People Contemplate Their Choices In Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Not Letting My Cousin Take Half The Food From Our Family BBQ?
“My parents host a BBQ for the 4th.
I paid for all of the meat and fixings. My mom made the sides and my sister-in-law made dessert of strawberry shortcake, peach cobbler and blackberry cobbler.
My mom invited some extended family and we haven’t even got to the desserts yet because my sister-in-law was going to reheat the cobblers in the oven before serving.
I get in the kitchen and half of each dessert it gone and I see my cousin grabbing leftovers meats and she’s heading out the door. This party was supposed to last at least a few more hours of just setting around and shooting the breeze.
I stopped my cousin and told her to put the food back. My sister-in-law comes in upset like what the heck? The cobbler is ruined for everyone because she left the crust on top undercooked so when she put it back into the oven to reheat it.
So she’s yelling at my cousin who didn’t bring one single thing to the cook out other than her greedy self.
My cousin started in on the tear fest on how she’s a single mom of 4 and how she’s heading to work soon so her kids (who didn’t come) had to eat.
She’s literally taking half the food for 4 kids that was supposed to feed almost 2 dozen people. I told her to leave the food and go. Instead she dumps the plates of food on the ground so now no one can eat it. My sister-in-law started crying at this and my cousin yelled at her for playing the victim when she left. I’m awkwardly comforting my sister-in-law until my brother comes in because my cousin yelled at our grandma about hospitality.
My aunt and her family left after that and my mom is upset with me that I should have just let my cousin take the food to avoid all of this drama. I didn’t think I was in the wrong because who takes half of the dessert before we even put them out.
Everyone is acting upset at my sister-in-law and me (other than my brother) for just not keeping the peace of the party.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The cousin could have asked the family if she could make plates for her kids to take back home, and I’m guessing everyone would have been fine with that.
But instead, she snuck behind everyone’s backs and from the sound of it, took tupperware containers’ full of stuff. Maybe it would have been different if she had contributed her own dish, but it doesn’t sound like this was the case. She was being triflin’, as we say in the South.
She should have been humiliated because what she did was wrong. I get why your mother feels bad. The tears of a food thief can tug at the heartstrings of the tender-hearted. But if family can’t call you on your wrongdoings, it ain’t a real family, in my opinion.” autotelica
Another User Comments:
“NTJ first rule of BBQ(or any get together with food): you do Not take food from the premises until the party ends. Second rule: you take Only what you yourself brought. If anyone gifts you something they brought then of course you can have it, but nobody gets to dictate or handle anything they didn’t bring themselves.
Third rule: if you aren’t contributing with food, drink or other costs, then you either come early and help set up or stay late and help clean.” nopenothappening99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin is a thief and throwing the food on the floor was a disgustingly disrespectful, spiteful and immature thing to do.
I hope she isn’t welcome back in your home after trying to steal half the family meal and then destroying it when she was caught. Never make it easy for people like that to step all over you.” External-Hamster-991
24. AITJ For Cleaning Up After My Partner Who Promised To Do The Dishes?
“My partner (21M) is staying with me (20F) for a week and a half.
I work 5 days out of the week but get the weekends off. Every day he’s stayed with me I’ve made him breakfast before I go, and dinner when I come home. On Friday I come home after working 12 hours and make us a meal of fried chicken and potatoes.
He says he’ll do the dishes since I cooked.
After we eat we’re watching a movie and it’s late so I start getting ready for bed. The dishes aren’t done but I let it slide because I’m very tired and don’t have the energy.
The next day I make us breakfast and order us food for lunch. I go to make dinner and the dishes from last night still aren’t done. I need a lot of those dishes to cook so I do the dishes. My partner sees this and gets mad because he’d said he’d do them.
He goes and sits in my bedroom while I cook. I asked him to take out the trash and he makes a big show out of it and heaves and sighs but eventually he does it. I make us a meal with two different kinds of soups and he says it’s amazing.
Again he says he’ll do the dishes and clean the counters. It’s getting late and I ask him if he wants help with the dishes. He gets upset at me again but goes and does the dishes, which doesn’t take him long at all.
I’m getting ready for bed and I go into the kitchen and half the dishes are done, and the counter is still a mess. I can’t go to sleep like this, with a messy house, it makes me anxious, so I put the dishes in the sink to do in the morning and I clean the counters.
My partner gets even more upset when he sees me cleaning the counters and he won’t come to bed with me. He says he’s “not doing them fast enough for me.” And acting like I’m being pushy. I try to explain that going to bed with a messy house makes me anxious and I can’t sleep because I’m worrying about it, but he was still upset with me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What I hear is you, you, you and you do everything. I’m not sure why you’re making breakfast before YOU go to work and why YOU’RE making dinner after you work while he does what exactly? He can’t even be bothered to clean up some dishes.
Hon, the more you do ‘everything’ the more it becomes normal for you to continue to do everything. Stop this and honestly, dump the freeloader.” yesnomaybe123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but he is creating his expectations that you are the one responsible for all the chores in the home, and he gets to slack off all day every day.
If you don’t nip this in the bud now, this is how the rest of your relationship is going to play out.” MockingbirdRambler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you have been given a glimpse of your future. Ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life either begging him to do basic household chores(That he will either half ass do or malinger until you do them) OR give up and do all the work yourself building up resentment until you explode?
I gotta say you are getting this knowledge at a good time(before joining homes, before marrying, before having a kid). Think long and hard about sleepless nights caring for a baby while he snores in your bed..” MountainMidnight9400
23. AITJ For Reminding My Partner Of The Things I've Done For Him And His Kids?
“Ok I need some help. I am a 29 female in a relationship with a 32 male. As of today, we are 5 days away from our 4 year anniversary. A few days ago, we had a miscommunication about putting gas in the car which led to a bigger argument when I jumped to conclusions about a situation (which I apologized for).
Throughout our relationship, we both have done a lot for each other which I assumed we both did out of the kindness of our hearts. My partner has 3 kids, 1 of whom I never met due to circumstances and the other 2 we get 1 or twice a month.
Before I met his kids, I would help him buy them clothes and shoes. I didn’t mind AT ALL. I love kids. I was in love with him so it seemed only right. Ok, so fast forward, I meet the kids. I love them, they love me, we get along great and I’m still buying them stuff but I always ran it by him as to not overstep.
So one day last year, we get into a heated argument and he has the audacity to say I’ve never did anything for him (I also did a lot for him as well – money in his pocket, I always made sure he was straight and didn’t need or want for nothing).
So, I start saying that I did for him and I also said and I quote: ”so the things I bought for your children isn’t doing anything for you?” I’m only a partner, I have no obligation to do anything for YOUR kids but I did because I loved you.
And he proceeded to tell me that was disrespectful of me to say and from now on don’t do anything for my kids. I still did by the way and he did not protest.
Now today, he says it again. I haven’t done anything for him so I bring up what I did for him and I also brought the kids back up because don’t play in my face like that like I wasn’t there for you and doing for you every step of the way.
Now he tells me that’s why he never asks me to do for them no more because I keep bringing it up but I only bring it up when he tells me I haven’t done anything. So, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you could do absolutely everything for someone and they will be right in your face saying they never asked you to, just plain ungrateful” SuspiciousVillage598
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Something is sus. His blaming communication circles back to him. What is causing him to repeat this statement?
It is a fact you help and yet he is gaslighting and weaponizing your help instead of expressing gratitude. This is a deeply concerning perspective. Does he not view you as a team and observes your contributions? You have been investing in this relationship and NOW you’re not on the same page?
Hit the brakes…clear this up. You need crystal clear confirmation you each have equal investment in this relationship. If he argues, waivers and shows no respect put distance between you cause this is not what you thought it was.” DesertSong-LaLa
22. AITJ For Selling My House That My Ex Uses For Her Kids' School District?
“My wife and I recently decided to move. We wanted to downsize and move to a more affordable state and selling our house will free up some debt. We visited some friends recently and fell in love with the area and the cost of living is much cheaper.
