People Seek Judgment In Their Personal "Am I The Jerk?" Dilemmas
31. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Stop Enabling His Friend?
“I have been seeing my partner for 3 years and have known his friend, Victor, for pretty much the same amount of time.
When I first met Victor, both of us were 22 (I was a couple of months from turning 22) while my partner was 20. Victor didn’t have a car or a license because he had a DUI when he was 20 which resulted in his friend being hospitalized. So his car was totaled and his license was suspended, and he had to take mandatory AA classes.
Due to this, we (my partner but myself included) would drive him everywhere, including his AA meetings which were sometimes 20-30 minutes away.
He got his license about 8 months after I met him, and his parents bought him a new truck for him. 3 months later, he got another DUI and totaled his car again.
He ended up going to prison because he was still on probation for his other DUI and he had people under 21 in the car with him who were drinking (idk if that’s a punishable crime for himself in CA?). So he was in prison for about 7 months but was released early because of you know what.
He has a suspended license again and depends on everyone to drive him around.
Ever since his release, I started to really dislike Victor. It’s obvious he never learned his lesson, especially when he tried encouraging my partner to take a shot of booze before driving because idk it’s fun?
And he always expects my partner to drive him everywhere. He even once called my partner to drive him to the mall to buy some shoes a couple of days after my partner just had surgery. Yet, he never once called my partner to see how he’s doing (I asked my partner and he said he didn’t).
And honestly, the only times he ever wants to hang out with my partner is when he needs a ride somewhere.
I’ve brought it up to my partner that he should consider not helping Victor out as much after Victor hung up on him when my partner said he was busy but wanted to hang out later that week.
Obviously not to stop being friends with him, but not allow him to use him as much. My partner said he felt bad for him because it must be hard being a 25-year-old depending on his parents as much as he is right now. And that he’s the victim in his situation.
I told him he isn’t the victim because he inflicted all of this on himself and that he should’ve known better. And that he has it better than most ex-convicts because his parents gave him a job in their company and he still has a lot of opportunities for himself in life.
Not a lot of people get that for lesser crimes and he shouldn’t be using that as an excuse to treat his friends in a crappy way. I guess my partner told Victor what I said because Victor hit me up and called me a jerk for even saying anything about his situation especially when I haven’t been through what he has.
I still stand by what I said but AITJ? Did I overstep my boundaries?”
30. AITJ For Contacting My Husband's Friends' Partners After They Tried To Convince Him To Divorce Me?
“My (F27) husband (M28) and his 4 friends (all male and between the ages of 27-32) have a yearly hiking trip they take for 2 weeks. They have done it for years and it’s fun for me because I really enjoy being alone and it’s fun for my husband because he gets to hang out with his friends.
However, within the past couple of years, the camping trip has always ended in a fight/argument that kinda ruined the whole thing but they were hopeful for this year.
I will preface this by saying I do not like these friends. These friends are ones he’s had since elementary school and they just have formed a lifelong bond even if they don’t like each other anymore.
A month before our wedding 3 of them decided to take a random trip to Cabo without “checking the dates” and the 4th one was having a baby (obviously we didn’t plan him in the wedding party because of that) but my husband only had one groomsman and no support on his wedding day.
They do that kinda stuff all the time where my husband is always kinda left in the dust. They also really don’t like me because I helped my husband get sober when we started seeing each other and they don’t like that I took away their “real friend.”
So, on these trips, I always just ask that my husband call/text me when they’re winding down at the end of the day so I know he’s alive and well.
It doesn’t have to be long, it could just be a quick text, but he always calls because well.. I’m his wife and he likes me. These calls never ever last more than 10 minutes, ever. I usually make him hang up to go have fun. His friends apparently HATE that he calls me or even texts me on this trip at the end of the night.
This came to a point where they hid his phone from him for 2 days just so he wouldn’t call me. I thought he was dead and messaged their respective partners (whom I’m actually pretty decent friends with) about if they had heard from them. One partner called and screamed at her partner to give him his phone back.
When they finally did my husband called me in near tears saying that the trip so far had just been a nightmare and he just wanted to come home. He told me they used the trip as an “intervention” to convince him to divorce me because I am “too needy” and demand “too much” from him.
Both of those things are severely untrue. I’m not perfect but I’m certainly not those things.
Anyway, this set me off and I messaged their partners about this. I was really upset and wanted to understand what made them do that. Well, apparently I started a whole storm of them all calling their partners and going off on them for me.
I didn’t ask them to do it and I felt bad because I just needed to vent. This made the trip even worse for my husband because they just kept calling me names.
Since being home, my husband is not mad at me at all and understands why I did what I did.
He knows they’re in the wrong. But now I know I’ve ruined a relationship he’s had for years because I just didn’t keep it to myself and I also ruined a 2 week trip for him. AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Calling Out My Sexist And Lazy Father-In-Law?
“I (M29) married into a family that consists of a father (M62), Mother (F53), and four daughters who for the sake of the story I’ll call Ana (F32) Laura (F31), Jessica (F29), and my wife Sarah (F28). All the sisters are now married, with me and my wife being the last ones to do so.
My FIL worked all his life in blue-collar jobs which is not bad but he believes that blue collars are the only acceptable jobs for men and since none of us work blue collar he’s always making snide comments about how we’re not “real men”, MIL and the sisters are always excusing him and for the most part we let it go.
Despite how FIL remarks how important it’s for men to have manly jobs the reality is he’s always been kind of a moocher, he stopped working around 40 and my wife’s maternal grandparents footed the bill for him and MIL, then they left them some inheritance which they live off with our occasional help.
When my in-laws’ finances weren’t great they burned through the inheritance faster than usual and eventually lost their home so the family helped, first they stayed with Jessica who lived closest to them, then with Ana and since April with me and my wife and it has been awful!
This man will complain over your traditional sexist stuff if he sees me cooking, cleaning, or anything that isn’t repairing my own car, also he hasn’t helped at all, doesn’t pick after himself, and expects to be served 24/7 in an instant. He demands to be fed first by his wife as he’s the man of the house, I hate this phrase since he doesn’t even do the chores that are “traditionally manly” like taking out the trash or minor house repairs and he has acted like this in the other houses he stayed at.
Last Friday we had a small barbecue with my in-laws, everyone arrived early to help, except FIL and when he arrived, he only complained everything was done wrong and how he could do it better but when given the chance he always said “it’s not my job to teach us how to do a man’s job” so the four of us were really annoyed and like always the girls defended him.
When it came time to eat he demanded the biggest steak as he was the head of the family, Ana’s husband was serving and he told him that he would give the biggest piece to Laura’s husband since we were guests at his house, he flipped and demanded to be respected as the man of the house so I simply said “you’re not the man of the house.” This angered him even more and finally I added “and you haven’t been in a while”.
That cut things short and after eating FIL and MIL left for a hotel and demanded to stay with someone else because of my disrespect. My wife and sisters-in-law are super angry at me and say I should just understand he’s from another time and not confront him, but my brothers-in-law say this is way past due and he needed the wake-up call.
At the time I felt justified but with everyone angry I feel like I may have overstepped so, am I the jerk?”
28. AITJ For Leaving My Birthday Party Early After My Parents Refused To Pay For My Gift?
“My (28F) parents (M62, F60) always get my brother (26M) better gifts than me. For instance, last Christmas they got him a brand new gaming laptop while I got a couple of books and some Primark clothes.
The difference was so stark that even my mom pointed out that my gifts had been so much cheaper. But don’t worry! She made up for it.
By buying me a magazine.
A children’s magazine.
This has been happening since we were children. It even happened when my brother was making twice as much money as me.
For some reason, they dote on him but give me cheap gifts.
My brother has noticed it too and feels guilty about it. He suggested that this year instead of leaving it up to them I buy something for myself and then ask them to pay for it. He does that most years.
So after making sure my parents were ok with it, I did exactly that: I got myself a pair of off-brand air pods. They were cheaper than the gift my parents got for my brother’s birthday this year, but whatever. It’s not about money, it’s about getting something that is useful and that makes me happy.
Yesterday was my birthday. I opened my brother’s present (a book I’d been eyeing for a while. He’s the best!) and then retrieved the air pods from my bedroom. I gently reminded my parents that they hadn’t paid for them yet.
And then things got… weird.
First, they kept insisting that they already had paid me.
I had to show them my banking app before they believed me. Why would I lie about that when I’ve always been nothing but honest with them?
Then, when I finally convinced them that they hadn’t paid for it, they tried to haggle with me. They only wanted to pay for part of the gift rather than the whole thing (as they had done with my brother’s more expensive gift) and they started arguing with each other about how much they should pay.
