People Try To Challenge Our Judgment With Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
37. AITJ For Not Wanting To Tell My Partner My "Soul Name"?
“I (28 F) live with my long-term partner (29 M). My parents are pagans and I grew up with all kinds of weird mumbo jumbo holidays and ‘traditions’ (I put that in quotes as much of this stuff is cultural appropriation in my honest opinion, my parents are white, hippie people but I love them.
LOL). I am an atheist now but I am still on good terms with my parents who love me and respect my own (dis-)beliefs.
Anyhow one of these ‘traditions’ in my family is that when you have your 16th birthday, you get a ‘soul name’: If you are a boy, your father names you, if you are a girl, your mom names you, it’s a whole thing with a fire ceremony and whatnot.
That soul name however is supposed to be a secret with very few exceptions. No one knows it except the parent who gave it to you and yourself. It has to do with some sort of name magic. An exception would be if you get married (‘handfasting’), you could tell your partner your soul name as some sort of commitment token.
Now I really don’t believe in any of this stuff (anymore) and I joke with my partner about the weirdness of my pagan childhood memories. Some of it was also cute and the naming ritual is one of these examples. I really feel like my mother gave me a very special thing for my 16th birthday with this.
I cherish it, especially because my mother said ‘You know when you name a baby you don’t really name the person this baby will grow up to be. I want you to have this new name as your soul name because it is so much more ‘you’.’ Aww.
Now this recently came up, I told the story to a few friends we had over for dinner with me and my partner, and my partner suddenly insisted he wants to know what the name is.
I told him I want to keep it a secret but my partner said ‘I am your long-term partner so you should tell me. Besides that, you don’t believe in this stuff anyways!’ My friends gave us an embarrassed look and the mood was kinda ruined for the evening. My partner has been salty for the last few days.
I don’t really know why I don’t want to tell him. I am somewhat embarrassed by the name itself (it is not cringe or racist, it’s just a bit weird), so that is part of it, and while he is right that I don’t believe in the name magic, it still feels like I am handing him a chunk of myself and I am doing something that can not be ‘undone’.
AITJ for not wanting to tell him?”
36. AITJ For Going To The Emergency Room After A Snowboarding Accident?
“Today I (f 26) fell snowboarding and knew instantly I broke my wrist and was in physical shock, I was in and out of consciousness, sweating, couldn’t breathe, nauseous, etc. Another boarder stops to help me and calls ski patrol while I call my partner (27 m) to explain what happened. I explain ski patrol is on their way to me, and they’ll be taking me to medical at the park base, immediately starts yelling, cuts me off, and says ‘I would’ve just got you, see you in a bit’, disregarding that I’m actively in the middle of a run with other skiers and boarders pulling over to help get me out of my board and move me off to the side.
I call him back, explain I don’t know if my wrist is broken and reiterated my location and that it wasn’t somewhere he could just get me from, and that I don’t think I’ll see the doctor there and instead go to the ER a few towns away if I really thought it was serious considering I have no insurance and we are financially broke.
As I got loaded onto the ski patrol toboggan the pain just escalated, and the feeling of physical shock came back as I was moving more on the sled, I called my dad who lives 1900 miles away to tell him what happened, and he tells me ‘Go get checked now I will pay for it don’t wait if you can get seen now do it’, so I call my partner back and tell him I’m doing just that, and he gets mad at me saying I’m ‘using my parents’ and guilted them because ‘what else did you expect him to say when you told him you were in a toboggan hurt?’
I called him again after I got my x-rays back, and he said ‘We have a lot to talk about when you come home’, and now we are essentially breaking up because he doesn’t want me to accept help from my family or ask for it because ‘adults just man up and deal with it.
I’ve gone days without eating ’cause I couldn’t afford food’. His parents were and still are ‘fend for yourself’ type of parents. I’m aware I’m very privileged with the parents I have in offering to help, but I don’t think because he doesn’t have the same concept of a support system I should be made to feel awful for turning to mine or accepting help from mine.
AITJ for going to the ER after accepting my dad’s offer to help me pay for it?”
35. AITJ For Being Mad When My Sister Asked Me To Help Her Study For A Math Exam?
“I (20 m) live with my parents. My parents had a very hard time having kids, so they decided to adopt my sister Kelly (21 f). I was an accident, but they were happy about having a natural pregnancy. They adopted my sister as a baby, so she had no recollection of her birth parents. Her birth mother got pregnant as a teen, so they decided to give her up.
Her birth parents decided to come into contact with her when she turned 15. They went through the correct process, and our parents supported her decision to meet with them.
The meeting went well, and they meet up a lot after that. When she graduated high school, her parents offered for her to live with them while she went to a university.
They both had pretty good jobs, so they also offered to pay for her tuition. My parents and I thought this was a great opportunity, and we encouraged her to accept if it was what she wanted. She did accept. She didn’t say a word to me for the next three years. She visited during holidays, but she always avoided me.
I asked my parents to talk to her about it, but she didn’t give them an answer. I texted and called many times, but never received an answer.
Two months ago she texted me and asked to meet up. I accepted. She asked me if I would help her study for a math exam.
Math had always been her worst subject, while it is one of my best. I was honestly flabbergasted. The first time we have a conversation in years, and she asks me that. I asked her what is wrong with you? I went on a tirade about how she had no right to ask me for anything, and I left. She began nagging me about meeting up again, so she could explain.
She told me about how she always felt like the odd man out. She said that she had envied me for being the biological child.
My parents were open about her being adopted. She told me that she had to deal with those feelings, so she just ignored me. I told her that that was a messed up reason to ignore me for that long.
I told her I don’t care that she needs help with studying, and I don’t care about her problems. My parents told me that I should be more understanding. AITJ?”
34. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sell A Goldfish To A Customer And Her Daughter?
“I (22 F) work at a large chain pet store. I’ve been with the company for 3 years and I’m very passionate about it. I mainly work in the reptile and fish sections. I take the welfare of our animals very seriously and always do my best to ensure they go to good homes by educating customers about proper care.
I even got the store to change some policies to make the environment safer for the animals (ie no sand in the gecko enclosures, better fish food, etc).
Today I had a woman and her 10-year-old daughter come in to buy a fish. The woman had a 0.25-gallon bowl and was looking at goldfish. For those that don’t know, goldfish are actually way more maintenance than you would think and need at least 20 gallons of space plus a filter at minimum.
They suffer immensely when kept in tiny bowls and usually don’t live long when in actuality they should live several years with proper care.
I approached them and politely struck up a conversation. The woman said she wanted to get a goldfish, so I went ahead and explained that those tiny bowls are not suitable for any living creature and that the goldfish would probably not do very well in it.
I recommended a 20-gallon starter kit that was on sale instead. She said she thought the bowl would be fine and she ‘knew what she was doing.’ However, her daughter was upset and told her mom that she didn’t want her fish to be sad and that they should get the bigger tank.
They started arguing, the daughter kept trying to insist on upgrading to a bigger size. I showed them an even cheaper 10-gallon starter kit, but the woman still said no. I once again reiterated that a 0.25-gallon bowl is not a suitable tank for any animal.
Now the woman is getting mad and told me to ‘just give her the goldfish.’ At this point, I was uncomfortable with the situation and said that I did not feel comfortable selling to her.
She blew up at me and her daughter started to cry. She found my manager and reported me before leaving and vowed to never come back.
My manager said I was within my rights to deny the sale, but that I should just give them the goldfish next time. I can’t, in good conscience, send an animal to a home that I don’t think it will thrive in.
My manager says it was a jerk move to deny them, some of my coworkers think I did the right thing. So I don’t know what to think.
33. AITJ For Refusing To Cut My Brother Off?
“So, I (27 f) gave birth to my third and last baby last week. My dad was a monster and I firmly believe that his negligence toward my mother is what made her sickness worse and why she died before her time.
I know that she would have died anyway, but how he acted took months to a year away from her. My brother Will was only two when she died (he’s 12 now, turning 13 soon), he doesn’t even remember her.
Eventually, my dad expected me to forgive him but I just couldn’t and it pretty much severed things between us.
The only contact I’ve had with my brother since then is by texting or by video calls. He barely knows my son, he’s never met my daughter and I thought he’d never meet his new nephew.
My brother wanted to call me after I gave birth but my husband texted him that I had an operation and couldn’t talk.
The day after, my brother came to the hospital to see me. He carpools so he got his friend’s mom to bring him and my husband let them in. It’s been so long since I’ve seen him in person and it meant so much to me that he came to see me cause he thought I might die.
If I had the strength I would have given him such a big hug even though he’s so big now. He even got to hold his new nephew and they both looked so cute. His visit and commenting on Mom for a minute have been the only bright spots I’ve had since giving birth.
