People Ask Us To Scrutinize Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
21. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Tell Her Baby Daddy To Contribute More?
“So my (22f) sister Iris (38f) has 2 daughters (5 and 7). From the time they were born, I’ve been helping my sister take care of my nieces.
Iris has a husband, David. David doesn’t do much in raising his daughters, so I have had to pick up his slack since both the kids were born. I think it’s important to note that he has a regular 9-5 job at a bank and Iris is a doctor and works double the time he does.
I’ve had to cancel so many plans, trips, etc to take care of my nieces when my sister was busy, but David was available. 90% of the time my sister would call me over to babysit, David would be watching sports or out hanging out with his friends. I didn’t have the guts to say anything when I was younger so I just shut up about it.
Now my sister is pregnant with her 3rd child. While I am excited for her, I’m dreading it. The two girls are at an age now where it’s gotten a bit easier for me to look after them alone. I can’t imagine having to take care of 3.
I told my sister she’s going to have to tell David to step up now that I have a job and not much free time.
She said, ‘What’s the point of that comment?’. I said I’ve been doing David’s share of parenting for 7 years, so she needs to tell him to do more because I won’t be playing Dad again. She got really mad at me and said she trusts me to look after my nieces because women are naturally better at it than men, which is why ‘the village’ just consists of women and girls.
I said while I’m happy to be her village, I refuse to be a parent to her kids. She hasn’t spoken to me in a week.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister and David made the choice to have these kids; not you. You aren’t a parent or their free, on-call babysitter. You have your own life to live that doesn’t revolve around hers, and she needs to learn that sooner than later.
Iris needs a serious wake-up call because if she can’t trust David to care for his own children, then she either needs to get a divorce or pay for an actual babysitter.” TroublePatient7947
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP they are not your children you don’t have to do anything for them even if they are your niblings. Your sister occupied you as a free nanny from a young age.
She made you believe it’s your responsibility to help her. She took advantage of you. But in fact, it was never your responsibility. It’s only her and her husband’s responsibility.
You can talk with your sister and say that you realized that’s not your obligation. And from now on you will only help and spend time with your niblings on your terms when you want it and when you are free.
It’s totally ok if you don’t have time for it in a month.
If your sister refuses to talk to you or will estrange you from your niblings if you are not free always available nanny. Then leave them for good. You can not sacrifice your life for her family. Live your life and realize your plans and dreams.” MeIsWha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is something you should have said long ago.
Her village is her husband – her children’s father. No way should you be canceling vacation or other plans to care for their children when Dad is capable and available. This idea that aunts, uncles, and grandparents OWE free childcare services to parents is ridiculous. Your obligations as an aunt are to do fun things with the kids on YOUR timetable – as it fits your life – not to drop everything in your life to raise your sister and BIL’s children and do their jobs.” sandim123
20. AITJ For Separating From My Partner?
“About a year ago me (22F) and my partner (28M) decided we wanted a change, we always complained about where we lived and thought that the idea of moving to a different country and starting a life together would make us happier than anything, we always spoke about not needing money or friends to make us happy.
A year passes and we made plans and put everything into place to move, but my partner suddenly acts surprised when I ask him to solidify the dates of the move, he said he thought we were just dreaming out loud and joking around, which ends up in a bit of an argument and I feel like I’m being gaslit…
So I give him an ultimatum (I know that’s wrong), and I tell him I’m going with or without him.
I went through with our plans and now I live in Australia while he is still living back in New Zealand. We’re technically on a ‘break’ at the moment but I can’t stop thinking about whether or not I did the right thing, maybe I should have stayed and planned a bit better and been a bit more graceful as he still has a full-time job that he likes back home.
His family has since gotten involved and is essentially calling me trash for abandoning him, his mum has called me 23 times in the past 3 weeks but I can’t bring myself to speak to her as I know she will shout at me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, notably you say ‘we made plans and put everything into place’. Either he is so ignorant of the reality that he doesn’t notice everything that goes into moving or he is gaslighting you for whatever reason.
Neither scenario speaks well of someone you’d want to build a life with. No matter where you live there is a lot of prep that goes into moving to a completely different country. Block him and his entire family, and based on their reaction and claiming that you ‘abandoned’ him I now lean more towards gaslighting of the two options and that he learned it from them.” StrykerC13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is squarely on your partner for stringing you along.
What possible reason did he have to assume you were ‘just dreaming out loud’ when you were literally making plans together, I’m assuming including practical things like looking for work, arranging housing, and storing your stuff?
He either chickened out at the last second, or never had any intention of following through on the plans you’d made together, and somehow that makes you the bad guy for following your dream? Tell him to pack a bloody suitcase if he really feels that abandoned.
He could get on a flight at lunch and be at your place by dinner.” atterysquash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you are a hostage; one person wanting to move and the other doesn’t is a perfectly reasonable difference that just means right now, you aren’t compatible. It happens. It doesn’t make anyone trash.
Your partner sounds dense though. Sheesh.
HIS MOM, HOWEVER. Yikes. And the rest of his family… I kinda think maybe you dodged a bullet because they are the jerks in this story.” Kettlewise
19. AITJ For Putting My Partner's Pizza In The Fridge?
“My partner and I moved in together. We split the chores and I do most of the cooking, especially dinner. I don’t really have a set time that I cook, it’s pretty much whenever I get home and am able to. If I make things in one pot or without a protein there aren’t usually issues except that she complains that she doesn’t like how it tastes heated up.
When I prepare a protein with it, it’s a whole other story.
When I start cooking or tell her that dinner will be ready in 15-20 minutes she gets busy. She’ll do things like take a long bath, go to the gym, go on a run, go down a few blocks to visit her parents, visit the neighbor, or start to snack. I’ve tried asking her many times if she doesn’t like what I’m cooking or how I’m cooking it.
I’ve tried asking her if there is a time she wants to eat, I’ve told her when I plan to start cooking and when she can expect it to be done. I get a whole lot of ‘no’ and that she likes my cooking but then she complains that the food is cold, or the meat/fish gets overcooked when she goes to warm it again, or if she nuked it in the microwave it’s rubbery.
For the last few weeks, I’ve just stopped cooking her portion of protein. I’ll make the sides, get her portion seasoned or dressed and she can just cook it when she’s ready. It’s been a bit of back and forth between us now and she cooks her portion while griping. Last night I was making us French bread pizzas. I had one prepped with toppings I like and one prepped with toppings she likes.
I let her know I was going to put them in the oven, and off she went to her parents’ house. Okay.
I waited to put hers in and after 30 minutes I just covered hers and put it in the fridge so she could bake it when she got home. When she did get home an hour later, she went to the kitchen and opened the oven and then the microwave and then asked where her pizza was.
I told her it was in the fridge waiting on her to bake it. That started a fight and she accused me of trying to control when she eats. I told her yet again I couldn’t care less when she eats, I care that I put time and effort into our meals only for her to complain it’s cold or ruined because she waited so long to eat them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is hugely disrespectful of your time and effort. It’s wildly bizarre that she’d leave the house when you’re cooking dinner. You are not at her beck and call; the world doesn’t revolve around her weird personal schedule.
Stop making any food for her. If she can’t respect your effort, then she can make her own meal altogether.
It’s like a bizarre power play where she’s testing to see if you can read her mind on when she’ll be ready to eat.” thatshygal717
Another User Comments:
“My guy, dude, she’s doing it on purpose.
She’s sabotaging your efforts and putting you in no-win scenarios. On purpose This isn’t an annoying habit, she’s not forgetful, she’s not avoidant.
Things get really clear when you stop making excuses, or better yet listening to excuses, and instead assign agency and responsibility to the person doing the behaviors in question.
She knows what she’s doing, she’s doing it on purpose. Don’t believe anything else. You can question why, you can try and get into it if you like.
She’ll block you. But my advice would be to do it while mentally packing your bags. You don’t your life partner to be your saboteur.
NTJ obviously.” faqhiavelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is showing a total lack of respect and appreciation for you and your efforts by going off and doing things after you’ve let her know the food will be ready soon. You’ve done your part, and she has no basis to complain when she is the one who chooses not to eat the food right when it’s ready.
You should refuse to cook anything for her unless she agrees to eat with you right when the food is ready. If not, she can fend for herself if she prefers mealtime anarchy.
This is a big red flag for your relationship. She is dismissive of your efforts and ignores you when you want to eat meals together. She is showing that she doesn’t take you or your relationship seriously. Don’t tolerate this rude behavior. If she wants to eat by herself whenever she wants maybe she would prefer being single in her own place while you would prefer a woman who treats you with respect.” kavk27
18. AITJ For How I Reacted When My Family Arrived Early?
“My parents arranged to come over on Sunday lunchtime, to help me put up some flatpack furniture and then to take me and my daughter back to their house for a family gathering in the evening. They told me they’d arrive at 12.
