People Feel Weird About These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Removing Auto-Pay And Forcing My Ex To Handle Her Bills?
“I (male 33) and my ex (female 31) started a relationship 13 years ago. We married after 5 years, for 8 years. We left together from Brazil for Portugal when I got a job there, but at first, she couldn’t really settle in.
She has a long history of depression due to many hardships in her childhood that left her deeply scarred. Although she was successful in her job and in college in Brazil, after we moved to Portugal, she only managed to get occasional jobs and could never really work in the field she studied. This meant I provided for the household while she took care of the house.
I know this was very frustrating for her, and she often complained about being isolated. Nevertheless, we had a somewhat happy marriage. I tried my best to fulfill her needs and to listen to her, and I know that I would not be who I am today if it weren’t for her.
After a series of comings and goings, I got a job in the Netherlands during a severe health crisis, but it further increased our isolation and codependency. I got severely depressed while also trying to deal with her depression. While trying to shake things up, we opened our relationship and tried living apart.
She moved back to Portugal after getting a new job there. What happened was that she finally developed a circle of friends while I was left alone. We tried moving back together in Portugal, but it didn’t work. The last straw was when I was having panic attacks while she spent the entire weekend away (without telling me that she only returns on Sundays) and wouldn’t take my calls.
Eventually, I decided to ask for a divorce in 2023. It was hard on both of us, but I felt that our relationship was dwindling to nothingness.
After a while, she was struggling financially, and I let her stay at my place for several months last year (big mistake).
I also had some medical problems, so having her by my side would benefit me. It was okay for a while; we even got close again, but I was adamant that it was temporary, as I had plans to come back to Brazil to spend time with my mother and family.
And so I did, in January 2025. She’s still in the flat we used to rent. She got a roommate to split costs.
Finally, coming to the question: When I was leaving, I told her to move the bills to her name two or three times, which she did not do.
I also mentioned that I was removing autopay. Yesterday, her electricity was cut off because of a lack of payment. The bill is still in my name, and I received emails about it (which I did not see due to Gmail’s automatic labeling). She called me a jerk and said that I lacked compassion for calling her out about her having to deal with it.
AITJ for calling her out and saying that she has to deal with this, and that I don’t have anything else to do with it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You told her directly to move the bills to her name AND that you’d stop auto-paying, so it’s not like she had no warning.
Also, even if you hadn’t told her, the place is her and her roommate’s responsibility now, so there should be no expectation that you’re still paying for any bills. If you can change the bill’s email to her email, so you won’t have to deal with this anymore, I’d do that.” Els-09
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Unless court ordered or something, you aren’t responsible for funding your ex’s utilities for the rest of your life. You told her to take care of it, and she didn’t.” Vyckerz
21. AITJ For Trying To Retrieve My Cat From My Dad?
“I (20F) and my partner (21M) just moved into our house this past week, and we were planning on getting my cat from my dad’s. A little background. I got my cat, Fiona, in 2021 when she was just 6 months old. She was my health crisis kitty, and she was with me all throughout high school and into college.
She was MY cat, she’d follow me around, give me back rubs, and she often was my emotional support animal during some pretty bad times in high school. However, in Fall 2023, my sister needed a place to stay, and my dad offered my room at his place, without asking.
I was fine with this arrangement and agreed to stay with my mom full time. But my cat had to stay with my dad because my mom had a dog that wasn’t good with other animals. At first, I sent a LOT of care packages frequently.
But as time passed, it went from weekly to monthly to now just packages every now and then with the food and treats I used to give her when I lived there. I feel awful that I didn’t do more, but I was saving for a house, and issues with my dad made it difficult to go visit and deliver said packages.
Last December, my partner and I bought our first house together, and we moved in this past week. I planned on taking her with me when we moved in and got adjusted to the place, but my sister just told me that my dad doesn’t want to give her up and is offering to buy me two new kittens for him to keep her.
I don’t know what to do. I love her and she’s MY cat. I raised her, and even though she hates me right now, I really think it’s because she thought I abandoned her. I also don’t want to stress her out too much, and my dad did technically take care of her for the past year and a half while I wasn’t there, but I really didn’t have a choice in the first place.
I’m just so confused and upset that my dad is putting me in this position. Also, I don’t really like the environment she’s in currently. My dad lives a bit of an adventurous lifestyle, to put it lightly. There is also an orange cat his partner got that is super mean and bullies Fiona often, but they get along and “like” each other, according to my dad.
WIBTJ if I took my cat back from my dad?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Cat apparently moved on. I had to leave my cat with my mom for a while, and when I came back, he was still mine clearly. But you said Fiona is now acting like she belongs to your father.
At this point, it is selfish to take her. You would be upsetting both her and your father. Cats don’t like the change much, so just get the new cats and leave her where she is happy.” DistinctNewspaper791
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with No jerks here.
Half of your cat’s life was spent with you, and now the other half has been spent with your dad. If she is safe, wanted, and loved, I would probably let her be.” tarahlynn
Another User Comments:
“Have you been able to spend time with Fiona lately?
If she gets to spend time with you, she may bond with you again.” PinkPandaHumor
20. AITJ For Withholding Communication Until My Mom Seeks Therapy?
“Just having to vent about this because, as much as I think I’m right, the guilt creeps in as my mum obviously really struggles with life. She has suffered from depression since her late 20s, although I was never aware until my teenage years when her mental instability became very apparent.
I quickly took on the parent role in our relationship, and my whole adult life I have been her emotional support, even though from my perspective it’s glaringly obvious why she feels like crap. She neglects every single area of her life—physical health, diet, mental health, hygiene, relationships, finances—and she can’t understand why she suffers from depression.
I have exhausted myself over the years listening, offering endless—and I mean endless—advice; bought her self-help books, journals; sent her audiobooks, videos; paid for therapy; redecorated her whole house; made her healthy meal plans; taken her on weekends away; lent her money so she can get out of credit card debt; paid for the dentist as she neglects her teeth and is now losing them; made her a self-help Pinterest board—the list goes on—and she still just says “I don’t know how” in any conversation regarding helping herself.
It took me literal years to get her to sign up for free therapy because she just kept saying “the waiting list is too long.”
Now she has been offered free long-term therapy; she just has to give them a call and make an appointment.
I have reminded her three times with “I’ll do it my own time, your attitude just makes me feel worse,” and now I’m just completely out of patience, to be honest. I have an 8-month-old son, and I am pregnant again. I no longer have the mental capacity to take on her issues and offer advice that goes in one ear and out of the other.
I never throw anything I’ve done in her face; I don’t mention it at all, but I am feeling some real resentment now when she tells me “All you do is make me feel worse” because I am now telling her she desperately needs therapy and I can no longer listen to her moaning because I’m not a therapist. It’s got to the point that I have to set some real boundaries with her, but I know it’s going to be met with a meltdown on her end.
AITJ if I very much restrict communication until she’s in therapy?”
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely NTJ. I think your mum has probably gotten used to you always babying her and doesn’t want to take the effort to fix herself because she knows that would mean you wouldn’t mother her anymore.
You might need to explain to your mum that it will get worse before it can get better, but you don’t have enough time in your life anymore to be there for her as much. You could also tell her that she could potentially go on medication if she’s not against that.” Papapapalalallala
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are in a situation in which you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themself. You are probably in the position where you can’t do anything until your mother reaches the point where her health spirals out of control so that she may be involuntarily committed. I know that isn’t what you want for her, but you’re not able to be everything to everyone.
You have yourself and your own family to take care of. Bottom line: I think you need to let your mum hit rock bottom and be there to help rebuild after she is forced to take care of the primary problem.” okIhaveANopinionHERE
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to have a super straight conversation with your mum. Let her know that you were not on the planet to be her homemade therapist. You don’t have the mental capacity anymore to deal with her issues. You are dealing with your own issues, and they must come first, as must your family.
