People Wonder If They Were Too Harsh To Others In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
22. AITJ For Causing My Husband To Miss His Flight?
“My husband (33) ‘Al’ is the only son in his family.
He’s spoiled by his mom and 3 sisters. The way I see it they treat him like a royal, call him ‘heir’, gift him expensive stuff. Prince level treatment. I didn’t have an issue with it at first since they consider it ‘showing love and appreciation’.
But I used to get into a lot of arguments with his mom and sisters about not making efforts to treat him the way they treat him. Basically they claim I’m not showing ‘the same level of respect’ they show him and because of that I got disinvited from lots of events including Christmas.
Al’s stance is to stay out of it and when I complained about his family disinviting me from Christmas, he said he could not force them to have guests they didn’t want.
On the morning of his flight, he slept in and didn’t wake up on time.
He woke up freaking out and yelling about me being petty and not waking him up before his flight after he asked me to. The reason I didn’t wake him up was because I myself was asleep too. Why would I wake up early just to wake him up?
His phone was away since he hates sleeping nearby electronics. He left in a rush and tried to get on another flight but failed due to the airports being packed. As a result, he missed Christmas celebration with his family. His mom and sisters are mad, claiming I did this to get back at them and to isolate him from them.
Al thinks I acted petty and vicious when I could’ve woken him up to go be with his family. He’s still mad and is claiming that I ruined the holidays for him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, why are you with him? Your partner should be supporting you and defending you, yet he’s not only letting his family insult you unnecessarily, but he’s doing it himself too.
As much as it sounds awful, you will never be good enough for his family, especially if he enables their behavior.
Even the logic he’s using is ridiculous… he expects his partner to get up early just to wake him up, so he can go to a family event that you weren’t allowed to go to… because he lets his family be rude to you.
I don’t get how he’s a good partner.” Proud_Fee_1542
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband is an adult. Setting an alarm, getting up when the alarm went off, and getting to the airport on time are his responsibilities, not yours.
Since you didn’t have anywhere to go, you had no obligations that required waking early but if you had been awake, it would have been kind of you if you had woken your husband but still wouldn’t have been a responsibility for you.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So what if you did act petty? I understand that you didn’t, but even if you had I wouldn’t call you a jerk about it.
You married someone who’s been seriously warped by the way his family treats him, and I doubt there’s ever going to be a way to change that without a lot of therapy on his part.
And given that there’s zero indication he sees any problem with his attitude, that’s not gonna happen, right? You don’t mention having any kids. I’d very seriously hesitate to tie yourself to this jerk and his family with offspring. At least without kids, you could eventually make a clean break when it all gets to be just too much.” Kthaeh
21. AITJ For Being Mad At My Significant Other For Not Liking My Cooking?
“I (22F) have been with my significant other (23M) for just under four years. Just the other day he came to my house to hang out with me. My younger brother and my dad are both sick, so I wanted to make tomato soup for them.
I guess it’s relevant to mention that my SO hates tomatoes. Like, can’t stand them in any way shape, or form. He’ll pick them off his burgers, he won’t eat sandwiches with tomatoes in them, etc.
So I was making the tomato soup and I asked him to taste test it for me and see if it was missing anything.
He winced and asked if anybody else could taste it – he said he’d be a biased source since he really really doesn’t like tomatoes. I told him to get over himself, my family is sick and I need him to pitch in.
So he complained and moaned but he tasted the soup before/after I added things, serving as like my kitchen assistant I guess.
By the end of it, he looked like he wanted to puke, but I still felt like the soup was missing something, I don’t know.
I asked him what he thought about it and he told me it was great, he just didn’t like it because of his own personal tastes. Something about the way he said it kind of made me snap and I told him to get over himself again, that he needs to just be upfront about whether it was good.
He shrugged and went ‘Yeah, it’s really good’. I said ‘Okay if it’s so good why don’t you eat a bowl’ and he went ‘(name) I really just don’t like tomatoes, I swear the soup is still good, I just don’t want to eat it’.
I was honestly really hurt by his refusing my cooking after he saw me work really hard on it, and I guess it showed on my face because he went ‘Fine, I’ll eat a bowl’.
As we ate I asked him if he liked it, he just went ‘yeah’ with no enjoyment or emotion, and then after he ate he said he had to go home and left. Since then I haven’t really heard from him, we usually talk on the phone or at least text a lot but he’s been super dry or nonresponsive.
So I kind of feel like I messed up. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes YTJ.
You don’t need him to taste it. Just follow your own gut feeling, like you would have done when he didn’t come over to your place. Why are you force-feeding something to him, that he obviously does not like?
It is alright that you made soup for your family. It is just not alright to force-feed the same to your partner if he does not like it. I can imagine not wanting to cook 2 different meals, but I assume he is grown up enough to get himself a sandwich (without tomatoes).
And that would have been a good solution.” International_Yam_80
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re acting like an entitled little brat. You forced him to eat something he hates then expected him to act like it was the best thing he’s ever had.
Of course, he’s not talking to you, I’m surprised he hasn’t broken up with you yet. That’s abusive. Wtf were you thinking would happen?
He was nice about it, saying it was good and that he just doesn’t like tomatoes.
I also don’t like tomatoes and I would’ve just walked out on you, you’re lucky he stayed.
Go apologize to him and don’t be surprised if he doesn’t accept it. He didn’t deserve any of that.” KittenSonyeondan
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First, you invited him over when most of the people in your house is sick. Secondly, you cooked something that you knew he would not enjoy, even if it wasn’t for him. And you didn’t offer to get him something else. He’s a guest in your home.
Third, it’s not that he doesn’t like your cooking. He doesn’t like tomatoes. You have no reason to be offended at all whatsoever. You knew he didn’t like tomatoes, so why would he like tomato soup? You forced him basically to try it.
Then got mad when he gave you his biased opinion.” Chesty02
20. AITJ For Not Liking My Friend's Partner's Insensitive Fat Jokes?
“I (22F) recently lost a ton of weight (I was pretty obese… and lost 150 pounds). I am proud of myself, it has not been easy but I did it all on my own.
I hung out with some old friends and two of them are a couple (I am friends with the guy) who have a reputation of being ‘toxic’/on again off again. She hangs out with our group by proxy and has been judgmental to many of us in past hangouts.
I haven’t seen this group in almost a year, and since then I lost the remaining weight which really changed my look. My friend group noticed it and were happy to see me this happy, but they also respected the matter and didn’t really pry.
No one made extensive comments.
Except her.
She was making a lot of comments and asking me a lot of questions during the evening. it started off with the ‘Wow I didn’t recognize you!’ and ‘You must get a lot of attention’ (PS.
I don’t) comments which I just laughed and heard. she then questioned me about getting surgery and how she just couldn’t believe I did it on my own. I kindly laughed again and said nope this was all me. We were talking as a group and we got food.
She was watching me eat and get food (before when I was obese I was too scared in front of everyone) and she said ‘Wow lazy day for you?’. I just ignored the bitterness in it and replied ‘Who can resist fries’ and we all laughed. It finally took a turn when we were all having a convo and she just says to me ‘Alright tell me your secret, are you a heavy smoker or purger type?’.
At that point, I had it. I said how I never asked to be obese. I said how I grew up in an abusive environment where I was force-fed a lot and it changed my psyche. I firmly stated that it took more than just a few ‘juice diets’ and I had to reprogram myself and change my relationship with my health.
I ended my little speech by saying ‘I’m sure we all know what it’s like to be in a toxic relationship (referring to mine with health). I am grateful every day I was able to break mine, can’t say the same for most people, right?’
Some of my friends were smiling and soft snapping but she just had the most shocked look on her face and stormed to her partner’s room. He said I was incredibly mean to her, and I asked him how he was able to ignore how rude she was to me.
AITJ? I guess I was mean. Was I too sensitive to her comments, were they not rude?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Big time. She wasn’t just rude, she was continually mean and made your experience not just unpleasant, but painful. It isn’t rude to tell the truth, and that’s what you did.
And you know what, even if you’d been deliberately rude to her (you weren’t), I can’t think of a more deserving recipient of rudeness that this awful girl.
P.S. Congrats on the changes you’ve made in your life coming out of an abusive childhood situation, facing it down, and moving forward.
That’s so difficult.” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I don’t believe you were acting/responding too sensitively to her comments. If she were to have made one joke, I believe it would’ve been alright. (If it wasn’t rude, of course.) But, it’s the fact she continued making the jokes/comments that were wrong.
In short, she should’ve dropped the topic of your weight loss after her initial comment. You had every right to defend yourself, especially because of your past struggles.” Astrid_101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Congratulations on losing so much weight – I can’t imagine how much effort and hard work you had to invest in order to do so!
I think you were super patient initially and quick-witted with your responses, and applaud you for that. She was being trashy, insensitive, and judgmental and I think most of us would have responded similarly.” Wrong_Relative_4695
19. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Delinquent Brother In My House Anymore?
“My partner (28F) and I (28M) have been hosting my partner’s brother (20M).
We’ll call him Kevin.