I have an ex who was a teen mom. We briefly lived together. I believe her kids are around 10 and 13 now. I occasionally get mail for her and I will try to contact her and sometimes I can’t so I have just been doing return to sender.
I contact her about her mail and tell her she needs to forward her mail because we are putting my house on the market.
My ex flips out and demanded to know why I’m moving and I basically told her none of her business.
She asked if I could hold off until August to put the home on the market and I told her the home is already on the market and I have offers. She tells me that her now 3 kids go to that school district and she uses my address because where she lives has a bad district.
It takes a few seconds to absorb this information. The first thing out of my mouth was “I’m sure that’s illegal and if I had known about it I would have put a stop to it”
She tells me she’s hit a rough patch and is unemployed and it makes her feel better that at least her kids can go to a good school and for me to hold off on selling the house just for one month.
I said no. I told her that her kids aren’t my problem and I’m sorry you never found the support system she needed but there’s no way I’m holding off on selling my house or allowing her to use this address so they can stay in the same district when I didn’t even know she was doing that.
My ex called me a bunch of names including a jerk saying how could I just force her kids into a rougher school with no friends. I told her it really wasn’t even my problem in the first place.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe her anything but please don’t report her to the school.
Just google the woman in FL who received 5 years for lying about school zone vs the rich and their stupid college bribing scam. The system is unfair. Sell your house and move on” Soggy_Friendship_794
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Personally, I knew a ton of people that used other peoples addresses to stay in our high school so that doesn’t bother me too much (not that it matters but since I’m giving a judgment).
The fact that she negated to run that by you is bad but I understand why she thought she needed to. However, yelling at you, calling you names, and demanding you put your life on hold because of her situation is unbelievably selfish and entitled” Dependent_Seaweed522
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t want to be involved in a fraud. However, even if you sold your house today, it would probably take a while to close. Paperwork is usually slow. So, her kids could finish out the few weeks (they are the innocent ones here), and then she’ll have to deal with where they go next year.” Comment7215
21. AITJ For Paying My Son's Rent to My Ex and Her New Partner?
“My ex Louise (42F) and I (46M) had Ed (22M). We tried to make it work but ended up splitting when he was 13. It was an amicable split and we never got married so did not have a formal childcare agreement drawn up. It was decided Louise would have Ed for the weekdays and I would have him on weekends and this continued until he turned 18.
Ed started living with Louise and her new partner of a year Tom (45M) after he graduated. I guess Tom thought of the idea to charge Ed to live with them because I know Louise would never think of it. I think it’s ridiculous to charge your own child to live with you.
I wouldn’t dream of asking him to pay rent. I would rather Ed save his money to live on his own or move in with his long-term partner.
Ed was complaining to me that Louise and Tom wanted to charge him 1K to live with them per month down in London which I thought was ridiculous.
It isn’t like they need the money as Louise makes £90K and she’s not told me the exact amount Tom makes however it is more than Louise earns. They both work in finance so I’m assuming they earn £200K+ between them both. I think they’re being unfair so I told Ed that I would pay his rent and he can save up and move out as soon as he can.
I kept this up for a few months until Louise messaged me about Ed. She thought it was suspicious that he was able to pay them the 1K without complaint and asked if he was doing anything that she needed to know about. We got into it then and there when I said it was none of her business if she’s going to insist that he needlessly pays them 1K every month and I admitted I was the one paying.
She was outraged, said I was undermining her and Tom’s parenting and it isn’t my utilities Ed is using.
AITJ? I don’t think I am undermining her parenting because Ed’s rent is being paid, just not by him. I have never tried to convince them not to charge him rent, I just decided to pay instead.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Paying rent to parents seems to be a _very_ controversial topic here based on other comments and threads about this. Americans will say you need to charge your children rent, Eastern Europeans will say you shouldn’t. So I think your “final judgment” will depend a lot on where most commenters are from.
Where I’m from, decent parents don’t charge their children rent. None of my friends coming from good families were charged rent. I only know of one person who charged her children rent and guess their relationship… they don’t have a close one. It sends the wrong message.
I also don’t agree with parents trying to “parent” an adult child. If they have a problem with their child living with them, they need to straight up tell that to their children instead of trying to live off on them. Contributing to utilities vs paying actual rent to a parent are very different things.
Your ex’s partner just doesn’t like your son and wants to “teach lessons” to a literal adult he’s not even related to.” itsprobab
Another User Comments:
“NTJ How is it undermining her parenting? He’s paying the rent, just not how *she* wants, because now he can save up and move out.
Then she won’t have extra play money. You could also state, he is paying rent with his money and you’re giving him an allowance to do what he wants. I never charged my sons rent, I wanted them to be able to save up and move out on their own.” Creepy_Addict
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you are a complete mug handing over 1k a month of your money to your ex and her new squeeze. It seems to me that if they are charging him 1k a month it’s because they want rid. What’s funny is that you are sabotaging that.” daididge
20. AITJ For Asking My Family Not to Eat Food I Bought for Myself?
“Let me preface that I (20 f) still live at home with my family. I buy all my own clothes, toiletries, etc. I also pay for my own phone bill, the internet bill, I use my own streaming services and I’m saving to move out. Ever since I turned 18, my parents kinda just stopped buying foods they knew I eat.
There was literally never anything else to make besides what they bought to make for dinner, which is almost always food I’ve never eaten in my life. So, instead of complaining about what they were eating, I just started to buy foods I know I’ll eat and if I don’t want to cook, I’ll usually get takeout of some sort.
So, to the issue on hand. My niece ( 11 f) has been staying with us all summer long, and my parents have been buying her snacks and like chicken nuggets and all that stuff to eat and I haven’t touched it well because they bought it for her to eat.
The other day, I went and got some mac and cheese cups to take to work for lunch and this morning, when I went to grab my lunch there was no mac and cheese cups in the pantry. Nobody asked me if they could have one, they were just gone.
I let it go and didn’t say anything about it, but tonight when I got home from work, a pizza I ordered last night and saved was gone too and the box was on top of the trash can. So, I said something to my mom about it, and I was like “Hey, can we like ask before we eat the food I buy for myself?
I don’t eat the food you guys buy for my niece and I just think its rude to eat my food especially without asking” and my mom like completely jumped down my throat calling me spoiled brat and that we don’t live in a household where we don’t share food and how they don’t have to ask to eat the food in their house.
I’m just wondering if I’m the jerk in this situation because my entire family thinks so.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it sounds like you politely requested a change of behavior and your family overreacted. Get yourself a mini-fridge for your room and leave it locked when you’re away.” reenaltransplant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – enjoy the chicken nuggets and anything else that is in the pantry – and anything you buy specifically for yourself store in your room. That way no one is going to take it and you won’t be blindsided by not having lunch to take that day.
Unfortunately this situation is not going to get better, they are not going to see your side of the argument because they are your parents. Best to continue to save and move out.” No-Discount-8861
Another User Comments:
“NTJ everybody’s gonna ask if you pay rent, and then get all y t j because you do/don’t whatever But I think if they aren’t buying food you want to eat, and you buy your own, they should respect that.
Can you get a large opaque storage tub to put in your closet with any of the dried goods like the mac and cheese cups, or any snack foods? Families always pull this bs like “we share food” but it’s only ONE WAY” Not_really1010
19. AITJ For Wanting To Rehome My Partner's Family Dog?
“Me and my partner Finn have been together 3 years. He has a family dog Teddy that he has had since he was a puppy that he loves. Teddy has stayed with Finn’s dad, but as he is moving into a care home, he can’t keep Teddy anymore.
We took Teddy temporarily as Finn’s dad is ill, but as his health declined, we moved him into a care home. Finn’s dad made Finn promise to keep Teddy safe, and Finn said we can take Teddy in front of his dad, without asking me.
Finn has two brothers- one is living in uni accomodation and is not allowed, and the other one has a partner with a severe pet allergy. So Finn feels we can be the only ones to take Teddy in.
I told Finn I can sympathize, but I don’t want a dog.
Finn has promised to take Teddy on walks and feed/clean up after him, but the dog hair is everywhere. I also think Teddy is very nosy and follows me around. If I go to the toilet, I can hear him paw the door, or while I am cooking, he will stand in the way, and I have nearly tripped on him a few times.
