People Talk About Their Tense And Tricky "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
32. AITJ For Cutting Off My Parents After They Secretly DNA Tested My Child?
“I met my wife Sonya at a restaurant where she worked as a waitress. It took me a while to finally be her partner. I introduced her to my parents and they voiced out their disapproval after meeting her. My parents think that Sonya is only using me to achieve her American dream.
I told them that is racist and I am very offended by their assumption.
After my wife accepted my marriage proposal, we asked for both our family’s blessing. Her parents were happy for us but my parents were gutted and refused to give their blessing. Because of this we decided to elope and only invited my brother and Sonya’s best friends to be our witnesses.
Long story short, now that we’re 2 years married and after we welcomed our first child Garreth, my parents started to reach out to us. My kindhearted wife didn’t think twice to welcome my parents into our lives. She let them meet our baby 2 days after being discharged from the hospital.
My parents visit us regularly and one day while dad and mom are playing with Garreth mom said something along the lines of “aren’t you the cutest baby ever? I am so glad to confirm you are indeed my grandson”. She didn’t know I was around because she looked startled when I said “what is that supposed to mean?” Mom tried to change the subject but I insisted she tell me what she’s talking about.
Mom sat me down and apologized first before telling me that they had Garreth’s DNA tested to make sure that he’s mine. I was speechless for a moment and before I blew up from anger I told dad to give me my son and they better leave before I lose whatever respect I had left for them.
My mom was very apologetic and said it’s because they don’t trust my wife and that our son looks nothing like me. I didn’t argue anymore and told them to get out of my house.
My wife was in the kitchen preparing for lunch and told her my parents had an emergency that’s why they left without saying a word.
I didn’t tell my wife about the whole DNA test thing until after two weeks when she asked why mom and dad didn’t visit anymore. I told her everything as I know I cannot keep a secret from her. She started crying and it broke my heart. I know how much she tried to win my parents’ approval and what I told her was like a slap across her face.
That night she told me that she can no longer let my parents into our child’s life and I agreed with her. When mom called to ask when they can visit again, I told them they are no longer welcome in our son’s life. Mom called my dad and I told him the same thing. He was livid, he called me ungrateful and cruel. He also said a few choice words about my wife which angered me more. I didn’t even hear the rest because I just hung up. Did I overreact? AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Wanting My Mom And Siblings To Move In After My Fiancé's Mom Stayed With Us?
“Long story short, 3 years ago my fiance’s mom was trying to leave a relationship and needed a place to stay. At that time we lived in a very small, cramped 2 bedroom apartment – with the 2nd bedroom converted into my office because I work from home and need the space for my employment equipment (two monitors, printer, fax, filing cabinets, etc.).
Despite me saying that I truly didn’t want to give up my space, he begged and pleaded until finally I gave in. He said, and I quote, ‘When the day comes you know I would do the same for you if your family ever needed it.’ I was honestly still far, far from happy because realistically speaking his mom didn’t need a place to go at all.
The house she and her partner had was in fact hers and she had owned it for years so why she was the one to move out is beyond me (it wasn’t a toxic relationship – she just wasn’t ‘feeling it’ anymore).
Fast forward two months of her staying: she has completely taken over my office space and I have my equipment set up in the only other spot available; directly in front of my TV.
She moves out and back in with her partner. Never paid a dime and didn’t even bother taking most of her stuff with her – which took me more than 3 days to clear out with my fiance. Not impressed.
Anyhow – we upgrade. We bought a 4-bedroom home last year with the plan of expanding our family.
This was prior to finding out he isn’t fertile. It sucks but honestly, it is what it is. I’m not wildly upset about it. However, my mom just lost her home due to foreclosure (she was renting and her landlord didn’t pay his rent so the house was foreclosed and she was given a 3-day notice to quit).
My mom has my siblings with her (14yo twins). Very well-behaved and clean kids. She needs a place to go. We have two rooms available. I bring it up with my fiance and he immediately says he isn’t comfortable with it and that he doesn’t want his home to feel like it isn’t his by allowing other people to move in and ‘take over’.
So I brought up his agreement years back and stated that I allowed his mother to move in for literally no reason; whereas my mother legit needs a place.
He is now saying that that was years ago and the situation is 100% different because ‘there wasn’t two teenagers running the house’ when his mom moved in. He says I’m a jerk for trying to force this on him and make him do something he isn’t comfortable with. AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Not Allowing My Ex-Wife To Celebrate Our Son's Birthday With Us?
“At the end of April 2021 I found out my wife of almost 11 years had been having an affair with a man that she works with. She told me she didn’t know why she had done it as she ‘wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t have feelings for him at all’ she just did it for the attention.
I forgave her almost immediately as I truly felt she was the love of my life and my soul mate. Two weeks after I found out about the affair she admitted to me that she had been falling out of love with me for a few months but didn’t know why and didn’t think there was anything that could be done to bring her feelings for me back so she asked for a divorce.
Over the next few months, I lost 30 lbs due to anxiety and depression and lack of sleep. My wife started seeing the man she was unfaithful with and promptly informed our 4 young kids about her relationship. I asked her not to talk about her new partner in front of our kids yet since I didn’t feel it was appropriate this early into our divorce process and it was clear that my 10 & 11-year-old children were uncomfortable with the situation.
My wife even tried to force our kids to FaceTime with her new partner a month ago and it made my oldest son so uncomfortable that he hid under his bed sheets. I asked her to not expose the kids to him anymore for at least 4-6 months and that she can enjoy her time with him but to leave the kids out of it.
This week was our youngest son’s 6th birthday and I had reluctantly asked if she wanted to get together as a family to celebrate as it was my custodial night with the kids and I wanted to be nice. We had agreed to meet up and to keep things civil. The night before the party my wife FaceTimed my kids while she was at her new partner’s house which made me sick to my stomach and made my kids visibly uncomfortable so after the call I texted her and told her I didn’t think it was a good idea to get together for the party anymore because of how anxious I knew I would be around her and I didn’t want to say or do anything in front of our kids that I might regret.
She was very upset about this because she wanted to be able to see our son on his birthday to which I responded by telling her ‘divorce sucks, and if you wanted to see and speak to our kids every day you shouldn’t have been unfaithful and asked to end the marriage.’
I also informed her that I do not want her calling our kids on their days with me anymore as it’s my court-appointed time and since my son’s birthday fell on my night this meant that I didn’t want her to call him.
I said if our son asked to call her I would let him but he never did. She tried to get her attorney involved but he told her there’s really nothing legally wrong with my request and not much he could do. Needless to say, she didn’t get to talk to him or see him on his birthday because of her actions. Am I the jerk in this situation?”
29. AITJ For Taking Longer Than Expected On My First Outing In 9 Months And Ignoring My Husband's Calls?
“I’m (31 yo female) a stay-at-home mom and my husband works a full-time job. To be fair, his job’s very demanding and he barely finds the energy to sit at the table and eat after he gets home. We have a 9-month-old son and I handle most of his care obviously but my husband plays and sleeps with him at night.
To be frank, I’m fully exhausted and as a new mom I have to say I let myself go meaning I haven’t worn a nice outfit or gone out or had guests over for months.
My sister’s wedding is coming up and we already received an invite but the thing is I had to go dress shopping and get my hair done.
I asked my husband on his day off if he could stay with our son for just 2 hours till I get back and he seemed hesitant asking lots of ‘what if’ questions but I promised he got this and I’d be quick. He shrugged saying ‘fine go…but 2 hours and not a minute more!’ I thanked him then left but he started calling every 10-15 min asking when I’d be back.
Frankly, it got annoying so I decided to put my phone on silent when I got to the salon but after I checked my phone later I found over 20 missed calls and a text message from him saying I needed to get home fast because there was fire in the kitchen.
My heart sank, I froze and started calling my sister. She came and took me home and called the cops who notified us later that there was nothing going on in our neighborhood. I was confused, especially after my husband didn’t answer my calls.
I rushed inside the house to find him pacing around asking why the heck I took too long to get home.
I asked about the kitchen fire and he nonchalantly said the kitchen was fine but he wasn’t and he just had to lie to get me to get home after I ignored his calls and after leaving him with our son for 4 hours when I said 2. I was flabbergasted, I screamed at him about how awful what he did was but he defended himself by saying I lied to him first and made him watch our son longer than agreed upon but I said he should’ve sucked it up since this was my first shopping and hair salon trip in 9 months.
He asked why he should just suck it up when child care is more my responsibility than his?…He basically blamed me for creating this issue in the first place but I said it’s his fault since he refused to pay for a babysitter. He asked why he should pay for a babysitter when our son has me.
He was even more upset after a cop showed up and had him go to the station to deal with his false claims of a fire incident. He blamed this on me too because I had my sister call the cops and escalated the situation. He insisted none of this would’ve happened if I didn’t lie about how long I planned to stay out of the house and ignore his calls.
