People Tell Their Unsettling "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

There are times in our lives when we are deeply unsettled by the actions of others and other times when we are even more disturbed by our own actions. Whether we are helping plan a wedding we are uninvited to or forced to set boundaries with a child whose parents lack discipline - we all must come to terms with our own moral failings. In the following stories, people share uncomfortable truths about unsettling situations and question, "was I the jerk?" Read on and let us know who you think the jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You're the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? EHS = Everyone here sucks

16. AITJ For Allowing My Stepbrother Move In With Me?


“When I (28F) was ten, my mother married my stepfather, Nick. My mother was a loving and involved parent to Nick’s son, Ben (now 34M,) but not to me. There were pictures of my mother, Nick, and Ben all over the house but none of me.

They found any excuse to have “family time” without me. My mother told me once that it was hard for her to love me and look at me because I looked so much like my father.

My father was a heavy drinker and had many affairs. My mother and Nick would constantly make comments about how I was going to turn out as a failure/embarrassment just like my father.

Ben was extremely cruel to me and my mother and Nick only responded to his verbal/emotional mistreatment by telling me to respect Ben. My only familial support was my paternal grandparents.

They supported me unconditionally. They helped with my college and I moved in with them after graduation. My grandparents are now in heaven. I inherited their home and have lived there alone for three years now.

I’ve tried many times since graduation to talk to Ben about how his behavior impacted me. Ben takes no accountability for any of his cruelty toward me and only says how “Even if it was that bad, we were just kids” or “Why are you still caught up on that? That was ages ago.” I hadn’t talked to Ben in almost two years before he reached out to me through social media.

Ben explained that he and his family are being evicted from their previous home. I’m not sure about the reason why, but apparently, it’s bad enough that practically nowhere is willing to accept Ben and his family as tenants.

The only place that’s willing to accept them is in an extremely shady/dangerous area, and he feels it isn’t safe for his daughter, Adeline (6F.) My mother and Nick aren’t an option, so he hoped that he and his family would be able to stay with me.

(I admit it’s a big house; Three bedrooms and a large yard and garage.) Ben said that Adeline could take one room and he and his wife could live in the other, and he offered me a sizeable rent.

I told Ben no and that I really don’t feel comfortable living with him again because of what he put me through as a child. Ben made the same arguments about “That was in the past” and that we probably wouldn’t need to interact with one another because of our differing schedules.

I told him no and that was final.

The people to that I’ve explained this situation to are divided. The people supporting my decision say that Ben has never treated me like family and he doesn’t get to waltz into my life demanding familial support when he hasn’t even apologized for his verbal/emotional torment.

But a lot of people are telling me to think about Adeline because my decision will have the heaviest impact on her and not on Ben. And I should know more than anyone that no child should be punished for their parent’s bad choices.

Now I’m conflicted about my decision. AITJ For refusing to let them move in?”

Another User Comments:


Let’s put aside his cruelty to you when he was 6 years older than you and also his complete lack of responsibility for his actions for a moment.

For the sake of this argument, let’s pretend that he was a good person and never did anything wrong that you know of.

You don’t know why he was evicted, but you know that nowhere else will take him.

He is NOT going to be a good tenant. He is NOT going to leave peacefully if you ever decide to kick him out. Since rent doesn’t seem to be an issue for him, it must be BAD for no other places to rent to him.

Now we get onto your brother’s daughter.

“And I should know more than anyone that no child should be punished for their parent’s bad choices.”

This is disgusting.

The people telling you this are jerks. Your mother shunning and neglecting you because you looked like her ex and your brother’s family being evicted are NOT COMPARABLE. You don’t even know WHY they’re being evicted, what if – on the incredibly minute chance – it’s because of something his daughter did? What if she threw a tantrum and wrecked part of the building? What if she was playing with fire and set part of the building alight?

You have no idea why they’re even being evicted and they clearly won’t tell you.

Do not let these people live with you. I’d suggest installing security cameras on your property if you haven’t already, and also take back any spare copies of your keys/ change the locks.

Oh and also, he won’t take accountability for how he treated you in childhood, and you don’t owe him anything.” tofu_deluxe

Another User Comments:


He has made it abundantly clear he doesn’t consider you family. Only that he wants something from you does he now contact you. Make no mistake he has not changed this would be a toxic living environment for you.

Protect your own inner child from this, or it will be a living nightmare for you. Not to mention there is a reason why no landlord wants him; something is seriously amiss here and you don’t want to deal with it.” Maleficent_Ad407

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, looks like someone is finally about to discover that actions have consequences.

Ben, Nick, and your mother regularly showed you that they don’t consider you as family and Ben has only contacted you because he wants something. Stay strong and enjoy the house that the two people who loved you the most gave to you.” spikeymist

12 points (12 votes)

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Nitemistress 2 months ago
Change your locks, add more locks, get security cameras around the entire house and make sure it's known far and wide that they do NOT have permission or rights to be there
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15. AITJ For Calling The Cops On My Sister?


“I (28f) met my husband X (30m) 10yrs ago. At the time, he was a single dad to a 6mo baby girl, Lily(11f). I worked at the bakery he’d stop at every Saturday before their walk, and eventually we started going out.

We got married 6yrs ago, and I legally adopted Lily soon after that.

In my family, it’s a tradition that the oldest daughter gets gifted an old sapphire ring on her 11th birthday.

The ring belonged to my grandmother, who gave it to my aunt, who gave it to me because all of my cousins are male. Lily’s 11th birthday was a few months ago, and I gave the ring to her because she’s my oldest daughter.

She loves that ring more than anything. She put it on a chain to wear around her neck so that she could keep better track of it, and in the months that she’s had it, I’ve never seen her take it off.

My sister Mia (24f) is one of Lily’s favorite people. Lily really loves her aunt, and sometimes Mia will just text to let me and X know that she’s picking Lily up from school to go eat or go to the bookstore or something like that.

The other day, I got one of those texts from Mia, so I just told her to be safe, have fun, and make sure my daughter came home at a decent time because it was a school night.

Lily got home about an hour after we had dinner, and she barely said hello to her dad or me before she went up to her room. I thought that maybe she was just tired, so he and I didn’t immediately ask her what was going on, but later that night I went to go check on her because I wanted to be sure.

When I walked into her room I saw that she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong, and it took a minute, but she eventually told me that Mia took the ring from her because it was a family heirloom that was supposed to go to the “actual” oldest daughter and because I adopted her, that means she isn’t really family.

The only reason I didn’t go to Mia’s apartment that night to get it back was because I spent the rest of the evening reassuring Lily that she is my family, and she is 100% my “actual” oldest daughter no matter what our DNA is or what anyone else says.

I left Mia a voicemail the next morning telling her to return the ring before I drive over there and get it myself. She texted saying she would only give it to me if I had a daughter before she did, but until then she’d keep it safe to make sure I didn’t give it back to “the wrong person”.

So then I told her that if she didn’t return the ring by 2 pm that day, I would be calling the police and reporting it stolen.

She started texting like crazy, saying I was being ridiculous and doing too much.

Our mom is in on it now too and she thinks saying I’d contact the police was taking it too far, and that Mia was only trying to keep to the family tradition.”

Another User Comments:

“Yeah, heirloom or not, she stole valuables from your child.

Save messages and go to the police to file a report. She destroyed your relationship herself, so feel zero guilt. She will steal more if you let her and I would be suspicious that she has done it already.

Also remember – you are protecting your child, she cannot be trusted with her now. She may do something else to her in the future. Do not accept this. NTJ” Few-Sheepherder-6383

Another User Comments:

“My heart breaks for Lilly.

To think that your mom and sister are treating her this way is beyond disgusting and reprehensible. You are an awesome mom to Lilly and your sister is a sad person.

I say call the police and file a report. Once you get it back cut all ties with your family. You are far from being the jerk… I’m sure Reddit will not only be on your side but create an army to go get that ring back for that sweet baby of yours.

Your sister and mom are the true jerks.” Msp1278

Another User Comments:


Firstly, good on you for doing the right thing. I can’t tell you how many times stepparents treat their children differently, even after adopting them, and it’s absolutely heartbreaking to constantly read those stories about how differently they treat their non-biological children.

And my heart absolutely breaks for poor Lily.

Her relationship with her aunt will absolutely never be the same. And you’re really going to need to consider going low or no contact with your sister at this point forward, because she’s made it clear how she really feels about Lily, and this is just going to get worse now that she’s going to be bitter about the jewelry.

I’m truly sorry you’re both going through this.

But the only jerk here is your sister and NEVER let her try to convince you that you did anything wrong here. Oh, and your mother’s a bit of a jerk too, she’s lucky you didn’t have her arrested.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491

11 points (11 votes)

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LadyDark 2 months ago
NTJ to the nth degree!

Your sister is bitter and hateful. Cut ties with her after you have the ring back and tell your mother that if she supports bitter, hateful people then she will be cut as well and you won't change your mind with empty lies or promises.