Kevin came to us because my partner’s mother has been staying with us since my partner’s stepdad died last year. At the time, Kevin was staying with his SO and her mom. They broke up and he was kicked out.
He moved in with his grandpa and then Kevin got kicked out of his grandpa’s home for being lazy (doesn’t do housework unless bugged 5 times, no job) and for smoking.
My partner’s mother brought him home for ‘just a night until I can take him to GA where a friend can take him’.
A week later, that fell through and Kevin has been on my couch since August. Kevin had a bench warrant from an illegal doing in high school; I and my partner helped pay for his lawyer to get him on probation (and out of jail), and we helped him get his GED. The hope was that once he got stable on his own legs, he’d move out and into his own place.
We asked that Kevin help with the housework (specifically doing the dishes and mowing the yard) and keep his area clean. Once his warrant was quashed and he met w his probation officer, we said not to do anything that would violate the terms of his probation.
We were clear that if he smokes (against his probation) or takes food or drinks to his area (we’ve found expired milk and bugs) we would have a problem.
We have had the cleanliness talk multiple times, to the point we told him we would not have this talk again.
We told him if he violates his probation, he is out. Period.
Today we found vape carriages in his area, along with old food and multiple cans and cups. I hit my line and told him he needs to leave. Partner agrees, she said the math maths for her too.
Partner’s mom said if we kick him out, she had to leave too to keep him out of the cold. Hard feelings all around.
I feel like if we don’t hold him accountable at this line when he has done two things to get himself kicked out instantly, we will have to admit that we are not going to hold Kevin accountable at all.
We have told my partner’s mom that she is welcome here, but she is adamant that she can’t leave him alone. But now my partner is upset (not mad at me, just upset in general) and her mom is crying in her room. Kevin is (seemingly) indifferent.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your and your partner’s job to parent that ‘adult’ sibling. Sounds like you two have done plenty for him. Don’t let the mom guilt you both for finally putting your foot down. Kevin has had plenty of chances (thanks to you two) to grow up and step up.
If his own mother won’t help make him accountable then it shouldn’t fall on you guys to do it anymore. He will continue to be lazy and leach on anyone who will allow him to. It sucks that the mom is reacting this way but does she expect you guys to support them both?
If you don’t stick to your decision for him to leave, you will be supporting him. One way or another, the rest of your lives.” Inkleindtoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to stop letting people take advantage of you! Does the mom even pay bills to live with you?
Is your partner paying for everything for her mother and brother? Because you should not be having to spend a dime of your own funds on these people. Of course, he should be kicked out! He’s literally just mooching off of you. He’s a grown adult responsible for himself, and if the mother wants to leave, let her.
But you need to have a serious conversation with your partner and her setting boundaries with her family because it’s only going to get worse. Think about what you want for the rest of your life, the type of person you want to spend your life with, and the type of people you want to be around.
You will always have to deal with her family unless she steps up.” rainbow_mak3r
Another User Comments:
“Kevin is the jerk because he has been allowed to be one, apparently all his life. He is lucky that you and your partner are following through with consequences.
Maybe he will learn something.
Kevin’s mother also is a major jerk for 1) Enabling his behavior, thus encouraging it to continue 2) Guilting you after you have taken her in for so long.
You? Pretty much the total OPPOSITE of a jerk. Rock on with your righteous coolness!
NTJ” Entire-Ad2058
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband Control My Spending?
“I (40/F) work full time. My husband (46/M) is a stay-at-home dad since 2020.
Things were tight for a bit when he quit his full-time job and tried to start his own business (there were losses that caused debt). Finances have been a bit of a sore spot since his business failure.
I’ve always made significantly more than him. I’ve always been supportive when he’s wanted to change jobs, start his own business, etc. When he sent us into a death spiral of debt with a failing business venture that he refused to let go of was kind of a breaking point.
He spent the majority of his time blaming me for our financial position which was absurd as I was the only one bringing in funds. He was spending it faster than I could make it. He briefly got a job but then ended up quitting at staying at home when everything closed down.
I was in an essential industry and had to go to work in person.
Since he’s been at home he’s been extremely controlling over the finances. He obviously gets all the mail because he’s at home. So, he opens all of the bills and then quizzes me over the charges.
He ‘claims’ it’s to make sure they’re legit charges but that’s complete bull. The conversations are usually like this:
Him: Is the $5 charge ok?
Me: Yes.
Him: What is it for?
Me: It’s a Patreon subscription.
Him: What is the subscription for?
Me: Why does it matter?
I told you it was a legitimate charge.
Him: I want to know what it is for.
Me: Do I go thru all of your bills and ask you what every charge is for?
Him ….
Then the conversation will shift from making sure it’s a legitimate charge to him making sure it’s a ‘need’ and not a ‘want.’ I’m sorry, but who gave you the power to tell me I’m not allowed to get things I ‘want’ when I bust my butt every day to make a good living?
This year I brought in more than $300,000 (before taxes). More than enough to pay off all the remaining debt from his failed business attempt with more than enough left over for all of our needs AND quite a few wants. I lost it today when he was questioning me about purchasing clothes for our kids (both recently had a growth spurt and need some new stuff) that were on clearance.
I told him to eff off, which I know was inappropriate, but I am SO SICK of having the justify every single penny I spend. Having him interrogate me over every purchase. I’m to the point where I want to get a secret credit card just so I don’t have to deal with the incessant questions and outward displays of control from him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is controlling because he isn’t contributing, because his manhood is ‘demolished’ by a capable and successful wife while his choices and business capability is clearly lacking.
It took a family intervention to stop him from bankrupting you all (and I bet that in his head you are at fault that he ‘lost his business’ cuz if he sticks to it he ‘would salvage it’ and he would be the successful one) he is clearly not realistic and is willing to play with the future of his family.
He may present himself as happy to be at home but he is actually resenting it, by questioning you on your purchases he is trying to prove a point, that he is in charge of finances, that you don’t know how to do things right so he must control you in order to make sure you know it.
I know you feel guilty about telling him to eff off, but don’t apologize cuz he will take it as an ‘admission of incompetence’ and will be more than willing to do it again.
If this keeps up you need to make your boundaries known, try couples therapy… but if he keeps this up he will get worse with time… he needs to be told to stop – strongly and firmly!” Gold_Ad_4355
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because he’s not being scrutinizing of expenditures, he’s trying to exert control in a way that is unhealthy and damaging to the marriage. You shouldn’t tell him to eff off but you know that already. But, it was an understandable reaction to a line of questioning that is inappropriate.
It’s not inappropriate to ask questions about finances and want to be in the know. That’s not what he was doing though. He was using it as control over you and that’s wrong. Couples counseling is the next best step here because he’s got some stuff going on that is manifesting in a way that is not good.” Inevitable_Papaya_47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you’re in a serious relationship with joint finances, yes, you need to be open and work together with your partner on finances.
But he doesn’t sound like he’s trying to work together, he sounds like he’s being aggressive and a bit controlling.
If I had to guess, he’s filled with a lot of negative feelings about his failed business venture that he’s taking out on you through the finances, and that’s not cool.
If all the bills are paid, if you’re meeting your end of the bargain on the financial agreement, then I don’t think you need to justify spending a bit of the money you earned on something that you enjoy and makes your life a little better.” finallyinfinite
17. AITJ For Telling My Jerk Cousin To Stay Away From My Brother?
“I (26m) have been raising my brother (7m) since he was a baby. Our parents died in an accident not long after he was born. No one in my family wanted to take him in other than one set of grandparents but were too old to look after a newborn.
I wanted to take him in any way so I wasn’t upset that no one was fighting me on it.
The other day my grandparents came up to visit. With them, they had my cousin (20f). I honestly don’t like this cousin since she starts drama and seems to thrive on it but I thought she could keep her mouth shut for an hour while our grandparents visit so wasn’t bothered by it.
That was until I caught her telling my brother that I wasn’t his dad. I knew then she was trying to start drama.
My brother calls me dad and I call him my son so from the outside people probably assume he has no clue I’m not his dad but that is not the case, he has always known that I am biologically his brother and that mum and dad had an accident so I became 2nd dad.
He has known this all through his childhood.
I told my cousin to get out of my house, out of reach of my brother of course. She tried to do some sort of gotcha and say ‘What, afraid your BROTHER will find out you aren’t daddy?
Why are you angry at me telling him the truth?’ I didn’t say a word and just threw her out. Now I’m getting calls berating me for swearing at her and embarrassing her in front of our grandparents since apparently they chewed her out for it and told her that my brother knows and that she caused a fuss over nothing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is an idiot, to put it mildly. You are such an outstanding brother and a perfect papa bear for your little guy. I’m so happy for you both to have each other. Your cousin was trying to cause emotional distress to a seven-year-old.
Anyone complaining about how you shut that down is toxic and deserves to be cut out of your and your brother’s lives. Do NOT second guess yourself here. You did the right thing.” Hapnhopeless
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and honestly you did a lot less than I believe a lot of us would do given the circumstances.
Good for you for keeping a cool head because honestly essentially waving that the kid’s parents are dead to his face, as well as blatantly disrespecting whatever sacrifices you’ve had to make to live your life for the sake of your brother is absolutely disgusting.
