People Want Us To Say Our Thoughts Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit By Half-Sister's Kid?
“My half-sister and I are very close in age because my dad had an affair while she was pregnant with me.
Mom kicked him to the curb when she found out, and dad ended up married to my half-sister’s mom. When I would ask why my half-sister had her parents together and I didn’t, they would tell me my mom was a mistake in their relationship. For the longest time, they would imply my mom had been the other woman, an affair my dad had.
So one day I asked my mom if she had known my dad had been married when she got pregnant with me. My mom told me it had been her she was married to, not my half-sister’s mom. She even showed me their wedding photos which I had never seen before. My dad and his wife then told me it had worked out for the best. I told him I didn’t think so because my half-sister had what I never would, her mom and dad together.
He tried to convince me I wanted that for my little sister more than myself. I said I didn’t. I told him how it would have been nice to have my family all together.
That started quite a tension-filled household. Which was followed up by my half-sister telling me not to go home to my mom, that her mom was better anyway and I should stay with her/them, and me saying no, and her being hurt, and then we’d fight and my dad would get angry at me and he’d tell me to get over it.
When I was 16 I had enough of dealing with my dad and his wife and their refusal to see where I was coming from. My half-sister and I argued. She told me my mom had won and had stolen from her mom again. I told her that her mom was the affair partner, not mine.
That my parents had been married until dad decided he was going to go out and fool around. She called my mom some names that insulted her appearance as an excuse for what dad did. I told her to consider us no longer related. She told me that wasn’t fair. I was putting my mom before her.
I told her I would always do that.
We’re both 18 now and my half-sister had a baby recently. She fell behind in school a few times, and she has just started her senior year of high school while I graduated and started community college. My half-sister called out of the blue and told me she needed me to babysit so she could go to school and talk to some of her teachers.
She said her parents were at work. I was so mad at her for asking me. I told her no. She told me I signed up for that stuff when I became a sister. I told her I signed up for none of it. That all of that had been out of my control and was not something I asked for.
She got upset and called me a jerk. Then my dad started blowing up my phone about making her miss the chance to talk to her teachers and upsetting her because she didn’t deserve what I said.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should be asking her child’s father to step up and parent his child instead of expecting you to drop everything to accommodate her and her child.
Besides a lack of planning on her behalf doesn’t constitute as an emergency for you.
While you may be related to her and not by choice she’s not entitled to your time and nor is she entitled to expect you to babysit her child.
You told her 2 years ago that you’re no longer her sibling so she needs to accept it, as for your father tell him that he’s not entitled to your time and if he’s going to blow up your phone and go off on you for not babysitting then he can expect to get blocked and you’ll move on with your life without him and his second family in it.” G8RTOAD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your dad the worst possible thing to a child and invalidated your mother and his relationship which directly invalidates you as a legitimate child.
They played the narrative until your mother cleared the air, could you imagine what that would/could and does to a child? (actually, I don’t know what age you were when that happened but regardless I can’t imagine it was anything easy for you)
Furthermore to that, they played that same narrative to your sister who ate it all up.
Sounds like despite you not having a dad full time growing up you did fine and are now an adult. I suggest you go no contact with your dad, sister, and stepmom, they seem very toxic, and it’s not doing you any good.
Your sister sounds obnoxiously entitled. her language used while speaking to you such as ‘that’s what you signed up for by being a sister’ is indicative of what a golden child/spoilt/entitled person would say. Her child is not your responsibility, you already disowned her as a sister 2 years ago.” MyFriendsCallMeEpic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You DIDN’T DESERVE ANYTHING SHE SAID. But he allowed it and NOW that she needs help he wants to rug sweep. Nope. Nada. NO. GOD NO.
Not your monkeys. Definitely not your circus.
Sister needs to make childcare arrangements of her own. You are not an option to choose from.
You got mad at the gall and entitlement she had at BELIEVING she could ask that of you.
Not that she asked. Well, maybe that too. But still who is she to ask you anything after her heinous treatment of you growing up?
Did she REALLY TRULY believe that she could treat you so callously and then ask for favors?
You didn’t ask for your dad to have an affair. Didn’t ask for a sister and definitely didn’t ask to be an aunt.
Didn’t ask to be TOLD you would be given aunt duties.
For the record, your mom DIDN’T STEAL anything. She gave birth to you before she ever came along. Your mom will ALWAYS come before her.
Next time she needs a babysitter tell your dad and her mom to make arrangements for time off so they can babysit their own grandchild.
You want nothing to do with their drama.
However, be prepared this WILL NOT be the last time you are pressured to help her. Cut these toxic people out of your life so you DO NOT have to deal with the stupidity. Some people do not learn.” SuperHuckleberry125
17. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate's Friend?
Last night, I (M22) was walking my dog (Romeo, M3) when I got a call from my roommate (M21, fake name: Andy) telling me he was inviting some friends over. Fine with me, he called first to warn me and I used to work with 2 of those friends at one point. Those two will be called Brian and Zack.
He also invited another guy, Cedric, and C’s significant other came along. First time meeting Cedric, but saw him a few times at parties and didn’t care for him (long story, not relevant).
Romeo is a big dog but can sometimes be scared around men. When I arrived at the door, Romeo immediately barked at the sight of Zack, Brian, and Cedric.
Then, Cedric made the first comment that rubbed me wrong. He asked, ‘yo what’s wrong with your dog, why is he being a jerk’.
I looked at him kinda surprised he called my dog a jerk, especially when I didn’t even introduce myself yet.
During the evening, Romeo was going around, trying to get everyone’s attention (usual) except he was avoiding Cedric (very unusual).
A little later in the evening, we were smoking on my balcony, sitting in a circle, passing it around, with the dog outside of the circle, just doing his doggy things. I hear the sound of a lighter flicking, and I look toward C (sitting opposite of me). He has his left hand outside the circle, and my dog is right by his hand, trying to smell him.
I stood up, and asked if he just ignited the lighter in my dog’s face! He started saying things like
‘Chill out man’ ‘it wasn’t even touching him’ ‘trust me I’ve had dogs for years’ and ‘he’s a big boy he can take it’.
Each time I answered something like ‘yeah… but no.’ ‘Still, don’t do that’ or ‘just no’.
I continued denying any excuses he had because it didn’t matter to me, and it got a little awkward around the balcony. I get that my dog is big and barked at him in the beginning, but still. Use some common sense, a flame near a dog full of fur is never a good idea.
To calm me down, Andy said something like ‘we all do stupid stuff when we’re high’ and I really disagreed with that; I told Andy ‘We both smoke regularly, did we ever do anything to Romeo? No ’cause we’re not morons’. Calling him a moron was out of line, and he stood up (with a ‘ready to fight’ stance)
I told C to get out immediately, he started arguing but I went to wake up his SO and both told them to get out of my home.
C got out whining it was unfair, and Zack & Brian stayed a little bit. I immediately told Andy that I don’t want C ever coming here again, that he acted like an idiot and that being high does not excuse bad behavior with animals.
A agreed that C did something stupid with the lighter, but thought I overreacted by kicking him out while calling him a moron. Z has a pet too and agreed w me, saying that if anybody did this to his cat he would have lost it. Brian didn’t voice his opinion.
I shouldn’t have insulted him, it’s not in my nature, but he crossed a line with my dog, and I took it personally.
Romeo is my only responsibility, and I can’t tolerate anything negative done to my pet.
So, AITJ for kicking Cedric out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is a rude bully who was disrespecting you and endangering your dog. I also think you did not overreact by calling him a moron. He was being a moron.
Contrary to what your roommate said, it is not normal to antagonize and endanger a pet just because he is high. Sounds like a real jerk to me and he got exactly what was coming to him. Dogs can sense when someone is evil better than we can. Trust your (and Romeo’s) instincts and stick to your guns on this one.
I wouldn’t let him back in my house either. Glad Romeo has a good dog dad.” Aggravating-Humor-63
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, calling someone a moron is nowhere near as bad as someone who uses a lighter to try to freak out a dog. That you have any doubt about banning someone who torments animals while high or sober is absolutely bonkers.
You’re asking if you are the jerk for protecting a dog and if you think there is any situation in which protecting a dog from being around someone who almost set them on fire and believing calling them a moron was uncalled for makes you a jerk.
You should not be allowed to have a dog if people being sad at you makes you question if animal neglect is ok.” HannahAnthonia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The dude is rude, he threatened and insulted your animal, and an animal who’s friendly with your other guests didn’t like this guy. Always trust the animals. Always. They can smell the chemical changes of ill intent better than the rest of us.
True, it’s shared housing, but even in shared housing safety first. If someone is dangerous to a household member, they don’t come back.” MmeHomebody
16. AITJ For Not Sharing Food With A Child?
“I (22F) like to go on solo picnics on my own every now and then as a way of unwinding after work.