Put her on a low-contact time-out for a short period so you can have a break. Then, get really clear for yourself about how much regular conversation you can have with her, and how often, before it starts to stress you out. Then let her know the rules.
For example, you can tell her that you’re going on a one-month break of no contact. At the end of that break, you’re going to reestablish communication in a way that works for you. Maybe that’s once a week for the time being; maybe that’s all you can handle.
Either way, you’re doing the right thing by being in communication and actually figuring out a plan that makes things workable for you. This current situation is not workable, and you will not be able to maintain it. “Mom, I’m sorry that your life is difficult and that you struggle so much.
Now that I am an adult with my own family, I’m spending time managing my own well-being first, before I can give you time to help with yours. I’ve given you many, many, many suggestions on what to do next. I suggest you take some of those suggestions while I take a four-week break for my own mental health.”” radicalcoach
19. AITJ For Asking About My Hot Wheels Collection?
“It was my mom’s birthday, and we had just finished a family gathering.
Everything was fine: dinner, board games, and cake. My mom (60), my dad (61), my sister (21), and I (27) were cleaning up just after my older brother had left. My parents recently had two huge bags of old toys that they were going to throw away. I offered to take them and donate/organize them (lots of puzzles, Legos, etc.).
I mentioned to my sister that some old Monster High dolls were in there, and she wanted to keep them. Then, I asked about my old Hot Wheels collection. I thought I had donated them, but my mom told me I actually gave them to my younger cousin (now 20).
It was a big collection, like 50+ cars.
I said I’d ask him if he still had them, but my parents started arguing with me. They said it was shameful to even ask, that you can’t ask for a gift back. I argued that he’s an adult now, and we’re close, so it wasn’t a big deal. They insisted it was incredibly shameful, saying I was an adult when I gave them to him.
I reminded them I was 14, and he was 6, so we were both kids.
My dad and mom were really pushing back, saying things like, if my aunt found out, it would be terrible. Obviously, I was a bit defensive, and they just kept pushing. So eventually I said, “Well, it’s none of your business, cuz it’s between me and my cousin.” At that point, my dad completely lost it, and my mom and sister jumped in, saying I was rude.
At this point, it turned into a full-blown argument about respect. I stood my ground and told them they could offer advice, but they couldn’t dictate my actions. My dad got extremely angry and stormed off to his room.
Now, the general consensus is that I ruined my mom’s birthday.
I hugged my mom goodbye and apologized to her, but the fight is still unresolved with my sister and dad.
Mind you, I still don’t know if he even has them, or if I even wanted them back, but to be honest, I just thought it would be cool to see my Hot Wheels….
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, this feels like one of those classic family dynamics where a small thing turns into a big thing because of underlying control issues and old power dynamics. You weren’t demanding anything, just saying you’d ask your cousin if he still had them — not a federal crime.
It’s not like you were marching over there to snatch them out of his hands.” User
18. AITJ For Losing Respect For My Dad’s Outdated Tech And Mixed Messages?
“My father and I can get along at times, but overall, I find him frustrating to deal with.
He’s very stuck in the past and doesn’t adapt well to anything new. He constantly asks me for help with things like logging into his accounts or connecting a Bluetooth speaker. These are things I’ve explained to him multiple times, yet he never remembers. It feels like he expects me to magically know the answers to his problems.
Recently, he decided to switch internet providers because he had to pay for something unclear from five years ago. While I understand why he wanted to switch, he didn’t really look into what he was getting himself into. He assumed the company would install it, but they didn’t (because he didn’t check), and our former provider stopped service on New Year’s Eve.
I had just woken up from a night shift when I saw my partner helping install the WiFi. She was over that day to help my mom with something, not to fix my dad’s mess. I found it really frustrating that she had to do this when my dad could have easily avoided the situation by doing proper research.
Another thing that bothers me is that my dad doesn’t follow his own rules. He used to get mad at us for being on our phones during dinner, but now he does it himself all the time. It’s the same with screen time in general. When I was a teenager, he called me a “game-junk” because I spent a lot of time in my room playing games.
But now he’s the one constantly playing games on his phone and watching TV, barely being present with the family.
He also suggests family activities like watching a movie together but then either falls asleep or sits on his phone the entire time, making it feel pointless.
Around the house, my mom does most of the chores, but she can’t do much because of her back. I admit, I could help more, and I try to jump in when I can (probably still not enough). But I do things like most of my own laundry, and when they ask me to help, I do.
It’s just that I don’t sound enthusiastic about it. In my opinion, I don’t need to sound happy when I agree to help. My brothers used to help out more when they lived at home, and they always throw that in my face whenever I complain.
Another frustrating thing is that he doesn’t really listen when you talk to him. It’s like he’s always in his own world, and you have to make it very clear that he isn’t paying attention before he actually listens. He says it’s because of his company and that he’s always in his head, but it gets exhausting to deal with.
When I talk to my mom about it, she’s shocked by how I talk about my own father and says she can’t do much since she’s caught in the middle.
I do want to make it clear that my dad isn’t a bad guy or lazy all the time.
He does fix things around the house and takes care of the wood for the fireplaces. But this is how I personally see him most of the time, and it’s made me lose a lot of respect for him.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A grown man who only does MOST of his own laundry and helps out around the house only when asked has absolutely zero right to be standing in judgment of others. It sounds like your siblings have already pointed out to you. Look at your own inadequacy before you start judging others and, for God’s sake, start doing ALL your own laundry.” throwAWweddingwoe
Another User Comments:
“You don’t seem to be seeing your father as a human being, someone who is alive and changes in some ways and not others, as an individual. It’s as though you are setting up criteria for how he’s supposed to behave and what he’s supposed to do, which is a breadth, if that, from thinking you should control him.
For example, he didn’t do the research you think he should have done about the new ISP, so he had problems. This happens; not everyone is perfect, and right before that passage, you’re complaining that he doesn’t act independently enough with regards to his accounts, etc. So, if you do have criteria for his behaviour, which is it?
He should be more independent and not ask for help (at an increased risk of making a mistake, like with the ISP) – or avoid mistakes by asking his local expert (you with Bluetooth) – but you don’t want that either! And then you’re complaining because he doesn’t have the same attitude towards screen time as he did when you were a young teen!
Would you also be complaining if instead he himself followed and wanted to follow the rules you had on screen time years ago? Do you want him to try to change with the times, or not? I don’t even see this as an issue of respect, aside from the basic respect and courtesy all humans should try to use towards each other.
You’ve got incompatible expectations for your father, and naturally, no human being could fulfill them all. Don’t blame your father for that. YTJ” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yeah, people as they age, often struggle with changing technology and adapting. That’s true for every single generation, and it’ll be true when you are your dad’s age too.
Hopefully, you have a kid (if you want one) who will be patient and kind when you need help. I also don’t know how old your dad is, but mine is in his early sixties, and I can tell ya, his memory is declining. I doubt your dad is maliciously not paying attention or forgetting when you show him.
He’s getting older. Have some freaking patience. Likewise, as my dad advanced in age in his career, his line of work tired him out more. He also fell asleep during shows and started zoning out more during family time. First of all, your dad can afford to, you aren’t a child anymore.
Second of all, let’s see how you’re doing with work at your age. You only do your own laundry and cop an attitude when asked to help with anything else. That’s insane. Your parents are getting older – your mom has a bad back, and your dad is struggling to adapt.
If you aren’t going to be there to help and be kind about it, get out of their house. I genuinely can’t imagine talking about my parents this way for things that are all incredibly normal with aging.” First-Entertainer850
17. AITJ For Delaying The Insurance Submission When My Friend Tried To Shift Fault?
“Two days ago, I (M30) went on a fieldwork trip with some uni friends.
