People Desire To Know Our Thoughts About Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
34. AITJ For Not Wanting My Horse To Be Used For Lessons Anymore?
“I (16 F) own a lovely dapple gray mare (mustang) she’s 22 and getting older but still has tons of spunk and energy, while I was in school I allowed the place I board at to use her for lessons in return for halved board fee (I’m only 16 and I couldn’t ride her much) she did great with it as she mostly helped out beginner riders and newcomers, leaving the more ‘advanced’ things to me.
Now that school is out for summer, I was thinking of pulling her but didn’t since I knew they’d need all hands on deck for the summer camp I VOLUNTEERED to do, literally free of charge for babysitting and letting them use my horse from 9 am to 3 pm. We usually just walk the horses on the trail and escort the newer kids, which is fine and easy, the issue arises when an older kid; let’s call him Leo, starts riding.
His family owns a barn and he’s been gearing up to ride his own horse, assuring me that he can tack up my horse just fine, despite not riding English pretty much ever, I oblige, trusting him, and go to help out with the craft table since things went down. I end up hearing my pretty girl (horse) was ‘acting up’ on the trail and for trotting, which never really happens unless she’s in heat.
I figured she was having a bad day but after untacking her I was practically livid, her girth was incredibly tight and on a way higher setting than I usually do, and she was snippy and clearly uncomfortable. I just gave her a rest day and followed Leo out when he was riding again the next day.
As Leo is riding around in the arena, he’s incredibly heavy-handed, even after I tell him to stop, he doesn’t post at the trot and keeps kicking even when she’s going, he keeps tightening her girth up too high, pulling all on her mouth (which she does NOT need, she works beautifully without a bridle and on a soft hand, I’ve never used a crop on her), and WILL NOT LISTEN TO ME.
I’m fuming at this point and pull him off the horse, explaining that my mare is fine and he’s using too much force on her, he just kinda nods and goes to untack her, but I keep having to follow behind him to fix the things he messes up.
Apparently, he talked to his mother about it, and the barn owner had a ‘chat’ with me in the tack room about how I need to be more gentle on the campers and that she’s ‘allowing my horse’ to participate out of the kindness of her heart.
It felt horrible but I really felt like I was in the right, so I told her (in a fit of rage which was not my best moment) that my mare would be going back to private riding and would be pulled from lessons.
I backed out of the camp as well and only help every now and then, my barn friends are livid since they’re now one horse and one counselor short, and I do feel bad for just some petty thing – AITJ?”
33. AITJ For Not Inviting My Fiancé's Mom To Pre-Wedding Events?
I am getting married soon. My fiancé has never been close to MIL but there aren’t any real issues, so she is invited to the wedding. I am struggling with how to handle a situation between MIL and my BFF/maid of honor ‘Anna’.
Anna and MIL used to work together. They got into a huge fight one night over literally something so stupid (MIL throwing an iced coffee cup with ice into the trash) MIL lost her mind and was screaming at Anna (MIL was the one who escalated) MIL then began crying and quit her job.
At this point, the hospital director got involved and followed MIL out to her car and begged her to reconsider, but MIL refused. He offered to fire Anna but MIL still refused.
MIL never returned and the hospital director was mad and fired Anna out of retaliation. As a result, Anna hates MIL, not to mention that MIL went out and got hired at the only other major hospital nearby and got Anna blacklisted. Anna did get a new job but is still angry.
Honestly, I’m on Anna’s side. MIL’s behavior was weird and unhinged and I think MIL quit because she knew she made a fool out of herself, not because of Anna.
Anna has expressed that she is very uncomfortable seeing MIL and that she is nervous about the wedding because she is still so hurt over the situation and being made to feel disposable.
I decided that to protect Anna, MIL isn’t invited to the engagement party, the shower, any planning event, or getting ready, and I gave her a strict warning to stay away from Anna at the wedding. MIL had a bit of an attitude but was fine. I don’t think she cared about those things anyway.
Well, now I am getting lots of pushback from family (mainly MIL’s parents and her stepmom) about how I am a jerk for getting involved and for taking Anna’s side and that as the mother of the groom, she should be included. This has really affected how his grandmother views me, but to be clear my fiance is cool with it.”
32. AITJ For Trying To Take Care Of My Stepdaughter?
“My (39 f) stepdaughter Mei (f 20) recently came to live with me and my husband (38 m)
She moved to the States to live with her significant other but the relationship didn’t work so she came to live with us. She was raised in another country and her mom wouldn’t let her stay here for long periods of time so I never got the chance to actually get close to her until now but we always got along well.
Now onto the issue, my husband and she are not that close and my husband travels a lot because of work, I work from home so obviously get to spend more time with her. She is not staying here for free, she helps with some bills, food, and whatever she can (I have my own opinion on this but not my child and she doesn’t seem to care about it) but as I said, I do spend time with her and we grew kinda close.
Just like her, I also moved to the States when I was young and I know I was scared and felt alone, Mei has mentioned this too + her break up, she also has a few mental issues, and it’s obviously been hard on her so I try to be understanding but my husband thinks I’m too soft on her.
It all got worse two days ago when Mei got sick, I had to pick her up from work because she didn’t feel safe driving herself home (which I find a very responsible choice), before picking her up I made her bed so she could just come home and rest. I never do this but she had left in a hurry that morning and she was sick.
She was really thankful for it and it literally took me less than 10 minutes. I have also been keeping an eye on her as she really doesn’t feel good.
When I told my husband about this, he flipped out. He started screaming about how I needed to stop treating Mei as a baby, how she is an adult that should be able to take care of herself, how she only has a stomach bug, and how I’m too soft on her.
Again, making her bed took less than 10 minutes, and having to pick her up didn’t interrupt my day in any way. He is really upset at me and has barely been talking to me or her.
I don’t feel like I did anything really bad but he is her dad and maybe I am stepping up too much, at this point, I really don’t know.
31. AITJ For Influencing The Kids With A Joke I Made About Women Doing All The Work?
“I’m a college student visiting my parents for a few weeks. They were invited to a neighborhood get-together, and a super bowl party, and invited me along.
It was such a weird vibe, unlike any party or hangout I’d been to. I don’t know, when my friends and I get together we all bring something to share then we just chill and hang out.
At this party, all the women were cooking and cleaning and watching all the kids when the dads were watching football and even the little girls were doing chores while the little boys were playing.
So I started making a couple of little jokes to laugh off the awkwardness. First, when we were in the kitchen I joked about swapping the beers we were bringing the guys with coffee so they’d get off their lazy butts.
Or like when the hosts were asking the ladies to prepare plates of food for the men and bring it to them, I was like ‘Yoo don’t put all that on the plate, you don’t want your dead weight to go up to 200 pounds girlie’.
One of the kids asked what I meant by dead weight and I said someone who’s just there but doesn’t do anything, and some of the kid girls started making that joke.
Then when my mom caught onto the kids joking about that, she chewed me out for having said it in front of the kids at all and causing drama when the kids were repeating the joke
I feel like I was just poking fun in a normal way, like if any of my friends came to a party and mooched and didn’t bring any food or help with stuff, and expected to be served, everyone would be screwed.
I told my mom this and she said that they were of a different generation and I asked if they’d all been asleep for the last 70 years or some crap.
My mom ended up driving me home early and she’s mad at me for making those jokes, I’m mad at her for inviting me to a ‘party’ that wasn’t a party at all, just a day of chores but calling it a fun party.
Like I don’t go invite my friends to a party and then be like ‘Sike actually can you wash my bathroom and build a dresser?’
So why would someone invite me to a party like ‘Sike you’re watching some stranger’s kids, and being a waitress for some random dudes’. Like at least they could have been like ‘Hey, wanna come over and babysit and help us make and serve a dinner?’ And I’d either be like ‘no’ or ask if they wanted to pay for me to babysit.
AITJ for having made those jokes at a ‘party’ with a really weird vibe?”
30. AITJ For Not Responding To A Nickname I Do Not Like?
“I (28 F) was named after a really obscure character from Greek Mythology. My preferred nickname is taken from the end of my name. I always introduce myself with ‘I’m (my name) but you can call me (nickname).’ None of my coworkers in the small business we work for have ever had a problem with this before, until Megan (25 F), the niece of Jeff (50s M) one of the two owners, was hired. Jeff and Dave (50s M) co-own the business but Dave does the actual day-to-day running of the business.
I introduced myself and my nickname as usual but she immediately said that ‘Bessie’ (not the actual name) would be a better nickname because it comes from the beginning of my name and that she liked it better. I told her I really didn’t like that nickname and wouldn’t answer to it and asked her to please not call me Bessie but she insisted that it was so much prettier and that I just needed to get used to it.
For the next two months, she tried to call me Bessie but I completely ignored her whenever she addressed me that way, even when I knew she really needed help with something. She would call my desk phone and say ‘Hey Bessie’. I would reply ‘You have the wrong number there’s no Bessie here’ and hang up.
