People Bring On The Drama With Their "Am I The Jerk?" Story
16. AITJ For Trying To Talk To My Husband While He Was Driving?
“My husband and I were going to a wedding last week. We needed to be there on time because he was part of the wedding (at 5 PM). I had a friend in town who was also going to the wedding and was staying close to the wedding hall, and she had asked me to come over and get ready with her.
I agreed, and it worked out because we would get there with extra time/avoid worse traffic. We got started late but with 2.5 hours until the wedding (trip expected to be 1 hr). Halfway to my friend’s place, my husband realized he had forgotten his suit shirt.
He only had a bright red t-shirt, (remember he was part of the wedding), so I immediately started trying to figure out options. I contacted someone local to ask to borrow a shirt. I started looking up places to buy a shirt.
After a few comments back and forth about options, my husband said he did not want to hear about the shirt until we got to my friend’s apartment.
Because I had already sent a message to a friend about borrowing a shirt, though, she responded with a voice message, which I listened to out loud so the map could still be heard.
She gave us some options (buy or borrow with some caveats). My husband heard this, and I asked him if he wanted to try to borrow or buy the shirt, and he flipped his crap on me, because both by listening to the voice message and asking him a question, I had gone against his wishes.
I stayed quiet for 15 minutes, but traffic kept getting worse and worse. So at 3:30, our map rerouted to a route that passed by a store I had found. To me, it was more important to get him a shirt than for me to see my friend before the wedding.
I told him we were passing the stores, why don’t we stop now on the way? My husband started screaming at me about why couldn’t I just listen to him and do what he said. In the end, he did not have a shirt in time for his part of the wedding.
I was directed to a store to buy the right shirt, and I bought the shirt and arrived at the venue at 5:20. Had he taken my help or listened to me, he would have had a shirt in time. Instead, because he was so focused on not wanting me to talk about shirts at all, he missed every opportunity to find a shirt, which is really frustrating to me.
We have continued to argue about this. He says that as the operator of the motor vehicle, if a conversation is bothering him, the passenger has to comply because it is a safety concern. I think that I was treated disrespectfully by being yelled at and being told I can’t talk about something unilaterally/without any discussion.
I think that he was so stubborn to refuse to even listen when we had an opportunity to communicate and figure out a good solution, but I’m worried that he is right and I am the jerk because he WAS the driver and he did tell me multiple times to stop talking about it.
So, internet, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your husband should get some therapy. He was overwhelmed and obviously had no idea how to cope and shut down. That’s a stress response that takes time and practice to learn to cope with. That’s his to work through.
He yelled and was rude to you, and he doesn’t get a pass to be a jerk just because he’s feeling upset about something. He should absolutely apologize for being rude.
You tried to be very accommodating, and that’s nice of you, but you should just focus on yourself and your own boundaries when he’s freaking out like that.
You can’t control his actions, you can only control yours. Assert how you want to be spoken to. Tell him that you are willing to stop at the store on your way, but if he wants to wait until the last minute to deal with it, it’s not fair for you to have to run back to the store, so you won’t be doing that.
At the end of the day, it’s not your job to solve his shirt problem, and if he is unable to work with you for your help, that’s his decision to make.
As for the car, I think it’s the driver’s job to acknowledge whether they are fit to be driving, and if they are feeling overwhelmed, they just shouldn’t be driving.
It’s not your job to keep him calm. He should have pulled over and asked you to drive.” Iamghostboooooo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He forgot the shirt & you were trying to solve it.
Traffic was heavier & heavier, so he lashed out at you because he couldn’t handle the two levels of stress at once.
If this is his “normal” while driving, he’s demonstrating anxiety and to manage his out-of-control emotions, he’s controlling you. It was very rude and demeaning how he went about it. He owes you a magnificent apology.
You might consider taking over the driving when you’re together.
I did. It’s helped our marriage through the decades. He makes an excellent navigator & co-pilot. On long-distance drives, especially when there’s a lot of traffic, it’s just easier that I handle it. He has many excellent qualities. Handling heavy traffic and curvy mountain passes are not his strengths, but I thrive in those conditions.” SeraEck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sounds like your husband has some anger and control issues.
He needs to talk to somebody. Forgetting a shirt and being given options as a remedy aren’t yelling circumstances. It’s a shirt. Not a life-saving organ. He needs to chill.
I wonder what else he’s got going on that he hasn’t told you about? Because unless that level of outburst is normal (bigger problems there) then he’s got some other stressor and this pushed him past his ability to cope. He needs to deal with what’s eating at him or you need to get out while you can.” kevwelch
15. AITJ For Refusing To Quit The Soccer Team After My Friends Didn't Make The Team?
What ever happened to supportive friends? This girl needs to get a new group!
“I, 16F love all sports, but soccer is one of my favorites. Our school wasn’t able to have any sports teams for the last couple of years due to the circumstances surrounding 2020, and I was really excited to be able to play sports again.
I really wanted to make the soccer team, so I was practicing for a while. I asked my friends if they wanted to practice but they refused. They said that they were busy so I just practiced by myself.
Tryouts for soccer happened a little while ago and my 4 friends and I tried out.
Yesterday, the team was posted. We all rushed to the list and I started looking for my name and when I found it I was supper happy. You could tell by looking at me that I was really happy.
After, I tried to talk to my friends but they just kind of walked away.
I met up with them at lunch but they just looked upset. I asked them what was wrong and they said that they didn’t make the team. I said that I was really sorry. They asked about me and I was really hesitant to tell them I made the team.
The second I said it, their faces changed from sad to angry. They told me that it wasn’t fair that I made the team, they said that I had an unfair advantage as I had trained before tryouts. I was taken aback and this is where I might be the jerk.
I said that it was their fault for not wanting to train and do other things like party but that they can’t blame me for making the team when they were just slacking.
All my friends started crying and one of them said that if I really was their friend, I would quit the team because it hurt them too much to see me on the team when they didn’t make it.
At this point, I was a bit mad. I told them I don’t care and that their request was absurd. I said that I understood that they were upset but that there was always next year and that if they wanted to make the team next year they should start training now.
They all said that they would have been good enough if any of the people who made the team didn’t train. I muttered under my breath, obviously not, but one of them heard me and started calling me a jerk and a witch.
They told their friends that I was being rude for hurting their feelings. A lot of my friends were telling me that I was a jerk for what I did.
I do feel bad for them but I think that they kind of deserved it.
If they just get what they want then they’ll never learn that they have to work for anything. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but welcome to your first hard lesson on real friendship. Hint: This ain’t it. And all the other ones calling you names aren’t either.
True friends celebrate each other and their good fortunes. True friends want the very best for the people they love and care about and support them. Yes, it’s very understandable that they would feel sad and hurt for not making the team.
But they are also very selfish miserable people and misery loves company. Instead of being happy for you (and perhaps just asking for time alone to work through their pain about not being selected), they wanted to drag you down with them so they wouldn’t have to be miserable alone.
That’s not what loving caring friends do. Loving caring friends don’t ask you to diminish yourself – they should be there to lift you up when you need support and cheer you on when you don’t. Sometimes that’s hard to do when you have your own grief happening and it doesn’t always look like happy cheery rah rah sis boom bah, but it also shouldn’t look like selfishly knocking the other person down to make you feel better about yourself.
It’s time to move on and look for real friends.” AmishAngst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP!
You worked hard to get your skills up to par and you made the team! Your “friends” goofed off and slacked out, did NOT develop the skills they needed, and – duh! – didn’t make the team.
So how did they react to this very predictable result of your work and their laziness? Did they decide “Hey, if OP can do it by working hard then I’ll bet I can do it too! I’m going to start practicing now so I’ll have a shot at making the team next year!”? Heck, no! They got jealous of you, whined that it wasn’t fair, and started pressuring you to quit the team.
How old ARE these people – 5? Because if they’re any older, there’s no excuse for their infantile behavior!
OP, congratulations on making the team! Hopefully, your teammates will have your drive, self-discipline, love of the sport, and maturity – all of which suggests that they’d be better friends than whiney, jealous losers.” Marzipan-Shepherdess
Another User Comments:
“Go you for working hard and getting on the team!
You’re NTJ.
You did exactly what one should do – practice, try out, be happy you made it, and commiserate with the people who didn’t make it.
They then made an unreasonable demand of you, to give up the place you got fairly because they didn’t want to practice.