Blood makes you related but doesn't always make you family.
Lots of love to Lily since she needs it.
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14. AITJ For Threatening To Call The Cops On My Stepson?


“I am a 34F doctor, and part of my job entails being on-call for one to three nights a week, twice a month.

My fiance Dale 30M has been saving with my stepson’s mom to buy him a car for Christmas.

My stepson Rex 16M has a license already but always has to borrow his mom’s station wagon or his dad’s beat-up pickup truck. His mom’s car is “lame and embarrassing”, and his dads can only hold one passenger.

Not practical for a teen.

On to the main conflict…

Rex texted me yesterday around 12 if he could borrow my car after school. His friends wanted to go to the mall but the bus route is too long, could they borrow my car?

I texted back a sorry but no, I am on call again.

Can you ask your mom?

He says no. I told him sorry but my answer is still no. I’m sure you will find a solution. Ask your friends and you can all figure it out.

If you see where this is going, you are less shocked than I am.

I was up in my home office (the room where I keep my Switch, sewing machine, and laptop, so not an official office) when I heard Rex and his friends downstairs after school.

I was going to see if they needed anything but they left after a few minutes.

An hour later, I went to the kitchen, cleaning up the empty bottles and wrappers from their snacks, I saw the spot where I left my keys empty, and I began to panic.

First I bolted to the door. My car was gone.

Immediately dialed my stepson. He picks up and it’s obvious he’s in a mall store that plays loud music.

I told him to get home NOW, and he laughed and said that I am not his mom.

He’ll be home whenever he pleases.

I’m not proud but I told him that he has 20 minutes to get home or I call the police and report it stolen. Rex panics and said he couldn’t find all his friends and drive home in 20 minutes.

Told him tough.

10 minutes later I get a text that he is in the mall parking lot and will be home soon.

I phoned Rex’s mom and informed her of his stunt.

She was madder than me when I told her that I was on call. She apologized and promised to talk with Rex and Dale ASAP.

Rex came in, threw me my keys, and locked himself in his room.

Dale finally came home around 8 and said he had been on the phone with his ex. He DEMANDED to know why I punished his son.

I put my foot down and explained I am on call, which means I need my car.

Rex stole my car. Dale disagrees. His ex agrees with me and decided she will not be buying Rex a car anytime soon due to his entitlement.

Dale thinks that I am making a big deal out of nothing.

I didn’t end up going into work so why did I have to threaten Rex?

I have only gone in twice this year while on-call. Just because nothing happens doesn’t mean that I am always clear.

Rex is now grounded. My fiance is barely speaking to me. Asks me when I’m going in today (I’m not) and if I will apologize.

I am not budging and am still upset that he doesn’t get it.


Another User Comments:


Your stepson is clearly entitled because he did steal your car. He even had another option but it wasn’t “cool” enough? And he thinks so little of you it wasn’t even of consequence in his mind to take your car and the throw the keys at you afterward.

The threat of calling the cops was a perfect response because it seemed to be the first time he was shown that his actions have consequences.

Your fiance? That’s even worse. He should know better what an on-call is and regardless of that, you saying no means no.

Why is not a question, if you don’t want him to take your car, he should respect that. Your fiance playing this off is a huge problem because it excuses your stepson’s behavior.

This is a relationship-ending problem.

Do not budge though, or his behavior will get worse.” JSSJeepin

Another User Comments:


You handled it correctly. Tell your husband that you were not punishing his son. You would have handled it the same regardless of who stole your car.

Since it isn’t your husband’s car. He doesn’t get a vote on how you handle the theft of your property.

Tell your husband and his son that this was the ONLY courtesy call.

If your car disappears again. The police will be the first call. I would also withdraw the offer to help with the stepson’s car fund.” Bitter-Conflict-4089

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I am beyond sick of seeing the argument that a step-parent shouldn’t parent but that they also have to parent.

How does that work? People complain you don’t care if you don’t involve them and if you don’t treat them as your own.

But the moment you treat them as your own, or care, or oh lord forbid you set rules and expectations that are perfectly reasonable it then changes to you overstepping your boundaries.

You have an amazing relationship with his biological mother who clearly was understanding and supportive of the issue.

It doesn’t matter if you did or did not get a call. You said no, set the boundary and legally it was your vehicle. If he had an accident you are liable not him.

The idea it is just “teenage rebellion” is a no Brainer, teenagers are often idiots and self-centered in their interests and wants even if they are overall a good kid.

It’s called tough love, and sometimes you have to be willing to go that extra step.” Dance-Magic-Dance72

11 points (11 votes)

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Alliauraa 2 months ago
NTJ Dale is a douchecanoe.
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13. AITJ For Ditching My Friend's Wedding?


“I, Aila (26/F) was set to be a bridesmaid in my friend Deidre’s (26/F) wedding. She had five bridesmaids in total including me. We met in high school and moved back to our mutual hometown area a few years later.

I’m 6’1″ and my nickname has always been “Big Bird,” while the other girls and Diedre are about 5’4″ to 5’6″ or so. I have a Nikon DSLR and have always like to casually take pictures for my social media, which I did of all of us in the time leading up to the wedding.

The day of the wedding, the paid photographer Jenny was on-site at Diedre’s massive church but was sick. She said she’d eaten something that didn’t agree with her, that she could power through but ultimately she had to leave.

Shortly after she left and before we were supposed to head toward the sanctuary, Diedre asked me to walk around the perimeter of the church to make sure that the entrances were all labeled and that no one was lost, so I did that in my dress and tennis shoes and made it back in about 15 minutes.

By the time I got back into the bridal suite it was nearly time to head into the foyer. As I walked in everyone was quiet and staring at me. Diedre’s fiance’s sister Ashley, who hadn’t been sure if she could make the wedding, was there as well.

Diedre said that since Jenny was gone they didn’t have a wedding photographer. She wanted me to give my bridesmaid dress to Ashley and take photos with my Nikon, since no one wanted to just have pictures on their iphones.

Everybody swarmed me and started helping me out of my dress, pulling the rhinestone combs out of my hair, and Diedre took back the bridesmaid gift of the matching Tiffany bracelet we were wearing during the wedding to put on Ashley.

Everyone said that this was a “much better plan” and started hyping up my photography skills. They were also saying this would be great because the wedding party would look uniform now, and the moms were saying that it would be great to include all the “family girls” as bridesmaids.

Diedre said that I would be able to eat after everyone else and that she wasn’t sure where Ashley had been sitting for dinner, but it wouldn’t matter because I wouldn’t need to sit down anyway.

This was all very rushed and I didn’t have time to think, but I was immediately pretty hurt by the demand that I be responsible for not only the wedding photography for free, but that everyone was implying that I’d make pictures look weird if I was in them, and that I’d be okay with not having a seat at all or the chance to eat.

I told Diedre that I wasn’t a professional photographer and that I didn’t know what I was doing, but she just kept saying “You’ll do great” and “I’m sure it’ll be good.” While everyone continued to get ready, I packed up all my stuff, said that I had to take it out to my car, then drove home.


Another User Comments:


You were literally uninvited to the wedding and forced into being an unpaid employee instead.

The description of them “helping” you out of your dress brings to mind the scene in Disney’s Cinderella when her stepsisters tear her dress off and leave her in rags.

I hope it didn’t feel like that when they did that to you. That was just horrible!” TorchwoodFour

Another User Comments:


Maybe, maybe if all it had been was them problem solving in a panic and having you take photos to sub in for the missing photographer it would have been ok.

But combined with replacing you, implying the wedding party “looked better without you,” and deciding that now that you were taking pictures there was no need for you to sit down or eat…

that’s just awful behavior.” MightyisthePen

Another User Comments:

“The only way this would be REMOTELY okay is if the bride asked for your help instead of demanding it, and handed you a check for whatever she’d agreed to pay the original photographer (plus an extra percentage to go with the last second request).

Oh, and didn’t steal your bracelet (once she gifted it to you, it became your property, not hers; that part was flat-out theft.

Also, if you paid for your own dress, that was theft, too).

And if she were willing to accept a “no” and find another plan if you wanted to stay in the bridal party, instead.

And if she let you keep your seat/meal at the reception (she could give the original photographer’s spot to the SIL, if she were a decent human being and had planned a spot for her to start with).

So, yeah; none of what she actually did was okay. Definitely NTJ.” Ok-Rabbit1878

10 points (10 votes)

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Alliauraa 2 months ago
NTJ Bridezilla and her posse are though. Good for you for leaving!
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12. AITJ For Not Covering Up My Ex's Lies?


“I (33f) have a 13yo son named Adam that I’ve raised on my own. His dad, Chris (34m), was someone I met in college. We had mutual friends and started seeing eachother when we were 18 & 19yrs old.

We broke up because he told me that his family would never accept a woman like me (I’m a person of color (poc)) and he didn’t want to put either of us through that.

I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later, and when I told him about the baby, he basically told me to stay out of his life.

I didn’t contact Chris again after that.

