People Give Us The Facts Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. WIBTJ If I Don't Want My Family To Visit Me And My Daughter?
“My husband and I live 3k miles away from my family for background.
So my daughter, who is four months old, was born with a very serious heart defect that we knew would require open-heart surgery shortly after birth.
We are fortunately able to put it off until this April to give her more time to grow. My mother has been very much in the loop of this timeline and has known since Christmas time that her surgery would be in April.
In March, she randomly called me up saying she was going to fly down and visit us in April with her long-time partner.
I reminded her our daughter will be having surgery around then and that it’s important she’s not exposed to extra germs, etc. She casually tells me that she already bought tickets and tells me she’ll be here between x and y dates.
I was not asked, I was told.
I should clarify that they are strictly coming to visit, not help out with my other kids during my daughter’s surgery. She wants to visit the beach, go to the aquarium, etc while they’re here. I’m expected to play hostess.
I was annoyed af at this point, but let it roll off my shoulders. If she happens to be here when her surgery is taking place (and the 1+ weeks she’ll be inpatient afterward recovering) her loss. I’m absolutely not leaving my daughter’s side and it’s her wasted trip.
Yesterday, I got a text from my grandpa (also not local) stating he’ll be coming down that week too along with two other aunts for my mom’s wedding. I was completely blindsided by this wedding. I was informed that my aunts will all be meeting up at my home on specific dates/times related to wedding stuff.
Have I mentioned my daughter is having an OPEN HEART SURGERY during that time? I texted my mom for clarification and she laughed it off saying ‘Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you we decided to get married while we’re down there.’
I’m livid at this point.
Livid that I found out through my grandpa, and that I wasn’t asked first. Livid that my mom is putting my daughter’s health at risk by trying to expose her to a ton of new people right before a life-threatening surgery. Livid that at no point did she stop to think that I might just want to focus on my daughter and the fact that they were stopping her heart that week instead of a stupid wedding that was planned at the last minute.
WIBTJ for calling my mom out? I guess I really just want her to know how hurt I am that she’s valuing her trip and wedding more than my daughter’s health and my own struggles. I’ve literally never felt more unimportant to her than I do now.
She just literally doesn’t seem to care about what we’re all going through, and I want her to know it for no other reason than I just want to be heard. At the same time, another part of me just wants to bite my tongue and not ruin her day.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course, you are not. Your family sounds very entitled and thoughtless. Perhaps they think that the surgery can be put off or isn’t serious because you were able to wait a while. It should be obvious this is major surgery and how frightening it is for you all especially while you nurtured your child so she could get strong enough for the operation.
I suggest you write to everyone saying something like… In April our daughter is having her open heart surgery. As you know she has been waiting for this life-saving operation since she was born and her doctors feel she is now strong enough to have the surgery.
The medical team is being very strict with us about health protocols and we won’t be able to host anyone during that time or have visitors. We will be at the hospital of course and so won’t be able to see you all when you are in (state) for Ma’s surprise wedding.
We are sorry to miss the occasion but will FaceTime in for the ceremony and look forward to celebrating later when our little girl is safely through her operation and recovery. Please keep her in your thoughts at this time.
If you can make them feel guilty for putting themselves before a sick child – good!
Best wishes to you and your little one and hope all goes well.” au5000
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, but – honestly – you have much more important things to focus on right now. This is why I urge you to lock your home down like a fortress and block out any and all distractions during this time.
Inform your family that you will not be hosting, attending, or participating in anything between x and x dates (or after x date if the recovery period is open-ended). Tell them in no uncertain terms that you will permanently cut off anyone who attempts to come by your house or the hospital and you will block anyone who attempts to guilt trip you into anything.
Basically, they may be in your town for this random surprise wedding, but they need to forget you exist while they’re there.
Clearly, your mom has some serious issues and you may have to call her out on it at some point, but all you can really do is control what you do and what you allow, so focus on shutting all of that craziness out and focusing on what’s most important: your baby and your immediate family.
I hope your daughter’s surgery goes smoothly, accomplishes everything that’s needed, and that she recovers quickly and well. And, as a mom who has dealt with those out-of-body conversations before, I send you peace, hope, and healing. You were made for this and will make it through.” SunshineShoulders87
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split The Check With My Family?
“I (30f) just got back from a weekend away for a family event. Upon arriving home everyone started texting in what they paid for so we could figure out who owes who for what.
Of course, quite a few receipts were for meals because rather than have them split the check at the restaurant, my sister and parents always told them to put it on one check, something I should have spoken up about, I know.
So don’t get me wrong, I have no problem paying my way for my food, but when I asked what my portion was, I was told we were splitting all checks five ways, which is where I disagree.
On our trip, there were seven of us.
Myself, my mom and dad, my sister, her two kids, and her partner. My dad, sister, and her partner ordered beer and/or drinks with every meal leading to almost $60 in just drinks on one check (full receipt was $130).
After learning that I mentioned to my mom that I didn’t think it was fair that we split things five ways because half the bill was just three people’s drinks.
So after taking that out, she says we’re still splitting everything else (hotel, food) by five.
Before I bring it up again, would I be wrong for saying I just want to pay for my meal rather than split a seven-person bill five ways?
I get that the kids can’t pay for themselves, but my sister (their mom) and her partner won’t be hurt by it by any means. Unlike myself who is just scrapping by while saving for my own place.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, they were going to stick you for the drinks.
Now, they’re planning to stick you for the kids. You’re being taken advantage of. You already know you should have asked for separate checks. Still, tell your mother you chose carefully to keep the trip from costing you too much. You’re willing to pay your fair share, but it needs to be fair.
Ask her to give you the total for what you ate, plus tax and tip.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to protect yourself and your finances because, clearly, you have relatives who are not above picking your pocket just a bit. Do what you need to do, and don’t be shy about it.
And watch out for the family member who makes fun of you with a gibe like ‘Little Susan! Always nickel-diming everyone!’ There’s often a family member who will try to undermine your confidence like that. You know what’s happening.
And, please, OP: this time next year, or whenever someone comes up with the idea of a family event where there will be lots of ways to pay and dodge paying: stay home.
Or tell the rest of them that you want an agreement, in writing, of who will be paying for whom and for what, in advance. Remind them of all this year’s unpleasantness and say you don’t want to go through that again.” FerretLover12741
23. AITJ For Returning To Our Dorm Room At 8:15 In The Morning?
“I’m a freshman in college living in a dorm and got a randomly assigned roommate.
We live very different lifestyles, I like to stay up late and sleep in late and she likes to go to bed early and wake up early.
At the beginning of the year, she told me she likes to go to bed early and is a light sleeper, and I told her I like to stay up late and we came to the agreement that she could turn out the light at any point and I would be quiet after that.
She goes to bed 9-11ish, and I often get ready for bed and lay in bed at these times out of respect. However, there are generally 2-3 nights a week, one of which is a weekday, that I stay up and out past this time.
I keep the light off and do nothing more than crawl into bed when I return home, 12-3ish.
About three weeks ago my roommate told me she doesn’t like me staying out late because it affects her sleep and that she wants me back by 12.
My friends have made fun of me since, because out of respect for her, I have, except for a few times, left parties, study sessions, and hangouts early to get home on time.
On Monday night I was out playing board games with friends and lost track of time.
I noticed it was 12:30 and out of respect for her I decided to pull an all-nighter with my friends in the common room. I returned that morning at 8:15 to get ready and shower because I had a meeting at 9.
However, I got an angry text later that day calling me out for returning at 8:15, despite me doing my best to remain quiet and even not returning home at an unreasonable hour, as I would’ve been up at that time anyway.
I responded and apologized for waking her up, but explained that I stayed out all night for her and I did nothing wrong. I also explained that while I was willing to compromise and be back most nights at midnight, as long as I was courteous there would be nights I would come back later.
I got a message last night that she had scheduled a meeting with our RA to mediate, and I honestly want to know if I’m in the wrong, if she’s in the wrong, or if it’s just a bad situation. Any advice would be welcome too, thanks!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it’s that big of an issue for her, your roommate needs to request a room change and become someone else’s problem. But you shouldn’t be living under her tyranny any longer. As long as you’re being respectful when you come inside and aren’t being disruptive, you can come back at whatever time you want.
And you shouldn’t feel guilty about it at all. She’s being purposely unreasonable.” LadyLordFarquadd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you better enjoy your college years. And don’t let anyone shame you for doing so. Before you know it your body will give you a bedtime.
You have been more than accommodating and need to set some boundaries of your own. She does not pay your tuition and she is not your parent or guardian. She can’t give you a curfew. As long as you don’t come in loud and disruptive she better learn to get some earplugs and an eye mask.