Deplorable behavior from a child, an immature, vindictive child.
And do you mind me asking who called and berated you? Just trying to wrap my head around who’s dense enough to play that game with you. I have to assume a parent who’s being strung along by the balls by their wonderful crotch spawn.” BlondeBandit76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was disrespectful and cruel in your home to your 7-year-old brother. What kind of jerk bullies a 7-year-old like this? You did the right thing kicking her out. Whoever is harassing you now over how you handled this is also a jerk.
Your cousin is the jerk who bullies people who lost their parents. Whoever is harassing you for this thinks this behavior is acceptable and has no business being in the lives of you and your brother.” Neonpinx
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister's Mother-In-Law Search My House For His Son's Stuff?
“My (23NB) sister’s husband was arrested this year on some serious charges and my sister has decided to leave him.
My sister’s MIL showed up this morning to pick up her son’s possessions from my house, we had packed up everything that belongs to him and put it neatly in boxes and bags in our garage so that when she got here it would be a simple matter of putting everything in her car and that would be that.
However it didn’t turn out that way, when MIL arrived and saw the boxes in the garage, she demanded that she be able to go through the house and make sure we weren’t stealing anything of his (her exact words were ‘I don’t want anything of mine left in this place’).
I told her that everything of her son’s was in the garage and that my sister had been the one to pack everything herself so there was no need for her to step into the house and if she tried I wasn’t afraid to call the police on her.
She argued with me for 15 minutes before told her ‘There is all of his stuff, pack it and go before I throw a lit match in it’ and went inside (locking my door behind me).
She eventually left with all of the stuff and apparently called my sister and complained since I just got off of the phone to her.
She and my mum both say I should have just let her have a look around quickly to placate her but I don’t see why I should have. Now I’m being called the jerk as my sister keeps getting texts and calls from MIL.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If your sister wants to micromanage the collection of her soon-to-be ex-husband’s possessions then she should have been there.
Your mom and your sister do not get to say what you should have done differently after the event. The woman concerned sounds belligerent and annoyed at the situation and if anything is missing she can ask in the future.
As her son used to live there and knows what is in the house, he could spin this out – so get your receipts/bank statements/ credit card receipts in order.” OkraOk8923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
We all know she wouldn’t have done a 5-minute visual scan, it would have been a 14-hour total rummage through everything in the house complete with accusations of ‘object-that-never-existed is missing, you’re trying to steal it’.
Meanwhile she’s trying to steal your sister’s and your property.
If something is genuinely missing after she goes through the boxes she can file for it in small claims court, where she will have to provide reasonable evidence of it existing and belonging to him not someone else in the household, and if she’s successful you can hand it over under the terms of the court order.” Professional_Ruin953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she has no right whatsoever to go into your home and honestly anything he has with belongs to your sister anyways if they are married so I don’t get what she was going after. I wouldn’t trust her either because look at the type of person she raised.
Your sister is the worst of all because she brought that into you and your mom‘s life. She should be apologizing for the type of person she married, and for what you had to put up with. You never should’ve had to deal with that woman in the first place, and look at how your sister is acting now!
Why hasn’t she blocked her? She owes you an apology.” rainbow_mak3r
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend New Year's Eve At My Friend's Dirty Apartment?
“My friends (really just a group of 5 of us in this instance) (ages 24-32 and various genders) have been talking about what we are doing for new year’s eve. Somehow within that one of my friends decided she was going to host. However, the rest of us vocalized that we would rather not go to her place for new year’s eve.
Our reasoning is that her idea of cleanliness does not meet most people’s standards. We went to a party at her place earlier this year and it was disgusting. Cat litter spread all over the apartment. She had made a spread of food and there was a pan with Turkey breasts in it and when I went to get someone she said ‘Oh no I’m not serving that.
I forgot to dispose of that’s been sitting out for 3 days.’ We didn’t really eat the food that was meant for us because her cats were munching on it.
So we tried to convince her to let someone else host and she was like ‘No I really want to host’.
So we had to be blunt and say we didn’t want to have new year’s eve at her place and told her it was due to her cleanliness.
She got upset and told us that people have different cleanliness standards and that’s okay but that we were terrible friends for shaming her for not being as clean as we are.
She says she will not be coming out with us and that we need to apologize to her. Are we actually the jerks here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were not shaming her for being unsanitary. You didn’t say she had to stop living like that.
You just refused to subject yourselves to it, which is perfectly acceptable. Going around to her apartment and cleaning it is a no, that is help she has not asked for and is subjecting your cleanliness upon her. She can live like a pig if she wants, but you do not have to join her.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no delicate way to rip a bandaid off of a wound. Who wants to eat ANYTHING that has been nibbled on by cats? Call her after the New Year and make plans for coffee. Tell her that you apologize for hurting her feelings but the fact is that you felt uncomfortable and why.
Maybe it will click, maybe not but you will have been honest.” stinstin555
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she’s blind to the uncleanliness of her own apartment and getting defensive when you try to point it out. She’s allowed to have her own cleanliness standards, sure, but you all are allowed not to want to spend time in her uncleanliness.” schoobydoo42
14. AITJ For Telling My Future Mother-In-Law She's Insecure?
“I (28F) am getting married on Jan 2, 2023.
I’m the eldest and only daughter (I have 3 younger brothers). This is a big deal for my parents and despite our (my fiancé, 27M, whom we’ll call D) plan not to ask anything from our parents since we saved for this wedding, my parents insist on giving us funds for my wedding.
They told me they don’t want to see me settling for my ‘2nd choice’ simply because I can’t afford my first choice.
On the other hand, my soon-to-be-MIL (let’s call her J) is trying to ‘take charge’ of everything. (D is the eldest among her 2 sons.) Before J keeps on saying marriage is just a piece of paper and we should get married when we can afford it but when she found out my parents gave us funds for the wedding, she keeps on asking how much it is and she will double it.
We declined because knowing her, we’ll hear about it for the rest of our lives and also, we have enough funds to spend.
I have a big family, and so does D. J has a close friend who is so horrible, D is friends with her son but he can’t stand her either.
She spread horrible stories about me when I started going out with D (she almost ruined us) among other things. I told D I won’t invite her to our wedding. He agreed. Then we found out J invited her. When we confronted her, she told us it was her right and that she’ll be paying the most anyway (again, we didn’t accept her offer to give double what my parents gave).
I cried a lot but decided to let it go. She’s also telling us what flowers and motif and theme to have which we respectfully said no since D told her he’s letting me choose what I want.
We asked J if she wants to come with us for our gowns but she said she’ll just buy a ready-made dress from a famous designer.
I’m very close to my Mom. My Mom always asks for my opinion about her clothes, shoes, etc. so I choose some dress designs and when she approved them, had them custom-made. We had our final fitting today and she looks so beautiful I almost cry.
J came with us to see D’s suit. When she saw my Mom’s dress, she told my Mom that it was inappropriate and that she was trying to ‘upstage’ the bride and that it’s not a fashion show and she should have the decency to choose the proper dress bla bla.
I was halfway into fitting my reception gown but I can’t control my anger so I went out and lashed at her. I told her it’s not our fault she didn’t get a customized dress when we asked her to and we even offered to pay for it and my Mom isn’t upstaging me because I choose that dress for her and it’s a simple yet elegant dress so it’s proper and it’s not my Mom’s fault that she’s insecure and that if she says another word to my mom she’ll be uninvited. J turned to D but D said he agreed with me and that she was being too much.
She left the boutique fake hysterical crying.
Now I feel bad and I think I should let it go but I can let go of disrespect towards me but not towards my loved ones especially my mom. AITJ for not keeping my cool and saying that to my soon-to-be-MIL?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, calling her insecure wasn’t the healthiest approach, but your frustration was totally warranted, her behavior was way out of line. Overall it sounds like she’s potentially a narcissist.
You and your husband need to stop giving her power over your wedding, however.
You both need to start setting very clear, firm boundaries now, and stop involving her in situations you know she will misbehave in. If she continues lashing out, then you may need to seriously consider uninviting her.
Also, do not allow her friend to come to your wedding.
You’re really setting yourselves up here.” SummerOracle
Another User Comments:
“Your MIL deserves 98% of the blame, but you momentarily stooped to her level with the ‘insecure’ comment. Everything else you said in the boutique was harsh and perfectly justified, but you did cross a line.
The personal insult diminished all the valid points you made, so now that is all she will remember of the argument. Rather than learning from her mistake she will just feel attacked. Don’t hand her a victim card on a silver platter ever again.
You can do better. Everyone sucks here.” justmeat23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, better to set boundaries now than when the stakes are higher and you have kids. She’ll try to hijack the birth, take control of decisions regarding the upbringing of the child, etc. Stand your ground and do not break.
Don’t take the funds, speak to J’s friend directly tell her there’s been a mix-up and that MIL misspoke with her invitation, and that there are in fact not enough seating/meals to have her attend, and take control of your wedding or in the future it’ll be your life you’ll have to regain control of.