I even transferred colleges, but I kept in touch with the friends I had there. Some of them knew that he and I had broken up, but not everyone knew I was pregnant.

When I had Adam, I contacted a few people to announce it, but otherwise, I just kept to myself and focused on my son. I didn’t think to worry about Chris beyond maybe helping Adam track him down someday when he was older.

A few months ago, I got a message from one of the friends I kept up with from college. He said that he was still friends with Chris as well, and Chris had asked him if he had my number.

He made sure it was okay with me before giving it to him. Chris texted me asking if he could get to know my son. I told him I’d talk to Adam about it first, and Adam eventually agreed to start talking to him.

They’ve had pretty consistent messages back and forth and one or two phone calls over the past few months.

Chris asked if we’d be comfortable having dinner with him and his wife, and because Adam said he really wanted to, I said okay and we set a time/place.

Adam went to go to the restroom and Chris went to go get his phone out of the car because he’d left it there on accident, so when his wife Grace (34f) and I were alone, she said that she wasn’t “judging” my choice to do so, but she wanted to know why I waited so long to tell Chris he had a son.

I kind of laughed and told her that I told Chris I was pregnant the day after I found out about it and he asked me to stay away so I did.

His not knowing my son was his choice. She looked shocked and told me that Chris had informed her that he’d only found out about Adam a few months ago. I said I was sorry her husband lied to her but he’s known about Adam the whole time.

Dinner was painfully awkward after that, so it ended a little early. Later in the night when I was getting ready for bed, I got a text from Chris asking why I had told his wife that he had lied to her about the “situation”.

I said it wasn’t my place to cover for him, but then he replied that I should’ve just told her to talk to him about it instead of telling her something that could ruin their marriage.

He thinks I did it as some “gotcha” for how things ended for us.

I will admit that I knew telling her the truth was probably gonna make some waves, but the only thing I feel remorseful about is the fact that this is probably going to screw things up for the relationship he’s trying to have with my son.

Still, was I the jerk for telling her?”

Another User Comments: 

“NTJ. He is only having a relationship with your son right now because someone probably told his wife he had a child or he had to tell her before someone else told her and so he lied to her by saying he only found out now and his wife wants him to have a relationship with his son, I see no other reason for his having a relationship now or lying his wife.

His wife doesn’t know who she is married to.

His wife sounds like a good person and good people do look askew at a person who abandons there child.

Did he ever pay child support?” completedett

Another User Comments: 

“NTJ, You shouldn’t cover for him especially if his wife thought you did keep your son from his father.

It sounds like she is a nice person but if she didn’t know the truth that could result in her being uncomfortable with your son at the least and resentful at the worst.

I do have a question for you why do you think having Chris around your son would be a good thing for your son?

What you stated about your ex is he broke up with you because you are a POC and his family wouldn’t be comfortable around you.

Your son is also a POC so is your ex going to bring your son around people that are uncomfortable with him because of his race or will he stand up for his son and distance himself from those individuals? Has Chris ever paid child support or is he willing to now including back pay? Why does he want to have a relationship now after 13 years? He missed so many life moments he won’t be able to get back.

He is lying to his wife about why he missed 13 years of his son’s life. All those things show your ex was and is a coward. He breaks up with his partner rather than confront his family’s views, does not step up to help raise and support his child, and abandons said child for 13 years so when he gets a chance to redeem himself with said child he is lying to his wife stating you were the one that prevented him from knowing his son instead of taking accountability for his actions.” Safe_Potato_7000

Another User Comments: 


You can’t go along with a fake narrative you’re not aware of, to benefit your ex who has done nothing for you or Adam over the past 13yrs.

But I am wondering why now? Why after 13yrs and getting married has he decided he wants to know Adam? Surely this would have been easier to do before he met & married his wife.

I understand that Adam has a right to know his father, but it shouldn’t be something that is built on lies, which could have turned Adam against YOU.

We know you said you told him, but he could be saying the opposite to your son, which could cause issues for you. Just be aware that your ex might not have the most honest intentions here, especially if he’s already lying to his wife.” HunterDangerous1366

7 points (7 votes)

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Alliauraa 2 months ago
Wow, Chris is still a piece of work. I think you should ask for supervised visitation in the future.
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11. AITJ For Being Upset My Wife Stay At The Hospital With Me


“So I (35M) was in a motorcycle accident earlier this week. My wife (35F) has 3 kids from a previous marriage (17F, 10M, 5M) and we have a 1-year-old together. I had a collapsed lung and had a chest tube put in, a broken leg and arm, and torn ligaments in my knee.

I’ve been in the hospital since Monday. She came out on the day of my accident and stayed until about 4 am. Was back that same morning but has gone home each night.

Yesterday she only stayed until about 1 pm to prepare the house for the hurricane and didn’t come at all today because the weather wasn’t great and she said she didn’t want to leave the kids.

I told her I was upset that I basically went through everything alone. That I would’ve done anything to be with her. She told me she’s been there as much as possible and it’s not fair to dump all the kids on her daughter especially since I’ll need a lot of help when I get home and her daughter will need to help with the kids when she works.

I told her marriage means through thick and thin and I feel abandoned. Now I’m getting one-word answers from her. AITJ for feeling like an afterthought?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for not understanding that a 17-year-old shouldn’t be responsible for 3 kids age 10 and under DURING A HURRICANE.

The situation isn’t ideal, but it’s obvious to me she’s there as much as she can.

Marriage means through thick and thin BUT SO DOES PARENTHOOD. The fact that you’re not more understanding of her trying to balance all her responsibilities DURING A HURRICANE is bizarre.” somethinglucky07

Another User Comments:


I get being in the hospital sucks. But there are four kids at home that need her too. She cannot and is right not to dump all the childcare on the eldest child that is not fair.

There is nothing she can do at the hospital besides sit with you. I’m amazed that you would prefer her at the hospital and your kids at home alone during a hurricane.

Shows where your priorities lie.” Wickedlove7

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I’m sorry you are in the hospital, but why are you behaving like this? You can’t look outside of your situation to see what else is going on around you? All she is going to do in the hospital is sit there.

Literally, she’s not your doctor or your care team and she had been coming. Yall have 4 kids- one who is barely a toddler and you want her to abandon the kids during a hurricane to come sit and look at you.

And she has been there to see you!!!!!

Listen, as someone who has been in the hospital a number of times during my marriage (for weeks at a time due to emergency surgeries), I have NEVER played this guilt trip on my husband for being home taking care of our children and keeping the house running while also cutting out time to come see me.

Would I have loved to be in the room with him? Absolutely. But I knew he was being a responsible adult and looking after our family while the doctors looked after me.

I made sure the doctors made sure I made it home. . . She is reassuring the children you are alive, and all will be OK. She is also trying to make sure your home and family will be safe during this hurricane wreaking havoc in towns currently.

And she is also beating herself up because she can’t secure a sitter for her to be there more for you. She didn’t need that comment or attitude from you. She’s trying her best and you shouldn’t be treating her like she isn’t doing anything at all.

That’s not fair. And to expect her to drive in unsafe conditions to sit with you after an automobile (I don’t know what else to call a motorcycle) accident put you there is not OK at all.

To reprimand her for making a safe decision isn’t cool.

Cut her some slack and spend time getting well, NOT being mad at your wife for doing the best she can being stretched thin in a very stressful situation.” mindlessmandee

6 points (12 votes)

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Alliauraa 2 months ago
YTJ I can't believe you're jealous of your wife spending her time and energy on little humans your created together rather than an overgrown manchild who is thinking solely of himself.
You don't deserve that woman.
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10. AITJ For Calling My Father A Loser?


“My (31M) father (59M) got a divorce from my mother when I was thirteen because he had an affair. My sister (28F) Lily who was ten at the time caught them and told my mother.

My dad ended up marrying his affair partner but he’s always resented my sister for this. My mother never forgave him and she never spoke to him again outside of co-parenting.

My dad felt as though he owned my mother and he caused a lot of problems when she remarried and was able to have a child with my stepfather. He gets visibly very moody when I talk about my stepfather, half-sister from my mother or my stepsiblings.

Lily is also divorced from her ex-husband Daniel (32M) but they’re still close friends. They share some cats and constantly hang out together and Daniel still comes to our family events sometimes because Lily feels safer with him around.

They’re both autistic so I think they don’t want to bother finding someone else to be close to. They don’t live together anymore but spend most of their free time together.

My dad constantly mocks Lily for hanging out with her ex. He alternates between saying Daniel is a loser and not good enough for her, calling her a loser for ‘not getting over him’, or trying to convince her to date one of his friend’s sons.

Lily gets very overwhelmed but she likes to handle things on her own so she tells him to leave her alone.

However, at a recent family function, my dad decided to taunt her in front of everyone.

He was speaking our native language so Daniel didn’t understand, but he was mocking her for ‘being a desperate loser who still wasn’t over’ Daniel. It was pretty vile and Lily became visibly upset.