His family is enraged with how I treated him on his much-needed day off.
I started thinking maybe I started this issue. AITJ?
EDIT: The reason I took 4 hours to get done is because the salon was busy and since I don’t have a car I couldn’t go to another one.”
28. AITJ For Telling My Half-Sister She's Acting Like My Overbearing Stepmother?
“My sister is my half-sister. She’s 3 years younger than me and growing up we were pretty tight. We share a dad and have different moms. From the age of 8 I primarily lived with my mom because when I was 7 her mom (married to my dad) went nuts while my dad was in the hospital and refused to allow me to go home to my mom.
Mom had the police involved, and ended up petitioning the court. She kept me five weeks before my dad got out and he sent me home. My mom and dad had shared custody up to that point but because of her actions, the court, at my mom’s insistence, refused to allow shared time again or allow me to be home alone with my dad’s wife.
It was one of many times she was overbearing and tried to act like solo mom. When I was young, and my dad wasn’t around, she used to encourage me to call her mom and would correct me when I’d call my mom, mom. There were so many things even with every other weekend that happened.
My dad stayed because they had three kids together then and he didn’t want to break up another family. But that hurt our relationship for a while too.
My sister got married at 21 to a guy with young kids. And just like her mom she felt entitled to equal everything with her stepkids.
She and her husband called her mom in their home, she would force affection from the kids even when they said no. A few times she inserted herself into the mom’s house to try and “make a cohesive family” to quote her but really she just wanted to feel like she had a say over every element of those kids’ lives.
I tried to warn her once but she shut me down hard.
Now it’s been 5 years and she just had a baby with her husband after 3 years of trying. The kids had a negative reaction to the pregnancy and she assured herself they would come around by the time the baby had come.
But they haven’t and they are outright adamant her kid is nothing to them because of how much they despise her.
She then came to me about why they don’t like her and I told her; because she acts just like her mom which is why I don’t have a relationship with her mom beyond civility for the sake of her and our siblings.
She was outraged not only that I admitted to disliking her mom but due to the fact I said she was just like her as if being loving and involved is a bad thing. I told her the difference is when you become a stepparent you have to accept that you are not the sole authority or decision maker and if you upset the other parent by trying to intrude on their time the kids will pick up on it and will see it as you disrespecting their parent. I told her she should evaluate how she has been with those kids and their mom before snapping at me for giving her what she asked for.
But she says I was rude and ungrateful and am giving bad advice.
27. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Twin Sister $20k And Instead Offering Budgeting Help?
“Let me give you the relevant background: me (32F) and my twin sister have a great-uncle, he and his husband are child-free and we are the only kids in the whole family.
When we were high school freshmen he sat us down and told us that he would like to leave his practice (orthodontics) to us if we want it.
I agreed and worked hard for it. My sister on the other hand always wanted to be a homemaker, nothing wrong with that.
When we were accepted to college he paid for mine, and gave an equal amount to her that she used on a big wedding and a grand honeymoon.
Her husband has a great job but they have always been deep in debt because they like to keep up with the Joneses (new car each year, grand vacations, kids in private school, and a ton of extracurriculars).
Two years ago I finally was able to join my uncle’s practice, so he transferred everything to my name and left his huge paid-off house in a gated community to my sister. Then he and his husband moved to Florida to live the life.
It was just bad luck that a few months later the crisis hit and the practice started suffering.
And that’s when my sister started on the gloating, about how she was the smarter twin in the end, how she ended up with a paid-for house and a great family while I was an old maid with a worthless practice.
I ignored her remarks the same as I have been doing for years.
Then restrictions eased and I started making money. I just bought a condo and a Tesla.
2 days ago she visited me, then she asked me for 20k. Apparently, they took a mortgage on their house because her husband lost his job, and now they are behind on their house payments, car payments, all the bills, and the kids’ tuition.
I was sympathetic, offered to help her budget, said that if they gave back their cars I could pay the difference and get them a used one. Also that I would get them current on essential bills and get them food but that was that.
She got angry, said I was a bad sister and that I was lording the fact that I was a successful doctor over her, that I wanted to see her brought low.
I couldn’t accept the disrespect in my own house so I asked her to leave and to only contact me when she was ready to apologize and act rational about her situation. She called me a jerk and left. Then she blocked me from everywhere and went whining to our parents.
I still think that I am in the right, but I don’t want to see my nephews and niece become homeless. So AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Not Comforting My Wife After She Was Caught Lying About My Parents' Relationship?
“I absolutely love my wife and am pretty much no contact with my parents due to my mom speaking poorly of my wife, attempting to hijack our wedding, and being passive-aggressive. My dad is kind of useless and admits he only had me to make my mom happy, and since I’m not currently making her happy he has no use for me.
My mom is a spoiled princess to the 1000th degree and my dad likes it that way.
We see them maybe once or twice a year at a holiday dinner. My wife hates my mom for her general nonsense, but mostly for pulling the princess act at our wedding. My mom had an anniversary party in the white dress I wouldn’t let her wear to the wedding if anyone needs proof of how crazy she is.
She literally just made it cocktail-length so she could have her weird wedding dress fantasy.
My wife has been telling people who don’t know my parents that they split up after the wedding due to my dad’s infidelity, which is all made up, but I figured hey if it’s helping her cope, cool.
The story has spiraled into my dad leaving my mom for a younger woman and screwing her in court (hasn’t worked a day in her life) and my mom had to move into a little bug-infested apartment and take a job at a fast food place.
Last night we had dinner with my in-laws and my parents walked in, holding hands, and I saw my wife’s eyes pop out of her head.
My mom ended up saying hi to us and my MIL, who is a bit nosy asked if they were getting back together and my mom was obviously confused. My MIL tried to change the subject, but my mom wouldn’t drop it, so the whole lie ended up coming out. My mom was furious about the fast food part and called my wife a mean person and uninvited us from Christmas, no loss there.
My wife was so humiliated she was in tears. I tried really hard not to laugh but some laughter came out. The rest of dinner was awkward and when we got home I told my wife that I feel bad she was embarrassed, but that was the risk she took when she lied.
I went to bed and didn’t comfort her though she was upset.
Today my brother’s wife who is my wife’s best friend called me and told me I was a jerk and I should have comforted her, because she says I don’t get how humiliated my wife was and I made her feel like it was her fault.
She said it goes deeper than I get and it bothers them both that that didn’t happen to my mom and they feel powerless. She said I really messed up. I did apologize and cook her a nice dinner tonight, but she is still very emotional over getting caught and her parents laughing at her, which maybe makes it worse that I asked.”
25. AITJ For Not Persuading My Daughter To Make A Simpler Birthday Cake?
“I (61f) have two daughters, Charlie (32f) and Beth (36f) who both love to bake and decorate cakes. I will admit, Charlie’s cakes are much cleaner and elaborate than Beth’s, although both make beautiful cakes. Charlie’s daughter is Lily (6) and Beth’s is Abby (6).
A few weeks ago, Beth messaged Charlie and asked to do a joint party for Lily and Abby since both were not only the same age but born in late November.
Charlie agreed and we decided to have it at my house with each of them making a cake for their own daughter.
Beth called a few days later saying she was worried that Charlie was going to ‘overdo it’ on her cake again this year. For clarity, Charlie and Lily always design her birthday party cake together every year.
Lily has never had a cake smaller than 3 tiers, one of the ones Charlie could easily sell for several hundred dollars like her wedding cakes.
Anyway, Beth wanted me to ask Charlie to make a simple cake. I asked her why she couldn’t ask Charlie herself, and she said she didn’t feel she had a close enough relationship with her (they aren’t close, but still love each other and get along).
I said okay but made no promises.
I called Charlie and asked. Charlie said no, and then told me she’s doing whatever cake she wants and that Lily and her already designed it. I said I understood, but I also felt like a 3 or 4-tier cake is too much, but Charlie said she wants Lily to have what she wants at her party.
Her husband Matt chimed in agreeing with her so I let it go. I called Beth to let her know, which also did not go well. Beth and her husband accused Charlie of being ‘too flashy’ and didn’t believe Lily asked for those kinds of cakes. I told Beth I would talk to Charlie one more time but that was it.
I asked Charlie again, and she said she wasn’t budging. She said Beth already messaged her telling, not asking, her to do a small cake. Charlie said she told Beth she will do a child’s cake, and that was that. I asked her what that meant, and she said it was exactly what she said.
We haven’t mentioned the cake since.
The party was yesterday. Beth got there first with her 2-tier pink cake. Then Charlie arrived with her husband carrying in a tall 4-tier pink princess cake with a tiara on top. Lily ran in behind them excitedly jumping up and down telling Charlie it was exactly what she wanted.
Abby asked whose cake was that, to which Charlie said, “It’s both your birthdays, right? So it’s for both of you,” and the girls screamed excitedly.
