People Ask Us To Give Our Two Cents Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
20. AITJ For Calling My Fiancé's Mom?
“My fiancé (m22) was injured over a month ago and had surgery to correct things literally two days after the accident. I (21f) have been by his side the entire time. I have more or less become his caregiver.
In the last month, I have taken over the role of keeping our house together.
I cook all the meals. I take care of the pets. I stay up all night to tend to his endless needs. I take him to the bathroom. I have been working remotely. I haven’t left the house for more than an hour since the accident (aside from taking him to and from appointments).
I am not saying this to complain, I am grateful that my life allows me to support him the way I have.
My problem is his attitude. He was given very strong painkillers for the first two weeks after surgery. He had to extend his time on them and recently stopped taking them in the last week.
When he was taking them, he thanked me, told me how much he loved me, and apologized at every step, though he didn’t need to. Without the meds, he doesn’t seem to see that I am helping him. Every dish I bring him is the wrong one, he will yell for me and when I come he will tell me to ‘get lost’ If he’s in pain he expects me to fix it.
I am exhausted. I can’t do anything right and it is wearing on me. I haven’t slept in weeks. I haven’t seen a friend or family member in way too long. I can’t even be on the phone for more than 10 minutes without it being an issue.
After days of what turned into verbal abuse, I called my MIL. I told her everything as soon as I saw he was asleep. I cried for about 15 minutes. I felt terrible unloading on her like that, but I had so much built-up frustration I just couldn’t stop.
She was very supportive on the phone, let me know I wasn’t wrong to feel like that, and let me cry. After hearing everything she was furious and ended our call to talk to her son. She was awful to him.
I heard him trying to defend himself through the door but it was mostly just stammering.
She flew up yesterday and put me up in a nice hotel. I haven’t heard much from my fiancé since I left but as I was leaving he was yelling at me for calling his mom, he said he didn’t want to marry someone who couldn’t be there for him in sickness.
I told him I loved him and I was sorry, I am just so tired. He didn’t care and just told me to go, and that his mom could do a better job for him than I ever could.
So now I’m in my ‘way too nice’ hotel room, feeling like a major jerk.
I need to know if I am wrong here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Caregiver fatigue is a very real thing and though you’re doing your best, you’re not his nursemaid. As a nurse, I’m very curious about what surgery he had that doesn’t allow him to go to the bathroom by himself after a full month.
Your fiance is likely feeling weak and vulnerable and is taking his feelings out on you, which isn’t right. When a healthy person is suddenly debilitated it can really hit their self-esteem and cause shame. But that’s an internal battle he needs to confront on his own.
Most surgeries want people up and walking and doing normal things as quickly as possible so it sounds like he’s malingering a lot.” vampyrepanda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this man doesn’t need to be your fiancé. leave him as soon as you can.
accidents are what they are accidents. accidents happen all the time, who is to say this is the last accident he’ll have?
if you feel like you ‘can’t do anything right’ to a person you’re wanting to spend the rest of your life with, then you should leave.
Your fiancé is mentally mature enough to not have abusive behavior, there’s only so much a mother can do about their son’s behavior once the son is out of the house.
Your MIL won’t be there forever. Hate to say that but it’s true.
If she weren’t there in this scenario, you have to ask yourself what would you do.
You haven’t slept. And you haven’t had time for yourself.” dartully
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t take long to get addicted to opioid painkillers and then suffer from withdrawal if they are discontinued.
As long as he was on the painkillers, he was feeling generous and appreciative. Once they were withdrawn, the reality of his situation seemed intolerable and he started taking it out on you because… well, he could. You were an available target.
This kind of behavior towards a caregiver is more common than you think.
You did the right thing to get away from the situation before it got worse. His mother is better able to handle him, at this point. A person can only take so much.
Give it some time and just keep an open mind and see what happens. He may see the error of his ways, or the relationship might be damaged beyond repair. Just be glad you’re not married and can step away fairly easily if you decide not to stay in the relationship.” Crazy_Banshee_333
19. AITJ For Saying My Son's Wedding Reception Was Just A BBQ Party?
“My son and his partner, both of whom are in their early 40’s, were married on Friday. They decided to have a very simple courthouse wedding with only a select few close family members in attendance followed by a backyard BBQ reception at their home with more friends and extended family invited.
Leading up to their event I had misplaced the date a couple of times as my phone calendar has been acting up and not syncing with my computer which was the device I had used to input their wedding. Due to this, I had a few times accidentally went to make other plans for this weekend before being corrected.
Erroneously I responded I had forgotten about their little BBQ get-together and that I would change my other plans. Again, my phone calendar has not been populating from my computer. Additionally, unlike my daughter’s wedding where I was very involved, my son and his partner wanted everything to be understated and simple and so I had no involvement in planning.
They have been partners for close to twenty years at this point and I consider them basically married for all intents and purposes.
I am finding, however, now that the event is over, my daughter has told me she didn’t like the way I spoke about the wedding or reception.
In particular, she did not like that I referred to their party as a BBQ apparently. I find that since their father and I divorced that all the fault lies with me in my children’s eyes. I wasn’t aware of any offense, but my son will never tell me when he is upset and prefers to more or less ignore me half of the time.
I’m still not sure what social faux pas I’ve made with the younger crowd this time, perhaps nothing, and my family in particular is sensitive. Of course, I will apologize to my son if he took any offense.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your son is getting married and you did nothing else but downplay the situation by forgetting the date and calling it a ‘little BBQ’? No matter how long they were together a wedding is a special day and you made it very clear that it isn’t FOR YOU, that’s hurtful.
You seem to have a lot of resentment towards him, maybe because you got divorced and are a bit jealous or maybe because you couldn’t participate in the wedding as you would have wanted to, however, you are not respecting their wishes and accepting their choices as you should as their mother.
And you behave like a jerk and call your family ‘particularly sensitive’. That’s toxic behavior times 157367.” pluhgeh
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You didn’t just call it a BBQ, you called it a ‘little BBQ’. That adjective is demeaning and belittling for what it was.
Your entire story drips with condescension and judgment, even before veering into missing reasons territory of complaining about how you’re being victimized by your children for reasons you don’t know (you know them, you just don’t see them as legitimate reasons for them to be upset with you).
Then you top it all off with an ‘I’ll apologize if he took offense’, rather than ‘I’ll apologize for offending him and his wedding by continually forgetting the date and being dismissive about the entire event’.
Sounds like your son is very close to going no contact with you entirely because of your behavior – not just over the wedding, but everything else you conveniently left out but hand-waved about in an attempt to elicit sympathy and make yourself out to be the victim.” crumpledspoon
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
My mom did the same thing to my sister.
Was your input really not asked or did you not make it a priority because you thought of it as that ‘little BBQ’? You were clearly not taking this seriously.
It was just a ‘little family gathering’. This isn’t about the younger crowd being oversensitive.
This is about you minimizing the importance of this event because in your eyes ‘they were already married’. Is it because it wasn’t about the way you wanted it to be? Is it because your input wasn’t taken as much as you wanted that you completely disengaged from helping out? Because even if it’s a backyard wedding, there is ALWAYS something you can help out with.
The reason why your son isn’t over it is due to your apathy. It so wasn’t important that you had scheduled other plans that you had to move. As if you were doing them a favor!
Stop blaming it on your freaking calendar.
It has nothing to do with your calendar. It wouldn’t matter if they had been together for 200 years. Or if they were 10000 years old. If this had been a priority for you, even if they had decided to get married in a public washroom, you should have made it a priority.
Stop blaming your divorce because if your son doesn’t talk about it, it’s probably because it’s a recurring issue with you. You blame the divorce. You blame your computer. You never take any accountability.
You dropped the ball at being there and making them feel like they mattered and for that, YTJ aaaaaallll the way!” mybeating_heartbeat
You also seem blasé and apathetic about the whole thing. If it was my child's wedding, I wouldn't need a reminder to not make plans that weekend.
I don't know if this is because you already see them as married, or because you weren't involved as much as you thought you should be, but definitely YTJ.
18. AITJ For Uninviting My Stepsister From My Wedding?
“I (30f) and my fiance (36m) have been engaged for over a year we planned a destination wedding with. Wedding party of 6 on each side. My sister is my maid of honor, with my step-sister being my bridesmaid. Well, our venue was destroyed due to a hurricane and won’t be ready for years to come.
We decided to get married someplace completely different and closer to home now. We also decided to scale it back a lot and only have a maid of honor and best man. We also decided to have our kids at the wedding because ya know there are our kids!
Well, I told my step-sister I love her but we are not having a big wedding party anymore so I would love for her to come as a guest but not part of the wedding party! She went crazy telling me that she has a right to be at my wedding and she has always been there for me.