I had enough, so I said, in English, that he was a pathetic loser who never got over my mother and was taking his frustrations out on Lily for something she did as a child.

I then said that he was jealous that Lily was able to have a good relationship with her ex-spouse because he wasn’t.

He was infuriated and we got into a massive argument.

Daniel, Lily, and I ended up leaving and a few cousins did too.

The whole family is split, most of the older generation are saying that I’m a disrespectful jerk and I should’ve defended Lily without insulting my father.

Our cousins say that I was right and he deserved every word I said. Lily is upset about the argument because it triggered her, but she says that what I said and did was right.

Daniel has the same opinion as Lily. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTA, you behaved exactly as a big brother should towards a younger and vulnerable sibling, and beyond that are evidently a thoughtful and empathetic human being.

Your father, meanwhile, is a bully who has clearly been enjoying having a target for his frustrations that can’t hit back; you merely stepped up and stopped his fun. Naturally, he’s both upset and humiliated, but it’s none of your concern.

The only feelings you need to check in with here are your sisters.

I do think it’s probably best to leave it at that for now – nothing to be gained from gratuitously rubbing salt into his wounds.

As long as Lily continues safe and protected from his attacks, all is well.” Shoereader

Another User Comments:

“You’re dad is a grumpy cruel old man. He wants to blame the world for his actions and behavior.

He will never accept fault for his mistakes.

If the older generation in your family wants to play Emperor’s Has No Clothes, go right on ahead, but that doesn’t mean you all have to.

Just because he is your dad doesn’t mean he gets a pass to verbally attack your sister. Just because the elders are too chicken to call him out doesn’t mean you have to stand by and watch him accost your sister.

Does he feel slighted in life? Well he needs to take a good look in the mirror and see who got him to where he is at in his miserable life.

NTJ” stop_spam_calls

Another User Comments:


Would it have been better to defend Lilly without attacking your father? I mean, theoretically, maybe, I guess… but I have no idea how you would have done so as effectively as you did.

I kind of can understand where your older relatives are coming from.

If you had attacked your father in front of your family for no reason, that would have been a jerk move, so your older relatives are probably thinking “defending sister = good, attacking father = bad, so should have done the one but not the other.”

But the reason “defending your sister” worked so well was because you did both.

By the Doctrine of Double Effect, where you take an action which has both positive and negative moral values, but the positive value outweighs the negative one, if you are doing the action in order to do the good thing and the bad thing is unavoidable, it is okay.” IanDOsmond

6 points (6 votes)

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Alliauraa 2 months ago
NTJ but oh yeah, your dad absolutely is.
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9. AITJ For Not Allowing My Niece To Try On My Engagement Ring?


“My fiance’s sister and her husband came over for dinner last night. They have a five-year-old daughter, “Emily.”

Some background:

Emily is a very curious girl and loves to play and explore, and she really loves playing dress up.

I have a pretty nice clothing/shoe collection that I showed Emily one of the first times she came over. Since then, I have let Emily borrow many items of my clothing to try on for fun and put on “fashion shows” with.

I was completely okay with this until this summer when Emily asked to try on a pair of my expensive heels. This was partially my fault in that I said yes, but couldn’t monitor her the entire time because I was busy preparing food for a lunch party I was setting up.

I thought that her parents were watching her since they saw her put them on, but apparently not. I come back to check in on her 20 minutes later and she had cut one of the bows off of the shoes and was in the process of cutting off the other one.

I was absolutely horrified and immediately stopped her, which resulted in a huge tantrum. Her parents rushed in and were asking her what happened and she said she didn’t like the look of the bows and wanted them off so she found scissors (from my office which she wasn’t supposed to go into at all).

I was extremely upset at this and had to excuse myself to calm down. After, my fiance’s sister and husband apologized and seemed really sorry, but never offered to pay for the cost of repair.

My fiance, unbeknownst to me at the time, had then reached out to his sister to ask her to either buy me a new pair or pay for the repair. After a week, I got a random text from his sister asking me if I’d like them to pay for the cost of repair.

I declined because it sounded like she was forced to send the text.

Fast forward to last night. It’s their family’s first time seeing us after the engagement (which happened three weeks ago, yay!!).

It was Emily’s first time seeing the ring so she kept asking me to show her and I did multiple times. After dinner, we were all sitting on the couch and Emily asked to see the ring again except this time she asked if she could try it on.

I was expecting my fiance’s sister to intervene immediately and tell her that isn’t appropriate, but she said nothing and just laughed. I was personally uncomfortable with the idea of her trying it on because 1) the ring is very personal to me and very expensive and 2) I was still slightly scarred after the whole shoe incident and was worried about something like that happening again.

I basically said something like “Oh this ring is very dear to me and I would like to keep it on my finger, but I can give you one of my other rings to try on if you’d like!” She said no and asked again.

I repeated myself. She started getting teary and that’s when her mom intervened and said, “Oh c’mon, just let her try it on for a second, she’s not gonna break the thing.”

I was getting annoyed at this point so I just said “I’d really prefer not.” Cue awkward silence.

Then her husband says, “Well, we should get going.” But before they went out the door, my fiance’s sister said “Well, now I get why you two don’t want children…it’s probably better off for everyone.” I was immediately shocked by this absurd statement and my fiance goes “That was uncalled for” and she said, “it’s just the truth” then rolled her eyes and they all left.

Now my fiance’s refusing to speak to his sister and has told me that we’re not having her back again and everyone’s just overall upset. My fiance doesn’t blame me, but I can’t help but think that maybe I should’ve acted differently.

Am I the problem here??”

Another User Comments:  

“NTJ. The fundamental issue here is that your fiance’s sister does not respect you, which is why she did not offer to pay when her child damaged her items and sent a text to you to put you in a position where you would either need to press that you need to pay her and fight with her, or roll over and take it so she could then shove it in her brother’s face and not pay you back.

I’m just trying to make the point that her sending you that text was her entirely sending out the message that she didn’t want to pay you because she had already made the intention not to, and was just trying to get your fiance off her back so she could continue to treat you wrong.

This was just the next line of that dynamic, she knows that it would be wrong for her child to wear your engagement ring, but because she doesn’t respect you she isn’t teaching her child but that’s inappropriate, and then said that out of pocket comment because she doesn’t respect you.

You did exactly what you did in this occasion protecting yourself since you have been shown you would be treated like dirt, I’m glad your fiance has your back and is cutting her out because she shouldn’t be around and you didn’t cause a problem.

But you should sit with yourself and wonder why you believe you deserve so little.” JCBashBash

Another User Comments:  

“I have kids. In your sil’s situation, every time I drove my daughter to her awesome auntie’s house, I’d say, it’s really nice that auntie lets you play dress up with her clothes, but it’s extremely important to treat her things as well as you treat your blankie or favorite toy.

And to always always ask permission and only play with the things you had given her permission to play with. It sounds like your niece has never been told no or to be respectful of other people, their property, or anything like that.

I honestly feel bad for her. You haven’t done anything wrong at all, and I am swooning over your fiancé having your back like that. It’s a rarity. NTJ.” Apprehensive_Two_520

Another User Comments:  


I’m sorry.

But not even an adult would get to wear my wife’s engagement ring especially after you just got it. I’ve never in my entire life have even heard such a question from anyone.

Why on earth should a toddler wear it? If it was my kid I would have politely redirected the kid as you expected.

Also, let’s be clear here.

She purposely and knowingly attacked and insulted the both of you. There was never going to be a good way to handle this. It looks like she was itching for a reason and annoyed about something.

Maybe the shoes. (Sadly 5 year olds are still too young to leave unattended, that’s probably on both of you. And you probably both should have chalked it up as a lesson learned.)

But honestly, just stay away from her. Don’t escalate, don’t respond, don’t engage. She wants this attention. And with this incident, no adult is going to actually publicly side with her. So let her fizzle.” Spector567

6 points (6 votes)

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rbleah 2 months ago
If she calls you, hang up. If she sends a text, delete. If she comes over, SHUT THE DOOR IN HER FACE. GO NC with her. Oh AND her husband. You DO NOT NEED to let that spoiled child try on YOUR RING. She cannot be trusted for long time to come.
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8. AITJ For Not Allowing My Child To Be In Wedding Photos?


“I (30F) have a daughter, Lily (5F). My brother, James (32M), and his wife, Brittany (26F) got married in July. I was ‘friendly’ with Brittany before they were engaged but we weren’t friends.

James and I are very close though.

When James first proposed to Brittany and they started wedding planning it was made very clear to me that Lily & I would be a part of the wedding.

Throughout the wedding planning process, it was reiterated that Lily would be a flower girl and I would be MOH.

A few weeks before the wedding Brittany came to my house to talk to me.

She explained that her family had raised concerns about kids attending the wedding and Brittany/James have decided to make the ceremony child-free but that Lily was more than welcome to come to the reception.

I tell her something along the lines of ‘Ok, it’s your wedding. I love my brother so I’ll do whatever he asks of me.’

