People Ask Us If We Think They're Unfair In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Knit A Blanket For Someone?
“I recently taught myself to knit in order to keep a promise I made to my brothers in high school. Basically, I promised them that if/when they became parents, I’d make a baby blanket for my niece/nephews. The time has come for me to make good on a promise from almost a decade ago, this June I’ll be an aunt to a beautiful nephew!
I was on the phone with someone I consider(ed) a friend and mentioned how to keep expanding my skills, I’m likely going to offer to make blankets and other things for my family if they provide the yarn.
She immediately told me that she expected a blanket and that I could use the leftover pink and blue from the blanket I made for my nephew. She’s using the argument of ‘I’m always in the hospital and I’d love a nice warm blanket to show people how much my friend cares about me.’
I have plenty of yarn left in those colors that I could make a blanket, but a lot of this friend’s recent actions have been making me question if I want to keep her in my life, and it takes a while to make a blanket, plus I would have to pay for shipping across the US.
I had planned on keeping the pink and blue yarn for whenever someone else in my life has another baby and using it for this blanket means I’d have to buy more yarn next time. I don’t mind making things for people, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask them to buy the yarn, and I have a huge problem with people trying to corner me into things.
Would I be the jerk if I don’t make the blanket?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you would not be the jerk. But just throwing it out there. I have an aunt who buys knitted blankets from goodwill and gives them to people that are bold enough to demand she make them one.
Then she says ‘Oh 100 for the cost of the yarn is more than enough all the labor is on me.’ Most of the time she doesn’t have to worry about them asking for anything else and if they do she has the excuse that they never paid her for the yarn last time.
It’s hilarious to hear her stories about the look on people’s faces when they realize she’s not kidding.” alreadyinmypajamas
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ.
I also knit and you are being more than generous in asking that people pay for yarn and shipping. I am a knitter as well and if anyone requests anything I charge for yarn, shipping, and my time.
Often people won’t pay for that (I get the ‘I can buy that in the store for a lot cheaper’. My response is ‘Then you know what to do’.)
If you don’t want to make the blanket, don’t and save the yarn you have for someone who is knit-worthy.” TerBear666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I hate it when people expect you to do things for them because you have a skill. I’ve got a friend who keeps asking me to mend items of clothing, the thing is I can sew but I’m not skilled enough to be confident in doing things for others.
Please do what I haven’t had the confidence to do and tell her that you are only knitting for babies in your family, otherwise, she won’t let it drop. The fact that you learned to knit especially for your nieces/nephews is such a special thing don’t let someone spoil it for you.” ApprehensiveGuava359
19. AITJ For Turning My Account Status Off?
“I have an account for a video game I play and I send the log-in details to my friends so they can use it whenever they want.
Yesterday, I (22M) was eating and my partner (23F) asked what I was doing and I said I was eating dinner and she told me I don’t need to lie I can play games if I want.
At the time I was confused at why she specified games but I told her that I wasn’t playing and she said okay.
Later on that night, I texted her saying I couldn’t call yet because I was talking to my parents and I went back later to call her when I saw she sent texts saying why am I lying to her and not just telling the truth and lying about playing games.
I was so confused at why she was saying this. It turns out that once when I had shown her a clip from my game that I was proud of and sent her a link, she decided to check the account which says when you were last seen playing.
Whilst I was eating dinner, I had a game loaded up in case I wanted to play in order to save time and whilst I was talking to my parents, one of my friends was logged in using my account. It took me a while to realize she had been checking on me to see what I had been doing during the day.
She told me she can’t trust me and she doesn’t believe me and I was trying to explain that I know she can’t but there’s nothing I can do to prove I’m not a liar.
About an hour after we ended the call, I decided to turn my account status off so it would only say online or offline instead of when the last time I played a game was.
She got upset saying she had a feeling if I was lying, I would do that. I knew that she would check but I wanted to see if she trusted me to not check, after she told me that I have to trust her and that she trusts me.
I didn’t feel comfortable having her secretly at all times watching what I’m up to. It also made me uncomfortable that she used something I was happy to share with her to instead watch what I’m doing in my own time, in less than 24 hours.
My family always used to check on me and I hated it they used to secretly look in my room whilst I had my back turned to make sure I wasn’t doing anything against their wishes and because of that I can’t have my back turned to a door so privacy is something I take seriously and it felt invasive.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Dump her. Tons of red flags around.
She doesn’t even trust you yet expects you to trust her. It’s not worth it being in a relationship where there’s no trust. And no, being in a relationship means you trust each other, not the bs of ‘I know she can’t’.
Also, manipulation. ‘She told me she can’t trust me and she doesn’t believe me.’ And then she still says ‘she told me I just have to trust her that she trusts me.’ Which is it exactly?
This kind of thing will keep happening again, she’ll trust what she sees rather than your words and explanations.
Because to her, those are proving you’re lying and you’re just trying to find excuses for it. And you’ll always be a liar in her eyes especially when there are those ‘evidences’. I would also say, her spying is definitely creepy and borderline controlling.
Not worth it dude. Dump her.” Safe-Recover2435
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She clearly doesn’t trust you… You can’t have a healthy relationship without trust… She’s playing games… Do you really want to be with someone like that?
She could easily have said ‘oh, your last seen status says you were online at x time, or it says you’re online now’ you would have caught on quicker and things could have been explained away.
But she chooses to play these petty games…
I know saying that would still mean she checked your online status, and ideally, she wouldn’t have checked it at all, but I’m just saying she could have used a different route.” TayLou33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If your partner doesn’t trust you, then she shouldn’t be with you. Not only that, what’s with asking questions she clearly (at least she thinks) knows the answer to? If there’s one thing I can’t stand, is when a grown-up asks another grown-up a question knowing full well what the answer is as some sort of “test”.” SigSauerPower320
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet My Sister?
“I (17F), have divorced parents. My mom divorced my dad because he apparently had been lying to her for 2 years and he finally messed up by getting the other women pregnant. When I found out why they divorced, I gained resentment towards my dad and the other woman.
(For some context, she knew that my dad was married when he was unfaithful). Since they divorced when I was 14, I got to decide who I wanted to stay with, of course, I chose my mom. My dad and the other woman got married 3 months after the divorce and I guess as an attempt to bond with me, they invited me and offered me to be a bridesmaid.
I didn’t go because cause I wanted nothing to do with my dad or her.
After the wedding day, my dad called giving me an ear full saying that I upset my stepmom. He went on to tell me about how I should be more grateful and nice towards her since she’s carrying my future sibling.
I told him that I don’t care if she’s upset because I don’t know her and I don’t want to be nice to a woman who’s carrying the product of an affair. For some reason, this must-have ticked my dad off more because he went to court to fight for 50/50 custody because he believed that my mom was filling “bad ideas” into my head.
Unfortunately, he won and I had to spend weekends with them.
During these weekends I never talked to him or my stepmom, I just locked myself in my room. My stepmom would constantly attempt to do stuff like, ask me to go baby shopping with her, ask me to go to doctor’s appointments with her and my dad, and even ask me to go for a girl’s day with me.
Whenever she did this, I never responded, I just talked past her. After having spilt custody for 2 months, my father gave up because my stepmom came to him crying about how she ‘can’t believe that I hate her this much’, and he gave me the option to stay with my mom or be nice and do stuff with my stepmom because all the stress I was putting on her could cause her to miscarriage.
I went back to live with my mom but from time to time, once or twice a month I would go with my stepmom and dad.
A few months later, my stepmom gave birth to my new ‘sister’ and named her Juliette.
She named her this because she thought it would be cute for both of us to have names that start with a J. I went extremely low contact with my dad and my stepmom until this year when my dad called me out of the blue saying that he thinks that I should finally meet Juliette.
I asked him why and he explained that Juliette has seen photos of me when I was young in their house and has been asking who I am because of how similar I looked to my dad (my dad and I are basically clones of each other, red hair, hazel eyes, hollow face, etc).
My dad didn’t lie to her and told her that I was her sister and now he wants me to meet her because she won’t stop asking about me. I told him no because I can only see Juliette as an affair baby and not my ‘little sister.’ He called me heartless and selfish then hung up.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You don’t have to live with other people’s mistakes. You didn’t ask for your entire life to be imploded by a selfish man who chose to throw his family away for the thrill of an illicit affair, nor did you ask for him to marry his affair partner or have a baby with her.
That’s all on him.
You have the right to go low or no contact just for that betrayal alone. The people saying he betrayed your mother and not you are forgetting, that his selfish decisions robbed you of an intact family and cause untold misery for you personally.
He doesn’t deserve a free pass for that.
