People Ask That We Consider Their Side In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Being Mad At My Dad For Comparing Me With My Brother?
“I (18f) have an older brother (28m), who doesn’t have the best relationship with our parents (48f and 50m), especially with our dad. Now I have to admit he does has some flaws, like being constantly in debt, being incredibly messy, and being unreliable in general.
We as siblings have an extremely good relationship and despite our age difference have always been close. My father and my brother on the other hand haven’t had a good relationship since I was a toddler probably. Their main problem is, if I’m being honest, that they’re both too alike in the worst way; they can’t communicate at all, which is a big problem with my dad anyway since he immediately starts screaming.
My brother is pretty much the same way but he doesn’t scream as much.
Now, this is pretty much the conflict since I’ve been old enough to have a personality: Despite being siblings, we are both absolutely nothing alike. He’s extroverted, I’m introverted, he did bad in school, I get good grades, he’s messy, and I’m clean, to name a few differences.
A lot of that, in my opinion at least, has – additionally with simply being different people and other factors – my parents, mostly my dad, telling me ‘not to be like (insert brother’s name)’ or that I’m ‘turning into (brother’s name)’.
This honestly has led to a LOT of anxiety on my side of things and has only added to the strained relationship between my brother and my dad.
Now onto the actual conflict: my dad has been telling me to deep-clean my room for a few days now.
Both I and my mom have told him repeatedly that I simply don’t have time to clean right now since I’m busy preparing for my graduation exams, which start in a few days, and cleaning a room that’s not even dirty is not a priority.
My dad doesn’t care and yesterday went on his typical rant again about me turning into my brother. I usually don’t say anything during these rants, because I don’t want to get into a screaming match. But yesterday I was in a bad mood because studying for math made me cry.
I told him, that I’m not my brother and that I never will be my brother, and that maybe he should ask himself why he isn’t close to his children instead of just screaming at us. My dad, of course, started screaming at me but I just sat there and waited for it to end.
Now my dad is annoyed at me, my mom told me, that she understands that I’m under a lot of pressure but I shouldn’t have been disrespectful to my father and now I feel terrible even tho I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong except maybe being rude.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. During his screaming sessions think about how good it will feel to graduate, move out, and cut off this horribly toxic man and your enabling mother.” highoncatnipbrownies
Another User Comments:
“Respect always plays both ways. Why is it not ok to ask that a parent does not do something that hurts you emotionally and it’s so unfair to do this to you? It’s not fair to you, and not fair to your brother.
Your father may not want you to make mistakes but to compare his children is very damaging as every time he does this he demonstrates he has no loyalty or respect for his son and how easy it will be for him to feel the same for you.
Every time he shouts and screams and makes derogatory comments comparing his children, he is showing neither of you respect, neither of you loyalty, and neither of you positive modeling.
Children and people thrive/change/grow/function/develop faster and healthier with positive reinforcement, however, children/people will rebel and resent and only be able to see themselves in negative ways when their parents only negatively enforce lessons.
Respect is a two-way street, if he can’t show it in his actions and words, you won’t feel it. If he can’t respect his children as two separate individuals with their own talents and flaws and pits their negative attributes against each other then his children won’t feel safe, and won’t believe his love isn’t conditional.
NTJ – in a big way. Your dad is a jerk, and your mom is using outdated social constructs to emotionally control you. It’s not rude to point out the obvious, just because he doesn’t like the truth of it.” No_Pea1089
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Being a parent isn’t a free earning of respect, you need to be a good parent. Both your father and your mother are jerks here. The father for being pretty obvious at being immature, verbally cruel, and controlling. The mother for thinking a father like that deserves even the tiniest ounce of respect.” Sockpuppetsyko
21. AITJ For Telling My MIL That My Partner Is Responsible For Staining The Carpet?
“My partner (36m) and I (32f) have 2 kids. One is 8 and one is not quite 2. We also have my MIL living with us.
I look after the kids pretty much 7 days a week. I cook, I clean, and I do pretty much everything while my partner invests 6 days a week into working from home.
The other night I was sitting down for the first time all day, putting my feet up, and watching a program I enjoy on TV. My partner had finished work for the day and offered to watch the kids so I could watch the TV program.
I gratefully accepted.
The next day my MIL moves a towel that my partner left on the floor and there is a ghastly red stain on the carpet under the towel. She asks us what happened and my partner sits there and ignores her.
I say I have no idea but get to work to remove the stain anyway. My MIL then comments that she thought the kids weren’t allowed to have red drinks anymore (due to an incident where my partner gave our 2-year-old a red drink and he spilled it, leaving a stain.) I commented that I had no idea how it had happened and my partner still sits there, saying nothing.
My MIL this whole time is staring at me.
In the end, I just snap and say my partner gave our youngest a red drink, he spilled it and my partner threw a towel over it. Which was exactly what had happened.
She made a comment that the kids were no longer allowed red drinks and went to bed.
My partner after this gets mad at me and says that I threw him under the bus with the whole situation and he wanted a chance to come up with something else that it could be rather than a red drink.
I tell him that’s not fair, because whatever it was MIL would have insisted the kids no longer have it. At that point, it was time he was responsible for the kids and he shouldn’t have given our youngest child a red drink.
He should have cleaned up the spill when it happened and by him sitting there saying nothing he was letting me take the blame for everything because I am responsible for the kids more than he is.
He is super annoyed and now he is no longer speaking to me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I mean, your husband here is the spouse of the year…
Just because he works 6 days a week doesn’t absolve him from child care or doing it properly when he does do it.
I mean, he works from home so it isn’t even like he has a commute, etc to eat into his day between work and home.
He should be wholely present in family life outside of work hours.
You don’t ‘babysit’ your own kids, you parent them, that means clearing up any messes that happen or using non-spill cups, or just not giving them beverages that can stain (or only allowing them on tiled floors ie only drink that at the kitchen table, etc.)
And then only sitting there like a Muppet whilst his mom is making a fuss?
Why didn’t he clean it whilst it was still wet? Does he think a magic fairy lives in the towel? Or even if he doesn’t know how to clean a stain…
Why didn’t he speak to either mom or OP last night and go ‘hey, so I had a brain fart, gave the kid the forbidden red drink and we had a spillage… How do I clean it to avoid a stain?’
Then it would have just been a mild idiot moment and soon forgotten.
And his mom is a jerk for hounding you rather than going ‘oh, OP hasn’t got an idea, son… Have you been a gormless Muppet? Why didn’t you clean this rather than just drop a child on it?'” rebelkittenscry
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here… Someone needs to put the MIL in her place.
She should NOT be saying what happens in the house. I could see if you were living with her in her house but you’re not. She is living with you and she is treating y’all like your teenagers. Nope, that needs to stop.
You both didn’t want to tell her about it and it ended up with one of y’all throwing the other under the bus.” Strange_Difficulty41
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your partner is a coward. What’s with the MIL putting her foot down? Is it her house? If not then she needs to bite her tongue. If it is her house then you should find alternate living arrangements because that’s going cause a rift.” TechnicalConclusion6
20. AITJ For Refusing To Take Care Of My Newborn?
“My wife (34) and I (36) had a baby a month ago. My wife is on maternity leave and I work full-time from home. Normally we have no issues and I will jump in when my wife needs to crash or run a quick errand.
We also have a 3-year-old who is at nursery all day. My wife finds maternity leave very tedious and her mother suggested we go visit them.
Given that I work from home, I can work from wherever provided I can find a private space.
I said sounded like a nice idea but made it clear that I needed to work full time and just because we were visiting the MIL does not mean I am on holiday. I also said they need to think of the 3-year-old and the fact we won’t have child care.
My wife and the MIL did not seem concerned and agreed.
Fast forward, and on my first working day, I was asked to look after the baby for a few hours so the MIL, the wife, and the 3-year-old can go get their nails done.
Fine, they have not seen each other for a while but I was irritated.
Then the day after that, the MIL informs us that she has got tickets for some event that is all day. She asked if I wouldn’t mind looking after the baby again cause it was not pram friendly.
I said no, I have too much work.
My wife understood but the MIL got agitated and told me the tickets were very expensive and she wanted to do this for years and that I should do this cause of the sacrifices my wife has made with the baby.
This is where I could be the jerk.
I could have made a plan and made up the difference in my hours in the morning, evening, or even on the weekend. I have that flexibility but the more she tried to guilt me, the more I stuck to my position that I was not on holiday and have obligations.
Anyway, it caused a big stink and lots of unhappiness. My wife knew I could have made a plan, but understood my point. She was just irritated that it devolved like this.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You set out clear boundaries before agreeing to the trip and MIL broke them.
