People Tell The Truth In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister See My Finances?
“I (24F) have a sister called ‘Amber’. Amber was diagnosed with autism; she can be fully independent but needs prompting to complete her work. Say if she has washing she needs to do, she knows how to do it but needs to be told at least three or four times before she finally does it.
Last year my sister started attending college and was put in this course for people with special needs, and the teachers started teaching them about finance. How it works, what’s a paycheck, what a salary looks like, what’s council tax, and why we all have to pay it. Since my sister has been learning about finances, she asks me daily if I could explain finance to her, like council tax, and I have explained it to her numerous times.
My sister has been constantly asking me if she could view a copy of my payslip as she’s been learning about it. My payslip has my private and personal information, and I have always felt that finances are secret. I’m currently single, but if I were to have a SO, I would only speak to them about household finances, and that’s it; I wouldn’t let them know how much I make.
Recently my other sister has been having a go at me for not letting our sister see my finances such as how much tax I pay, and my paychecks, she’s even asked for a copy of my bank statement so she can see what a bank statement looks like. Part of me thinks this is just her being innocent and wanting to know about finances but most of me feels like she’s being nosey and wants to try and see how much I earn as I never talk about finances to anyone.
I’m wondering if I’m being a jerk because I won’t talk about my finances and maybe she just wants to actually learn. I have sent her free downloadable examples that she can look at.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister is in college, she is high-functioning and can understand the word NO. Your personal life is not an educational tool for her.
Your other sister is a jerk for getting involved and overstepping your boundaries. Why is everyone so interested in your finances? It’s weird and intrusive. Let the rest of your family share their finances with your nosy sister.” Master_Post4665
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your other sister and parents can show her. Letting people know your finances leads to them having opinions about what you should be doing and whether they can pester you for money.
Also, she has Autism, so this can be a great lesson in learning that it is rude to ask other people about their finances. Generalize it beyond just not asking you, as the rest of your family has clearly failed to do for her.” guardlamamama
23. AITJ For How I Reacted When I Found Out That My Sister Is Seeing My Ex?
“I (26 F) was with ‘James’ (M 26) for most of college and we had plans to get engaged after graduation. Two months before graduation, I caught him planning to have an affair. Nothing physical seemed to have happened yet, but he and another girl were making plans for a weekend when he told me he was going for a quick visit home.
Third party is an instant dealbreaker to me, so it was over. Instead of having a fight, I didn’t say anything, just waited til after he left for ‘home’, texted him proof that I had caught him and ‘Good thing you’re single now, have fun’, then blocked him on everything and went for a girls’ weekend with friends.
James went crazy and spent a month trying to get in contact with me or guilt friends into helping him. The few messages that got through I trashed without even reading them. After a while, I thought he had finally given up.
About a year later, my sister (24 F) announced she wanted to bring her partner home to meet the family.
We didn’t realize she had a partner, but my parents had a BBQ and told her to bring him. It was James. My parents were stunned but tried to pull it together. I just left. My sister called and tried to explain later that they had met at a party on campus and it was no big deal since I broke up with him.
I told her I thought she could do better, but she could make her own mistakes. I just wouldn’t be spending time around them. She got mad about it because our parents ‘took my side’.
I don’t get along with my sister at the best of times, so avoiding them wasn’t hard except on holidays.
My parents caved and let him come to Thanksgiving and Christmas since they seemed serious. James seemed way too invested in getting back on my good side when he was around and it apparently made my sister jealous, because she started acting brattier than normal.
This last weekend was a milestone birthday for my mom and I thought it would be a good chance to introduce them to my partner Todd (29 M).
Mom gave it the ok and Todd actually made a great impression on the family. James was there with my sister and he was mad and left early. My sister called me later and yelled at me for upsetting James and trying to make him jealous to get his attention. I told her that she knew she was going to be with someone who was trash when she decided to go out with my sloppy seconds and he was no longer my problem.
Since then she’s blown up social media venting about it and is refusing to see my parents for the holidays if Todd and I are there. My parents think she’s over the top and acting out but she’s on their case so much they want me to try and smooth it over and apologize for calling him sloppy seconds.
I think it was an apt description.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It was an apt description and the reasonable reaction to a grown adult throwing a tantrum over the consequences of their actions is to tell them why they’re acting like a moron. You did what anyone should, which is to stand your ground and not let yourself be yelled at for someone else’s poor life choices.
If she’s insecure, she shouldn’t start crap that will get her called out. And while it’s probable that James has been messing with your sister, under the circumstances (a poor relationship and him likely well poisoning against you) there likely isn’t much you can personally do to fix it.
As far as your parents are concerned…
yeah, they’re in an uncomfortable situation. But that is not your problem and their desire to play peacekeeper is pretty messed up in the circumstances. Depending on your relationship I would suggest mentioning to them that you are legitimately concerned for your sister’s wellbeing but aren’t in a position to do much, that you have no desire to push her out of the family and love her, but that you’ve made your stance on this entire thing very clear and you aren’t going to retract a true statement because their grown child is throwing a tantrum.
Then I would ask them if they really want this to be the rest of their lives, with her acting like a child and them trying to smooth things over when they know she’s in the wrong, or if they’re going to do their job as her parents and show her that this is a bad situation, she’s doing it to herself, and her actions have consequences.” Icy-Consideration47
Another User Comments:
“Ask your sister, if her partner is over you and really into her, then your relationship should not bother him at all. What exactly was she expecting – that you would stay single for the rest of your life? You are simply living your life and your life now includes your partner, just as her life includes her partner.
She really wanted you to be miserable seeing her with your ex but you moved on, clearly, the ex hasn’t.
NTJ.” DontAskMeChit
22. AITJ For Telling My Ex-In-Laws About What My Ex-Husband's New Partner Did To Our Son's Blanket?
“I (F 33) found out that my ex-husband (M 37) was having an affair when I was 7 months pregnant with our son. I got a divorce and we share custody of our 3-year-old son. My ex-husband’s partner tried to get involved in my parenting several times, she even commented on my son’s name implying that we should agree on a name we all want not just what I wanted, and tried to dictate what he should and shouldn’t have.
As a result, she started throwing out stuff of his that I paid for myself. Honestly, it’s frustrating because I’m barely getting by with the budget I have and can not afford to buy a replacement for all the stuff she throws out but my ex-husband says it’s her ‘house’ and she gets to decide what can and can’t enter.
I made a crochet blanket for my son with his name on it. This blanket is special to me, and the tools I used to be able to make it cost me money. Not to mention the time and effort it took to get it done.
I sent my son to stay with his dad days ago, and he wanted to take the blanket with him to sleep with it.
I don’t know exactly what happened, but when I came to pick him up he told me his dad’s partner took it away from him and threw it out leaving him with no blanket to sleep with at night as ‘punishment’ for him for not accepting the one she offered. I was furious. I called his dad but he hung up on me, I sent him a text explaining the situation, but he texted back telling me that I should stop the drama and go look for a job if I have so much free time on my hands instead of picking on his partner.
I felt frustrated when I visited his family who is good to me and told them about what their son’s partner did, now it’s worth mentioning that she’s been working hard for their approval and to get on their good side. They were shocked to know about what she did, they all flipped out on her and started calling her out.
My SIL took it further by putting this on social media which made other family members see what she did.
My ex-husband called me yelling about my ‘pathetic attempt’ to turn his family against his partner. I could hear her freaking out in the background while he was lashing out at me saying I ruined every chance she had to have a good relationship with her ‘future in-laws’.
I hung up and felt absolutely horrible, even though I was just venting to his family about what happened, and felt frustrated. Maybe I shouldn’t have told them. I’m not sure anymore since the whole family isn’t speaking to her so that might have a lasting impact on their relationship with her.”
Another User Comments:
“Document, document, document. They are emotionally and mentally abusing your son by throwing out the comfort objects that help him transition between houses. And I guarantee they are saying negative things about you to your son. Document every single thing you can. Conversations, text messages, things your son tells you. Get your son to a child psychologist so they can document any issues your son has with your ex and his partner.
Then go to court and get the custody agreement changed to state the woman can’t be around the child, depending on the ex’s actions you might even be able to get full custody. Keep your ex’s family in your son’s life as much as possible, even if you end up remarrying. He deserves to know his family.
NTJ” Jorbarip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘he told me his dad’s partner took it away from him and threw it out leaving him with no blanket to sleep with at night as ‘punishment’ for him for not accepting the one she offered.’
So she uses the kid you have with your ex as a sort of weapon, something to make you angry with.
Jesus. What is your ex seeing in that woman? It’s one thing if she doesn’t want to have your stuff in their home (though I am not sure a 3-year-old’s blanket qualifies as such), but quite another to act this way. And she’s surprised her potential in-laws aren’t glad with it? She has only herself to blame.” No-Jellyfish-1208
21. AITJ For Being Mad At My Wife For Letting A Bunny Get Taken Away By A Hawk?
“A few days ago my kids found a little bunny and brought it home. And they were begging us to keep it. But we can’t keep a wild rabbit and already have several pets. The bunny was big enough to fend for itself.
