People Want Our Opinions On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Calling My Wife Rude On Her Birthday?
“Last night I was playing with my band at our local bar. My wife came in and immediately latched on to a band member’s wife in the corner of the bar and spent 2+ hours not leaving the area.
She has maybe met the band member’s wife one time. Maybe twenty feet away was a group of our friends, she says they are my friends and her acquaintances. She would not leave the corner of the bar and waved hello to them.
It was not a crowded bar.
During a break, I asked if she would go and say hello to our friends. She told me she waved. I again said it would be great if you said hello to them considering they came out to support the band.
A little back story, these same friends invited us to their house two weeks ago and we spent hours at their house hanging out.
After the gig I guess I was visibly annoyed but didn’t want to say anything because her birthday is today.
When we got home she pressed me on it and I told her I felt it was pretty rude to not have the courtesy to say hello to our friends. She challenged me saying why does she have to go and say hi instead of them coming up to her.
Well, they were already there sitting at a table and it was a group of people.
It made me very uncomfortable how cold it felt that she couldn’t take one minute to go and say hello and seemingly hid in the corner on purpose with someone who is a relative stranger.
Now it’s her birthday and she’s crying saying I was very rude. I don’t believe I was rude at all and just told her on her request how I was feeling.
I’m ready for your judgment. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She waved and was hanging out with someone she considered her friend. This was also her birthday and it was nice of her to spend that time supporting you.
This is the case of making a big deal out of nothing. Just let it go.” AleroRatking
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I don’t care how well I know them, if I’m out and hanging with someone, I’m not getting up and going all the way across the room to do a thing that was already handled with a wave.
She’s clearly not as close to them as you. Yet she put up with spending 3 hours with them, fairly recently.
In short, she spent her birthday watching your band and supporting you then you went and got rude because she didn’t do something incredibly uncomfortable, for people she doesn’t even like, and instead spent the evening in the company of someone she does like, and you judge her for it because she only met this person one time like that wasn’t enough to know she preferred to spend some time with her.
Your wife is never required to hang out with people she doesn’t like, but she does it for you, and she acknowledged them rather than ignoring them (while sorting you), and you can’t even be nice to her on her birthday.” justheretolurkreally
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
She’s crying and upset because she feels like she didn’t measure up to your expectations, and you are disappointed in her. She is hurting. I have social anxiety, and if my husband calls me on it, it really hurts.
I don’t try to be that way…I just am. Sometimes I AM rude, mostly when people are too pushy and put me on the spot. I’m never going to be the life of the party, I’ll be the wallflower with a constant wine glass or beer in my hand to get me through it.” Crzy_Grl
Another User Comments:
“I think I’m the only NTJ…she came off as rude to people that opened their home to you. That shocked you. You weren’t going to push the issue because it was her birthday, but when pressed you also weren’t going to lie. I agree with you.” ryansbabygirl8814
18. AITJ For Taking In A Stray Cat?
“We had a seemingly stray cat follow us home a few days in a row while we were out for family walks. We spoke to neighbors who say this cat showed up a few weeks ago, it’s always outside, friendly with everyone and no one has ever seen or heard of an owner.
We finally decide to feed him and take him to an animal hospital to check for a chip. He, of course, does not have one so we take him in. He was also not neutered, skinny, and had fleas.
I call every local shelter and the police department to report the found cat. I post to lost pet groups. I talked to animal control and filed the found cat report.
The shelter asked me to hold the cat, then after 7 days, if the owner hasn’t come forward I could keep him, and legally that would make the cat ours because no owners are looking for him.
I was apprehensive to “foster” a cat because we have small children I knew would grow attached quickly. We waited 10 days instead to finally tell our daughter she could call him ours and accept our new furry family member.
Fast forward to today, two weeks since we had brought this cat into our home and reported him missing. Someone messaged me that the cat I posted is theirs. They say their cat has been missing for a week and they thought he just got hit by a car and was so happy to see my post.
Already this is weird to me because he’s been in our possession longer than they were looking for him and he seemed to be lost before we even had him. I tell her I’m so sorry she’s missing her cat but those descriptions don’t line up and now we’ve already accepted this cat into our family and has been with us longer than her cat was missing.
Hours later, at 11 pm she sends a bunch of pictures in a message I guess trying to prove this was in fact her cat. It was late at night so I hadn’t answered, by midnight she posted me all over this lost pet page as having stolen her cat and refusing to give him back and ignoring her proof now.
I woke up to over 150 comments telling her to get an angry mob to come to my house because the police won’t do anything, posting my home address, my workplace, and my photos with my children.
They came for blood. I messaged this woman back to ask for any paperwork or proof the cat is hers. She has none. Says he’s never been to the vet and couldn’t afford to ever take him.
Says she got him from family so no adoption paperwork and they admitted to knowing he goes outside often but didn’t neuter him or get him chipped or even a collar! I asked what she did to look for the cat.
She says nothing but they were going to make flyers eventually. I tell her I’m very sorry but this isn’t substantial proof that this cat belongs to her, I did my due diligence, and we are now attached to the cat and plan to keep it.
She freaked out a bit and I blocked her.
Later tonight, she SHOWED UP AT OUR HOUSE KNOCKING OK OUR DOOR AND WOULDN’T LEAVE. We had to have the police make her leave our property.
We’re keeping the cat.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
If my pet went missing, I would have immediately started distributing flyers, not wait a few WEEKS. I’m happy the cat found a loving owner in you who will be able to provide for him financially and get him the care he deserves! Please file a police report if she continues harassing you.
Stay safe!” chilltownz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, call the police. She doxed you. That’s illegal. If she was the previous owner she was at the very least neglectful. But her behavior afterward is illegal and dangerous.
Had she approached the situation differently, I might’ve been more on the fence because 7 days is a short waiting time. However it is the legal requirement, so you wouldn’t be in the wrong regardless.” Throwaway-2587
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
This has all the hallmarks of a pretty common scam where people scan lost and found pages to claim you stole their animal then (typically) demand you pay them in order to keep your pet.
Even if she doesn’t ask for funds I have seen people do this just to get attention. As a frequent volunteer in public animal shelters, you did everything you needed to (including keeping the cat from the stress of staying in the shelter on a stray hold). Reach out to the shelter for guidance with this but yeah, that cat was being neglected and legally belongs to you now.” SayItAintCilantro
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Mother-In-Law Stay In Our Suite?
“I’m going on holiday with my husband’s family next week. We have a baby. My husband made the bookings for the resort and flights.
He managed to get a package that gives us 1 suite and 2 regular rooms between the 7 of us.
My husband and I assumed that since we have 3 people and also made the bookings that we would have the suite. When we called his parents/siblings to discuss the itinerary his mother had different ideas.
She started giggling and said how excited she is to have the suite to herself and my father-in-law. She started talking about how she saw the balconies and the view is stunning from the suites.
I stopped her and told her no, my husband and I will be in the suite. I reminded her that she and my father-in-law, sister-in-law, and brother-in-law always come to our room to play with the baby and that I’m not comfortable not having a bedroom that is private
I reminded her that the suite came from my and my husband’s points at that hotel chain and that if she wanted to upgrade she can pay for it.
She started telling me off saying I was selfish and she deserves a holiday. My husband shrugged and cut her off by saying that he did book the suite for us.
She hung up the call.
My sister-in-law and brother-in-law told me she’s been fuming since and saying that I am a greedy jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Let her fume all she wants. Having a suite with a baby is essential.
Baby can nap without being woken by someone in the living area. MIL can play with the baby while you nap.
Old people do not need a suite. If they want a suite, they can cough up the dough.
Why she thinks she’s entitled to the suite is beyond my comprehension. Selfish and entitled. YUCK.
Poor FIL is going to have to listen to her yak about the whole thing forever.” Ghitit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
But be careful. If you and your in-laws aren’t traveling together, expect her to get to the hotel first and try to claim the suite. She’ll try to lie to the front desk and say that her son, who booked the rooms, agreed his parents would have the suite.
If the front desk allows this, good luck getting her out of the suite after you arrive. If the front desk refuses her request, she may make a public scene.
Just be prepared that your husband telling his mother that she isn’t getting the suite may NOT be the end of it as far as she’s concerned.” Electronic-Bet847
Another User Comments:
“MIL is the jerk here, she needs to be grateful that you even paid for her room, instead of being upset that it’s not exactly how she wants it.
She doesn’t get to demand a suite. If she can’t even pay for one herself, I assume your husband is paying for the entire trip, so you and he get the final say on which rooms go to which people. Also, you have a child, so you need the space more.” Majestic_hoe
If this is common behaviour then this would be the last holiday you go on with them. Start having your own holidays.
If you weren't going next week, I'd cancel the reservation and just book for you and tell your PIL and SIL to book their own accommodation.
At the very least you need to set some very firm boundaries with consequences you are prepared to follow through with. If your husband gives in and his parents end up with the suite, I'd be locking the door so that no one gets to go into your bedroom to play with the baby and also organising your own daytrips that don't involve them.