Thank god you have a supportive partner, most of the time they side with mommy. You’ve got a good one OP. Best of luck.” Blondebabe2002
13. AITJ For Thinking The Dinner Was Our Manager's Treat?
“My manager wrote our team an email saying, ‘Dear Colleagues, We are approaching the Christmas holiday and it’s time to celebrate our past amazing year. I want to thank you for all your hard work & dedication. To show my appreciation, I would like to invite everyone out to a Christmas gathering.’
The email continues to propose a date, time, and location. Anyway, I attended the dinner and had a wonderful time. It was at a brewpub, so everyone ordered 2-3 drinks a person plus dinner. We stayed for approx. 2 hours and I was the first one to leave.
I got up out of my seat and said something along the lines of ‘Okay everyone, I need to get going. Thank you (manager’s name) for taking us out! I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!’ Then my manager says ‘Wait, (my name) did you pay for your tab?’ And I looked at him awkwardly and said ‘No, sorry’.
Then a few seconds passed and I said, ‘I apologize, I’ll go find the waiter and request my tab.’ Then after another awkward couple of seconds, he says ‘No worries! I’ll pay for everyone.’ I asked if he was sure, and he said yes.
Then I thanked everyone again and left.
Coming back to work after Christmas break, some of my colleagues said I was being rude and I shouldn’t expect him to pay for everything.
From my viewpoint, I read the email as if our manager was paying since he said he wanted ‘to show his appreciation’ and ‘thank you all for your hard work.’ Also, it’s important to note that all managers at my work received a $15,000 Christmas bonus.
All other staff received a $10 Starbucks gift card.
AITJ? Should I apologize to everyone for being rude?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I would have assumed the same thing as you. Every holiday party the employers had in my life they paid for it. It’s possible he always intended to pay but made a horrible joke out of you.
Either way, he’s not great. If anyone invites me to some place they want to go, I establish who will pay ahead of time because I can’t afford to eat out very often. You should talk to him and tell him that. Calling you out in front of everyone was extremely disrespectful.
Had he been drinking much?” INFJPersonality-52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. The manager’s email was quite clear: he invited you to THANK you and SHOW HIS APPRECIATION. Asking a group to have dinner at a restaurant, that they pay for themselves, shows no appreciation.
At best it shows that he enjoys spending time with you… it’s what a friend might do, ‘Hey, let’s grab dinner together, Dutch treat.’ ANY time you invite someone for a meal like that you automatically give the expectation you’ll pay unless you specifically say otherwise.
This just seems bizarre that he would think throwing a party for his team means making a reservation and then letting everyone pay their way.” anonymom135
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! If you invite everyone out in a certain way, then you are expected to pick up the tab.
It would be different if y’all were in the break room and he suggested it as like a group hangout, but he sent an email with a location, date, and time already picked out. A $15,000 Christmas bonus? he should be doing a lot more than just one night out, in my opinion!
You’re NTJ and, to be honest, the only jerk are the coworkers saying crap to you.” User
12. AITJ For Standing Up To My Mom Who's Forcing Responsibilities On Me?
“I (f18) have been helping my mom (38) out with my siblings since 5th grade and there have been times before that too.
I struggle with major depression so it’s difficult for me to help out a lot. I’m trying to explain how hard things are but she thinks I’m making it up. anyways, last week she had me miss every day of school to help out because she injured her back.
I didn’t have a problem with it, she could hardly get off the couch so she needed some assistance. I helped out all week but only with the kids. I have a 13-year-old brother who has a disability (I can never remember what it’s called), 2 sisters ages 3 and 9, and my mom had a baby boy recently and he’s around 3 months now.
I helped out with them but didn’t do much else. Otherwise, I lay in my room until I heard that she needed help or she’d tell me. This was all of last week until she was finally able to move around again and then I didn’t help as much as I was.
I’ve been here cooped up for a while as I didn’t go to school and my mental health has been terrible. I desperately wanted to leave for a bit so I could see my SO and feel better.
I asked her because I can’t go anywhere without asking and she said that I haven’t done anything to earn it.
I said that I’ve been helping out with the kids and she just said I didn’t do a good enough job and stopped being helpful once she was able to do her job again. I just didn’t say anything after that but I started crying because I’ve been so emotional. I started my laundry and went in my room and started my homework but then she came in asking why I expected her to let me go somewhere when I haven’t contributed much to taking care of the house.
I felt incredibly hurt and mentioned that I help out with the kids a lot. She told me it isn’t that hard and that I should have also cleaned up the living room and stuff also. I already felt drained of energy trying to help out with my siblings I thought it’d be okay and that my ex step dad could do the cleaning since he lives here.
She then started telling me I’m miserable to be around because I lay in my bed all day and talk to my significant other and best friend. So then I told her ‘if I’m that horrible at watching my siblings and she feels that way about me to stop asking for help with them at all.’ She said ‘DITTO’ and then left my room.
My friends are saying that I did nothing wrong and she should appreciate the help I do give. But part of me feels like maybe I could have been more civil I’m starting to wonder if it is true and that I reacted wrong at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mom is being abusive to you. You need to look out for yourself, but I think you may need some help doing so.
Your school may have some sort of counseling available. If it does, make use of that.
You could also talk to a trusted teacher or the school nurse. If you have some adults in your life that can intercede for you, talk to them. Such adults might be a grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, or maybe your dad (if he’s in the picture).
If you are seeing a doctor or therapist for help with your depression, talk to him or her.
Make plans to move out as soon as you are able to do so. Start looking for a part-time job and save your money.
I wish you the best.” Sea-Confection-2627
Another User Comments:
“Super loud and clear – NTJ! Please consider calling your local CPS agency. Depending on your location, there are a lot of voluntary supports available. Maybe they can help your mom get access to resources she is not aware of or help come up with a plan for the kids to be cared for by not you.
Also, as someone with a history of mental health challenges, listen to your body and do what you need to in order to keep yourself healthy and safe.
Clearly, that is not a priority for your mom, so now that’s your job. Not getting treatment or neglecting self-care may seem like a noble sacrifice or a reasonable ask but it’s not.
It can be a slippery slope, and before you know it, you may need significant interventions to feel healthy, safe, and like you again.” cee-la
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. HER kids are not your responsibility. Do you have a grandparent you can live with or is your father in the picture?
You’re 18, you should have some freedom. Try to get a job and put all your funds in a bank account she can’t access. You need to move out. Please tell the school she is forcing you to stay home to watch her children.” I_luv_sloths
School and your mental health should be your priority!!! Those are HER kids and her responsibility-not yours! Yeah, it's nice to help out with the house and kids, especially since you're living there rent free. BUT in no way should you be expected to skip school to take them. And in no way should you be raising your siblings or your mother's personal maid.
Also, why are you the only one expected to do anything around the house?!
You are 18 and can legally leave, blah blah blah. I would strongly recommend working towards saving up some money (hide it from her though because I'm worried she'd try to lean on you and guilt you into giving her your paychecks and in no way do you owe her money for raising you- don't fall for it!). Anyway, save up that money and get out!! And look into getting some therapy/ medication/whatever for depression too. It's a valid medical condition!
11. AITJ For Yelling At My Husband To Shut Up About My Body During A Christmas Dinner?
“So, ever since I had my son months ago, my husband has started making indirect comments about my body.
He never says any hurtful words but I find his ‘observations’ as he calls them hurtful. For example, he’d see me wearing an old top and say ‘Oh that top used to look good on you but not anymore though…’ or when he looks at my waist and says ‘Wow, didn’t know your waist could get this wide!’.
Basically, passive stuff that I tried to ignore til it extended to friends and family. For your information, this went on for months and months and months!
We went to a Christmas celebration at his family’s home. My SIL complimented my floral maxi dress and my husband said ‘I agree it looks nice on you… though I have to admit that your waist could get smaller than this!’.
Awkward silence took over. I was absolutely fuming and this was my last straw. So I got up from my chair in the middle of dinner and shouted at the top of my lungs ‘SHUT UP ABOUT MY BODDDYYY!’.
He was absolutely speechless as his family stared while some others tried to get me to calm down but the situation got more tense and dinner ended up being cut short by my husband storming off to his friend’s place to spend the night upon leaving a very nasty text saying I embarrassed him and made a scene over an ‘observation’ he made.
He called me childish and told me to get therapy for my insecurities instead of verbally abusing him and scaring his family.
Now I feel like an absolute idiot jerk and like I ruined Christmas for him and everybody with my over-sensitivity. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Divorce him. He’s gaslighting you. His observations, as he calls them, are all direct insults. He is actively body-shaming you. Likely on purpose and fully aware of what he’s doing. He wants you back as you were before and fails to realize that bodies change.
He is abusing you mentally, verbally. You simply reached the breaking point and let it out. Don’t start bottling up again. Rebuke him every time he says smth, in front of everyone until he either learns or leaves. Or in other words, he’s shown his true colors.” Naive_Special349
Another User Comments:
“Alright, so – everyone sucks here… Your husband is a MASSIVE JERK for the comments he said to you, but… how old are you? Getting mad and screaming at the top of your lungs isn’t even cute when you are 5, it is abhorrent behavior as an adult.
