People Want Us To Voice Our Sentiments About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Sister And Her Friend?
“So I (19F) have a pretty busy schedule and don’t get a ton of free time, especially since my mom just started a new job and our hours don’t line up well so I have to watch my younger sister while she’s working.
So, my little sister (10, let’s call her Karen) is honestly spoiled and entitled, and her friends are quite similar, especially one friend (11F), let’s call her Emily.
So Emily is allowed to run amok all around town and is honestly abusive to her caretaker to make her let Emily do a lot unsupervised. Karen, however, is not allowed to do the same despite trying to bully our mom into letting her. Karen’s behavior has only gotten worse since they became friends, and they spend a lot of time together.
Karen is allowed to stay home alone because she’s slowly learning how to cook fast meals if she’s hungry and knows any emergency numbers she might need.
So, Karen and Emily were playing around the neighborhood and Emily got upset with someone they were playing with and decided she wanted to go downtown and wanted Karen to come with.
I was home at this point and was more or less supervising them, but Karen begged me to bring them downtown and stay with them so she could go. I said no because I wanted to go for a drive since it was a nice afternoon and I needed some time to myself after an emotionally draining week.
I had been watching them every afternoon all week so I was sick of Emily’s irritating behavior and I didn’t think that they needed to be glued to the hip all day every day and that Karen could live just this once and they could just stay in.
I left, and my mom got home from work shortly after. Apparently, Emily got mad at Karen for not wanting to go with her and left on her own. To our mom, Karen turned on the waterworks, saying I was mean and she was going to lose all her friends because I wasn’t willing to keep watching them.
My mom called me and got mad at me for not taking them since I was going out anyway, even though I went highway driving. I just want to know if me saying no is really so bad when my sister gets everything she wants normally and it was just one afternoon I wanted to myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your life doesn’t revolve around your sister and her friend.
You needed time to yourself and I completely understand that.
Maybe you should stop watching them for a while and remind them and your mum that it’s not your job but you were kind enough to do it. Boundaries are important, the earlier you implement them the faster people can accept them.” Consistent-Morning-5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Plus, not only can you decline to watch Emily, maybe you should, because if anything happens to her while she is in your care, you will be liable.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not your kid, not your problem tell your mom that already have a life and work of your own and none of those things include being a life in babysitter and maybe it’s time to start teaching your sister about taking the bus.” Cr3WMAN1995
22. WIBTJ If I Report My Problematic Coworker?
“I, (23F) work at a school as support staff. I have five other coworkers, not including my manager. They’re mostly older, ranging from 60s 50s, and 40s, while my newest coworker and I are very young comparatively. When I started there, everything was fine, the oldest, who we’ll call Gorgon, would be occasionally passive-aggressive, and would talk crap once or twice about me.
But as the school year went on, the more intolerable Gorgon became.
Let’s list it together; making disgusted and annoyed faces at the children, at me, at our youngest coworker, D, and slamming things when they’re mad instead of saying something to the person they’re mad at.
Not to mention yelling at D to the point where D has had to fight crying 2 to 3xs. One was in front of everyone while our manager was gone. Then, getting mad when we leave dishes on the counter when she does it ALL THE TIME.
Today was the day that my patience disappeared. Usually, we all finish the chores around thirty minutes before clocking out time. And after they threw a huge fit about us sitting down while they counted the drawer (something they do while sitting and talking to our manager), we can’t do that anymore so we all scattered around the kitchen, looking busy.
I was in the dish room with D, talking and looking on our phones (keep in mind ALL the chores were done, and our other two coworkers were doing the same thing but on the other side of the kitchen. I didn’t even know Gorgon was in the room until they threw a fork at a counter right next to me and glared at me like I was the most disgusting thing they’d ever seen.
Not to mention how they treated D the day before.
I decided right then, that I was done. Be mad, but be an adult and tell me, don’t throw dumps at me. I really should’ve said something once Gorgon was starting to treat D like crap, and I regret that.
With only twenty-two days left, and the fact Gorgon is buddy, buddy with our manager, I doubt anything will be done, but I can’t take this anymore, and according to school policy, I don’t have to tolerate it when the work environment is hostile. If nothing gets done, I’m going straight to HR.
I just have no confidence and need strangers on the internet to weigh in, so WIBTJ?
Update: It’s been about a school week since I’ve posted this, and thanks to everyone that gave me advice on what to do. I wish I had a happily ever after to give to you all…
But I have news nonetheless.
I went in on Monday, with the plan to talk to my manager, but before I could, my manager told me to meet them in private once I was clocked in. You can imagine the anxiety I felt until they said the words; ‘You’re not in trouble’.
Turns out, Gorgon also turned to social media, but went on their public SM, and posted memes about crappy coworkers, and said that nothing was being done about it, even though Gorgon has told SM anytime they report an issue; ‘Well, if it’s not a big problem then don’t worry about it, I just wanted to let you know.’ And now we are not allowed to have phones while on the clock, so I can’t collect evidence via video/pics for when I do go to HR.
It also turns out that Gorgon has a pattern of doing this sort of behavior. When I heard this, I was enraged (I kept calm until I was home, where I could blow off steam properly). But since then, Gorgon goes on to be nice to everyone that’ll talk to her which is everyone but me and D.
I literally hardly said anything all Friday, not even when Gorgon left an empty box of treats in my station between lunches, walked by it 2xs and didn’t throw it away. I was half tempted to leave it there, but that’d get me into trouble.
The reason why I didn’t say anything Friday was mostly that I wasn’t sure how I was going to be, so I figured it was best to just keep quiet. But now, I cry before work the following day. It’s only happened 2xs, Thursday and Sunday, because I dread what’s going to be the next big thing that week.
I talked with my partner and mom and both say if something similar happens again, leave work and go to HR. At this point, I will do that, and if nothing gets done because of how little of the school year is left, I’ll just quit.
I love(d) my job, but if I have to put up with this for another 20 days, I’d rather go back to fast-food jobs.”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. This is a grown man. I would have called the cops tbh. You don’t get to physically threaten me and get away with it.
I would go higher than HR if I were you. Go right to whatever is the equivalent to corporate. I’d be out for blood and make it my mission to get him fired. Start recording him too. You need proof. Everything is hearsay right now.” hecallsme_kitten
21. AITJ For Telling My Parents I Need More Space On The Bed?
“I (16NB) just moved out of the house I’ve lived in since I was a kid, along with my (47F,48M) parents, and 76F grandma. It was very stressful, and difficult because I couldn’t balance school and moving, and just overall awful. Anyways, due to the fact that we’re building, and the builders messing up the build dates, we have to stay in a hotel for a month.
My parents and I don’t get along at all. I’m a nonbinary lesbian in a closet made of glass, and my parents are raging homophobes. I’m liberal, they’re conservative, etc, so we’ve been butting heads a lot, which brings us to today. I haven’t slept in two days, and frankly, I’m exhausted and almost passed out in school twice today.
My mom snores incredibly loud to the point it woke me up when I fell asleep for a bit, my dad watches tv late in the night and won’t lower it when I ask, and my grandma, I love her, but she keeps kneeing me in the back, pushing me off the bed in the middle of the night.
It’s at the point where I was on the verge of tears, because I’m already normally getting 4 hours of sleep a night, and now that number has plummeted to two hours max.
Today when my parents were putting my grandma in bed, they moved her almost all the way in the middle, leaving me almost no room, and when I asked for them to move her over a bit, they yelled at me and said they could send me to a homeless shelter if I need more room.
On one hand, everyone’s exhausted and tired, but at the same time, it really feels like my needs, sleep-wise at least, are being ignored.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can you nap in the library or something at school during lunch hour? Or go to school early for a bit of peace and quiet? Earplugs are more helpful than they seem, especially if you can get one of the fancier types that are intended to block noise.
If you’re lying there and can’t sleep at night, I can recommend some mindfulness app stuff, like listening to a meditation or soothing audiobooks or something that is better for you than just lying there in the dark being (justifiably) angry and frustrated about the situation.
Myth busters did a whole episode about poor sleep and found that resting (eg meditating, or counting backward from a hundred with one breath per number a dozen times) is still beneficial for your health. As a light sleeper insomniac with ADHD, the counting thing has really helped me stay calm and not get worked up about the fact that I can’t sleep.
I hope you can get into a safe situation soon.” sugarpenchant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — you poor thing! Seconding the recommendations to ask the front desk if a cot has become available or to get an air mattress. While you’re waiting for those, is it possible to ask the front desk for an extra blanket and sleep on the floor? It’s not a long-term solution, but when I was your age, I was able to sleep on the floor for a couple of days before it started to mess with my back and joints, and it’s better than no sleep at all.
Have you directly told your parents you haven’t been able to sleep — not in the moment, but as a separate conversation? Telling them you can’t sleep and asking them for help at 4 PM might work better than asking your dad to turn the TV down at 10 PM.” zelda-hime
Another User Comments:
“Your parents sound horrible.