Sunday is usually the day when I clean my house and prepare myself for the week ahead, so I set an alarm in the morning that would give me enough time to do some cleaning and pack everything my daughter and I would need for the evening before they arrived.
On the day, I was halfway through cleaning and hadn’t yet packed, when the doorbell rang. I checked the time on my phone, and it was only just past 11, so I was surprised when I opened the door and my parents were there waiting to come in!
Because I was halfway through cleaning and didn’t feel ready, I felt really anxious and stressed, but I swallowed it down and tried to be polite.
We got to work on the furniture, but when I mentioned I hadn’t yet packed, my parents offered to put up the rest of it without me while I got ready so I packed our things in a bit of a rush.
I said I’d just vacuum the floor on the way out, and then my dad lost it a bit and said we didn’t have time – we’d have to get ready for the family gathering when we got to theirs, so why did I have to vacuum now?
I explained that I always vacuum on Sundays, and if they hadn’t been early I would have had time to do it before they arrived.
My dad said I was being ungrateful because they’d come up specifically to help me, and my mum said I was being ‘OCD’ about it and I should just do it when I get back. I relented and we left, but while we were driving I ended up crying because something similar happened a couple of weeks before – they arrived early while I was still baking some cookies and preparing for their visit, and then got annoyed with me for being stressed.
I don’t know if I was just feeling emotional or something, but I was stressed and upset and I didn’t really understand why they were mad at me for wanting to vacuum.
I asked my family calmly if in the future they could either come at the time they said they would or send me a message to let me know if the plans were going to change.
My dad was still annoyed because they’d come to help me and he felt like I was being ungrateful because arriving early meant they could have the furniture built earlier, and my mum just couldn’t seem to comprehend why it would stress me out when people arrive at a different time than they said they would because it wouldn’t bother her.
So, AITJ for how I reacted to my family arriving early?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but is it possible you have some neurodivergent issues like OCD or ADHD or something on the Autism spectrum? Certainly not trying to diagnose.
Having this much anxiety over an unexpected schedule change or not being able to finish your cleaning routine would be pretty standard for a lot of people on the spectrum. It might be something worth exploring, just because a diagnosis gives many people a concrete explanation for things about themselves that have always bothered them or seemed unusual and opens up avenues for helping to manage or navigate things like this.
Meanwhile, it might be nice to just explain to your parents that you do realize that it may not bother them when there’s a change in schedule, people arrive early, or routines are interrupted, but that it causes you a great deal of anxiety. Let them know that it’s definitely not them, that it would have been the same no matter who arrived early, and that you really appreciate them coming to help you.
Let them know you love them very much and you’d consider it a huge help to you if they could try to accommodate your requests to let you know in advance when there’s a scheduling change, especially if it means arriving significantly early since that might alter your schedules and routines. Tell them it would mean a lot to you if they’d do this for you to help you manage your anxiety.” snugglesmacks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You cried because you told your parents that you don’t like it when they show up early and they keep doing it.
Not only are they showing you they don’t care about your feelings but then they shame you for having them.
Take your power back. Options: Assume they’ll always be early and adjust your schedule accordingly. Or Sit them down and tell them you’re setting boundaries with them and they need to respect the time they set or there will be consequences (you won’t answer the door or?), Or don’t accept their help anymore.
People who demand that you deny your own needs as a condition of having a relationship with them are toxic. Don’t let your child learn that this is what a loving relationship looks like.” Effective-Ear-1757
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They should respect you and your home, and the agreed-upon time. And YOU, instead of being a crying victim, YOU need to start enforcing your boundaries and make it clear that they are not allowed to come over except at the agreed-upon time. The fact that your dad keeps saying they came to help you doesn’t really change anything or explain why they are not showing up at the correct time. Don’t let your parents walk all over you. Make the respect you and your home. Make your rules CLEAR and be in charge in your own home.” Chrisfn87
17. AITJ For Telling My Brother He's Not My Son?
“My (19) father (49) has been in and out of our lives for the past 6 years. He was working abroad and providing for us during that time, but we kids have slowly started to forget his presence around the house. In 2021, he had a huge fight with my mother (48) and decided to leave us under the guise of ‘visiting his relative’s funeral’. We haven’t seen him since.
It’s been very tough for my mother who’s tried her utmost best to make the best of such an awful situation for us kids without much help… so my siblings and I (mostly a bunch of teens) have tried our best to make things generally easier for her, including assisting in the raising up of my brother Ed (6).
Ed always used to call me by my name, but recently (like a few months ago) he’s picked up the habit of calling me dad.
I felt very awkward at first, but after some thought, I figured it was an honest mistake and didn’t pay much attention to it.
It didn’t stop there. Ed started calling me dad more, whether it was in private or whether it was in front of the family. I was extremely confused.
Earlier this afternoon, I picked him up from his school. When we reached home, I went to my mother and jokingly said ‘This random child has been following me the entire time, I think he’s lost.’ (We have a way of joking that I think is pretty wholesome, I’m sure he enjoys it too).
Ed playfully tugged me on the arm and said ‘How dare you say that! I’m your son’.
Now here’s where I might be the jerk. I didn’t want him to grow up believing that I was something I’m not, so I gently responded ‘Ed, I’m not your dad. I’m your older brother, OK? We share the same mother.’
Ed replied, ‘You’re my dad now because my real dad is never coming back.’ Hearing that tore my heart and I didn’t know how to respond.
I hugged him but he didn’t seem too happy and left.
My mother pulled me aside later and told me that I shouldn’t have said what I said and that I have hurt his feelings. I tried to explain that as much as I understand his feelings, I wanted him to know who we truly are to each other and didn’t want to devastate him later in life.
I also mentioned how awkward it made me feel. She said that maybe Ed is calling me dad not because I’m his actual father, but maybe because I’m one of the safest masculine examples he’s got.
Upon reflection, I’m starting to feel very guilty about what I did. I think my mother is right; perhaps I was a little too harsh. I need some people to talk sense into me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think what you did was the right thing. It’s difficult for kids that age to see their friends with their fathers and not understand why they don’t have a dad. And they don’t understand where babies come from and why you being their ‘dad’ is not correct. He just sees you as a role model that he can look up to, and it kind of feels like he has a dad in you.
Correcting him makes it so that this doesn’t become a permanent thing and reminds him that you are not his father. Keep emphasizing that you’re his big brother and that’s even better than his father (trying to put a positive spin on your relationship with him).
Your mother on the other hand is using you as a quasi-replacement and doesn’t want to deal with the bigger issues here.
She definitely needs to face the reality of the situation and what it’s doing to you and your siblings.” kitfromoh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are not his dad and it’s completely justifiable that you don’t want to be, and don’t want him to see you that way. Being a good older brother is completely appropriate here.
However, your brother sees his friends and kids at school who have dads and wants to be like the others, he doesn’t want to think he has a broken home.
Calling you dad is his way of saying ‘Look nothing is wrong with me or my life, I have everything everyone else has’.
He may not be emotionally mature enough to understand, but you can’t have your mom enable it. You can be a father figure without being called a dad. Take some time to let him know he’s loved and that as his older brother, you are going to look out for him.
Not having a dad is okay, because he still has a loving family. As he gets older he’ll be able to understand and still appreciate you.” junebugjitter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I can see where this might make you feel awkward. If he’s calling you ‘dad’ and your mom ‘mom’ to other people then people will assume you are/once were a couple and then you have to explain the whole thing to them and then they feel awkward for assuming… yeah…
I can see where this might feel weird to you. And it may only create more problems when/if you move out to be on your own – he might feel abandoned by two fathers.
It may hurt his feelings at first, but I think you just have to explain to him in the simplest way that you can that you’re still his family and you’ll always be there for him, even if his dad isn’t. And that you can do things for him like your dad did. He just needs to feel love and security and you do that without the title of ‘dad’.” No-Actuary-9388
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To Church?
“I (16m) lost my dad two months ago. He had terminal cancer and passed away right when the doctors predicted, surrounded by friends and family, but it still hurts. He raised me all on his own after my mom walked out of our lives, he was my rock, my best friend, and now he’s gone. After he passed, I was taken in by my aunt Shelby and my uncle Alan.
They have two daughters; my cousins Leah (14) and Macy (11).
Ever since I moved in with them, they pretty much left me to my own devices. That is, until last Saturday evening. Alan came to talk to me and asked me if I had anything nice to wear ‘for tomorrow’. I asked what he meant, and he told me that it was about time I started acting like a part of their family and that I’d be attending church with them the next day.
