People Expect Truthful Responses To Their Arguable "Am I The Jerk" Stories

When we hear negative things about ourselves and don't want to engage in pointless debates, we usually choose to remain silent and let people think whatever they want about us. But when we realize how unfair it is that we were wronged and then called jerks and we have reached the end of our patience, we decide don't want to tolerate people who spread false accusations about us anymore. Thus, we may become a little harsh in confronting them, which may cause us to be called "jerks" too. These people below want to shoot their shot at knowing what we think about them. Read their stories and let us know what you think. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

37. AITJ For Not Babysitting For My Sister Because Her Daughter Doesn't Want Me To?

“From the minute my (21 F) sister (28 F) gave birth she has been teaching her daughter consent, that she can say no to anything, that she is not obligated to do anything, etc. This has caused quite a few problems in her marriage because she doesn’t make her daughter (4 F) bond with her father (30 M).

If her daughter doesn’t want to see her father, my sister doesn’t make her. This has caused my niece and her father to have little to no bond or relationship. This isn’t from a lack of trying on my BIL’s side. He has tried everything to bond with his daughter but my sister shuts it down every time because my niece doesn’t want to.

My sister has a VERY strict rule that nobody is obligated to talk to, touch, or even look at my niece. This applies to every single person. I don’t question it because who am I to question my sister’s parenting? I am also very respectful of this rule and have never broken it.

Recently she asked me if I would babysit for her while she and my BIL went on a date. I told her if my niece says yes I’ll do it but if she says no I won’t. My sister was okay with that. My sister brought my niece to my house and I asked her (my niece) if she wanted me to babysit her.

She said no. So I told my sister that I would not babysit my niece. My sister got mad and started screaming at me and telling me I was a horrible aunt. After all was said and done she left.

Later on in the night my parents called me and told me my sister tattled on me to them.

They are on my side and believe I did the right thing and took the best course of action. But I thought I’d come get a second opinion.

AITJ for leading my sister on and not helping her in the end?”

3 points - Liked by Turtlelover60, LilVicky and anma7

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... maybe parents can get through to sister that SHE brought this on herself.... consent is good yes but then when she wants people to help her and her brat in training said NO she can't overrule it.... oh heck your sister is gonna spend alot of time at school when neoce starts i can see it now lol. Your poor BIL though your sister should be ashamed of herself
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36. AITJ For Wanting My Partner's Mom To Stay At A Hotel?

“My partner (30s M) and I (30s F) have been together for 7 years.

We live in one state in Europe but my partner is from another country in Europe. We live in a flat I own (bought when I was 22) and has a bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and small hall.

I and his mum don’t really like each other.

I am an oncologist and she is very alternative and is persuaded I have a really bad aura because I am in contact with ill and dying people all day and I am carrying the suffering with me everywhere. She is also persuaded we are poisoning the patients with all the meds/chemicals/radiation and basically killing them.

She only believes in herbal products. That’s the main reason for our conflict.

Now to the story. My partner’s mother called and said she would like to visit. I told him I was okay with it as long as she books the hotel and stays in the hotel because we don’t have enough space for her.

(In the bedroom we have just our bed and a few shelves and a big carpet in the corner where I like to lie down and read.) He told me she does not want to stay in a hotel because she was scared there alone, she does not speak English or my language and she wanted to stay with us.

We got into an argument and I told him that it’s not an option for me for her to stay with us since we don’t have the space. He offered to buy a spreadable mattress for her and I still said no because I get up really early for work and I want my peace.

He got mad and told me it was his mother and that he wanted to see her. I offered to send them to some hotel outside of our city because we have really good offers for medical workers but she doesn’t want that because she doesn’t have budget for that.

I didn’t want to argue so I said I was going to leave for that week to my parents’, would be driving to work from a different city and they could do whatever they wanted here. Now my partner is mad that I won’t be there to welcome his mother.

Also if it’s worth mentioning, he paid for her flight tickets because she didn’t have the budget for it. And got angry when I asked how she could travel if she had no money?


2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and anma7

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TM5214 3 months ago
Why are you leaving your own home? He can get a double bed hotel room and stay with her at the hotel.
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35. AITJ For Letting My Niece/Soon-To-Be-Adopted Daughter Have My Last Name?

“My wife has a pretty poor family history (she and her sister were bounced around family members their whole youth).

My wife turned out to be a more or less stable adult, her sister not so much. My SIL cooked her brains on illegal substances and had a couple of kids with her then-husband, then both she and her husband went to prison for selling illegal stuff for a number of years when the girls were still toddlers, and the girls went to live with their paternal grandmother, who lives in another state 12 hours from us.

When my older niece was 9, she became too much for grandma to handle, so we let her stay with us on what we thought would be a semi-permanent basis, but grandma had other plans and took niece back on the pretense of a short visit.

We had no legal say in the matter, so we just kept in contact with the girls. (younger niece has never wanted anything to do with us, older niece wanted to come back). Eventually, over the next year or so, things got bad with Grandma, as Grandma had some health issues, and had a stroke, among other serious health problems. and the abuse ramped up.

We got lawyers involved and got custody of my older niece. We gave the opportunity for my younger niece to come too, but her response was two middle fingers.

On the drive back from picking up my older niece she asked if we would adopt her.

Most of her life she’s been bounced around, much like my wife and her sister were. I told her if it was possible I would. She’s now been with us a year. We got full custody and looked into the adoption process. My sister-in-law quickly signed over adoption rights, she has had nothing to do with my niece for years.

We had no way to contact her bio dad, so we didn’t think it was possible, even a skip tracer couldn’t find him. But then he passed away earlier this year, so that meant there was nothing preventing us from adopting my niece, who is now almost 13 years old.

We are weeks away from getting that finalized, and as such, her name is being changed to my last name.

I specify my last name because that is where the hang-up is. My wife’s family is MAD that we are giving her our last name, and not my wife’s maiden name (she changed her name to my name when we got married, and all of our kids have our last name), or leaving it her dad’s bio name.

The thing is, the child is almost 13, stubborn as all get out, and actually had to fill out and get paperwork notarized that she is willing to change the name. If she didn’t want this there was no way we could force her to change it.

Like in my mind, when you adopt a baby, you would give it your last name, should adopting a teenager be different, if that is what the kid wants? The whole point was to give her the family she desires, and that family relationship, She even calls my parents grandma and grandpa, but we are probably going to cut off my wife’s family… again.

(the other side is we’re called jerks for not adopting my younger niece, who doesn’t want anything to do with us)”

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and LilVicky

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KayeItsMe 3 months ago
NTJ She's old enough to know what she wants and legally obtain it. This is her choice. Her pseudo-family will have to accept that.
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34. AITJ For Refusing To Call My Dad's Wife "Mom"?

“I (F 15) have divorced parents. They’ve been divorced since I was 6 and I’m fine with it. Though it was hard at first I’m fine now.

My mom hasn’t remarried but my dad did. My dad’s new wife is fine but I don’t have any type of reason to call her mom or stepmom as she didn’t raise me. My dad however is always upset about this saying that I’m being a brat and not happy that he’s found new love and always brings up the fact that my mom had an affair.

That is always his argument that I’m not happy for him and that I need to start calling this woman mom and be happy for him.

3 days ago I was texting my friend and my dad’s wife got upset and said that I wasn’t helping her clean.

I wanted to throw it out there. I cleaned up every day for at least an hour and I was tired. Anyways she began to start an argument and I called her by her name and she got even more upset. She began to yell about how much she takes care of me.

And that I don’t even respect her enough to call her mom. My dad came over and she began to cry to him. I was grounded and still am when I go back to his house. He was yelling at me just being a spoiled brat and a jerk and how could he have ever raised a child like me?

I decided to cut my visit short and go back to my mom’s house. I talked to her about this and she agreed with him and called me a jerk and that I should just do it to make her happy. She said I’m just making the divorce and new marriage difficult.

I however feel I didn’t do anything wrong. So I really need to know if I’m the jerk in this situation.”

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and LilVicky

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TM5214 3 months ago
NTJ. You're 15. She is not your mom and it's crazy of her to think she earned that title. I had 3 young stepdaughters for 9 yrs and never once asked them to call me mom. I find it weird that she expects it and keeps pushing you
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33. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend To Get Out Of The Car After She Tried To Grab The Stirring Wheel?

“I (28 M) have been friends with my best friend (27 F) since 7th Grade. We’ve always had similar interests and have gotten along well.

However, she (we’ll call her Sasha) has always been a bit more carefree than me. When I got married two years ago, Sasha seemed a bit on edge at my wedding, but I did not pay much attention to it at the time (this detail will be important later).

She was also never the most friendly to my wife but my wife tolerates her enough to let me still invite her to events.

Fast forward to last night, when a friend of ours from high school had a birthday party. Sasha needed a ride to the party so I offered to take her.

My wife was planning to go as well but had to back out last minute because she had to take care of a work issue. So it was just us in the car.

The party was a good time. Although I enjoyed it, Sasha had way too much to drink.

She almost caused some problems at the party but she overall did not do anything majorly bad.

On the way back, Sasha out of nowhere started talking about how she’s always loved me and was jealous of my wife. She said that she wanted to ‘show me what I missed out on by marrying that idiot.’ Then she tried grabbing the wheel while we were on the highway to make me pull over so she could give me ‘the time of my life.’ She almost got us into bad accidents on the highway three times.

After that, I was more than fed up with her and immediately after getting off the highway, I made her get out of the car (this was about 5 miles away from where she lives.) I got a car to come and pick her up and made sure that the driver knew she was intoxicated. Then I left her there alone.

It’s now the next morning and I have not heard back from her yet. To be fair, it is still relatively early in the morning and she could just be having a late sleep because of her excessive drinking last night, but I’m still a bit concerned.

Am I the jerk?”

2 points - Liked by Turtlelover60 and LilVicky

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TM5214 3 months ago
NTJ. You need to cut her out of your life. You are married. I would be worried that she might try to ruin your marriage.
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32. AITJ For Clapping Back At My Teacher For Calling Me A Nickname I Don't Like?