His observations are terrible, but so was your reaction. You didn’t only punish your husband, you punished the entire table. You could have said something witty back like ‘Yeah and your gut used to fit in your pants but you don’t see me pointing out that it hangs over your belt now’ (terrible example but you get the point).
Instead, you went nuclear, which is never a good option. You even said yourself you ignore it. You helped create this problem by tolerating it when you should have COMMUNICATED with him that the comments aren’t appreciated.
Your husband is a massive jerk, but you reacted like a toddler over something you admit that you haven’t brought up.
Everyone sucks here.” badbreathbandit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You just had this man’s baby! It’s not like you gained weight out of neglect for your health, and even if you did, there’s no reason for him to make petty remarks. It’s bold of him to call you childish and say you embarrassed him, because how exactly did he think making a comment about your body in a shameful manner in front of your family would make you feel?
I’d try to have a serious discussion about his maturity level with him, especially since you’ll be raising a baby with him. If his immediate response is being defensive, you should get away while you can.” grls-tumbr
10. AITJ For Suggesting To Get A Maid So My Wife Could Go Back To Work?
“My wife (both F) and I have 3 children (10F, 8F, and 5M).
When I had our first child, we decided that Lucy would stay at home, as if she wants to return, it’s much easier than in my area.
The global crisis hit us hard, as I work in healthcare and the kids were home 24/7, Lucy was pretty stressed.
Things got better in the middle of last year when our oldest children returned to full-time school. Our youngest started going to school in 2022.
So Lucy’s routine, which was extremely hectic, became vague at many times and she finalized everything she had to do before lunch.
Then she got bored and went back to old hobbies of writing books and going to beach tennis for the last 4 months.
The problem started there.
She spent hours writing and when she was done, I got home with the kids and she went to beach tennis (she goes almost every day and can’t take the kids), so I was constantly responsible for the kids and dinner after work 10 hours straight.
I’ve become exhausted. The house was also hardly clean every day, there were often dishes accumulated from lunch or unwashed clothes.
I tried to talk to her, to show her that this was exhausting me, that she can get everything ready before lunch and do whatever she wants afterward.
She apologized, promised she would change, and didn’t change.
Well, on the 12/18, I sat down and talked to her. I explained that one of us was no longer needed at home and she could return to work and with this increase in income, we could hire a housekeeper to keep the house in order.
She took offense at this, asking if I saw her as my personal mais and that now that she has hobbies and her own identity, I don’t like this anymore and I don’t want her to stay at home.
I said she wasn’t helping much around the house other than cleaning the house and clothes 2x or 3x a week at most, so she could go back to helping financially.
She was irritated saying that she also has her day full writing the book (which she never intended to make commercial).
I tried to argue saying that our ‘arrangement’ is overloading me because she is failing to do what would be her part, so I can’t think of a better time to go back to work than now, even more, so that it is for 6 hours.
Things are tense between us as she still stands firm in saying that I see her as an employee and that she can’t enjoy it after being stressed out for 18 months.
AITJ?
Children are at school from 8 am to 5 pm. The school year starts in January, so she’s been better off since then.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… assuming you’re telling the truth and not exaggerating things. Your wife needs a wake-up call that your current lifestyle does not work for you, even if it works for her. She is living an easy life and does not want that to change.
Or perhaps she is seeing this as ‘your turn’ to watch the kids since she was a full-time mom during their early years.
Either way, if you can’t come to a solution together, then make it clear that you will find a solution apart. If that means divorce, then that is on her for making your life difficult.” TwistyTrex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She can and should find hobbies/whatever that can be done during the hours you are at work and the kids are in school. She’s got all the me time she can have, and is choosing to not see her family but picking the one weird specific hobby that is like, only at night or something?
You get home after a long day, you pick up the kids and are immediately in charge of them and dinner… sorry but beach tennis (never heard of it) can’t be more important than family time. She is alone all day, and night it seems like.
No, she’s not a maid… a maid, you might actually see sometimes, and doing some work… her, not so much…
Ask her, are you the sugar momma, because she sure is taking you for a ride.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your wife simply sounds self-centered and partly lazy: as a parent, you cannot prioritize your hobbies over your children, home, and family’s financial well-being.
All of this is something you sign up for when you get married and choose to have kids. Beyond this, an integral part of being a stay-at-home parent is childcare, cooking, and cleaning.
You’re the sole financial provider, picking the kids up, cooking dinner, and the house is not cleaned. So what exactly is she doing to contribute to the household and family?
She just sounds like dead weight at this point.” ntg0703
9. AITJ For Holding A Grudge Against My Wife's Friend?
“My (33 M) wife (33 F) has a friend (Jamie 35 F) that until now I was pretty neutral about. I personally think Jamie is flakey so I don’t interact with her much but she’s my wife’s friend so I tolerate her.
Recently Jamie came over and wanted to vent to my wife and she got worked up.
My wife has some sensory issues and one of those is that she elevates her voice without realizing it when she talks, for example, she can tell you about a show she just watched and it’ll start to sound like she’s raising her voice. It’s an ongoing thing that she’s seeking help for and all you have to do is let her know she’s doing it and she’ll apologize and adjust. Jamie asked my wife a question and the voice thing happened when she started to answer.
In turn, Jamie raised her voice at my wife and my wife apologized and said she wasn’t yelling, which got Jamie yelling loudly that she was so I told Jamie to either calm down and stop yelling and listen, or get out of my house because I wasn’t going to put up with her talking to my wife like that.
She left.
The next day both acted as if nothing had happened. Both Jamie and my wife have been spending a lot of time with one of their friends who was widowed a few months ago. I’ve gone with my wife to help out her friend and aside from grief, she’s doing well.
Last Friday I get home from work and Jamie is in the house worked up again venting to my wife. She was there for 35 minutes talking nonstop and eventually, she turned it on both my wife and me about not taking their friend’s grief seriously because we weren’t responding the way Jamie thought we should.
I did interrupt her to tell her to leave us out of it since she’s not privy to our conversations with the person in question and again, Jamie started raising her voice so again, I told her to get out of our house because I wasn’t going to stand for someone yelling, interrupting, and cussing us in our own home.
I told my wife I was done with her friend and I didn’t want her coming to our home to vent anymore if I’m home or going to be home.
Possible jerk behavior: When my wife got home last night she said she invited some of her friends over for dinner.
Her friends started showing up and one of them was Jamie. I told my wife I didn’t want her there, but my wife told me that they had talked it out and were fine now and I had only said Jamie couldn’t be there to vent.
I expressed to my wife its great that they worked it out but I’m not over it nor willing to give Jamie any more chances and refused to eat with her. Since everyone was there and my wife just wanted to have dinner and deal with it later, I left the house to go to a friend’s and spent the evening there.
Because I left in front of her company she had to deal with a lot of awkwardness and is upset I left her in an embarrassing situation.
AITJ for just walking out like that to avoid Jamie?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s great they patched things up but you are the one here with issues with Jamie and your wife should have spoken to you.
You made your boundaries clear and your wife ignored them. It was also embarrassing for you to put your foot down like that and have your wife go around your wishes in front of all of her friends, so she can consider the awkwardness her own fault.
If she had spoken to you privately that she had patched things up with Jamie would you have allowed her back in the house? Is there a reason she chose not to tell you? Or was she just wrapped up in her friendships and forgot to tell you this crucial detail?
Either way, you didn’t do anything wrong by removing yourself here.” BestFrogger
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This sounds like imperfect communication to me. It’s plausible that your wife took you literally – that you didn’t want Jamie coming over to vent while you were there.
So, since Jamie wasn’t coming over to vent, she thought it would be okay. You could both work on being clearer with one another.
You’re NTJ for leaving, even if it did make things awkward. You didn’t owe anyone but your wife an explanation for your behavior, and she got that explanation.
You’re perhaps being a little bit stubborn. If your wife’s okay with Jamie and likes her a lot, maybe she deserves one last chance. But I won’t judge you to be a jerk either way.” Kthaeh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I don’t even know why there was any awkwardness.
Wife had friends over, husband leaves to give the girls time to hang out.
Now, if you told your wife in front of Jamie that you didn’t want her there, then it would be awkward, but I’m assuming that didn’t happen because based on the rest of the story, Jamie would have started something.
Your wife really needs to start standing up to Jamie tho. The part about you and W not taking someone else’s grief seriously is just so out of line. And your wife’s voice-raising thing is something you would think Jamie would know by now.” Mentalcomposer
8. AITJ For Telling On My Husband To His Mother?
“We live in Alabama. For the past week, our mornings have been >30° and warming up to the mid-40s. I don’t think we’ve seen 50° for quite some time. When we were married, he conceded to a request that I made that our two-year-old child during the winter months be adequately bundled up and ALWAYS wear an undershirt to keep her chest warm and a hat to keep her head warm.
That means at all times during the winter, she’s wearing a minimum of two layers on her chest and has a hat on her head when she’s outside. The reason why I say he conceded to this is that he loves cold weather and has always been the shorts, hoodie, and flip-flops kind of guy during cold weather months.
