People Are Eager For Our Two Cents Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Telling My Little Brother He's Not Our Father's Son?
“I (41M) have 5 siblings, one sister and four brothers, my sister being the oldest and me following her. Our being 6 siblings separate us in age, my little brother (30M) is 11 years younger than me and to this day I see him as a baby. We were never particularly close but I remember taking care of him when we were little.
I left for college when he was 7 so he grew up without seeing me. My father (71M) was never a good person, he treated me and my brother (the one after me) like trash growing up. I went through a rebellious phase when I was a teenager because I had a hard time accepting that I was gay, (it was the 90s and we lived in a conservative place), and my father was very mean to me.
Like almost all of my siblings, my little brother doesn’t have a good relationship with my father, but they are amicable towards each other and my father was less severe with him. I heard a conversation between my mother and my sister talking about my mother having an affair many years ago. At first, it shocked me, I didn’t realize what I was listening to until they mentioned it again, and again, and kept talking about it while I was on the other side of the door.
I realized that if that’s true my little brother might not be my father’s son. I didn’t tell my brother right away, I proceeded with it for months because it’s not my business.
Recently I told him everything, how he’s not my father’s son. I thought he took it in a good way but he didn’t, he told my mother everything when he was wasted and my mother confronted me about it.
Now my mother doesn’t talk to me, she says that she needs time to process what I did, but she admitted that I was right. Obviously, my father knows about it and he’s devastated. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mother admitted it AFTER you told your brother he wasn’t his father’s son when YOU DIDN’T ACTUALLY know if it was true!
The fact you were right doesn’t negate the fact you told your brother something you weren’t sure of and had overheard by eavesdropping.
Also, your father knew and your mother knew and chose to raise your brother without telling him.
You did this to punish your brother because your father wasn’t as much of a jerk to him.
Your brother didn’t deserve you blowing up his life.
100% YTJ.” OpinionatedAussieGal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Every person has the right to know WHO their biological parents are. I have very little respect for people who try to hide this information. And I do understand when someone tries to hide it because of some other horrific mistreatment – however people have the right to know their full medical history including their parents’ history so that they can make informed medical decisions about their own health and that of their minor children.” Less-Quality6326
Another User Comments:
“Ick this is tough. Determining if you are or aren’t depends on the reasoning and intentions of telling him. If it was out of spite for your father, YTJ, if it was to let your brother know because he deserves to know, NTJ. The better option would have been to confront your mom first. Give her the chance to let him know.
She also deserves time to process this but she shouldn’t be upset with you for long, she’s upset with herself more than likely and she’s just gotta realize that.” Doitallforyoudolly
18. AITJ For Kicking Out My Roommate For Installing Hidden Cameras?
“My partner and I were together for many years. However, when he messed up, we broke up and he moved into the second bedroom. So we became roommates for a few months.
Tonight, I discovered that he had a hidden camera installed in my room, aimed at my bed. I feel so violated. I can’t believe he would do such a thing. He’s not the person I thought he was. I got angry and had him remove the camera. I told him that he had to move out now.
However, his mother just called me now and called me a jerk, as he has no place to go. She said that it was not a big deal because it used to be his room for years (maybe it was from back then). After all, technically we were not officially broken up (we hadn’t told anyone yet), and because it’s not a crime as it’s his home (not in the US).
I don’t know the law, but it should be a crime everywhere, right?
I’m just so confused. I felt so violated, and now I’m being told that my feelings are not justified.”
Another User Comments:
“He literally was watching you sleep. Even more horrible to imagine what he was doing while he was watching you sleep.
The mom is only opening her mouth because you figured out her son is a malicious creep who likes to watch people in their vulnerable times.
Literally think of everything you’ve done on your own bed since ya’ll broke up, and think about how disgusting he is to capture it ALL on video.
Honestly, I don’t care if he lives in the house or not.
Kick his butt out then do some digging and find the laws of where you live. If you can, press charges on this jerk so he suffers an actual consequence. NTJ. Goodluck OP.
Make sure you change locks and codes once you get him out of there.” OsaBear92
Another User Comments:
“I was all hot to come screeching in with a cry of NTJ, based on the title alone, and then I read your post. My initial reaction was nowhere near strong enough.
There is no society on any planet in any known galaxy where you could possibly be the jerk for this.
Sounds like his mother just volunteered to take him back in. Alternatively, I’m sure the local constabulary can arrange quarters for him. It doesn’t matter if he used to sleep on that bed; filming it without your consent is a gross violation and grounds for an instant and irrevocable boot.
What is with this woman, trying to excuse this on a technicality based on what date you officially filed a public notice to dump his creepy butt? Or she thinks he gets to live with you forever, so long as he doesn’t leave in handcuffs?
Send that super creep home to his super-creepy mom, and then call the cops.
Then do everything the cops tell you to do. Please consider treating yourself to the very finest in restraining orders, and never once entertain the thought that you’re anything other than 100% ironclad justified in raining fire on a disgusting jerk who thought he could do this to you and get away with it.” horns-of-maleficent
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get him out now and check the rest of the place for additional cameras. Don’t think for one second it was the only one he had up. You literally have every legal right to press charges for him video-tapping you without your knowledge or consent and can file a police report on him.
But either way, actions have consequences.
Don’t back down. The dude doesn’t need to be living with you anymore, and his housing is NOT your responsibility to provide for. You don’t owe anyone space in your home, esp after that big of a violation of your boundaries.
IF I were you, I’d go through his phone, computer, and every electronic of his as well.
Delete any and all videos you find of your bedroom, and remove any and all passwords, financial stuff, or CC and PayPal information off his stuff.
Then change all your pins and passwords. But for sure, get him out of your life.” Elindriel
No one has pointed out that this means he might have video of them having jerk, as well as videos of past girlfriends?
Go to the cops. And tell his exes. If cops can't help, I'd destroy his electronics. It
17. WIBTJ If I Don't Let My Daughter Get Her Driver's License?
My daughter is a good kid, good grades, no real issues. She works part-time and buys her own stuff. She paid for half of the driver’s training and is going to be paying her own insurance.
Issue: She keeps ‘forgetting’ to crate our old cranky chihuahua. That leads him to poop on the floor anywhere his highness feels the need. He is a touch spoiled but he is also very old and a rescue.
He gets away with a lot.
Previous punishments were as simple as stern talking and she had to clean the carpet where he pooped. This is getting old, as she keeps saying she forgot and then gets cranky when she has to clean the carpet.
My thought is to not take away, but push back her getting her license by a week per pooping incident.
I feel like she is just not crating him and willing to deal with the consequences, but the behavior has not stopped.
So, would I be the jerk if I told my daughter that every time our royal highness old man dog poops on the carpet because she didn’t crate him at night, the date of her driver’s license gets pushed back by a week?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
First of all, it can take weeks/months to get an appt for a driving test. So how do you ‘push it by a week’? Not let her register? Not let her go to the test so she has to reschedule? And if she fails the first time (which many people do because of nerves and such) there’s already a waiting period to take it again?
This ‘punishment’ is a logistical nightmare.
Driving is a pretty necessary skill in most places. And your daughter will probably go off to college relatively soon, making it harder to practice and attain her license. It’s something she should do as soon as possible, something she should do with parental support, and a skill she should have for emergencies.
Not to mention it would probably make your life easier if she’s reliant on you to drive her places.
As for the dog, did you buy the dog? You are ultimately responsible. But yes, if she’s not doing chores at home, you can take away other privileges.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You just want to punish her; delaying an important milestone she’s been working hard toward because you’re annoyed about a small household chore is simply pettiness, not parenting.
Sit down with your daughter and have an honest conversation about how to deal with the dog. Work together to find a better solution to the problem. You need to start treating her like the adult she’s becoming. Just say something like ‘We really need to figure out a new way to deal with the dog because the status quo isn’t working for me and I think we can come up with a better solution.
Here’s the problem as I see it; I think it’s your responsibility to put the dog in his crate so he doesn’t poop on the floor, so when he’s not in the crate and he poops on the floor, I get upset and I think it should be your responsibility to clean it up.
Do you have any ideas about how we can solve this?’
It might be as simple as moving the crate somewhere else or setting up a new reminder system or maybe she’ll have some other new idea. But if she’s old enough to drive, she’s old enough to start truly taking ownership of things by being part of designing the solutions, not just following instructions from you.” User
16. AITJ For Refusing To Cancel My Vacation Plans?
“Our boss approved vacation time over the holidays for everyone. What many of us do is schedule vacation time adjacent to our weekends so that we have more time off.
Well, long story short, our boss changed everyone’s schedule so one of my coworker’s weekends changed. Problem is, the employee already had planned a vacation that included her old weekend and I also had approved time off on those days.