Throughout the party, everyone was praising both cakes but mostly Charlie’s. After Beth left, she sent Charlie and me an angry group text asking if I knew and that Charlie was a liar and that it was not a child’s cake at all. Charlie replied and said it was a child’s cake because it was princess-themed. I told Beth I didn’t know, but that this is something Charlie and Lily do together every year. Beth is now angry at me saying I’m taking Charlie’s side. AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Insisting On Using The Kitchen After My Roommate's 6.30PM Curfew?
“Because of my roommate’s university work, she has to start waking up around 5 a.m. from January till March and she has made a rule that no one is allowed to use the kitchen after 6.30 pm so she can sleep properly. I tried talking to her that on three weekdays my lectures end at 7.15, but she said that I can buy food from the university and it should not be a problem.
This is an issue for me because I cannot afford to buy meals from university. I told her that “as someone who also pays for the house, I have the right to cook dinner for myself after I get back from a full day of lectures. I’ll try to keep things as quiet as possible.
I can’t not use the kitchen after my lectures, you have to understand that. What if we had a house meeting with everyone this week, we could figure out together which would be the best timing for the kitchen not to be used?” She stared at me for a while till she started yelling how I and the others never do anything for her, she has to do everything herself (which is not true, I’m the one who calls the maintenance if there’s a problem with the house, etc.) she continued on saying how we aren’t grateful for what she’s done.
She got up from the sofa and stormed off to her room calling me names and how I’m selfish.
The next morning she was glaring at me but as usual, I cleaned up after myself and tried to talk to her but she wasn’t having it. Before I left I sat next to her at our kitchen table and said “Whilst I understand that you need your sleep, you live with four other people, we all cannot change our daily schedules and all of us have to eat, roommate number 3 has lectures till 8 pm, I’m sure you’d want to eat after that wouldn’t you? I am not being mean to you, I am just saying that it is a bit unreasonable, I’d be open to not using the kitchen after 9 pm gladly, but you should talk to the others as well, it is not just your decision.
Let’s have that house meeting today okay? So we can decide the best course of action okay?” I tried to make eye contact with her but she kept looking outside the window. I sighed and took my laptop bag with me and went to my lectures. Just before I left through the door I heard her mumble to herself how selfish we all are being to which I replied loud and clear “wanting to eat after six hours of lectures is not selfish it is a bare necessity, try to think about it.
If you had to do what you want us to do would you feel like you could do it?” and then I left.
I’m not usually the most upfront and confrontational person, I did not raise my voice at her or anything I tried to be reasonable but I honestly did not want her to cry or feel bad about it even. I just felt like saying something about this because I couldn’t live three months like that.
23. AITJ For Breaking A Lease Renewal Due To An Unexpected Rent Increase?
“This happened a while ago after I relocated to a new city. I signed a new 1-year lease for a townhouse in the downtown core and really enjoyed where I lived. The townhouse was OK, but a little less nice than I anticipated during my showing. Caveat emptor I suppose. The only other relevant background is the Lease said the security deposit would be used for the last month’s rent and would not be held as a damage deposit.
The year passed with very few problems. The water heater went out in the dead of winter, but I stayed in a hotel for 3 nights and offset that cost against the rent after verbally agreeing with the landlord to do so. At the end of the year, the landlord asked if I wanted to renew.
I said yes. I was presented with a 1-year extension for the same rent, I signed it and sent it back.
I waited about 2 weeks and hadn’t received the landlord-signed version back, so I inquired with the management company. They said the landlord was mad because they didn’t get rent on the first of the month most of the time.
I asked what they were talking about because I always paid on or ahead of time, and they said that while I paid the management company on time (as required by the Lease), the management company hadn’t gotten it into the landlord’s hands in time. I said that wasn’t my problem per the Lease, but the management company requested $100 more per month on the extension to make up for the inconvenience.
They said they would send me a new lease reflecting the $100 increase, which they did.
I immediately went out and found a condo in a similarly ideal location which was much nicer that rented for $75 a month less than my existing rent. I went through the background check with them and they sent me a lease to sign.
Before signing the new lease I sent a certified letter to the landlord and the management company of the old location saying my previous signature on the new lease, which had not yet been counter-signed, was revoked and ineffective because of their counter-offer and no longer capable of acceptance. I then signed the new Lease.
At that point, I had about 10 days left on the existing lease. The management company and landlord called me freaking out because they wouldn’t be able to find a new tenant in time and would lose revenue. I said not my problem, hired a moving company, cleaned up the old place, and returned it to them in the same condition I received it.
So I ask you, AITJ?”
22. AITJ For Telling Off A Boy Harassing My Daughter And Predicting His Prison Future?
“My (M52) wife and I went to her cousin’s wedding recently. At the reception, our daughter (F15) was being harassed by the son (M16 or 17?) of a family friend of her cousin’s parents (she had to invite them since her parents funded the wedding). He tried to get her cell number and when she refused, he went into (in my daughter’s words) the creepy “I’m a nice guy” thing.
Our daughter walked away from him and he started yelling at her. I heard a few insults that I wasn’t going to tolerate. This is when I stepped in between him and my daughter and told him to back off.
He ran away (to find his mother who was with the cousin’s parents outside the venue).
My wife’s cousin apologized and gave us some background on him – no father in his life, mother indulges him and excuses his bad behavior. He’s already on independent study because of failing grades, skipping school, and has had some minor run-ins with the police.
His mother came rushing back to yell at me.
She started by calling me “toxic”, saying that her son was a “good boy” who just wanted to be my daughter’s friend, and that I shouldn’t have “embarrassed him”. FYI, I didn’t “yell”, I spoke firmly, slowly, and seriously… very seriously.
She only shut up when I told her, “Your son isn’t ‘good’ and I hope you enjoy visiting him in prison.” She then started crying and left with cousin’s parents consoling her (and giving me dirty looks).
Now, I didn’t say the thing about visiting him in prison out of ignorance. A long, long, long time ago (in my 20s) before I joined the much more civilized corporate world, I was a teacher in a public school that was midway between the suburbs and the projects. It was the kind of school where some kids went to Ivy League schools while others went to prison.
What was the difference? Every time it was a bad parent making excuses for the kid’s disrespectful behavior toward staff and other students. Bad parents are the reason I quit teaching (and why a lot of other teachers quit, just ask them).
I didn’t feel bad about anything until the cousin’s parents jumped on cousin for what I said.
Cousin called my wife and let us know her parents think I was out of line for calling their friend’s son a future criminal. Wife’s cousin said she doesn’t understand why her parents stay friends with “that woman”. I apologized to her for my part in making a scene at her reception but she told me I was protecting my daughter and did nothing wrong. Still, I kind of feel the whole “visiting him in prison” comment may have crossed a line. So, AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner's Daughter Have A Sleepover At A Friend's House?
“My partner (21m) has a six-year-old daughter, who I (f18) help take care of while he works. We have been together for almost three years and he and the mom agree that I am a crucial part of her life now and I even have part guardianship over her.
Yesterday, he dropped her off at a friend’s for a playdate that her mom had set up prior before going to work and I was going to pick her up later.
We didn’t have much communication about it other than him texting me saying to pick her up at 6 (about three hours later) and that the friend’s mom had a gift for me so I should pick one up on the way there.
When I got there though, the friend’s mom wasn’t there and it was only the stepdad that I met once.
I don’t know him that well but I have heard some negative things about him. He told me that she left to spend the night at her sister’s. This made me kinda suspicious, but I just ignored it. He then proceeded to explain to me how she wanted to spend the night.
This was a red flag for me because she never wanted to spend the night places, especially when she is staying with my partner because we only are able to take her for one weekend out the entire month. I brushed it off though because we’ve had her for a week because of Christmas.
When she came downstairs and I asked her if she wanted to spend the night, she got confused but said sure. This made me just come up with an excuse saying that she is traveling with her mom tomorrow and should probably be home tonight so we can get her up and ready the next day.
The stepdad then said that he would make sure that she would be in bed by 9 and ready by 8 tomorrow. When I looked at my her (my partner’s daughter) she looked like she didn’t want to stay so I once again said no and that she needed to shower and pack her suitcase.
The stepdad persisted and said that he could let her shower and we could pick her up as early as we want the next morning.
I started to get a really bad feeling in my stomach and once again told him that she will not be spending the night. He kept trying to persist saying that he will promise she sleeps good (which she won’t as she has bad anxiety with sleepovers).
I said no and that we had to go and pushed past him to leave. He followed me outside and offered to have the mom come home if needed. I ignored him and left.
An hour after we got home, the mom of my partner’s daughter showed up and started screaming at me.
She said that the stepdad called her and explained what happened. She said that it wasn’t my decision whether or not she could spend the night and that I should’ve consulted her if her daughter wanted to do something. When her daughter said that she didn’t want to stay, she accused me of brainwashing her daughter and said that she was going to take me to court to get my guardianship taken away. My partner and his parents think that I didn’t do anything wrong and that I should always listen to my gut, especially when dealing with the daughter. I just can’t help but feel guilty. So AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Refusing To Cook For My Partner's Friends On Demand?