Teddy also knocks things over, and my final straw was when he shattered my expensive vase. I have no idea at what time that had happened, and if Teddy had cut himself, luckily he hadn’t but if he had, there was no one at home to see to him.
I suggested to Finn we rehome Teddy, as we live in a flat that is too small to keep Teddy in, and he told me that we just need to declutter. We also both work long hours and are hardly in the flat, I think it’s quite cruel to leave Teddy alone for so long.
Finn does take him on mornings walks, but is usually half asleep, and I feel bad seeing him so tired, I agree to take Teddy some days.
Finn is refusing to let me rehome Teddy though, as he is his family dog, and he can’t turn him away.
He is upset that I have suggested doing so.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – bringing an animal into a home is supposed to be a two yes/one no scenario. This decision was made with absolutely no input from you and you are a resident in that household.
You were essentially ordered to live with this animal without any choice and told that whatever difficulties you have with it do not matter at all. I get that this was a family pet and I’m a total animal lover, but it does not sound as though the dog is really getting the care and attention it needs.
He would be better off in a situation where he is valued by everyone around him and can get the play time and exercise he needs to be healthy” Dipping_My_Toes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ based on the edit. It’s not fair to the dog to be locked up all day in an apartment to the point that it’s peeing inside.
It’s also not fair to you to be the person feeding/walking the dog when you never agreed to it. your partner wants to keep the dog he needs to step up and be the one looking after it, not neglecting it.” allisalmon97
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A big dog should not live in a flat, and should not be left alone for the majority of the time. It is selfish of Finn to want to keep the dog just because he loves the dog. There is a very good alternative available: an aunt with time and space.
Let the dog room free at the farm!” esmoves
18. AITJ For Not Being Able to Afford Being a Groomsman in My Friend's Wedding?
“My (27) friend (24) of 5 years is getting married next month and he asked me to be a one of his groomsmen, but I’m not in the spot currently where I can afford to do so.
To break this down a bit further: my friend and his partner (22) have been together for 2 years and come from very different worlds. His partner comes from wealth and a very upper class adoptive family, and such, has friends from that same life experience/economic class.
While my friend and our group of friends come from very low income families and typically live paycheck to paycheck.
She decided after he proposed, that the wedding should happen within the next 6 months after the proposal, despite everyone around them trying to suggest giving more time to plan and have everything in place.
We are not talking a small wedding, this is set to be a destination wedding with roughly 250 guests in attendance. (I feel as though it should be mentioned that my friend did not necessarily want a wedding like this (he wanted a very small simple wedding with friends and family) but he is going along with it as he understands she’s dreamed of a big wedding since she was a small child).
This is where my dilemma comes in. As I said, our friend group is made up of mainly paycheck to paycheck situations, but we make do and always have a great time together regardless of money. That being said, his partner has made all the decisions for the wedding and chose a suit service for the wedding, and the suits, shoes, belt, everything comes our to roughly 600 dollars, and a lot of the groomsmen simply can’t afford that, because of the short timeline for the wedding.
My friend couldn’t care less what we wear to the wedding, but she has explicitly said that if you are not wearing the designated suits, you will not be in the wedding party.
I told my friend I could not afford this, but would still love to be at his wedding, and he is understanding, but she is acting like I’ve ruined everything by choosing to not be in the wedding party.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And don’t be too judgmental. It sounds stupid, but it’s an honest fact: People who were raised in a wealthy family honestly don’t understand what it’s like not to have money. I mean, *everyone* has an extra $5K they can access on a whim, right?
Hopefully she’ll eventually understand. Until then, don’t sweat it. You are doing the fiscally responsible thing.” Richard_D_Lawson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you can’t afford it, there’s not really much choice, is there? His princess bride is determined to have everything her way with no consideration for what the groom may want.
I’m surprised you’re making it to the wedding. A destination wedding isn’t cheap, either. If the marriage goes like the wedding, eventually he’s likely to tire at having her make all the decisions. You could offer to be a groomsman at his next wedding.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Even attending the destination wedding may end up being too expensive. The bride is going to be disappointed by how few people can afford to attend, altogether. But that’s what happens when you have caviar taste and your friends and family have beer budgets.” teresajs
17. AITJ For Being Upset That My Parents Use My Room As The Guest Room?
“I (20F) am a student who goes to college a few hours away from where my family lives. I come back occasionally on weekends during the school year and live with my parents all summer when I work.
I’m very grateful I can keep living with my parents but I have one issue… they have a guest room that they don’t use. The guest room has a double queen bunk bed, a closet and drawer, and its own bathroom. It’s right next to my room.
Whenever we go out of town (people come stay to watch our dogs), or whenever I go back to college, I have to make my own room into a guest room even though the actual guest room is less than five feet from mine. This means I am not allowed to have any personal decorations, I can’t fill up my closet, and I can’t keep any personal items on my nightstand or table when I’m not there.
Basically everything that I had out before college is now in storage and I’ve lived off of what I can carry in a duffel for the last two years. It’s really annoying to me and it makes me feel like I don’t actually live in my house.
I confronted my mom about this and asked her why the guests can’t just stay in the unused room. She said it’s because adults shouldn’t have to sleep on a bunk bed, and my room is bigger with a nicer bathroom. This is true, but my shower does not work, so guests have to use the guest bathroom anyway.
Still, she argues that it is more courteous to have the guests in the better room.
I end up feeling like this is a petty issue because I do always have a place to sleep and my room is definitely nice and comfy, and I’m not big into fashion so it’s ok I don’t have a closet filled with clothes.
It’s also not too hard to just clean my room and move my belongings out because I have very few belongings in there to begin with. But, I’m starting to get more pushy about this with my parents and I’m wondering if it even matters.
AITJ for being mad about this?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Both of you have valid points, but it’s their house, so they get to decide which way it goes. If they really want to use your room as a guest room, ask if you can switch rooms so that you can keep some things in the currently unused room.
That way they get to use the larger, nicer room as a guest room AND you get to have a room that you can personalize and use to store items.” tan_sandoval
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You spend a big part of the year there, and they have the space to give you your own room.
Have you asked if you could have the guest room as your new room? The guests would still have to use the shower there, but since they wouldn’t be staying in the room, you could have your clothes and other personal belongings there (assuming your parents would OK that).” NotLostForWords
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your mom is right, it’s not really set up to be a guest room so much as an extra room if there is only a bunk bed there. Personally, I’d live out of what is called the “guest room” and maybe just sleep in your current room so that the only change you have to make when guests come is your sleeping location and the bedsheets.” SnooPets8873
16. AITJ For Leaving My Date After He Was Late Without A Heads Up?
“So I was supposed to go out tonight. It was scheduled for 6:45. I showed up on time and my companion texted me at 6:45 that he would be 20 minutes late. Flat. I decided to wait for him to provide more of an explanation, or maybe even an apology.
(I understand that’s not the best form of communication but this was a first meeting) I received none so I just decided to go to my favorite spot and chill. He then messaged me to please respond. I told him “lol did you have a reason?
it would’ve been nice to get a heads up ”
He told me he had to pick up his insulin and it took him a whole other hour.I at 7pm (That would be reasonable if he would’ve given me a heads up in any way, at anytime..
He let me know at the exact last minute) I told him I was still in the area and if he got here I’d still be around.
He said he got here, it was 7:25 I pretended my phone had died. After 2 minutes after he already said “oh you left already”.
And blew up my phone.
I did ghost him for less than 5 minutes because I was annoyed so that was petty. My phone was at literally 5% so it wasn’t really A lie since I needed to turn it off so it wouldn’t be dead forever.
I responded less than 5 minutes later my phone died and he was 40 minutes late so I didn’t know what he was upset about . and he proceeded to tell me my phone never could have died, it was impossible and I should’ve told him I had left.(I hadn’t left) Then proceeded to gaslight me into thinking him being late was my fault and it was life or death.