You are not refusing to parent your child, or being a deadbeat dad. You are working. She deliberately took advantage of the fact you were physically there to push past the agreement everyone agreed on to do things that were not within the confines of the agreement.
If you had not stood your ground she would have kept pushing, on the grounds ‘well it wasn’t an issue before…’
It is always important to bring up boundary violations immediately, so they stop happening. You looked after the baby the first day and MIL clearly took this as a green light to abuse the favor.
If you had given in and rescheduled your work day, she would have made yet more plans that were ‘not child friendly’ as once someone knows they can walk all over your boundaries, they will.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You made it clear before you left and once you arrived that you have work commitments and that this wasn’t a vacation for you.
It doesn’t matter that you could have rearranged your workload to accommodate their non-baby-friendly activities: your MIL and wife blatantly disrespected you and went against your wishes. Your MIL thought she could twist your arm into complying.
I’m telling you now, do not back down.
If you do, it will set a precedent with her that she will get her way no matter what.
I can appreciate that you wanted to give your wife a change of scenery and a break from the tedium of having a newborn, but like the saying goes ‘No good deed goes unpunished’.
Maybe, in the future, send your wife and kids to her mother’s for a bit while you stay behind to work, or, if you can bear it, have your MIL come for a visit, then put a DO NOT DISTURB sign on your door and lock it.” SilentCounter6750
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You explicitly explained your situation before arriving. Besides I am assuming this is the first time the MIL is spending time with the newborn baby, correct? To specifically make plans that are not baby-friendly when it’s the first time you’re seeing that grandchild is weird in itself, but not discussing any of this with you before buying expensive tickets on an assumption that you would watch the baby ALL DAY because she wanted to this thing for a long time (while you had already clearly said you couldn’t) is thoughtless, rude and manipulative.” DimmyMoore70
19. AITJ For Not Empathizing With My Partner?
“My dad speeds and has extreme road rage. And my partner’s dad left him when he was younger. That’s important for later.
A few days ago I (f) was in the car with my dad (m, 47), I was heading to his house cause I don’t drive.
And he was speeding, and there was this car that we nearly crashed into multiple times. So the car overtakes us, and my dad has the window down hanging out of it, yelling at the car telling them they are explicit words.
(This has been happening for years and I don’t have the courage to tell him to stop.)
So we get to my dad’s house and I text my partner. I told him that I feel uncomfortable and scared in a car with my dad.
At first, I thought he was going to be supportive of me. But then I get a text back saying that I shouldn’t be complaining about going in the car with my dad. Instead, I should be happy that he cares about me.
And that I should appreciate the time, whereas his dad doesn’t make time for him ever. I told him that I’m still allowed to be uncomfortable around him and that I don’t want to go in a car with him ever again.
Then he gets angry at me saying can you stop complaining and see where he’s coming from and that I should have some empathy for him.
Of course, I have empathy for my partner, but this wasn’t about him. He turned a conversation about my dad towards himself.
Then he proceeded to ignore my texts for hours.
AITJ for not feeling empathy for him?”
Another User Comments:
“If your dad truly cared about you, he wouldn’t continually endanger your life and other road users with his reckless and dangerous driving. In a similar vein, if your partner cared about you, he would not be defending your dad’s behavior and he would not be invalidating your feelings.
OP, do not get into a car with your dad behind the wheel any longer. You need to put your safety first. It also sounds like your dad needs anger management.
You’re NTJ.” TheBrassDancer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had every right to feel unsafe because yall literally almost got into an accident.
Break up with this man because it’s always going to be a competition. Your life is so much better than mine so you have to be grateful. That’s trash. Your feelings are valid, and you are allowed to feel how you feel.” Aggravating_Pitch968
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
At least he didn’t abandon you is a pretty low bar for a dad.
Your partner has issues with what happened with his dad, but he needs to realize that you vented about a serious problem with your dad.
I’m sorry you were in such a difficult and dangerous situation. I hope you can stay out of the car or your dad wisens up about road safety.” empressbunny
18. WIBTJ For Being Upset That My Best Friend Abandoned Me?
“Recently I’ve been feeling rather lonely. I have anxiety and pretty severe abandonment issues, and even though I have some really great friends and an amazing partner, I sometimes feel like they’ll all leave me or secretly don’t care. So yesterday my dad, stepmom, stepsister, and my best friend and I went to a concert.
I wasn’t really that excited because I don’t know the band very well and I don’t like super loud noises, but my stepsister urged me saying it would be a fun experience. Originally my sister was meant to join us, but she’s a top athlete and had to cancel for something important, so my best friend offered to go along to keep me company, even though she didn’t know the band either.
So we go to the concert and she’s sticking with me, until suddenly she asks if I want to move closer to the front, near the stage. I’m not too comfortable with huge crowds so I declined, but my stepsister did want to go.
So the two of them went to the front, my dad and stepmom left halfway through the concert to get some water and they couldn’t find me back.
I was alone for about 45 minutes and it was crowded and loud and I felt really lonely.
I’m F(19) btw, so it’s not like they put me in danger by leaving me alone there, but I couldn’t shake the discomfort. So the concert ends and my best friend and stepsister find their way back to me.
I try to act happily and casually, but my best friend was talking to my stepsister most of the way back and I felt really alone.
I ended up telling her I felt kinda abandoned and that I get that she wanted to go have fun and that I’m sorry for feeling this way. She apologized and said she didn’t mean to. My stepsister said it was my fault for not wanting to come along with them to the front.
And one side of me feels that way too. It feels wrong to force my best friend to stick with me the entire time even though I’m known for being very introverted and not a huge fan of crowds. But on the other hand, she said she’d come to keep me company.
I feel very conflicted and I’m not outright mad at her. I told her all is fine but I’m still feeling kinda sad about it. Idk if this is just all my anxiety or me being a jerk.
So, WIBTJ for being upset with her? I feel like I could be the jerk here cause I wanted to keep her by my side the entire time.
Edit: forgot to mention that my stepsister bought the tickets even tho I said I didn’t really want to go.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re allowed to feel the feelings you feel. However, don’t attack your friend for enjoying an event you invited her to.
She’s not a paid carer, she’s her own person, and she wanted to make the best of an experience that she found surprisingly more enjoyable than she initially thought.” Pr3dAcan3
Another User Comments:
“I mean you can’t really be called a jerk for how you feel, but other people shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells because of your anxiety and abandonment issues.
Furthermore, you’re not the only person in this world. Your best friend didn’t abandon you. She just was talking to your step-sister. I think that it would be beneficial to see a therapist, and if you are already, I think you need to tell your therapist about these feelings.” Aggravating_Pitch968
Another User Comments:
“Ehh.
I’m divided on this since I don’t think either of you is a jerk in this situation. Like, sure, she could have stuck with you as intended but you also could have tried a bit harder to involve yourself. You’re at the age where if you want to do something, you should do it and not look for others to extend a hand and say ‘hey let’s do this’.
Even though you and your best friend didn’t know the band, she had the right to let loose and have fun with or without you, because concerts are for just that. On the other hand, she knows you’re suffering with some things and could have possibly been more attentive to that fact, but she wasn’t obligated to.
You shouldn’t have let your stepsister coax you into joining the concert trip knowing you have anxiety and abandonment issues, as well as not liking huge crowds because no one is going to sit there and hold your hand and limit their own fun for your sake. It’s unfair to others.
You ALL could have and should have done things differently in this scenario.” Maiahnnaise
17. AITJ For Not Accepting My Partner's Birthday Gift?
“My partner got me two concert tickets for my birthday. It is a band I like but I have several issues with that.
First I do not like concerts because I get anxious in crowds. He knows that. I also do not like these ‘experience’ gifts, I am way happier with a letter and flowers instead of expensive tickets.
He knows that, too.
So I wasn’t that happy to receive the gift because it felt like he didn’t consider my preferences but I thought yeah, why not, maybe it will be okay.
But then the next issues came up. The concert is in another city.
He wants to get there by flight. I have never been on a plane and right now I don’t wish to because I am really afraid of it. HE KNOWS THAT. (still not clear how we get there.)
Then he says wants to take a 4-day holiday in that city because he likes it.
I don’t, never had an interest in that city. After long talks, I agreed if we get a really cheap hotel, as this trip already costs a lot, I just don’t have a lot of funds as I already spent a lot on another trip with him.
THEN HE WANTS TO BOOK A DESIGNER HOTEL.