“I (17 F) have one of those names that are normal but spelled completely weird. So usually I get a lot of either complete mispronounces, calling me by the wrong name, or calling me by my last name whenever teachers take roll.

I have started telling them a nickname that is easier for them to say and every teacher’s used it so far. My middle name is very stupid. Think something like ‘faith’ or ‘joy’.

I’m gonna use faith for this story.

So my homeroom teacher’s been calling me ‘Miss Faith’ and I absolutely hate it.

I don’t even know why it makes me so mad. He doesn’t do this to any other person in the class. I’m the only one he calls by their middle name. I’ve told him multiple times how my name is pronounced, and what my nickname is if he wants to call me that multiple times and asked him not to call me Miss Faith.

But he always says he is going to ‘call me by my name’ but he’s not calling me by my name, he is calling me something I told him I don’t want to be called.

Last week we were watching a video and I was paying attention and doing the worksheet and he said ‘Remember to pay attention Miss Faith’ and I don’t know why but I said ‘Well maybe if you were paying attention you’d know I don’t want to be called Miss Faith.

Literally, call me anything but that.’ I said it just to him quietly so I don’t think anyone else heard me. I sit alone so they were too far away I think.

And he didn’t really react and he kept calling me Miss Faith afterwards anyway so maybe he didn’t hear me

AITJ for snapping at my teacher? I feel kinda bad because he’s a teacher but I don’t know if he heard me or not.”

1 points - Liked by Turtlelover60

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KayeItsMe 3 months ago
Sure, he's a teacher. That doesn't automatically give him respect. He is disrespecting you every time he calls you by another name. Are your parents willing to go to the school about this? If so, tell them. If not, go to your head of school and/or guidance counselor and ask them to intervene. NTJ.
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31. AITJ For How I Reacted When A Stranger At The Supermarket Touched My Child?

“My 1-year-old daughter, Sophia, and I have a cold. We have had a rough couple of nights, coughing and keeping each other up. (I’m currently writing this as my daughter is coughing in her sleep next to me).

We went to the supermarket because I needed to get snacks for Sophia because she’s currently only eating rice snacks due to having gastro the week before and now having a cold. I had three boxes of baby snacks. Sophia was in the carrier on me.

An elderly man who looked about in his early 60s had a bunch of gift cards in his hand. He asked if he could go in front of me. I declined because I too, only had three items and wanted to go home as quickly as possible as I felt/feel like complete crap.

The elderly man decided to then touch my baby and play with her. My baby absolutely hates strangers and was not happy. I told him not to touch my child. He did not listen and continued to try to touch her hand and Sophia was viably getting upset.

He said I was being ‘sassy’. I raised my voice and said, we are in a global crisis, no one wants you to touch their child. He then backed off but not before cursing at me and calling me a ‘stupid jerk’. I turned my back on him and scanned my items.

I may be the jerk because I could have handled it better. I could have just let him go in front of me and not had to deal with him at all. But at the same time, I’m so sick of strangers coming up to me and feeling entitled and constantly grabbing at my baby!

AITJ? Did I overreact?”

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KayeItsMe 3 months ago
NTJ Even if we weren't in a jerk, no one should touch anyone without permission. When I was pregnant, strangers would reach for my bump. Their hands got slapped away. When I took my babies out, people tried to get in their faces, touch them, or once tried to pick one up! I didn't know them, couldn't know their intentions, and my job was to protect my kids. Good for you for stopping that idiot!
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30. WIBTJ If I Tell My Dad About My Disease?

“I (16 F) have been dealing with stomach problems for my whole life, it includes a lot of pain and bloating and has stopped me from living a normal teenage life. I got misdiagnosed with IBS due to doctors not taking me seriously.

My mom (52 F) and dad (59 M) switched insurances and I got a new doctor who took me very seriously and turns out I have a rare genetic disorder called Wilson’s Disease.

I got diagnosed two weeks ago and I’m very scared about all the treatments and medicine.

My mom told me not to tell my dad, the week of the diagnosis my dad’s blood pressure was SUPER high and this would make it worse so I understood but I was a bit upset.

Tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment to talk about medicine, treatment, how badly affected my liver is, and the damage it caused already. My mom was planning on telling my dad tomorrow after the appointment because then we would have a clear idea of what was going on.

The doctors think they need to put me on a liver organ donor list because my symptoms are worsening and my skin is turning yellow.

Sadly, my eldest brother (30 M) got into a very bad motorcycle accident last night. He broke both his arms and overall is in a lot of pain.

My parents rushed to the hospital when they got the call and just came home a few hours ago. My dad is taking it the hardest, he loved motorcycles for himself and has owned three motorcycles and recently bought a new one that’s coming in August or September.

He cried the whole time and is dealing with a lot of regret. I told my mom how he was going to handle the news tomorrow and my mom said she didn’t know if she should tell my dad. I got upset because my dad should know what was going on with me.

My mom is upset with me because she doesn’t want me to say anything especially now. But I feel like my dad should know why I am in pain, my dad wants me to get better and wants to know what’s going on.

WIBTJ if I tell my dad tomorrow that I have a rare genetic disorder?”

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KayeItsMe 3 months ago
NTJ. For all you or your mom know, worrying about your pain could be contributing to your dad's high blood pressure and mental state. He deserved to know about it from the beginning. Your mom is handling this wrong.
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29. AITJ For Going Up To A Woman At The Gym Who's Taking Too Long At An Equipment?

“I went to the gym for one more workout before my knee surgery today which will take me out of it for a while.

I went a little before 8 pm, so the tail end of rush hour but still busy. The gym only has one designated powerlifting platform and is strict about only doing certain types of lifts there just for safety.

When I went in, there was a mid-20s-looking woman who was using it.

I warm up for 20ish minutes, and back to see she’s still there. I go up and ask how many more sets/how much longer she going to take. She tells me 30 minutes.

No big deal, I do other stuff for around 35 and go back. She’s still there.

Now I’m not trying to be judgy, however a majority of the time when I looked over she was talking to her friends or on her phone. I get that the gym is a social time for some people, and taking proper breaks is important for lifting, but while using a low quantity item during a more busy time, it’s courteous to try to be as efficient as possible.

She was easily taking 7 minutes between sets.

I go up to ask her again and she looks a bit angry and tells me 10 more. So I opted to stay back and wait closer by.

After 15 she is still there. I go up and start to ask her if she’s going to be much longer, but she just says, ‘Can you shut up already,’ and leaves.

I think nothing of it, do the rest of my workout, and am almost done with my cool down, when a gym employee comes up to me and asks me to go to the front.

I go up there and the woman is standing there.

They told me they got told that I was following and harassing the woman all night.

A: I never followed her,

B: I only talked to her when I asked about the platform.

I explained my side to the employee and they were definitely skeptical. They said I needed to watch how I acted because I could be intimidating to some people.

I definitely did get a bit irritated, but I don’t think I was in any way ‘intimidating’, I just asked how much longer she would be.

This lady looked smug as she watched these people talk to me as if she just busted I’m getting mad and I’m trying to defend myself but trying not to cause a scene.

I tell them to check the cameras if they really think I spent time following this lady around.

Thankfully a coach/friend was there and saw what was happening. He told them that I never bothered her aside from the platform issue. But the staff member said for me to be careful of how I act around others.

I’ve been trying to brush it off, but now I’m thinking I could be looking at this from the wrong place.

I’m looking for input from other gymgoers or women who have an outside perspective on this.

I know I was bugging her but I just wanted to work out.”

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leja1 3 months ago
NTJ nothing worse than waiting to use equipment and all they seem to be doing is standing around talking or sitting playing on their phones.
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28. AITJ For Wanting Another Mom To Share With Childcare Costs For Our Kids?

“My husband and I employ a nanny, ‘Poppy’, for our 2 & 6-year-old. In her contract, Poppy states she’ll host the occasional play date while on the clock for the same rate ($28/hour), but only one extra child at a time and for no more than 3 hours.

It also can’t be a consistent thing or she’ll require to be paid a separate rate for the child. We are careful to follow said policy, along with the rest as we love her and want to keep her on.

Our 6-year-old has a friend, ‘James’.

He’s come over for a few play dates during the school year. He has a single mom who works crazy hours, so a few times this summer, we’ve paid Poppy more to watch all three kids, which amounts to $30/hour, which quickly adds up.

But it was worth the investment occasionally so the nanny could focus on the toddler while James and our son played.

Recently, James’ mom approached us and said that her summer care fell through. She asked if Poppy could watch him 5 days a week, for 8 hours a day.

We asked and she said this was a nanny share situation. We’d have to each pay 2/3 of her salary, which rounded up is $20/hour per family, $800/week, per family. This would be a better deal for us anyway so we were down. We told James’ mom and she said there was no way she could afford that.

We offered to pay $30, leaving her to pay $400/week. She said at that point, it’d be a better deal to stay home. She asked why we couldn’t pay all of it, to help her out. We offered alternatives, sending her links to summer programs that care for school-aged kids on a sliding scale.

She said that most of them are filled and the two that aren’t, are also too expensive.

It’d be an extra $480/week to do this and while we can afford it, it just doesn’t seem financially responsible, nor is it our responsibility to pay for this child’s care.

We’re worried about what this will do in the long run.

We ultimately told James’ mom no. She started crying and said she didn’t know what to do. She can’t bring him to work with her and can’t afford care. She said we were being selfish with our money.

Are we being jerks?”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ and she is a chancer. Her kid is not your responsibility, and your money is not hers to spend. Yes, it's very difficult for low-income single parents but that still doesn't mean their neighbours owe them financial support.
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27. AITJ For insulting My Fat Friend?

“So I (21 F) have a friend (19 F) who I met through a mutual friend, I’ll call her ‘Sam’. We complain about both our weight/body problems to each other; we’ve had late-night talks about it. Out of nowhere, Sam approached me and told me that I was making her insecure about being heavy and that I had it easy because I was skinny.