(A lot of my family has type 1 diabetes, my aunt just died from it so I’m not ignorant) I told him I understand the issue but he could’ve let me know over 40 minutes ago he would be late. And it wasn’t my fault.
He responded with LMAO so I blocked him.
He has now contacted me on multiple numbers with screenshots of his bank account balance. AITJ for being petty?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but it could’ve been an easy night for everyone if there was better communication.
With someone you don’t know really and a first meeting I think people are typically lenient. Things happen. He told you he was running late and gave an eta. albeit it was last minute, but 20 minutes isn’t the worst. Ignoring the message wasn’t the best move either, definitely would give petty vibes when you could’ve just said “ok, I’ll be waiting“.
Not excusing the lack of punctuation but at least communicating and acknowledging the message. Hard to tell how a person is and their habits from a first meeting but it is the designated time to be open and give people benefit of the doubt and putting your best foot forward.
You get what you give, The universe works in weird ways~” emily2586
Another User Comments:
“Yes YTJ for being petty. Instead of acting like an adult and saying you don’t want to meet up longer because of how last minute he said he was late, you decided to ignore him, pretend like your phone had died, ghost him, and leave the place you were supposed to meet at without telling him.
And the way you ask “aita” and then argue with the people who say “YTJ” shows just how immature you really are” Reading-person
15. AITJ For Booking The Same Holiday Resort As My Ex To Spend More Time With Our Kids?
“I am trying to get another opinion on this one.
I have a split custody arrangement with my ex-wife whom I share custody. During school holidays the arrangement is week on / week off, for the current school holidays my wife (F,30) has the first week.
The ex booked a holiday in a fairly ritzy resort where she will be attending with our two teenage boys as well as a coworker (M, 35?) and his two children.
My ex-wife and this coworker, “Steve” have some kind of FWB arrangement happening – not my business. I’ve never formally met Steve but seen him a few times at hand overs, my two boys seems to like him so I guess that’s cool.
This place is pretty popular, especially during school breaks as it has an built in kids program.
It has limited vacancies in the first week and so my ex could only secure accommodation and flights for Wednesday to Tuesday which eats two days into my time with them. She blew up my phone over a few days last month to try to get me to agree so she can secure the booking.
I reluctantly agreed but only after she sent me the itinerary so I can understand what she had planned for our kids over my 2 days.
On the side, I separately booked flights and accommodation for myself starting over the weekend and through to the end of the holidays, I also booked another room for the boys for Wednesday onwards once my ex goes home.
In my mind it’s a win/win/win. I get to spend at least some time with the kids over my two days but then the boys get to stay on at the resort for the rest of the holidays, essentially doubling their time there.
I can also take the boys a bit earlier which may give my ex a bit of a break. I even purchased better rooms so it can be more comfortable for all of us. However, when I forwarded my plans to my ex she lost it.
She called me a jerk for ‘hijacking’ her holiday where all I am trying to do is spend more time with my boys. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Despite writing this in a way that casts you in the best light, it kind of sounds like you are stalking your ex because she has a partner.
Are you sure this is for your kids? Go somewhere else for your vacation mate.” ThomasofHookton
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And not because you booked a holiday at the same resort/destination. If, for example, you booked the accommodation starting on Wednesday (or Tuesday) so you could continue the vacation with your kids, I don’t think there would be a problem.
But you booked a room at the same destination for the weekend before AND the two days you already agreed your ex could have the kids. This is not a win-win. This is you hijacking her vacation. You agreed she could have the kids until Tuesday.
Let her have the kids until Tuesday, without your presence.” cece8873
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and honestly this feels stalker-ish, regardless of your intentions. If my ex did that I’d consider getting a restraining order. Please listen to the others here, it’s just not OK.
There’s a hundred other places you can go, plan your own vacation.” ianeinman
14. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Help More With Our Newborn While I'm Battling Cancer and Postpartum Depression?
“I (21F) and my husband (20M) just welcomed our daughter into the world on June 9th.
She spent almost the entire first month of her life in the nicu and I stayed there the entire time with her while my husband stayed home to work. I got back home with our daughter on the 27th and picked up our son (3yrs) from my parents where he has been staying while me and my daughter were in the hospital.
So, the last few days I’ve been having to ask my husband for extra help when he’s not at work with our daughter because I’ve been struggling. I had an extremely traumatic birth experience with her and have been dealing with postpartum depression since her birth.
Unfortunately, though, while she was in the NICU I found out that my illness had come back (I had illness before my pregnancy) and that it was worse than before. It’s been making me extremely depressed and handling a newborn baby on top of it has been extremely difficult for me.
This morning, I begged my husband to come help me with our daughter because I physically couldn’t move or really open my eyes due to pure exhaustion and pain. He came to help, but he said that he was sick and tired of being the only one taking care of our daughter.
He recently started having issues with a hernia, and he’s been in pain from it. He basically said that I wasn’t doing anything to take care of our kids and that he’s been doing everything. I’ve been trying to cook, clean, take care of the baby as much as possible, and spend enough time with our 3 y/o son.
I’m currently writing this while feeding the baby and dealing with the pain that I’ve been in. Unfortunately, the only thing that helps with my pain are my hydrocodone, but I can’t take them because I have to be able to deal with the kids.
I’m feel like I may be a jerk for constantly asking for help with our daughter since my husband works all the time and has been dealing with a hernia from work. I just don’t know anymore. I guess some outside perspective would help.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not asking for help, you’re asking the other parent to be a parent. Following a birth, regardless of what happened, the birthgiver will struggle, that’s just fact. A bad birth, illness, and a 3 year old is a lot.
If he’s going to get mad about having to cook and clean, he’s in for a tough ride raising two kids. I’d be reaching out to your parents and seeing if they can help out, it seems like you need a good support, and you’re not getting it.
This isn’t even a case of AITJ, because you’re not asking him for help, it’s just looking after a baby, he’s not helping you, he’s raising his kid. Obligatory NTJ though” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here It sounds like you *both* could use help, and lots of it.
You’re going through a lot of health issues, and it sounds like stress might literally be starting to harm him. I suggest you ask him to start checking his blood pressure everyday, because I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s way higher than what is healthy.
For advice on how to fix the situation, unfortunately I have none there other than each of you trying your best to help the other.” No-Personality5421
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is an extremely difficult situation for both of you and both of you seem to be hanging on by a thread.
Holding 2 jobs, whilst having a hernia isn’t easy and he has stepped up to parenting your son, for whom he isn’t the biological father even if he isn’t doing everything. Then you have PPD, illness and are trying to take care of the home and 2 kids, which is significantly worse.
You both need a complete break before one or both of you collapse and end up in hospital. Are there any family members on either side which can help out. Or can you potentially hire someone to clean up a couple times a week. Or can you afford to put your son in daycare?
Just a few things which could help” lostrandomdude
13. AITJ For Planning a Trip While My Sister is Due to Give Birth?
“My sister doesn’t have a good marriage. Her husband doesn’t help at all with kids/cleaning/cooking. But my mom enables him as she drives over an hour to help my sister often (more than once a week) and watches my sister’s kids for days/weeks at a time even though the husband/dad is at home and could keep his own kids.
I am planning a birthday trip with my best friend. It’s an international trip. I have two full time kids (younger) I would need assistance with. I very very rarely ask my mom for help as she has my sisters kids A LOT. She cancelled on watching my kids 4 hours next week because she is going to go help my sister for 3 days instead.
This is normal/happens often.
But I do need her help to be able to go. I called and said “I’m going on this trip. Would the beginning of Sept or the end work better for you?” She said, “that’s a terrible time, what if you miss the birth?
I need to be available to your sister because she needs me when this baby is born.” She says I shouldn’t go because it will be too hard on her. (FTR I had no in home care from her after my last baby). My kids will be in school so all I need is someone to pickup my youngest and watch for 4 hours for 5 days.
My husband is happy to take over as soon as he is off of work.