And I tried to nicely tell my kids that it needed to go back home to its family. They were sad but agreed to take it back. However, I was busy with work and couldn’t go with them. So my wife went. I told her to take the bunny to some thorn bushes at the end of the property and let it go there.
Because that’s the safest place to do it. We live in a country area ripe with predators.
Well, I went back to work. But a little while later my kids came running back into the house loudly crying with my wife trailing after and trying to calm them down and tell them it was not so bad.
I asked what happened, and my eldest said that mama made them let the bunny go in the middle of the yard, and a hawk took it. They even described the poor bunny’s screams. I was mortified, and then angry at my wife for not letting it go the way I’d advised. She defended herself and said it ‘was just a bunny!
The kids will get over it!’ But I said that was absolutely wrong. And I warned her of predators. And now our kids had to see that poor bunny get carried away by a hawk. Both of our kids shut themselves in their rooms and stopped talking to their mother for days. And when she tries to talk to them they call her the bunny killer.
I have tried to mediate. But my kids are still mad. And I’m still mad at my wife for how things went down. She’s angry with me for not having her back, and said as husband and wife, we’re always supposed to support one another. But we got into an argument where I pointed out numerous times she did not have my back.
She started crying too, and went off to our room to pout.
I’m thinking I screwed up now. So a friend told me to ask here. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I get the whole united front thing but this is not about your kids neglecting their chores or getting a bad grade – though it’s nature, seeing those things at a young age can be very traumatic!
And chasing them around saying they will get over it, is not okay. Sorry but your wife is the jerk in this, and she has to know she was wrong otherwise why would she be mad?” fvckdxt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s nature, totally get that, very high chance the bunny’s life would’ve been ended by a predator no matter where it was released. BUT releasing it in a safer spot like the bushes is the kind thing to do, for the bunny and for your kids who brought it home.
Nobody wants to see an animal they were fond of getting killed.” ghostlyfawn
20. AITJ For Wanting A Wedding Ring With Diamonds?
“My fiance (M 33) and I (F 32) have been together for over 9 years. We are getting married in 2 months. We designed my engagement ring together, as I had received the heirloom diamond from my mother (it belonged to her mother).
With my input, we designed the most beautiful ring – it’s a .5-carat round brilliant, flanked with a small sapphire on either side, with 5 smaller diamonds on either side that go about halfway down the ring.
As we began to look at wedding rings, I shared that I’d love to have a small diamond band to compliment my engagement ring.
They can be small 1/10th or 1/15th of a carat even, wrapping around only half the band.
My fiance said I don’t need diamonds, that it’s a waste of money, and that I should be happy with a small, plain, white gold wedding band. He said wanting diamonds was ridiculous and materialistic, and that since I wanted them, I didn’t care about what a wedding ring actually symbolizes.
He also says wanting a diamond band means I think my engagement ring ‘isn’t good enough’. It’s the most perfect ring and there’s nothing wrong with my engagement ring – I just think a diamond band will compliment it so wonderfully.
While we ARE saving to buy our first home, we are pretty decent financially, although I make twice what he makes.
I told him that since I wanted diamonds (and tiny ones at that) and I make more, I am not expecting him to pay for my entire ring or any of it if he prefers (he paid for my engagement ring). While we will be sharing finances and have a fair split around who pays what, I thought it was reasonable to help pay for my wedding band because I did want something that wasn’t plain.
He’s making me feel terrible for wanting diamonds, and personally, it hurts when several of my friends have either 2 diamond wedding bands, or huge diamond bands because they say ‘My husband wanted me to have the best, he said I deserve that’. While it sounds silly or selfish, it hurts that I can’t say the same thing.
Am I the jerk for wanting a diamond wedding band that I can afford? Am I the jerk for not putting that fund towards our home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. How you make financial decisions as a pre-married couple is your business, so I can’t say for sure that he is wrong to expect to be part of the decision.
But it sounds like he’s actively making you feel bad for even having this desire, which is sucky of him.
Anyhow, it is perfectly normal to want your wedding ring to go well with your engagement ring. Since the wedding ring is the actual symbol of marriage, it’s fine to want it to be a bit more than plain.
Not sure how large your engagement ring is, and whether you intend to wear it all the time. Many people find they remove their engagement ring for certain activities, so it can be nice to have a pretty wedding band as well. (Not sure if that argument will help bring him around at all, but it is worth a shot).” ezztothebezz
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
I think if you want the ring and are OK about paying for it yourself, do that.
However, I do find something just so incredibly crass about you saying it ‘hurts’ that your friends have huge diamond bands and things like that. Yes, it sounds selfish, it sounds materialistic and lame.
I think if you pay for it, OK, but there is something I find just so very off-putting about just wanting MORE. Wanting THINGS because your friends have those things.
It’s just a personal thing, I find this wanton materialism more and more off-putting the older I get.
This ‘my husband wanted me to have the best, he said I deserve that’ is just so intrinsically awful I don’t know where to start, that all that the husband has to do to make her feel wanted is to get the checkbook out.
It’s basically ‘I deserve expensive things, because you know, reasons’.
Sort of want to take a shower after that, but anyway, it’s your money, spend it on whatever you want.” Pale_Height_1251
19. AITJ For Not Giving Cupcakes To A Certain Dog Owner And His Kids?
“I (22F) have three dogs, all purebred and respectively with extremely sensitive stomachs.
Two of them have allergies as well. I take them to a dog park where everyone has unanimously agreed to not give other dogs treats unless the owner is okay with it. Everyone except this one guy (29M) and his kids follow this rule.
I’ve had a lot of fights with him and he has agreed to back off.
He doesn’t even bring treats, more like cooked leftovers his kids eat and give to the dogs when they are full.
Well, a month ago they brought a whole loaf of bread and started feeding the ducks in the pond even though there are signs up not to do that. I only intervened when I saw his kid (7F) handing out slices of bread to my dogs.
I told the girl to stop and that she shouldn’t give strange dogs food. The kid completely ignores me. I called the dogs to where I was sitting and lo and behold the kids came and started feeding the dogs again. I saw some owners scowling, and others leaving.
I approached the guy and told him to control his kids.
He went ‘Sure Karen, no one should have fun around here when you are around’.
Me: ‘At least I can get my animals under control. Wanna pay for the vet bills? Get your kids to stop.’
Him: ‘No one but you minds, go get a social life and maybe you wouldn’t be this insufferable.’
The next time I came around I brought a giant box of cupcakes and handed them out to the rest of the dog owners and the few kids that they had along. This guy and his kids came around and tried to take some but I closed the box. The guy got confrontational and asked me why everyone could have some but they couldn’t.
I responded, ‘Because you need to be taught a lesson about giving and receiving food. Teach your kids to only feed your dog and then I will be more than happy to share my food with you.’
I did it a few more times as I had a birthday, one of my dogs did as well and my niece was born.
Each time I left them out of it and refused to let them have any of the sweets.
One of the other owners approached me and called me a jerk and vindictive. His logic is that yes, the dad is a complete idiot but I was punishing the kids as well for no reason. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Rules are made, even informally, to help everyone get along easier and fairly use resources. Rules also keep the peace.
That guy not only didn’t respect the rules of the dog park, they seemed to want a special exclusion, just for them. If he wants to teach his kids to be jerks… that’s okay, I guess.
Feel free to teach them how OTHER PEOPLE react to jerks.” FashionBusking
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If this guy won’t teach his kids then how will they ever learn? I hope you are explaining to the kids why they don’t get treats so they are learning a lesson, if you are not and are just not giving them treats without explaining why, then you are the jerk.
Hopefully, he’ll get the point or the kids will learn.
If you went to a school giving out treats making kids sick because of allergies you would be in trouble, the same should go for pets.” I-am-here-what-next
18. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Friends That I Won't Cook Lunch For Them Anymore?
“I (f) live with my partner in a condo we rent together in Toronto.
I am Indian and moved there 3ish years ago and he is Canadian.
I love cooking and I have been vegetarian since birth, he became a vegetarian because of his ex and he didn’t wanna switch after breaking up with her (thank god for me because I don’t know how to cook meat ).
I only know how to make Indian food but I learned quite a bit of new recipes in 2020 and I experimented with this with him because we both work from home.
Recently he started going to the office and I made lunch for him daily. After a week or so, he told me not to wake up early to make lunch just for him (because if not for him, I could make breakfast or lunch whenever I wanted for myself) but I told him I didn’t mind that.
He then mentioned the reason stating it was because his colleagues/friends eat his lunch anyway because it is homemade and he eats whatever takeout or food they get. So I told him that I could pack an extra portion which they could share and that was working well for a few weeks.