“I F31 have been with my partner M32 for 2 years. We met online and I moved to his hometown months ago. One new thing I learned about him is that he is extremely sociable. He has a group of 15+ guy friends that he calls ‘brothers’. Believe it or not they’re all single despite being in their 30s.
Not saying it’s weird but still…They’re military though.
None of his friends can cook and once they’ve tried my cooking they started expressing what a great cook I am. My partner then started having them over for dinners. I find myself cooking not only extra portions of food but also several different meals to accommodate each taste.
Also, I was asked several times to cook for each one of his friends and send the food directly to their house/apartment. I spoke to my partner about how exhausting and unfair it is for me to be spending the majority of my time cooking and for too many people every day of the week and he asked me to have some empathy for his friends who used to eat frozen food all day before I “came along”.
I told him from now on I cook only 3 times a week and just for us 2 and he said ok to that.
Last week was his friend “Ryan’s” birthday. He hosted the dinner (party was at the bar) at our place without consulting me then sent me a list of the names of every friend attending and the meal they requested that I cook.
Let me just say that there were 10+ of his friends coming over expecting me to cook several different meals aside from dessert and drinks and whatnot. I was expected to do all that on my own while he just cleans afterward but I refused and had an argument with him and I yelled that I wasn’t his friends’ personal cook and told him to cancel the dinner and go with his friends to the restaurant but he got upset saying it was unfair I put him on the spot in front of his friends since that might damage his relationship with them.
He begged me to suck it up and this will be the last time I cook but I declined and went to the bedroom and stayed there til he left.
He texted me hours later and kept on about me pulling out of cooking and ruining his friend’s birthday and by extension his relationship with him and other friends that he considers brothers. He said my reaction was not cool and I shouldn’t have hurt him like that. AITJ?”
19. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Friend And Her Baby Move In With Me?
“My friend “Emma” has got herself in a bad situation. I’ll try to summarize.
She and I met summer of 2019. In December 2019 she moved to NY for a guy she barely knows. Got pregnant almost immediately. Relationship went downhill quickly. Now they are in court fighting over custody because he found out Emma is talking to another guy in FL and wants to move there with the baby.
Well she has a warrant in FL so obviously the judge said no to that. Then she told the judge she could come to my state and stay with me without discussing it with me beforehand.
When she told me I was shocked and just said “We will figure something out.” To be honest, thinking over the last 2 years, I have no idea why I even stayed friends with her.
I tried to talk her out of going to NY, getting pregnant by someone she barely knows, getting a car with a high payment even though she can’t keep a job, getting a house with this dude. She made all of these bad decisions while I tried to talk her out of it from the sidelines.
I live in a low-income apartment. Because of this, they are very strict about how many people are living here because it affects how much the rent costs. If I move her and the baby in I could get evicted.
She kept making plans to come here and I kept being uncomfortable.
Again she never clearly asked me. So last night I posted on Reddit’s relationship advice and they reassured me I needed to stick up for myself. I texted her this morning:
“Hey, I’m sorry, but you moving in isn’t a good idea. It’s too much of a risk for me losing my apartment.
I was put on the spot because, before you went into court, we were talking about you going to FL, then, when you called me after, you told me the judge agreed to (My State). I don’t feel we really discussed it before you told the judge. I’m here to help you find resources in (My State) if you still want to move here.
There’s a domestic violence shelter in (Town) that will allow moms and kids to have their own rooms. I feel terrible, but it’s too much of a risk for me to take. 3 years ago I was homeless. I can’t risk losing my home.”
I’m waiting for her response now and hoping I can stick to my guns and not let her guilt me. I feel terrible.”
18. AITJ For Telling My Friend That Being A Military Spouse Was Her Choice?
“This happened last night during an early Veteran’s Day get-together.
Background info: For reference, I (32F) am a US citizen. I do not revere our military like a lot of people do. I appreciate what they do, just like I appreciate the police, firefighters, EMTs, and other healthcare workers for doing what they do.
But at the end of the day, unless you are old enough that you were drafted, in my opinion, being in the military is the job that you chose, nothing more than that.
One of my friends, “Sarah” has been a military spouse for about 5 years, 3 of which have been spent living in Japan.
They are back living in the US now. Every time we talk, she goes on and on about how difficult and frustrating her life as a military spouse is, and how no one else understands what she’s going through, and how our service members are the greatest people on earth and can do no wrong.
Now, I do not doubt for one second that being a military spouse is tough and frustrating, but again, YOU CHOSE IT (unless your spouse was drafted). She always complains that she had no idea what she was getting into when she married her husband. I’m of the opinion that if you didn’t at least have some idea of what you were getting into then you didn’t do enough research before you chose that life.
Anyway, I’ve never said any of my opinions to Sarah. Usually, when she talks about it I just try to be as sympathetic as possible. So, since yesterday was one of the rare times we were talking in person, I guess she noticed that I was not as enthusiastic in my sympathy as I usually sound over the phone.
So, when she asked what I thought about it, I told her that although I’m sure it’s tough, it’s a life that both she and her husband chose and that I have very little sympathy for service members or their spouses. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. She started yelling about how awful and cold I am and how since I don’t live that life I should be giving an opinion about it…but…SHE ASKED ME! I then told her how our mutual friend “Amy” (also a military spouse) shares my opinion and can’t stand other spouses who constantly complain about their life. But that just made it worse, and in the end I had to leave the dinner. So was I in the wrong here? AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Chat With A Stranger While Out With My Partner?
“We had an argument about this, he maintains he is right and I’m the jerk. I think this is a little messed up and would be very grateful for your opinions. I feel that his reaction was very off and punishing me with the silent treatment is also off.
I (38F) and my partner (47M) went out for a quiet drink to celebrate getting back together after two months apart (I was away for work).
He takes an interest in the goings-on of a few men at the end of the bar (old man pub, not busy), I didn’t think anything of it. When all but one leaves, he starts chatting to him. He’s a little far away from me to hear him and my partner faces away from me to chat to this man better.
I tried to get his attention to indicate I wanted to get back to the two of us chatting as I couldn’t hear and we were out to celebrate together, it didn’t work. After 30 minutes of talking solely to this stranger, the man he is talking to points out to him that we are clearly on a date and that I don’t look too happy and that he will leave us to our night.
My partner ignores this and continues chatting to him. After another 10 minutes (40 minutes in total), I tell them that I will go find us somewhere to eat and he can finish his conversation and start putting on my coat. My partner joins me in leaving and is furious when we get outside.
I wanted to move past it but he couldn’t, he fixated on me being sorry for what I had done and grilled me for an hour while we had food, then ignored me and refused to talk for the rest of the night. I didn’t show enough remorse for what had happened or properly see where I was wrong.
I was enjoying chatting to this stranger and even though I turned my back to her she should have made the effort to include herself in the conversation but she chose not so it is on her that she felt ignored. If she couldn’t hear she should have moved, but she didn’t. Getting up to leave was not ok, I felt you put everyone (me and him) in a really awkward position. I said I regretted talking to him, but you didn’t see where you were wrong and didn’t apologize properly for your actions and I can’t get past it.”
16. AITJ For Wanting My Friend To Change His Novel's Portrayal Of My Miscarriage?
“My friend is a writer and asked for my permission to use my story of suffering a late-term miscarriage in a novel he was writing. He told me he wanted to humanize a taboo subject and assured me it would be a very tasteful portrayal, and he wanted to be both medically and emotionally accurate by using the story of an actual miscarriage.
I had miscarried just months prior, so the pain was still very fresh, but I agreed because I liked the idea of bringing light to the topic of miscarriage and I thought my story could help others who were dealing with something similar. We had an informal interview and I went into detail about the experience, both the medical aspect and the emotional fallout.
It was the first time I’d discussed it in that amount of detail aside from with my therapist, and it was rough.
It’s been just over 4 years, and my friend just allowed me to read the novel, now that it’s been through multiple rewrites and drafts, and some editing. It isn’t completely finished yet, but it’s almost there.
And the portrayal of my story is seriously offensive. It’s all but implied that the miscarriage was a karmic punishment for the moral wrongs of the character who miscarries.
I couldn’t stand seeing a play-by-play of the most traumatic day of my life (edit: I mean this literally, the miscarriage scene is identical to my experience in every way) written out like that, almost as if the writer is taking sick glee in the character’s suffering, and with the implication that it’s her fault.
I told my friend I don’t feel he did my story justice, it’s an offensive portrayal of a very sensitive topic and of my experience, and he needs to either dramatically change it to make it the tasteful portrayal I was promised, or I’m revoking my consent for him to use my story.
My friend is very upset that I’m asking him to make such major changes this late in the writing process, even though I didn’t know there was an option to review it and request a change before now. He says that I can’t make him rewrite the whole thing just because I don’t like that the character who has the miscarriage is ‘morally complicated’, because all kinds of women have miscarriages and he can’t be expected to make her 100% good just because she happens to have a miscarriage, which isn’t what I was saying at all.