Today I went to a well-known park in my city where I packed a basket of food and a book to enjoy the last few hours of the sun before heading home. As I was reading and enjoying my snacks I had a little girl come up to me a few times which I would acknowledge with a smile and then go back to reading my book, it came to the point where I would just ignore her when I sensed her coming because I wasn’t up for engaging in a conversation with anyone due to being drained from work.
After about the 6th time of her coming up to me, she sat down on my picnic mat and started eyeing the food in my basket. I looked around for her parents and I shortly see her mum coming up to me and apologizing for her daughter disrupting me which I told her it was ok and carried on reading my book after taking her daughter back to the playground.
It wasn’t long till the next moment I knew the little girl is back on my mat and finally tells me, ‘I like strawberries’ pointing to the punnet inside my basket. I replied, ‘that’s nice, me too’ without looking up from my book hoping her mum would come back again to take her away because I was getting a bit uncomfortable.
Another lady who the kid referred to as her aunt came up to us and was telling me what a nice little setup I had. I thanked her and thought she would take her niece away, but then I hear the kid telling her she wants some of my food. The aunt then asks me if it would be ok for her niece to have some of my food.
I politely told her I wasn’t comfortable sharing my food due to personal preference and pointed out that there was a cafe nearby where they could purchase their own.
The aunt then calls me selfish and tells the niece that I’m a mean lady as if I was a young child. I told her that it was unfortunate that she feels that way but I’m not obligated to feed her niece and asked her if she ever heard of schools teaching kids to not accept food from strangers before.
She said that this was a different case and that she was asking me to share and it wasn’t like I poisoned it or offered to share with her niece without anyone’s knowledge.
I told her that I was sorry but I’m still not comfortable and started to pack up to leave, the mother came over as I was walking away and told her sister to leave me alone but the aunt kept yelling loudly that she hopes her niece wouldn’t end up being as selfish as me and this was why I was picnicking on my own, etc and caused the whole park to hear it and getting dirty looks from other parents who didn’t know the context.
I came home and told my mum what happened as a light-hearted story during dinner but she told me I should’ve just shared my food with the child even though she knows the reason why I don’t like to share food in general, and that she, ‘didn’t raise me to be a selfish person’ to the point I couldn’t have given her at least one strawberry.
I told her it’s not my responsibility to feed other people’s kids and that just because someone asks for something it doesn’t mean they will get it. Thinking about it now, I do feel like a bit of an ass cos it’s kinda petty and it’s not like I dislike children I just prefer not to interact with them.
So, AITJ?
EDIT 1: I do not blame the child what so ever, I understand it’s natural for some kids to just be friendly and curious but I was just uncomfortable that no one was keeping an eye on her especially since the sun was setting soon, and I’m just a stranger in the park trying to read in peace.
EDIT 2: just wanted to note that the family did not look like they were in need or any financial distress, in fact, they were well dressed in pretty high-end brands that I recognize due to being in the local fashion industry, if it was a case of poverty/medical needs I would not have been so hesitant.
However, even if it was a financial/poverty situation I would like to think that I still have the right to say no.
UPDATE/EDIT 3: The child was about 3-4 years old, well nourished, and dressed in baby Seed & Burberry. Needless to say, I think she was grand. I didn’t mind as much her saying hi and floating around cos it is a public space, but once she started sitting down on my mat that was when I was like ‘uh can someone pls come to collect their kid’ had I been a grown man this would’ve probably gotten an entirely different response.
I would like to clarify that I have nothing against kids and have worked jobs that involve taking care of them etc.
My current job is quite demanding and has a large social aspect to it so there are times when I am socially drained, the last thing I want to do is talk to anyone, much more than strangers (Not that I have to justify this).
I honestly feel like I don’t know how to approach strangers/families on these kinds of interactions as people are a lot more sensitive/entitled in the ways they/other people bring up/discipline their children.
I actually am pretty assertive and had the situation escalated I would’ve made a bigger stance. It was just with this interaction, (& for the lack of a better way to phrase it) I couldn’t be bothered talking or confronting the parents at the beginning, thinking if I ignored the kid enough the problem would go away (lo and behold, I was wrong).
For future solo picnic outings, I will be sure to bring a bottle of grown-up grape juice (& possibly a water spray bottle for negative disassociation like some of you suggested) as a way of implying to wandering eyes this is indeed a special big girl meal that they can have when they are older and financially self-sufficient.
I also would like to encourage everyone to also take a moment and time for themselves and solo outings like this (at least for me) are normally peaceful and relaxing.”
Another User Comments:
“This is just weird, to be honest.
Those people should have been watching their kid and not have let them just dillydally about visiting complete strangers.
They were totally negligent of what this child was doing, and when the little girl was begging you for food, they didn’t bother to teach her the principle that things that others have are not their own.
You went to the park to enjoy your own peace and solitude. You didn’t go to the park to provide food for all the starving children of the world.
Her mother took her to the park, she could have bought her snacks before she even went there.
That woman should have watched her kid.
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only is the aunt teaching her niece both really entitled and unsafe practices, but she is being extremely rude about it too. Imagine, this same scenario, but at a public restaurant…The daughter sees you are eating something she likes.
Instead of saying, ‘Oh that looks good, let me order that for myself’ she insists on having yours for free. I do believe the proper response to that, whether adult or child asking, is ‘No. I bought this meal with the intent to eat it all myself. I do not desire to share.’ It should be no different when picnicking at a public park because you purchased that food at one point too.
Also, depending on what your mom’s response is to why she’d pick a stranger’s side over yours… maybe you should sleuth out this aunt, and introduce her to your mom, cause it seems like she and your mom would get along well.” TheNewAnonima234
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ and your mom is an idiot, seriously no kid should be walking up to a strange to ask for food or anything for that matter from anybody they don’t know period, and the lady is also an entitled idiot who thinks they are entitled to everyone’s things even after being told no firmly, that and also too dumb to realizing that what she’s doing is put the kid in danger do to the kid is developing the habit of going up to strangers and asking them for something, seriously you’re NTJ, and both your mom and the lady are dummies for think this behavior is harmless when it’s dangerous, seriously that is bad judgment from both of them for not realizing it.” Apprehensive-Fox3187
15. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Contribute To Our Expenses?
” “We have been married for 2 years. My wife earns only 20% of my salary and never pays any bills. She sends all her funds to her parents every month. Her parents are heavy drinkers and lazy bums who are drowning in debt.
Every time I ask her to contribute, she tells me that I earn well and the house can run easily on my income alone. But I want to reach my financial goals as soon as possible. I am so angry today that I shouted at her that she should contribute at least 20% of her salary to our expenses.
I also told her I don’t care about her parents, and if she couldn’t do her part, I warned her that I would leave the marriage.
She owned a business before marriage, but she left it some time ago due to losses. Back then, she shared all the expenses for our dates, but now she is not sharing even a penny.
Edit: We were not married when she had the business running, and we were living separately. So we only shared expenses on dates. Dates are not that expensive when compared to house rents and other bills.”
Another User Comments:
“You guys need counseling if you want to stay married. Shouting at her isn’t going to get you what you want.
Her behavior with funds is also not good. Your goals should be shared goals, not just yours, and you would do well to discuss her helping her parents without moral judgment on them. She might not hate them, as it’s clear you do.
Counseling as soon as possible. Everyone sucks here.” Professional_Ad9013
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not the 1950s, she works she can contribute… Takes two to tango. Like it or not, financials are a serious problem in marriages and cause divorce. She’s blowing all her funds on her parents like they are her kids! If they were kids you could enforce boundaries and teach them to be better.
Get them therapy and whatnot.
Heavy drinkers are addicts. And you can’t help someone that doesn’t want help. She would be better off setting her money on fire, at least then she isn’t funding her parents’ addiction.” ObviousRascal
14. AITJ For Not Changing My Vacation Schedule?
“I work in Human Resources for a mid-sized company. For a variety of reasons I haven’t been overseas in 10 years, and I haven’t taken a full week off in three. In August of this year, I announced to everyone that I would be in the British Virgin Islands the first week of November and put it on my department’s shared group calendar.
It’s all I’ve been talking about and I even have a sticky note countdown calendar in my cubicle to mark the days.
My coworker Jane’s son Michael is five and in kindergarten. At his elementary school, they’re putting on a Halloween play, doing trunk-or-treat (handing out candy from your parked car), and making up half the school into a big haunted house.
On Monday Jane begged me to pick another week and said she didn’t know about all this stuff until now and if I take my scheduled vacation it means she’ll miss out on his first play and the Halloween festivities.
I refused, as aside from not wanting to deal with change fees, I have booked activities and I’m also attending a Halloween party.
But I’ve had a couple of other people imply or outright state that I’m being selfish, and Jane has apparently been tearing up at the prospect of missing her son’s Halloween play. So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s booked, paid for, and put in the shared calendar, everyone knew this. Jane needs to check the calendar better.