My friend (F22) and I were the drivers. We had a great day and stopped for a meal at a small-town pub.
As we were preparing to leave, one girl went back to the pub, leaving my car door halfway open. While waiting, my friend reversed her car around mine, caught the door, panicked, and kept reversing, fully opening it, damaging the interior and snapping her side mirror.
She was in shock and repeatedly apologized, saying a passenger distracted her and she hadn’t checked her mirrors. Everyone gathered around, but since we had insurance and the damage wasn’t severe, we took photos for the claim and drove home.
That night, she hosted a small party where half the attendees had witnessed the accident.
There were friendly jokes about her driving, and everything seemed fine.
Today, I filled out the insurance paperwork where both drivers acknowledged fault. She agreed to sign but asked me to list her mother’s name to avoid an insurance rate increase. I agreed and sent her the form for review.
After checking, she said it looked fine but mentioned that her insurer suggested I might be at fault since my car door was open.
Confused, I called her, and she said her research indicated that because my door wasn’t fully closed, I could be blamed. I reminded her that she admitted fault, my car was parked, and everyone saw what happened. She suggested letting the insurance inspection decide.
I told her that if that was the case, I wouldn’t list her mother’s name and would involve witnesses. She agreed.
Before sending it to the insurance company, I sent her a text saying that I was not going to send the form until tomorrow so that she could think about it.
I mentioned that if she really wanted to double down and involve all the other people, I was feeling betrayed by her stubbornness in wanting an insurance investigation when she knew quite well that she was at fault.
She replied that telling me she was sorry didn’t mean she was acknowledging that it was her fault, that she was sorry for the damages, but that she didn’t know that if the parked car had its door open, it could be found at fault by the insurance company, and that she was only doing as her insurance agent was telling her.
I replied again, saying that she was not understanding the situation, that this was not a dispute with an unknown driver, that my car was parked with the door halfway open, and that she wrecked it by not checking her mirrors while reversing, as everyone saw.
I also said that the car damages were the least of my concerns, since my insurance would cover the expenses either way, but that I could not believe that she was downright refusing to acknowledge her responsibility in this.
She then said that I should not lecture nor speak to her like that and that I just proved that this was indeed a dispute with an unknown driver.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So In most situations, if a car is parked with the door open and another car reverses into it, causing damage, the driver of the reversing car would be considered at fault, since they have the primary responsibility to ensure their actions while reversing do not cause a collision, which is what sounds like happened here.
If your passenger had opened the door while the other car was reversing, you would be at fault. Since you were parked with the car door opened, the reversing car should be held liable. NTJ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m a little unclear on what her mother’s name has to do with anything, but to be absolutely clear do NOT sign any document that contains a lie as that’s fraud.
I would simply move forward with the truth and the insurance companies can determine fault.” asurkhaib
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like she is using the “I’m just doing what my insurance agent is telling me” excuse as a cop-out to not be held responsible.
She’s a grown woman and knows who is at fault. The fact that she originally asked you to list her mother’s name instead of her own also proves that she is looking for any way for this to not get completely pinned on her.
Don’t let her off easy, she obviously doesn’t deserve it if she can’t even take responsibility for her own mistake and is trying to make you feel like the bad guy.” babianquis
16. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Chooses Friends Over Our Time Together?
“My partner (21) and I (22) are both still studying and therefore live in different cities.
We don’t see each other often, so it’s important to me that we still spend as much time together as possible — for example, watching movies or series on Discord, playing games together, or just talking. A long-distance relationship isn’t easy.
At first, it often worked well, but lately it has become less frequent.
I have to be the one to ask him if he wants to do something or otherwise we don’t spend time together. While we’re both busy studying for exams, I still make time for my friends now and then. Unfortunately, I haven’t made any friends at my university, so I spend most of my time online to stay connected with my old friends.
That said, I would also like to spend more time doing things outside with my friends. In my hometown, I spent every weekend with my friends, and I miss that. I totally understand when you feel good and need to spend time with your friends.
My partner keeps telling me he has no time because he needs to study. He is always scared that he wouldn’t pass any exam, so I totally respect that he needs his space to study. It’s sometimes hard for me, but I only want the best for him and he should get good grades.
So yeah, I give him as much time as he needs to study, even if it’s hard for me. But I often find out afterward that he’s been out with other people. When I brought it up, it led to an argument. He said I don’t respect that he doesn’t have time.
Naturally, I’m sad that we don’t spend time together, and yes, I did react a bit angrily when I found out he’d been out. I was overwhelmed because he told me he would be studying the whole time and didn’t have any time for me.
He told me that going out after studying is the best thing for him right now. I understand that it makes him feel better — he’s lucky to have friends in his town that he can meet up with. I would also prefer to meet my friends in person rather than just talk to them online (though I still value that connection).
But when I ask if he can make time for me, he says no because he needs to study.
We’ve been arguing about this a lot lately, and it’s been a recurring issue over the past year. I feel neglected and have told him how I feel several times, but he doesn’t want to change anything at the moment.
I’ll be seeing him next week, but I can’t pretend that everything is okay. I’m sad and hurt.
I believe it’s important that everyone does things that make them feel good in their free time. I’m always happy when he can spend time with his friends.
I just think it’s frustrating when he tells me he doesn’t have time because of studying, but then spends an entire weekend out with friends.
Am I the AITJ for bringing this up repeatedly? Are my feelings unjustified? I’m starting to feel like I’m overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you guys should break up. I’m 37M, and for the life of me don’t understand why young people insist on ‘fight to save’ a relationship that clearly isn’t working. You’re not married or engaged, don’t have kids, not living together, not in any way ‘bound’ or ‘stuck’ to each other.
You can walk away without any consequence. Think about it, the partnering/courting phase of a relationship is supposed to be the ‘fun’ part, and if this part is hard, just imagine how miserable you would be if you were actually sharing a home or had kids together.” Secure_Ad_9966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are bringing it up because it isn’t being resolved and his responses and answers aren’t good enough. It sucks that you are lonely and busy… and that he is busy and busy with friends. Continue to have deep, honest discussions about how this is affecting you and your relationship and trust in him.
Doesn’t sound like you are asking very much from him. You aren’t asking him to be your 24-hour entertainment. People show you who they are. I don’t know how long this has been going on, but he is doing XYZ all weekend. If you had a bunch of friends, you would still make time for your SO, right?
How long have you been together? And when will you graduate? Do you have plans to be together after graduation?” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your feelings are valid. Here’s the thing though… If he wanted to spend time with you, he would make time to do that.
That’s unfortunately not a thing you can argue him into feeling, and that’s part of why this sort of thing hurts so much. I think the best thing for you to do is try to let this relationship go, feel the grief about it not working out, and move on.
Don’t waste any more of your limited time on this earth waiting and hoping for him to change. Find someone to be with who wants to be with you too; everyone deserves that!” Grouchy-Orchid-3723
15. AITJ For Delaying A Call To My Mom Despite Promising To Call?
“I (31F) am 21 weeks pregnant with my first child. My relationship with my mom has always been rocky—she has unresolved trauma, booze issues, and a toxic relationship with my dad, making her reactions unpredictable.
As the oldest, I often had to take care of things growing up when she was “in a mood,” and she’s always treated me differently than my younger sisters. I’ve been in therapy most of my life to cope.
Recently, things had been okay between us, but I still struggle with anxiety and depression, which can flare up when I have to talk to or be around my family due to their unpredictability.
On Sunday, my mom texted wanting to catch up. I told her I had a doctor’s appointment Monday morning but would call after. She had something until 1 PM, so we agreed to talk that day. I may have messed up because my wording was “I will call you after my appointment.” After my appointment (which went well), my husband and I toured a daycare, grabbed lunch, and I took a nap.