Kindly tell her and your RA that unless there is a new school-enforced curfew you will continue to be respectful and quiet but you will enter and exit the room your parents/loans/you pay half for when you see fit. She is more than welcome to find other accommodations if necessary.” Candi_Kane33
22. AITJ For Being Mad At My Wife For Volunteering To Host Easter?
“My wife (38F) and I (39M) have been married for 12 years and have 3 kids (11, 8, & 6).
We live reasonably close to family on both sides. Our house isn’t huge by any means, but it’s big enough for our family. However, no one else on my wife’s side of the family lives in a house. Her siblings all either rent homes with roommates or live in apartments.
Her parents downsized into a smaller townhome about 5 years ago.
As a result, any time her family wants to get together for a holiday or special occasion, we are the ones who end up hosting. It’s not even a discussion with her family anymore, everyone just assumes that we are going to be the ones who host.
We at least rotate major holidays between my family and hers, but my siblings and parents can also host gatherings so hosting duties are spread out amongst all of us. But every Thanksgiving, Xmas, 4th of July, Easter, etc that we spend with her family, we host. And her family are not the best guests.
They will bring food if we ask, but any time there is cleanup or other help, they are nowhere to be found. I have expressed my dislike of this ‘arrangement’ to my wife numerous times. She has insisted that I not say anything to her family about it and to let her handle it.
However, nothing has ever changed.
We hosted Xmas for her family this year and it sucked. People showed up late, ‘forgot’ the food they were supposed to bring, no one helped with cleaning, people let their kids make messes, etc. Same old story as every other time.
After that, I told my wife I was done. I told her I don’t want to host her family until someone else in her family steps up and hosts something or we book some other venue and all chip in to pay for it. She promised to talk to her family about it and figure something out for the next holiday.
For Easter this year we were supposed to just have it be our family, no extended family. But a couple of weeks ago my wife met up with her mom and sister for lunch. When she got home she informed me that she talked to them about how hard hosting Xmas was.
She said her mom and sister agreed that they would do better and offered to prove it to us on Easter and my wife agreed. We got into a huge fight over it.
I told my wife that she was on her own for this one.
I told her I would be spending the entirety of Easter weekend with my family and I’ll take any kids with me who want to come. But I am not going to be helping with any of the hosting duties whatsoever.
She thinks I am overreacting and that I need to give her family this final chance because her mom and sister seemed really sincere during their talk.
I told her I didn’t care what they said, I was not going to be involved at all because I wouldn’t be able to hold my tongue this time and I didn’t want it to come to that.
She is not happy with me at all but I don’t really care.
To top it off, all 3 of our kids want to come spend the weekend with me instead of staying home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think your wife is being firm enough with her family, and even if she’s trying to negotiate some improvement out of them, it was out of line for her to agree to it without talking to you.
It sounds like she’s taking you for granted. This might be her ‘handling it’ but it feels a bit too little/too late to expect you to host yet again just to give the family another chance, especially when she committed without talking to you.
And, without knowing the family, I can’t say I have a lot of faith that any improvements they demonstrate this weekend will ‘stick’. The answer is that you guys should NOT have to solely face hosting duties, in fact, you should not be hosting at all unless you’re both bought in, end of story.
I think the issue at hand though is that even if this weekend is far more pleasant for you because you’re just not there, it’s still unresolved. Won’t this just come up AGAIN at the next holiday? Are you going to take your wife at her word if she tells you after Easter it was way better?
I think you have more talking to do with your wife, and sadly I think the line might be that you discontinue hosting for the foreseeable future or that you’re leaving every time she signs up to host.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
What she means is that she never told them you weren’t hosting, when she met up with them, they brought up Easter dinner assuming it would be at your house, she got a few quick words in about how they need to help clean as you’re getting frustrated with it, and otherwise acted as a doormat for her family at your expense.
Go hang out with your family, but don’t expect your wife to explain the reasons why you went on her own. She’ll say your mom insisted you be there or something to that effect and no lessons will be learned by anyone.” JeepersCreepers74
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Walk Me Down The Aisle Anymore?
“So my fiancée and I thought it would be sweet if we were both walked down the aisle by our parents at our wedding.
For her, that’s both her moms and for me, that’s my mom. I lost my dad 11 years ago when I was 14. My mom was thrilled when I asked her and told me she was so excited to walk her baby boy down the aisle.
The problem came in when she told her husband that I wanted THEM to walk me down the aisle.
Not just her like I explicitly stated. But her and her husband, who has never been my parental figure and only came into my life as an adult. He was excited about the prospect as well and he called me up and told me he was glad I was finally letting him step into the role of father figure because he always wanted kids and he was proud to have a son.
I had no idea where this came from so I asked what he meant and he said the fact I wanted my mom and him to walk me down the aisle meant I was embracing him as a parent too. I told him I had not asked for both of them.
I asked just my mom. He acted like I never spoke.
So I called my mom and asked where he got the idea I had asked him and she told me she hadn’t seen it as a big deal because they’re married and he’s a good man and surely I’ll want him to be grandpa to my future kids so including him in this shouldn’t be such a big deal. I told her it was a big deal because he was not my parent and if anyone was going to be walking with us it would be Dad, but he’s not here and because he’s not here I don’t want anyone else.
I told her she needed to clear things up with her husband and she told me no. She said she would not crush him and I could man up and allow him the joy of experiencing this with us. I told her I was not going to walk with the two of them.
She told me it was too late to back out now and what harm would it do. She told me it would crush him to have it taken back. I told her he blatantly ignored me when I already told him and she defended it saying he was excited and wanted to be included.
I told her I wouldn’t walk with her if she didn’t fix this and she told me I had to walk with her, I already asked and she already accepted. Which is when I told her if that was her stance then I was taking back the offer for her and she could figure out what to tell the man she married.
Things went down when I told my mom this and she told me I was behaving like a child and excluding a good man for no good reason as well as punishing her for trying to be a good wife.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your wedding your rules. Your mother was the major jerk for telling her husband and changing everything because she wants good wife points. Maybe you can call your stepdad again. Tell him you appreciate him wanting to be part of the family and you hope you can have a stronger relationship in the future, but this is not the correct way to do it.
Forcing himself like this is only causing drama. Tell him you find their current actions disappointing and harmful. Hopefully, he will get the hint. ” Sea-Strategy-8815
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is WAY out of line and disrespectful. Your wedding day is NOT the time to play ‘happy (replacement) families’.
If he was not even an actual significant father figure when you were growing up then what she suggests will simply be hurtful to you cherishing memories of your real dad on your special day. Can she and her new husband not understand, apart from what you clearly stated, that HIM walking with your mom will kinda blatantly rub it in for you in a very real, painful way that your father is not there?
Tell her in your mind and heart you were envisioning your real dad would be walking next to her in spirit. That she has ruined this notion you had. Tell her if she thinks you need a replacement dad on the day you would rather find someone else who DID actually in some way step in as a meaningful father figure or mentor after your dad died, while you were still growing up.
(Not that you would, just to make your point clear). Tell her that honor was essentially given to her but she totally ruined it.” Akitapal
20. AITJ For Refusing To Use Cheap Ingredients When I Cook For My Sister's Birthday Dinner?
“I’m (28M) starting a business as a personal chef after working at restaurants for the past decade. I’m hired for special events and dinners, I listen to the client’s idea for a menu, I provide some options, then I buy the ingredients and prepare the meals for the approved dishes.
My (32) sister’s birthday is coming up and she decided to host a dinner. She asked me to cook, and I agreed not to charge for her my labor a) as a birthday gift to her, and b) because I appreciate this chance to promote my business to her friends as well.
The thing is, after we settled on a menu, she kept complaining that the ingredients I chose for the recipes were too costly and kept suggesting I look for cheaper options (she’s paying for the ingredients, after all). I told her it’s one thing to replace one or two ingredients, but the overall result will be impacted if I go for the cheapest alternative everywhere.
She insisted it would be fine, she said she was sure it would turn out great.
Then I said I would mind because if the food was not up to my standards, I wouldn’t feel comfortable introducing my business. So she said I can just cook it as a gift to her, and not to involve my business name.
I reminded her this was one of the conditions of my ‘working for free’. I said I refused to go ahead on her terms. Now she says I’m being sort of a jerk for seeing her birthday more as a business opportunity, and not making it about her.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You ‘gift’ her your services, then probably push her towards a menu that’s out of her price range (cause your real motive is to turn your ‘gift’ into a promotion for your business) then get upset when she says she can’t afford the menu you wanted for her birthday.
You want to make a good impression as a chef and caterer? Show off your skills by making accessible ingredients sing. Anyone can make foie gras impressive, try making chuck roast something people rave about. Basically, you tried to not only cheap out on a birthday gift for your sister, but then you made her cover the cost of a self-promotion event, and you got mad when she balked at the price.
Through and through the jerk.” Serge-Rodnunsky
Another User Comments:
“Professional chef here. This is your sister’s birthday present, not an opportunity for you to promote your business. You are being self-centered, not to mention snobby. The best food in the world is created with the simplest ingredients.