At this point, I got really mad. Instead of a simple gift, I would have been totally fine with, I now need to spend a lot on it, have to go to situations I really don’t like, and have so many useless discussions about it.
And when I express my concerns he gets angry and says I should be grateful for getting such an expensive gift (I never asked for).
So in the latest talk, I suggested we just sell the tickets and spend the money on something we both like as this already does more harm than good to us.
Then he was really mad again. Although I understand him, I understand my position, too. So AITJ for this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He is making you do stuff that he KNOWS you are uncomfortable with, and that makes him the jerk.
It sounds like he is trying to make you ‘face your fears’ because he is wanting to do these things and feels constrained by your limitations.
That’s not on you. That’s on HIM. He knew the truth going into this relationship what the deal was but is probably one of those people who thinks ‘their love is enough’ to change actual mental health conditions.
He is being manipulative by trying to guilt you into doing things you are uncomfortable with.
A person with a fear of heights doesn’t get over it by getting a surprise parachute jump booked for them…
If he really cared for you, he would work WITH you to baby step your way into building up experiences slowly – with the end goal being taking a plane ride somewhere.
Not bulldozing you into the end phase first. That’s likely to set you back massively.
Say no to any and ALL that makes you uncomfortable. A gift never has to be accepted, even from partners. It’s your birthday, do what YOU want.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Of course, he should’ve taken your preferences and mental health into consideration.
But as someone with a litany of mental health issues – you can’t give up mate. You can’t let it dominate your life. And if you have a partner who cares for you, and wants to expose you to new experiences and be there for you while you do it… that’s kind of nice.
(Though it’s possibly a leap to that conclusion.)
I would’ve given anything to have a partner to help me through this stuff, instead, I let my mental health ruin relationships.
I’d try thinking of it from his perspective. Even the ‘designer hotel’ could just be about him wanting you to have a nice, quiet, private space for you to retreat to.
I hope you take the trip with him, it might expose you to things that you’re more comfortable with than you realized.” andyinmelbourne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First off, he knows about how you’re uncomfortable with every situation yet he still forces you. It seems VERY disrespectful.
Second, he’s making you spend your own funds on a ‘gift’ HE GOT YOU?? I’m extremely confused here… what are you trying to do here OP’s partner?
Personally? I believe that he wanted to do all this and used your birthday gift as some sort of disguise for all of this.” himbolover_69
16. AITJ For Asking My Neighbor To Stop Wedging The Communal Back Door Open?
“I live in a typical Victorian tenement flat in the UK. My flat door entrance is within the tenement. There is a communal front door entrance into the building and a communal back door for the garden.
There has always been a note on the back door asking neighbors to keep it shut to prevent draughts and security reasons.
One of the residents who has a cat would go down very early every morning to take her cat outside and wait for it, then shut the door when done. Somewhere down the line, she must’ve got bored, and began wedging the back door open early in the morning and leaving it wedged for hours.
I began to notice when I started waking up at 6 am freezing due to massive draughts passing round and under the door into my flat. Despite her ignoring the message on the door, and the fact she was doing this in the middle of winter, I decided to draught-proof our door and mind my own business.
This didn’t have much effect so I spoke with her and said my flat is becoming unnecessarily cold, and it’s pointless having the heating on. I suggested the other residents could agree to a cat flap being installed, but she objected as apparently other neighborhood cats would use it.
Bearing in mind the door was being wedged open for hours, other cats could come in as well. She agreed to take her cat out, and bring it back in, instead of waiting until it warmed up. Now it is spring in the UK, but in the mornings it can still be 2 degrees celsius and she has begun wedging the back door open again.
Although not freezing, I can still feel a cold draught coming in. Also energy prices here have increased by 60%, so I’m not using the heating.
Am I the jerk for bringing this up again as the weather will begin warming here? None of the other 9 flats seem bothered apart from me.
You can get magnetic cat flaps, with collar attachments to allow only one cat in, and I’m tempted to suggest this. I don’t want a reputation for being neurotic, and would much prefer to keep myself to myself. I have gone down and shut it twice to see if this instigated a response, or to see if she got the message but no luck.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That door is meant to be closed for multiple reasons.
It is a fire door to ensure the safety of all residents.
By wedging it open, she is making every tenant liable to invalid insurance claims should they be robbed/the building be set on fire via arson as one of the first things insurance adjusters do is look for reasons not to pay out.
A door being wedged open – which allows egress to the property when it shouldn’t – could very well be within the clauses that would invalidate a claim. The reason would be that ‘insufficient safety measures were taken to prevent the crime by the claimant’.
This is the reason every tenant in the building should be bothered by the open door, not letting the cold in.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s putting everyone at risk, increasing your cost of living, and making your apartment uncomfortable, for no good reason even.
Your reasonable compromise was discarded, again for no good reason.” toofat2serve
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, given the cost of energy at the moment you have every right to say this. Not only is it causing a huge draught but it’s a massive security issue.
Suggest the magnetic cat flap. Better yet I think there are cat flaps that react to a pet’s microchip.
If this continues you may have to speak to the owner of the building. I’m sure there is likely something in your tenancy agreements regarding the communal doors.” LuciPichu
15. AITJ For Snapping At My Mother-In-Law?
“I (22F) have a partner (35M) who has always wanted to have children (he struggles with fertility issues). I recently found out that I was pregnant, and we are both ecstatic to have a baby, even though it was unexpected so early on in our relationship.
We have been together for nearly 2 years, but my mother-in-law has never really liked me and made snide comments whenever we visited. My partner told me she has always been like this and to brush it off, which I almost always do.
His family are Christians and are quite traditional so they don’t like the fact that we are having a child without being married, but my partner and I both agreed to wait until the time is right.
As it was recently Easter we decided to visit his family for the holidays and stay at their house for a week, because most of his family would be there and he enjoyed seeing his siblings.
When we were eating dinner together my mother-in-law started making remarks about how she will be a better-suited mother to the baby, as she thinks I’m too young and irresponsible (I have a stable job and I split the rent with my partner for our apartment, we are also stable enough to raise a child so we don’t need anyone’s help).
I brushed off her remark and moved on to a different topic of conversation.
After that dinner, she kept on making comments about my weight and how I will never be good enough to carry her grandchild, which really hurt me because my partner didn’t even ask her to stop and everyone brushed past them.
Today I finally had enough of her comments as she had said to me that she’d rather me have a miscarriage than ever see me be a mother to her son’s child, and I finally snapped. I called her a selfish witch who needs to keep her nose out of her son’s business as she is obsessed with him and acts like she wants to carry his child herself.
I stormed out of their house and walked for a while until I called a cab and went home. My partner didn’t stop calling me and messaging me about how I was a jerk to his mother and made her cry, so I ignored the rest of his calls and turned off my phone.
After waiting for hours, he came home and started yelling at me for disrespecting his mother in her own home and accusing her of disgusting things. He is demanding that I go and apologize to her, and I am starting to feel like what I said is wrong and that I should apologize, but I really don’t want to see her again and I am still angry and upset about what she said.
AITJ?
Edit: I am not married to him, but I have always seen his family as my own, due to me not being close to my own family anymore because of personal reasons.
I would like to reassure everyone that we met when I was around 20 and I approached him at the gym, and we started there!
Update: my partner still hasn’t returned home after our argument but I am trying my best to get in contact with him like lots of you suggested.
I have researched shelters near me and realized that our relationship isn’t healthy, I will contact a lawyer and try to contact my sister for support.
UPDATE: my sister answered and we talked about my situation. I apologized to her after a long talk and she agreed to take me in.
She will book a ticket on Monday for me to prepare and leave safely. I talked to my partner about the situation because he finally came home a few hours ago and he didn’t take it well, as it was extremely late I realized it was best not to leave.
My partner has fallen asleep and early this morning I have made plans to travel to a shelter to discuss options in person.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is your future, by the way. Being treated horribly by his mother while he ignores it, followed by being verbally abused by him when you stand up for yourself.
RUN
Honestly, do you want to be tied to this family forever? The above would be making me second guess the pregnancy and the relationship. Girl, you are only young and there is so much better out there for you.
The mother sees you as a bad breeder and will probably try and take the kid as much as possible.
I see him dumping you once you have the kid and him moving in with mummy to share custody. You won’t actually get a say in parenting, he and mummy will overrule you and gaslight you.
You are being manipulated and guilted when they are the problem.” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your partner and his family are.
Your partner is really okay with his mother telling you that she wants you to have a miscarriage? Really? Who does that?
He’s clearly not on your side. You are better off without him.
As you are already able to pay half rent with your partner, you can get a smaller place, and go it alone.