I am still planning to go. I am trying to find alternates but she thinks I am the jerk for possibly missing the birth of my new niece and could hypothetically cause my mom stress if she has to figure out how to watch my 3 year old and keep my sister’s kids if she goes into labor (even though I am securing backup care).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You can put your life on hold because your sister made bad choices. Having 3 children for a SAHD who doesn’t actually do any work is rough but not your problem. He needs to step up but again, that isn’t on you.” Thediciplematt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can your husband take some time off work to handle the children while you are gone? I wouldn’t depend on your mom for anything, especially watching the children, since the other sister is clearly a priority. Good luck, have an awesome time, and I hope you figure out child-care for your own babies.
And please stop living your life around your sister/mom’s lives. It doesn’t matter that you WFH, you WORK, YOU have a LIFE.” NCKALA
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ, though plenty in this situation seems messed up. The fact is that regardless of how your demand for your mom’s help compares to your sister’s demand for her help, you need your mother for this trip and it’s not a good time for her as it puts an undue burden on her in light of her other commitments, including support for your sister giving birth.
That’s not really something she can control or change, so in my eyes the only viable solution is for you to find OTHER help that is not your mother to augment your husband’s care of your children. Separate from your sister giving birth, it sounds like your mom does not provide equitable support to you and your sister, and that’s unfortunate for you but it doesn’t really put anyone in jerk territory.
Ideally your mother would try to prioritize the rare times that you also need help, but this is not that time.” owls_and_cardinals
12. AITJ For Calling Out My Husband's Overbearing Behavior During My Morning Sickness?
“I had really bad morning sickness that has only really calmed down in the last 2 weeks. I didn’t like eating in front of people when it was at its worse because I would start gagging and my husband would overreact and suggest we go to the doctor every single time.
So, I started avoiding eating breakfast and lunch around him which was fairly easy in the beginning because he wakes up earlier than me. He noticed I was avoiding eating in front of him so he started adjusting his schedule so I had no choice but to eat with him there while he watches me like a hawk.
I have asked him to stop but he won’t and he makes excuses for why he’s miraculously in the same room as me whenever I’m eating.
So, this situation happened because I woke up later than everybody else so I missed breakfast. I was eating and my husband and mother-in-law were in the room with me.
My husband was supposed to go somewhere with his dad and my mother-in-law told him to hurry up otherwise his dad would leave without him but my husband told her he would leave later. I told her there wasn’t a point in her trying to make him leave sooner because he likes to be intrusive and watch me eat so he wouldn’t leave until I was finished. I also told her he kept telling me I didn’t eat enough and that he was being annoying.
My mother-in-law tends to side with me so she forced him to leave and go with his dad, which my husband didn’t want to do. She told him he was disturbing me and that there would be no more of that while we were staying with them.
My husband is offended because I called him intrusive and annoying and he’s mad I made him get kicked out and that I told my mother-in-law off him instead of talking to him. I have tried to get him to stop but he doesn’t listen to me, whereas my mother-in-law knows how to make him do what she says.
He keeps bringing it up even though I don’t think this is a huge deal so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His behaviour is making things worse. If I was you I would be less likely to eat with him hovering around. He deserved to be called out, and if he’s incapable of being a rational adult about this then he deserved to have his mommy put him in time out.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Him for not leaving you alone when you asked. You for calling him creepy. I don’t even get this… I get annoying, but creepy? He’s your husband and he’s (overly, perhaps) concerned. He’s not some stranger or intrusive uncle undressing you with his eyes.
And then you basically tell his mommy on him like he’s 8. How did you think THAT was going to end? Of course he resents you for this. Are you always going to run to the in-laws when there’s problems in the relationship? You need to talk to each other and actually (especially in his case) LISTEN.” gnothro
11. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Stepdaughter's Lifestyle Choices And Influence On My Son?
“Me (35f) and my husband (53m) have been together for ten years and I have always cherished my stepdaughter (23f) as my own, she doesn’t see it that way.
My son(17m) completely looks up to her though.
My stepdaughter never warmed up to me even though I have been in her life for nearly over a decade. I’ve tried to keep her on the right path in life but she refuses to even listen to me anymore.
Recently she moved back into my husband’s house after finishing her degree, she says she’s finalising a lease but it’s been three weeks since and it’s still being “finalised”.
I don’t mind her staying here but her lifestyle choices have been starting to get to me, she works night shifts but still decides to eat just processed food even when I leave some leftovers in the fridge from the night before.
She also disrupts me and my husbands sleeping schedule when she comes back from work, she decides to shower as soon as she’s in the door waking both of us up.
The biggest problem is her unhealthy habit, she regularly just sits on the porch when she’s back from work, popping out every few hours with my husband even joining her now.
We had caught her back when she was 15 and I had tried to warn her about the risks and had grounded her harshly back then but nothings changed. It’s like she doesn’t care about her health since she’d do it a few times in a few days.
Yesterday was my breaking point as I caught her talking to my son about her habits, she was telling him how if he wanted to then that’s his choice and how he’d have to live with that decision. I got angry at her for influencing my son since he has never done anything like that.
She tried to argue that she was just teaching him about “choices and consequences”.
She then stormed off to her room and my son refused to speak with me.
She has barley spoken to me since and my husband is now mad at me for shouting at her and my son refuses to listen to me still about her influencing his behaviour.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You have absolutely zero control over her life and from what you’ve said, it sounds as though she has tried to be accommodating, going outside etc If you are looking for a template relationship for your son in the future, proceed right ahead.
You might even manage to end up single on the way. Advice is often welcome in life, judgment and persecution never is.” No_Kaleidoscope_4580
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s 23. Oh no…she does it out on the porch and works nights? The horror! You can’t control what your husband does…if he wants to join her outside he has every right to.
As far as her eating habits.. that’s on her and none of your business. People like to shower and clean up when they get home from work. She’ll be out as soon as she’s able to get into her own place. Chill” Wonderful_Flamingo90
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You sound controlling. You’re trying to control what she eats. You’re trying to censor the conversation between her and your 17 year old (waaay old enough to have his own conversations). She’s not staying long. It’s a shame you have to take the opportunity to damage the relationship, not only with her, but with your son and husband.” raptone50
There is nothing wrong with what she said to your son about $moking (btw. Apparently they censor that too). She is absolutely right that if he chooses to $moke then that will be HIS choice and HE will have to live with the consequences. She wasn't influencing him, she was being real with him.
Letting children make their own mistakes is the hard part of the parenting job. But you need to let them. And stop being so jerk controlling or YOU WILL END UP WITH NO CHILDREN who can stand to be around you.
10. AITJ For Wanting My Mother to Give Me a Family Heirloom She Doesn't Like?
“My mother and father had a very toxic marriage and finally divorced two years ago. My father came from an ancestral wealthy family and my mother did not.
My father’s mother gave my mother pieces from the family jewelry collection throughout the years. It was always my mom’s intention to hand down these pieces for special occasions to myself and my sister. After my parents divorced, my mom absolutely hates my dad. She remarried within a year to a man of very humble means.
She also moved on from my sister and I, truly focusing on building connections with her new stepchildren and doting on her new husband. I had a baby, five months ago and she has only visited twice. They live life very simple and small, that is their choice.
My mom will never receive something extravagant again.
I (35f) am getting married this fall. My sister, (33 f) was married last year and after much pressure put on my mom, received a coveted platinum, gold, diamond and sapphire bracelet from my great grandmother’s collection from the early 1900s.
I asked my mom for a ring from my father’s side that is a chiseled family crest of a rare stone set in gold. She always hated this ring, said it was ugly and chipped. It dates back to the 1600s. I thought she would have no care for it since she hates my dad and it is MY family.
She said no. I will not receive anything, with no explanation.
My sister and I figure that it’s because our mom doesn’t want to part with any of the collection because she loves fine jewelry. Mind you, my grandmother did give it to my mother but she wants nothing to do with that family, lives in an unlocked small house in the middle of nowhere with a known history of break-ins and kept everything from my father’s side during the divorce.
I am scared that someone will steal these pieces that have been in my family for hundreds of years. I also don’t trust her new husband’s family. I’m disgusted with her behavior and disregard. I find her selfish.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the intent was clear that they would be handed down as family heirlooms; she was a caretaker of them not the owner, that’s very common with heirloom pieces.