I felt genuinely hurt by it because I thought she would understand how it feels like to be bullied for their weight (she claims that she was). Either way, I felt extremely bad for triggering her and apologized. I never complained about my body to her again.

I took a liking to wearing crop tops. Again, Sam approached me to say that I was triggering her to diet and starve herself; I know for a fact I haven’t brought up my body or insecurities ever since the last time, so I was really confused. She called me a jerk for acting dumb, but apparently, the way I dressed triggered her severely.

She says the constant sight of my exposed stomach triggered her, so I started only wearing my baggy clothes when I was with her. She also took the issue to that because wearing oversized tees felt like I was mocking her.

We had a serious talk and decided that we stop talking about insecurities to each other, and that was that.

As far as I know, Sam was on a diet, and she seems pleased with her progress, and of course, I’m happy for her.

Fast forward to recently, we decided to go out and celebrate with other mutual friends. We all decided to treat ourselves for dinner, we all splurged on food except for Sam, who only got herself a bowl of salad.

Towards the end of the night, I could tell that Sam was in a pretty foul mood, but I didn’t want Sam to snap at me for asking, so I ignored her for a bit. Once everyone went their separate ways, Sam started to talk and act very passive-aggressively at me, I asked her what I did this time.

She was fully convinced that I ordered as much food as I did to mock her because I was ‘salty’ about our last argument.

At this point, I was mad. I didn’t know why she was only mad at ME, and apparently, it was because only I knew of her insecurity and that I should’ve known not to do that.

We ended up arguing again; she called me ‘anorexic’, a ‘flirt’ (for wearing an open-back dress), and a lot of really really horrible crap. She had never called me those things before, and that was the final straw. All my pent-up frustration came out quite nasty; I’m going to admit that some of the insults are about her weight (countering what she said about me), and I’m not proud of it.

She’s been posting IG stories bashing a certain ‘fatphobe’. Our friends caught on and asked me what happened between us. I haven’t spoken to Sam since, I kinda feel bad but at the same time, I don’t want to be the one coming up to her and apologizing.”

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KayeItsMe 3 months ago
Of course, it would have been better to not insult her body, but there's nothing you can do about it now. She was body - shaming you. You didn't have to put up with that even once. To me, she sounds like a miserable person who wants to blame everyone else for that misery. You are not responsible for her triggers. She is the only one who can change those. Tell whoever asks what she did and said. That she was insisting you were responsible for her problems. Do not read her IG posts! Put her in your rearview and live your life the best you can.
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26. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Estranged Daughter's Wedding?

“My daughter (32 f) says her fiancé has refused to commit to a date for over 5 years because he insists it’s our (parents) responsibility to pay for the wedding.

They have been together for about 14 years with 3 children and have lived together for about 6-7 years.

I raised her as a single parent until I met my now spouse when she was 8, having ended other relationships because they did not want to prioritize her.

You see, I stepped in as a 20-year-old uni student to raise her because her mother was a teenager & no visible father, although there were rumors that her father was a family member (he denied it for years and DNA proved him right a few years ago).

Without formally adopting her (family prevented it because they believed she was fathered by a family member who denied it), we (spouse and I ) raised her like our other three kids we had after we got married – private school, trips, music lessons, sports, other extracurricular activities, and clubs, etc. in her teen years, she started acting up, skipping school, stealing – from us and stores, demanded her college savings in her name and spent it, etc.

We hung in there with her and showed tough love when needed and then helped her through the college application process, paying all the fees, etc. 2 credits from graduating HS, she stopped doing the work and failed. Then she took off for the summer with one of her extracurricular clubs instead of taking summer school.

When she came back, she was over 18 and we gave her one last option to go finish high school. She started skipping again and flunked out – she just basically wanted to go and come as she pleased without consequence. Then we set her down and told her she had 3 options.

Go back and finish high school while living at home then college, go get a job and pay towards her living expenses in the home under our rules to learn what adulting is, or move out. She chose option 3 and my family ganged up with her against me and convinced her I was mistreating her because of no blood relation to her.

We were estranged for a few years while she was with them. We have since tried to reconcile and in the meantime, the other three kids finished high school and are now moved off to college while they work to go through school, supplemented by the little amount we saved for them.

We have no budget for a wedding that is for adults.

And now, she is again saying we abandoned her (she was over 18 when she chose to leave!) and that we caused her trauma; and she is hurt because she believes we are again favoring the other kids because we said no to writing her a blank check (we went halfsies on her dress based on initial amount she quoted, then she went and got 3x more expensive and acts jeeped).

Lots more to this. Am I the jerk here?

EDIT: There was no abuse. No incest. The mother was a teenager – think 17 almost 18 and not related to me in any way. The father (now unknown) was initially thought to be a relative of mine, and that was the basis of other family – think matriarch and others – taking such ownership over the then child, but without the financial responsibility.”

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KayeItsMe 3 months ago
NTJ she and her partner need to grow up. Weddings for adults who are living outside their parents' home are usually paid for by the bridal couple these days. You gave her plenty of support, she spent the money you saved for her, she rejected your suggestions, and now she is trying to blame you for her life problems. She needs therapy. Your relationship will not improve until she changes. Sometimes parents have to practice tough love. Google "detaching with love" then practice it.
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25. AITJ For Wearing A Dress That Doesn't Match My Significant Other's Bowtie?

“I got a new significant other.

We’ve been together for about two months. It’s fresh I know. He invited me to be his plus one at his friend’s wedding. He invited me back in May and the wedding is coming up in two weeks. I knew I needed to buy a dress, and he said he wanted my dress to match his bowtie.

At first, he said he wanted it to be black to match the suit but I told him I’m not wearing black to a wedding that’s bad luck and I convinced him to let me get a dress that matches his bowtie, which is pink.

My issue is that he needs the color pink to match exactly with the shade of his bowtie, which he saw once so he doesn’t really remember the exact shade of pink on his bowtie. I’ve been sending him pictures of potential dresses and asking him to pick the ones that he likes and that are similar to his bowtie.

Last night I sent him a couple of pictures and I told him to like the ones that matched because I was going to buy the one in the morning. He liked the ones that matched, or so I assumed, I went ahead and put an order in for one of the dresses.

As soon as I put the order in he’s telling me about how it might not even match and that I’m gonna look stupid and be the only one that’s not matching or according to dress code.

That’s set me off because how are you going to have me as a plus one, give me the responsibility of looking for and buying my dress, and then when I finally order the dress after getting your approval you still tell me it’s wrong.

I’m telling him that him stressing the shade of the dress matching his bowtie is stressing me out. And him telling me that I’m gonna be the only one that looks different and funny is stressing me out. And now he’s trying to say oh I never meant to stress you out and I don’t know why you’re stressing but you really shouldn’t be.

I feel like this is a classic case of gaslighting, but who knows? Anyways am I crazy? Am I the jerk?”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
Dump this man. He's only going to get worse. He is setting you up t fail so he can blame you for everything and this will keep happening.
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24. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friend For Following My Husband And Accusing Him Of Having An Affair?

“I’ve been married to Fred for seven years, and have a best friend from high school named Melanie.

She went through a divorce a few years ago when she discovered her husband’s affair. She’s living her best life now, though she’s still very jaded.

About a year ago I confided in her that I suspected Fred of fooling around on me.

We had both been stressed and he was a bit withdrawn, and then he started working late all of a sudden and was on his phone constantly.

Fred and Melanie work on the same side of town, so I asked her to check on him at work one day to see if he was actually there, which he was.

It turned out to be a misunderstanding. I confessed my suspicions and to having Melanie follow him soon after. He apologized for working so much and thankfully found the whole thing funny. He showed me his timesheet on his phone and the work group chat as proof.

He left that job for a less stressful one a month later, and we’ve been happy since with no issues.

However, Melanie won’t let it go. She’s convinced he’s having an affair and we just didn’t catch him. She’s made some odd comments and toed the line a few times since then.

For example, over Christmas, she and her daughter spent a night with us. As they were leaving, Melanie casually mentioned that she went through his phone and found nothing except him liking a girl’s picture on social media, and told me I needed to look into it.

The picture was of my SIL, showing off her new hair color after Fred recommended the stylist to her.

Fred was offended that time, so I told Melanie enough was enough, and to back off. She apologized and dropped it then, until this past weekend.

I was out of town visiting family and Fred stayed home to watch the dogs. She called me up on Saturday and said that she knew her ‘gut feeling’ about him had been right. She had driven past our house and saw someone else’s car in our driveway.

She said she sat there for twenty minutes until she saw him get in the car, and leave with a woman. She had followed them to a restaurant where she called me from.

At first, of course, my heart dropped. But then she started describing the woman and her car, and I realized she was talking about my mother-in-law!

I went OFF on her. I told her that she nearly ruined my weekend, that she was a psycho for following him when I repeatedly told her to drop it, and that the only person causing strife in my marriage was her. I told her that if she ever breathed one word of him having an affair ever again we would no longer be friends, and I didn’t want her in my house again until she apologized to my husband.

She’s been blowing up my phone since about how sorry she is, and that she was just looking out for me. I haven’t responded yet. Fred was really shocked and hurt when I got home and told him what happened. He said that continuing our friendship was totally up to me, but he no longer wanted to associate with Melanie, and I don’t blame him.

I feel like this is kind of my fault though, AITJ?”

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TM5214 3 months ago
Ntj but, you started it. I get you had a reason but now you have created a monster. Melanie has gone off the rails and for some reason she wants your marriage to fail. You need to block her and discontinue the friendship before she ruins your marriage.
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23. AITJ For Telling My Brother To Leave Me Alone?

“So I (18 f) have 4 brothers aged 24, 23, 20 and 10. My older brother (20) and I still live with our parents. The two older ones have already moved out. I’m graduating in June and will be studying abroad in September. I have to take 6 exams to be able to have a good start for the upcoming school year.

The exams are from June 18 to June 29. I’ve been studying nonstop and have not been able to spend time with my family because of this.

Since we are so much older than my younger brother he does not have anyone to play with. My 20-year-old brother is the one who hangs out with him the most but he also has exams coming up and is not able to spend time with my younger brother.