The child he made with his affair partner might be innocent but why are her feelings so much more important than yours? Her feelings are not your responsibility. He created the affair baby, so it’s on him to deal with the mess he made all by himself.
He’s got some nerve to call a 17-year-old heartless and selfish. If anyone is selfish and heartless, it’s the man who betrayed his marital vow and ended up estranged from his young daughter.” theloveburts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Please ignore everyone telling you that because the child is innocent in all of this that you are doing anything wrong.
Yes, she is innocent, but there is NO obligation for you to ever meet her and treat her like a sibling. You aren’t being cruel to her or bullying her. You’re just not in her life, and that is entirely down to your father.
Everyone saying otherwise is wrong.
This is a twisted part of life after an affair, where the wronged parties are somehow expected to ‘rise above’ the despicable behavior of the liar and make their life easier. It’s wrong, and your father is behaving disgracefully by making it your responsibility to make everything ok.
It’s not your responsibility, it’s his. Quite reasonably, after he broke up your family, married his mistress, and had another child, you want nothing to do with him. He has to accept that these are the consequences of his own behavior.
You can choose to not be a part of his and his new family’s lives, and you have. He is the one trying to bully you into taking on a role you have no interest in. He is the one getting his other child’s hopes up.
He is the ONLY one to blame for his circumstances. He made his bed, and let him lie in it. Protect yourself, you owe him nothing.” Accomplished-Cheek59
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – in absolutely no world or version of reality unless mental ability works backward in a straight line would a toddler that is 2-3 years old ask who someone is because they look like the dad they share.
He told her and is now using her to guilt and shame you into interacting.
He is manipulating you and not only you, he is also manipulating your toddler half-sister. At no point in any of this are you a jerk and at every single part of not just this, but your life previously, your dad has proven time and time again that he is ginormous, bursting with explosive trash but won’t come out so your stomach just bubbles and doubles you over in cramps, like this dude not only is full of nonsense but eats it for every meal, jerk.
I’ve worked with toddlers and kids for over 10 years, from babysitting to being an Autism therapist (I’m also autistic and weirdly good, yet still bad at reading people and knowing their motivations with minimal background) and it’s literally not possible for a toddler that is 2 or 3 years old to make that connection.
A toddler that age would not see a pic of you and be like ‘holy cow looks like daddy’… a toddler that age would see that picture and be like ‘cool, turn Cocomelon back on ya idiot, I wanna hear all about how JJ has a puppy that’s cute as a rainbow and whose name is Bingo’.
Your dad is being manipulative and clearly has ZERO understanding of child development. I have a hard time believing he somehow birthed the human version of Stewie, the child that can see subtle or even not-so-subtle similarities and be like, WOAH IS THAT THE FAMILY MEMBER I HAVEN’T MET?
Like my goodness.
The kid I case manage, meaning I choose what to work with him on and how to work on it based on knowing each other super well, literally looks exactly like me at his age. No joke, side-by-side pics of us at the age he is look like twins.
He is the most developmentally advanced child I work with, the closest to neurotypical development, and if he had the vocabulary he wouldn’t be like, ‘are we related?’
No 2-3-year-old toddler has the language for that or the ability to make that guess… unless they know or are often told about someone they won’t make that assumption.
Your dad is either lying about your half-sister questioning that (also 2-3-year-olds, neurotypical or not, don’t ask questions solely for information often/typically, that’s more of a 4-5-year-old thing) or he told her she has an older sister in order to use her to guilt and shame you into feeling obligated to have a relationship.
NTJ in any shape or form… your dad though… holy guacamole… he is a gaping one so full of trash that it’s like that never-ending scarf clowns and magicians pull out of their sleeves.. or in your dad’s case, his butt.” mkat23
17. AITJ For Not Communicating With My Grandparents?
“About three years ago, I (15f) came to live with my dad. I used to live with my mom and her husband with my half-brother and older step-sister. My mom and her husband weren’t good to us for all of our lives.
It’s been a lot for me to process on my own, as I now live 100 miles away from my sister and my dad refuses to form an opinion on what he thinks happened. He’s never said it out loud, but I don’t think he believes me.
My grandparents on my mom’s side have been nonstop calling and texting me ever since I moved. And that’s fine, I really love my grandparents and I’m not mad at them at all for what happened, but sometimes it’s a lot.
They’re retired and call me at inconvenient times during the day (I know that sounds bad, I’m an early college student and have a lot of work during the weekdays that has to get done or I run the risk of getting kicked out of the program and losing a two-year degree).
On top of that, when they call, they always talk about my mom and ask when I’m ‘coming home’, which can sometimes be overwhelming. I don’t like to think about my mom’s house.
My dad has been getting mad at me for not communicating more often with them.
He says there’s ‘always time for family’ and that I’ll regret treating them like this. I text them much more often than I call them, but he says it’s not enough and told me I was being a jerk to the nicest people on earth.
I don’t mean to be a jerk to them, I love my grandparents, but right now, I’m too busy with school and trying to unlearn negative behaviors to take an hour out of my day at a time they’d be awake to sit and do nothing but talk.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although I would communicate your boundaries with your grandparents, let them know you are busy and that you need to set a set schedule to talk to them. More so, when they do call, you won’t talk about your mom.
As for your dad, try to do the same boundaries, if he doesn’t respect them, then OP, if you are able to and have the resources available, look into moving out from your dads.
Also, if you haven’t, look into therapy to heal your past trauma.” midzy91
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – You don’t have to pick the phone up every time they call the missed call is there to say ‘give us a call when you get a chance’ and as with any grandparents they always call at inconvenient times they call when they want to speak they don’t know what you’re up to.
On the note of them bringing your mom and coming back up, yes that’s got to be hard to hear but they miss you. Obviously a little bit sucky that they mention it every time but they might think that this is something that can be resolved they want their family to be together which is all anyone wants.” Doco12399
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But perhaps you can be a bit more straightforward with your grandparents. That it was really traumatizing living with your mother, that you’d like to have a relationship with them but you’d ask them to refrain from the topics that are draining for you.
I bet if you’re clear with your conversational boundaries they’d be willing to stay within the realm of what you are comfortable discussing (your day, your life, their day, their lives, etc) in order to have a relationship with you. And if they’re not — then keep yourself safe and sane. Never the jerk for that!” TresWhat
16. AITJ For Not Greeting My Partner's Parents?
“I (19F) started seeing my partner (20M) early last year and my partner helped me escape a really horrific 2y domestic violence situation. He has always been amazing, patient and understanding but his parents hate me. The first time meeting them, I said ‘hi how are you’ and smiled.
I was met with his mum staring at my blank face and then screaming in another language to my partner (who I’d only been seeing for a month). They kept screaming for about an hour and I was standing in shock.
I didn’t know a word of this language and they talk too quickly for me to try to keep up. Apparently, they do it on purpose to basically embarrass my partner in front of people.
Anyway, after the initial meeting, I met them again months later and they were friendly.
By this point, my partner has told them of my past trauma, which I didn’t even know they knew. I was staying with his parents for a few days and I always said hi and ate with them and made sure to say my pls and ‘thank you.’
One random afternoon (at this point we’d been together for 6 months-ish).
We went to his parents’ house and usually, his dad ALWAYS says hi to me when I walk in and I saw this time that he was on his computer. I walked, stopped, looked, and looked again. I decided (since he has the same job as my dad) I walk past quietly (not trying at all to be rude if anything I was trying not to disturb him).
As soon as I got around the corner, he YELLED at me across the house for not saying hi. I felt immediately awful and ran into my partner’s room and hid for not even 10 minutes and I came out and said sorry and hi and told him I’m going to a concert and he said he knew the band and we laughed about how good they are and i thought it was fine… nope.
That night, I took a couple of extra sleep aids and was awoken at 5 am to knock on the door after my partner had gone to work. I usually go at the same time as him but I just figured I’d sleep for a bit more before going home that day.
Admittedly, I kept falling back to sleep but they said it was ‘super important and serious’ so I put clothes on and went out there were three chairs set up like an interrogation and they started saying they don’t like that I don’t hang out with them and I don’t help myself to the fridge but next accused me of treating their house as a hotel and brought up one time we had pizza and didn’t share with them even though the whole reason we got pizza was because they had already eaten without us and then his mum said to me ‘I don’t know why you try to act like a mouse.
You’re not a mouse. We can all see you’ and said how rude it was of me not to say hi to my partner’s dad that one time. This really upset me and made me cry a lot.