I feel like I’m not being listened to about my actual concerns about the portrayal, and my friend is very protective over his work and of course he spent years writing it and doesn’t like being told to make huge changes now. He says I gave him permission over 4 years ago and I can’t just change my mind now after he’s spent so long working on it. I agree that it’s really late to change it, but I didn’t know he would have let me see it earlier and request changes then, and I think as it’s my personal experience I should have final say over how that experience is portrayed to the public.
15. AITJ For Reminding My Brother Of The Financial Help I Gave Him After He Mocked Our Parents' Generosity?
“How this whole thing started: About 6 years ago my twin brother (age 30 at the time) was in a bad way financially. Struggled to find a job, his credit was poor, his car got taken back, and he was far behind on rent. His partner (now his wife) and he broke up because of all their financial issues so she went to stay at her mom’s with my 3-year-old niece.
It was a really bad time for him. I remember how depressed he was. My wife and I agreed to give him almost $8k. Enough to pay off debts he owed and catch up on bills. And eventually, he did. Which we were happy about. Then 3 years ago my wife got sick.
On top of that, we’d just had our first kid. We were drowning in medical bills, taking out loans left and right. We’ve been stretched pretty thin but thank God we have slowly made our way out of it and the worst part is over. Although we’re doing fine right now we have to be careful with not throwing money around on anything unnecessary while we’re still getting back on our feet.
Like going on a crazy expensive family vacation.
My entire family wanted to go to Italy a couple of years back. We didn’t have that kind of money so my parents without telling us paid for our tickets/rooms so we could go on the trip with them. They did the same again before and wouldn’t take no for an answer.
We got together this weekend and they wanted to plan out the next vacation soon. My brother said out loud in front of everyone “Are you guys planning on paying for your own trip this time like the rest of us or do you expect mom and dad to do it again?” This isn’t the first time he brings it up and he won’t drop it after my mom tells him to stop.
It really bothered me the way he said it, almost like he was looking down on us and I told him he of all people should check himself because he was in the same position not too long ago and I never once treated him like this when I gave him the $8k he needed to survive.
My brother got pretty red in the face and then his wife started questioning about the money. Apparently, he never told her. Most of us knew I gave him money but we had no idea he never told her. So me saying that out loud embarrassed her as well. Not only is he mad at me for reminding everyone of that but also for revealing this to her (which I had no knowledge of).
She’s mad at him now.
That’s why he thinks I was a jerk when he was just talking about how it’s not fair they pay for their own trip but our parents are happy to pay for ours and I didn’t have to bring up an embarrassing time in his life. I’m still mad about the whole thing so not sure about anything. AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Refusing To Do Big Chores For My Stepmother After She Underpaid Me?
“A while ago, my dad’s side of the family and I went on a road trip.
After we got home, my stepmother approached me and asked if I could clean the van, as it was quite the mess. I was excited because I love cleaning, but I knew that the van was an absolute pigsty.
I asked what I would be paid because she was basically expecting a deep clean of the car (I had to take out seats, clean the walls, vacuum the floors, and all that jazz.) I wasn’t really allowed to consider it “done” until I physically couldn’t make it any cleaner.
What I had thought I heard from my stepmother at the time was $25.
I was fine with that! I got to cleaning and spent 3 hours in 28°C (82.4°F) making the car as spotless as I could, excited for some sweet, sweet pocket change.
After the deed was done, I was super proud of my work, and excitedly ran to get my stepmother. She didn’t seem as proud or pleased as I expected her to, and that put me down a little.
I was just excited to get the cash at this point.
About a day later, I hadn’t received any money, so I went and asked her about it, to make sure she didn’t forget. She took out her wallet and placed not $25, but $2. I was confused, maybe she just didn’t have the money on her and would give the rest later? I looked at my stepmom and asked “Weren’t you supposed to pay me $25?” Which she sighed replied with “No, I said $2.” “No, you said $25.” Displeased, she told me “You were hearing things OP.
Either take the Toonie or take nothing.”
I accepted this at the time, disappointed and peeved, but not wanting to get a lecture. I thought $2 was way too little for the hours of work I did, and I sat on it for the next two years (I’m terrible at letting go of things).
Later on, about two months ago, my half-sister and I cleaned my dad’s work car and I was happy to receive a much better chunk of pocket change ($10 each). Later, I brought up how I thought the pay my dad gave me was much better than what my stepmom gave me.
My dad asked me what I meant, and I told him about what happened, hoping that we could have a sensible conversation.
My dad wasn’t too happy, and said “You made her do all that, and only paid her $2? Don’t you think that deserves a bit more pay?”
My stepmother turned and spat “Well I don’t get paid for doing the chores, why should they?” I was a little shocked, and I think my dad was too.
I worked hard on her van!
My dad’s side is pretty well off, and my little brother gets paid for any chore he does!
For me and my sister however, getting allowance from her has become a privilege.
My stepmother started giving me a lecture about how I was being disrespectful, and it’s my fault for mishearing! My dad didn’t even try to stop her, even though I could see he disagreed. I could feel myself getting angry, so I walked away quietly.
I’ve left it alone for now, but would I be the jerk if I refused to do any big jobs like that for her in the future?”
13. AITJ For Wanting My Wedding Day To Be About Me, Not My Disabled Brother?
“I (26f) am getting married this spring! He’s the love of my life and I’m honestly so happy.
The issue comes from the fact that I have a brother (20) who has several conditions and disabilities. I want to make it clear: I absolutely, positively, love my brother with all of my heart.
My problem, though, is that when we were growing up, everything was always about him, and I was the backburner kid because I was older and able-bodied. My parents also wouldn’t let me participate in anything that he couldn’t be directly involved in, too, so that made it hard especially because I loved things like camping and road trips that I remember us doing before he was born, but all of that came abruptly to an end.
When we look back on memorable events, such as my graduation photos, it’s always remarked on as ‘oh this is when brother was getting xx done’ or ‘that was the year brother did xx’. I was also relied on a lot for care, and they’re so busy planning for his future (which is admittedly more expensive) that what was put away for me before he was born has been used up and they’ve never been able to plan for mine.
They weren’t bad parents or anything, but my brother just needed more everything.
Fortunately, I managed to get into a decent college on a scholarship, and that’s where I met my fiance! He’s really into outdoorsy things, too, and we are in the process of planning and saving for our dream wedding with the help of his wonderful parents.
We plan on getting married at a national park about two hours away by car from my parent’s house and plan to have about 30 people at the wedding.
My parents have told me that this won’t work. It’s too hard to take him that far, the wedding times we have planned are too long, the guest list is too much, and the environment and activities we have are not friendly for my brother.
My mother asked me to get married at a local courthouse down the street instead and to only invite my parents, his parents, and my brother (excluding his siblings), and we can then have a ‘reception’ back at their house, and I said no. My dad counteroffered with a small, local place with a courtyard, but I said no, I’ve dreamed about being married at the national park.
After much back and forth, I just finally asked my parents how they’d feel about maybe my brother not going to the wedding, and we would cover half of the cost to make sure he has the care he needs for the event. They were shocked and called me selfish, and I tried to explain that I just wanted this one day to be about me, but they just told me they were disappointed in who I’ve become, and thought I was more mature and understanding than that.
My fiance is on my side, and in-laws have offered to help us cover the cost for care for the wedding, but my parents said they can’t support me if I can’t support him. A couple of family members reached out to care for him on the day of, but some others said they won’t be going to my wedding unless he comes, too, and that I have no heart.
12. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up My Parents From The Airport Due To Lack Of Sleep?
“My parents recently went on a trip and got back last night. I live at home with my older sister and them and before they left they asked if I could drop them off at the airport because their flight left at 7 am so they had to get there around 6 am and I’m usually up quite early.
I said sure, no problem. They then asked my older sister to pick them up from the airport when they got back (a few days later at 12:30 am on Tuesday) and she agreed.
Fast forward to this past Friday, my sister gets mad at me for taking the family car without asking (we have 2 cars but one of them which is my primary vehicle is in pretty rough shape).
Because of this she had to drive my crappier car on the highway to the gym.
She then decides that because of this, she’s no longer picking up our parents. Now to make this clear, I would have no problem picking them up, but I wake up for work at 5:30 am every day, and on the day they were getting back in particular, I had one of those difficult meeting days scheduled, with client meetings from 8 am-noon and then internal meetings pretty much all afternoon.
She on the other hand doesn’t go to bed until 2 am most nights anyway, wakes up around 10 am most days, and doesn’t interact with anyone all day (works from home – we both do for clarification).
So I get a text message on the Friday from my Dad saying I need to pick them up now because she doesn’t want to anymore.