My younger brother has thus decided that he would pester me to hang out with him instead. I’ve told him numerous times that I have important exams coming up and can’t play with him. Well, yesterday he kept coming into my room asking me to play outside with him.

He came into my room four times and the fifth time I just snapped. I told him I didn’t ever want to hang out with him and to leave me alone already. He left the room and I went back to studying. My older brother (20) stormed into my room asking why I made him cry.

He called me a jerk and slammed the door shut before I could explain myself.

He sent an audio message in our group chat telling everyone what I did and now all my older brothers are calling me an egotistical stuck-up jerk. My mom is the only reasonable person here.

She’s the only one defending me. Telling them I’m following my dreams of studying abroad and deserve to have a peaceful environment to study in. They called her an enabler for standing up for me. Like an enabler of what? Wanting to study.

My dad hasn’t said anything I’m hoping he’ll speak to my brother after he’s back from his business trip. I’m not understanding this outrageous reaction. Am I wrong here?”

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TM5214 3 months ago
NTJ. Keep studying
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22. AITJ For Not Allowing Anyone To Cook In My Kitchen?

“I (F 30) have a bit of a weird trigger – I am very territorial over my kitchen.

I do not know exactly why, but I have always felt like the kitchen is an extension of my personal space, and I get extremely uncomfortable when anyone makes more than basic things in my kitchen.

It feels similar to someone going through my drawers or closet. Very invasive and oddly too intimate.

When we have guests, I almost always cook. I make sure to wake up early and make breakfast. I have basics for lunch, and I’ll usually plan a dinner or I will buy food for everyone.

This has never been a problem with any of my friends or family.

Except for my father’s partner. They have been together for over ten years, and admittedly we do not get along very well. I tolerate her because she makes my dad happy.

The last time they were in town, I reminded them they were my guests and I could handle the food.

However, while they were here, A decided to ignore my request and start cooking in my kitchen. While I was in a room on a work call/presentation, I heard her with her phone speaker talking to someone while prepping food which I had asked her not to do.

I texted my dad, in my frustration saying ‘What part of ‘no’ was hard for you to understand?’ To which he replied A just wanted to do something nice and not feel like a burden… which I just don’t buy.

I was so upset that I left to drive around and calm down.

My house was my safe place, and I felt disrespected and ignored. I didn’t want to say something I regret, so I think leaving was smart, even if it makes me a jerk.

My dad asked me to come back, texting me ‘Please don’t be mad.’ Which made me feel horrible.

When I came back, everyone was walking on eggshells and I felt even worse. It’s rare I get angry about anything — I don’t think anyone knew what to do. A acted like she hadn’t done anything wrong, and said I was very emotional.

I know that my anger is irrational. I know for everyone else it makes me seem overly emotional. I can’t explain it away or calm down. I just know the easiest thing for me to do is lay the boundary, ‘Please don’t cook in my kitchen.’

AITJ for walking out of my own house, and for not letting people cook in my kitchen?

It’s been a year since they’ve been back, maybe more. They want to come for Memorial Day and I really want to see my dad. But I do not need the emotionally charged visit where I’m the jerk with weird triggers.”

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... as your dad he should understand your boundaries. And it's on HIM to tell HIS WIFE don't if OP says she's doing it she will do it. She has her reasons and we are her guests and we should respect her boundaries... a conversation needs having BEFORE they come.. if they can't handle it then they bookmark hotel room and come over while your not working and able to be with them constantly so you can head her off out of your kitchen
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21. AITJ For Not Letting My Neighbor Put His Garbage Bag Together With Mine?

“So I live in a gated community. It has private roads and services. We pay a monthly HOA fee but can contract out with the authorized waste collection vendor for one of three levels of service.

Each one is good for different reasons and it’s mostly price-based or service based.

The first one only picks up once a week (Monday) and will only allow you to use one bin that they provide. They will move the bin back to the side of your house so you comply with HOA rules.

This is mostly for second homeowners, who are there on weekends. It’s cheaper but has a higher level of service but limits the amount of garbage.

The second picks up on Monday and Wednesday, replaces bins, and gives you two bins, but costs more.

The third picks up Monday and Wednesday, you can have four bins but you replace them back at the side of your house.

My neighbor is a second homeowner and used to get the first service but after seeing me put out three bins, he realized I was paying for the better service.

He came over and asked if he could add one bin to mine because he only had the one bin service, and had lots of garbage that week. He assured me this was a one-time thing. He also asked if I could put his bin back.

I told him sure, not a big deal, I’d be happy to help.

So after a couple of weeks, I noticed that he would put out his bin with mine and not put any out at his curb. Since the bins have house numbers on them the garbage men would put his bin back by his house but wouldn’t put it away on the side of the house.

This happened twice and the following weekend he wasn’t there but I did get a chance to talk to the garbage men. Evidently, my neighbor canceled his service entirely and just started putting his bins with mine.

The next time I saw him I told him he couldn’t do that, at which point he complained about the cost and I don’t have that much garbage, it’s a neighborly thing to do, etc.

Meanwhile, this guy is a second homeowner, his house is about $2 million, and his garbage service is $25 a week.

I told him no, he can’t keep doing that.”

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TM5214 3 months ago
NTJ. Rude and entitled neighbor needs to get his own service.
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20. AITJ For Refusing To Punish My Daughter For Talking About Periods To Other Kids?

“Our daughter Sandra (12) is friends with 2 kids from the neighborhood, Lara (10 F) and Sam (8 M). She often visits their home to play with them, or they come over and play in our house & garden. Yesterday she was at their house the whole afternoon, and the plan was that she, Lara and Sam would come over to eat dinner at our house, however, she came back home early, alone and distraught.

As soon as she stepped into the house I got a call from Veronica, Lara & Sam’s mom. She was furious and said that my daughter was no longer welcome in their home after the gross and disgusting things she said to her children, that she had no manners and that I should ground her, and she called me and my family disgusting.

I didn’t know what was going on so I told Veronica that I would call her back later and hung up (which, I get was very rude but my daughter just came home crying).

So I comforted Sandra and she told me what happened at Lara’s.

They were playing in Lara’s room when Sam returned from the bathroom with some news. Apparently, Sam ran out of toilet paper and rummaged through the cabinet where he found what could only have been Veronica’s sanitary pads. He didn’t know what they were so he in his confusion told the girls that he just found out that he found ‘mom’s diapers’ and a discussion ensued among the children whether or not their mom had ‘accidents’.

Sandra must have suspected something so she suggested that they all go investigate. In the bathroom, they indeed discovered Veronica’s stash of sanitary products.

Sandra knows as much as she needs to know about periods. I have never hidden my period supplies at home and whenever she asked, I explained to her what they were.

Her period hasn’t started yet but it was important to me that she understands what is going on. Lara and Sam had absolutely no idea what periods even are so Sandra tried to explain it all. This is where things went south. Lara was absolutely terrified, Sam couldn’t believe it and went to get Mom who then caught Sandra standing in the bathroom holding her sanitary pads.

Veronica kicked Sandra out, Lara was crying and Sam was confused.

I agree that this is NOT how this talk should happen. But Sandra meant no harm. I told Sandra that I was not mad at her, then called back Veronica. I told her that I was sorry about what happened, but suggested she take the opportunity and talk to her kids.

I also told her that I was not going to punish Sandra, but I would remind her of course to not look into other people’s cabinets. Veronica is really mad at me and says my daughter has disgusting manners.

I feel really bad about the whole situation, especially for Lara.

But I don’t want to tell my daughter she is forbidden to talk about periods. Does this make me a jerk?”

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TM5214 3 months ago
NTJ. However in the future I would tell your daughter not to attempt to educate younger children if they don't know what periods are. Tell them to ask their parents.
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19. AITJ For Thinking About Having A Courthouse Wedding Instead?

“My fiance (30 M) and I (26 F) are planning on getting married next year and have started doing venue tours/putting together guest lists/generally getting the ball rolling.

The current estimate for the venue, food, dress, tux, rings, photographer, DJ, etc is $15000.00 which isn’t terrible as far as weddings go (The average is 28,000 or so near me) and my parents had their 36000 weddings covered entirely by my grandparents in addition to having all of their debts covered. It’s a tradition from my mom’s side of the family and something that goes back as far as there are written records for my family.

When I told my parents (58 M and 54 F) that we had settled on a date they said they’d help pay for the wedding but they have been refusing to disclose an amount. We have had 4 different conversations and they’re always vague about it and it is extremely frustrating.

Money has been a source of contention between us ever since I paid for my own school and suffered through being financially independent because they kept guilt-tripping me when I asked for help. They caught a lot of grief from both sides of the family for not being more supportive so now every time I talk to them the whole ‘we would have helped you’ comes up now that I’ve already paid off my student loans.

Their support always seems to be a day late and a dollar short. I’d rather not run the risk of ruining what relationship we have left by giving an ultimatum but I really don’t see another choice here.

I think I will be just as happy with a courthouse wedding as I would with a 15,000.00 one, at the end of the day all I care about at the wedding is the person I’m marrying which doesn’t change regardless of where we’re wed.

I might be the jerk because I plan to tell them that I’m not doing the whole school thing again where they say they’ll help and I end up footing the whole bill out of misplaced guilt. I don’t want to sacrifice the financial future for myself and my fiance for one day that feels like it is more for my family than us.

Any insight is greatly appreciated.”

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TM5214 3 months ago
Just tell them you need to start paying deposits and you need to know your budget. Tell them you need to know specifically how much help to expect. And have a witness with you
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18. AITJ For Picking A Fight With My Wife's Friend Over His Phone Wallpaper?

“My wife (33) has plenty of friends – male and female. I’m not the type of guy that gets jealous or uncomfortable with my wife having male friends because, they’re by extension, they’re my friends too and I know them pretty well. However, this guy Michael is a whole different story.

He’s a single dad with a 7-year-old kid. He knew my wife from high school and are like siblings. He makes my wife stay with his kid all the time. He even once commented on how much of a good mom my wife would be for his kid.