Last weekend we decided to invite his said friends over because we haven’t officially met.
When they came over they appreciated the homemade food and it is something they look forward to but one person pointed out that I don’t pack enough protein(?) and I should pack food that has a balanced diet. I sorta don’t remember what he said after that because I was internally crying. When my partner saw my reaction change he told him that he never seems to care about protein when he is gulping all the beer and that’s when the group sorta divided into two.
I then told them that I would stop cooking for all of them and one of those guys pointed out I was the jerk for punishing the entire group because of one person’s comment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should have stopped dead at ‘He then mentioned the reason stating it was because his colleagues/friends eat his lunch anyway because it is homemade and he eats whatever takeout or food they get’.
‘When they came over they appreciated the homemade food and it is something they look forward to but one person pointed out that I don’t pack enough protein(?) and I should pack food that has a balanced diet.’ WHAT?!
Your partner is a jerk for trading away your beautiful lunches for takeout crap. His colleagues had the UNMITIGATED GALL to criticize the free food they get from you.
‘I then told them that I would stop cooking for all of them and one of those guys pointed out I was the jerk for punishing the entire group because of one person’s comment.’ You’re not their lunch lady. You’re punishing all of them for taking advantage of your skill and generosity, and it all stops right now.
No one, including your trashy partner, gets another bite. He can learn to cook and then carelessly give it away to ungrateful turds.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you are the only one in this situation who isn’t a jerk, including your husband who was trading away the food you made with love for him for whatever crap his coworkers dragged off the street.
The guy who criticized you for not feeding him enough protein? The nerve of that jerk! The dude who said you were the jerk for ‘punishing the whole group’? Huge jerk. All of them should have brought you flowers and chocolate and bent over backward to make you feel appreciated. Instead, they criticized you.
Please stop cooking for these ungrateful wretches.
They don’t deserve you.” strywever
17. AITJ For Asking My Sister And Her Partner To Slow Down On Eating My Food?
“My sister and her partner came to visit for a week. They usually bring a few bags of food they don’t want. I always ask them beforehand what they would like to eat, or we all go grocery shopping together.
I don’t drive and my nearest supermarket is only a few minutes’ drive away, but due to poor public transport, it’s a two bus, 45min+ trip each way.
I get my groceries delivered and make the bus trip to top-up shops.
It was all going well until what I thought would be the last day of their stay. My sis took me shopping as this was my chance to stock up. I asked if there was anything they wanted to eat later (they were supposed to leave the next morning).
She said that her partner would grab a few things as he would like to make soup for the evening and there is enough food to last until they leave. I have made it clear that this means that I will only buy my own food with no extras for them, asking again just before going because I have made a meal plan and I won’t be able to spare anything.
She said okay. Her partner got everything they needed. We went back home, he started to cook.
He asked me if I was hungry, I said no, I could wait for the soup. He seemed upset but went back to the kitchen, only to come out a few minutes later with sandwiches and a whole platter of veg and cheese which were for my work lunches.
This annoyed me, so I asked them to slow down on eating as I would probably need to go shopping again. My sister said okay and we carried on chatting, but her partner went out. He said that he wouldn’t cook and when we asked him if we said anything wrong, he just said no and he wouldn’t talk about it.
I thought he was childish so I finished making the soup, watched a movie with my sis, and called it a night.
In the morning my sister told me she was not feeling well enough to drive back home so she would rest one more day. She dropped me off at work and then picked me up later.
They were both very quiet. My sister said that we have to talk. She blew up at me for being mean to her partner, causing him to be upset and feel unwanted. She said that I was really selfish because I couldn’t even spare a few things but they always gave me a lot of gifts.
I have explained that it’s easy for her to drive to a shop and buy something that’s missing, but for me, it turns into a day trip. If I knew she was staying for an extra day, I would have no issue with replacing food or buying extra when I asked about it. She also called me a jerk for not allowing her partner to help me or cook for me.
He asked how much they owed me for rent and electricity because clearly I just wanted money. I called him ridiculous because that’s not what this is all about.
They left the next morning. I said goodbye to my sister, but her partner left without saying anything and simply waited for her in the car.
She said he was not coming back.
I didn’t think that I would cause a massive argument, so I wonder, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“In my world, we don’t talk about food consumption or ask people to slow down on eating. It’s considered rude.
Then again, you explained your unique situation and he went overboard pulling food out of the fridge and making a platter.
That’s not normal behavior for a visiting guest. I’ve literally never had a visiting house guest make himself a platter of food from things they found in the fridge. I honestly can’t imagine someone doing that.
My best guess is he knew you were anxious about this so he intentionally pushed the boundaries to make some kind of point.
He expected you to sit there and quietly swallow your anger. Instead, you spoke up and it infuriated him.
My best guess is he pulls this kind of stuff with your sister all the time and she’s become accustomed to his overbearing behavior. Instead of them telling you they won’t be back, how about you tell them that they aren’t welcome back if they can’t respect your boundaries?
NTJ.” theloveburts
Another User Comments:
“‘He asked me if I was hungry, I said no, I can wait for the soup. He seemed upset.’
NTJ. This is it? This is what caused them both to flip their lids? Just this basic interaction.
Clearly, they both have no clue how much of an inconvenience this is for you.
90+ minutes just to get food shopping and they think this is a ‘money’ thing. Their reaction is nauseatingly passive-aggressive ‘Oh so we give you money for rent now.’
It’s really standard to do a weekly shop and have food mapped out for the week. They’re acting like jerks about it and then being so condescending in their response.
Both jerks who lack the basic understanding of common courtesy.” Mr_Ham_Man80
16. AITJ For Embarrassing My Know-It-All Brother-In-Law In Front Of My In-Laws?
“I am in a long-term relationship with my partner (we get married in December).
Her sister also has had a partner for years. This guy is your typical insufferable know-it-all, who knows more than anyone about any subject. Among other things, he gave us a talk about the proper way to wash the car (it seems that only he knows how to do it), or why judges rule stupidly, laws do not make sense and how they should be made (my father-in-law is a federal judge, my mother-in-law is a former public attorney, my partner is a federal prosecutor and I am a lawyer, while he has nothing to do with the legal field, which I say as a sign of the extent of his audacity).
My in-laws, who are very familiar, rented a house this summer to spend a few days. One night we were all looking at the sky and suddenly we saw a shooting star (not him because he was facing the other side). My mother-in-law said that she was very excited and that it was the first time she had seen one.
Immediately, this idiot laughed at us saying that there was no way it was a shooting star and that it was a moth reflected in a spotlight. Calmly (at first) I told him that it was indeed a shooting star, to which he laughed again and continued with the moth nonsense. I told him, a little more seriously, that I’ve been looking at the sky with my father since I was little, and I know how to distinguish a shooting star from a moth, but he continued with the same.
I may be immature, but I can’t stand his condescending attitude, it gives me the feeling that he underestimates you and insults your intelligence. So, in the end, I raised my voice quite a bit and said something like ‘Yeah, we already know that you know everything better than anyone, I know how to distinguish a shooting star from a moth, it always has to be what you say’.
The next day I apologized to my in-laws in the car for the awkward scene, and they said they understood. My partner says that she understands, but that it is important for her to be able to do things as a family in peace, and that I have to learn not to care, which I find unfair because I don’t know why I have to learn not to be short-tempered but he doesn’t have to learn not to be a condescending know-it-all because ‘that’s the way he is and we already know’.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you said was mean, sure, but I can’t say the guy didn’t deserve it. LOL. I wouldn’t make it a habit, as I understand wanting to keep the family peace. Maybe try connecting with the guy in some other ways, or try different approaches to interacting with him.
Sometimes we have to put up with people we don’t like (unfortunately), and it doesn’t sound like he is doing much harm aside from being a pest.” vic_tuals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. (And, yeah, it’s easy to tell the difference between a meteor and a moth. Your BiL certainly is super annoying.)
It sucks to have to be a fellow grown-up with your partner, mother-in-law, and father-in-law, and not blow up at him, but I suspect that you will be treated in the future as a fellow grown-up and not a know-it-all jerk who everybody has to put up with for the sake of the sister-in-law.
I don’t think this’ll show up in super-obvious ways (inheritance or anything) but might just show up as a warmer and more human relationship with your partner’s family.
(Dunno why I bothered to write this, as you already sound like you are more mature and patient than I am, and probably understand this better than me.)” MystifiedByPeople
15. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law That I Don't Want Her Marriage Advice?
“We had to temporarily move in with MIL and it sucks because she thinks she gets a vote on everything. She critiques my parenting, my marriage, and how I dress. She doesn’t even like the food I cook for my husband. It’s really hard on our marriage and makes me want to get out of here.
Recently my husband and I had a pretty big fight. I’m aware it is immature that we fought loud enough that MIL could hear, but I was just heated because he played a ‘prank’ and squirted me with the hose through a window while I was using the toilet, and I felt so degraded and disrespected.