Fast forward to the rehearsal, we line up and everything is going as expected until Brittany’s 3 nieces (5F/7F/8F) walk in as JR bridesmaids.

I’m confused and slightly annoyed but whatever. After James pulls me to the side and says that Brittany was worried that Lily would ‘accidentally ruin the wedding with a temper tantrum’ and that’s why they lied about the wedding being child-free.

I explained to James that this really upset me and it hurt that they think that about my child but it was fine. I had already arranged for my friend to watch Lily during the ceremony and then meet me for the reception.

James said he understood my feelings and didn’t agree with Lily not being invited.

On the day of the wedding, Brittany asks where Lily is and why she wasn’t there while we got ready.

I explain that she is with a friend and will be at the reception later. Brittany then says she’s going to call so Lily can be brought over for the pictures because people will ask why she’s missing in pictures and it will make her look bad.

I told her she can call but my friend knows the situation and won’t come until I ask her to.

Brittany called James to have him ‘make me stop being a petty jerk’ but he said he knew the plan and didn’t see a problem with it.

She then asked what they’re supposed to tell people when they look at photos and ask where Lily is. I said to tell them that she wasn’t invited since she has too many temper tantrums.

She called a bunch of names and said I was taking things too personally. After that, the wedding was awkward, to say the least (there was a lot of drama within the wedding party that had nothing to do with this situation).

James texted our family group chat with a link to the wedding photos. Now the extended family has been reaching out wanting to know why Lily isn’t in any pictures and I have explained the situation.

My mom is on my side but all my aunts/uncles said that I’m a petty jerk. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ she wanted to exclude your daughter without it being memorialized in photos so she can feel better about herself; you can’t invite someone JUST for photos & then exclude them from the wedding festivities.

It’s either an all-or-nothing situation & even if Lily did have a tantrum, I’m sure you would have done what you could have at the moment to minimize the impact on their celebration but they made the choice for you to exclude your daughter.” Few-Entrepreneur383

Another User Comments:


Kids aren’t supposed to be props, even for family photos (which the way I see it is why the bride is mad). Either she’s invited to the wedding and can stay, or not at all.

The fact that she cares about a photo (because people learn the reason why) and she did NOT care about hurting your child’s feelings about missing the wedding (when others were allowed) is ridiculous.

I don’t think it’s petty, you literally were told what to do and they knew the plan for your kid to only be at the reception. How awful would it have been for your kid to show up, take pictures, then immediately have to leave??? Are we supposed to lie to our children now? 5-year-olds absolutely understand more than you think.

The bride is a jerk and now has to let everyone see it.” squirreltrap

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The moment Brittney and James LIED to you, was the moment they became jerks, and you were no longer being treated appropriately.

Everything they wanted could have been pre-arranged if they had only been honest and communicated their concerns and desires up front. They essentially banned your daughter, and then turned around and wanted to make fake photos as if she wasn’t banned? You were lied to and Lily was victimized, and they think they have grounds to be mad at you for not participating in their scheme? Shame on them, and shame on any relatives that are siding with these Lying Manipulators. DO NOT forget that JAMES was in on the original LIE, extra Shame on him for going along with it, he’s your Brother!” TrainingDearest

5 points (5 votes)

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Beenthruit 2 months ago
NTJ But your brother's wife is
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7. AITJ For Evicting Our Tenants For Our Son To Move In?


“Our son is 22 years old. When he was born we bought a second home, always with the intention of gifting it to him when he was an adult. It’s a modest home (2 bedroom bungalow, with a developed basement that has an additional room) about 10 minutes from where we live.

When we bought it we listed it for rent, and a lovely couple started renting. They went on to have 6 children. They chose not to move and continue living in the 3-bedroom home with the kids.

The dad works, and the mom stays home, important to note that we bought this home in 2000. Even with a 15-year mortgage, the mortgage was quite low, and the rent was not much more than the mortgage.

We’ve only raised the rent 4 times in the 22 years they have lived there and the rent is still well below average for our area- I did look it up, and the average rent where we are for a similar house is 2000-2600/month.

Our renters have been paying 1300/month.

When they started renting we did talk to them, and we did tell them this house was eventually for our son, we never actually expected to have the same renters for 22 years.

Our son graduated from university in June and has been staying with us since then. But he’s a responsible young man and we decided that Christmas would be a good time to gift him this home.

At the beginning of September, we talked to our tenants and gave them a 2 month’s election notice. Figuring we’d have November/December to get the house cleaned and any repairs are done.

Understandably they are not happy. They have been posting all over social media about what bad people we are, kicking them out, and how they can’t afford to rent anything big enough for their family.

Their oldest kid (19) even found my son online and sent him a horrible message (he had no idea we were planning to gift this to him)

Their social media posts have been shared in our local community groups and everyone is commenting about what “evil landlords” we are.

AITJ for evicting long-term tenants so our son can move in?”

Another User Comments:

“What kinda entitled nonsense is going on here where people are calling you a villain? All renters know they aren’t paying for their own mortgage and they have no entitlement to your property whatsoever.

They’re on a month-to-month lease. You’re telling them that the lease is ending. They should have saved up for this. 60 days is a great deal of notice for people who told you years ago that they wanted to buy a house and didn’t want to resign the lease.

This stuff about “getting a house you didn’t pay for” is just a load of rubbish. You did. Your credit is on that house. You did the down payment (which is what allows the mortgage to be so low) and the home loan is in your name.

NTJ. These comments are so entitled.” ThatsATallGlassOfNo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Don’t do anything for them. Not an extra second you don’t have to. They’re already showing you their intentions to not vacate — talking on social media, trying to garner support, allowing their son to berate yours.

Give them formal notice in writing, then get to the local authority (I don’t know who that is where you live) and begin the process of having them forcibly removed.

That’s going to take time, too. In the interim, expect them to do all they can to trash your place. Their actions have shown you that instead of being appreciative of the circumstances you’ve allowed them or understanding of your choice to move on from the relationship, they intend to make this as unpleasant for you as possible.

So don’t let them.

Get the legal process going. You’ve given them the required amount of time to vacate and then some. But I promise you they intend to take advantage of every single opportunity you or the law gives them to prolong this thing.

But, if you want to be nicer than that, offer them the chance to buy it at market rate, or ask your son if he’d want to be their landlord and collect a reasonable market-rate rent.

Let them know what those numbers are. They’ll complain about that, too, but you can feel better about yourself if you’re feeling bad (you shouldn’t). But get some sort of legal process going, or else you’re going to be stuck with them for a lot longer than you anticipate.” whiporee123

Another User Comments:

“I’m really surprised that people seem to think 2 months’ notice isn’t enough, especially when the tenants are already month to month, meaning that in any given month they could choose not to renew.

Therefore they could technically give 30 days’ notice or maybe even less. Why should you owe them 4x more notice than they owe you?

This family has always known the plan, they’re already getting way below market rent, and frankly 60 days’ notice is pretty standard where I live (US).

I doubt an actual management company would give 4 months’ notice, either. Their lack of planning isn’t your fault. NTJ, and it’s very kind of you to double their notice period.

I do agree with other commenters that your son might like to let them keep living there and take over the lease so he’s getting some income, though, so I agree you should ask what he thinks.” burninginfinite

Another User Comments:

“I can understand both sides.

ultimately, I think this may be NJH, even with the online bad mouth (the actions are jerkish of course but i don’t believe the people themselves to be jerks.)

I can’t imagine living somewhere for 22 years, calling it home for that long, and then having eviction sprung upon them.

I will say that, yes, it wasn’t sprung upon them, since they’ve known the entire time, but it’s similar to having a loved one pass away (from personal experience). You know it won’t last forever.

you may even know it’s coming soon, but you’re almost never ready for “soon” to be “today.”

From a completely business-only standpoint, you’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve had these tenants for 22 years, the only thing I could see making this better would have been preparing them for it better/writing a formal email (years in advance–even if you don’t legally need to give that much notice), but nobody is perfect.

While it may sound silly, try to have some compassion for them.

They are grieving the loss of their home, regardless of it never having actually belonged to them. The emotional shock and turmoil over having had such steady rent and then finding out you officially (i say officially because “mentioning it” doesn’t really count) only have 2 months to find a new home, pack up your entire life, figure out how to come up with the funds needed for deposits or downpayments, and figure out how to make sure they can even stay in the same area w/ what rent cost everywhere else…

that’s a lot of stress. That’s a lot of emotion.

The issue causing all of this is a large, abstract one that’s hard to explain. The market for renting, the lack of available housing, the economy, and all of this large unpinnable stuff are weighing down on them.

There’s not really a way to take your emotions out on those things, so they settle on the only target small enough: you and your husband. Ultimately it’s your property to do with what you will. I’m sure they logically understand that, but emotions don’t always follow logic.” vic_tuals

3 points (5 votes)

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Alliauraa 2 months ago
The housing market sucks right now but seriously, who rents for 20+ years, has 6 kids and neglects to plan ahead? Mindboggling.
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6. AITJ For Lying About Having A Food Allergy?