One of them would name a number, and then the other one would name a smaller one, and so on.
I found the entire thing so hurtful and offensive that I got teary-eyed. I excused myself and locked myself in the bathroom to cry. When I came out of the bathroom they clearly felt bad.
They told me they’d pay for the whole thing after all, but I left soon after. I was too hurt to stay.
I know that what matters is the intent behind a gift rather than the price of it, but it really doesn’t feel like the intent behind this gift was to make me feel loved.
AITJ for leaving before the birthday party was over?”
27. AITJ For Calling The Police On My Neighbor's Kids Trespassing In My Rooftop Garden?
“When I moved cities a few months ago I rented an apartment on a monthly contract while looking for another one to buy.
A couple of months in the owner told me that she would be putting it on the market so she will be needing my schedule to arrange showings.
I offered to buy it and not even 2 weeks later I was the owner of my own apartment.
I live on the second floor, the first floor is owned by a family (father, mother, and two teen boys). The ground floor has two garages for cars, one for each owner.
And finally, the roof is split into two roofs with an 8ft wall and separate doors off of the landing.
When I bought my house I wanted to redo the kitchen and bathroom, so I took some cookies and knocked on my neighbor’s house to ask for their schedule. I didn’t want to do work while they were at home to avoid bothering them.
That day I was on my balcony and heard the husband complaining about me buying the apartment, apparently they were planning to do so but I beat them to it.
Now fast forward a couple of months, and I have turned my roof into a garden, with raised beds for my veggies, pots for flowers, some garden furniture, and an area with some wooden outside tiles.
While coming out one day I met my neighbor and she asked to see the garden with her sons, I showed it off and thought that was the end of it.
That is until I started noticing how some of my flowers were cut, the furniture was moved…etc.
So I installed a camera and saw that her sons jump over the dividing wall along with some friends and spend their time there.
I told the parents, and asked them to tell their kids to stop, that most of the time I am not at home and if something happened there is no way to open the door to help them (metal door with a huge padlock)
They said ok but the kids continued to do so, they even started destroying my plants for telling on them.
So I gave their mother an ultimatum, they either stop or I will be calling the police. She scoffed and called me an entitled jerk.
The next time I got an alert on my phone I called the cops and said someone broke into my rooftop garden. They came pretty fast and only one kid managed to escape, the other was caught red-handed and taken to the precinct.
Their father almost broke my door and started screaming at me to come and drop the charges. I just threatened to call the police on him as well and went to bed. This morning I went to the precinct and dropped the charges so he spent the night in their jail with, according to his mom, people with a shady past.
I was so sure of my decision, that I was teaching him the consequences of his actions. But my mom said that I was too harsh, she said that I punished the parents not that I taught the kid a lesson.
26. AITJ For Outing My 'Grandmother' For Falsifying DNA Test Results?
“I (33F) grew up not knowing who my biological father was (mom was a teen mom and I hold no judgment there).
We always suspected one guy and when I was nearing my 18th birthday, I pursued a DNA test with his parents (he had passed when I was 2) because I wanted to know medical history information.
His mother paid for the test through a private company. Myself, his mother, and his father were all swabbed and it came back that I was her deceased son’s long-lost child.
Everything was a whirlwind after that of meeting family, being thrust into road trip events, family gatherings, etc. I’ll admit it was incredibly overwhelming but they appeared to love me so I made the best of it. I was always treated differently than the cousins but I assumed it was because they didn’t know me as a child.
Fast forward 12 ish years, a marriage and 2 kids later, and my husband and I take those AncestryDNA kits out of curiosity (my maternal side was claiming NA heritage that I was suspect of). My grandmother and both aunts had taken the test as well. But when my results came back, none of them showed up.
In fact, it showed that I was heavily Greek. Which confused me.
Long story short, my “grandmother” admitted to falsifying the results. I wasn’t her deceased son’s kid. She begged me to hide it from everyone, especially my own mother and her daughters. And to not find my biological father.
Obviously, I told my mom and we began the search for my real dad.
After I found him (he’s a fire juggler) and connecting, my mother told “grandma” she needed to inform her daughters because my uncle was friends with them on social media. This whole time she claimed to want to maintain a grandparent relationship with me and my sons.
After she told her daughters, she told the rest of the family I had decided to abandon them, it was like losing her deceased son all over again, and I was refusing to let her see my kids and hated the family.
I’ve repeatedly tried to contact her only to be met with hostility because my oldest 2 kids miss her and ask why she disappeared 2 years ago.
I’ve also received very heated messages from former family. Would I be the jerk for outing what she did and letting them know I was never her deceased son’s kid and she lied the whole time? I know she suffered a heart attack last year and didn’t want to add to that.”
25. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Enforce Boundaries With His Overbearing Parents?
“I (20f) and my partner (20m) have been together since we were 15, and regardless of the years that’ve passed his mum still thinks he is 15.
To say his parents are invasive is a huge understatement.
He hasn’t been allowed to get a job (despite me working and providing for us since I legally could), he gets three meals cooked for him, they clean his room and his clothes, etc. While this is weird to me, I understand and respect people’s household norms. But I draw the line when they involve me in their childminding.
It’s a constant battle between me and my partner (who brushes off my concerns) that they continuously and uncaringly cross every boundary I implement, not giving my discomfort any consideration.
I should note they HATE me leaving clothes at my partner’s. Since we are both still students (and he “can’t” work) we still live at home, changing between my house and his.
Yesterday his mum decided to clear out his room and redecorate it while he was staying with me. She took EVERYTHING out my drawer, from my sanitary products to undergarments even to our freaking protection!!! Then put it in a bag and told my partner to come pick it up.
I lost track of the amount of times this has happened, each time me breaking down and crying of embarrassment and each time me and my partner getting into a huge fight where he basically tells me to just deal with it and that he will “try” to confront his mum but he never does.
I suffer really bad anxiety, so the thought of someone going through my intimate belongings triggers anxiety attacks. I can also stay up to a week at his house, so I HAVE to leave at least essentials. The last time it happened I had a really bad attack, which led to him giving me a drawer of my own and assuring me no one would be going through it.
The reason I might be the jerk is because my partner’s gran is in hospital, and I’m causing “unnecessary stress” for asking him to – once again – PLEASE enforce boundaries with his mum. She herself has lashed out at me in this situation, but I seriously can’t stop crying I’m so humiliated and he doesn’t care.
If I am overreacting then I will apologize profusely to both of them. I just want to know if I’m the jerk.”
24. AITJ For Not Accommodating My Best Friend's Kid At My Son's Birthday Party?
“I have had the same best friend (Mike) since I was in kindergarten. We went through school together, played sports together, were each other’s best man, etc. Our wives are friends and we had our first kids within 6 weeks of each other.
He and I both pictured our kids growing up and being as close to each other as we are. Well, it’s not working out that way.
I have 3 kids (Jake – 10, Brandon – 8 and Lizzie – 2). Mike has 1 kid – (Danny – 10). Danny is autistic – so even though he is 10, he often acts more like he is half that age.
Danny has a lot of sensory issues and is very prone to meltdowns when he is over-stimulated – which happens very easily. Don’t get me wrong – he’s a sweet kid. But he just doesn’t have much in common with my boys and the older they get the worse it seems to get.
I have had a lot of talks with the boys about how Danny is special and that they need to be patient with him and how he doesn’t want to wrestle like they do. They are good kids – they don’t bully Danny or anything like that. I have even seen them stand up for him with other kids at the park.
But they don’t want to hang around with Danny all the time. They want to go play football in the backyard or race their bikes – things that Danny just doesn’t want to do. They don’t want to watch the same documentary on wolves for the 20th time.
It’s gotten to the point that they don’t want to go with me when I go over to Mike’s. I don’t blame them – they don’t have a good time when they do.
Next week is Jake’s birthday and he asked to play laser tag.
I agreed and told him that he could invite 5 friends. He asked if he had to invite Danny as one and I told him no. I knew that there was no way Danny could do laser tag – it would be sure to overwhelm him. When I told Mike what we were doing for Jake’s birthday he asked me to change it to something that Danny could be part of.
I told him that I wasn’t going to ask Jake to change his birthday for Danny. I offered to have Danny come over earlier or when we got back for the cake – but that wasn’t good enough. Mike is accusing me of not wanting Danny around because he is autistic.
The trouble is – he is kind of right. If Danny were “normal” (I don’t know a better way to put it) then the odds are the boys would be closer. Or maybe not – maybe even if Danny wasn’t autistic he might have different interests than my boys. Mike and I were so close growing up because we had so much in common – something our kids just don’t have.
I told Mike I’m not going to force the boys to spend time with Danny. He told me that I am a jerk and he doesn’t want to be friends with a jerk.