MIL decided to butt in and tell us how much our marriage sucks. She said I’m so miserable and uptight that if she was married to me she would have an affair, and she feels bad for her son for having to be with someone so miserable. She said I should work on myself because no man is going to put up with that.
I asked if she would like to be married to her son and she just rolled her eyes. Now I might be the jerk here, but I said I actually don’t think she would. If they were two random people who met on the street, she would 100% say he isn’t good enough for her. I’ve seen the men she is with.
Her standards are sky-high, so she should shut up. I could see my husband was mortified. I know he already has some insecurities.
I then said I didn’t even want her advice because she had an affair during her first marriage. MIL told me to shut up and said I had no idea what happened in her first marriage.
I might also be the jerk because MIL’s stepkids heard this and now they have more crap to talk about her. After they left MIL called me a misogynist and asked if I seriously thought her first husband never had an affair, and said I need to mind my own business. Her husband also yelled at me about how I shouldn’t be saying anything when I live in their house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband sounds like a childish loser and your MIL like one of those weirdo women who believes their sons are god’s gift to the earth and deserve better than any woman ever (I think of them as pick-mes but maternal, LOL).
Your MIL started giving unsolicited advice on your marriage first so you were within your rights to give your opinion on her love life right back, in my opinion.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” Sad-Bowl-1212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
While you automatically sign up for swallowing crap from in-laws when you move in with them, she clearly goes way too far. No one should accept anyone saying such things regardless of where they live.
She opened fire so then she also needs to put on her big girl pants and deal with it when you fire back.
She asked for it. It’s not like she’s going to treat you better if you shut up, she’d gladly treat you as a free target practice. So I say give as good as you get.
Also, your husband shouldn’t allow his mom to treat you this way… You shouldn’t have to go against her. She’s not your mom, she’s his responsibility and he should rein her in when she crosses big boundaries.
I don’t know why you live there but I hope it isn’t for long. It’s not good for anyone’s right mind to live around people treating you this way, not to mention while your partner stands by and lets them as if nothing is wrong.” eiroai
14. AITJ For Warning My Sister's Fiance About Her Being Materialistic?
“My (24m) sister Tina (26) married one of my best mates Ben (24) a year ago.
Ben was my roommate in uni, he’d met Tina through me and they quickly began going out. I warned Ben in advance that my sister is a materialistic and selfish person, and I was convinced that he’d eventually drop her but to my surprise, they ended up tying the knot. Tina and I have never been close due to the above-mentioned reasons so I’ve put a little distance between myself and Ben but we’re still close friends.
Last Saturday, Tina showed up alone to our father’s birthday party and she barely spoke to anyone the whole time which is rather uncharacteristic as she usually can’t go a minute without speaking. After the extended family left, I overheard Tina complaining to our mum that Ben didn’t show up because they had an argument about how much she’d spent on Dad’s present.
I later talked to Ben on the phone and asked him about why he skipped Dad’s birthday and he told me that my sister spent close to 200£ on a ‘hand-made, custom’ mug set for my dad even though Tina doesn’t even work. I told him something along the lines of ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you’.
Today, Tina rang me up and accused me of eavesdropping on her and stirring up trouble in her marriage. I told her that I wasn’t eavesdropping on her and it’s none of her business what I talk about with my friend. She kept arguing so I told her that maybe she wouldn’t have problems like this if she were to find a job and stop being a money-loving, selfish jerk, and hung up on her.
After work, I found out that Tina and Ben blocked me on everything (I’m pretty sure she pressured him into it) and my mum showed up at my flat and demanded that I apologize to them.
I don’t feel like apologizing as I don’t think at all that I was the jerk here but what do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You let your friend know way before. You weren’t listening in, she was talking loud enough and in an area you could hear. Yeah if she wants to spend that kind of amount and not have her husband mad, she should probably get off her butt and get a job. Honesty sucks, and siblings are brutally honest with one another.” LillyLing10
Another User Comments:
“YTJ even if you’re 100% right about your sister.
The reality is that when people we know get married, our relationships with them change. The marriage becomes their primary relationship. That’s not a reason to be jealous of your sister. It’s about Ben’s welfare. He cannot have a happy, stable life if he doesn’t respect his wife.
He needs to do whatever he can so that his marriage stays stable. Divorce is expensive and stressful and you shouldn’t want that for him.
What I’m saying is that you’re used to your relationship with Ben where you’re just as important as anyone else. But you need to understand that his marriage comes first now.
He can no longer say, ‘You were totally right about her!’ Not even if he agrees with you that Tina has behaved badly in a particular situation.
Unfortunately, you have made it crystal clear that you do not support your sister. You don’t respect her. You don’t want what’s best for her because if you did, you wouldn’t be trying to undermine her marriage.
The same goes for Ben. If you care about him, you will stop trying to poison his marriage. The reason I said ‘unfortunately’ is that Ben and your sister may have decided that the way to have a stable marriage/life, they’re going to need to distance themselves from you.
I feel your pain. I can’t stand my friend’s husband or my brother’s wife.
When I was younger, I said something harsh about my brother’s wife. She deserved it but life is not fair. As a result, she has distanced herself from me and that meant losing my brother too. What I’m saying is that if you’re smart, you will STOP insulting your sister. You won’t even criticize her (which is different from insulting her because it identifies a problem she might solve).
You will say zero about your sister. You will do nothing but support Ben and do what will make him happy. Maybe your sister will leave him broke or exhausted from working long hours and your job will be to pick up the pieces. But as hard as it may be, DO NOT say anything about her to him until they’re divorced, and even then, only tell him you’re happy he’s out of the situation.
Anything you say about her will make him feel worse.” User
13. AITJ For Talking Back At My Teacher Who Discouraged Me From Taking An IT Class?
“Right now I’m in grade 9, so soon I’m going to have to choose my subjects for grade 10. I have decided to choose accounting, business studies, and IT. I know that the last one doesn’t really fit, and at first, I wanted to go with economy instead, but decided against it since I felt like I was restricting myself to business-related jobs and I wanted to broaden it a bit.
I don’t really know if it will help me or not, but I enjoy learning about computers and there’s also a need for computer programmers where I live, so I feel like if I don’t succeed in being an accountant or business owner, I can always turn to what I learned in IT and go into that field.
Today the grade 9s had an assembly in the hall and there was someone there who talked to us about subject choices, when it was done we went back to class as normal. I had English after and before the teacher started the lesson he did a short speech on subject choices and then asked us what subjects we wanted to choose.
When he asked me, I told him business, accounting, and IT. When I told him IT he made a face and told me that he didn’t think IT was a good subject for me, I asked him why, and he told me that usually girls aren’t as knowledgeable in computers as boys and that he would rather have me take consumer studies because it fits girls more.
I asked him how he knew what I was good at and what fit me best. He told me he doesn’t know what I’m good at, but he just made an assumption since it’s a well-known fact that girls aren’t good at IT. I told him that if he didn’t know what I enjoy and what I’m good at he shouldn’t be telling me about what I should and shouldn’t choose and just stay out of my business.
He told me he was just making a suggestion and that I shouldn’t take it so seriously.
I feel like he was being sexist.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! He was being very sexist, and if I were you, I’d talk to your parents and/or the principal about it because that is not okay.
Also? A woman in an IT-related field here – yeah, it can be harder for women in IT – not because of aptitude, but because of assumptions and sexism. But that doesn’t mean we can’t succeed, or be very good at it. There are multiple women on my company’s IT team, as well as other IT-related positions.
Also, a little side tip: You should look up ‘data analytics’ and ‘data science’. Those three subjects you mentioned can be very interrelated, and data is the meeting point. It’s also very well-paid and highly in demand. You could be a financial data analyst for a business, for instance.” EwokCafe
Another User Comments:
“He’s the jerk.
I was going to just say NTJ because there’s nothing wrong with diversifying your classes, you’re in grade 10, not trade school. And basic IT is useful for an accountant if you end up working in a small office that can’t justify paying for a full-time IT tech and contracts out, or if you own your business.
And it’s great in your personal life, too. You can control your home IT setup the way you want it without help.
Question – Does this teacher have any authority over your class choice or is he merely advising you? Hopefully, you don’t have to fight for your class choices.” oldsbone
12. AITJ For Telling My Dad's Partner I Don't Like Her And Her Kids?
“I (16f) am living with my dad (35m), his partner (34f), and her two kids (m5 and 7m) and it has been miserable.
Let me start this off by saying my dad and I had somewhat of a good relationship even though he would say I always came first but never did over the past 14 years of my life my dad had been married. Since he and his ex-wife had gotten divorced (together when I was 3 and divorced when I was 12) he has gone through women like t-shirts, I know it has been tough on him but it was always tough on me too because he would introduce these women to me and they wouldn’t even last 1 month.
