggings with my dress because you could see all the scars on my legs with the one I was wearing. (I was in a bad accident a year and a half ago and it left me with large patches of scars that I’m not insecure about.)
This all boiled over when we were at my parents’ house tonight and she was talking with my mother and her other sisters and decided to tell them that they needed to tell their children to go on diets and exercise or we would become obese.
I will admit I snapped and yelled at her that she needs to get a life and get a grip on herself and that she should realize that none of her nieces and nephews love her, that her own children just barely tolerate her, that her making comments every time she’s around people and trying to put them down makes everyone hate her.
She started bawling her eyes out when I said that and I was told by my mother that I was extremely disrespectful to tell her that when we had literally just left her brother’s funeral.
My cousins are all on my side that I was right to say it but I’m getting messages that I was a jerk for telling her that on the day of her brother’s funeral.
So AITJ for telling her that none of her nieces and nephews love her after the funeral?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you spoke to her at a birthday party, then you would have been accused of spoiling an otherwise happy event. If you waited until the next day and went to see her just to talk about it, then you would have been accused of stirring up trouble when she wasn’t bothering anyone.
She was not the only one grieving. Everyone there was grieving. If she was ever going to show some sympathy for other people’s feelings, it should have been then. Instead, she made a horrible situation worse for everyone. Because of you, that might not happen again.” Mammoth_Piglet_3063
Another User Comments:
“Her brother is dead, it’s his funeral, and she’s concentrated on how you guys look and what you wore? And your comment was inappropriate because it’s her brother’s funeral, but hers were not? I’d say hers were twice worse given the circumstances.
I can not fathom that someone is burying their brother and is more focused on body shaming her family than mourning. And telling your cousin, who is actually mourning, to man up? Your aunt is toxic, and I absolutely see why none of you like her.
NTJ and if I were you, I would bring up how no one likes her because of her comments. If your elders won’t put a stop to it, you definitely should.” phobia_paroxysm
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