“I’m vegan, have been for over 5 years. I’m lucky to live in a major city with a plethora of entirely or partially vegan restaurants, but, when I visit my family in rural Pennsylvania, my options become nonexistent.

Attitudes toward veganism here range from ignorance to outright hostility. I try to avoid eating out with my family when I’m home, at ALL costs, but sometimes it simply isn’t avoidable—for example, my sister’s wedding rehearsal dinner.

My sister had her dinner at the foremost “fine dining” establishment in this town. It’s a big old tavern that bills itself as a “French-influenced steakhouse”. Menu fare is every imaginable cut of steak drowned in butter, with some chicken and fish drowned in butter, plus sides of veggies and mashed potatoes that are—yes, smothered in butter.

The one or two vegetarian dishes are buttered and drowned in a creamy sauce. Given that my little brother used to wait tables here, I know that they frown upon substitutions and don’t use much veggie oil for the sake of “quality”.

I’ve had two negative experiences here, too. I tried to explain my vegan diet my first time here, in-depth, yet my sad little plate of steamed Broccoli was drizzled with butter and my iceberg lettuce salad came with ranch.

The second time, a chef came out personally and promised me that his tomato pasta dish was vegan—only for me to find that they’d swirled parmesan cheese into the red sauce to disguise that they’d accidentally sprinkled it on top.

That incident broke my trust completely.

For my sister’s dinner, I called ahead and told the chef that I have life-threatening food allergies to meat proteins, dairy (including butter), and eggs. Finally, they took me seriously.

I was served a dish of plain pasta with salt and pepper with fruit, which sucked but I appreciated the consideration.

For those allergies, though, they had to scrub down the entire kitchen, clean the fryers, check the ingredient lists of their products, etc.

That prep apparently cost them an extra 2 hours, and—I didn’t realize this—they charged my parents (who are paying for the rehearsal) an extra several hundred for their time.

My sister and parents are LIVID.

I already sent my mom the several hundred needed to cover the extra cost, but they’re upset at me for lying and humiliating the chef and restaurant, with whom they have close ties to.

My sister’s wedding is this weekend and something tells me that it’s gonna be tense. Personally, I think that if this restaurant is gonna continue with their ignorance and inconsideration, they got what they deserve.

AITJ for ensuring my needs are met?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. And this really got me: “Personally, I think that if this restaurant is gonna continue with their ignorance and inconsideration, they got what they deserved.” This sort of attitude is what makes many people hate vegans.

It’s a steakhouse in an area where you admitted that veganism isn’t considered a big thing.

They probably don’t have easy means to make a vegan meal and don’t get many requests like this. You even said when they tried it wasn’t that great.

Since you’ve had previous issues with this place, you could have called them in advance and been really blunt about what you can/can’t eat and asked if they couldn’t accommodate you and if you could bring your own food as this is for your sister’s rehearsal dinner.

Lying wasn’t the way to go about it. At all.” cpop616

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – there are people with severe allergies and when people falsify allergies because of dietary preferences or dislikes, it makes it harder for people with legitimate allergies to be taken seriously.

Also, if you can’t eat the food, just eat something beforehand or afterwards, or skip dinner and explain why. I’ve had to pack a protein bar to eat before at an event where I couldn’t eat the main course because of allergies.

I made that choice though. Could I have skipped going? Sure, but it was also a time to visit with some people I hadn’t seen in years and was happy to see, and it was one meal.

Was easy enough to hit a drive-thru afterward.” shortnsweet33

Another User Comments:

“As a former server in both casual AND fine dining restaurants in a major US metropolis, that restaurant is  ABSURD. They gave you pasta and fruit.

Why did they need to clean multiple fryers? Why did they need to scrub an entire kitchen? It makes literally NO sense. They called in the kitchen crew early to deep clean but didn’t have the foresight to plan the SINGLE dish and know which extremely limited items they were planning to use to make it??? It’s literally a pot, a bowl, tongs, a boiler basket, a cutting board, and a knife that only needed a run through the sanitizer.

It appears to be an establishment run by idiots.

I worked at a place where we once got a reservation for a family of Orthodox Jews. They brought in kosher pans and cutlery and kitchenware themselves, but we charged them nothing for the extra time and consideration that went into cooking their food.

We never shut down service and deep cleaned the kitchen if a guest had a life-threatening peanut or shellfish allergy. They just used clean items and didn’t cross-contaminate. If the chef is so dubious of his kitchen’s cleanliness, I don’t think I’d even recommend carnivores eat there.

Also maybe call in a tip to the local health department because it seems like not a single person in that building has taken a food handler’s certification.

Absolutely NTJ” Rose8918

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – As someone who grew up in a restaurant family, we take precautions for that kind of thing.

Calling and LYING by saying it was “life-threatening” when it was not because you’re vegan isn’t okay. This is exactly why some people don’t look favorably on vegans because of things like this and this is also why people with real severe allergies often get sided-eyed. If they messed up the first time? Send it back and be polite like “There is butter/cheese on this. I cannot have that please remake it.” SakuraKitsune4

3 points (5 votes)

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Alliauraa 2 months ago
NTJ here's why. Their scrubbing the entire kitchen as previously stated was over the top and ridiculous.
Meat proteins when you've forgone eating meat can make you seriously ill.
If the only seasoning they can find for a vegan pasta dish is salt and pepper, the chef seriously sucks. I'm a housewife and I can list half a dozen herbs that can be used with pasta, garlic, olive oil, and diced tomato to make something better than that. Think pasta with bruschetta topping. Simple, light, elegant.
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5. AITJ For Leaving My Brother-In-Law's Wedding After Getting Snubbed?


“My husband (32) and I (26) have been married for nearly 6 months. His family and I don’t have a super strong connection and that is because I don’t spend much time around them.

We also have so little in common. I had attended only 2 of their events and both times I couldn’t sit with the family.

My BiL’s wedding was last week. It was the first inlaw’s wedding that I attend.

I’m not gonna lie I was nervous but hoped this would an opportunity for me to bond with them, especially with my MIL (mother-in-law).

My husband and I got there together. He then went around greeting guests and I waited for him till the ceremony began.

After that, we got invited to eat. I went to get my makeup fixed then came back and saw that both family tables were full. My husband was sitting with his mom, dad, and his sisters and the other table had relatives and they were all men.

I looked so confused I stood there and MIL motioned for me to go sit at a table where “formal guests” were seated. I was completely baffled by this. I politely told her that I’d like to sit with family and my husband but my husband said that there was no free spot for me.

I told him he could’ve saved me a chair but he said that just like me, he was just a guest and there wasn’t much he could do. He urged me to go sit at that table but I refused and we started arguing.

His mom told me that I was making an unnecessary scene and complaining for no good reason. I had had it, I gathered my coat and turned to leave. I could tell that a number of guests knew about it because of how loud the argument was.

My husband followed me out and he kept telling me to quit acting immature and go back but I refused and said that I was going home.

I went home then he came back later to tell me about how he and the rest of the family felt about what I did, and how I embarrassed the family and made a scene at his brother’s wedding for no valid reason.

I said I wasn’t going to sit by and be excluded like that but he said I got this wrong and that this was his brother’s wedding and we all were guests and I should, as a guest, respected that.

We went on and on about this and then stopped talking altogether.

His mom and sister made comments about me being oversensitive and having attachment issues for refusing to sit away from my husband for 30 mins or so.

AITJ for leaving the wedding?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I would consider this a major snub by his family. You’re married so you’re definitely family, but even people in a long committed relationship should be considered family at this point.

Your husband is the ah in this situation, he should have had your back with his family. Instead, he’s letting them walk all over you. In my experience, mamma’s boys also suck in other respects, and may also be immature and controlling.

I would be taking a hard look at the relationship as a whole, specifically at any changes that would have occurred after marriage.” Swimming-Item8891

Another User Comments:

“NTJ-You are right about them excluding you.

You weren’t being oversensitive and you aren’t imagining the slight against you. There was no reason you and your husband couldn’t have sat together and the “Oh there are no seats” is total bs.

If that was really the issue, your husband couldn’t have just sat with you at the formal guest table or sat with all the men while you sat with his parents and siblings.

The only thing I would say is, I wouldn’t have argued about it. Once it was made clear they were excluding me, I would have said ok, grabbed my things, and left.

I wouldn’t have said anything else. The issue I see with this is they know what they did and your arguing just gives them ammunition to continue being jerks.

Shut your mil/sister down by saying you’ve already said what you meant to regarding things and you’re not engaging in conversation with them about it.

To your husband, let him know you aren’t tolerating the disrespect and that you are also not arguing over your feelings. Your feelings are valid and he either acknowledges that or he doesn’t but you’re not going to be gaslighted, mistreated or disrespected.

That stops now.” Sea-Tea-4130

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you honestly have a husband problem. His family’s wants are more important than yours. He is also alright with his family excluding you and embarrassing you in public.