Otherwise, MIL will cross every boundary you try to set up and your partner will allow it. You will have absolutely no say in anything regarding your pregnancy, birth, and the raising of that child. Your partner will let MIL take over completely.
You are nothing more than an incubator to them.
Run. Go far, far away. If you are in the US, make sure you check that you aren’t in a state with grandparents’ rights, as she may try to get that, especially if you leave your partner.
You can do better and deserve better than him.” Catri
Another User Comments:
“I am so sorry you can’t see you are in an abusive manipulative relationship. He went with you as he knew you had no family and longed to be loved.
That you are younger so easily manipulated into what’s normal or not. He wanted you to have a child so you are trapped. Not once has he stepped up for you to his family. Instead, he expects you to take it and feels they are doing nothing wrong.
That is not someone who loves and respects you. What it shows is he too thinks you are less than a possession.
All that matters is his wants and you will never come before his family no matter what he promises or says to appease you in an argument.
It’s just his way of manipulating you to stay. He believes his family is right or he would be telling them off, instead, he says it’s you who’s a disrespectful jerk, and better apologize. The fact you are now even doubting if you were wrong shows that he has been gaslighting you for a while.
That you no longer trust your mind and what you know is clearly abuse by him and his family. He is staying away as punishment to make you learn not to push back, To make you accept whatever he says you must.
Get out of there now as once you have the baby it will be far worse and by the way his mum is talking, he may help her take the baby off you and lie about you being unfit, baby seems like his true goal and if he does keep you around he will isolate and make you miserable.
You already can’t see how abusive he is. Once he thinks you can’t leave or would lose the baby he won’t try to hide his terrible behavior and true feelings of how you don’t matter.
I am sorry but I truly advise you to move far away and not put him on the birth certificate.
Don’t let him know anything about the child, or where you live or it will be a lifetime of misery and court battles you can’t afford. Look up this book, and please read it ‘why does he do that’ by Lundy Bancroft, there is a free version available.
Then truly look at your life and all the things he does.
I know you feel you can’t leave as you will be on your own but you already are on your own. He and his family are only making your life worse and harder, not better.
You managed on your own until you met him. You have been managing all this time with him meaning it was a harder life than normal. It comes down to this do you want your child to be truly messed up by this man? Believe me, from an early age you are training them that maltreatment is normal and that they have to accept it to be loved.
That women are possessions and nothing more. These things leave damage for life and you are bringing a child into that knowingly.
You have no one else so it will be no loss to move far away, hide, and start a new happy healthy life for you and your child elsewhere.
Leave him off the birth certificate as it can give you some protection from him taking your child. But if you stay around he can demand blood tests through the court and work to take your child like his mother already thinks is going to happen.
You may love him but he doesn’t love you and never has if he lets others treat you that way, worse he punishes you for not accepting it. It will be so much worse for a defenseless child, god forbids it’s a daughter they will mess her up and how little she means.
You no longer can think about wanting him. Your child and you come first now. No, don’t talk to him about this. He is an awful person, he will either go mad and make you feel you’ve hurt him by suggesting such.
It will be weeks of him acting hurt and you have to make it up to him constantly. He is a born manipulator, all he will do is make you feel wrong for seeing the truth and convince you you need him and that he loves you (which is crap).
If you’ve lived with him you can manage anything on your own. Run, you owe your baby that.” Sweet-Interview5620
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom To Decide Who's Going To Cut My Hair?
“Today’s my (19M) 19th birthday, and I asked my parents to please just take me and cut my hair because it got to I point that it’s just too hard to take care of. My mom is the type of person who either gets what she wants or she will be mad and like say stuff to guilt trip me to do what satisfies her.
So I came to her room asking he what time will she be taking me to my favorite barber of 3 years who just knows exactly what trim I want and never messes up my hair which literally represents me and I will not sacrifice the looks of my hair for anyone on earth.
Apparently, she’s seen on TikTok a famous barber shop that cuts the hair of famous people in my country which is like 10 minutes away from me and she was like I’m gonna take you to the famous one today for your bday.
I looked at her and just said no, I’m not willing to do that, and please do not do this to me since it’s my bday. She got angry at me for refusing her offer and said that I’m stupid and a horrible son for not listening to her recommendations in life and that she’s my mom and I have to do this because I’m her son.
I still refused and told her that my barber is sacred and I will not ruin my looks no matter what even if it’s for you and to reconsider her choices since it’s my bday today and it’s also my hair my choice.
She got so mad to the point she started cursing at me and kicked me out of her room, locked the door, and is not talking to me anymore – all of this on my birthday. She’s literally not considering any of my choices and still sees me as a baby with no opinions.
I asked my partner what should I do in this situation and if I was being a horrible son to her. She just said that it’s not worth fighting over something so stupid, especially since this is my special day and just do what she wants since clearly, she won’t change her mind.
So I was wondering AITJ for not following my mom’s orders?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s hard for parents to realize their kids are all grown up and can make their own choices. That said, if you are asking them to transport you and pay for your haircut like you are a child, don’t be surprised that they are treating you like a child.
Get your own money and transportation, and then you may do whatever you like.” Sherbet_Lemon_913
Another User Comments:
“At 19 you should be able to take yourself to a barber and get your haircut yourself without involving your parents. You’re angry she treats you like a child, but you’re relying on your mother to get a haircut.
Clearly, she’s a difficult person to deal with, but all the more reason to be self-sufficient. Everyone sucks here.” Reasonable_racoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is it your birthday, but you’re turning 19. You’re a grown man. She can’t force you to get your hair cut by someone you don’t want cutting your hair.
If she gave you a watch, you can’t complain about that. You don’t choose what gift someone gives you, but when it comes to your physical being, that’s crossing the line.
You are not stupid and you are not horrible. Your mother is being unreasonable and unfortunately, she’s doing this on your special day. Today should be about you. If she thinks a celebrity TikTok stylist is so intriguing, she should go get a haircut or ask your dad to.” Thart85
13. AITJ For Ditching My Friends After They Ignored Me?
“I went on an outing with 2 other friends to a shopping mall where we were supposed to have fun. The day goes completely normal and then we all end up being really exhausted and tired from walking too much. We decide to look for a cafe to sit down in and just regain some energy.
We ended up finding a normal cafe and just ordered some coffee and sat down. Each of us start browsing our phones and just started doing our own thing.
After that, they then started to watch videos together while blasting max volume.
We had plans to go to a bookstore after this, so I started asking when they wanted to go. The first time I asked, one of them just said ‘wait I’m tired’. I ended up asking another two times just to end up getting the same response.
We ended up sitting there for an hour and they just continued watching their videos together. I asked one last time saying ‘If you guys don’t want to go then I’m just gonna go home’. I ended up getting ignored which caused me to just stand up and leave.
I got home and then they pinned most of the blame on me which I very much disagree with. Their point was that I ditched them and ruined our plans because they did not hear me saying that I was gonna leave if they did not want to go to the bookstore.
We started having an argument and agreed on the point that it was just miscommunication and they didn’t hear me, but they still keep saying I am a jerk for ditching.
AITJ for ditching them when I told them I was gonna leave if they did not want to go to the bookstore when they were the ones who didn’t hear it? They were blasting max volume while watching the videos to the point where the whole cafe could hear it.
I am someone who values time a lot and if they do not respect my time then I won’t respect them.
UPDATE: I talked to them about it and they said they didn’t know they had the volume on max since they thought the mall music covered it.
The blame is still being pinned on me which I do not agree with. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s pretty rude towards you and the whole cafe that they did that, they should have just put one headphone in. Heck, I only wear one headphone unless my partner isn’t here even if she’s watching tv, that way if she says something I am aware.
It’s pretty rude to blast their noise in a cafe and to tune you out with it too, they could have watched it at home.” Chi-Aiyoku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – they chose to pay attention to their phones and not spend time with you. You asked, but they didn’t answer. You should have gone to the bookstore and not just home but it isn’t on you. If you want to spend time with someone, then the phone is not out. Rude…” justkillintime99
12. AITJ For Being A Jerk To A Security Guard?
“I’ve been super stressed out lately due to work and took a lunch break. Got some food at a nearby gas station and proceeded to eat the food in my car while talking to someone on the phone from work.
I had been there maybe 6-7 mins or so eating the food and the parking lot was totally dead (it was about 2:30 or so just between most people’s lunch and the post-school rush).
The security guard comes up and tells me to get lost they have a 5 min max park time. I looked both ways to all the empty slots (15+) and got kinda mad. I calmly said okay, put my phone up, and backed out.