Her having a kid she needs to work around isn’t your priority to accommodate. If it’s a case of one person being off at a time, then that’s unfortunate, but still not your problem. If it’s not, then she can ask someone else to switch their time off.
I also think if you do cave you’ll set the precedent for other times like Xmas etc.
Enjoy your holiday.” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Also, as someone working in HR for a fairly large company, your boss is the real jerk here. Your leaves are what you earn through working – they’re yours to take when you want. If Jane wants to take days off, she should be able to, and it’s your boss’s job to figure out how to manage the workload when two team members aren’t available.
It’s poor form to tell someone they can’t take leaves they’ve earned.
Also, take more breaks. Not taking a week off for three years sounds horrible.” avittamboy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Aside from the obvious point that you requested this time off, missing kids’ activities is part of the deal when you’re a working parent.
But also kids have a TON of firsts and amazing experiences. I think working parents just have to have gratitude for all the great experiences we manage to fit into and be really present for those times. And suck it up and be realistic when we miss stuff. It’s not fun, but it’s going to happen and the world doesn’t owe us.
It’s great when it just so happens that work and colleagues can help accommodate important events. But that’s a two-way street. In this instance, your colleagues are going to make it possible for you to do an important thing that prioritizes your well-being. Go and enjoy guilt-free sunshine!” threerocks3rox
Enjoy your vacation.
13. WIBTJ If I Provide A Bad Review About The Massage Therapist?
“I (33f) (live in England, but am a person of color if it matters at all) had body pain today so went to a local Thai massage for a deep tissue full body massage today.
It cost (£50/ $56/€58). I can only afford it once a month. This place had good reviews, and all reviews mentioned the names of the two thai therapists. The reviews stated that the therapist listens well to what you need which is why I thought it would be good. When my massage started, the therapist kept focusing on the same area for more than 15-20 minutes so it began to hurt and become repetitive so I asked her if she can move to my back or the other leg.
She yelled at me and said she knows her job, and I was confusing her and shouldn’t tell her what to do. I told her politely it was my body and it was hurting so I would appreciate other parts getting attention too to which she continued being rude and telling me she knows her job and she’s trained. This spoilt the rest of the massage experience for me as I couldn’t enjoy it at all knowing I’d just been yelled at.
I wish I would ask for a different therapist but I didn’t because I was afraid. In the end, I asked her name, to which she asked me why I needed the info. I told her I saw all reviews had the names of the therapist.
Anyway, I told her I would write a review on how she yelled at me and spoilt my experience, and that I felt stressed and didn’t feel relaxed because of it, she apologized and wouldn’t leave the room (for me to change into my clothes) until I would promise I wouldn’t write a review.
She told me her boss would fire her if he read any negative reviews (there are only 20 5-star reviews on google). I told her how about this experience being a waste of my funds and the fact I felt stressed instead of relaxed to which she said sorry a few times which made me feel bad for her.
But I also felt bad for myself. WIBTJ for going ahead and writing a review without naming her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
That is exactly what reviews are for – to give others a heads-up about a business or person in business.
Additionally, she wasn’t sorry, she only apologized AFTER you said you were going to write a review AND she ‘held you hostage’ by not leaving to let you change into your clothes, until after you promised not to write a review.
If her boss is going to fire her for a bad review then either she has done this to others and had complaints (but reviews weren’t posted, maybe), OR he’s a cruddy boss. Either way, remembering how she made you feel, could help if you don’t want that kind of experience for someone else, so you feel ok about writing the review.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She essentially held you, hostage, in that room until you promised that you wouldn’t write a review. You did what needed to be done in order to get out of there, but you’re under no obligation to uphold a promise made under duress.
I’m sure you never intend to visit that establishment again, so you’d only be doing a disservice to future clients by not sharing your experience.
As someone who’s prone to anxiety and has a freeze response when someone crosses a boundary or treats me poorly, I would be massively grateful to read your review before visiting a place where clients have to be vulnerable and able to trust their massage therapist implicitly.” Sireyn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, massage therapist here.
Our whole job is to listen to your body and YOU. YOU are our priority and we are to check in discretely to make sure you are doing okay and what we can do to help your body come back into balance. IT IS OUR WHOLE JOB. Now I have had jerk clients and I know how to shut that down as well but I have never told someone that they are distracting me.
If she was trained your telling her about your discomfort would not distract her and if she was actually trained well she would have read your discomfort in your body clues such as flinching or tensing. Leave the bad review with a clear conscience knowing if she is fired she deserves to be before she injured someone.
Sorry for your experience wish I had been your therapist instead. Much love.” peitseoga716
12. AITJ For Not Giving My Phone To My Stepdaughter?
“So I broke my phone about 4-5 months ago and was able to get a brand new one through a scheme at work where I can pay monthly with zero interest, I’m still paying it off but my main contract ended last week and I got offered an upgrade that’s cheaper than I was already paying so I took it.
Anyway, my stepdaughter’s birthday is coming up (she will be 16) and my wife decides that since I have my upgraded phone that ‘we’ should give my previous one to my stepdaughter for her birthday as it’s still practically brand new.
I’m against this idea for a few reasons, one being that my stepdaughter has a major attitude problem, gives us zero respect, refuses to help around the house, and refuses to respect our rules/boundaries.
She is known to often shout and swear at us when asked to do anything or is reprimanded for her actions so I don’t think an £800 smartphone is deserved, to be honest.
Secondly, she doesn’t respect anything she owns. Anything we have bought her gets wrecked, she has zero understanding that not everything can just be replaced. In her mind, she doesn’t care because we can just replace it.
Her mother has already bought her/passed down iPhones and they always get smashed or broken and she just expects us to repair/replace them.
Above all that I just think she’s far too addicted to her phone. It’s constant if she can’t for whatever reason, she acts like a total baby about it. For example, we went on a camping holiday over the summer and she had no reception so spent the entire week, causing a bad atmosphere for the rest of us.
She would spend all night on it if she could, on occasion she has done when she’s managed to bypass the parental controls.
Also, the phone is mine, so yeah, I don’t want to give her it to break or whatever, I don’t really care if it sounds petty on my part, I feel like I am allowed to have my own things and if I want to either keep it or sell it on then that’s my choice.
Anyway, my wife thinks I’m being a selfish jerk for not giving her the phone as if I’m denying her a birthday present (she will obviously get something either way). If I didn’t upgrade then it wouldn’t be an issue in the first place, so it’s not like I’m robbing them of anything. It feels like my wife is just using it as a way to not have to buy anything herself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I am fairly against teenagers having smartphones, to begin with (sorry, but most parents have absolutely NO idea what these kids are doing, unfortunately)… Ultimately though, that phone is YOURS, and there are obviously many other reasons to NOT give it to her.
I would definitely discuss this with your wife though because it seems like her behavior is another issue that you two need to deal with (or just her depending on your parenting setup).
At 16 she should know how to care for things better. I would guess her lack of care is from items being replaced anytime she breaks them – that should stop.” SeorniaGrim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepdaughter needs to shape up, and her mother excusing her is not the way to go.
IF — and it’s a big if — your stepdaughter changed her behavior, would you reconsider?
Perhaps the three of you could sit down together and have a discussion. Tell her that her current behavior and treatment of possessions are not acceptable. Maybe say that if you see an improvement — such as being helpful around the house and acting more respectfully to you/your wife and respecting boundaries — she could have the phone for, say, Christmas.
But stipulate that the behavior MUST change and remain changed.
Good luck, OP. Between your wife and your stepdaughter, I’m thinking you’ve got some very uncomfortable times ahead of you.” CrazyOldBag
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, even if that is your older phone, it’s still yours and for sure has a sentimental value; so you would want to pass it on to someone who you know will take care of it.
And if your wife really wants to give her a new phone, maybe she should give hers and buy a new one.
Your stepdaughter is very spoiled and we can see why. She needs to learn to take care of things first, and help you and your wife with things.” Zarthebeast
11. AITJ For Making My Son Do Some Chores?
“I have 4 kids with my ex-wife.
Juliet (18), Michelle (16), Levi (15), Leah (14), and 3 with my new wife, Liam (5), Sophie (3), and David (6 mo). I work long hours and travel a lot for my job so we have a wonderful live-in nanny, Carmen, to help with the kids.
My ex-wife believes that men shouldn’t have to do chores or face consequences for their actions.
When our girls would go to her house she’d make the girls cook for their brother, clean his room, do his laundry, etc. and let him take things from their rooms. The girls don’t visit their mom anymore. The problem is anytime Levi gets in trouble at our house, he calls his mom and she picks him up.
No matter how hard I try, he never has to deal with the consequences of his actions and he’s becoming extremely rude and entitled.
Carmen’s job is to take care of the younger 3 and cook for the family. The only thing I need her to do for the older kids is drive them to school (except for Juliet, she drives herself to college).