She then tried to get some of the employees outside the office to start calling me Bessie, but I quickly shut that down. I usually finish my work early and help them with a lot of tedious little things that aren’t part of my job description and threaten to stop helping them unless they used my preferred nickname.
Friday she decided she was going to get me to respond to Bessie no matter what. We have an open office design but are at opposite ends. She started calling out Bessie in a singsong voice over and over again to try and annoy me enough to respond. Other coworkers got annoyed, most telling her to stop and one Lisa (43 F) telling me to just let her call me Bessie already.
I refused and she kept calling out Bessie louder and louder until Dave barged in. He’d been on a conference call with an important client and could hear her yelling from his office down the hall. He told her to be quiet and that if she called me Bessie one more time, he’d write her up and dock her pay.
Later, Megan cornered me in the break room, called me a jerk for getting her in trouble, and called me Bessie again for good measure just as Dave was walking in to heat up his lunch. He gave her a stern look and said ‘I warned you.’ Then he walked to HR to have her written up.
Lisa is saying I’m the jerk for never helping Megan and that, if I had been nicer or hadn’t fought her so hard on the nickname, she probably would have given up on it a while ago but because I made such a big deal out of it, it became a challenge. So, AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Changing My Ex's Payment Method For His New Bike To His Own Bank Account?
“My (21F) significant other (23 M, now ex) and I had been together for 2.5 years. I held him down for the entirety of his prison sentence. Red flags came up here and there but whatever, I’m in love with him.
Flash forward to him coming home, he needs a car and cannot get approved for one.
The more frustrated he gets, the more he gets mad at me for not being able to buy him a car. ‘I need your help, shorty, why won’t you do this for me?’ I literally couldn’t, I would have, I had just gotten my loan approved for my car, opening another loan would’ve screwed me so young.
I also didn’t trust that he would pay me back for 6 YEARS because he was so unstable. So he decides on getting a bike. Cheaper and much easier to get approved, right? He still couldn’t, he’s super young with no credit history, and was gone for two years, what does he expect?
He loses it. He goes nuts on me, ‘You’re not actually helping me, you’re letting me suffer, all I need you to do is this one thing and you won’t, you don’t actually love me…’ it sucked. He guilt-tripped me. He was literally just putting my information, my banking information, my social security, into this stupid website while I was sobbing next to him.
I couldn’t stop him from buying it or he said he was going to leave me.
So, he wins. His bike comes two weeks later. Bought by my credit. I was devastated. I knew this purchase was so stupid, winter was coming in literally two weeks. But there was nothing I could do to stop him.
And I was right, it was the dumbest purchase I’ve ever seen another human make. He drove around my neighborhood once, parked it in MY garage, and he has not looked at it since. He did get it registered under his name. I thought it was weird because I was technically buying it but he was registering under his name.
Two months later, I’m begging him to make every payment on time. It’s causing me so much stress and anxiety that I have to worry about someone’s bills.
February comes. He tells me he doesn’t have the budget for it. I straight up panic. He had just gotten paid, and doesn’t have the budget for it?!
He says if I talk to him about it again, he would leave me. Every time I bring up HIS bill, he walks away. Acting as if I’m asking him to pay one of my bills. His purchase! He is so cold about it and I was so done. I knew he was going to leave me one of these days, so I wanted to take advantage before he did.
I went onto the app and I changed the payment method to his card. I know this is where I went wrong, I was so desperate. It was already late, so it charged his account immediately.
He was FURIOUS. Blocked me on everything, and said he was going to press charges. Could I press charges, too?
Am I the jerk?”
28. AITJ For Returning My Daughter's Diary But Taking Her Phone Away?
“I (34 F) have a daughter named ‘Beth’ (14 F). Over the last few months, Beth has become quite rebellious. I understand that this is very common for a kid entering their teen years. I try my best to be both understanding and open, while also setting firm boundaries and discipline.
My husband ‘Bill’ (37 M) has been really struggling with Beth’s attitude.
The 2 of them have been at each other’s throats and I feel caught in the middle. Both of them play a part in their dysfunctional dy namic. Bill tends to let his anger cloud his maturity and judgment, while Beth lacks respect for me and her father’s authority. Whenever they have a blow-up fight, I’m always the one being pulled in both directions.
A couple of days ago, I came home from work. When I walked into the house, I could hear Beth crying in her bedroom. She refused to open the door and told me to leave her alone. I went and asked Bill what they fought about this time. Bill told me that he and Beth were fighting because she didn’t clean up her room.
After nearly 2 hours of yelling, Beth finally went to clean her room.
As she turned away to go to her room, she called Bill a ‘dumb jerk’ under her breath. This was the final straw for Bill! He stormed into Beth’s room, snatched her diary, and locked it in our bedroom. Beth became inconsolable and started screaming/crying.
Bill told Beth that she was not allowed to touch her diary for a whole month.
Beth adores writing in her diary and she writes in it nearly every day. I told Bill that, while she deserves to be punished, I think taking away something so personal to her was a bit harsh. Bill told me that we’ve tried regular punishments, but they never seem to impact her.
He told me that we needed to try something more creative and ‘hit her where it hurts.’
I told him that I don’t agree and his punishment was far too harsh. I suggested that we take away all of her other privileges for a month instead. Bill refused to budge and said that he was sick and tired of Beth’s attitude.
A couple of hours later, I managed to get my hands on Beth’s diary. I went into Beth’s room and had a long discussion with her.
I told her that I was very upset about how she treated her father and she was out of line. I gave back her diary, but I took away her other privileges (phone, internet, friends) for a month.
She wasn’t happy about it, but we seemed to come to an understanding. I also told her that she needs to apologize to her father after they both had time to cool off.
Later that night, Bill and I were outside when I told him what I did. He was furious! He said that I was spoiling Beth, belittling his role, was too soft, etc. I tried to explain that I didn’t simply let her off the hook, I still disciplined her.
He told me that it wasn’t enough and I ruined what little progress he may have accomplished. He barged into the guest bedroom and refuses to speak to me. Once again, I feel caught in the middle. AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Questioning The New Principal?
“My two sons go to elementary school. The old principal (Mr. G) was great. He has been respected and liked. The kids were crazy about him.
He took a promotion and left last year.
They brought in a new principal (Ms. K) and I personally got this unlikable vibe from her. She just wasn’t personal with the parents or kids. The kids seemed indifferent or scared of her. I tried to talk to her and she blew me off. Things don’t run as efficiently or effectively as before.
Whatever. My kids are 3rd and 5th graders so they’re not going to be there long.
Over the course of the year, I saw a lot of the old staff disappear and a new person like every other month.
My eldest son has Asperger’s and ADHD so he has an aide (Mr. F) who had been with him since kindergarten.
He told me that he was going to be leaving next week. I assumed he must have found another job. He said he couldn’t stand working with the new principal and that explains the turnover and a lot of the teachers are jumping ship. It made sense. I was pretty mad about his leaving though.
I asked to speak to Ms. K for 15-20 minutes today. Before meeting with her, I looked her up and she had gotten fired from another school district. You really have to mess up to be fired. I told her that as a dad, as a member of the community, and as someone who cares about the school, I was concerned about her leadership.
Good people leaving left and right. I told her she does not seem like she was fitting in.
She told me she was doing the best job she could do. Then I asked her why was she fired from her last job after less than a year.
She was taken aback and told me that our district thought she was qualified. I countered that so did the one that fired her.
I told her I wasn’t trying to be a jerk. As a stakeholder, I’m alarmed at what I’m seeing. As a principal, she should be able to deal with that.
Oh, and she made this poster of her favorite things (as a way to promote herself) and her favorite band was ‘Arrowsmith.’ I did ask her who that was and she said the band with Steven Tyler.”
26. AITJ For Still Wanting To Celebrate My Birthday After What Happened To My Sister-In-Law's Baby?
“I haven’t had a birthday party since 2016 (I was 16 at the time, I’m a 2000’s baby). Whenever my birthday came around, it either wasn’t the time (due to financial reasons) or some other major life event would prevent it (my mom getting misdiagnosed with cancer…). At first, I didn’t really mind, I didn’t have a party or a celebration, just my parents wishing me a good birthday and a text from my sisters.
It wasn’t until I realized that my birthday was the ONLY one that somehow never got celebrated at all.
My sisters and I have a pretty big age gap (they’re in their late 40s) but they always had huge parties with crazy expensive gifts like a new TV, an iPad, a laptop… I’m going to be honest here, I was (and still am) incredibly jealous, not only because of the gifts but because whenever their birthdays came around, no matter what was happening, my family still managed to get them a big party and make a big fuss about it.
Anyway, then the global crisis happened and I didn’t get a birthday again (even though both my sisters did). Now it’s 2022 and my birthday is next week. I really wasn’t looking forward to it since I had zero expectations at this point, but my mom made a huge deal about it since I’m turning 22. She promised me this huge party at my sister’s house in the country and a good present.