I don’t know whether they’ve never met an anxious person or even shy but that really struck a nerve with me afterward when I told my partner, he told me that he already told them not to do exactly that and when he told them about my trauma that they said ‘well WE didn’t abuse her so she’s just rude to us.’ Not gonna lie, this spiraled me for months it was so awful.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but don’t ever go to their house again, they are awful and you need to stay away from them, even if your partner didn’t tell them about your trauma, it’s still weird, they are rude and disrespectful to you.” Mediocre_Vehicle2540
15. AITJ For Being Disappointed When My Partner Did Not Greet Me "Happy Birthday?"
“When I was on the phone with my partner last night, I told him I was planning to go out for dinner with 2 friends of mine. I specifically told him I’d be leaving at 4 pm. Now today is my birthday.
I did not receive a text or call from him all morning… I decide not to confront him about it until midnight comes to be ‘fair’. Around 1 pm he sends a photo of his passport to our chat (??).
We’re in a long-distance relationship (2 hr drive) and I just got back to my place after visiting him last weekend.
We got along during that entire visit. And there hadn’t been any conflict before today so I’m extremely confused. 9 PM comes around and I’m at dinner with my friends and every time I’m in a fun happy moment all I can think about is my partner.
I open my phone to check if he’s said anything. Still nothing. I send ‘…’ and pretty soon he asks ‘what?’ I respond with ‘I’ve been talking about this day for so long… how could u be so clueless?’, and he responds by saying ‘How could you be so annoying?’ and goes on to say he was going to wait until I got home to say it on the phone and that if I were to get home after 12 THEN he’d text me happy birthday.
As if he didn’t have all morning to call me.
He doesn’t have a job so being too busy wasn’t even an excuse especially if he had the time to send me a picture of his ID… It just doesn’t make sense.
He wasn’t going to initiate a conversation with me until the clock hit 12? What’s the point… My birthday would literally already be over. I try my best to communicate with him logically since we agreed when we had first started going out to be straightforward with each other.
I’ve told him more than once that I dislike that I initiate the majority of our interactions.
Usually, when I confront him about something and I don’t see improvement I force myself to tolerate it. He’s on the spectrum so I try to be understanding that he thinks differently.
I’m not trying to mold him. At the same time… Today was my birthday. I want to be understood in this relationship too.
Shortly after I replied saying it was ‘messed up to wait past 9 PM’ to just text your partner of 4 years ‘happy birthday’.
I literally would have been happy to just get an HBD GIF. Especially since within those 4 years, we’ve never been able to meet during my birthday. Something I’ve expressed my feelings about to him before. Never blamed him for that there’s always just something that comes up…
But this time I couldn’t even get a text from him. Even after I confronted it he could’ve redeemed himself in my eyes if he had just told me happy birthday then.
His final words were ‘I rethought it and now I don’t want to say it anymore’ then I left the server.
It makes me feel crazy because I feel like I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I know he won’t talked to me for a while now.
So now I also have to worry about canceling our $945-day trip that is in two weeks.
EDIT: Can’t stop thinking so I logged onto my alternative account. He left the server as well and these are the words I missed: ‘You’re trying to make me feel bad for not saying it when you want me to say it so in my opinion, you don’t deserve it I wanted to say in the call, but you told me you were gonna be out and since it’s your birthday, I figured I wait till you were ready to call but if some reason I didn’t hear from you til, after 9, I would just message you cuz I don’t want to wait till the last minute at some point I took a nap and didn’t wake up till less than an hour ago I figured if you can’t just tell me what you want, then you don’t want anything’.
EDIT2: Around 5 pm today I asked him when he’d be able to talk things out to which he replied: in a few days. I asked if he’d initiate the conversation and he said no he said ‘nope.’ I asked why should it be me if he was the one who isn’t ready when I just tried to initiate…
He says ‘Because you’re the one who wants to talk.’ He goes on to say he isn’t against talking though… (???)
So confused at this point I say ‘But you wouldn’t put in the effort to either ‘ He says ‘Pretty much’.
Now that it’s clear how over this is I updated him about how he owes me less money than before (he frequently borrows my money + I canceled the trip)
My final words to him: ‘I dislike that you have trouble telling your PARTNER of 4 years happy birthday.
I especially dislike how you FLIPPED me being upset that you forgot to send me an HBD text (would’ve taken u 5 seconds) into me trying to manipulate YOUR feelings. I literally would have been happy to just get a GIF from you yesterday.
Honestly, if you’d taken any sort of accountability for your actions I could have forgiven you. Doubling down on your mistake & final attempt to gaslight me into thinking everything is MY fault made it 100x worse. The only regret I have is calling you clueless, b/c I know other than that, I was not in the wrong.
‘I figured if you can’t just tell me what you want, then you don’t want anything’ As if I have to tell you I want you to tell me happy birthday this year when you’ve never had a problem doing it before.
You did have the time to send me a photo of your passport at12pm though… My friends saw everything you wrote me at dinner and the funny part is you probably think you’ve done nothing wrong. I honestly haven’t shed a single tear because this time it’s so blatantly obvious who is in the wrong and I won’t let you gaslight me into thinking it’s me.
I never expected you to treat me this way. I wish you meant it when you said you were going to try to be better. I tried my best to be straightforward with you but it’s clear where I stand in your eyes.
I realized how much easier it was for you to call me annoying and how HARD it was for you to say something you liked about me. I tried my best to make things last and be understanding that you operate differently.
Regardless of financial issues or what my parents would say, I loved you with all my heart and would’ve done anything for you… Finally, it is sad to say that now I have a deeper understanding of what you meant when you said I deserve better.
I deserve someone who is emotionally mature’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your birthday is a day for them to spend time with you. Forgetting about it is really bad as it seems like he doesn’t have an interest in you. You shouldn’t be tolerating the way he’s treating you as it’s a major red flag.
Name-calling straight away isn’t a good thing as well.” cookie64248
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly it seems to me like this is about more than just a happy birthday text but rather a pattern of unhealthy communication and lack of consideration. You say that you’ve tried to address issues and usually just end up ‘tolerating’ the behaviors – is that really the pattern you want for your relationship long-term? Perhaps he is on the spectrum, but that doesn’t mean this is the right relationship for you.” lilaggeloi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
He wasn’t going to call you or anything, he made that up on the go when you called him out. I think you know where you stand after this, this wasn’t an accident. Go to that trip on your own or with someone else.” IllustratorNew8801
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Ex's Therapy Sessions?
“My (23F) ex (33M) has got some things he’s been dealing with and when I broke up with him, told him he should seek professional help.
Right after our break up, he started having anxiety attacks and calling me, I still loved him and told him I’d be there as a friend but he did need therapy to start.
He finally said he wanted to change and would start doing all the things he didn’t do while we were together like going to therapy. He has gone a couple of times and he is really doing better.
He had a session today and right after texted me I had to go with him next time as the doctor had asked me to come along.
I asked why would I have to, as we were no longer together and how it even came up. He said he had been talking about his future and life plans and he wanted me to come along as he had clearer thoughts when talking to me and it could help him get better if I gave all my support.
I do want him to get better, but I’m not sure how much I should get involved as we are no longer together as a couple and that’s where I may be the jerk. I told him exactly that, we are not together and I had given him more than enough support while we dated.
I am glad it’s going well but to deal with his issues and his family before even thinking of bringing me back into the mix, as I no longer belonged there.
He got really annoyed saying he would do it for me and all he was asking was for me to come, he’s saying I’m a jerk for saying all those things and not being there for him, that I could just say yes and deal with it, but I don’t really think it’s the best thing for me.
AITJ for saying I won’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He says his therapy is going well and he feels better. He then asks you to go to therapy with him, supposedly because the therapist requested you be there (did he not tell the therapist you two were broken up?).
You, rightly so, tell him no… you are not together, he needs to deal with his issues on his own. He loses it, called you a jerk, guilts you with the ‘I’d do it for you’/not supporting him, and that you should suck it up and just do it.
Yep, sure sounds to me like therapy is working… actually, it sounds like he wants you to go so he can shift blame to you or get you sucked into his recovery… who knows what he’s told the therapist about you and your relationship.
Cut him out totally. You owe him nothing” Realistic-Animator-3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
For so many reasons. You displayed so much empathy and support to your ex after your split. You didn’t cut him off or throw blame at him. His therapist can request you attend a session but you are by no means obligated.
You are not required to reunite with your ex by any means. I do want to encourage you to make sure you are protecting yourself. Your ex seems like he may be on a mission to reunite and resume life with you.