16. AITJ For Telling My Friend She Doesn't Spend Enough Time With Her Husband?
“About 7 months ago my friend Tori (34F) began to vent to us about some of her marital problems. Namely that her husband Jack (35m) doesn’t have time for her. At first, we let her vent and just listened to her and gave her support.
I know that Jack is a stay-at-home dad that works part-time from home and Tori is pretty big into her career. At the time I didn’t question how things were when she got home because I just wanted to listen to her.
Since then she’s had the same complaint every time we see her and some of our friends started to offer her advice like telling Jack how he was hurting her feelings and telling him what she needed from him.
It sounded like good advice.
This year our kids are in the same kindergarten class so Jack, myself, and another friend have been taking turns carpooling the kids. Whenever I drop their kid off and take them inside I would always see Jack finishing up cleaning, laundry, cooking, and other household chores.
Tori also now has 2 nights a week she either comes to one of our houses after work or she goes out with her coworkers after work. Yet when we see her she still has the same complaint about Jack not having time for her.
This last time I saw Tori, some of our friends had started to talk down about him to her about the whole situation. I asked Tori if Jack is still doing most of the childcare and housework while working from home and she said yes.
I asked her if she gets paid OT for working so many hours that they need the money and she said no, she’s on salary but she wants to get to the next level.
I told her it sounds like she had been misrepresenting the situation and it doesn’t sound like Jack doesn’t have time for her but she may not be making time for him and if she wants time with him, she should cut back on her hours so she’s home at a reasonable time and maybe not go socialize two nights a week while he’s at home.
Tori started to cry and tell me I was shaming her for having her career and our friend agreed. I said it wasn’t like that at all and that there was nothing wrong with her having a career but if all the other advice hadn’t been working after so many months maybe she needed to look at how she was also contributing to the problem.
Now they’re both upset and barely talking to me. Was I so wrong to tell her that? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she’s doing the same thing to her husband that men used to do to their wives.
It wasn’t okay when they did it to us, and it’s not okay to do it to them. You can’t prioritize your work and social life, then complain that your spouse who is filling in all of the blanks doesn’t have time to prioritize you.
Running a household is a LOT of work. And if a working woman has a stay-at-home husband who is doing that work, he deserves the same respect that we all would expect a working husband to give to his stay-at-home wife.” peithecelt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You’re not shaming her, you’re reminding her of the costs of prioritization. You’re not going to think less of her if she chooses her career or her husband. But if she’s choosing her career and complaining about her husband, then she’s just shifting the burden of the consequences of her own choices onto you, which isn’t fair.
WE all need to choose between our work life and our personal life and make the choices we’re ultimately most comfortable about. Each choice has a consequence. You reminding her of that dichotomy isn’t a jerk move.
Seems like she doesn’t like having a mirror held up to her choices if you pointing out a simple truth made her cry and begin to blame YOU for her problems.” Groftsan
Another User Comments:
“Just sounds like it’s for the best to stay out of this.
Tori isn’t looking to change her situation and you’re burnt out hearing about it. Might be time to listen, and say nothing and if asked for advice say, I’m sorry but I have nothing new to say that I haven’t already advised before moving the conversation on. NTJ.” excel_pager_420
I would keep far away from this mess. Tori sounds like she is avoiding going home as it possibly reminds her of the mundane and points out what she could/should be doing.
Why is she spending two nights after work hanging out at friends places. Why isn't she at home, or her, Jack and the kids could be together at their friends house. If it's a single friend she's hanging out with, it sounds like she doesn't want the responsibility of a family to care for.
Has anyone spoken to Jack about this. That's possible what someone should consider doing. Maybe one of the blokes rather than you. He may have no idea that there is even a problem.
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Biological Parents In My Life?
“I (22M) was adopted when I was around 2 years old (not that I can actually remember but that’s what my parents say) by my darling Mama (52F) and my beloved Papa (52M).
They had two kids before me and one after me but never treated me any differently, my parents are now divorced but I still have a great relationship with them both.
All I know from my past is a letter my biological dad wrote for me, he was 15 at the time I was born and in the letter, he said that he was hurt for giving me up and promised to find me.
I was handed this letter when I turned 12 and because of my parents’ love and care, I never felt like looking for my bio-parents.
May this year my Papa called me (I don’t live with any of my parents anymore) saying that my bio-dad reached out to him to meet me, he claimed to be dying to meet me.
Papa was requesting my permission to let him know my address or set up a meeting at a Café or something, I didn’t agree at first but my Papa encouraged me to do it so I did, to my surprise he was waiting for me with a woman who claimed to be my bio-mom, they both hugged me and kissed me, we sat down to talk, they explained the circumstances that made them give me up (basically that they were kids without their parents’ support).
They told me a little bit about their lives now – they are not together, they remarried, my bio-dad married a man and they have two daughters together, and my bio-mom married her husband and has a boy.
The whole afternoon was spent talking about our lives, they seem to be nice people in their late 30s and not the monsters I thought they were. I thought that it’d be the first and last time we saw each other, I mean I was taking it as a closure.
Like two weeks later my bio-dad sent me a text saying that he couldn’t sleep since he met me and was desperate to meet me again and introduce me to “my family” (his husband and kids) but I let him know that it was closure to me and not the opening of a new “relationship” since I already have my family and he has his family.
He seemed sad but accepted my wish for a while, my bio-mom did something similar too, expressing her wish that I’d meet her husband and son.
They stopped trying to meet again for a while but started again in August, they started sending me texts about how much they love me and want to meet again, and they also started sending gifts to my papa’s house (they don’t know where I live).
My dad encouraged me to give them a chance and meet their families but I know my mom isn’t comfortable with that idea and I don’t want her to feel betrayed by me.
I decided I had enough so I sent them a text requesting them to stop trying to make up and just give up on me because I already have two parents and they should get back to their loved and wanted families, and just blocked them.
My dad and friends say I was too rude and I should apologize but my mom thinks it was ok since they chose to disrespect my boundaries. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I can understand the pain and grief your bio parents must be feeling in meeting you, and not feeling they can be a part of your life which led to them overstepping a bit.
They quite literally lost you all over again. Even if the first time was “voluntary,” as much as teen parents with meager resources who cared for your well-being had a choice.
Ultimately, relationships are a two-way street — both parties have to want it. It sounds like at this time you do not want a relationship with them, and you’re NTJ for enforcing that boundary.
I’ve never been in your shoes, but I just want to call attention to the phrase “I already have my family” and “I already have two parents.” You are of course entitled to claim whoever you want as your family, it just is an interesting phrase since family is dynamic and not static.
A ‘complete’ family does not have to have a certain number of parents. It sounds like you ended up with a wonderful family in any event.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“I think it is commendable that you are concerned about how your mom feels about this situation and want to respect her feelings, but I think you should make your decision to have them in your life or not based on your own feelings, not your mom’s.
With that being said, you told them each how you felt nicely once, so you were within your right to be more aggressive about it the second time. NTJ.” Nieko888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I was adopted too.
You have to do what feels right for you. There is no right or wrong with this. Your bio family gave you up. When they did that, they gave away any rights they had, including having a relationship with you.
The cold fact is, they aren’t your family. You have a family.
I suddenly wanted to know about my bio people when I hit 30 and had a child of my own.
Unfortunately, turned out both my bio parents were already dead. I was prepared for that though, after all, I waited till I felt I could handle anything I discovered.
Don’t let anyone push you into something you don’t feel is right for you.” TrayMc666
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It’s obviously a lot for you to be dealing with, and it’s ultimately you who is making the choice. But you have lots of people around to help you.
I’m concerned that your harshness is motivated by the desire for your mom not to feel betrayed.
She shouldn’t feel betrayed. If you wanted the relationship – which you might decide you do, once you get over having 3 half-siblings which is a lot to process – and she was stopping you, that would be unfair and manipulative.
You need to sort out why she feels this way and work through it. Then, if you still want zero contact with your bio parents, that’s up to you. But don’t push them away just to please your mom.
She sounds threatened because she’s divorced, has lost a lot of support, and now doesn’t want to lose anything else. That’s not fair to you. She didn’t adopt you to be extra emotional support and validation for her.
Or at least she shouldn’t have.
It’s absolutely fine to have extra people in your family. I have an older friend who is childless so I consider her my bonus mom. Most people also have aunts and uncles, you know.
Christian kids usually have godparents: I have four, and 2 of them helped raise me. You can let these people into your life without them taking the roles of mom and dad.
They would have to accept those conditions, and it sounds like they’d struggle a bit, so therapy would help. But your remark that you don’t want your mom to feel betrayed is alarming. Until that’s no longer an issue, don’t write them off entirely.” HiddenDestiny251
14. AITJ For Feeding Stray Cats Against My Husband's Wishes?
“My husband (29M) and I (27F) live in a rented house with a no-pet policy. We moved in not too long ago and were notified shortly before the move-in date that no pets were allowed.