Why would I choose my sister over her? Now back story my bio sister (29) has always been my best friend and my savior my step-sister is 19 and grew up a lot different than we did she is more of the person who the day she turned 18 said now I am an adult and Noone can tell me what to do.
She has also been very disrespectful to my mom lately, who she lives with. She has been in my life for the past 14 years and I do see her as my sister but having a big wedding party means more expenses because I had to buy her dress and pay for her hair to get done and her makeup to be done (she was the only one having her makeup done, by the way).
So am I the jerk for telling her she is not at my wedding party anymore? Due to financial reasons and changing of the venue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s really simple, OP. ‘I know you are upset, stepsis, but we decided to completely scale back everything since we are moving the wedding locally.’ At the same time – I can understand that if she looked up to you and your sister when she was young and the families joined, that she feels excluded.
But she is not entitled to anything.
I would, however, look at the roles everyone will now be playing in your wedding. If she is the only family member or sibling that is now just a guest – you may want to reconsider.
I get she is a total pain in the butt – I have a sister like that too – but I also know if my sister was the only sibling excluded at one of our weddings – she would be deeply hurt by it.” ChakraMama318
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your stepsister is.
You’ve had to scale back your entire wedding – none of the original bridesmaids are going to be part of the wedding party. It’s perfectly reasonable to have the same maid of honor you originally had. Your stepsister is being completely unreasonable.
She is 11 years younger than you, while your bio sister is only 1 year younger, so naturally you have a lot more in common with her.” SirMittensOfTheHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your wedding, and the change in venue/scale sounds like a smart choice.
If you were like vindictively shutting her out because of some perceived slight it would be different, but as you describe I don’t see you as the jerk. Your step-sister sounds like she still has maturing to do, you can be disappointed without being mean. Good luck OP, don’t let it ruin your day.” Meat_Dragon
17. AITJ For Not Telling My Mother-In-Law About Her Son's Passing?
“My husband passed away recently after a very sudden and difficult struggle with cirrhosis. It was easily the worst thing to happen in my life. The damage was invisible for years, we never saw it coming. He got so sick, so fast.
After they diagnosed him, he lived a little over a year. We called all our family, including his mother, who otherwise we don’t have much contact with. I’ve always hated that woman. She has always been cruel to him, putting him down every chance she could.
When we called saying her son was terminally ill, she first denied it and insisted we were lying. Then she went on about how we should’ve seen this coming, that this is just what happens when you’re a heavy drinker. Of course, this shut down the call pretty fast.
She only called once after that, and we didn’t pick up.
A little over a year later, I had to bring him to the hospital, and in two days, he was gone. At that point, he was already just so confused and hardly conscious.
I told my parents and his brothers, and we were the last people to see him. I wasn’t doing very well at the time either, everything just happened so fast. I wasn’t ready to make any of those decisions, and between the doctors and the bills and just seeing him so sick, I didn’t even think about his mother.
In the days after, I just didn’t want to deal with her. I know that’s horrible, but I was just so tired.
She called me a few weeks later, I’m not sure how she heard. She was hysterical, which I know is understandable.
She said I robbed her of saying goodbye to her son and robbed him of a proper service. I should have just hung up, but I was so hurt and so angry. I informed her a very nice service was held, and every important person in his life was there.
I said she must be mistaken and blocked her number. She’s gone ballistic. Called my brothers-in-law in tears about how I’d ruined her life, went on social media about how devastated she is and publicly begged me to talk to her, how she just wants his things and to know what happened.
Even my parents said it wasn’t my place to make that choice for my husband, and I should try to talk with her.
I know I probably should. I know he was hers before he was mine. But she made him miserable, and if he had been able to choose, I know he wouldn’t have wanted her there.
I don’t think she deserved to see him, and I don’t think she deserves to have any of the things that were his. But now that I write it all out, it really sounds horrible. Maybe I’m out of line to make that call.
The only people who haven’t said I was being cruel are my husband’s two brothers, who know how she can be.
But other than them, she was the only family he had. Maybe it isn’t my right to interfere with that. Maybe beyond a jerk.
Am I an absolutely awful person?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Blood relationship does not entitle anyone to be in someone’s life. She didn’t earn a place in her son’s life. That’s on her. You and your husband gave her a chance to be there for him in the end, and she made her choice.
She sounds like a narcissist who is more concerned with garnering public sympathy and playing the victim than actually caring about her own son’s passing. Continue to block her from everything, including your own thoughts. I am sorry for your loss.” SpookyTeaTime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She didn’t care enough to fight to see him while he was dying.
His brothers didn’t bother to tell her when the end came. They didn’t tell her about the service. Don’t discount the fact her other sons felt it was a good idea to leave her out of the loop.
I’m sorry for your loss OP.
IF you decide to reach out make it clear to her before the talk happens that you will not tolerate her crap. She starts yelling. the conversation ends immediately and you will block her again. If either of your BILs is willing to sit in on the talk even better.
If she won’t agree to behave, then back to no contact.
But no you aren’t the jerk.” Fun-Replacement1998
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your husband wanted to spend his last year in peace without all of his mother’s negativity. 90% of the time I feel a dying reconciliation can produce positive change.
She sounds like that 10% who will only change through loss. The fact that none of the brothers told her says it all… she is probably cruel and insulting to them as well. I believe God has a hand in situations like this. There are individuals who are such tough cases that extreme loss is the only tool left in the chest that might melt her hard heart.” contrarian1970
16. AITJ For Being Distant From My Family?
“I (27F) moved out 6 years ago. I’m the second youngest of 7 children, 5 brothers, and 1 sister. I visit my nieces (10,12) probably every second weekend – every fourth or fifth I’ll have them for a sleepover, and I’ll pick them up from their parents.
I guess it hit my sister that nobody has seen where I live, having a big family we aren’t close exactly – we don’t text, and I haven’t spoken to my brothers in like 2 years.
I was always the moody one, they didn’t see that I was depressed and even now I’m seen as the ‘grumpy’ one.
Sister asked if she could visit where I live, I know she’ll tell my mother if I let her know – I’m my mother’s least favorite child, I’ll get a lecture about how ‘lonely’ I must be (I do not want a romantic relationship or children so it’s her and my dad’s opinion I’m lonely or unhappy).
She threw it in my face that she’s closer to the family than I am because she ‘tries’ and I’m a jerk for ‘continuing’ to keep my family at arm’s length despite constant attempts to reconcile.
(My mother texts occasionally and offers to buy things for me, and my dad texts ‘funny’ videos or political crap that we always used to argue over)
She said I couldn’t see my nieces until I realise what a jerk I’m being, I don’t think I am being a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sis was clearly okay with the kids being at OP’s house without knowing where it is.
The free childcare for a weekend came at that cost. And Sis sure seemed willing to deal with that.
But now that she can use this knowledge as a weapon against the OP, she was to know where she lives.
Wouldn’t be surprised to find that that good old Mom had discovered that Sis is in contact with OP and is pressuring Sis to find out where OP lives.
Because why else would Sis suddenly care about the whereabouts of the children when she hasn’t cared before?
As someone who is also one of seven kids, the power plays within large families can be brutal.
Looks like OP loses her nieces and Sis loses her free childcare and her relationship with her sister, if OP needs to maintain her boundaries, and I’ll bet she really needs to.” krankykitty
Another User Comments:
“There are no jerks here. Your sister is not a jerk for wanting to see the place where her children are staying for several hours or overnight.
You could be a Howard Hughes-type recluse, peeing in bottles, or a hoarder who has to wander through paths of mail to get around your apartment. I’m not saying that you’re any of those things, but those types are certainly out there.
You’re not a jerk for not wanting your family to know where you live, but you probably have to make a choice between withholding this information from your sister or watching her kids.” 1800TurdFerguson
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. The child is not responsible for the relationship they have with their parents.
Your parents have been setting the stage for what type of relationships they and their kids will have long before you as their child even knew what was going on. Have your parents been trying to reconnect with you or is your sister taking on the burden of maintaining that relationship? You for your own sanity’s sake have your boundaries in place.
It is not up to your sister to demand you take them down. It’s nice that your parents are at least in contact with you and it may be that your current level of engagement is working for each of you.
So maybe your sister needs to butt out. I come from a 7 kid family too. I’m the youngest but the sister who is right before me totally cut ties with everyone and moved to Colorado. I’m the only one she calls sometimes and she’s happy. Family should just want you to be happy and not force their expectations on you.” Icy-Bonus-5377
15. AITJ For Not Giving My Mother-In-Law A Cardigan?
“When we first got married I wanted to make my MIL a set of knitted personalized Christmas stockings. Each one took me 6 hours and I had to make 8 of them because my husband has a large family and I didn’t want anyone to be left out.
She was not happy with them, they were too tacky and not modern enough for her. So she gave them to Goodwill. I was so absolutely hurt but figured it was my own fault for not making them more her style so now I only make things for myself.