I woke up at 5 PM, saw her texts, and immediately called.
She answered with, “You know you get your anxiety from me, right?” This irked me because I always get responses from my mom regarding how often I text her and how she hates if she doesn’t hear back from me.
I basically ignored the comment and said something like “yep”… just didn’t want to feed into the bait. Then she went off about how I didn’t call when I said I would, how she had been worried sick, and how I never answered her texts.
I stayed calm and told her, “I’m sorry you got so worried, but we’re talking now, and everything is fine.” She escalated, yelling that I was selfish and inconsiderate, saying she was worried something was wrong with the baby. Then she mocked my mental health, saying I “bury my head in the sand and shut myself off from the world.” She ended up hanging up on me.
Now it’s Thursday night, and she hasn’t spoken to me. I sent baby ultrasound pictures to our family group chat, and she was the only one who didn’t respond. My dad and sister are taking her side—my dad asked if I “never called her,” and my sister said I should “cut her some slack” because of her past pregnancy losses.
While I understand her trauma, I feel like it’s more manipulation to gain sympathy and doesn’t excuse her extreme reaction. She has always had issues with how often I call/text, even threatening welfare checks for not responding immediately. And I DID call her the same day I said I would.
I feel hurt that she’s icing me out, venting to my family, and expecting me to apologize when she yelled at me, called me names, and mocked my mental health. I feel like now is the time I need support and grace from my mom the most. I don’t want to enable this pattern, especially as I bring a child into the world.
But my dad and sister seem to think I should apologize to “keep the peace.” And I might be the jerk because, technically, I said I’d call her after my appointment.
So, AITJ? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did call her after your appointment.
You never promised to call her immediately after the appointment. As far as your dad and sister go, “keep the peace” means “remain the doormat for the aggressor”. Don’t apologize for anything that wasn’t your fault. She’s icing you out. Good. Wait for her to apologize.
She needs you as her punching bag more than you need her to resume her antagonism. If she can mistreat you with no consequences, she has no motivation to stop. My own suggestion would be to let your family know you’re blocking them for a month, and then do so.
Don’t let her enablers continue to push you. They should be pushing her to have some respect for you.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ–your mother is suffering from main person syndrome and playing the victim. It is not your job to manage her emotions.
You are growing a human. If your sister and father are that concerned, then they should contact her more. Let her have her tantrum–if you give in to it now–when your child is born, she is going to be unbearable if you don’t give in to everything she wants with your kid.” Remote-Visual7976
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ for that exact situation because ‘I’ll call you after my appointment in the morning’ does imply that you’ll call soon afterwards – you’re taking a very literal interpretation but the obvious one most people make is ‘I’ll call you soon after’.
It probably would’ve been better to say you’d call her later that day. For the rest though, it sounds like she’s the jerk in general, and that your mental health may benefit from more separation from her” flyingcactus2047
14. AITJ For Wanting To Walk Away From My Parasitic, Draining Parents?
“My parents inherited a house from my grandfather. They couldn’t afford to pay the property taxes and bills so they quickly sold it and bought a house 4 hours away.
They still owe 5k on the house they bought and can’t afford any bills so they asked my husband and I to move up here to help them. They have no job or any source of income. We were under the impression when my husband (42) and I (33) moved in, we would pay 50/50 on utilities and our share of rent.
They told us my dad would be getting SSDI and it was just waiting to be approved.
We have been paying 100% of the bills. All utilities, WiFi, satellite cable, phone for my mom, food, gas, only means of transportation, rent to my parents plus anything they want like smokes and whatever.
We have to take them to their appointments and pick up their medications and drive them to wherever they want. My dad is bedridden because of his hip. My mom has a 10ml kidney stone and is in too much pain but won’t be seen till her urologist appointment which is next month.
I am 8 months pregnant and high risk. I can’t stand longer than 10 minutes without my left leg going numb but I am the only one who can cook and clean since my mom has forgotten how to do anything since she is finally sober after being an addict my whole life.
We are in way more debt than we started with. My husband transferred his job up here and took a $6 pay cut. The weather is terrible up here which means they make him stay home because of no work. We can’t afford to take care of us and our two kids with one more on the way plus all their needs with no help.
They also want us to pay the 5k on the house and the property taxes.
We have a nice trailer and we could move to a park and be way better off but we are trying to help my parents. I finally told them they need to do something because we simply can’t afford it anymore.
My husband works nights as well but he has been helping me around the house as well since I’m super pregnant so I told them I need more help around the house but they said they don’t feel good. So now, they are upset.
Now they are saying they are gonna sell the house but completely ignoring us so we won’t know when and they won’t talk to us without calling us names because they still need us or I mean they still need our money.
I don’t know if it’ll blow over, but if we leave, just leave them in the cold?
They have no friends, or no help to move. They won’t have money to keep their lights or heat on and it’s freezing temperatures here. Their food stamps come the 1st of the month but only last them a week. The house is such a dump that I don’t even know how they will sell.
I don’t want to put my family through this but I’m also embarrassed of my lazy parents that are sucking us dry. I’ve never lived with my parents so I had no idea they were this helpless. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I recommend you look in the mirror and yell “get it together!” there instead. You knew your parents didn’t have it together when you moved up to help them, so why did you? Literally, move back to where your husband has higher pay and more workdays if that is an option.
The only real way to “fix” this situation is to end generational poverty and do better for your kids than your parents did for you. You can’t do that if you are spending all your time, money, and energy on your parents. They are not going to stop sucking you dry until you leave, so go.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“You are compromising your health and the future of your children by trying to help your blood-sucking parents. Pull together a list of local social services with telephone numbers for them and get the heck out of Dodge. They’ll figure it out one way or another.
Filial piety/duty only goes so far. Stop putting your own family’s needs on the back burner.” CrazyOldBag
13. AITJ For Opting For A Low-Key Courthouse Wedding And Reception Over Family Pressure?
“So my fiance and I are pregnant, and we want to make things easier for when the baby comes (August) and just get married at a courthouse, and then do a big reception later so we can take our time, plan things, and invite everyone.
We told my fiance’s mom that we want to do this, and she agrees.
We decided that we want to get married at the courthouse in April on a weekday because it is going to be packed and it is impossible to get great pictures on a weekend, since it is a very popular spot to get married. My fiance’s mom insists that we pick a weekday so that it is easier for her to take my fiance’s siblings, since they are still in high school, and she does not want them to miss any more days in school because they have already missed the maximum amount of days and have already received a warning.
We tell her that we prefer a weekday, and she gets defensive, saying it will not be packed and that we should choose a weekend to make it easier for her. We go online to look for a date to book, and the only option is a weekday.
She says it is fine. Here’s the kicker, the courthouse only allows 6 people. My fiance’s immediate family consists of his mom, dad, two younger brothers, and his younger sister. My fiance and I decided on being able to pick three people each since that’s fair.
I chose my mom and two sisters (excluding my dad for a personal reason), and he chose his mom, dad, and a brother.
His mom messages my fiance just to “double-check” that his sister and brother are among the people “not selected.” Petty. She goes and suggests a different courthouse because they allow eight people.
Not only that, but she says she thinks it is stupid that I am not having my dad there because getting married is a big deal. I guess she does not think I know this. Mind you, she and I barely know each other, and she knows nothing about me, much less the relationship I have with my father, and frankly, none of her business.
Later in the day, his dad texts him and says his mom is furious and very upset about the whole wedding situation.
We decide to just get on a phone call with his dad. At this point, I am confused as heck.
We talk to his dad on the phone, and he says my fiance’s mom is mad because she feels like we are excluding my fiance’s siblings from the wedding and that the grandparents (where did they even come from?) are also upset because they want to be a part of it too.