In my head, I heard a record scratch. I’m not religious, and the church makes me very uncomfortable (I’ve been before).
I tried to talk my way around the issue, but eventually, I just came out and said ‘I’d be happy to start spending more time with you guys, but I’m not religious and I’m not comfortable going to church.’
Alan got quiet for a moment, before awkwardly telling me that he’d have to talk to Shelby about it, and leaving me be in my room.
The next morning came and went, and I slept right through them getting up and leaving for church. I was up by the time they came back, and Shelby told me how disappointed she was in me for ‘not accepting (them) as (my) new family’. I didn’t know what to say, so I just went up to my room without saying anything.
So apparently my cousins have this after-school church thing they do on Wednesdays, and this morning Leah asked Shelby if she could skip it, on the grounds that I got to ‘skip’ church.
Shelby said no and they got into a big fight, and now everyone is mad at me for causing this whole thing. I don’t want to be a burden or cause any trouble, and I really am grateful to them for taking me in. AITJ for not just sucking it up and going to church?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
At your age, they kind of know they can’t force it on you (which is why he ‘went quiet’ and they tried to guilt instead of grounding you).
Apparently, their other child doesn’t want to go to church either but didn’t realize that was an option not to – sometimes seeing someone else do it gives you the courage to stand up for yourself. You didn’t do this intentionally, it’s just a natural progression.
Anyway, the parents are just going to alienate everyone if they keep pushing this issue. It isn’t your ‘fault’, this same fight would have happened anyway after the kid moved out and parents found out they stopped going to church.” cloistered_around
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This is a hard place for you because of your age.
They are being very manipulative in using religion to control you.
And it’s hard for them to justify why you don’t have to go but their child has to – they don’t what those conversations with Leah.
Is there anywhere else you can live other than this particular aunt and uncle? Because this might turn into a massive issue in the near future.
If there isn’t anywhere, there is something to be said for keeping your head down to keep the peace till you can sort something out.
Going along to church and not rocking the boat. You may meet some other people your age that you actually like and get on with (who also might not want to be there), or you may actually find there’s something there for you.
There’s also something to be said for growing your hair long and using wireless earbuds (your long hair will hide them) and listening to something else while you are there.
But down low enough that you will hear if others are talking to you. And better if you don’t have to sit with your aunt and uncle (remember those new friends you might make).
I only say this because you are 16. If you were 18 and legally an adult, I’d say hold your ground.” KitchenDismal9258
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you lost your Dad 2 months ago, and now they want you to ‘accept them as your new family.’ That’s just wrong, they don’t get to try and replace your dad and the way he raised you.
Do not blame yourself for the fight that their family is having, you are not to blame. Your aunt and uncle should have asked how they could make you feel more a part of their family, NOT tell you how you will feel, and how to be accepted by them.
As for your cousin, she is at the age where a lot of kids start to see through the nonsense of religion and not want to go. My guess is she has been feeling this way for a while, you just gave her the courage to stand up for herself.” madommouselfefe
15. AITJ For Calling My Soon-To-Be In-Laws Names?
“My (21f, from India) sister (26f) is engaged to get married to Krish (28m). I don’t know this family very well as it’s an arranged marriage and I just returned home two weeks ago from France (I’m studying there).
Krish and his family came over last week to visit my sister and see me. I don’t know why but that was their first time seeing me, LOL.
To be honest, the family is super conservative, and I feel like my sister could do so much better. Once they left, I pulled my sister aside and shared my concerns with her, and she agreed but decided to go with the marriage because my dad knew the family and parents/relatives were annoying her to get married.
Anyway, two days ago, they came back again but this time with their extended family.
Krish’s brother, Sanjay (26M), finds me attractive and wants to get married to me. Feeling disgusted and angry, I immediately told them to get lost.
My parents weren’t happy with the proposal and tried arguing that I was still young and in school. S went on to say I can continue studying in my country. (I have two more years in France). Like heck, I’m leaving France.
My parents said no, and they kept pushing it, so I told them all to leave cause they’re disgusting jerks who can’t take no for an answer.
They were embarrassed and now don’t feel comfortable letting Krish get married to my sister. My sister is happy, LOL. My parents are on my side, but they think I was a little disrespectful by calling them names. My sister also broke down and told them she needs time and is uncomfortable getting married now.
They realized their mistake and apologized. So I think the engagement is probably broken.
My extended family is the issue now. My grandparents and uncles/aunts are calling me the jerk cause I embarrassed K’s family, and I should’ve let the adults deal with it instead. Also, I’m known for being super blunt, and they are saying no one would marry me, and I should’ve accepted the marriage proposal.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m trying to not put a Western spin on it, but the reality stands: Sanjay was a stranger, he doesn’t get to push an impromptu marriage proposal directly like that. He wants to arrange it, then have him do the traditional method.
Now, with the Western spin: NTJ because you have the right to forcibly push back on some rando demanding that you marry him and that you could settle your world for his as if, at the first meeting, he’s worth that.
For both: The family has nothing to be embarrassed about, you call them names and if anything they should be offended, not embarrassed. Using embarrassment is just their way to punish you and your family for your behavior. That’s evidenced by them describing you as unmarriable and that their son was doing you a favor by proposing.
I’m glad your direct family isn’t taking the bait. I know Indian culture works differently than the West, but hopefully, your parents can assuage the extended family.” Cfx99
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here! The in-laws for not being able to take no for an answer, your parents for having the nurturing instincts of a pair of sloths, you for being a foul mouth even though you knew that the ‘adults’ had your back, and of course, your sister, for attempting to make a grand martyr of herself.
People like her are the reason arranged matches get a bad rep… like something out of the dark ages… when in fact, if arranged and attempted by folks with half a brain, they are as good a way to find love as any other. Maybe even better for someone who wants to be married. The whole lot of you are blunderers and ought to stay out of each other’s lives!” Outrageous-Pass-3214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister agreeing to marry a guy that she doesn’t really like, just for the sake of your family is probably the condition of almost every Indian girl.
That’s sad.
But the groom’s younger brother trying to marry you and pushing you to give up your Education is crap. Yeah, they say that you can continue your education in India. But come on… we all know that it’s not gonna happen.
Were you a little harsh? If ‘get lost’ were your exact words… yeah a little.
Do they deserve that? Heck yeah!
Good riddance for your sister! Cheer her up! She has dodged a bullet.” Justanother-who-man
14. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Dad More Funds?
“I (18f) am still in high school and am working part-time at a grocery store, which doesn’t pay me much. Since I’m a student and heavily involved at my school, I don’t have much time to work and I work less than 10 hours a week. The week before this incident was my senior prom, and while my significant other paid for most of the expenses, I still had to pay for my dress, prom tickets, etc, which left me with less than $100 in my general bank account.
I’m also planning on switching jobs soon, and my boss decided to put me on fewer hours because of this, so I don’t get paid as much as I did before.
My Dad (54m) is currently working a high-paying job at a big company. Every day he comes home and he keeps working, which I don’t mind. I end up doing a lot of the cleaning up and he does the cooking.
Another detail I should add is that I am graduating high school very soon, and due to my involvement in the school, I have a lot of work to do for many different things. The night before the incident, I was swamped with a lot of homework from school and I didn’t have time to do a lot of cleaning around the house. My Dad had also ended up falling asleep after he came home from work, and before I went to bed, I woke him up and told him the time.
I don’t know what happened after I woke him up however, as it was already close to 1 in the morning and I was exhausted.
The morning of the incident, my Dad woke me up 3 hours before I had to go to school (he goes to work at 7, and I wake up at 7). For some context, later in the day, my grandma is flying in from Mexico, and I thought that I could just finish cleaning after school since that day I get home much earlier than he does.
He yells at me asking why I didn’t clean everything and why I didn’t wake him up. I tell him that I had homework to do and I did wake him up, but he says I was just talking back.
Immediately after this, he asks me for $900 because a debt collector took that out from his paycheck. This is where I drew the line. I had less than $100 in my general account, and I have around $600 in savings, which in total adds up to not even $700.
I tell him this and he starts calling me a horrible daughter, and how he raised me for nothing. After a few more minutes of these comments, I end up caving in and giving $200 from my savings account. He says he’ll pay me back, but he doesn’t exactly have the greatest track record for paying people back. AITJ for not giving him more funds?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sure.
Definitely doesn’t add up, but in my experience, children (and rightly so) sometimes assume their parents’ exhaustion and constant work should be rewarded with fair compensation.
Do not loan your father funds unless it’s to keep the lights on, or to buy groceries, and even then, ask to see the bill. You have that right.
Also, make time to sit down with your dad and tell him how he made you feel.