But then last night I got a phone call from my dad.
He found out my brother visited me and he was pretty much ranting at me for not turning him away, pointing out how he’d forbidden him from seeing me and that I needed to respect his wishes since he’s the parent and I’m a terrible influence on him. And I know that he doesn’t want Will to see me and that’s why I haven’t tried to force anything.
But I honestly wanted to spend that little bit of time with him so badly and didn’t think about the trouble he’d get into with Dad. That phone call has been troubling me, so just tell me, was I the jerk for letting him come and see me?”
32. AITJ For Wanting The Kids To Go To Sleep After Lights Out?
“My wife and I have an agreement, she gets the kids up in the morning, and I put them to bed in the evening, it works well for both of us, I’m useless for a good hour after I wake up, she wants to relax in the evening.
That means it’s always been on me to establish a good nighttime routine and promote healthy sleep patterns, something I take quite seriously. The result is that both children go to bed easily and sleep well through the night, however…
My son is about to turn 6 and is starting to get a little rebellious, bedtime is now something to resist and to delay, I’m strict so he knows he can’t get away with it with me, he gets one or two stories and then the lights go out, my wife, on the other hand, is a bit of a soft touch.
My son has started asking for Mummy to come up and check on him after lights out, he’ll then use this as an opportunity to play. Because she can’t say no to him she’ll settle him by putting on an audio story that he can listen to whilst he falls asleep. It’s now at the point that he expects this to happen every night, I want to nip this in the bud.
I want to go back to the routine of lights out being time to go to sleep, to that end I don’t want my wife going up to see him after this time. My wife, who always used to listen to stories as she was falling asleep when she was a little girl, doesn’t see the harm in putting on stories for him.
If he asks him to she’ll do it. This led to an argument, I think she is disrupting bedtime, she thinks I’m being stubborn and banning something totally reasonable.
Am I the jerk for not letting my son listen to audiobooks after lights out?”
31. AITJ For Not Telling My Wife That I Had A Past With Her Father's New Partner?
“While in college, I (29 M) dated for two years this girl (30 F) (we’ll call her N). I was young and in love, but we were pretty unkind toward one another. I ended up ghosting her after finding out she had an affair and blocked her. Not my classiest move, but I was 21 at the time, and it was my first serious relationship.
I had no contact with her for the past seven years. I met an awesome woman, my wife (25 F), and we’ve been married for three years now.
A few months after the ceremony, her mother (passed) in a car accident. They were very close, and she’s still mourning her. Her father (59 M) is a good man and has been suffering a great deal from being lonely, especially in the past two years (for obvious reasons).
Well, during the global crisis, he started going online and meeting people she met there in real life. They have been together for a solid nine months now, and my FIL seems to be a lot happier. My wife however had a hard time accepting that her father was going out with other women and made a few snide comments on N before even meeting her (which I find, if not very nice of her, at least very understandable).
It took her some time to accept to meet FIL’s new partner, and last week we went to FIL’s house to have dinner with her brothers and met her. We arrive at FIL’s place, and, you’ve guessed it, his new partner is actually N.
We were both shocked. Of course, FIL told us about her before, but N is a fairly common name in our area, so I didn’t connect the dots… Well, the first chance we got to have a talk, she apologized for her behavior all those years ago (which was long forgiven on my side), told me she changed a lot, and begged me to not say anything to my wife, at least until she had a chance to tell the story to FIL herself.
I agreed cause I knew my wife and her siblings were already having a hard time warming up to her; plus, knowing my wife, I knew she likely would have gone straight to FIL with this story had I told it to her.
Everyone was awkward during dinner, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
We went home and my wife, despite not giving N her approval, told me that her dad seemed happy and for that she was glad. I decided to keep the past to myself for the moment.
However, I went to have lunch with my best friend today, and told him the whole story; he called me a jerk for not immediately telling my wife the truth.
I told him it was not just my story to share, he responded that I was betraying my wife’s trust by not being forthcoming with the whole story.
So, help me: AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Being Cold To My Ex-Friend Who Threw Our Friendship Away For His Significant Other?
“I have (or had) this friend – let’s call her Y. She’s that kind of girl who does not listen to warning and lands herself in nasty situations. It was never bad until she got a man and didn’t listen to me.
So Y had this very toxic significant other. She always talks about how she loves him etc… I always told her that he was using her and that he was not worth it and that he was having an affair. She did not believe me and told me that I will never understand her feelings because, I quote, ‘An ugly single person like you would never understand what having a real man feels like, you’re just jealous’.
At that moment I didn’t even bother to keep the friendship between us. The conversation went like this.
Me: so you’re choosing a man that you dated for a month over our 3 years of friendship.
Y: oh my God, you’ve always been jealous of me weren’t you, you never liked that I was always better than you, now that I got a man you want to ruin my relationship?
Me: you know what, I won’t even bother, don’t talk to me anymore.
And true to my words I blocked her on all social media. We had some friends in common so it was kind of impossible to not see her, but we never spoke to each other. Our mutual friends told me that she says nasty things behind my back.
I just shrugged and told them that I did not care.
Besides me, two of our 5 friends group (we are 7 including me and Y) saw Y’s SO with other women multiple times. They did tell her, but she did not believe them and cut them out of her life. Apparently, her SO told her that they tried to get him to their bed, which was not true cause they both are going out with two other girls (they did not tell Y cause she’s kinda homophobic).
One day after six months of not talking, Y came to me crying, apparently her now-ex shared a video of them doing the nasty to all his friends in the chat group. They started calling her nasty things and laughing at her, she found out about his infidelity, etc…
I’ll be honest and here is where I may be the jerk.
I did not care nor did I pity her. I told her ‘Why did you come here? I am not your friend for you to vent your problems to me. You made your choice. I warned you. Deal with it’.
She called me the B-word and a jerk, I just shrugged and added, ‘You’ve been saying nasty things behind my back all this time, you really think I’ll help you after all that?
I warned you, didn’t I? So why are you crying? 3 years of friendship, you threw that out of the window for a man, and just for that, you’re not worth another second in my life’.
I may have been harsh, but I believe that she needed to hear that. Even my two other friends didn’t want to help her or hear her out, but Y sister is calling me a jerk for not helping her and so does the other 3 friends that still kept in touch with her.
29. AITJ For Sending An Email To My Roommate's Dad?
“I have lived with my roommate for 8 months. Prior to agreeing to be roommates, I was clear on a few things: keep common areas clean and check with each other before having guests over.
I’m in grad school right now and also have a serious physical illness so I really need quiet space to study and focus.
Soon in, she started breaking all of these rules. I tried to just be easygoing because I didn’t want to rock the boat. But then one weekend she had 6 of her friends fly out.
She said they would be here for 2 days, they stayed for over a week. They trashed the apartment, smoked, and were up all night partying and I didn’t sleep. I decided I would speak with her the day they left, but when that day came, she sent me a text: ‘By the way, my other 2 friends are flying out for the weekend.’ Once again, it wasn’t a weekend.
They came on a Tuesday. Trashed the place worse than the 6 girls that came the first time. Ate my food. I couldn’t cook in the kitchen. And one of them did nasty stuff on the couch with some random guy she brought back.
I finally texted my roommate that I’m not okay with this and I want to meet to talk.
First, she said no. Then she said we could ‘meet after her friends leave.’ I asked when that was and she said it was another week. (So she lied about it being a weekend). I could not go another week with this.
Also, she was really rude over text. So I said, ‘Can we at least talk for 10 minutes to clear the air, and then when they leave we can talk more.’ I just didn’t want to feel uneasy in my own space.
She said, ‘As I said, I’ll talk to you when they leave.’ So I lost it. I emailed her dad (who pays her rent), basically explaining my frustrations. I said I want to work it out with her but she won’t meet with me. I asked if he could talk to her so that we can reach some kind of resolution.
This went horribly. The next day, she screamed at me for doing so and now everything is messed up. In regards to me sending the email to her dad – am I the jerk?”
28. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband For Disrespecting Our Surrogate?
“I (f 34) and my husband Hunter (m 37) suffered from fertility problems. We recently decided to get a surrogate who’s a friend of a friend.
We were busy getting everything done legally, we already had a contract in place. My egg was used so no worries in this regard, plus our surrogate is a respectful, kind woman who’s been keeping her part of the contract intact, but it’s Hunter who’s starting to act strange, I’ve noticed that he’s been focusing his all attention on our surrogate like skipping work to visit her or get her things she didn’t ask for, chat with her all the time on social media and also constantly offering to do things for her like drive her places and sometimes even invite her out or offer to repair stuff for her.
She complained to me about this and even told me about things he’s been doing that I didn’t even know about, like bringing her gifts. I tried speaking to him about what this looks like but he said that he’s doing what he’s doing for his son and not her, still I asked that he tone it down and respect the woman’s space.