The mark of a decent chef is being able to take very basic ingredients and use them to create something special. It’s not about being expensive, it’s about making the best use of what you have and making even simple dishes taste amazing.
If you want to do this professionally then a big part of your business will involve listening to your clients and catering to their tastes and needs. Put your own ego aside, and listen to what the client wants. YTJ.” Heart2001
19. AITJ For Having My Company Pay For My Friend's Dinner?
“I recently finished a master’s degree and found myself in the graduate program of a dream company, the first time having ‘real’ money (€31k annually) in about two years.
Travel is a small part of my work so when I was spending a night in the city where my friend lives – I messaged him about dinner and a catch-up. ‘Harry’ informed me that I’d have to pay for the meal as he didn’t have any money, which I agreed to and – through many protests – picked a restaurant that suited his food preferences.
Dinner went well and I had no issue with paying but once the bill came around I got my phone out and took a picture of the receipt so I could claim some of the meal back but this really upset Harry. He was fine at first but taken aback.
I walked him back to his car and he left without saying thank you.
Five times in the intervening two months he has called me cheap or rude for ‘having my company pay for dinner’. When I try and dig down and understand why Harry feels this way he will say something like ‘I just think it would have been nice if you had paid for me’, or simply ‘Forget it, if you don’t see what’s wrong then I can’t help you’.
I’m just wondering if there is some sort of social etiquette I am not aware of? I don’t understand the reaction at all and for it to go on so long is making me question myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Harry goes to a restaurant, and informs you last minute he has no money, expecting you to pay for it.
You pay for it, and he gets his free meal, but that’s still not good enough because you didn’t pay for it out of your own pocket. He’s judging you for putting it on expenses when he turned up expecting others to foot his bill?
Harry’s the jerk x 1000. Also, he informed you that you have to pay for his meal? He didn’t even politely ask? What diva crap is this? AND you picked a restaurant that suited HIS preferences! It’s like you did everything to make this fool happy and he somehow finds a reason to be mad at you even though you did everything to make him happy with this situation.
He sounds like an ungrateful brat.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would seem utterly bizarre to have your own meal covered by your company’s budget, but then ignore the remainder of your budget and pay for his meal out of pocket. Especially if you get reimbursed for the full allowance whether you use it or not, as the money will be coming from the same place – the wages you earn from your employer.
And given he wasn’t paying at all, he should be appreciative that you were able to organize his meal being paid for by your company – it definitely beats going hungry.” Nrysis
18. AITJ For Telling My Friend It's Not Other People's Responsibility To Entertain Her?
“My (f 33) friend (f 30) Stacey has this weird habit of expecting others to be her entertainment. She’ll always complain that she’s bored but instead of picking up hobbies, a hook, literally anything, she expects others to organize her time like she’s 8.
She came over for coffee the other day and complained about her partner, they recently moved in together. She whined that he got his hobbies that he did and he left her alone. She said that he invited her to try them but she refused. I asked her why wouldn’t she get a hobby of her own if she was bored and she said it was not her responsibility and it was her partner’s responsibility to entertain her.
I told her it’s crazy to expect others to create activities for her when she’s an adult but she disagrees. I asked her what did she do when she was single and she said she relied on friends to suggest things to do or she was just bored.
She’s been mad at me before because I didn’t have time to hang out because I did my own thing so this annoyed me. I told her she’s a grown adult and needs to be able to entertain herself. She can’t expect others to do that for her and it’s really sad that as an adult she just sits there bored out of her mind instead of doing things on her own.
She basically said she’s got standards and expects her partner to work to keep her attention. I told her she was out of her mind and no wonder she kept being broken up with after a year (that was mean of me).
She got really mad at me and basically called me a jerk.
She’s ranted on social media about this and all her friends agree with her and I’m just wondering if I was the jerk and too harsh on her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I suspect Stacey might have had a childhood where her parents arranged every waking minute of her schedule for her?
That would definitely explain why she’s struggling to entertain herself now. Boredom is part of life, and you were right to tell her that it’s not someone else’s job to entertain her all the time. It sounds like Stacey’s partner tried to include her in his hobbies too and she wasn’t interested. Maybe hearing the brutal truth will actually help her, especially if her friends on socials keep telling her she’s right.
Good for you for saying what needed to be said.” Calm_Tune_2586
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her standards seem more like she believes that she’s entitled to everyone’s attention and has a case of main character syndrome. Not trying to soapbox here, but if she’s so apathetic that she’d rather sit and complain rather than do something for herself – she sounds like both a mooch and someone who genuinely needs psychological help.
No mentally healthy person puts the responsibility of themselves or their emotions on other people. Your friend is old enough and competent enough to both emotionally regulate and make decisions for herself. You plan entertaining events around children. Not adults.” BankApprehensive2514
17. AITJ For Not Helping My Neighbors Clean Their House?
“I am (F 32) backyard neighbors with a hoarder. It is bad. About three months ago my wife (41) had to put poison out because the rats from the hoarder house were starting to invade our backyard.
It has now reached the point where I believe they were told by the town that they MUST clean up or risk eviction. Last week I spoke a little to the neighbor directly next to the hoarders family and adult protective services are involved. There’s a chance that even if the house is organized they might not get it back, depending on the state that it’s in.
I also spoke to one of the exterminators the town had sent in. He threw out a whole list of diseases he thought could be in the house from the vermin. Some I hadn’t even heard of before. Not going to lie, that spooked me.
I got a knock on my door yesterday from one of the family members. They are requesting help from neighbors to clean up the house this week. I said I was very sorry for what they were dealing with, but I would be unable. I didn’t mention that I wasn’t willing to put my health at risk.
The family member pushed back and said they were really struggling, and that clean-up services were expensive. They had respirators to hand out. I told them maybe the town could help but not me, not my wife.
I truly do feel empathy for this person.
I know it’s not their fault, this is a mental illness. That being said, I don’t feel I would be safe in that house. I just feel awful that they may lose it and wonder if I’m not doing enough.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is not your problem. The family ignored their hoarder relative up until the point the town got involved. You want to save money by ignoring a problem? You got to pay up when it’s time to actually fix it. They probably have all kinds of liens and fines, and all sorts of legal matters pressing against them for ignoring their relative.
Do not feel guilty one bit. As far as I am concerned, your wife already did your part by throwing rat poison in the yard. STRONG NTJ on this one. The hoarders family should have done something when they first realized there was a problem.
This kind of crap does not happen out of nowhere. It is a slow climb that everybody witnesses. It is laughable they came to your door.” Emotional_Wedge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t just wake up and see the ‘mess.’ This is something that has been building up for years and years, and they chose to do nothing until it couldn’t be ignored any longer.
It is completely unacceptable for them to put others at risk for them failing to keep up with the issue. I doubt they are not aware of the kind of diseases and health concerns that could potentially be in that house. The fact that they are not paying professionals to do this right is unhinged and completely irresponsible.
Look OP you’re not in the wrong for saying no, which the family member should’ve accepted and not forced it. I also don’t think any neighbors should put their lives at risk by going into that home, especially if they have kids in their lives.
Imagine the things that they could be taking back to their household, honestly, I hate being a stick in the mud, but I think you should be reporting this, either somebody condemns the house or they get actual professionals who know what they are doing and can do it safely.” Arch_FireHeart
16. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Ex A Document Without Proof Of Wire Transfer?
“My ex and I have been separated for 2 years and divorced for 8 months. He had 120 days to cash me out on my half of the equity in our home. In exchange, I was to provide him a quitclaim deed for my interest in the home.
We went to the bank today to have the doc witnessed and notarized. I told him I would not give him the doc without proof of wire transfer, either completed or initiated. He gave me a confirmation that an email was sent. In the confirmation, it stated they would reply in 1-2 days.
I told him to let me know when they did and he could have a copy of the doc. He completely flew off the handle and started yelling at me that I was in contempt of court. I leave to go out of town for the holidays in 2 days and let him know that I would drop his copy at my attorney’s office and he could pick it up there if he is able to provide proof of completed/initiated transfer.
We are divorced because he had an affair and lied about several things. During our entire separation and all through our divorce, I have followed through with everything I said I would. I have even helped him with a ton of stuff that I didn’t need to because I did it for us for 20 years as a married couple.
Now all of a sudden he thinks I am not going to do what I say I am. Giving him this document means I received the money. It also says so in the document.
Am I being unreasonable or a jerk or is he just being a big baby because he’s not getting his way?”
Another User Comments:
“Not a lawyer, haven’t been divorced or anything, but have seen smaller things like this go down. Do not give him anything til the money is in your account. I would even go so far as to pull it and put it in a separate account so he can’t attempt to pull it after.
What happens if he ‘initiates’ the transfer? You give him the document that says you’re good and he cancels the transfer? Now he has a notarized document from you saying you’ve received the funds. The burden is now on you to prove you didn’t get them or move them to another account.
NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not in contempt unless you refuse to give him the document AFTER you’ve received the money. That means the money is in your account. Not a confirmation that it’s been initiated. Proof that it has been completed. With mobile banking, you should be able to see that the money has been deposited into your account, even if you’re not in town.
I’d recommend transferring the money immediately into a savings or other account. Then, and only then, should you give your attorney instructions to release the document. You’ve signed a document stating you’ve received funds in return for your quitclaim. Do not give him the document based solely on proof of initiation of transfer as there is a possibility of that transfer being cancelled. Once he has the document, it’ll be that much harder to get your funds if he cancels the transaction or never really initiates it in the first place.
No court is going to hold you in contempt of a court order that stipulates payment as a condition of receiving the quitclaim until payment is completed and you actually refuse to provide the document.” cachalker
15. AITJ For Being Mad At My Husband For Not Spending Christmas With My Family?
“Ever since we’ve been going out/married we have alternated spending Christmas with our respective families.
My family lives in another state, sometimes they come here, and sometimes we go to them. This year was my family’s time, but my husband needed to be home for a doctor’s appointment.
During a phone conversation with my parents, they said they wouldn’t come up so that we could go to my husband’s family.
He has a big family and they play a lot of games. They assumed it would be more fun for us since it’s just 2 of them and our family is small. My husband told them no, come on up, it’s your Christmas come spend it with us, we want you here.
So they decided to come up.
Both families celebrate on Christmas Eve, we discussed still going but only for a few hours, to which he agreed. He proceeded to go the entire Christmas Eve, from 3:30-midnight. I’m upset because that’s not what we agreed on, we agreed to only go for a few hours.
We argued about it and he said ‘I’m going to spend Christmas with my family, it’s only 1/2 a day!’ I took a separate car, went, and returned, but he kept our son there. He even told his family it was our Christmas with them and that’s why I was leaving.
They have always offered my parents to come over there, but my parents have done it once and were super uncomfortable.
My parents are upset since they offered not to come specifically so he could spend Christmas with his family. My husband thinks I’m wrong for being upset as we technically did spend Christmas Day with them.
Considering that’s not when we celebrate, it’s not the same. We normally cook a nice meal and open presents after. They ate baked potatoes alone at my home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had an agreement and he broke it. Trying to justify it after the fact doesn’t change the reality of the situation.
You have a tradition/established pattern, AND he insisted on your family visiting this year, AND he agreed to only go to his family’s place for a few hours. Don’t let him gaslight you by saying he upheld his end of the agreement – he did not.
I would be very upset with him for diminishing my parents’ involvement and their holiday. He owes you all an apology and a promise not to do it again.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and slightly YTJ. Let me explain. Your husband went back on his word and made his in-laws feel like they didn’t matter once he was over at his family’s house.
He failed to uphold the one agreement that you two have had for a long time. He insisted the in-laws come up, and they did, then he snubs them on the night they spend celebrating Christmas for his family.
Although, it does bother me, personally, that your parents don’t want to spend holidays with his family.
Why is it uncomfortable? Because they are the elders of the family as a whole, it’s on them to make it fun and entertaining for them. If it’s a lack of knowing one another, that’s their own fault. I feel there’s a missing piece of the puzzle here as to why the in-laws don’t get along or don’t have a good time when in each other’s presence.
How often do you and your husband host events so that both families can mingle and get to know one another? Seems like there’s a failure there, and it’s on the both of you.” ferventlotus
14. AITJ For Telling An Atheist Student That She Can't Join Our Free Period?
“My school has big sermons for Christmas and Easter. As part of that, you have to pray to the Christian God and to Jesus.
I’m a practicing Muslim so that’s obviously not my cup of tea.
There aren’t many kids of non-Christian faith in our school. Our year group is around 200 students and only around 30 of us are Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, etc.
A few years ago the Muslim and Jewish students asked to be excused from these sermons.
They set us up in a spare classroom with one or two teachers and it was basically a free period while the rest of school had the religious observance.
Among the new students who joined us in Sixth Form this year is Aimee. Aimee is an atheist as we found out.
She was complaining about having to go to the Christmas sermon in the common room. Someone told her that our group of students don’t go. She was directed to me because I’m the prefect in charge of the list this year.
I explained the situation to her and told her I would ask the relevant staff if she could be included. They said no, our exemption is apparently on religious grounds.
I told Aimee I was sorry but the staff said she had to go.
Since we went back to school last week she’s been calling me a bigot and threatening to report me to the Head for discriminating against her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her she is free to inquire with the school why THEY didn’t want to excuse her from the sermons. Tell her that you have no power or control over who is & isn’t exempt from the sermons & who gets to be in the free period.
You should have told her she needed to speak to the school staff herself from the start. Now that you took on being her in-between, she’ll blame you for not presenting her case properly to get the exemption. Tell her it wasn’t your call, but the school administration.
Then go right back to the administrators you spoke to & tell them that she was so unhappy with their decision delivered by you that she threatened to report YOU for discrimination & you want to protect yourself from her retaliation.” KindlyCelebration223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and Aimee should be taking up matters with the school administration rather than you. Depending on where you live, she may have the legal right to be exempted from her lack of faith, but that’s a question for her, her parents, and the administration.
Next time she says something, just remind her that you’d be happy to have her there, but it isn’t up to you, and to take her issue to the proper people.” darklingdawns
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Custom Easter Baskets To My Sister's Partner's Kids?
“I’m going to my family’s for Easter. My brother David – I’m close to him and his wife and his kids. I briefly lived with them for a year in 2020 and often babysat them and I still do fun uncle days.
My sister Sarah started going out with this new guy and he has two kids.
She’s only been seeing him for about 4 months and I have never met this guy or his kids.
Sarah texted me I should treat David’s kids and her new partner’s kids exactly the same and get them the same gift. I got David’s kid custom Easter baskets and I don’t know Sarah’s SO’s kids at all and I’m not spending that type of money on them.
I told Sarah that’s not happening at all and I would enjoy Easter with my nieces and nephews because it’s been about 2 months since I have seen them with my work schedule. I don’t think it’s fair to my relationship with them if I try to force the kids to interact with strangers that none of us have met.
Sarah became angry and said maybe she and her partner wouldn’t show up now. I said that’s probably best if they are going to act that entitled and make the whole family hate him and his kids before we even meet them.
My mother later called me saying Sarah requested the same thing from her.
My mom said I should be more diplomatic with the situation and said I should apologize to Sarah. I said no and I feel like Sarah shouldn’t make such crazy demands about her new partner and his kid.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – BUT your mom is right.
A little kindness and diplomacy go a long way. Not saying you should buy anything for a child you’ve never met, but you could ‘help out’ by providing details – If your sister wants the kids to ‘be treated the same’ – it’s on her to see to it.
There’s no reason that her partner’s kid can’t have the same type of basket, provided she pays for it. Just tell her where you got them, and how to order them. You could even offer to pick up hers when you pick up yours… just to be nice.
This relationship may or may not last, but if you can help guests (especially children) feel welcomed, you should.” Diasies_inMyHair
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If SARAH has an issue being jealous that your relatives get personal gifts while her partner of a few months’ kids – who you’ve never met – won’t, SHE has a problem.
LOL. That she wants to impose an obligation on everyone BUT her to ‘make it fair’ for her partner’s kids. 4 months seems very early to bring children into a relationship, let alone for the non-parent to incorporate those kids into their extended family events. I’m concerned that those kids are being treated as props or accessories with no regard for THEIR vulnerabilities and needs.
Every person their dad goes out with does not automatically become ‘family.’ Your sister’s attitude seems weird to me.” curiousity60
12. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Selling Us Her Products?
“My wife and I are in our early 40s with two toddlers. Mom lives right up the street, is in her 70s, and is retired. She’s always been a workaholic. The day after she retired from her job she started selling Pampered Chef and Cabi clothes.
I’ve invited her to things and she will often come late, or inconvenience us citing that she has to go to a Cabi show or sell clothes to someone. For most of my life, it’s basically been all about what my mom wants.
Lately when she comes over she makes comments about my wife’s clothes and that she would look better in her higher-end Cabi clothes, and tries to high-pressure sell her.
I’ve made a few comments, tried to laugh it off or be like ‘There goes mom again’, but she’s never gotten the hint.
The other day she came over for dinner. Basically came in and gossip dumped about the goings on at the church, I couldn’t get a word in edgewise (this is common for her), then proceeded to while my wife was trying to wrangle the kids after dinner go on about her clothes and was hard pressure selling my wife on getting some.
It got to the point where my wife, who’s far kinder than me, was politely trying to listen to her and was distracted and my son ended up breaking something while she was distracted.
This sent me over the edge. I fired off a long text and sent it to my wife and my mom, basically saying that grandmas are supposed to come over and love on their grandkids, and bring peace and support to their kids, and she does the opposite of this.