The situation at hand: Last night we were out with friends, and Michael was showing us some news articles. Once he went back to his home screen, I saw my wife’s picture set as the wallpaper along with his son. My initial reaction was WHAT?!

I asked him about it and he acted confused, I said it’s just so weird to put my wife’s picture there and that he could put his kid’s mom’s picture instead. he casually laughed and said, ‘Oh yes! My devious ex who abandoned her own child’.

I picked an argument with him and he kept asking me to ‘relax dude’. I had it I started demanding that he remove the picture. He got up and started telling me that I should stop going crazy over a picture and that I was being ridiculous, then asked my wife to say something.

But she just watched.

Things got heated and we had to leave. My wife said I made a scene over nothing. I asked how and why she was fine with Michael overstepping. She said he’s obviously struggling with abandonment issues but he’s a good friend who values his friend, and that it’s just a stupid background wallpaper anyway and I should let it go because she was sure that Michael is mentally struggling and considers her family.

Besides the picture included his son too so it wasn’t just her. I wasn’t convinced. Imagine someone seeing it and thinking this must he his wife and kid. My wife’s friends said it was stupid and that I should drop it and then try to talk to Michael later since it’s his phone and I get no say but I refused.

AITJ here?”

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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago (Edited)
YTJ. It's fine to be a little concerned and to graciously ask him to remove it after expressing those concerns. But you didn't have to make a big deal over it. If your wife agreed then he should've taken it down but she was fine with it so you should've backed off and left it alone. It's a photo of his son with someone who loves them both. Pretty normal thing to have as a phone background, so chill out.
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17. WIBTJ If I Ask One Of My Roommates Not To Let His Significant Other Stay Over With Her Kid?

“I (27 M) just moved to a new place and after being in this new place for a couple of weeks one of my new roommates started seeing this girl for 2 weeks so far and she brought her baby with her on the first date.

Which I find very concerning and irresponsible to do – bringing your baby of one year to the first date given you have never met before and I believe you should never do that given how it could end up in a dangerous situation. I should mention that there are 3 of us at our condo – one (41 M) we’ll call him Len and our 3rd roommate (26 M) we’ll call him Dan.

At the beginning when our roommate, Dan, started seeing the girl we thought she would be leaving her baby to one of her relatives but that did not happen. Also, she stayed over for the next 3 days on the first date with her baby at our place.

I do not know what her situation is very well but she seems very irresponsible and controlling of our roommate when they are together. She eats food he buys her, leaves her food on the table, and doesn’t clean after herself. Also, she gives the impression that she barely knows what she’s doing with the baby.

Gaslights and makes our roommate cry from what I saw last time she was here. Not sure what is going on in their relationship but it doesn’t seem to be going to last very long given what has been happening between them.

During the first week of her stay over the weekend, her baby was crying in the early morning of Saturday so I got off from work and only worked during the weekday but I want to be able to relax and not have to deal with a baby crying and her mother unable to help him properly so he does not cries anymore.

I have spoken with Len about it and he agrees that he does not enjoy or intend to have this type of thing going on at our place. We spoke to our roommate Dan about it and he did see our side of the picture and how that is not cool.

He says he will be moving out since he wants to stay with her apparently so good luck to him on that. So after explaining this and hopefully giving enough context and explaining. The question is: am I the jerk for asking my roommate to not bring his significant other over if she comes with the baby?”

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... sounds like there's something you don't know going on.. how well do you know him? If he's moving out then let him get the landlord to let his room so your rent doesn't go up and advise any future roomies that bringing babies over with their dates that cry alot and don't get locked after won't be tolerated neither will messy house guests that don't leave either haha
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16. AITJ For Not Letting My Friends Look After My Cat Anymore?

“So I (18 NB) live alone with my cat in an apartment for school.

My friends (18 M and 17 F) live in the building right next to mine.

I go back to my family every weekend, so my friends usually visit my cat once a day to feed and play with her a little. In exchange, I pay them and let them use my parking when theirs is unavailable.

The thing is, when I came home today, my cat’s food and water bowls were completely empty and she was meowing like her life was ending.

I called my friends to ask if she had been acting weird during the weekend and they told me they forgot to come and feed her.

She hadn’t eaten in two full days.

Here’s where I might be the jerk: I tried to stay calm and I told them that I wouldn’t need them to come back. I don’t want to risk this again. I did not yell at them, but I told them directly that it was irresponsible, especially since I paid them to do it.

They got mad and said it was a one-time mistake, but I think it’s much worse than a mistake. My cat is a living being. They kept saying that they won’t forget again so I told them that if they’re doing it for the money they should at least do it right.

Now my female friend is apologizing while my male friend keeps saying that it’s not a big deal and that my cat is fine.

I absolutely love my cat, she is my baby. I got her when I was extremely depressed and she has been the light of my life ever since.

I’ve always been hesitant to bring her back home, considering the fact that we have two big dogs and I wouldn’t want to stress her out. I don’t think I have a choice anymore.


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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... go online.. amazon they sell large gravity waterers for dogs and cats, they also sell the same for dry food... buy 2 of those and trust me you can leave her for 2 nights quite happily... do you have to go home every weekend ?
Now to your so called friends... they took the money and didn't do what you paid them to do. You trusted them to feed your cat and they just didn't.. I bet they didn't forget to spend the money you gave them though.. I hasten to say it but they are not truly your friends AT all
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15. AITJ For Taking My Car Back From My Sister?

“I (43 M) recently bought a 2016 Prius for my daughter (17 F) who will be leaving for college later this year. Around the same time, my sister (36 F) walked out on her abusive husband with my 10-year-old niece. They moved into a small apartment far from the restaurant where she works, and she was spending hours a day just riding the bus to and from work.

When my sister visited last Christmas, she was discussing the commute with my mom when my daughter offered to lend her the Prius. It was clearly offered as a brief, short-term loan. Nothing more. My daughter asked me about it (the car is registered to me and insured by me) and I was honestly a bit hesitant.

My sister is into illegal stuff, has been in jail a few times (mostly shoplifting), and has been unreliable for her entire adult life. Still, my daughter REALLY wanted to help, so I agreed to let her borrow it for ‘a few weeks’.

That was December.

After getting the car, she IMMEDIATELY ghosted us for more than a month. No response to our texts or voicemails. Fed up, I finally drove to her job a couple of weeks ago hoping to catch her at work. She was there. So was the car.

And it was TRASHED. Huge dent down the passenger side where it looked like it had been sideswiped. One mirror was gone. Rims and tires were beaten up. Trash-filled and stains all over the upholstery. Scratches EVERYWHERE. When I walked inside, she told me that she couldn’t talk while she was working, made an excuse about losing her phone, and asked me to come back when she got off.

I showed up 15 minutes early. She was already gone. Ghosted again.

After a few days, I eventually caught her at work again. She was ANGRY this time, claimed that I’d GIVEN her the car, and said that she didn’t have to talk to me if she didn’t want to.

Had her boss order me to leave the restaurant. Threatened to call the police if I went there again.

So I walked out to the Prius in the parking lot, used my own key, and took it home. That’s when everything exploded. My sister had taken a second job since she now ‘had a car’.

She lost it a few days later when she couldn’t make it to her shift. She blames me for that. She can no longer pick up my niece from school, forcing her to walk home in a sketchy neighborhood. She blames me for that. Without the second job, she can no longer afford a ‘good’ divorce attorney.

She blames me for that. Even worse, so does our mom! She says that my sister ‘needs the car more’ than my daughter and that I should be doing more to help my sister escape her abusive ex.

I want to help her. I don’t think that ‘helping’ should require me to hand over ownership of a $16,000 car, or that I should be on the hook for thousands in repairs.

The car is in the body shop right now, and while insurance is covering the body damage to the passenger side, I’m still paying for a full repaint, new tires, and fixing everything else she screwed up.

AITJ for taking the car back?”

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TM5214 3 months ago
NTJ. Your mom can buy her a car if she is so concerned. Your sister can go back to riding the bus. Your sister made bad decisions and now she has to deal with the reprocussions. Not your problem.
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14. AITJ For Telling My Daughter That Who I'm Seeing Is None Of Her Business?

“My ex-wife, Holly (35 F), and I (35 M) have a 16-year-old daughter named Shea.

Holly and I started going out when we were 14 and divorced 1.5 years ago. The reason was she felt like she hadn’t experienced being in a relationship since we got together so young. And she was getting curious but didn’t want to step out on me.

So I agreed to not hold her back and we divorced. We immediately got Shea into therapy. And she handled the whole thing really well at first.

Well, I started to date. It was weird but kinda exciting. Shea was happy for me and encouraged me to go on dates.

Well, everything changed. Holly and I spent the night together 8 months ago and my daughter found us the next morning. She was giddy. But we explained to her that we weren’t getting back together. That we just have a very strong bond and are best friends.

But she shouldn’t have found out.

Ever since Shea has been a nightmare. I was going out with a teacher from her school and she tried to sabotage it. Shea would show up on our dates (we track each other’s location). She would constantly bring up her mom in front of the girl I was seeing.

She was rude to her. Eventually, we split because she didn’t want the drama.

For the past 8 months, Shea has been sending me pics of her and her mom in workout classes. She keeps telling me about Holly’s new fitness. Holly has lost weight and she looks freaking incredible.

But I kept telling her that me and her mom are better apart right now. About 4 months ago Holly called me. She admitted to drinking a bottle of wine and saying some stuff to Shea. She told her the reason we split up and that she regretted it and wanted the family back together.

And that she was done seeing other people because she hated it. I sat down with Shea and explained to her again my stance. That I absolutely love her and her mom, and that there was definitely a possibility of reconciliation down the line. But at this point, I was having fun.

So I started to see Shea’s friend’s mom around this time. We kept it from the girls until we thought it was real. Shea freaked out. She cut off her friend. She sent my partner a lengthy message that basically said she was wasting her time.

That I was in love with my ex. I talked to Shea about how inappropriate that was. And we got her back into therapy.

So last week my partner was trying to get something from my house. I wasn’t home but Shea was. My partner knocked on the door.