Anything else that she chooses to do for the older kids is completely optional. She has a very good relationship with the girls and will gladly help them with chores, take their meal requests, pick things up for them, take them shopping, etc. but doesn’t do nearly as much for Levi because he’s very rude to her.
Levi got into an argument with Carmen over his laundry on Friday (she did a load of laundry for him and when she put the clothes away, I guess he put them in the wrong places) and he cursed her out and called her stupid and useless.
To teach him a lesson, I told him that he’s going to do all of her chores during fall break including the laundry for the younger 3, dinner for the family, lunches for all of his siblings, and changing David’s diapers (he’s on fall break this week and Carmen supervises while he does the cooking and taking care of his siblings).
He protested and called his mom to get out of it but for the first time since the divorce, she will not be available to get him out of this (she was out of the country for her sister’s wedding).
Levi has been pretty miserable since Monday (when he started doing chores) and is exhausted by the end of the day but his behavior towards Carmen has slightly improved. My ex-wife thinks I’m being cruel to him and making him ‘work like a slave during his break’ but he needed to learn his lesson.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“HARD NTJ. It astonishes me, that your ex-wife’s way of thinking men should not help around the house and wait on hand and foot still exists. Your ex is not doing your son any favors at all, if anything she is stealing valuable life skills from him every time, she gives in to him.
If anything, I think you have been a little lenient, and your son is the jerk. I will explain here. He will be heading to college. No cooking or cleaning skills, so he will become a burden to his school, and housemates. He will start going out with girls, and girls/women won’t put up with that nonsense these days.
Looking after siblings is a valuable lesson for if/when he has kids of his own. Then there is the way he treats the maid, which makes me wonder how he treats and speaks to his sisters and other women around him. You’re also teaching him the skill of treating those around him, and how he wants to be treated. You’re also teaching him to walk in another man’s/womans shoes before criticizing.
At this point, I think it would be worth issuing your maid the directive that she is not to help your son, he needs to be able to fend for himself. Now ask yourself a question, as a parent, which is very important ‘Is the job of a parent to make sure their child is prepared to meet the world?’ If the answer is yes, then your ex-wife is setting your son up to fail!” Working_Ostrich1780
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a former nanny, good on you. However, as you pointed out there is a big problem with your son in regard to gender roles and entitlement. It sounds like your ex is a big part of your son’s attitude and views. This is going to snowball into larger issues as an adult and a human being for Levi when he is an adult.
I think Levi would benefit from speaking with a therapist regularly, but I could see that being difficult given your ex backing these problematic views. I think at the very least it is time that Levi starts taking care of his own laundry, chores, etc. without Carmen’s help. Everyone else who appreciates what Carmen does for the household need not be affected, but Levi needs to learn this lesson if he is to succeed at adulthood and relationships with peers and future significant others.” Lalalabambi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t sound like it’s not doing him or his siblings any real harm because Carmen is still supervising and presumably would step in if need be. It sounds like a harsh but necessary lesson that is a long-time coming and well-deserved. Carmen is not his personal servant; she is employed for the younger children because they obviously require more care and attention.
Nothing wrong with that. Berating and demeaning others is never the way to behave; it doesn’t fly in relationships and will get you written up in professional environments. Although he’s probably really hormonal, he is not allowed to be disrespectful or hurtful over a simple mistake. While he is a child, he’s not a baby and can do some chores.
It’s best to nip this before it gets out of hand. I know ex-wife enables his behavior, but keep this in mind OP: Undisciplined boys with little to no respect for others (especially women) grow into undisciplined men with little to no respect for others (especially women).
You’re not his friend, you’re his dad. You love him, but also need to teach him right from wrong even if he’s mad at you for it.
If you don’t, he’ll behave this way as an adult, and society is going to teach him the lesson the hard way.
Side note: maybe when he gets old enough to work (it’s 15 or 16 depending on where you live) have him get a service job: waiting or bussing tables, cleaning, cutting grass, etc. It’s hard work but pays very little and you learn a lot about respect and effort.
He also gets the joy of making some pocket funds to spend as he likes.” Quirky_Assignment903
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go Vegan?
“My wife (39f) and I (39m) have been together ten years in January, married 7 last May. Our lives have seen many changes in that time.. new careers for both, including us going back to school (her getting a teaching credential, me getting a bachelor’s, and master’s/credential as we speak), a cross-country move.
Family sicknesses and passing. our (4.5) daughter, who is wonderful now, had a crazy birth that involved ‘brain cooling.’ Through it all, the best part of our relationship is the support and nurturing we provide for each other. I hope that I’m as much her rock as she is mine.
One struggle we both also share is weight issues.
She has been heavier her whole life (I still think she’s a smoke show), and me most of my adult life since I quit ‘cutting weight’ as a college recruited lighter weight wrestler. We have both tried several times, together and separately, many different diets and exercise routines, with varying degrees of success. Before our wedding, for example, we worked out hard together daily.
I lost 100 pounds and her 80, and it was the lightest we’d ever been together. She just wanted to lose another 40 and we’d be all set. We both gained it all back, ‘with interest’. Now to where we are currently at.
After our kiddo’s first birthday, she suggested we go keto. I fell in love with the lifestyle.
I lost 110 pounds in a year and have kept off 80 of it since. I am still keto today (with a lot more ‘dirty keto’ habits), and don’t plan to ever give it up. She lost a good amount also that time but stopped and gained it back. Since then, she has tried a variety of different diets, including keto on and off several times, as well as different cleanses and MLMs, with little success.
Through everything, my attitude is always, ‘go for it, I’ll support you however I can.’
The newest idea she has is going Vegan. Her psych told her it may help, and she watched a documentary about it. I’m all for her trying. The same attitude, go for it and I’ll support it however I can.
I’m so proud of her for always trying. However, this time, she is pushing me to try with her. She told me all about carcinogens and meat, and although I didn’t really understand all the research she cited, I love how head-first she wants to dive in. But I have no interest in myself.
I told her honestly and frankly, I would be all for her trying, and make accommodations for her meals as we do mine (if I grill like I do often, I’ll make her a portobello steak, or bean burger, etc.) but it’s not something I want to do myself. She said I would be tempting her and probably make her fail by bringing non-vegan food into the house, got upset, and wouldn’t talk about it anymore.
I love her and want to support her in any way, but don’t want to give up the way of eating that has literally changed my energy levels, moods, health, and abilities. AITJ? AITJ for not wanting to go vegan along with my wife while she tries to lose weight?”
Another User Comments:
“Simple answer is NTJ.
Now to get more complex, first things first, hands down you da man for being supportive of your wife and loving her as she is.
You don’t need to, and shouldn’t have to, and hopefully won’t change your diet cuz of her.
Relationships are about team effort and compromise, but there should always be a ground limit when it comes to health.
Health includes your diet.
Cooking extra food for her? Great! Going the extra mile when you guys eat out to find a restaurant that accommodates you both? Fantastic! Changing your entire life, so she doesn’t get tempted? Gosh!
I hope you show this to her OP cuz the next part is as much for her as it is for you.
Temptation is everywhere, you can’t walk 2 streets in a city without finding some tempting unhealthy snack or meal. As cheesy (pun intended) as it sounds, the power simply has to come from within. Make the decision and it’s yours; force yourself and you’re a ticking time bomb. Forcing somebody else’s diet will only make you both unhappy.
Forcer feels bad for where she put forcée, and forcée feels bad for where he is.
Best of luck to you both OP!” Big-Bug6427
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife has no right to insist you change your diet because she wants to. In the past, you’ve dieted and exercised together but that doesn’t always mean you have to do so now.
Keto is really working for you and part of being able to lose or maintain weight is eating food that’s both good for you and that you enjoy.
I don’t think your wife is a complete jerk but she sounds scared of failing again and has gotten in her feelings. Have a conversation with her – stand your ground but at the same time be supportive of her change and be sympathetic to any feelings she has around dieting and food.
She needs to speak to her psych about why she feels it necessary to insist you change with her.” Coffeeandcrimeglobal
Another User Comments:
“Her psych should not be giving diet advice, for starters.
There is nothing particular about a vegan diet that makes it helpful for weight loss.
In my experience, because you need to eat a lot of stuff like beans and nuts/seeds for protein and iron, and they come with carbs and high fat % respectively, I personally found it harder to maintain my weight than when I could eat lean protein and iron in the form of meat.
Or maybe I was just addicted to hummus and peanuts.
Anyway, obviously NTJ. You can’t make someone do any diet with you, and certainly, you can’t expect someone to go vegan, and on top of it, you can’t expect someone to give up a diet that has worked really well for them to try a different one for themselves.
There’s being supportive by e.g., not keeping giant blocks of chocolate in the house when someone is losing weight, and then there’s quitting all animal products. Rather a different thing, way too much to expect.” Left-Car6520
9. WIBTJ If I Don't Want My Father-In-Law's Fiancée At The Hospital When I Give Birth?
“I’m currently 30 weeks pregnant with me and my husband’s first child/first grandchild for both of our parents so everyone is very excited.