I then rolled the window down and yelled at him sarcastically about how busy they seemed to be, then called him a jerk and drove off.
What made me mad about the whole thing is that I do ‘dirty’ work sometimes due to my job (machinist) and sometimes look kinda a mess, especially on lunch break when extremely busy as I let personal care go a bit due to extreme tiredness, and I personally felt he was running me off due to this.
This store branch is known partially for how they treat homeless people…
Normally I would have bit my tongue and pulled off but that day I was just not in the best place for a number of reasons and snapped a bit.
I feel really bad about it as I’ve never done something like this before, but all the guys I work with laughed their butts off about it (I’m kinda known as a bit of a mouse) and are happy I stood up for myself.
I feel so bad because while yes he might have been profiling me as dumb trash due to my appearance, the dude was just doing his job and it was a hot day so his day was probably pretty bad too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The dude is probably making minimum wage and has to enforce the policy. You had a bad day and took it out on someone else for just doing their job.
Think it’s a dumb policy? Send a letter to corporate.
They’re the ones that set the policy the poor guy has to enforce.” Detached09
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
But, congratulations on standing up for yourself in a context where you were clearly in the wrong and had no need to do so.
The policy at that station, where that guard works as an enforcer of policy, was for 5 minutes in a parking spot.
Your perception of how ‘busy’ it is or isn’t doesn’t change that policy, doesn’t give you any rights to violate that policy and doesn’t make the security guard a jerk for enforcing that policy.
I’m not one to say that policy is all that matters, either.
A policy should be just, fair, and useful. This policy is a safety and groundskeeping policy. There’s no injustice in it for you to even push back against.
You picked a trashy hill to die on and yelled at someone who probably makes minimum wage for doing their job.
YTJ.” toofat2serve
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, the man was trying to do his job. Did it ever occur to you the rule is for more than when they are busy? Just using my city here but people tend to do shady stuff in gas station parking lots often. No gas station wants that on them. Quit being rude to people doing their job.” Professional_Froyo34
11. AITJ For Finding Out My Niece's Lies?
“I 34f have no children, but being the youngest out of five, I’ve helped raise all my nieces and nephews. When one of my nieces C was 16 she got pregnant and had her son at 17. They were living with her mother, my sister, who was going through and eventually beat cancer.
When the baby boy was still under one my sister started thinking her cancer was back, but her doctors were denying it.
At the same time, she could not get C or the baby’s dad to care for the baby. I was there once when he started crying and my sister told C to wake up and care for him.
She told her to screw off and slammed her door. My sister had enough and was talking with our mother about helping her kick C out. She couldn’t take it. Well, that same weekend they went to another hospital and it was confirmed the cancer was back and spreading fast.
She went home with a week to live… the first word out of C’s mouth is she’s pregnant again and she’s going to name this baby after her mother, boy or girl. My sister passed four days later, and the baby girl was born 8 months later.
Four months later we were contacted by CPS to see if we could take both kids in. Automatic yes. For two years I raised them and they went back to their mother.
C then started using them as blackmail over me and my parents.
Do something C doesn’t like? You can’t see the kids.
Well, all was going fine till last year. My parents were excited because C was letting both kids come stay for Easter while she was on vacation with her new man. The day that they were supposed to drop the kids off I was at work but on my break, I called to check in and was told that the kids were with their bio dad cause his dad had cancer and he wanted them to meet him… That raised red flags because he hated the man.
He mistreated him as a kid. When I got home I talked to C and she confirmed what she told my parents… I said okay… and every few days would ask for news. After two weeks I was called a heartless monster for continuing to ask… So I contacted the bio dad’s new wife… She confirmed they had the kids… but C had dropped them off unexpectedly and left.
Yes, the man had cancer but no way did he want the kids to meet the monster.
So I called C out for lying… The next day she blocked me and yelled at mom for snooping.
It’s been a year and she refuses to talk to me.
I can’t afford gas to just drive to her house like I used to do to stop this…
So AITJ for catching her lying?
Edit to add: she has the kids now. She was on vacation for three weeks. She just refuses to talk to us and has us blocked.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Honestly, it sounds like C is an unstable, unfit mother and those kids are in a toxic environment. You also stated that you had custody of the kids for a while when social services took them from her — it sounds like another call to them is in order.
Especially if you’re worried the bio dad’s family isn’t stable either.” FaeraFae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, your niece seems like a pile of crap and I’m being nice. You and your parents may have to get used to the idea of not seeing the kids because you cannot allow yourselves to be mistreated and used like this.
It was bad enough reading that she was telling her mother who had cancer that she would eventually die from to screw off, but to leverage children? My mother did that, and my sister and I were the ones who suffered the most.
I really hope your niece grows up eventually. A lot of people will give her leeway due to being a young mother. There are a lot of young mothers in the world, but they’re not all awful. Her pawning the kids off on anyone who will keep them can be a very dangerous thing.
They’ll be safe with family, but what if the family can’t and she finds a new guy who wants to vacay?
I hate this so much for the kids.” Thart85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ on this but if these kids are under about four they’d be MUCH better off being surrendered for adoption by a stable family/individual. No one in this scenario is really able to render consistent care. This is a nightmare.” DplusLplusKplusM
10. AITJ For Filing A Noise Complaint?
“I’ve been living in my very first apartment, it’s a 4-Unit duplex and it’s been horrible. I tried to let the new neighbor moving in know that our landlord is pretty awful and the floors are thin along with we hear a lot so please try to be courteous.
We’re definitely courteous because we have those folding doors along with every door scrap against the door frame. So the noise is inevitable.
An even better example of why I wanted to tell her about our landlord is because within 10 months; it flooded so the water heater had to be replaced.
Mold in the window sills because of the upstairs water heater being rusted out and leaking. My bathroom window looks like it could fall out with just a tap and he slapped some silicone on that. The breaker box is now messed up (they said compromised) and we’ve spent $12 a day on power since the AC on the wall went ‘bad’.
Now the water heater is consistently using power and leaking water to the purge valve. I opened a new maintenance report on the 14th of this month (April) because they already fixed the AC but the water heater is not fixed as of the 22nd.
We even went without heated water the entire winter because he didn’t have someone to fix it or at least he said that… so all that aside the floors are pretty thin.
My neighbor and her son are VERY loud… We’re friendly I even have her phone number and chat at times.
Especially since the maintenance man tried to ENTER my unit without notice or even knocking. I was home alone and fresh out of the shower. I have the video on my ring camera. So when he’s here I try to hang out with her till he’s done.
However recently they’ve been pretty cold to myself and my partner. She or her son has and continues to be slamming around and dragging heavy things across the floor at 11 pm. She flipped out after I asked her to quiet down at night at 12.
Since I had to be up super early. She was saying ‘I’ve never had a neighbor complain so much,’ which the only complaint is about the noise. She told me a pretty fishy story about why there was noise. I have cameras and there’s only one entrance/exit so unless it was custody pick up somewhere else I don’t buy it.
She tried to say she was robbed by her baby daddy and she can’t file a police report. I don’t know what’s stopping her or why she can’t, regardless I started giving a little tap tap on the ceiling instead of texting her.
Since that didn’t go too well the last time. So I’d tap, tap when it got too excessive or consistent loud noises, slams, running, etc. However, now they have decided to intentionally stomp and slam around.
So today I kinda lost my temper and just let loose and hit the ceiling with my work shoes a ton of times to say SHUT UP PLEASE.
She’s gone off with some dude that’s been living here without being in the lease. So her 8-year-old son home alone matched the sequence of the noise… usually, we have our TV volume at 20 and I blasted it to max volume to drown out the slamming and pounding.
no help, I was still hearing it loud and clear. I’ve given up asking them to quiet down… she’s mentioned in conversations her past neighbor in a different complex complained about her noise a lot and it’s like hmmm… so I want to know if AM I THE JERK if I finally just complain to the property manager.
EDIT: It sounds like I hate noise at all times of day but it’s the consistency of noise along with the time of evening/night it’s at. Like her little doggy is always scampering about and that one’s kinda cute! She’s a great mom in a lot of areas!”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Sounds like you have a slum lord who refuses to fix anything and you’re taking out your frustration on your neighbor. You need to refocus on who is ACTUALLY causing problems in your life instead of trying to get single mothers thrown in jail.” urmomswifey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But I will let you know as someone who’s had an 8-month-old in an apartment with a downstairs neighbor with your tendencies, just a little more violent with the ‘I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you and that baby stop breathing.’ Got her on camera slamming her car doors into our car doors, her following us around when we were walking in socks with a broom, mostly my heavier set husband, throwing eggs at our door, and even calling the complex up one day to cuss them out and hang up, the complex resigned their lease with her.