You don’t want situations like this to fester and cause a split you’ll both regret in the coming years. It sounds like you depend on one another.” wederservebetter
Another User Comments:
“This is your reminder that ‘talking back’ has diminishing value as a claim as a parent’s child ages. It goes from, ‘you’re just complaining to complain,’ which very young children often do to, ‘your disagreement, no matter how well-founded, is inconvenient to me and my sense of authority.’
There was also no good reason to wake you up 3 hours early and scream about stuff that can wait before emotionally abusing you and extorting funds from you.
The man must be absolutely bad at finances if his high-paying job isn’t enough to protect him from the need to demand funds from someone who makes minimum wage.
NTJ” MundanePlanet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s definitely something odd about this situation. You say that he works a good-paying job, but why is he owing so much to a debt collector and berating his schoolgirl daughter for $900? His tone with you is very inappropriate – saying that he ‘raised you for nothing’ when you didn’t have a large amount of funds to give him.
Is it possible that he has some other problems, like drinking or substance use, or gambling?
You are NTJ in this situation and no you should not have given him more funds, especially because he doesn’t pay it back. I would be wondering where his income is going, and if all of the time he is out ‘working’ is actually work. But certainly, he should not be relying on his young daughter for income. I hope you will be able to graduate from high school and go on to further education or trade school so you can get yourself into your own accommodation and away from this awful situation.” Consistent_Charity49
13. AITJ For Being Honest About What I Think About My Friend's Pregnancy?
“So my (32f) friend (33f) has got pregnant with a man (34m) who she has known for less than 6 months. They seem super in love but who isn’t at the start? When she told me I expressed my concern about how stupid this was and how they should have been more careful. She texts me back just simply saying I am rude. My other friends think since the pregnancy has already happened and they are excited about it I am the jerk for dumping it and expressing concern.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your concerns are normal but you should have kept them to yourself. You do not get to dictate how she feels about this pregnancy. My body, my choice goes both ways. She is the only one who gets to decide whether to keep the pregnancy or not. She’s 33 not 16 and even if the romantic relationship doesn’t work out that doesn’t mean they can’t have a positive co-parenting relationship.” Ill_Understanding826
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I can genuinely see your concern – it could’ve been handled a little better but yeah this is a drastically dumb decision. It sounds very much like a red flag and love-bombing territory and now she’s trapped with a baby. I don’t even think YTJ for mentioning a termination, the world’s screwed, and adding more kids isn’t gonna help the situation, just adds to society’s problems.
I’ve been there in the past and also informed them that termination may be the best option, they didn’t listen and now still living with their parents, raising said child alone and broke.
That said – all you can do now is apologize and try to be a supportive friend and maybe you’ll be proven wrong.” blondeauraa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, as you already stated, it happened already and they are happy.
Of course, it’s insane to have a baby after 6 months of relationship/ knowing each other, but the only right thing to do is offer your help, if she needs it and stay in touch in case she gets in trouble (turning out him baby trapping her, abusive partner, you know what I mean). Apologize to her and tell her you voiced your concerns the wrong way.
Then offer her to be there for her, if something comes up.” Pure_Steak9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People can make stupid decisions but their friends aren’t obligated to lie and pretend it’s not worrisome. If things go bad, she now can’t blame you for not saying anything.
People are freaking out because you suggested terminating her pregnancy but it’s not a taboo subject, it’s a legitimate thing people consider every day, and offering help if she decides to get one is what good friends do.
Once you’ve said what you have to say and she commits to her decision, then you have to soften up enough to continue to be a good friend, though.” ughwhyusernames
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Leave My Baby Alone With My Mother-In-Law?
“My MIL and I have a strained relationship. There has always been some tension but it got worse around 7 months pregnant and she, my BIL, and SIL moved in with my husband and me for a few months while their new home was being built. I had a very emotional pregnancy and was very overwhelmed with having a full house while preparing for the arrival of our first child.
My MIL also was a bit overbearing with our unborn born saying she was ‘her baby’, wanting a full nursery at her new house, and making plans to keep the baby overnight as a newborn (which we never discussed doing).
A lot of tension built up between my BIL and MIL because I was emotional and reacted irrationally to the smallest things. After I gave birth and was myself again, I apologized to my BIL and he completely understood and we’ve been great since.
When I apologized to my MIL she wasn’t as forgiving. She was still a bit overbearing as well, just being overall very possessive towards her. Unfortunately, for the first couple of months, our baby was very attached to me since I’m a stay-at-home mom and am with her every day. Every time anyone would hold her (MIL included) she would kick and scream and cry; after a couple of times, my mil stopped interacting with her.
Now that our baby is older (she’s one now) she doesn’t react in that way and she’s allowed my MIL to hold her without getting upset. Now my MIL wants more one-on-one quality time with our baby to bond.
The issue is, my relationship with my MIL has gotten worse and it is clear that she still does not like me. On numerous occasions, I have apologized for how I acted while I was pregnant and have tried to reach out to hang out and mend our relationship but she has declined invitations.
We have a family vacation coming up and she mentioned she hadn’t gone shopping for it yet. I invited her to go shopping with my husband and me and she replied ‘I’m going to watch the baby’ and then I replied, ‘I thought you said you needed to go shopping too?’ I asked her again if she wanted to come with us and she declined.
My husband wants to drop our baby off at her house while the two of us go shopping which I thought was weird because we usually all shop together.
He eventually told me she specifically wants to spend time with our baby alone and she doesn’t want me there. This upset me and made me feel like she genuinely does not want a relationship with me.
I told my husband I’m not comfortable with dropping our baby off with someone who doesn’t like me, and most likely doesn’t respect me. And if she wants to spend time with our baby, I would rather us all be together.
Once we mend our relationship, I’ll be more open to it.
Just to note, I have never denied her time with our baby, the three of us usually go to her house and hang out for a couple of hours whenever she asks us to. But my husband says I’m getting in the way of their relationship and am weaponizing our baby. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They were long-term guests in your house while having a hard pregnancy.
I am not sure how much you need to apologize for – they always had a choice of renting their own place. However, I accept your own assessment that you somehow were at fault. That does not change the fact that it is your child and you (together with your husband) can set the rules. It is important to get on the same page with him otherwise there always will be long-term issues but you do not ‘owe’ anyone time with your child.
Especially someone who is going behind your back to get it.” ItIsNotAManual1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and STOP APOLOGIZING! You did absolutely nothing wrong – calling someone else’s baby ‘my baby’ and wanting a full nursery to have a NEWBORN overnight without even discussing it is WAY overstepping. You’re the mom – you get to set healthy boundaries for your child, full stop. It makes my mom’s senses tingle that she wants alone time with her considering her past behavior and attitude towards you, and it’s acceptable that until she shows you some respect you don’t allow it.
I wouldn’t trust her, or put up with that either.” mandy_skittles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would you want your baby left with a spiteful person who displays some very passive-aggressive behavior? Stop apologizing. Stop going to her house all the time. Stop traveling with her. She can come to visit you all at your house, start using some manners, and you can alternate short visits. Babies don’t need to be alone with someone to bond with them.
Your husband needs to tell his mom to knock off the trashy behavior. Start so traditions of your own. You’re not weaponizing the baby. She’s a jerk to you. Okay play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She weaponized your apology. So she can think about that.
I’d cut her off so quickly that her head would spin. Life is too short to pander to such a small-minded vindictive person.
Enjoy your baby. Your husband can tell his mom to get her head out of her butt like yesterday.” Ipso-Pacto-Facto
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Son To By My Husband's "Junior"?
“After having 2 girls, we found out we’re finally having a boy! We are both on board with him sharing his father’s name (we’ll use Spongebob here), however, a cultural difference has put a wedge between us.
My culture inputs the wife’s last name before the husband’s last name. So if Squidward Tentacles was marrying Sandy Cheeks and they had a kid named James, his name would be James Cheeks Tentacles.
My husband wants our son to have his exact name plus Jr to be the legal name: Spongebob Squarepants, Jr. I (I guess I’ll be Patrick Star here) would like to continue the family tradition of my maiden name being used: Spongebob Star Squarepants, Jr.
He is absolutely furious at this and is saying that I’m trying to rob him of his birth certificate matching his son’s.
That if I add my family’s name, our son won’t be a true Jr.
Though I understand this is obviously a cultural difference, I don’t see why a compromise can’t be made here, since ‘Star’ will likely get lost in official paperwork, and our son will more commonly be referred to as Spongebob Squarpants, Jr.
I also feel like our son gets my husband’s entire name, and I would like for my family’s legacy to be included.
To add to this, both of our daughters’ names follow the ‘(first name) Star Squarepants’ pattern, and my son would be the only sibling without it.
I understand a father and son have a special connection, but I feel like I shouldn’t be dismissed just cause I’m not the same gender of my child.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Hardly any kid wants to be a junior anyway.