Like he thinks ‘If I go to therapy, she’ll come back.’ Nah. He needs to be in therapy for himself and not for you.” DinoChimkinNuggets
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is his therapist actually aware that you’ve broken up? I have a hard time believing any respectable therapist would insist that the person who broke up with their client come along to help fix his problems.
To encourage him to push a boundary someone has established by distancing themselves from him so that he can continue to rely on them to help carry his own emotional baggage just sounds bizarre.
You were absolutely correct about everything you said.
It’s not your job to support him anymore. He’s an adult. He needs to deal with his own life. You have every right to wish him the best and cut him out of your life completely without feeling any guilt about it.
You are not responsible for his feelings or his inability to deal with them like a functional human being.
He’s seeing you supporting him at all as you investing in the future of your relationship, and a sign that you’re basically still a part of it.
If that’s not the message you want to send, you need to cut him off. The fact that he’s asking (actually, demanding) you to be there and berating you for prioritizing your own well-being sounds like he doesn’t even really understand what the problem is in the first place. It’s not gonna end well. And even if it does somehow, it’s gonna be a looooong time from now.” CumulativeHazard
13. WIBTJ If I Don't Clean My Flat Before Leaving?
“I (21F) live with 9 people. I’m at university and the accommodation I am in is 1 year, I am swapping accommodation for my second year of uni to live with my friends. Now, I love where I am, the university, my course friends and new housemates are incredible, the only issue is my current flatmates.
All year I have had issues with my flatmates, not so much their personality but more so their cleanliness and their hygiene and their lack of respect for everyone around them (being loud and disruptive). The kitchen and the bathrooms are all shared and honestly, it’s all disgusting.
There’s rubbish in the hall and the kitchen is full of rubbish no one will empty (it is usually me or one or flatmate taking it out) and dishes from months prior with mold.
Now out of the 9, 3 others do clean, but it makes no difference since the other 6 ruin it.
They’re all disgusting and I have 2 weeks left (thankfully) but they’ve asked me in the past to help clean up with them (even though the ones responsible never clean) and I’m thinking of just packing up and leaving without helping clean the kitchen I’ve used for a whole year and going no-contact with them all.
It isn’t my mess, but I’ll feel guilty if I don’t but I know letting the animals that made it that way clean it up is better if I did leave. WIBTJ??”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. I would work with the other clean housemates to clean only what is genuinely yours, clean out your cupboards and room and make a point of deep cleaning them, and then leave the others to their pig sty.
It would likely be worth either raising a complaint or contacting the landlord/letting agent to let them know what you have done and why you have done this because you shouldn’t lose your deposit. After all, others choose to live like absolute animals.” Redeemer_89
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ.
But your housemates will probably think you are. Also if it’s a house share with a private landlord. Chances are that your deposit (if you paid one, I didn’t at my 1st-year accommodation) is tied into the overall condition of the residence.
If they then leave it is not a good enough state you might lose out financially.
Don’t get me wrong, I completely sympathize with you. My first year of uni was the same and honestly, it made me hate having housemates.
We had a shared kitchen that I never used after having all of my things destroyed the first time I went away for the weekend.
I had a new set of pans. And honestly I still, to this day, do not know how my housemates managed to get them so rusty and unusable in just 3 days. They used to leave the kitchen a complete sty and the bathrooms.
I used to shower at the gym every day so as not to have to use the shared ones.
All I would say is it might not be your mess or your responsibility. But for peace of mind and so that you don’t feel guilty (even though you shouldn’t) it might just be easier to pitch in and help.
Especially if it could be the difference between seeing your deposit back or losing it because of your other housemates.” AyenDrkwing
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. I have been you, although I only had four flatmates and I was the only one cleaning up.
They ruined everything I brought into the flat, including cleaning supplies by using them incorrectly and leaving them lying around covered in food scraps and other garbage. They constantly had parties in the flat without telling me, so that coming home from uni I’d find my house full of strangers at least twice a week.
It sucked. I cleaned my own room when I left and never spoke with any of those idiots again. Can recommend.
The less petty approach would be having them all agree to hire a cleaning service for the end of the semester because at least that way everyone would have to chip in financially if that’s all they’re capable of, but in my opinion, you deserve to be petty about this. Living with people who don’t clean up after themselves or at least appreciate your efforts to keep the house habitable is the worst.” Goeppertia_Insignis
12. AITJ For Being Angry When My Brother Took The PS4?
“My brother’s father and I a few years ago bought a ps4 from our neighbor for $300-400 or so and we split the amount 3 ways. My dad paid the most of it 150 and my brother and I paid an equal amount for the rest.
One day, my brother got mad and ended up smashing the ps4 and some other stuff. Obviously, we were pretty annoyed with him because it was our only way to the game and we wanted another one.
Here’s where the problem begins: my brother ended up buying another ps4 which I found on Trade Me for the same price and a better model.
He says that at the time he told us that he is buying a new ps4 for him and not as a replacement. None of us recall that except for him and my father and I both thought it was to replace the ps4 he had broken which all of us had 3-way ownership of.
After a heated argument, he now has taken the ps4 into his room refusing to let us use it by saying it’s ‘his console’ and he’s willing to give us our money back which he says he owes us from the previous ps4.
I don’t want my money back and instead, want to keep my ownership of what I believe to be the replacement for the old one. Is the ps4 his or is it a replacement for the old one? All of the use the current ps4 about equally, by the way.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First and foremost, your brother is responsible for replacing the joint property he destroyed.
After that, he can sell his share of the joint property if others are interesting in buying him out. If not, he’s stuck in the deal he originally made.
After replacing the joint property, he’s free to purchase himself a unit for his personal use.
Whoever is allowing your brother to destroy joint property and be confused enough to claim the replacement as personal property is responsible for enabling him to be someone who acts out aggressively and lays claim to other people’s belongings.
Your father probably needs to step up.” theloveburts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but get him to pay you guys back, get a brand new PS5 and split that 50/50. Your brother will be stuck on old-gen wishing he could use your guy’s PS5.
Even say to him ‘yeah we were thinking of surprising you with the PS5 and trading in the old PS4 for it, but you were a jerk so it’s just for me and dad now’.” Wild-Ad-2219
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is being selfish.
But honestly, at this point, if he’s willing to pay you what he owes you for the PS4 (which is the price of a PS4, not the original fraction he paid, as he broke your PS4 and your father’s as well), then you should take it and buy a new one.” BigBayesian
11. WIBTJ If I Confront My Copy Cat Coworker?
“I (21F) started a new job in winter. I have 4 other coworkers on my project who I work together with and it’s been a blast. If only there wasn’t this unusual annoyance.
I’m very into fashion and have established a very certain style.
I try and run a fashion blog that I won’t be naming here, and the reason I mention this is because I want to emphasize the fact that I normally wouldn’t have an emotional reaction to people asking where I got my clothes since that’s kinda what I do.
One of my coworkers (F22, let’s call her H) is very comfortable copying me. This started out very innocently, with her asking where I got my earrings from. Soon she had bought them herself. That’s cool, they’re a pair of earrings.
Then one day, she was complimenting my coat and I told her it was a real steal since it was in sale in this store. The next day, she was wearing the exact same one. This I found a little odd since this has never happened in my circle.
A couple of days go by, and she complimented my shoes. At that point, I knew where this was going.
It’s April now and she has basically copied my whole wardrobe: she doesn’t ask me where my clothes are from anymore but finds similar ones herself.
We don’t only wear the same pieces to work but the same outfits on different days. Since we don’t hang out in my free time, I hold onto the hope that my coworkers were the only ones testifying about this and would have noticed I wasn’t the one copying her.
The part that drives me over the edge is this. On Friday I got my hair done in a salon, a real treat-yourself transformation from brunette to copper. I posted my hair on Instagram and H slid into my DMs hyping me up and mentioning she should book an appointment too.
I was happy for her as one is and can’t believe I didn’t see the following coming. On Monday, we both showed up to work with the same copper hair. I was fuming. The worst part was that my other coworker was complimenting my hair and asking whether I got it done after liking H’s new hair.
She thought I was the one copying her? I wanted to correct her but was too dazzled at the time.
I feel like I’ve had enough. This feels like some middle school stuff. I guess it might be childish to even care and I know you can’t own a style, but it feels like a huge part of my identity is being borrowed against my will.
I also hate the idea of ppl thinking I’m the one copying her when I’d never do such a thing and am pretty good at coming up with my own ideas. I also wouldn’t mind matching sometimes if she were to ask me but she does it every day on her own.
So, WIBTJ if I confronted her about this? How should I do it?
EDIT; I wanna clarify the fact that the outfits I (we) wear are not classic work pantsuits and classic combos, I accessorize quite a bit and go really overboard with my outfits.