The boss told us that one of us had to work that weekend since he was also planning to be off and leave the country and couldn’t cover the shift. Here’s the catch: I could have canceled my time off, however, we routinely leave shifts short-staffed when there’s no one to work, and I didn’t see why I needed to cancel my time off for this reason.
I also didn’t want to start a precedent where my boss could approve and then take away vacation time at the last minute.
Working together and coordinating the wording in our emails, we both told our boss that this was his error and that under no circumstances would either of us cancel our vacation plans so that he didn’t have to work.
We even had plans to go to human relations, knowing we had a rock-solid defense.
After a long back and forth where the boss accused us of being irresponsible and unwilling to take one for the team, the boss merely left the shift uncovered, which is not an uncommon occurrence in our job, and sulked for days.
In other words, all this grief was totally unnecessary as we routinely leave shifts uncovered when there is no one to cover them.
So long story short, am I a selfish jerk for not canceling my time off and coming in?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could drop dead tomorrow and your work will replace you in a heartbeat.
They obviously don’t care for you nor do they respect your time. It doesn’t matter who has the ability to cancel their trip, it was planned ahead of time because of the vacation time that was approved prior. If anyone should take one for the team and is irresponsible, it’s the manager who should have planned things out better so a shift isn’t left uncovered. The mistake is reflected on them, not you guys.
I’m appalled when I hear stories like this about their workplace. Remember to always put yourself first.” xoxomissjenn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Everyone wants to be the boss until it comes time to make personal sacrifices. He was basically asking you to do something he was unwilling to (cancel personal vacation time to cover shifts).
This was his mess and the only one who needed to ‘take one for the team’ was him. He should’ve owned his mistake and worked the shifts.
Sulking, blaming his employees (who had nothing to do with his mistake), and then leaving the shift empty anyway to go on his own personal vacation were all immature and selfish actions.
Bosses like him drive me nuts.” princess-sauerkraut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and I would talk with my coworker and agree to forward the emails to HR. He has no right to act like that and try to force you to cancel your plans and retaliate against you only to then leave the department not fully staffed when he should have canceled his own plans and worked it after throwing those tantrums. He seems to be a very poor manager and HR should be aware of this in case he continues to harass you but tries to play it off as disciplinary actions for ‘other things.'” Less-Quality6326
15. AITJ For Not Helping My Wife's Friend?
“So my wife and I (both in our 40s) have a friend who lives fairly close by to us, over the years we have helped out this friend numerous times with money, childcare, transport, advice, and support and I have probably done more DIY at her house than mine.
Now, apart from possibly giving advice/support (I don’t know) to my wife, this has never been reciprocated, basically because we didn’t ever need anything from her.
To the issue, in mid-December my wife is planning a last-minute trip home to her mother before Xmas, I for once am unable to take her to the train station, so she face-timed friend to ask if she could take her, she asked and the friend said ‘no’, nothing else, no further explanation at all, and wife moves onto other subjects.
Now I’ve been on the internet for a while, so I know that ‘no’ is a complete sentence, but this really rubbed me the wrong way. I’m a firm believer in treating people how you wish to be treated, but sometimes you just need to treat people how they treat you.
So I have, I’ve stopped offering help and refused any requests that have been passed on by my wife (5 so far).
Now my wife isn’t stupid and knows why I’m doing this and says I’m a jerk because she was just trying to be assertive and has other people in her life who take advantage of her. I’m refusing to budge.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your wife have never asked the friend for a favor and the one time you do she said No. Wow.
I would also be saying no to every request from said friend. Your wife’s explanation of the friend being assertive doesn’t make sense since you and your wife most definitely were not taking advantage of her and the FRIEND IS MOST DEFINITELY TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU! This isn’t about you saying no to the friend, this is about the friend expecting you (not your wife) to just do for her anytime she asks.
In the 2-3 weeks since she said ‘No’ to your request, she has asked for help 5 times! Please point out the hypocrisy to your wife.” voluntold9276
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If her path to being assertive and setting boundaries is to put a wall between you and her then the wall is there. But maybe do talk to her about her to let her know that that’s what she’s doing because you like her and like being friends with her.
Don’t forget about it, and also don’t do stuff for free, since you’re saying you and your wife like socializing with her maybe said that is the boundary for your relationship since favors aren’t reciprocated.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she doesn’t sound like much of a friend. But you should communicate with your wife honestly about how you’re feeling about this situation, and why you will no longer be doing her ‘friend’ any favors.
She may need to rehearse how to respond when this lady asks again. Obviously, a ‘no’ is acceptable, but I have a feeling your wife will want to be more polite than that.
Good luck!” Sunarrowmeow
14. AITJ For Canceling My Netflix Subscription?
“5 years ago I (20f) got my first job. I got a Netflix subscription and used it a lot. My family S (14f), H (52f), and D (20m) asked for my subscription and we agreed that everyone would pitch in $3 monthly. After a few months, they stopped pitching in and I didn’t mind since I was still using it.
Last year I got married and we got a joint bank account. Since my husband already used Netflix we agreed that I would cancel my subscription to save money. So I let my family know that I would give them 1 month before canceling. They didn’t really agree but in the end, they had to.
After 1 month I got an email from Netflix saying ‘thanks for staying’. I asked my family and they said it was an accident, I canceled once again and had to pay for the extra month. It happened once again and I got mad, they said it was an accident and since I could pay for it why was it such a big deal. I canceled once again and changed the password.
I thought that that was the end but no no my mother called today pretty upset since I canceled the subscription and now she found out that we are using my husband’s family account that we aren’t paying for. She said she was disappointed in me since we had the money and she didn’t know why I was making such a problem out of it.
I was flabbergasted and didn’t know how to respond. So AITJ for canceling my subscription?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think it sounds about time that you set financial boundaries. It’s wonderful you helped your family out, and I suspect Netflix is just the tip of the iceberg, but it’s not your responsibility to pay for their entertainment.
The fact they restarted the subscription twice says they don’t have any respect for you. If they had this conversation would have happened to start with. Instead, they thought they’d just overrule you and use your funds without your permission. That’s stealing. However little it is, however petty it is, it’s still not right.
Make sure you haven’t left any of your other passwords in case someone feels entitled to use your other accounts and land you with the bill. I can see it happening.” Full_Worldliness1480
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your mom to buy her own and stop mooching off you. She’s not entitled to use your streaming service in the first place and should have just been thankful you let her for so long.
Keep it deactivated and tell them their free ride is over and your bank account is closed to them.
You are not your family’s ATM anymore, OP. Stop letting them take advantage of you. Your time helping them out is over. Time for them to act like adults and take responsibility for their own lives.
Stop giving them funds.” Elindriel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You were nice enough to let them use your Netflix subscription, but you were being taken advantage of. You set conditions and they stopped contributing for whatever reason. A precedent was set when you let things slide, so your family got used to that. Doesn’t make it okay, though.
If your family wants Netflix, they can pay for it themselves. They ought to be disappointed in themselves for the sneaky stuff.” LederhosenSituation
13. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Stop Trying To Guilt Us?
“In general, my SIL is fine. I don’t love her, but she’s generally not awful. She thinks that everything should revolve around the kids. And that everything that anyone does with her kids is a ‘bonding experience’ and those are all ‘so important.’
If anyone in the family is doing anything, she wants the kids to be involved. Even if we want it to be just adults, she starts guilting us. There are some things that are totally appropriate. Things like baking cookies? Sure, bring the kids! Building snowmen? Sure! Decorating for Christmas? Okay!
But for example, when my husband (her brother) and I were going on a hiking trip, she kept asking us to take the girls, as it would introduce them to the outdoors and be a great ‘bonding experience.’ We said no. This was our couple time, not ‘family’ time.
She got all stinky about it and even tried to send them over with bags in an attempt to ‘guilt’ us into it.
We mentioned over the holidays that we were going to be building a new addition to our home, and she immediately lit up and said how it would be ‘a great bonding experience’ if we got the kids involved.
My husband shot this down. It’s something that he and I are working on, together, to make our home ours. Neither of us wants to have to watch kids with tools and hammers and nails, keep them on track, deal with the whining when they get bored, etc.
She kept pushing about how maybe this would inspire her kids to take an interest in building or hands-on work and it’ll be a great bonding experience.
I said, ‘Can you stop with the ‘it’ll be a good bonding experience!’ every time you want to guilt someone into involving your kids?’
She got defensive and said that ‘in a NORMAL family people would WANT to spend time with the kids, it wouldn’t be seen as a burden.’