It‘s like alienating your son from your daughters.
Not only does your husband show already now his clear favoritism but he‘ll even make it stand out to everyone.
Naming is a two-yes business and if you can‘t agree choose the best for the kids‘ relationship with one another. Which is probably to let them have the same last name.
(The reason why I vote NTJ instead of ‘no jerks here’ is that being furious about not getting his way is really extreme and shows what he thinks about you, your opinions, and the girls‘ stand in the family.)” InkedAlly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this IS a red flag.
Your husband is telling you that the son is more important than his daughters by wanting his son to be his ‘mini-me’. Your compromise is extremely valid and then ALL the kids’ names would be matching which should be important to all parents.
Also, this junior stuff, who wants it? It’s just complicated, papers get sent to the wrong person, it’s just unnecessarily complicated. It might be a cultural thing but I truly don’t get it.
And it’s often on the male side which indicated sons are more important than daughters. I got lucky myself, my husband’s ugly name that ‘every firstborn son gets’ stayed unused. We’re the proud parents of two daughters!” Waste-Phase-2857
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s weird to use a different naming convention for some of your children! Also, the whole junior thing is narcissism personified. Let your child be their own person, not just a clone onto which you thrust some imagined family legacy! The idea that ‘matching’ birth certificates is a thing is honestly just comical. It’s a document that gets pulled out maybe two or three times in your life if you even have it to hand past 18. Absurd.” Remarkable-Intern-41
10. AITJ For Being Emotional When I Got Spilled On By Soup?
“So basically my husband and I just sold our house and we are in the middle of packing everything up and moving. We have 4 kids combined, ranging from age 8 to 13. The youngest has oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) and other behavioral issues (currently under evaluation for Autism) so he can be quite the handful on his own. The two middle kids (twins) are very touchy-feely and never stop jumping on you for attention.
The oldest kind of sticks to himself for the most part but he’s hitting an age of full puberty and has some testosterone anger going on sometimes. Generally, they are good kids but since we have started packing, things are going sideways quickly. Constant fights between them, always arguing, always doing everything they can to get out of actually packing their stuff.
Now today is just annoying me.
My husband is working so I’m left in charge of packing for the day and trying to get the kids to pack as well. Not to mention we have workers in and out of the house doing last-minute touch-ups on the house. Every 5 minutes the kids are out starting a conversation with me versus doing what they are supposed to be doing. The girls especially.
The youngest is literally losing his mind at the drop of the hat. I 100% have no control over this household right now and I NEEDED to step away because my stress levels are threatening to boil over and quickly. So, I stepped outside.
All of them except the youngest followed me. I told them to go inside multiple times. They finally listen. However, the oldest came out and said he was hungry.
I told him I am making lunch here in a minute and just need some space. He said okay and went back indoors. However, he just came out with a can of soup and went to open it and when he did, nearly half the can flew out. Splattering me, him, and the entire porch in the process. Now he’s dying laughing and honestly, it probably would have been hilarious to me had I not already been touched out.
For HIS sake I laughed it off so he wouldn’t feel bad for an obvious accident but then I went to the garage and cried. So stupid and I realize that but I’m just so over all of this.
Well, my husband just showed up and he found me in the garage. I was already passed my crying bit but he could see something was wrong regardless and asked about it.
I told him and he goes ‘So you’re mad and crying because the kids are being kids and because my son accidentally spilled food on you? Ok.’ And walks inside. Now I’m left here looking like an idiot and feeling equally as stupid. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your husband is being a jerk. He’s never felt overwhelmed? Geez dude have some compassion. You have nothing to feel stupid or bad about.
You’re a great mom and the fact that you held it together and then went to cry on your own shows how much strength you have. I would have lost it on my kid and been like ‘I told you to wait and give me a minute!’ Your husband should have understood and comforted you. You rock and deserve a medal!” Travelcat67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Moving house is in the top 3 of the most stressful things in life.
It’s stressful to you, but also to the children, which is probably why tensions are high.
Trying to wrangle 4 kids in such a moment, plus having a work crew there… and you did not blow up or anything at the 13-year-old, while I am certain you were already on edge.
THEN your jerk idiot husband swans in. He probably had an ordinary day at work and is incredibly dismissive of your feelings at that moment.
You are not an idiot, or stupid, but your husband most certainly is!” GardenerCats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have a lot happening around you. Any normal person would feel overstimulated. I am so proud of you for holding it together in front of your son, and you deserve to have a safe space to put your negative emotions in (even if it’s just a garage cry).
Your husband needs to chill out.
You have a lot going on. He’s probably stressed himself, but he still should apologize. He needs to let you have a space to properly process your feelings and get through the day so there are no outbursts.
I hope you get some quiet time to be kind to yourself and relax a bit. Even if it’s just a few minutes to journal and write down some thoughts. Good luck.” Thirsty-Boiii
9. AITJ For Not Making My Male Friend A Bridesmaid?
“I (24F) plan to get married in the next year.
I have a friend, James (25M), who is extremely upset about not being at the bridal party. James and I have been close friends since college, and I met my future husband through his friend group. Among my bridesmaids are my two sisters, my future sisters-in-law, and two of my closest female friends, Patty and Haley. Even though we lost touch during college, I have known Patty and Haley for longer than I have known James.
Both friendships have also been closer to me – for example, I have been on multiple trips with Patty and Haley, they have met my family, etc., whereas James has not.
James was extremely offended when he found out I had asked Patty and Haley to be my bridesmaids. Because I have never mentioned to James that I would like to include him in the bridal party, I’m not sure why he expected to be asked.
Further, when I started seeing my future husband, James was really rude to us both, even going so far as to try to keep our mutual friends from spending time with us. At that point, we were honestly thinking of not even inviting James because of this. However, it has been a couple of years now and it seemed like James was back to normal so we figured we would invite him.
Note – James specifically wants to be a male bridesmaid and not a groomsman. I’m assuming that is because he is closer friends with me rather than my fiancée. I already explained to him that I had selected my bridesmaids and wanted to limit it to this group. He has been talking to our mutual friends about this and basically saying how rude I’m being, etc.
by not asking him to be part of the wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. James is a jerk. He is stirring problems and being a drama queen. I get being disappointed but insisting on being a male bridesmaid just screams LOOK AT ME! Your wedding is not about him if he truly wanted to be part of the support team of the wedding party there are a few other ways that he refused to.
He just wants to be ‘special’ as opposed to supportive. It’s up to you and your partner to decide if you want to cater to a nullified friendzilla you have and if that friendship is really that deep and important to you both to maintain it.
As a married woman for more than 20 years, I can tell you that a lot of the friendships we had back then just fizzled and those people are not in our life anymore (distance, relocation, different stages in life, etc.) The bridal party should include only people who are supportive or withstood the test of time already because who wants to look at photos and memories and try to remember who is that person standing there with us and why is he there in the first place.” Fancy-Meaning-8078
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s your wedding, you get to pick your bridal party. Anyone who makes someone else’s wedding about them is by default the jerk. I also don’t see why he feels entitled to be part of the bridal party, so if his behavior is really getting out of line (more so than it already is, I mean), perhaps ask him where he’s coming from and then consider whether it’s worth even having him at the wedding in any capacity.
Frankly, he sounds toxic.” hardcandy8923
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to choose who’s in your bridal party. if you wanted to choose the checker at your local Walmart that you’ve known for a year but are really fond of, over your sister, that’s your choice, it’s your wedding. You don’t owe anyone a place in your wedding. But I can understand why he was hurt. however, if he was hurt and expressed that to you, that still doesn’t mean you have to change your mind. But it sounds like he’s angry, which will drive a wedge between the two of you.” AcadiaRealistic2090
8. AITJ For Trying To Comfort My Daughter?
“I (36F) share my wonderful daughter ‘Hazel’ (12F) with my ex ‘Alrick’ (37M). He’s been in and out of her life since she was a baby; he pays child support but gave me full custody and doesn’t have any set schedule for seeing her. He works as a long-distance trucker (owner-operator), so he’s all over the country for work and Hazel only gets to see him in person a few times a year.
Normally, she really looks forward to seeing him, which is why this current situation hurts so much.
Alrick’s taken her on holiday before; over Christmas, he wanted to have her for a week and took her to visit a city on the other side of the country. She spent a long time researching the place; things she wanted to see and do; only to come back to me in tears.
Turns out, he spent most of the days talking to some of his clients and arranging future work and left her to her own devices in the hotel room with some funds and instructions to not go outside the local area in the city. On the fourth day, she’d had enough and caught the bus to go visit a museum she really wanted to see; he got back before she did and worried, they had a big fight, and she was grounded for the remainder of the trip.