For her birthday she wanted a knitted cardigan. I didn’t want to make it and I didn’t have the time or supplies either. I just got her some flowers and a card. We went to their house for her birthday dinner and she was immediately not happy as soon as I walked in.
She asked me where was the cardigan and that she had been waiting for a month to get it. I told her that unfortunately, I didn’t have the time but I had got her something else. She just got really quiet the rest of the night.
Later my FIL called and told us that I had caused my MIL to feel like I didn’t care anymore because I wouldn’t make the time. I brought up that the last time I made her something she took it to the Goodwill.
My FIL told me that I was being a jerk and it shouldn’t have mattered what she chose to do with her gift.
I’m starting to feel terrible but I really didn’t want my MIL to just trash my hours of hard work.
I should’ve just made the cardigan regardless and my husband agrees. My family thinks that I didn’t do anything wrong. So now I feel very conflicted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. As someone who crochets, these projects take hours of time.
If you were paid by the hour for completing something like a cardigan, we could be looking at hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars. You tried being thoughtful before and she wasn’t receptive at all nor did she appreciate your hard work.
She blew her chance.
No one can demand you do free labor for them. No one can emotionally blackmail you into doing free labor for them. Honestly, your husband needs to stand behind you on this. Idk how long you’ve been married but there needs to be mutual respect between you and your MIL, which he can and should facilitate.
Also, tacky Christmas stockings – isn’t that the point? It’s the one time of year you can pull out all the stops, especially with stockings. She could’ve used them one year and maybe added something to them later so they fit in with her ‘style’.” restfulworld
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Get her a knitting guide for dummies and say that she has so much more time than you to make things that you thought she would appreciate knowing how to knit her own items in the future to make sure they are up to her standards, after all, no one wants to spend time making something for someone that won’t be appreciated.
And get your FIL a book on manners and gift etiquette as a man of his age should be aware that it is rude for a gentleman to speak as he has to a lady. Highlighting in the book the correct actions he should take in providing apologies and thanking people for gifts just in case he is forgetful in how to do this due to his age.” GeekyFreak07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She didn’t like the stockings you made and gave them away. Now, that is, if not outright rude, at least very callous. But, they were a gift, and no one is obligated to keep a gift, though it is generally kinder to keep a handmade gift.
She didn’t, which was a very good indication to you that it would be silly for you to continue to put in all that effort and spend all the funds on supplies for another handmade gift, even one she said she wanted.
(And, it’s pretty nervy of her to demand any gift, never mind a handmade gift.) Just like we aren’t obligated to keep gifts, we are not obligated to give them either, particularly not when they represent a ton of time and work.
Overall, I think you’re in a no-win situation. She sounds like a very controlling woman who creates a lot of strife and throws tantrums when she doesn’t get her way – hence the nasty phone call from your FIL – she threw a fit at him, and he transferred it onto you.
My guess is that even if you had made a cardigan for her, she would have found something wrong with it and blamed you for that, no matter how lovely it actually was. So, since there’s no way to please her, you might as well relax and not worry about it. If you don’t let her wind you up, then you aren’t playing, and you have won. And at least you didn’t spend all that time and energy and give a lovely cardigan to a rather nasty woman.” NotWithoutHopeYet
14. WIBTJ If I Don't Want To Go On A Vacation With My Brother's Significant Other?
“I don’t live with my dad, he lives in a different city with my stepmother, stepbrother, and halfbrother. I always had a pretty good relationship with my brothers, my stepmother not so much) so the situation is I (18f) go on vacation with my family and family friends about once or twice a year.
This summer there would be a two-week trip to new york city, going over to Boston via boat. I just asked my dad who would be joining and besides some of his really lovely friends, my brother’s (18m) significant other (18f) will join too.
I met her only once and she would not say a single word to me, I guess that could be worked out.
However, my problem is I feel like my dad is replacing me with her. A couple of months ago they went on a trip to Spain without me, telling my half-brother (10m) not to tell me because I could be jealous.
This has happened a few times before. My dad barely talks to me anymore and I only see him a couple of times a year so I was really excited to go on this trip, but I don’t know if I can bear being alone or babysitting for 80% of the trip.
So I’m asking WIBTJ for not going just because she is joining?
Side note: I have asked if my SO could join too, my dad and stepmother did not seem to like this idea.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, haters gonna hate. You clearly want to go on the trip and spend time with your family so do it! Your best revenge is to have a great time and be great company the entire trip! Do not let your brother’s SO OR your stepmom drive a permanent wedge between you and your family.
And it’s fair to babysit some but not all the time. Carve time out for yourself too, doing other activities. And definitely talk to your Dad. You’re in his will. He pays for your Boarding school. There is a show of love and responsibility there.
And yes, of course, privileged people are allowed to have feelings! Good luck!” dianeyear
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think some kind of conspiracy is going on here among your step-mother and your brother’s SO, maybe they want you out of the will and have started to subtly keep you out of your father’s sight so that when the time comes convincing your father to cut you out of the will won’t be a problem.
The more you stay away from your father the less he will have any kind of feelings for you (sadly men are like that, I had seen my fair share). I would suggest you go even if it’s annoying. And don’t miss on any time you would get to spend with your father.
Trust me you will see the results in a long run. And don’t trust your step brothers, ignore the girl like you would ignore a garbage can by the side of the road. Don’t give her attention, pretend that she doesn’t exist.
And if she creates issues out of it, act like a victim who doesn’t know why she would think like that. And lastly don’t complain to your father about your issues with your step-mother’s side of the family if you are not sure that he will definitely be on your side.” Sure_Figure3063
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you would be the jerk for not going, but since your not seeing your dad that often now and are already feeling resentful about the replacement, I think you should go and take the opportunity to speak to him alone and calmly.
Explain how you feel and why and tell him you want to continue to have a relationship with him and his brothers. The way I see it if you don’t go your stepmom and brother’s SO win! And then they will have the perfect excuse to exclude you from more things and dig their claws into them more! Don’t attack them, be super friendly and when you talk just explain how you feel without trying to blame them, give him a chance to see things for himself, no one reacts well to being told they are being dumb or played.” Nadidani
13. AITJ For Giving My Pregnant Friend A Glass Of Wine?
“My wife (32F) and I (35F) hosted some friends including Mike (34M) and Amanda (35F) for dinner last night. Amanda is (just) in the second trimester of her first pregnancy. Amanda and I have been best friends since school – this is relevant because we know each other pretty well.
I’ve also known that Amanda was pregnant since the day she took the test (she actually told me before Mike, because he was at work), she’s not told everyone else yet apart from her family as she feels like it’s too early.
So, the other guests didn’t know. I’ve not seen Amanda much since the start of the pregnancy because she had awful morning sickness. This has since subsided.
I cooked a ‘pregnancy-safe’ meal (basically no rare meat/mercury-heavy fish) and didn’t serve appetizers like cold cuts of meat, soft cheeses, etc.
These are things I know Amanda wants to avoid eating – I asked for a list beforehand.
For drinks, I put three different soft drink options on the table (and water), a bucket of beers, and then asked who wanted a glass of wine.
Amanda said she wanted a glass but was ‘driving home’ so would only have one (she wasn’t driving before we start a debate on driving under the influence, thank you). I poured her a glass, she drank it, the evening went well.
This morning Mike called me and said he was furious that I offered Amanda a glass of wine and that she shouldn’t be drinking. I said that I didn’t specifically ask her if she wanted to drink, I posed the question to everyone and she answered.
I told him that she can make her own decisions about her body and what she feels is safe. I may be the jerk because I then told him not to be so controlling and our discussion became a bit heated.
He hung up and is not speaking to me. Amanda is upset (at both of us) because of our phone call. I also feel bad because the start of her pregnancy was rough due to the sickness, she had to have IVs a few times, but she’s luckily not been sick for at least two weeks now.
For context, I have been pregnant four times and I have three children, I lost my first pregnancy early in the 1st trimester.
So AITJ for giving her a glass of wine?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Pregnant women can make their own choices as to what they decide to eat or drink.
You asked what food she wanted to avoid in order to help her both avoid that food and keep her pregnancy a secret.
You didn’t specifically offer her any liquor, but she said she wanted some and you gave her a glass of wine.
I think you’d be the jerk if you didn’t respect her choice.
Mike sounds jealous of your relationship, but they are married so you should try to get on with him.” DrSaks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
All pregnancies have risk factors. Even if pregnant women were mandated to stay home and eat carefully prepared gruel perfectly mashed up to avoid any choking risk, there are still risk factors that cannot be avoided.
That’s where it becomes a judgment call.
One glass of wine is such a small amount that it’s unlikely to be a problem on its own.
But, it is a risk that isn’t entirely necessary, so the couple could discuss it between themselves.
Whether they agree that a glass of wine is fine or not, that’s up to them, not you. It’s the same with how they enforce their agreement.