Sorry, you’re dealing with that. Can you get a cot in the hotel or is there a couch you could sleep on? Also, headphones for snores and a white noise app work wonders.
But either way NTJ.
Do you have a relative you can go to? Or talk to your school? You don’t sound like you’re in a safe place.” SpaceCrazyArtist
20. AITJ For Having A Negative Reacting To My Husband's Cleaning?
“My husband (36m) and I’ve (35f) been married for 10 years. We’ve been struggling to get along lately.
My husband’s soda overflowed on the carpet when he opened it (maybe 5 drops of soda, not a big deal). I asked him to please clean it up as I had just finished cooking and serving dinner, and plenty of cleaning to do already.
He doesn’t have much experience w/ cleaning stuff like this as I do most of the cleaning. (I’m a stay-at-home-mom so this sort of stuff is my responsibility.) I recommended that he blot the spots as opposed to rub them so as to soak up the soda & not rub it into the carpet.
No more than a minute or two later, & I see him scrubbing the soda with a rag. I pointed out that he was rubbing the soda into the carpet instead of blotting it. (I felt slightly annoyed I was having to point this out as we had just talked about this, and I am sure I came off that way.
That’s why I think I might’ve been a jerk.) He responded with something to the effect of he wasn’t pushing hard while doing the motion, so bc of that reasoning, he thought he wasn’t technically rubbing the soda.
Now, in my mind, rubbing has nothing to do with pressure, it’s about the motion of the action, and that’s basically what I told him.
From my point of view, it seemed like he just wasn’t thinking about what he was doing while he was doing it & made a mistake. And instead of just saying ‘oops, my bad!’ he decided to feign ignorance (at least that’s what it seemed like to me), & basically said something like, ‘please tell me then, what’s the difference between rubbing and blotting?’ I told him that I felt like he knew the difference but I didn’t want to fight and get into it with him— I didn’t care, I’d rather he just clean the spill however he wanted.
He didn’t drop the issue & acted like I was being so offensive, so I just walked away & continued with whatever else I was doing.
Moments later, I walked through the room he was in & he tried to pick the disagreement back up, & ended up saying something to the effect of ‘I shouldn’t live with other people if I couldn’t learn how to get along with them’.
I was utterly flabbergasted that it had escalated so much & I didn’t respond. I sort of just stood there in shock for a moment with my mouth agape. I didn’t have anything nice to say and what he said really hurt me, so I just went outside to chill out for a bit, and he followed me out a couple of minutes later.
He asked me what I was so upset about. I told him I didn’t want to talk right then, but he could reflect on the last thing he said to me if he really wanted to know. He (again) acted so offended and told me I was ‘driving this whole thing into the ground’.
(I’m pretty certain he was referring to our marriage bc we’ve been struggling to get along so much lately).
So, AITJ? I will apologize & try to make up for it if I am bc I really do want to get along, but I genuinely don’t understand what I did that was so trashy.
Pls, help me understand what I did that made things go so awry.”
Another User Comments:
“Eh, NTJ. It sounds like you’re both in a defensive, hostile place right now because you’ve been struggling with one another. It happens.
Could you have let it go? Probably. Does it make you cruel or unreasonable to say something? No.
I hope the marriage counseling helps you both.
It’s not fair that he’s lashing out as drastically as he is, but I’m unsure if he’s in a position in your relationship where he feels continuously criticized and lashes out as critiques (no matter how nicely you voice them) come up.
Not that it’s okay in any way, just might be where his mean-ness stems from. Definitely don’t continue to accept this behavior, and I would prioritize this in therapy.” idk2737382936
Another User Comments:
“Going with YTJ. Micromanagement is hard enough to deal with at work but even more aggravating at home.
If you are that particular about how a few drops of soda should be cleaned, maybe you do have to do it yourself. My husband didn’t grow up learning to clean the way I did. When he cleans certain things, I can see spots he missed.
But I am his spouse – I am not there to oversee his work.
On the important household things like finances or buying things for the house, we can discuss together in advance and come to an agreement. But I am not going to go on because he doesn’t clean the same way I do.
And yeah, you were going on and then saying you didn’t care. Everything is very much your point of view, your way or no way – including your insistence that everyone should have a solo therapist. That’s not a decision to push on a person – that’s a personal decision that people make for themselves.
But you come off as someone who thinks she knows better than others.” Easy-Concentrate2636
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you specifically gave him advice on how to clean the mess he made, and he deliberately did the exact opposite. I would have been annoyed too.
The fact that you then tried to just let it be and move on and he continued to follow and hound you over it is also super uncool.
I agree with the other commenter who mentioned couple’s counseling, because the way you described it, this seems like a piece of a bigger problem.” ratt_teeth
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Nitpicking and harping causes SO MUCH harm to relationships, and causes your partner to feel unappreciated. The appropriate response was, ‘Thank you for cleaning that up so that I don’t have to worry about it. I think it might be more effective if you blot it like this. I really appreciate you taking care of this!'” lobsteristrash
You’re in the frame of mind of “OMG he’s such a jerk. He can’t do anything right even after I tell him”. He’s is the frame of mind of “OMG she’s such a witch that anything I do isn’t good enough”.
Hence the argument.
You’re trying to prove he’s an idiot and so the marriage issues are clearly his fault. He’s trying to prove you’re a witch.
Meanwhile, his prediction will come true. You’ll both be living alone and can clean your houses however you want.
You should start looking for a job.
19. AITJ For Posting About An Awful Ex-Friend?
“My ex-friend (26M) is a fairly big YouTuber (500k subs on youtube). I (29f) met him through his discord community. Since I had a lot of experience, I got promoted to his mod team very quickly and I had the occasion to talk to him.
We hit it off super quickly and would chat and play games together almost every day, sharing super personal stuff about one another. It quickly escalated to flirting and even texting inappropriate messages. I made it clear early on, on the first occasion when we first started flirting, that I was demi and don’t do anything remotely intimate unless there’s some kind of romantic feelings attached, which he said he understood.
So we carried on.
A few months later, he asks me to hang out with him on Valentine’s Day after I bought him flowers. Texting and all is still going on and he’s even making plans.
A couple of days after Valentine’s, I decided to get some clarification and asks him what he means with all of the flirting and everything else because since he knows I’m demi and that the texting keeps happening, I figured something was going on.
Long story short, he snaps at me and says I’m stupid for thinking that it was anything more than just friendly flirting and jokes. Not gonna lie, I was annoyed and snapped at him back because I felt really used and lied to.
A month passed and I decided to tell my story on my Twitter, not to cancel him but because I wanted it out somewhere and to vent it out.
P.s. I have a friend (that has blocked me since that whole ordeal) and I know he is doing the same thing too because he told me himself, that he was flirting with her as a joke.
Well, AITJ for sharing my story online and naming him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Even if you had posted vindictively, which you claim you didn’t, your ex-friend knew going in that you only equate flirty and inappropriate with a romantic relationship. This was repeated multiple times. Yet he kept going on knowing full well how you felt. Then he breaks it to you that he was just stringing you along and it all turns out to be for fun. Ex is totally the jerk.” PaisleyPenguin
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re an adult and outing someone because you’re upset that they led you on is immature. Break the friendship off and move on as he clearly doesn’t have feelings for you.” bunnyhopskip
18. AITJ For Cutting Contact With My Mom Because Of My Sister?
“Growing up my (23F) sister (26) always got the better end of everything. She got to take tap, ballet, piano, vocal, and music lessons. Every time she gave up, it was banned for me for the reason, ‘we tried that with your sister and she didn’t stick with it.’ She was allowed to throw tantrums over anything I tried that was ‘her thing’ even if I had done it first.
Movies, comic books, coloring/art, music, theater, sports, etc. With the exception of track and field since she admitted to never really liking it and just decided it wasn’t worth her time to watch me while she went off to college. That’s another story full of examples of favoritism.
My mother claimed that I was my dad’s favorite and that they had to baby my sister to make up for that. She denied babying her. She denied special treatment. Even when the house burned down and my mom decided to rebuild with only two bedrooms (previously 3 and a renovated 2 bedroom basement living space) and she tells everyone how I had moved out so naturally, they didn’t think to plan for me needing a home.
That’s a lie, as I ‘moved out’ to stay with a friend after she informed me I wasn’t worth a room in her home while I had been mostly moved back in after paying out of pocket for renovations on the aforementioned basement area that had sent my depression into a sudden spiral and attempt that had me self admitted to a facility.
Onto Easter. My sister was worse than ever. Her fiancé just moved in and my sister didn’t bother to introduce me until she demanded a soda. Cool, whatever. At some point, my fiancé sits in an empty chair they had been occupying because the pair was nowhere to be seen and we had a full house of company.