Friends don’t ask that of friends. Even if they had worked hard and you had slacked: if your skills were good enough to make the team and theirs weren’t, they can feel sad and envious (that’s human) but they don’t deserve the place.
As for the ‘nobody should have practiced’: what kind of team would your school have if everyone on it went ‘what am I supposed to do with that round thing again?’” allyearswift
14. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Partner For Trying To Reschedule Our Anniversary Getaway?
“My partner (30f) and I (30m) have made plans for our anniversary in November to celebrate and have booked a flight and hotel and other events for our trip. We’ve had these booked since April for a trip that is in February.
And she’s expressed how excited she is for the trip and can’t wait to spend the trip with me.
To put a bit of context in this, I come from a small tight family but a supportive one who’s understanding about people’s lives and never really felt guilty for trying to live my life.
My girl comes from a very, very large family. Every event is 20-40 people. Every birthday is a big event. If someone is not there, it’s frowned upon. Guilt is a very common theme in the family and I don’t agree with it.
Suddenly in the car last night she seemed rather shy and not her usual self. I questioned what was going on and she said that her cousin has planned her baby’s first birthday and is guilting her for trying to be gone during her “baby’s first and most important birthday.” And that she needs to prioritize family above all.
I instantly laughed it off thinking no way that we were going to do this as the hotel and flights have already been booked. But she started pushing the issue about it and how her family is important to her. Quickly I snapped back that if it’s her family they would be understanding and not try to guilt her into going to an event that the child will not even remember.
Family (at least on my side) doesn’t get priority just because they have an event or a birthday. And they certainly don’t get priority if they attempt to guilt over something. IMO the anniversary is an important thing to celebrate and she was so excited to go, it now will have a stain on it because her family has attempted to guilt her.
AITJ for refusing to change the dates and trying to get her to go. Or is her family wrong in how they approach things? I love her and she’s such a nice person but I feel that family should not always get priority for events.
IMO the anniversary should be a time of celebration and guilt from the family should not stop someone from living their life. The trip was scheduled months ago and I don’t feel it should be canceled or postponed.”
Another User Comments:
“My partner and I have a somewhat similar setup to you and your partner, but my partner’s family has gotten over him not being there because we live on the other side of the country.
But it’s the same thing, someone doesn’t show up to an event and everyone talks crap about them about how they didn’t put in the effort to show up.
For years my partner and I have had different takes, with him saying if people are there, they should go, while my family and I have more of a loose take.
But for the past couple of years, he’s been more on my side, thankfully.
I told him we can’t stop our lives to accommodate his insanely large family. If we are able to go and do not have anything planned, then cool.
If not, we’ll catch the next one.
I would love to say we resolved this issue with a nice little chat, but it was a bit more heated, lol. I told him I’m not constantly flying around the country to accommodate his family who in the past 11 years has never come to visit us.
Hear 1,000 reasons as to why, but the second we get there, everyone seems to be in picture-perfect health. Love that.
But I would talk with her. I would tell her that while you’re cool going to family events, you also want to be able to book something and commit to it.
NTJ.” andreaak88
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
Her first-cousin-once-removed is not going to remember. Her first cousin will obviously never forget. However, any life event can be skipped if plans are already made.
Your partner is a jerk for not expressing what she really wants – whether to you or to her cousin.
You’re a jerk for not listening to what she’s saying and pushing your family values on her. You were dismissive and rude when she tried to talk to you about it.
By your account, it sounds like the anniversary trip isn’t happening on your anniversary.
I’m still confused as to the timeline. I think your anniversary is in November, but the trip is in February?
The baby’s birthday is likely not on the exact day of birth. If you don’t go, be sure to celebrate it somehow.
What you need to do is talk with your partner and not tell her what you think. You can say why it would be inconvenient to change your trip, maybe impossible without lots of lost profit, but not denigrate the importance with which she holds her family.
If you don’t have a new conversation about her priorities, you’ll soon find you are not a priority at all.” CrunchM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I had to set boundaries with my wife about this very thing. A few summers ago, every weekend of the whole summer was scheduled out with events for her family.
Sometimes more than one event in a weekend and the closest members of her family are 1.5 hours away. We had plans to go camping, and I had a weekend fishing trip planned, so I didn’t go to a number of events.
Her family was astonished that I’d skip out on “family” events, and they sent me so many passive-aggressive texts and badgered my wife about my absence.
We had to set some boundaries. One of the biggest ones is that at least one weekend a month is kept free for us to do things together, or alone if we want. I am pretty introverted, and I just want time with just us to relax, and her family doesn’t understand that. They want to spend time together constantly, and it’s just draining.” irishlyrucked
13. AITJ For Recording My Stepmom and Stepsister To Expose The Truth About Them To My Dad?
The truth would have come out eventually.
“My dad met my stepmom 10 years ago, they went out for 2 months before becoming engaged and got married 4 months after that. My mom died when I was a child, so I’d never had a mother figure before.
Stepmom has a daughter who is 8 years younger than me. She was a monster growing up (she had issues with her hormones) and was never reprimanded for it by her mom. My dad finally put his foot down and she saw a doctor and became a lot calmer over time.
My dad is a very very conservative Christian who is very against cussing, drinking, etc. basically anything you couldn’t do in church, he doesn’t condone ever. However, my stepmom acts like a separate person away from him. She cusses, drinks like a sailor, and even has explicit conversations with her daughter.
My husband and I went to visit them this weekend to see my niece’s ballet recital.
My husband accidentally said “darn” in front of my dad and stepmom and she got really defensive and told him “we won’t use that language in this house” to which my husband immediately apologized and my dad said it was okay it was an accident but to be careful.
Then my dad left with my niece early to get to her recital and we would be riding with my stepmom and stepsister.
The second my dad left, my stepmom started telling a story about how she was riding with two male coworkers to a church meeting the night before and saying how they were telling a story about how they “both hooked up with the same crazy witch in college” and was getting really into the story.
All of this in front of her 17-year-old daughter, too. And her daughter started cussing and talking about her romantic life, too. They thought it was hilarious. My husband and I were clearly uncomfortable hearing any of this. (Don’t get me wrong, we both cuss and have no problem if a close friend wants to tell us a funny adult story, but this is my stepmom and her underage daughter laughing about it when my dad thinks they’re both “upstanding Christians” because they act that way around him.)
I got really upset because she had just corrected my husband for saying something way less vulgar so I pulled my phone out and audio recorded about 45 seconds of their conversation.
After the recital, back at home I pulled my dad aside and played it for him. My dad went white and said “she’s not even supposed to be around him,” which turns out my stepmom had recently left her job I thought she was still at because my dad found out she was texting and flirting with one of the guys in the car telling the story.
He thanked me and let it be for the time. My husband and I went home, and a few hours later my stepsister sent me a text saying I’m “ruining their lives by being a freaking stuck-up witch.” My husband and my dad were both happy I said something, but now my real sister says I shouldn’t have meddled in their lives even though my stepmom is a liar and acts inappropriately behind my dad’s back.
I just wanted to protect him.
Edit: small backstory with info to add that my stepmom was living with her mom and could barely afford to stay alive (almost $30k in debt) when she met my dad. I feel she manipulated him into marrying her (my dad makes almost $200k a year from military retirement and his current government job) but if he’s happy then that’s okay, it’s their relationship.
She also got black-out wasted while on a cruise with my sister for 6 nights in a row then made my sister lie to my dad about her not having a sip of booze and my dad “commended her” when they told him that.
So I don’t think she’s a good person in general. But to each their own.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, you are far from some kind of avenging angel, though that’s clearly what you were going for.
You thought that because your dad demands everyone behaves as if they’re in church around him, you decided to “out” (stupid way to say it) them to make him what…
upset enough for a divorce and to put them out even though that surely would violate his ethics too?
You aren’t wrong to be annoyed, but a small correction when I’m certain your dad was thinking it, is hardly a reason to upend her life.
Add to that your edit, it just makes you look more vindictive than concerned.” RLB4066
Another User Comments:
“This is tough. On one hand, I generally dislike the snobby thou shalt not swear crowd since it straight-up never made sense to me. On the other hand, he would want to know how she was acting.
On the other other hand, she’s allowed to both raise her daughter how she wants and act however she wants. And on some other hand somewhere else, we all, to an extent, act differently in private and I think we are allowed to wear masks in public, though hers seems extreme.