If the husband doesn’t like her decision, he should take it up with her. If she doesn’t like him butting in, she should take it up with him.
Not your fetus, not your family.” RoL_Writer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You offered Amanda the choice of multiple drinks and she chose to have a glass of wine. Her right as an adult, her body, her pregnancy, and her choice.
It sounds like Mike is the jerk, a very controlling and bullying one who has a big problem with the fact that women over the legal drinking age have a right to choose for themselves. You are lucky that he is not speaking to you, doubt that you’d want to hear any more booze-related prohibition nonsense from him.” londonmyst
12. AITJ For Prohibiting My Husband From Posting A Video With The Front Of Our House In It?
“My (28F) husband (31M) and I live across the street from a small state park with a little lake, walking trail, bike path, river, etc. My husband and I (mostly him) walk it almost every day with our small child (2.5F) and dog.
He is very active on social media, mostly favoring Instagram, and will often post short videos of him walking with them over at the lake or by the river.
Today, he came home from a walk with our dog and showed me a time-lapse he did during his walk.
It starts with him in the parking lot of the state park before crossing the street and following the trail that ends at our front door. I told him it was super cool and a neat perspective. I then heard him fiddling around with music on his phone, like the same short tune playing repeatedly, so I had an idea of what he was doing.
I glanced at his phone and saw him posting it on his Instagram. I immediately asked him not to since it literally shows the walk to our front door, we have a small child who lives here and I don’t feel comfortable with people we don’t know where we live.
(He has mentioned on his IG the town we live in before and any true internet sleuth who wanted to could find out which lake/state park it is). He immediately got huffy and told me that I was overreacting, then went to sulk in the garage.
He didn’t end up posting it so it’s not a big deal, but I need to know. Was I overreacting? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Not at all. I wish people used more common sense when it comes to what they reveal online. I don’t know whether your husband is like this.
But a lot of guys view safety issues through a different lens than women. They’re not used to thinking of themselves as in danger, and will often do things, or not do things that leave them vulnerable in ways we as women would never dream of doing.
So if he seems a bit confused, or is taking a bit of an attitude about your caution, it’s not because you’re being unreasonable. It might be because he’s just not used to thinking in those terms.” jerbrett
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not overreacting.
This is a reasonable boundary to set.
Is anything bad likely to happen because a stranger could technically figure out where you live? No. But could something bad happen if you are unlucky enough to become the target of someone with bad intent? Yes.
Do you slightly increase the likelihood of becoming the target of someone with bad intent when you post public videos online? Also yes.
I think that you have set a perfectly reasonable boundary. Many people wouldn’t be comfortable publicly sharing videos of themselves and their kids online at all.
Not including images that enable strangers to find out your home address is a good compromise. It minimizes any risk to you, your home, and your family, but still enables him to share details of his daily life, which he obviously takes enjoyment from.” d00mscr0ller
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are well within your rights to have boundaries with regard to what he posts about your home where you also live and your child also lives.
Looking out for your well-being and the well-being of your kid is not overreacting.
You said that he’s already posted the general nature area and mentioned the town before, which you seem (perhaps reluctantly) okay with. I’m wondering if there can be a compromise with this video in which he can edit out the part(s) that show the neighborhood/your house.
I also think having a serious conversation (i.e. not ‘in the moment’ where he’s getting defensive) with your husband about your boundaries might be a good idea so that he understands why it’s not ok for you that he posts your home/neighborhood in addition to the nature area where he walks.” Dragnsfire
11. AITJ For Being Clingy With My Sister In Front Of My Fiancé?
“I (29f) have a fraternal twin sister along with two other siblings (we’re in the middle) My family is generally more affectionate than is typical I feel. Nothing weird, we just always hugged and cuddled up on the couch and stuff like that.
Honestly, it makes me sad that most families where I live don’t do that.
My fiance (28M) and his family are no exception to that. The only relative he hugs is his mother, I’ve literally never seen him touch his father, and in general, they just seem colder to each other.
Still, they never said anything about me or my family, so I return that respect and we get along fine.
Anyway my sister moved out of state a few years ago, so I was excited when she was coming back for a week last month.
We offered to let her stay with us, and she was happy to do so. The three of us spent her first day after she got here diving around seeing some stuff in town, and we had a good time.
That night though, my fiance asked to talk with me.
He said he thought that I was being a little too ‘touchy-feely’ with my sister. I don’t think we did anything shocking, the most I can think of we did was hold hands when we were walking a few times, and I guess we snuggled up a little that night while we were watching a movie.
He didn’t even sound angry, but he just seemed almost worried for me in his tone. I told him he didn’t need to worry, we were just raised differently, and he said ok. The entire week though, he just seemed uneasy, and almost disturbed.
He never made any more comments, but he just acted freaked out the entire week. Now I’m wondering if I’m the weird one, and he’s right to be uncomfortable.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it could be that he was raised equating affection with attraction and has a difficult time separating the two.
Perhaps start with getting into a more in-depth discussion of why he feels this way, and go from there. Ultimately, this may be an issue best handled through some counseling as this is a pretty important issue. For instance when you have children (if that is in your future) would you be comfortable with him very likely showing considerably less physical affection than you would be, Would he be comfortable with the level of affection you would provide? Even without looking at the future how will you resolve his discomfort while still maintaining the loving family relationship you enjoy? This is not an issue to sweep under the rug and hopes it goes away.” Cat-astro-phe
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – honestly the vibe I’m getting here is that you and your partner live together and you have introduced a third party temporarily staying with you.
Of course, this will change the dynamics. It doesn’t have to be in a romantic way. If a best friend stayed with you and took up a lot of your time, intimate time such as hugging, movie-watching holding hands, I think it is more than fair for the guy to feel out of sorts.
He has raised it in a fair way. Hasn’t implied anything romantic. Just reassure him of your bond with HIM, don’t leave him out of activities, etc and I’m sure he’ll get on board.” confused-88
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s probably jealous that you are doing all that with your sister and not him.
Either that or he’s not that intimate and thinks that you shouldn’t be either. Either way, he has some things he needs to work out if he wants to be with you. If it’s the latter then he sounds pretty controlling and is going to be a difficult partner. If it’s the former then he just has to get over himself and there is more hope.” aqualad33
10. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Brother?
“My (29M) father (72) has been in the hospital since January 15th. He was discharged to a skilled nursing facility last week and will be there until at the earliest April 12th. I have been handling his finances since then (making sure his rent is paid/utilities/phone etc).
I went to go withdraw funds from his account today and the balance was around 540, which I shrugged off as his social security goes to a different account. I withdrew the 500 and just took the rest from my account, planned on paying myself back with the funds from the SS account.
A few hours pass by and my aunt calls me and tells me to look into the account for uber eats transactions. Turns out my brother took a picture of my dad’s card when he was admitted to the hospital and has been using the card for uber eats since then.
I called the bank and got them to go over his transactions with me, and in the end, the total was just shy of 1800 dollars, and this is only since January 16th.
When I confronted him about it he said he did it by mistake and that he really thought it was the card he was using.
He said he’d pay it back on payday. But here’s my issue, if you really thought it was a mistake, why order twice today knowing you didn’t have the funds until payday? My brother is insanely poor due to bad financial decisions, so he doesn’t have two nickels to rub together, in fact, his bank account is normally in the negatives.
So how do you justify spending 1800 dollars?
Now I know up until this point everyone’s thinking obviously NTJ. But here’s where it gets questionable. My father is mad at me for doing it. He said my brother called him after I confronted him about it and my dad said as long as he pays it back it’s fine.
He even told my brother he could continue ordering food if they needed it. So my father said I went over him by doing it.
The police arrested my brother about an hour ago and my dad is livid at me and wants me to go bail him out.
I told my dad ‘How? He spent all your funds on fast food, there’s $13 in your bank account right now’.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your brother is the jerk for committing a literal crime against your father, whether your father wants to forgive him or not.
He needs to face the legal consequences of his actions and you reported him before your father told you he was against it, so he has no right to blame you for the misery brought upon your family by your brother.” realstareyes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your father is a victim of elder abuse and might not be totally competent because of what he was in the hospital for.
Your brother is manipulating your father and consciously chose to steal funds and food out of his father’s mouth to put in his own.
Your brother has a history of bad monetary decisions. He doesn’t regret his actions. There’s nothing keeping him from doing this again.
If your brother won’t be accountable for his own actions, someone has to do it for him. You protected your father and held your brother accountable by calling the police. The outcome will be determined by the conscious and deliberate choices your brother chose to make.
Your brother made his bed. Let him lie in it and learn his lesson.” mimi7600
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In all honesty, it sounds like you need to become your dad’s conservator. If your aunt is someone you can turn to for advice or support or to back you up, do so.