Now back to the story: my dad had met his partner Z around August 2021. The first time I met her she seemed nice enough but I didn’t like the idea of how they were moving so quickly within the first month of being with her and when her bratty kids moved in with us I had to give up my room in the house because she claimed that ‘her sons needed it more’.
No biggie, whatevs, but over time I started to realize that I actually don’t like this lady or her kids. On multiple accounts she has made fun of my family – me and my mum. She has excluded me from family trips and even has the nerve to tell me since she’s with my dad, I have to call her mum now and the list just goes on and on.
Anyway, this event happened around 9:30 pm tonight. I had just gotten out of the shower and went to the kitchen to get a snack because I was hungry. Z was sitting on the couch and saw me. She started telling me that I shouldn’t eat much or I’d end up looking like my mother (keep in mind me and my mum aren’t on the big side but she is).
For some reason, this was just the cherry on top. I stopped what I was doing and replied ‘You mean I’ll end up looking like you Z because my mum isn’t that big and you are’. She looked at me quite shocked but I didn’t stop there. I continued on by saying ‘You know I genuinely don’t like you or your kids, you’re a repulsive person to be around and it’s no surprise you don’t have many friends’.
I then walked away while she just sat there staring at me the whole time. A few seconds later I heard her go upstairs and then my dad came running down the stairs and started yelling at me telling me not to disrespect her etc. I couldn’t even explain my side of the story without getting mad at him so it ended up with both of us yelling at each other.
In the end, I called my friend to see if I could stay the night at hers because I was just over everything. As I was leaving I yelled out to Z that she was a fat jerk and slammed the door. Now I’m thinking about it. I know I was in the wrong for saying that but I don’t care and don’t plan on apologizing so AITJ for telling my dad’s partner that I genuinely don’t like her or her kids?”
Another User Comments:
“I am in my 30s, so close to your dad and his partner’s age, and I am completely dumbfounded why his partner would ever talk trash to you like this when you were eating. Like… what? And so I am going to say NTJ because yes, you read her with brutality but she basically invited you to do it.
She needs to review the ‘Don’t start none, won’t be none’ manual, specifically under the Mind Your Own Business and When to Shut Up sections.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No offense to this OP, but you’re a child. Z is an adult acting like a child, she has no excuse. It seems she is plainly trying to start crap to shove you out of your father’s life.
Making a teenager give up her room for a young child? It’s insane. If you can I would document her treatment of you, recordings, etc, and give it to your father privately. He can be a grown man and choose his child for once. Can you stay with your mother or another family member perhaps?” LadyTheBlitzed
11. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Keep A Stray Kitten?
“I (22F) have a 4-year-old daughter, Mae, with my ex, Mark (28M).
He had an affair causing our break up. After a lengthy custody battle which I won’t get into here, I have full custody and Mark has every other weekend supervised visitation.
I currently live with my father since he needed help after he broke his arm and he hated being alone after my mother passed. This will be important later, but my dad is paying his friend (John, late 50sM) and his son (Stephan, 24M) to remodel the back porch.
Also, Stephan had confessed to having a thing for me when I was with Mark and Mark has had issues with Stephan since.
Mae has really expressed to me how much she wants a pet over the last few months. I was playing with the idea for a while when one of my co-workers found 2 stray kittens behind the building.
She decided to keep one but she didn’t want to keep the other so I decided to take it home for Mae. Once she saw it she got so excited and named her KitKat. Mae adores KitKat and is doing a really good job taking care of her (with help, of course, lol).
Today was Mark’s birthday and he wanted to see Mae for a couple of hours, which I agreed to.
He came over and after Mae gave him a card excused herself to the bathroom. She came back with KitKat because she really wanted to show Mark her kitten. (I put KitKat in her room for the day because Mark HATES cats and I told her to leave KitKat in her room until Mark left) Mark flipped his lid and asked why I would let our daughter have a ‘filthy creature’ as a pet.
I told him to quit being a baby and that it was just a kitten. He called me stupid and went outside for a smoke break.
From what I was told by Stephan, Mark called me a ‘jerk who needs to shut her stupid mouth’. Stephan told Mark that he needed to shut his mouth because he betrayed the best girl he ever had.
Then Mark yelled ‘I knew she was sleeping with you’ (for the record I haven’t slept with anyone since Mark). When my dad and I heard the yelling, we helped John de-escalate the situation. Dad kicked Mark off the property and sat in the garage with John talking to Stephan.
Mark has called me and told me to kick KitKat to the streets and that I’m not allowed to be in any intimate relationship as long as I have custody of Mae.
I told him to touch grass.
Mae is playing with KitKat right now and I’m wondering if I’m a jerk for letting her have KitKat. None of this would have happened and I wouldn’t be paranoid that Mark was going to start another custody battle. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So… you get your child a pet that she loves and makes her happy after a nasty divorce and her world-changing… and you’re now worrying about whether that was something that was just going to set him off and you should have prevented that?
That has got abusive ex red flags written all over it.
You are NTJ. And you are SOOO much better off without this creep. And he’s complaining about the ‘filthy creature’ and then goes out to smoke? Hello? I’ll take the cat over smoke/ash/stench all day long.
You’re divorced. He can shut up about the kitten.
And you can sleep with whomever you want… because you’re divorced. His threat is full of hot air… I’d like to see how a judge would react to, ‘I want to change the custody agreement because my ex-wife bought our daughter a kitten.’
I’m sorry. He’s horrible.” NoreastNorwest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex sounds a bit unstable. Assuming this went through the courts, a custody battle over having a pet at one parent’s home (primary custody) wouldn’t go far. Also, it shouldn’t be an issue even if you were seeing Stephan. He is your EX and has no say over your personal life.
Having said that – be careful. His jealousy and anger could become an issue. Start a journal of events, dates, and witnesses in case this ever needs to go to court. I hope Mae enjoys her kitten. Pets are good for kids.” balancedgray
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Kids Go Over To My Ex's House?
“My ex and I have 2 children, both under the age of 6. We separated in 2020 and have spent the last two years working up a very working relationship, where we discuss things concerning the children weekly. The children have two homes, almost equal time, and slightly more with me.
When our relationship ended, we discussed very openly our expectations for the future and how we could maintain a good friendly relationship.
One of the things that I brought up as a point I very strongly feel is that if either one of us starts to go out with anyone else, that person would not be introduced to the children too quickly. The agreed-upon limit was 1 year. Our son has an unspecified neurological disorder, that he is in therapy for, and he reacts very badly to changes.
I feel that a year is the minimum time for a relationship until you introduce the person to the children. My ex has agreed with this point up until now.
He has now decided to marry a mail-order bride. They married today. They met online in January and in person in March when she traveled here.
She is still in the country on a tourist visa, which expires in early June, after which she will be forced to leave the country for at least 3 months. Their plans were brought to my attention exactly one month ago, and I have since tried to make everything work. I have met her individually and them together, but she does not speak any language that I know.
She also doesn’t speak a language my ex knows. During this period of a month, I had the children most of the time, them being at my ex’s only one weekend, during which time the new wife was at a hotel.
Now for the part we can not seem to agree on.
My ex feels that I am being controlling and not letting him live his truth by not agreeing to let the children come over to his house this weekend before the wife has to leave for 3 months.
I have tried to make him understand that given my son’s disability, I feel that it would only serve to confuse him and our other child because they will not be able to understand why she was living with them and then suddenly disappeared. I have tried to reason with him, saying that I absolutely have nothing against them living there once she returns, as it will be a longer stay.
When she returns in 3 months, she will be able to stay another 3 months with a tourist visa, after which she will again have to leave.
I feel that I have been more than accommodating with the situation, that was thrust upon me on a moment’s notice, shattering our agreement and quite frankly going against what I believe to be morally right, and I have tried to keep an open mind to her as a person and the situation, rather than being put off by the situation itself.
My ex however feels I’m unreasonable and am trying to keep him from being happy by not letting him do what he wants, regardless of how it would affect the children and me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m not sure if you’ve gone through the Courts to confirm custody arrangements but it sounds like it’s time for a trip there (or back there).
What you are describing at your ex’s place does not sound like a stable household for any kid, let alone one with a neurological disorder. You don’t know this woman and your husband ‘mail-ordered’ her? There are so many things wrong with this plan. If she and your ex don’t speak the same language how does he even communicate unless there is some sort of intermediary (which then raises concerns about this woman’s consent to what is happening)?
Even if you put the trafficking concerns aside, step-parenting is hard even when boundaries and wants can be clearly communicated. What is the plan for how this is all going to work?
Protect the kids. NTJ.” Cat_got_ya_tongue
Another User Comments:
“No, no, no! This is ridiculous. What kind of person marries a stranger who doesn’t speak the language, can’t talk to him except through an online translator, and can’t live in the country full-time?