We don’t have a dress code at work so I do like to wear very personalized outfits and it brings me a lot of joy, which is why this is super weird. If it was a white-collar dress code we would all have to dress quite the same.
Edit 2 I’d be glad to see people wear my ensembles on Insta or whatever, she doesn’t wear anything else and the problem is we are seen together every day and my peers might think I’m the one who doesn’t have a taste.
Edit 2.2 She is not my follower she’s my close coworker and that’s the beef, it’s only an at-work problem until she starts her own blog cloned from mine, which is what worries me as well as what people at work think.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ – but mainly to yourself! This is a workplace and there’s no way you could bring this up that won’t reflect badly on you and make you look childish and petty to your colleagues.
It would also embarrass her. Always always try and maintain good relationships with your colleagues where possible – she may become your boss one day. I can guarantee nobody at your work notices this or cares as much as you do.
Can you remember what any of your colleagues wore last Tuesday? They probably think you have a similar style. I get how this would be annoying, especially as your style is something you’re proud of, but you need to think hard about what you would actually gain by bringing this up.
Just hide her on social media (if it’s on Instagram, you can do it so it won’t show her your posts/stories and she won’t know) and tell her you can’t remember, or it’s old or something when she asks you about your clothes.” weeingbees
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I would kindly state that it bothers you that she is wearing clothes so similarly/doing her hair so similarly to you so frequently that you feel a bit uncomfortable. She genuinely may think you are friendly enough that it’s fine or is oblivious to the fact that some people view their style as a part of their identity so it’s rude to do what she’s doing (she might think you’re flattered since you haven’t said anything to imply otherwise).
Some people aren’t the best with social cues. I’ve worked with people like this that was kind-hearted but really didn’t get when they were making people uncomfortable. You’re definitely justified in thinking this is weird because it is but, in my opinion, it’s always better to address it and be honest in the kindest way possible.
It’s obviously continued to get worse because you haven’t addressed it sooner.” Mrshottbutt
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ.
I’m confused. You said you have your own fashion blog. That means you’ve set yourself up as a fashion trend sitter in a very public way.
The whole point of having a fashion blog is not to show off your unique style, otherwise, it would just be an online camera roll.
Fashion blogs are meant to demonstrate how people can sharpen their looks. You’ve invited people to look inside your style and see how the secret sauce is made.
Of course, there will always be that one person who lacks the ability to use your ideas to create her own unique style and simply mimics/copies yours.
When you set yourself as an influencer, people directly copying your style is to be expected.
This feels like middle school stuff because that’s where your mentality is on this issue. Why is it so important to you that people understand she’s copying you rather than vice versa? In the grown-up world, things like that are not worth getting upset about.
Your goal as a fashion blogger should be to have an army of mini-me followers fashion drafting along behind you..” theloveburts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s weird and obsessive but you can approach sensitively. It’s giving off single white female vibes. Maybe approach the topic as ‘Hey, I’ve noticed you really like my style and my new hair! I think that’s great you’re also expressing yourself and taking inspiration from me.
If you have any questions about how I style pieces, let me know’ then you’ve vocalized that you know, she may then start to back off or when your coworkers ask you about the same styles/outfits, mention ‘oh yeah! She asked me where I got it from so I told her, it looks great on her doesn’t it!’ Malicious compliance babe, malicious compliance.” Diligent_Necessary66
10. AITJ Saying My Real Estate Agent Is Incompetent?
“I am a student living in a house which has a lot of ongoing problems. Such as we have had rats and mice on and off since living here, the shower leaks, ant infestations, and no warning of maintenance people coming to our house.
I have rung and emailed them so many times and they haven’t even apologized or given any compensation. One of their contractors even left our house unlocked when no one was in and I again haven’t even received an apology. We are a house of young women and it is very disconcerting having random people in our house with no warning.
Given all this, I rang them and proceeded to pretty much shout down the phone at one of the estate agent employees saying that they were incompetent, rude, and threatened to withhold rent. The person on the phone did apologize but these things keep happening with no change.
Am I the jerk for ranting down the phone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, get everything in writing. Tell them you are taking everything and going to governing board and if your local media has an investigative bureau take it to them too. Chances are it’s happening to others too, communicate around your area to see if that’s true.
Go as a group?” ProfessionalSir9978
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. They should be giving you notice of any maintenance people coming so that you can choose to be there if you wish – let them in and lock up after them. We always opt to be at our rental for inspection or tradespeople because we have a dog, also because we have a right to be there.
Shouting at the property manager is never a good idea, though. Put your complaint in writing via email. Read through your tenancy agreement and see how much notice has to be given for tradespeople coming in. They may be violating the terms of your agreement – but go about it the right way.” Carliebeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Just don’t pay the rent? Assuming you have a lease signed, it details everything that they should be doing but aren’t. Just write down the dates of when you contact them and the issues you’re having and don’t pay rent. Keep the money you would be using on rent in a savings account but don’t spend it yet. Eventually, they’ll cry about the rent and you tell them to get lost until the issues are fixed, then it either gets fixed or you go to court.” piezombi3
9. AITJ For Making My Dad Choose Between Me And His Wife?
“I (19F) want to start this with all of the information I can give. About a month ago, my stepmom sent me a message that really hurt me and I tried to be civil but told her that I was hurt by the message.
Basically, she said that the way I came out wasn’t enough or personal for her, and she was upset and confused. I let myself cool off before responding but still told her that I was hurt by her message and I’d need a little bit of space to cool off.
What happened then is that she started actively avoiding me and doing everything in her power to not be around me for more than a few minutes at a time. At first, I let it happen because I realized that maybe she was hurt too and just needed space.
Then months went by and things only got worse.
I told her that I was ready to talk again, and she told me that that was clear then continued to avoid me.
I don’t think I was the jerk for telling her that she hurt me, but what happened next feels a little foggier for me?
After more than 2 months of her avoiding me and only talking to me when she asks me to do something, I started biting back a little more.
I was acting a bit petty, but I don’t think I was being disrespectful. I left a therapy worksheet out that explained how I saw her, and a vent piece I drew after I confronted her about the avoidance and she told me to ‘get used to it.’
The only person I talk to in the house now is my dad, so today I kind of just started ranting to him about the whole situation.
I told him, without filtering myself, how I felt like she had abandoned me and was making me go through losing ANOTHER mom. He told me that she had given up ‘trying with me’ because it was ‘too hard’ to always be getting things wrong.
I yelled at him for defending her, saying that when she married him she knew that I was part of the deal.
Going over the situation with friends, I realized that during the conversation, I was trying to get my dad to tell me that if it came down to it, he’d fight for me or take my side.
I know he loves my step-mom, and I don’t want to break them up or anything, but I feel like trying to get him to ‘choose me’ might be a subconscious way of trying to turn them against each other or something.
Since I’m technically an adult, even though I only recently graduated and am still getting on my feet, maybe it’s not his job to put me above other things anymore.
I don’t want to keep fighting this battle if I’m in the wrong, but I really don’t like how they’re treating me.
AITJ for expecting my dad to stand up for me/take my side in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not at ALL. I am so sorry. This grown woman decides to throw a tantrum and give you the silent treatment over you coming out in a way she didn’t like.
She CONTINUES to stomp her foot and sniff when you try to reach out to her, tell her how you’re feeling, and try and extend olive branches. She’s acting like a total child and when you tell your dad, he takes her aside and says YOU’RE too much for HER?
Your father is treating you very wrongly, and you are not in any way wrong for expecting him to stand up for you when someone is hurting you like his wife is because that’s what a father is supposed to do.
I don’t know what advice I can give you, but you’ve got all my support. Good luck.” Ok_Kangaroo_3097
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, she can disengage if she wants to, she doesn’t have to cater to your feelings. You can feel hurt but this entitlement to these adults to do crap about it for you is wrong.
Asking your dad to choose you over something so stupid is stupid. What exactly is he supposed to choose? She wasn’t mean and vicious to you, she disengaged.
And it seems like something is missing, is she reacting this way to you coming out? Or is there a bunch of interactions leading up to this and you decided that this lone incident was the sole reason? You aren’t being truthful about things.” NotSoBunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
WHY is your stepmom trying to make your coming out about HER? What did she mean it ‘wasn’t enough’? I don’t see that there’s any right or wrong way to do that unless you did it like Clairee’s nephew Marshall in Steel Magnolias… ‘Mama and Daddy, I have something to tell you.
I have a brain tumor. I have three months to live.’ Well, naturally Drew and Belle became hysterical. Then Marshall says, ‘Hey folks, I’m just kidding. I’m only gay.’ Now THAT would be wrong.