The rented house is owned by his family who knew we had a dog, so it was very heartbreaking to have to rehome our elderly dog on such short notice. It was upsetting for both of us, and I’m still very upset about it and still get emotional about it.
I love animals and I love our dog.
Shortly after moving in, my husband discovered that we have some neighborhood stray cats. I decided to get some cheap canned cat food and place it outside for them to eat every now and then.
Although we can’t have household pets, it feels good to have some short company outside from the neighborhood stray cats when I feed them.
I didn’t think much of it, but my husband got extremely mad when he found out I fed them.
He knows I love animals (I had a cat when we first met and told him about my past pets growing up like all my reptiles and rats). I assumed he told me about the stray cats knowing I would feed them, honestly.
When he called me an hour ago, he told me I need to stop feeding them. I asked him why since I told him before when he mentioned them to me that I’d find some food to feed them, and he didn’t say anything then.
He just said, “because I don’t want them.” I responded by saying, “ok, and I do want them.” I asked why his desire was more valid than mine since it’s just as easy to give a reason like the “because I said so” sort of thing.
He wouldn’t give a direct answer. He then went on to say that we’d be breaking our lease, but I explained that they wouldn’t be staying in the house nor would they be kept as pets.
At most I would probably get them to go get fixed just so they don’t repopulate. He then said that he doesn’t want me wasting funds on $0.50 cat food. I would understand that if I was spending on cat food as I did when we had our dog ($200 a month), but I’ve only spent $1.50 as I do not plan to feed them every day.
Because he brought up spending too much on cat food I brought up his smoking addiction. Told him I see how much he spends on it, and it’s definitely not cheap.
After that, I could tell he was getting annoyed that I was shooting down his untrue reasons. He told me I was throwing a tantrum because I wouldn’t do what I asked him to do, even though we were both remaining calm.
He ultimately told me that if I don’t feed the stray cats anymore, he’ll quit smoking cold turkey, but said if I do feed the stray cats again that he’ll leave me.
I didn’t know what to say, because I feel this blew up out of proportion, so I just responded with, “ok” and we said our goodbyes and I love you then hung up.
So AITJ? I really don’t know since it never crossed my mind this would be an issue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s threatening to leave his wife for feeding a stray cat or 2? I think that’s an extreme response and you may want to reevaluate your relationship because that is not the answer of a rational man.
He may be feeling guilty for rehoming your dog. But unless he can give a legitimate and honest reason, feed the kitty.” spoodlat
Another User Comments:
“ESH – you married into a terrible family if they knew you had an old dog and didn’t let you know of the “no pets” rule until right before you moved.
He isn’t threatening to divorce because of the feeding “strays” he is threatening that because she is showing signs of backbone and not bowing to his will. You are a jerk for rehoming an old dog, poor thing probably doesn’t know what it did wrong to be abandoned by the ones it loves.” Punkboyleech
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for dismissing your husband’s preference; obviously he’s never going to have a reason you consider good enough.
That he doesn’t WANT a yard filled with cat waste is enough. No is a complete sentence.
Unless you’re trapping, neutering, and releasing those cats you’re not doing them much good. Feral cats can be extremely destructive, and very expensive to move once a colony is entrenched somewhere.
Your landlord could kick you out for this. If you were making my rental property into a smelly feral cat colony I sure would.” CoffeeWithDreams89
Another User Comments:
“I had a neighbor like you.
Hated every minute. The lady was nice and all, but she would not stop feeding strays and birds.
There was cat waste everywhere. Our door had to be scrubbed every day because they would spray it down at night.
New cats would constantly try to claim the area so there were a lot of fights. Didn’t feel safe to let the kids play outside in the area. We left as soon as we found another house.” Consistent-Owl-7849
13. AITJ For Locking The Bathroom Door On My Husband?
“Before I had a baby I used to leave the bathroom door unlocked while I showered or changed. Now I feel insecure so I tend to lock the door when I’m showering because I don’t want my husband to just walk in like he used to.
He was leaving on a business trip early Sunday morning and I went into the shower right after him. He tried to come in a few minutes after I got in there because he left his phone in the bathroom but I had locked the door.
I didn’t hear him knock at first and then I had shampoo in my hair so I made him wait until I had washed it off and grabbed a towel before I opened the door.
He was already running late as he was helping with our son so he was annoyed at me. He asked me why I’d locked the door and why I didn’t just open it straightaway since I knew he had a flight to catch.
We had an argument because he told me to stop locking the door because this wasn’t the first time I’d made him late and I said I would keep doing it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
He’s not trying to go into the bathroom to look at your body and judge you, he’s trying to get his phone so he can catch a flight for his job.
His job that likely contributes to the bills.
You could’ve even let him in while the shampoo was still in your hair with a towel on and let him grab his phone, but you made him wait.
You’re an even bigger jerk since this is not the first time you’ve done this.
“and I said I would keep doing it.”
If you said this, then why are you even here asking if you’re the jerk?” ToughAd7278
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, not for locking the door because that’s totally your own decision and nobody else’s business including your husband’s, but YTJ for making him wait until you rinsed all the shampoo out when you knew he was in a major rush.
Couldn’t you have just jumped out of the shower and handed the phone out to him from behind the door, and then gone and rinsed your hair?” FormalFistBump
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a reasonable expectation of privacy in your own home, and you only made him wait long enough to rinse the shampoo from your hair, which is perfectly reasonable.
He’s an adult, he needs to manage his time and keep track of his personal belongings better, instead of blaming you for his shortcomings. Not at all understanding the YTJ rulings… like dude, I’m not getting shampoo in my eyes because you can’t keep track of your own phone.” painteddpiixi
Another User Comments:
“If he is late for a flight because of a ten-minute delay, then he is chronically disorganized and didn’t allow enough time for unexpected things like this incident or traffic or long queues at the airport.
ESH though because you could have cracked the door and given it to him.
My guess is that you didn’t believe him?” PattersonsOlady
12. AITJ For Asking My Cousin To Return Her Dress For My Wedding?
“I (19F) am getting married to my fiancée M (19F) in October of this year. I am wearing a black dress and my fiancée is wearing a burgundy & black suit
I have a cousin (24F) named K.
K has never liked me throughout my entire life. She’s my mom’s sister’s child and before I was born, she was the youngest grandchild. After I was born, the attention was shifted from her to me and now I was the one being spoiled by my grandparents instead of her.
In the wedding information I sent out to guests, I requested that guests not wear the colors black or burgundy as I wanted to keep them reserved for the wedding party.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I was talking to my aunt about the dress I chose and sent her a few pictures of the dress once it arrived.
Later that day, her mom and my mom were chatting on the phone about what my cousin was going to wear and that’s when my aunt mentioned that my cousin just bought a black dress.
I was in the room when this happened, so I heard everything that was being said.
My mom mentioned what I told every guest about not wanting anyone to wear that color, but my aunt just laughed and brushed her off saying it’s not a big deal and it’s not like K is going to upstage me just by wearing the simple color.
I texted K telling her about how I heard that she got a black dress and requested that she return it as she knew that I was wearing a black dress and requested that no one wear that color.
Apparently, K told my aunt about what I sent her and she started berating me and my mom. Telling my mom she had no right to share what was said in their private conversation and that I need to get over myself.
That it’s just a dress and it’s just a wedding day. That if I don’t like it, then I shouldn’t have picked that color for my dress.
K texted me back telling me that I’m going to have to get used to not getting what I want in life and that I’m just a spoiled brat for requesting this of her when it’s just a color.
This is where I may be the jerk.
I told K that if she shows up in the black dress, I’ll have my dad and my fiancée’s dad kick her out and she won’t be allowed to attend my wedding.
Since then, I’ve been receiving messages from K and my aunt telling me how selfish and spoiled I am for making this my hill to die on.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You have requested explicitly that your guests don’t wear these two colors – it’s no stranger than a guest not wearing white at the average wedding, which most people accept as being respectful and polite.
You just happened to have a different color requirement than white. I hope you stand your ground.” PurpleMuskogee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You were nicer than I would have been. I would have just uninvited her.
The bridal party requesting that guests not wear particular colors is not at all unreasonable. If you were wearing a traditional white wedding gown, anyone showing up in a white dress would be appropriately treated with disdain for such a lapse in manners.
More to the point, it’s obvious that she’s doing this to spite you and is being petty.
I would just straight out uninvite her after that rude text she sent. The only guests at a wedding are those who support and love the bride and groom.
Someone who has indicated so much disdain for you has no business at your wedding at all, even if she ultimately decided not to wear a black dress. And if she does come, I certainly wouldn’t open any gifts from her.” RighteousVengeance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You made it EXTREMELY clear that you didn’t want anyone else wearing these colors.
She most likely did this on purpose. Her mother gaslighting is also really disgusting. “It’s just a wedding day.” How invalidating? It is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life.
I hope she shows up in that dress and gets kicked out!” titan_odyssey
However the only person that looks stupid if she wears a black dress is her. She will be judged as an entitled brat because everyone knows that everyone was asked not to wear either of those colours.