We stated that we are having a reception later to prevent this very issue. And he said, “I do not care, everyone still wants to be a part of the first one.” Later, he tried to gaslight us into doing what would make everyone happy, which is now to rent a venue, get catering, and have my fiance’s grandfather officiate it.
That is incredibly far-fetched from what we originally wanted.
We said we did not want to do that because we want to keep the cost low for now, and he said that the grandparents would cover most of the cost, which still does not include my dress or other things that we are now going to need if we get a venue.
His dad says it is still going to be small, just the uncles and grandparents. I tell him that does not sound small to me, and he insists that we think of it as a party with family. I do not know if he thinks I am an idiot, but all of this sounds like an official wedding to me.”
My fiance brings up that we should consider doing this to make his family happy because they will support us financially and also be there for support for the baby as well. It is best that we do not make enemies with them. He also said that whatever I choose to do, he is going to stand by me and go along with it.
I just wanted a darn small courthouse wedding and then something nicer after the baby.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Girl, you’re not crazy — this is textbook overstepping and emotional manipulation. You had a clear, reasonable plan: small courthouse wedding now, big celebration later. That makes total sense, especially with a baby on the way.
But instead of respecting your boundaries, his family is treating your wedding like it’s a group project they get to control.” User
12. AITJ For Testing My Dads Support By Telling Him My Move Out Plans First?
“I lived with my grandparents for a large portion of my childhood.
My parents dropped me off and just… didn’t pick me back up for a long time, until they eventually did. So obviously I have quite the extreme trust and abandonment issues. I know I have not been a priority in their lives since I was born.
There’s always something else in the way.
I carry a lot of trauma and guilt from this, wondering what I did wrong that made them not love or prioritize me. Through therapy I have learned that it wasn’t my fault; it was their own failures as parents.
I am moving out soon now, back in with my grandparents as I believe I will have a better future with them than staying here… except I haven’t told my parents yet. I know I don’t need their permission, and I’m not looking for it.
Still, I don’t want to leave on bad terms and I want to try getting their support if I can.
I have a complicated relationship with my parents. My mom is a very prideful person, and she will always prioritize her ego over everything else.
I have little faith that she will be supportive of me, as she despises my grandparents (and really just any idea that isn’t hers to be honest).
Now my dad… He tends to be much more logical, as long as he’s not around my mom.
When he’s around my mom he will usually just defend her. I also know that he is capable of doing the right thing. He was the one who got me back; he was the one who’s admitted to his faults and tried doing better, even though he’s had shortcomings.
Here’s where I may be TA: I want to test my dad to see if I can truly trust him. I want to tell him that I’m moving out a few days before I tell my mom and swear him to secrecy. I will be direct about this – I would say that this is a test to see if I can trust him.
I want to see if he can prioritize me over my mom, as he should have my entire life.
He has made mistakes in my life, but I’m willing to forgive all of them if he can do this one thing for me. If he passes, then great; it means my relationship with my dad will grow stronger and I know I will be able to trust him.
If he fails, it will suck knowing where his heart lies, but at least the ball is in his court. I will be free of the guilt that I should’ve given him a chance, and he instead can live with the guilt that he screwed up.
I’ve talked about this plan with a few people and I’ve gotten a mixed bag of responses. While some people think it’s a good idea, some other people have said that it’s either a) not fair to my dad to put him in that position, or b) it’s not fair to my mom to tell her after my dad.
This is making me question if my idea is a good idea or not.
What do you guys think? WIBTJ for testing my dad?”
Another User Comments:
“I understand why you want to test your dad, and I completely sympathize with your feelings of abandonment and mistrust. However, I don’t think this kind of test will give you the clarity or closure you’re hoping for.
Instead, it’s likely to create more conflict and disappointment. A husband should prioritize his wife, but that doesn’t mean he should neglect his child. A strong marriage ultimately benefits the whole family, but part of being a good husband is also being a good father.
The problem here isn’t about choosing between a wife and a child—it’s about whether your dad can stand by what’s right, even when it’s difficult. Rather than testing him, I’d suggest having an honest conversation. Tell him your feelings and hopes for his support.
If he chooses to betray your trust, then you’ll have your answer—but it will be because of his own actions, not because of a test. At the end of the day, you deserve parents who show up for you. I truly hope your dad can be that person.” No-Sandwich1511
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Whether to trust your dad is a complex problem. Complex problems have simple and obvious solutions that are always wrong. Asking a husband to keep a secret from his wife is always problematic. You don’t know how their relationship works and how big a violation this would be.
Your test is badly designed. Whether to tell her now or in a couple of days is a trivial problem. It’s too artificial.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“I think you should do what feels right, but understand, when two people are married/ dedicated to each other, their kids are usually second to their spouse.
This is true for most because when the kids are old enough, they leave the house at the first chance they get, but the one person they can count on to be by their side is their spouse. That being said, you’re more than likely going to get your feelings hurt.
I suggest moving past all of it, telling them both, and being happy that you have grandparents who love you deeply enough to help raise you and let you stay as an adult.” Major_Seaweed304
11. AITJ For Demanding A Share Of My Mom's Inheritance For Grandmother's Care?
“I (32 F) have been living with my grandmother (95) with my partner for the last 3 years.
She has been blind in one eye, deaf, and has poor mobility. We arranged this mutually beneficial arrangement because we did not need to pay for rent since our house is paid off, and she had somebody around to clean the house, take care of it, cook dinner, and handle medical emergencies.
Until recently, it was fairly balanced and fair.
However, a week and a half ago, she suffered multiple strokes. She completely lost her vision, and her balance is no longer good. She cannot walk to the bathroom herself, get on the toilet alone, or shower without assistance.
Now, my mother lives only 5 minutes away and is retired. In the 5 days since my grandmother returned from the hospital, my mother has only been at the house to help for a total of 8 hours over those 5 days. I realize this was going to be a rehash of when my aunt died and I was left shouldering the majority of the care while my mom claimed to be a martyr.
The crux of the matter is that when my aunt died, she left a house to all three of us. It has not yet been sold, but my mom and my grandmother’s share comes out to $80,000 each.
Well, my grandmother has been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
It is likely to take 12 to 24 months for her to pass away. My mother expects me to take on the entirety, or at least the majority, of the care while she plans on inheriting everything from my grandmother. My grandmother’s house is valued at $550,000. I asked my mother to have her and my grandmother give up their share in my aunt’s house, especially since my mother was still set to inherit my grandmother’s house and everything in it, as I am not included in her will.
I have been met with outrage from every side for “charging” them to take care of my grandmother. I have been told by all of my mother’s friends who live in the area that I am monstrous and selfish. I wouldn’t ask for anything if my grandmother didn’t have anything.
But as it is, I feel like I’m being very reasonable to ask for around the 5th of what my mom is set to inherit.
Edit for clarity: I have been paying half the household bills since I moved in. I work full time, mostly remote.
The part of the estate that I am trying to get hold of is the house that my aunt used to own outright. My mother is the current POA and does not want to pay for assistance or be at the house even half the time.
My goal in acquiring the other house with no mortgage is that I will be able to rent it out and use the rent to hire respite care to help me with my grandmother, so that I do not burn out.
I did talk to my grandmother about a nursing home, and she started crying and having a panic attack.
She wants to live out her days in her home.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You thought you were being reasonable by asking your mom to compensate you for how much this is going to take out of you, but in reality, that just makes it easy for her to twist the guilt thing with everybody else.
Your grandmother has a 1/3 share in an asset valued at ~240k, and owns a home valued at $550k, and her care should not be paid out of your money nor out of your mother’s money. Your grandmother’s care should be paid for out of her own money – and assets.
Start contacting elder care agencies about getting an assessment as to how much care your grandmother is going to need in the home, whether that be a couple of hours a day or an eight hour shift a day, or whatever. And make an appointment with a lawyer to find out about getting a power of attorney for your grandmother’s care so that the cost comes out of her own estate.