Your ex is a fool and is harming your children. Tell him they are not meeting his mail-order bride until she is in the country full-time and has a visa or a job. He can cry to you all he wants but he is not thinking about the children, only about himself. You have custody so he doesn’t have any rights other than what you give him.
So don’t give him the children until the agreed year has passed. There is no guarantee this marriage will even last that long. You are a bad mother if you let him talk you into what he wants. Again, DO NOT LET YOUR CHILDREN stay with him!” Malibucat48
9. AITJ For Refusing To Meet With My Mom Despite The Monetary Help She's Offering?
“I’ve been in extremely low contact with my mother for about 12 years now for a litany of reasons.
We speak via email only, she has no idea where I live despite her best efforts to try to figure that out. She’s received very few photos of me at her request despite multiple attempts to get a rise out of me by saying she’s ‘cleaning out her storage and was going to toss my childhood photos and asking if I wanted any’… ya, she’s this type of person and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
If toxic was a person she’d be it.
Anyway, my mother claims to have recently come into a windfall of money and this ended up proving to be true. She emailed me saying she’d be happy to provide me with a handsome amount for me to use as I like with no strings attached… However, to receive this money I have to meet up with her to get it.
My husband thinks it’s worth ‘sucking up my pride’ and meeting up with her just to get the money. Although it is a substantial amount, for me, this has nothing to do with pride and mainly protecting myself from any future emotional and mental damage this woman is capable of doing in such a short period of time.
I’ve been in therapy for literally a decade to unlearn, relearn, work through, and process only SOME of the (let’s call it) nonsense this woman has put me through and I just don’t feel it’s worth sacrificing any more of my life to this woman. Even if it’s for an arguably life-changing amount.
My husband is continuing to try to pressure me, trying to convince me ‘it won’t be that bad’, but I can just imagine all the crap she will try to pull if she’ll even make the transfer if I go or if she’ll try to drag things along trying to get as much out of this as she can.
This isn’t the first time she’s tried to pull a stunt like this. She’s done this before with her will, saying she wants to be the executor but I HAVE to go to her lawyers and she HAS to be there too… even if that’s true I still declined because even that small amount wasn’t worth it for me.
She had surgery that got moved up and somehow I was the only person who could look after her dog and if I didn’t ‘it would be my fault she couldn’t get it done and she really needs it’… like there aren’t doggy daycares?
I digress… My husband appears to have reached a breaking point as I told him I’m not comfortable.
He’s now giving me the silent treatment after muttering under his breath that I am a ‘selfish jerk’ right before leaving the kitchen yesterday morning.
I don’t think I am… Some things aren’t worth the cost. On the off chance I am what say you: AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your safety and dignity aren’t worth this money.
Also, the chances of you getting the money are likely pretty slim – she’s going to add more demands or come up with some reason you’ve insulted her during the in-person meeting to explain why she’s not giving the money.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and your husband sounds like a jerk. You need to take care of yourself first.
If you do decide to meet her, do it at a restaurant or some sort of place like that. Rent a car so she won’t get your license plate info. And tell her that you want a check or cashier’s check – no account transfers or anything like that.
Having said that, you’re well within your right to cut all ties.
I’m astonished your husband is not supporting you through this, but I guess it’s hard to walk away from a ‘life-changing amount’ that could be used for your home or your children or whatever.
Try talking to your therapist about it.” DisneyBuckeye
8. AITJ For Telling My Stepsister Not To Come To My Gender Reveal Party?
“My (23F) parents divorced when I was in middle school. My parents ended up marrying different people. My mom married a guy named Dave (53M) who has a daughter (26F) named Angeline.
I was never close to her growing up because she gave off the impression she never really liked me so I kept my distance.
5 years ago she met this great guy named Jonathan. He was really nice the few times we met and seemed to really like Angeline. Now here’s where the problem started. Last weekend Angeline told me that Jonathan proposed to her and I was the first to know.
I was a bit suspicious at the fact that I was the first to know of all people. Then, she asked me if instead of revealing the baby’s gender at the party I could do it another day and let her have an engagement announcement instead. I told her no and that if she wanted to have a party she could do it another day or text everyone about the engagement and that she told me on short notice when the gender reveal was next week.
She got really mad and called me a jerk and hung up.
Yesterday morning (the day of the gender reveal) Jonathan texted me thanking me for giving up my party just so they could announce the engagement. I told him that I never said that and the gender reveal was still on. He was confused because apparently, Angeline told him that I planned to have my reveal another day so she could announce the engagement.
I was mad because right after I told her no she told Jonathan that I said yes. I texted her and left a voicemail saying that she’s not invited to the reveal anymore so do not come and if she does I will not hesitate to kick her out. It’s safe to say she didn’t attend the party.
This morning I got texts from her, her friends, and her mom’s side of the family saying how I’m a selfish jerk and that a gender reveal can always be rescheduled but an engagement announcement party wouldn’t always happen again and I made her have to announce her engagement over texts. I do feel bad because she had something special in mind when she was going to announce her engagement and I didn’t let it happen but at the same time just like I can reschedule my gender reveal she could reschedule her announcement party.”
Another User Comments:
“‘a gender reveal can always be rescheduled but an engagement announcement party wouldn’t always happen again’
NTJ. I don’t see why an engagement announcement party can’t be rescheduled any less than a gender reveal party. Not that it’s even rescheduling as she never planned anything in the first place, whereas you’d already paid for invitations, the gender reveal activity, food and drinks, etc. I think she just wanted a free party more than anything.
Plus, if I were a guest of a gender reveal party, I would be mightily annoyed with a last-minute bait-and-switch and end up attending the engagement announcement party of an entitled woman I probably care nothing about.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not a big fan of gender reveal parties in general, I think it is rather silly.
But I’d NEVER try to hijack someone else’s gender reveal party just so that I can announce something when I can totally pick a different date for it instead.
‘her, her friends, and her mom’s side of the family saying how I’m a selfish jerk and a gender reveal can always be rescheduled but an engagement announcement party wouldn’t always happen again and I made her have to announce her engagement over texts.’
This is all nonsense. Their argument can be applied right back to them. Your stepsister could always pick a different date instead of forcing you to change your already planned gender reveal party. Nothing kept her from having an engagement announcement party. Well, she can still have it. You didn’t make her announce it over texts, she did it herself.
She was being lazy and entitled by expecting you to give up your planned party just so that she could get the maximum attention from the already gathered crowd. Good on you to have revoked her invitation to the gender reveal party because who knows what she’d have been capable of doing.” untroddenpath
7. AITJ For Telling My Friend If She Wants My Kid As A Flower Girl, She Needs To Pay Up?
“I (31F) have a beautiful 6-year-old daughter, ‘Ruth’. I have no sisters so my best friend from high school, ‘Jess,’ is the closest thing Ruth has to an aunt. Jess recently got engaged and I am the maid of honor and she also asked me if Ruth would be her flower girl. I said yes, knowing there would be some costs to all this.
I fully expected to pay for both mine and Ruth’s dresses/shoes and maybe her hair, and also a manicure and makeup for myself if so required. Based on other weddings I had stood in, I budgeted what I thought was an ample $900 for all of this: $500 for my dress (including alterations) and shoes, $150 for my hair and makeup, $50 for a manicure, about a $150 for her dress and shoes, and another $50 IF she needed to have her hair done; I didn’t think this was super necessary bc I could curl her hair myself but if Jess wanted a specific style I’d allow it.
We’re about three months from the wedding and Jess texted everyone in the bridal party asking us to Venmo her for the 50% deposit to confirm the hair/makeup stylist. The total was $170 each, so a $85 deposit, which I felt was a little expensive but whatever. She didn’t say anything about a price for Ruth’s hair so I assumed she wasn’t expecting that; I was relieved about that part so I sent her the $85 for myself.
Like 10 minutes later she texted me, ‘Thanks but you forgot the deposit for Ruth!’ I was like okay what is the cost of Ruth’s hair I’ll send the 50% right now. Without rehashing a lot of back and forth, she was expecting $85 for Ruth to have full hair and makeup! I was like what?
In what world does a six-year-old need $170 worth of hair and makeup done for a wedding? She ultimately explained that not only did she expect Ruth to have both her hair and makeup professionally done, but she wanted her nails done too! I pushed back and said I thought it was ridiculous that a SIX-YEAR-OLD needed full hair, makeup, and nails to stand in a wedding.
This wasn’t disclosed when I was asked, and I said if that was her requirement I expected her to foot the bill. I would pay for her hair as I thought that was semi-reasonable, but makeup and nails were on her. She said that was standard and didn’t think it warranted a separate discussion.
My husband thinks I’m being absurd over what amounts to an extra $200 but I think it’s the principle of it. I almost want to tell her at this point to pay for it all – she wants my kid to be in the wedding; why should that cost me money to begin with?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not about the money. A 6-year-old should not be wearing makeup or getting her nails done.