I feel like I am doing the right things for my kids – and they have to come first. But losing Mike as a friend hurts.
And what about Danny? I don’t want to hurt him either. Am I a jerk for not making Jake accommodate Danny?”
23. AITJ For Not Letting A Child Adopt My Personal Cat During A Foster Kitten Meet And Greet?
“I volunteer fostering cats. My cats tend to go to a cat cafe, so I don’t typically do meet and greets, but when I do, I’ll have people stop by so they can see the cat in its territory and get a good sense for the cat’s personality.
A mom and her 4 yo daughter stopped by to meet one of my kittens. She applied online and went through the foster organization so I didn’t know her, but my husband was home so I felt pretty safe.
I have 4 cats of my own, and for this meet and greet, I shut them in my guest room just to make things easier.
They’re not huge fans of kids anyway.
Everything was going great, they met and liked the kitten and when we were walking back to the entrance, we passed the guest room and the 4 yo heard my cats meowing so she sprinted to the door and opened it before I realized what was happening.
The cats scattered except for my gray one. He is an adorable boi, with a half-milk mustache and little mittens. The 4 yo fell in love immediately and ran to him and started yelling that she wanted this one because it was the same as a stuffed animal she has.
The mom asked me how much it was for him and I politely said he wasn’t for adoption.
She kept arguing with me trying to get that cat, but like I said, he’s my cat. The 4 yo started shrieking because she couldn’t have the cat, and she picked him up. I asked her to put him down, but she’s 4. She started squeezing him and he was trying to get away but so far hadn’t used his nails (he’s such a good boy).
The mom made no moves to intervene, and I tried to take the cat without touching the girl but I didn’t want to play tug of war and hurt the cat, so I, as gently as I could, tried to pull her arms apart and the mom came at me, screaming for touching her kid.
The cat got away, and the whole way to their car they kept screaming about how I was a terrible person and I shouldn’t have shown them a cat they couldn’t have. The 4-year-old was bawling uncontrollably. It was horrible. I felt horrible. The mom threatened to call the cops and my foster org.
My husband was asleep because he works 3rd shift so he only caught the tail end of it. He obviously doesn’t think I was the jerk because giving up our cat was never an option.
I called some friends and family, and while everyone is shocked, they said I was definitely the jerk for touching the kid.
They said my cat could handle itself, but I was worried about the girl getting scratched or bitten and my cat shouldn’t be subjected to a child squeezing it like he’s a stuffed animal.
But my SIL & MIL both said I should have just given them the cat if it meant that much to the child.
The cat would be their only cat while he is 1 of my 4 and the cat would be happier with them too and made me feel terrible for causing all the drama. They said kittens are easier to adopt so adult cats should be given to whoever wants them.
But it’s my cat.
I want him. They’re all well taken care of and we love them very much.”
22. AITJ For Cutting Down My Own Tree Despite My Neighbor's Protests?
“A TALL eastern white pine in my backyard was struck by lightning and had to be cut down. I consulted some tree services who wanted to use a crane with a crew of guys for removal. Average quote was about $4800. Too much so I declined. They’d shred the tree into chips & I wanted the firewood.
Neighbor next door saw me clearing the area around the trunk & prepping my gear. He guessed I was cutting the tree & asked me to stop. He feared the tree size, proximity to him & if cut incorrectly could fall on his house. I replied if nobody cuts it, it’s dying & will fall someday on his house anyway.
He wanted a pro & used his family’s safety as a reason. I said pros can make mistakes too but reassured him I’m experienced & cut safely. I can’t afford one but if he paid for it (or at least contributed), I’d oblige. Told him the amount & he refused. He said, “It’s your tree, why would I pay?” Ok fair enough!
He became rude. I said basically “If you won’t pay a pro, don’t complain when I won’t pay 1 either. If you’re afraid, then leave with your family for 1 hour but it’s happening today. This tree is sick & when it falls I’m liable for your damages. I have all the gear & know-how so why pay someone $5k?
This tree is too far from my house, it only threatens your house so you’ll benefit & you’re here breaking my balls? You won’t even contribute, you’re only complaining & not helping! What if I keep the tree & you deal with my insurance when it eventually falls on your house?”
He said, “You can’t cut down a tree of this size and risk my family!” He threatened to call the police & demand they do something. I said “Do it, the cops could use a laugh! Tree removal isn’t illegal. Now leave my property or I make my own call to the cops & have you removed!
Then I’ll be laughing!” He swore at me & shouted all the way back to his house. He filmed while I cut.
The rest is anticlimactic. I felled the huge tree exactly where planned. When it fell, I climbed on the trunk, waved to him & roared while revving my saw overhead!
To which he flipped me off! (lol) After his nonsense, I needed my “told you so” moment. I know he thinks I’m a jerk but I saved thousands, had fun cutting, got a great workout & split tons of firewood.
We were at an impasse & I couldn’t please him.
I felt his concerns but how far should I accommodate him? Spend $5k for his unfounded fears? I thought it was an easy tree to fall (low risk) but I’m sure he didn’t know that. He also refused to pitch in so I had to move on. His rudeness sealed my decision.
Weeks later I went over to see if there was still any bad blood. I apologized & wanted to put it behind us. He grumbled, muttered something to me & walked away. Months later he still doesn’t speak to me & stares when I cut trees or split/stack firewood.
Oh well, I tried to bury the hatchet but he still has an axe to grind with me…”
21. AITJ For Quitting My Nanny Job After The Parents Unfairly Accused Me Of Neglect?
“I worked for a wealthy family. They had two children and they’d pay me 25$/h + gas + food while there. During the summer we did not have set times I’d work.
All I had to do was work off 20h per week. Sometimes that was a single day, sometimes it was every day of the week for 3h.
One Friday, the dad told me Monday they would most likely need me at around 1 p.m. but he was unsure and had to double-check with his wife and would text me.
Monday rolls around and I forgot he had told me I needed to receive a text. When they did not call or text I always showed up at 5 p.m. according to set schedule. At 12:55 the dad calls me asking if I am going to be late.
Me: Oh, but I thought I should come at 5 since I never got a confirmation.
Him: No I need you right now.
Me: I need 25 minutes and I’ll be there, I am so sorry for the misunderstanding.
Him: This is not a misunderstanding, these are my children.
Me: I’m sorry I must’ve understood wrong what we spoke about on Friday. Do you want me to come now at 1:30?
Him: No (hangs up)
I texted him offering to come at 5 p.m and his reply was ‘no, you’d be useless’.
He calls me again at 5:10 p.m.
Him: Where are you? Are you actually not gonna show up twice in a day?
Me: Huh, what? But you said you do not need me today?
Him: Show some proactiveness! Try to show us you actually care for our children!
Me: Sir, I cannot randomly show up at your house unless you’ve asked me to. I don’t think I am in the wrong here. That’s unfair.
Him: I’ll tell you what’s unfair the terrible service we are receiving from you and the crazy money I am willing to pay you!
You shouldn’t be allowed to take care of plants let alone children. Grow up because with this attitude you’d be lucky to graduate college, darling. I can call you out on the ‘jerk’ you are and you should smile and nod.
Me: Okay I quit. Consider this my two-week notice.
I won’t be dragged down like this for any amount of money.
Next day I am supposed to be there at 2 p.m and there is a new replacement I need to train. At 1 p.m I get a long letter delivered where I am being fired and my pay for the next two weeks would be 5$ due to child endangerment.
I text them, since I am fired I do not need to work off those two weeks and would not be coming in.
I turned off my phone and when I finally picked up the dad exploded and called me a jerk, telling me that because of me they had to cancel a very important business trip to take care of their children (who both had a severe breakdown when they found out I was leaving and a new girl was coming in.
It was worse for the older one (6y) who was severely attached to me. He fell down the stairs in his panic and broke a hand and busted his face open).
This was a few months ago but I still feel partially guilty. So AITJ for leaving them like that?”
20. AITJ For Firing My Intrusive Gardener And Upsetting My HOA?
” “Some background: ever since I was a young boy, I was raised by my uncle. He has been exceptionally good to me and so he and I were very close up until the time of his untimely departure several months ago. He left me everything, including the house he worked his whole life paying off to the bank, his extensive collection of books, and several pieces of jewelry he accumulated over the years.
(Yes, he was a man who liked to collect jewelry and there’s nothing wrong with that)
One tiny complication of inheriting my uncle’s house is that his house is in a fancy, pricey neighborhood and, of course, has an HOA. To be honest, they’re not as bad as some horror stories I’ve heard but they have insisted on multiple occasions that my uncle and now I employ the services of a gardener to keep the outside of my house ‘tidy.’ Oh, but not just any gardener, a specific gardener who has an in with the HOA who offers a bulk discount if everyone uses his services.