I’ve talked to her about not running off like that, but I also think he was wrong for leaving her like that and telling him as much (not in front of her). He promised me he’d do better, and Hazel he’d drop in over easter and take her on a better trip to make up for it. Except he hasn’t, and after weeks of radio silence, he texted me this week to admit he won’t be in town for another two months and even then it’s only a maybe.
Hazel didn’t take it well, obviously; she thinks it’s her fault he doesn’t want to see her because she ran off.
On the spot, I did my best to comfort her, but there’s only so many times she’s willing to trust me when I say her dad needs to work. So I told her gently that her dad’s not avoiding her, and it’s not her fault, he’s just busy and he forgets to think of others sometimes.
But she wanted to know when he’d be back, and all I could tell her was maybe two months, I don’t know. She seemed as okay as she could be afterward, and I’ve been trying to make things up to her as best I can without my ex.
But today, I got a call out of the blue from Alrick’s mother of all people, absolutely chewing me out for what I said.
Apparently, she’s been texting Hazel, who told her what I said, and now she blames me for throwing her son under the bus and bad-mouthing him to our daughter because I said he doesn’t always think of others’ feelings. I’ve had a long angry text from Alrick himself since, saying the same, and it’s making me worry I said something I shouldn’t have.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your ex is dropping the ball.
His mom is enabling him, something she has probably always done. When kids are looking for an explanation, you don’t dare lie or your credibility is gone. The only way you could have saved yourself was to reply, ‘Ask your father’, but that would be a cop-out.
To be honest, he is caught up in his grown-up world where his little girl’s concerns are not on his radar.
I would tell him that if he cannot step up as a father then don’t bother coming around your little girl any more. Promising the sky and delivering less than nothing is breaking her heart. He has to stop being a coward and tell his daughter the uncomfortable truths instead of making you the bad guy. When they are together, if he cannot give his daughter his undivided attention, he is not being a dad.
He is being a huge disappointment.
I would recommend therapy for your daughter if you are not already doing so. Your ex is failing her and the therapist may be able to explain her dad’s negligence. Then you can concentrate on just being supportive when your ex fails time and again. It will be several years yet before your daughter is ready to understand and accept that some people don’t make good choices in life, even when they are parents.” Icy_Curmudgeon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Sounds like you’ve been a decent human to him and her.
He and exMIL need to own he does not follow through on commitments & his daughter is not a priority based on his actions. Say this to them. Instead, they deflect the truth by jumping on you but the truth is, he frequently does not think of others. He created this track record, not you.
His daughter is going to age and create her life. A man who runs his own business can surely carve out one 5-day weekend a year to spend the entire time with his daughter; with no side jobs.
It is pathetic this is not occurring and it yes, ‘… hurts so much.’ Dad if you are reading this, time is passing you by to demonstrate you are reliable, you love her and you value her. Best to you OP.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I don’t think he really is either. He gave up custody, he’s paying, and his work doesn’t really allow for consistent visiting.
He’s definitely not trying very hard, but he is doing something and she’s still too young to really understand.
If anyone is the jerk, it’s the paternal grandma. This is not her business and she is making a difficult situation worse for your daughter and you. I’d either talk to her directly or the dad.
Dad shouldn’t be making promises he doesn’t keep though, especially when they’re rare, then it hurts even more.” Dry_Ingenuity1416
7. AITJ For Not Inviting My Partner's Mom More Often?
“My (28F) and my partner (28M) generally have neutral leaning good relationships with each other’s families. I have an appreciation for my partner’s parents even if I don’t agree with everything they say or believe in. My partner and I currently live together and share a 1 bedroom apartment.
For the past year, I’ve been running into a particular problem when my partner and I spend time with his mom.
She can be chatty and loves telling stories about herself which isn’t a bad quality; however, she likes to do this for what I would consider a long period of time. About 8-9 hours. When we used to host her at our place, she would generally come over for dinner at 6 pm and then would stay until 2-3 am. I find this to be a lengthy period of time, and I generally tap out after 3-4 hours.
The other uncomfortable aspect is that the conversation is generally about her, and she is the one talking the majority of the time about her life, emotions, past stories, and relationships. She’s actually commented to us that she likes spending time with us because we’re such a good audience.
Anyways, I’ve started to feel uncomfortable with these long dinners because I get tired and bored. I asked my partner to spend time with her at her place or outside so that I could have the apartment to myself and enjoy my alone time.
He was very receptive and would go out to restaurants to meet with her. I suggested that perhaps every other week, I could join them for a 3-hour dinner/activity/hang out which he was agreeable to. What I’m trying to do is create a hang-out situation where I feel comfortable spending time while not asking them to change how they want to spend time together. If they want to hang out for 8 hours then I really respect that.
I just ask not to be a part of it.
My partner’s mom is starting to give vibes that she’s not a fan of not being able to come over to our place. She’s started being a little rude to me and was acting like she owns the place the last time she came over. While I understand that she might not feel great about not being unconditionally welcomed in our home, I don’t want to compromise my own peace and comfort.
AITJ for not inviting her over more and not putting up with her long stories? I’m wondering if I should just put up with it so she feels welcomed, but I simultaneously want to honor my own feelings and experiences and not be a doormat in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your home, she has no right to get mad that she isn’t invited over. Maybe if she didn’t overstay her welcome every single time, things would be different.
Moreover, talking nonstop about yourself for literal hours is incredibly rude and selfish. Pretty sure you don’t want to be hosting her TEDTalk in your living room, so. If your partner is good with this new system, then keep the status quo. She can be cranky about all she wants, but you set the boundary and you should keep it. If her rudeness towards you bothers you, tell your partner to talk to her about it.
But don’t be a doormat.” JuliaWeGotCows
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner’s mother is your partner’s problem to deal with. If you are in this situation, it means he isn’t dealing with the problem at all. The fact that you have to have another conversation about this with him is a problem in itself, and it shows what kind of person he is. A partner not being having boundaries and not enforcing them with his own mother (without being asked) is a big problem.” Chrisfn87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you do want to find a way to coexist a little bit better with your future MIL.
It seems to me that your partner could also be a little better at prioritizing your boundaries over his mother’s wants. It takes practice.
Visit her at her home, go out to eat, and invite her to your home. Be there half the time. But maybe schedule it so you are sometimes visiting a friend/your family when she’s over at your place.
And talk to her. I’m primarily thinking of your partner here.
Make your partner talk to her about how he enjoys spending time with her alone as well as with you. Make him include you more in the conversation ‘Oh that sounds amazing mom, Carla also went hiking recently, what was that place you went to honey’ type of thing. He should also tell her when it’s time for her to go home (like at 10 pm or whenever you’re comfortable, it’s also a very cultural thing) or time for you to leave her home, that is not your responsibility.
You however also need to figure out how to enjoy her company as much as possible. If it’s impossible then it’s impossible. But this woman is obviously very important to your partner and you deserve to feel good around her so it’s worth a real shot, in my opinion. Talk more about yourself and things you are interested in when she’s over. Be considerate but don’t feel obligated to always have to be her perfect audience.
Do more stuff with her – go for a hike, to the zoo, play a game of cards, whatever you like to do. Or do stuff on your own when she’s around after a few hours. Have a good excuse the first few times ‘It’s been so good talking to you but I really need to go to the gym, my shoulder has been killing me/meet my friend/do the laundry/get some work done’ etc. And maybe try to understand her a little better. You know – where does this need for constant attention come from? Ask her about her childhood and stuff. I find that I find it much easier to avoid getting annoyed at people when I understand where they come from.” SignificanceNo3580
6. AITJ For Causing My Husband To Miss His Daughter's Prom?
“I (36 female) have been married to my husband Josh (40) for 10 years. We have a 9-year-old daughter Lauren together and my stepdaughter Riley is 18.
About a year ago I booked a vacation with my friends for one of their bachelorette parties. It’s this weekend in Tennessee. We leave Thursday and come back Monday.
This weekend Lauren has a cheerleading competition that Josh is taking her to.
Lauren is required to have a guardian there the whole time and she needs to arrive early Friday and leave Sunday. We did ask the cheer director if a friend’s mom could bring her and my husband could meet her there after but they said no. And if she’s not there for the check-in time she can’t compete that weekend.
Riley’s prom is Friday. Riley did not have a junior prom and her school only has a senior prom.
We found out the date of prom after school started and the trip had already been booked and paid for.
My husband is now going to be missing Riley’s prom to take Lauren to her competition.
Riley thinks this is extremely unfair and that we’re playing favorites since she’ll never get this chance again and she wants pictures with her dad and sister. She’s been messaging my husband about it.
Lauren doesn’t want to miss her competition and risk her spot on her team.