I said she never offers to babysit, and even when I do ask her, she makes it so inconvenient that it would be easier to just hire someone. I told her to never again bring up her MLM stuff and she’s forbidden to try and sell it to my wife.
This was a few months ago, she never responded and I haven’t heard from her. AITJ for saying what was really on my mind?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And OMG, you are not acting entitled expecting your mom to babysit once in a while!
That’s what grandparents DO (if they are able) especially with her living up the street from you! If she doesn’t, she doesn’t but it’s not outrageous for you to wish that she would once in a while. As far as your text to her, again, NTJ.
She clearly wasn’t getting the gentle hints you both were trying to give her so coming right out and telling her to stop selling her crap to your wife every time she visits was totally justified.” Chloet5759
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but not very tactful.
MLM has destroyed more relationships than extramarital affairs probably. Your mom sounds like she is at a loss as to what to do with herself in retirement. Rather than finding enriching hobbies or pursuits or even enjoying her grandchildren she has decided to join a ‘business’ that acts like a cult for the most part.
It can become all engrossing and take over lives and destroy relationships because in MLM you always have to be selling and they expect you to pressure and guilt the people in your life to buy (or ideally sign up to be a distributor).
You said your mom was a workaholic.
Perhaps she could find a part-time job at a legitimate local business or volunteer work. If she needs income an MLM isn’t going to help. It’s a financial drain for most sellers and this might be why she is pressing so hard. I’d strongly suggest reaching out to her, preferably in person, apologizing for the tone of your message but not the content and finding out just why she got involved in these pyramid schemes.
Maybe with patience and empathy, you can help her find a more positive outlet for her energy and drive and save your and your children’s relationship with her at the same time.” LiveAge2229
11. AITJ For Not Being Comfortable Having My Pictures Taken Without My Glasses On?
“My wife scheduled some family photos and I did everything she asked to help make them a success.
Tried on bunches of new clothes, new shoes, etc. until she was happy with everything. (There was about 2 weeks of planning for this. So, not insignificant from her perspective.)
We drove upstate to the location for a tight 20-minute photography window. I wrangled the entire family (this included our toddler and her elderly parents) and got everyone in the car to make sure we arrived right on time.
When we got there, it was a lovely outdoor location. After introductions, the photographer said, ‘Oh, can you remove your sunglasses? And your smartwatch? The glasses are too dark and if the watch ‘goes off’ it could ruin the photos.’
Without even thinking, I said, ‘No. These aren’t sunglasses.
They are my glasses, and I look stupid without them.’ (At this point, I should back up and mention that in a previous set of photos we had taken I DID take off my glasses at the request of the photographer and I looked horrible and I hate those pictures to this day.
I hadn’t really thought about it again until the point when this new photographer asked me to remove them, but when she did, the memory came back quite suddenly and my reaction was swift and unequivocal: ‘No.’) After a bit of contentious back and forth, I did remove my watch, even though that seemed like a very odd request, but I kept the glasses on.
My wife was NOT happy, and said, ‘What are we even doing here?’… not quite under her breath. She basically refused to talk to me the rest of the day. And when we got home, she went straight to bed leaving her parents and me to deal with the toddler.
(He had fallen asleep in the car on the ride up and also did a bit of acting up. Refusing to pose with anyone other than his grandmother. So, we didn’t really even get any photos of the child, my wife, and myself, ‘sunglasses’ or not.
So, the experience my wife had hoped for really didn’t pan out at all. Though we did get some great shots of the toddler with the grandparents.)
The next day I tried to explain my side of things to her, which is basically that I don’t feel comfortable having my picture taken without my glasses on.
I also offered to pay for new pictures if she’s not happy with how these came out. (I have another pair of spare glasses here somewhere, that do NOT darken in the sun, and I’ll dig those out for any retakes.)
So, AITJ? Should I have just done what was asked to keep the peace?
Or did I do the right thing by standing up for myself?
I’m especially interested in the perspective of any family photographers out there as to the validity of the photographer even asking for these things.”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, that sounds extremely stressful and frustrating for everyone involved. Clearly, your wife cared a ton about how it all went down and was excited about the photos she’d have of everyone color-coordinated and looking loving and amazing together.
But your toddler was a toddler and fell asleep in the car and then continued to toddler by refusing to comply. And so her dreams of beautiful family portraits began to vanish in front of her, but she can’t be upset with a toddler, but she can be upset with you (and herself) for not considering how your glasses would be tinted in the outdoor photo shoot and would look weird in the photos or about your watch.
In fact, I’m going to guess she’s more upset with herself for planning better around the nap and everything is just lumped together with disappointment, frustration, and annoyance.
So, I’d suggest having some empathy and apologizing for not thinking about the glasses or watch, and then, most importantly, tell her how impressed you were with what she put together.
Tell her the color scheme she had in mind was perfect for the outdoors and your family. Tell her the memories you’ll have via those photos will be so special, and that you’re so proud that the two of you can share the special memories of the crazy photoshoot behind them.
And, then, tell her you’ll be happy to try again and will comply with her every wish. (Listen, this is not to say that you are wrong, in fact, before I forget: no jerks here, or that she is fully right, but just to support your wife in a moment of extreme disappointment, to grow closer, and move on.)” SunshineShoulders87
10. AITJ For Being Hesitant About Agreeing To Take My Friend's Son's Photos?
“I (F 30) have been friends with let’s call her Lee (also 30) since middle school. I’ve recently over the last 5 or so years felt that I was more of a ‘friend’ to Lee than she was to me, and maybe that I was just an annoyance on her end trying to be friends.
When I had my now 2-year-old son, I was super excited for her to be there and be involved as my best friend. I made sure she was involved in planning the baby shower (not financially – just involved in the ideas and the games/planning), and we even scheduled the baby shower around her work schedule so she could come since we were so close.
I thought. After I had him she didn’t come to meet him for 3 months. There was always an excuse as to why she couldn’t stop by one day. So she’s only met him ONE time. Well, she got pregnant. And called me to tell me.
We cried together and were super excited about it!
She last-minute asked if she could have the gender reveal at my house because their venue fell through, so I said sure and I made them a gender reveal cake. Then she let a co-worker plan her baby shower and left me out entirely… even after we spoke about me helping and she said she was going to make sure I was included, only to just call me last minute and ask if I could make all the desserts and cake for the party – ended up being for free – because her baker backed out last minute.
I already felt left out so I decided to do it. She said they’d pay me, but they never did. Whatever. No big deal so I just didn’t mention it again.
Well, right at the end of her pregnancy, I got pregnant again, and this one came with a lot of complications and hospitalizations… so I still haven’t met her now 8-month-old baby due to either her schedule never being clear, or me conveniently being sick all day or in the actual hospital.
Over the last 8 months, however, I’ve texted her asking to come over, planned a baby shower (gave her 2 months’ notice and she said she’d just request off and it wouldn’t be a problem), and my son’s 2nd birthday party, to neither of which she could come to because she had to be at work early those two days.
I’ve also invited her over to just hang out and let the kids meet. Nothing.
All this to say – she texted me randomly the other day and asked if I could take her son’s professional photos, again for free. (I own a photography studio in my home) I’m 38 weeks pregnant and haven’t seen her once my entire pregnancy… have hardly spoken… so my husband immediately said absolutely not.
He went on a small rant about how we’ve tried to go over there, invited her over here, and she always has a last-minute excuse even after making plans to do something. So I haven’t responded. I WANT to do his photos but my husband is right, I think… I’m being a doormat.
Or am I being a jerk by just ignoring the question?”
Another User Comments:
“Tell her SURE you can take the photos, and here are your rates. Prepaid rates, of course. And be prepared to have her stutter – or agree and then show up but without payment that she will, (never get to), later.
So when she suggests dates and times – be booked up or out of town or it just doesn’t work with your schedule. You know, the same excuses she gave and gives YOU whenever you suggest getting together. NTJ. Your husband is right. She can find another photographer – and that photographer will want to be paid, and won’t accept being paid ‘later’, like you did for all the baking you did for her.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t be passive and definitely do NOT do the photos, and please don’t ignore her. Tell her how you feel: she stiffed you on the cake and you’re feeling some type of way about how she isn’t making you a priority despite a long history.
She may not realize how she’s behaving, but if she responds defensively you know the friendship has been one-sided all along. The way to deal with conflict is to manage it head-on, not shrink into the sand, and let people do what they want while taking advantage of your nostalgia for another time.
Your happiness about her having a family is genuine, so be honest about the other behavior as well.” PomoWhat
9. AITJ For Not Giving My Stepdaughter The Laptop I Bought For Her?
“We typically spend £30 for birthdays. About 6 months ago I bought myself a laptop and said as long as everyone is careful then the family could use it.