We ended up breaking ours and moving into a lovely 2 bedroom on the first floor where we share cat and dog treats with our neighbors.
Absolutely nothing was done to this woman. The law will do nothing, they’ll say it’s a civil matter and since it happened on apartment property it’s up to the complex, they wouldn’t even watch my video.
The apartment still resigned the lease with her, even after all of this happened and I showed the manager proof that the last place she lived in had dog bones scattered all over, over 40 dogs that were obviously neglected and abused on her property, etc.
That she has over 4 dogs in that apartment, one that bit me and had no rabies identification. They still resigned the lease with her.
You can talk to your property manager, but you’ll get one of two scenarios.
Resign your lease and get into an available apartment.
There might be a wait, if your rent has increased at the complex that’s your new rent, and you’ll restart your lease once the month/year’s over.
Terminate, pay, and move out.
They do not care about you, I’ve not lived in one apartment that’s cared about any tenant, and I’ve lived in a few, thankfully we got our house right at the start of the crazy market.
I would start building a case, and get her on video saying stuff about the theft, I have a lovely ring outside my door that I recommend to everyone just for safety and no packages being stolen, make sure if you use your phone or any other device you look up the laws beforehand, some states you have to make people aware they’re being recorded.” DreadfulSunflower
9. AITJ For Being Upset That My Friends Are Claiming To Be My Daughter's Moms?
“I (19F) recently ditched my two best friends (18F, 19F).
I have a mental disorder that affects me pretty strongly, however, I am doing my best to raise my 2-year-old alone.
Several times since I have given birth both of them have tried to take over as being her mother.
They would help take care of her, help clean my house/apartment, and even take her on outings when I was getting overwhelmed.
At first, I really appreciated the help in raising her, but recently they have been trying to push me out of her life.
They would take her for an outing and tell people that they were her mothers. (Found this out after my own mother overheard them in public doing this and told me) and when confronted they didn’t even try to deny it.
They have taken her to their house for days on end and blamed me for it, stating that I couldn’t take care of her when I clearly could. And they have even tried to get me to say that I don’t love her and couldn’t love her due to my mental illness, which is a complete lie.
I love my daughter more than anything in this world and would do anything for her. Everything finally came to a head when they started claiming they were her mothers IN FRONT OF ME! I lost it on them. I may have said some things that I shouldn’t have but I don’t regret it.
I took my daughter and left my friends ‘stranded’ at the park. I say ‘stranded’ because they were within walking distance of their apartment from the park we were at.
Since then they have both blasted me on social media, gotten multiple numbers to call/text me after I blocked theirs, knocked on my door for over an hour, and even called CPS on me.
Most of my family is telling me I’m overreacting and I should just apologize and let them back into my daughter’s life. I feel kinda terrible about it and have no idea what to do.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, taking the baby for days without your permission is KIDNAPPING, call the police if you decide to let them in and it happens again! It’s your life and baby, your decision.
It is not right that they are claiming it is their baby. Maybe give them time to process what they have done and only let them back if they promise to do way less than what they have been doing.” nursephilipina
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I would stay away from them, that’s some weird stuff they are pulling. Have they ever explained why they are doing it apart from the nonsense that you have some mental health stuff cause I’m sure millions of parents in the world have and love their kids? What a crappy thing to say I’m sure you love her to bits or you wouldn’t care what they are doing.
Also, think of your child’s safety you have to keep them away from your kid who knows what they will do next? You are not overreacting and anyone saying you are is weird. And why are they blasting you on social media and coming to your house? That’s a bit scary to me.
Just continue being a good mum and if it gets worse think about a restraining order or something. Hope everything works out for you.” zoetheewok
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friends may have helped you out but that does not give them the right to manipulate and degrade you because of your mental illness. I was going to say that boundaries need to be set if you let them back in your life, but if they called CPS out of pettiness then keeping them out might be for the best.” ZombieMovieLover
8. AITJ For Yelling At My Neighbors?
“I live in a small block of about 12 apartments and most are owners who like taking care of the block. When something needs to be done or talked about we even have a whiteboard where we write notes to each other.
Or even just to wish each other a happy easter for example. My partner and I are the youngest in the apartment block but since both he and I like peace and quiet we were welcomed and our direct neighbors love us.
Now, this morning I had an emergency call so I had to drive out with my car. So I get in my car, open my garage and drive out. My car makes this horrible thunking and scraping sound and I stand on my break, totally horrified.
I get out and see 3 of my neighbors who had taken away all the grates right before the garage doors and had left a 40cm wide gap, which made my car basically crash against the ground and only the momentum stopped me from getting stuck.
I was stressed because of the phone call already and my neighbors said I had to look before driving out.
I asked how I was supposed to see a hole right in front of my garage door and thus so hidden by the nose of my car.
They didn’t answer and I saw damage so I got angry and yelled why wasn’t it written on the whiteboard and how I was supposed to know if we aren’t informed that the drainage grates would be removed. I was shaking and got a 2nd phone call so I rushed to my emergency.
By the time I came back, I was calmed down and went to first park my car upstairs and go down to apologize. I couldn’t find a spot so I had to go down to the garages. I placed my car in a corner and explained if I sit in the car, which is what we all do, I can’t see the ground directly in front of the car.
And why it wasn’t put on the whiteboard. I apologized for raising my voice but said I was still a bit angry since it really could have damaged my car badly. The eldest guy grumbled angrily that he put it down now and said he is leaving…
so he did. He is now telling the others I am a jerk.
My friends and family said we should have indeed been notified and that I was pretty nice by just raising my voice. I did apologize again but I still feel bad.
It really was the shock mostly. If you sit in the car you can’t see the first meter before your car (give or take) and that’s exactly where the grates were (or not were) so the bottom of my car slammed and scraped over the ground the second my wheel fell into that gap. AITJ for yelling here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were upset it damaged your car. They were in the wrong and you yelled but apologized. They should communicate or put up signs or something.” Wombatseal
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Rent?
“My partner and I have been together for almost six years. We are moving to a new city soon and we just started looking for a flat. But for the first few months, I will only be there for the weekend.
My partner makes about 100k a month and I make about 25k a month (in our own currency). The flat is about 12k a month. He’s said I should pay 1/3 of the rent every month because I’ll be there for the weekend (I’m paying half when I stay there full time).
We are now having an argument about if I should be paying rent or not.
Before he started working full-time, he worked freelance and made less than I did as a part-time waitress/part-time student. I always paid more when I made more, paid for hotels for holidays (twice) or more rent (although all are paid with my parents’ money, so it’s like my parents paid the rent for me and he stays with me), etc because he said it’s my parents’ money & my parents are rich so I didn’t have to worry about finances like him so I could pay more??
AITJ for not wanting to pay rent?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What is considered equitable by most financial experts is that people put in the percentage that is proportionate to their income.
This means that you would put in 1/4 of the amount that he does towards the shared expenses.
Paying 1/3 of the rent every month to go visit your partner is ridiculous.” RealisticWin3801
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you can’t just not pay rent when you live with someone you’re not married to.
Also, he can’t expect you to pay an equal portion when your salaries are vastly different. You 2 need to compromise on what you can both proportionately pay and if he expects you to pay half then y’all need to get a different place that isn’t 12k a month! It’s a big NO on paying rent when visiting for the weekend but do contribute to the food.
If you can’t come to an agreement before you make this move you may want to consider if this relationship will work out.” Girlbythesea1717
Another User Comments:
“Say it with me: men who exploit women’s generosity and work ethic are gold diggers.
You, unfortunately, have one of these, and if you stay he’s unlikely to pull his own weight wrt parenting & family responsibilities, among many other things.
Entitled people really don’t understand or care how a fair division of resources & responsibility actually looks.
It is unfortunately up to women to learn how to spot entitled men, including covertly entitled ‘feminist’ men—and avoid them like the plague.
NTJ.” spandexcatsuit
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – you guys need to come up with an agreement.
Are you visiting? Or are you living together? Even the fact that he makes 4x as much as you yet expects you to pay 1/2 is side-eye worthy. Usually, people split bills by percentages, not 50/50. He seems selfish.
Are you sure this is what you want?” Ok_Job_9417
6. AITJ For Oversleeping During My Depressive Episodes?
“Last night I stayed up until like 4 am trying to fall asleep and crying because of overthinking a lot of things and just overall feeling really depressed, which means that I slept in a bit today and I found it really hard to get out of bed early because of feeling that way still.