I think, ultimately, YTJ. She’s allowed to have her private personality and you’re not allowed to judge how she chooses to raise her daughter. Right or wrong you recorded her without her knowledge and snitched because you were mad at her.
You didn’t do it to do the right thing and help your dad. You did it to get her in trouble, to get back at her, and I think the reason you did what you did is a big reason for my feelings on the subject.
I also don’t swear around my parents but swear a lot on my own. I would be livid if someone recorded me with the express purpose to get back at me after telling them we don’t swear around my parents. Which is exactly what you did.” neohampster
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
So, you were already an adult when your father remarried and you don’t really describe anything bad that was done to you here. You say your step-sister was difficult to be around when she was a child but got better after being medicated.
You were an adult the entire time, though. So, what we are really down to is that you “exposed” your stepmom for not adhering to your dad’s strict “Christian” values. Because you always felt she wasn’t good enough for your dad, as you report in your edit.
Just so we’re clear, that means you have taken on the role of enforcing your dad’s values. And those values suck. It strikes me as telling that your other sister is not on-board with what you did. She knows more than the story you’ve told us, so I’m not inclined to disagree with her.” name-2-come
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I think of these things like this: If I was in your dad’s position and my daughter knew this was happening, would I want her to tell me? Heck yes!
She was so darned brazen about it that she didn’t even care who was listening — namely you — even though she had just acted all put out over your husband’s simple swear slip.
Good grief. If you hadn’t said anything, the relationship would have eventually blown up with a lot more damage and you would have felt terrible for keeping the truth of who she is from your dad. Ultimately, it’s his decision on what to believe and how to react to the truth.” The-Answer-Is-57
12. AITJ For Revealing The Reason My Extended Family Wasn't At My Half-Sister's Birthday Party?
“My half-sister is 7. She and I share the same dad and we have different moms. My mom died when I 5. My dad married my half-sibling’s mom when I was 8. They have four kids together ages 7, 5, 3, and 1.
I have more family than they do. My mom came from a large family and had a lot of siblings, cousins, etc. As well as parents and grandparents who outlived her. So I have benefitted from that. My dad came from a family who is in and out of jail and he cut them out years ago.
His wife is an orphan who was an only child and hasn’t got a good relationship with her extended family. So my half-siblings have no extended family. It has been a point of contention between me and my dad, me and his wife, my dad and my extended family, my dad’s wife and my extended family.
Dad thinks they should have expanded the family with my half-siblings. He believes they owed them a family. His wife believes the same. They do not. Neither do I.
The bad blood existed even before my half-siblings were born. Before she died mom left her parents and her sister in charge of certain things she wanted me to have, and not my dad.
Apparently, she told him that getting sick so young and knowing she would leave me when I was so little, made her realize how anything could happen and while she trusted him, if he remarried, she didn’t want his future spouse left in charge of her keepsakes.
She did not want some random woman in the future holding onto items she treasured and wanted me to have. My dad was so unhappy about it and conflict arose there.
I think all of this has contributed to my dad and his wife setting my half siblings up with the expectation that my extended family would be theirs, and that they should be coming to stuff like birthday parties and sending them gifts and taking them out for day trips like they do with me.
Dad told my half-sister he told my grandparents about her birthday party and so she waited for them to show up and when they didn’t she was upset. She had friends there and friends of the family, but not much in the way of family.
She got upset and asked me why they didn’t come. I had already voiced to my dad that he was being cruel, and I told his wife just as much, they said it was my grandparents who were being cruel. So I decided to tell her that she was not related to my extended family.
I explained to her that they didn’t come because they are not friends of her parents and they’re not part of her or their family. I explained how they are my family because of my mom and how that worked. She looked so surprised to realize it didn’t make them her family too.
And hurt. Because she realized she was lied to about having lots of family.
My dad and his wife were so mad at me for talking to her about it. They said at 17 I should have been more sensible to know it wasn’t my place and was cruel to leave her with.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are being cruel to her by setting up this family dynamic. While telling her the truth hurt her feelings in the moment, it was a more loving thing to do.
If you want to comfort your sister, tell her that while your extended family may be different, you’ll always be her family and that you and her parents love her, and that she’ll always have family around her even if they look a little different than yours.
Tell her that love isn’t measured by the number of people giving it but by the quality of love given.
And as for your dad – while I understand that he’s hurt that he wasn’t kept in the fold after your mom’s death, it sounds like his bitterness about it is leaking into what he’s telling your sister.
She’s only 7 and shouldn’t be used as a guilt pawn. He needs to work on building community and friendships that can replace bio family if he cares that badly about a network for her. But it sounds like he doesn’t actually care about her having a family, he just cares about his hurt ego.” nonoglorificus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, assuming you told them gently, and not in a mean or gloating way.
It’s a truth they need to understand. It may hurt a bit, but in the end, what would hurt more would be thinking that their own grandparents didn’t like them.
For some reason, your father seems to think that when he married your mother, her parents adopted him for life.
While sometimes that kind of relationship will form, clearly your mom’s parents don’t feel the same way, and that’s their right. He certainly can invite them to events with his new family–but it is up to them whether they want to take on the role that he wants them to take, he can’t force it on him.
The fact that your mother felt it was necessary to put her heirlooms in the hands of her family suggests that she may have had some inkling that your father would not be able to respect boundaries, and clearly, she was right.
And either way, he owes his kids the truth.” Material-Profit5923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told her the truth, in love. My niece died unexpectedly when her kids were 3, 5, and 7. Her husband had another child about five years later. There is a definite difference in how he and his family treat my niece’s kids vs.
‘the baby’.
Suffice it to say, ‘the baby’ wormed her way into our hearts because of her relationship to my niece’s kids, but that didn’t change the dynamics of a somewhat contentious relationship between our family and her parents, and they have had to be reminded several times that our relationship with the baby is via my niece’s children, not independent of it… So if they aren’t included, we won’t be there.
I can only imagine the issue if my niece only had one child and we were expected to envelop three more.” Scstxrn
11. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Stop Sulking In Front Of My Family?
“My (24M) partner (22F) and I still live with our parents and went on vacation with my family (about 10 people including some kids) for about 2 weeks. During this time we decided to visit a nearby town and rented 2 cars.
My girl values her independence, and in this situation, we were basically stuck outside most of the day since we were dependent on the rest of the family due to the car situation.
During the day we decided to go sightseeing, and after deciding on a plan of which places to visit, we were on our way.
As we got to the first place, we saw a huge line for the attraction to which my girl remarked that she would rather not wait, which is understandable, so I spoke to my family and told them that we weren’t that keen on going, but because everyone wanted to since it was a main attraction of that town and there wasn’t anything to do to kill time nearby, I decided we should bite the bullet and go.
This left my partner not very pleased with the situation.
Throughout this attraction and the rest of the day my family basically kept at the same pace (which was slow), everyone waited for each other especially because there was a baby and kids.
My partner was clearly suffering by not being able to just do her thing which is understandable since her pace is much faster and she would like to be able to choose the sights she decides to see, and she was being kinda forced to go through this whole day of doing things.
All of this I can clearly understand, what I expected to happen is that she would just blend in and suck it up (Uber, in this case, wasn’t an option), and then the following day, knowing that she was not a fan of this workflow decide not to go.
Essentially learning that she doesn’t like this from then on choosing not to do that but for the duration of the day suck it up.
What followed was the opposite, she was quiet the whole day and visibly irritated to the point where my whole family would come up to me at different times and ask if she is ok and if she needs anything.
Whenever we would be walking around in town as a group she would walk ahead of everyone. When we were walking through places with amazing views and other breathtaking once-in-a-lifetime places she would just sit down and refuse to interact. I attempted to defuse the situation in any way possible.
I understand that she is away from home for a long duration and is expending a lot of social energy by interacting with new people and I do think it’s ok to be displeased with the situation and when possible act accordingly to not be in that situation anymore but I don’t think its respectful to sulk in front of my family like this.
When I brought this up with her I was called insensitive and to this day I’m still getting reminded that I had this talk with her when what I should have done was offer support when she was alone without her family.
I understand this to some extent and I do think I offered support and I expressed it was okay to be upset in that situation but what wasn’t ok is sulking. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Question: who paid for this trip? If your partner saved her money for the trip specifically, I can understand her pov.