My stepdaughter (19) got an apprenticeship not long after and is earning more money than I am at a full-time job. She asked if she could use my laptop for her coursework and I was more than happy for her to borrow it. She then decided to take it to her partner’s house and has not brought it back and she hasn’t been home for 3 months.
I haven’t said anything as I’ve not needed it.
For her birthday I asked her if she wanted me to get her a second-hand laptop so she has her own and she said yes. I found what I thought was a good deal for £60 which is more than what we typically spend but it’s something she needed. However, I didn’t check if it was working before giving it to her, and that’s my fault.
It wasn’t working so I assumed it was the battery as it wasn’t charging. I bought a new battery and changed it but it still didn’t work. I took it to a repair shop and they said that the pins inside the charging port had snapped and it couldn’t be fixed.
I decided to bite the bullet and order a brand new one which cost £150, I asked her to to fetch my laptop back as I needed it to have an online meeting and she told me no she wasn’t fetching it back. So I told her that fine she could keep it and I would have the new one I bought and would set it up so I could have my meeting, she then started telling me no it was hers and I had no right to do that.
She started calling me selfish and getting really nasty. I said it was the same thing, her keeping mine and I have the new one I just bought, and she said she didn’t want my laptop as it was damaged.
The laptop was not damaged when I lent it to her so it shouldn’t be damaged now.
She told me she damaged it and she didn’t care she wanted the new one I bought. So I refused to give her the new laptop and now she’s saying I ruined her birthday. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for keeping the laptop. You are the jerk for buying her a laptop after she stole yours and most likely broke it ON PURPOSE.
She either wanted to punish you for some reason or another or just felt entitled to breaking your laptop because she knew she wouldn’t face any consequences, even from you. This behavior should have been fixed ages ago. Don’t lend your stuff to that entitled brat, she’ll just keep breaking it or stealing it.
” Anon_457
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would see what your original laptop cost and make that her gift for however many birthdays and holidays that it takes. Not only are you justified in not giving her another gift but you are being overly nice to her.
I would have called the police to retrieve it. Look at your actions and stand up better against your spoiled stepdaughter so you don’t contribute to the problem.” asecretnarwhal
8. AITJ For Refusing To Work For My Dad And Uncle For Free?
“My dad and uncle own a bar/restaurant together. My dad is somewhat poor and my uncle is a multimillionaire.
When they first opened, they asked me to work for them since I just finished college (2020). I said I would for a little while since the global crisis was going on and I was unsure how my career was going to work out during the global crisis.
I have an associates in E-Media Tech and an MBA with a focus on marketing… So, I handled management, cooking, cleaning, serving, event coordination, marketing, web development, and branding for the entire business. Keep in mind, this isn’t just some small bar. This is one that is a large venue that has huge events etc. They refused to give me any sort of decent pay.
I was being paid $15 an hour to do management, marketing, web development, etc. For serving and bartending I was only making six dollars an hour. I was feeling very underpaid and overworked.
In the back of my mind, I understood that they just opened the business and money was tight.
After working there for three years, nothing has changed for me. They couldn’t even offer me any sort of benefits. Nothing. During my first year working there, I only made like $12,000 which was less than half of what I was making working full-time in college.
I made efforts to quit multiple times, and my dad begged me to stay and offered me incentives and health insurance. I ended up staying, but nothing was done about my benefits or my pay raise. It seemed like they were just breadcrumbing me along.
I finally left. Now I am working a very good job as a chief marketing officer for a large company. I have been doing part-time contract work while I was at the bar. I am being compensated EXTREMELY well making a salary of 150 an hour.
They provided me with full benefits and they don’t overwork me.
My dad and uncle have been asking me lately to do some stuff for them like adjust the website and graphic design and do photos/videos for large events. However, they told me they weren’t able to pay me and my rich uncle managed to say to me ‘You shouldn’t expect stuff from your family like that.’ It really upsets me because I just get swept under the rug and treated like I have no value.
Meanwhile, I’m working for a company that offers me all kinds of incentives, treats me well, and makes sure I’m always compensated for everything.
Not only can they not offer me anything, but my uncle has overly high expectations of the work I do for him.
Like nothing is ever good enough and when he needs something, it has to be done immediately. At his house, he has workers like a chef, and maids and doesn’t really do anything for himself, so I feel like I’m one of those workers to him…
AITJ for refusing to do work for them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are trying to get free professional labor, and prior to that, they were succeeding in getting your labor at poverty wages. People who expect this type of thing from you are not reasonable, and you do not have to listen to their demands.
Is it reasonable to help family sometimes? Sure. In limited amounts, in some circumstances. But not in their work world.
Ask them if they are willing to cater to your new employer for free, just to help a family member. See what their response is, and let that guide your response to them.
All this is aside from your uncle’s attitude. If he treats you like this, regardless of how much money he has, you have no obligation to provide him with favors.” quantumspork
Another User Comments:
“Say you will do what they want… but, darn it, your schedule just doesn’t line up.
But you will keep them in mind! And somehow your schedule just never works out. Your family got years of labor from you, you have done enough. Good for you for getting out and getting a REAL job with actual benefits and good pay. Feel no guilt, and if necessary, you can limit your contact with your demanding family members.
Rich uncle and dad can nitpick somebody else for his website and video needs, it doesn’t have to be YOU. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
7. AITJ For Being Mad At My Son's "Bonus Dad" For Talking To His Teacher?
“I have a 17-year-old son (Luke) and a 9-year-old son (Cameron). Luke’s mom and I divorced when he was like 5. I became a foster parent a few years later and that’s how I ended up with Cam.
I got him when he was 3 and adopted him in 2020.
I’ve always had a positive relationship with Luke’s mom ‘Jessica’ and stepdad ‘Mark.’ They include Cam in everything. Mark and Cam have formed an incredible bond. Mark has no kids of his own so he’s able to give Cam this unlimited amount of attention and affection.
I’m totally fine with it and my son does see them both as not stepparents, but ‘bonus parents.’
Last Friday, Mark had planned to take Cameron to a WWE show so he picked him up from school. Cameron was really upset and started to cry over something his teacher said.
His class is learning about giving class presentations and he did well. She asked him if he’d like to give a speech at next month’s assembly about being an adoptee. He said no. She got offended and said it was okay and she just thought he’d like to help other kids who have different families.
Mind you, people know he’s adopted. It’s not a secret but not anyone’s business like coming from a single-parent home. You would never ask a kid from a divorced family to talk to their school about it. There’s probably some bad personal stuff and trauma that you don’t care to share.
Mark went to Cameron’s classroom and asked his teacher what was wrong with her. She got defensive and complained about him so now he’s banned from coming on campus for the rest of the year. I didn’t find out about everything until last Tuesday when the VP called me.
I put Cameron’s teacher back in her place and she apologized to him and to me for not coming to me first with the idea of talking about being an adoptee.
I discussed what happened with Mark and said I was mad about how he handled the situation.
He said he did nothing wrong. I said I didn’t disagree with what you did but it should have been me who checked the teacher, not you. I have never had an argument with him before. He said if he wasn’t right, then he wouldn’t have done what he did and I’m controlling and should thank him for being there for both my kids.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. First of all, what is wrong with that teacher? Asking your son to do that was way out of line. As for the situation with Mark, I fully understand why he had a go at the teacher if your son was visibly upset by the teacher’s request, but I also understand that he should have consulted with you first. Mark probably confronted the teacher out of anger in the heat of the moment after seeing your son upset, so there are no jerks here (except that teacher), as both you and Mark have valid reasons for your feelings.” TheEnervator42
Another User Comments:
“For Mark to get banned he did more than just have a chat with the teacher. While I love that he will defend Cameron like he is his own son, he needs to tone down that aggression or emotion that caused him to get banned. Schools don’t ban just for ‘talking’.
I understand why he may have reacted in the spur of the moment because Cameron was upset and telling him what happened. But his first instinct should have been to notify you of the situation and just let you deal with it. But it wasn’t a good idea for him to go in there on his own unless he had permission to do so from the actual bio parents (which in this scenario I can’t see as a good idea).
You were absolutely correct in telling him he stepped out of line (you even told him you agreed with his feelings on the matter). The teacher is a whole new bucket of worms… they were wrong and they shouldn’t have asked that at all.
It may have been a harmless mistake but it was something I hope they learn from and internalize so they never do it again. NTJ.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m so sorry this happened to Cameron and I would request that a formal complaint be placed in the teacher’s file.
Do it in writing. I think there are worse things in the world than two stepparents who love the crap out of your son even though he’s of no blood relation to them, treat them just as well as their bio son, and would go to bat for him when he’s in danger of being emotionally mistreated at school by an authority figure.
So although Mark should have called you… this is not a hill I would die on.
I would be grateful my son has so many people in his corner. How many posts do we see on the internet where someone is dying of cancer and no one will take custody of their kids and they have to go into foster care?