Well since we divorced, he’s basically thrown that out the window and refuses to put an undershirt on our child. On my weeks, she is always wearing one and I always send her to his house fully clothed with one on. When I get her back the next week, he has her dressed in MAYBE pants t-shirt and a jacket.
The final straw was this past week I was off work, and he wasn’t and daycare was closed so he asked if I could watch her. I said sure no problem. Just bring her to daycare mommy at normal daycare time to keep her schedule.
When he dropped her off, I about blew a gasket because he had our two-year-old dressed in a sweater (nothing underneath it), and shorts. That’s it. Took her inside immediately and put some clothes on her and asked him why in heaven’s name is she dressed like this.
He said that she was only outside for five minutes so he saw no point in putting a full outfit on her.
I reminded him that it’s winter time and her body is still learning how to regulate temperature and she needs to be covered. She also needed to at least have a shirt underneath the sweater because what if she got hot and we took the sweater off?
She’d be without clothes! He just shrugged and went about his way saying it’s not that serious. I called his mother who I’m still on good terms with. I told her what happened and she was furious. She called him and scolded him telling him to at least have two layers on the child just in case.
He then texted me back calling me all types of dramatic and whatnot saying it was uncalled for to talk to his mother… but I honestly felt there was no other way to get through to him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. You’re one of those moms that make me cringe, their poor child is red-faced and sweating, swathed in too many layers.
Their poor little hands are all sweaty, and when they manage to get their hat off, their hair is all stuck down with sweat. If you take off your child’s layers as fast as you put them on, to keep the kid comfortable as they move around, fine.
You’re doing this for the CHILD’s comfort. You have to do some sharp observation, minute-by-minute, of the child’s activities. You can’t just say what garments ‘should’ be put on them.” mind_the_umlaut
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. And that’s how I know you haven’t experienced anything truly cold.
Around or just under 30⁰ is perfectly fine for just a sweater and pants for less than five minutes outside. They still even send kids outside for recess as long as it’s not actively freezing, and I’m not even that far north. That being said, he should attempt to adhere to the agreement.
But calling his mother was way out of line especially since she’s not in any danger of hypothermia if she’s literally just going from warm house to warm car to warm house again once you get home. Maybe throw her jacket on but she doesn’t need two full layers for being outside less than ten minutes.
Y’all need to better co-parents and you specifically need to ease up on double layers. I promise you, 30⁰ is a nothing burger even in Alabama.” KiratheCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is being negligent with your child. She should be in warm clothes during winter months because children don’t regulate well yet.
No coat in the car seat, but a blanket over it. And a coat with for if she goes outside.
If he were in an accident or the battery died in the car she could get hypothermia pretty fast in 30-degree weather.
Using your village and going to people he might listen to was a smart call.
He’s lucky you didn’t take it to the courts to get his custody reduced.” Witty_Salamander7110
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Shorts are not appropriate outdoor apparel in winter, but setting a rigid dress code when your daughter is at her father’s house isn’t reasonable either.
Calling his mother has only inflamed the situation. I mean this sincerely and not as a judgment, but you might benefit from therapy. It sounds like you’re really anxious about your daughter being warm enough, and have come up with inflexible rules to reassure yourself that she’s okay.
It’s normal and good to want your daughter warm and comfortable, but she can be so without this specific layering protocol. It sounds like you can’t be calm and non-anxious unless she’s in an undershirt, though. Are there other things that make you anxious if they aren’t done a certain way?
Other worries you can’t get out of your head?
Wishing you all the best.” EpiphanaeaSedai
7. AITJ For Going Off On My Brother's Jerk Partner?
“My (19M) baby brother Martin (15M) is an openly gay wrestler. He has a significant other Drake (16M) who is still closeted. They were originally supposed to come out together last year, but while Martin did Drake chickened out. Now I get it we live in a not-too-big town in Mississippi, his home life isn’t the greatest or most progressive, to put it mildly, and he wants to be a pro wrestler.
Martin understood that too and he’s never made any attempt to push Drake to come out even though I know he hates being a secret.
The main problem is that when their teammates make homophobic remarks or jokes, especially at Martin’s expense after he came out Drake joins in.
When their teammates started distancing themselves from Martin, Drake joined in. When people tried to bully Martin; Drake joined in while also sneaking around with Martin hanging out at our house secretly going out with the boy he acts like he can’t be too friendly with around their teammates.
I and our brother Zack (17M) have wanted to do something about it, but Martin begged us not to and to just let him deal with it. He’d usually just laugh it off or make light of it even though we could tell it hurt him a lot.
Last Friday Martin came home way more upset than I’d ever seen him, crying and upset. He wouldn’t talk to me or our parents and just stayed in his room all weekend. Zack told us what happened, that apparently Martin’s and Drake’s teammates were pestering Drake about how he used to be so close to the gay kid.
Drake decided to tell them that they stopped being friends when he found out the ‘gay’ had a crush on him and tried to hit on him. He also started revealing a bunch of embarrassing secrets about Martin like how he wet the bed till he was 12.
That obviously got back around to Martin and the problems ensued.
Drake tried to stop by Monday to apologize and got me at the door. Martin was upstairs in his room so I know he couldn’t hear me and I just got so mad that I snapped at Drake.
I told Drake that he was a cowardly piece of work. That he didn’t have to come out, but he didn’t get to treat my brother like crap, and if that’s the way he’d act that he should just leave my brother alone. I told him to never come over or try to talk to Martin again.
He looked really sad, just said he was sorry, and left. Martin was upset all week because he hadn’t heard anything from Drake. Martin apparently went over to Drake’s house Friday and found out what I said. He came home upset about what I did and that I had no right.
I countered that Drake treats him like crap and that he shouldn’t have to deal with that. He yelled at me that I don’t really know how bad Drake was at home and I shoulda just butted out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m assuming this is the first relationship for both of them or at least one of few.
The relationship is unhealthy, and neither Drake nor Martin recognize that yet. So many LGBTQ people believe they must settle for toxic, abusive (yes, abusive) relationships because our identities can be isolating. Drake was showing up after the fact to gaslight your brother after leveraging Martin’s vulnerability, tearing him down, and further isolating him.
Yes, Drake is entitled to come to terms with his sexuality on his own timeline, but you were NTJ for naming the unhealthy, damaging impact of his actions.
Hopefully, your brother comes to understand this over time. And thank you for being a loving, caring, supportive brother.
We need more people like you in this world.” PhoenixRisingHere
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I think your whole family needs to have a really deep sit down with your brother and explain to him that nobody gets to make him feel bad for wanting to exist in his own skin.
Not even his closeted SO. I can understand Drake being closeted, but to engage in the active bullying of someone he claims to care about to protect himself will never be okay. Martin may feel like Drake is the only person he can form a connection with now, but he’s still young and the world is so much bigger than he knows.
It may take time, but he will find someone. He deserves so much better than this. Honestly, this whole thing reminds me of that Netflix show Heartstopper.” Vivid-Masterpiece-29
Another User Comments:
“He’s only 15. He doesn’t understand because he’s full of hormones and emotions. In time, he’ll look back and know that you were right.
It doesn’t matter how hard the kid has it at home. A decent human being doesn’t treat people like he is. And the bullying isn’t really because of being gay. Bullies are like sharks. They smell blood… weakness, and pain, and they come for a meal. If it wasn’t about being gay, they would find something else to go after your brother.
I would say… your brother needs to record what they say and expose them on social media. Names and faces. Bullying… no matter how should not be tolerated… period. And your brother just takes it, but he is setting others up to suffer too. He won’t be or isn’t the only one they are doing this to.
And honestly, because of the SO’s absolute bullying he’s doing to your brother, maybe it is time to remind him how dangerous your brother can be with his own shared secrets. Don’t let your brother allow himself to be mistreated by anyone, much less by the person who supposedly likes him.” irradik
6. AITJ For Feeling Miserable?
“I am 9 weeks pregnant with our second child and I feel way worse this time around. Super nauseous and so so exhausted. Although the tiredness probably has to do with the 11 mo old who is super energetic and a terrible sleeper. So that’s fun. I am also working full-time from home.
When I have work calls or meetings I am pretty chipper and smile and joke. But when no one else is around I have been kind of wallowing a bit in my misery.
Now, my husband is amazing, and he does so much for me (cooks, brings me coffee, makes sure I take all my vitamins, runs errands, I would say a step of above basic good partner duties).
But he is really emotional about how ‘down’ I have been, and irritated with me about how I can be friendly to everyone else but to him, I am just miserable. But I FEEL miserable. And shouldn’t I be allowed to feel how I feel around my person without having to push it aside for the sake of his feelings?
This is happening to my body and there’s not much I can do to control it. We just had a big blow up and he asked me not to talk to him for the rest of the day. And now I feel awful. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I’m guessing your husband is feeling insecure because if you are able to be ‘fine’ around everyone but him, he might be thinking he’s the problem. If you haven’t already, I would discuss your symptoms with your spouse and your doctor.