I ask him why. He says she’s had a rough week (partner, work, etc.) and that “it’s really not asking much of me”. I tell him I have work early the day after and if I pick them up I’ll get like 4 hours of sleep total so I expect her to follow through on her agreement and pick them up.
He ignores me for the weekend.
On Monday night I get a text from my Mom as they’re boarding the airplane saying “flight landing at 12:30 am, see you soon”. I try calling them because I want to tell them I’m not picking them up and to call my sister, but they don’t answer.
I go upstairs to my sister’s room and ask her why they’re texting me this and why she isn’t picking them up and she says “because I don’t want to”. I’m going to be honest here, at this point I lost it on her, calling her selfish and a lunatic as she screamed at the top of her lungs at me.
I’m not proud of it but after all of this nonsense, I had just had it.
In the end, I’m not sure how they got picked up from the airport because I was asleep like I told them I would be. But now I feel bad because they’re my parents and they’ve done a lot for me (although they’d never pick me up if it meant they only got 4 hours of sleep – and trust me there’s been plenty of times where that could’ve happened but that’s another story).
11. AITJ For Wanting To Exclude My Fiancée's Brother From Our Wedding Ceremony?
“I (23F) and my soon-to-be-wife (25F) are getting married soon. We have been in a relationship for 6 years now, and I am beyond excited to marry her soon.
It has been a moment we have been preparing for since the health crisis started, and all our guests are finally protected, so we can go through with the wedding.
My fiancée has a 15-year-old brother with severe downs. He is fully nonverbal and communicates through loud screaming and ‘cow-like mooing’ (my fiancée’s words, not mine).
My fiancée and I are excited to have him at our wedding reception. We both love him very much, he is a sweet kid.
The thing is, my fiancée brought up the idea of not including him in the ceremony.
Our wedding will start with the ceremony, then some drinks we made ourselves (we both work in wine breweries), and then we have a dinner reception with a small group of family and friends. For the reception we arranged (hired) her brother’s usual caregiver to be there for him since he is comfortable with her, we have a separate room away from the guests with toys and necessary supplies like diapers and an IPAD if he needs quiet time, and we have arranged for fast food (he basically only eats french fries and nuggets) to be there for him to eat at our reception.
The thing is, we were planning on leaving him out of the ceremony. Not only will there be a lot of strangers (my family and friends) which scares him, my wife and I also wanted a quiet moment for our ceremony. My dad will play violin for our music, and my fiancée thinks he should be away from the ceremony with his caregiver for an hour or so, because as stated before, he is very noisy.
We have once again also arranged for him to be taken care of by his caregiver and his dad (who doesn’t want to go to the ceremony because he is kinda homophobic). We have a room with toys and pillows and food and his IPAD for him, to make sure he will not miss out on anything.
The thing is, my MIL is super offended by this idea. She blew up at me, implying that I am trying to exclude her son (I didn’t even come up with the idea) and that I am an ableist. She said that if her son is not there during the ceremony, she won’t attend (which will be problematic, she is supposed to walk my fiancée down the aisle) and has threatened to tell the family on social media to boycott our wedding.
We have tried to explain to her that it will only be for the ceremony, which will be about an hour. He is well taken care of, we spent loads of resources to make sure he can also be there for (parts of) our wedding. He will be there for the pictures, the (non-booze for him) drinks, and the reception dinner.
She wants to hear none of it.
My fiancée is desperate. She is scared to go against her mom, as she still wants somebody to walk her down the aisle, and she is very upset that her mom is reacting this way.
My friends agree with me, but I have this gnawing feeling I am still a major jerk. Am I?”
10. AITJ For Only Wanting To Pay For My Portion Of The Group Dinner Bill?
“So last night I went out to eat with some friends from the dog park. It was a special occasion, one friend is moving to another state so 6 of us went out to eat. I ordered one plate and a drink which would come out to 25 dollars + tip.
I was definitely not trying to overspend since I’m on a budget and always eat at home anyway. I’m not one for spending a lot of money at restaurants. Well, the waiter comes over to see if we want any more food and drinks, some people order more drinks. And the guy sitting next to me asks for the check but just asks for one and said we will split it.
And also said he’d pay for the friend who’s moving away.
The check comes out to 480 dollars including tip. So we all take out our cards, I plan to tell the waiter I’d like to be charged for what I ordered. But another friend M let’s call her says she’ll put it on her card and we can Venmo/Zelle or cash app her.
Cool but now we are splitting the check evenly so everyone (except the friend moving) is paying 80.00$. I look around and everyone is cool with it. So I get too anxious and nervous to say that it’s out of my budget.
Later she justifies putting the bill on her card saying she’s not one to let money control her and stuff basically she’s not the kind of person who will hold money over you.
I was too nervous about the money thing to send her money yesterday, I ended up overthinking everything and forgot to zelle her. This was the first time I hung out with this group but I didn’t want to ruin it by not sending the extra 50 dollars.
So today M texted me to remind me to zelle her so I told her the truth about how I felt about the bill.
I asked her if it was okay if I sent over the money for just the food I ordered since I wasn’t planning to pay for everyone else’s drinks and food. And she hasn’t replied yet. I feel horrible that I can’t pay that kind of bill at the moment. I honestly wish I had money to just spend on dinner like that but that’s not how I am.
Obviously if I had ordered a bunch of stuff I would be down to pay but I didn’t. Everyone had 3+ drinks and a bunch of appetizers that I hardly ate because I arrived 20 minutes late (they changed the restaurant last minute). I just feel like a jerk because everyone was totally fine with paying that much money.
Though there was one girl who commented that she wasn’t planning to spend that much money either.
Edit: BTW the guy asked for the check quietly. No one knew he asked for one check. Nobody even checked with everyone to see if that was okay, this was my first time going out with them so I wasn’t sure if this was a usual thing or not. And I shouldn’t have to bring up my budget in a social setting to the whole table. I’m uncomfortable with that.”
9. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Cancer-Stricken Brother-In-Law Because Of His Reckless Spending Habits?
“My husband’s brother was just diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and we are devastated. BIL and SIL have 3 kids under the age of 4, with a baby on the way. My husband offered to pay for a nanny to help with BIL’s kids and I put my foot down and said no.
My husband now thinks I’m a jerk for refusing to help his brother who has cancer.
Here is some background which might explain why I said no to giving them money:
BIL and SIL are awful with their money. They make high 6 figures, yet they constantly complain about not having enough money.
It is absolutely none of my business how much others make or what they spend their money on, but I’ve also never seen someone blow through that much money so fast – the country club, beach vacations, new houses, high-end cars, buying whatever new toy or gadget that’s out there. So me giving up my hard-earned money to help them take care of their kids seems ridiculous when I know they would’ve had the funds if they didn’t frivolously spend away their money.
My husband and I make a comfortable living, but we also have 2 young kids and have to pay for our own full-time nanny, so we don’t have the excess funds readily available. Also – we don’t recklessly spend our money, so the excess money we have goes to retirement savings and college savings.
I’m not willing to take away from my savings for BIL.
Financial responsibility is really important to me. It’s literally one of the main cores of my existence. I grew up in a very financially savvy house where, from a young age, my parents talked openly to my sister and me about our finances, how to budget, how to spend and save, etc.
I have fully funded my 401(k) since I began working, always set aside a certain amount of my paycheck towards savings, and I have instilled these virtues in my husband when we got married. To have him suggest that we just give our hard-earned money away to his brother goes against everything I am and everything I believe in.
My husband and I both have stressful jobs and we work long hours. I definitely have working mom guilt for not seeing my kids enough. Each dollar I earn is for time spent away from my family and I cannot justify giving that up to BIL.
I suggested other ways we can support him that don’t involve financial support – I told my husband that any time he wants to go visit BIL (BIL lives 4 hours away and he’s thinking about visiting BIL twice a month) I’d fully support him and don’t mind watching our kids and taking care of the house while he is away.
I even researched and found charities that assist cancer patients with free cleaning services and have passed the information on to BIL and SIL (and even offered to fill out the applications for them myself, since I know they are overwhelmed). I told my husband that I will fully support him and BIL in any way – except financially – but I still get the sense that my husband is disappointed and thinks I’m being unreasonable. AITJ for refusing to “support” my BIL in his time of need???”
8. AITJ For Wanting To File A Restraining Order Against My Stepdaughter After She Ruined My Wedding Dress?
“I (female-American 37) met my fiance (Male 46 Canadian-Lebanese) 3 years ago. He has a 23yo daughter ‘Najwa’. She was heavily against her parents separating which I had nothing to do with cause I met him 2 years after the separation. Najwa and I seemed to be doing pretty good getting along at first but then she started doing things like damaging my car and legal documentations (she damaged my passport to prevent me from traveling with her dad and threw away my dog’s food).
Her excuse was always that her mom told her to do those things and was pressured by her. I did my best to let things go and she stopped and we sort of started getting along again until her dad and I announced our marriage date. She literally angrily screamed at us at the dinner table but the next minute said ‘congratulations’ with a huge smile on her face.