She’s 22 and traveling for the first time as an adult and wants an adult trip and not to be tied to apron strings. So I get where she’s coming from in that regard.
How she handled it though… well, she sounds like she acted very immature and bratty.
The cold sullen shoulder is the actions of a tween. She needs to use her words and express herself and you needed to listen and not dismiss or marginalize her feelings, and find a compromise together.
Your family should have considered you two are both old enough and the desire to venture out together sans family every moment is not an unreasonable expectation.
They could have explored transportation options with you.
If you have a license, then… rent your own car for a day or two. Check the bus schedules, consider biking, etc…” Fanstacia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your girl went on a family vacation so it’s not surprising the family was staying together.
I’m not sure exactly what she thinks a family trip would be like. It’s also pretty childish to be so upset that everyone can see it. If she was that miserable she should have stayed back at the hotel and not ruined everyone else’s day.
Or, if she planned to treat this as a vacation and not a family thing, she should have rented her own car. Either way, two weeks is a long time. She needed to resolve herself to it or come up with a different plan.
I agree with your feelings and even what needed to be said but maybe rethink how it was said if she was offended by it.” sansansa56
Another User Comments:
“The point of a family outing is to spend time with family. It’s understandable that it will take 10 people longer to participate in events than one 22-year-old.
It’s concerning that your partner did not want to interact with your family.
It’s also strange that she didn’t want to participate in the viewing of the beautiful landscapes. Instead, she sat and pouted.
It’s also true that she is young and maybe not ready to be part of someone else’s family.
I’d be humiliated to bring someone around my family who behaved this way, particularly if there were children around.
It’s also worrisome that she has so little respect for you, your family and begrudged going at a comfortable pace of the elders and children.
She’s showing you what kind of person she is.
She tried to make the family outing all about herself.
That she’s still bringing this up to complain makes me think she might be too self-centered to be involved in a serious relationship.
In any event, her behavior is giving you a glimpse of what the rest of your life with this person would look like. I wouldn’t want to live this way. You would be the jerk to yourself if you remain involved with this person.” theloveburts
10. AITJ For Not Attempting To Perform CPR On My Sister's Sick Dog?
Sometimes the hardest yet best thing to do in life is to learn how to let go. There are a lot of ethics surrounding dealing with the loss of a dying loved one.
“My sister got a Doberman, Zeus. Zeus was 8 and had dilated cardiomyopathy before he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure.
I was a vet tech before I started working in pharmaceuticals, so I’ve seen dogs with this condition before. I know that Dobermans have a poor prognosis.
When Zeus was diagnosed she sought my advice on what to do and I told her to spend as much time with him as she could.
I was blunt and let her know that it was likely he would have a sudden death or deteriorate rapidly and need to be put down.
Over the last couple of months, Zeus’s health has been rapidly declining, he stopped eating almost everything (except a little force-fed baby food and bone broth), could barely walk around her backyard, and had a cough that hurts to hear.
The vet gave medicines which helped a little. He had signs of end-stage heart failure but would wag his tail and lick her so she was convinced he was happy but it was clear he was in a lot of pain and would not be getting better.
Because Zeus has been doing so poorly my sister has been reluctant to leave him alone. She and I are close and she lives close to where I work so I try to stop by as often as possible (I love Zeus, too, and helped raise him when we lived together).
Today I was there with her partner during lunch when I heard rales, I checked on him and his gums were gray (a sign of systematic organ failure), his breathing was slow, and he was cool to the touch. I called my sister to let her know that these were his last moments and let her know I could keep her on the phone and that I would comfort him as he went.
She yelled at me not to let him die and told me she would be right over and told me to do everything in my power to keep him alive. She was only a couple of minutes away so I just needed to keep him alive til then.
I told her CPR would not be right but she said it was her dog and she got to decide.
When she got in her car her phone disconnected and soon after I lost his pulse. She arrived 3 minutes later and she told me she couldn’t believe I didn’t start CPR.
I tried to explain why but she said it was her choice and that a medical professional should have listened. I loved this dog and I wasn’t going to crack his ribs and destroy his body when there was no chance of revival.
My sister is convinced that if I had started CPR or rushed him to the vet he could have lived 5 minutes longer so she could say goodbye. She told me I should never touch another animal and that it was wrong for me to go against her wishes.
She said she needs time to think but that I shouldn’t contact her until she says it’s okay and shouldn’t come to family dinners. My brother and her partner agree that what I did was wrong and say I should apologize and pay for cremation.
They made me leave immediately so I didn’t even get to mourn with them. She said if I at least tried she wouldn’t have to wonder.
AITJ for not doing everything in my power to save my sister’s dog when I knew it was futile?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister is way more at fault.
Sure it sucks to lose a pet, I’ve lost many, but I would never keep them alive when suffering just to make myself feel better. That is so awful.
If she can’t handle the process of loss she should not own a living creature.
Also if you hadn’t stopped by she would have just come home and found her dead dog. Which sounds way worse than being told by someone she loves.
If she had begged a vet to perform unnecessary CPR and such on an obviously dying dog, any reasonable one would say no and that it is just torturing the animal.
I’m amazed her vet didn’t have a hard talk with her about how dogs in pain can act like they are ok, and that the little moments of love didn’t make it alright to keep the poor thing going.
I really hate humans sometimes, it’s all about us and not the thing we love or how awful it may feel.” Ravioverlord
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
“Actually you’re the one who should never touch another animal. You thought it was more important to break Zeus’s ribs and torture him in his final moments than to let him pass peacefully and quietly for your own sake. I’m glad your cruelty did not come to fruition through me.
I understand you’re upset so I only say this so you can place your anger wherever else you see fit but it won’t be with me, the only person who cared that Zeus died peacefully.”
Your sister is grieving but she needs to be corrected in her thinking now.
Her priority was herself, not Zeus. To delay her pain, she was willing to sacrifice her dog. And to get her closure, she was willing to destroy his. She needs to understand that so that when she calms down and can think it through she can be glad she failed in persuading you and glad that you stopped her from doing such a cruel thing to a dog she loves.
For those who don’t deal with dying, death, and CPR, the misunderstanding around a peaceful death and the reversibility of it through CPR is shockingly poor. You did the right thing.” mangonlime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
My little dog Kieko started off with a bad cough and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him.
In the end, I believe he went into renal failure because his stomach got very fat but his ribs got very skinny. One night he didn’t come to bed but when I woke up in the morning he was very very excited to see me.
I assumed he wanted to go outside because that was the kind of energy he gave off. Instead, he ran into the laundry room and grabbed some clothes, and started making their nest, and that’s when I knew.
I picked him up and carried him back to bed, using a voice that pretended I wasn’t sad I told him that he must have been very tired and too tired to have made it into the bed so I would cuddle with him before I went to work.
I laid down with him on my chest and gently stroked him. I told him that I was okay and that he didn’t need to protect me anymore. Then he peed on me and I stroked him some more and said that I would be okay if it was his time to go.
He took about a dozen more ragged breaths before dying in my arms. I truly believe that he could have gone at any time but he was holding on and waiting for me.
It was time for your sister’s dog to go.
Had you not been taking care of him he may have hung on a little bit longer until she was there but in the end, he went while being held in somebody’s arms and knowing that he was loved. As angry as your sister is, and as sad as she was to miss her opportunity, she needs to be reminded that her dog was suffering and he went in peace and it was his time. She should be grateful that you were there to take him to the Rainbow Bridge in your arms and that he was able to pass knowing that he was loved.” Dimgrund71
9. AITJ For Admitting I Don't Accept My Friend's Relationship?
“So I (22m) have told my friend (22f) that I’m not going to support her relationship and she got mad at me.
First I want to say that just because I’m a guy, I don’t want to have romantic relations with her, I’m not secretly in love with her, she is one of my best friends for years.
She is a great girl, really emotionally a true friend, and honestly like a sister to me.
Now, this girl is super obsessed with getting married and thinks that she is behind her friends because she hasn’t had a serious relationship yet and basically will give anyone a chance.
That has led her to find some idiots in the past despite me telling her to not pursue anything with them.
But this has all led to her finding this guy that lives on the other side of our country and her falling in love once again.
She was with him for about 10 days, and in those 10 days, she made a trip to him 3 times at her own expense just for the guy to ghost her.
Now that would all be ok if it had finished there, but she still wants something with him.