As there may be more to your moods, fatigue, and sickness than simply being busy and pregnant. At a minimum (even if it is the case that you are over-extending yourself) they may be able to come up with options to address it.” Ok-Acanthaceae5744
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
It’s normal you feel you shouldn’t need to pretend around your husband. You’re pregnant, we get it, you can’t help it. But also, I think your husband is absorbing your emotions and feeling emotionally exhausted. He needs a break, he can’t take more.
He’s only human too. Leave him some space, let him have a break. Use the opportunity to do things nice for yourself, see a friend, or whatever can help you feel better. Maybe talk to a doctor about how you feel, if it’s hormonal or you have deficiencies in some vitamins/minerals, adjustments can be made to help you go through.
Then once the day is finished, talk it out with him. Tell him that you feel like he’s rejecting you and not being supportive to ask you to put a mask on your pain for his sake and he might need space sometimes, but asking you to pretend in front of him too will damage your relationship.
Find ways to communicate better, so that he can support you and also communicate he feels overwhelmed by all your emotions without being rough to you.” Responsible_Brain852
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I call it being on. There are people that I don’t need to be on with but some people I do.
Coworkers you need to be on and sometimes that can be exhausting. You already feel miserable so being on is extra exhausting. Your husband should understand he is one of your safe people, you can be your exhausted self around him. Getting him to understand that is another story.
Let him have the day to process. Write him a note about all the great things you appreciate that he does and then maybe you guys can hash it out.” wtfandomg1964
What I'm about to say is going to come off unpopular but he needs to suck it up. You say he goes above and beyond bringing you treats and making food, running errands, ans cooking fo you...all great and all really easy...you don't mention whether he gets up with your baby..to let you rest (does he work? He's bringing you treats while your working at home..is he working?) Because sorry he's not doing all he can do. He doesn't need to be superman but he could let you rest a little more. It also sounds like you may be anemic and should have your doctor test it. You may simply need more iron. But if he's not really helping with your 11 month old to let you get what is obviously much needed rest then he really doesn't have the right to be miffed that you're miserable and exhausted once work is done. As another person commented, "you can't be on all the time"
If possible discuss with him ans your boss about scaling back some hours, or that you have Mondays off and only a 4 day work week. It may also benefit you and hubs to take a weekend without your 11 Mos old (can grandparents or aunts watch him?)
Relax Friday evening into Saturday afternoon and do something special and easy Saturday night and relax again Sunday before picking your baby up.
Also look into "Mother's day out" programs where 1 to 2 days a week you have free time.
I'm not saying he's not trying. But he's being unrealistic and unreasonable and this is not helpful.
Best of luck!
5. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend's Lies To His Parents?
“My best friend is also my college roommate. We’ve roomed together in a rental house all 3 years. We share the same friend circle, we’re super close with each other’s families, and we’re basically brothers. And he’s ruining his life.
We split utilities and rental house bills evenly – some are in his name, and some are in mine.
6 months ago I got a notice that he wasn’t paying a bill and we were going to have our electricity shut off. I confronted him about it, thinking he had just forgotten or was maybe tight on finances, but ended up unraveling a series of lies that led to me learning that he actually hasn’t been enrolled in classes for the last few semesters and had been hiding it from everyone he knows.
Note: He works part-time to pay a portion of his tuition. His parents give him funds for rent, utilities, etc. But this isn’t a spoiled trust fund baby story, his parents aren’t well off and work really hard to put him in college.
A while ago he missed a tuition payment and was forced to unenroll.
Instead of telling his parents, he tried to cover it up and get it all figured out on his own. Cue a year of missteps and small lies turned into big lies. He confided as much of the story to me as he needed to and tried to persuade me to keep it between us.
I agreed, under the condition that he can’t lie to me about this anymore and if he’s going to fall behind on utilities or anything, he needs to tell me. I also told him he really needs to pull his parents in on this but he was sure he could figure it out.
Fast forward 6 months to yesterday. He still hasn’t told his family, hasn’t gotten re-enrolled, and isn’t working that part-time job anymore. He was home visiting family. I get a knock at the door. It’s the utility guy here to shut off our electricity if I don’t make a payment to him right now.
After making the payment and stopping our electricity from getting turned off, I sent him a text. ‘Tell them or I will’ is the gist, said more gently. He refused, so I called his mom. My thought process is that he’s with family right now, they are his support network, and they want to see him succeed.
I tried to be gentle about it, but there was no way to break this news gently. He had been telling them the names of instructors, fabricating what he was learning in class, etc. At this point, they knew he was at least a semester or two behind, but thought it was a weird scheduling/course issue.
What I didn’t know was that he was currently with another family on a fishing trip.
I got a text from him an hour later basically saying ‘Not cool, bro.’ So I guess she reached out while he was on the trip. I told him that this is what needed to happen, as much as it might suck right now and I haven’t heard anything since.
I’m sure there are better ways this could have been handled, but with how it went down, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you gave him six months to get his crap together. You warned him of the consequences if he stopped paying for his part of the bills.
So here you are six months later with the same issue.
His parents absolutely have the right to know he’s lying to them AND taking their funds but not using it for what it’s intended.
Sounds like he’s using. They’ll lie to anyone and everyone to get that next fix.” Short-Classroom2559
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s affecting you at this point, not to mention the drain on his parent’s bank account which it sounds like they cannot afford that. He’s been lying to everyone for over a year, it’s time for a wake-up call so he can get his life back on track.
If he even wants to, it sounds like he’s been happy having a free ride so he can do… not exactly sure what he does with his days. I’m sure you don’t know either.
You may have done irreparable damage to the friendship though. May want to start looking for another roommate as he may not live there for much longer.” Caspian4136
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what you thought was right to support him, and eventually, you weren’t able to do it anymore. Telling his family that he’s been taking their funds under false pretenses was the only thing to do here because you couldn’t get help for him any other way.
I’ll be honest, this will likely be damaging to your relationship, at least for a while, but you’re not the problem here.
What are the chances he’s got some sort of addiction issue? This story screams chemical dependency to me…” SuzieQbert
4. AITJ For Not Feeling Comfortable Around My Mother-In-Law?
“I (25F) am engaged to my fiancé of 8 years, John (27M), and went wedding dress shopping last week.
I am really close to my FIL because he is calm and nice and sympathetic.
I just like being around him. My MIL is not a bad person, but I don’t feel very relaxed around her, and I am not as close to her as I am to her husband.
My FIL talked to me (before I went dress shopping) about my wedding dress and what I planned on wearing.
So I asked him to join the shopping experience.
He accepted and was really happy and also helpful.
I found the most beautiful dress and he suggested showing it to my MIL because he believed she would want to know what it looks like and he wasn’t sure that he could describe it well.
We came to their home and she flipped out about me being disrespectful and purposely hurtful by not inviting her. My two SIL had her back telling me what a horrid person I am and that she should have been there.
It ended with me not showing her the dress and driving home to my fiancé.
But I am asking: AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Who you invite for shopping, especially wedding dress shopping, is your choice. No one is automatically invited to the party, not even your own mother let alone MIL. Your reason for not inviting her is reasonable and fair, if MIL wants to be involved she should have asked you about it rather than act high and mighty for you to invite.
Her reaction totally explained and justified her exclusion from wedding dress shopping.
Good luck on life with monster-in-law, hopefully, she’ll be civil with you.” denasher
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
‘That was what I thought. I cared about myself and felt comfortable on that day.
I did not care about somebody else on that day.’
It’d be much better if you get along with both your in-laws for many years after the wedding. Why wouldn’t you think about how left out your MIL would have felt? You don’t mention that she’s terrible to you, just that you’re not as close to her, so you should have just asked her along too, OR don’t ask your FIL either.
What’s the point of one perfect wedding day (in this case, not even the wedding, just the dress-picking day) if the marriage is going to be soured by souring your relationship with your in-laws who seem like okay people?
FIL should have asked you to invite MIL too when you invited him.
MIL should have calmly communicated with you about how hurt she was, instead of flipping out.” Professional_Bar1472
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Guy/gal, married/single, whoever you feel comfy is who the right person should be.
Hopefully, they make the right next steps but I would also if possible, firmly hold a ‘family meeting’ and let them know that you chose FIL due to comfort and how close you feel but also wanted to share the dress chosen with MIL/family after to see their thoughts.
While weddings can be stressful, the bride and groom do have the final say to their comfort level and for further issues, to calmly sit down and discuss any issues to make sure everyone is on the same page.” grimblacow
3. AITJ For Not Fixing My Son's Door?
“Yesterday while I was making lunch I heard a really loud sound, as if the ceiling was falling or a bookshelf had fallen. My husband (41M) and daughter (17F) were out, the only other person in the house was my son (16M). I was pretty sure he was in his room, which is on the opposite side of the house from the kitchen, so while making my way there I checked every room and everything seemed in order.
I knocked on my son’s door and called his name, no answer. I must have knocked/called 3 times before trying to open the door which was locked. At this point I was getting really freaked out, thinking that maybe he tipped his wardrobe or bookshelf and it had fallen over him and he was passed out on the floor.
I was basically screaming his name, no answer.
I have no idea how I did it. I just threw myself the door and it broke. Now, clearly, the door was already weak (I’m thinking termite?) but, yeah, it broke.