He got mad at me and accused me of being jealous of the woman who’s carrying my own child and said that this makes me look bad. I said our surrogate was the one who complained about his behavior and he said that this wasn’t true. Apparently, this made him somewhat angry so I gave him time to cool down a bit.
Yesterday, our surrogate called me saying that Hunter came over and told her guests to leave, I asked why and she said that he wanted to show her the 9k car he bought for her. I was shocked, she said she declined the car and asked him to leave but he started arguing with her about using public transportation and risking our baby’s wellbeing.
I was fuming I called him demanding he get home and he did eventually.
Once he got back I picked up a fight with him and yelled at him saying that he’s been nothing but overstepping, disrespectful, and inappropriate towards our surrogate, again he explained the car wasn’t for her but to ensure that the baby is safe.
I told him to stop disrespecting the woman and stop using the baby as an excuse to stomp all over her boundaries. He ranted about how he was just trying to make this work and that I should do the same if not more, he even accused me of not loving our son as much as he does but this isn’t the way, and putting 9k for the car without telling me?
He left the house for a while then came back and refused to speak to me.
I might’ve been hard on him, he might’ve just been oblivious so I’m less sure seeing his reaction now.”
27. AITJ For Not Canceling On A Work Trip And Having My Child Tag Along Instead?
“My husband has crippling anxiety. It is getting worse as he gets older (and the global crisis made it nearly unbearable for 2 years). He deals with panic attacks, clinical OCD, and just overall extreme anxiety that can many times cause him to try to micromanage and control me and my child’s behaviors (as an example – in 2020, he would FLIP OUT if we didn’t put groceries away the way he wanted. We would have to wipe down counters, light switches, door handles, wash hands, etc. or he would completely lose it-he ended up just having to do it himself since we would fight back and tell him if he didn’t like it, do it himself).
Though he is in therapy and on medication, it basically just makes it manageable, and we still have episodes. I give him a lot of credit for working on himself and trying to do better (and in many ways, he is doing SO MUCH better). I try to understand and be supportive, but it is still so exhausting sometimes.
One major issue for years has been that annually, I usually take two work trips, sometimes three. This involves me flying out of state for about a week. Because of his anxiety, my husband refuses to fly (he could come too but won’t unless we can drive).
This year, I was asked to go to Alaska, and my dad and son wanted to come with me.
I felt that this would be a great opportunity for my son to travel and see a new place. When I normally go by myself, my husband pouts and makes passive-aggressive comments for weeks and months leading up to my trip (‘You don’t have to go to these-you could tell your boss you can’t go’, ‘I don’t know how we’re going to get through this,’ etc.).
It puts an immense amount of pressure on me to choose between work and my marriage, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to travel one week at a time twice a year. And once the trip is over, we go back to normal and everything is FINE. We all live and nothing happens, he just freaks out over being alone.
Now that I want to bring my son though, he has ALREADY started saying how he doesn’t know how he’s going to get through this. Am I insane? I feel like I’m not doing anything wrong. I think it’s unfair to put pressure on us to always stay with him since he won’t fly. We aren’t responsible for his happiness and I don’t think he’s right for always pressuring me to get out of work trips.
Even though they aren’t technically ‘required,’ they are good learning opportunities and because of my willingness to go, they have helped my career growth over the years. I’m so exhausted from the guilt and the pressure and the pouting, but I feel like I’m the reason he has such bad anxiety.
I know he is resentful of me for always going on these work trips, especially now that I want to bring our son, but I’m resentful of how he doesn’t support my career.
I make more money and provide insurance that pays for his therapy and medication. Am I crazy for just wanting some space and to be able to go on these without guilt?”
26. AITJ For Refusing To Tolerate My Fiancé's Spending Habit?
“I (27 F) and my fiancé (28 M) have been going through some financial and marital struggles. I’ve been at my job for 2 years and my income is a pretty good amount.
Fiancé, let’s call him Tyler, works a minimum-wage fast food job. I’ve never brought up the income difference to him mainly because it doesn’t really matter who the breadwinner is and he loves his job.
Recently over the course of 4 months, he has been spending well above his means including some of my paychecks and even savings.
I have two car payments, insurance, bills, etc. which he does help with bills but not the cars because I believe they are my vehicles my responsibility. We live in a state where smoking ‘special leave’ is legal and that’s where most of the money is going.
I’ve tried keeping us afloat to no avail. I’ve begged him to cut down on how much he buys and he always says he will but never does. We’ve had multiple arguments regarding this. So far we’ve had to move due to not being able to afford the rent due to said spending habits.
We decided mutually it would be beneficial to move back in with our parents to save up some funds. I finally put my foot down when we lost our home and told him I was separating finances and access and that I would no longer be helping support his habit. He also recently lost his job due to his habit and not wanting to go to work so he is no longer contributing.
He’s been begging me for money for his habit and I told him no. He called me a selfish jerk, and went on about how I always brag about my pay (which I’ve never done due to wanting to stay humble. I didn’t come from much and am trying to build a better life than what I had), and that he needed allowance for food, gas, etc.
Now I have no problem helping him with necessary things as such but I know that whatever amount I give him will go to his habit. I feel bad for not giving him anything and am wondering if I’m the jerk because what if he really does need it for said necessities, but I’ve given him money in the past for that and it went to his habit.
Am I the jerk?”
25. AITJ For Choosing My Last Name Over My Fiancé's Relationship With His Mother?
“I (f 22) am soon to be getting married to my fiancé John (m 24) of 3 years.
Ever since we met and eventually started going out. I was very open to John about how if we ever were to get married I really want to keep my last name and preferably not have a hyphenated one. (I personally just don’t like hyphenated names as they can get quite long)
As to the reason why I want to keep my name.
I’m an only child. And I want to keep my dad’s name going. My dad absolutely loves learning about our ancestry line and I too have enjoyed learning where we came from and how our family name moved around. Our last name isn’t exactly rare but not very common.
To why I may be the jerk.
John told his parents that he will be taking on my name. He doesn’t mind as it’s just a name but he wanted to tell his parents before they get shocked at the ceremony. His dad didn’t care and had the same mindset. However, his mum was outraged and said he was her son no longer.
John and I ended up leaving their house and over the next few days he received many calls and nasty messages from his mum. Along the lines of ‘Screw you, you’re ungrateful. You are dead to me and so are your future children. I hope you’re happy that you’ve lost me.’ Etc. John has been heartbroken over his mum harassing him however his dad has been supportive and trying to calm her down.
I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for choosing my last name over John’s relationship with his mother and our potential children’s grandmother.
My own mother thinks I’m being silly and should just take his last name to keep it peaceful. Though I feel like I shouldn’t because this is something I was firm with from the very start.
Though I’m starting to feel guilty, so please let me know, am I the jerk here?
Some things to add:
•I told John he could keep his last name and I’ll keep mine, just to stop the drama. But his mum didn’t like that either as we might as well not get married.
• I haven’t told my dad as I wanted to surprise him on the wedding day.
So I’ve kept quiet about why John’s mum is upset.
• John’s last name belongs to his dad.”
24. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Buy More Ice Cream?
“My (30 F) husband (30 M) is the main breadwinner in our home; we don’t have any kids but I make sure to keep up on errands, cleaning, making some money on my side business, etc. I have a rather crippling physical disability that makes it hard to maintain a job.
I ended up having to quit my old job due to running out of FMLA.
In the last couple of weeks, I really haven’t appreciated his attitude. He’s been getting shorter with me when asking questions and when trying to coach him on how to do things correctly. Usually, I would say something like ‘Hey!
You forgot to pay me back that $10 I lent you!’ and he would just say ‘Whoops, sorry about that!’ And send me the funds.
He did just start a new work-from-home job in December, and they just started something he calls the ‘Quarterly Software Deployment’ which is apparently a huge thing.
Well, he’s been responding more shortly to my inquiries.
I ask him if he took the trash out, or if he remembered X or Y and he’ll just say ‘Okay’ incredibly dully and then do the task in silence. I’m used to a more upbeat response and I’m starting to feel like a burden with these short responses.
It all comes to a head this morning when I noticed my ice cream was in the refrigerator and fully melted. I told him he could have a bowl earlier in the day and it seems he put it in the wrong place.
I talked to him in his office and let him know he needs to be more careful and I asked when he will be going out to get more ice cream.
Oh boy, he BLEW up on me. I’ve never seen him like this before; he started crying and screaming (not at me directly, just in general) and said something like ‘Just take my debit card and GET YOURSELF SOME MORE ICE CREAM!
GET YOURSELF A NEW FERRARI IF YOU WANT TO. JUST TAKE IT!’