Shea saw who it was and wouldn’t open the door. I called her and told her to open it. And she refused. I had to run home from work to let my partner in. I was furious with Shea. I basically told her that she needed to butt out of my personal life.

And that maybe it would be best if she stayed at her mom’s (we don’t have a formal custody agreement) for a while until she could accept that I was seeing other women. She left and I called Holly. Holly thinks I’m being a jerk.


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Ishouldntbehere2 3 months ago
YTJ. If you have a child you don't go messing around with your ex in that child's home. Get a hotel room next time you dumb dumb. It IS her business when it happens in her home.
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13. AITJ For Telling My Mom Her Smoking Is The Reason We Don't Visit Her Anymore?

“My (29 F) parents got divorced 3 years ago or so after 32 years of marriage. My dad moved to a town about an hour from my mom right after the divorce, and my mom got to keep the house we kind of grew up in.

I told my mom recently that my two sisters and I hate coming to her house because it smells and it’s an absolute mess. She said I was rude and she wished we would come visit her more often. My older sister has two kids and used to always have little vacations with our mom during the summer, spending a week or so with her at her house.

When my parents got divorced, my mom started smoking. Marlboro Ultra lights which are by far the worst-smelling smoke I have ever smelled. It wasn’t that bad at first, but the severity of the smell in her house has increased slowly with time. She has been smoking in her house nonstop.

Once the global crisis hit, it became unbearable for anyone to be in the home because she works from home now and just chain smokes all day every single day.

She didn’t smoke when we were growing up. In fact, my dad did, and he would OCCASIONALLY smoke in the house.

I’m saying one or two a day, in the evenings. Even then, he was gone on the weekends a lot for his job, so he would average maybe 10 smokes a week in our house. The kicker here is that my mom would CONSTANTLY complain to my dad about it.

It was a weekly thing where my mom would complain and go hide out downstairs and make a big scene about it.

When they first got divorced, I would visit, and try to withstand the smell, but it has gotten increasingly worse, obviously. We had a nice home, and now it’s a disaster.

She lives alone, and always has tons of dishes and just junk lying around, EVERWHERE. She’s definitely a borderline hoarder (hoarderline) and is generally pretty lazy about cleaning.

In the last year or so, I have stopped going over there and if I do, it’s only for 10-15 minutes because I know if I stay longer, I will smell like an ashtray the rest of the day.

We all 3 have stopped going over there and my mom feels it’s unfair and we are being dramatic and shouldn’t be bothered since our dad was a smoker.

AITJ for telling her straight up why we don’t come over anymore?”

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... tell her it's the truth the housemsmells like an ashtray it's full or rubbish and you all refuse to spend any longer than 30mins there until she cleans up and starts opening windows
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12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have A Curfew?

“So my parents (in their 50s) and I (20 f) are at a bit of an impasse.

Essentially, I did a gap year and am now in my first year of university.

All throughout the gap year, I worked at a friend’s business, doing twilight shift- usually clocking off at 11 pm or midnight. My co-workers became my best friends.

Many of my co-workers have multiple jobs, one in the morning, and one doing late shifts with me.

We all have different days off as well, so this means our only time to socialize as a group is after work. Slowly it became a habit for us all to hang out after closing up, for a couple of hours, so I’d be coming home at 2 or 3 a.m.

My parents began to take issue with this, specifically my mum. My dad doesn’t care but says I should just listen to what my mother says about the matter. Basically, she became unhappy with my staying out late, and put a curfew on me, saying that I have to come home straight after work except on weekends – when I can stay out until 1 am or occasionally 2 am.

Now, it’s not that I wake her up when I come in, I’m dead quiet coming in. Her issue is that she worries about me. She says she can’t sleep properly/keeps waking up and checking if I’m back until I’m home.

I feel that I am an adult and should be allowed independence, especially given that my brother, who is 21, is allowed to stay out as long as he wants (though he is a bit of a shut-in and doesn’t go out much).

My mum’s answer to this is that I’m a girl so she worries about me more and it keeps her awake at night, and it’s unfair & selfish to disrupt her sleep patterns like that. I genuinely don’t want her to not be getting sleep but I find it very frustrating that this impinges on my social life.

I’ve had to miss out on certain celebrations like friends’ birthdays. Also, when I come in, if I try to make dinner or eat anything in the fridge, the noise wakes them up and it annoys them. So I can only eat dinner with my friends, or at 3 pm before my shift, and be starving.

My friends would always tell me not to worry about it when I had to leave early, and when I was upset about the curfew, they reassured me that my mum would probably chill out once I went to university.

My first term went great, and I came back and started again at my job.

However, my mum warned me straight away that the curfew was still in effect.

It was such a shame because I really love my friends and want to be able to spend more time with them. Every time I argue about the curfew though, my mum says I’m being unreasonable and shouts at me calling me selfish (she is the kind that always shouts in an argument, I am more of an angry-crier, and I get flustered and can’t hold up my own argument).

Am I being a jerk/selfish for saying that I’m allowed to stay out without a curfew?”

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ.. if your relying on them to pay for university and living in their house its their rules. Although your 20 not 16, maybe try compromise with her... ok Mon to Thurs home straight from work... Friday to Sunday 2am.. that gives you time to see friends at the weekend until you can either prove to her it's not going to affect your studying and you won't take the jerk with it
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11. AITJ For Talking To A Woman Who Just Had Just Lost A Baby?

“I am almost 27 weeks pregnant with my first and have suffered 2 failed pregnancies in 2 years. I totally understand the emotional pain and all the other feelings that come with losing a baby

There is a woman, Anna, at our ‘sister office’ (think same company, different buildings doing different things) who had the same due date as me.

We really bonded over that, but sadly she lost the baby at 12 weeks. It was her first pregnancy, her first loss.

When I discovered she lost the baby from a social media post, I sent her a simple message telling her my heart was with her and she was in my prayers.

She responded with ‘Thank you’ and we haven’t talked since. I also hid my Instagram posts and stories from her just so she wouldn’t be triggered by anything baby-related that I would post (not blocked, she could still see them if she manually visited my profile, but they won’t pop up while she’s casually scrolling).

It’s been about 3 1/2 months since then.

Well, another friend at this same office, Sarah, had lost the baby 2 weeks ago. She sent me a message a week ago asking for my advice knowing I’ve had two. She wanted to know the details and my experience with them.

In this conversation, she mentioned how her office, the office Anna is a part of, is throwing her a bridal shower soon and that she would love for me to come.

The bridal shower was today, and I went. As a buffet lunch was served, Anna and I walked past each other and made eye contact.

I smiled and said hi and that her new haircut was super cute. She said thank you, put her food down on the table, and went to the bathroom. She was in there for 20 minutes and came out crying with other women (and mutual friends) surrounding her and consoling her.

One person who happens to be Anna’s sister came up to me and told me it wasn’t very ‘girl-code’ of me to show up with my ‘belly’ and that I didn’t understand how she felt and how hurtful I was being. All I could say was ‘I’m so sorry.’

Sarah didn’t let any of this bother her or interrupt the party which I am very glad for her sake since it was her bridal shower.

I stayed for the rest of the party and had a few people come up to me and tell me not to feel bad.

Someone asked me if I knew about Anna’s miscarriage, I said yes and they responded with ‘Interesting.’ I stayed after it was over talking with Sarah about our miscarriage experiences.

But I feel awful and so guilty. I regret going, and I hate how I made Anna uncomfortable and cry.

I don’t know if Anna knows I’ve had two miscarriages, not that that would help.

I’m in such a funk now and don’t know what to do or how to feel. AITJ?

Edit: I did not know that she would be there, but it’s not surprising that she was.

I haven’t even seen her since before her miscarriage, despite going into that office once or twice a week on business.”

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TM5214 3 months ago
NTJ. Anna either needs to stay home because she knows she might be triggered or learn to deal with the fact that there are pregnant women out in public. You cannot be expected to stop going out in public in case it might upset someone.
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10. AITJ For Prioritizing My Sleep Over Driving My Mom's Cousins To The Airport?

“So my mom’s cousins have been staying with us for a week and a half, visiting from out of the country during their summer break. Yesterday was their last night, and they needed a ride to the airport since my parents had work. My sister, who also drives, had work later at 11 a.m. Context: I had been working exhausting 10-hour shifts outdoors all week and today was finally my day off – the first in nearly a week and my only break until Sunday.

At the dinner table last night, my mom unexpectedly volunteered me to drive them to the airport early in the morning. I immediately rebutted, saying, ‘I can’t, tomorrow is my only day off, and I want to sleep in.’ My response might have been a bit direct, but I wanted to be honest upfront, avoiding false commitments and giving my mom’s cousins enough time to plan ahead.

My mom got frustrated, claiming I was too blunt. While I could have been more diplomatic, and granted I may have been too blunt, I’d rather be blunt than go back on my word.

My mom’s cousins seemed to understand; they mentioned they were planning to use an Uber anyway before this conversation was even brought up.

Nonetheless, my mom kept insisting that I would drive them. They said that it was fine that Uber would be the easiest thing for everyone. In private, she pressed me again, and I apologized for my bluntness but stood by what I said. I wouldn’t give up my day off to chauffeur distant relatives I’d just met a week and a half ago.

I thought the matter was settled after that. However, this morning at 9 a.m., my phone rang, and my mom demanded I wake up and drive them. While 9 a.m. isn’t dawn, considering I wake up at 6:30 for my shifts, it felt early. I was frustrated because I thought I’d made myself clear the previous night.

I stood my ground, telling her that I couldn’t do it and they should find another solution.

I hung up the phone, and she called back immediately, upset that I’d hung up, and called me a bad host, emphasizing the importance of family helping each other.

I understand the importance of family, but these cousins were practically strangers. They were my second cousins once removed, and my relationship with them was barely existent. It seemed unfair to give up my only day off, especially when they were comfortable using Uber.

My mom could have asked my sister to drive them, as her work started later.