Basically, that guy had told her that he is going to marry her literally on the first day they got together, and she is obsessed with getting married to him. She is still holding on to that and thinks that all she needs is to give him some space.
She has begun texting him every day, with him still ignoring all of her texts up until she finally said that she is willing to do whatever he wants and the relationship can be however he wants just for them to be together.
Of course, that got his attention and him being toxic said that he wants for them to hear from each other once to twice a week, when she is with him no one can know they are together. And she is contemplating what to do.
She came to me looking for advice and me being brutally honest said to her that she isn’t emotionally stable and that she needs help because it’s not healthy changing everything about yourself just because you want to get married, I told her that even if you get married, you won’t be happy with him because he isn’t the kind of man you are looking for.
She got super angry at me and said that if I was her friend I would support her no matter what. I told her that I won’t support this, that I won’t support that relationship because I don’t want her to get hurt for the 100th time, and that she needs to drop that obsession with getting married, that she is still young and just be patient.
With that, she left and said I was selfish.
Now am I the jerk, all I want for her is the best but I think as long as she has support from friends she will keep finding these idiots.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had an ex that I stayed friends with that had what I dubbed, “The One Syndrome”.
Every girl is the one. He was with me, but he told me he loved me like a month in and was wanting to move in together at like 6 months. I didn’t do it. I met his family, he met mine.
But one year we started looking for houses because I thought he was my one. Everything was what I wanted. Except, he had a slight drinking problem I wasn’t thrilled with. But with the stress of house buying it got 100x worse and he did substances too then.
So I ended things. After me he went out with 4 other girls. 2 of them he took to meet his family in another state a few months in. All of them were “the one”. Now he finally chilled out and is with a girl for 2 years, but they don’t live together or anything.” Notreallyawaitress84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your friend is 22! She still has plenty of time to find a good healthy relationship and get married to someone who actually wants her and loves her. You are not being a bad friend, you are pointing out the obvious and the TRUTH.
This guy is just out to use and mistreat her. He is probably in another relationship and she would be his ‘side piece’. I cannot understand that she cannot see that. Instead, as usual, you will be the one to pick up the pieces when it all comes apart.” Various-Bridge-325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re acting out of justifiable concern for your friend. That is support.
My only advice would be to highlight that you care for her and are concerned. Really stress that you want her to be happy. It might soften the blow of the harsh truths.
Also, acknowledge that your friend is going to do what she’s going to do. Keeping communication open so that you’re there when things are crappy is important too.
Good luck OP! I can relate. I’ve got a good friend who makes terrible decisions in her love life and as someone who cares for her it is so hard to watch!” adogdeanafternoon
8. AITJ For Making My Sister Pay For Our Deceased Mother's Mortgage On Her Own?
“Two years ago my mom died and we inherited her home. My sister and her significant other lived there before, paying zero rent, and continue to live in the house to this day. When my mom died, we made the agreement that if either of us wants to live in the house, they can be responsible for the mortgage on it every month, and if no one lives there, we will split it 50/50.
Now, my sister has all this resentment towards me since I don’t help her with the house payment “since I’m a co-owner.” The monthly payment on this house is extremely cheap for what it is, and I’ve told her clearly that if she wants to take full advantage of that every month by living in the house, she can be the one to pay the mortgage.
The problem also is, she and her partner are complete addicts and have trashed this house horribly. They think it’s okay since I don’t pay half the mortgage every month. They also are always letting their homeless friends pitch tents in the back without my approval.
She also tried to ban me from the house. (Which obviously didn’t work since my name is on the deed). She fully thinks this is just her house.
I have told her multiple times that I think the fairest option is for neither of us to live there, and we split the payment 50/50.
If we rented it out, we could more than double the monthly payment with the rental market in the town it’s located in. That way nobody is bogarting the value of the asset, the payment is even, and we even make some extra profit.
But right now, I don’t understand why I should pay half the bill while she and her partner (who isn’t a co-owner) get to take 100% advantage of this property we both own and depreciate it. I have my own house payment I have to make, and it’s difficult to see why I should be expected to help financially support my 28-year-old big sister and her partner.
Overall, I just want to sell the place, invest the finances, and move on. The home is gradually depreciating while the market cools down. She wants to continue to living there destroying the place, and taking 100% advantage of this thing we both own, all while expecting me to help her pay.
It really feels like she’s trying to guilt me and take advantage of me to get super cheap housing.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But you really need to force a sale of the property because you have nothing but a headache as well as potential legal liability.
Most obviously by trashing the place and ignoring maintenance, the place is becoming less and less valuable and will have to be sold at a discount. The longer this continues the lower the value.
Since you are part owner you also risk legal liability for injuries.
If someone sues it will be you who pays because your sister has no assets.
You might also be liable for infractions on the property – how can it be legal for people to camp out. I bet the neighbors are trying desperately to take action.
Also, who is paying for taxes and insurance – both property and liability? There are costs to owning a home beyond the mortgage.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would visit a lawyer ASAP and find out your options before she defaults on the mortgage or trashes it completely.
You don’t want fines (I don’t know what for, slum lording??) Or to be on the hook for a defaulted mortgage. Whether you agree with paying or not your name is still on the deed and the mortgage with the bank, that crap will follow you forever.” Barelyaberry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
OP, do tread carefully, because your name is on the deed, and it’s probably also on the mortgage paperwork. She could try to force your hand by just not paying the note at all and trash your credit in the process.
I suggest you ask her to buy you out of your half at fair market value and you sign a Quit-Claim that takes you off the deed and the mortgage paperwork. This could get very bad if she decided to do a dumb on purpose to spite you.” LetThemEatHay
7. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Help My Twin Sister?
“My sister and I are twins, (22f) but I am the ‘older’ twin by a minute and she and my parents never let me forget it.
So just for background and context: My twin has always been the favorite, probably because she is a carbon copy of my parents, and doesn’t question anything they do.
I have deep seeded trauma from growing up with my mom (mentally unstable) and dad (narcissist) to the point where I have PTSD from their fights. I had to move out at 18yrs old, while I was still in high school because my dad wanted me out.
I had come home one day to boxes of my stuff that they had packed and moved the following weekend. My sister got to stay for two more years and didn’t move out until she was ‘ready.’
Here’s where the actual story starts.
My sister is a functioning addict and lives way above her means. Her rent alone is nearly double my own, and the reason is because she moved in with a toxic partner. The dude broke up with her and left her to deal with the rent by herself.
She has to work 3 jobs just to barely scrape by, but that doesn’t stop her from buying booze and going to the bar every night.
My husband (24m) and I are middle class for where we live. He has a job paying roughly 80k a year before tax, and he doesn’t require me to work, but I have a small seasonal part-time job before I start taking classes.
He gives me an allowance each week that I do what I want with, and if I were to ever need money, he gives it to me without question. (We do this because I have a habit of overspending, he asks me frequently if I want to have access to his account and I decline for the stated reasons above).
My sister has made a habit of only contacting me for money. Nothing huge but she’ll ask me for $20 nearly every week for this and that. I always ask her where her money goes, and she says bills. I ask her if her finances have gone to substances, and she always says yes.
I tell her that if she’s going to be spending her finances on substances, then I’m not giving her a dime. She always gets super defensive and calls me a jerk for not giving her funds but ends up asking again next week.
She says things like I’m well off and my husband is on his way to be an engineer, and that family helps family, but I don’t feel comfortable enabling her addiction.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk if you continue to enable her.
She’s going to be asking you for financial help for the rest of your lives. She’s going to use those finances to buy her substances. You are not obligated to give her finances because you made some good life choices and she made some bad ones.
If you stop giving her a penny, maybe she’ll make some changes in her life. Of course, she’ll guilt trip for cutting off the subsidy, but it’s the best thing you can do for her.” ClothesQueasy2828
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to tell you this as a recovering addict: Stop paying her.
It sucks seeing the people you know in a downward, self-destructive spiral. But she needs help, and she is the only one who can make the decision to get it, and sometimes you need to reach rock bottom before you can see the light.
I know I had to. Instead of money, try offering to go to AA or NA meetings with her; help her navigate the various support organizations out there for people who’ve gotten out of abusive relationships, do anything that doesn’t support her addiction.
You are NTJ for what is essentially stopping your support of her bad habit…” RulerOfTheRest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, she needs help. You should definitely try to stop her from drinking. I mean you probably have already and she didn’t listen to you.