I may be reading this wrong, but it sounds like your dad is on a very fixed income and doesn’t have a lot extra. A loss of $1800 is a lot in that circumstance and your dad can’t keep bouncing back from that over and over.
Your brother deserves to be in jail, frankly. Taking funds from an elderly man who’s in poor health so you can order food is despicable! I feel so bad for you and your dad. Your brother is not a good person.” dawgmama62
9. AITJ For Working Even If My Daughter Was Sick?
“I (30F) have two daughters (3 years and 18 months).
I work as a nurse and was offered three bank shifts (extra shifts basically) at a huge increase in pay – think 2/3 of my monthly pay in three shifts. The pay was high because the hospital was really short-staffed.
They are both in nursery full time, 8 am-6 pm, and my husband agreed to take on the extra childcare needed as the shifts were 12 hours, 8 am-8 pm.
It’s not abnormal for me to have 12-hour shifts, though usually I work 8 hours.
My husband is perfectly capable of looking after our children when I do 12-hour shifts.
My in-laws live a 5 minute walk away and are both retired. My SIL is also nearby and is a stay-at-home mum.
During my first shift, the nursery called me and said my youngest had a fever and had to be picked up.
I called my husband and asked him to go because he could work from home, and if I left work, I wouldn’t get paid because these are bank shifts. I would also likely be ‘blacklisted’ for leaving despite the circumstances. My husband agreed to sort out childcare or pick our daughter up.
He said he would also look after her over the next two days so I could work all the extra shifts.
He then called his mum to see if she could pick up our daughter and he would come home. His work is a 45-minute drive, and MIL was a 5-minute walk from the nursery.
MIL told him to stay at work and not to worry, she’d look after her.
He got home around 6 pm, they put the girls to bed together, and MIL said she wanted to stay over and look after her the next couple of days too.
My husband agreed.
After my third shift, MIL got angry at me for working and said that when my child was sick, I should’ve canceled the extra shifts. Said I was selfish. She went home and won’t answer my or my husband’s calls.
SIL also sent a message to me about how she would NEVER let someone else look after her children if they were sick, and how could I be so selfish.
My daughter had a mild fever and a cold. She wasn’t seriously unwell.
If MIL didn’t want to look after her, my husband would have because opportunities to take bank shifts at that rate don’t come around often.
So, if you made it to the end, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be on that phone asking her why she didn’t trust my husband.
And when she got confused, told her it was obvious she didn’t trust him with his own children and demanded to know why.
Now. I know this might be the uncommon response, as the right thing to do is assume your husband loves his kids.
But when she splutters and spoofs, you’ll know you’ve gotten your point across.
You are two parents. You are not a single mom, and both of you have jobs that (making an assumption) could be high-stress, overtime-is-rare jobs. (Assumption) It seems as if you would do the same for him, and I guarantee if your kid was sick, you would be told to deal with it, your husband needed to make funds.
This is the culture that needs to be canceled. Women are not required to be the sole caretakers of the children of the world, and your MIL sounds like one of those women still tied to the umbilical cord. Break it.” CassandraArianaBlack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all… Are your in-laws aware of the economy? Joking aside… she offered for your husband to stay at work and said SHE would look after the kids… Then got mad after she offered the help? That makes no sense.
Your husband also was okay with you working and him taking care of the kids, she didn’t have to do anything but made the choice to. So where does she get off thinking it’s acceptable to hold it against you for something she chose to do? Her choices were not your fault for working extra shifts.
Her choices were presumably out of kindness and love for her grandchildren, and now is acting like you made her do it and holding it against you. Has your husband said anything to her?” Shelbie0419
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are definitely not the jerk by any means.
You and your husband had arranged that he was on childcare standby for the evenings for sure and if anything should happen these three days because the two of you wanted this opportunity to earn the extra funds as a family unit.
I think your husband was a little bit of a jerk here, to be honest. Yes, you have MIL and SIL nearby… but notice how in this story all the expectation on childminding is placed on the women? MIL is angry at you for not watching your children when you are working 12-hour shifts.
Your husband, who should be watching his children, immediately dumps the responsibility off on his mother. You state, oh, he has MIL and SIL who can do it. Why should they? These aren’t their kids. These are your husband’s kids. He should have been watching his own children in the first place, especially while they were sick and needy and cranky, and especially when that stretched out for three days.
Yes, your MIL volunteered to watch the kids. She shouldn’t have done that and then gotten mad later. And that certainly shouldn’t have been directed at you. But I think you and your husband need to have a conversation about whether you are asking too much of your MIL and SIL in terms of childcare and she might be saying yes out of guilt or other reasons and then feeling overburdened. If your husband said he was going to watch the kids those days, I think he should have watched them himself, not immediately dumped the responsibility on a female family member.” avocadosdontbite
8. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner I Own The House We're Living In?
“My partner (m25) and I (f26) recently decided to move in together, his lease had expired and his roommates were looking to move out with their partners. The rental scene where we live is crazy at the moment and he couldn’t find anything close to where he works that fit his budget.
We’ve been together just over a year so I decided to offer him to move into my place, it’s only about a 20-minute commute for him to get to work and my friend recently moved out to go and live with her parents again so it was just me in the house.
He agreed and he moved in about 3 weeks ago, the issue began when he started to ask how much his half of the rent was, I responded and said rent wasn’t an issue and that it’s just easier for me to continue with how it was before he moved in, he was taken back but we agreed to split water, electricity, groceries, etc.
50/50.
Last weekend I had some family over and my dad was asking me about interest rates and my mortgage. He overheard this conversation and after my family left we had an argument.
He was upset that I didn’t tell him that I owned my home, he feels as if I lied to him and deceived him, he was upset because he feels like I betrayed his trust.
I do see where he’s coming from but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, I was eventually going to tell him I just didn’t think I absolutely had to tell him at that moment.
Most of my friends are telling me that I should have told him before he moved in but a few of them firmly believe that it wasn’t a huge deal.
Ultimately I think the reason is that I don’t tell my partner that I own the house we live in together and then telling him it’s no different if we moved into a rental together.”
Another User Comments:
“It takes 1,000 truths to make up for one lie, even the little ones.
That’s something my dad has always said. I know he doesn’t mean it literally, but when someone breaks your trust it takes a very long time of no lies to feel like you can even begin to trust them again.
When someone lies to you, they break your trust.
How could we know to believe them, when we know them to be untruthful?
‘he started to ask how much his half of the rent was, I responded and said rent wasn’t an issue and that it’s just easier for me to continue with how it was before he moved in’
This was the time to tell him.
He asked you directly what the deal was, and you responded with a lie by omission. This is still a lie, it still breaks trust.
When anyone, a partner especially, breaks your trust, it can feel so violating.
YTJ. You should have told him.” ashleighbuck
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If he was concerned about more than his pride and the way he found out about the homeownership, he would have asked you to clarify the rental terms before he moved in or at the three-week mark when you said you would just be splitting food and utilities.
Do you see a future with him where he has a stable job and career, and the two of you are both on equal financial footing? Maybe this setup makes him feel like he is being kept.
You may want to apologize by saying that you are happy in your relationship and that you feared disclosure might change things.
Tell him that the other alternative—not offering for him to move in—also might have changed things, but it would also not benefit him in any way.
Even though you have been together for over a year, 25 is pretty young to find oneself in a rent-free arrangement with a significant other.
It’s not a lot of time for him to know what it feels like to be independent. (Even your old roommate moved back in with their parents.)
I think deep down you knew it might mess with his head, which is why you kept quiet.
If he can’t handle this kind of adulting, or if you will always be in a less-than-equal relationship, this may not be the guy for you. I hope however it works out and makes you happy.” GladysKravitz21
Another User Comments:
“I would say YTJ.
He specifically asked about the rent and you deliberately lied about it. I think this would be an issue showing a lack of trust in him as though he may be a gold digger if he knew you owned it and now he can’t trust you either.
Also, like it or not, one person owning a property whilst living together as a couple creates a power imbalance legally in terms of housing. If I had been put in your partner’s situation I would be concerned that if anything went sour in the relationship I’d have no rights in terms of staying where I was etc.
How much notice would you have to give him to kick him out? He could end up homeless in a second with no legal comeback because he isn’t on a tenancy agreement or a mortgage and you have all the power.
This is something he should have known before he moved in and gave up his place.” bexindisbelief
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I think everyone sucks here. He should have asked whatever questions he wanted about the house before agreeing to move in. If he assumed you were renting, why not ask how long your lease was and what rules there were and whatnot so he could plan ahead and make an informed decision? But you also should have been upfront about what kind of situation he was getting into.
Why wouldn’t you think to inform him of the details of his living situation? Why did neither of you talk about stuff like rent and utilities until after he moved in? Neither of your behaviors regarding this situation indicates the maturity required to take the next step in your relationship.