The issue arises with my FIL’s fiancé (MIL and FIL divorced when the husband was a kid) who has a tendency to stir up drama. She has caused issues between FIL with her husband, both SILs, and MIL at some point or another. (I personally don’t like her because she constantly insults my husband and his sisters and I believe she’s trying to drive away FIL’s children so his focus will be on her children but that’s a story for another day.) My husband and I believe it’d be easier on us and the hospital staff if she just wasn’t at the hospital.
We told FIL we did not want her there when I was approx 20 weeks pregnant, and he told us if she wasn’t allowed at the hospital then he wouldn’t come. We told him she’s allowed to see the baby once we’re home, we just don’t want her at the hospital because of her tendency to cause drama and don’t believe she’d be willing to behave.
He again stated if she wasn’t allowed at the hospital then he was not coming at all and he’s upset we’re ‘trying to isolate her from her grandchild.’
It came to the point where FIL’s fiancé has vented to my husband’s grandmother (FIL’s mom who I and husband live with and take care of) about not being able to come and she took FIL’s and FIL’s fiancés side stating that fiancé should be allowed since our baby would eventually be her grandchild and it’s awful of us to keep her away.
She’s been pressuring us ever since then to allow FIL’s fiancé to come to the hospital.
At this point, it feels like it’s them 3 against me and my husband (my mom and MIL say they’re ok with whatever decision we make and don’t have a preference, either way, they’re just excited for the baby).
It’s making me question if my husband and I should allow her to come or not. It’s not like she isn’t the only one who has to wait to see the baby since we’re only allowing the (soon-to-be) grandparents to be at the hospital. Everyone else has to wait until we’re home.
Does she being engaged to FIL automatically mean she’s our child’s grandmother thus we should allow her to be with the other grandparents despite the drama she will inevitably cause?
EDIT: Only my husband and I are going to be in the delivery room, my mom, MIL, and FIL would be in the waiting room.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not obligated to have anyone present for the birth if you do not want them there. Period. The mere fact this woman is dragging people into the situation who have no reason to be involved and stressing you out when you don’t need stress just proves she can’t be trusted to behave herself.
Tell – or better yet, have your husband tell – anyone still trying to push you to change your mind that it’s not up for debate. Any further argument means they get to stay home and wait for the two of you to decide when you’re ready to deal with them, too – and the more they fuss, the longer that’ll be.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if she was a flesh and blood grandparent, you could still say no to her. It’s YOUR baby and I’d go so far as to say that the pregnant woman is actually the only one who gets a say about who is there because you’re the one who will be going through a medical procedure and be half-exposed in pain and exhausted all day/night.
It’s about you and the baby, so what you say goes. I’m glad your husband is on your side, but even if he wasn’t, you being uncomfortable with her there should be the end of the discussion.
Your FIL is being a baby and trying to blame you for ‘keeping him from his grandchild’ when really he’s choosing to keep himself away when you’ve made it clear he’s invited. That’s on him, don’t let him guilt you.” taylorthetator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First of all, it’s not your husband’s grandma who’s pregnant so she shouldn’t be pressuring you to do anything you don’t want to do.
Your FIL’s fiancée will legally be your child’s grandmother when they marry but by marriage and in name only. If they’re not married when the baby is born, then technically she’s not a grandmother yet.
Maybe you should allow her to go to the hospital BUT do not allow her to visit the baby until you’re back home. The fewer people you have breathing over your newborn and touching the baby, the better. The illnesses going around plus being in flu season means you need to be extra vigilant about protecting your newborn baby.
SAFETY FIRST!
If I were you, I wouldn’t allow anyone to see your baby until you’re home. Let this be a special bonding time with your husband and newborn. You’ll never get those moments again. Everyone else can wait.” LoveBeach8
8. AITJ For Wearing A White Dress On My Sister's Wedding?
“I (28F) was invited to my sister’s (32F) wedding on October 4th, 2022. For months my sister planned for her wedding, and about 4 months before the wedding she let us know her maid of honor, bridesmaids, and all other things to do with guest roles, etc. Well, I was one of her bridesmaids.
My sister didn’t want to buy all of the bridesmaids’ dresses as she wanted us to contrast and feel comfortable in our dresses but one thing she let us know was that the bridesmaids were to wear WHITE dresses.
A few weeks later I went bridesmaid dress shopping. I really care about my sister, so I put a lot of thought and time into choosing my dress hoping it would be okay for her wedding. I found this beautiful lace corset, a long white dress. This dress was EXPENSIVE, around £1500 and the boutique had a no-return policy unless the dress was broken or ripped. Meaning once I had bought it, I couldn’t return it.
So, I decided to be the smart person and have my sister come round to the boutique to see me in the dress the next day.
My sister was overjoyed. She exclaimed she LOVED the dress and it was perfect for her wedding. She insisted that I should buy it. So, I bought it for £1500.
I was the first bridesmaid to get their dress. All of my sister’s friends seemed almost a little too laid back.
A week before the wedding comes and I woke up to texts and calls from my sister, friends, and family. Most of the ones from friends and family were letting me know my sister ‘Had to talk.’ I open my sister’s texts and see.
‘Change of plan, I do not want bridesmaids wearing white. White is for the bride and all the other bridesmaids are now wearing teal. Please buy another dress, Thanks xx.’
My heart literally sank, I did not have enough funds to buy another dress after the funds I spent on that dress. I let my sister and family know this and attended the wedding but everyone was giving me dirty looks and stares, especially the groom.
My sister was infuriated with me afterward and my entire family is ignoring me. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First off, it’s completely suspicious that no one had their dresses and seemed to be laid back, cos they knew teal was the color, not white from the beginning, not 1 week beforehand. Like teal (in my mind) is a summer color, where is everyone getting a teal dress at a week’s notice – delivery, fit, etc?
Your sister was setting you up to fail here. She watched you drop £1500 on a dress after okaying it and seeing it on. I think she didn’t want you at her wedding party. Maybe you looked too good in the dress? Maybe she was jealous of said dress? Who knows, but she did you dirty here.
I’d rather not speak to people who think that this is acceptable.” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“Oh well, awkward but NTJ. Two things.
Your sister (or literally ANYONE) should have been on the ‘white for bride and no one else’ page from the beginning. That is the norm. Not required, of course, bride’s choice. She didn’t care, even preferred bridesmaids in white, then literally last minute she changes her mind (I suspect that someone convinced her that she needed to be more traditional) and that makes it a problem – for you.
I don’t know where all the brains are in this bridal party (no offense). It’s obvious to me the solution was to buy a packet of teal RIT dye to color the white dress you bought. But you didn’t, you wore what you bought as is and, in my opinion, that’s perfectly fair from the point of view of funds invested.
I mean this reads like the entire bridal party didn’t have a clue/concern about bridal traditions in the slightest during planning but then those same people are all butt hurt about those same traditions being violated on the day. Wack-a-doodle.” not_inacult
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, leaning NTJ.
You didn’t have to wear the dress.
Surely you had something else in your closet that would have met the dress code and you could have attended as a guest. Also, $1500 on a non-returnable white dress from a boutique sounds… a little like a wedding dress, honestly, and I don’t understand why you spent THAT much funds on this. $1500 is the wedding dress budget, not the bridesmaid budget.
There are plenty of other boutiques, stores, and websites that have nice and more affordable options with return policies. For example, Azazie has nice bridesmaid dresses for just over 100 dollars and they’re returnable.
BUT.
Your sister is a massive jerk for pulling this stunt. This was deliberately planned to make you look like a jerk.
You may want to consider showing the approval texts etc to your family if you haven’t, and make the case that if it was so important to suddenly have teal (and I assume the rest of the party was in teal, too) that someone needed to front you the funds for a last-minute dress.” RoseDelirium21
7. AITJ For Making My Dad's Fiancée Cry By Calling Her A Brainless Flirt?
“I (16F) live with my dad (48M) and his fiancée (37F) and her son (17F).
I’ve been living with my dad since I was ten and met his fiancée when I was 12. The other day when we were at my grandma’s (dad’s mother) house for the occasional visit.
Before I go on and say what happened In the situation that I and my dad’s fiancée don’t have a good relationship so this type of thing was normal but it always worked to make me jealous.
So the conversation was on the topic of their wedding plans, and how she (the fiancée) hopes to make her son’s SO one of the bridesmaids. My grandma was initially confused about why she couldn’t make me a bridesmaid, and then this witch said the most random thing ever in her usual snarky voice, ‘well OP doesn’t have a job so she won’t be able to afford the dresses I’ve picked for the bridesmaids’, I was so angry at this point and she knew this was a sensitive topic for me as I had been applying to everywhere with my CV the last few months and known I got rejected. I thought about how she never worked for anything in her life and used and mistreated my dad to the point of exhaustion with her spoilt background, applying to colleges but never making it past a year, saying, ‘it wasn’t for me’.