However, she insisted on me, which only added to my frustration. I don’t think that standing up for my much-needed rest was unreasonable. Am I the jerk for prioritizing my sleep over driving my mom’s cousins to the airport, especially when they were fine with Uber?”

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anma7 3 months ago
NTJ... she voluntold cousins said no and she demanded... you right to be blunt especially if she expects you to do things like this regularly
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9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cook Anymore For My Partner's Extra Guests?

“My (23 F) partner (25 M) and I were supposed to host a dinner for us and another couple we met on vacation tomorrow.

I’m supposed to be in charge of the cooking.

2 days ago, before going to work, my partner told me that he forgot to tell me that he invited our neighbors and their 3 children. I was kinda annoyed he didn’t ask me first but whatever, I said okay, next time ask me if I’m okay with it first.

After coming home from work the same day, he told me that he invited two of his colleagues and that they’d come with their wives and kids. They have one kid each so that’ll make 2 more children.

I got upset when he told me this because 1.

He invited 6 more people without asking me first, again, and 2. He told me that I needed to make a different dish for his colleagues’s kids because they wouldn’t like what I was planning to cook.

I told my partner that he needed to be the one cooking because I didn’t want to anymore.

He asks me why as I initially agreed to cook.

I said I initially agreed to cook for 4 people, not 15. I added that it’ll be easier for him to cook for 15 people anyway because he has his whole afternoon free while I’d be working until 4 p.m.

My partner doesn’t agree tho and thinks it’s unfair of me to have agreed to cook just to take it back last minute.

I said I’d be okay to help with the kids’ food once I come back from work but he needed to do the rest.

He doesn’t want to and even threatened to cancel the whole thing if I wasn’t cooking.

Am I the jerk there? Should I be the one cooking still as I was supposed to cook from the beginning? Or is it only fair that he cooks for the additional 11 people he invited?”

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TM5214 3 months ago
NTJ. Your husband is though. 15 people? And you work until 4pm? That's a "Thanksgiving dinner" amount of people. It was ok when the entire burden was on you but now, suddenly, it's too much when he has to help? He has more time available to cook than you do but still expected you to do it? Does he often treat you this way? I'd be thinking about how often he has treated you like a doormat.
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8. AITJ For Refusing To Take Out A Loan For A Car?

“I (F 25) have been with my partner (27) for 3 years.

He sold his car 2 months ago and is currently saving for a new one – or so I thought. We live in the Caribbean.

Last night he came over and asked me what I thought about him using his car money to start a car wash.

I told him that he can use the space he has at home to open a car wash and he doesn’t necessarily need to use all his money to open a business as simple as that.

He said the vision he has is to also include auto detailing and that he would use the money to purchase equipment for it.

I told him that I don’t think it’s a good idea – but I’ll support him if he decides to do it.

He then said that he was happy I was on his side because he wanted us to do something together.

I thought he meant me helping with his business – but no. He explained that his idea of ‘together’ is me taking out a loan for a car that will be in MY NAME but he will drive it because I don’t drive.

When I asked who would be making the payments, he said the bank would take the money out of my account every month and he would pay half.

I told him that I am absolutely NOT paying half for a car I am not driving. He said it would be ‘our’ car and that when I eventually get my license, I’ll be able to drive it too.

I said that this entire scenario makes no sense as I have no intention of driving anytime soon – and literally, anything can happen.

I asked if we break up, what then?

He said even if we break up, he will continue paying for his share of the share so I won’t bear that payment. When I asked why he can’t just pay for the full payment he said he plans to leave his job and do his car wash/detailing business full time so he won’t be able to cover the full payment until his business takes off.

I told him that I’m sorry but I can’t take out a loan for him – nor put a car in my name when he is so unstable. He called me a ‘selfish jerk’ – one he ‘can’t see a future with’ and left. Now, he won’t speak to me.

My mom says I’m in the right but now I feel bad because if I don’t take out the loan, he won’t be able to. AITJ?”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
Dump him NOW. He plans to leech off indefinitely. There is no logical reason for you to fund his 'dream business' in any way.
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7. AITJ For Clapping Back At A Girl Who Kept Calling Me "Scrawny"?

“I (36 M) am a musician in a pretty popular cover band in my city. I am also skinny at 6 ft 130 lbs (this is relevant).

One of the venues we play regularly has a server, we’ll call her ‘Cassie’ (mid-20s F), who’s working most dates we play there. She’s cool, and we’ve been semi-friends since I joined the band about two and a half years ago. We do joke around with each other and take part in non-flirty, witty banter and telling jokes or funny stories.

Over the last 6 months, she’s referred to me as ‘Scrawny’ on three separate occasions. One of those occasions was when I injured my ankle while loading in at that venue and it was significantly swollen by the end of the night. I was sitting down, looking at my ankle when she walked by and I asked her if my ankle looked swollen to her.

She didn’t really look and just said ‘I can’t tell, you’re so scrawny!’

Now this past Saturday, as we finished with the gig and were loading out, I was walking in her direction as she was walking towards me. When she got close I did one of those fake-lunging motions at her to make her flinch and I really scared her.

She kinda yelped, laughed, then walked up to the husband of one of the band members, who’s also a good friend of mine, and gestured towards me saying ‘That scrawny jerk over there almost made me pee my pants!’

Granted, I may be the jerk for scaring her like that, but believe me, we both partake in little pranks like that on each other.

So when she was nearby shortly after that, I asked her in a no-attitude and non-confrontational way ‘Hey, why do you keep referring to me as scrawny?’ Her response: ‘Well that’s because you ARE scrawny!’ I said: ‘Well it’s not MY fault you’re fatter than me!’

Yes, I purposefully said that, knowing well how that sounds. No, she isn’t fat. AT ALL. Not that it really matters. But since it had been the third time she’d used that term on me, unprovoked until this most recent time, I figured it was kinda the time to retaliate.

Once I said what I said, her face dropped and she responded with ‘You rephrase that RIGHT now!’ I said: ‘Uhh, no.’ She walked away.

Instead of continuing with how we resolved this, I figured I would just leave it as is and ask AITJ?

Most people, including my partner, I’ve told are on the fence and I’ve kinda lost sleep over this; I am NOT this kind of person, but sometimes I can go too far when I think I’m sticking up for myself.”

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TM5214 3 months ago
NTJ. She was body shaming you. Constantly. You got your point across. She had it coming.
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6. WIBTJ If I Exclude My Stepdaughter From My Paris Trip With My Daughter?

“I (42 m) have 3 children from my previous marriage, Olly (17 m), Laila (15 f), and Sena (12 m).

My current wife (38 f) also has three children Keira (21 f), Isla (19 f), and Makayla (14 f).

My wife and I have been officially together for 6 years, and married for 4, but have known each other for 10 years. Keira and Isla have the same father, who is actively involved in their lives.

However, Makayla’s father is not at all involved and has actively denied her. Since she was 3 I’ve tried to be a father figure to her. Not sure if I am.

I always take my sons to go fishing on the weekends and do other activities that Laila is not interested in.

I also do other things with all of the kids together, but never really a father-daughter day with just Laila.

I do have a weak heart for Laila, I’ve never really told her no. So when she asked if we could have a father-daughter trip to Paris, I of course said yes.

I told my wife and she was fine with it. I think Laila told Makayla about the trip to Paris. Makayla asked if she could also go on the trip with us. Laila said no, It’s just a trip for my dad and me.

Makayla then begged if she could also be on the trip, Laila said no and told her to go on a trip with her own father. Makayla was of course upset and went to her room to cry. My wife heard her and went to ask what happened.

Of course, my wife is also upset and wants me to take Makayla on the trip as well. I asked Laila if she was okay with Makayla going with us and she said no absolutely not. Laila also said that Isla and Keira also go on a trip with their father and no one is upset, as well as her brothers going on a trip with just me and that isn’t a problem.

I kind of agree with Laila on that. My wife on the other hand will be very upset if I don’t take Makayla on the trip with us.

I asked my sister for advice and she said that it is unfair to exclude Makayla and that Laila can not always have her way.

That I should take both or not have a trip at all. I’ve also asked my ex-wife what she thought about the situation and she said that our kids should be my first priority and that it’s unfair to Laila. I’m thinking of only taking Laila to Paris for a father-daughter trip.

I’m not sure if that will make me the jerk, but it seems that no matter what I do someone will be upset. AITJ?”

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TM5214 3 months ago
ESH. Paris? That's huge. And to only take one kid? I wouldn't do that. You take your son's fishing or other activities but have you taken them on a trip as huge as Paris? Take Laila to the bowling alley or a day of shopping.....but a trip to Paris is a bit much. I get you want a daddy daughter trip but you are absolutely playing favorites and it's obvious to Makayla. Just because she is a stepdaughter she should not be treated as "less than". You will destroy your family unit if you choose this path.
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5. AITJ For Wanting My $37k Back?

“My mother died about 2 months ago. She didn’t leave behind much other than a paid-for house (worth about $180K) and a little fund in the bank.

Mom announced a couple of years ago that she intended to leave her house to my sister Sara who takes care of her severely disabled son full-time. Mom said that she wanted to make sure they had a roof over their heads and that the rest of her kids could make it on their own.

Sara does struggle a lot and has said many times that she wouldn’t have been able to make it without Mom.

When Mom died she had some bills outstanding, but her biggest debt was that she owed me $37K. I had loaned her the money so that she could fix her plumbing and septic system, as well as make the house more handicapped-friendly for Sara and Jeremy.

Mom had been paying me back every month. I have paperwork proving the money is owed.

Here is the problem. If I file a claim against her estate like any other creditor would do, my brother John (Mom’s executor) will have no choice but to pay it.

But to do so – he will have to sell the house since there isn’t money in the estate to pay it any other way. This means that Sara and Jeremy will have to find a different place to live. I know Mom wanted Sara to have the house.

There is also the issue that Mom’s will said Sara got the house, but any money in the estate would be split evenly between the other 4 of us. So technically we think that means Sara wouldn’t actually get anything (John is talking to a lawyer to make sure he is reading that right).