I have two from my mom, both well over 100 years old and one will go to each of my daughters on a special occasion. Also, your mom is the jerk for cutting off communication with her own children just because she took up with another guy.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting it! However that said…it WAS given to her and while probably with the intention from father’s grandparents to continue to keep in the family, technically as with any gift she doesn’t OWE it to you. I would try one more time lovingly in a letter to describe what it means to you to keep something from your relatives and family history and that you’ve waited your whole life for it and now as a mother yourself it means the world to know you can continue to pass along a bit of history.
If not that’s her choice and you can explain that’s hurtful and makes you sad. At the end of the day it’s sad to let that ruin your relation but it’s also your choice!” Right-Blueberry-7604
9. AITJ For Making My Friend Fail Her Exams?
“I (15F) was put in a new school last year. I was seated next to this girl (16F, let’s call her Emma) she became my only friend. I’m always prepared for pop quizzes so naturally when our teacher announced a pop quiz, I was chill.
We all start but then I felt Emma’s foot on mine. She tells me to help her. I hesitate but then I told myself that its one question so I will help my friend. This went on for almost the whole year.
Fastforward to this year, We had an exam week for the
2nd semester. She told me”if I get a low grade, my parents won’t let me go on vacation this summer so I’m counting on you, okay ?” I told her I would “help her”
I felt that foot on mine again. She was asking for answers.
I tell her idk and I haven’t written anything yet. We had 2 hours to complete the test so I was mentally preparing all the answers in my head. I wait until we have 10mins left and I just go at it. She whispers “Show me fast, we don’t have much time left” I tell her to wait for me to finish, then I show her my paper.
As soon as she starts writing we hear “time’s up” she was crying so I comforted her saying I’ll be faster next time, but I would do the same. After, I would make her believe that I didn’t do good and I wouldn’t get good marks.
She was shocked when we got our exams back and I had the highest marks. She was angry because she failed most of those exams and said I tricked her. I told her I was fed up with her taking me for granted and thinking I would always be at her beck and call.
In the end I was again top of my class and as for her, she did pass, but barely. We still talk here and there but she told all of our of class that I am a horrible person and that I’m the reason she won’t be traveling this summer.
I might be the jerk since I could have told her straight up that I wouldn’t help her but idk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ that vacation was expressed to her as a privilege that depended on her grade. If she really wanted it she would’ve studied and prepared instead of breaking rules.
She’s gonna be angry and ignorant because she’s a child but it doesn’t mean you should feel any guilt. This is just a lesson for her that “rule breakers never prosper”” Altruistic_Garage360
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wasn’t asking for “help”.
She was using you to break rules on her exams. You’re not the reason she can’t travel, you’re the reason she passed at all. She was never your friend. She could’ve gotten you in big trouble if you had been caught giving her the answers.
She never cared about you, just what she could get from you.” WhosMimi
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk – You a lot less. I understand that you were new and trying to make friends, but you risked your own grades (by getting caught breaking rules) to help someone who really was never your friend.
You should have asked the teacher to move your seat. As for Emma, she needs to learn not to skate through life and use people.” Comfortable-Focus123
8. AITJ For Telling My Father To Stop Interfering With My Car Purchase?
“For the past four months, I’ve saved up to buy my dream car, an old BMW E30. I kept it a secret, wanting to surprise everyone. But in my country, cars are expensive, and my budget only allowed for a beat-up car or nothing at all.
Still, I was determined to get an E30.
With around $4,000 saved, I started looking for decent-condition BMWs. I hadn’t involved my father until my brother suggested it was better to include him. So, I shared my plans with him.
Initially, I asked my father to help by contacting sellers and gathering information.
I thought his experience with cars would be valuable. However, after a couple of days, he criticized the idea, claiming BMWs, especially 6-cylinder ones, had high fuel consumption and issues. He suggested I consider “normal” cars like an old Polo or an Audi 80. I tried explaining my passion for cars and the joy of driving a BMW, but he dismissed my reasons.
It felt like he was trying to control my decisions rather than being supportive.
To involve him further, I found a well-maintained E30 coupe owned by a mechanic. It was slightly more expensive than what I had saved. I showed it to my father, hoping he’d understand its value.
He recommended having a “professional” check it, but this person lacked BMW knowledge. Both of them discouraged me, undervaluing the car, while others who knew BMWs advised me to go for it.
In a recent conversation, I asked if the recommended person had visited the car.
When my father said no, I suggested going myself. He made a hurtful comment, accusing me of wanting to show off and claiming I’d regret getting the BMW. It felt like he attacked my decision-making skills. I stood up for myself, explaining my year-long research and willingness to overcome any downsides.
But my father dismissed me, claiming his opinion was more “cultivated.”
Now, they’re trying to deter me from buying any car, suggesting I focus on saving money, getting engaged, or finding a job. But I want a BMW, not just any car. It’s disheartening they don’t understand my passion.
In the end, I firmly told my father to stop intervening and keep his opinions to himself.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Sounds like you and your father just disagree. It also sounds like he is aggressively trying to give you advice that you don’t want to hear.
OK, buying a car is a big decision and your father is trying to help. You don’t appreciate his help because they don’t understand you? Go for your BMW, but your father is not a jerk for trying to help you with a pretty large decision where you asked him to help.” Rich-398
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m honestly shocked you are 26. You sound so immature and seem determined on making poor choices. Why did your dad suggest you find a job? Do you currently have a job? You shouldn’t be so laser focused on getting a luxury “fun” car if you don’t have a job and are having to borrow money in order to afford it.” Beneficial_Music930
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can’t ask for someone’s help and then get angry when they help lol. Not wanting help anymore is fine, but you don’t need to be a jerk about it and lash out. He’s not intervening, you *asked.* They’re trying to encourage you to do this properly and not make an impulsive choice.
I suggest you listen to them instead of getting angry. You’re making a big mistake and they’re trying to stop you, or at the very least trying to get you to do it properly.” User
Dad is trying to help,what's the point in owning your dream car if you can't afford to run and maintain it... GROW UP you sound like a child and so far you are acting like the child dad is treating you as
7. AITJ For Kicking Out My Creepy Cousin From Another Cousin's Wedding?
“I (29f) went to my cousin’s wedding as a guest (not a bridesmaid or anything of distinction).
We’re not that close, but I do like him and his now wife.
The wedding was wonderful, with one hiccup. We have another cousin Jonathan (30s) who is…weird. He disappeared off the map for a couple years and randomly showed back up one day with no explanation as to where he’d been – it’s the great mystery of our family.
He’s also exceptionally difficult to converse with; very shifty eyed and cold and vague.
So, me, my brothers, and some other cousins including Jonathan were dancing . Jonathan had pointed to a woman across the room and asked my brother if she was single. My brother said, dude, that’s our cousin…?
It didn’t immediately strike us as weird as he’d been gone for many years so maybe didn’t recognise her as she’s grown quite a bit (now early 20s). But he persisted and said, oh, that’s Jessica..do you know if she’s single?
I’m now majorly uncomfortable. He was making advances towards her and all my alarm bells were ringing. I intercepted and pulled Jonathan aside and told him he needed to leave. He argued. I said do not make a scene, leave quietly or I will get security.
Alas, I had to get security.
The security was very professional and discreet, but Jonathan made a scene nonetheless which tipped off the bride and groom. Both of them asked me what happened and I explained the whole thing with my brother’s corroboration. They confirmed to security that he needed to leave, but after he was gone, they argued with me for doing that without their permission, saying “it’s not my wedding, not my call”.
I basically said I don’t care whose wedding it is, I’m not standing by and watching my young cousin get harassed by her own cousin. Also said I thought I was doing them a favour by dealing with the ugly stuff so they didn’t have to be interrupted from their day.
They said that’s what the bridal party is for.
They’re holding steadfast that I was out of line and have no wedding guest decorum. AITJ for arranging to have him kicked out when it wasn’t my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As someone who has been a bride and will be again, I would have LOVED someone taking a bit of stress off me.