What he and his family did was humiliating. Your husband has no respect for you or he would have simply got up and went and set with you. Ask yourself if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life being an outsider when your husband is with his family.

You deserve so much better.” evillittleperson

Another User Comments:

“ESH. You were totally within your rights to leave, but you didn’t need to make a scene. The time to make a scene was when your husband got home.

This actually happened to me once at a family wedding.

I didn’t make a scene or argue with anyone. I just very quietly left. This was btw a wedding I’d flown 2000 miles to attend. I collected my stuff, packed my bag, took a cab to the airport, and went home on the first available flight.

I think I was probably halfway home before anyone even noticed I was gone. I landed to one text message: “Where did you go?” I texted back “I went home.” A bit later I got a very defensive email from the mother of the bride saying that “They couldn’t reserve seats for everyone at the reception” and I just said “Okay” and left it at that. We still speak but nowhere near as often as we once did.” Mehitabel9

2 points (4 votes)

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Alliauraa 2 months ago
NTJ run. Your husband will never magically choose you, he sees nothing wrong with their behavior and you deserve so much better.
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4. AITJ For Recline My Seat On An Airplane?


“I had a fifteen-hour flight that began at 8 PM and had been planning to sleep throughout the flight to help the time go by, as well as catching up on sleep after traveling for 24+ hours.

On the flight, there was a mom, dad, and a child that was about three years old (older than the under 2 limit for a child to sit in a parent’s lap for free, for sure).

Throughout the first two hours, the child kicked my husband’s and my seat, stood up on their parent’s lap to grab my hair and pull on my shirt, and shoved the papers in the back of the seat in between our seats, poking us with the papers.

Occasionally, I got a break from the child kicking me when she switched to her father’s lap, though at that time she began kicking my husband’s seat. We remained quiet as we know it probably is difficult traveling with children.

Finally, when the child was sleeping, about four hours into the flight, I decided I, too, could rest. I reclined my chair, about three-quarters of the way, not fully, but enough to be comfortable for my sleep.

But, since the child was larger than the normal under two years old for lap-sitting, it wasn’t as comfortable for the mother. Immediately, she tapped my shoulder asking me to move my chair up so she could be comfortable.

And I’m sure having a child in your lap is not as pleasant, especially when they’re larger and on a long flight.

I, however, remained in the reclining position, as I felt that I had put up with her child making me uncomfortable for hours and preventing me from sleeping when I was in need of it.

However, in doing so, I made the mother more crammed in her seat, as she needed space for both of them. AITJ for refusing to move up my seat?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and a better human than me.

No one is comfortable on normal commercial flights and you have already sacrificed a lot for that random family.

Parents feel they are entitled to more comforts way too often. Simply for having children.

And before anyone jumps down my throat, no I am not saying that people should be jerks to parents and/or children.

I’m saying that parents should not expect everyone to bend over backwards for them.”nottheblackhat

Another User Comments:

“ESH. Especially the airlines as others have mentioned. The seat reclining thing only works if everyone reclines.

My husband and I are quite tall.  If the person in front of him reclines at all he can’t get his tray table down. If you recline in front of me I’m going to be bumping into your chair every time I get up.

We do try to choose seats accordingly, but that doesn’t always work out.

Parents need to keep their kids from bothering other passengers. You were very patient and kind with the situation.”  anesthesia

Another User Comments:


I have two kids that I have done a lot of air travel with.

Can traveling with kids be difficult? Definitely. Should other people accommodate me because I travel with kids? No.

It is my job as a parent to make sure my children are entertained and comfortable for the entire duration of the trip.

This means that I will stock up on snacks and load my tablet up with their favorite movies and shows. I have never allowed my children to disturb any other travelers unless they approach me and my kids themself.

If they had started poking the persons in front of me with magazines or kick the chair they would have been stopped.

I really appreciate it if a fellow traveler want to talk to me and my kids as both them and I are very social.

But we leave people alone and try to not be “one of those parents” and keep the kids entertained.

It isn’t everyone else’s job to entertain my children. I’m the one with kids.” Geiir

Another User Comments:

“Soft YTJ.

You were very patient with the child but I’ve flown for 30 years and any reclining makes it super uncomfortable for the person behind, regardless of the kid situation. I know it sucks we all want to recline our seat but you make it awful for the person behind…” murder_maven

1 points (3 votes)

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Alliauraa 2 months ago
NTJ murder_maven is mistaken. Expecting someone not to recline on a 15 hr flight to accommodate a strangers child is over the top rude on the parents part.
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3. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Partner and His Kids?


“I f32 have been going out with my partner m36 for 9 months. He has two little children who love going out to eat. We go out once a week and each time he happens to forget his credit card to make a payment.

I’d obviously end up paying since we had the kids with us.  Honestly, it left me broke this month and the month before.

I just received my payment for my 2nd job (part-time).

We agreed to go out together with the kids and I even sent him a text reminding him to not forget his credit card. He laughed it off.

At the restaurant, we had ordered dinner and he let the kids order lots of new stuff on the menu which was expensive.

Before we started eating I mentioned his credit card just to make sure he didn’t forget it. He looked at me shocked and then started searching his pockets for a while.

He then looked at me in a sorry way and said “Guess I forgot it in the other pair of jeans that I thought I was going to wear” then asked me to foot the bill “just this time”.

The food was on the table but I didn’t even get a bite. I grabbed my stuff and got up. He freaked out asking where I was going. I told him I wouldn’t be paying “this time AGAIN” and to enjoy his dinner with the kids.

Then I walked out.

He called me later and absolutely lost it on me. He said that he couldn’t believe I’d walk and leave him and the KIDS in this situation. I said I wasn’t going to pay for him and the kid’s food every single time! It’s unfair! He said he forgot, FORGOT (he yelled like that) and that I did not show sympathy for him and the kids and he had to cancel and go home with the kids hungry since he couldn’t pay right there and then.

We got into an argument and he’s been mad at me about it since then saying things like how he needs to take a look at how I’m treating the kids specifically and how I was willing to let them go hungry with my selfishness.


Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re not responsible for feeding him or his kids, that’s his job. He can’t keep expecting you to pay for meals out with them. He sounds like he’s trying to be manipulative and guilt you into paying bc his kids are there.

He’s trying to put you in a position so that if you refuse, you’re the bad guy. Don’t fall for it.

Is he incapable of paying his bills on time? Or bringing his card when it’s something that’s just for him? If not and he doesn’t show signs of memory issues elsewhere, then he’s probably lying.

If he is a scatterbrained person and this is typical behavior then it’s still his responsibility to figure that out, not yours. You’re not his mom.” vivid_prophecy

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I dated a single father, I started treating the kids and him because he forgot his wallet.

It only got worse until he had MY car (which his kids destroyed) and I was taking public transportation and filling up the gas for the car for the privilege all for the kids.

The day I drive off, and was done one of his kids didn’t like me because of a family dynamic with his mother and sister, and when I got to the house to get my car he told me that he couldn’t lie to me anymore he felt bad.

His father had only put $5 worth of gas in the car after he bought himself a large iced coffee after I had asked him not to do that because that’s all I had and the car needed the gas more than he needed coffee.

I called and asked him if he put gas in the car and he said yes and I said it was weird because it was only a quarter of a tank and he had the nerve to say he put it in and then it went down from driving around.

I asked him if he had gotten an iced coffee and he said no, are you sure? He got defensive and started to say it was unfair that he couldn’t drink iced coffee when he wanted it.

Not my problem, pal.

There were a lot of other issues but that just broke me.” Tiredofthemisinfo

Another User Comments:


I mean what’s the big deal about paying and having him pay you back? (the first time around it happened) I’ve seen this scenario here before, where someone always “forgets” to bring payment.

But don’t y’all talk? I would be like hey hun, can you send me something for paying for dinner? I’ve covered the last three.

If that’s a problem then he’s gonna have to tell you why, and it’s gonna make him look bad.

He won’t be able to say I forgot, or get mad at you for leaving him hanging. It also forces him to address what he’s intentionally doing.

I’m not saying she shouldn’t have left without paying! I don’t get it.” UhLeXSauce

0 points (8 votes)

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rbleah 2 months ago
NTJ Kick his interesting to the curb. It is HIS job to pay for him and his kids. End this joke now.
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2. AITJ For Sending A Family Member An Invoice?


“I own a printing company that I run with my wife. Her cousin came to us and wanted us to do all the signage, banners, guest books, life-sized cutouts, etc for her wedding.

We do this all the time for friends’ weddings and events, and we never charge. We’re happy to help out and it’s usually a lot of fun working together to make some cool stuff.

A few weeks before the wedding, her wedding planner tells us they need all the items by X date so they can set it up for the wedding. At this point, we hadn’t received our wedding invitations and didn’t even know when the actual wedding was.

My wife texts her and tries to clarify when the wedding is and if we missed the invitation somehow. Her cousin replies and says “Oh we downsized the wedding and we decided to have like a close friend and family thing” and that they didn’t have space for us in the small venue.