Sara is also concerned that if she did get a large amount of money (John and I have both said we would give her whatever we got from the house if it does get sold) – it could interfere with the help she gets from the government.

John and Sara are both pushing me to not file a claim against the estate. But if I don’t – then the loan basically goes away. Sara has said that she will pay it back to me and would even sign a new loan. The trouble is that I don’t believe her.

She has borrowed money before and never paid it back – not because she doesn’t want to, but because she can’t afford to. She struggled with money living with Mom – so it is going to be even worse for her without Mom paying bills in the house as well.

If I don’t file a claim – I will be out $37K – and that is far more than I want to hand over as a gift – even to my sister.

I’ve told John and Sara that I am officially filing a claim on Monday morning.

They are both calling me a greedy jerk and telling me that I am ignoring what Mom wants. I think it’s unreasonable to expect me to just forget $37K. AITJ?”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
You're right that you shouldn't be expected to 'forget' a large sum of money which is legally owed to you, but I can also see why this is more than usually difficult. It might be better to arrange for Sara to repay you the money in installments but make it a formal arrangement ie if she doesn't repay *then* you will file a claim on the house.
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4. AITJ For Insulting My Dad's Wife?

“Sandra has been married to my dad since I (26 m) was 7. My mom died only 18 months before they got married and Sandra offered to adopt me once, but I said no. I had only known her for about 9 months. From the beginning, I got the vibe she hated the fact dad had been married before.

I found out later that what she hated was he had a son already. She’s very old school and believes men deserve to have sons so they can have their family name carried on. She also has this outdated idea that a son is needed to carry on any family business.

She had three girls with my dad and her jealousy of my mom intensified.

Over the years I lived with her and my dad she made some of the trashiest comments about my mom when dad’s back was turned. He was so shut off from me after mom died that I didn’t tell him about them at first and when I did finally, it was too late, he knew I hated Sandra and accused me of trying to break them up.

I have almost nothing to do with them now. Sandra isn’t too sorry about it. Before I moved out she told me we could have been good if I had just let her claim me as her own and let her have the joy of giving her husband a son, but I stayed faithful to some immoral witch who died when I was hardly out of infanthood.

She said I was clearly as immoral as my mother. I told her she was an evil jerk for being so jealous of a dead woman. I also told her that she wasn’t worth the tip of my mom’s pinky and she’d have to live with the fact she was never dad’s first choice.

I also threw in her face the fact that he would visit my mom’s grave in secret, the fact dad slipped and called her mom’s name once or twice, and I also told her to enjoy her weird shame, because she was deeply ashamed that she never gave him a son.

She felt everyone was mocking her or something.

My dad tried to reconcile with me but it was too late for me. The first time was 3 or 4 years ago and then last year when he and Sandra’s oldest died. I never kept in touch with anyone so I only realized what had happened when Dad explained why he was trying to reconcile.

Then a couple of months ago he found out I was going to be a father and asked if he could be a granddad if not a dad. I told him no. Then Sandra shows up and I don’t know what she was expecting or how she tracked me down.

But she showed up at my door and wanted to know how I could deny my dad a grandson, how I could deny them a grandson. She told me it was the least I could do for shaming her. Instead of shutting the door in her face, I threw in her face that she’d never have grandchildren or that song she longed for.

She does have two living daughters. But both are severely special needs and will never be able to live independent lives. I knew it was a low blow. She stormed off close to tears.

My wife’s parents were here at the time and despite knowing the history they think I was too hard on her.

Dad accused me of being a cruel jerk to his wife. He said to take my anger out on him not her.


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TM5214 3 months ago
NTJ. She hurt you repeatedly for years. Emotionally abused you. Trashed your deceased mother for years. You were dealing with a huge loss and she stuck the knife in and turned it whenever she could. You were a child. She is truly evil. Karma. She got exactly what she deserved. I would have done exactly what you did. I don't believe in being kind to abusers. She hasn't cried nearly the amount of tears you cried over her cruelty. Honestly, I hope it felt good.
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3. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex's Husband Take My Son?

“I (31 F) met my ex-husband (32 M) 10 years ago. We got married and had a child (6 M). When our son was 1 we divorced and split the custody (50/50). My ex started going out with this guy (30 M) 4 years ago. They married 2 years ago, and my son got along very well with his dad’s new husband and started calling him ‘papa’.

I didn’t care in the beginning until my husband of 1.5 years came into the equation. My son calls my husband by his name even though my husband has tried hard to be a paternal figure for him, which makes my husband feel less important.

To be honest, I feel cast aside too, so I asked him not to call Immanuel ‘papa’ in my husband’s presence to not make him feel any less and my son seemed to agree.

My ex’s husband and I already had a little argument, because when my son turned 6 they hosted the party and Immanuel posted a photo of him and my son on Instagram with the caption: ‘Celebrating my son’s birthday’.

I corrected him and said that even if it’s cute my son calls him Papa, he shouldn’t be calling him Son because my son’s going to get confused but he just blocked me.

This Monday (03/14) was supposed to be my ex’s week but I found out that he was going out of town for two weeks (not that he told me) so as his dad isn’t going to be at home there is no reason for my son to go.

On Monday his husband came to pick my son up but I said no because his dad wasn’t at home. Immanuel got furious, and my son got mad at me, but I’ve made up my mind. I respect the agreement as long as his dad is at home.

My ex’s husband accused me to my ex, and my ex called me furious stating that this isn’t fair and I should respect the arrangement we have. He also said he’ll sue me for full custody, and his husband has come every day since to see if I’m ready to let him go but seriously I see no reason why my son should go there if his dad isn’t there since Immanuel is just his stepdad.

I also thought it’d be great if he gets to spend more time with me and my husband.

My ex-MIL said I’m a jerk for not respecting the agreement but seriously HIS DAD ISN’T HOME AND ISN’T GOING TO BE HOME FOR AT LEAST 1.5 MORE WEEKS.”

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rbleah 3 months ago
You need to talk to an attorney. Let the attorney know ONLY that EX would not even be home during his time having your son and you are not comfortable with sending YOUR SON over with his SD. DO NOT WHINE ABOUT THE PAPA,DAD STUFF. You can mention it is what started the argument BUT your child has his own mind and YOU CANNOT CONTROL THAT without making your son resent you. Tell attorney that EX is threatening to take your son completely away from you and you need to fight that.
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2. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé We're Not Going To Have A Big Wedding?

“I am recently engaged, in the preliminary stages of wedding researching/planning. My lovely parents graciously have offered to supply a fund that they have saved to pay for the wedding.

The amount they offered was (and still is) in my mind very generous.

As I started researching, I realized that that money, while a huge blessing, would not go anywhere near as far as I imagined it would.

Since both of us want to be able to provide a nice experience for our guests (food, drinks, etc.) the biggest way to keep to our limited budget is guest size.

My fiance has a huge family. In fact, there are over 70 family members that he expects to be there. Now, my family is really small. Only 10. If we want to have a medium-sized wedding in terms of guest count (I would like it to be smaller), this leaves us with very little room for our friends.

He was upset when I mentioned trimming down the guest list of his family, saying I ‘just don’t know how it is with big families’.

I think he doesn’t understand that this is my day too, and it makes me sad to think of my parents throwing an expensive party for us where the majority of guests barely know me.

(or have literally never met me)

Plus just the issue of money. it’s EXPENSIVE. I don’t know where he thinks this money is going to come from because we certainly don’t have it. If everything costs $5 sure I’d love to have everyone there.

But am I a jerk for assuming that since my parents are paying and our budget is limited, he wouldn’t expect to have every single extended family member in attendance?

The thought of big weddings stresses me out anyway, never mind the fact that our budget won’t cover one.

His sister’s wedding a few years ago was huge and apparently cost much much more than our budget so I just don’t know what he’s expecting and it makes me anxious and sad.

I would just elope if I could – save my parents the money and save myself the stress.

I love him and I don’t want to offend anyone but the way he talks about the wedding it’s like he has no concept of how expensive these things are. What am I supposed to do?”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
Are he and his family willing to contribute money? If his parents are happy to pay for more food/drink/seats or whatever then no worries, indulge his wishes (unless you are enormously uncomfortable about a big wedding). If not, then remind him that *your* family are the ones paying so *they* get the casting vote on the guest list. And if he whines about it or tries to overrule yu... cancel the whole wedding. Because refusing to compromise at this stage is a big red flag.
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1. AITJ For Not Defending My Significant Other From My Friends?

“My (25 m) significant other (23 f) and I have been together for almost two years.

Every time we go to a restaurant she will get the same thing. The first we time go she will look at the menu for a bit, pick a meal, and then order that meal every time we go back. I on the other hand will try new things or if I have a couple of favorite dishes I’ll rotate between them.

Because of this, she calls me a picky eater, I never call her out on it because I don’t think it’s worth it.

The other night we went out with a couple who were friends with me. This was my SO’s first time meeting them.

We went to a restaurant that my friends hadn’t been to before. When we got seated my SO handed out the menus and said ‘menus for the newbies and a menu for the picky eater’. My friends gave a confused look and said ‘OP, a picky eater?’ I tried to wave it off but my SO continued talking and said ‘Yea every time we go to a restaurant he spends a long time looking at the menu and can’t choose a favorite, meanwhile, I found my favorite and know what I want every time.’ My friends then told her that doesn’t make me a picky eater and if anything she’s the picky eater for eating the same thing over and over.

After that, the rest of the evening went by awkwardly.

When we got home she went off on me for letting my friends disrespect her like. I told her they weren’t disrespecting her and were just trying to defend me since she was the one kinda disrespecting me.

She wasn’t having it and wanted an apology from me and my friends. There was no ill intent so I don’t think anyone needs to apologize but maybe I’m in the wrong, AITJ?”

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MadameZ 3 months ago
NTJ but maybe have a think about jerk this person. Is this the *only* thing she 'teases' ie belittles you about? If she's lovely otherwise it might be something she's learned from her own family: different views on food related behaviour. Though your friends are right: the person who tries a different meal in a different restaurant is the REVERSE of what is normally considered picky eater behaviour.
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