I was very much full of anger and just shut her down yelling she was one to talk, and nothing but a brainless flirt who never worked for anything in her life, and that I can’t believe my dad stooped so low for a high school diploma.
Everyone looked at me shocked, including my dad, and it ended with my stepmom crying about how it was a ‘sensitive topic’ for her and that I didn’t know anything and I’m a ‘sorry excuse for a daughter’, everyone stopped talking to me for the whole day.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have a private combo with your dad. Lay down boundaries as early as now on how involved you will be with his new family. Cover your bases by making sure you can afford to move out once you turn 18. Because that woman will kick you out even without your dad’s consent.
Just continue with job hunting, rejections are normal so just keep at it. Save as much as you can and make sure your funds are secure and not something she can touch. Also, secure your documents now so that she has nothing she can use to mess with you.” missywitchy1975
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, to varying degrees.
Your dad and dad’s fiancée suck big time for making you buy your own bridesmaid dress for their wedding, publically excluding you from their wedding in favor of a non-relative, and mocking you about your job situation. You suck for stooping to clichéd gendered insults and for your assumptions that a college degree = a superior person and a high school diploma = an inferior person.
I know plenty of people who are intelligent, hardworking, and successful with just high school diplomas alone (though I don’t know whether that applies to your dad’s fiancée in this case).” strokerd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your father is the problem here. He is not protecting you and allowing his fiancée to mistreat you in your own home.
Don’t let anyone convince you that this is anything but the situation that she has created. She is bullying a child, and by not stopping it, your father is participating in it. That is terrible parenting!
Perhaps you should see if you could live with your grandparents instead. You are not safe in that house.
And I recommend you show your father this post and the comments. Perhaps it will open his eyes to how much he is failing you, and make him set some serious boundaries. He is your father. He’s supposed to protect you, and instead, he’s enabling her to be a jerk to you. It needs to stop – he needs to stop her.
And if he won’t… Please think seriously about living somewhere else. The damage this is doing to you is very serious, please be safe OP.” Accomplished-Cheek59
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You are sixteen and thus (in most places I know) a juvenile. You should not be expected to pay for ANY of the crap that bridesmaids are expected to pay for.
Your stepmom was completely out of line for her comments.
(As an aside, it is a bit non-traditional, but there would be nothing wrong with outfitting you with a nice tux so you could stand on your father’s side as a groomswoman).
That said, I do think you were out of line for going off on her.
Especially in calling her a ‘brainless flirt’ and ridiculing her lack of education. You may be a juvenile, but I do think you are old enough to understand that those kinds of words can hurt a person… and that two wrongs don’t make a right.
Additionally, I put a lot of fault on the other adults around you.
As soon as stepmom started with the snark, they should have had it down.” VerySurlyPerson
6. AITJ For Visiting My Family Too Much?
“I (F/30) married my husband (M/33) two years ago and moved to his hometown. Moving was hard for me.
I’m a family person (he knows that) and I moved 2 hours away from my family. Moving to his hometown was the best option back then. He had a good job, but I didn’t. From the beginning, I made it clear to him, that I wanted to visit my family regularly. He agreed and told me it was no problem.
Flash forward two years later. My visits appear to be a problem. Life in his hometown is not easy. His mother is… not easy. She throws a fit every time I leave town to see my family, which is every second weekend for one or two days. My husband also says it’s too much and says it prevents me from building up a life here, but I think it does not.
I have found a job and friends. I make sure we have time for each other as a couple and that we can visit his friends and family. Is he right, though? Do I visit my family too much? I just miss them so much. AITJ?
Edit: He is always invited to join me at my fam.
My family adores him. He joins every two months. He finds it too exhausting to travel after a full week of work. I can understand that.
Second edit: I realized that my husband and I do have communication issues. When he came home from work, we sat down and talked, really talked, and we realized we completely misunderstood each other.
He said he is fine with me traveling to my family, he just wants me to be more flexible with my schedule in case we want to do something together or we want to visit some friends. We also talked about the MIL issue, and he agreed that we need to set more boundaries.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – so, you see his family every week, and he goes to the club or gym 3-5 times a week. Why is visiting your family for 2-4 days a month a problem? What need does your husband have that isn’t being met? Because it sounds like the only problems are your MIL’s fits (not your problem to deal with), and some indistinct idea your husband has of what ‘building a life here’ looks like.
If you did stay home more, what would change for him? Why would it be worth it? He needs to give you better reasons.
You have told him specifically that staying home would mean missing out on meaningful time with your family. If he feels like your relationship is suffering because of your visits then consider therapy.
You should both feel valued and dedicated to one another, but the time you spend together is not the only measure for a healthy relationship. Plenty of people spend far more time apart and still maintain a good partnership.” desirerich
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
Look, you’re an adult, and if you want to spend your weekends traveling to and visiting your family that’s your prerogative.
But. If my spouse was leaving for the whole weekend every other weekend I’d be upset about it too to be fair. Most people work during the week and so the weekends are when you spend most of your quality time with friends/family. You’re not around for half of his free time so I imagine he feels a bit lonely because you’re always gone.
You choose to move to his hometown. If it’s not what you wanted you should’ve spoken up at the time, and if it’s not working for you now you need to have a conversation with him about it.” NJtoOx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is being controlling, don’t let him isolate you from your family and/or friends.
This is an enormous red flag, sometimes they mildly start criticizing your visits, and then they start making scenes or being dramatic about that. I think he is already gone too far saying that visiting your family once/twice a month is preventing you to build your own life there. Manipulative people process this in a very slow way and sometimes we end up understanding what they’ve been doing when it’s too late.” AhoraMeLoVenisADecir
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. It is clear you both are very different perspectives and expectations and they are not compatible.
You both need to sit down and really discuss it, probably in couples counseling. It is clear you aren’t really at home where you are and he very much is. This just screams two very different people have very different ideas and no one is properly communicating.
It does seem like you aren’t really committing to the life you have with your husband living where you are. Now why that is could be a whole lot of different reasons, he also doesn’t seem to be really seeing you, and maybe your unhappiness.
You both need to communicate way better and actually put more time and effort into each other and creating a life that works for both of you.” Nienna000
5. AITJ For Taking Up Space At The Bar?
“I (21F) am not the most social college student. I am in my third year of university and still don’t have a single friend. I usually spend most of my days in my room playing MMOs (massively multiplayer online games). However, when I’m feeling particularly depressed, I like to dress up and go out.
Last night I decided to go to this local bar really popular at my college. Like, extremely popular. I sat at the bar by myself, read a book, and drank some ginger ale (I don’t drink). I was there for a while. Two-ish hours later, the place is slammed. Almost all the seats are taken.
This girl approaches the bar and asks the bartender loudly if they can tell me to move. I heard her and was worried I did something wrong but was too shy to say anything so I continued to look at my book. The bartender said something along the lines of ‘No, she’s a paying customer and there’s an open seat right next to her.’
The girl then loudly complains that I’ve been sitting by myself for over an hour so clearly, I don’t have any friends here, and as such I’m wasting a valuable bar seat so now there aren’t enough seats for her, and her friend group to sit together. The bartender argued with her for a bit—right in front of me, I might add—but at that point, I just felt really embarrassed and dumb for trying to be there and fit in when it was obvious no one wanted me there, so I just got up and closed my tab and told her she could have the seat and left.
I haven’t left my room since outside of going to class. Was she right? Am I the jerk here?
ETA: To clarify: there were still a few open seats in the bar itself, just not enough open seats at the bar next to each other for the girl and her friends to sit down together without having to split up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being in a bar seat, though I hope you tipped the bartender way more than 20% of ginger ale if you sat at a busy bar for over two hours. I’m confused about why you say you were trying to fit in. If you want to hang out at a bar solo and read, go for it!
But reading alone at a bar is not fitting in, it’s blatantly doing something different from most others in that location. You have no idea whether anyone else would have liked to chat with you or anything because you closed yourself off. If you’d like more social interaction in your life, try picking a quieter night or time, or place and try to have a brief conversation with the bartender.
They’re working so it’ll happen in spurts, but the best bartenders are great at including patrons and sparking interaction – even if you want to spend most of your time there reading.” no_good_namez
Another User Comments:
“No you’re NTJ; the bartender literally said you’re not. You are not the only woman to go sit at the bar, people-watch, drink soda, and read.
You have every right to take up the seat as much as the girl and her friends, in fact, more so as your body was in the seat before she demanded it. Take up whatever space you want, regardless of someone else being bothered. No one has a right to make you feel small or less entitled. I don’t like people because they act like that girl did but I do still like to people-watch and see humans be humans however, I do not apologize.
You are in no way the jerk.” Jaded-Pepper-7950
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But the bar isn’t where you want to be. You don’t drink and while the atmosphere might be nice, you’re still at a bar alone. And that’s being around people, not with them.