But, that being said, you really need to rethink asking your Dad to choose sides.
You’re only 19. Eventually, you’ll move out, and make a life for yourself. And you deserve to be happy with whatever path you choose in life. But your Dad deserves to be happy, as well. You don’t want him to spend whatever years he has left by himself, do you? You might not like your stepmom, but you need to find some kind of ‘neutral ground’ until you can get out on your own.” Noneya_Biddness
Another User Comments:
“I feel that you could handle the situation more maturely as acting out, whilst understandable isn’t going to build bridges here.
I think the only way to see if this can be resolved is by sitting down as a family and discussing this all out. If your dad and step-mum don’t make any efforts to make changes to alter the toxic atmosphere that’s developed then the best thing to do would be to walk away and find somewhere you can call home.
I’d say this is a soft ‘everyone sucks here’ but your step-mum needs to seriously change her attitude and your dad could do a better job of trying to ensure you all gel together as a family. Don’t stoop to your step-mom’s level with petty passive aggressiveness and I would happily alter that to an NTJ.
I hope things change for the better, all the best OP.” Redeemer_89
8. AITJ For Changing My Move-Out Date?
“I’m in the midst of a divorce that I did not initiate and which was unexpected (1.5 months ago). We decided within the first week to sell the marital home, and we initially told the realtor we’d both move out within two months.
I pretty much moved out immediately with most of my clothes but left the rest of my stuff behind (which is probably about 10-15 boxes worth). My ex-wife then found a place sooner than expected, and we decided together to move up our timeline with the realtor to align with my ex-wife’s move-out date, which is the beginning of next month.
The realtor has accordingly scheduled a contractor to start some repairs on the home the day after my ex-wife’s move-out date.
I had originally planned to move the rest of my stuff two days before my ex-wife moved out, but because of stress and depression, I’ve been having a hard time getting stuff done.
I have a lot of work deadlines coming up and am overwhelmed. I realized yesterday (two weeks before my ex-wife’s move-out date), that there was a possibility I would not be able to move out completely before my ex-wife moved out.
I told my ex-wife I might need some more time to move out, and she was extremely upset that I was unilaterally changing what we had agreed to. We reached out to the realtor and the contractor about their flexibility. The realtor deferred to the contractor, who said it would not be a problem if my things were in boxes and the middle of the room when he started.
Am I the jerk for asking for a little flexibility to change the date of my completed move-out? Yes, I am changing the date, and I know it’s not ideal, but I will make sure my stuff is not in the way of my ex-wife’s stuff when her movers come.
The contractor also said it’d be no problem. My ex-wife on the other hand is extremely concerned that I’m adding additional risk to the sale schedule of the marital home. She would rather that I move out my stuff ASAP as I had originally agreed.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
This is just a very sad and unfortunate situation. I can understand the concerns your ex has surrounding this. You went back on the agreed-upon date (with fair reason), but because of this, how is she to know that you won’t continue to push it back? Her feelings are valid here.
It’s clear that in your depressive state you are feeling extremely overwhelmed. You cleared it with the realtor and contractor so go ahead and give yourself a few more days but it would be best for you and everyone involved if you do pick a solid date and stick to it.
As awful as this situation is, it might be better to rip off the bandaid mate, and get it done. Do you have any friends or family that can support you through this? With the amount of stuff you have left you can get it done swiftly in one trip if you had a few extra pairs of hands.” Dont-trust-it
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…
Sorry, you are going through this. You are extending the date for no particular reason, which makes you the jerk. If you aren’t able to get yourself to move the stuff, you could at least make a call and hire a company to get the stuff for you…
Time keeps moving even when you are depressed, it is up to you to take the steps to get support, and to reach out to friends/family to let them know you need support.” shepassedthebeautyon
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, this is just a sad situation for you both.
Perhaps giving your ex a fixed date you’ll move out by would smooth things over? Maybe get a couple of friends/family involved or hire someone to help you get the last of your stuff on an upcoming day you’re free so it’s something off your mind you no longer have to worry about.
Sounds like you’ve left it pretty open-ended which seems to be the cause of her concern; she’s not unreasonable to be concerned about delays to the house sale if you’ve both got new places you don’t want to be paying for two places for long.” redditor191389
7. AITJ For Telling My Trans Friend To Shut Up About Being Trans?
“I am FTM (female-to-male) and my friend is non-binary. I’ve never been very open about being transgender because it’s not a big part of me so I don’t tell everyone. I was hanging out with some friends a few days ago and the friends I’m talking about (I’ll call them C) kept talking about trans stuff which I’m fine with, but they also kept mentioning me being trans.
C knows that I don’t tell everyone I’m trans so it was weird but I brushed it off. Then a little while later they called me the T slur so I told them to ‘shut up about being trans’ all of my friends got super mad and we haven’t talked since.
AITJ?? ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no one should call you any slur unless you have consented to that. NB friend is a jerk for that.
As you’ve said, them wanting to talk about being trans themselves is totally ok. But continuously bringing up your gender identity crosses a boundary for you.
If you have made that boundary clear with NB friend but they still cross it, they’re the jerk.
I would recommend clarifying your stance a bit to your friends — from what I can tell, you aren’t actually asking anyone to shut up about being trans.
If they took your words at face value, I can understand why they would be mad.” hilarioustrainwreck
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but like gently – you’re all clearly super young and have no experience navigating boundaries properly yet.
You could have handled it better than saying it the way you did.
I can’t quite tell from your post if your friends are annoyed because of the snapping or because you’re not indulging C. You could have used the exact words you did here – “My own personal trans status isn’t really something I want to talk about all the time and I’d like you to please stop.” Likewise ‘don’t use that slur with me I’m not cool with it.’ Boundaries!
C is going through that annoying stage MANY young and insecure queer/trans folks go through – constantly talking about their identity is their way of trying to solidify it for themselves, but it’s exhausting when you’re ahead of them self-esteem/maturity-wise.
That’s why you gotta use your words clearly to set a boundary. Then if they jump all over it, they’re definitely being a jerk.” mignyau
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Not meant in a negative way but: who cares if you are trans? Of course, it’s a big part of your upbringing, but who cares if they don’t know you well? You are OP.
Period. How you became OP is part of a deeper connection to people.
30 or 40 years ago it would be ‘divorced’. Big deal. But not important for fair-weather friends or acquaintances.
You decide who you confide in and if it’s no one right now, that’s no biggie.
If I like you, it’s because I like you as a person. No one needs the Trans Info to decide about that. And your friend has no right to tell everyone about it. Just because you opened up about it to them, doesn’t mean you do it to anyone else.
I had a friend who came out as gay at 17. Because I was so happy for him (he told me he had a partner for a month now and was so in love and happy, so my reaction was being insanely happy for him) he started to tell everyone.
But he stopped a couple of months later because people started to act differently toward him. Not during the 3 or 4 months where he told everyone or later did I answer any question related to his orientation. Not my effing business as a friend.
Same for your friend. Telling others even without being asked is worse.” MasterpieceOk4688
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – your friend is allowed to talk about their identity without people swearing and having a go when they do, but they aren’t allowed to go on about yours without your permission or call you slurs you haven’t explicitly said you’re fine with even if they personally have reclaimed them.
Basically, your wording was messed up and didn’t get across any of what it seems like you predominantly had issue with.” yeet-im-bored
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Responsible For My Roommate's Rabbits?
“Recently my roomie got a pair of rabbits. Before buying them, he asked if anyone was allergic, but not if I wanted to partake in keeping them. (I don’t)
He is used to spontaneously going away on vacations, and not used to having responsibility for anything furry.
The last time he went away, he had made arrangements with our other roomie, who then also went away on a spontaneous vacation, leaving me on the hook to keep the rabbits fed. When my roomie called to let me know that I was his rabbit’s only hope, I firmly let him know that I would do this once, but never again.
Now he’s going on another trip, the other roomie is gone, so I’m the only one left. He asked, and I reminded him of last time being the first and last, and that he needs to have someone who’s not me take care of the rabbits, as I refuse to do it.
He tries to tell me that it’s not a big deal, that it only takes a minute, but for me, it’s not about that.
In my view, since the rabbits were born, they’ve been forcefully abducted, put in jail, castrated, then left to boredom and possibly hunger.
This is what I don’t want to be a part of.
My roomie claims he loves them for their sweet nature and soft fur. If the rabbits are capable of liking him back, it’s got to be a Stockholm syndrome thing, but for rabbits.
Lastly, there’s the ‘freedom’ bit of principle. I have got the lovely freedom of not having to feed rabbits because I never chose to get rabbits.