Grandmother deserves to be well-cared-for and can afford to be well-cared-for, and your mother doesn’t get to decide that inheriting your grandmother’s assets is more important than your grandmother’s actual medical care and safety.” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“Do not trust these people. Their plan is to get you to do all the work, then give you nothing or a pittance.
Ignore everyone’s opinion who is not being given this task; they are irrelevant. If you insist on doing this, then set up a fee schedule in writing. Yes, you are charging them and they should open their pocketbooks. The first time that they don’t pay, you move out.
Add a clause that they have to pay for a nurse under X circumstances. Use a lawyer. Again, DO NOT trust them. It will be to your detriment if you do. ‘Do this now, we will take care of you later’ is a huge lie.
Forget the inheritance; get it in cash, now. NTJ” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re providing full-time care for your grandmother while your mom, who lives five minutes away, barely lifts a finger. Expecting some form of compensation—especially when there’s a hefty inheritance involved—is completely reasonable.
If your mom wants to inherit everything but refuses to share the responsibility, that’s on her. You’re not ‘charging’ them; you’re asking for fairness. If they don’t want to compensate you, they can step up and take care of her themselves.” ChalkAndChallenge
10. AITJ For Only Paying For What I Ate When My Friends Took My Leftovers?
“I (20F) went out for dinner with a friend (20F) and her partner (20M). By accident, I ordered a dish that I couldn’t eat (this was my fault). When it came time to grab the bill, my friend and her partner asked if they could take my meal, which was barely touched. I said sure, since I wasn’t going to eat it and it would be a waste otherwise.
A couple of days later, her partner reached out asking me to pay for my portion, which included the food they brought home. This caught me by surprise since, again, they were the ones who ended up eating it all and it felt like being asked to pay for part of their meal. If they hadn’t done that, I would have paid in full since it was my mistake for ordering the dish.
I explained this to him and asked if they could recalculate the total. Her partner said he understood and gave me the new split, which ended up being 20 dollars less. I paid the remaining ($10), but it seems like afterwards they weren’t very happy and have since refused to hang out.
This is the first time something like this has happened, and there have been times when I have covered the meal without really caring if I got the money back, just because I wanted to hang out. Since we were already growing distant in our relationship, I kind of just let it be.
When I brought it up in passing today, a different friend said she disagreed with my actions and claimed that they were helping me by not wasting my food. To be honest, I still don’t really see how this was helping me, as either way I wasn’t eating it.
I also think that by taking the food, it was a choice they made that they should be accountable for. Again, if they didn’t take the food, I would have paid for it.
This feels like if someone ate your food and still asked you to pay for it.
It’s not something I would do to anyone else, and I don’t think it was wrong of me to voice my objection, considering how the partner even said he understood.
That being said, I feel bad about how the friendship fell apart over some dollars.
AITJ? Should I have just paid the full meal?
Edit: Thank you all for your perspective. To be honest, it hasn’t changed mine. Some points being touted as objective irritate me, so I am just writing this and logging off. This isn’t a black and white situation where I ordered food and demanded someone else pay for it just because I didn’t want to pay.
It was a request I made for fairness, ONLY BECAUSE they ate the entire dish.
If the situation were that they ate all of it at the restaurant because they saw I wasn’t going to touch it, would that change the situation somehow? Because the end result is the same, and I don’t believe most people would have been okay with that.
I view the ordering as a mistake on my behalf, but not something they were paying for in a way that they would never have ordered the meal, and this was burdensome on them. No one forced them to take the food; they wanted it.
I did not want it to go to waste. That is why, when they asked for it, I allowed them to take it. I didn’t stomp my foot and say, “No, leave it; I want it trashed!” I would just have to find someone to give it to otherwise.
No, I would not have then made that person pay for it; it would have just been a kind gesture if they wanted the food.
Free food is free food. I also think that calling a complete dish, where I only tasted a spoonful and realized it contained an ingredient I couldn’t eat, “leftovers” feels like an extreme exaggeration.
And I have a hard time believing that most people commenting don’t somehow see that aspect of it. In this case, it was my decision to tell them I actually didn’t want them to have a free meal on me. It’s not my obligation to pay for someone else’s meal, and you may disagree; that is how I see it since they were the ones eating it.
Regardless of whether they ordered it or not, they wanted it enough to take it home. If it were truly disgusting and inedible, I am fairly confident they would not have touched it. So I’m hard pressed to believe they didn’t realize they were getting a meal’s worth of food out of it or that they didn’t expect it would be free.
Normally, whoever is taking home the leftovers isn’t taking the entire meal back with them. And this should have broken the standard considerations.
The comments have dived into more speculative attacks on my personality, which is fine. I find it odd that people have to invent scenarios and additional traits.
The new split that they calculated was $10. If they wanted more to cover that spoonful, that would have been fine with me too.
The point of this post was for me to understand what the other side might have been thinking, and the best I can arrive at is there was cause for them to ask me for the money, but I still cannot see that as a “fair” request.”
Another User Comments:
“I think people are being pretty hard on you. Did you order it? Yes. Should you pay for it? Yes. However, if I were the friend who took the meal, I’d never have asked you to then pay me back for it.
I took it. I ate it. And I’ve already paid for it. I also don’t understand why it was days later that he asked to be paid instead of you splitting the bill at the restaurant. That adds an awkwardness that I’m not sure who created.” FormSuccessful1122
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You ordered it. At that point, you committed to paying for it. They asked you if it was OK not to waste the leftovers (at this point, it doesn’t matter how much is left; it’s leftovers). If you expected them to take over the commitment to pay, it’s at this point, before they take them, you mention it so they can make the informed decision.
Nobody expects to pay for someone else’s leftovers. Others shouldn’t be expected to pay for your mistake.” dragonetta123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m going against the grain for a couple of reasons. First, this should have been settled at the table when the bill came, not them asking you days later for more money.
Second, I am imagining this happening with my friends. The bill comes and I go to pay for my share; my friends would never let me pay for the food that I didn’t eat and they were taking it home.” prairiescary
9. AITJ For Talking To My Neighbor's Barking Dog Because My Cane Is Clunky?
“I (32F) alternate between using a cane/rollator/wheelchair due to disability and have just moved to a new area where the people (and animals!) don’t know me very well.
My cane makes a ‘clunky’ sound when I use it (as I put it on the ground) whereas, for the most part, my wheels are silent.
There is a dog on my street who, obviously, when I moved in barked at me whenever I walked past while I was chatting with whoever was accompanying me.
After a couple of weeks, it got used to us and now does a simple “hello” bark, and I say “hello” back to him and he’s chill. The problem, however, is that old mate hates my cane when I’m by myself and does not stop barking until I acknowledge him, which I’m happy to do.
I want to say he doesn’t realize it’s “friend” until I speak, because as soon as I speak he goes “Oh, it’s you” and stops barking. But the bark isn’t a “Hey! Hey! Notice me!” bark; it’s a “What the heck is this? Who is this?” bark… So I just go “Hey mate” or “Shush mate, it’s me,” and that tends to be it.
He is normally silent if I’m on my own in my chair/rollator. Not even an “arf.”
Cue today’s normal “clunk clunk” and annoyed barking, and I say “Shush. You’re all good” in a kind voice; and as I pass a tree that covers their front yard, the door flies open and a woman walks out and begins berating me.
Basically, she wanted to know how often I talk to her dog and why I talk to her dog, because “Don’t I know – I shouldn’t do that?” Apparently, my talking to her dog will encourage it to not spook thieves away because it’ll think of all strangers as friends because of my “stupidity.” Anyway, I feel really dumb now – so AITJ?