My husband asked if I’d cancel my trip and I told him no. The trip has been booked, and paid for, and I also need a break. He takes breaks and trips as well.
My husband and I are now fighting because he feels like no matter what he does he’s stuck. He’s already told Lauren he’ll be taking her to the cheer comp which means he’ll be missing prom.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
The whole chaperone thing is insane, it never used to be this way. I knew kids who flew to different states for comps without their parents bc their parents could barely afford the sport much less airfare and hotels beyond the team ones.
But the jerry of it all has changed so many of the rules for the safety of the children involved.
I find it absurd that you all don’t push harder on that. Especially if Dad comes up after the prom photos—that will be early right, since it’s ya know a whole evening event. An exception should be made.
You shouldn’t cancel your trip for this. That’s the most absurd.” the_orig_princess
Another User Comments:
“Prom is clearly important to Riley.
She wouldn’t get to take photos with her sister whatever happened – Lauren has a cheerleading competition, so she’d be out of town regardless of whether you were available or not.
So Riley’s desire to have photos with her sister is never going to happen – prom is important to Riley, but not to Lauren, and it would be absurd for Lauren to miss her competition just to have her photo taken next to Riley in a prom dress.
The truth is, Lauren can’t do her competition without a parent. Riley doesn’t need her hand holding to go to prom.
Probably the best plan is for the husband to go to cheerleading with Lauren, and have him and Lauren take formal photos with Riley when they’re all available.
Are you a jerk for booking a bachelorette party for May in your stepdaughter’s senior year? Probably not.
NTJ” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. While it’s understandable Riley is upset, no one is playing favorites. Conflicting events happen in life and it’s no one’s fault.
You committed and paid for a bachelorette trip a year ago, long before anything else was scheduled. You would lose funds and time away if you cancel, and miss celebrating with a friend. Lauren can’t compete without a guardian present, and if she’s not there the whole team forfeits which isn’t fair to the team. Riley won’t have her father or sister there for photos, but even if you canceled your trip her sister wouldn’t be there.
It sucks all around.” leggyblond1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your events were planned well in advance, the whole family should not have to give up their whole weekend just for a 10-minute photo shoot before she heads off to prom. I think y’all should pay for a limo, video call with her, ask for pics, etc., but prom is not actually this huge deal everyone is making it out to be, for anyone but her. Lots of kids didn’t even get prom in 2020 & 2021, or any other school dances for that matter.
I could see if we were talking about graduation or a wedding where the whole family participates, but you would be sacrificing a lot of funds and your own once in a lifetime experiences, just to be a prop for 10 minutes at most.” Organic_Step_2223
5. WIBTJ If I Get A Dog?
“Over the summer I (23F) got an internship working for a really great company. The company is relocating me to New York, and I will be in a rental ‘triplex’ with other people my age who are working the same job. The place I am staying in specifically said they were pet-friendly, which was why I chose to live there. I should add that I will have my own personal bedroom on the second floor with a bathroom that I share with only one other person.
Our kitchen is separate from the first and third-floor kitchens, with the only shared space between the first, second, and third floors being the entry and stairs. I’ve been wanting a dog for a very long time, and I’ll finally be financially stable enough to have one. I found the sweetest rescue puppy, and am in the process of getting him right now.
I just shot a message to the group to let them know that I would have a dog, but that he would only be staying in my private room, and would be in the staircase/ entry when I take him on walks.
A guy in the group said that he is extremely allergic to dogs, to the point where a dog even passing through the shared entryway will give him rash, swollen eyes, and sometimes a trip to the hospital. He absolutely does not want me to have one. He lives on the first floor and I live on the second.
I am getting this dog, there is no doubt about it.
He’s my dream dog. I have saved up for months to get him. I have a name for him (Dex!) and bought all of the supplies I need. I have also already signed the 4-month lease for the house, along with everyone else.
Here is where people are saying I am the jerk. I think that since this guy is so allergic to dogs, he absolutely should not have chosen a shared house that states very clearly that it is pet friendly, or at least told everyone four months ago when we were all finding housemates that he was extremely allergic to dogs.
I had not decided if I wanted a dog at that time either, so it at least would have prevented me from putting so much time and effort into getting the do I want now. I told him this but everyone else is telling me I am being selfish, especially since I haven’t even gotten my dog yet and could just not get him. They say that I should have thought about that and asked before I signed the lease, but I just assumed since the rental said it was pet friendly that everyone would be okay with pets.
I get that this guy cannot control his allergy, and did not know someone would be bringing a pet, but I can’t help but think this is because of his lack of communication, and not of me. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ twice! First of all: ‘Only staying in my private room’
A dog needs a bit more space than that to be happy, I would reconsider whether or not you do have the necessary room for a dog.
Secondly, and while I understand that you are annoyed at your roommate if he truly has allergies to the point where he needs to go to the hospital then that should answer all the questions.
Yes, living in a pet-friendly place with allergies like that is stupid. Yes, he should make people aware of them if they are that bad. But does that mean you can just ignore that? Maybe, but it will certainly make you the jerk.” 1473dtrfs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting a dog, but if you’re only going to be in NY for 4 months, can’t you just wait? Have you thought about where you might live after this internship, and whether or not it will be conducive to having a dog? I feel like this may be a bit of an impulsive decision, and that maybe you should wait until you’re in a more permanent location.
Honestly, I don’t think a NY apartment is great for house training a puppy. You have to walk them every single time they have to go out. And what kind of hours will you be working during this internship? Who’s going to take care of the puppy while you’re at work? When you move in 4 months, you’ll have to start house training all over again.
Puppies do puppy things for at least a year.
I feel more sorry for the puppy than I do for your housemate. He signed a lease in a pet-friendly building. He can’t control whether or not there are pets there.” Teacher-Investor
Another User Comments:
“Okay, so you signed a 4-month lease, while not communicating that you were planning on getting a dog.
‘I think that since this guy is so allergic to dogs, he absolutely should not have chosen a shared house that states very clearly that it is pet friendly, or at least told everyone four months ago when we were all finding housemates that he was extremely allergic to dogs.’
So you think it’s okay for you to NOT voice your plans of getting a pet (not a service animal or even an ESA) but he needs to give you medical details of his life? When he was moving into a home with no pets?
Also, just because it’s ‘pet friendly’ doesn’t mean you are obligated to get a dog or he would have to live with one.
Dogs are one of many pets he could have lived with (cats, birds, fish, ferrets,) so your acting like this is a problem on his part is very jerk behavior.
You are the one changing the terms of your living situation with your roommates. They absolutely should be able to veto such a large change in their situation. When you live with housemates that’s the part of the social contract you take.
Also, it sounds very irresponsible of you to adopt a young dog during a very important internship when you know your housing is not stable currently.
Puppies are a lot of responsibility. And you bringing this dog into an environment where he’s not even wanted is wrong.
If that guy is smart he would contact the rescue you’re going through and tell them the situation so they’ll deny your application. That dog shouldn’t be in that house.
YTJ” no_rxn
4. AITJ For Not Doing Chores Because I'm Sick?
“Mom is out of town and I was looking after my dad and brother for a week where I was basically in charge of doing everything including, cooking, cleaning, and laundry. I cooked all three meals a day but yesterday I got a terrible migraine and couldn’t make dinner. I asked my dad and brother to make their dinner themselves while I rested. I don’t remember anything after that since I fell asleep right away and didn’t even bother eating anything.
Today, I woke up feeling better and went to the kitchen to make my morning tea. To my surprise, the kitchen was a complete mess. dishes were everywhere, the stove was dirty, and the sink was full of dishes and it looked as if the kitchen had just been through world war I and II, all at once. It looked like an abandoned dumping site where everything was scattered everywhere.
I was furious and started yelling at everyone. I asked my dad why he didn’t clean up the kitchen and he told me that he expected me to do it since he had made dinner the night before. I got extremely furious thinking how all this week when I was making the breakfast, dinner, and lunch, no one contributed a single help and now that the tables have turned, they expect me to help them?
This didn’t seem fair to me so I started arguing with my dad.
He basically gave me all that ‘I sacrificed this and that for you and you can’t even make me a dinner’ crap and the argument got pretty ugly. My dad told me that I had pretended to be sick to avoid my chores, which made me even angrier. I told him that I will move out soon and never see their faces again. We argued for about 3 hours straight and at the end, he told me how he wishes I wasn’t born and how he would celebrate at my funeral.
I do realize that he didn’t mean it and said it in the heat of the moment but it wasn’t any less painful. I closed the argument with ‘I wish you were dead too.’ And now I feel like crap for responding that way. I don’t wish that to anyone, let alone my own dad.
Currently, I have locked myself in my room and don’t know what to do next.