I kind of believed it for a bit.
As it happens, another tragedy came on this birthday. My sister-in-law’s baby was positive for Down Syndrome, and so she’s choosing to terminate the pregnancy (she’s almost five months along now). We all support her fully, but since this is very unhappy news my mom has been telling me to cancel the party because it would be inappropriate, but I don’t want to.
I missed having a birthday, something to look out for, and at this point I refuse to cancel it. I told her I 100% understand if SIL and brother don’t want to come because they probably won’t feel like it, but I’m having this party. AITJ for still wanting a birthday party even in these circumstances?
I know it’s selfish but my mom really made me look forward to it. I feel like I need this, I’ve been feeling pretty neglected on this regard for a while now.”
25. WIBTJ If I Tell An Old Friend What Happened Between Them And My Late Husband Made Him Sad?
“When my (29 f) husband (31 m – deceased) and I got married he had close college friends, we hung out almost every weekend.
They played lots of games (board, PC, Xbox, etc) together in college and continued that once graduated. Eventually, we tried playing D&D and loved it.
We started out with 1 campaign and met once a month and then we added more games over the course of a couple of years to allow for different schedules and storylines. There were a few that played every weekend. Me, my late husband, and 2 other couples, Karl & Nancy, and then Anna & Aaron.
A friend in the group that came to the monthly game, Agatha, caused a lot of drama.
Every time she ended up having a meltdown and dragging Anna and Agatha away to complain about said problem.
My late husband and I often paid for her and her husband to eat whenever we ordered out because they never seemed to remember to bring cash or snacks/drinks to share. It wasn’t a lot all at once, but they owed us upwards of $100 which we never got despite politely asking a couple of times.
My late husband, Karl, and Nancy all ran a game each (Karl ran multiple). We had fun but my late husband and I were getting tired of only playing D&D, and then our group chats were only about D&D. My late husband was very frustrated about the unnecessary drama, we wanted to do other things sometimes, play other games, etc. We dropped out of a few of the games and just do the one that he ran.
We mentioned that we were tired of the drama to Karl, Nancy, Aaron, and Anna as they were closer to Agatha. We just wanted to be honest and didn’t call anyone out publicly, call anyone names, or anything like that. We were as tactful as possible because we didn’t want to make anyone upset.
After that, they cut us off.
This hurt my husband a lot; they were his closest friends that he went through college with, and 3 of them were at our wedding.
In 2019 my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor, spring of 2021 we announced it when he was going through surgery to ask for prayer, and 2 weeks after surgery he died from complications.
I think Anna reached out through social media on the announcement, but she was the only person we heard from that group
After my husband died they sent flowers but didn’t bother to come to his memorial service.
Nancy reached out to me on Instagram today to reconnect. She apologized for ‘falling off the face of the earth for a few years’ and asked me how I’m doing.
I started crying. My husband got cut off from his friends, went through dealing with a brain tumor, and died without his friends’ support (we did make other friends but these people had been close for 8+ years). I had to watch that and now I’m angry that all of a sudden she wants to be friends again.
WIBTJ to tell her what happened made me angry because it made my late husband sad? Nothing can be done about it, he’s gone so it’s not like they can reconcile. Also, I don’t really want to pretend to be friendly when I’m angry with them for what they did to him.”
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Compared To Another Transgender Coworker?
“I (23 M) am transgender (Female to Male).
I’ve been dressing male since I was 4 and have been on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) for 5 years. I generally don’t talk about being transgender much as it isn’t important to me as I look completely male and it is just a medical thing in my eyes. I have a coworker who is a 24-year-old non-binary.
We got along relatively well as work friends we both have similar interests in video games.
One day we were talking and the conversation moved to their personal life a bit, and they mentioned the elementary school they went to. I told them I went to the same one, they were surprised and said they couldn’t remember me but due to my surname figured out and asked if I was ‘old name’s brother’ which I laughed at a bit, and figured it’d do no harm to tell them that was me.
I got a laugh out of it but boy do I regret it now…
They reacted excited and surprised saying stuff like they’d never have known because I’m so manly and they started asking personal questions about it like what my parents thought and talked about how they’re getting medical procedures and asked what I had had done and I just kind of shrugged it off awkwardly and our conversation ended quickly.
Ever since then they try to talk to me all the time about stuff we never talked about before, like gender and sexuality and I couldn’t be more unlike that, I’m a straight guy and they’re a non-binary pansexual (which I’m not really sure what pansexual means) and it feels weird to suddenly me included in this topic when beforehand they said they viewed me as ‘just some dudebro’ which to be honest offended me a bit.
Why all of a sudden was I not just a guy to them? I just said that I’m probably not the type to talk about that stuff whenever they’d mention it but they never got the hint.
Well, a few weeks after they mentioned stuff about not understanding our other coworkers and implying that they were just ‘toxic masculinity’ so they couldn’t get along with them and said they’re glad I’m not like that.
I was a bit annoyed so I said ‘Why am I not like that then?’ They got awkward and just said ‘Well you know, cause you’re trans.’ I replied, ‘Yeah but I’m just a normal guy until you knew you didn’t think anything of me but now you know you treat me like we’re the same when we’re not.’
They didn’t like me saying normal guy which implied they weren’t one, and I said, ‘Well it’s not like you are a normal guy.’ They kind of seemed to be heated so just said, ‘Just because you look like that doesn’t mean you’re more manly than anyone so you don’t have to act like a jerk to make people think you’re a man.
You’re no more of a man than me, dude.’ And went off. I was confused because they never said they were a man just non-binary.
They’ve been avoiding me since which I can respect if I offended them but I feel like it was a bit hypocritical to complain about the ‘transphobia’ they face but to treat me differently to the other men at work, so I don’t feel as though I should apologize.
23. AITJ For Telling People That My Sister's Miniature Horse Is Off-Limits?
“I (26 f) volunteer at a horse rescue with my sister (15), and she got to adopt a miniature horse. He doesn’t take up too much space since he’s an easy keeper and stays in a pasture with good shelter with most of the minis, so we decided to keep him at the rescue. This way, we can go see him whenever we volunteer.
I also put up a sign that says that he’s adopted and put my phone number on it if someone needed to contact me. It also has a picture of him. He’s very friendly so we don’t mind if people decide to go up and give the minis kisses and attention. No big deal, right?
Sometimes the owner of the rescue will ask if she can take him (along with another mini) to an off-site event, and we also don’t mind that either. What we have a problem with is when random people decide to take him out, exercise him, etc. without asking.
This week was spring break for schools in my area, and I knew someone was doing spring break camp.
I didn’t think much of it. But then a volunteer posted a picture of my sister’s mini on Tuesday night and said ‘Look how pretty he is!’ I figured out it was the camp group and decided to check it out on Wednesday morning. Sure enough, the camp didn’t bother to unbraid the minis’ hair so it was a mess.
Most volunteers decided not to leave the braids on overnight because of this reason and the fact they can get caught on something. But I can also understand the volunteers leaving it alone because they could’ve been very short-handed.
After I was done, I walked over to the camp group and asked the camp director to talk.
I asked if the group braided the minis’ hair, and she said yes. So I told her that my sister’s mini was off limits and the camp group absolutely could not do anything with him. I think a handful of them overheard and started crying and saying that was unfair since he was so sweet.
Also for context, I BELIEVE most campers are 8-13.
AITJ for telling the camp director that my sister’s mini is off-limits and making campers cry?
Edit: We do pay for his board. All the volunteers pay board if they decide to adopt and keep their horse at the rescue (mostly for medical reasons).”
22. AITJ For Ending Our Dinner Early And Only Paying For My And My Friend's Food?
“So I (26 F/Indian) decided to try out matrimony apps and look into ‘arranged’ marriage a few months ago.
I have been on a few dates with 3 of the men, but haven’t worked out with any of them. But the last one, which was yesterday, was a disaster.
Me and this dude (Rick) went on 2 ‘dates’ before this one. He wasn’t boring, so I had hopes. We were talking pretty regularly, getting to know each other well.
There were a few negatives about him but none that would be deal-breakers. He brought up going on a double date of sorts so he could meet my friends and me his. Initially, it was supposed to be me, Rick, my close friend (Ria), and her partner. But her partner canceled as he had work, so Rick asked his younger brother to come to keep Ria company.
While having dinner, we were chatting and the topic of chores came up. Ria said she hates doing laundry, I said I do too. Out of nowhere, Rick said ‘Don’t worry (OP), my mother does the laundry. She will take care of it.’ Sorry, what-?!
Ria choked on her food, spit half of it out, and started laughing her butt off.
I asked her to shut up, which she did after a few seconds. But the dinner was ruined. Rick didn’t say anything more, his brother was staring daggers at me and Ria. I ended the dinner early saying I had to go, said sorry, and left. I paid for my and Ria’s food.
I did not text Rick yesterday.