I said it’s not a burden, but brought up our hiking trip as an example and said that it was intended for me and my husband to just like… hike, maybe drink a little in the tent, and relax.
She got annoyed and was like ‘Well look at you having all the time in the world to enjoy each other and no time to spend with your FAMILY.’
We DO spend time with family. We DO spend time with the kids. We have even endured the god-awful family vacation with the kids just to make everyone happy.
But we don’t HAVE kids. We don’t want EVERYTHING in our life to revolve around kids.
SIL is still upset about this and keeps making passive-aggressive remarks about it to anyone who’ll pay her attention.
AITJ for saying that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she so desperately wants someone to bond with her kids, maybe she could like… do it herself?
Bond with her own children instead of pawning them off all the time so she gets to spend time without them without paying a babysitter?
Might be worth putting SIL on an info diet where your private plans and activities are concerned. House renovations are more difficult to keep quiet about, but not telling her about hikes, outings, and day trips you want to be just the two of you might reduce it.
But you need to get your husband on board for this one, or it won’t work.
A vague ‘we have plans’ is an acceptable answer if she asks if you’re available. You don’t have to give excuses (because excuses are seen as negotiable by people like her). So don’t say ‘sorry, we’re going to the movies’, because she can say ‘why don’t you take them with you?’ Instead, get used to just saying ‘We can’t’ or ‘Sorry, that doesn’t work for us’ or just ‘No’ and nothing else.
No excuses, no caveats, just a non-negotiable statement. ‘No.’ is a complete sentence, and a perfectly valid answer.” miasabine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Well, no you don’t spend all your time with ‘family’ just like you don’t spend all your time at work. You are a couple and you are your ‘family’… if you decide to add kids or a pet, they will be your family.
The rest is more ‘extended’ family. Honestly, your SIL needs to realize that pawning her kids to ‘bond’ any time she has the chance is not appropriate. The world doesn’t revolve around her or her kids. Also, doesn’t she think that ‘bonding’ should apply more to her/the kid’s dad than to other relatives?
What does she do to bond with her kids since she seems to try to leave them alone with you? Why doesn’t SHE bond with them? As you said, their tagging along revolves around if it is appropriate for them and if you don’t mind (e.g. not couple time). If you want to have fun with it, maybe find the most ridiculous activities possible (rated R or 18+) and tell her you are planning on doing them…” katonymus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s just dumping her kids on whoever will take them and calls it a bonding experience so she doesn’t have to watch her own kids. Annoying. My sister does the exact same. Don’t have kids if you’re going to do this to people. I understand asking someone to watch them because everyone, especially mothers, deserves a break.
But no means no. Don’t be guilty. And don’t ask when it’s obviously not gonna be fun to bring kids along!
Hiking? Not for kids. For a walk in the park? Yeah. But hiking? They’ll get hot. Tired. Bored. Scream. Cry. They won’t want to sleep in the tent, this that this that this that.
No way. Same with building something. No. Especially if they aren’t your own. Kids are dumb and get hurt in dumb ways. Shouldn’t be your problem.” buttaches
12. AITJ For Stopping The Kids' Hockey Game?
“I am a high school senior and I ref middle schooler’s sports for a bit of extra change and something to put on my college apps. The school pays me and I come by to referee. This time, I was reffing a hockey game played between two schools, it was little kids so I figured it’d be chill and low stakes.
But for some reason, a parent on my town’s team and two parents on the opposing school’s team were fighting with me over every call. All getting quite a temper for what was supposed to be a fun recreational game for children. I think they were drinking when watching the game too. And the craziest thing is that the other parents on each team, instead of telling the hotheads to cool it, we’re encouraging them, calling out stuff like ‘yeah’ or ‘he’s right’ or ‘yeah we all saw it’ when they’d yell.
I first started by reminding them that what the ref says goes, and arguing would not be useful.
Then telling them that I am a student myself, we are here for a nice positive fun recreational day for children to enjoy, and this level of anger was inappropriate. And any further temper would get them carded.
But the third time I had to start correcting parents I just told them all, from both ‘sides’ that this is a children’s game. For children to have fun. And tempers have no place here. The parents with tempers were red-carded (4-game ban), also I was cutting it short, and perhaps next time everyone could keep their tempers in check.
I went to turn out the lights in the rink and one of the parents tried to physically block me from walking that way by standing in between me and the switches.
The coach from my school district had to remind him that I’m a student and a minor and to step back. I turned out the lights and told everyone to leave the premises…
Some other people were mad and said that they had spent a lot to get their kids into hockey, and I said that there would be more games, but no amount is worth verbally berating an underpaid student. And if they wanted the next games to go to completion, maybe they could help me keep their peers in check and remind them that this is a children’s game, for fun, and that it will only be fun and possible if everyone agrees to treat it as a fun activity and put the children’s needs first.
I headed out and the coach from my school district supported me in that and said he’d work with the rec league to see if they would be able to reschedule the game or if it would be a draw.
He asked if I’d be comfortable reffing again and I said yeah.
I know a lot of the families would be mad but I’d honestly be fine to ref again.
I know a couple of parents have emailed the school wanting me to be fired but honestly I think they’d have trouble finding another ref as soon as possible… and firing wouldn’t be a big deal because I’m hardly paid much, I just do it for something to put on college applications.
AITJ for stopping the kid’s hockey game because the parents got tempers with me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I am a hockey official and have been for 20 years. I’ve worked minor pro, college, juniors, and youth.
One recommendation (if you decide to continue) would be to not interact with fans. No amount of reason or explanation will help. I used to think I could reason with fans, explain it’s youth sports, etc etc. Never works.
Trust me.
The proper procedure is to ask both coaches to identify the fan(s). Once identified, have the coach (that was able to identify the fan) tell the parent to leave and the game will not resume until they have exited. Give a timeframe and if it’s not met by then, suspend the game.
Get the name of the parent from the coach that was able to identify the fan. If the coaches are unable to identify, eject the fan yourself by simply telling them to leave. ‘Please leave the arena.’ Nothing else. Write down the descriptors of the fan. Follow up with a report to the schools with the person’s name or descriptor.
Zero tolerance. Parents learn pretty quickly to shape up when they are no longer able to watch their children. You’re also absolutely right that being berated is not worth the crap money you’re probably making. I can also guarantee that the parents yelling wouldn’t accept the same style of criticism at their place of work.
Also, try to do it earlier when there are one or two fans. Makes an example for the rest of the crowd before they join in. From my experience, the longer it continues, the more that join in, and the worse it gets.
Being young as you are, parents are more likely to speak out, and then get ENRAGED when you put them in their place, especially with words.
Letting the coach do the ejection takes some of that away. Also lessens the chance of you getting assaulted, which I have heard happen far too many times. Luckily never witnessed it firsthand.
Not criticism, just hopefully some info to help in the future. The less interaction with fans, the better for you. Echoing what everyone else said, kudos to you for being mature and professional.” turdnuggetteggundrut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%, and good on you for standing your ground against those outrageous parents.
Parents can be freaking insane. I refereed soccer for a brief period, it was brief mostly because I couldn’t handle the constant horrible parents. Never had issues with players, it was always the parents.
The worst was a game for elementary-aged kids.
So you know, every single kid is clumped in one spot all pushing and trying to get the ball. Which meant you could see nothing. And these parents were flipping out over every little thing. Like to the point practically that if little Timmy was looked at the wrong way by another player the mom/dad would be in hysterics.
The only time I ever had to cut a game short and I felt so bad for the poor kids.” Immolatedrose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The sheer number of jerk parents living vicariously through their kids’ achievements is astonishing as each year goes by. Every parent who wanted to be Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, A-Rod, Peyton Manning, et al is CONVINCED their progeny ARE the next Tiger, Wayne, Alex, Peyton, etc. They need to take a hard look at themselves but see nothing wrong with either forcing a kid into sports, refusing to let them quit, or being an all-around jerk at their kids’ games/matches.
With the pedestals sports figures are placed on, with little repercussions for being a trashy person, this is unlikely to change. Had I been the ref for future games, I’d likely kick all the parents out, let the coaches stay to supervise their team, and let the kids play a peaceful game with no spectators.
I bet it would be much less stressful for the children.” SadFaithlessness8237
11. AITJ For Refusing To Comply With My Neighbor's Demands After I Woke Up Her Baby?
“I live in an apartment building with very thin walls and floors. We know our downstairs neighbors and that they have an infant. Because of this, we’re always very meticulous when it comes to how hard we walk as it’s extremely easy for one hard footstep to shake the entire apartment.
I started taking a new medication lately and one of the side effects of it is dizziness, which has been a lot for me. I’m also very anemic lately, as I order vitamin supplements that I’ve been out of for a week.