My uncle tried to make the best of the situation, befriending the gardener, sometimes letting him shower in our place or grab a water or a beer. Whatever, we should all look out for each other right? But ever since I inherited the house, this guy has been pushing my limits, assuming I would be even more generous than my uncle.
A few weeks ago, I ordered some special baked goods from one of those nationwide shipping services. These cookies are hard to get because they have to be refrigerated. I waited for these cookies for weeks. Well, I go to my kitchen to grab a bite and I find my gardener inside the house covered in crumbs instead of outside the house ‘tidying’ the yard; he had gone into my fridge and eaten several of the cookies!
I scolded him about it, he apologized, and I thought we would move on.
Well, Tuesday morning was the last straw. While I was in my own living room cleaning up some of the jewelry boxes left by my uncle, the gardener came inside to use the restroom, noticed one of the pieces, and asked if I would let him hold it.
I lost it … and maybe went a little bit too far here. To be blunt, I told him to get out of my house, go back to his own home, and never come back.
My phone is now blowing up from the president and co-treasurer of the HOA livid that I have cost them their ‘bulk deal’ with the gardener and that they expect me to offset every other house’s increased costs in my own HOA dues because of how rude I was to a ‘loyal employee’ who had ‘served the community’ for many years.
I think it’s ridiculous to ask me to pay for everyone else’s garden but I’m feeling a little guilty about how I exploded at the gardener. AITJ?
19. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Cut Back On His Bad Habits To Ease Our Financial Struggles?
So, I am a stay-at-home mom to a 6-month-old and a 2-year-old. I quit a job that I loved to be a sahm and I’m grateful that I’m able to be home with them, but I don’t make my own money now. Their father and I are not married, but have been together and have lived together for 8 years.
He is pretty much totally in charge of the finances, which I never really cared about until recently.
We have been having a lot of disagreements lately on certain financial situations. He says we’re spending more than we can afford on groceries, bills, the kids, etc. If I need $20 here and there, I will ask him, and usually he will give it to me, but I always have to ask him.
I don’t just have my own money to spend as I please or access to the bank account. We recently talked about me having an “allowance” (for lack of a better term), every payday, to spend as I please, so I don’t need to ask him for every little thing.
He seemed cool with it until I tried to talk to him more about it and he said “later, we’ll discuss it later.” Meanwhile, I have normal things I need to pay for as a woman, and a sahm. Then, he tells me I already take all his money by him paying for our house, food, car, etc. I feel he does not think of me as an equal and doesn’t realize that being a stay-at-home mom is, in fact, my job.
I don’t make money, but I am doing an equal amount of work and I believe that the money he makes is the family’s money, and not “his” to give me little bits of as he pleases.
So here’s the kicker. He spends (not exaggerating) around $400‐$500, every month, on booze and other bad habits.
Today I was trying to discuss planning our son’s birthday party, and figuring out costs and such, and he’s telling me it’s too much. (Inviting 20 people, probably want to spend around $400-$500) I think this is absolute nonsense and it really upsets me that he can afford to waste that kind of money on bad habits, and not our 2-year-old’s birthday party.
We would be so much more financially stable, and the kids could have so much more if he didn’t have these habits. I also feel if he can spend that kind of money on himself, why is it such a problem to give me like $50 a week or something?
Every time this comes up he gets super mad and storms out.
He says “this is money I put aside so I can have fun because I’m so stressed out from work yadda yadda yadda”. I’m grateful that he takes care of us and I’m able to stay home, but I don’t think it’s okay at all for him to be doing this.
That’s $6000 a year just wasted away. AITJ for wanting him to quit his bad habits, or at least try to cut back so we don’t have “money problems”? Am I being ungrateful? Or is this totally wrong and selfish of him?
Edit to add: He is 100% against me getting a job and says he will not watch the kids, or pay for childcare if I go back to work.
We discussed equal finances before I chose to stay home, and now it’s like everything I say goes right through him.”
18. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Abusive Mother Who Is Now In Need?
“I (31F) was raised by a single mother with two younger brothers and growing up as a teenager it was like having Regina George as a parent.
She belittled me constantly, controlled everything, screamed at me over little things, and insulted me every day. She convinced most of our family that I was a compulsive liar. By the time I was 16/17, I was prone to bouts of depression and anxiety (was called attention-seeking for this) and body dysmorphia (she always called me the ‘pig of the family’).
She was putting pressure on me to stay at home for uni because it meant she could control me and that she could have a live-in maid because I did most of the housework by then. I went for universities far far away from home and when she found out, she kicked me out just before my exams began so I could ‘experience what living in the real world was like.’
My dad’s aunt took me in and I lived for the next few months at hers until I left for uni. My egg donor refused to help me out financially and told me to go into work if I was that desperate because she predicted I’d end up dropping out and relying on her anyway.
I cut her off not long after and my grand aunt helped me with money till she died in my final year. I managed to get through university with the money she left me and once I graduated, I had some money left over to leave the country and start afresh.
I moved to Ireland and there, I built a solid friendship group that encouraged me to get therapy. It took me a while but therapy, surfing, painting, and adopting a few greyhounds healed me. I began seeing my best friend and we married two years later. We’re expecting a baby girl in Dec and we’re moving back to his hometown in Austria when she’s a toddler.
I won’t lie, I’m still a bit in disbelief over how much I’ve changed over the years and how content I am with my life right now.
So this brings us to a few hours ago. My egg donor’s sister kept in intermittent contact with me over the years and called me today to say that my mother was living in a house with no electricity or water back in our home country (for reference, I’m British and hopefully soon to be Irish Indian).
She apparently was begging me for another chance because she was my mother and deserved kindness especially now that she was old. I laughed at this and told my aunt to tell her, ‘You can say I won’t ever help her and to not contact me again. She can experience what living in the real world is like.’ My aunt told me that I was totally ungrateful and I was being too harsh because in Indian culture, we respect our elders.
I asked my aunt why she couldn’t ask my younger brothers and apparently, they both dropped out of uni and even now struggle to hold jobs so aren’t as stable as me.
I’ve blocked my aunt’s number and my friends and husband are saying I did the right thing. But I also feel guilty because I can’t imagine it being fun being an older person in a freezing cold flat with no electricity either.
17. AITJ For Confronting My Parents About Favoring My Sister And Controlling My Life?
“My (20m) parents definitely favor my younger sister (18f), and she is really spoiled. Both of us are in college – I’m 3rd year and she’s 1st year. I’ve always wanted to study chemical engineering, but my parents, especially my dad, didn’t let me.
My dad works in computer science, and he forced me to study CS because he wants to micromanage my life, even though I would rather study ChemE. I’ve asked my parents if I can switch majors, but they said no, and my dad said that if I dare switch majors he will make me switch back to CS and leave my mom.
So for this reason I never switched majors. My sister, on the other hand, is studying graphic design, and my parents have no problem with that. They said that she can explore her interests, but it’s silly that I study ChemE because it’s a ‘useless major’ (my dad’s words, not mine).
When my sister started college, my parents bought her a ton of stuff for her dorm room, including a mini fridge, desktop monitor, and new clothes, which they didn’t bother to buy me at all. Recently she has been complaining about how gross the communal bathrooms are on her floor (which is the only option for first years), so my parents rented her an off-campus apartment that’s near her college.
She moved there, and they gave her one of their credit cards so she can order delivery food for herself if she doesn’t feel like eating in the dining hall. I don’t know about her college, but the communal bathrooms aren’t the best at my college my first year, but I just dealt with it.
I had more legitimate concerns, such as that CS is very hard for me and that I’m interested in ChemE, but my parents told me that I was whining and acting like a child.
My sister constantly posts about her stuff on social media, and it’s mostly her going to parties and stuff.
My parents never let me go to parties my first year in college, and still don’t. They often spontaneously called me (and still do), so I couldn’t go to those events because of the loud partying noise and stuff.
I’ve been really angry about this lately, so I called my parents and told them that they’re spoiling my sister, and that I want to socialize more with my friends and that I’m depressed because I didn’t get to study what I want.
My dad got mad at me and said that he gets to choose who he favors, and that ChemE is a useless major, and that if I party I could get in trouble. I tried to explain that graphic design is a useless major, and that so could my sister.
But he began screaming and calling me the spoiled, ungrateful child. Then I hung up on him, crying non-stop.”
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Partner 50% Of My Car Accident Settlement?
“So earlier this month I (21F) was driving my partner’s (22M) C5 Corvette when someone ran a red light at an intersection and hit me, totaling the car. I was the driver in the car and had no passengers besides my two dogs.