I'd be tempted to elope with just your closest friends and family and stuff the rest.
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Stay In Contact With My Ex?
“My (F29) husband (m31) and I got married last year and ever since then my mother-in-law has become increasingly meddling. Mind you, she has never been easy, but since we got engaged, she got more and more putting her nose into our stuff.
It feels to me like she is kind of competing with me for him. I think her biggest issue is him not needing her anymore, she can just not really handle that.
My husband generally has my back, there are sometimes just minor things we squabble about.
My sister-in-law (F27) is the golden child of that family. Whenever she wants something, she gets it.
Her feelings are always to be protected and she is so sensitive that most of the time I have to walk on eggshells around her because I tend to be very direct.
Now to the current situation: SIL is currently seeing my ex-partner. I went out with that guy (M34) when I was broken up with my now husband (a period of 2.5 years).
The relationship lasted 9 months, and during that time I had a pregnancy scare. That was in 2016, so 5 years ago. We stayed on good terms. Now, SIL and my ex met this summer (approx 4 months ago) and hit it off.
About 1,5 months into them meeting, my SIL celebrated her birthday with some friends. Two good friends of hubby were also there and my ex apparently was intoxicated and greeted them with “Hey, by the way, I was the one who impregnated MYNAME”.
They did not know about the whole thing (my husband did though). Of course, we heard about it.
My husband and I are livid because of the obvious lack of respect and sheer audacity.
Now, SIL and the guy did not officially go out at that point, and as much as I understand she was also angry and told him off, but they still continued to see each other and he has since met the parents, without any repercussions so far.
As SIL visited a few days ago, we talked to her and told her that we have a serious problem with the situation. I specifically mentioned that at this point I would not let him into my door, he is energy I don’t want around me.
She started crying and either tried to tell us to take it up with him and how unreasonable we would be. She left quickly. In the evening MIL called my husband (I was not present so only know vaguely what was said) and she told him how heartbroken SIL is and how she is crying all the time and how we have now “closed the door forever” and is afraid that the family breaks apart.
Common arguments are: “Everybody makes mistakes”, “he was intoxicated” and “we should just get over it”.
Now the question, AITJ for standing my ground on this? I don’t feel like I am, because he crossed a line and showed absolutely zero respect for my person, my privacy, and my dignity.
The guy texted me now, after SIL came home crying etc, and wants to meet. I am still too angry to speak with him rationally but am thinking about just texting him a time and place and being done with it.
So, AITJ? And any thoughts on this? Am I unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – having boundaries is a good thing. I personally think it’s weird that SIL wants to have a relationship with someone that you have a past with.
I get that she is free to go out with whomever she likes but it makes complete sense that you feel uncomfortable. Especially considering that the ex told your personal business like that.
As I’ve aged, I’ve realized that you can’t put a price on mental peace. Just as she’s free to see people, you’re free to distance. Do what makes you feel most comfortable.” olliesmama1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I do think you overreacted by saying right off the bat that he will never come into your house again BUT……….what kind of person reveals to a group about someone’s personal business? This is a deal breaker for me.
It doesn’t even matter that he was the father. He revealed personal medical information about someone without their permission.
Nah, I mean you don’t say if he was a good SO, or how it ended, but he’s the kind of guy willing to say that…..tells me what I need to know about him.
You should 100% ban him from your life, SIL can deal with it.” Tomboyish717
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I am so so sorry this happened to you! I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with people. I don’t know why you’re still around these people cut them off! Who says that so casually?” Dear-Negotiation4895
10. AITJ For Using The Same Baby Name As My Sister-In-Law?
“My husband and I had our first child 7 years ago and decided that if the child was a boy, we would use a specific name for him. This name is also my husband’s grandfather’s name and the name of two of my great-uncles.
It’s also the name I gave my lovey as a kid. It has a lot of sentimental attachment. We didn’t have a boy, so we didn’t use the name at that time.
I’m finally pregnant and my husband and I agreed if it was a boy we’d use the name we already picked. His family knew about it.
Yesterday I got a message from my SIL that was very formal and diplomatic saying that her IVF appointment went well and that they plan to move forward with the process.
When they do they will be selecting a male embryo if one is available because they’d really like to have one of each. Then, she asked me not to use my husband’s grandfather’s name.
She wants to use that name for her son.
My initial response was utter despair. I have been dreaming of and referring to my maybe future son by this name for 7 years.
But, it’s not my grandfather. I feel like I’m being selfish to say no. I told her that I would talk to my husband (her brother) and that ultimately that I would let him decide.
His response was that she can’t call dibs on a name that he has equal rights to. If the babies weren’t happening so close together or they didn’t know they would be choosing to have a boy, it would be a non-issue.
My problem is that there is no guarantee that the IVF will work or that they will have viable male embryos. What if I give up the name I’ve been dreaming of and that my husband wants and they are not able to have a second child or that the second child is a female?
We agreed that we were going to tell her that if the baby we are having is male we will be using the name, but that she’s also free to use the name if she wants and we can coordinate nicknames if she wants.
We live in different states, share none of the same friends, and only see each other a couple of times a year. The boys could be name twins.
She said she doesn’t want that for her child, she wants him to have his own name and that she doesn’t like that we have the same name but that was outside her control so she accepts it.
She thinks that we don’t care about her feelings and that we could compromise and both use the name as a middle name.
I feel like I am being fair. I’m the one who is currently pregnant, I’ve been wanting to use this name for 7 years, it’s my husband’s grandfather’s name and he wants to use it too, and I have a childhood bond with this name.
I’m not telling her she can’t also use it, she can if she wants to.
I feel like it’s her choice not to use it at that point.
I’ve told her that I’m done talking about it.
If she can convince my husband not to use the name or the baby is a girl then she can have what she wants. Now I have to wait 2 weeks to get the gender back to know if it’s even worth fighting about.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments
“NTJ. You shouldn’t give up on naming your potential son something meaningful just because someone else wants the same name, and you’ve made an effort to come up with a fair solution where both have the same name and you come up with nicknames.
If she doesn’t like that compromise, she’ll just have to choose something else.” w0tsit
Another User Comments
“NTJ. Two kids in the same extended family can have the same name. Seriously I can’t even count how many Marys there are in our very large extended families.
My grandmother had 12 siblings and they all had kids. She had four kids including my mom and so I have 15 first cousins and probably 50+ second cousins. And that is just the maternal side of my family, haven’t even mentioned my husband’s family, also large, or my paternal side.
Name your kid what you want and she can too.” katamino
Another User Comments
“ESH. I love these stories where someone opens their mouth and tells everyone their intentions on a name and then there is a family fight over it.
Why couldn’t you just be quiet? Did you need to lord it over everyone? Just name the baby without telling everyone. Let it be a surprise like the baby’s gender. Stop crying about this and just name the baby whatever you want.
Who cares what someone else wants? No one has the right to a name. I had two cousins named Bob.” weeblewobblers
Another User Comments
“NTJ. One of my SILs named her firstborn child my first name.
No big deal. A little bit later, I had my first baby. A boy. Named him after my father and my husband’s best friend (yes, it’s a common name that these two men shared).
More time goes by. The same SIL gets a divorce and remarries. Her new husband’s name? Yup. You guessed it. Same as my father, my husband’s best friend, and my firstborn. They have their first baby together and…yup. Same name. Drama level? Zero. Name your kid what you want. Your SIL will just have to deal with it.” shammy_dammy
The only concession I would make is give your son this name as a second name and use it all the time so he's known by that name.
No one owns a name. And you are right, there's no guarantee of a boy, much less a baby through this process. It's not necessarily ideal to have two close family members having the same name but whatever. The mistake was letting people know what you were going to call a potential child. But you weren't to know you'd get this reaction.
9. AITJ For Canceling Dog Sitting?
“A friend/old coworker (f 60s) has a daughter (30s) who graduated. She’s celebrating and started planning a party for her months in advance. She asked me (NB 30) at the time if I could come to the party and also watch her dogs as she wants guests to come through an outdoor entrance which she wants to be kept open.
At the time she asked me which was 5 months ago I said that it should be fine. I didn’t have plans or anything at the time so I figured it should be fine.
She wanted me to dog sit 2 dogs between the hours of 4 pm and 10 pm. She also lives about 45 minutes away from me but I figured I’d help out still and if anything maybe split the hours with someone considering it was a long time and I have my own studies to consider.
She said she’d pay me for watching the dogs although I didn’t care for payment as she was a friend. She said she’d offer to pay me $100 to watch the dogs for the full amount of time however it wasn’t necessary and I was happy to help.
Fast forward to 5 days before the party: I find out some information regarding my living situation and more than likely have to leave. I’ve stayed in contact with her the entire time and she’s fully aware of things going on in my life.
I told her what was going on and how I wasn’t sure if I could help out and go to the party as I need to figure out where I’m going to move.