Yesterday I was sitting at my table and spilled my water onto the floor.
When I got up to clean up the water, I got dizzy, lost my balance, and slipped on the water. I fell really hard, and I knew it probably made a huge sound. About 15 minutes later as I’m putting band-aids on my elbow and knee, I get a call from my downstairs neighbor.
She began yelling at me, asking me what that huge thud was and how I woke her baby up from his nap.
I apologized profusely and explained to her the fact that I fell and how I fell and that next time I’ll be way more careful than I was when it comes to doing something that could cause me to slip and/or fall. She kept on rambling about how furious she was, how her baby’s health is important, how she wanted a break, etc etc etc.
She then tells me that she wants me to walk to the store and buy her formula, diapers, and a toy. She specified that she wanted me to use my own money as it was part of ‘my punishment’ for waking up her baby. I would like to point out that I’m a minor.
It’s also 20 degrees and snowing right now. I was so taken aback that I just said that I wasn’t going to do that, and sorry one more time and hung up in her face. I ended up telling my mom and stepfather.
They said that ultimately she was out of line for talking to me the way she did but that I needed to be more careful and that I shouldn’t have fallen so hard, as well as I should have been more careful around my water.
I tried to explain to them that I have no control over how hard I fall but they just shrugged. They’re handling it with her now but regardless, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
First – your neighbor is psycho! If you live in an apartment, there’s going to be noise. If her baby is so sensitive to noise (which I think is ridiculous, I used to vacuum right around my baby’s blanket on the floor while they were napping on it!
MOST babies can be conditioned to not be such light sleepers) then she needs to move to a house! Then, after you are just LIVING in YOUR apartment her baby gets woken up and she demands you buy her diapers, formula, AND a toy as ‘punishment’ for LIVING IN YOUR APARTMENT?! Does she really expect you to spend $50+ (depending on the type of diaper and type of formula) to earn her ‘forgiveness’?
What does she have to forgive? You living in your apartment? She’s a wackadoodle.
Second – your parents SIDED WITH HER? What is wrong with your parents? Don’t they know what meds you’re on and the side effects? Why are they scolding YOU instead of sticking up for you to Whackadoodle? Like seriously? If you were MY kid, I would have made sure you were ok.
THEN I would have marched my butt up to Whackadoodle’s apartment and told her off for treating you like that! Your parents were cruel and uncaring and, to me, that’s worse than what Whackadoodle did!
NTJ – However, in my opinion, Whackadoodle and your parents ARE the jerks! I’m sorry OP and I hope you feel better soon!” bookworm1421
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds from neighboring apartments are something you knowingly sign up for when living in an apartment building. If she wants control over the noise level in her home, she should move into a house. If she can’t afford one, she has to accept that everyone has the right to live in their home, not only her and her baby.
Yes, your falling did make a louder noise than usual. But it was an accident and you apologized. That should have been the end of it. She is in no way entitled to make demands of a neighbor who had an accident in their own home. I can understand her being angry because having a cranky baby because its sleep has been interrupted isn’t fun.
But she was absolutely trying to take advantage of you by demanding you buy her baby things to make up for it.
It was an accident. You didn’t fall intentionally. It was not your fault.” gnixfim
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No matter how stressful caring for a baby is, she had no right to blow up on you over something you absolutely have no control over.
Your health and any medication side effects are not things you should apologize for. You didn’t make the conscious decision to spill your water, get dizzy, slip, and fall. It was an ACCIDENT. Even if you were roughhousing (or walking around like you’re on the ground floor) and THAT woke her baby, she still doesn’t have the right to demand you buy her stuff.
One of the pitfalls of apartment life is paper-thin walls. I know it’s a privilege in a lot of instances to be able to move elsewhere, but hearing your neighbors is one of those things where you either accept it as it is or figure out some way out — even if all you can do is ask the landlord to put your name on the list for the next available top floor apartment.
Again, I’m sure she’s tired and stressed but her attitude over this sucked and she’s the jerk here, not you.” jazzys0l0cup
10. AITJ For Not Going On Walks With My Dad?
“I am 15, and my dad and I go on walks early in the morning. It is the only time we get to hang out as he is really busy.
Last week, while we were walking. A girl with blue hair jogged past us and dad started to rant about how bad it looked and he said the girl was probably thinking she was unique and special and that she was probably just another dumb witch who likes women.
I want to color my hair and I want to go out with women.
I went home and cried, I have refused to go on walks with him ever since.
Dad is upset but I don’t know how upset because we don’t see each other if we don’t go on walks.
Mom is mad at me for stopping it and she is really pushing me to start walking but I don’t know, I just want to cry every time I think about it and I didn’t know he hated me this much.
I feel like a jerk because everyone is upset. After all, I stopped going on walks with him. I really don’t want to come out either.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to talk to him. He doesn’t know why he upset you, all he knows is you are upset and avoiding him. You don’t necessarily need to come out, but you do need to explain that what he said was insulting in general, and maybe that you really liked that style, and would like to do something similar sometime and that it made you feel like he would hate you and insult you like that if you failed to conform exactly to his ideal of what a proper girl should be.
And that it really hurt you when he talked that way.” grmrsan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because your Dad was clearly the jerk for his behavior. You did not tell your parents anything about why you don’t want to be with him, but you are his child and his words pierced your heart. You are not a jerk for protecting yourself.
You don’t have to come out or mention the homophobic part of what he said. You never have to reveal such a private thing, ever, if you don’t want to, especially if you wouldn’t be safe if he knew.
You can tell him that you felt hurt at that moment by his name-calling and that his misogynistic and bigoted words made you think less of him.
Why would he say things about a random person like that? Why does her hair color make her a witch? What if you colored your hair? Would he call you a witch? Would he support you if a stranger said things like that about you?” DWYL_LoveWhatYouDo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Those were ridiculously unkind and uncalled-for comments to make about someone who wasn’t bothering him in any way, and the fact that someone literally just jogging by, minding her own business, could set off a rant like that would bother me – and scare me – even if I didn’t identify with her.
You are his child, and he might change his tune if he saw you with colored hair and going out with a woman. It is possible. But it’s also possible that he would react really badly. You do not have to come out if you’re not ready, and you certainly don’t have to if it seems unsafe.
If you stay closeted with your parents, that’s not lying. It’s not dishonest or deceitful or sneaky. I want to be clear about this. It’s absolutely on them to make themselves safe people for you to share this kind of information with, and if they don’t do it, you have every right to protect yourself in whatever way you need to.
I’ve seen that some kids feel guilty for this, and I’ve seen parents try to guilt them for this when they do come out or are outed, and I’m telling you, choosing who to share your identity with is entirely up to you. No one is entitled to it, including your parents. Being closeted probably doesn’t feel good, but that’s the fault of people who make it unsafe to come out.
It’s not your fault. And if you do come out, and that doesn’t go well, that is also not your fault. Who you want to go out with says about as much about who you are as your hair color — which is also a stupid thing to get worked up about. Nothing about it makes you wrong or bad, being attracted to whoever you’re attracted to hurts nobody, and any person who tries to make you change it or tell you that you’re doing something bad is wrong.
Even if they’re your parent.
I don’t know your dad or your family, so I don’t know what’s best and safest for you to do. But I do think you should trust your own instincts and your knowledge of your family. If you no longer want to do it, I see no reason that you should continue taking these walks, Why should you if they’re going to leave you feeling bad?
Mainly, though, I would like for you to do whatever will keep you safest and healthiest as you grow into an independent adult.
For some kids, that means doing things like coming out and pushing back against hurtful stereotypes. In some families, there is room to argue about those things and still remain safe and feel loved by parents (and of course, in some families, it’s not a problem in the first place).
In other families, it’s better and safer to keep yourself to yourself until you reach adulthood or independence because there’s just no room for pushback. I hate that, I wish it weren’t true, but for some kids, it’s reality and I think it’s harmful not to acknowledge that. You should choose the path of whatever causes you the least harm.
I would also like for you to keep your eyes open for some adults that you can talk to. It’s not nice to feel like you’re hated at home, or like you would be if your parent knew things they don’t. It can help to have someone in your life – not an internet stranger – who can confirm for you that there’s nothing wrong with you, that you don’t deserve to be ranted about for hair or sexuality any more than that random jogger did, and that you’re valid and valuable and lovable just as you are.
I’m sorry that not every adult in your life will be the kind of trustworthy adult that you deserve to have in your life. It shouldn’t be something that you have to hunt for or take a chance on. And you shouldn’t have to look further than your own home, either. It’s not right and it’s not fair and it’s not your fault.” Old-Elderberry-9946
9. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Contribute To The Food?