Be grateful these people love your son, even if he went overboard in this instance.” dragonsandvamps
6. AITJ For Saying My Best Friend Is Desperate?
“My BFF Mia and I (both 32F) have known each other since we were 12 but only became close at university. We’re different in many ways, like our views on marriage/kids.
I never want to get married or have kids. Mia has had her wedding planned since she was 10 and always told everyone that she’d be married by 27, and travel for a year before having her first kid by the time she turned 30. Mia always tells me I’ll change my mind one day, she brings it up often and it’s annoying.
In 2015, Mia reconnected with an old classmate on social media, Pete, from our home country and they started being in a long-distance relationship.
Four months later she visited Pete and told everyone they were engaged. I asked her if she was sure and she said they were in love and couldn’t wait to be married so she could sponsor him and be together in the same country.
I’m ashamed to say my first thought after she told me was that he was using her to get a green card. Their wedding was planned for the summer of 2016 but in early 2016 it was revealed Pete had been having an affair with his ex and she had DM’d Mia pics/screenshots of their texts because she found out about the wedding and felt guilty.
Mia confronted him and they argued for hours with him admitting he was using her for a green card and would’ve divorced her later.
In 2018, Mia again reconnected with another classmate, Jay. So Mia, Jay & Pete all went to primary school together and Jay & Pete are friends and Jay knows about what happened. Mia and Jay got married in our home country in late 2019 and I was her maid of honor.
The immigration process got delayed but Mia and Jay were finally reunited in 2021.
Months later she announced she was pregnant and gave birth to a boy in Feb 2022. Everything was moving super fast but Mia was happy to be a mom at 30.
I recently started a new remote job that gives me a lot of freedom so I decided I would solo travel.
I have a close group of friends and we do a weekly girl’s night. Mia gave birth again in October and hasn’t been able to join us so last week she invited us to her house for dinner.
During dinner, a friend asked me about my travel plans (at this point only this friend knew).
When the others found out they were happy for me. Mia was quiet and seemed annoyed. One friend said she was envious of me and wished she could do the same. Mia scoffed and said anyone could do it if they were irresponsible. It got quiet and I just stared at Mia.
I asked her what she meant; I said I’m spending my own money and I’ll still be working so how am I irresponsible? She said I hadn’t grown up yet and only wanted to have fun when I should be settling down. I told her I didn’t want to settle down and that just because I’m not married with kids doesn’t mean I’m not a grown-up.
She said my life is meaningless so I said ‘At least I’m not desperate enough to fly to a different country and marry the first guy I saw.’
I think I’m the jerk for basically throwing the whole Pete thing in her face knowing how hurt she was.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She threw stones while living in a glass house. She could have just kept her mouth shut or said she was happy for you, instead, she acted like a bratty teenager and went out of her way to insult you.
Literally, I’m convinced that women are the worst friends. They cut the deepest. There’s always one rattlesnake in the bunch, and no matter how good of friends you are or what you’re dealing with, they will do anything to take a bite out of you while you’re on the rise, empowered and feeling good about something.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most married people with children are jealous of those without children when they see them living their own lives, not their kids’ lives. Probably don’t share stories of your travels with her though as she clearly has some regrets, however minor or major.
Live your life, and let her live hers, everyone makes choices. Hopefully, she finds happiness and fulfillment and doesn’t regret her choices later.” User
5. AITJ For Being Frustrated That My Parents Don't Consider My Daughter Their Granddaughter?
“I adopted my husband’s niece Sarah 9 years ago. While it was hard for Sarah to adapt at first, she loves us and is our daughter. She’s an amazing kid and loves me and my family.
I’m currently pregnant and two weeks ago we found out it was a girl.
When we told my parents they were excited about their ‘first granddaughter’. It bothered me but I tried to ignore it. But yesterday I had enough. Mum was mentioning things to pass down and I reacted stronger than I probably should have, but I was pretty mad.
Sarah has been their granddaughter since she was 2. Luckily they didn’t say it around Sarah but I was not happy. We had a fight over it, with them claiming Sarah doesn’t count and trying to justify it by saying she’s from my husband’s family, not ours.
But she’s my daughter, their granddaughter. She calls them her grandparents. My sister is her aunt and my nephew is her cousin. If they don’t accept Sarah then there’s no way I want them around either daughter.
My husband thinks what they said was wrong but thinks I should let it go.
He thinks it wasn’t meant the way I’m taking it. But with his history, he tends to be a bit of a pushover when it comes to family (understanding obviously, but still) and they haven’t apologized, if anything they’ve doubled down. I don’t want Sarah hearing any of this, and if I can’t trust them to treat our girls equally then I can’t trust them with them.
Everyone else thinks I’m overreacting, but I don’t agree.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This girl has lost her mother, had to adjust to life-altering changes, and now is being treated differently because she’s not biologically related to you. Please please protect her, and tell your parents and husband that comments like that are unacceptable.
It’s one thing for them to be excited about your first pregnancy, but for them to say ‘Sarah doesn’t count’ when she’s been around for almost a decade is just hurtful. I’m an adoptee, I knew when my extended family didn’t really see me as their own, even if they didn’t say it, their actions sure did.
Good on you for standing up for this girl.” gtwl214
Another User Comments:
“Ok, hear me out. YOU adopted Sarah (your husband’s niece) and consider her YOUR daughter. That’s great and fine, BUT they don’t have to feel the same. I say that constantly.
Just because you love Sarah as your daughter doesn’t mean they have to love her as their granddaughter. Maybe they simply love her as a family member or love her as a member of your family, or maybe they don’t love her at all but treat her well because you love her.
All of those feelings are valid.
Who you love and the relationship you have with someone does not simply make that relationship ‘replicate’ to the people in your life. While you MAY feel like they’re her grandparents, and your sister her aunt, you’ve clearly never asked them how they felt.
YOU made their familial bonds/relationships, but seems that you never considered they don’t feel the same. Just because they may not consider her their granddaughter doesn’t mean they don’t care about her and are not interested in treating her well. BUT if they want to pass things down to BLOOD relatives, that’s their right as well.
There are no jerks here (for now). If your parents start to treat her poorly or show blatant favoritism I would absolutely protect my child first. I (however) do not feel that people have the right to tell people how to feel about other people.
Regardless of how we feel about them.” SuperWomanUSA
4. AITJ For Having An Engagement Party During My Cousin's Son's Funeral?
“I come from a fairly large family. I have a cousin I don’t actually like much – she tends to be mean in a casually cruel way.
Sadly, her son got cancer. It’s a terrible thing to have happened to anyone, a genuine tragedy. I visited them when he was in the hospital as much as I could since he was a state away. After several years of increasingly desperate treatments, he passed away.
He was only 3 and everyone agrees this is tragic.
During the same time period, I got engaged. My fiance’s family is also relatively large but much more geographically spread out across the country. His grandmother (96) bullied and cajoled everyone into having a family reunion engagement party so the entire extended family (about 40 people) could meet me.
Planning was months of travel plans secured, deposits made, etc. The week of the event, my uncle (grandparent of the dying child) called to tell me the child had passed. The funeral was this weekend.
Funerals are for the living, not the dead. And I knew that this funeral would be well attended. I decided not to go and to go forward with the engagement/family reunion plan.
They’re furious. They’ve told everyone that I am selfish, self-centered, and disrespectful.
This was NOT an easily made decision. My fiance and I had a long discussion about it. I believed my presence at the funeral was not necessary. Few people that day would notice if I was or was not there.
My presence was very much integral to the party. But, when you say you blew off the funeral of a toddler to attend a party you sound like the worst jerk. So was I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but… I can totally understand why grieving parents would resent someone for celebrating on the same day they laid their small child to rest. Grief does weird stuff to people, and, while it’s not rational, the fact that anyone, let alone a family member, could have a party on the same day as their son’s funeral must have been upsetting.
Considering how long your plans had been in place, and how far people were coming to attend your engagement party, not canceling was probably the right choice, but I don’t think I can fault the family members closest to the little boy who died for being upset with you.” Chance_Novel_9133
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Horribly sad and you can’t be in both places at once. That the event was months in the planning with people flying in was the main crux of the problem. I mean you could try to ask the event be postponed a day.
That might have been possible or not. I mean if the funeral and event were both on a Sunday it gets hard since people can’t all just change everything with work, school, and flights. Depending on how your fiance’s family is some of them could have hard feelings if you ditched since you are the main focus of the event.
Many would probably understand if given the rundown on the situation. I can definitely see how your family can be offended. Would they have noticed if you had not said anything? Maybe. You offered at least a token of flowers and a card. Here’s to hoping people can get over it.
Some will. Some won’t. Good luck to you.” DeepFriedPokemon
3. AITJ For Being Surprised By How My Mother Reacted When My Brother Died?
“My 34-year-old brother Michael died two weeks ago apparently from cardiac arrest from taking too many pain pills for too many years.
He died in his apartment and it was a week before anyone noticed he was missing. Sad, but true.