He called today morning, I did ask if he was joking or if he was serious about what he said. He said he was serious. His mother does the household chores, and nothing was funny. Except it is because a MIL like that is gonna want a DIL who is willing to take over her jobs.
A son that doesn’t ‘help’ his mom is likely to have a husband who won’t do his share of chores.
The part that might make me a jerk. The convo about chores was a test of sorts (that he failed spectacularly). The person’s reaction and answer to you hating a simple chore tells you what the ‘chore dynamic’ at their home is.
I didn’t tell Rick this but I just said that I have some things to think over and that I would like some space. Well, he is angry. His reasons are that I embarrassed him, if I was paying I should have paid for their meal too as compensation, I embarrassed his brother. His relative tattled to my family and now I’m in hot water at home as well…
So AITJ for putting him in this situation?”
21. AITJ For Refusing To Help A Rude Coworker?
“I (25 f) was having a coffee break with my colleagues (m & f 30-40s) when a man (mid-40s) approached our table. Despite working for a different department, we mostly use the same software.
He explained that he was really agitated and desperate for help because he is working on a project that was due tomorrow and he encountered a problem when rendering a big file.
The support couldn’t help him so he tried asking people around the office if they ever encountered the same problem and maybe even found a workaround. I actually had the same problem a few months ago when I worked in his department and found a solution by myself after a lot of trial and error.
So I asked him: ‘You probably already checked setting XY, right?’ It’s a small setting that’s often overlooked but can cause and solve a lot of problems. Quite obvious, but I was just trying to make sure he tried it before moving on to the next solution.
He responded ‘Of course I did! I wasn’t born yesterday!
Why would you even suggest that? Do you think I’m stupid or what?’ He was really unfriendly and seemed annoyed with me. So I just bit my tongue and said calmly ‘Sorry if it came across rude. I can’t help you then.’
I thought to myself, maybe he was just snappy because he was under a lot of stress.
But when my other co-worker suggested something right after, he was completely normal towards him.
When he left, my colleague remembered that I told her about the same issue a while ago and asked if I didn’t help him because he was so rude to me, to which I agreed. She thought that was funny and said he deserved it.
My other colleague said that I should’ve helped him since we’re all working together after all. Which I agree with, at least to a point. I would’ve liked to help him if he behaved in a collegial manner. But he didn’t, so I didn’t either.
AITJ for not helping him out? Was my reaction too childish or petty?
He seemed stressed out but I’m stressed out sometimes too and I don’t get snappy with people. Especially when I ask them for help.”
20. AITJ For Not Responding To My Friend's Apologies?
“A few weeks ago, five of my friends and I were eating dinner together at a local buffet. One of my friends H said something about trying to help her sister after a recent miscarriage.
This started a discussion about child loss and grief in general, with several members of our group sharing stories from personal experiences. For the most part, I stayed quiet and listened, but at one point I chimed in and said something along the lines that a lot of the grief of losing a child at any point of development comes from mourning who they could have grown up to be as much as who they were.
I didn’t go into any details but added that I was well aware of what it was like to be haunted by the dreams of a child’s stolen future.
A while later H and I had gotten up to grab more food, when we returned to the table the others were giving me a weird look.
I asked them if something was wrong and B kind of shrugged and said something along the lines of they’re upset I would mislead them as I had never had a kid. This is true, I am not nor have ever been a mother, but had been the nanny to a young boy who died, which apparently B made sure to point out while I was gone.
She had essentially accused me to the others of embellishing my experience for sympathy.
The other two started asking me if I realized how disrespectful and hurtful this was to people who had lost a child. I quickly told them not to draw assumptions from only hearing a fragment of the story, and that you didn’t need to be the parent or even blood-related to a child in order to feel like a part of you died with it.
That’s when B said it, that I couldn’t possibly know what it felt like.
I was shocked, I told her I couldn’t believe she could say that, especially since she knows full well the whole story and had been with me through the worst of my grieving. I left pretty quietly after this.
Later that night, B called me. As I was still struggling emotionally, and didn’t feel up to talking, I ignored, assuming she would take it to voice mail or text. She didn’t, instead, she called again almost right away. She called four or five times in a row.
The next day she called a few times several hours apart, the next few days after that she sent me a couple of texts, nothing specific just stuff like, we need to talk, and call me.
After this, she just went silent until yesterday. This time I answered and the first thing she said was that I was being rude for not responding when she was just trying to apologize. I told her that I was sorry, but what she had said really upset me and I needed time to myself to deal with it.
She basically asked how is she supposed to make it up to me and ‘fix it’ if I won’t give her the chance. I get her point, but at the same time, I felt like I had to protect myself after she picked at this still incredibly raw wound I have following the death of a child entrusted into my care.”
19. AITJ For Snapping At My Partner And Saying I Don't Care About Her ADHD?
“My partner (28 F) and I (24 F) moved in together in February.
She has ADHD which she is medicated and goes to therapy. I’ve known this since before we started going out and did my best to educate myself on how to help her cope with the challenges. However, ever since we moved in together, the challenges have gotten worse.
She never cleans or does any of the chores, she often leaves containers to grow mold in the fridge until I’ve started checking every single one daily to see if anything is spoiled. If she puts a dirty dish in the sink, it will stay there forever until I clean it. I bought a dishwasher, but she won’t load it due to her executive dysfunction.
She won’t take out the trash either or do her laundry. It’s tiring but I figured she must be suffering from work stress so stepped up to help out.
But the incident that has made me lose it is the following: more than 5 times now, she has put something on the stove and walked away to be on her phone, until whatever she was cooking set off the fire alarm.
My stove has a timer on it that you set for however long you want, and it will shut the stove off after the set time has passed. I’ve shown her how to use it over and over again so that if she walks away the stove will simply turn itself off. She never has.
I have also brought a ringing timer but she rarely uses it. Finally, I told her to text me when she wanted to cook if she was worried she’d get lost on her phone so that I can text her a reminder or call her.
Well, yesterday I came back home to the firemen in front of our building bc she had put a frying pan with oil in it on the stove and forgot about it while she scrolled tiktok until it caught on fire and burned down half of our kitchen.
I was very concerned for her and made sure she was uninjured, but I got mad after she didn’t even apologize. All she said was ‘You shouldn’t be mad, this stuff happens and you know it’s my ADHD and I can’t help it’. This is when I told her that I don’t care about her ADHD, that I cared about us being pretty much homeless now, and that I had just lost the security deposit for the apartment which was 3x of the monthly rent money because she refused to use any of the solutions I offered and all the accommodations I’ve tried to make.
She got very upset and left, and I couldn’t stop her bc the landlord had just arrived at the scene and was MAD.
It’s been a day now and I’m pretty sure she has blocked me, as well as made multiple posts citing me being an uncaring jerk towards the mentally ill.
I’ve had a couple of mutual friends and her sister reach out calling me insensitive and saying that I revealed my true colors and dehumanized her and that I’m putting the money above caring for my partner.
Even the friend that I am crashing with told me that I shouldn’t have snapped at her, that by saying I don’t care about her ADHD I have given her lifelong trust issues when it comes to future partners.
So, am I the deluded jerk here?”
18. AITJ For Losing My Temper At My Mother-In-Law?
“It’s been a really tough year for us. Early this year I took a trip to visit my sick mother on her deathbed right before she passed away, which was the most difficult experience of my life. After returning home, my FIL started getting sick and falling down a lot, and he’s been refusing to use his wheelchair.
His most recent fall landed him in the hospital with a fractured neck and a softball-sized knot on his head. He has been in the hospital now for two weeks and he only seems to be getting sicker. My MIL has been taking care of him, and she has been understandably overwhelmed and stressed, especially going back and forth between home and the hospital. On one hand, I empathize with her because she is in an awful position and doesn’t have much control over her life anymore.
On the other hand, she’s always been kind of a jerk, and she doesn’t make it easy to be there for her.
I’ve always gotten along with my in-laws but it’s not without effort. They are both very opinionated and argumentative people, and they dominate any conversation. I used to make an effort to spend time with my MIL, but it’s like the moment she would see me, she’d dump everything on me and I end up sitting there listening to her rant every day.
I ended up distancing myself from her for that reason. That being said, she’s been going through a lot lately, so I’ve been trying to be there for her, which mostly involves just sitting there and letting her vent.
The other day she said, ‘I just can’t believe how awful this year has been.’
I said: ‘Yeah, I know. It’s been so stressful for all of us.’
She chuckled a little bit: ‘I can’t imagine what you’re stressed about. At least you get to be home.’ ‘Well, my mother did die recently so I’ve had a lot on my mind.’
She was quiet for a minute.
I think she genuinely forgot that my mother had died. At this point, I thought she would say comforting, but nope. ‘Well, that’s not as bad as what I’m dealing with. You just don’t know.’
Usually, I’m pretty good about keeping my mouth shut. I tried to stay quiet and let it go, but I was heated. I said to her, ‘I can’t believe I just wasted my time sitting here listening to you for 40 minutes just for you to turn around and say something so insensitive to me.