I was scared and drove off to cool down. I sent him a text letting him know I expect an apology. AITJ?
This might also be relevant, but he told me three weeks ago he’s withdrawing from something called ‘Lexo’? I think that’s what it was called. It’s something his psychiatrist prescribed and he had to go off of it for a while since he was fired from his old job and lost his insurance.
Regardless, that was a while ago.
Regarding his medicine. He lost his job and insurance abruptly. We had so much other debt, we decided to make do with what we had. There are some important medicines that I need for my disability; we prioritized getting me my medication during the insurance lapse.”
23. AITJ For Trying To Protect My Fiancée From Her Abusive Mom?
“My (28 M) fiancée (27 F) has cystic fibrosis (a disorder that damages your lungs, digestive tract, and other organs). In the recent few years, her health has gone downhill and she is currently on the waiting list for a double lung transplant.
We are due to get married in April. The problem is her mother who has been abusive and controlling towards my fiancée her entire life. They are fighting almost all of the time and even though I’ve told my partner that she needs to cut her mum off for good, she refuses to.
She has invited her mum to our wedding which I think is a terrible idea.
A week ago my fiancée came home from visiting her mum crying her eyes out. She said that she and her mum got into yet another petty argument and her mum told her that she hopes she dies during surgery.
There was no way I was just going to let that slide so I phoned her mum up without letting my fiancée know and I pretty much yelled at her mum and told her she’s no longer invited to the wedding and that she needs to stay away from my fiancée.
My partner wasn’t happy when she found out what I said.
She said that it isn’t my business and I need to let her deal with her mum herself. I told her that I’m sick of seeing her get manipulated over and over again and that I don’t understand why she keeps forgiving her mum. She finally explained that she was scared of dying with her and her mum on bad terms and leaving her mum feeling guilty.
I tried telling her that it was stupid to let her mum treat her like garbage just because of that but she won’t listen, she just told me to mind my own business.
AITJ? I’m just trying to protect my fiancée.”
22. AITJ For Think I Deserve To Get An Arm Lift After My Husband Got A Dental Implant?
“My husband (33) and I’ve (31) been together for 8 years and married 4, no kids. He’s a disabled vet with PTSD, he stays home, I work a job I hate but pays bills, and we try to live within our means.
We both have things we hate about ourselves, he’s missing 3 teeth, one, in particular, that shows when he smiles. I have flappy arms. I’ve struggled with weight my whole life, lost and gained lbs, tried building muscle in the area, and no matter where I am on the scale They stay the same.
I hate them so much I NEVER wear sleeveless clothes.
A couple of months ago he went to a new dentist and texted saying they had a way to give him his smile back with an implant, I noticed he was happy and excited, we didn’t discuss much over text, told him it sounded good and to talk about it when he got home.
He came back and dropped the news, he had an appointment to get it done the next week. I was worried about pricing but he said they offered a better rate doing it out-of-pocket/no insurance; the payment plan was $300 for 9 months plus $950 to start.
I’m aware of how much he gets on his benefits check, I knew he wasn’t able to afford those extra $300, however, he seemed hopeful about his smile so I offered to give him the $300 a month to pay for it.
I was a bit upset he never discussed it with me and signed up for a plan without asking if I could help with the expenses but I saw how much he wanted it so I found a way to help him out.
Recently we got invited to a family trip to a tropical location, I’ve been looking for outfits and swimwear and I kinda wanna look pretty and wear things like everyone else, with no sleeves.
The more I think about the trip, the more I stress about my weight and arms. I’m working on losing weight but I know just like every other time, my arms will still look like bat wings. A friend told me about an arm lift and I’ve been looking into it, I’m good at budgeting so I could finance or save enough for it on time for the trip.
I told him about it and got a big fat no. He said we always agreed on not having cosmetic surgeries. He’s always been against me getting anything done or having weight loss surgery, honestly, I’ve never been interested in doing anything until now.
He also complain about being an expensive procedure and we can’t afford it, said we are still paying for the implant, which bothered me cuz I’m the one paying for it so I should decide if it’s something I can afford or not.
I tried comparing my arm lift with the tooth but got nowhere, he said the implant is mostly for his health and my arms are just cuz I’m vain.
I have several months before the trip and I know I won’t be able to change his mind. Nonetheless, he never even asked me about the implant and assumed I was gonna chip in and be ok with it so I’m mad and I just wanna be like screw it and get it done.
He got to have his smile back, I should be able to feel comfortable in my skin. Am I the jerk?”
21. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Move On From What I Did At Her Wedding Years Ago?
“My sister got married 5 years ago. Her husband’s parents were quite rich and they paid for a destination wedding for 5 days.
They even paid for the flights and the stay for all the immediate family members.
Back then, that was hugely romantic and it felt like a fairytale. Although we are doing much better financially now, back then I was sure that I would never be able to do something like this.
I didn’t even plan to do this but I was caught up in the moment and asked my partner to marry me.
She said yes but we did not say anything to anyone. I did not want to step on any toes.
A few months later, I brought an engagement ring and we told everyone that I had proposed after a romantic meal at home and that was that.
A few months ago, we went on a vacation to the same place my sister got married (sis, her husband, her 2 kids + me, my wife).
We were getting wasted, having fun when my wife told them that I had proposed to her outside this very restaurant all those years ago.
My sister was mad and she stormed out. My wife feels guilty for letting the cat out of the bag. My BIL also feels that it was cheap of me to use his parents’ money for a proposal.
It’s been weeks and my sister is still cold towards us. I told her it happened years ago and to just let it go. She said that she is hurt and that was supposed to be her fabulous wedding. She says that the place and time are memorable to us as the place we agreed to get married and that it will never be remembered as the place she got married. She was very mad that I hurt her feelings and now I am just asking her to let it go.
It happened years ago. We never told anyone. Is this as big a deal as everyone is making it out to be?
AITJ for proposing all those years ago?”
20. AITJ For Being Upset About My Sister's Favoritism?
“I (28 f) have two kids Dylan (5, male) and Junior (2, male), and a younger sister called Marie (22 F). The father and I are not together anymore.
Marie is really good with my kids, like, really really good, she doesn’t want kids of her own so she’s really invested in my kids (BY CHOICE), she visits them regularly, she’s always getting them stuff (even when I say she doesn’t have to) and she takes them everywhere she wants, she doesn’t even need me to be there, the thing I like the most is that she knows her way through my kids, she’s really gentle and it’s really easy for her to stop them from crying or throwing tantrums, she just talks and they listen, I don’t know how she does it but it’s amazing.
Both of them usually behave really well, they love their Auntie Marie so much and they’re so close. But recently, Dylan has been acting out. She used to babysit them (more like take them? She just asked if she could take my kids to the park or the mall and pick them up), this kinda stopped one day when Dylan threw a big fit in the middle of the mall and embarrassed my sister, I don’t blame her, she’s really shy and quiet, so I get that she didn’t like the attention on her.
Now she rarely takes them out and if she does, it’s for a short time and she doesn’t go that far from me. Dylan has been asking why Auntie is mad at him and why she doesn’t invite them to have fun anymore, I know that my sister is scared, but part of having children is that you have to deal with this stuff.
Yesterday, Marie asked me to accompany her to get the kids some shoes that she saw and really liked. I said that I couldn’t because I had to work but that she was more than welcome to take them, she said ‘No, I would rather go when you can… Or I can take Junior now, and then we both can take Dylan’.
That really bothered me and it make me get upset, I said that it wasn’t cool that she preferred one kid more than the other now and that Dylan loves her so much, she said she loved Dylan too, but that she can get through that again and I just shook my head and called her out in her clear favoritism.
She left my house and then my dad called me because I made Marie cry and that she’s not favoring one kid over the other, but she’s NOT a parent and it’s not her place to deal with fits and tantrums, he said he was disappointed before hanging up and now I’m wondering if what I said was wrong.”
19. AITJ For Calling My Wife A "Dumb Jealous Jerk"?
“Both my wife (f 31) and I (m 32) work in the tech industry. We graduated from the same university with the same degree, and work for the same company. Where we differ is within the company, I opted to go down the management route, and her down a more technical route. For one reason or another, she has not gotten a promotion or (proper) raise in nearly 2 years, which has led to a bit of an income imbalance between us where I currently earn double what she does.
I’ve felt a bit of jealousy from her side, but I’ve always chalked up to her competitive attitude. She’s made jokes in the past regarding how the only reason I earn more than her is because I’m a man (my direct superior is a woman) and how I’m fortunate I’m a good talker because I would otherwise not be as successful (true).
This all culminated in a bit of what I thought was banter (it was not) last week where she said she was smarter than me and I kept making dumb comments (things like ‘sman smart woman dumb haha’) which agitated her further. She then spent the next several hours making me take those dumb online IQ tests until I intentionally failed one which made her even madder.