Cue the quiet meltdown. He gets up and no harm done, right? Well, then my sister is telling anyone who will listen that my mom won’t let them use the car. That’s a lie. The car is for them to use as long as they help pay for it.
But the icing on the cake was when my wasted aunt needed to go use their bathroom upstairs instead of the normal bathroom due to an incident. Mom asked me to move the baby gate for her, so I did. Instead of telling me, who hasn’t been there in weeks, why there was a baby gate on the stairs, my sister screams across the house that the baby gate can’t move because of cats.
I saw no cats. I asked her calmly why she couldn’t just tell me that instead of screaming and she continued her tantrum. I loudly announced I was leaving, literally grabbed my fiance, hugged my grandma, and left. Apparently, so did everyone else.
I called my mom and told her I was officially done with family gatherings at her house, I can’t play games like this anymore, and she was laughing.
Grandma is hurt and told me she wishes I didn’t do that because ‘it’ll hurt my mom’ but she seemed fine… So AITJ for going no-contact with my mother over my sister’s behavior?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your mom has mistreated you most of your life and going no contact is in your best interests.
She deserved to hear the truth. I hope you don’t plan to invite her or your sister to your wedding.
Go live a happy life with your fiancé and the people who truly love you.” Knittingfairy09113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Grandma sounds nice, why don’t you have her over for a fancy British-style afternoon tea.
Let her know that you have been hurt by your sister and mom and that you will be going very low contact with them for a while, for your mental health, but you still love grandma and want to make sure you see her.
Do the same for any other family that is SANE and HEALTHY for you to be around.” FlutterByCookies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I would inform them that sister might end up getting physically hurt. There are adult services that should look into the situation for grandma if she lives there. They will make sure it’s a safe environment for her and maybe scare sis into acting right.” ygracie
17. AITJ For Not Attending My Friend's Birthday Party?
“My friend turned 21 this past year and had planned a big trip to the city to go to clubs and stay for a couple of days. I felt bad because I knew I wouldn’t be able to go and offered to make it up to her by taking her out to brunch or something.
Now she’s not really speaking to me.
We had been friends for I’d say about eight years. She asked a few months in advance if I could attend but when I told her I didn’t think so, she went completely ghost mode on me.
I explained to her why I couldn’t go.
My grandmother had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and she had to go to radiation every single day for months. Both my parents work, not to mention my father had torn his Achilles and wasn’t able to walk. I knew I wouldn’t be able to disappear for four days and leave all the weight on my mom.
Not to mention I was probably going to have to take the car my mom and I share to get to the city.
On top of all that, my grandfather (another side of the family) had also just been diagnosed with leukemia and he also needed to get to doctor’s appointments (however his were less straining on my family in particular because my uncles were able to help out).
In addition to that (as mentioned before), my father had torn his Achilles and wasn’t able to walk (his recovery ended up taking longer than expected so it ended up stretching into the time frame of the birthday gathering). I’d also just broken my hand at the time so I have stressed out with everything that was going on.
On top of all of this, I’m a broke college student who doesn’t have the funds to spend upwards of $500 on someone’s birthday. I left that part out of my explanation for why I couldn’t go through. After drafting a text and expressing to her how sorry I was that I wouldn’t be able to go, she gave me a short response, something along the lines of ‘family comes first’ and then didn’t talk to me for about a month.
(The only reason she did end up speaking to me was because I let her know that my grandmother ended up passing away, then several months passed before we spoke again so that she could return some stuff I’d let her borrow).
Now, months later, I’m wondering if I did something wrong.
We had been friends for so long and I’m starting to think I must’ve really hurt her for her to just straight up stop talking to me. Should I have just figured something out and gone to her birthday? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
In my opinion, if you’ve been friends for so long, she should know what kind of friend you are and that you wouldn’t bail if you could make it and make excuses for it. In addition, your family was/is dealing with a lot and there is nothing wrong with being there for them.
I would understand disappointment from their end, but definitely not complete ghosting over something like that.
A good solution could’ve been figuring out something that was cheaper and you could do together that would still make her happy, but I also get not considering that right away either.
I also think you could’ve been more upfront about the moolah, it may have helped to understand a bit more but I’m not sure.
Either way, I don’t think you are the jerk in this situation. Life happens and our plans don’t always work out.
Side note: I’m sorry for the loss of your grandmother, and hope your grandfather is doing okay.” thriftypengo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your friend is being incredibly selfish and immature. It sounds like you are going through a lot and you need a friend who will support you, not ghost you. It’s tough when you’ve been friends with someone for a long time, but it’s not worth trying to stay in a friendship that is one-sided.
You did nothing wrong here.” Original_Repair_4692
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She grew apart, she isn’t your friend anymore, not much you can do about it. Especially as she is passive-aggressively not accepting your rationale for saying no with lots of notice. Guess if you can’t party with her, you aren’t worth bothering with.” Not_really1010
16. AITJ For Not Coming To Our Planned "Date"?
“So I (15M) was with my now ex (16f) for 5 months. It was chill and I do genuinely like her. She broke up with me last week and told me she just didn’t feel a connection anymore. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been pretty sad about it.
Obviously, high school relationships don’t last forever but I was still upset. We agreed to stay friends though.
We had planned to go on a date yesterday night at the town square. I assumed that she didn’t wanna go anymore. I should’ve asked or something but it just felt obvious to me so I went to the hospital to visit my other friend who is there right now.
We were chilling but then she texted me and was like ‘Where are you?’ I asked what she meant and she told me she was waiting for me for our date.
I was like ‘Wait, I thought we broke up,’ and she was like ‘We did but I thought we were still gonna hang?’ I said we had planned it originally to be a romantic outing so now that we’re not together anymore, I assumed we wouldn’t be doing it and I said sorry.
She was saying that she never specifically said it was a romantic date when we planned it but I feel like that was heavily implied since we called it a ‘date’ and we were together. And she said that I wasn’t treating her like a friend since she hangs out with her friends platonically all the time and so do I.
I offered to come by any way but it was gonna be an hour and a half bike ride from where I was but she said no. She was saying stuff like ‘I thought we agreed to still be friends but u clearly don’t want that since you’re doing all this.’
I was lowkey confused and I feel really bad.
But today at school all her friends were being short with me and started rumors. I don’t feel like it was that weird to assume the date was canceled since we broke up but it seems like to a lot of other ppl that it was weird of me so…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would also have assumed the date was off. Your ex is being a jerk and her friends are jerks too. HS sucks sometimes. You’ll get through this.
By the way, ‘we can still be friends’ can be a trap for the person who did not want the breakup.
It keeps your ex in your thoughts and makes it hard to work through it and move on. Most adults take some time between the breakup and moving into a friendship phase. It’s ok if you want to do that too.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, it wasn’t weird of you to assume the date was canceled.
I’d say she’s weird to think you have to ‘specifically (say) it was a romantic date’ in order for a date with your significant other to be understood to be romantic. Your reasoning makes sense.
She’s the jerk for turning her friends against you. She’s being petty.
You might be blessed to be (close to) done with her.” ElegantAnt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she broke up and now wants to blame you for being inattentive and use this as a reason. You are right, a date implies romantic intent. If you’d just broken up a week ago, I’d have assumed that date was also off.
Since she ended the relationship, the ball was in her court to confirm if this date was still on, otherwise, you’d appear to be a stalker/creeper. I feel she wants to keep you around as a backup, but see other people. It’s up to you if you want to try and salvage this friendship, but do not buy anything or do things you’d only do for a partner – that would be manipulation of you for her personal gain.” Pr3dAcan3
You're both young and inexperienced with relationships.
She broke up with you but doesn't want to let you go.
Honestly there's probably someone else she's into, too, and wants to explore it.. her ending things is commendable . Often breaking up isn't as clean as yours was.
Her getting mad and irrational and directing it at you is bs. She has a right to her feelings but keep it to herself.
You've done nothing wrong. And to top it off, shes mad that you're visiting a friend in the hospital after she broke up with you? Wow.
You were right to assume the date was off. You were broke up.
Why on earth would you go out or hang out so soon after being dumped?
Her feelings are not more important than yours. Even if both are ok with the breakup they still need a bit of a break to adjust to being single. Especially if feelings are still there.
Don't let the mean girl posse provoke you with their high school mean girl drama.
Don't allow a negative back and forth to begin. Drammaaaaa.
It's hard when you can't avoid a situation. Good luck.
15. AITJ For Causing My Friend To Get Rejected By Her Crush?
“I (they/them) have been helplessly in love with my best friend for over a year now, planning a future with her and everything. 5 days before I plan to confess, she tells me she’s in love with someone, my big brother. I of course was absolutely heartbroken by this, and when my brother asked me how I felt about the situation, I at first told him he could go for it.
However, the second time he asked, after watching me cry, I begged him not to date her and to reject her, which he ended up doing. I feel awful because, in all reality, I feel happy that she’s single because maybe that means I have a chance.