Her own 34yo, Lebanese-Canadian partner called her ‘nuts’.
She came over to her dad’s house while I was out and found my wedding dress (I’d never been married before this is my first experience ever and I was overjoyed with the dress) and ruined it with paint, literally wall paint she brought with her.
She wasn’t there when I got home but the door cam revealed everything. I had a very negative reaction. I confronted her and she still denied it. I made a police report but got talked into letting it go since her partner paid for the dress.
Everything was expected to go back to normal but I was done with her (she didn’t even apologize) and am now discussing filing for a restraining order against her cause this was the last straw.
Her dad found out about the potential RO and disagreed completely and said I went over the top by even considering it but she’s an adult and she ruined hundreds worth of dollars and she should face the consequences. Where does it stop? He insisted I let it go cause he wants her at our wedding and an RO will prevent her from being there.
He said I already got paid for the dress and he’ll get her to apologize if I wanted but I still refused. He told me to at least wait until after the wedding then do whatever cause he really wants Najwa there and called me cruel to dismiss how important that is for him.
It got too much for me and I told him I could’ve made things worse and had her charged but I just want her to stay away and asked him to respect my decision. He said I was unreasonable to think he’d support me in this and begged that I reconsider cause this will ruin his relationship with her forever.
I feel like morally I could be wrong since she’s my stepdaughter and we are family. I think this might ruin the relationship between us (her, her dad, and my in-laws). Who are begging me not to do this.”
7. AITJ For Hiding Our WiFi Router From Our Roommate?
“Four months ago, my partner (23M) Aiden and I (22F) moved in with his cousin (21M) Evan, and his partner, (22F) Aubrey. Things were okay at first, but we quickly realized that Aubrey was kind of crazy. We have tried to communicate many times about things. She refuses to interact with us.
Among many other issues that have been omitted for length, first came the dog. My partner and I have 2 cats, and we were very clear with both of them that they were going to be living with us. About a month ago, Aubrey brought home a full-sized 1yr. German Shepherd without telling any of us.
We knew from the beginning that our apartment has a 2 pet limit, so we never expected another animal. Aubrey said nothing, didn’t come out of her room the rest of the day, just left a note on her door saying the dog was approved as an emotional support animal. The cats are terrified of it, as Aubrey has done little to train or take care of it.
The dog often chases the cats, takes food off the counters or from the trash and eats/makes a mess of it, poops/pees on the floor almost daily, and will bite you if you don’t give it attention. Lately, she keeps it kenneled nearly all day, only letting it roam at night when I’m asleep, I think.
Then she called the police on us last weekend. I was asleep, this was about 1:30 am. My partner had a beer or two and left a note on Aubrey’s door asking her to please clean her dishes. He came back a few minutes later to find the same note on our door, with the words “MOVE OUT” written over his.
This sent him over the edge, and he started yelling at her through her door to clean up after herself and stop acting like a child. This woke me up, and I told him to leave it alone and come to bed. By this point, Aubrey screamed she was calling the police.
They showed up, talked to Aubrey, Aiden, and me privately, and eventually left, saying no crime had been committed and we should reconsider our living situation.
Yesterday, she was in a fury when Aiden and I came home from shopping, unaware there was an issue. Apparently, she had told Evan to find out when we were moving out because “she wants us gone.” The dog was out roaming, and as soon as we were in the door she stomped out and grabbed the dog by its collar screaming at it to “get away from them.” She then stomped back to her room, slammed her door, then opened it, and screamed we had 30 days to pack our stuff and leave or she’s calling the police on us again.
I felt uncomfortable being there, so the three of us left for a few hours. When we came back, she had changed the Wi-Fi password so none of us could use any of our computers, TVs, or phones without data/a hotspot. This is the one bill of ours that’s in her name and we all contribute to pay for it.
I was furious. So this morning when I woke up and she was still asleep, I took our wifi router and hid it. If we can’t have wifi, neither can she. I’ll put it back when she gives us the new password.
AITJ for hiding our Wi-Fi router so she can’t use it?”
6. AITJ For Wanting To Wear My Natural Hair For Senior Pictures Instead Of A Straight Wig?
“I’m 17afab and I’m black. I have very kinky 4c hair and growing up, I damaged my hair with heat and perms. I decided to stop but it wasn’t until recently that I got serious. I spent weeks researching how to best take care of my hair. In the last 1.5 years, my hair has been very healthy + has grown from a bit below my ears to almost chest-length when stretched.
While my mom brags about it to her friends, she is very mean about it otherwise. She mocks me for spending so much time on my hair even though I don’t, except on wash days (twice a month). She and my big sister (19f) tell me I talk too much about my hair; they’re the ones who always bring it up.
Yet, my mom also refuses to let me do things like trim my hair because she worries I’ll chop it. I’ve threatened it because she won’t stop being mean (“I won’t spend as much time on it if I’m bald, yeah?”), but I wouldn’t actually!
I’m a senior; it’s time for senior pics.
I know things like these are for “memories” but I feel photos with friends before we graduate are enough. I’m hesitant because of how much it would cost + because I hate getting dolled up/being seen as a girl. However, my mom and other family members pushed me into it as a “rite of passage” and I reluctantly agreed, because I kinda do wanna see myself in the yearbook.
Yesterday, mom asked me when I was going to take pics so she can set up an appointment to get a straight wig. I told her I was wearing my natural hair. She was incredulous and said that people will laugh at me if my hair wasn’t straight. I assume this is because most girls at my school (95% percent black) have straight hair for senior pics, including my big sister and cousin.
I support them in that, but it’s not for me. I want the pride I feel in my natural hair to be visible. So I said no. She got annoyed and said ‘your hair is long enough to straighten. How about that?’ I refused again.
Later on, I told my sister and cousin.
My sister told me to just “wear the wig” because it was a rite of passage + I was being difficult. My cousin was kinder and said to think of it as a way to make me look different. I don’t want to, not just because of my hair, but also because I want to control how I look.
As I said, I don’t like being seen as a girl, and I feel that if I compromise on this, I’ll also bend on other things I don’t want: a long hairstyle over a short one, wearing a full face of make-up over lip gloss + eyeliner, wearing a dress over something I’d be comfortable in, etc.
I had planned to put my hair in a pretty style with jewels which I thought would be nice; I’m confused on why everyone is so insistent for me to have straight hair for pics. I guess that it IS just pics, and I might seem like a jerk for not agreeing to this little thing that’s a once-in-a-lifetime event so my family has memories to look back on. I dunno; maybe I should suck it up this once?”
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Take Credit For My Spring Rolls?
“I LOVE cooking, especially making food from different cultures.
Recently (about 4 months), I have been making some Vietnamese Spring rolls which my sister and her friend’s family (including her friend) love to eat. I have been making it every picnic my sister goes on since her friend’s mother never likes the spring rolls at the restaurant near the park.
My sister also likes the spring rolls and has even said so. They have also been going on a lot more picnics. I have been making spring rolls for each of these trips so that my sister can take them with her.
A few days ago, her friend came to our house for the first time for a sleepover and asked my sister to make her the spring rolls she brings to her trips.
My sister just stared at her for a second and then told her to get the table ready so they can eat. Her friend just went into the room and started setting the table. My sister told me to quickly make some rolls so she can give them to her friend.
I asked her “Why did (friend) tell you to make the rolls instead of asking me?” Apparently, she had been telling everyone that SHE made all the food. I just made the rolls and went to my room.
Yesterday, she went to her picnic and I went to my friend’s house. What I did not tell her was that the rolls I made in the morning were for me not for her to take.
Our mom just put the usual stuff like Doritos and juice but did not put the spring rolls and instead put some parathas (flatbread). According to my mother (I am still at my friend’s house), my sister has been screaming because she was telling everyone how the rolls are better today and she made them spicier, only to open the container to find some flatbread.
She was really embarrassed and had to give some excuse about how she must have put the wrong container. Her friend’s mother also complained during the whole picnic since the rolls from the restaurant were half torn. I feel bad now since she has been screaming at everyone she sees even our grandparents, and she will definitely scream at me when I come. My friend also said that I should’ve just told them that I have been making the spring rolls but my sister would have exploded from the embarrassment.
4. AITJ For Pushing My Brother To Sell Our Inherited House Because I'm Financially Struggling?
“My older brother and I got left a house when a grandparent who raised us passed away 5 years ago, it is in both of our names.
I had already moved in with my partner when it got given to us and now have my own mortgage on a new house with my partner and have had it for about 3 years.
My brother still lives there, his partner moved in a couple of years ago and they lived there rent and mortgage-free.
I have always wanted to sell the house and we get 50/50 of the market value and it has been a conversation for about 3 years but I have never been pushy about it.
I got pregnant this year, due in December, and made it known that I would like to sell so I don’t have to worry financially for my year off on maternity or anything and he and his partner had agreed they were ready to buy their own place this year but 3 months ago his partner broke up with him.