Then this past weekend she ‘had a surprise’ for me (which was an official IQ test).
We got the results yesterday and imagine the scenes when I scored higher. She was obviously infuriated, and kept saying dumb stuff which I kept laughing off until she called me a ‘stupid substance baby’. My bio mom was an addict and I’ve had no relationship with her since I was 5 (she died before I turned 18).
This upset me more than it should (considering she wasn’t really wrong) and I, in turn, resorted to calling her a ‘dumb jealous jerk’. She has not spoken to me since and is sleeping in a guest bedroom tonight. I think I’m justified in my actions but I do feel bad that I used her insecurities against her in the heat of the moment.
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear The Bridesmaid's Dress?
“I (29f) am overweight. It’s something I’m working on as I’m very much not comfortable in my body but again. It’s a work in progress. My friend (30 f) is getting married in a couple of months in a pretty informal wedding, but still asked me and a few other friends to be bridesmaids.
I agreed, of course.
A week ago my friend sent pictures of the dresses she was thinking about. My friends voted on this long sleeve skin-tight dress. I would not be comfortable in this dress as it’s too tight, both in terms of physical comfort and mental comfort. I voiced my opinion and why and my friends all said they liked the dress most, and the bride-to-be said that since all of my friends agreed on this one we had to pick it.
I asked if I could wear a similar dress of my own that’s more comfortable (it’s in a similar shade of green that my friend chose for this dress) so I could still be there but also be comfortable.
My friend told me that the day is not about me and that I will just have to put up with being uncomfortable for an evening.
I told her it would be genuinely embarrassing for me to wear the dress and that since I respect her day, I’m just going to withdraw from being a bridesmaid so my discomfort doesn’t overshadow her. I said that the dresses were very pretty and I understand why they chose them but I’m just not willing to wear them.
I then said that there are no hard feelings, I’m not mad, I understand, but they have to understand why I’m uncomfortable.
The bride-to-be messaged me the next day saying that I embarrassed her in the group chat and that she doesn’t understand why I’m so opposed to it. I explained once again that the dress was too tight and would be unflattering and uncomfortable for me.
She then got mad and said now either her fiance will have to drop a groomsman or she has to find another bridesmaid. I apologized for causing her strife and then said again, I have a dress in a similar color that is much for comfortable for me to wear and she turned me down again.
I’ve been shunned by all of the bridal parties since. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move To China With My Partner?
So a few years ago, I (28 F) met my partner (29) while studying abroad in Germany. He is originally from China but has completed his degree and now works full-time in Germany. I’m from the UK, which becomes relevant to this. We’ve been together since April 2017 and managed to do long-distance pretty well.
He currently works for a large car company, and his language skills are part of the reason why he is on a salary of nearly 50,000 euros (he translates for both English and German branches into Mandarin).
I currently work for a large fashion retailer in the UK that has branches across Europe but have just been offered training to move into a management position, which would push my salary up to £32,000.
Here’s my dilemma. My partner wants to get more serious and wants to talk about marriage, kids, etc… Which is great because I can see a future with him including those.
Two weeks ago, he was offered a job in the UK, in my part of the country, for more money (roughly £57,000). Now I think this is the best move for him for two reasons: one, his contract in Germany only has 4 months left and after that he needs to find something new, and two, his family are all scattered across Europe.
I mean his entire family. His parents are in Spain, his siblings and nephews are in France and Italy, and his grandparents are split between Spain and the UK. He has absolutely no links left in China, and for him to return there, his salary would drop by quite a lot as there are also a lot of people there who can do his job, it’s not as in demand as it is here.
He wants to move back to China this year, and for me to move there next year after I finish my management training. Apart from the language barrier, the training I would do is very specific and probably couldn’t be transferred to a new company. So I would end up jobless and dependent on him, his salary would be cut in half, and realistically we would have to live in a main city where the rent is ridiculously high.
If he was to take the job offer in the UK, he would be moving into my rented house, be close to his entire family, and be in a well-paying job.
He is accusing me of being insensitive though and saying it’s horrible that I won’t even consider moving to China. I understand that it’s his home country and for him to accept the job here he would have to give up his citizenship (from what I understand you can’t be a Chinese citizen and have dual citizenship), but logically the UK seems like the right choice.
I don’t know, maybe I am being a jerk and I guess I need you all to tell me…”
16. AITJ For Thinking My Wife Owes Me An Apology For Excluding Me From My Son's Birth?
“My (M 28) wife (F 29) gave birth a few days ago. We had what I believe to be a fairly standard pregnancy and I did my best to take care of things and make it easy for her. I took her to the hospital when she was due and her sister and mother met us there.
The problem started when she was taken to the delivery room. She asked the nurse that only her mother and sister (F 27) be allowed in the delivery and then told me that she wanted me to wait until ‘I’ve delivered and calmed down’ before letting me into the room. I was kind of shocked and didn’t want to make a scene so I just said OK and sat down in the waiting room.
We had not really discussed the plan for the hospital and I had no reason to think I wouldn’t be there when my son was born.
I texted her sister if she knew my wife was going to do this. She said no. I told her to ask if my wife was concerned about something because I don’t consider myself someone who would have made a fuss or made things more difficult for her.
She texted back after a while saying that my wife ‘just doesn’t want you to see her like this’ and then added that she didn’t agree with my wife and tried to convince her but ultimately it was her choice and I should respect it.
I sat in the waiting room for 6 hours getting minimal updates as the labor was fairly slow, and then I decided that there was no point so I texted her sister that I was going home, I’d meet my son when they brought him home and handle the birth certificate stuff the next day.
They came home about 9 hours later and I was finally able to meet my son. When my wife’s mother and sister left she got very angry at me for leaving her at the hospital. I was angry too but I told her that we can talk about this in a few days because she’s just given birth.
She wouldn’t drop the subject so I finally told her that she excluded me from the birth of my son for no reason, I didn’t see the need to hang around a hospital waiting room for hours doing nothing, and that even her own sister thinks what she did was wrong. She said there could have been complications and I needed to be there, to which I replied that I wouldn’t have been there because she kept me out of the room and the doctors would have handled any problems anyways.
She called me an inconsiderate jerk and has been talking short with me for several days. Her sister told me I should just apologize and move past it because it was a stressful time for my wife, but I think I’m owed a bigger apology first for how I was excluded from my own son’s birth.”
15. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Use Professional Pencils At A Kids' Competition?
“Last week, my daughter (9) entered a competition at the community center.
In the weeks leading up to it, my daughter was practicing and after the 4th attempt, she was still not happy with it. She was using Crayola pencils, and even though I’m not an artist, I could tell that she’d benefit from better pencils. I got her some professional pencils and after 2 more attempts, she was finally happy with the results.
The competition is pretty straightforward, you get 3 hrs, pencils, pencil crayons, and erasers only. You can bring your own or use what’s provided. The day of the competition comes, and after a long day, my daughter wins! Afterward, there’s a small reception to showcase the winning pictures.
One lady, let’s call her Kelly, comes up to my daughter who was beside me at the time to talk to her about her picture.
She comments how smooth and well-blended her colors were, and my daughter tells her that it’s because of the professional pencils she used. Kelly then turns to me and tells me how that wasn’t right. She gave me an earful about teaching my kid to throw money at things to win and teaching other kids that they’ll always lose to people with more money.
That I’m a jerk for ruining the casual nature of the competition. We kinda just brushed it off and walked away.
But last night, we had some family come over for dinner and I talked about what transpired at the competition. And to my surprise, they all sided with Kelly! I tried to explain that I only got her a set of 12 (~$25) which cost the same as the 100 colors Crayola set a bunch of the other kids were using.
But they think that since it’s a kid’s competition, they should use kids’ equipment and that’s what makes me a jerk. But I still don’t think I am because I can tell that in the older age groups, everyone in the top 10 was using professional pencils, as well as two others in the top 10 of my daughter’s age groups.
So my daughter wasn’t alone here. And better pencils don’t make you a better artist. I was drawing with her a few times, and while the pencils felt nicer, my pictures were still ugly!
Lastly, while I don’t like attacking kids, Kelly’s kid finished after about an hour, he was one of the first ones to finish while all the winners stayed till the last min!
So, what’s the verdict?”
14. WIBTJ If I Stop Inviting A Friend To Dinner Because She's Always Late?
“I (30+ F) have this friend (also 30+ F) who I see maybe a few times a month.
Often we’ll eat dinner together and just hang out.
The thing is, my friend is always late, by at least half an hour, sometimes more. She doesn’t have a good explanation other than ‘I didn’t leave on time’. She doesn’t text and recently she’s stopped apologizing, instead getting miffed at me for being miffed at her.