Update: I called my brother and apologized and told him that he should date who he wants and not mind me. He told me that he didn’t have feelings for her and that he would feel wrong for going out with her after knowing how I feel and even trying to wingman for me.
After arguing for a bit, he said he asked me if it was okay because he wanted to see how I felt, as I normally would give anything for my siblings. He said he doesn’t have feelings for her, instead he has feelings for a girl he is currently friends with.
I still apologized and we are in a position where he is not blaming me but I am blaming myself. I also have just texted my friend about what I did. I will update you when I have her response to my actions. As much as I hope she will stay my friend, I also hope she chooses what is best for her, and from what I have been told, is to cut me off.
Update 2: I told her. We talked about it for a while and I confessed my feelings… I was rejected, of course,e but we are still best friends. I don’t know why she would keep me in her life but she is, I can’t be any more grateful.
We have talked about it and have come to terms that we won’t let it change our friendship.”
Another User Comments:
“Yup, definitely YTJ.
You’re in love with her. Ok. But that’s only half the equation.
She is in love with someone else. It sucks, it hurts, sorry you’re in that position.
But keeping her single isn’t gonna make her feel feelings for you if she doesn’t already. It doesn’t make you ‘have a chance.’
Your heartbreak is not an excuse for blocking her happiness.
You were selfish and prevented your best friend and your brother – your loved ones – from seeking happiness because you want something for yourself, which is trashy and also doesn’t even change whether or not you’re going to get what you want.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You asked (ok begged) your brother not to date her, you didn’t demand. He asked you how you felt about it because he clearly cared about how you felt and your opinion on the situation mattered enough to him for him to not date her.
He exercised his right to decide how much your input mattered and he was under no obligation to ask you or do what you asked.
And you’re also under no obligation to confess your feelings to your friend given that she may not reciprocate. But you’ll never know if you don’t say something, so ultimately that is also up to you.
Now if you tried to sabotage other crushes of your friend? Definitely a jerk move, so be mindful that you don’t do that.” breathemusic14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! He’s your brother and he asked you how you felt, and I feel in a way he might have sensed that you liked her.
Now on to your friend, from your comments, it seems she was planning stuff with you and in a way leading you on with the stuff she was telling you about dates and letting her touch her. Aside from that, you guys are friends so at the same time, she should have asked you if you were ok with her asking your brother (I’m not too sure if she asked him or how he found out) but anyways is usually a rule that when a friend likes one of your siblings they should always ask the friend because of setting friendship.
But why did you wait too long to finally want to ask her out?” HistorySweet9902
Another User Comments:
“Either ‘no jerks here’ or a soft YTJ. You’re feeling human emotions, and it definitely is more complicated than it’s your best friend and your brother. That changes the dynamic a lot, even if you didn’t have a crush on her.
Like I know my friends would not be comfortable with me going out with their siblings, and vice versa.
Going out with a friend’s family member is also super messy and complicated, and he knows this and wanted your input. He asked if you were upset, and he decided it was more important to protect your feelings and your relationship with each other and your relationship with your friend.
He made this choice too, and because of that, I wouldn’t necessarily call this sabotaging it. You didn’t demand he not date her or do something to damage their relationship or her image to him. You were upset, and your brother prioritized what he felt more important: you.
He’s a good brother.
You would be the jerk if you sabotaged other crushes or potential relationships. I think you should tell her your feelings, expecting nothing to come from it, but more to explain how you feel so you both can better navigate it.” Proper_Garlic3171
14. AITJ For Talking Back At My Coworker?
“My (25 F) coworker (44 F) and I have worked together for about two years. I work in the office every day of the week, but since 2020, she has mostly been working from home. Our work relationship has been completely civil and friendly.
I work for the county government, but it’s still a relaxed environment.
My boss and I engage in political debates, but we’re always able to stay civil even though we’re on different sides of the political spectrum. Sometimes the conversations have been inappropriate for a workplace/make me uncomfortable.
Yesterday my boss and I were having one of our usual conversations, this time about student loan forgiveness.
I’m currently paying off a ton of student loan debt with a crazy high-interest rate, and my boss knows this, so he understands it’s a sensitive subject. My female coworker may not have known this, but I still feel like her comments were out of line.
She piped in with: (directed at me) ‘Now I know this is going to offend you, but I don’t believe in student loan forgiveness. My daughter is graduating debt free because, unlike other parents, we actually planned ahead and gave her a college fund. Any other parent is irresponsible.
Why should my taxpayer money pay for those parents to screw around and waste their funds instead of paying for their child’s college?’
I was immediately angry, so I turned away. While my back was turned, I heard my boss say (in a joking tone) ‘Oh she’s pretty offended, let’s just drop it.’ Which is when I absolutely lost it.
I looked at her directly and said ‘I’m not upset about a civil office debate. I’m upset because you insulted my family. I don’t think that’s very professional.’ Both immediately tried to backtrack, saying ‘well, we’re not saying you specifically’ (which she WAS because she prefaced her comment with ‘I know this is going to offend YOU’).
I turned back to my desk and said, ‘It’s not okay to insult someone’s family,’ and went about my work.
I understand it isn’t okay to snap at someone in the workplace. This is the first time I’ve ever come even remotely close to being confrontational at work.
My boss even followed me out at the end of the day (STILL TRYING TO DEFEND HER POINT by saying how hard student loan debt has been for their generation) to try and smooth things over. I finally shared that my parents HAD a college fund for me, but it was lost during their decade-long divorce (which was caused by addiction issues).
I told him to have a good night and left.
Things have been awkward all day between my boss and me, and my female coworker won’t even look at me. I feel embarrassed and childish, especially since I’m the youngest in the office. However, I feel like my tone and my comments were justified, not only because of my personal experience but because her comments were unprofessional.
I shouldn’t have had to share details about my personal life to make the conversation end.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right, she made it personal and insulted your family/upbringing. Your boss joking about how you were offended is also reprehensible.
I’m on your side here, and I’m also going to say, this is why you don’t talk politics at work.
Next time anyone tries, shut it down.” Sensitive_Coconut339
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said so yourself that she didn’t know about your student loans. You had the chance to take the high road and instead, you lashed out.” sickofdriving007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – so according to your co-worker only children of two-parent families in-tact families with sufficient income to both have saved over and save for college should be able to go?
The fact that college now costs on average over $35k per year, and is rising at incredible rates making college inaccessible for most families at an average of $135k for an undergraduate degree.
Despite the fact that much of the rest of the world has affordable college education programs, the US does not. And I work in higher ed.
No doubt she wouldn’t want her taxpayer money to support making college affordable under any circumstances. She sounds awful. Just ignore her ignorant self.” coloradogrown85
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here! You are oversharing at work and get mad a someone having an opinion, if you are discussing stuff like this at work or with anybody you have to accept that other people have a different point of view than you.
You immediately got offended and made this a bigger issue. Instead, maybe you should have explained to her why you think student loan forgiveness is good and show her some examples. I do agree she started her opinion by saying ‘this is going to offend you’ but you could have probably shut her up by showing your points.” HistorySweet9902
Had she not started out referring to you probably getting offended, I'd give the hag a pass.
But she directed her slam at you and added your family into it.
Your boss is just dumb.
I'd have to go with keeping conversations about work at work and everything else is to be avoided.
13. AITJ For Giving My Best Friend's Information To My Ex?
“I (16 F) was with this dude (17 M we’ll call him Ron) in my sophomore year of high school and we were off and on for most of it. Every time he broke up with me, it was because he was interested in my best friend.
I know, I know, why would I ever get back together with him after knowing that? I was just not thinking clearly and had too big of a crush to see how bad it was. Finally, after about 3 breakups, we ended things for good and it was the end of the school year so all throughout summer we really didn’t talk because we ended on a pretty bad note because he once again wanted my best friend.
But then Junior year starts up and he is in my first and second classes so now I’m seeing him all the time.
Well, we ended up friends again (yes I know really dumb of me) and everything was going completely fine until I get a text from him saying how he really wants to apologize to my best friend for something he said to her (I’m going to leave that big detail out because it’s way too much to explain and will get off topic).
So he asks for her social media so he can text her. And my exact response was ‘oh I don’t know if I want to give it to you.’ And that makes him blow up so much he starts attacking me saying that just proves how he can never trust or depend on me for anything.
Now surely I could have worded my response a bit better but I was going to go ask her if she was ok with it before I gave him anything. But Ron continues to blow up at me insulting me, calling me a narc, and how I have a ‘sissy princess ego’.
I am not the type of person to just sit there and take that so obviously after I try to explain it to him and he still attacks me, obviously I’m going to insult him back. Well, we fought for a while till I ended up just blocking him (it was on Snapchat) because there was no point in it anymore.