I’ll keep that in mind. When you’re dead, I’ll remind Ben that it’s not a big deal and it could be worse. Does that sound good?’ and then I left.
As I was telling my husband about it a few minutes later, she called to tell him what had happened. ‘I’m calling to let you know that your wife wants me dead…’ was the only part I heard before I left the room and let him talk to her.
When he was done, he was pretty mad at her about the whole thing. Right now, I’m feeling like a jerk because I feel like I lost my temper when I should have been gentler with her since she’s definitely going through a lot. I also feel bad that I created a problem between him and his mother at such a critical time.
17. AITJ For Yelling At My Dad's Pregnant Partner?
“It’s just been me, my dad, and my brother, since like forever. He got a partner about a year ago and she recently moved in. She makes me feel uncomfortable. She yells at me and takes my things for little mistakes as if she was my mom. Once she forgot to grab her dirty clothes after taking a shower and I refused to get it myself.
‘You didn’t pick up my dirty clothes? Give me your phone.’
She makes me feel bad about myself too. ‘You eat too much, no wonder you’re so fat.’ I’ve expressed these issues to my dad and asked if he could talk to her about it but he brushed them off. Pretty shocking to me because he would normally stick up for me.
My brother doesn’t like her much either. I’ve never wanted another sibling, I’m fine with it just being me and my brother.
Well, I recently found out she’s pregnant. I almost cried at the news and not happy tears. Well, now she’s stuck with us. She’s now 7 months. One particular day I’ve been on my feet all day.
I walked to the store and back, did chores, and went to work (as a babysitter). I was tired after the day. There’s this one chair in the living room she claims is only for her.
It was the closest chair so I sat in it. Not sure why she’s so mad but she told me to get up.
I didn’t want to, my feet were hurting badly, and I was tired. I was only in that chair for less than 2 minutes. She yelled at me to get up and let the pregnant lady sit down. I yelled back that I do not like her and I don’t respect her because she doesn’t respect me.
She ran off to her bedroom and my dad came out and yelled at me for speaking to her like I did. I didn’t say anything back. He said I don’t disrespect adults or pregnant women. AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Choosing OB-GYN As My Specialty?
“My parents (60s F & M) are both doctors. My mom is an anesthesiologist and my dad is a surgeon.
My brother (32 M) is just about to finish his residency, he’s a plastic surgeon. I (26 F) just graduated and am about to start my residency.
I always knew I wanted to be a doctor but I could never settle on what specialty. My parents told me to follow in their footsteps, or to choose cardiology or neurology even if I wasn’t going to go the surgeon route.
They wanted me to choose something that was prestigious in their minds and where I could earn a lot. I spent the last four years doing research and I was horrified to learn that there is a shortage of OB-GYNs in rural areas and some places don’t have them at all and women can’t access care or have to go far to get it.
This made me decide on it as a specialty. I mentioned it to my parents once and I got shut down. I went ahead anyways. When I matched in March it was for OB-GYN but when my parents heard where my residency was they assumed cardiology and I didn’t correct them. I was going to tell them because obviously, they would have found out.
I was planning to wait until I graduated and moved for my residency and was out of dodge before I told them. I did tell my brother. We have always confided in each other without problems.
He told my parents almost as soon as I told him. When I told him, I said it was a secret and he couldn’t tell them yet because I would tell them after I moved. He told them anyways.
He says it was for my own good because choosing OB-GYN is a mistake. My parents are furious. Like DEFCON 1, I have never seen them so livid. They haven’t paid for any of my education and although I was still living nearby for medical school, I haven’t lived under their roof for eight years. I told them they don’t get a say and honestly, it’s none of their beeswax.
I also read my brother the riot act for purposely breaking my confidence after I asked him not to. He’s never broken it before or I wouldn’t have told him.
It’s not like I could change residencies now anyways and I don’t want to. My parents are playing the ‘we know what is best’ and ‘our experience means we know better’.
My brother is firmly on their side. I’ve never had them livid at me like this. I’m used to having support and it’s got me feeling uneven. I’m still committed to my residency though.
Was I really so out of line to berate my brother for breaking my confidence? Or for telling my parents it’s none of my beeswax?
Even if they were trying to help or what they thought was helping? I’m not asking about my residency choice, just about how I acted when my family confronted me. I don’t feel good about telling them off really and I want to know if I’m the bad actor.”
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Mom's House And Money To My Brother?
“I (32 M) and my brother Alan (35 M) were raised by a single mother.
Mom was nothing but loving and nurturing; Even when we struggled with finances, she made sure we had always nice clothes and toys even if she did her own shopping at garage sales. She would always spend time with us and support us. She delayed retirement to fund our college.
After college, Alan started to only contact Mom for money.
Then after my niece Zoe (4 F) was born, it was for babysitting. He’d drop off Zoe, go out with his buddies, then pick up Zoe, never staying for even 5 minutes. Mom expressed feeling used but Alan would guilt her with ‘Do you not love us?’
Then Mom got sick and she couldn’t live on her own anymore.
I moved in to take care of her. Alan lived less than an hour away. Yet he only visited her twice in those two years. He would ask for money, then make sure I was there so he could drop off Zoe and hang out with his friends again.
Mom passed away two months ago.
Alan didn’t show up to the funeral or ash spreading but did arrive for the probate; I received her house, car, and most of her savings (she had a sizeable amount saved up.) Alan received $5,000 and a few sentimental items from the house. Alan loudly complained ‘That’s it?!’ and we got into an argument.
He said I ‘manipulated’ Mom into getting more money and she was the parent so he didn’t have to take care of her. I agreed that, no, we didn’t have to take care of Mom and she never expected us to. But he should have helped her. And the fact that he only showed up now for money is disgusting.
Fast forward to now; Alan calls me saying that his family would be evicted and they wanted the house. Not to share with me, for ME to leave and HIM to keep Mom’s house. Alan works a decent job and has a lease for a mini yacht. I told him I’m not bailing him out because he was living beyond his means.
Alan said how he deserved the money after being ‘kept on a leash by Mom for all those years.’ (Note: Mom wasn’t even very strict, she just kept her word. If she said you couldn’t go out until you washed the dishes, then you wouldn’t be leaving until you washed them.)
He has the option to live with SIL’s parents, but they disapprove of Alan and won’t let him live there unless he ‘gets his act together.’ (Paying rent, either working or being at home with Zoe more, quit vaping, etc.) Alan argued that it’s unfair he should have to move in with PIL and be ‘treated like a child.’ I replied that Zoe behaves better than he is right now.
Now relatives say I should let them have the house and that I’m one person and as a family, they need the house more. When I brought up Alan’s treatment of Mom, they said that I need to put it aside and ‘think of what’s best for Zoe and my future niece’ and ‘it’s what a good brother/uncle would do’.
Zoe and SIL will be fine at SIL’s parents’ house though. I think Alan’s demands are ridiculous and he doesn’t deserve the house/money after his treatment of our Mom. AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Sister-In-Law To My Son's Welcoming Party?
“My husband and I are 32 and we have been married for 12 years. We tried to have a child for most of our marriage but my endometriosis and PCOS impacted my fertility.
My husband’s older sister was someone we were close to for a very long time, but our relationship suffered right before 2020. She’s a mother of 7 children and has for a long time shown a lack of compassion for people who suffer from infertility and struggle with the impact infertility has on a person. There were countless times when she told me to ‘enjoy being an aunt’ or to ‘adopt a kid and call it a day’ and would normally make a big deal about telling us she was pregnant at the same time as everyone else, while also expecting immediate happiness and joy and no sign of the anguish we felt over our struggles.
The fallout came when she had a christening with her youngest. We were invited as we were with all the others. But we got an appointment for the same day to see a fertility doctor who had a very long waiting list. The next closest appointment was going to be several months later. We went to the appointment.
She was mad that we put the fertility doctor over celebrating her youngest’s joining her religion. She told us we were selfish for going through so much effort to have a child when it was making the rest of the family uncomfortable and how there were enough kids in our lives to make do.
We didn’t speak to her again.
A month ago I delivered mine and my husband’s son. We decided to forgo the traditional baby shower and we instead decided a party after he was born would be nice instead. My husband and I talked about his sister. He was a little more open to her being there than me, but I was honest that I didn’t see a time when I would be okay with her again.
I told him that he could invite her if he wanted and I would never tell him to continue the estrangement. He agreed with me that she shouldn’t be there and he decided to keep the estrangement going.
We were asked many times about her invitation. She reached out via other family members. The whole thing was messy.
My husband’s mom asked me directly about it when we had the party. I told her we hadn’t wanted her there after everything. I was told she’s family and our son has the right to know his aunt and cousins.
AITJ for not wanting her there?”