She said it was fine and this was more important. I said I could stop by afterward if anything to see them and congratulate them so I can at least support them which she said would be fine.
She also suggested maybe having one of her daughter’s or son’s friends watch the dogs.
Today (3 days before the party) after discussing with my partner what was going on they said I could move in with them even though it would be tight living conditions till we find something for us.
I asked if we could handle things in the morning and finish up before 4 as I have my friend’s party and they said it would be fine. I tried calling my friend to let them know, but nothing.
I figured she was stressed from planning and let it go. I got home, ate dinner, then worked out. When I was finishing my workout I noticed a text from her.
She said she deleted me as a contact and to never reach out to her again. She’s done and I am not welcome. I canceled 5 days before the event and now every place she’s reaching out to needs more notice.
I said I actually called her to tell her I could actually make it as it shouldn’t take all day and she said she doesn’t trust me.
I understand I agreed upon this 5 months ago but I wasn’t anticipating needing to change my living situation so last minute either.
She made suggestions about having others watch her dogs but nothing came of it. I guess what bothers me the most is whether I was even invited as a guest or was solely invited strictly to watch her dogs.
Did she even consider me as a friend or just another worker? AITJ for the cancellation?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, gently. You were hired to do a job, even though you refused payment, and you were planning on probably leaving the job before the agreed-upon time because of the commute and your studies.
You were not a guest but you planned to leave your job to a guest. Not okay.
You were suddenly evicted and needed to figure out a place to move to quickly, which is not easy when you have school to keep up with.
Even though she doesn’t think of you as a friend as much as you think of her, she’s a jerk to act as if your upcoming potential homelessness was an ultimate betrayal.
Of course, there’s probably a lot more to your conversations with her in which you kept her well informed of what’s going on in your life, so I am assuming that her sudden end to your relationship is more about other things and not just you canceling on her.
Still. What she did was a jerk move.” muffiewrites
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – your friend hired you as a dog sitter with an extreme amount of advance notice. You canceled days before the party.
It’s one thing to have an unexpected scheduling conflict but you didn’t, you just had the stuff to deal with a few days before the party.” jrm1102
Another User Comments:
“Based on your post it’s a NTJ, though I imagine it’s probably a little bit closer to ESH.
Legally you’re required to have more than 5 days to move and you probably should have still prioritized the dog sitting. That being said she also said she had other options to watch the dog and was still happy for you to drop by as a guest.
So she either lied to you or things didn’t work out and y’all didn’t communicate well enough for her to reach back out. Overall it’s a bad situation.” MKAnchor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You had a crisis, it was unfortunate but they happen. Your situation had to take precedence over watching some dogs that could have been put in a bedroom for a few hours during the event and taken out on a leash for potty breaks. Friends should understand that these things happen. I don’t think she considered you a friend, but just a paid employee.” Jorbarip
8. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stop Worrying About My Financial Situation?
“My (f) younger sister just had her first child, a little boy, and the first grandchild in the family. An unofficial tradition on my mum’s side of the family is that the aunt or uncle of that child has always put away funds for that child to receive on their birthdays.
My uncle had my cousins, my aunt did me and my sister, and my mom did her sister’s kids. It was to be used for a life start, a deposit, a car, a holiday, something special as a reminder of how loved and just to help out when you’re starting out.
When my sister announced she was pregnant, I quietly thought about how I would like to do the same for her children. I am studying currently and working as well, so I worked out how much I could afford with my current living situation, figuring that I could comfortably put away $20 a week and not notice it missing at all.
By the time he is 21, there would be over $20,000 in it. He was born last month and I started saving.
But, my mum found out I started this fund purely by accident.
She said I was irresponsible in saving for someone other than myself, I couldn’t afford it with studying and I should be focusing all my savings on buying a house for myself or my future children (I still plan on having them, and do the same funds for family savings/children in a separate account).
She then said what if they have more children, and I replied I would do the same and give the same amounts. No one would end up without or with less, and my sister is planning on only the two children, as I am as well.
So $40 for her kids, $40 for mine if I have them.
She then brought up one credit card issue I had when I was 22, I was excited to have a credit card and didn’t understand what it meant and how to responsibly use or own one and racked up a fairly large (or felt large to me, it was $7000 which to a broke retail assistant was a lot…
still is to me today) debt that at 22 I freaked out about, and my parents paid the credit card to avoid messing with my credit score and I paid them back.
Since then though, I’ve been diligent in learning how to look after finances. I own my car, my phone, and my laptop all outright, I have a small limit credit card for emergencies and pay my phone bill to keep up my credit and I’ve never missed any payments on car insurance, university, bills, or rent.
If I was still irresponsible it would be different, I understand she worries but I want to do this for my nephew and any children my sister has. It’s just me and my sister, so it’s not like we’ve other siblings with kids.
I get where she is coming from, but I am frustrated that she was so adamant that I can’t do this so I snapped and said she needed to back off me and what I do with my business and that it had nothing to do with her.
She has been silent since.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You genuinely wanted to gift this as an aunt and it’s beautiful. It’s also amazing that you’re saving bit by bit – so it won’t hurt you financially.
I know in the past you simply weren’t aware and now you know better. Not everyone gets finances right from the get-go! Kudos for being financially aware now!
While I understand your mother’s worries, she crossed the line by judging you from past incidents.
Maybe you could have worded it gently.. But she did cross the line.
You’re an amazing aunt! Keep it up!” Straight-Example9126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… you come off as a very kind, generous, and most of all RESPONSIBLE person.
You put logical thought into how to make the fund work for your nephew and yourself in the future. I get where your mom is coming from, she wants to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.
Should you find yourself down on finances in the future, you’re responsible enough to figure out how to make it work, mom should give you some credit there.” Batty_Britt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and with all due respect, your mom needs to mind her own business.
How you decide to spend your money is a personal choice. If you can afford it and you want to do it then there’s nothing wrong with that. Just tell her you’ll take her concerns into consideration but you’re an adult capable of looking after your own finances.
Twenty dollars a week isn’t going to buy you a house. Clearly, those are things you and a (future?) partner will contribute to and plan for together. You’re also in school so there’s no reason to believe your salary won’t increase with time.” Turbulent-Army2631
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
I understand your mom’s concerns and she just wants to make sure you’re OK, and that’s a LOT of funding! But it’s your life, and you can do with it what you want.” OkCaterpillar7770
But don't expect the same thing back if you have kids. If your sister doesn't know about this fund, I'd probably not tell her because you don't know what will happen in the future. Your sister is likely not going to be doing the same for your kids is the reality so this money may be better off put towards them because they won't be too impressed if you give thousands to their cousins but nothing to them and their aunt also gives them nothing. I wonder if your mom knows this is what is likely to happen.
And don't tell anyone your financial information. How did your mom find out in the first place.
7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother To Get Married On My Birthday?
“I (29F) have an older brother, Joe (33M) whom I have a complicated relationship. I love him and we’re cool now, but as kids and teenagers, he really made my life hard and has done some questionable things that have hurt me as an adult.
He has done a lot of inner work and is nice to be around now, we were in a good place until he started seeing his fiancé, Jen.
Jen was newly divorced and they met and fell in love.
They make each other happy. They moved in together and got engaged in less than 1.5 years. I tried really hard to be welcoming and nice to her but we never clicked.
She is so sweet to my other brother and his partner, my best friends, and my parents but always makes weird patronizing comments to me, does shady things, and acts weird around me.
I can’t explain it; I feel like she is always trying to make me seem like a villain or someone people have to tip-toe around. To everyone else in my life, I am fun-loving and light-hearted, and see that in the reflection of how they treat me back.
I gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe she had a bad experience in the past with her ex’s sister or something, even though I felt hurt that we weren’t closer, I acknowledge it was my brother’s relationship and even though I’ve always loved hanging out with their significant others and being able to have “sisters”, I get it, not everyone has to love me.
She puts him on a pedestal and I see some manipulative tendencies that worry me but I could just be paranoid.
My brother texted me not long ago that they booked a wedding venue for my 30th birthday which is a Saturday this year.
I normally wouldn’t care, but this year has driven me to my breaking point and I really wanted to plan a weekend trip with friends and family. I had to cancel my own wedding and bachelorette party last month due to a tragedy and family illness on my own fiancé’s side of the family.
We’ve been dealing with so much grief, stress, and loss from that. On top of that, I got harassed by the owner of my company and had to quit my job and my car got stolen.
I am broken and just trying to muscle through.
I still shrugged it off. The more time that passes and the more people who find out and get upset FOR me, the more it hurts my feelings that they wouldn’t even ask if it was ok.
I know birthdays are a Hallmark holiday, but I’ve always loved birthdays in general, not just my own, and my brother knows that.
The part that hurts me is that his fiancé never texts me but the day that my brother told me about this she was sending me memes and pictures of us together and I thought we were finally friends, I got so happy.
Then after he told me she texted me saying thank you for being cool about the whole wedding on your birthday thing. It just seemed fake.
AITJ for caring? Honestly, you can roast me for caring if it is a silly thing to care about.