But then he turns right to my Instagram and starts blowing up on me again. He starts saying things like how I’m so immature and that I need to grow up. I’m really and truly so confused about this whole thing. AITJ for not giving him my friend’s info in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Never give out your friend’s info without permission, as a blanket rule. Assume if your friend wants the person asking to have it, they already would. You did great for this, do not change that. Once you put it out there, you cannot take it back, so always ask first.
Also, the nerve of him! You never ask the ex for their friend’s contact info. And then he takes it further and harasses you over this. You are NTJ, and if you feel comfortable, I suggest reporting this to your school. This is not at all okay, and I’m worried he’ll escalate since he already went across the platform to block evade.” Proper_Garlic3171
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
However, he said the negative thing to your friend is how he should apologize. If it was in person – he needs to see the individual face-to-face. Other methods (usually electronic) – well, he has the way (unless he went off on your friend, etc, and was blocked for his obnoxious behavior).” crbryant1972
12. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Be Quiet?
“My mum (41) enjoys drinking. A lot. So much so that she likes going out at night and bringing friends home at midnight at the earliest. Most often they leave at 4 AM-6 AM. My mum never asks if it’s okay to bring people over so late and I understand she wants to spend time with her friends but why does she have to be in the middle of the night and why at our house? Our house has me (16) and my younger sister (3) She usually brings them home when my sister isn’t home but there have been plenty of occasions where she has.
She and her friends are very loud. I have problems with noise, I really hate it. It makes my brain feel full and I get so stressed and angry that I stop thinking and often end up breaking stuff and at night time. When I’m tired, it gets worse.
I usually try to just ignore it by putting on some headphones but once I’m in that state, I just want silence. So I ask my mum very nicely if she and her friends can keep it down or ask when her friends are going to leave.
She usually responds by saying she’s entitled to nights with her friends and that it’s her house. But all I was asking was that she keep the noise down? I didn’t say or act like she couldn’t have friends over. She also gets wasted alone a lot which results in her dancing and singing very loudly.
Once she’s like that, she doesn’t listen at all and I hate being around her when she’s wasted like that. It gets so bad that I can smell the booze from the top of the stairs.
I’m tired of feeling like a jerk just because I want it to be quiet at night.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom’s behavior is neglectful. It doesn’t matter that it’s her house, she’s responsible for her kids’ well-being and it’s irresponsible to bring home rowdy wasted people when 2 minors (one of whom is a very young child) are at home. Is there an adult you can talk to about this, like an aunt or grandma or something?” Samsassatron
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You and your sister deserve an environment you can rest in. Your mom doesn’t seem able and/or willing to provide that. If she drinks that much, there are probably other needs being neglected. You may have too much responsibility foisted on you. Please reach out to family or a trusted adult for help.” flaky-burnt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But you also don’t have many options here. I highly recommend getting a door buddy or shoving a chair under your door handle, as you probably don’t know these people well and should be safe.
It also sounds like your mom might be a heavy drinker.
I do not recommend confronting her about this as she might lash out.
If you can see if you can get a job so you will be able to move out early. Maybe talk to a school counselor about this if you want to.
Good luck kiddo.” Dontdrinkthecoffee
11. AITJ For Leaving A Creepy Guy Out In The Cold?
“This happened to like the first week I moved into the freshman dorms at my university. I had met this guy through one of the class of 2024 group chats, where I had already made some other friends along with a bunch I knew in high school.
He was coming from way out of state and knew nobody, so I took pity on him and offered to take him out to lunch since I had my car on campus. That went completely normal, I thought he was kind of cute but I really was just looking for friends.
We then decided to walk around campus to find the Starbucks because why not?
I soon realized that it had been just down the side wall from my dorm, his as well because it was the dorm hall next to mine. He claimed he knew where we were going but was going way off onto a completely desolate side of campus.
I was getting a little weirded out, but then he goes from talking about playing football in high school to how ‘girls are always falsely accusing guys for harassing them because they regret hooking up with them.’ At that point, I was majorly freaked out, I flat out said he was weird for bringing that up out of nowhere, and I was leaving to go hang out with some other friends.
It was the middle of the day so I wasn’t worried about walking across campus by myself.
I didn’t bother talking to him for the rest of the day, but that night at like 1 am, he calls me, saying he was wasted and stranded outside of his dorm.
After the previous conversation, the last thing I wanted to do was to go meet up with this dude wasted at 1 am. There was so much that didn’t add up like there were other people in the same group chat we met through who lived in that dorm and could open the door for him.
All of the dorms stay locked, you have to scan your ID card to open the door. I asked why that had anything to do with me, there was nothing I could do to get the door open for him. I hung up, but right after, he calls me again, saying how cold it is outside, he was laying outside the door to my building, and to please let him in so he could sleep on the floor of my dorm room.
I said absolutely not, who calls a girl they JUST met absolutely wasted, asking to sleep in my dorm room? I told him he’s grown and to figure it out, blocked him on everything, and went to sleep.
I didn’t see him again until about 2 months later in the dining hall, where he actually apologized for making me uncomfortable, and that he ended up being picked up by campus police.
I said I wasn’t sorry, and to stop acting like a creep. I walked away. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; but you could have handled it differently. If there is a next time call the police straight away and let them deal with it. If he is trying to lay a trap for you they will have a ‘chat’ with him.
If he is actually wasted and freezing to death they’ll put him in the cells to keep him warm until he sobers up.” zwergschnauzer
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ.
Even from the start, he was getting creepy. College-aged, I can see not cluing in right away, but you had the right instincts.
Even if you give ‘creepy’ some slack for being stupid and young, you end up with a loser.
ALWAYS trust your gut instincts” lestairwellwit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are absolutely right that your danger senses went off because no one acts like that!! The calling you instead of campus security is already suspicious, and then when you factor in your past interactions, no. Nope, absolutely not. Nothing good would have come from that, stay far, far away.” Proper_Garlic3171
10. AITJ For Stopping My Partner From Playing His Game?
“My partner (24M) just downloaded that free Amazon oblivion game and he used to play it when he was younger so I was initially happy for him when he got it.
But whenever he plays it, he gets so moody and snappy. Like any time I open my mouth to say anything while he’s playing at all, he snaps at me.
Yesterday, he chucked his laptop on the ground and rage quit. We have cats and I’m sure he didn’t check before throwing it and that really scares me.
Is this normal for dudes? I’ve never dated anyone into gaming before so I don’t get it and I think his reactions are beyond extreme.
He argues that I annoy him incessantly while he plays and he feels like I breathe down his neck even though I was gone half the day and I’ll be fine with him playing for hours. But I’m scared to talk when he’s playing, sometimes I just have to tell him stuff and he freaks out at me.
I pointed this out to him and he claims he doesn’t ever snap or yell at me and he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. To be honest, he does it so passingly like he really might not realize it, or maybe he’s not yelling and I’m sensitive and it’s a gamer thing.
Really starting to wish I found out I liked women before I met him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if someone scares you, yells, throws things in a rage then blames you for their anger and not them being unable to manage their emotions. They’re the problem.
Yes confiscating the game is a little intrusive, however, if it’s truly making him violent it’s more self-preservation than being the jerk. Maybe couples counseling depending on how long you’ve been together and the living situation. But I don’t think you were the jerk for taking away something that sends him into a rage.” Confused_Squish
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – most gamers love playing games.
Making him give up something he loves is a jerk move. I’m sure you wouldn’t want him to force you to give up something you love.
If want to talk to him just ask him when he gets a minute, ask him to pause the game, etc.
Saying things like ‘It’s just a game.’ ‘Take a break.’ Anything dismissive can be even more annoying. Taking things too seriously goes hand and hand with hobbies and passions. There are plenty of people who live and die with their favorite sports teams. I’m certain if you were trying to interrupt them during a close game you might get the same hostile reactions.
You might not understand the drive, but I’m sure you have something in your life that you’re just as passionate about. If anything you should see if there is a game you can play together. Ask him to teach you. You could turn his hobby into something you could do together.
You might find a series of games that you could enjoy solo. There really is something for everyone in video games.” dmitch79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: He sounds incredibly verbally abusive at worst or at best has some extreme anger issues and is socially inept. If your partner (male or female or Nb) is verbally abusive while doing a task or is super quick to just straight-up rage that’s definitely a red flag.
Do not let them treat you like this. The fact that you’re wishing you realized you like women before going out with this guy is a huge sign you know this is not how you should be treated. Really think about if you want to stay with this guy. His behavior is not normal whatsoever.” alreadyovereacting
9. AITJ Not Standing Up For My Boss Against A Customer?
“About two and a half weeks ago I (22f) was feeling sick after eating some bad chicken. I tried to contact my boss (45f) but had no success and because I didn’t want to leave our already understaffed store unmanned in the morning, I went in.
I usually work from 4:45 am to the afternoon, meaning I am responsible for opening the store. I work at a gas station. We’re the only ones for miles in any direction and are constantly busy. That Monday was no different. Shortly after opening and getting everything in the store situated, I had to run to the bathroom so I wouldn’t vomit on the floors.