13. AITJ For Ignoring My Sister-In-Law's Gender Reveal At My Wedding Day?
“My husband and I met at a get-together hosted by my best friend, we started up a conversation and I realized that we have so much in common, and the same sense of humor (which is a major thing for me, can’t be fake laughing or be with someone who doesn’t get my humor). We started going out after 3 months of talking and getting to know each other.
We’ve been together for 3 years, engaged for 6 months and now we are married.
His sister (F 30) never really warmed up to me, she always had this notion that I’m stealing her best friend/brother away from her, my husband would always come to SIL’s rescue whenever she was in trouble, and enabled some of her behaviors which he sees now.
His parents and other siblings and I get along so well. So my husband (M 28) has 3 other siblings, SIL is not really close with her other siblings due to a fallout, where my husband took SIL’s side (A story for another day, but my husband is now regretting doing so). SIL is married to K (M 34) and they have 2 kids, and she’s currently 6 months pregnant with twins.
Fast forward to the wedding day, everything went well, no objections were made. Then we got to the reception, I guess that’s when my SIL thought it would be a great time to announce that she was expecting twins and turn my wedding into a gender reveal (hmm okay, mind you she didn’t even discuss this with me or my husband).
She’s going around giving people these cute little party pack boxes, everyone is confused, and her parents are turning red in the face. I decide to ignore it.
SIL goes up the stage, takes the mic, and lets people know what the party packs are for. She’s gonna count down then people can open them to reveal the gender.
I guess their reactions weren’t what she was hoping for, because 5 minutes after opening the boxes, people were still clearly shocked at her audacity and didn’t react. She turned to look at me and my husband, and asks ‘Well? What do you guys think? Isn’t it exciting? I thought it would be a great wedding present for you guys’.
Excuse me? My husband went to go talk to her and I just ignored her, because I could not find it in me to be bothered.
Later in the night, at 23:30, we get a call from SIL’s husband, berating my husband about letting me ignore my SIL’s announcement and not appearing excited. Apparently, SIL has been crying since they got back, going on about how, not only did I take her brother (best friend) from her, but I also ruined this day for her, as it was a way of her showing me that she accepts me into the family.
AITJ for ignoring my SIL?”
12. AITJ For Seeing My Partner As A Roommate Too?
“I own my own home, and seven months ago, my partner moved in. We both agreed that it would be unfair for her to contribute to my mortgage, as I am gaining equity and she is not. The agreement that we came up with is that I am responsible for all house expenses (mortgage, HOA dues, taxes, insurance, maintenance) and she is responsible for living expenses (electric, water, internet, streaming, groceries).
We had this all hashed out before she moved in.
Now, obviously, I’m paying a lot more. I pay $2000 a month, not including regular maintenance. She pays about $500 a month. This is fine by me, as it is what we agreed to. On to the actual conflict.
My partner has started getting annoyed about groceries.
We keep a list on the fridge both can add to, and she goes shopping once every ten days or so. She says that I put too many ‘luxury items’ on the list and it bothers her to buy expensive items she doesn’t like. The main offenders are oils (olive, coconut, peanut, avocado), vegan yogurt (am lactose intolerant), and cashews.
I admit that all of these things are expensive. However, I do not go through them very quickly. The large oil containers last over a month each. One large container of yogurt lasts over a week. A large container of cashews lasts about three weeks. Only the yogurt needs to be bought frequently, and the large container is just over $5.
Furthermore, I do not eat the cheese or milk products she buys, some of which are more expensive (fancy ice cream bars and cheese dips) than what I like.
My partner suggested I buy my own ‘luxury goods,’ since she doesn’t benefit from them. She eats the dishes I cook the oils with, so this isn’t necessarily true.
Furthermore, this isn’t our agreement. She pays no rent, and she’d be paying a lot more than $500 a month in any other roommate situation. When I pointed this out, she became frustrated, saying that’s irrelevant since we aren’t roommates. I argued that, in addition to being partners, we are also roommates, and some of our conflicts are those that most roommates face.
She hated this comparison and ended the discussion abruptly to leave for work, even though she had 20 minutes before she needed to leave.
AITJ? Is there a rule I didn’t know about calling SOs roommates? Is expecting our agreement to stay consistent a jerk move? My partner mentioned that these days everyone needs to tighten their belt.
Should I be sacrificing more for our relationship?
Oil: I don’t drink oil or have high cholesterol. Olive oil and avocado oil are used for sauces, salad dressings, etc… Coconut oil I use for curries and stir-fries. Peanut oil for sauces and stir-fries. All are bought infrequently in large containers because it’s cheaper.
No more than one (sometimes none) needs to be replenished each month, as I said. They last a long time. I’m not fat or unhealthy.
Expenses: Utilities are not expensive where we live. We are both passionate about energy conservation and use very little electricity and water. The utilities are still in my name, she just logs into my account to pay them.
I see exactly how much they are. It’s $120 a month for water and electricity. Internet is $60 a month. My partner goes shopping every ten days. She spends about $90 per shop. I’ve seen receipts. That’s $270.
My finances: I’m not house-poor and can afford my mortgage. My mortgage is still cheaper than renting. I do not need my partner to ‘subsidize’ my house.
I paid all of my own bills before she moved in and would be able to continue doing so without her.”
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Parents To Sleep In My Room?
“I (20 f) just moved into my new apartment. I was very excited to move out of my parents’ house because they are quite controlling. I wanted to have my own space where I made the rules.
Well, my parents came over to visit and spend the night (I moved 2 hours away and they didn’t wanna drive back home). Before they came, I warned them that if they don’t follow my rules and boundaries I would ask them to leave. Again, they are very controlling and judgmental so I wanted to put up strict boundaries.
They ‘agreed’ and they came over.
Everything started off fine, I made dinner and we watched a movie. Then they wanted to go to bed. I told them I had an air mattress in the closet and I’d grab them extra blankets. They looked confused and then they said that they were just gonna sleep in my room on my bed. I told them that they were not going to do that because I know that they’d snoop around my room (they did this often when I lived with them).
They told me that I should be a good host and let them sleep in my room. I told them no again and my mom yelled at me saying that I should be more respectful to the people that provided for me for so many years. I told them that they were being ridiculous and then asked them to leave, go home, or get a hotel room if they didn’t like my rules.
They left and I went to sleep. When I woke up I had a bunch of messages from my mom telling me how disappointed they were for not respecting them and making them drive the 2 hours back home. It made me feel bad and I wanna know, AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Pretending I Do Not Know My Sister On The Train?
“So, last night was my last night in the city where I was born and raised. After finally finding a good job, I’m going to be moving across the country.
My sister is the only family member I still speak with and she seems very happy for me.
We decided to go out to dinner to celebrate, and during dinner, my sister was absolutely intolerable. She had gotten into one of her moods because the restaurant had served me first instead of her. Then she brought up politics and forced me into really uncomfortable topics for my last night in town.
I tried to placate her by saying everything will be OK, but she was having none of it. Apparently, at one point, I wasn’t paying enough attention to her meltdown, so she got incredibly upset and asked that we leave. I happily agreed despite not having finished my meal.
On the train home, after boarding, she immediately walked to the opposite side when I sat down.
Fine. Then, halfway to our station, she stormed over to me and shouted ‘You need to take responsibility for your actions.’ I was so humiliated that I just immediately defaulted to responding ‘I don’t even know you, lady.’ She scoffed and said loudly that she was my sister, so I responded ‘My sister lives in South Korea.
Please leave me alone.’
At this point, a kind soul intervened and told her to keep her distance from me. She went back to her previous position on the train and glared at me from across it while the nice person asked if I needed police intervention. I said no, that I’d be fine.
My sister is furious and even my family (who will go to any lengths possible to avoid contact with me) is sending me texts. I don’t know if I should have handled the situation differently or what.”
9. AITJ For Taking Our Late Mother's Wedding Dress?
“So I (F 27) am getting married to my fiancé (M 28) in October. He proposed last February and we have most of the preparations already set up.
The only thing I haven’t found is a dress. I have been to many places and I haven’t found something I like.
Last month I asked my sister if I could use our mom’s dress as it was in the style I was looking for and it was a way for my mom to be there in spirit.
Everyone tells me I am the spitting image of my mother, I have nearly her exact measurements so I so I wouldn’t even have to alter the dress. My sister said no since it was a gift from Mom to her.
My mom passed away when I was 15, she had a long-term battle with cancer.
My sister (F 35) had a long-term partner that things seemed pretty serious with at the time and before she passed my mom said that she wanted her to wear her wedding dress when she got married. However a few months after her passing my sister broke up with her partner and she went years without having any long-term partners.
About three years ago she came out as Aroace and has stated many times she has no interest in getting married or having a romantic partner.
I asked a few more times and she always said no. I feel like she is being unfair as our mom wanted the dress to be worn and she was also my mother, I was too young to get any big gifts from her when she passed, and I have said that I would return the dress to my sister after the wedding, I even told her I would get a different dress for the reception and that if I could even have it to just walk down the aisle in I would be happy.
She has still refused.