Just before asking, no, it’s not possible to cross the road and walk on the other side because there is no footpath on the other side of the road, and walking in the grass is not safe for me. It’s also not really safe for me to press my cane into the grass to make it silent because if it presses into a hole or something, I could topple over.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she is absurd, you talk to her dog because you are its neighbor and it freaks out if you don’t announce yourself. You do not need to worry about thieves for her; I’d be more worried about the dog getting hurt by thieves.
The dog is entirely innocent and clearly smart enough to be kind. The dog isn’t going to think robbers are that person he regularly hears and smells.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are in a public place and perfectly within your right to speak to the dog as you walk past. If she really has an issue with people speaking to the animal, then suggest she gets a sign that says ‘Don’t talk to the Dog!’.
I am sure everyone will respect her wishes then and not speak to him. Not. Your neighbour sounds like she is completely daft.” sjw_7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a few people like that in the past—usually the more shady ones, to be fair.
Don’t think you did anything wrong; you’re just trying to get on with your day. You’ve been kind to the dog, and if it’s barking, that’s on the dog, not you. It sounds like she’s just being a bit over the top, honestly. You’ve got every right to speak to the dog if it’s making noise, especially when you’re just walking by.” ruyrybeyro
8. AITJ For Taking My Prescribed Anxiety Medication And Getting Accused Of Substances?
“I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now. In fairness, we met during a tough time in my life, and I probably did him a disservice by starting to see him.
Worse, I drank a couple of times when I shouldn’t have been and lied to him, so his mistrust is understandable, but I’ve been behaving myself for several weeks now and not hiding anything. I’ve apologized and made changes. But he can’t stop bringing it up when he’s mad or has done something unkind to me.
We’re currently on a road trip and visiting his parents. His mom is elderly and unwell. She had to go to the hospital last night.
I’m prescribed a sort of rescue pill for high-anxiety situations. It makes me look and feel sleepy when it first kicks in, but then it all evens out and it works well.
I took one when the ambulance was en route to get his mom last night. My husband passed after a long illness last year and it’s still hard for me to visit hospitals without crying. I was trying to avoid that by taking a pill.
As we were driving to the hospital, he wanted to stop for a little food. My pill kicked in while he was inside. He came out and saw me nodding off a bit in his car, and by the time we got to the hospital, he had me in tears because he was accusing me of being intoxicated. When I told him it was just prescribed meds, he said pharmaceuticals are stupid and don’t work, and that I should have focused on anything else to distract from my anxiety.
After the visi,t when we got back to his parents’, I went straight to bed and he slept on the couch. He was still mad when we woke up and said I should have engaged and helped rather than “hiding” in bed. I told him I don’t care how he feels about medication and that I’m not going out of my way to help anyone who can’t even fake basic respect or caring.
We ended up in a whole argument, and now we’re ending our trip because I “don’t deserve” to be in his parents’ house. That’s fine with me; I can’t wait to get home. But I wonder if I should apologize for taking meds in that moment when I knew he hated the way it affected me.”
Another User Comments:
“What are you doing? You are not ready for a relationship right now. Especially with this Tool Bag. Get rid of this guy and take some time to heal yourself. NTJ” FormSuccessful1122
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, no. This man is waving so many red flags.
He dismisses you needs and berates you for taking prescribed medication. Seriously? Go home, block hi,m and live your best life. You’ve got enough to deal with in life without his disrespectful jerk. NTJ.” Throwaway-2587
Another User Comments:
“What is this relationship and this guy contributing to your life that’s positive?
He is constantly angry and dismissive. He doesn’t trust you, and he is against medication you gave been prescribed by an actual doctor (who knows you better than this guy does). I’m honestly not seeing what he’s bringing to your life.” LottieOD
7. AITJ For Confronting My Roommate Over Her Partner's Unauthorized Visits?
“We moved into this apartment a little less than a month ago, and last week her partner spent the night three times.
This week so far he has spent four nights here (today being the fourth), and on our lease it states, ‘Home shall only be occupied by Resident and the following occupants, and any other occupants not listed below are unauthorized’ (He is not listed). On another page, it says that a violation of the lease constitutes a ‘default’, one of which is having unauthorized occupants.
With that being said, I have been worried we may get evicted if this continues. On top of that, we struggle to pay rent and utilities, and he uses our water and electricity and doesn’t pay a dime. With the frequency of his visits, I think this is a problem.
Anyways, today I decided to respectfully talk to them about this. I said that with him being here so often, we could be evicted for violating the lease agreement. She said, “No, none of his stuff is in here, and he doesn’t live here.” I responded, “His stuff being in here wouldn’t be a problem.
He may not technically live here, but he is an unauthorized occupant who is here very frequently.”
Basically, she told me that she knows we won’t get evicted, and that her partner is over so often because she’s going through a lot and can’t see him anywhere else (they both have cars, jobs, and a place to live).
I brought up the issue that he uses up resources; she just stared at me. Since none of that seemed to matter to her, I said that as someone who also lives here, it does bother me when he is here so often. She said, “Okay.” I asked if she had anything to say, and she replied that she had nothing to say.
I then asked if she was going to do anything about it. She said, “No, probably not.” I said, “I wish you would respect me more,” and walked away.
Was I being a jerk for saying this stuff to her? I give her a decent amount of money for rent each month and give her money for electricity, so I feel like I should have a say in stuff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are paying rent and contributing to utilities, so you absolutely have a right to voice concerns about someone who is frequently in the shared living space and using up resources. Your roommate dismissing your concerns and outright saying she will not do anything about it shows that she does not respect your input, even though you live there too.
This is not about dictating who she can see, but about basic roommate boundaries. If her partner is over so often that it feels like he is living there without contributing, that is a fair issue to bring up. Her brushing you off completely instead of trying to compromise is the real problem.
If she refuses to listen, it may be time to set clearer rules or reconsider the living arrangement.” PadiChristine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Broadly speaking, you probably won’t get evicted because proof of another person “living there” is really hard to establish. And unless you have a landlord who shows up all the time, you’re probably fine.
That said, speak with your roommate about how much he is there. He should pay rent if his presence is excessive, even if it’s under the table. He isn’t just around; he uses electricity, water, and other utilities. But if he is there four nights a week, that’s about 48 hours or more of the week.
That’s two days, the majority of which he is sleeping and thus habituating. If this is average, quick math would put it at about eight days a month, or 25% of the month. This means if it becomes a habit, he should pay roughly 25% of the rent.
Hopefully, these are just new-house partner sleepovers and it will taper off, or whatever he is going through will pass. But yeah, if this continues for another week, you’ve got to have that hard chat.” AshenKnightReborn
Another User Comments:
“I would talk to either your landlord or property manager because they’re disrespecting the rules and your space, and you’re not obligated to support his half of the bills.
If he has his own place, why doesn’t he go there, and why doesn’t she go there?” Consistent-Ad3191
6. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Let Me Enjoy My Birthday Without Yelling?
“It’s my birthday today, and I’m 16. Over the years, my parents never really understood what I wanted for my birthday, and my mother would always curse me after the party ended, saying that I didn’t deserve any of this and that it should be her celebration rather than mine.
Due to this, I’ve come to hate birthdays in general because I know they will always go badly. Well, this time, for some reason, my mother was really enthusiastic about my birthday and asked what I wanted. I told her I wanted a chill day, with no quarrels, no yelling, just a normal, peaceful day.
Now on my birthday morning, before school, I saw a few gifts from my sister and mother, and was overjoyed. I thanked my mother and got ready for school. Well, at that time, I had my phone right next to me, and my mother kept yelling that I was getting late.
I told her calmly that the phone was next to me and that I was keeping track of time and was not late. But she didn’t stop and kept yelling. I lost my temper, which was wrong on my part, and yelled, “DON’T WORRY, I’M NOT LATE!!”