Afterward, I washed my hands and explained the situation to my boss. My stomach was hurting and I was coming out of both ends. My boss refused to let me leave even though store policy says that a sick employee cannot be present on the premises.
I was pale and doubled over in pain as I tried to tend to customers, all of whom had seen my interaction with my boss. Moments later, my boss approached me, telling me that my time card needed to be filled out and that she needed to know my hours.
Hours I’d sent to her every day and I had given her a comprehensive list the day before. She claimed not to have them even when I pulled them up on my phone. She stormed off with my phone.
My customer walked up to my register, having seen the entire exchange, and assured me that it wasn’t my fault she was so disorganized, and then he began to ramble on about how she must be insane.
To be honest, I didn’t listen to half of what he said or reply to him and was instead focusing on not vomiting all over the store. My manager came back with my phone and told me that I needed to ‘stop looking so sick’ because it was ‘disgusting to the customers.’ My customer looked at her and began saying that she needed to get off of the illegal substances before they ruined her life and that she shouldn’t treat employees like this.
My manager proceeded to chase him out of the store screaming at him to never come back, walking over to me, and said ‘I need you to leave. That situation is your fault. You caused it. I heard what you told that guy. Get out of my store.
You can come back tomorrow.’ I was very confused by this. I had not spoken to the man despite his ramblings other than to ask if he wanted a receipt for his items. She told me again to leave and I did, walking home. This all happened less than an hour into what should have been a 10-hour shift.
I know what she did wasn’t right, but AITJ for not defending my boss to that customer? Since that day my schedule has been rearranged, the promotion I was weeks from getting was taken away, and she has been bad-mouthing me to customers and coworkers alike.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I would advise the owner or her boss, and look for another job. This is not an employee-friendly job, and no one deserves to be treated this way. She also should not be putting customers at risk by forcing a sick person to work.
NTJ.” Responsible_Candle86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But congrats on getting to go home! However, it should not have taken a customer to create a scene. Your boss is a major jerk and I hope you’re looking for another job. Sorry, you didn’t get a chance to puke on her shoes.” vrcraftauthor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your boss is a bad boss. I’d bet that she is at least part of the reason your store is understaffed. The customer’s comment that your boss is insane seems uncalled for, but I don’t know her. (Lol, if I did maybe I’d agree with him.) You were focused on not getting sick on everyone.” CemeteryDweller7719
8. AITJ For Not Attending My Best Friend's Son's First Birthday Party?
“So about a month ago I booked a weekend trip to NYC with my partner, it never even crossed my mind while booking the flights that it falls on the same weekend as the 1st birthday of my best friend’s son. Once I realized it, I immediately told her and she said it was no big deal, not to worry, and that I should still go to NYC.
Now that we are getting closer to the date, she is making it seem like she really wants me to be there, and kind of hinting at the fact that she wants me there regardless of my trip.
AITJ if I don’t reschedule this mini vacation so I can attend the party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You gave her plenty of time to ask you to reschedule. It gets harder and harder the closer you get to that date. It’s extremely unfair to be guilt-tripping you, especially after she said it was fine, not that you need her permission to go on vacation anyway.
For real though, the kid is turning one. They won’t remember or even care if you are there or not. Have a little get-together with your friend and her son before or after your trip.” LynxInYourSynx
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your life doesn’t have to revolve around other people and your best friend is allowed to feel disappointed you didn’t think of her child when you were planning.
If you feel a little guilty, buy a cool gift (my recent one-year-old is loving a ride-on car and a water table) and decorate it with helium balloons. Baby will love it. Also, make sure you text or FaceTime on the actual birthday (but not during the party).
It’ll likely all blow over.” bunnyhopskip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But best friends and family are everything. You can always reschedule a weekend trip but you can’t get the memory back of being at your BFF’s son’s bday party. It is his first year of life celebration with many years to follow that you get to be a part of.
That is a big moment for them and as a close friend/family, it’s beautiful that you mean so much to her that she wants you to celebrate this day with them.
My son’s godfather was present at my son’s first birthday and second and unfortunately, he passed away this year, not making it to his third.
I cherish the fact that he was present those days with memories to look back on. I also had a best friend for 20+ years. A lot changed these past few years and unfortunately, we have become like strangers. She celebrated her son’s first birthday and I wish our relationship was different to have celebrated this day. If it doesn’t work to reschedule, maybe try to celebrate with her and him by starting your own tradition of celebrating his birthday like breakfast, building a bear, buying a cookie, etc ideas. Something that will become something special each year.” Ok-Pomelo5723
7. AITJ For Refusing To See My Dad?
“So basically, starting in August of 2021, I went with my dad to meet his new partner, we will call her R. Well, prior to meeting his partner, my dad gave my socials to her two daughters and her daughter’s friend. When I went to R’s house, I told A (one of the daughter’s friends).
She wanted to come over to meet me, and R let her. I am also a girl and let’s just say we are more than friends now.
Anyways, fast forward to November I decided to have a ‘sleepover’ with A I am NOT out of the closet yet at this point and everyone thinks we’re just friends).
Well, R finds out and comes to A’s house beating on doors and windows and cussing. L, R’s daughter, also sends some pretty explicit messages. I didn’t talk to them for a while after that but we eventually resolved it. Moving on to January, some pretty personal things happened causing me to move in with my dad for a while, and a rule they gave me was I couldn’t speak or see A.
I thought it was pretty ridiculous and talked to A anyways.
Well, one night my stepmom (R) thinks it was a good idea to go through my phone whilst I’m sleeping, and finds messages between me and A. This causes a HUGE argument the next day and I end up moving back in with my mom (my mom knows about me and A).
My mom lets me stay with A for a night since I was pretty sad over everything and my stepmom and stepsister find out and it’s like things went down. My stepmom has somehow turned my dad and his whole side of the family against me.
So, AITJ for refusing to see my dad because my stepmom is crazy?
Side note: R didn’t care for my safety or think A was a bad influence because she still allowed her daughter to text A. She was simply homophobic.
EDIT: R turned my dad’s side against me by telling them about my gender and relationship, causing them to want NOTHING to do with me.
She also told all her friends, and she is also the reason A got out to her parents. A had told L to trust her with the information, and L told R resulting in R telling A’s abusive dad. I have told my dad many times how I feel about her, and he seems not to care.
My stepsister has also called me and A ‘disgusting’ and random slurs multiple times.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are young enough that sleepovers with romantic partners are a little premature and maybe your stepmom wasn’t overreacting, particularly if you lied about where you were, but you do not need to be around homophobic people, even if they are your parents or family.” bunnyhopskip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
R massively overstepped on several fronts.
One of the reasons why stepparents are generally discouraged from taking on an active ‘disciplinarian’ role in their stepchildren’s lives is that, because they may not have the same empathy and bond with their stepchildren compared to children of their own, they can become excessively harsh and punitive, turning the child into a scapegoat for all of the family problems.
While this is less likely in cases where the stepparent has been involved in the child’s life since a very young age, it’s a significant issue for kids and teens with new stepparent relationships, and it’s primarily up to the biological parent to set and enforce boundaries with their partner to prevent this from happening.
Your stepmother is controlling and intolerant of you due to your gender; her actions and reactions toward you show that she doesn’t act out of care or concern for your safety or wellbeing, but from a desire to control you, likely deriving a level of satisfaction from making you suffer.
I personally think that, yes – you’re a bit young to be staying the night with a romantic partner at fifteen, mainly because you’re not even old enough to drive yourself to each other’s (parent’s) houses, let alone capable of having independent lives and relationships since you aren’t even out of the house yet.
That being said, there’s a huge difference between having reasonable rules for a teenager living in your house, and forbidding them from communicating or having relationships with people at all; not to mention the crazy behavior that goes along with trying to enforce unrealistic rules like this.
Your stepmom isn’t doing these things with your best interest at heart – and thus, she shouldn’t be allowed to do them at all. Your father has let you down by failing to see the inappropriateness of his partner’s actions towards you, and further failing to intervene and protect you, his daughter.
It sounds like things with mom may not always be peachy either, but I’d make it clear to your father and stepmother (with your mother’s help/support, if possible) that until she demonstrates the willingness and ability to respect you as a person, and your father the willingness and ability to ensure that this respect and safety is maintained, that you won’t be voluntarily putting yourself in an environment where your relationships and actions are vilified and controlled, simply due to them being an extension of you.” ScratchShadow
Another User Comments:
“That’s not even your stepmother! Why does this woman have any say over your life in any way? Why was this woman on your phone? NTJ.
It’s absolutely none of your dad’s partner’s business where you are when you’re not even living with her!!!!
Stay away from your dad. How long has he been with her? I don’t get how people aren’t married and seem to barely even know each other but are handing over the reins on their kids to them.
That borderline stranger you moved in with is way more likely to hurt your kid than her teenage partner.