Let’s be blunt. Makeup and nails are all about making oneself artificially younger and attractive. They enforce artificial standards of beauty. The longer girls can be kept from this crap, the healthier they will be.
(And no 6-year-old needs to be made artificially beautiful, let alone younger.
As for this being ‘standard.’ It’s only standard in an industry that has a vested interest in increasing costs and profit.
A flower girl needs a simple white dress and shoes. Nothing more.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Having a 6-year-old’s hair professionally done isn’t unreasonable, nor is a simple coat of nail polish that matches the wedding colors (or doesn’t match tbh), but makeup is largely unnecessary for a young child.
There’s no way that having a full face on a 6-year-old won’t spark toddlers in tiaras vibes, and if you stick to an appropriate amount of makeup for a 6-year-old (lip gloss, maybe a swipe of eyeshadow or blush if she wants to feel more included in getting ready) then you definitely shouldn’t have to pay full price for literal seconds of work.
If the bride is insistent on these things, and you as a parent disagree (as you should), then you have every right to make the best decision for your daughter.” thequiltedgiraffe
6. AITJ For Buying A New Charger?
“I forgot my charger at work and realized it after getting home with only 10%. My work is a 40 min drive from home so I just intended on getting it back Monday. Anyway, I still needed something to charge my phone during the weekend.
I use my cellphone a lot, for watching YouTube/playing games/Reddit/talking to family, and work-related stuff. I was okay with waiting until tomorrow to buy a charger, the mall would open at 10 AM, no big deal. Then I remembered the mall would still be open until 10 PM today so I decided to get a new charger today.
My husband said it was something absolutely insane to do. Why couldn’t I wait until tomorrow? I explained that I didn’t want to be without my phone if there was a simple solution today. This mall is a 3 min drive from home. The problem is that he said he wasn’t feeling well with a headache and I should be worried about him and not about buying a charger.
It’s not unusual for both of us to experience headaches by the way.
I didn’t ask him to come with me, but I did need him to move the car because my car was blocked by his because of the way our parking works. And he doesn’t let me drive his car.
Not even for moving mine. He said he wouldn’t have anything to do with my addiction and to deal with it myself. So I called an Uber, bought my charger, and went back home. I didn’t tell him I would leave because after he told me to deal with it myself he locked himself in the shower.
He is mad, not talking to me after he said I was selfish and ruined our weekend. So please help me understand, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’m somewhat concerned about your husband. 6 minutes travel time, round trip, plus I’m assuming 10-15 tops to pick up the charger… Hardly going to ‘ruin the weekend’ especially since he wasn’t planning to go out or do much that you delayed. I have a similar parking situation, in that one of us always blocks the other and cars need to be moved if we forgot to park in the right order – and whoever needs to move whoever’s car, we just do that.
Your husband sounds unreasonably controlling.” AuntieEls
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But your husband is a major jerk – for several reasons just in this story.
Why does he even need to comment on your errands? Why should you wait? How on earth is it an insane thing to do?
You need to be able to move his car if it’s in your way.
When you say he ‘doesn’t let you’ drive – do you not have access to the keys? You should have access, and he should shut up about you driving it. If he can block your car in, he’s essentially confining you to your home, which is beyond creepy.
Oooh – a headache. Seriously?
Wanting a functioning phone is not an ‘addiction.’
He locked himself in the shower and now he’s giving you the silent treatment. He says running an errand is selfish. He’d be a jerk if your errand was to buy your favorite ‘adult film’.
His behavior is unacceptable. If this is unusual, he may need help. If it isn’t, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship.” Sharkmato
5. WIBTJ If I File A Complaint About My Neighbor's Gazebo?
“My (34F) neighbors Jeff & Jane (60/70s) installed a gazebo (Bali hut) against our boundary around 2017.
We knew that it wasn’t legal, it was built too close to our boundary & they didn’t have a permit.
We (husband 42M) built our house in 2011 and our neighbors in 2010. Over the 10+ years, we have only had a few issues.
We’re putting an extension (small retreat for my mother) on the boundary to Jeff & Jane.
It is legal, we have a building permit & surveyors cited the setback. I advised Jane before commencing work what was happening. Jane had issues immediately as ‘You have all those flooding issues you keep telling us about’ (from something they did).
As work progressed Jane’s made it difficult for our tradies. She called the police when one smiled & waved at her, parked her car to restrict access & loved filming them working.
Jane is most peeved about privacy. There is a 70cm gap between my shrubs where you can see over the 1.8m high fence, the gap has always been there. She installed shonky, illegal screening which is now removed following one of our daily ‘chats’. Jane has been ranting that we had no right to do the extension, they were owners first & built how they did for privacy.
Note their other side is a bush reserve but they built their patio & pool against our boundary.
I’ve told Jane if my mum needs more privacy I will put up blinds otherwise I can grow a vine, she said that would take too long to grow. Jane wants me to do something NOW as I’m causing her more heart trouble.
I told Jane she could add blinds to her gazebo but ‘No, that would ruin the look’. I asked ‘Why is it okay to ruin my look but not yours when it’s you with the issue?’ There has been daily drama & abuse from Jane, I am close to breaking point.
Two days ago the utility trenches were dug out.
The tradies didn’t finish everything in one day so some dirt & grass was left on Jane’s side. We had it all roped off with orange screening for safety & tradies would be back at 7 a.m. the next day to finish.
Well… Jane sauntered over in her usual death-eater manner. I opened the door holding my baby & said ‘I don’t have it in me today Jane.
I can’t deal with whatever you have to say’. She said ‘I can’t deal with any of this you are causing my heart issues to worsen. You need to move that dirt off our lawns NOW. I’ve called a council.’ I called my husband to deal with her. He asked her what the problem was, said it would be gone tomorrow & look the same as before.
Jane screeched ‘You should never have built that!’ I snapped that I would be chopping down ALL our shrubs that give her privacy & ‘We’re planning a second-story extension NOW with a balcony overlooking your yard so good luck with that’.
That was yesterday, today I called the council & confirmed gazebo is placed too close to our boundary & doesn’t have a permit.
If I email the council they will investigate & have them either remove or relocate it. If they choose to relocate it will cost around $10,000 for a permit & work.
WIBTJ for reporting them?”
Another User Comments:
“You need to report both the gazebo and the flooding issue. This could literally destroy your house. You are getting water damage to your foundation and potentially have a fire bridge that could burn your house down.
Sorry, but being nice doesn’t trump your family home and safety. Don’t give her a heads up, just report it. Keep pressing the council until they fix the flooding issue and move the gazebo. This is your and your family’s safety you need to think about. That overrides everything else.” mocha_lattes_
Another User Comments:
“‘Jane, this is stopping now. We are doing this extension on our own property, we have proper permits, and it’s up to code’. If you have any other complaints, I suggest you direct them to a solicitor because this has now become harassment. ‘If you continue to complain, we will consider you coming on our property to be trespassing’.
And tell your traders to not leave anything on her property. Don’t give her any more reasons to complain.” Living-Assumption272
4. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister-in-Law's Kid's Bad Behavior?
“I have a SIL who is a very laid-back mother of energetic young boys, 6 and 8. One is fine, but the other only listens after the 5th time of telling him no. And usually after something gets broken. I personally can’t stand to be around the kids due to this behavior and they give me such a headache.
Eating out? Shouting. Running around. Touching everything. Putting their hands in my food. The kid has no boundaries and is very very seldom ever told no or scolded for his behavior on any occasion. SIL usually just laughs and moves on without thinking of how his actions affect others.
We visit my mother often because she has a pool and we invite the boys over.
They have been there many times. About 80-90% of the time, he breaks something there. I understand accidents happen but when it’s almost every single time and based on his other behavior, it’s not an accident. He does this crap to get attention and because he hates being told no. If told no he tries to sneak.
No, you can’t eat the cookies, he will steal them behind your back to eat or just throw them on the floor, etc. Temper like whoa.
The last time they were at my mother’s he was on his way out and decided to run upstairs for no reason to pet the dogs but we told him not to and to leave them alone.
Again, we said it like 3 times before he finally stopped and stomped down the stairs where he knocked over a vase and it broke on the tile floor. SIL never yells or corrects them, she just stood there and didn’t even acknowledge it broke, as usual.
Had enough. Stopped him where he stood and said very forcefully to look at me while I talked to him.
Explained that he needs to listen to the grown-ups, that his behavior is rude and unacceptable, and that this is not his house and he has to follow rules. I ended the talking by saying it’s for his own protection because look, now there is broken glass on the floor and you and your brother are barefoot from the pool.
I was VERY stern in my talking.
Then on the way out he let the dog out the door and it ran down the street and I had to run my butt off to go chase it. He knows not to leave the doors open due to that and knowing his sneaky attitude I’m sure he did it on purpose to say ‘screw you’ to me.