When he gets rabbits and leaves them for me to maintain, he’s taking away that freedom.
This is unacceptable to me, and while I might be the jerk, I certainly don’t feel like one, in this regard at least.
I think that he thinks that I’m bluffing and that I’ll feed them if he doesn’t.
It worked for him the last time.
That’s not gonna work this time though, and I’ll have to make that perfectly clear before he leaves.
Anyway, give me your thoughts: AITJ!?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Part of the duty of owning pets is arranging care for them if you’re gone.
If you/no local friends will do it, he needs to HIRE a pet sitter or board them.
Especially rabbits, they get sick fast if they get gut issues from insufficient hay/food.
Of course, you may find a sitter coming by once or twice a day to your home more annoying than feeding them yourself, but that’s for you to decide.
YTJ a thousand times if you neglect them – google rabbit rescues and shelters so you know who to call to drop them off with if he abandons them to go on vacation.
Just keep records of his refusal to care for them so he can’t charge you with theft for seeing to the welfare of his pets.” Meghanshadow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to feed them, however, you will be if you allow them to starve.
Remind him in the text I will not feed your rabbits. I won’t take care of your rabbits. Then if he doesn’t get anyone else, contact your local animal place and let them know they’ve been abandoned by their only owner and turn them over to a shelter.” jnnmommy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your roommate should obviously get a pet sitter for his rabbits, and you didn’t choose to own pets.
But your view is extreme, and also wrong. These are very likely domesticated rabbits. They weren’t kidnapped and put in jail; they have been bred as domestic animals for centuries now and probably couldn’t survive in the wild.
As for the castrated part… well, given the phrase ‘breed like rabbits,’ the consequences of not spaying or neutering are pretty obvious. So many pets get euthanized every year because people don’t spay or neuter and there aren’t enough homes for all of them.
I don’t think you’re the jerk for not feeding his pets, although I really, really hope he sucks it up and gets a pet sitter rather than just letting them die. But I think you’re using this ‘pet jail’ idea to justify not caring for them.” Puzzleheaded-Hurry26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are not responsible for your roommate’s pets. Make sure he knows that rabbits who go more than 24 hours without eating can get intestinal paralysis very quickly. He needs to hire a pet sitter to come in once a day to feed and spend time with them while he is gone or kennels them.” Due-Asparagus6479
5. AITJ For Not Caring If My Parents Come To My Wedding Or Not?
“My fiancé (22 yo) and I (20 yo) and are getting married on May 15th, 2025. It has been a huge topic in my family as I’ve chosen my bridesmaids and my maid of honor already and so has my fiancé.
My mother is not making this experience pleasant for me as everything I show her a picture of, like a wedding dress I like, she tells me that I will look fat in it without ever having seen this particular silhouette on me.
Besides that, she is trying to push my fiancé and me to choose the wedding venue she likes (I’m not gonna lie, it is quite nice but it’s not for me and my fiancé – it’s a stalactite cave that can fit 15 people including the officiant and my fiancé and me) but it doesn’t stop there!
My parents keep telling me to send my fiancé back to England if we have the tiniest argument! (I am German and we currently live in Germany) but the cherry on top of this big fat mountain is that my mum had an argument with my aunt about 6 months ago and forbids me to invite her to my wedding or else she and my dad will not attend.
They keep telling me it is my problem to solve and to figure out who I want to have at my wedding more when in my eyes it is their decision if they attend or not!
I will invite both my Auntie and my Parents and quite frankly don’t care who attends and who doesn’t as it is my fiancé’s and my day, not their family feud festival so…
AITJ for telling my parents that I don’t care if they come to my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s 3 years away and already with the criticisms?
You can invite whoever you want, obviously.
If it were me, I’d plan to invite them (since this sort of thing has a long-term relationship impact – though perhaps that’s okay with you) but would simply stop talking about it at all with them.
At all. If it comes up tell them it’s all going to be a surprise, or be completely direct and say you aren’t talking about it with them since it’s too stressful. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Then do what you think is best.” 88questioner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This is your wedding and no one gets to make decisions about it except for you and your fiancé — I don’t care who is paying for it.
Also, your mother is fatphobic and trying to shame you so she is a giant jerk who deserves her comeuppance.
Keep standing your ground, OP! Maybe you don’t need her at the wedding at all if she keeps this up. She’ll uninvite herself for good and then you might actually have a nice day.
P.S. congrats on the engagement.” SatanicSunflower
Another User Comments
“NTJ.
So long as it’s the truth and you won’t throw it back in their faces later if they choose not to come. If you did that then you would have a different judgment going on from me.
Also, you could remind your parents that any beef they have with other people doesn’t mean you share their beef, and you aren’t obligated to punish anyone they’re angry with when you don’t share their feelings with that person.
Your mom should come and behave like a normal parent and avoid your aunt at the event. That makes much more sense if you love your child and want to be at their wedding, right?” jammy913
4. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Pay Her Debt?
“My best friend and I are both female minors in high school without jobs. So I and my friends constantly go out shopping or to get food with each other on the weekends. I tend to keep track of my personal spending and if any of my friends borrow from me, I write down how much they borrowed and when they borrowed it.
Usually, it’s like 5$ and they pay me back within a week. However, this is not the case with my best friend, as she frequently borrows from me and promises to pay it back, yet she hasn’t.
I am constantly joking with her about paying me back and she laughs too, but even when I pull her aside privately to ask her to pay me back, she just says she forgot and will remember next time.
Earlier today when leaving school, I joked with her about bringing me the payment again and she stopped walking and told me that ‘if you ask me ONE more time, I am never going to pay you back. Stop being such a jerk about it, I’ll pay you back soon.’ I was shocked as she has never raised her voice at me and has joked along with me about it.
Another note to mention, she is in no way poor and has even talked about the hundreds of dollars her clothes cost and the amount on her debit card. While I am also not desperately in need of funds, her debt has accumulated to over 200$.
Now, I love my best friend and don’t want to fight with her or make her upset.
So, I just want to know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They said they would pay you back. Asking for it or at least a timetable for it is reasonable.
However, advice from the aged lending to friends rarely ends well because someone always gets annoyed that you are keeping a meticulous score. And they often end up thinking one dinner at Applebee’s and a movie should wipe out 300 dollars of debt.
This goes doubly for family.” gdex86
Another User Comments:
“Stop lending her funds. Joking about being paid back is passive-aggressive and was obviously not working. YTJ for continuing to lend her while being bitter about the accumulation of her debt to you. If you wanted to be paid back, you should have stopped lending her and set up a payment plan with her to recover your loan to her.
She the jerk and not a good friend to not pay you back right away. She shouldn’t have placed you in the awkward position of having to constantly hint that you’d like to be paid back. You needed to be more direct about your expectations to be paid back and she needed to act more honorably to her friend.” Ema630
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but never loan someone any amount you’re not prepared to never see again, because not everyone is going to repay you.
It sucks that it’s your best friend but at this point, it sounds like she’s made it clear that getting your moolah back to you isn’t a priority and won’t be anytime in the future, even if you continue to ask.
I think the options in that case then are –
1. Let go of the idea she’ll pay you back ever, keep your friendship the same and just keep giving her free moolah.
2. Let go of the idea she’ll pay you back, keep the friendship, but change it slightly so you don’t give her anything if she asks.
If she complains, tell her to repay the amount she owes you first before you start lending more (and if she complains or says it ‘ruins the friendship’ then she’s not friends with you, you’re convenient for her)
3. Let go of the idea she’s going to pay you back and change the friendship.
I would say 2 is your best option, personally.” Kilmerval
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. While she should pay back the amount that she borrowed, you’re coming off a bit loan sharky here. You shouldn’t have loaned her more after the first time she ‘borrowed’ from you and didn’t pay you back.
$200 is a ridiculous amount and it never should have gotten this far. So you’re kinda the jerk for continuously letting her borrow moolah from you when you expect her to pay it back but know she doesn’t. Where is she going to get $200 from?” GlassSandwich9315
3. AITJ For Wanting To Sit Next To My Friend On The Bus?
“My friend and I took a trip to Iceland a few years ago. We stayed in Reykjavik and booked a sightseeing bus tour. One of the tours was about half a day with several stops including Pingvellir. The ‘bus’ had about 5 rows with 3-4 seats per row, with an aisle down the middle.
There were several pick-up locations throughout the city and we happened to be at the last stop. By the time we got on, it was really full so we just grabbed the only open seats next to strangers. We figured we could sit together later.