I was not at any fault for this accident, there were several witnesses that the other driver ran their red light and hit me. I was not seriously injured and my dogs were fine, just shaken up. My partner was upset that his car was totaled but was not mad at me, just frustrated with the situation, which I understood.
(Also note he knew I was driving his car at the time, and I had permission to do so.) An ambulance was not called and my partner drove me to the hospital afterwards. My injuries, though not serious, include the typical whiplash and shoulder/back pain, contusions, muscle soreness, etc. as well as a busted lip that was bleeding pretty badly at the time of the accident.
I was prescribed pain medications at the hospital following the accident.
After the insurance claims are filed with both parties my partner informs me we should meet with his attorney for the situation and I agree. Flash forward, and it seems I would be the one receiving money from the settlement, while he receives money from the insurance to compensate for the loss of his vehicle.
Knowing insurance can be somewhat stingy with total payouts sometimes, I agree to cover any difference if they do not give him at least XXXXX amount.
Now here is where the argument comes in; My partner feels he should get half, literally 50%, of my individual settlement and here are his reasons why: 1) I was driving his car 2) I got his car in a wreck and now he is without this vehicle (keep in mind he has another vehicle and this has luckily not put him in a bind for transportation) 3) He referred me to the attorney I am using and it’s “his” attorney.
I understand where he is coming from and already feel horrible I was the one to get the Corvette in an accident, but also am upset he is just NOW blaming me when he has already agreed it wasn’t my fault for the accident. Also, I don’t really agree he should be getting 50% when his car will be covered and basically all he did was be the owner of the car and refer me to an attorney?
I was the one in the accident, and again it’s not like I wanted someone to run a red and hit me. On top of compensating the difference, I agreed to give him 40% while I kept 60% of my settlement for him helping me with the situation and letting me use the Corvette that day, etc.
However, I know he is not happy with that agreement and he keeps bringing it up. He keeps saying I am the greedy one and he thought we would both be happy with 50% and we would both “take a win” from the accident. It is definitely putting a strain on our relationship, but I just cannot agree to 50%.
I feel like he would be trying to take advantage of me in the situation, and to me he feels like the greedy one. Am I in the wrong? Should he be getting 50% of the settlement on top of the amount for his car?”
15. AITJ For Asking My Fiancé's Parents To Not Match My Parents' Wedding Contribution?
“My fiance and I are finally planning our wedding.
Because we don’t want to burden our families by asking them to pay for the wedding (it’s OUR wedding after all), we plan to pay for everything and if anyone else WANTS to help, they can. We’re not EXPECTING anyone to help.
My fiance’s parents are really well off, to say the least. I respect how they earned their money, and AGAIN, we’re not expecting them to pay for the wedding just because they can.
His mom graciously offered to pay for our honeymoon. We say thank you and send them some details. We do plan to take two weeks off work, and the honeymoon outline that I sent them is currently set at 10 days abroad and estimated at $3.7k, and of course there’s room to change the plans since we have a whole year to plan it.
His parents don’t seem to have any issue with that other than making sure we will be able to take that time off of work.
Then, his stepdad steps in, saying “we’ll match whatever your (my) parents contribute to the wedding.” For context, my parents are NOT well off, but they brought us up with the knowledge that they might not be wealthy but that they would find a way to make things happen.
At this point, they have both said that they would help in any way they can. My mom offered to buy and make the decorations, and my dad is willing to throw money at things here and there.
I tell his stepdad thank you, we’ll try to find a way to make it equal. His stepdad suggests that I ask my parents to send us $5k and then he will send us $5k and we can do whatever we want with that in relation to the wedding.
This is where the problems start. As mentioned above, my parents are willing to help financially, but they can’t just give us $5k. I tell that to his stepdad, but he just doesn’t get it. He says “we need to see some commitment from them (my parents) first.”
This is where I admittedly lose my temper a bit.
I say, “They are MORE than willing and committed to helping in any way possible, but I am not going to cripple them by asking them to take out $5k that they don’t have just to satisfy a petty bid for ‘equality’. If money is this important to you, you can keep it.”
That’s where I intended to leave it, but then his stepdad says “We’re not responsible for your parents’ poor life choices. What’s important to me right now is financing our retirement fund.” Not okay.
I manage to say, “sounds good! I don’t think we have enough funding to support your meals at the reception, so I’ll go ahead and remove your two seats.
Thank you SO MUCH for your support and generosity.”
My fiance also told them that he was super disappointed in them, and told me that he is backing up my decision. AITJ? I’m willing to admit I was in the wrong.”
14. AITJ For Snapping At My Coworker Who Predicted My Sister Would Take Advantage Of Me?
“My (34F) sister (27F) and her husband are expecting their first child in February.
They are in the process of moving to a larger apartment to accommodate their new child, but aren’t able to get in yet as their new landlord is in the process of renovating the building they will be in. In the meantime, my husband and I are going to be letting them stay with us for a few weeks while they are waiting.
I’ve mentioned this in passing to my coworkers, and one of them (a lady a bit older than I am) has responded rather…strangely. She keeps telling me that my sister and brother-in-law are going to become very entitled living at my place for free, and that they will try to get me and my husband to do everything for them.
She warned me that I was not going to be able to get them out of the house even when their apartment is ready, and that I was signing up for years of free nannying. I’ve told her that I know my sister well enough to know that she is not going to take advantage of us like that; she and my BIL are both hard workers and anything but mooches.
I’ve also asked her why she thought they would act this way, and she simply said that she’s read horror stories on Internet message boards about these situations, to which I responded that the Internet isn’t always representative of real life.
Recently this coworker had a birthday, and our team all went out to lunch to celebrate it.
I went along even though I wasn’t very happy with her at the moment, as I knew it was mostly just an opportunity for the team to all hang out together. Things were good until she randomly said that she was sad that I wasn’t going to be with the company much longer.
I asked her why she thought that. She responded that once my sister had her baby, she would force me to quit my job and become a live-in servant for her. I snapped at this point and shouted that she had no right to slander my sister like that, and that I was going to file a complaint with HR.
I walked out right then, paying as I left. Some of my other coworkers told me later that they were upset with this lady as well, but they thought I shouldn’t have made a scene in the restaurant like that. AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Cutting Off My Half-Sister After She Drained Our Late Dad's Bank Accounts?
“My dad died without a will. His health had been declining for over a decade and he was aware of his imminent death. He left two legal heirs, my brother (30m) and me (35f).
My brother and I have a half-sister (45y/o) through our mom. I’m the personal representative of my dad’s estate. My dad did have a 401k, worth about 40% of his total assets. While this has yet to be proven, my half-sister claims to be the sole beneficiary of the 401k.
My dad had a good relationship with my half-sister. She wasn’t an integral part of our lives growing up as she went to live with her other stepdad and then went to prison for a few years, but once she was out she came to live with us for a bit while she got back on her feet.
She has mostly been on the straight and narrow since then, got married and started her own family. They live very comfortably and had a good relationship with my dad.
Right after my dad passed, my half-sister immediately began making claims about my dad’s wishes; according to her initial claim he wanted us to work together on settling the estate.
I initially was more than happy to work with her and planned on splitting the assets 3 ways. I was extremely transparent about everything, checking in with her constantly and setting up a Google sheet to document all court documents, transactions, receipts, etc.
A couple of months in, she got extremely pushy about renovating his house, going so far as to line up a contractor to do some major work within a week of our conversation.
She wanted me to agree to tens of thousands of dollars of work on a handshake agreement. When I signaled that I wanted to pump the brakes, she got angry and threatened to keep all the 401k unless I agreed to her demands. I hung up the phone and texted her that we should talk when she has calmed down.
She responded, “No. We are done!” I wrote her an email saying I couldn’t work with her like this, but that I would be open to seeing a therapist together to come up with a better game plan of communication. She never replied to it.
I’ve since realized that she drained my dad’s bank accounts the day after he died and lied about other important estate stuff.
As I was closing those bank accounts, I inquired about all the posthumous transactions which triggered a fraud investigation on her.
That prompted her to call. She did not acknowledge her wrongdoing. I told her calmly that I didn’t want a relationship with her anymore and to not call me moving forward.
She hung up and responded with a vitriolic text message claiming she was the good daughter, my dad was done with me right before he died (we had a big argument about him refusing a medical treatment), and that he had planned to disinherit my brother and me and give her everything.
At this point, I am considering just cutting her out. My brother is in prison and doesn’t care. Would that make me a jerk?
Edit for clarity: I have spoken to my attorney. My sister has no legal claim to anything. I am not liable for negligence of duty if I choose not to press charges (which is the only reason why I would press charges).