My son was fine. He was freaked out about the door but fine.
The sound was his TV with the volume at the max, apparently. And he didn’t answer my call because he didn’t want me bothering his movie. His words were ‘You were screaming like a harpy and it was annoying, I was trying to watch the movie.
Fix the door.’
I said no. I wasn’t going to fix it since to ‘fix it’ I would have to buy a new door and doors are expensive. And as soon as his dad got home he would remove the door entirely as it was too broken to just stay there.
He got really mad. Said it’s his ‘right’ to have a door, he deserves his privacy. I said he had a door and while I was the one that broke it and it was a consequence of his actions, so if he wanted a door he would have to buy it (I know he doesn’t have the budget for it right now).
Until then, no door. He can change in the bathroom. He said screw you, I said he was grounded.
AITJ about the door? My husband is fine with it, and says only I know how scared I was, so only I can know the appropriate punishment.
I’m now terrified that if anything happens where we really need to reach my son, we won’t be able to. But I have calmed down since and I’m wondering if maybe I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ without question.
You sound like you run an extremely controlling household.
It sounds to me like your kid decided he wanted to listen to something loudly when most of the people in the house weren’t home, and you run up the stairs, screaming like crazy and he’s gotten tired of it.
He does have the right to privacy and a door, whether you want to believe it or not, taking away the door is a form of bullying.
Take away his tv if you have to, but if you don’t replace the door that you broke, you will drive a wedge between the two of you that may potentially never heal.
Saying that it was his fault that you broke the door is the exact same reasoning as ‘But did you see what she was wearing’.
It’s not ok at all.” Pickles_991
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He must have known from your voice that you were alarmed about something. He’s a jerk for choosing not to answer for such a lame reason. He could have shouted back that he was fine and it was just the TV.
I also question if that’s the real reason because your noise and yelling would be more disruptive than just pausing to see what you wanted, or rewinding 30-60 seconds.
That’s a reasonable and suitable consequence. If he wants the door back quickly, he can do chores around the house.
I think the new door shouldn’t have a lock on it or one that can be unlocked from the outside with a pin. It’s a safety thing.” readytojudgeLOL
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you broke the door in your own home. You are responsible for replacing it.
He’s right, he is entitled to privacy. However, he’s not entitled to the internet or the tv (unless he bought it) or the lock on the door. There were definitely other ways to solve this. The fact that your kid is comfortable with ignoring your panicking, ignoring you slamming against the door, and calling you a harpy shows how little he respects you.
There’s something deeper going on here and that’s the real issue.” motherof_thor
Another User Comments:
“Right now I’m thinking everyone sucks here, but it could easily move into YTJ depending on how common these antics of yours are.
Your story is so full of inconsistencies that it’s clear you didn’t actually think a loud noise had caused harm to your son.
It’s quite obvious that he was watching a movie loudly, against the noise rules in the house, and you tried to slam on the door to get him to turn it down. He ignored you. You got upset and broke it down to try and ‘teach’ him a lesson.
Then you wanted internet points and a sympathetic shoulder, so you made up the noise nonsense to justify tearing the door down. This is why YTJ.
But your son sucks too because he was very much being disrespectful. I suspect, however, he learned his behavior from either you or his father.” ironnmetal
2. AITJ For Not Defending My Mom From My Wife's Insults?
“My dad is a huge jerk. My mom comes off as very sweet, but she chooses to stay with him (she is not financially dependent or afraid of him) It took me a while to see it, but I guess she isn’t that great either because if she was she surely wouldn’t be with him.
My father promised us all a family vacation in February. My siblings and I decided on Turks and Caicos and have been planning it ever since. Needless to say, my kids were excited. Note I don’t truly think my dad gets what a big deal it is as he is always on vacation.
My dad does not like my wife, never has, and over Christmas, he became irate over what we got my mom for Christmas and how MIL got a lot more from us. He uninvited us from the trip and berated us. Our kids are devastated, but I don’t think he ever even considers them
My mom came over today to drop off a gift that arrived late for our son. The kids are very upset about the trip and didn’t want to see her. She claimed she felt bad and said she would talk to him ‘for the kids’.
My daughter told my son that maybe it would work because my mom is nice even if my dad isn’t.
My wife was annoyed by this and corrected our daughter. She said my mom isn’t nice. She is ‘weak and selfish’ and nice people don’t stay married to not nice people, and if you really want to be nice you have to put the right thing before what makes you happy.
My mom was clearly shocked.
She turned to me and asked if I was really going to let her treat her like that. I shrugged and said she was right. My mom told me to get lost and left. We are still uninvited from the trip, banned from their house, and my dad sent us a nasty message and says we’ll never get anything from him again.”
Another User Comments:
“So either your father is abusive and your wife just attacked his victim (YTJ) or your father is defending his wife from the way you and your wife treat her (YTJ) or your father is a difficult guy but your mother feels he has good qualities that make the situation better than the alternative and you’re prepared to attack her for that while still accepting a holiday from them and being annoyed that your behavior resulted in its cancellation (YTJ).
Why was the gift for your MIL so much more generous than the gift for your mother?” OrigamiCrocodile
Another User Comments:
“Wow, way to burn your bridges guys! You made sure your mom and dad will never feel good around you again! Listen I don’t know what damage your parents dealt you (clearly a lot) but this is TERRIBLE behavior.
Why did your in-laws get a much better gift? Your mother made the effort to come over to give your child a gift and you allowed her to be attacked like this in front of her grandchildren? YTJ man. 100%.
Reading between the lines, my guess would be your wife never liked your parents and has succeeded in turning an okay-ish relationship into a horrible one with nasty little slights until your parents can’t stand her or you anymore.
When your kids grow up be prepared for them to treat you the same way!” Chan-El7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Are you honestly attacking your mom’s character because she has stayed with your dad, without knowing her reasons for doing so? These kinds of relationships are almost never black and white like that; it’s not as simple as ‘just leave him’.
And your mom wanted to try to fix things! but you guys decided to be judgmental and smear her character to your kids.
And if your dad is just a jerk, and your mom, in your eyes is also trashy, why did you agree to even go on a vacation with them?
Do you just keep in contact to take from them? Because that would really make you no better.” Stranger0nReddit
1. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Call Her Stepfather "Dad"?
“I (27 f) have a 3-year-old daughter. She was the result of a one-night stand so her father (Sam) and I were never together. But he was very adamant about being a part of her life.
We share custody evenly and for the most part co-parent very well.
The problem right now is in regards to my husband (Tom) who I met when my daughter (we’ll call her Allie) was around one. We married earlier this year. We’re fortunate enough that he’s able to be a sort of stay-at-home husband and on the days we have her, he takes care of her until I get home from work.
He loves Allie with all his heart that he treats her like his own blood. So naturally she sees him as a father figure. We hadn’t been encouraging her to call him dada but when she did it he was so over the moon and it didn’t even cross my mind to correct her.
Well earlier today when Sam dropped Allie off at our house, she ran straight to Tom and yelled Daddy. In all the time I’ve known him I’ve never seen Sam so mad. And hurt. He didn’t say anything in front of Allie but he called me later and blew up.
I’ll make one thing clear; Sam is an excellent father. I would never purposely try to diminish that. It’s just that Tom has also taken on a very fatherly role in Allie’s life and I think that should be recognized. The thing I’m struggling with is that I know I would probably be a little uncomfortable with Allie calling another woman mom at first but if she loved my girl as much as Tom does I’d get over it.
I just am really conflicted. This is the first big parenting conflict we’ve ever dealt with. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“While this is all sweet and sentimental your taking advantage of a child. While the bio dad isn’t married he is sharing custody and has been raising her as well.
So another man comes in swoops in and can shower a 3-year-old with full-time care as stay-at-home dad of course the kid is going to be confused. The bio father is the father, not Tom. Tom is the step-parent. At least give her bio dad that much respect for all the deadbeat dads in the world who don’t care to make the kid understand stepdad if you’re going to give away the bio title.
You’re also dismissing the number of financial times bio dad has been helping giving raising the child 50/50 and all the times he’s taken care of her cleaned up skinned knees etc. You’re manipulating the situation. If this kid gets older and realizes this a parent should never be forgiven for removing the bio dad title from their lives and it’s despicable.
YTJ” Professional_Grab513
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say NTJ, people call step-parents mom/dad ect when the parent has taken on that role. She’s a young kiddo what is she supposed to call your husband, Tom? That seems odd to me.
You said yourself you could get over Allie calling another woman mom if she loved your daughter as much as Tom does. Maybe when she’s older she will call Tom something else, maybe Tom could be ‘dad’ and Sam ‘daddy’ or something along those lines.
The other option is correcting her calling Tom dad, but she’s quite young and probably won’t grasp the concept yet.” gymmmie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you are encouraging her to call your husband dad. Her dad has every right to be upset. You are in the wrong and it’s easy to get on social media saying you be uncomfortable but would get over it if she called another woman mom.
I seriously doubt that. Your husband isn’t her bio dad. Her bio dad is very much in her life. Pretty sure this could be seen as parental alienation. If bio dad wanted to he could use this in court against you.” evillittleperson
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