I feel terrible for saying that I wished he was dead. I want to apologize, but at the same time, I feel like he was unfair to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It IS unreasonable to say you wish someone was dead… but that is much much less unreasonable than leaving the kitchen looking like a bomb went off in a dorm room and screaming for 3 hours, never mind the laziness, misogyny, and entitlement the whole week.
Do what you need to do to stay safe until you can – even if that means an apology he doesn’t deserve – and run girl run.” Frosty-Business-6042
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like you were doing a lot of work taking care of your dad and brother while your mom was out of town, and it’s understandable that you needed a break when you were feeling sick.
Your dad and brother should have been able to make their own dinner without expecting you to clean up after them, especially since you were feeling unwell. It’s also not fair for your dad to say hurtful things to you, even if he was angry.
However, it’s important to remember that saying you wish someone was dead is never okay, and it’s good that you recognize that.
It might be a good idea to apologize for that specific comment but also have a conversation with your dad about how you feel like the workload wasn’t evenly distributed during the week. It’s important to communicate and find a solution that works for everyone.” DeliaElijahy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, is he saying the person who cooks isn’t the one who cleans up? If so then you should expect him & your brother to clean up after every meal. Personally, I would refuse to step foot into the kitchen until they clean up their mess.
Your father is much older than you & statically has a better chance of dying before you. Don’t feel guilty that you will be able to dance on his misogynistic grave.” winesis
3. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Sister With Her Kids?
“My (26M) sister (23F) has four kids in her care (5M), (5M), (11F), and (2M). All of them are her foster children.
She got a job promotion recently and now has longer work hours. So after they get out of preschool/elementary school, I’ve been picking them up.
I get along with them fine but I don’t Ike kids in general. My family all tends to ask me to look after the kids when they can’t because I get to pick my own work hours.
About a week ago my sister wanted me to take her children to school because she had to work early and I refused. I didn’t have much of a reason to but I wanted to relax and not have to be around them.
She got very upset and started crying because I wouldn’t do HER job as a guardian. I told her that she choose to foster those kids and she knew what she was getting into.
My parents are also upset about my choice to stop valeting her kids around and have called me selfish.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you don’t wanna be around kids then stop living with your sister. You need somewhere to stay, expect to help with the kids, or find shelter. She doesn’t have to house you, she has to house herself and her foster children.
Your job allows you to choose your own hours so I suggest choosing more and moving someone without a roommate who has children.
Seems really simple from this angle but I’m sure there’s a ton more you’re leaving out on purpose.” Dusty_mother
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You are a little like another foster kid she took in. She didn’t want you to be homeless and she has empathy for you.
Families do things for each other. People who care about each other do things for others.
Your sister did not get upset because you didn’t do her job ‘as a guardian’.
She got upset because you were not pulling your weight in the house.
Everyone contributes in their own way. And you’re clearly slacking.
You couldn’t even drive the kids to school when, by your own admission, you didn’t have any reason not to… you just didn’t want to.
We all have stuff to do around the house we sometimes don’t want to do. But he has to do it anyway.
This happens as parents. Kids need to be fed. Diapers need changing. Kids need baths. And YOU did not sign up for any of that. It’s true. But you still live there.
You’re part of the family. Why don’t you want to be part of the family?
The best solution for you is to get on board or move out.” NocturnalSeizure
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your sister is a nurturer.
She is currently helping you, her older brother, by providing you with housing you don’t (and apparently can’t afford) pay for as a working adult. You are living in her household, yet want to pretend the children don’t exist. You SHOULD pitch in by helping with transportation. You are not carrying your own weight, but shunting part of your responsibilities onto your younger sister. You are being selfish, ungrateful, and inconsiderate.” curious382
2. AITJ For Not Waiting For My Wife To Return To The Table?
“My wife (36f) and I (36m) recently went out to dinner with a group of about 12 of us for my mom’s birthday and towards the end of the meal after cake and people getting things wrapped up to go my wife tells me she was going to use the restroom. Pretty much right after she left to go everyone else starts getting up to go and I followed along with our 2 kids (6m and 2m) but waited at the door for her, so I guess she walked back to the table and saw us all gone and was pretty angry with me for not waiting at the table for her to get back.
I told her I just followed everyone else and didn’t want to sit alone at the table and let the staff get the table ready for the next group.
I’m generally very considerate of her and this may have been a fail this time because she was only gone a couple of minutes though I didn’t know that was going to be the case at the time, So I may be the jerk for not waiting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You did everything right. Considering the wait staff and allowing them to clean the table was a good call. I might suggest in the future that, if your wife takes her cell phone to the bathroom with her, maybe just text her that you left the table and are waiting by the door, so as to avoid any confusion in the future. But other than that, I do feel like she may have been overreacting a bit.
Still, this may be one of those ‘bite the bullet’ arguments. It might be best to apologize for upsetting her and talk about ways to prevent that situation from happening in the future.” FlintandSteel94
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Not a gigantic one or anything, but you should’ve waited for your wife, even if everyone met up in the parking lot to say goodbye. Or you could’ve walked over to the restrooms and waited for her to come out and walk out together.
I think your wife just felt left out since she literally went to the bathroom and came out to a cleared table.” manson6t6
Another User Comments:
“You aren’t the valet. So, taking charge of your kids and waiting at the door is perfectly reasonable for a husband to do. You are not waiting staff and definitely not her servant. I think she’s being silly and I would tell her that. ‘My name is not Jeeves. Stop acting like I offended you when I didn’t stand around waiting like Jeeves. I helped the kids. That is an actual good thing, so I’m not letting it become a bad thing. I didn’t abandon you. I walked across a crowded room. Stop it. Please. This is not OK.’
NTJ” AndSoItGoes24
1. AITJ For Coming Home Early Because Of A Family Emergency?
“So last month I, (21F), went on a trip to Italy with 2 of my friends, (22M and 21F). The trip was supposed to last 2 weeks but at the end of the 1st week, I got a call from my parents asking me to come home early. My parents wouldn’t give me a solid reason at first but insisted I end my trip early and come home.
So I book a flight for the next day and immediately tell my friends. 21F was sad that I had to leave but was okay with it figuring that my parents had their reason. However, 22M was extremely upset. He kept asking for a reason WHY I had to leave early and I kept telling him that my parents just insisted. He eventually just walked away saying that this was all ridiculous and that he deserved a reason for why the trip was ruined.
Note: the trip was definitely over for me but 22M still had opportunities to enjoy the rest of the trip.
When I was finally able to ask my parents why I was being brought home early, they told me that my aunt was in the hospital. My aunt has a history of CHF, (congestive heart failure), and was currently in a coma. They weren’t sure if she was going to pull through and wanted me home just in case and that the reason they didn’t want to tell me was so I wouldn’t worry.
When I told 22M the reason all he said was ‘k’. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here except for your parents. I’m sure the way this came off to your friends was that you were looking for an excuse to bail, couldn’t come up with a good one, but just said, ‘Screw it,’ and plowed forward anyway. The idea that your parents would ask you to come home early but not tell you why is just so absurd and stupid that I don’t blame him for not believing it.
Like what were they thinking, obviously you would worry more not knowing.” hibernativenaptosis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You had to leave the trip because of a family emergency, and I guess you must be close to your aunt for them to have called you to come back home. Your friend was taking this a lot harder than he needed to since he could continue with the trip, which has me wondering… why? Was there a chance that he wanted some development in the relationship with you, or that he didn’t want to be left alone with your other friend for the remainder of the holiday? I ask because his reaction seems far stronger than it needed, saying that it ‘ruined’ the trip.” Consistent_Charity49
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here because I can understand why your friend would be upset about 1/3rd of the group leaving without explanation.
It may have changed the dynamics if your friends weren’t as close or felt uncomfortable with it being just the two of them.
This isn’t a stranger, they’re your good friend and do deserve an explanation. Doesn’t change the fact that they were very mean to you afterward and that’s pretty foul. But I do understand why it’d be upsetting for them to have you leave at your parent’s call with so little to go off of.
This was your time with them and might have made them feel like you weren’t valuing that.” _dallace
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your parents are the biggest jerks for treating you like a child and for not thinking about how you actually have commitments to friends. They put you in a very weird situation and this probably cost you a friendship.
The second biggest jerk is you who does not realize that you have made commitments towards friends and apparently you are still a child who will abandon people without any reason given when your parents call you over.
Your friends have now seen how much they matter to you. You should have pressed for that reason and told them you would not play ball without knowing the reason. You are 21, not 13.
I think the smallest jerk is your friend who did not ask about your aunt when he heard about the reason, but this guy now knows his place now and probably decided it is not worth keeping this friendship, so no one can really blame him.” simulacrum79
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