Apologies if this seems like an obvious AITJ, I come from a very messed up family and this behavior is some of the least egregious I’ve witnessed.”
12. AITJ For Honestly Assessing A Neighborhood House's Price During Its Open House?
“There was an Open House on our block. I went to check it out on behalf of a friend who’s currently out of town, but looking for a house in our neighborhood.
I bought a house on the same block with a similar layout and square footage earlier this year when the housing market was crazy. These houses were built decades back, and some homeowners have updated the interiors, while others haven’t. So there’s a huge variation in how much each house sells for based on the quality and ‘updated’ ness of the interiors.
I learned that the owner of the house being sold was a house flipper who had recently flipped the house and was selling it at a markup of $200k and was asking for 20k higher than our house. We bought our house a few months back when the market was crazy, so I think we ended up overpaying by $10k.
Not a big deal in an area where the median home price is $750k. But home prices have dipped a bit and markets have stabilized since then.
So during this Open House, we video-called our friend and gave him a live video tour with permission. We compared this new house to ours.
Ours was recently renovated, but a few years prior. The interiors were comparable in terms of quality. It was a different aesthetic which comes down to personal taste. I listed out to my friend the pros and cons of the house based on my personal experience living in my own almost identical house.
My friend asked me why this other house had a higher asking price and I told him there was no justifiable reason – this house was a little overpriced.
Now a few other potential buyers were within earshot and asked me questions about the neighborhood (not pricing). I responded to their questions honestly.
Our house faces a park. The house being sold was on a busy intersection with traffic at all hours, and facing a dumpster that attracts lots of rats and raccoons. I pointed that out. The realtor joined the conversation and said that another “much older” house in the same block had sold for a similar price recently.
I said they were referring to our house that had been renovated and updated 3 years back. And in retrospect, I felt I had overpaid a bit. So I didn’t believe it should be priced much higher than ours.
At this point, the owner had walked in and was listening in on the conversation.
I wrapped up my conversation with my friend (still on speakerphone) who told me he wasn’t ready to offer asking price based on my feedback. On the way out the realtor whispered to me that they agreed with my assessment but the homeowner decided on the pricing. Later the house flipper ran into me on the street and told me I should mind my own business.
He said I had reduced the market value of my own house with my little activism. On the one hand, I could have minded my own business and let prospective home buyers consult with their own realtors to make a decision. On the other hand, I don’t think I need to help realtors and house flippers make a few extra bucks.
11. AITJ For Refusing To Fund A Second Bachelorette Party For My Friend?
“My friend ‘Lucy’ got married in late 2019. I was one of the bridesmaids, with another good friend of ours serving as MOH. There were 4 other bridesmaids as well. Early on, Lucy told us she wanted to do a girls’ weekend getaway for her bachelorette. At first she picked an affordable getaway but then changed her mind and picked another spot, for a longer period of time.
It was going to cost a lot of money to attend, not to mention fell during a time some had to work. The MOH and I managed to get the money and take time off work, the rest of the bridal party said that it was either take off time and spend money on the trip or the wedding.
Lucy agreed obviously the wedding was more important and just the three of us went on her bachelorette. We had a really fun time but my friend did keep saying she wished everyone else was there. Understandable.
Other important factors: we all spent a decent amount of money to attend this wedding.
Lucy lives in a different state than most of her bridal party, only one bridesmaid is local to her. We were spending money on flights, Air B&Bs, the dresses, hair, nails, makeup, gifts for her, etc. Not to mention, all of us took time off work. And I don’t regret it, it was a super fun wedding and I’m glad I was there to support my friend.
Shortly after she returned from her honeymoon, Lucy started hinting at a ‘redo’ for her bachelorette stating that it sucked not everyone came. We all said we didn’t have the money or the PTO at the moment. Myself and the other bridesmaids -in private- at various points agreed we really had no desire to throw her a second bachelorette.
The topic was dropped for a bit when everything happened around the world, but occasionally, Lucy would bring up that we needed to have that bachelorette once everything cooled down. We all just ignored it.
Things are doing better now, all of us are completely healthy. This time, the MOH ended up contacting us, wanting to set up a second bachelorette.
All of us were honest, most of us are recovering financially from the past couple of years (two girls lost their jobs, my husband lost his so I was the sole breadwinner for a while, we’re just now recovering from all of that) and given how much we already spent on the wedding, it’s just not practical for us to throw her a second.
We said maybe we could all have a smaller reunion in 2022 but nothing like she desires (she wanted us to go back to the same expensive spot). I guess MOH reported this to Lucy, who shared she was really disappointed that she didn’t get a ‘proper bachelorette’ even though she’s been married now for 2 years.
I told her that she was being a little greedy. She had a fabulous wedding, bachelorette party, bridal shower, and engagement celebration (not all of us attended all events, but they were still thrown). At this point, we don’t owe her another lavish trip.
She and the MOH are upset with us, saying we’re making Lucy out to be a burden.
10. AITJ For Telling My Wife She's Ruining Christmas By Controlling Our Kids' Decorations?
“We have twin 5-year-old boys. Kai and Nick. Since they were younger we liked to get festive and include them in decorating the house. They were more enthusiastic about it this year since we moved into a new house with more space to decorate everything.
The last couple of days haven’t been so great. Last year my wife wanted all of us to do decorations exactly how she wants it and the boys mostly listened, well about as much as any 4-year-old would.
On multiple occasions, my wife has gotten frustrated with them because “they’re not decorating right” and they want to do things how they want.
Such as how to make their own gingerbread houses or what way they want to decorate their rooms. My wife doesn’t like how they want to set out their ornaments or stockings.
I’ve had to talk to her several times alone to remind them that they’re five and let them have a little freedom about what they want to put on their mini Christmas tree.
She always gets mad because that’s not how it’s supposed to be done. Me personally, I don’t see how it’s a big deal that a child wants to put a cut out of a snowman they drew on paper up on the tree as an ornament.
My son made it because he wanted it to be put on the tree. I got home yesterday. Kai was crying and having a tantrum. My wife was trying to talk to him. He said he hates Christmas and doesn’t want to do it anymore. And was complaining that mommy wouldn’t let him put gumdrops all over the roof.
Again my wife and I talked because this was honestly getting ridiculous. She insisted that Kai start over because the gingerbread house looked too messy according to her.
For me, I kind of lost it a little. I told her to stop being ridiculous. Let the kids have their fun.
My wife says she’s just trying to get them in the Christmas spirit so they can enjoy and I told her, “No, all you’re doing is ruining it for them.” Now I’m a jerk because she says she’s the one who’s been trying to make it all perfect and trying to show the kids how to properly decorate.
And I know Christmas is a special time for her but I didn’t like how she’s trying to force her ideas onto the boys when they want to express their own creativity in a different way. If that makes sense. She still thinks I’m the jerk for putting the blame on her.
Neither of the kids wants to help out with any of the decorations though and that’s really hurt her feelings. Even more after what I said. AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Confronting My Daughter-in-Law For Bringing Her Own Food To My Thanksgiving Dinner?
“I’ll preface this by saying that my (45) son Tim (23) recently got married to his now wife Sara (22). We get along just fine as a family. Though she tends to act passive-aggressively sometimes.
She loves food and is always open to trying my cooking. She said my cooking was amazing though she made a few negative comments about certain meals and advised me to use xyz ingredients next time.
I invited them over for Thanksgiving yesterday. The whole family was there. The bell rang and I opened the door to see Tim and Sara.
Sara was carrying what seemed to be a container. I didn’t ask about it nor paid much attention to it. Everyone sat down to eat after I set up the table and put dinner on it. My main dish was the traditional Thanksgiving dish every family in our community knows.
I had appetizers and side dishes and of course salad and dessert.
Sara then put the container on the table and started unloading food onto her empty plate. Everyone was watching as my eyes widened. I asked what she was doing and she said she brought her own food to eat since she won’t eat what I cooked. I was stunned I politely asked if there was a reason for that and she shook her head.
I asked if she was vegan she said no. I asked if she was allergic to anything at the table and she said no. I asked if she was having an upset stomach or anything but she said no. I asked then why not eat what I cooked for them all day?
She just smugly smiled at me which set me off. I told her that it was disrespectful of her to bring food to the Thanksgiving dinner that I was hosting. She started arguing that she gets to eat whatever she wants whenever she wants. I said it’s about basic respect and decency.
Tim asked her to at least try some of the dishes I prepared but she lashed out telling him that he and I were being unbelievable by deciding what she should eat and forcing her to take it. I said it wasn’t like that but she just got up and said she did not appreciate how I insulted her for simply not wanting to eat my food.