I am normally quite relaxed about most things, but lateness is not one of them, especially when I have food I have to keep from getting mushy or cold. I always tell her what time I expect us to eat so she can plan accordingly and she knows that I do not appreciate her lateness unless there’s a good reason, like if she is bringing her son (2 M) which is completely understandable since kids and punctuality is not a great combo.
I should also mention that these dinners are not a last-minute, thrown-together thing. I buy groceries and plan the meal specifically for her visit because she is vegetarian/vegan while I am not, so it takes me more time and energy to figure out how to cater to her diet (and I’m not a top chef, to begin with).
Since the last visit when she came almost an hour late and was irritated when I pointed out that I’d really like a heads up for moments like there, I’ve been of the mind to just stop inviting her to eat at my place since she clearly doesn’t appreciate the time and effort and to keep me from being angry at her disregard.
We’d still be able to cook at hers and I’ll gladly bring something to the table, but the stress of not knowing when she’ll turn up (or if she cancels last minute, which has happened a few times as well) is really making a dent in my relationship to her, which I do appreciate despite our differences.
On the other hand, I feel like a bit of a jerk with what seems like a drastic move, but I’m not that great at setting and keeping boundaries, so I don’t know – would I be?
PS. We only live a few km from each other, so transport time is not an issue.”
13. AITJ For Running Off To My Dad?
“I love my mom and stepdad and I appreciate all that they have done for me, but I can not live in the house with my older (step)brother (18) anymore. He basically throws a tantrum whenever things don’t go his way, he’s a jerk to EVERYONE, and is just a very controversial and toxic person and my mom and stepdad enable it all.
Although my mom and dad have been divorced for years, my dad has been just as involved in my life as my mom and stepdad, there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to go live with him after tonight.
Tonight, we all (my mom, stepdad, stepbrother, and myself) were playing a trivia game.
All was going well and everyone was having fun until my stepbrother made a big fuss with me over the question that asked ‘What language do they speak in Brazil?’ I said Portuguese and he said Spanish, so he literally argued with me until he was red in the face. He got into my face and was screaming that I was wrong, my parents couldn’t even get him to back off.
He ultimately got so mad that he tossed the game board off of the table, and just ruined everyone’s night.
What happened tonight was among one of the tamest tantrums, but it was enough to tell my mom that I didn’t want to stay with them anymore. So I called my dad and told him what happened and he came and got me.
A couple of hours later, my mom texted me saying ‘I understand that what happened was upsetting, but you’re not making the situation better by running away to your dads.’ I’m so upset that she said that to me. Like what did I do? How am I the jerk here?”
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sell My Mother's House?
“My mother who has been struggling for some time with illness, and has recently had to go into the hospital, is unlikely to be returning home.
I live several hours away and I could not get back right away. However, my brother (Bill) arrived in town the next day and he and my sister (Sue) immediately began going through the house trying to sell stuff. My brother (Alan) who suffers from severe depression has been living at home with our mother for the last 10 years.
I said I felt that they were really moving fast and my sister raged at me and said I was being selfish and they needed to do it while there were people to help and that it was better for everyone. During this time Alan mostly just sounded lost, and said he didn’t want to rock the boat, I didn’t like it but I figured maybe they were just trying to clear out some of the smaller stuff.
Well… I found out a few days later that they had sold all the furniture, went through all my mother’s personal belongings, and put most of it in the trash. The house was cleared out and it was on the market.
I was angry. What if mom comes home? At this point, she is still under observation and has no idea any of this is going on… I also explained that it didn’t seem reasonable for Alan to be unsettled or to find an apartment so quickly in an area that has 0 vacancies.
They said that it is his responsibility to take care of himself now and that the money can be used for her care if needed. I told them I thought it was too fast and extremely callous and refused to go along with it.
Basically, they think I am stirring the pot and being a jerk…
11. AITJ For Refusing To Buy All Of My Daughter's Baby Stuff?
” “I (50 f) have a daughter, Susan (29) who with her husband has a very nomadic lifestyle. They live from hotel to hotel all around the world. They both work remotely and make enough to support their life. I fully support Susan following her dreams but always felt it wouldn’t be a forever thing, eventually, they would pick a place to live and take vacations less frequently.
Due to the fact that they are rarely in the country, we don’t get to see each other in person often. One of the few chances was earlier this year (I think February) I asked if she planned to settle down anytime soon. She said that was between her and her husband and seemed annoyed. I told her that if she does then she should tell me and I would help her with her house deposit then dropped the subject.
With Thanksgiving coming soon, Susan came to say with us for a while. At a family dinner, she said that she would start settling down. I was excited for her and asked if she had a place in mind, she did, a house in the neighboring city. It was closer than I thought she would want.
I asked why and she said so that we could visit more often. She asked if I was still going to help with the deposit, and I told her yes. She asked if I could also help with baby supplies as they don’t have much savings.
I was confused about what baby until she made another announcement that she was pregnant.
I congratulated her when she gave me a list of all the things she would need for her pregnancy and the baby’s first year.
I told her that I would try and get some things from the list by the baby shower. She replied that she would need all of those things and if I was going to pressure her into a pregnancy, I should at least ‘take responsibility.’ I was confused until through further argument I realized that she took my questions about settling down as asking for grandkids.
When I told her there might be a misunderstanding, she interrupted and said she would also need me to babysit. (I have some health complications that make watching a child a bad idea.) I explained that to her but she said she and he husband would be busy and she doesn’t want her baby with strangers.
I apologized but told her I couldn’t do it. She and her husband left and stayed at a hotel.
I then woke up to many missed calls and texts from relatives and find out she had posted on social media that I forced her to have a child earlier than she wanted and refused to help with it.
She was saying the baby ruined her life and she didn’t know what to do.
10. AITJ For Asking My Brother To Pay Me?
“At the beginning of last year, my older brother (28 M) lost his job due to the global crisis. While he was jobless, I (24 F) worked overtime and helped him pay his bills. I won’t say exactly how much but I ended up spending a few thousand dollars to keep him afloat while barely staying financially stable myself.
He finally got a new job and struggled to pay me back. I was okay with that because I know it can be hard to do after struggling for a while and I was financially ok. It’s been about nine months since he got his new job and he has paid back about forty percent of it.
Now on to the problem, he called two weeks ago and asked for a few hundred dollars because he’s struggling with getting shifts at his new job, at least that’s what he told me. I sent him the funds and he thanked me.
Today I called to check in on him and he told me that he and his friend started a new business together and he quit his new job.
I was happy that he started his own business and I was proud of him. I started telling him to be careful with business loans and make sure he pays them on time. He told me they didn’t get a loan, they pooled their funds together and started the business. I asked how much he contributed, he said 50k.
I’m not proud of it but I got mad.
I started yelling at him. I asked why he didn’t take from his savings when he had that much money and he said he didn’t want to touch it because it’s the funds he had been saving for his dream of starting a business. I told him that if he needs financial help, not to come to me anymore, I am done helping him.
I asked him how he could watch me give him all the money I have and struggle to keep him from being homeless when he wasn’t even in danger of it and he said that he’s grateful for me, but touching that money could have meant he would spend it all.
I asked him to pay me back all the money he owes me because I could really use it and he said he has no more money and is barely feeding himself because he invested it all into his business.
I told him I will not be subsidizing his irresponsible financial decisions anymore. Am I the jerk?
I think I’m the jerk because I minimized his accomplishments and refuse to help him on something that could end up benefitting his future. Plus, starting a business isnt financially irresponsible. And he didn’t force me to help him.
And while I’m not exactly rich, its not like I’m poor. I’m paying my bills on time and I’m close to paying off my student loans, I just won’t have savings for a while.”
9. AITJ For Telling My Sister I Won't Help Her Anymore If She Doesn't Go To Therapy?
“At the beginning of the year, my (early 30s) younger sister, ‘Betty,’ (19) lost her job, and her home, and cut all contact with her newborn baby’s father.
Although I’m not close to her, I invited her to stay with me until she could support herself. My partner, ‘Elena,’ (early 30s) and I would help pay for the baby’s expenses while she (presumably) finds another source of income. She has been staying with us for a month and a half now, and her baby is 5 months old.
Betty is an extremely messy, demanding person to live with. She will leave trash, clothes, and everything else everywhere. She leaves dirty diapers everywhere; in the bathroom, on the floor, on the chair, instead of throwing them in the bin. It’s disgusting and I’ve asked her multiple times to clean up after herself.
She’s slowly improving, but it’s still gross.
A week into her stay, she started requesting specific meals to be made for her. Elena loves to cook and I wouldn’t mind putting extra effort once or twice a week, but her requests are often very elaborate, 3-course meals that would take hours to prep and another hour to cook.