You did right. I only hope the bride and groom can stop being petty jerks and see that as well.” shattered_kitkat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ on the basis it ‘really was’ upto B&G or their chosen representative. The way you worded your ‘post’ comes across as you disliking ‘Jonathan’ & having some sort of ‘personal grievance’ against him.
Did you give ‘ALL’ of the ‘Facts – as they happened, 100% accurately’? Somehow, I doubt it. What does (if anything) the Female Cousin he ‘Allegedly’ harassed have to say? Are you in fact, an attention seeking do-gooder, offended on ‘someone else’s behalf’, & using it to further & reinforce your own grudge? You apply almost zero logic to your post. If Jonathan sees this, or hears about it, & let’s hope he does, b/c after all, he’s entitled to his say, would we learn ‘relevant information’ about ‘YOU!’ This platform is now discussing your Cousin being some sort of depraved monster.
How would you feel if a relative did the exact same to you!” Nimbus_Aurelius_808
Another User Comments:
“YTJ unless he was harassing her. Otherwise, if he was being annoying you should reach out to the bridal party. You went into a lot of detail as to how he was “weird”, but nothing dangerous or threatening was reported. Just “icky” as far as I read it.
“Making advances on” is too broad to put a blanket NTJ.” Leniatak
6. AITJ For Giving My Daughter My Stepdaughter's Bed as Punishment for Vandalism?
“I have a daughter from a previous marriage ( 15 Jenny) and a stepdaughter when I married my wife.
We both have primary custody of our kids. My daughter took the transition decently while my stepdaughter (Emile 15) did not. So family therapy mostly with her mom and her but I and Jenny will come in for some sessions when wanted.
Overall I thought it was going okay.
Jenny got a job the moment summer started, she use to have a twin bed but when Emilie moved in with her queen size bed that’s all she wanted. So she basically saved all her money and bought herself a queen bed frame and new mattress.
She loved it.
The two kids got in an argument, it started out over bread but got more heated. My daughter made a comment about Emile’s dad not caring, it was unacceptable. She got her phone taken away for a week, had a lecture, banned from her club for the week, and of course apologized. We talked about getting her to do therapy also but that got interrupted.
Emile spray painted nasty names on her new bed frame and mattress. So my wife and I made the decision that Emilie’s bed would go to Jenny until she buys Jenny what she ruined it’s going to be expensive but she has a job.
Also lost in privileges for a month. Her options are sleep on the floor or the couch.
I got a call from her father and he went off, I told my mom what happens and she also thinks I am a jerk for this punishment”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ That’s what you call asymmetric warfare. It went from a sister fight to destruction of property. That requires a consequence and therapy because that did not come out of nowhere. In regards to the “punishment”, what does her dad and your mom think is appropriate?
That you and your wife buy a new mattress set? There is only one person who needs to face this consequence and that’s Emile. It’s not like she is some little kid who does not know better, she’s 15!!! Maybe the other option is to take the defaced mattress, paint over it and place a plastic sheet on it and let her sleep on that.” catskilkid
Another User Comments:
“You’ve got much bigger problems than we are equipped to deal with. I don’t think making your stepdaughter sleep on the floor or couch is the right answer, making them swap beds would have been a better thing to do. You need to ALL be in family therapy right now.” Moon-Queen95
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Obviously your stepdaughter messed up bad. You two on the other hand are messing up the bed you took from her. Your children hate each other’s guts and your brilliant punishment is plain abusive. She needs an actual bed. Anyone who has been forced to couch surf for an extended period can tell you it really messes with your body.
Make her use a single or something, but give her a bed.” Obvious_Grand2161
Tell her dad he is welcome to buy your daughter a bed to replace the bed HIS daughter defaced or would he rather you had her arrested for destruction of property
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Own Baby Shower That Doesn't Feel Special?
“I (27f) live in another state from where my family is hosting a baby shower for me. I have to travel over 1K miles with my dogs (couldn’t get a pet sitter) to attend a baby shower my family is throwing. They keep making comments and decisions about this shower that I do not agree with or share the same opinions on.
They ask for my opinion and when I don’t agree on it I’m supposed to just move on, which I do.
I have expressed multiple times since the beginning I would like ONE thing to be at my shower which is a balloon arch or something to do with balloons.
They all agreed on it until they found out the price and suddenly it’s too much.. (it’s really not as much as you would think) Now I am being told I am a jerk and ungrateful because I am upset about them not getting the one thing I asked for.
Now they keep threatening and asking if they should just cancel. All I have said to them is I am not looking forward to it, since to me it does not feel special or about me and my baby anymore. It feels like it’s all about money and them.
Little background:
I never had a wedding, we ended up eloping. My mom wanted to originally throw me 3 parties to celebrate. Which is VERY sweet! One in the state we are from so basically all our friends and family could attend, but makes it hard for myself to attend.
One in the state my dads family is from since they are all old and wouldn’t travel to the first one.. And last one be in the state I actually live in. Well my sisters threw a fit saying it’s ridiculous which I agree but it was just a thought.
Well we are only having one, in the state I do not live in nor have lived in in years.
so AITJ for not wanting to spend tons of my own money and time to travel so far to attend something that doesn’t feel special to me.
It doesn’t even feel like it’s about my baby anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s very inconsiderate to make pregnant woman to drive 1K miles with the dog. It will take more than 12 hours given you need to rest, use the bathroom, stretch, eat and walk the dog.
That’s cruel I believe. I can easily understand you don’t want it especially for the baby shower you did not like from the beginning.” Trespassingw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re the one who has to spend money to attend and they’re quibbling about price? If they want to be cheap about it they could always make a DIY balloon arch but somehow I don’t believe it’s *that* expensive to buy one.
If they’d rather threaten to cancel than get this one thing you’d like then yes, it *is* about them! Travel is exhausting enough when you’re pregnant. If you’re not feeling it just stay home, use the money you save to buy a balloon arch, and you can show it off when you celebrate with them over video call.” PristineParsnip403
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re pretty committed now…but I see why you don’t want to go. Just go, let them pretend it’s all about your baby, and just enjoy the crazy weirdness of your loving family. Might not feel like it but you are very fortunate to have people who care at all ;)” Say_whaaaaaaaaaaa
4. AITJ For Letting My Sons 'Rescue' Our Cat and Disturbing The Neighborhood?
“My (45F) two sons—Oliver (10M) and Liam (5M)—are both huge fans of superheroes, and they love nothing more than playing make-believe games where they are the good guys and they save the day.
Recently, while playing outside, they noticed our cat (3F), Zora, sitting in a tree. Now, Zora loves to climb trees, and she had gotten herself up there just fine, but Liam and Oliver immediately decided that they needed to rescue her.
Without thinking twice, the boys sprang into action, donning their superhero costumes and fetching their ”rescue gear”.
They ran over to the tree and started shouting to Zora, trying to coax her down. When she didn’t move, though, they started climbing up after her, making a lot of noise in the process.
Of course, this caught the attention of our neighbors, who were understandably concerned about what was happening.
They started coming out of their houses to see what the commotion was about, and—before we knew it—there were a dozen people standing around, watching Oliver and Liam trying to ‘save’ our cat.
Eventually, Zora decided that enough was enough, and climbed down the tree on her own, much to the relief of everyone watching.
I thanked the neighbors who had come out to check on us, and I thought that would be the end of it.
But—later that day—I received a message from one of my neighbors, asking me if I thought it was appropriate for my sons to be causing such a commotion in the quiet neighborhood.
They said that they were worried that Oliver and Liam would start doing this kind of thing all the time, and that it would be disruptive to everyone else’s peace and quiet.
I tried to explain that it was just a game and that my sons meant no harm, but my neighbor wasn’t convinced. They said that they thought I should have been more responsible and not allowed my children to cause such a scene.
Now, I’m left wondering: AITJ for allowing my sons to dress up as superheroes and ‘rescue’ our cat from a tree, even though the cat was perfectly fine and they caused a commotion in the neighborhood?