‘Finances were something that my parents always told me shouldn’t be discussed’
They should be when you begin to enmesh your lives together. Moving in together means taking on the financial responsibilities of the place you live in together. Soon you guys are going to be discussing grocery bills and things like that. There comes a point in your relationship where you have to talk about this stuff.” Valkrhae
7. AITJ For Not Getting My Sister Something From Her Registry?
“I (29f) have a sister (26f). She’s pregnant and recently had a baby shower. She had a registry of things she needed. I didn’t buy anything off of that though, I had ordered custom-made onesies with my niece’s name on them, and a changing pad.
I don’t have much funds, I have a geriatric dog who cost a lot. I thought the gift I gave was cute and meaningful, and that she’d also be getting a lot of other gifts.
After the baby shower, my sister pulled me aside and asked why I didn’t pick anything out of her registry.
I had said I saw those and thought they were cute and the registry is just a suggestion. My sister got annoyed and said the registry is stuff they actually need and that I gave her useless things, then walked away.
I guess she talked to my mom because my mom also said to me I should’ve just picked something from there because I know how my sister is and it would’ve helped her out.
I’m now upset because I was excited about my gift and wasn’t aware that the registry was so important.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
As a general rule, always stick to the registry.
These are items that the recipient has expressly stated that they need or want. You can’t go wrong.
You gave your gift with the best intentions. I usually stay away from personalized items for a baby shower because if something were to go terribly wrong with the pregnancy and the baby is lost, it becomes one more reminder of the loss.
I will usually save personalized items for after the birth.
Your sister is a jerk for her reaction. Your gift may not have been what she wanted but it was given with love and good intentions. She should have expressed some gratitude.
It is not like you gave a gift that will never be used. You can never have enough onesies with newborns. Between the frequent spit-ups and diaper blowouts, babies go through lots of clothing changes.” Life_Is_Good199
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your sister wasn’t gracious, and you did err by avoiding the registry.
I think your heart was in the right place, but you misstepped by not prioritizing what your sister would find valuable. For future showers, know that you can always add something cute and personal, but make sure you hit the registry
As a 1st-time mom, I can tell you that building a registry is a TON of work and research (baby registries are way different from wedding registries).
People usually agonize over putting the right things on them and try to be sensitive about the right balance of price points and things they very much need.” pinpoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to get a personalized gift for your sibling, which was heartfelt.
That being said, she’s not 100% the jerk either. There’s actually a stupid social pressure put on new parents to make a registry so friends/family can help. A lot of people are pressured into making a registry, and spend effort and time picking out things they feel they need, only for the same friends/family who demanded a shopping list to ignore it.
It can feel like an insult for someone to basically say ‘Hey what gift do you want’ and then show up with something else entirely.
That’s not what you did by any means, but I think with new parent stress, it’s possible your sister got a lot of this registry pressure and misplaced her annoyance at the process toward your genuine effort.” Just_Signal_834
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your sister was very rude and should have accepted the gift graciously, no matter if it was from the registry or not.
But the whole point of a registry for things like weddings and baby showers is to prevent 5 people from buying the same thing – and from places you can’t return it.
You may say ‘Oh, everyone needs a changing pad’ but not if she gets five changing pads or someone gets five waffle irons at their wedding because people went off the registry.
The onesies sound absolutely adorable. I would have loved that gift.
One reason for using a registry even with things like clothes is because babies grow FAST. If people do their own thing and go off the registry and everyone buys the cutesy stuff for the smallest babies, then the baby outgrows those within just a few months and then has nothing to wear.
Some babies who are born larger outgrow them even sooner than that. So often moms ask for clothing across a range of sizes on their registry so the baby will have at least a few essentials for the entire first year and she won’t just have to give all those onesies away in a garage sale six weeks later.
Again, I think she was very rude in the way she said it. I’m just explaining why registries are important in these two instances.” avocadosdontbite
6. AITJ For Throwing My In-Laws' Food Away?
“My husband’s brother and his wife are staying at our place for 2 weeks while they’re on holiday where we live.
It’s been a bit more than a week since they arrived. Now I get that while people are on holiday they don’t necessarily want a sit-down family dinner every night so every morning I check with them if they’re having dinner at home and if I need to cook for them.
Every day they said yes, so I cooked extra for them.
They have either come late and barely touched the food I made or not made it to dinner at all despite saying they would. They also have been bringing restaurant leftovers home every day.
Today I did the weekly grocery shop and when I got home I realized I didn’t have space for groceries in the fridge because it was basically takeaway Tetris in there!
(I had spoken to them about this on Weds and Thurs already and BIL said he would sort it… which he did not… there was food in there more than a week old)
So I binned everything except what they brought back yesterday (Friday) and put the groceries away.
When they got home they must have wanted to dump more stuff into the fridge. My SIL came running up into my bedroom and started yelling at me for ‘touching (their) stuff’ and saying how dare I throw her things away.
I think she’s being self-centered. She hasn’t touched a single one of those containers in 7 days, why should I have to keep them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not okay for them to think it’s cool to keep that many takeout containers in your fridge.
I totally understand keeping the previous night’s leftovers, that was the right thing to do.
How inconsiderate of them to agree to dinner and then not show. Understandably they want to go out and fill a lot of their days with activities, they’re on holiday.
But to use your home as a two-week hotel is rude, self-centered, and trashy. They could at least have a few dinners with their in-laws and hosts to spend quality time.
Are they comfortable enough to use your home as a hotel but not comfortable enough to be upfront about their plans? They should at least send a text to say they’ve changed their plans and are eating out instead.
Have they even offered to bring home dinner one night for everyone in the house?
The audacity of your house guests to behave this way, in-laws or not.
I hope they at least treat you and your husband to a nice dinner out before they leave to thank you for not only your hospitality but for the cost saving of not getting an actual hotel.” RaeKn47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They’re being rude and disrespectful by saying they will be having dinner with you and bailing every night causing you to waste food.
They keep bringing home leftovers and not eating them, taking up a lot of space in your fridge. They are disrespecting you.
You could have warned them that they need to either eat the leftovers or throw them out but who is going to eat week-old leftovers in the first place? For her to yell at you in your own house is beyond disrespectful.” Ok_Report_3201
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your SIL was out of line, but I do think there were other better ways to handle it, such as piling up all their takeaway stuff on the counter and filling up the fridge with the new groceries.
They have appalling manners and obviously lack the gratitude and appreciation of your generosity to be good houseguests. I also wouldn’t make another meal with them in mind. They are clearly using you to supplement their vacation dollars. And next year when they call to say they will be in your area, be sure to ask them which hotel they will be staying at and suggest maybe you could share a meal at a restaurant ONE NIGHT while they are in town.” Opposite_Pineapple16
5. AITJ For Charging My Son Rent?
“Last year, my aunt died and she left me her 3-bedroom house in a nice area. I could easily rent it for $3000 a month or sell it for a million. I’m being bombarded with offers.
However, the place needs a lot of repairs and after paying taxes, I don’t have the funds to do it and haven’t decided to rent or sell.
My oldest son, the Franklin, is 23 and just finished college. He works for an engineering company. Basically, I said he could live there as long as he pays the bills (taxes, utilities, etc) and starts fixing what he can so I am neither losing nor making funds.
In the meantime, I can start saving funds for bigger projects and repairs and my son can keep an eye on the house. It will take a few years minimum to finish everything.
Recently, Jeremy received a $238,000 inheritance from his maternal grandfather.
The first thing he bought was a Porsche. I feel like he can afford rent. All I am doing is subsidizing a rich kid’s housing expenses. Plus my finances are starting to take a hit and I have two other sons from my second marriage.
I found out that my son moved in with his partner which I’m not happy about. I talked to my son and I said between his inheritance, moving in his partner, and my finances, that he needs to start paying rent.
He got furious with me and said I was trying to rip him off and back out of our deal. Then he said that I’d use the funds to make the house presentable and sell/rent when I should just give it to him.
I said I’m not dropping this and I’ll back with an offer but he will pay rent.”
Another User Comments:
“So, you told him he could live there without paying rent, and once he got some funds and you found out about it, now you want a piece?
You are dishonoring your offer to him.
You do have the right to toss him out, it’s your house, but don’t pretend you didn’t offer him something and then change your mind.
YTJ for acting like you aren’t just taking it back because you’re irritated he got inheritance funds and want it for yourself.
He should move out and you should manage to fix up the house, this is obviously not good for the relationship.” Reddoraptor
Another User Comments:
“YTJ at this time – you made a deal and now you want to back out on it because he has funds.
A true landlord doesn’t make a deal and then change the price when the rentee gets a new, better job.
You do have the ability to evict him though. I feel like that’s a bullsh*t move, but definitely an option. And the way the house sounds – good luck actually renting it out.
Sounds like it has code violations at the minimum. Sell it if you don’t want to deal with it – but you have to deal with the repercussions with your kid.” Global-Foundation-69
Another User Comments:
“This is why it is often not a good idea to mix business, and family.