My wife and I are pretty hurt and insulted. And on top of it, we’ve spent close to $2000 on all the materials. Her cousin and the wedding planner kept making tiny revisions to the artwork, had us print samples to see how it would look in person, resized several of the items a few times, etc.

All that cost a ton of time and funds. And we’re a functioning business, so we either had to delay other orders or stay late and print her stuff on our own time.

So I went ahead and billed her for our cost and said we needed payment before delivery because I’m not going to chase her for payment for months/years after the wedding.

We’re not making a cent on it, just charged her for the cost of materials.

So far we’ve gotten threatening calls from the cousin, her fiance, some random members of my wife’s family that I don’t know, some of the groomsmen, etc essentially calling us jerks.

After the harassment, I’m considering charging full price or else we won’t deliver the items.

Are we the jerks here? Sorry but I’m not going to waste my hard-earned time and funds on someone who doesn’t even consider us close friends and family”

Another User Comments:


The audacity of these people! I’m confident they never planned to invite you to the wedding and just wanted free stuff. Don’t let them get away with it. Although, it is a shame you only charged them for cost, still feels like they’re getting away with something.

Please be sure to tell your family that’s messaging you what REALLY happened, because those people absolutely are telling them a very different version of events. I’m certain they’re leaving out essential details.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491

Another User Comments:

“Not at all whatsoever.

You were close enough to be requested to produce these materials. You were close enough that she felt like she could be such an annoying pain with all the constant change requests.

You also considered you all to be close enough to where you were going to waive the fees. It’s just terrible manners and taste to ask for free work for a wedding-related item and then not invite you.

Now the truth has been revealed.

You are not as close as you think. She is not going to invite you to the wedding. I’d also be hurt but I’d respond exactly as you have done.

Just keep repeating yourselves.

You deliver the prints when she delivers the payment. If she balks about paying, then she saved so much $$ from downsizing the wedding that there should surely be funds available for all the prints she wants.

If the harassment continues, kick up the price to the full cost.

NTJ” BeeYehWoo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They aren’t entitled to wedding gifts from even the guests who are invited. It is a nice gesture of the guests, but I wouldn’t expect it and didn’t expect it at my own wedding.

Of course, I bring something when I go, I don’t look down my nose at others who don’t though.

And, that is for actual guests! Her putting you out 2k on materials alone and thought to make it a gift to herself from you without even inviting you to the wedding? What planet is she living on? Planet Entitled I guess.” Kirin2013

Another User Comments:

“So I might be in the minority but as a small business owner AND fellow bride planning her wedding with friends and acquaintances as vendors…Idk.

Lots of assumptions, poor communication, and a lack of grace on both sides. You thought it was a personal ask and she thought it was a professional ask…I mean she had her planner work with you.


assumed this bride was inviting you without any invitation— no one should ever feel entitled to an invite to a wedding because it all depends on their wants on their day.

Under that assumption, you OFFERED to give this bride free services…if I spoke to a vendor and they offered a discount because they knew me would be over the moon but still not feel obligated to invite them.

In fact, I have had vendors I know personally for our engagement party that gave me free or discounted things with no invite, and still happy to do it again for the wedding.

Idk if the bride is grateful or not or what she asked or how it all played out but at the end of the day from your own account of what happened this is a business owner promising free items to a difficult customer and then showing up with a surprise bill because their feelings were hurt.

$2000 is most definitely a lot but you NEVER HAD to spend that much on a gift, especially as a wedding gift and now it’s a surprise and unpromised cost to their already expensive life event.

Shame on them for reacting the way they did and they should feel more grateful for someone spending a lot and having their feelings hurt BUT you were ready to spend whatever you had to anyway.

Would you feel the same way about your gift if you found out you were ALMOST not invited but still invited?

As a business owner— you should have spoken up for yourself.

You guys could’ve stopped at any point and said “Hey, I don’t think I can cover that for you.” Instead, you said nothing to the bride and acted as an act of revenge for getting your feelings hurt.

I’ve seen this with small businesses and influencers etc where they think sending a free item is the same. Take a moment to be truly honest with yourself about what you’re expecting and protect yourself with a contract.

You can always show up with a check in the amount but don’t confuse business(her printing order) & personal transactions (wedding attendance). This is highly unprofessional as a business and would deter me from using a vendor like that.

 YTA bc 1) Assuming it’s a personal transaction & entitled to their wedding invite 2) Mutually agreed upon cost 3) Going back on your word, that too in a moment like a lifetime event like a wedding. The bride still lacks grace and class for taking that much for free tho.” Fair-Animator7516

-4 points (8 votes)

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rbleah 2 months ago
NTJ If she wants this stuff charge her full price, period.
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1. AITJ For Firing An Employee Returning From Maternity Leave?


“I run a team of about 6 people. Our company offers a large amount of maternity leave, 10 months. One of my employees got pregnant recently, I’ll call her Jess.

Our team does project-based work and in the period between her leaving for maternity leave, we finished up the project we were working on when she left and started working on a project without her.

During this period, our team had to adapt to working without her expertise in certain matters. We adapted and eventually some of us developed the skills needed to do some of her workloads.

The situation we have now is me and 2 others split half the work that Jess used to do, and we hired someone new to come into the team to handle the other part of Jess’s workload and then some.

This new employee came at a significantly reduced cost, as he was straight out of Uni and we pay him a fraction of what Jess costs currently.

Now Jess has come back to the team, but there is another issue.

Our firm has informed us that for some reason we no longer have the budget for a 7-person team and will have to let someone go. This news came about when I submitted the paperwork for Jess’s return.

We are 5 months into a project that should take an estimated 10 months, and my decision came down to Jess and the man we hired to replace her. The reason we hired a replacement, which is not normally what we do, is because we anticipated that for this project the workload would be far greater than our current capacity, which it is not.

As you can tell by the title, I chose the replacement. I did so for the following reasons:

  • Far cheaper, thus freeing up a lot more finances than keeping Jess on
  • He was up to date with the project and we would be able to move forward seamlessly, whereas with Jess we would have to take time catching her up to speed on half the project
  • The clients already knew and liked working with him, whereas they didn’t know Jess at all
  • She has been out of the field for a prolonged period, whilst he has been here for the past 9 months, so she may, or may not, find it hard to adapt back to work life, whilst with him it isn’t a question
  • He performed his work better than she did hers and interacted better with the team.

Obviously, the ideal situation which I wanted was to keep both and not put a newly single mother with no other job lined up out in the cold, but I had to do right by the team and firm.

I told her I’d write her a brilliant Letter of Recommendation, and that in a few months she could try and apply for a job at our firm, hopefully, we’ll have the budget, but she snapped at me and told me not to bother, and called me a few names and left.

I know I sound cold and heartless but I had to be fair to both employees, not just Jess, right?


Another User Comments: 


What is the point of the company maternity leave policy if the person offered the leave and guaranteed a job to return to is fired before her return? That isn’t a maternity leave policy if you can just fire someone for using said leave.

Which in the end, is what you did.

Also, the new guy is only doing part of the job. The other team members have taken on additional responsibilities that Jess would have taken back upon her return.

So they now have more work with the same pay.

And yes, your “fairness” is towards the actual employee. Not the temp. The temp is just that, a temp. Someone to gain some experience in a part of a job.

That’s it. Basically a substitute for the person who actually has the job.” sheramom4

Another User Comments: 

“YTJ. Instead of hiring a contract or temporary worker to take over for a staff member who was out on medical/maternity leave, you hired a full-time employee.

You found someone younger, with less experience, who would work for less. So, you fired your long-term employee, in favor of the cheaper one.

Your budget was for a 6-person team before Jess went on maternity leave, was for 6 people while she was out, and, gee what a shock, “for some reason” still only has a budget for 6 people when Jess is ready to come back.

You’re discriminating against a woman for getting pregnant.

She should sue your rear end off.” SirMittensOfTheHill

Another User Comments: 

“YTJ big time.

A part of the whole ‘maternity leave’ thing is the possibility to return. The employer must make sure there is a workplace and all.

You failed by 100%.

Another thing is the selection when somebody ‘must’ get fired bc of reasons inside the company. I assume it is legally allowed in your country, but it was unfair from you anyway.

In my country there are strict laws: you have to select the one who has less obligations to care for a family etc.

and the one who was there in the company for a shorter time and some more criteria.” votramie

Another User Comments:

“I’m late to the party but I’m going to go against the grain and say NTJ.

You were caught in an unenviable position.

Most of the commenters here have never had to make a decision with a hard set of trade-offs. Sometimes, there’s no winning.

In spite of what most people think, most firms cannot afford a non-producing resource for as long as 10 months.

The fact that it’s possible at all is largely a first-world phenomenon and the majority of the commenters here simply do not have the experience necessary to evaluate the situation.” clave0051

-5 points (9 votes)

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Trish6529 2 months ago (Edited)
If you are in the US what you did is illegal... so good luck. I hope she sues the heck out of you.
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