Did I let my children’s imagination get the better of me, or was it just harmless fun?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need new neighbors. I’m not a fan of kids and I love peace and quiet. I still would have enjoyed watching the kids climb the tree and “rescue” the cat. The kids definitely could have been up to more nefarious activities.
Your neighbors are jerks.” Mikey3800
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sons were playing with their cat. That’s totally normal. If they were truly making “a commotion” outside of the commonly accepted parameters of kids playing in a residential neighborhood, then yeah ask them to tone it down next time, but otherwise, there’s no bad here.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for letting them bother a cat who was perfectly fine and minding her own business. This is why so many children are harmed by animals and that is because children are not taught how to behave appropriately with animals.” Dry-Structure-6231
3. AITJ For Asking Groom's Mother To Help Pack Up After A Wedding?
“Our daughter had a large wedding a couple of years ago, and I only recently learned that our Son-In-Law’s mother does not like me because I asked her and her current husband to help me pack up unopened beverage bottles at the end of the wedding.
The Groom’s father paid for the beverages and he and the Groom’s Brother were supposed to do this task and be responsible for it. The Groom’s father promised that any money refunded would be given to the Bride and Groom, as I and my husband had paid all other costs and looked after all other tasks required that day.
At the end of the wedding, the Groom’s father just left, and the Groom’s brother was fall on his face intoxicated. Although this was the Groom’s brother’s responsibility to return the bottles but he was too intoxicated to help (as he did not help with anything else at the wedding- he was “too busy” to be his only brother’s best man etc. ).
When I saw that there was a substantial amount of beverages to be returned (I estimated a couple of thousand dollars- it was $2600) and this money would go to the Bride and Groom, my husband and I began loading our car, but it filled quickly with bottles.
The Groom’s mother and her current husband were parked near us with their large SUV, so I asked them to help us, and explained the money refunded will go to the Bride and Groom (our children), and they only had to drive the bottles to their hotel, and in the morning my husband and I would unload their car and make multiple trips to return it all.
The Groom’s mother and her current husband were only concerned with getting the intoxicated brother into their car. Apparently the Groom’s mother and husband do not like me now because I asked them to help us, when they were preoccupied with getting the (30 year old PHd intoxicated son – who was supposed to do the task) into their car.
No one else was available to help my husband and I, and the venue would have discarded or given it all away. So, AITJ for asking for their help?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They could’ve said let us get our son in first or something like that.
They sound rude af. My ex in laws would’ve had no trouble doing that. Everyone was great about helping clean up post wedding except me as I had the worst sinus infection of my life ” Piaffe_zip16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wouldn’t be concerned about her opinion much.
If she can’t put together that the money went to her child and would help them subsidize their brand new marriage, she isn’t worth the time to try to fix and have a relationship with. Family helps family and yours had just united that day, instead she holds a grudge?
Please, she needs more help that you two being on speaking terms can provide!” JackedLilJill
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You weren’t wrong to ask but you should have read the room a little better. She had her hands full trying to get her son home safely and you were trying to give her something else to do.
Plus she may not have fully understood why you were asking her to do this because she wasn’t part of the original arrangement. You should also consider that her reaction might also be rooted in embarrassment.” Mother_Tradition_774
2. AITJ For Not Telling My Estranged Brother About Our Uncle's Wedding?
“My brother (M24) and I (F23) have been through life with each other through everything. Our parents never liked each other therefore it was difficult in our childhood. After an event from years ago my brother and I can’t see eye to eye anymore.
I haven’t been close to my dad for years due to witnessing the bad treatment he constantly caused especially to my brother. Yet my brother sees him as a saint and has refused to be around our mom and her side of our family.
Recently my uncle who is my mom’s brother got married and I attended the wedding while also being the photographer. Our sister who also attended wanted to call our brother so we used my phone to do it. While talking she told him we were at the wedding and we asked if he wanted us to pick him up so he could come see everyone.
In response he got into an attitude and used the excuse of he was consuming beverages then hung up on us. I just let it go and enjoyed the time because I haven’t seen some family members in forever and his attitude was normal to me at this point.
After leaving I and my oldest son stopped to pick up my youngest son who was being watched so he didn’t have to sit through the ceremony. While there I was informed that my brother had shown up and threw a fit about having not known about the wedding and how I was a jerk for not telling him.
Keep in mind my brother doesn’t get involved with my mom’s side of our family and I little to never talk to him. We have also had him cancel or decline plans involving them with excuses as “well I have work tomorrow” or “well I’m consuming beverages” or just telling us he was too tired to be around us.
He also doesn’t like to show up and be around a lot of people if it is more than 10 involved. So now I have family members upset with me for not telling him but am I really the jerk for having not told my brother about something we were all sure he wouldn’t show up for anyways and was involving people he didn’t want to be around?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Gonna take a wild guess here and say you weren’t in charge of invites to the wedding. You had no reason to bring it up to him specifically. If he wasn’t invited, he could take that up with the bride/groom, not you.
It’s not your job to inform your brother of family events you aren’t hosting.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“Leaning towards YTJ. I am someone that does not like to interact with large groups nor attend events if I don’t have to. That being said, I do still want to be invited, and would certainly make an effort to attend something major like a wedding.
By not telling him about the wedding ahead of the wedding, you made the choice for him to not attend/made him feel uninvited. You then called him while you were at the wedding to tell him it was going on and asked if he wanted to show up.
Imagine mattering so little that you’re not invited to a major event where invitations usually go out months in advance, until the event already started.” nekosaigai
1. AITJ For Calling Out My Grandpa's Entitlement at My Parents' Anniversary Dinner?
“It was my parents 20th wedding anniversary. My dad made reservations at this restaurant months in advance for all of us family members.
It was an outdoor seating and everyone knew this. It still gets chilly here at night since it’s on the water front so everyone brought coats and sweaters. Before everyone arrived my grandpa went a few minutes early to “oversee” the staff. He decided he wanted the inside banquet room that had a special chef table menu.
The restaurant said no. He then started arguing with the staff to put some seats together inside since it was chilly out.
We go to get seated and my grandpa once again starts arguing with the server after he finds out the chef tables doesn’t have anyone sitting at them right now and wants to sit there the waitress gets angry and gets the manager and the chef who comes out and asks the party to leave.
There’s like 25 of us. My grandpa is just like no there’s no harm in asking and it was just bad customer service. The manager said he’s not serving us and we need to leave and any credit card holds would be refunded. My grandpa tells my dad about how horrible the service was and how disrespectful everyone was to him.
I turned on my grandpa and asked him “have you ever tried not to act like an entitled jerk and maybe that’s why you always get horrible service”
He started yelling at me about how disrespectful I am and I said “I’m not the reason we are being kicked out of a restaurant” I told my parents better luck on your 25th anniversary and hopefully they’ll not invite grandpa again.
My mom told me to hush but my dad seemed genuinely upset and said he was just going home instead of trying to find another restaurant for our large party at the last minute. The fight continued on social media the next day when my grandpa left a negative review and I commented on it and left a positive review for the restaurant.
My grandpa is acting like I’m out of his will over this but I feel like he’s at fault and not the restaurant staff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does your grandfather always act like this? From your post I get the feeling that he does (he wanted to “oversee the staff??!!??!
What?). If that is true, maybe if someone had called him out on it years ago, this wouldn’t have happened. It sounds like even though you are younger you have more guts than most of your family.” AffectionateOwl5824
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, grandpa seems hard to deal with, you probably didn’t need to be as pointedly rude as you were.
If he’s always like this maybe ntj. But I’m not a huge fan of the narrative that “they need to hear from someone and be put in their place!”” Lolulita
Another User Comments:
“YTJ this is your grandfather. Your father and mother didn’t speak to him that way did they?
If anyone needed to say something it would be the son or daughter. They are actually going to have to deal with his opinion of you as well. I mean they love you and you’re obviously not perfect. it’s really not right to speak to anyone that way.
Yes, your Grandfather acted like a jerk as older people are won’t to do but you showed the nut doesn’t fall fall from the tree at two levels down. It’s also not your place to tell your parents who they should invite where.
If those are the rules, your grandfather may decide that you shouldn’t be invited any place else” User
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