Also, I’d say you should definitely help her get on track physically, mentally, and financially. Don’t give her the easy way and just give her your hard-earned profit, help her get that pay too. She shouldn’t be using you for your money. Her being the favorite has impacted her to where she thinks she can get whatever she wants. If she doesn’t want the help then that’s on her. You tried.” rixkyyy_
6. WIBTJ If I Continue Letting My Co-Worker's Mistake Cost My Boss?
“At our work, we have 2 managers (one of them is me the other one will be Called Veg) and one big boss (we will call him Ron since he looks and acts like Ron Swanson from PaR).
Ron is an okay boss.
Veg does the same job as me, but we have shifts. Ron is here on the work days. Veg and I work all the workdays and weekends. Our work as managers is keeping inventory, administrative work, etc.
Veg almost never does any work.
And if he does it’s either full of mistakes or he chooses easier things to do and leaves the harder things for me. I came to him at work in my own free time and tried to nicely reason with him.
Nothing changed. I made more work cause there was always something left over. And that was a mistake. If something would not be done right away it would be bad for the whole store. I cannot leave it here for him when he gets back.
But there lies my problem. He does almost nothing and leaves everything to me and I do it right the next day. I am not the only one who sees it. Ron mentioned it too.
So we arrive at the point. The job gets done and Veg does not feel bad or responsible for doing a bad job cause I make up for it.
I went to Ron. We sat down all three of us and it was pointless. Ron just said to him that he should change his way of working. The only result was that we now need to fill out a paper about our daily tasks.
The aftermath of that is that he never fills out those papers and it just adds more work for me. No progress.
Ron was leaving for three weeks on a vacation. We sat down so that Ron can divide our tasks. Four main points.
One of our staff quit and they said that it was because of Veg. Second point. We made it clear to Veg that he needs to answer my calls and texts. The third point is that he needs to do his half of all the projects that are due at the end of the month.
And the last point is that Ron made a deal with his boss that we can call him if we need anything.
I have done my first steps of everything. After my two days off I came to work and nothing was done.
No comments on our projects, no papers filled out. I did all that I could and texted him. No reply. After my three days off is today. Still nothing. No comment and he still did not reply to me.
Both of the projects affect Ron’s bonus salary.
If we fail to do the project Ron will lose a good amount of profit. And that applies to his boss also. I could do all the work myself and just not wait for Veg to do his half but that’s why we are here.
Side notes. I am happy at this job and I do not want to leave it just yet. Ron’s boss does not know about our problems. I do not mean to hurt Ron or be petty but he had many chances to deal with this.
We have 8 days before Ron comes back.
Will I be the jerk if I stick to my evidence photos and logs of me doing my normal job and texting Veg to do his part and him not responding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your coworker’s manager knows there will be no repercussions for not doing his work, so he doesn’t.
Don’t do his work. Document how everything is when you come in–in pictures, in writing–and take screenshots of the texts that weren’t replied to as well as when they were sent.
As well, document the work you are doing, and what your job requires.
Figure out exactly how long each day that work takes you to do so that the bosses will know exactly how much work your coworker isn’t doing.
I would say if you want to stay on good terms with the company, maybe send a heads-up text to either Ron or his boss, whoever you’re supposed to contact during Ron’s vacation.
And simply say that work isn’t getting done so you’re documenting what isn’t getting done since you don’t have time to do it yourself due to your own work.” Deondebomon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ron and the boss are hurting because they aren’t holding Veg responsible.
And you’ve told them so, but you’ve been shielding them from it, so they see no reason to make a change.
This is a case of tough love. If Ron and the boss both lose their bonuses for failing to take care of the Veg situation, that may be the wake-up call they need.
The closest you came to being a jerk was covering for Veg in the first place.” IanDOsmond
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems you have two choices:
Do everything but keep a log of everything. Present this to Ron upon his return and state that you will no longer do two jobs.
You saved him this time but no more.
Allow the company to suffer at Veg’s hands. Cover your butt!
Either way, you win. I would argue you come out even better with option one.
If you choose option 1, then nothing happens and this slacker keeps his job. Another opportunity will arise for you to take option 2.” Ozix-VIII
5. AITJ For Potentially Ruining Multiple Of My Partner's Friendships?
“I (f 24) recently got engaged to my fiancé, (m 25). We’ve been together since sophomore year of high school but have been in each other’s lives since we were freshmen. Even though we’ve had our ups and downs, I love him very much & we’ve never been happier.
I’ve also been friends with my best friend (f 24, “Kim”) since middle school. My fiancé has been friends with his best friend (m 25) since elementary school, “Josh.”
Josh and Kim have been together since freshman year, which is how I met my fiancé.
While Josh and Kim were together, Josh and I ended up becoming great friends, and he would tell me about his friends, my fiancé, and a few other guys. Let’s just say he wasn’t the nicest about the people he called his “brothers.” Josh would tell me stuff even before my now fiancé and I got together, then Kim would tell me the things he would say about his friends, including my fiancé.
My fiancé isn’t American and is a POC, and he has a thick accent that sticks out where we live at. He also has very indigenous features and has a learning disability. Josh frequently picks on him and continues to do it behind his back to this day, along with the rest of Josh’s and my fiancé’s “friends.” I know this would hurt my fiancé terribly so I stick up for him anytime they say things about him.
My fiancé adores his friends and does anything for them from buying them expensive gifts, paying for outings, and even paying the bills at times because we’re quite well off.
I’ve tried to tell my fiancé to maybe look for some other friends but he loves his friends too much.
One day I met up with Kim to tell her about wedding plans. She told me something particularly vile Josh had said about my fiancé’s nose and how our kids would come out stuttering because my fiancé is “slow” and I have a speech impediment.
I was shocked. I excused myself partly because I was furious and wanted to sob at the way my fiancé has been treated all these years.
Well, when I got home I saw my fiancé planning yet another outing with his so-called friends.
He seemed excited and began to ramble about all he had planned. I was enraged. Without thinking I blurted out that his friends didn’t really like him and have made fun of him, even to this day. He went quiet and looked defeated.
I felt terrible. He simply said “I don’t think that’s true,” then walked outside on the patio.
I thought that was the end of it until about thirty minutes later I got texts from my fiancé’s friends saying how I ruined their relationship, how I was trying to isolate my fiancé, how I’m toxic, how I’m a witch, etc.
Kim was upset with me for telling my fiancé and now Josh said he doesn’t trust her anymore. My fiancé has been quiet and avoids eye contact with me.
AITJ for telling my fiancé the truth about his “brothers” and potentially messing up multiple friendships?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
While it may not have been the most ideal way to tell him, your fiance needed to know what his so-called friend was saying about him. He is toxic and a user. You probably should have been telling him what Josh has been saying about all of the friends, so he knows it isn’t targeted just at him – that may have softened the blow a bit.
Good for you for letting your fiance know. He doesn’t deserve to be treated that way.
If Kim didn’t think you’d tell your fiance what was going on behind his back, that’s on her.” SirMittensOfTheHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiancé didn’t have friends, he had people using him.
You told him the truth. He deserves friends who will love him and treat him well. Encourage your fiancé to explore hobbies that interest him where he can build a new and better friend group.
As to Kim, why does she want to be with someone like Josh, who treats people so vilely? What does Josh say about HER to other people? Ask her to think about that, leave the door open a crack in case she comes to her senses, but be prepared for her to choose the loser.
You may need a new best friend too.” NerdySwampWitch40
Another User Comments:
“ESH: I might get dinged for this, but don’t care. You’re the jerk because you’ve known this for years it seems, but you keep being friends with these horrible people. They make fun of you as well as your fiance.
You should have told him sooner. I don’t understand why you yourself have put up with their nasty attitudes.
They, of course, suck big rotten coconuts and are major jerks. They’re now trying to rewrite the story and make you the bad guy.
Your SO seems wonderful and I’m glad you see him for who he really is.” debdnow
4. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Daughter To Practice?
“I’ve been divorced for 8 years now. I’ve been the secondary parent but lived in the same town as my ex-wife. We have two daughters together (13, 11). I’ve always been the parent to encourage my daughters to try out for sports and I’d go out of my way to ensure my kids made it to their activity whether it be band, color guard, basketball, or softball.