I don’t know why I’m feeling so hurt lately.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your importance is being removed from your own family. Get ready to have a secondhand birthday from now on, because it’s not just their wedding on your birthday this year.
It’s going to be their wedding anniversary on your birthday each year.
In your family, your birthday celebrations will become an afterthought. Why don’t they get married on one of their birthdays? That way they can have a double celebration for themselves!
And God forbid they get divorced.
You’ll be the bad guy for wanting to throw a party on the day that should have been your brother’s wedding anniversary.” Runaonreddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be upset, too. Of all the Saturdays in an entire year, they couldn’t find one that just didn’t happen to be your 30th birthday.
I do feel like birthdays as you get older are kind of a non-event, but your 30th birthday is a big one and you sound like you’ve really been through a lot.
I think it’s sad your future SIL is so insecure that she sees her fiance’s sister as a threat.” Bestofmex3
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – ridiculousness. They can and should get married whenever they choose.
I can see the eggshells under everyone’s feet clearly. Why can’t you?
Every bit of pain that we experience compounds our prior pain. Til it heals. Time is your friend. That and putting one foot in front of the other and getting on with it!
Good luck!” Yesiamanaltruist
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You already got the NTJ judgment, but seriously. If it were anyone other than a sibling, it would be annoying but you could easily schedule a “raincheck” bday celebration knowing it was one year only.
Now… the next time your bday falls on a Saturday? Your future SIL will want a “family” celebration of their anniversary. Your 40th bday will also be their 10th wedding anniversary, etc.
Which brings me back to “anyone other than a sibling”.
Having to share your birthday with someone is uncontrollable. And any family inevitably has overlapping “important” dates. But your older brother has known that your bday is your bday for 29 years.
If they have been engaged a long time, they should’ve planned better. If they haven’t been engaged that long, they’re just selfish.
People are upset for you because this sucks. I would just “jokingly” tell them that brother and SIL get priority for your bday this year, but you call dibs on your bday going forward. woof.” Careful-Victory-8138
6. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Friend In Public?
“I (M19) really wish everything I’m typing was a joke, but it’s too real. One of my best friends is Lucy (F23), and I met her through mutual friends three years ago.
She’s a pretty sweet and laidback person, but she’s always had cynicism and ego to her. In May, Lucy graduated from college with a Bachelor’s in Computer Science, and she moved to Seattle in June for her new job as a software engineer.
However, since January, Lucy has been expressing regret at choosing computer science, as she ultimately didn’t find it as fulfilling as she hoped. I obviously felt bad, and Lucy then started talking about how depressed she was at points for no reason.
I spent a lot of hours on the phone talking to her, doing my best to help and console her. My other friends did their best to support her as well.
However, June is when it got weirder. Lucy kept talking about how she was gonna take up working out. She did so, spending countless hours at the gym and eating more than she used to.
I have to admit Lucy went from pretty skinny to honestly really lean. However, Lucy would also go on rants about how lonely she was and how dudes at bars only ever wanted to hook up instead of getting to know her.
It would get extremely repetitive, and it would get to a point where she would sometimes randomly lash out at me or our friends when we’d try to help, only for her to apologize later.
A month ago, some friends and I decided to take a road trip down to visit Lucy. It was fun at first, and we went out to a nightclub that Saturday night.
A few guys tried to horn in on Lucy, and she rejected them bluntly and was discouraged by this. I told Lucy it was okay, but she scoffed and said I didn’t understand, as I was a “baby compared to her.” I was aggravated by this, but months of built-up annoyance exploded when she went up to a girl that was hitting on me and told her that I had gotten into the club with a fake and that I was too young for her (She was 21!) I lashed out and told Lucy to stop acting like an idiot in public for once.
Well, Lucy blew up on me right there, calling me an ignorant jerk. I left the bar, and my friends and I left the next day, and I haven’t talked to Lucy since.
She should be the one to apologize in my opinion. However, Lucy’s been going on rants about how men can be disgusting and impure, that she’s only getting three hours of sleep a day, and that we all have this one life and we need to fulfill it to the best.
Everything is hitting the fan, and we’re all concerned for her. When my friends try to talk to her, she won’t listen. She’s been recently talking about how she quit her job to pursue full-time powerlifting, but she won’t let her low income discourage her from pursuing her dreams.
It’s obvious the girl has gotten almost no sleep, and she’s starting to lose some weight. But she keeps saying she’s the happiest she’s ever been. AITJ for what I said a month ago? And what do we do?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
What part of Lucy rejecting a man has you so TRIGGERED?
She’s made it clear that she’s struggling with loneliness and that she can’t find the type of relationship she wants.
So in a nightclub, when she’s approached by a man she’s not interested in overspending time with her friends (with whom she’s been separated by long distance) you turn her lack of interest into a fight?
This is ON YOU.
You prefaced this whole post with a long commentary about your friend’s depression, as if it’s a character failing, but FAILED TO NOTICE ENTIRELY that she invested time in assessing her career goals and making changes as well as joining a gym (knowing exercise is critical to maintaining positive mental health).
YOU ARE A BABY.
You clearly have no understanding of the steps needed to overcome obstacles and the common frustration that comes with improving one’s health and appearance, when the same men who may have ignored you before now treat you like meat.” AnastasiaRomani
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, probably wasn’t the best approach, but she does need, for what looks like, a wake-up call/eye-opening situation…
It looks like she really should go to a therapist! There’s, unfortunately, so much you can do…
How do you get her to go? Yeah.. that might be tricky… How do you think she would react if you bluntly told her to? Or maybe telling her that you went to a therapist and how you feel about life has improved? Something in between?
Oh, you’re NTJ! It sounds like you still care about her, just keep being there for her…
Even if it’s just to vent about something that makes no sense… And try to “make”/persuade/whatever you wanna call it to go get her professional help…
Good luck!” Longjumping-Let-8498
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lucy is likely either using meds and/or has psych issues.
Your reaction at the club may have been harsh but it was honest.
As for what to do… you could attempt to speak to her directly addressing these issues, but good luck with that: your description of her doesn’t make her sound super-reasonable.
You could just let her know you’re there if she ever wants to talk. From the sound of it, she has rock bottom to hit first though.” phobrek
Another User Comments:
“She is going through some sort of a hard time right now, it sounds like she really doesn’t know what she wants.
That doesn’t give her the right to disrupt you chatting up a girl.
Were you harsh? Yes. Should you have expressed your concerns earlier instead of letting them burst out in public? Yes.
Soft ESH.” babylimes
5. AITJ For Not Helping My Brother With His Bachelor Party?
“My brother got engaged a few weeks ago and I was very happy for him. We have always been close, and I was asked to be the best man, which I readily accepted.
Now my brother wants a bachelor party, it just seems like he doesn’t want me to be there.
To explain, my brother has decided he wants 2 bachelor parties. The first sounds like a regular bachelor party, with a bunch of guys hanging out in a rented house.
But he only wants to invite his friends, to the exclusion of me and 2 of my cousins. These cousins are very close to me and my brother and will be serving as 2 of the 4 groomsmen at the wedding.
So, my brother’s main bachelor party will exclude essentially half of his wedding party. He has justified this decision by saying my cousins are introverts and that it would be awkward trying to get the 2 groups to hang out together.
He has given no reason for excluding me. I get along with all of his friends and could act as the bridge between the two groups.
To make it up to us, he is proposing a weekend trip with the 3 people excluded to go somewhere nearby.
While he claims this is also a bachelor party, I fail to see it that way. The four of us hang out all the time as we all live in the same area.
This would not feel like anything different than what we usually do, except somewhat longer and out of town.
Today we sent a series of long texts to each other, where I laid out how I felt, and he justified his decision and told me it was final.
After telling him that I had already spent time making initial plans for this event, he accused me of trying to guilt him and was really upset with how I was responding.
I understand I must respect his decision as the groom, but I still did not try to hide my severe disappointment. Wishing to avoid a fight, I told him “I would let him handle planning both of the events”.
That seemed to end the argument at a good place, but I don’t think he picked up on what I meant. I am planning to do absolutely nothing to help with either of these bachelor parties.
Certainly not the one I am excluded from, nor the one he expects me to help with. I have not yet made this explicitly clear because I don’t want to get into a screaming match.
I will just let him figure it out in his own time.
He has made his decision and I have made mine. It will now be up to him to prove that these two events truly are the same.
And if it feels like the family event is sub-par, I am reserving the right to not even attend. To be clear, I still plan to remain the best man. I will not let this become more than it is, but it still deeply upsets me.
The truth is I love my brother, and I really wanted to celebrate him with friends and family. I was really looking forward to planning an awesome bachelor party. Since I’m being denied that, I have decided to be quietly petty.
I have never heard of a bachelor party where the best man wasn’t invited.