If Elena or I don’t make her the meal that she wants, she’ll yell and fuss and then lock herself in her room.
When Elena (a NICU nurse) enters the house, the first thing Betty does is hand her the baby (always with a full diaper) and retreat to her bedroom and lock the door.
Even if we found it strange, at first, Elena and I were okay with taking care of the baby for a few hours while Betty rested.
Hours would turn into the full night.
Betty ignores the baby’s cries, our calls, our knocks until the next morning. Neither of us can leave for work until we know the baby is actively being taken care of.
It’s overwhelming, and every time I confront Betty about her behavior, she bursts into tears about how hard it is to be a new mother, or how finicky her baby is behaving, or how we are selfish people. I have given up trying to talk to her.
Elena came home and Betty handed her to my nephew (with a full diaper) and started complaining about how bad Elena was for leaving her in the house with no food (there were tons of leftovers) and how she didn’t have a moment to herself.
Usually, Elena is more tolerant, but I could tell that she was exhausted. I had to go catch a flight so I couldn’t look after him.
After Elena changed his diaper, I asked Betty to take her son for an hour while Elena rested. She said that we were making excuses, and yelled that we weren’t doing enough to support her in her ‘tough situation.’ Then, locked herself in her room.
I had enough.
Once I left, I told Betty over the phone that I found her behavior disgusting and that I wouldn’t help her anymore if she didn’t get some help.
Elena told me that Betty has been crying all day in her room and had refused to see her child. She even had to call in sick because Betty wasn’t leaving.
Elena agrees with the sentiment but says I was too harsh in my delivery.
EDIT: Betty’s baby father has no legal claim over her child. He’s not a good person and I think it’s best if the baby is raised without him.
My parents do not live in the same country as we do.
Also, Betty isn’t on good terms with them (but that’s a whole other story)
It’s not that simple to refuse to take care of the baby. If I refuse, she will leave the baby on a high chair, or on a couch (very unsafe) and then leave. We can’t ignore him until she comes back, we have to take care of him.
Also, Elena doesn’t want him to be left in a dirty diaper.
We can’t remove the lock unless we have to remove the door.”
8. AITJ For Telling My Brother-In-Law To Stop Touching Me In Front Of The Family?
“I (19 F) am pregnant with my ex’s (22 M) baby. We are on good terms and when the baby is born we will have 50/50 custody.
Two weeks ago I moved into my sister’s (35 F) and BIL’s (37 M) house. My sister and BIL practically begged me to move in with them because they wanted to experience ‘being pregnant’ (My sister is infertile).
Living with my sister and BIL has been very stressful. They are always on top of me about my eating habits and are always around me. Especially BIL.
BIL insists that I think of him as the baby’s father. It’s really annoying because when my baby’s actual father is around he feels the need to always one up him.
One time when one of my sister’s friends came over he talked about the baby as if it was his.
Yesterday my other sister was hosting a family dinner at her house and BIL came. While I was on the couch he came in front of me and started talking to my baby and referring to himself as daddy.
It was extremely embarrassing because everyone was looking and I was very angry. I told him to get up and to stop touching me. My BIL looked very embarrassed and my sister was very mad. They both left. After that, I went with my brother to get my clothes and everything from the house.
I got a thread of texts from my sister calling me an ungrateful jerk.
She told me how I embarrassed her and BIL.
I asked some friends and they told me that I was in the wrong because my sister let me stay at her house rent-free and some say that I’m not in the wrong.
I honestly don’t know and I need unbiased answers. I sometimes do say things unfiltered when I feel strong emotions so this may be one of those situations.
EDIT: My baby’s father does want to be in my baby’s life and we broke up a month before I found out I was pregnant, and yes we are on good terms. He does live two hours away though so I don’t see him 4 times a month. I understand now that their reasoning for wanting me to move in was creepy and a major red flag, but from my point of view, I just thought it was her wanting to see what pregnancy was like because she couldn’t have kids.
I was not planning to live there my whole pregnancy it was only supposed to be for a month and I would move back in with my parents.”
7. AITJ For Being Mad At My Sister-In-Law For Announcing Her Pregnancy Through My Wedding Guest Book?
“My husband and I got married last weekend and it was much anticipated for us. We’ve been together almost 10 years with four children, but up until now couldn’t afford a wedding, and we wanted something our girls could remember.
We worked so hard for it. It wasn’t anything super big, but it was full of special things and special people. I was already a nervous wreck because I was terrified something horrible would go wrong, but the setup and ceremony went amazing, and the reception started that way.
About halfway through my SIL came up to me and told me she left something in my guestbook, I didn’t think much about it and went on about my night until my aunt’s started approaching me asking about my brother and SIL’s baby’s name.
I was so confused until I realized that’s what she left in my guestbook. They announced their baby’s name using our guest book and made it a game with the family. ‘If you want to know the baby’s name, you’ll have to look for it.’ I was so upset, but I didn’t say anything at the time because I knew it would cause a scene.
I found my husband and spent the rest of the night with him. The next day I messaged my brother and SIL to tell them that they’d really hurt my feelings by doing that, and my brother yelled at me saying that it was for me, it was a gift, and my SIL said it wasn’t like they grabbed a mic to announce it and that if it was such a big deal that we could remove their babies name.
I tried to explain why it had hurt my feelings and I finally just left it because they weren’t understanding and just getting mad at me, but their messages made me feel like I was just being crazy and that it shouldn’t have hurt my feelings the way that it did. Am I the jerk for saying something?”
6. AITJ For Yelling At My Mother-In-Law For Acting Like A Mom To My Kids?
“I have 2 kids and I am currently 7 months pregnant, and I am a stay-at-home parent. My kids are in grade school and preschool.
When my second child was born I developed postpartum depression, and my MIL started helping out with the kids more. I was very grateful at first, and I was able to get medicated and start therapy.
However, it seems that my husband has enlisted her to help out more and more. She picks up the kids from their school every day, packs lunches for them, and drops them off a few times a week, she insists they sleep over at her place on Friday nights and now sometimes Saturdays. My kids have told me she has told them that I am too sick sometimes to take care of them and they’re lucky to have her.
Which is true in the past but not now.
I have told my husband that I am capable of picking them up from school, and she doesn’t need to always bring them lunches and all these other little things. She says she is retired and has nothing better to do, and that he’s worried about me that I’m too stressed out with the baby coming and dealing with the kids already.
I feel stressed because I feel like she is taking on the role of mother for me!
Yesterday she picked the kids up and was 2.5 hours late dropping them off. She doesn’t have a cellphone so I was panicking thinking the worst-case scenario had happened, and she came home and said she took them to the mall to buy them sandals for summer because my husband had mentioned they need them.
I had told my husband that, but I also said that I would take them shopping this weekend because I want to do things with my kids! I ended up yelling at her in front of the kids telling her that she is not their mom and that she needs to tell me where she went.
My husband is upset and said I acted inappropriately because she was just being helpful and I shouldn’t have yelled in front of the kids. He also said it might not be best for me to go to the mall with them since I am so pregnant.
I asked a social media moms’ group for advice but they said I’m in the wrong because I should be grateful for having so much extra help, but I feel crazy like I’m losing my kids to my MIL.
Am I wrong? Should I apologize?”
5. AITJ For Not Paying For My Biological Father's Funeral?
“My biological father left my mom before I (39 M) was even born. He packed up and completely disappeared; even his family ‘didn’t know what happened’ (Which was their story for about six months until they stopped contacting my mom).
When I was about four years old, my mom met the man I call dad.
He was from a wealthy family, and I grew up extremely privileged. He was an only child to his parents and couldn’t have his own kids. He raised me as his own 100%, and his family treated me like I was biologically one of them. When I was 8, he married my mom and officially adopted me, so I took his last name.
Due to a combination of inheritance, family savings for my education, scholarships, and grants, and my own earnings, I was able to have my post-secondary education completely paid for and buy a house at 19 years old. This has set me up to be financially stable throughout my entire adulthood and, through my own power, create a sense of my own personal wealth with my own family.
My biological father contacted me two years ago and asked to meet me. I humored him, and we met for coffee. I found out he left my mother for another woman across the country; they had eight kids together and were poor and struggling. He ended up asking for 100k, and I told him that I would give it to him only if he agreed to sign a contract and that he would never contact me, my mother, or my family.
He agreed, and I never heard from him again.
Two weeks ago, his wife contacted me and told me that he had died. He took the 100k and spent it fueling his heavy drinking tendencies and starting a new addiction. Eventually, his kidneys and liver gave out. She blamed his death entirely on me for giving him the money and demanded I pay for his funeral since he is my father and they can’t afford to give him a proper burial. I refused and hung up.