You were fine having him live there for the cost of bills when he was a just graduated poor kid, but now that the tables are turned and you are hurting- you want him to pay out. And it comes off like you are after a chunk of his inheritance.
In that sense – YTJ.
What you should do is make up your mind on what you want from this property. If you need to sell it, sell it. If you want to rent it at market value, follow your county’s procedures to have him vacate and rent the place out.
If you need to make repairs before you can do either – do it yourself or pay someone to handle it. Factor that into how much you will make off the property.
But what you should not do is use your status as his parent to have him live there cheaply or charge him rent any longer without a lease in place.
Because the fuzzy boundaries here are going to drive a wedge between the two of you. He hasn’t done enough repairs, he moved his partner in – both things a lease would spell out. Him wanting the space to be his adult home instead of an extension of his childhood home with you overseeing him- also something a lease handles. And ruining your relationship over inheritances is just not worth it.
If he was smart what he would do is take his inheritance and purchase his own place, so that he can start building long-term wealth for himself.” ChakraMama318
4. AITJ For Not Renting To My Pregnant Friend?
“I (32F) grew up in a low-income household and was determined from an early age to start investing and owning real estate. I graduated from pharmacy school with minimal debt and bought my first rental property. I currently own 4 rental properties with my fiancé.
We both learned how to remodel and fix basic things to keep costs low. We use the rental property funds to invest in stocks and are looking into buying a 5th property.
My best friend (32F) of 15 years has been married to her husband for 3 years and they have 1 child and 1 on the way.
Their landlord has decided to evict them. He has given them 60 days to find a new place. They have asked if they could live in one of my rental properties.
The problem is they are not very clean people and that is one of the main reasons for their eviction.
My friend has 4 cats and they pee EVERYWHERE. On their clothes, sofa, and beds. They also tend to scratch the walls and cabinets. She just says it’s just because they’re jerks. Their current home is on the brink of being on a hoarder’s episode.
Her husband spends his free time playing video games and does not try to help with cleaning or doing any ‘woman’ chores.
My friend has also asked if we could give her a discount on the rent since they are about to have their 2nd baby.
Both of them work but my friend’s job will not pay her the whole time she is on maternity leave.
I told her I could give her a temporary reduction on the rent but she would not be allowed to have the cats.
She said they are like her children and could not get rid of them. She said that would be like asking to get rid of her human children and I am the jerk for even suggesting it. I told her those were my stipulations.
I have been fortunate that my tenants with pets are respectful and clean up religiously after them.
She currently is not talking to me and telling our other friends that it’s my fault she is about homeless. A couple of friends have said I should make an exception but I’ve put so much time and funds into these homes.
So am I the jerk for telling my friend she can’t move in with her cats?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. DO NOT make an exception.
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
They have shown you how they treat other people’s property.
And since they know you, they are likely to treat your property even worse. They also strike me as the kind of people who would be very difficult to evict and would try to call your bluff when you tried to kick them out, thinking that they could just go on social media again and pressure you into doing what they want.
Do you not fall for it? Stand your ground, and avoid this headache.” BDizzMcNizz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as someone who flips foreclosures absolutely not. Your friends that are saying you should make an exception have no idea how much damage the cats and your ‘friend’ can do.
The home we currently live in we bought at 25% market value because the previous owner had to evict a tenant like her and the home wasn’t rentable or sellable. And what kind of friend goes around badmouthing like that? You gave her the terms you were willing to rent under and she rejected them, if your friends say anything to you tell them the truth.
I doubt they would let her stay with them either.” Ok_Homework8692
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is why landlords want references. Nonpayment isn’t the only reason someone can be evicted… with failure to keep the property reasonably clean and in good upkeep being nearly on par with nonpayment.
You are within your right not to allow pets. Many rentals don’t… usually because they have had to pay tens of thousands of dollars to repair the damage from pets… urine-soaked floors, urine-soaked drywall, scratched and chewed walls, dug-up yards, etc.
Plus cat urine is PUTRID. It is NOT safe for a newborn to be in a house full of ammonia.” Glass_Status_5837
I'm telling you, if you let them move in, you will never get rent and your place will get ruined. If you're going to let them move in, you might as well give her the property.
3. AITJ For Teaching My Wife's Kid How To Use Knife And Fork?
“My spouse (38F) and I (39M) are having a parenting disagreement when it comes to teaching the kids how to use utensils. The eldest (12 and 10) are biological children of my spouse and we have one child together. I have been in the lives of the eldest children for 7 years and they are shared between our house and their father’s house equally.
We are all right-handed.
My spouse and I are of the same race and culture, though I would say that my parents had higher expectations as far as chores, manners, school work, etc. This isn’t a shot at anyone. My spouse would agree and has.
When dining, the eldest child just happens to sit next to me, and as a result I have had the opportunity to teach them how to use dining utensils (especially a knife and fork) the way that I was shown to do it, and how I see most people do it.
For reference, I’m referring to holding a fork in your left hand and using it with the tines pointing downward to hold whatever the item is to be cut while using the right hand to hold the knife and cut the item as required using a back-and-forth sawing motion.
When eating something that does not require cutting, I would use the fork in my right hand.
When cutting food, my spouse holds the fork in her right hand directly above the plate with the fork coming straight down into the food item.
Then, with her left hand, she often drags the knife through the item to be cut using a great deal of force in a single motion.
Ok, so cut (pun not intended) to teaching the kids to use utensils: The eldest has been taught ‘my way’ (for lack of a better term) and is doing quite well at it.
My spouse has always sort of rolled her eyes at me that I even cared, but hasn’t really gotten in the way of me teaching the eldest. The middle child still struggles and commonly mashed up different versions of my spouse’s methods and my methods, but usually, she has the knife in her left hand and fork in the right, which in my view is backward.
Today I saw what the middle child was doing with her knife and fork during breakfast and suggested that maybe the two older kids should switch spots so I could show her how to do it properly. My spouse then showed her how to use the knife and for, except that it was backward (fork in right hand and knife in left).
I commented that the technique was correct but the hands would be reversed.
My spouse stated that there is no correct way to use utensils. I believe that there is a correct way to use them and that it is noticeable when a person does not.
I believe this could have long-lasting ramifications on a person throughout their life. I imagine an important dinner with a client or superior, as an example.
I think this boils down to a bit of pride on my spouse’s part that I believe she’s somehow not good enough because of the way that she uses utensils.
(This is not the case)
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
There really IS a right way to use utensils. And people DO judge someone’s table manners in certain situations and places.
The way you described your wife’s method makes me think of a sasquatch using a knife.
The forceful sawing, the upright fork. Does she also hold the fork with a fist? It doesn’t make someone less than others, but it can be unpleasant to watch if it’s bad enough.
Anyway, the reason you hold the knife in your dominant hand is that that hand is more dexterous and efficient.
Do you slice food with your left hand during prep? No. Because it’s dangerous besides inconvenient. It’s also dangerous to cut your food on the plate with a nondominant hand because you have to apply more force (as evidenced by your wife) and your hand can slip and injure someone.
And no, you don’t then switch hands to eat. You keep using the fork in your left hand.
Sure, you can say etiquette doesn’t matter, there’s no right way, blah blah. But safety does matter. And while we certainly should be nice enough to not judge people for doing things differently, we should still teach kids the proper way.” SolidFew3788
Another User Comments:
“Teaching dining proper etiquette is fine but YTJ for your attitude.
I come from what would be considered a middle-class family and was formerly married to someone whose family was more high society. Unless they’re at a specific function where they are meeting delegates, diplomats, judges, royalty, CEO or etc, honestly no one really cares.
‘My spouse stated that there is no correct way to use utensils. I believe that there is a correct way to use them and that it is noticeable when a person does not.’
There technically is a correct way BUT that correct way differs because etiquette changes from place to place.
If you’re concerned about when they may attend fancy establishments in the future, I’d be more worried about teaching correct cutlery placement before, during, and after the meal because different placements have different meanings and you don’t want to accidentally offend someone by accidentally implying that the good food was bad.
Apologize to your wife, she feels this way because your actions and comments are coming across as condescending. If you’re really concerned about your children’s etiquette suggest taking them to etiquette classes as they get older.” Revolutionary-Fan809
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
The earlier the children learn to eat properly, the easier it will be for them. To not teach them, or actively teach them incorrectly which is what your wife is trying to do, despite you trying to help them, is doing them a HUGE disservice.
What happens when they have to eat a meal with coworkers or their boss, or clients? Or a prospective partner?
I’m not super squeamish when it comes to table manners, I understand that everyone was raised differently, and I know that mine could of course be better (as could most people) but I can never understand when people will lick their knives.