That girl wasn’t right. That is an absolute. You are a person taking up space just as much as she would be a person taking up space.
So sad for her that she didn’t get there first.
However, you play MMOs. Hook into that aspect and you might be able to make friends. Most universities/colleges have groups – tabletop, D&D, gamers, book clubs for different genres, etc. Have you looked into any of them? I get that it would be nerve-wracking to do so, but also could be beneficial. Look into the clubs and message their leaders.
Feel them out just like you would do for any guild/group online. If they seem cool, check out the club. If that seems cool, invest some time in it. You can always quit if you don’t like it.
But sitting in a bar by yourself will not get you a social life. You’re allowed to do it if that is what you want.
No social impropriety at all, if you want to sit at the bar and read a book. (I drink, but I like to do it too. There’s a special excuse for people-watching to be had.)
But if you want to be/get social? Hopefully, there are other paths to be had (really there has to be, if not through school then through the community – we nerds and geeks are everywhere) and I think you should test them out.
Good luck.” Ladygytha
4. AITJ For Explaining The Meaning Of My Colleague's Baby's Name?
“I’m an Italian woman who works for an Italian company that has a close working relationship with a few American companies. More specifically I am the Italian liaison of a kinda big department in one of these companies, so basically, everything that my American colleagues decide comes through me and I relate it to my Italian colleagues.
In the years I’ve worked there I’ve made good friends with some of these American colleagues and this past summer one of them, S (F early 30s), invited me to her house in the US. I had been to the US many times before that, but always for work, never for leisure, so I was really happy!
It’s the 4th of July and S has organized a nice party; I meet other people who work for the same company but whom I didn’t know, amongst them M (F, mid-late 20s) with her newborn baby girl Gigi. I’m not big on children so I mostly ignore the baby, but I talk to M for a while and with other people too.
At some point in the evening M tells me that her husband is Italian too and they wanted to choose an Italian name for their baby to honor his ancestry so they went with Gigi. I knew this name was used for girls in the US, but I didn’t know someone thought it was an Italian name.
So I tell her that while Gigi exists in Italy as a name, it is not a girl name and in Italy, there’s a law that says you can’t name a child with a name that it’s traditionally used for the opposite gender and ‘neutral’ names do not exist.
She’s like ‘what do you mean?’ and I tell her that Gigi in Italy is a nickname for Luigi and that if she comes to Italy and introduces her child as Gigi Italians will think she has a little boy named Luigi.
At this point poor M starts wailing, sobbing that I’m just being mean, I’m making fun of her, I’m jealous of her (??), saying that her daughter is not named after a stupid videogame character. I tell her that Luigi (and Mario too for that matter) are completely normal Italian names, that have existed for centuries or even thousands of years before the creation of video games.
This does not calm her down at all.
M is having a nervous breakdown and someone calls her husband (who was at work) to come to pick her up. They leave shortly after and I realize I’ve inadvertently ruined the party for everyone.
AITJ for telling this girl her baby’s name is not what she thinks it is?
EDIT1: M’s husband is not really Italian, just has some ancestry, as far as I know, he doesn’t speak any Italian nor has been to the country but M told me they wanted to visit with the baby in the near future (that’s why I told her that if she introduces her newborn to Italians as Gigi they will initially think it’s a boy).
He doesn’t even have an Italian-sounding name, he’s named something WASPy like John Smith Jr.
EDIT2: I don’t generally hang out with mums and children so I was a little out of my depth and I just thought that would have been funny trivia. Also, M had been telling the group earlier that she was upset her maternity leave had ended so soon and hated not being with little Gigi all the time, I should have connected the dots.
EDIT3: Yes, M’s reaction was over the top but she’s a nice person, a young mum protective of her child. I didn’t mean for this to become an attack on her character.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, because there was no point in telling her that. She loves the name, and she loves her newborn daughter.
It’s not really going to damage the kid to have that name, even if it wouldn’t be seen as a girl’s name in Italy. You’re not big on kids and were largely ignoring the baby, so M’s statement called for a smile, an ‘oh it just makes me think of the musical,’ and a subject change.
She was just telling you about the name to try to relate to you; probably badly, in what is a kitschy stretch, but at a company gathering it’s worth accepting such efforts in the spirit intended.
Sometimes being right, and pushing your rightness, is being mean.” calling_water
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Her overreaction but you saw she was having a breakdown and decided to be condescending by talking about the video game name.
She relied on her husband to guide her in regard to Italian names and you let her know it was a very stupid decision in Italy. Does it matter? They obviously aren’t Italian citizens so Italy would have to deal with the name as they would any other noncitizen foreign name, wouldn’t they?
So what was the purpose?
It looks snobby to me mostly bc of how you acted when she freaked out. Just needless to double down but you did.
Also for all the other condescending comments about them him not being a real Italian because he’s American, he could honestly have a full Italian family with parents straight from Italy and he might not know that info because immigrant parents assimilate in different ways.
They do it on purpose and decide amongst themselves what is important to pass along and what they don’t care about at all.” Far-Side2489
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there’s no way you could have known she would react that way. I would have said no jerks here because it’s understandable that an American would immediately associate Luigi with the Mario games, but her reaction was way out of proportion.
If you want to make peace though, which it’s probably worth doing, maybe send her an email or a letter explaining that you genuinely were not thinking about the Mario games (maybe exaggerate and say that you barely know anything about those games), that you think her daughter’s name is beautiful and Italian people will love it even if they think it’s Luigi at first, which is a beautiful name as well.
Mentioning some people you know or some public figures called Luigi might help.
Again, I don’t think you’re the jerk, but I can see why she was wounded, and hopefully getting an explanation will inspire her to apologize for how she reacted. If not then at least you know you’ve done your best and it’s not your problem anymore.” exorcius
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Her reaction was obviously ridiculous… but your delivery left a bit to be desired. You should have taken the tone of Gigi is typically a nickname for Luigi in Italy, isn’t that funny! If you go for a visit your daughter will be a gorgeous surprise given how strict the natives can be about name gender.
There was really no need to tell her that what she thought was a lovely tribute to her husband doesn’t really make sense and that her newborn daughter would be mistaken for a boy named Luigi.
For your information, in many Italian American cultures, Gigi is thought to be an Italian name meaning Princess of God or loosely translated to English as a gift because God is good/glorious.
We just kinda ignore the great Uncle Gianluigi ‘Gigi’ and the whole gendered name thing, we also have the good sense to not mention to my cousin’s Australian husband Ashley that he is a chick.” Kind-Philosopher1
3. AITJ For Reporting My Professor To The Dean?
“There is a new professor (29f) who joined the university I attend, and she is one of the most stuck-up and difficult faculty members I (20f) know. She has a whole list of policies when it comes to classroom management, which includes a line about how no consultations will be entertained unless an appointment has been made at least one day in advance, and it has to include the questions you want her to answer.
She claims it’s to ensure that every session is efficient and optimized, but I just think that she’s lazy since it doesn’t take much to just do her job of educating. She’s also not around a lot, even though classes are still held online, and every time I go to her office during office hours, she tells me she’s busy and to make an appointment.
It’s frustrating because I’m already there so why can’t she take some time to answer my questions? Recently, I waited until the end of the day to go see her (I expected it to be a maximum 10-15 minute discussion), and she told me that she was off work hours and to email her my questions.
I was livid and told her that she was unprofessional, as other professors did not treat their students that way. They were willing to put in more effort into their student’s academic journey, something she didn’t seem to care about. She asked how was her behaviour unprofessional since she is only contractually obligated to work until 6 pm and she made her instructions abundantly clear.
I told her that it was her job to help me learn, and she countered back rudely, saying that learning was my responsibility, and she couldn’t think on my behalf.
I reported her to the Dean, who definitely had a talk with her since she’s been even colder in class and doesn’t engage with us the way she used to.
She is even stricter and refuses to be flexible like she used to be, citing university policies I didn’t know existed. My friends who know what I did are mad because, despite her attitude, she really did bend the rules for them whenever they went to her for help.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you signed up for the world of academia, now you must play by their rules.
Professors get to run their classes in a way that works for them so long as it’s within the often very broad university requirements, and they have no obligation to be nice about it. She may be cold but that’s not a crime. One day’s notice may not be the norm but it’s not entirely unreasonable either.
I don’t understand why you seemingly refuse to just respect her request and make an appointment. I agree with you that I’d hate this professor, but you’re still the jerk for entering into a world and expecting them to conform their rules to you. There are way worse professors than this. The sooner you learn to just duck your head and push through it, the better off you’ll be.” SuitFickle2530
Another User Comments:
“You’re at University now. One thing that fundamentally changes is that now you’re responsible for your education yourself. Your academic journey is your journey, not some kind of all-inclusive guided tour.
Your professor is giving you the opportunity to talk to her. All you need to do is to shoot her an email a day in advance.