SIL proceeded to talk to my wife while I was running after the dog and tell her she doesn’t appreciate me talking to her kids like that and that I’m never to speak to them again in such a manner, etc etc.
AITJ? Also, we just bought a new house and I don’t want that kid to come over here.
I don’t at all. But my wife is mad and says we need to invite them etc. I know something will get broken. Meh.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Jesus, that kid is entitled. So is the parent, I usually don’t like children being yelled at but this is repeated behavior and it was clear nothing was going to change.
You had to do something, maybe not the best but dear god that kid needed a lesson. There is a line, the kid crossed it, and it is completely in your right to not want to deal with property damage incarnate.” TGBoy11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Instead of cleaning up the broken vase or assisting to secure the dog she sits on her butt complaining about you; her priorities are wrong.
She is to blame for having a kid who is intolerable and purposely destructive.
You have a rational firm grasp on his behavior and SIL is creating a human many will not want to be around. How does your mom tolerate this chaos? Not visiting your home is a gift you both deserve for two years(?) to see if his behavior improves (fingers crossed).
There’s no need to apologize; best to you!” DesertSong-LaLa
3. AITJ For Not Telling My Wife That I Got Laid Off From My Job?
“When my wife (28 f) was over 6 months pregnant I (29 M) got laid off from my job. My wife has very high blood pressure, which doesn’t make it any better since she’s been stressed this whole pregnancy about the baby’s health.
We unfortunately suffered two miscarriages in the past and we have been really afraid of losing our son.
When I got laid off I never told her, instead every day after leaving for ‘work’ I was taking up Uber to have some sort of income coming in because this wasn’t something extra I wanted her to stress about.
For over 2 months there have been job interviews and applications submitted for the same position I was working but at different companies.
Thank goodness that I finally got a job offer recently. My hiring date is in a few days but my wife surprised me today when she called me asking where I was. She came to the office where I used to work to bring me a surprise lunch.
Obviously, I wasn’t there though, and she got really really mad. Then after telling her the real reason, my wife started crying.
She asked me how could I lie to her about something important. But we would have been fine with me not working for a few months. There would’ve been funds from unemployment, my savings, and the amount I was making off Uber to keep us going even after the baby got here.
I also tried explaining that it was for her health and the baby’s so she doesn’t stress about finances.
My wife didn’t care though because it was still a lie. Right now she went to cool off at her sister’s for a bit. I talked to her sister on the phone who thinks that yeah I’m a jerk for not telling her about it.
Even after explaining my reasons being for my wife’s health. Was I really being a jerk though? Yeah, lying is bad and it’s always important to tell the truth. But for this particular situation? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, that’s a tough one. I want to lean toward ‘no jerks here’.
20/20 hindsight is a thing.
With two miscarriages behind you and a pregnant wife, I could 100% see myself making the same decision. Yeah, you ended up getting caught which made it 1000 times worse, but you acted out of compassion and thoughtfulness. Hopefully, your wife will come around to see this, once she cools off. DO NOT lie to her again, like ever.
Even if it blows up in your face, you have to be 100% honest with her from now on.” briareus08
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You had no right to lie to get like that. You constructed a false reality that she had to find out about on her own instead of you coming clean, and now she doesn’t know if she can ever trust you again.
If you can hold a lie that big for that long, what might you lie about/conceal in the future? You have some serious apologizing to do. You know full well how awful you’d feel if she did this to you.” notrapunzel
2. AITJ For Being Mad At My Sister-In-Law For Combining Father's Day And My Birthday Celebration?
“I turned 30 (f) last Saturday. I haven’t done anything for my birthday in the past nearly 8 years.
I’m usually working. Well, this year my SIL invited me over on my birthday and said she was going to have a BBQ birthday party thing for me or whatnot. It was not even remotely what I wanted to do on my birthday but I felt like I couldn’t say no because she was hosting it and claimed it was for me, yadda yadda.
Well, when my husband and I arrived, family members of his that not only had I never met but he hadn’t seen in years were there (a couple of uncles and their wives), as well as other family members that I had met and gotten along with. My husband was super excited to see all these people that he hadn’t seen in years and at first, everything was great, despite me being really overwhelmed. However, I did take into notice that not one single person said Happy Birthday to me, including my SIL, and she had a banner along her door that said ‘Happy Father’s Day’.
By about an hour and a half in (and after my SIL begged me to help her host this massive BBQ and help her cook EVERYTHING – Enough to feed 30 people) I was completely over it. I sat in a lawn chair outside and started browsing my phone. One of the uncles and my SIL sit down near me and he goes ‘Thanks for having us for Father’s Day, this is nice.’ My SIL then turns to me and says ‘Crap, Happy Birthday.’ I just said thanks and kept scrolling my phone.
The uncle goes ‘Oh Happy birthday, you don’t look like you’re having much fun.’ So I said ‘I’m not. I was told this was a birthday party for me, not a Father’s Day celebration, and so far I’ve been hosting instead of enjoying anything when I could be out having a day for myself.’ He goes quiet and looks at my SIL before saying ‘You told us this was for Father’s Day?’ She turns beet red and says I shouldn’t be souring the mood over something trivial and that the family is never able to get together like this so she just ‘combined’ the two events.
So I get up and say ‘Yeah well that would have worked if you had told people that you were combining events, not just celebrating Father’s Day because no one here is aware that I even exist.’ I then get in my car and leave. My husband is mad because he said that I didn’t have to make a big deal out of it because the relatives he hasn’t seen in years now think I’m a drama queen and he had to overly explain that I was just disappointed and it wasn’t a conversation that he should have had to have.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… they asked and you answered honestly. Since she didn’t even tell you it was also for Father’s Day how could you have known that was her intent prior to showing up and seeing the banner? A jerk move since it was before Father’s Day and so you couldn’t have prepared any appropriate cards or anything for those you might have wanted to give them to.
Let alone setting you up to think it was a party for you.
You were set up for disappointment and then they are mad you were disappointed.” ACorania
Another User Comments:
“Basically NTJ, but you need to learn how to speak up sooner.
You accepted an invitation to a party pitched to be thrown in your honor that you didn’t want in the first place.
You show up and it’s not a birthday party, it’s a family reunion centered on Father’s Day.
You allow yourself to get pressed into service, cooking, and preparing food.
And then all resentment comes out at the end. You could have said no to the invite. You could have said ‘Wow, everyone’s here for my birthday?’ when you got there, or asked the SIL what was going on privately.
You could have said ‘I’d like to meet my husband’s family’ when you were asked to cook at what was supposed to be a party for you.
Stand up for yourself. It doesn’t make you a jerk if you ask questions or say no to something you don’t want to do.” Fenriswolf_9
1. AITJ For Taking My Daughter's Partner Out To Eat Without Her?
“My 14-year-old daughter May has been going out with this boy Félix (also 14) for a couple of months now. He’s a nice boy, really polite, but I can tell he most likely isn’t from a well-to-do family. I don’t have a problem with this though because as I said, he seems like a good person and that’s what counts.
He was going to take my daughter out for ice cream earlier today, and while he was waiting for her to get ready he asked me if he could have some peanut butter. I said oh, don’t you want to save room for the date, but he explained he didn’t have enough budget to buy something for himself (he’s always paid on their dates as far as I know).
This poor kid was so hungry I could hear his stomach growling. Offered to give him some money but he said he’s not allowed to accept cash. I then asked him if it’d be alright if I took him out for dinner with my daughter, and he called his mom and she said it was ok.
When May came downstairs I told her the new plan. She was upset and thought it was lame that I’d be with them. I said I could just sit in the car and she could call me when it was time to pick up the check, but she was having none of it and said she was going out with some friends instead.
It was a little embarrassing since she basically dumped him in front of me, but I kind of just moved on and asked Félix if he still wanted to go. He said yeah so I took him down to Wendy’s. We had a good time, but when I told May where I’d been she was furious.
She accused me of liking her significant other romantically and that I shouldn’t have gone out with him without her.
I reminded her I’d given her that option and she’d refused, but she said that didn’t change anything and now she can’t trust me with any of her SOs. I tried to tell her I was not interested in her SO at all but she just ran out of the room.
I feel bad for her but I don’t think I did anything wrong. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but after she’s had some time to calm down from her anger, sit down and have a chat with her about it. See what really set her off.
And maybe point out that it is super illegal for you to have a romantic interest in her SO.
But it is not weird to take a parental interest in your daughter’s SO. And based on what you have shared with us, you have only taken an appropriate parental interest.” Minnichi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pull your daughter aside, sit her down, and explain all the reasons you suspect he isn’t well off and why you did what you did.
You are a good person and shouldn’t let this fester in her for long. Kids will think they know everything and eventually, it will stick in her mind that what she said is true. If she still doesn’t seem to care after understanding or starts to bully him at school for this you have a whole new problem about that kid.” FurrenParagon
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