I’m 18 and live with my parents, although I moved out for a bit but they begged me to move back in with them because they’re really attached to me and I had to cause I was running out of funds.
Anyway, so my parents have been yelling at me all day saying I’m lazy and I don’t do anything in this house because I was only able to get out of bed at around 2 pm (because I was scared of facing them cause I had already slept in and I knew they would be mad).
I feel really guilty about not being able to help with chores when I feel like this but I still really try and even last week I made dinner a few times and I made my dad a coffee right after getting out of bed because he said he wanted one.
He’s still been yelling at me all day and calling me privileged and spoiled, to the point where I took my dinner and came into my room and put some furniture against the door since I don’t have door locks.
I understand him being angry for not being able to help them cook meals or do some gardening around the house but my parents didn’t even try to ask if I was okay.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Sometimes parents aren’t mindreaders and can miss signals. YWBTJ though if you don’t sit down with your parents and discuss your depression and possible therapy if it continues to disrupt your day/ability to do chores too much.
You know you’re dealing with a problem and you know it’s becoming a burden, so it’s up to you to take the first step forward to fixing it. Bring it to their attention so they can help.” LurksAroundHere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there are some chores and obligations that come with being part of a household, but your mental health needs to be addressed as well, if your parents are anything like mine, depression doesn’t exist and you’re just being lazy, sadly that’s probably not ever gonna change, the disregard for mental health is a generational thing, however, you need to seek help, because the situation as it is can hardly continue since you’re stuck in a loop that keeps escalating.
Today it’s barricading yourself in your room with furniture, what’s next? Once the anxiety of this situation feeds back, how will it escalate next?” MoonScentedHunter
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You do need to loop them in. Talk to them about your mental health.
I’m the sounding board for my girls and was for my husband before he passed last year. I’ve spent many days and nights sitting up with them and talking to them through depression and anxiety episodes. My husband had bipolar disorder and my girls both have anxiety.
You may not feel like it will help but as the sounding board, they have all told me that just knowing I’m there to listen helps. Sometimes I’ll talk them through issues other times I just listen and others I just sit with them.
Loop your family in and let them know what you need. Mental health needs to come out of the shadows.” Syyrii
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all! I don’t understand why your parents wanted you to move back in if all they are going to do is yell at you and gaslight you by telling you that your depression, etc.
isn’t real. You need to take care of yourself. Having said that, however, you need to consider that if you were living on your own or with friends/roommates you would have to do some household-y things just to survive – shop, cook, wash clothes, etc.
So you might talk to your therapist about what is reasonable for you to commit to doing and when you will be able to do those things – now, in a month, when you get stable on your meds?
Having responsibilities and other things to focus on some of the time helps get you out of your head, which helps to treat the depression, so your therapist will almost certainly want you to do some of these things when you are able.
I can speak of these things because I have been suffering from depression (among other things) for most of the past 40 years – I am 100% disabled because of it – so I have many, many years of being in therapy of various types and long-term, multi-year relationships with multiple therapists.” bobbiegee65
5. WIBTJ If I Tell My Housemate To Change Up His Diet?
“So last month I moved into a professional house share, the housemate in question is male early 30s, I’m early female 20s. In the past week, I’ve had to clean the rim and the edges of the toilet bowl of diarrhea splashback…
it’s disgusting and it keeps happening, and now I bleach and clean the toilet before I use it (if he’s used it). He is always up late, and always eating takeaway and often a lot of chocolate. Would I be a jerk if I asked him to just eat properly and pretend I’m worried about him or just ask him what his bowels are like? This is nasty.
We do get along well and he is really nice and I don’t want to cause any issues, but it’s realllyyyyy getting on my nerves.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ if you try to get him to change his diet. That’s none of your business.
He needs to clean up after himself. Maybe suggest getting one of those toilet cleaning wands with disposable heads to make it easier?
You are perfectly in your right to complain about the poop-stained bowl. He should be responsible for cleaning that up.” UrsaGeorge
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re not in charge of someone else’s dietary choices, no matter how bad they seem to be.
But telling him to clean up after himself is absolutely appropriate. You should not have to clean up after him like that!!” SlideItIn100
4. AITJ For Making My Daughter Help With The Bills?
“I (47 M) own a construction company, however, have a degree in electronics. My niece and daughter are the same age (18) and my niece asked me if she could come and do an apprenticeship in electronics with me and my company.
1 month after she finished high school, she ended up really ill and couldn’t start college or her apprenticeship at the begging of the school year. She’s 18 now (was 17 at the time) and is doing much much better, so we decided she could come and work for me.
She has come to live with me for her apprenticeship as we live about 2 and a half hours away from her when there’s no traffic. Well, she’s staying on our convertible couch until we have my son moved into his new house (he was moving way before the apprenticeship as he is a soon to he dad).
She’s not in the house much and only is in when she’s eating or sleeping, she spends less than 3 hours of her day at our house as she gets up at 6, goes on a walk till 7, eats, then leaves for work or college depending on the day, and stays out after work in town.
My daughter on the other hand is doing online school which means she’s home all day. After she finished school we told her she has 3 months to get a job before she has to start helping out with food bills and utility costs.
In total, we charge her around £50 a month.
It may seem cruel, but she spends an hour in the shower every day, eats more food than me, my wife, and 4 younger kids combined and uses the most electricity. She only ever leaves the house when she’s going shopping or to the gym (which we pay for).
My niece allows me to take 25 pounds of her paycheck for food that she eats and we don’t make her pay for utilities as she only charges her phone and laptop, and spends 10 minutes in the shower a day unless she’s washing her hair.
Well, my daughter recently found out I’m not making her cousin pay bills. She was complaining about how unfair it is that she is still going to work even if it’s at home. She’s not spoken to me for the last 3 days and is still refusing to.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Niece is paying for the food she consumes and is sleeping on a COUCH. Daughter should pay as much for her own food plus rent for her room. Seems totally fair to me, regardless of whether OP has exaggerated how much the daughter eats or the length of her showers.
Plus, the amount OP’s daughter is being asked to pay is not a huge amount. As an adult, she should be able to learn some responsibility. If OP wants to have a guest in their house, that’s OP’s prerogative. It shouldn’t change the daughter having to grow up and contribute to the household.
NTJ.” Odd_Consequence_4877
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your daughter isn’t sitting watching Netflix, she’s at school basically. She has her own room as that is her home. She eats the food as that is her home. She may be using more electricity than your niece but I doubt she is more than everyone else.
As for the gym and shopping. That’s the rod you have obviously made for your own back. It should be stopped because of her age and circumstances, not in comparison to her cousin.
Your niece actually has a pretty sweet deal. In any other apprenticeship, she’d have to source her own living arrangements, food, transport, etc.
Take a token amount of each girl to make it fair. Otherwise, you’re going to cause resentment between your daughter and her cousin.” Sarah_J_J
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your daughter seems to be taking you and her living situation for granted. Your niece seems to respect your space and home.
Your daughter is using significantly more resources than your niece. Your niece is paying something towards household expenses, on her own, without being asked.
If everything everywhere were equal, your daughter might have a case, but since nothing is, ever, she’s the jerk, and you are NTJ.” toofat2serve
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for charging her rent.
YTJ for being a liar.
She doesn’t eat more food than you, your wife, and the other 4 kids combined. She eats small snacks throughout the day instead of 3 large meals.
There’s that, and so many other inconsistencies.
You complain about her rarely leaving the house except for shopping or the gym.
But that’s because she does online work, along with her online school. Of course, she hardly ever leaves. She doesn’t have time to leave.
You say she has many packages coming a day–is that on account of her job?
By the way–you say she has 3 months to get a job… but she apparently already has one. An online one. (That counts, by the way.)
So which is it? No job? Job?” littlehappyfeets
3. AITJ For Being Needy?
“I’ve been texting with this guy for some time now. He lives 300 km away from me and we are both busy people. We were enjoying the talk and I thought we kind of had a good connection. However, I have been noticing some ‘not that into you’ behaviors.
Although I have offered to travel to his city he does not seem very interested in the matter and he says he is considering visiting me but never actually makes plans or sets a date for that to happen.
In our last conversation, he was taking some time answering texts and not really putting much effort into the talk and I was getting a bit frustrated.
Finally decided to tell him that I felt he was not very present in our conversation and that I would like his undivided attention. He was playing computer at the same time as talking to me. He tells me I am being too demanding and showing a ‘pattern of unhealthy communication’.
He says he is a relaxed person and likes peace and does not identify with my ‘way of being’. AITJ for expressing my needs? Am I too demanding? Please help.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, too demanding that he give you undivided attention. My phone policy (text or call) is I’ll get back to you when I feel like it unless it’s an actual emergency that actually affects me.