She grabbed her stuff, excused herself, and walked out. Tim quietly followed her and they left. I was so upset. Everyone was just staring. My husband said I should’ve just let it go and not comment on Sara’s food choice but I couldn’t help but feel disrespected in my own home.
He said I made dinner awkward by focusing so much honestly.
Tim texted me this morning apologizing but said I should talk to Sara to clear the confusion but I’m not sure if there was any confusion, she chose to bring food to my house after I cooked especially for her and the others.”
8. AITJ For Showing My Niece The Financial Reality Of Marrying Her Partner?
“My niece is engaged to her new partner. They have been together for 4 months and she is just 19. My brother told her that he will stop funding her life if she marries her partner.
My niece is pretty spoiled. She visited me last week. I think she thought I would be supportive because I was also cut off because I refused to divorce my wife.
She was telling me how she knew it would be difficult but she could manage because she loved him.
I asked her if she had a budget she said she didn’t. I offered to help make her one and she was enthusiastic.
She didn’t know how much he made and when she texted him about it he was being shady and not responding. So I assumed he would make 16 dollars per hour and work 12 hours per day for 6 days and 10,000 dollars in tips and I assumed she would work the same hours and make the same amount.
I then showed her how much things would actually cost and budgeted the figures in. I also emphasized that these were very generous assumptions on my part and it is a rosier picture than reality. It still meant that she would have to make substantial changes to her lifestyle and I think it dawned on her how drastically different it would be to be with someone without money and be actually married to them.
She asked me how we made it work and I told her that my wife and I had sat down for hours preparing budgets and getting ready to be cut off and we were cut off in our early thirties and already had two great careers and received other inheritances which had helped immensely.
She was sober and serious when she left my house.
She ended the relationship with him and moved back home. It appears she asked him about his salary and it was lower than my assumptions and that freaked her out and she ended the relationship with him.
She is upset and she said I scared her and she really misses him.
My wife said that I was a bit manipulative with my assumptions as I did know they were more generous than normal and she would freak out when she tried to make a real budget. I did know that and It does make me feel a bit bad. I feel like I played her here.
ETA: I meant 10K yearly in tips, obviously not weekly.”
7. AITJ For Googling My Fiancé's Family's Addresses To Send Wedding Invitations?
“I (26F) am engaged to ‘Jack’ (32M). Jack is very soft-spoken and kind.
He never argues or puts up a fight and honestly makes me feel like I have full control of the relationship. Jack still lives with his parents, ‘Bertha’ and ‘Dom’. Bertha is a devout Catholic who believes she knows everything. She has a holier-than-thou complex. She has told me on countless occasions that our marriage will not count in the eyes of God because I am not Catholic (I’m Protestant).
She tells my fiance that our marriage is a mortal sin and he will have to suffer the consequences in his afterlife. My fiance, who is very meek, never stands up for our relationship. He just sits there quietly.
Bertha is always finding ways to make me feel excluded and unwanted. The biggest fight we’ve had was when I started to plan the wedding.
His mother demanded a Catholic Church. I explained to her that our budget would be $2,000. Since her church cost $1,000 I asked her to pay for the church and my fiance and I would pay for the reception. This is where it gets bad. His mom was happy to plan the ceremony and excited to have it at her church.
She had no issue with paying for the church. After a month I asked her about the plans and wanted to share my ideas for the reception. His mother told me that she had planned everything. She used my $2,000 proposed budget and arranged for her side of the family to have a catered sit-down dinner at a hall for the reception.
Plot twist, my family wasn’t invited.
I ended up canceling the whole wedding and blocked Bertha’s number. I started planning the wedding alone. My joy was short-lived when it came time to mail out our save-the-dates. I asked my fiance to get the addresses for his side of the family.
Naturally, he asked his mom to verify certain houses since he doesn’t visit family often. Bertha became angry and told me that I’m not allowed to send out save the dates. In her own words, ‘My side of the family is very private. For their own safety and well-being, I can’t give you the addresses.
If you want them mailed out then you will give all the letters to me and I will do it.’ I was shocked. I tried to be the bigger person and compromise but she stressed the need for her family to be safe and didn’t want me to have any of their information.
I have had enough of her nonsense and finally put my foot down. I looked up everyone’s addresses on WhitePages and made a Google doc. Then I went to Bertha’s house and told her that I’m sending out the save the dates. Bertha proceeded to argue with me and said that I’m violating her family’s privacy and I’m being disrespectful.
So, I have one question, am I the jerk for googling my fiance’s family’s addresses?”
6. AITJ For Leaving Christmas At FIL's After A Surprise Encounter With MIL?
“I’m writing this while my husband drives and my family is not happy.
My in-laws either divorced or were in the process of divorcing. It was a really long drawn-out thing and I lost track. We are no contact with MIL due to how she treats me. We agreed in September to spend Christmas with FIL so he wouldn’t be alone, which means a two-hour drive.
We didn’t confirm plans closer to Christmas, which might be our bad.
When we got there we knocked and he didn’t answer so we let ourselves in. There were a few gifts out on the floor (no tree) and all the lights were off. I felt uncomfortable but my husband said he was probably sleeping and we should let him sleep.
I just assumed the gifts were for the kids and told them to go ahead (FIL is a really laid-back guy and wouldn’t care) but they opened the first one and it was a Tiffany’s box so I realized we might have messed up by touching the gifts. I kind of low-key hoped they were for us, but put it back.
Then no contact MIL came down half-clothed and started being like what on earth, how did you get in the house? I was totally shocked and my husband was uncomfortable. FIL came down and acknowledged that he had invited us but totally forgot. My husband said he thought MIL had a partner and then right in front of my kids FIL went on a rant about that guy (him using foul language in front of the kids has been an issue previously).
Then MIL saw the Tiffany’s box and yelled, “(FIL’s name) that woman got into my presents.”
Previously I handled MIL by walking out the second she ran her mouth, so I told my husband that was it and we were going. He tried to talk me into staying, but I said I was not going to be disrespected and I wasn’t going to spend Christmas with her.
My husband wanted to stay and at least rest a little and eat and my kids wanted to play with the dog, but MIL kept sighing and implying she wanted us gone. FIL wasn’t even that apologetic and kept caressing her and being weird, so I said we were going.
Now we are in the car and my husband is annoyed and the kids are cranky. FIL sent a long text about how we were in the wrong because we “broke into his house” despite him giving us the key, and said I shouldn’t have touched the gifts and he just totally forgot he invited us.
I’m so annoyed right now and feel the whole day has been wasted, but my husband is acting like that is my fault.”
5. AITJ For Wanting To Use Timer-Set Fake Candles Despite My Husband's Fire Safety Concerns?
“My husband (35 m) and I (30 f) just bought a house and received housewarming gifts—including two very nice (and expensive) fake candles that look realistic and have timers so they will turn on and off at certain times. My mom bought us the candles because she knows how much I love real candles, but she also knows my husband won’t let me use real candles because he is concerned about fire safety for our house and our dog.
Last night, I turned the candles on for the first time and he immediately asked me to turn them off or move them. His reasoning – they look too much like real candles and they were making him anxious. I relented and we moved the candles out of his line of sight.
Later that night before bed, he turned the candles off. I didn’t notice because he went to bed after me. The next day after work he told me he turned the candles off. I asked him why, and I explained to him that he messed up my timer. He explained that he doesn’t like seeing them on when I’m not in the room because he thinks it’s a fire.
At this point, I asked him if he realized that his stance on these fake candles was a little extreme and he said he didn’t think so. I pushed back saying that I gave up using real candles for him, why can’t I have fake candles? He pushed back and said that I can use the fake candles, but he doesn’t want them to be set on a timer because it makes him too nervous.
I pushed back and reminded him that he grew up never using candles and just needs time to get used to them. And I reminded him that a real fire would look and feel and smell different than these two fake candles my mom gave us.
We reached an impasse in our discussion, and once again I asked him if he at least realized that his position was extreme.
He disagreed and said he thinks the use of fake candles isn’t a necessity in life, so why do I need them? I explained that life is a dumpster fire in a flood, and sometimes it’s just nice to have nice things… like pretty candles on timers. He also explained to me that fire safety is very important, our new house is in a town that only has a volunteer fire department and no fire hydrants.
I agreed but reminded him again… that these are FAKE candles I’m asking to use on a timer.
In the end, I asked him if he thought that strangers would side with him or me. He thinks you all will agree with him that prohibiting the use of real candles and limiting the use of fake candles is a reasonable ask.
I think you all will agree with me, that what he’s asking me to do is extreme.
What do you think?”