“I (22/F) have been seeing my partner (23/M) for 9 months now. We aren’t in a serious relationship as I am studying for my master’s degree and haven’t got the time at the moment, and he wants to work on himself at the moment, but we were best friends before and really enjoy each other’s company so decided to see where it goes.
I live with some housemates at uni, am independent of my parents, and work 2 jobs to help pay for my studies as well as receive a student loan to cover my tuition and rent. Anyone from the UK may know that loan for master’s students barely covers rent and tuition, so my jobs pay for things like food.
He’s here a lot as we have to fit around my schedule of class and work whilst he is unemployed. He’s generally here 2-3 a week, so he eats a fair few meals here. Occasionally if I don’t feel like cooking (I really enjoy cooking, but he doesn’t know how) I suggest we eat out or order something in, to which he responds he would ‘rather eat the free food out of the fridge’.
Now, whilst I have 2 jobs, I by no means have lots of savings compared to other students, as I’m independent of my parents and run my own car as well. The ‘free food’ in the fridge is by no means free food, it is food that I have bought. I budget food into my weekly spending, but obviously now for several meals, I’m doing double portions for the both of us, and my food costs have gone up.
After a few weeks of this, I sat down for a chat with him where I asked if he wouldn’t mind contributing a little to paying (not much, as I generally prepare everything fresh so nothing prepacked, things like vegetables and meat I find to be a lot cheaper), and in return, I will cook him whatever he likes, as he’s generally fussy about the food I make for myself.
This really offended him. He said that it made him feel unwelcome in my house, since he’s my guest I should be feeding him. He also says it really bothers him that when I leave him on his own to go to class or to work, he has to go to the shop to buy a sandwich or something ready-made, as I have nothing prepared, it’s all just ingredients and he doesn’t know how to cook (it’s worth mentioning I don’t have snacks or anything ready-to-eat as I’m recovering from binge-eating disorder and not having food I can just grab and eat really helps me).
He said that he wants me to buy snacks for him, and he wants me to cook the food he likes but doesn’t want to pay for it.
I’m wondering now if I did something wrong. I totally see his side, I was raised to always look after guests. I didn’t mind when it was one night a week for two meals, but now it’s nearly half the week for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
It’s starting to increase my food costs, as well as now having to buy more expensive prepacked food and snacks for him that I won’t eat. I get that he doesn’t have a job as well, and can’t necessarily afford it, and relies on his mother for the same reasons when he’s not with me.
So AITJ for asking my partner to help pay for food?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, also who does he think he is to guilt trip you that you didn’t prepare him something before you leave for class or work? You’re becoming a parent, not a partner.
The only way this would make you a jerk is if you went over to his place and demanded free food as well, but it doesn’t seem to be the case.
Yea most of the time guests do not pay for food, (usually, if it’s a ‘you’re out of town and staying for a day or so, any longer and they pay’) but seeing as you are struggling and he’s demanding food he should help out too and also not be a jerk.
He’s also wanting you to go around your eating disorder recovery for him… selfish.” 113m0nDr0p
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s the jerk here.
He is using you as a personal chef and food supplier. HE IS USING YOU. There’s a massive difference between a house guest who comes over once or twice a month and someone who is eating there half the week and apparently is staying in your place while you go to work or school.
It is more than fair for him to chip in on the groceries and for him to purchase anything extra he wants. I actually cannot believe the audacity of this man. ‘There’s no snackies for meeeee. I have to get my own food.’
You have been more than accommodating. He can rely on his mom for all his meals in my opinion.
Do not put yourself in a bad spot financially to feed him when he absolutely can chip in.
To conclude, because this one hit a nerve apparently… YOU ARE NOT THE JERK.” atatroe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Especially the part where he tries to turn it around and say it is not nice when there is no food prepared when you leave and he is alone.
Then he has to go to the store to buy food.
So he wants you to always cook his food, stock the pantry with snacks, and not have to pay for it? Sounds like he wants a mother, not a partner.
If only there was some sort of resource that almost everyone has access to that will teach you almost anything you want, with videos that people make and guides on things, like cooking.
Oh wait, it is the internet.
His not knowing how to cook is his decision, one he made, and can now live with the consequence of not knowing how to cook.
I would think long and hard if you want a child as a significant other. I know you said you are not super serious, but if it were to eventually start to go that way, can you imagine how hard it would be to raise a newborn with another child?” GuvnaBruce
8. AITJ For Reporting The Food Delivery Guy?
“I was too busy to cook so I ordered delivery via app, sometime later received a phone call from the delivery guy (DM) that he is outside.
I went outside, he gave me my bag with the food and started chatting.
DM: You have a very pretty name.
Me: Thanks?
DM: You have cats, right?
Me: Yeah! How do you know? Am I that covered in cat hair?
DM : (laughs) At least they keep you company, right? Do you live alone apart from the cats?
Me: No, I live with a friend.
DM: (Staring at me.)
Me, awkwardly: Do you have any cats?
DM: No, but I used to, they’re gone.
Me: Oh, sorry to hear that. I also lost a cat a few months ago.
DM: We should get to know each other better. Want to go out with me?
Me: Sorry, no. Bye.
And I turned and went back inside.
Less than a minute later it hit me.
How did he know I have cats?
We were standing 2 meters (6.5ft) apart for almost the whole time other than the moment I came closer to grab the bag with food.
Even if he saw cat hair on my clothes, how did he know it was cat hair and not dog hair?
How did he know I have multiple cats?
On a hunch, I googled my name and yep, my old social media profile popped up. Alongside with picture of my oldest cats.
I haven’t used my social media account in roughly two years and I had my profile on public because pretty much the only thing I ever added was pictures of my cats and sharing some songs from youtube.
I immediately deactivated it.
I wrote an email to the food delivery app, asking if they could make sure I never get my food delivered by the same person and described my experience with him. They responded pretty quickly, apologized, and said they will address the situation in line with their internal protocols and that if he tries to contact me to block him and immediately let them know.
(I will also note that I am in my early 20s and he looked to be in his 40s-50s. Which makes it even weirder in my opinion.)
I mentioned this at work while we were just talking (I work from home) and most people did not see anything wrong with what the man did, even joked about it and said I should have just forgotten what happened. Some also think I went way too far by reporting him and he might get in trouble because of this.
It’s not like I told the company to fire him. I just said what happened and that I would prefer if he did not deliver food to me in the future.
Am I the jerk for that? I would not go so far as to call this harassment but it made me feel very uncomfortable.
This man knows my full name, my phone number, and my address.”
Another User Comments:
“The jerks here are your colleagues. Look at this objectively: a guy drops off an order and tries to get you to go out with him and, while this is a bit quick and would make anybody uncomfortable, he asks anyway.
It’s probably okay but forward. What he probably should have done is get to know you through regular deliveries, engage you in banal conversation, and then try to ask you out. Then you say no, and all is good.
Now, add in the ‘you’ve got cats’ comment and it sounds like weird and stalker-like behavior.
It’s creepy and unsettling. He tried to engage you in a mutual interest (great idea) but it seems he has already done his homework. No wonder he’s single.
You are NTJ. He needs reining in. Good for you. I suggest you invite a massive male friend or two round if you order food again, and get them to answer the door.
That might do the trick, and word may get back to the company that you’ve got a guy who is a black belt/sniper/mental case, whatever.” Thatcsibloke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is unprofessional for him to act like that on the clock and still creepy if he wasn’t on the clock.
The question of if you live alone could have been a roundabout way of asking if you have an SO but comes off creepy. His intentions could very well have been to gather info to break in and hurt you later if you were alone. He’s sketchy/sus. You handled it well. Hopefully, he doesn’t come back.
If he does contact you, I recommend you actually don’t block him and instead use it as evidence for a restraining order.” LunaRivera
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! It is so creepy when people use their professional job to discern personal information from unsuspecting people. I have had this happen to me twice, and both times I was extremely uncomfortable and it ended very badly for me.
It would be one thing if he had looked you up after the exchange to try and continue the conversation had it gone well, but the fact that he was intentionally searching out his customers before meeting them without any reason is an invasion of your privacy.
Also, the fact that he was asking if you live alone is a HUGE red flag.
Who does that? And don’t try and excuse it with ‘he was just trying to find out if she had a partner’ because if he was actually doing that, HE WOULD HAVE ASKED IF SHE WAS SINGLE! He was showing predatory signs in two ways, #1 subtlety confirming you live there, and #2 if there would be anyone else who could interfere with any intentions he may have!
I really hope you know what his vehicle looks like or even his license plate, I would immediately let any patrol officer in the area know to watch out for him since he now knows where you live.” EmbersHuman
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay A Friend's Fine?