Anyway, my mother is acting like a grieving mother and it rubbed me the wrong way. I told her I didn’t understand why she was all sad when she hadn’t communicated with him in three months?
My brother wasn’t some street junkie. He actually had a corporate job and did CrossFit. My mom and he stopped getting along once he stopped giving her money to enable our other siblings who are the real bad apples.
I just don’t understand how a mother can go through months without knowing if their child is dead or alive because they don’t reach out to them but then acts all sad when they die.
For the record, my mother does reach out at least once a week to the other kids and panics if she can’t reach them. She’s not neglectful to all of us.
Some people might say there were dynamics in play but I’ve been there and know that it’s way more simple than that.
My mom just didn’t care. For example, my brother sent her flowers for her birthday every year and she’d quickly call him for his – like three days after his birthday.
I’ve been called heartless and a jerk. I don’t think I am. He’s being cremated and she wants to keep his ashes.
For what? So you can stuff him in a cupboard with the Liquid Plumr?”
Another User Comments:
“Just because people have fights and stop talking doesn’t mean they stop loving. Relationships, just like people, are complicated and can’t be narrowed down to what you think is proper or justified behavior, especially parent/child relationships.
Your mother is probably having a lot of conflicting and confusing emotions on top of the grief of losing her son.
A little personal example: I last saw or spoke to my father when I was 12. There were very good reasons for this and I don’t regret making that decision.
He died when I was 28. The amount of grief and sadness I felt was insane and not how I thought I would feel. It was surprising but didn’t mean I didn’t feel it any less. Show some compassion to your mother. It didn’t matter if she deserved it or not, it’s just a decent human thing to do.
YTJ.” Kayhowardhlots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for feeling how you feel. I myself am like you. How can a person grieve so hard for a person they acted like they hated? It doesn’t make sense. But to be honest, having grief for someone that you showed you didn’t like doesn’t always make sense to other people.
Love and hate are so close to each other that it’s easy to hate someone you love because they’ve hurt you (whether the hurt is justified or not). But when it comes to death since it’s permanent you don’t get to make amends. Time has run out for that.
So sometimes the grief isn’t about the actual person but grief over the what-ifs of the relationship you had with that person. i.e. could you have worked it out? Was it worth being mad? That being said whether a person had a good or bad relationship with someone doesn’t mean that you can tell them how to grieve or not to grieve because of how you felt about how they felt/treated the person.
The most you can do is distance yourself while she is grieving because you will never understand how she can be such a hypocrite (act like she hates then grieves when he dies) and the stress and anger you will get from seeing that will only harm you not help.
So very sorry for your loss and hopefully your journey of grief isn’t that bad, and you remember the good more than the bad.” gravegirl48
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It doesn’t matter that she hasn’t spoken to him in a while. She grew him in her body.
She gave him life and watched him grow. Of course, she’s going.to grieve her child dying. She isn’t playing a part. She IS a grieving mother no matter how much or little she communicated with him. You have no right at all to be so disrespectful to her.
I hope you don’t feel the pain of losing a child and have someone say something so disgusting to you.” Aware-Necessary4767
2. AITJ For Not Letting My In-Laws Park Their RV On My Property?
“My in-laws told my spouse they are coming to our area to look at a used RV.
If they buy it they want to store the RV at our place for a few months, I assume until spring. For reference, they live ~400 miles away.
If they were coming to visit and driving the RV I have no problem with it parked in the driveway by the house for a week or two.
It would be in the way but the inconvenience for a few days or a couple of weeks can be dealt with so they can see the grandkids.
My problem is the following:
1) we get a lot of rain so parking in the grass would likely result in tearing up the lawn and/or the RV sinking into the mud over the winter.
2) my driveway is a circle so delivery drivers or trailers do not have to back the ~500 ft from the house to the road. If they block part of the circle deliveries are harder and I cannot get trailers in and out without making 10-point turns.
3) if they park by the house the RV would block my access to the pasture so I cannot get my hay trailer to the livestock and cannot get my tractor to the front for chores like clearing snow. This would also block the propane truck from filling my tank.
4) what if something happens to the RV, we get wind storms and I constantly pick up large branches from the driveway and around the property. Would I be responsible for damages if something happened?
5) I am also worried this will be a big piece of crap eye sore I have to see every day.
Am I a jerk for not wanting someone else’s RV parked on my property?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It doesn’t matter what your reasons are, if you don’t want them to store their RV on your property then you don’t have to let them.
It’s your property. Even if you had enough free space for 10 RVs, if you don’t want to store it you’re NTJ. If they insist then tell them you will charge them rent and quote a price higher than what a storage place would charge and they have to leave you the keys.
If they agree then when they drop it off move it to a storage place that costs less than they are paying you and use that money to pay for the storage.” BigBlueD7664
Another User Comments:
“Playing devil’s advocate here. Ask yourself which is more important to you, your lawn, or your in-laws.
It’s also unfortunate that we live in a society so concerned about ‘liability’ that it would prompt one to decline to help out family for fear that they might sue over some act of god causing damage to their property. Do you really think they would demand you to pay for damages in the unlikely event that a falling ‘branch’ was to damage their RV?
If so I guess that would support your decision to decline but I suspect that your point #5 is the real basis for your objections.” ProductKooky4897
Another User Comments:
“You have a 500′ driveway, livestock, a hayfield, a tractor. Sounds pretty rural, a pretty big piece of land.
I can’t say for certain, but it seems like you could probably find a place for the RV that’s out of the way. Sure, give them the standard caveats about branches, rodents, etc. Maybe there’s more to the story about having some sort of beef with the in-laws?
I personally would make it work for my in-laws if I had land that big. Unless you say explicitly ‘There is no place on my property that we could make work,’ I’m gonna say soft YTJ.” OldManSpeed
1. AITJ For Refusing To Check Our Ring Camera Footage For Our Neighbor?
“I live in a nice neighborhood. The driveway has room for 2 cars and it’s reserved for my dad and his partner.
I park on the curb in front of our house which fits 2 cars comfortably.
My neighbor constantly has guests over, and the guests constantly park on that curb in front of our house, which wouldn’t be an issue if they parked properly, but they don’t.
They never do. They park directly in the middle of the curb leaving no room for other cars, and I work a closing shift as well, so I’ve been forced to find parking on the next street or park and walk back home on cold rainy nights lugging 10-20 lbs worth of items. My dad has talked to them several times, telling their guests to leave room for other cars to park as well, but they don’t care, the same thing just happens the next day.
My neighbor got a new truck and someone dinked it. He came over today to ask if we could check our ring footage to see if it caught anything on camera. Only I was at home but I just said no and shut the door on him.
He never had any neighborly courtesy over me having to walk the next street over or from a park to get home at like 12 am in heavy rain so I did not care if his car got a scratch.
My dad saw the ring camera and asked me what happened. I explained to him and he told me I shouldn’t do that because it made us look bad, but we did check the footage and our cameras never caught anything anyway so it isn’t our issue.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you already have issues with your neighbor and your solution is to do nothing that would help it? There’s no indication that you’ve spoken to your neighbor about the parking situation. Your dad has talked to the guests, not even the person living there.
You’ve just stewed about it. And now you are holding this problem that your neighbor may not even know about over his head to not help instead of using this as a gesture of goodwill to start a conversation. How old are you?” Latter-Shower-9888
Another User Comments:
“Are these actually reserved, or is this just a public roadway in front of the house? Because if it is the latter, you have no leg to stand on as far as I know. You can’t reserve the public roadway, it is not your property.
So while it is understandable that it is annoying to not have that space for your convenience in front of your house, as long as there is not an official spot for the reservation anyone can park there whether they do it well or not.
So if you were not aware that you could not claim public property as your own, then you are not the jerk, just ignorant.
If however, you did know that, then you would be. You did miss the opportunity to try and work respectfully with them in the hopes you could gain some cooperation from them, like someone else mentioned. It’s easy to be petty.
But it’s harder to be helpful in the face of disregard, but sometimes, you can forge new relationships by trying to help someone when they need it, even if they’ve been a jerk in the past.” Special-Parsnip9057
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
It’s petty and crappy to not help someone out whose property has been damaged when you easily could. If I were them I’d suspect you of the damage. It fosters ill will across the neighborhood. Also, you are not entitled to the curb.
Even if it is outside your house. It’s a public space massively subsidized by taxpayers. It’s convenient for you, but not a right or even a reasonable expectation to have exclusive access to that space.
On the other hand, crappy parking is a bane of the world that makes life difficult for everyone.
They are definitely a jerk. This is a situation where everyone is making less than the minimum effort and being massively selfish and self-entitled. Everyone loses and no one is doing anything to make it better. Could have been an opportunity. ‘Sure, let me check the footage for you… by the way when you park here would you mind parking so I can fit my car in, it would really help me out.'” Apeonabicycle
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