I’ve been there when my eldest made the basketball team and when she didn’t make the volleyball team. I work 12-hour shifts that rotate from days to nights. I’ve slept in parking lots after work so I wouldn’t oversleep to get my daughter to her activities, I’ve gone 30 hours without sleep to ensure she made it to her out-of-town games.
Their mom has been nothing short of a roadblock. She would keep them from going to practice for silly reasons like they were having the neighbor over for dinner. She literally has made one game and one concert in the past three years.
Last week my 13-year-old daughter was venting about how upset she’d be if mom doesn’t make a game this year after breaking her promise of making a game last year. Her mom is usually home from work in plenty of time to make a game and could wake up a little early to take them to before-school practice but says it is too much for her.
My ex-wife’s new husband is unemployed. They have two young kids who he takes care of during the day. He does do odd jobs on occasion, but he’s usually home when my parents or I drop my daughter off. My ex says it is not his responsibility to take them to practice.
75% of the time if I’m working, my parents pick up my daughters and bring them to their mom’s after practice. 100% of the time they get her to before-school practice if I’m working.
Over the weekend my daughter told me she wants her mom and stepdad to walk her on the court for 8th grade honor night.
I told her my feelings were really hurt and I was in shock. Yesterday she called me for a ride this morning, I told her, “No, if your mom and stepdad have the honor of walking you on the court, they should step up and get you to your practices.” I vented to my parents, who are upset also.
They too told my daughter they would not be taking her in the morning when the stepdad sleeps in and has no reason not to take her.
My daughter and her mom are really upset with me. AITJ for not driving her and encouraging my parents to tell her no?
Sorry for the rambling; I am still so upset I don’t know what to think.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Let me tell you a story, for one of my children’s 8th-grade graduations there was a little “mom” ceremony and Stepmom bullied my child into acknowledging her and not me. And I mean bullied hard. In the end, said child changed his mind last minute and honored me.
My response when the original plan was told to me? “Kid, if it will make your life easier, then acknowledge her. I don’t need to be honored like that to know where I stand.” When the child didn’t do as told, the stepmom threw a fit and left.
Embarrassed the child. Were my feelings a little hurt initially? Yes. But it wasn’t about me. At all. I am an adult and can handle five minutes of hurt feelings for the greater good.
What you are doing is taking it out on your child who doesn’t have a choice.
Do you think she chooses to have an uninvolved parent who wants credit and glory? Do you think it’s easier for her to feel like mom doesn’t care? Do you think it’s easier for her to have to ask other people for rides?” sheramom4
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
She is already punished enough by having a crappy mom and stepdad that don’t care about her enough to make any effort. She is trying to get some involvement, and attention from them, even if it is in the form of a ‘bribe’ honor event.
You do not take your child to these practices and events for the ‘honor’ given by the school, you do it for your child. So why do you care so much about this empty ‘honor’ event? Do you need the little public pat on the back? Your daughter loves you, and she knows you are the one going all out for her.
Be there for your child. Don’t become another crappy parent who lets their kid down because of his own selfish needs. Be there for her, be the one person she can depend on, and don’t be just like her mom.” TrainingDearest
Another User Comments:
“I am going to say NTJ, but as a stepmom who was the custodial parent because the bio mom was terrible.
Kids hurt the parent they know will always be there. My stepson would bend over backward for his mom when she couldn’t care less and be rude towards me and his dad but when the crap hit the fan it was us he ran to, we were his safety.
Be that for your daughter. I get she hurt your feelings but I agree with the other comments she is doing it to hopefully get her mom to show up, which is still probably unlikely. She wants them to want her, show her you aren’t going anywhere no matter what, swallow your pride and be her supportive dad. In the end she will show how much it meant to her.” itsBSwoman
3. AITJ For Keeping My Auction Item?
Talk about a sore loser…
“There was recently a fire in my area, and there have been some fundraising efforts. Last weekend, there was an auction where all the benefits would go to victims of the fire. They had VERY nice stuff for auction, including a one-night stay at a hotel I’ve always wanted to go to.
A person in the area was planning to auction it off for an affordable price.
I got to the event late and saw nobody had bid on the hotel. The starting bid was $100, so I started the bidding. Someone else bid $120, so I did $140.
The other person seemed to be away from the auction area for easily an hour, and the auction was to end in a half hour. They came back with 5 minutes to spare and bid $160. I had accepted I was going to lose out, and though I was about to win another item (a camera which I was going to give to my brother), I really wanted the hotel stay.
With two minutes remaining, I decided to do the buy-it-now price, which was $250 (a steal as the hotel typically goes for $400-500). It was too cheap to pass up, and it helped them because it gave them more funds for the proceeds.
The guy who had bid on it, a government official whom most people hate, tried to claim my entry was invalid because I “couldn’t afford both items on my salary,” but I make good pay with my main job and side hustles.
He asked me to give it to him and he would pay me $250, but I declined. That was how much I bought it for, and even if he offered me more, I would not sell it to him. I’m not less worthy because I am younger.
Also, I felt like his behavior was tasteless. He should have just done BIN if he wanted it so badly. I think he assumed it would be an easy win.
He has been commenting on our social media pages begging me to give it up but giving no incentive for me.
Though I don’t need an incentive, I don’t think people should expect things for free. My mom recommended I ask him for the value of the hotel. I told him I would give it to him for $350 (less than the typical nightly price) and he declined, saying he wasn’t going to give me any more than $250.
I told him there was no incentive for me to give it to him, then.
I think he should have just done BIN because he wanted it so badly. Also, he won all but two of the other items, and one of those he lost was the one I won.
I want to get him off my back but I’m not just going to give it to him. I won it fair and square. Also, he could’ve been nicer about it instead of trying to strong-arm me!”
Another User Comments:
“But he wanted to buy ALL the things! It’s so selfish of you not to allow him to have ALL THE THINGS HE WANTS.
Don’t you understand how hard it is for a man with money to be told no? Haven’t you got a shred of empathy Besides, he’s doing you a favor as you are obviously just trying to live above your means and can’t afford nice things on your salary! You’re so ungrateful and mean! -that guy, probably, NTJ, you’re doing the world a favor by telling someone No who never has to hear a no.” legendary_mushroom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you won the auction and you don’t owe him anything.
The same thing happened to me once. At a fundraiser, I won an elephant-shaped lamp that I intended to use for my son’s jungle-themed nursery. One of the other bidders approached me after I had paid for my item and asked to buy it – for the amount I paid for it, I politely declined.
She explained how she wanted it as a gift for her mom and offered $20 more. It was unique and I really liked it. I explained I bought it for my son’s nursery. And she still wouldn’t give up; she kept finding me at the event and begging to buy it and it was beyond annoying.
My husband was so fed up that he wanted me to cave just so she would go away. I finally said in a snippy tone, “Look, I am keeping the lamp. I want it for my son’s room. You are not getting it.
What part of that are you having trouble with?” Then she walked off in a huff, gave me dagger eyes, and talked about me to other people the rest of the evening. Thankfully, it was almost over.
That was 18 years ago, I still have the lamp.
My husband still jokes about it being the lamp I wouldn’t sell to the crazy lady. In another auction fundraiser, I won a laser tag party for 20 intending to use it for my son’s birthday. I paid 150 for it and it was a 250 value.
Great deal. Same thing, some lady wanted it for her grandson, wanted me to sell it. I told her it was for my son, and you think that would be the end of it but no, more “oh please won’t you sell it, he would be so happy blah blah blah.” I just walked off mid-sentence with my hand up like nope.
I seldom go to these events anymore. What is with these people at auctions acting like if they lose the bid they can insist on getting from the winner? I am fine with the initial ask – Maybe they think the winner got stuck with something they really won’t use or are just trying to donate to a cause.
However, I don’t get the not taking no for an answer. It’s just rude.” Miserable-Audience33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As others have said, that’s how auctions work.
But I think that you’re a bit too much NTJ, honestly. It’s time to spread your jerk wings! Learn to fly, OP!
He’s whining on social media? Is he stupid? ‘Cause that’s practically begging for a snarky response. “Ooh, are finances tight? Can’t afford a hotel room for…ahem…whoever you were going to take there?”
Don’t stop there, OP! “Who did you need that hotel room for, anyway? I hope it was your WIFE!”” candlestick_maker76
2. AITJ For Not Allowing My Best Friend To Bring A Plus-One On My Bachelor/Bachelorette Trip?
I mean, that’s her best friend (and what’s one more person?). But, also, it’s her wedding, so she can do whatever she wants.