“I (F24) work at a call center with Kelly (fake name) (F27) and we both work the same hours and the same days of the week 8:30-5 pm Monday through Friday.
The place we work is in the center of town. Both Kelly and I live about 15-20 minutes away from work, and she lives about three blocks away from me. This happened about 3 weeks ago on a Saturday, my car had some engine problems, it’s currently at the mechanics waiting for a part to arrive and I and my partner M26 only have two cars between us so it makes more sense for him to use the remaining car because he has much earlier starts and requires a vehicle during the day.
Since Kelly lived so close, on Saturday I sent her a message and asked if she wouldn’t mind giving me a lift to work in the morning for the next week (my partner could pick me up from work) and I offered to fill her tank on Monday and give her $10 per day she is able to pick me up for the inconvenience of having to pick me up.
She said it would be fine except she’d rather me just transfer her the funds now for the tank of petrol (which she estimated was about $90) and the $50 which would cover the 5 days of her driving me in the morning. I agreed and transferred her the funds.
All was going well until Thursday when she came to pick me up and she was talking about how she was low on fuel and we might need to pull into a servo to fill up and she asked if I could cover it.
I asked ‘why didn’t you fill up your tank with the funds I sent on Saturday?’ and she said ‘It’s already spent on other things’ and she didn’t have her card on her right now. She had a little less than a quarter of a tank left so I said ‘It should be fine to get to work and get you home and you can fill it up after work’.
We drove the rest of the way to work in silence.
The following day when she picked me up she was running a little late and I could see she still hadn’t put any petrol in. As she was pulling out of my street she asked again if I could pay to fill up her car.
I told her that I’d already given her funds to do that, so no we agreed on an amount on the weekend. She angrily took the corner quite quickly and sped up the street, she grabbed her phone and began to make a call and then an undercover cop who was behind us flashed the lights on and we pulled over.
She ended up getting fined for speeding, using her phone while driving, and not wearing a seatbelt correctly. It was close to $1000 in fines, we drove the rest of the way to work in silence which felt like it was literal years.
After work, late Friday I got a message from Kelly telling me that I owe her $500 for ‘my half’ of the fine because if she wasn’t doing me a favor and I had just offered to fill up her car she wouldn’t have been pulled over.
I obviously feel bad because that’s a huge amount, I don’t believe I am obligated to pay but some of my other colleagues that she’s spoken to this issue about agree with her. AITJ if I refuse to pay?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Kelly sounds like a greedy jerk. You paid her $90 to fill up her tank, and an additional $50 to drive you to work for a week, and she suddenly can’t afford gas and needs more money from you?
God no.
Frankly, I suspect that she had plenty of funds for gas, but figured she could guilt you into paying her even more. If not that, then she is doing a stupendously bad job at being an adult and planning how to get herself to work.
She then chose to speed, chose to use her phone while driving, and had already chosen to not wear her seatbelt.
100% of the blame for her ticket rests on her.” MultiFazed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was driving herself to work, too, so it’s not like she wouldn’t have been on the road if she wasn’t doing you a favor, first of all. Also, even if she was doing you a favor, she’s the one who chose to break the law.
You didn’t tell her to speed. I mean, if I offered to mow my neighbor’s lawn, then stood outside doing illegal stuff while waiting for the mower to warm up and got caught, I couldn’t say that it was their fault I did illegal things because I was doing them a favor. Finally, the idea that you not filling up her tank made her speed is ridiculous.
She’s the one who threw a hissy fit about it.
I’d say it’s time to find another way to get to work.” cherry_armoir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she chose not to use the amount agreed upon on gas. You had no obligation to pay her more, and unless she drives a 1990 Ford F-150 diesel or the like it doesn’t cost $140 to fill a tank for a week’s worth of driving on a route she would have had to drive either way!
She played you from the get-go, but you were nice about it and agreed to the terms. As for the ticket, I would tell her that you are willing to cover any fines that would have been a direct result of your actions. Which oh wow! None of them are! Since SHE was driving SHE was solely responsible for the speeding.
SHE wasn’t wearing her seatbelt, and SHE was on her phone for her own reasons. If she keeps pressuring you tell her you are fully within your rights to sue for her endangering your life as well as harassment.” EmbersHuman
6. AITJ For Refusing To Build A Relationship With My Estranged Mom?
“My (21 female) mother (55) and I have never had any sort of relationship as she left me after my birth. A little backstory, my mother had an affair with her Father-in-law, let’s call him L, whilst her husband was in prison.
This caused her to freak out and (by L’s accounts) wish she would miscarry.
L wanted to have a girl as he only had sons and wanted to raise a daughter, so he offered her a deal, she would give birth to me and L would take me to live with him so she’ll never have to see me; She accepted. My birth came and ever since then I have never seen or heard from my mother, until now.
My father passed away early last year, and after his passing, I got an unexpected call from my mother, the same person that never made any calls or attempts to reach out for over 21 years, she somehow got my number and asked me to meet up.
I accepted as I wanted to see what she wanted but I promised myself and my father, well more to him, that I will never forgive her, for anything.
The day came and I went to the park to meet her, and upon my arrival, she went in for a hug which I jumped away from. She looked confused but brushed it off as she continued talking as if we knew each other for a long time.
The conversations we had were mostly catch-ups on each other’s lives and how empty her home has been since her sons moved out; I finally understood why she wanted to reach out.
I asked her if she only contacted me because now she was left all alone and at first, she tried to play it off as she missed me or she wanted to rebuild our relationship but after pressing she let out that she was getting old and too weak to take care of herself and since none of her sons wanted to take care of her (and she didn’t want to go in a retirement home) she hoped I was willing to take her in and take care of her.
I scoffed and just got up, she tried to reason with me but I just ignored her and walked to my car. Later at home, my partner asked how it was and I just broke down. I told him it felt weird to see her and everything that happened; during this time I got a text from her, he and I looked at each other before reading it.
It went along the lines of, I’m sad the day had to be cut short but I know great restaurants that we can meet in again and hopefully build a relationship that we never got to have (not even mentioning her true intent on why she even contacted me).
My partner told me to think back on the promise I made and how much she hurt me, I listened and then texted her that I don’t want to have anything with her, especially after 21 years of no contact, and blocked her afterward.
It’s been days and I got calls and messages from both my mother’s and father’s sides of the family telling me how much I hurt her and how much she is heartbroken now. My partner tells me to ignore them as they don’t care how much I was hurt and how much suffering she caused me, with that I stand but still it feels… off.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have a right to draw boundaries with ANYONE in your life. Sharing DNA does not make her your mom, it makes her the woman that gave birth to you. She gave up being your MOM when she handed you over and walked away, never looking back.
Tell your family (on both sides) to mind their own business, that you’re a grown woman with a right to make your own decisions. If THEY choose to have a relationship with her, that’s THEIR choice, but they don’t get to make yours for you. Stick to your guns sweetie, family is what we make it, it’s the people that actually show up for us, love us, and want what’s best for us.
Sounds like you and your partner already have the beginnings of a healthy family together. Hold on to that and ignore those trying to guilt trip you into dropping your boundaries.” Altruistic_Canary951
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is your mother, but only biologically. It’s incredibly rude of her to expect you to be able to look after her in her old age.
However, you could suggest a contract of employment to her, whereby you allot a set amount of time per week/month to run errands for a set fee. If the rest of the family complains about you turning this into an income stream, tell them that they are welcome to give her their time for free, which they could be doing instead of wasting their breath complaining about you on her behalf.
If she refuses the employment suggestion, get up and leave anyway. You’ve lost nothing.
You are under no obligation to have any sort of relationship with this woman. Your partner seems to be the only person supporting you, giving you the space to analyze his opinion and your emotions before you responded to her. Anyone who empowers you to make your own decisions is a keeper, by the way.” DriverBright
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but everyone else is. Your father for making you promise to never forgive your mother. Whether you choose to forgive or not is COMPLETELY UP TO YOU. Not anyone else. Your partner for making you stick to a horrible promise like that instead of supporting whatever decision you make. Your family for pressuring you instead of supporting you.
And most of all your mother for expecting you to take care of her when she never once took care of you. And for trying to guilt you when she never once was a mother to you. You owe her nothing and anything YOU choose to give is because it comes from your own heart.
And you don’t have to give her anything. But if you want to, that’s fine too.
The main point being, no one else gets to dictate how you feel and who you choose to let into your life except YOU. And everyone who loves you should support you in whatever decision you make.” jennylala707
5. AITJ For Not Playing "Sonic The Hedgehog" Songs At Our Wedding Reception?
“So, my fiancé (30M) and I (28F) are getting married in a couple of months and going through the steps to plan the wedding and make sure everything we want is taken care of.