He then decided he would buy me out for slightly less than market value and I agreed because I just wanted the funds for it even if it was a bit less than anticipated. He got declined for a mortgage on his own due to bad credit and no savings. This was 2 and a half months ago.
We then agreed that he would save as much as he could for the next few months and build his credit score and he would re-apply for the mortgage to buy me out. However, it’s been 2 months and he has been out partying every weekend spending his whole week’s wage, and has now lost his job due to partying.
He has a new job but this will affect his ability to get a mortgage I would think.
I messaged him yesterday saying I was struggling financially and was thinking I might have to downgrade my car to get things ready for the baby and things and all he replied was things haven’t changed.
But in my opinion, losing your stable job and not having saved a thing in 2 months has changed things.
I don’t want to fall out with him as we only have each other in regards to family but every time we speak about the sale of the house or him buying me out it gets delayed constantly.
And I’m getting annoyed that I have been paying a mortgage for 3 years and he hasn’t ever had to pay any rent or mortgage and still hasn’t managed to save and now that I’m struggling financially he is not interested. I’m also not convinced he will even get approved the next time as he isn’t saving and has a new unstable job.
Also I offered him to stay with me as we have the space for free for up to a year and only buy his own food if we sold the house now so he had a chance to save for a mortgage on a new property without paying rent somewhere else.
So AITJ for pushing him to sell it now instead of waiting another 6 months or whatever so he can try and save and build his credit score to buy me out instead of selling up. Or should I stop pushing him and let him try for another 6 months or so and downgrade my car that I love and worked hard for?”
3. AITJ For Rejecting My Neighbor's Apology After She Used Me As A Free Therapist?
“A neighbor pushed my buttons, my sister thinks I misread the situation & reacted like a major jerk, so I’d love some outside perspective.
I’m 32F, my wife passed away 2 years ago and I’ve been living alone in the home we bought together. About 3 months ago, a single mom, Rachel, with a 5yo son started renting the home next to me.
I met them when they were moving in, the boy was running around my yard while she was unpacking. I brought my dog out & let the boy play with him so that mom could get some stuff done. She was grateful, and we would say hi & wave whenever we saw each other out.
Rachel started coming over asking me to watch her son. I did, twice. Both times, she stood there and laid out all of her problems. With her son’s school, her ex, her mom. I couldn’t get a word in. Every response of mine would be ignored or talked over. I’ve definitely met plenty of people like this before, and it irritates me immensely.
I chalked it up to single-mom stress, she just needed to vent. I asked if she wanted to come over for coffee and hang out for a bit, because maybe when her son’s not around, she can relax. Nope. She stood in my front room when I let her in, and wouldn’t move from that spot.
I’d try to get her to go sit down on the couch, let’s go to the kitchen make some coffee, did you want to go out on the patio? She didn’t budge, because she was too busy yelling/ranting? And I couldn’t get one word in. If I did, it would go completely ignored like I wasn’t even there.
In the middle of a rant, I firmly said “I’m sorry, I can’t be your therapist. You know nothing about me because you won’t listen to ANYTHING I say. It sucks. Can you yell at someone else?”
She was a bit stunned & said “Yeah I guess so…” and left. Two days later, she knocked on my door with her son, and when I answer she says she has an appointment & asked me to watch him.
I replied “I’m not a daycare, Rachel,” and shut the door. She knocked a few more times and then left.
The next day I come home from work, and there’s a bag of ground coffee on my porch with a note attached that says “YOU WANTED COFFEE.” I interpreted that as a sarcastic middle finger from Rachel.
I took the bag and tossed it across her yard, near her front door. The next time we were both outside, I pretended not to see her. She shouted over asking if we could chat. I ignored her. Any time I see her now, it’s like she doesn’t exist.
My sister/BFF thinks Rachel was genuine and that was her way of apologizing.
I’m standing firm in it being a petty dig and wasn’t an apology. Rachel never apologized to my face, she only loudly complained at it. My sis says I’m now the mean witch of the street because I refuse to accept Rachel’s “apology.” I say my mental health is more important than getting ranted at by a neighbor who wants free childcare.
AITJ here? Did I misinterpret the note and reject a genuine apology?”
2. AITJ For Being Upset That Another Man Came To My Partner's Rescue?
“My (25M) partner Lydia (23F), lives with a roommate who has a partner, Jeff. We gathered at their place last Friday for pizza. After a while, Jeff asks Lydia if she is still scared of being here alone the nights the roommate goes over to his place and I can’t come.
Lydia has always had trouble with being alone at night and most nights I stay on video call with her till she falls asleep so she feels safer. The roommate laughs and says that if she hears a noise in the bathroom at least it will be a ghost and not her locked in passed out.
Lydia just mouths ‘explain later’ to me.
When we get to Lydia’s room I ask her to explain and she tells me that this afternoon she wasn’t feeling good and ended up fainting in the shower, so Jeff had to break the door to get in and help her. She said that she already felt better and didn’t want to tell me because I was going to be worried about nothing.
I said that it wasn’t nothing if she had fainted and that I should be aware of these things to help her. She said that now it would be just a funny story about how Jeff broke the door and roommate had to cover her with a towel so they could come to rescue her.
At that moment I saw red. I asked if Jeff had seen her without a towel and she said she couldn’t be sure since she was unconscious but roommate said that he stood out of the bathroom until she was covered. I asked if Lydia thought it was fair to me not to know that another guy had seen her exposed and she said he didn’t actually see her and that it shouldn’t matter since he was only helping.
I shouted that she just said that she was unconscious and couldn’t know if he had seen her. She told me to be quiet or they would hear me and I shouted that I didn’t care, that a man just saw my partner’s body and I had a right to be mad.
Jeff and roommate came in then and explained that he never saw anything, he just broke the lock and waited outside until roommate gave him the clear. I said that I didn’t believe him and roommate jumped to his defense saying she was right there making sure the situation wasn’t embarrassing so they could take proper care of Lydia without her feeling weird.
I said that if she was a cuckold I wouldn’t be. Jeff then shouted at me saying I should respect his partner and mine, who had spent a whole day saying that she was fine but still looked a bit pale. He said that he only did it because he cared about Lydia, that I was a jerk who didn’t deserve any type of help.
Hearing him say he cared about her was it for me, I left without as much as looking at Lydia as she begged not to go.
Over the weekend Lydia had to be admitted to a hospital as she didn’t feel good again and Jeff and roommate prohibited me from seeing her, saying I didn’t deserve her.
Obviously the whole hospital thing is awful and I wish I was there for her but I still think I was right. At this point I’m not mad at Lydia anymore, just at Jeff.
EDIT: They agreed to let me see Lydia upon her asking them to. She said it would be best for us to be away from each other for a while. She is feeling better and from what I heard she is anemic among other things but going home this week.”
1. AITJ For Not Apologizing For My Husband's Online Antics?
“So my, (26f) husband (30m) has fun trolling people and getting under their skin online and on WhatsApp but he’s never rude in person just in the cyber world. It’s just his personality.
We have this cousin chat and one cousin, Samuel (30m) has always been sensitive to my husband’s antics. He did directly tell my husband he doesn’t appreciate him making fun of his beliefs, politics, and appearance for laughs but my husband continued to do it and Samuel eventually just took it and remained quiet.
We were all at peace for about a year and my husband continued to make jokes but Samuel ignored them. My husband made another joke about Samuel when Samuel’s wife, Alia (25f) stepped in saying she didn’t appreciate us using her husband as a punching bag and everyone on the chat was rude for not stopping my husband.
Alia has always been a hothead, someone offends somebody else, and she always steps in and attacks. She doesn’t let people fight their own battles and it’s annoying.
So my cousins and I made a private chat talking about how Samuel is too sensitive and Alia shouldn’t be so crazy. Somehow Alia found out about this and messaged me.
Here is the part of the messages that I want people’s opinions on:
Alia: Your husband is rude but you are worse. You always post messages on social media saying “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it” “be kind” “love first” but when my husband and I directly say your husband is offending us.
You just say it’s his personality.
Me: It is just his personality. It’s your fault you don’t understand everyone’s relationship. Everyone got along until you came.
Alia: What are you talking about? My husband has always disliked your husband.
Me: Well he didn’t say anything for a year, it means he’s okay with it.
It’s just you.
Alia: Not true but okay, let’s say it’s just me. I’m offended by your husband. You think it’s just his personality right? I’m saying it’s hurtful. You could have private messaged me and apologized or at least asked if I was okay if you cared about peace and kindness so much.
Me: I have nothing to apologize for. My husband and I didn’t do anything wrong. You just don’t understand our dynamics and always try to pick a fight.
It went on for a bit but then Alia eventually let it go.
So, what do you think? Should I have reached out and apologized for my husband’s behavior? My family is saying Alia is just crazy and Samuel is just overly sensitive.”