This rule applies to everyone including my wife and she knows this. When I’m out with friends playing magic or dnd I’m unavailable unless she calls 3 times at which point I know it’s an emergency. Expecting someone to answer quickly or even within the same day is too controlling in my opinion.” Kingalece
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but sounds like the two of you are not compatible – SO seems to be taking your attention for granted and seems entitled in my opinion.
You deserve better, this person is wasting your time.” Usual-Worry8412
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but softly.
Undivided attention is a lot to ask for when you’re both busy people. Especially since it’s probably one of the only times he can relax outside of his busy schedule…
Considering meeting up also doesn’t mean he’s actively planning to do so, it means he might if he feels like it.
Saying you’d like his undivided attention is demanding and a rather ridiculous request in my opinion.” zZombi__
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Relationships and things like this are SERIOUS. and it looks like this guy’s wasting your time. Good on you for telling him what you want and hopefully you can find someone who meets your needs.” himbolover_69
2. AITJ For Taking Home Energy Drinks?
“My mother and I work at the same place. Recently she bought me a case of sugar-free Monsters and put them in the pantry at work. I don’t drink Monster and I don’t drink sugar-free energy drinks. Of course, I was still thankful, she got me a whole case of caffeine.
I said thank you.
I decided to bring them home so I could share them with my fiance, who drinks Monster. There was a whole case of them, I figured I could share with him. I had also told my co-worker that I wasn’t sure why she got me sugar-free but also expressed that I was of course thankful for the free drinks.
I thought it was funny, like a situation where a grandma knows their grandchild enjoys video games and buys them a game for a different console because they only have a vague understanding. I imagined my mom seeing a case of energy drinks at the store and just going ‘oh, OP drinks energy drinks! I’ll get her these!’
I of course am grateful that she thought of me, and am drinking them despite not enjoying them.
Of course, my coworker told her that I ‘complained’ about the drinks. Which maybe I did, but I considered it to be lighthearted. She was more upset that I took them home. She said, ‘I got them so you could have them here.’
I explained everything I’ve explained above and she understands about the ‘complaining’ but is still upset that I took them home.
Am I the jerk for wanting to share these drinks? If they were given to me can’t I do whatever I want with them? Was it rude of me to express that I don’t normally drink sugar-free monsters and wonder why she bought them for me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can do as you wish with your own gifts.
People shouldn’t gift with expectations in mind.
I’d watch out for your co-worker though and what you say around her. She sounds like the jerk here.” hotphoenixfeathers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she didn’t specify they were for work, only that they were for you. Personally, I’d have just donated them to colleagues.” Pr3dAcan3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you work at the same place. Your mom probably bought them because she likes them or wanted to try them and planned on them being there.” ereignishorizont666
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Sides Between My Parents?
“My (16M) parents got divorced a long time ago, and ever since then, they’ve always made me the middle man in their communication. The problem with that was my dad would tell me to lie to my mom, and my mom would tell me to lie to my dad.
They talk bad about each other as if they were some kids fighting.
However, I cannot lie to any of them can I? And I cannot tell them that I can’t cover up for them either, because they’d think I’m taking a side.
So when one of them says something to me, I’d just have to say yes but do the opposite. Let me give an example of what happened yesterday.
My father still pays child support for us, and sometimes my mother would misuse the funds that were given.
For a while, my mother was taking the funds that should have been given to me and using it for her instead… And when I found out, she told me not to let my father know, I said that I won’t to her.
But yesterday, my father randomly asked me about the money he has given to my mom and how some of it should be given to me. And he asked if I had received the funds.
I know I said to my mom that I won’t tell him, but I just cannot lie.
He’s still my dad after all, so in the end, I told him that I haven’t received any. I told him that I don’t really have a problem with it, but he was furious at my mom. My mom came up to my room and she told me I was a snake, and that I had promised not to tell him.
So, am I the jerk for what I feel like is just keeping a good rep as a kid to both of my parents?
If I had said to her that I will be telling, then she would think I’m taking a side.
So that’s why I didn’t say it immediately. Plus, sometimes when I don’t tell them that I will be covering for them, they will just start talking bad about each other. Which is hard for me to listen to, it’s normally something along the lines of ‘Your father is a jerk’ or ‘your mother is a witch’, that’s one of the reasons why I refrain from talking.
I’d like to add, that I really don’t take a side. The same thing happened the other way around. Love my mom and dad equally. I just don’t know who is wrong or right sometimes, they all talk bad about each other.
Lost my compass as to what or who is evil and good.
Some people might get the wrong message. I’m not begging to get the funds or anything, I really don’t. I don’t have a problem with it, that’s why I stayed quiet and was okay with it.
I don’t have a say in what or who gets the funds or how it’s spent, the problem here for me is the lying part, not the money part.
Edit (again): Please, I think people are still getting misunderstood here, but I’m not having a problem with finances like I said.
I don’t have a problem with it, the one who made it that way is my father. I wasn’t mad when I found out, that’s why I didn’t tell him straightaway only when he asked. Despite this, the problem here is not how the funds are distributed but rather the way how I was told I was supposed to lie about it.
Maybe I’m happy if she is spending the funds on herself, I want her to be happy. I just don’t want to lie.
I would like to also add that I do not have a problem with my financial situation. I wasn’t mad or anything when I found out, I let her be.
She’s an adult anyways so she could do whatever she wants. It was a non-written agreement between her and my dad. The child support is not a court thing, just something informal.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However – you need to tell both of them that you won’t play piggy in the middle anymore.
You worded it calmly here and clearly. You need to let them know you love them both, are not and will not take sides and that as adults they should not be talking trash about each other to you. It’s grossly unfair to you.
Once you’ve told them this if either start – get up and leave the room/conversation. Don’t give them the satisfaction of having an audience. I’m not suggesting this will be easy but if you can manage it and reset their expectations hopefully things will be easier for you.” sharri70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your parents are putting you in a position that no child should be put in.
They have a lot of anger and resentment for each other and both believe they are the wounded party in their divorce, so they want you to see their pain as well. The only way they can achieve this is to tell you all the bad things the other has done, without any consideration about how hard that would be for you.
My suggestion would be to either sit your parents down together, I understand some parents won’t do this even for their child (mine wouldn’t have), so if not do it individually and tell them the following:
‘It really hurts me when you say nasty things about each other to me.
It doesn’t make me want to pick sides or hate the other parent, it just causes me a lot of upset and pain. Please stop doing this.’
‘Please stop asking me to lie to the other parent. You are free to do what you want as an adult, but I will not lie for you.
I won’t be telling both of you what the other is up to etc but if asked, I will not lie for either of you.’
‘Please stop calling me names for not lying for you when also teaching me that it is wrong to lie.’
‘I love you both, I want you both in my life.
I know you’re mad at each other, but that is not my fault and it is not fair that you are trying to force me to live your pain with you.’
‘I want relationships with both of my parents and will not pick one over the other, no matter how hard you try to make me choose.’
Your parents probably don’t realize how much they are hurting you, they are just venting their pain.
However, they should be doing that to other adults and not their children. Good luck and please don’t blame yourself.” Natural_Writer9702
Another User Comments:
“I can’t really give you an AITJ conclusion because it would technically be ‘everyone sucks here’ – but they definitely are more wrong than you.
You should NEVER be told to lie to a parent by another parent – unless it is a white lie saying you are busy the night of the surprise party type stuff.
Your parents asking you to lie to each other is so many of levels of jerkness, that it can’t be counted.
That said, you are lying to your parents – when you say ‘I won’t tell’ and then tell – you are lying. You should not be put in the position to lie and what they are doing is 50 times worse – because they are putting you in a position to have to tell truths (‘I’m sorry.
I won’t bring it up, but I won’t directly lie if asked.’) that you should not have to tell.
I think, possibly with the help of a counselor, you should talk to both of your parents about how you do not want to lie to either of your parents and that they should encourage that trait – not ask you to do so.
(Also – I’m not sure how much child support your mom receives, but be careful thinking she spends it on herself. That amount is for part of housing costs, food, insurance, utilities, clothing, gas to take you places, etc. Having paid those and going to get nails done when child support arrives doesn’t mean she is spending it on herself, it means that in the pot of your mom’s budget, that is when she has the liquidity for that treat.
I’m not saying this is the case – just saying the money isn’t in a separate pot from the rest of her finances and unless there is an unusual provision affiliated with the child support agreement, it isn’t to be given to you.)” Curious-Mousse-8714
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