I don’t care about sleepovers. You can’t get each other pregnant and lesbians have a lower STD rate than straight people. Be careful, of course, but fifteen is fine for this, in my opinion.” slendermanismydad
6. WIBTJ If I Tell My Neighbors They're Too Noisy?
“I am on the bottom floor of my apartment building. My upstairs neighbors have kids (2 I think) and there is so much noise that comes through into my apartment. Everything from rolling sounds (like they are using something with wheels inside) to running, jumping and yelling.
What’s most frustrating is that their most active times seem to be early in the morning, like before 9 am and often as early as 6, so I can’t sleep in or enjoy a lazy morning in bed. It happens late at night sometimes too.
WIBTJ if I spoke to them about the disturbance? I’m thinking about leaving a (hopefully) friendly note. But I could also knock on their door and have a quick convo.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I feel your pain. I live in a downstairs unit too and have had some crazy neighbors upstairs.
I generally manage it by approaching them first, introducing myself, and letting them know that the sound muffling between the units isn’t the greatest. Explain that you know kids need to run around and that noise is going to be made but ask if there is any way they can try to minimize some of the noise before, say 8 am.
Explain that things like rolling toys, jumping up and down, etc., especially makes the sound travel through the floor.
Honestly, I’ve had all kinds of reactions, from friendly acceptance to screaming and yelling. I hope you get the friendly acceptance and that you understand that kids, especially little ones, are going to come with some noise.
If they yell at you, just walk away. There’s no point engaging with someone like that. Best of luck!” SpaceyAwesome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – most parents should be understanding. I am currently on the top floor with two small kids and although I try to make them be respectful and mindful of neighbors I have no idea how the noise is for my neighbors unless they tell me.
If my downstairs neighbor came to me in a friendly manner, I would definitely work with them to ensure they get to enjoy their apartment too. Yes, there will be things I can’t control like my 15-month-old sometimes sounding like he’s running or stomping when really he’s just working on being coordinated and trying not to lose balance while catching up to his brother but you can’t fix what you don’t know is a problem.
ETA: we are newer to our apartment so if you happen to be my neighbor please just let me know!” Charlie2218
Another User Comments:
“It’s probably not intentional and not actually all that loud in their apartment. A small child wheeling a toy truck on the floor isn’t unreasonable, nor is getting out of bed before nine.
The noise is just the unfortunate side effect of a lower-floor apartment. Maybe they can put down area rugs if they haven’t already, but beyond that, I don’t really know what they could do. NTJ if you are able to approach them in a friendly way with reasonable expectations.” roseannjam
5. AITJ For Putting My Phone On Airplane Mode?
“I (25F) live with 2 friends (27F, 28F), we have been friends for a couple of years and living together for almost a year now.
I will call them Jane and Jenny, Jane works at a restaurant as a host and she starts working around 1 pm on the earliest shift and Jenny works from home for a marketing company, I work in human resources and start working at 9 am, I wake up around 6-7 depending so I can go to the gym; we live close to the main road so it can get very loud because of this I use headphones with a white noise playlist to sleep and an eye mask.
Jenny and Jane are very social, they go out a lot which I don’t care it’s not my problem, I have joined them sometimes but I don’t really drink and that’s a big part of what they do so it can be kinda boring for me now, I used to go out more when I was younger (19-22).
Now the problem – I sleep with my phone next to me of course. It is usually silent but since I use the headphones to sleep. If someone calls it rings in the headphones. A couple of weeks ago I was woken up around 3 AM by a call.
It was Jenny asking me to open the door because they left and forgot their keys. I opened the door for them and went back to sleep. It took me like an hour tho. I didn’t have a problem until it happened again and again.
Always the same excuse or that they left with one set of keys and the other one left somewhere else. I told them it was unfair for me to be woken up because I didn’t go out and I woke up earlier than both of them.
They said okay and it happened again so I decided to sleep with my phone in airplane mode.
All good until one day I woke up, got ready and when I turn my phone on I had so many messages from them asking me to open the door.
They stayed somewhere else and when they got home they called me a jerk and all kinds of names for having my phone off that something could have happened to them, etc. I told them to be more responsible and carry their keys. I am not their mom to stay awake waiting for them to get home.
They’re both mad at me and so are our mutual friends, some are saying that it could have been an emergency, I said they have a family to call and not me.
But I don’t know, maybe I was the jerk for it. It just bothers me that I have to lose up to 2 hours of sleep for them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Initially, you doing it repeatedly set an expectation that they could rely on you, so you would have been in the wrong to just decide to cut that off. However, you talked to them about it being an issue, and they agreed to not rely on calling you to get in.
As of that point, you are under no obligation to be available for their 3 am calls. Yes, something could have happened, but because they failed to take care of themselves not because you weren’t accessible.
Carrying your own house keys is not an arduous task for a near-30-year-old woman.
Both of them are more than capable of taking their keys and not relying on you. If they choose not to, that’s up to them – they’re grown and not yours – but if that results in problems for them, oh well, that’s the choice they made.
Word of warning: people who seem averse to carrying keys will often, when faced with this ‘no one to let me in’ scenario, try to leave the door unlocked or wedge the snib open or some such shenanigans depending on the lock style rather than just take the stupid key with them.
I don’t know why, it makes no sense. But keep an eye out in case they do pull something idiotic like that and make sure you’re safe before going to bed.
Edit: These mutual friends who agree with them? Get a spare key cut for each and give them to these friends, and tell your flatmates to call those ‘keyholder’ friends if they can’t get in to go pick up the spare.
See how long they continue to insist being called at stupid o’clock is not a problem.” GojuSuzi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your other friends are so concerned about it being an emergency, they can stay up all hours waiting to make sure they get home. You’ve asked them multiple times to make sure they have keys because you get up early, and waking up to let them in is causing you to lose sleep.
They continued to make their irresponsibility your problem, so you simply prevented them from doing so. Maybe now they’ll remember their keys. And if they don’t, oh well, that is not your problem. You’re all adults, they should act like it. Keep doing what you’re doing, don’t let anyone guilt you into being responsible for their poor choices.” gluevah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that’s one of my least favorite things about having had roommates — it doesn’t seem like an uncommon experience that someone isn’t an adult enough to keep track of their keys.
Oh, I don’t feel like carrying my keys. Someone will be home or I see you’re bringing yours.’ Annoying. Forgetting once is ok but after that, they’re on their own. If something could’ve happened to them, all the more reason to take their own safety seriously. I’d probably tell them if something happened to them, that at least you might end up with roommates who aren’t selfish and irresponsible. I’d respond to stupidity with coldness.” paul_rudds_drag_race
4. AITJ For Blaming My Ex For Destroying My Friendships?
“My ex and I lived in the same area, causing us to meet every often. He has always been an attention-seeking individual. I would be lying if I said that he hasn’t asked out every single girl in our community, some of them even 6 times, Like really.
So while we were talking one day, he said he had to confess some things. It was a joke hinted if he liked one of my friends, but to my surprise, he said that it was me who he wanted to confess to. Now I know he is bad news because of his ways, but at the time I had low self-esteem, and him saying he liked me really made me happy.
So we would text back and forth, and meet up and stuff like that normal things, this would be for like 2 weeks. So then all of a sudden, he says that we should end this, I was not ever surprised but for the sake of it, I asked him why.
He says that he was seeing me as a rebound from his earlier partner. A little offended I said you didn’t have to tell me this, I was a little upset but whatever. But for some reason he made me make sure not to tell anybody about this.
I know what I did was wrong, I didn’t listen to him and told one of my friends anyway. They were furious with him, and said they would talk to him about what he did, I repeated and said not to do so, but they went and spoke to him anyway.
They were close to him, as we are all in the same friend group. Cut to the next day, I am being bombarded with texts saying that, I was a manipulative witch, and attention-seeking jerk, as my friend had talked to him about how he has treated me.
Which annoyed me, causing me to go off on him about how he has treated me. Calming down we both stop communicating with each other.
However, a week later, all our mutual friends, started to fight with me, kicking me out of groups, calling me names, and eventually ending the friendship.
It was like all of them were against me, as they weren’t even ready to hear me out. Turns out that my ex told them all kinds of lies as to how I had treated him, and my friend who I mentioned above, agreed with him and made me out to be the bad guy.
I blamed both of them was changing the narrative and ruining my friendships, but they didn’t seem to care. The next day all my friends block me from all social media and officially call quits on our friendship calling me a jerk for blaming them, even though it is my fault.
A little hurt, but I left it.
So, did I overreact?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s weird that he asked you not to tell people why you broke up. Unless it is an extremely personal matter (illness, passing of a loved one, etc), you don’t inherently owe someone that privacy, especially when the breakup was over personal drama.
In this case, he didn’t want you to tell because it didn’t look flattering to him. Especially since he even told you, to your face, you were the rebound. He didn’t need to do that, he could have just said he wasn’t feeling it and left it at that.