It’s such a turnoff. I had to look away once when a friend licked a steak knife. Please ensure that your stepkids and kid don’t end up one step up from eating out of a trough!” Alwaysaprairiegirl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
The ‘correct way’ to use utensils is the one that allows the user to make bite-size pieces of food without being a disruption (making a ton of noise, shaking the table, spreading/spilling food everywhere).
How they do that – left-handed or right-handed – doesn’t matter. Let them figure out what works for them. If bumping elbows is a problem, teach them to be considerate about seating. Otherwise, be grateful they’re cutting food at all versus cramming giant pieces of food into their mouth.” chernandez2132
2. WIBTJ If I Kick My Sister Out Of My House She's Renting?
“I own 2 houses that I normally rent out. I rent it out to make some extra funds on the side and to keep up with expenses. I’ve been renting the house to my sister for around 3 years. She needed a place to stay and she paying.
We had an agreement and signed a contract. I gave her a discount than what I would normally charge because of family but now times have changed. I want to raise the price up to help cover the rising cost.
I’m willing to work with her and work with how much she makes.
The problem is she says she can’t afford it. I’m trying to discuss something that can work for her. She keeps sticking with she can’t afford it. If she can’t afford it I understand and I’ll work with her to do something because I don’t want my sister homeless.
However, just telling me she can’t afford it isn’t helping.
I’m at the point of just getting ready to evict her. I have some expenses coming up in the next couple of years and I need to raise the price up or work something out but she’s not willing to have a real discussion about it.
WIBTJ for just evicting her?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
You are allowed to charge a fair market rental rate. She can decide whether she can afford it or not.
Make sure you are following the proper legal procedures for landlords where you live (some may limit how much you can increase the rent, and there will likely be notice period requirements, etc.).
I’d just tell her what you want to raise the rent to. If she continues to say she can’t afford it, then let her know how much time she has to find a new place that is more affordable. Because she’s your sister I would give her a pretty generous amount of time (e.g.
in the 3-6 month range).” Used_Mark_7911
Another User Comments:
“Yes, absolutely, you are.
It is pretty plain and simple: she can’t afford to pay more. She doesn’t have to sit down with you and talk about all the avocados and toasts she is buying.
Everyone is dealing with inflation.
Sure you can evict her like every other landlord is doing to people who are unable to afford rent. It is perfectly within your right… and much like many of these landlords who are ‘making extra funds on the side’, they are jerks.
they don’t care if people become homeless. You just get the added spice of knowing that you’re evicting your sister. Hope it is worth it.
Homeowning should be a necessity, not a business.
Also legally you shouldn’t be allowed to just randomly renege on an agreed-upon price if there is a contract involved.
Most renters require advanced warnings, and depending on where you live, have a maximum limit on how much you can raise the rent every year. So, probably bad luck with your sibling, she should have not taken your offer in the first place.” Quiltedbrows
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
As a small landlord, you have expenses.
And, like everyone else, those expenses are rising.
What I would do is find the minimum amount you need to raise your rent to cover your expenses. Maybe add an extra 10% to the costs to cover eventualities that might happen with any property.
Then make that the rent she must pay going forward.
If your sister still ‘can’t afford it,’ evict her. Like others have suggested, you can help her find a new place to stay. But I wouldn’t rent to family ever again, to avoid these conflicts.
You shouldn’t put yourself into ever-increasing financial stress so your sister can keep a below-market-rate rent. And your sister is absolutely a jerk for refusing to try to work with you so you won’t need to evict her.” bmyst70
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You’re operating within an oppressive system in the role of oppressor. That’s the system we’re in, but you’ve chosen to participate in a way that exploits people’s human right to shelter for your own financial gain.
Regardless of that, the only way YWNBTJ here is if the upcoming expenses you mentioned are directly related to the property she’s in.
If the rent she’s currently paying covers the costs of that property in isolation, it’s not OK to increase the rent to cover other costs of your own. You’re already getting all the capital gains of that property while someone else pays for its expenses, milking her for more and making her homeless if she doesn’t cough up extra cash is abhorrent. Legal yes, moral no. You exist in a society that is immoral, you get to choose how much you allow that society to influence your personal choices and their impacts on other people.” bellesavage
1. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Do Some Work?
“Me (17M) and my brother Max (19M) have always been very good academically. At home, our fridge is full of all our report cards and various achievements.
My sister Fer (14F) on the other hand, not so much. It’s quite hard to find anything that has Fer’s name on the fridge, not because she’s the least favorite or isn’t loved by my parents, but because she doesn’t have any.
In hopes of helping my sister with her academics, my mom made me and Max tutor Fer with one of the subjects she was finding difficult. Max does Maths, while I do English (and my dad does science).
I’ve enjoyed tutoring Fer, but it seems as if the feeling is not mutual.
Example: Last Friday as I was tutoring Fer, she asked if she could ‘quickly’ go to the toilet. I said yes.
10 minutes late she had still not returned, when I went to check on her I found her in the living room watching TV.
Yesterday afternoon Fer came to me and asked if I would please tutor her for her upcoming English test. I agreed but only if she promised to pay attention this time.
For promised she would and for a while, she stayed true to that, I was helping through something she found extremely challenging and she was working with me until Max came home with McDonald’s (our parents are crazy health nuts so fast food is a rarity in our home).
Fer looked ready to put everything down just to eat and started claiming that all the studying was making her hungry.
I told Max that we were busy and he should just leave the food in the oven and we’d heat it later.
At this Fer started to whine, saying that I was being unfair by not allowing her a break.
Max decided to side with her, even though he knows how much she needs this tutoring, and started saying that I was being too strict.
Fer beamed at that and was ready to go downstairs to eat.
Something in me snapped, after all these times of trying to get Fer’s attention failed, the one time it was needed she was going to leave it to eat McDonald’s.
I told her to not go and she didn’t listen, this angered me very much, she was still not listening to me,
I raised my voice (Max says I yelled) and told her ‘Fer, this is the reason why you’re behind all your classes! You’re in all these extra classes like the piece of work you are for a reason.
Why won’t you listen, you idiot’.
She immediately began crying loud ugly sobs. After I had ‘yelled’ at her while Max gave her hug.
When my parents came home, they were more annoyed that I had called my sister ‘an idiot’ than the fact that she would not listen to me when I was repeatedly trying to get her to do some work.
When I asked Max why he decided to side with Fer he said that ‘there was no point anyway because it was inevitable that she was going to fail’.
Fer won’t even look me in the eyes, but she’s been all over Max for helping her that afternoon.
Feel like everyone forgets that she’s 14, not 4 because she’s the youngest.
AITJ for wanting my sister to do some work?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You have been told you shouldn’t have treated your little sister like that by your brother, your mother, and your father and you are still coming to the internet for what reason? No sibling is going to listen to an older sibling who calls them names and berates them.
The fact you don’t know this despite your professing how intelligent you are astounds me.
The fact is? She might need tutoring but ultimately? It’s not on you to keep her on track with it and it certainly isn’t on you to call her an idiot or tell her that she is the reason she is failing.
I found school exceptionally easy as a child, I had the same delusion that anyone struggling just wasn’t trying hard enough when the reality is. People can just struggle with certain concepts. People can have barriers that they find it really hard to get past when it comes to education.
YTJ 100 times over.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
The whole situation sounds awful, and nobody seems healthy, or supportive at all. You and your brother shouldn’t have to tutor your sister, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to. It’s her life, and she needs to learn that her actions have consequences on her own.
It’s your parents’ job to parent her, not yours. What you said was mean, and it definitely sounds like you meant it to hurt on purpose. Stop tutoring her, and mind your own business. If she wants to fail, even with people willing to help her, that’s on her.” mynameispossiblyadam
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for sure.
Perhaps wonder why she finds it so hard to focus, and that if someone is avoiding doing something, it’s not because they are lazy or whatever. Maybe Fer just finds it really hard or isn’t understanding, or even feels embarrassed when they see all your and your bro’s stuff on the fridge and feel like there’s no point.
It sounds like you aren’t considering how SHE learns, in fact, it sounds like you have very little understanding and empathy for her. Different students have different needs, and instead of belittling her, you should actually help to encourage her. You and your brother should be ashamed of how you speak to her.
If you tell someone they suck, they will suck.
Plus, reheated McDonald’s sucks, why you have gotta do her like that when it’s such a treat in your household?” OutlandishnessSad810
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – she’s 14 and she’s behind for a reason.
If your parents aren’t going to step in and make sure the tutoring is ‘doable’ then she’ll be behind. Is there something wrong with her attention span? People don’t fail that much without something behind it. Your parents need to put some boundaries in place that penalize her for non-compliance.
Somehow she needs to learn that she’s not in school for her social life. She’s there to get an education and skills so she can function in society. I understand your frustration with her and trying to get her focused, but you need to get your parents on board with her lack of cooperation in tutoring.” ptazdba
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!