Last week I asked my father and he started crying because of how happy he was. He told me that my mom would be so happy for me and that he loved that I was honoring her in this way. My father has kept the dress in a safe spot ever since my mom passed. He brought the dress to my house earlier today just so we could see how it looked and so I could store it with my stuff.
And it was everything I had ever dreamed of, I looked like a princess but more importantly, I looked like my mom. Dad said he made the right choice and that he was happy for me.
I just got off the phone with my sister who called me screaming and crying about how I had no right and how that was our mother’s gift to her.
She told me she would never forgive me for this if I wore it to the wedding and that I was no longer her sister. I love this dress and I love how it connects me to my mom. But it was my sister’s first and I stole from her. I might return it based on how this turns out.
8. AITJ For Still Getting A Dog Despite My Significant Other's Dispproval?
“I (21 F) and my significant other (21 M) have been together for 3 years. I absolutely adore animals, particularly dogs.
He is in the army, and I just moved interstate to be closer. Previously we chose a breed for if we were to have one together, a samoyed. I also asked if he would be open to the idea of me getting my own dog while we lived separately and if we moved in together, he didn’t have to take care of it or have any responsibility if he didn’t want to, I asked because he made it clear he wasn’t ready yet, but I was, and we had no plans of living together soon.
He said yes, he would be ok with it. We discussed and mentioned it a few times in total at the start of the year.
End of April I was financially, physically, and otherwise able and ready. I knew it would be difficult moving with one, but at the same time had come up with solutions.
I called my SO one night and was trying to check if he was still ok if I got my own dog first. He shut me down instantly, before I could say much, and said ‘No, no, no, OP, no, you’re not getting a dog, no’. When I tried to talk about my reasoning, he continued saying no and wouldn’t let me speak.
Long story short. I went with my dad the next day to a few rescues and found a husky X. He was perfect. And my SO likes Huskies, and his type of temperament, fyi. I fell in love and got him.
Sadly after a few days, he showed signs of fear and aggression towards my dad, which I now know is due to his previous owner’s abusive treatment of him.
I thought a lot about if I was able and willing to keep him due to this, knowing the amount of work and cost he would need for it.
I have since moved, and my SO has met him. It has brought back up the circumstances of when I got him. And how he was right because he is aggressive and not the ‘perfect dog’, and how I got him out of spite, and that he thought he was right I shouldn’t have gotten one.
I argued that he unilaterally made a decision, whilst I was trying to discuss it with him like a partner should, and tried to include him and check he was still ok with our previous agreement. He says he has no memory of this agreement. I explained again why a puppy wasn’t a good idea for now, but that the next dog would be.
And that I chose one I thought he would like that still suited our needs. And that realistically, I’ll be the one taking care of it, especially given I need the company since my SO is gone a lot and I don’t know anyone, and hate being alone, and we don’t have any plans on living together soon.
He basically had a go at me accusing me of using him or relying on him financially (I have never asked for money, except I once previously did to help for the move, which was to be closer to him. And even recently told him I didn’t want the other half of it when he offered to pay it and didn’t take it.
That is the only money I have ever received from him).
I admit, I told him to shove it where it doesn’t shine for calling me a gold digger. He says that’s not what he said or meant, and the argument eventually ended.
So AITJ for getting a dog against his wishes?”
7. WIBTJ If I Tell My Husband To Back Off A Bit From Being Concerned About Me?
“My husband (31 m) and I (29 f) recently found out I am pregnant (8 weeks along).
This is really exciting for both of us as we have always wanted to have kids. However, it is also kind of scary for both of us as I had a miscarriage about a year and a half ago. It was a really difficult time for both of us as I am sure you can imagine.
Well ever since we found out I am pregnant my husband has become really overbearing. It is like he doesn’t want me to do anything anymore because he is scared we will lose the baby. A couple of examples: he thinks I should either quit my job or go on maternity leave now so I can rest even though the doctor said I will be okay to work still.
I am pretty short so I need to climb something to reach the top shelf in our kitchen. Usually, I would just climb the counter but I figured it would be safer to use the step ladder so I was doing that when he came in the kitchen and had me get down because he was scared I would fall.
He said if I need anything from the top shelf to just ask him. He follows me around everywhere all the time. He tries to get me to sit or lay down as much as possible. I mean literally, I went to go refill my bottle of water earlier and he insisted he do it for me and I stay sitting on the couch.
He also insists on researching foods and drinks before I eat them to make sure they are safe for the baby. I mean he literally researched tomatoes. He also has been nervous about sleeping with me because he doesn’t want to hurt the baby.
I understand he is scared. I am too. But I am pregnant, not incapable of doing things for myself.
I am pretty sure if he had his way I would be lying in bed all day while he waited on me hand and foot. I love him so much and I love that he cares so much but I need to breathe. WIBTJ for telling him to back off a bit? I don’t want to invalidate his fears but I think I am going to go crazy.
He wasn’t like this with our first pregnancy.”
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cut Off My Daughter For My Other Daughter?
“I (56 F) and my husband Kurt (59 M) have 2 daughters, Ruth (32), and June (30). 8 years ago, Ruth split up with her college sweetheart, Adam (32). They’d been together since she was 20/21 and it was as serious as a college relationship could be. About 5 years ago, June announced that she reconnected with Adam at some alumni get-together (they’d all gone to the same university) and that they were now together.
Of course, Kurt and I were shocked she would do this despite her sister’s history with him. But she insisted that they were in love and she can’t help that, and that Ruth and Adam hadn’t been together in years so she hasn’t done anything wrong. Ruth understandably was enraged over it. She said she was done with June and would never see her again.
This broke me, they were so close growing up and I prayed every day they’d reconcile, but I accepted they’re adults who can make their own choices and we have no say.
Kurt and I were also very disappointed with June and told her off many times, but after she proved that there was never any third party involved while Ruth and Adam were together, things between us settled down.
Out of respect for Ruth’s feelings, we never brought the girls together again. Ruth and June visit us separately and still aren’t on speaking terms after 5 years, but we maintained our relationship.
Now, June and Adam are married. Ruth has also moved on with a lovely boy. Coincidentally, both girls are expecting their first child (Ruth’s due date is a little earlier).
I can’t put into words how excited we are to be grandparents and ADORE both of these children. I’ve been supportive and as involved with both our daughters’ pregnancies as they want.
However last week Ruth drops a bomb on us. She said that if we ever see June again or her baby, she won’t allow us in her child’s life.
This shattered me. It’s kept me up every night. The thought of either of my grandchildren being deprived of loving grandparents is agonizing. I know Ruth was deeply hurt by June’s actions, but I don’t know if we should be punished just for not cutting our kid off. How can any parent even consider disowning a child?
We begged her to reconsider and said our love for them both isn’t conditional and we can’t just stop loving one, but she’s adamant.
I don’t want to accept Ruth’s terms, as it seems like no matter what we decide, we’re going to lose a daughter and grandchild. So I’d rather it not happen because we outright chose it.
But I also don’t want Ruth to believe we’d just drop her in favor of June, because again, the thought crushes me. WIBTJ if I don’t comply with Ruth’s ultimatum?
Edit: Ruth left Adam because it just wasn’t working. He was immature and said and did things that irritated her, mostly lots of minor things adding up.
She said there was never any mistreatment or third party, but it was the right decision for herself. He was a nice enough boy, but he definitely had some growing up to do at the time. I did feel very badly for Ruth because she had invested a good few years into the relationship for someone so young, but agreed it was the right decision.
Ruth stayed with us for a few months when it first happened (not just because of this, there were other reasons) and we were there for her and comforted her the whole time. Because she was so angry, we had asked June to not visit until she left (we still talked to her and met a couple of times in public places).
We made it known that this hurt her sister and we were disappointed she didn’t think of this. June understood and agreed with us supporting Ruth. She expressed sadness over losing her sister, but we clearly told her it was Ruth’s decision to cut her off. Whether one thinks June did nothing wrong or not, it’s untrue to say there were never any consequences for this–she’s sad to this day that she’s lost her sister and knows she has to accept and live with it.
Both girls have confirmed that June reached out a few times over the years to apologize. No one put her up to it. Ruth didn’t forgive her and she’s well within her rights not to. We understand no one can or should make her accept the apology.
Adam is June’s husband and the father of our second grandchild.
They’re a package deal now so we can’t cut him off. Once we cut him off, we risk losing June and our grandchild anyway, which is the same as what I’m trying to prevent with Ruth.”
5. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister To My Wedding Because We Don't Have A Relationship?
“My sister and I had what I considered a forced close relationship growing up. Our parents had the mindset of family first, and family above all else, which meant we had to hang out and be friends with each other and could only maintain minimal friendships.
My sister loved it. She loved me. But I have been annoyed with my sister for a lot of years, and I will admit I resent her. She’s one of those people who naturally is good at most stuff and tends to attract a lot of positive attention for one reason or another. There have been times when something was supposed to be about me but she would come out with something that got her attention.