That’s actually a lot more flexible than a lot of professors are which would be a fixed hour a week.
The one being unprofessional is you, by ignoring her rule and expecting them to be available to you at all hours of the day, even after their working-day ends. Good luck trying that at work one day.
And why is that? University professors have more tasks than only holding lectures. Depending on the college and institute, they may have a couple of dozen researchers to supervise, do their own research, and have a load of administrative tasks… They need to structure their days, and obnoxious students repeatedly interrupting them won’t make them much more cooperative.
YTJ” DerTW13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Clearly, you grew up spoiled and are used to throwing tantrums when you don’t get your way. How this translates in the real world, is if you push someone to go past their boundaries, they will be told to enforce all boundaries with everyone. So that barista who might sometimes give you an extra shot, but doesn’t one time because their manager is there?
You complain and she will be told off and told to stick to the rules.
Force someone to work overtime, the university has to pay them the extra by law, so they either have a ‘no overtime rule’ or ‘don’t work past these parameters’. You made a complaint and said she was previously not enforcing rules, well, now to be fair and ensure no discrimination guess what, she has to go exactly by the rules for everyone and they will ask all the other professors to do the same.
Make sure your classmates know who to thank.
In all honesty, it sounds like academically and maturity-wise, you are yet ready for living away from home let alone going to a university.” bibbiddybobbidyboo
2. WIBTJ If I Let My Child Change His Name?
“When my son was born, my wife picked the most atrocious name that I’ve ever heard in my life. As soon as I heard it I knew that he would be bullied horribly, I tried really hard to give her alternatives but she wouldn’t budge and threatened divorce so like a coward I let it happen, it’s still the biggest regret of my life.
My prediction came true when my son was bullied horribly in grade 2 it got so bad that he begged me to not go to school anymore. I tried to let him be homeschooled but my wife kept saying that he was just exaggerating, in the end, I somehow convinced her to let him change classes but it didn’t end there by 4th grade he would start crying in his sleep and screaming.
He would tell us how he had nightmares of being bullied again and my wife again dismissed it. I wanted to divorce her then and there but I knew that I would never be able to see my son again if I did my son would have no one to talk to, so I stayed with her again.
The least I could do was secretly take him to my friend who was a therapist, and for a while, it got better.
Fast forward to now, my son is 17 and will start university next year and he wants to legally change his name, he doesn’t want to be bullied in uni too and I’m all for it but my wife is saying that I poisoned him and that she’ll disown him if he does so.
This time I supported my son fully which is something I should’ve done a long time ago and now we’re both kicked out of the house. I’m seeing a lawyer tomorrow and I’ll probably divorce her as well.
(I think I might be an jerk if I divorce my wife and change my son’s name.
Also, I’m afraid that maybe I did turn him against her.)
Edit – we left the house since she was screaming at us to get out and we’re pretty sure our neighbors would’ve called the cops if we waited any longer.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for finally supporting your son, but you waited way too long.
This should have been done when he was born. And once he had the terrible name, you should have been very careful about protecting him from the bullying: teaching him the meaning of the name (your wife must have been so attached to it for a reason) so that he can be proud of it or just letting him use his middle name or a nickname (many schools will even let you pick a ‘nickname’ different from your legal name for use at school).
I would recommend removing your child’s first and middle name from this post. There is no reason to expose his personal information on the Internet, especially without his permission.” cdifl
Another User Comments:
“Of course, you are an irredeemable jerk. You let your son suffer for 17 years to secure your comfortable lifestyle. At this point your ‘sacrifice’ is meaningless.
He can register for the university under his legal name, go by his preferred name and change it in less than a year by himself without your help or permission and without his classmates ever knowing.
After staying this long, you should have stayed with your wife because you jerks deserve each other. And just know that your son is going no contact with both of you as soon as he can.
Everyone sucks here but your poor son.” saran1111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fight to keep your son away from her. She’ll probably try to take him back to Court just to punish you. She sounds like a real gem of a person. You should also check with your lawyer about if she has rights to the entire house.
If you can pull it off in the divorce – force the house sale at a minimum. Stress how she kicked out her underage child too. Hopefully, the judge will agree with you. You should be entitled to half the price of the house. Wouldn’t be a bad thing to take your funds out of any joint bank accounts and change your direct deposit asap.
She probably will.
The biggest issue you might have in divorce and family court is being the male in the relationship (my apologies if you are female or identify as non-male). Too many Judges still go with the man is wrong because he has manhood. I don’t know what your son’s name is. But thank you for supporting him.” Anastasiaquavein
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your wife for picking this name, you for going along with it, of course.
But also you, because you decided, from birth, that your son was doomed to be bullied because of that name. And then you accepted that bullying was inevitable. Sure, his class was changed. Once.
But there is much more a school can do to address bullying.
You don’t seem to have bothered to advocate for that at all, instead of passing on the message to your son that being bullied was simply his lot in life for having the name he did.
If a child is bullied, blame the bullies, not something like the child’s name, which is a fundamental part of their identity.
By blaming his name for the bullying, rather than the bullies, you were siding with the bullies against him, rather than being his advocate and support to address the bullying.
Changing his name won’t necessarily stop the problems of insecurity and distrust of others that come from being bullied.
You dropped the ball, completely by letting this go on, and focusing on the name rather than the bad behavior of other children.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Host A Stranger?
“My ex-wife and I have joint Thanksgivings for the kids. We still get along, so it mostly wasn’t a problem the last two years. The first year was slightly weird because the divorce had been finalized four months earlier, so my family was awkward around her, but they aren’t anymore. That was a one-time thing.
Last year with her family was great, and I actually enjoyed catching up with my former in-laws.
This year I’m hosting. It’s me, my parents, my brother, my sister and BIL, my nephews, my kids, and my ex. Yesterday she told me she wants to bring her new SO to Thanksgiving. She didn’t ask. She told.
I said I needed to think about it.
She said there is nothing to think about. She said she needs someone to talk to if my family is awkward again. I said those were unique circumstances. The divorce was brand new. She’s seen them often since, and there hasn’t been an issue. Also, our kids are there, and obviously, they don’t feel awkward around her, since they live with her on the weekends.
She said she will feel more comfortable with her new partner. I said I wasn’t sure how comfortable I felt with hosting a guy I don’t know in my home. Maybe she could arrange a meeting beforehand, and then I could decide. Maybe the three of us and the kids could do something, I don’t know.
She said that was weird (oh, but Thanksgiving wouldn’t be?) and that I should trust him because she trusts him.
I told her I wasn’t sure, and she called me controlling. She said it’s crazy I want to make a stand on this hill and am willing to ruin the joint Thanksgiving tradition over it.
I feel like if she isn’t willing to compromise, her refusing to come would be on her, not me. But am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I can see both sides. He’s not just some random guy though, is he? He’s her new partner and potential stepdad to your kids. Although you might be uncomfortable I think this could be a good opportunity to get a decent idea of what kind of person he is.
He might be spending a lot of time with your kids in the future and you need to know if he’s a good guy or not. Observe how he interacts with them and you and your family. It’s certainly better than him being a complete stranger to you but having lots of access to the kids.” whynousernamelef
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable that your ex would like him there and it’s perfectly reasonable you don’t want a stranger there on the day. Meeting him in advance for a meal with your ex and the kids sounds like a great solution. It’s hard meeting someone as important as he may become on a holiday when you are hosting.
There is plenty of time between now and thanksgiving for you to meet. You and your ex have been incredibly mature and great parents for making the joint holiday work – try to salvage this if at all possible! Hope it works out for you.” Dear-Cricket-2629
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but quit calling him a random guy.
He’s not. He’s your ex’s new love and that’s why you don’t want him there. Quit lying to us and yourself.
If your kids had a friend they wanted to bring wouldn’t you let them?
I get that it’s strange, but your ex has moved on. And if you are open to that and moved on as well this does not have to be the end of a nice tradition.
I do not think it is unfair that you want to meet him beforehand, but from what you write maybe this is just a miscommunication with your ex. Maybe you got surprised when she said she wanted him there, or maybe you got defensive because she did not ask or was polite enough about it?
Maybe she would have found it fair for you to meet him beforehand if your communication had not run off track before you suggested it.
Call your ex again, keep an open mind and seek a solution you both feel comfortable with.” TinylittlemouseDK
Another User Comments:
“I think YTJ. It’s pretty rude to invite someone to your thanksgiving dinner but not let them bring their significant other.
I think it’s reasonable to want to meet him earlier so you can get to know him in a less crazy environment, but not to ‘decide whether he is invited’. The only good reason not to invite him, in my opinion, would be if he was specifically rude or disrespectful to you.
Maybe I’m way off base, but I would guess that the reason it makes you uncomfortable is not that it’s ‘someone you don’t know in your home’, but specifically the fact that it’s your ex’s partner.
If I’m right and that’s the case, I think it’s best if you just have separate thanksgivings this year.” Leet_Noob
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