With all that in mind, am I a jerk for deciding to do nothing to help with this faux bachelor party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I don’t see why you as a best man need to be excluded from the bachelor party that traditionally YOU plan for the groom. It seems like your brother wants to either do something that would cause some sort of family drama if his brother and cousins attended OR he doesn’t think the two groups will mesh well together when and instead of being an adult about it and telling everyone to behave he just wants to have two parties to attempt to cause less drama.” mariathecrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Ultimately he can make his own decisions but you have every right to be upset about being excluded, and you have the right to express it to him. It seems like you expressed it to him in a respectful and rational way.
He’s allowed to do whatever he wants but it hurts to be excluded and it seems like you were really looking forward to this. It’s hard to understand why your own brother would exclude you when it’s obvious it would hurt your feelings.
I think your solution of taking a step back is a good one and it’s not from pettiness, he’s clearly marked a distance with you where you are not prioritized and you should do the same to protect your feelings.
Not saying you should do this lol but if this happened to me I would offer to resign as best man and leave the job to one of his “actual” friends, but I can understand why you wouldn’t do this.
You sound like a good brother.” poliedrica
Another User Comments:
“I’m not sure, whether YTJ is the best one could say, but childish and self-centered are not official verdicts here.
Your brother apparently has two very different sets of dear friends.
His party crowd and his quieter, but not less cool cousins and you. He has decided, that he can not have the celebration with either group he wants to have if the other is present.
He will not be able to have nice long talks/board games/whatever quiet stuff his cousins are best at if his other friends are acting disorderly.
And he can’t loosen up if there are two guys sitting in the background, visibly bored/uncomfortable about all the drinking/partying.
You decided to be his best man.
So you should do what he wants, not what you think he should want.
(I do find it interesting, that so many people here think, something shady HAS to happen at the other party.
Not every unhinged party has to contain illegal stuff.)” sigusch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can sympathize with your disappointment in your brother. I wish your brother had communicated in a more tactful manner to you because I think a case can be made to have a family-only trip and a separate friends-only trip.
But don’t think of your “family” trip as a nothing burger. It is a milestone celebration, and that alone could set it apart from a casual trip you guys can take. You’re not obligated to plan the trip or forgive your brother, but it could be an opportunity to bond at a deeper level.” Lazy_Studio_3419
4. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Son For Distancing Himself From His Family?
“My son and his fiancé have been together for 6 years. They now have a 9-month-old daughter and will be married in about a month. My son has a brother and sister, as does his fiancé, and they are all very close in age.
When they decided to get married, the only one of their siblings that wasn’t included in their wedding was my 12 y.o. daughter.
When her family visited not long after, we attended a cookout, which I was not thrilled to attend.
But we went. The beginning conversation revolved around their manicures and pedicures because they had a sister’s day. My daughter, again, was devastated because she was not thought of. She asked me to take her home.
As I left to do so, his fiancé followed me to the vehicle yelling at me that this is all my fault because I am selfish. We did not talk for some time.
Eventually, after others had backed out, my son asked his sister to be a groomsman.
Fast forward. They moved closer to her hometown, 5 hours away. My son and I talked frequently, and the plan (for the birth) was for me to go there when she went into labor and stay for a week to help, then her mom would come.
The day before their due date, I was told I had to wait, that her mom was going to stay. When we were allowed to visit, her family was there for several days of our visit.
Her mother said that my parents couldn’t babysit when they were in our hometown, because that was “her” baby. We were very hurt and discussed that with my son. I explained that I don’t want all of the time, but I do want to be included because we are family, too.
I am 5 hours away and rearranged everything. He promised to work on communication because he insisted that it was his fault.
They are getting married just after Thanksgiving. Because we are so much farther away, my son and I made plans months ago, to go the day before Thanksgiving, spend the holiday, and wedding there, then stay with the baby for a few days before taking her to her other grandparents while they are on their honeymoon.
Several weeks ago, I was told her family planned a memorial for a family member on Thanksgiving, but we would be able to spend the day with them. Last week I was told that the memorial is strictly for family.
My son offered to stay with us for Thanksgiving. Then he decided he wanted to be there to support her. He wanted to do Thanksgiving on the 23. I have an event on Thanksgiving for work that I have been in charge of for 4 years.
I told him I was happy to hand it off in order to spend the day with family, but I don’t want to do that just to spend Thanksgiving by ourselves out of state.
He said he is trying to do what is best for his family. I explained I am proud of him for that, but thought we were a part of his family, too, and it doesn’t feel like that.
I don’t feel like I am being unreasonable, but I feel like they are acting like I am being unfair.
He hasn’t talked to me for a week. He won’t answer a text message or a phone call.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I keep going back and forth between NTJ and no jerks here, but I think NTJ wins out. The sister thing isn’t relevant to me. I was the youngest in my family, and being left out comes with the territory when there’s a significant age gap.
It just happens. She’s allowed to be upset, but it is what it is. All the other stuff though? Yeah, he needs to recognize that he has a say in this as well (or at least he should, and if he doesn’t, that’s gonna be an issue.)” GoldenFrog14
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for how you feel, and I get being upset since going 5 hours to do anything is no small feat.
I don’t think your son is a jerk for not initially including your 12yo daughter.
If he’s old enough to get married, he’s presumably 18+, so there’s at least a six-year age gap between him and the 12yo. I’m 21 with a 12yo brother and we’re not really close because he’s 12 and we don’t have a lot in common.
I also have a 10yo sister who I’m not taking to get manicures anytime soon.
I do think it’s a bit of a jerk move to change the plan surrounding the birth on such short notice, but (giving the benefit of the doubt here) maybe the reality of what was about to happen really set in for the fiance and she realized how much she’d rather have her mom there than her MIL?
I don’t see why your son wouldn’t go and support his future wife at the memorial for her loved one.
I do think you’re taking that a bit too personally. All things considered, you’re part of your son’s family, but he, his fiance, and his child are a family unit.
I’m gonna say no jerks here I guess.” Reddit User
“After reading your replies to comments, I’m going with YTJ.
If you want to die on the hill that your daughter’s feelings are more important than the bride on her wedding day, so be it. How about teaching your 12-year-old that someone else’s wedding day is not about her? It’s not her day.
You don’t get everything you want in life. You had a chance to smooth things over with regard to your daughter and chose to leave a family bbq in a huff.
Wow.
As for after the birth of your grandchild. The mother who just gave birth gets to decide who she wants in the immediate postpartum period. Of course, she would rather have her own mother than you.
You weren’t asked not to come, she just wanted her mother there first. Which is totally reasonable and understandable.
Your behavior over thanksgiving is ridiculous. Getting upset because a memorial is interfering with your plans.
They didn’t choose this time to upset you. They likely chose it because it was a time when most if not all the family could be there. You are being terribly unfair.
If you want to go to war with your daughter-in-law, you will lose. Hope you plan to spend very little time with your son and grandchild in the future.” Harry7411
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your feelings..
my uncles went to their in-laws way more than my grandparent’s home and my mom and aunt stuck mostly with my grandparents instead of splitting time with their in-laws. I hope to one day not be that DIL just bc I know how much it hurt my grandparents; but around where I live, it seems like the wife’s family always comes first. It’s not right and I hope your son eventually realizes that.” Samu_2020_15
The 12 year old can get over herself. There is a significant age difference between her and the other adults. It's not about her. She also sounds quite entitled.
I also suspect your son is keeping away because of your own entitled behaviour. You may be controlling and it's not your call.
3. AITJ For Blowing Up On My Friend For Missing Her Birthday Party?
“This happened almost a year ago, but I recently stumbled upon my ex-best friend’s social account and it made me re-think about the situation. I will refer to my ex-best friend as S, her now-partner as T, and a mutual friend of hers and mine at the time as P.
So S, P, and I were a friend group of three that would regularly have sleepovers at my house but life happened and we had less time to hang out with each other.
S and P both have the same birth month and I decided it would be fun to celebrate their birthdays at the same time at my place like we celebrated my birthday earlier that year.
We all turned eighteen which is the legal drinking age in my country, we got pretty wasted on my birthday and we planned to do the same for their birthday. I asked more than a month in advance about it.
After some discussion, we settled on a weekend. I confirmed with them they were keeping that weekend free and I asked to leave for work.
In the month before the party, S met T online.
The evening prior to the party I got a text saying she had to leave early on Sunday because she had to be in a different city at 10 in the morning.
I was confused as to what would be so important that she had to be there at 10 because her driving exam wasn’t until a couple of months later but it occurred to me that it’s possible she could be going to meet T for the first time.
So I asked and she confirmed this was the case. I was a little disappointed but thought to myself she probably doesn’t have a lot of time and can’t wait to meet him.
The next day at the party S was on her phone for 90% of the time texting with T.
The next weekend was a holiday, I asked S and P what they received.
P and I showed what we got. When S responded it was a photo of her and T together saying ‘I didn’t get anything but I do have the best in the world.’ I got angry at this because this meant she could’ve planned her outing with him the weekend after the party.