One thing that came up is what songs we’d like the DJ to play at our reception, and we started getting a playlist together. That’s where the disagreement started.
When making the list, we both listed some ideas, and then he mentioned he wanted to play some songs from the Sonic the Hedgehog games.
I thought he was joking at first, but he reiterated that he was serious, and listed a few songs he wanted to include. I asked him why, and he just said ‘they’re good songs’. I told him we weren’t going to do that, and he protested, saying that the songs didn’t mention Sonic in the lyrics by name and that they could just pass for music you’d hear on the radio, and no one would notice.
He added that it wasn’t like we were having a Sonic-themed wedding or playing it during the ceremony, just the reception and that his cousins had stuff like rap music playing at their receptions, but I don’t think that’s the same thing.
I told him I didn’t want to do it.
I’d be embarrassed if some of my family or friends recognized the song. He asked if I was embarrassed by him and I told him no, I love him and I’m not embarrassed by him or what he likes, but I just felt it wasn’t a proper fit for a wedding. He said he wanted some songs he liked to be played and not just music I like, and I told him he could pick something else, but he didn’t want to.
For reference, my husband is a big gamer and a lot of the music he listens to is from anime and video games, though he does listen to some normal bands as well, he seems really insistent on including songs from Sonic.
I know he’s been a fan of the Sonic games since he was a little kid so they probably mean a lot to him, but I just feel it’s kind of tacky for a wedding reception.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This feels like a small ask from him. A few songs at the reception. I’d feel awful if my partner shot this down when they know the games mean a lot. My wedding had some very small Harry Potter things thrown in because those books have meant a lot to me, and my wife knew it.
Same deal, not enough that folks would think it was a themed wedding but enough that those who were into Harry Potter would get it.
Also, your reasoning is pitiful. You seem to care more about folks at your wedding thinking something is tacky than your husband being himself. Who cares if some folks think your wedding is mildly tacky if you and your husband are having a great time?
The wedding is supposed to be for both of you, not them.” yoloxolo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Unless it’s a specific Sonic-only song, like a theme. But most films and games now have songs on their soundtrack or written specifically for them. It doesn’t mean they’re not good songs or can only be played in that context.
You should listen to the songs rather than passing this unilateral ban, and then discuss with him if you think something is unacceptable. Just out and out banning them because they happen to be part of a game too is ridiculous.
You don’t get to make these choices by yourself. You’re getting married. You’re supposed to be a team.
I think you’re being as immature as you’re accusing him of being.” Accomplished-Cheek59
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. This is probably a day that you have been dreaming of for years and you want it to go perfectly, but the harsh reality is that these things almost never are. What will last are the memories and the feelings.
Just as you want to look back on that special day and say ‘oh it was so great seeing him when I walked down the aisle’ he might want an ‘it was great dancing with my wife/best buds to that sonic song.’
The goal of a wedding (in my humble opinion) is to share and celebrate your love with your loved ones.
If a few Sonic songs will help that along then why not play them?
Let him have his song and if anybody gives you a side eye, look at your then-husband and smile since he’s the one who wanted it. Who knows. Maybe a few years down the line you can make it into a joke or something.” EJ_1004
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take A DNA Test?
“My dad found out my mom was having an affair and she won’t say with who or when but we know it’s likely around the time she was a stay-at-home mother. The thing is she had all of us (2 brothers and one sister) around the same time so any one of us could not be my father’s.
He’s divorcing my mother and wants us to take a DNA test to prove we’re his children otherwise he isn’t paying for college for us. He promised to do so before this and all of us have been counting on it.
My sister (oldest) did the test because she was confident she was related to our dad.
She was likely born before the affair and she looks the most like him so I was pretty sure she was. She’s also in college and is relying on our dad and he’s going to keep paying because the results of the paternity test came back positive. I have a feeling I’m not my dad’s biological kid since I don’t look anything like him and people even have commented I don’t look like the rest of my family.
I’m terrified because I think he’s upset enough that he won’t talk to me anymore and definitely won’t be paying for my college. I don’t want to take the paternity test because I don’t want to know but if I don’t I probably won’t get college paid for.
The money isn’t in a college fund but set aside as investments my dad has and isn’t going to go to my mom in the divorce proceedings probably. I don’t know how things will go and I’m starting college in September. I stupidly picked a pretty expensive school because I thought my dad would pay for it and he said it was ok but now even if my mom was willing to I don’t think she can afford it.
I’m so mad at her and my dad for putting me in this position. I’ve told him I’m not doing the test and he said that’s ok but he will assume I’m not his and not have anything else to do with me since I’m 18 already. I’m living with my mom but not talking to her because of this.”
Another User Comments:
“The only jerk here is your mother.
Listen I get that your dad isn’t handling this in the best way possible but just as you are dealing with this fallout so is he. His wife of many years had an affair and he has no idea how long, who, or when. His marriage is done.
The life he knew is done. His trust is broken, he has been betrayed, and worst of all his kids may not be his kids. The man is hurting! He isn’t handling it well ok but that doesn’t make him a jerk. You’re hurting too, don’t get me wrong I totally understand that you are.
But you can’t dismiss what he’s dealing with either.
Your mother is refusing to even say ‘no I didn’t two-time you around the time I got pregnant with the kids’ which means she probably was. I’m sorry you’re in this situation, truly I am but if the condition now is to get tested so he will pay for college that’s just his condition.
You are absolutely in the right to refuse but it is also his right to refuse to pay for it. A promise is not a legal obligation. I suggest you try to apply for loans/scholarships to see if you can get help that way.
Maybe speak to your mom and ask her to be honest with you, tell her your future is on the line and you need her to be honest and truthful, and ask her if your dad really is your dad.
If that doesn’t work maybe wait a bit and when things have calmed down a little you can have a sit down with your dad and talk all of this out. I think right now things are just too fresh.
No jerks here, except your mom.” tekwayyuhself
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ, but your parents sure are.
If I were counseling your dad I would ask things like ‘Are you sure this is the way you want to go,’ and ‘When we act out of anger and hurt we usually live to regret it’ and yadda yadda yadda. I would be doing that because he is hurt and he is not thinking straight.
Look, it shouldn’t be this way but it is, men have a deep fear of raising a child that isn’t theirs. It shouldn’t be, but it is. From when we were a little more than apes one of the ways evolution has shaped our species is that fathers are heavily involved with raising their progeny.
This is not universally true among mammals, it is a fairly unique trait to primates. That is hinged on the idea of raising his child, apes will get rid of the children of their new mates if their previous mate is gone. They have no interest in raising someone else’s. Interestingly, they will ‘adopt’ young apes, as humans will.
This fear is so deep that men will often have the opinion that children should be DNA tested for paternity after each birth no matter what. I disagree with that for a variety of reasons, but that is how ingrained this fear is in men. Men find it repulsive, the thought that they invested so much time and energy in some other man’s child.
It isn’t logical, really, but it is a fact we have to wrestle with.
I explain this so you might see what you are up against, evolution and pain. You didn’t do anything wrong, but you are in this position anyway.” Leucippus1
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your father worked and paid for you and your siblings for the last 18 years and your mom was a stay-at-home mom.
The terms of that deal were that she’d raise his children and he’d provide a life for her and them.
Now, when everything is paid for and he’s been manipulated like some workhorse, he finds out that his whole life is based on a lie and people want him to continue to work out hundreds of thousands and probably work to retirement, with no certainty all the kids are his, he’ll probably get destroyed in divorce court and have to pay your mother alimony as she hasn’t been working.
He’s been manipulated to be this woman’s slave and will probably be that till he’s gone.
Take the test, give the man some dignity back and let him make his own decision based on the truth. He may not want a relationship if you aren’t, but be grateful for what he’s provided so far under the circumstances.
He’s probably very angry and misdirecting some of it at you, but every time he looks at his kids at the moment he probably sees all the sacrifices he made for 20 years looking back on him like an idiot.
Yes, you are still his kid having been raised by him but have some compassion.
Most people go to college without it being provided for, you don’t even feel sorry for the old guy.” BurntoutAuditor6000
Another User Comments:
“You are not in any way the jerk.
But your dad sounds like he’s the type of person who does not view children as people. Instead their possessions, proof of his virility, trophies of his manhood.
You have every right to ask him why he is punishing you for something that your mother might have done.
To make it clear to him that he is the only father that you have known and how much it hurts you that he would abandon you like that.
If your dad is a good person then he will see through the anger he has against your mother and start to care about the pain that he is causing you.