Your friends suck because they disrespected your boundary. You said not to talk to him about it, and they did. That was wrong of them to do and was a massive overstep. He lied to them to save face, and they believed him, not you.
I think overall there was another issue going on because they didn’t respect your boundaries and then immediately believed him instead. There’s a reason for that” Proper_Garlic3171
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You told people you weren’t supposed to tell. You get made they go back to him to tell him off when you asked them not to.
(Like he asked you). He tells them a story and ultimately believes him. Seems like there are pieces to this story or history we are missing for your friends to take his side so quickly over yours you all acted like children.
Side note: He could have been nicer about the rebound comment but that actually benefitted you so you didn’t waste any more of your time with him.” DeepFudge9235
3. AITJ For Refusing To Give A Refund?
“I (22m) have routinely done some of my friends’ schoolwork for earnings since high school. We’re graduating college now and while I’m aware it’s dishonesty and immoral, it is what it is. I always strive to do my absolute best on their assignments and prioritize them over my own schoolwork whenever due dates clash.
My friend Alex has used my services more than anyone in our friend group and asked me if I would complete his final paper for his final class before graduation. I said yeah sure whatever and he said it was due in two days.
This somewhat alarmed me but I’ve had to race against time before and being on a crunch honestly lights a fire under my butt and motivates me more so I wasn’t too worried.
I see that the assignment is a 10-page paper that requires you to demonstrate that you have a full understanding of the core concepts of the class but also how you applied them to your personal life (it’s a Communication class). I had done work for this class before so I was generally familiar with the curriculum and its concepts.
I ended up writing the whole thing in one day because he wanted a full day to review and edit which was fine, whatever. When the Venmo came in for $60 I was pretty disappointed but I didn’t push it because he typically paid me more than I thought my work was worth so it evened out in my head.
I thought I did a really good job with the paper and he had a full 30 hours to do whatever he needed to it. He gets his grade back and he’s livid but I couldn’t understand why because as I said I thought it was really good and he had his own time to look at it.
Apparently, the paper showed a complete understanding of the concepts but the personal experiences I made up ‘weren’t believable’ according to the professor. He received no credit for that portion and got a 60 on the paper. He demanded I give him his payment back and I told him no I’m sorry you got a bad grade but kinda too bad considering you had more time to work on it than I did.
He’s annoyed and the friend group thinks I should just give back the payment which I don’t want to. I think I could be the jerk because it was my work and it did get a bad grade regardless of him and it’s supposed to come ready to be submitted edits shouldn’t be necessary but clearly it wasn’t.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He got what he paid for. If he thinks he can do a better job… he should just do it himself. An alternative way to think about it though is… this is your business. People pay you to get good grades.
Maybe a ‘B or better guarantee’ and you charge more to make it worth your time.
I once made $1500 in my second semester of college. My roommate paid me to take a whole class for him. It was one of those 200 student lecture classes.
I’d already taken it and got an A the first semester. I literally showed up to the same class with the same professor as someone else one semester later. Clearly, the professor really cared about teaching that class.” AJWordsmith
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You had no specific agreement set up.
And it sounds like you aren’t as smart as you think you are. That’ll buoy you through undergrad well enough but you’re gonna get a rude awakening at some point, be it professional, academic, or personal. You’re a fraud, love. People can tell.” parishilton2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he paid for a service you rendered, it’s never a guarantee.
In addition, he had plenty of time to review and change things, which he likely did none of, just expecting a passing grade from you with next to zero preparation time. Do not return the moolah, if your ‘friends’ have a problem with this they will stop asking for your help.
This will give you more time to work on your own studies, and hopefully encourage them to actually do the work they need to.” Pr3dAcan3
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You could never NOT be the jerk because you’re an unrepentant liar. And your friend is getting a degree he hasn’t earned.
He’ll eventually get a job – over someone who DID earn their degree. Or he’ll mess up on the job because he hasn’t actually learned anything in his field. And you’re just immoral and greedy. You want to keep the moolah? Ok. I hope you choke on it.” GlitteringMail4848
2. AITJ For Telling My Roommate They Have A Weird Relationship With Their Mom?
“My roommate and I were talking and they mentioned spending the night at their mom’s this weekend just to see her (she lives 40 minutes away and they visit multiple times a week). I told them I thought it was strange since that’s how they’re spending a Saturday night as a 22-year-old.
I could tell it hit a nerve and tried to drop the subject but they were really bothered by me saying that I didn’t think most people did that and that I found it strange. They stopped talking to me and ended up leaving the apartment with a couple of bags.
I do feel really awful that I hurt their feelings but was what I said enough to warrant them leaving?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ! My mom is my best friend and if not for her the last few years for me would have been extremely hard. That’s what moms are there for when older, to give you unlimited love and support.
I’m not a loser and I have other really good non-family friends that I see a lot, but ever since I left that teen stage of hating my mom, we’ve gotten closer and it’s been nice. Even my dad (who sometimes is jealous of our closeness as I was super close with him as a child but not as much since the divorce) understands that the mother-child relationship will always be closer and have a certain bond.” lordofthebuns17
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna have to say YTJ.
Having a good relationship with your parents isn’t a universal experience, but it’s not ‘weird’ at all. You should definitely apologize to your roommate, it wasn’t a very kind thing to say.” ratt_teeth
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ here. I moved to NJ in December 2020, my parents are still back in Michigan, and honestly, I wouldn’t hesitate to spend a night at their house if I had the opportunity.
I’m pretty grateful and fortunate to have a great relationship with my parents, it’s not something that everyone has (I was definitely scared of losing that when I came out as gay at 15 too), and I’m sure your roommate treasures their relationship with their mom highly.” User
1. AITJ For Mentioning A Classmate In The Newsletter Without Her Consent?
“I (M25) graduated high school in 2019. Our high school is well-known for its academics, programs, sports, and tuition – in fact, it was a lot like a college. A lot of the students in my grade – including myself – went to a top-ranked college, which was cool, because it allowed us to all keep in touch and still hang out.
Although a lot of us went our separate ways after college, I still chat with my friends from high school and we make a point to meet up if we were all in town. My point is, that the community is a big thing at our high school.
There was a girl in my grade called ‘Beth’ (fake name). She wasn’t popular or unpopular – just shy, and awkward, which is typical. She was average – didn’t win any academic or sports awards, but she graduated with me and went to college (but not a top one or Ivy like most of the kids at our school went to, more of your local state party school).
We all kind of forgot about her.
I got Instagram a couple of years ago and followed Beth’s profile (a lot of people from our high school follow her). She really glowed up! She’s traveling, she seems to have a lot of friends, she’s in law school, and she’s even engaged.
She followed me back so I knew she knew I was following her.
Here comes the issue. Since 2020, I and a few other students from my high school are in charge of circulating a newsletter for our high school. As I said, the community is a big thing, so the newsletter is sent out to faculty and alumni every month.
It’s just a couple of updates about old students – who’s doing what, where someone went, etc. I’m in charge of emailing everyone and asking for updates.
I emailed Beth a few times in the last year for her life update I could add to that month’s newsletter, but she never responded.
I DM’ed her once on Instagram – she left me on read. Finally, I just put a blurb in the newsletter that said something like ‘Beth is currently studying to be a lawyer and was recently engaged.’ Literally a sentence about her.
Well, this was a couple of months ago and suddenly it’s blown up in my face.
Beth apparently saw she was in the newsletter and emailed me, flipping out and saying I had no right to share her personal life. However, I got all this information about Beth from her Instagram, which a lot of our old classmates follow anyway, so it’s public information anyway.
She told me in the email she did not want to be associated with our old school in any way but did not say why. I apologized to her but explained I had meant no harm – however, a few old classmates have mentioned that I should have gotten her permission.
She’s also removed me as a follower off her Instagram.
I don’t think I’m a jerk because a) she posted these things about herself on social media, so it wasn’t a secret, and b) she could have just TOLD me she didn’t want to be in the newsletter.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – She repeatedly ignored all requests for you to add her info to the newsletter. Her Instagram might have had that info publicly but that doesn’t mean everyone follows her. Besides the fact that you don’t know what kind of misery she went through at your old high school.
Plenty of people want to leave their high school days behind them. Sounds like you dug up a ton of old wounds that she was eager to leave be.
Besides the fact that people have all sorts of info on social media that they probably don’t want to be advertised to everyone in a newsletter.” dmitch79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She should have answered one of the emails you sent to say: ‘Don’t put me in the newsletter.’ It would’ve been that easy.
Instead, she didn’t respond and continued to share her life happenings with the entire world on social media. You didn’t sneak into private chats to mine information, nor did you pay a private investigator to root around in her secrets.
You are not a jerk.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The Class Notes are for people to report on what they themselves are up to. It is not intended to be a ‘gossip column’ where you report on what other people are doing based on what you’ve gathered.” tyromania
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