4. AITJ For Inviting My Son's Ex Over After Christmas And Not His New Partner?
“I’m 59 and mother to Daniel (27). When he was 14, he started seeing Amelia. As the years went by my entire family grew quite close to her, me in particular.
Unfortunately, soon before their 10th anniversary, they broke up. Daniel was unfaithful to Amelia with Clara and started seeing her right away. His reasoning was that Amelia was all he’d ever known, he didn’t know himself without her and all that. “Losing” Amelia was devastating, as was his attitude, but I tried supporting him and the new relationship.
Amelia sent me a lovely message when they broke up, we met for coffee, but she asked for some time. Early last year, we got back in touch and have been talking once or twice a month since. Around this time last year, she told me that she was seeing someone and it was getting serious.
I never told Daniel.
A couple of months later, she posted her first photo with her partner. Soon after, Daniel came to see me, saying he’d broken up with Clara because he’d realized he’d made a mistake, he loved Amelia and couldn’t handle seeing her with someone else. As far as I know, he tried to apologize, she rejected him and that was that.
After that, Daniel started seeing a lot of different people, always bringing a girl over, introducing her to everyone, only to show up with a different one a month later. I didn’t like it but, again, I tried to be supportive and not meddle.
However, a couple of weeks ago, Daniel told me he’d bring his partner over for Christmas.
Now, we talk almost daily and I had never heard her name. I told him that the rule for Christmas had always been only family + serious significant others (Clara had come once) and I didn’t think a partner I hadn’t even heard of yet was serious. So I told him he couldn’t bring her.
He was really annoyed, but showed up alone and Christmas went very well. That day, I posted a picture of myself, my siblings and my parents on a social media platform and Amelia messaged me privately saying that it was really nice to see everyone and that she missed us.
I asked if she was in town, she said she was, and I invited her for a cup of tea the day after Christmas. By then, it was just me and my husband in the house again, so we had a lovely chat over tea and then Facetimed my siblings and my parents, who were all very happy to see her.
It was a lovely time.
Somehow, though, Daniel learned about it and he called me absolutely fuming, accusing me of being too hung up on Amelia to accept a new relationship of his and saying that inviting her over to the house and Facetiming everyone that day was “basically Christmas” and I was breaking my own rule because Amelia was not family.
He said I was favoring Amelia and not supporting him moving forward by doing this. At first, I didn’t think I’d done anything wrong because she’s a friend, but now my husband has hinted that maybe me inviting Amelia over when I didn’t let Daniel bring his new partner was unnecessary and I’m wondering if I was in the wrong.
So was I?”
3. AITJ For Calling My Partner A Trust Fund Baby After Discovering She's Been Hiding Her Wealth?
“I (23M) have been seeing my partner, Jane (21F) for nearly a year. We go to separate colleges about 40 minutes away from one another, but we still see each other multiple times a week.
I’ve noticed though that she always prefers to come to my apartment in a small town rather than me visiting her at her apartment. When we talk about family, she is always very reserved and just tells me that she’s not close with hers. As far as friends go, I’ve met a great deal of her high school and college friends who all seem average.
Now, she’s always presented herself as a “broke college student” and will actively say that fact whenever money comes up and laughs it off. However, I’ve noticed over the months that despite saying that, she refuses to eat fast food, she likes going on impromptu “mini vacations” which by her standard are just staying within the country but are by no means cheap, and she drives a car worth over $70k.
Last night we met up with a few of her “childhood friends” to shoot pool. A few of them noticed that I drive a Tesla that I just bought for myself brand new this year. It’s my pride and joy, and I will admit that I’ve done quite well for myself over time and building up my own income.
Here’s where the red flags start. They all called her by a different name. Rather than her name that I and all her friends I’ve met before call her by, they were calling her something else completely. All of these friends were also foreign, coming from Brazil, Spain, Ivory Coast, etc. Eventually while talking about my car, a Brazilian girl named Camilla asked Jane if she intended to ask her father to buy her one.
Jane just shrugged it off awkwardly with a “maybe”.
Throughout the night it became glaringly obvious that all of these “childhood friends” came from extremely wealthy families, so I asked Jane how she met them. She said that they went to school together overseas for a while and went to summer camps together.
Jane also spoke to most of them in languages other than English, mostly French or Spanish as that’s what they all seemed to know besides English.
After we left back to my place, I asked her what the deal was, and she said that she does come from a well-off family, and the name that her friends called her was her actual name.
She just went by a more common one when she came to our state because it was easier for people to pronounce. I felt miffed that she had been lying about her source of income for what seems like years, and that she actually had a lot more money than she had let on.
I asked her if I could look at her Venmo in which I see regular deposits from her father ranging from $400-$1000 weekly as an “allowance”.
I called her a trust fund baby and told her that she’s a liar for pretending that she doesn’t actually have money when she clearly does, and that she’s just masquerading around lower classes and likes looking at how we all live.
She got extremely upset with me and left, and is still refusing to speak to me.
2. AITJ For Opening My Partner's Gift In Front Of My Friends?
“I (23M) met my partner (22F) three years ago and we started seeing each other a few months afterward and lived together from mid-2018 until the end of 2019 when she got a job opportunity across the country (York to Oxford) and decided to take it.
Since then, we’ve been long-distance and have communicated by texting and calling, and sometimes sending each other letters or gifts.
About a month ago, my partner told me that she would be sending me a gift and that it was special compared to other gifts we’d sent to each other so I was excited to open it, but she told me that she only wanted me to open it if I was alone.
When the package arrived, I happened to have two friends of mine over, but I knew they weren’t judgemental and I was so excited to open the package that I just did while they were watching.
At first, it seemed like basic stuff she would send, but then I saw a few pieces of paper folded up and when I opened them, they were some suggestive photos she’d taken for me.
I tried to hide the photos from my friends when I realized what they were but it was too late and they’d already seen them.
Last night, I received a call from my partner and she was mad at me and shouting at me. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that one of my friends had carelessly mentioned seeing the photos and told her.
She told me that she was so embarrassed and that she only took those photos because she thought I’d be the only one to see them and told me I’d broken her trust by opening my gift in front of friends. I told her that she didn’t tell me there was anything of that sort in there and that I’d probably have stuck the photos up on my wall anyway and that my friends would have seen them in that way.
She started crying and rejected my efforts to comfort her and then hung up on me.
Today when I texted her, she didn’t seem as chirpy and flirty as she usually does and I feel so bad. I’m trying my best to fix things but I’m also still confused about why she was so mad at me when I didn’t even know about the photos.
I understand where I would have gone wrong but it doesn’t make sense to me in the context of the situation. Am I the jerk?”
1. AITJ For Forcing My Daughter To Try On My Old Clothes?
“Yesterday, me and my two kids (11M and 15F) were decluttering our closets. I realized that we all had plenty of clothes we never wore just sitting around and gathering dust, so the plan was to try and sell as many of them as we could at the local market and donate the rest.
As I was digging through some old boxes I hadn’t opened in years, I found several of my favorite dresses, skirts, and blouses from back when I was a teenager in the early 90s. They brought back so many good memories and I even tried some of them on, but I quickly realized that I gained more than a little bit of weight since then and there was no way I was ever going to fit into those things again.
I still wanted to see the way they looked on an actual person though, one last time before selling them or giving them away for good. So I called my 15-year-old daughter and asked her to try a few of them on herself. She has the same tall and slender figure I used to have when I was younger, and in a way I guess I thought seeing her wearing those clothes would be a bit like seeing my own self in them again.
I figured she wouldn’t mind, it would only be for a brief few minutes at most and the only person who’d ever see her in them would be me.
As you can already guess though, my daughter was completely against this. She’s always liked baggy, shapeless clothes like jeans and boxy T-shirts, and reacted horribly when I suggested she try on a dress or even just a plain blouse for a few minutes.
It took a whole lot of begging and insisting on my part for her to finally agree to try one of the dresses on, and even then it was only after I threatened not to take her and her brother to their weekly swimming classes anymore. I never actually intended to follow through with the threat though, I was still going to take them both to their classes regardless of whether she’d agree to wear some of my old clothes or not.
I was just looking for a way to finally get her to try on one of the dresses, but I suppose I could’ve handled it better.
Still though, I fail to see why it was such a big deal to my daughter. I would NEVER force her to go out in public wearing clothes she doesn’t like or doesn’t feel comfortable in, and I’m happy to let her express herself however she wants.
This time though, nobody else was going to see her in those clothes but me, and she was gonna get to take them off after less than a few minutes. Would it really have been such a big deal if she put them on for one or two minutes at most?
I honestly don’t see any harm in all this, but my daughter does and has been upset with me ever since.
Did I act like a jerk? I would really appreciate some of your guys’ thoughts.”