In my rage, I told her I wasn’t happy for her and that it shows where her priorities lie and that things like these are why I had trouble seeing her as my best friend (she sometimes would tell me that I was her best friend but she wasn’t mine because I had someone else).
It could’ve been possible that this was simply my last drop of patience I had a lot going on such as family deaths, my parent’s divorce, and mental issues.
I apologized the next day for overreacting and asked to talk with her about why I felt the way I did but she said she needed time.
I waited a couple of days and asked her again when she had time to talk. She told me she didn’t have time at the moment. This continued for a week, meanwhile, her socials were overflowing with photos of her and T hanging out doing all sorts of things.
I just gave up trying to make up, sent T a message she’s his problem now (very petty I know), and blocked her socials. P told me I was a jerk for reacting the way I did.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Why do you feel entitled to control how S celebrated her own birthday? It seems like you generally felt entitled to a whole lot more from her as well if her starting a new relationship sent you into a jealous “rage.” Of course her priorities lie with T.
That’s what happens when people fall in love. Some things can’t be unsaid and she has every right to walk away from the friendship over this. You aren’t entitled to forgiveness when you hurt someone.” jemifig
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
It’s understandably upsetting when your best friend’s priorities change, but the way you handled/reacted could’ve been better. Obviously, your best friend means a lot to you, and losing them/their time and company can be sudden and unexpected which leads people to simply react in anger but at the end of the day, if people no longer want to prioritize your friendship, it’s their choice.
That they don’t communicate that or give notice while annoying shouldn’t be taken personally (as their investment in the relationship has changed anyway).” justjokingjeremy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – childhood friends grow up eventually and romantic relationships also become a priority, friendships and relationships get healthily balanced.
Her having a romantic relationship shouldn’t stoke feelings of “being replaced” inside of you, it’s not even the same kind of relationship. She didn’t miss the party you planned, her not receiving anything for Christmas and being happy in no way affected your friendship, it seems you were just upset she saw him again.
Her asking for time is understandable, and her continuing to live her life and post on socials while taking time off from you is allowed. Messaging her partner is creepy, crossed a line, and if I were her – I’d consider you blocking my socials a favor.” Few-Cup2418
2. AITJ For Calling My Wife A Drama Queen?
“My wife and I have been together for 6 years and I am willing to admit that she didn’t start acting like this until we got pets. She was very much so a very compromising and solution-finding individual prior to getting the animals.
My father’s home burnt down and he ended up going to stay at a hostel (I told him he could stay there but he refused, as he didn’t want to be a burden).
He did ask that I take in his animals temporarily, however. He has a dog and 3 cats. Our household has been completely pet free the entire time we have been together.
I ran it by the old lady and she said it was fine provided it wasn’t for a long time (she has never wanted animals). It’s been 4 months now and my wife is slowly starting to become a person I’ve never seen her be.
The dog will stare at her when she is eating and whine and my wife gets upset. The dog is definitely begging and I understand it’s irritating but she’s being kind of ridiculous.
She will tell the dog to go in the other room, which is completely okay with me, but then becomes super frustrated because the dog will poke his head out of the doorway and stare her down while she is eating while licking his mouth and whining.
It just frustrates her beyond belief. It didn’t originally but it certainly does now. She has been eating on the porch most nights because she said she is tired of being watched and not being able to eat her food in peace.
Or the cats, whom she definitely likes a whole lot more than the dog, are even starting to upset her. Like if she is reading a book, the cats immediately run over and knock the book out of her hands.
The second she picks up her phone, the smallest cat will come over and attack her hands trying to play. Or they will all come in and start getting on her at 3 am every single night.
I’ve seen it happen. She definitely isn’t over-exaggerating about it. It’s like the second she tries to do anything at all, the cats are all over her. And again, I get it, it’s frustrating but she is being ridiculous.
She lost it yesterday and tossed the cat off the bed after the cat ripped the phone from her hands while she was on a phone call. She yelled at the dog to get away from her this morning because she was cooking and the dog kept trying to jump on her.
She screamed at the dog to go away.
I’m getting quite fed up with the constant tension and told her to come off it and stop being a drama queen after she yelled at me that she was “sick of being mauled all the time”.
She left. Didn’t even turn off the stove. Just stormed out of the house and hasn’t come back. AITJ? I just feel she is going overboard and it came off harsher than intended.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You are so belittling – she gets woken up in the middle of the night and “she’s being ridiculous”?
The dog keeps trying to jump on her while she’s cooking on the stove and YOU’RE getting “quite fed up”?
She said she’d take them provided “it wasn’t for a long time”.
Unless you are speaking in terms of geologic time, four months is most certainly a long time to be housing pets that you never wanted.
I notice you said absolutely nothing about how much longer they’re expected to stay.
Meaning – there is no end date.
Board them, help your father find a place – start being proactive rather than passively complaining. Those pets need to go, or you should pay for your own place and enjoy the pets to your heart’s content.
You’re lucky she only “slowly” is becoming someone you don’t recognize. If it were me, I’d have been there a long time before her.” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the old lady comment alone.
Beyond that, while I have sympathy for your dad’s situation his dog is clearly poorly/not at all trained and even the cats sound badly behaved. I am a borderline crazy cat lady and mine drive me crazy.
You’re asking your wife that doesn’t like animals to put up with 4 difficult ones and making her the bad guy for not being happy. Is there an end in sight to their stay?” AprilL4163
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Every part of your post screams “my wife has never been an animal person, she was kind enough to take in these FOUR animals that pester her all day but they have worn out their welcome” and yet it’s like you’re surprised at your wife’s behavior.
I AM an animal person, I have not had a begging-free meal in decades, and yet it still annoys me at times–but at least I know I asked for it by taking them in.
She didn’t.
It’s time to have a hard discussion with your dad about his future housing plans. If he’s in a hostel, my guess is that a rental is the next step, and it’s going to be very hard for him to find one that allows four pets.
If he wants to stay in touch with them, he needs to think about friends and family who may be willing to adopt one or two on a semi-permanent or permanent basis.
If that’s not possible, you need to look into rescue/rehoming agencies in your area.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“Some people don’t like to be around animals. Untrained animals make the situation worse. Your wife was unaware of what it would be like with the unruly pets around. She is overreacting, but it’s time for the pets to go. It’s the immediate path to reconciliation.” harleybidness
1. AITJ For Losing My Handbag Which Had Our Passports?
“My mom (49) and I (24F) flew back from a holiday in Brazil last week to Houston which took off around 10:30 pm. It was a connecting flight from Sao Paolo to Mexico City and then Mexico City to Houston.
In Brazil, mom asked me to safe keep our passports and my handbag also had our toothbrushes along with moms driver’s license. We took from Mexico City around 8 am, and we wanted to brush our teeth after having breakfast.
As mom asked for her toothbrush, I suddenly realized I had forgotten the entire handbag back in Mexico City’s restroom (mom still had the boarding passes so we did not notice when we got on the flight).
She lost her temper at me and started shouting at me to an extent that the air stewardess had to warn mom about her behavior.
As we landed in Houston we were actually detained by immigration.
We spent around 20 hours in detention, which was like a crowded jail cell where our phones and things were confiscated, we were both searched by the police and though we were not handcuffed, were asked to put our hands behind our backs while walking.
Finally, when our stories were verified and our identities confirmed to be American citizens, it was around 3 am the next morning. We were going to take a rented car which mom had pre-booked and as her license was not with us, we had to get an expensive taxi home.
Once we got back home, mom called our extended family and told them we spent a day and a night in jail like criminals because of my stupidity. She asked me to pay for the car rental that we lost and the taxi fare which I paid back.
I know I was stupid for losing the passport and putting us through this ordeal, but AITJ for her yelling at me on the flight and embarrassing me in front of our extended family?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You lost the one thing you literally need to get into a country, doesn’t matter if it’s your home country or not. You’re 24, not 14, how did you not notice you didn’t have your bag with you? How were you going to be able to fill out your declaration forms without having your passport number? Passports aren’t cheap either and can be used to steal your identity, especially if it has your mother’s driver’s license with it too.” prinscess-z
Another User Comments:
“I really feel like calling someone a jerk for a mistake really puts into perspective how warped some people are.
Yes, it SUCKS you left something very important behind, but who hasn’t done this before? Leave your wallet at home and get pulled over by a cop and so they have to write you a ticket.
Leave money on the counter so you have to leave an entire cart full of groceries because you can’t pay for it. It doesn’t make you a jerk it makes you a human being.
Your mom freaking out for being detained makes her a human being. And anyone else who responds going “yeah but..” get off your high horse. We have all forgotten things especially when traveling.
I’m going to say no jerks here, though I could never imagine my Mom calling the entire family to tell everyone how stupid I was. Seems like a bit overkill now that it’s all said and done and you’re safe and sound. Has been paid back and I hope it’ll be a funny story you can both tell in time.” kupo_kupo_wark
Your mother's reaction is a bit over the top too with what she is saying and doing. Sure be angry but the reality is that it happened and you can't change it.
I'm guessing you'll never make this mistake again.
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