If he doesn’t then he’s not a good person and I am so sorry that you had to grow up with a dad that was that much of a jerk.
In the meantime call your college and ask about financial aid opportunities, scholarships, or grants. And also ask them what their policy is on deferring your acceptance for a year.
I know that that’s a non-option that you want to consider and that it probably feels like a huge loss. But as someone who did take a gap year to work and save up money to pay for college, I was all the better for it. I was more responsible, I valued my education more, and I was more prepared to be independent at college and stay on track.
This situation absolutely sucks but there are ways to get through it.” Royal_Dragonfruit_12
3. AITJ For Giving My Cousin's Arrogant Husband A Reality Check?
“I went home to visit my family over the Holidays. There’s a guy Josh 32 I went to high school with. Josh likes to think he went to armchair university and knows everything. He fights about everything even if he is wrong. Josh married my cousin Melly 2 years ago.
I have a nice job in tech. I lived in the Bay Area but moved to Austin when my company moved.
Josh talked about how it was stupid for me to be in Austin and keep an apartment in Silicon Valley. He’s trying to give me some sage investment advice. He told me what he would do and how/where to invest my funds.
I told him, God, I guess he was the smartest Assistant Manager that Burger King ever had. He shut up after that.
My grandma called today saying Josh is in a bad place because of what I said. I need to set it right. He’s been fighting with Melly and got fired from his job because of how he’s feeling about his life.
My family thinks my comment at Christmas started this, but I don’t think I’m responsible for someone’s mental health or personal self-reflection. Josh should have stayed in his lane.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for what you said. He had a job and was working who cares where it’s at? You clearly thought you were better than Josh before he said anything because of his job and his lifestyle.
Not everyone had mommy and daddy pay for them to go to school. See how easy it is to look down on someone for their lifestyle/job? It’s his own fault for losing the job so that’s not on you. But we have enough of your kind moving to Austin acting like he has his life together and looking down on others for where they’re working/getting by.
Please keep your trashy attitude out of Austin y’all have ruined it enough. It’s not a city where we look down on people for working where they do. You just work in tech there’s always a bigger dog than you too.” Boxed_Juice
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, yeah he shouldn’t have said those things but there was no need to insult what he does for a living.
You clearly think you are better than him and that classist comment not only insults him but anyone else in a similar position or lower.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being an assistant manager at a fast-food restaurant. If I knew you I would be very much put off by you as a person if I heard such a comment come from your mouth.
Learn some humility.” Sserenityy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said it yourself and I’m inclined to agree.
‘Josh should have stayed in his lane.’
Unsolicited advice comes with some implied unsolicited judgment. If someone thinks they can go around subtly judging others in this manner, they better be walking evidence that their unsolicited advice delivers the results they claim it does.
You called him out for what he is: a phony, someone who tells others how they all can be as great as he is, only he’s not as great as he says he is.
If he had tried talking to you about something he could be an example of, he probably wouldn’t be so beaten down.
Say you sat around alone, sending emails on your phone, looking grumpy all the time. And it turns out (in this alternate universe) that Josh is a really happy dude and he comes up to you and says maybe you work too hard, and maybe you need a better work/life balance. Then maybe when you comment about him being the happiest BK manager out there instead, it wouldn’t hurt his feelings so much.” justsomeotherperson
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. So Josh is definitely one and I think you are one for the demeaning of his Assistant Manager position. He was giving unsolicited advice in a very jerkish way but you seem elitist and looking down on a person for the position they hold. You can look down on him because of the way he was acting but working at Burger King isn’t some horrible thing.
I don’t think it’s your fault for whatever happened after that though and he deserved to be put in his place but let’s focus on character.” Jwborg35
2. AITJ For Refusing To Cook Meat For My Sick Wife?
” “My wife has been sick with seasonal flu for the past week. I work from home so it’s been easy for me to take care of her alongside my office work.
Today, she asked me if I could make her some crab soup because that always helps her feel better when she’s down with the flu/cold.
I’m Hindu so I am vegetarian. I told her that I do not want to touch meat since it was against my religion but I’ll order some crab soup from a nearby restaurant.
She refused and said that homemade soup is better in taste and insisted on having crab soup made by me.
I stood my ground and said that I’d do anything else except for touching or cooking meat. She got mad at me and asked me to leave her alone. She also called me selfish for not making such a ‘small sacrifice’ for her sake.
AITJ?
Edit: I also offered to cook her something else that was vegetarian but she said she was craving crab meat only.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You should never sacrifice your morals or values to make anyone else happy, including your wife.
That she would insist shows a gross lack of respect for who you fundamentally are.
She is the jerk in this situation.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You offered to get her what she wanted from a local restaurant or make her something else. She refused both suggestions. She’s sick and feeling awful. I’m sure once she’s feeling better she’ll realize you weren’t the jerk either.” redpatoot
1. AITJ For Being Angry When My Husband Left The Kids Home Alone?
“I (35F) am the breadwinner of the house, and I had a very late night at work the other day.
I informed my husband (32M) that I wouldn’t be home until 12:30, so he should get the kids to bed by himself (I have four children).
However, when I arrived home about a half-hour early, I saw that my two eldest sons (12M and 10M) were staying up watching television. This wasn’t good, as tonight was a school night and they have a strict 10:00 bedtime.
I asked where hubby was and why he hadn’t put them to bed, to which they informed me that he had ordered them a pizza and left. When he got back an hour later, I blew up at him and asked him where he went.
It turns out, the reason he abandoned our children was that he and his friends wanted to watch a basketball game.
Now when I heard this, I saw red and ordered him to get out of the house until he was ready to apologize. He stormed out in an angry huff.
Recently my phone has been blowing up from his friends and some of his family saying that my eldest son was old enough to stay home alone and look after the other kids, so I’m wondering if I overreacted. That’s why I’m turning the judgment over to you.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The dude left the kids alone, with ZERO input from you, discussion, or notice. Screw him and any who support his actions. While I can see and understand the old enough to watch kids at 12 arguments, even I do not agree based on a school night and the number of all to be watched. Those texting you should be told they are your kids, not theirs.
And 12 yrs old for an hour or two at most during the day maybe, but not late at night on a school night. That they can keep their opinions, and stay out of your issue with your husband and your kids. Not to ever message you again like that about something they have NO say, and NO right to speak out on.
And if you making the majority of the money; yet he chose to skip out like he did to watch a basketball game, he needed to be booted out.
I have no idea how the relationship is overall other than this, but I will assume based on this story he does this kind of decision-making a lot.
And if that’s the fact, and he is the bio-dad; he should not be allowed to be in the position to do that again. But IF he is like that all the time in what he decides to do, and marriage is up and down; might be time to pull the plug and end it.” Gandoff2169
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
He’s technically the bigger jerk for not communicating with you. He 100% should have called and talked to you about his plans. It’s shady and lame to do something you know your spouse wouldn’t like and hope they won’t find out about it. I would also feel betrayed and suspicious and angry!
YTJ for not just talking to him calmly about it. Also, I was 12 when I first began babysitting, they really are probably okay. You sort of just came home and raged and raged and kicked your husband out and weren’t willing to just like… talk? And work together to establish a new policy? It’s okay to be mad but shouldn’t your focus be on a solution?” CherryWand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – though I think you did (slightly) overreact (not to what happened, but specifically in how you punished your husband.)
Regardless of how he felt about whether or not your oldest was old enough to look after his siblings, that is a conversation the two of you need to have before either of you act on it.
Family and friends don’t get to decide those things, you and he do as a couple and as parents. It was incredibly immature of him to both let the kids stay up beyond their agreed-upon bedtime (at least by that much) AND make the decision by himself that they were old enough to watch themselves (although clearly if they were still up, they are not).
That said, kicking him out of the house until he is ready to apologize seems like a knee-jerk reaction that doesn’t really accomplish anything other than letting the kids know mommy and daddy are fighting.
What he did was definitely worth addressing, but making him explain his actions and why they were wrong to your kids might help him see the error of his ways (if he hasn’t by now) and help them understand that this was not dad being cool and letting them stay up late, this was dad being selfish and making a big mistake and by no means the new norm.” JBagginsKK
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
If you want to be the breadwinner, fine. Then you need to let your husband have his life too. You seem to want to emasculate him on here, so I am 100% sure you do it to his face.
If he’s not working and you have chosen to be ok with that (it’s not the main point in your question), then live with the consequences.
The strict 10 pm bedtime is yours, not his. If you want it enforced, be home by then.
Otherwise, don’t armchair quarterback him. I notice you don’t say, ‘He goes out every night and never helps with the kids.’ It sounds like a one-off and you need to lighten up. They are his kids too (or are they?)” mongomad22
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