“My BFF and MOH, “Greta,” has been casually seeing someone, “Peter,” for five months. I have met Peter once but didn’t have the chance to really get to know him at all.
We just were in the same place at the same time, basically.
Greta has been planning the joint bach trip for my fiancé and me, which is a low-key weekend in a city very near to ours. It’s not what I wanted, but I compromised in order to make it more cost-effective for everyone involved.
Greta knows that it’s not exactly what I wanted — I’ve expressed that multiple times — I was excited about certain parts of the trip, but mostly not looking forward to it at all, which was disappointing.
Greta has mentioned bringing Peter, which I said would be fine but I’d like to hang out with him at least two more times.
Greta was unsure if our schedules would line up, and we hadn’t talked about it for several weeks. Today, she brought it up again. I told her that it was a hard boundary for me and that she not bring Peter if we weren’t going to have the chance to hang out and get to know one another.
I wouldn’t be comfortable, and neither would my fiancé. Greta said that going with two other couples made her uncomfortable and that I wasn’t taking her comfort into account in nixing Peter coming.
I wound up telling her to just cancel the trip and refund the finances because I’d rather not go than argue about it.
We went back and forth a bit more, and she told me that my not allowing children at the wedding was inconvenient for her. I told her just not to come then if my wedding and events surrounding it are so uncomfortable and inconvenient (which was admittedly callous of me).
She said I was being unreasonable in my demands and that I can’t see it because every bride thinks that their desires surrounding their wedding are reasonable.
(My desires are: No strangers at my bachelorette party and no children at my wedding.)
I insisted that she refund the finances and we just cancel the trip, because I’d rather do something at home than continue to argue over this because it’s a hard boundary for me and that my fiancé agrees.
She said, “fine – your wedding, your choice.”
I said, “I know. I wish you did too.”
Had she simply heard my “no” on bringing Peter, or accommodated us getting to meet him TWO TIMES, the conversation would never have gone so far.
She said she was done with the conversation before more damage is done.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh boy. YTJ. You’re expecting your friend to go on a trip with 3 couples and she’s single and she’s organizing it. That’s pretty rude.
Also, very childish to cancel the Bach.
I mean, it was your fiancé’s Bach too. It has, “I’m taking my toys and going home” tantrum vibes.
You’re fine with not having kids at your wedding.
You get to pick what you want for your wedding day but it’s extreme to be this crazy and entitled against your friend.” WaywardPrincess1025
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I get frustrated when people don’t take the honored person’s likes or wishes into consideration at all. That’s happening to me for my birthday soon. I’m sad and frustrated and don’t want to be ungrateful or rude. But it’s frustrating. The first night is a joint birthday party with 2 other people.
One of whom I absolutely adore and the other that I don’t like at all. The next night is a “surprise” GNO for drinks at a place I don’t enjoy going and dinner at a restaurant that is far better for couples and it’s too small and quiet for big parties.” GennyNels
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand the YTJs.
It’s her bachelorette party, literally one of the few events in a person’s life where the world really ‘does’ revolve around them. I definitely wouldn’t want a stranger at my bachelor party, I don’t think it’s that unreasonable for OP to not want a stranger at hers.
Heck, she was far more kind than me. I would have said no full stop; she was at least willing to try to compromise if she could meet the guy. Not her fault that didn’t work out.
As for MOH, yeah so she’d be alone amongst couples for a few days.
So what? It’d suck a little, but she’s a big girl now, she’d live. I guarantee the world wouldn’t end because gasp, she has to spend a few days away from her man. The bachelor/bachelorette party isn’t about her, and her needs are secondary for the purposes of this event.” ncarr99
1. AITJ For Wanting My Brother To Walk Me Down The Aisle Against My Mom's Wishes?
Her wedding, her choice! And part of that choice is deciding who she wants to walk her down the aisle (or nobody, if she wants).
“So my (F25) mother had a child before me K (28), who she’s given up for adoption.
I don’t know all the details, but she was in an abusive relationship at the time, and she just broke up with him when she got pregnant. She gave him up, and went no contact, even when he tried to find her.
My mom married my dad, and I didn’t know about my brother until my father died 10 years ago, and my mother revealed K’s existence. She didn’t want me to contact him but didn’t want to keep him a secret either.
I did as she asked for a few years, but at the end of high school I was having a hard time, and I was dreaming about a protective big brother, so I found and messaged him.
He was so nice from the start.
He didn’t know I existed but wanted to meet and have a relationship immediately. We became best friends right away, and I even lived with his family because my university was close to them. I can’t imagine my life without him.
I tried to tell my mom stories about K, so she knows K is nothing like his biological father, but she seemed very uncomfortable with the idea of meeting him, so I eventually stopped.
The problem started when I got engaged and started to plan the wedding.
Of course, I wanted to invite K and his family too, and because he is the only “father figure” I have, I asked him to walk me down the aisle. He was so happy and said yes. I didn’t think this would be a problem, but my mom overheard me talking about K to my fiancé, and asked “He isn’t invited, right?” I looked at her surprised and said “He is my brother, I want him there.
I asked him to walk me down too.”
She started screaming at me, about how inconsiderate I am, and how dare I force her to meet K. I told her that K is an important part of my life, and they won’t have to interact with each other, but I need him on my special day.
She told me that I don’t care about her and that she will still have to see K and have him in the family pictures, where he doesn’t belong. To that, I got really angry, and told her, that he is my family as much as her, and she should be able to tolerate him for a day if she loves me.
She left our flat in anger and then texted me that “if K will be there, I won’t”.
Now I don’t know what to do. I understand that she has trauma about K and doesn’t want a relationship with him, but she had almost 30 years to process it.
K has trauma too because she abandoned him, and still struggles with the thought of unwantedness, but he didn’t give me any ultimatum. I just want my whole family there at my wedding and don’t want to choose between my mother and my brother.
I feel torn apart. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s the jerk. You are free to invite whoever you want to your wedding. You care for your mother, and you care for your brother, so of course you want them both there.
But I have sympathy for your mother not wanting to be involved in any way with your brother.
She has that right too.
I see no way to resolve this, aside from not inviting either of them. You can look at it this way. You are not “choosing” between your mother and your brother. You are inviting both of them, and it’s up to them to decide whether or not they will attend.
I think you have to consider the future though. If your mother will not see your brother, then how (and who?) will you spend the holidays with? What happens if you have kids? Both would likely want to be involved. And you would have to keep everyone separate, and I’d think that would get wearing.
I would consider speaking to a therapist/counselor about how to deal with this situation.” stroppo
Another User Comments:
“Nobody’s a jerk.
Didn’t it occur to you that your mother might have wanted to walk you down the aisle though? She’s your remaining parent and it’s typically a parent’s role.
There are a few things going on with your mother’s reaction; she’s been displaced from a parental role on your big day, she’s being forced to confront her trauma on what should be one of the happiest days of her life, yes it’s your wedding but she’s also been excited for you and loves you and wants to see you be married.
She’s also been very straightforward with the relationship she wants with K. You knew she didn’t want to meet him… how does that work if he’s giving you away and she’s Mother of the Bride?
Knowing all this, you still asked K to walk you down the aisle, gave him a prominent role in your wedding, and basically expected your mother to deal with it… but you had to have known she would not be able to deal with it.
I don’t think Y T J because it’s your wedding and you can do what you like, but that doesn’t mean other people won’t be affected by your choices.
Your mother and K both have trauma surrounding each other and involving both in your wedding was going to create fireworks of the negative kind.
If K looks anything like his father, you are asking something completely unreasonable of your mother – she’ll be watching her mistreater give you away at your wedding. It would be unbearable.” IllustratorSlow1614
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Wow. So your mother raised you and gave you a seemingly good life but she now doesn’t love you because you are crossing a serious boundary of hers, that you’ve known about for a long time.
She didn’t handle the news super well, but she’s also not wrong. She told you a long time ago she wants 000000000 contact with your brother because of the apparently severe trauma he brings up. She didn’t have a duty to overcome that.
She was dealing with it in her own way, which was no contact. I get that balancing hostile family relationships can be difficult, but if I was your mother I don’t know that I’d ever come back from this. You should move the heck out of her house.” Unlucky_Marketing_75
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