A day later, his children, wife, and parents started to call me, my wife, my mom, my dad, and everyone else they could get a hold of in an attempt to convince me to pay for the funeral. The 11 of them have been doing this daily for the past two weeks, from different numbers each time.
Some of my friends and family are convinced I should pay for the funeral. His family is desperate for help to pay for it, and it seems important that he gets a proper burial. If not for the fact that he is my father, then simply from the goodness of my heart to a grieving family and the fact that I can easily afford it.
Others agree with my stance that this man wanted nothing to do with me my entire life; I have no obligation to help them bury him. A small group of people say that since my actions were the catalyst to his death, I am fully responsible for helping this family out in any way I can.
So, AITJ for not paying for my biological father’s funeral?”
4. AITJ For Letting Our Daughter Cry?
“I (25 m) and my significant other (21 f) have a 1-year-old together. She had recently been teething so she had woken up quite through the night. My SO was calling me the next morning to tell me how the baby was up late and couldn’t sleep because of her teeth.
(I work and live about 30 mins away). I found this pretty normal as teething can suck for kids, though it had been about 2 weeks since then and I was a bit concerned.
While I listened to her speak I waited till she was finished to tell her how sad I am about teething and such but also mentioned that I believe the teething is over and she was just waking up to play late at night.
I had advised my SO to not make it a habit to get her when she wakes up in the middle of the night. I only said this because I see her coddle her when she doesn’t need to be especially when she’s acting out but the point is my SO agreed she wouldn’t.
Fast forward to later that week when I sleeping and she was at work, our daughter woke up at 2 AM and was screaming her head off. That night I got her, laid her with me, and eventually put her back In the crib in her room. Now the next night she does the same while my SO and I are sleeping and she wakes up at 2 AM and starts playing and screaming her head off.
My SO pops up and wakes me up asking if should she get her, I firmly tell her no because at this point it’s just her wanting to play and she can go back to sleep.
She stays up for 5-10 mins crying cause no one got her while my SO is pacing around making excuses/reasons to get her.
I ignored her and tried to go back to sleep and eventually daughter does too for the rest of the night.
The next morning my SO is angry and not speaking to me saying I shouldn’t have left her like that. I just reminded her that she agreed not to make it a habit and that she went to sleep just fine and woke up with/to no issues.
AITJ for not wanting to get her?”
3. AITJ For Not Believing That My Partner's Uncle Is Possessed?
“During the middle of the night, my partner’s uncle posted a farewell message on social media. It wasn’t very long but it was alarming. She quickly went over to his house with her family to go check on him. At first, he wouldn’t answer the door but then somehow they managed to get inside and found him sitting in a chair in the living room, alive and conscious but heavily high, or so it appeared. They tried getting him to go to the hospital but he refused, to the point he started getting angry.
My partner’s mother didn’t like how aggressive he was getting so they decided to leave.
A few days after the incident my partner started explaining to me that her family told her not to see her uncle anymore. They said besides him being very depressed that he might also be possessed by an evil spirit.
My partner’s family is very religious and so is my partner to an extent. I’m not trying to knock them or their beliefs but sometimes I think they’re a little blinded by their faith.
When my partner described to me what happened she told me that she could sense a ‘dark aura’ around her uncle, that he looked at her and her family very strangely, and that he would go from looking very glum to then suddenly smirking, and basically didn’t seem like he was all there.
She admitted that it could’ve been because he was wasted or high but she also just felt really uncomfortable in his presence, and she had never seen him behave like that before.
Today she told me her family invited her uncle to dinner and that he was still acting strange. When her grandparents went to say grace he looked very angry and was still mumbling to himself, which made her grandparents very uncomfortable praying around him.
Her mother told her something similar the night of the incident; about how she felt like she couldn’t pray for him when she got home.
Anyway, this all has my partner convinced that her uncle is being possessed by an evil spirit. But I think the real elephant in the room is her uncle is having a severe mental breakdown and possibly developing schizophrenia or some other form of mental illness.
When I tried to tell her this she told me that I wasn’t listening, I was only trying to challenge her, I didn’t understand how she felt, I was just ‘brushing her off’ and I wasn’t being supportive. I told her that I thought she and her family were being superstitious and that chalking him up to being possessed is more of a brush-off than anything.
The one thing I said that was probably not called for was, ‘It’s not like you saw his eyes roll to the back of his head and he started speaking in tongues, he was just high.’
I really wasn’t trying to challenge her belief system, I just wanted to make sure her uncle was getting the proper kind of help but now she won’t speak to me.
I don’t think I’m the jerk here but you tell me.”
2. AITJ For Confronting A Team Member About Her Offline Status During Work Hours?
“My team at work does 4 days work-from-officed and 1 day work-from-home. This is because we have sensitive physical (paper) files to work with as part of our work, so we still have to come into the office. One of my team members, Sarah, had appealed to do 2 days WFO and 3 days WFH instead, on the basis that she has 2 kids to look after.
Although other team members also have kids and Sarah had no problem coming in 5 days a week before 2020, I relented to the request after she became upset/accused me of being inflexible/started crying in my office. (And also checked with the rest of my team to make sure they were ok with it.)
I’ve noticed of late that when Sarah is WFH, she has a tendency to go ‘offline’ or ‘away’ on Skype during office hours.
She is usually ‘offline’ or ‘away’ for more than an hour each time. Yesterday, I finally asked her about it and told her that other people (internal clients and external stakeholders) have come to me for work matters she’s handling because they could not locate her. One external stakeholder even told me that Sarah was on leave; when I clarified that Sarah was not on leave, the stakeholder was bewildered (‘but she’s been offline the whole morning’).
Sarah was defensive, and sarcastically apologized for ‘not being there to reply to messages immediately’. She then added that as long as she got her work done, it didn’t matter when she was online or offline. I told her she didn’t have to be online for the entire 9 am to 6 pm duration, but minimally from 10 am to 5 pm (with a break for lunch), so that (a) people can reach her if they need to and (b) other team members don’t notice and start following her example, particularly since Sarah is senior to the others.
Sarah was unhappy and since then I’ve come to be aware that she has been saying things about me to the rest of the team, including how I am a ‘dinosaur’ still working according to former working norms. So, AITJ?
EDIT: The entire division, including Sarah, reports to me. Sarah is salaried, not hourly. Sarah’s work is affected by her behavior because part of her job is being available to internal clients and where applicable, external stakeholders.
External stakeholders can see whether Sarah is online or offline because we are all linked in a single public Skype network comprising related agencies, organizations, companies, and Ministries. Separately, Sarah’s conduct affects me and other team members, since we have to respond to queries meant for Sarah (particularly where they are urgent). It also reflects badly on the division as a whole when Sarah is unreachable.”
1. AITJ For Not Taking My Daughter To See A Doctor?
“I (48 f) live with my wife and 5 kids, all under the ages of 6 except for my oldest. T (18), my daughter from a previous relationship, was really sick about a week ago, and she stayed home from school all week, which I was fine with.
The problems only arose on Friday, as the only reason I had the weekend off was because I was planning on going to a dart tournament out of state. I would be gone for the entire weekend and T would have to watch the kids Friday until my wife got work as well as her usual job of looking after them all day on Saturday.
But Friday rolls around and T hasn’t gotten any better. She also seems extremely annoyed at the fact that she was going to have to watch 3 kids (the youngest went to the babysitter’s since she was an infant) in my absence, but I didn’t think much of it because she was the only option we had and I knew she could monitor things even if she was sick.
But apparently, my ex called her and she told him she wanted to see a doctor, to which he angrily called me and asked why I hadn’t taken her yet.
I told him I didn’t know she wanted to see one and there was nothing I could do about that now because I was getting ready to leave for the weekend, but he wasn’t in the mood to understand my point of view.
I myself asked T if she wanted to go to the doctor’s and she said yes, but there was no way I could take her (she doesn’t have a car or a license) so I left it at that and went to my tournament.
Practically the entire time I was getting angry calls from my wife and ex, yelling about how I left T at home sick in charge of 3 kids ranging from 5 to 2 years old.
I tried to call in and check on my daughter when I could, but every time I tried she either didn’t answer the phone or seemed really annoyed when she did. So AITJ for not taking my daughter to the doctor?
Edit: I pay T for babysitting when I can, which, admittedly, has not been recently.
Additionally, my wife and I both work all day on Saturdays, which is why she has to watch them.
Edit 2: T does watch the kids on weekdays often. HOWEVER, it’s never directly after school. I usually don’t get off until between 4 and 5 PM and usually get home around 6. T gets home from school at 3. That’s an entire 3 hours she has to herself, alone in the house.
Yes, I may make her babysit often, but it is NOT that big of a deal if she’s doing it for only around 3 hours a night (times vary, depending on when my wife gets off and comes home).”