Examples: I had trouble in school. As an adult, I was diagnosed with a learning disability but not as a kid. Got my first A when I was 11 after struggling to get D’s and C’s for years. We were meant to go out and celebrate that and my hard work but she had been selected to do her school’s spelling bee and that whole celebration turned from one for me, into one for her and they even lost the paper with the A, because my parents had taken it with us.
My 13th birthday became about her because she was selected for some science competition and they wanted to take her out to celebrate that and my birthday was forgotten. She even ‘forgot’ to give me the card she had there for me because she’d been so happy for herself. I got it like 3 weeks later.
I was entered into an art competition and won and when we were out to celebrate that she got a call that she won a full scholarship for college which my win was forgotten for hers.
She announced her engagement at my 18th birthday party and tried to turn it into an engagement party for herself.
She announced her pregnancy while I was in the hospital having been told I had endometriosis and would be unlikely to conceive naturally, if I could at all, even with IVF. I was getting ready for my first surgery for it also at this time. And she announced it saying she wanted us all to have something happy to celebrate and she just knew it would make it all better for me.
So yeah. I have wanted to distance myself for a while now but it was 7 months ago that I told her our relationship didn’t work for me and I was calling time on us being in each other’s lives. At that point, I only saw my parents (because I blame them for a lot of stuff too) when it was related to some other family member.
But I told her I was done with her not caring about me or what I was going through.
I sent out invites to my wedding. Neither she nor my parents are invited. But everyone is more outraged that I didn’t invite her. I was told it seemed wrong when if anyone is to blame for how things have been, it was my parents, but I should love and value my sister enough to invite her.
My sister is hurt and says I am pushing her away when she has only ever tried to include me.
4. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Get A Drink Fridge?
“My husband and I have been married for 3 years. I love this man with the entirety of my life, but a year ago, he picked up this little habit where he stocks up on cheap drinks, and leaves them open in the fridge.
I was fine with it when it was just 2 or 4, you know, enough to start up his gaming stream, and get the mood ready so he can have fun with his chat, but now… there is an entire section of our fridge devoted to his drinks under our meat drawer.
He just puts as many as he can fit under the drawer, and it STINKS.
The entire fridge smells frat bro puke after a day and a half of his drinks being in it, and frankly, I was sick of it.
When he finished his last drink, I took the section off of the fridge shelf that he used to store his drinks. I cleaned and rearranged the whole fridge and I locked the shelf in my closet because I wasn’t playing this game anymore.
He finds out the shelf is missing, and while I was out he opened 2 drinks, stuck them next to all our condiments, and immediately went to his dad, mad that I was trying to ’emasculate him’ by ‘denying him his drinks’. Even though the man has been buying a 24-pack a week every week, I have never stopped him.
The man knows his limits. I just am sick of smelling rancid drink every time I open our fridge.
I tell his dad that it’s not about the drink, it’s that he leaves it open until it stinks up the place before drinking it, and he said ‘You’re gay, if he wanted to be with a controlling jerk, he’d go be with a woman, stop trying to control my son.’
So swallowing all my anger, I offer to go halfsies on a drink fridge for him, like the ones you see in shops…
He looks me dead in the eyes and says.
‘The fridge in the kitchen is just as much mine as it is yours, you heard my dad. Now drop it, and put my shelf back.’
Am I the jerk?”
3. AITJ For Not Helping My Cousin Eat Bread?
“My (F 22) sister ‘Kris’ (F 35) and our cousin ‘Gina’ (F 32) decided to go on a trip to Sedona. Despite our age gap, I get along with my sister.
My sister and Gina are super close, they’re seen as the ‘squad’ of BFFs in our extended family. I like Gina, I just don’t know her as well.
It was my sister’s request that Gina come along, as originally I’d just reached out to Kris to go with me on this trip.
Important: my sister and Gina love to drink, I don’t drink. Kris and I have butted heads about this in the past, but I figured ‘Well we’re gonna be in Arizona, exploring trails in the heat for hours’.
I was clear about this/they all knew from the itinerary that it was gonna be an outdoorsy trip. I figured they’d order drinks when we ate at restaurants, cool.
On our first night in we picked up food from the store, Kris and Gina bought several 12-packs of beer. I was taken aback – not because it’s atypical for them to drink that much but because they were gonna get lit when we’d be hiking around 9:00 AM the next day for a few hours and we all have beginner hiking experience.
I went to bed early while they stayed up drinking/karaoke-ing well past midnight.
This morning rolled around. We’re running behind schedule, I’m up and ready to go, but Gina and Kris are hungover. I’ll admit I’m anal about following a schedule. I spent months working on the itinerary for this trip/researching trails for us to go on/want to make the most of our time.
I’m annoyed my sister and cousin couldn’t adjust their drinking given the terrain of our vacation.
Gina and I are sitting on the floor of the living room. She’s really hungover so she’s drinking water and needs food. There’s a bag of naan between us, literally within arm’s reach for either one of us. Kris tells me to ‘give Gina the bread’.
I sorta toss it over to Gina, and Kris snaps at me to ‘break off a piece and hand it’ to Gina, don’t just throw it. I retort that Gina is an adult who can feed herself. Kris gets mad, saying I’m being selfish, that Gina is really struggling and I’m refusing to help someone in need.
I’m totally flabbergasted that we’re arguing over BREAD of all things. I don’t say this part, but I felt like if the roles were reversed, if I was hungover, Kris wouldn’t care that much. I hold my ground and basically, we left our Airbnb on sour terms, even after the trials things have been weird/tense since.
I feel like I’m going crazy and that things were blown way out of proportion. Was I really the jerk for what I did/said? AITJ for thinking my cousin, a grown adult, can eat bread on her own?”
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Cover A Shift For My Coworker With A Family Emergency?
“I have this one coworker who gets on my nerves. She’s still fairly new but she does things that really aggravate me.
First of all, there hasn’t been one full week that she hasn’t called off. She will frantically text me and other coworkers to see if we can cover, or she calls out right before her shift and my manager scrambles to find coverage.
She said that she didn’t get paid enough at this job (probably because you don’t work the hours you’re given) so she went and got another job that pays a dollar more.
After that, she changed her availability to Monday-Wednesday only at my job. She gets those three days if she’s lucky, but not always.
Well, this week she has those three shifts mon-wed, and on Sunday night she texts me to ask if I work on Monday. I didn’t, but I didn’t say anything because it was pretty late and she could have assumed I was already asleep.
Well today, just now before her shift in two hours, she texts me to ask if I’m working again because she had a ‘family emergency’ pop up and her dad needs her. I was asleep and didn’t see the text and then she called me two times in a row. I didn’t answer either of them.
I don’t know if she’s being honest because she calls out at least once a week. And I surely don’t want to go in because I am already the main person to cover days when we’re short-staffed, I’ve been working through the weekend for 4 months straight now. I got today off because I have a college class in the middle of the day and while I could skip it, I already spend too much time at my job when I’m in school full time.
I’m praying that my manager doesn’t ask me to work the closing shift because she didn’t show up, but that’s usually what happens and then I have to push through my anxiety to say no.
There’s a possibility she’s truly having a family emergency, but she cries wolf and calls out so much that I don’t know what to believe.
AITJ for ignoring her?”
1. AITJ For Telling My Mom I Don't Feel Comfortable Having Her Partner Come Over For Christmas?
” “I’m 21 and still live with my mother, but I contribute financially. After we finish Christmas dinner, she tells me her partner she met online is coming to ‘visit for Christmas’ at midnight.
6:00 PM the next day, he’s still here. She tells me that he just lives with us now. I tell her that this is not okay and I don’t feel comfortable, because I don’t know this man and my door doesn’t shut properly.
She tells me that I don’t pay her enough to have any complaints, he ‘won’t hurt’ me, and that she cannot disrespect me in her own house, because she is the only one who can be slighted in this situation.
I tell her that I’d have at least wanted to first meet him in a public place on my own terms so that I could feel comfortable before this strange man just inhabited my space.
She says she deserves to be happy, sometimes things don’t go my way, I’m just jealous and have no room in my heart for anybody, and she apologizes by saying verbatim ‘I’m sorry you feel that way, but you don’t get to make any demands here.’
(BACKGROUND ON HIM: he’s 50 years old with a child in another state.
He terminated his lease and left everything behind to come and live with my mother, but stayed back to have Christmas with his daughter and couldn’t renew his lease, so coming here was an ’emergency.’ He came here with no job and no funds saved up).
I admit I was quite cold to her after that, and acted cordial but mostly indifferent to this new fellow.
I also pushed back at her attempt to include him in quite literally everything we do. This all infuriated her. Several times, she’s gotten weepy and says she’s being forced to choose between her partner and her daughter but she’ll do it for me because she’s used to not being happy.
I knew she was bluffing and tried to be stone-faced through all this crying.
He’s still here.
Did I overreact?