When we stopped for sightseeing, the bus driver/guide said we could choose to leave our things on the bus or take it with us. The bus would be locked but the company wasn’t responsible for lost belongings, etc. Nothing about returning to the same seat.
On the 2nd or 3rd tour stop, my friend and I were first to come back to the bus so we just sat together in an empty row, no belongings were left on the seats.
People start coming back, and a woman with her family (husband and 2 sons) sees us and starts yelling that we were ‘breaking tour bus etiquette by not continuing to sit in the seat we sat in when we first got picked up’ and we had ‘taken her boys’ seats and their family couldn’t sit together.
We are stunned and no one else on the bus says anything. The guide comes back and asks if there is a problem (he hadn’t gotten on the bus yet so unclear if he heard the yelling), to which my friend speaks up and says ‘No.
We didn’t know there was such a rule. We can move back if it’s a problem’, to which the lady yells back ‘you SHOULD move, everybody knows it’s a rule.’
So we move back and my friend even has the grace to apologize and wish her a good trip.
I was just stunned through the whole thing, wish I would have said something bc it seemed like a nonsense rule.
Afterward, we were talking and I said it seemed like a fake rule since we can’t choose the order we are picked up.
She said she also thought so but didn’t want to argue and make a scene in front of the woman’s kids. Is this an actual thing??
Side note: Yes, my friend is an amazing human being.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for switching seats without asking first.
Just because people took their belongings doesn’t mean they abandoned their seats. The proper etiquette would be to wait until everyone returns and then ask if anyone is willing to switch seats.” Few_Worker_944
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and a bit entitled. If there wasn’t some sort of ‘unwritten, civilized’ rule, every stop would be a disorganized event.
That doesn’t absolve the other passenger being rude when a little politeness would have gone a long way.” SugarFreeBeef
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You ask around. This woman went about it the wrong way, but there is etiquette unless you ask people. You could have asked the person you were sitting next to if they would take your friend’s seat or vice versa.” Sudden-Scene6489
2. AITJ For Cleaning Regardless Of My Roommate's Schedule?
“I (27F) live in a shared apartment with three other people. I share my bathroom with C (32M). I clean once a week, it doesn’t get really nasty in a week but I think this is suitable for a bathroom. C barely ever cleans.
Maybe once in 3-6 months. I tried talking to him, I tried not cleaning until he does. He always says it is bc of his ADHD or mental health. He has one of his friends over almost every week. I have pretty severe mental health issues and ADHD as well.
So I now clean every week for my own comfort and stopped talking to him about cleaning. I put up a list where I add in when I cleaned what and how long it took me. I work from home. I clean every Wednesday and what works best for me is: spray cleaning solution everywhere and then clean for a bit whenever I have time or need a break from work.
This takes a few hours.
He wakes up in the midst of it and can’t use the toilet. However, we have another bathroom that the remaining two share (and it is ok to use it). He has to step into the hallway walk one meter to the second door and let himself in.
I could do it differently and I know it annoys him even though he has not said anything yet (deep sighs each time).
AITJ or, well, a jerk for cleaning this way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, if he wants to complain he’s welcome to do it himself, even if it was the only toilet I’d encourage him to be grateful that he doesn’t need to do it.
Unfortunately, it is a necessary task, especially if you share a bathroom with someone who stands when they pee, that’s just life.” el-destroya
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cleaning a bathroom, especially a shared one, is a basic must-do chore. He’s unwilling and too lazy to do it and is more than happy to make you do it.
When you are doing it he has the easy option of using another bathroom.
His loud passive aggressive sighs just prove he’s a jerk.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“Why do it in a way that annoys him/interferes with his life, however minor? If you do it because it’s more convenient for you, or more efficient, or even because you like to do it that way, NTJ – you’re providing a communal service that he won’t provide, that clearly has value.
If you’re doing it that way because it interferes with his life, perhaps to throw in his face that he’s not pulling his weight – then your choice to throw it in his face makes a jerk, a little bit (he’s obviously a jerk, and a bigger one than you, but if you do it to be passive-aggressive, you’re a bit of one too).
So depending on why you do it – NTJ or ‘everyone sucks here’.” BigBayesian
1. AITJ For Not Informing My Friend's Wife About Our Agreement?
“I’m a 30-year-old aromantic woman who is currently 33 weeks pregnant with twin girls that I conceived through IVF. I have always wanted children but never really considered them on the cards for me due to my orientation but now I am in a position where I felt stable enough to bring a child into the world on my own so I decided to go through IVF.
My best friend since high school (31M) found out about my plan and how I was looking into finding a donor so it wouldn’t be anonymous and I could vet medical history etc and offered to be the sperm donor as at least I’d know his medical history and any risks there was attached.
I agreed but made it very clear he wouldn’t be a parental role in the child’s life, at most he’d be an honorary ‘Uncle’ due to our friendship. He was happy to agree to this and it never once occurred to me that he would offer this without running this by his wife (31F) first.
As some of you will likely be worried, I used an HFEA Clinic which is a legally licensed clinic which means due to the paperwork signed, when I underwent IVF, he has no legal right or obligation towards the babies which was what both of us wanted going into this.
The IVF was a success as my pregnant state proves, a little too successful perhaps as it’s twins. I recently took my friend and his wife out to dinner to thank them for doing this for me and celebrate being in the third trimester but his wife was confused when I explained the reason for the dinner and then angry demanding to know why we kept this from her.
I was just as shocked and asked my friend if he hadn’t told his wife, he tried to explain to both of us he hadn’t thought it’d matter as he has no rights to them at all. His wife got even angrier at that part stating she isn’t comfortable with their son (6M) having siblings that aren’t really his siblings and she wants that part changed so that her husband has a legal say over the girls.
I was in shock over this but said I wouldn’t be doing that as I wanted to raise them alone, the three of us got into a huge argument and his wife demanded to know why I wouldn’t tell her that her husband had offered this in the first place…
I feel very guilty for not checking with his wife first but it honestly never occurred to me that he wouldn’t have done that first so I thought if he was offering she had to have already given the ok. AITJ in this? I don’t know what to do…”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for the wife honestly.
You can’t say that you didn’t think once about how weird it was that his wife was so chill about him doing this and that perhaps it would be a good idea to check on her to see how she felt before the donation even took place and paperwork was signed? I do not believe that you took everything he said as the truth simply because he’s your friend.
If you did, well, I think this can be a lesson about not using a married man as your sperm donor just because it makes things convenient for you.
Your friend sucks because he made the choice without at least telling his wife his plans.
Would she have had any influence as to whether the donation procedure went ahead or not? Nothing that wasn’t verbal anyways I suppose but let’s not turn this into my body my choice argument, given that that only leads to endless loophole arguments.
What he did was awfully shady on his behalf and he knows it. I’m surprised he wasn’t sweating all through dinner knowing what it was all about.” Solgatiger
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here (you and your friend, not the wife). He is the biggest jerk, and I can’t put my finger on it but this situation feels deliberate.
I am not buying that he is an idiot. He volunteered for this and purposely kept it a secret from his wife. Something is off! If he really didn’t think it would be that big of a deal, he would have mentioned it to his wife.
There is NO WAY that it would not have come up, he purposely didn’t mention it.
You are a jerk too for not thinking this whole thing through. There is a lot of assuming happening. You are growing actual people, for Pete’s sake.
Many conversations and planning should have happened with the COUPLE about how everything would be handled, ESPECIALLY since they have a son. Assuming the friend would take on an uncle role wasn’t good enough. All THREE of you needed to be in agreement on this.” SnooAvocados6720
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – both you and your husband are very stupid to do this.
It was pure selfishness from both of you. You just wanted children right away with no consideration of how this will end up in the future. You should have brought this up to both husband and wife. Also, do they have a kid as well? Like this is a mess.
You have no idea how your kids would react to this situation and they might up ending resenting you as a result. You have no idea what you actually signed up for. Like did you guys ever discussed what will happen when you tell your kids? What if the kids wanted to spend time with bio-dad instead? Or how does the husband’s kid feels about this? Regardless you will always look like a jerk for wanting to have a baby with a married man with a wife and child already. You brought this unnecessary drama to yourself.” whatitdobaybeee65
1) you're friends with him NOT the wife
2) this was a discussion your friend knew what you wanted, he volunteered to be the donor
3) it's his responsibility to talk to his wife...not you
4) she don't get a say in what you've decided in the beginning
5) their child has nothing to with your babies, it's IVF, their are tons of kids out there that have siblings and they don't know of one another.
And finally as a last word, you may have to lose your friend, if the wife can't get over her pitiness. It's not like you bonked her husband, for crying out loud!
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