At this, my mother started yelling continuously and said the meanest things ever, which brought me to tears, and I just left for school without uttering a word. When I returned, she was not in the best mood because I didn’t greet her on my birthday, even though she had given birth to me before leaving.
I didn’t react to this, and when she gave me lunch, she kept cursing me, so after that, I just took a nap. When I woke up, my mother was in an okay mood, and we didn’t really talk. Then she wanted to put a banner in my room which said “HAPPY BIRTHDAY,” and to this I said no. I didn’t want it.
I had had enough, so I told her that she couldn’t put the banner here; anywhere else was fine. To this, she started tearing up, saying that she had raised me her whole life, but now I had the audacity to stop her, etc., etc.
So now I’m sobbing in my room and questioning whether what I did was right. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom is abusive and toxic. She told you the truth, you just don’t see it. It’s not your birthday; it is all about her. She expects a special day because of “mom.” Nothing you will ever do is enough for her.
She thinks you owe her everything and will continue to use that to mistreat, manipulate, and control you.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are entitled to request that your birthday is celebrated a certain way (e.g. decorations, etc.) as you are an individual. It took me 25+ years and counting to try and get my mum to stop buying me clothes (we compromised, certain outlets only).
I’m 43! Is your mum this emotionally unregulated at other times (is this her baseline) or just at certain times? Happy birthday, I hope you wipe away the tears and that it gets better today.” dragonetta123
Another User Comments:
“Your mother is really terrible at being a mother, and it kind of sounds like she’d be bad at being a person.
My child’s birthday isn’t about me giving birth to them. What a halfway decent mother does on the child’s birthday is try to give them a nice day. Your mother is making your birthday about herself, and her efforts to give you a nice day are frankly pathetic and significantly outweighed by the verbal mistreatment.
And you don’t owe her thanks for your birth or upbringing today or any day. That isn’t how parenthood works. I’m very sorry you had such a horrible day. Please, please see if you can ask at school to talk to a counsellor about this, because you’re going to have to learn not to love people who mistreat you.
And try your hardest to get good exam results so you can start a life for yourself where nobody screams at you. That’s what a good mother would want for you, and I hope you can get it.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Saying No To A Roommate Adding A Cat In Our Shared Space?
“I (23F) have been living with my friend (24F) for a few months. I am moving states in six months, so we will not be renewing. She has a dog that I knew about coming in. The dog has anxiety and sometimes has accidents inside the house, which she cleans up after; however, due to our schedules, I am forced to clean it up because I do not like having dog waste on the floor until she gets home.
I am not a pet expert, but several friends told me the dog is probably not well cared for to be allowed in the house so often. I am not fond of the situation, but I was aware from the start that she had one pet, and the lease will be over soon anyway.
So three months ago, she suggested buying a cat. I told her no, given that it feels like the dog is too much, and I prefer not to have more than one pet in our shared space. Well, the other week, she told me she is going to foster a cat.
She said, to be fair, she will keep the food, water, and litter box in her room, and the cat will be locked inside her room 24/7 so as not to go “in my space.” I told her I do not know how that would work out, given that the apartment rooms are not that big.
It also does not seem ethical to me, given that I am not sure how all cats would like that.
But she claims that it is within her right to do what she wants with her room and personal space. I just feel defeated at this point.
I do not know if the cat will end up truly confined there. She claims that if it does not work out with the cat liking being in one room the entire time, she can easily return it. From my perspective, it just seems like she could not take my saying no then and now as a good enough reason not to understand why she cannot get another pet.
She argues that it is not like the dog that needs as much attention when I brought up concerns about her dog. I asked her why she could not wait the few months we have before getting one, but she never replied to me about that.
Sorry about the lengthy post, but I guess I am wondering if I am the jerk in the situation.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely not the jerk. What did your lease say about pets anyway? Did it allow pets or not? Frankly, I am glad for you that you are moving away in six months because this does not look ideal. I mean, as a landlord, I would not be happy to regain possession of a home that smells like animal feces.
And, as a roommate, I can understand how stressful this can be. From what I understand, your roommate will also not extend her lease and will move out with you, but by that time, she will have ownership of not just a dog, but also a cat.
This seems very irresponsible behavior, as she has shown that she cannot care for a dog. A dog with anxiety needs attention and training; accidents are not something that should ever be considered standard behavior. Your roommate is not giving the dog the care he deserves, and now she wants to foster a cat as if it were something she can return to the store like an item rather than a life that has likely experienced trauma from neglect and therefore needs just as much, if not more, care than the dog.
Her excuse that the cat will require less care makes no sense because there will be both a cat and a dog. It is ludicrous for her to think that the cat can live in such a small space 24/7 and that her caretaking will have no negative effect on the creature.
That cat will go crazy, it will wreck her room, and you just know she will not clean up the litter box (which will be in her room too, like, ew!). You are not the jerk in this situation; you are the only person speaking sense by saying enough is enough.
I am glad you are moving in six months, but there might be unforeseen consequencs, such as property damage or a hefty cleaning bill, because of remaining animal feces. Your roommate is getting you into trouble by acting as though animals are just for fun and require no responsibility from the owner.
You know exactly what will happen: first, the cat breaks out of her room, so she will beg you to let it into your shared rooms because it needs the space; then you will have not only dog feces to worry about, but also cat feces, and likely she will say she wants to keep the cat in the long run.
If she wants more pets, then let her wait until you have moved out. This is ridiculous.” Blue_Waffled
4. AITJ For My Best Friend Sending Photos Of My Abusive Ex And Hanging Out With Him?
“My ex-best friend and I have been close for around 4 years. At the end of last year, I got into a really toxic, emotionally abusive relationship that lasted for nearly 6 months. I met this guy through my best friend. They were friends at work for around 2 years and considered each other work best friends.
I confided in my friend about all the awful things he put me through. For some context, this guy would always degrade me by calling me fat and ugly; he downloaded during our time together and would constantly gaslight me, etc. When I finally cut things off with him in early April, she still remained friends with him.
I overlooked it at first because they had been friends before I was in the picture, but it still rubbed me the wrong way.
When we were no longer together, I noticed that she would still hang out with him, such as inviting him to parties, even sharing hotel rooms, and she’d still constantly be messaging him.
Every time they hung out, she would send me pictures of him or post pictures of them together on her stories or Instagram. I tried not to let it get to me, but I was still really hurt by her actions. He lives far outside the city we are from, so my last straw was when she drove over an hour to go and hang out with him.
Then again, she proceeded to send me photos of them hanging out together.
I confronted her about it and said it felt like she didn’t respect me as a friend when she hung out with him. She excused herself by saying it wasn’t her idea to hang out with him, and she neither planned to hang out with him nor to send me photos of them together.
She said that they had a friendship from before I was involved and that she couldn’t just throw that away. I understand that they had a friendship before me, but I still can’t help feeling betrayed. Part of me feels like I might be overreacting because I don’t care that she was friends with him before I was in a relationship with him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s extremely inconsiderate to do that. Especially by sending pictures featuring a guy that put you through bad times. At the very least, she should respect your need for space from him. The fact that she sends you pictures is pretty messed up and firmly drives this from a muddled situation to unacceptable.” 100dwarvesinacoat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like she’s rubbing it in your face. And her saying she didn’t plan to hang out with him or send you pictures doesn’t make sense. Pictures don’t send themselves, and driving for more than an hour to see someone is a plan.
She didn’t just run into him while she was out and about. The way you describe the situation, it really seems like she’s messing with you.” Lopsided_Tomatillo27
Another User Comments:
“ESH – Because they had an existing friendship beforehand, I don’t think it’s fair of you to not want her to be friends.
And I don’t get why driving an hour to hang out is the last straw. Why does the distance matter? However, she is totally disregarding your feelings. If she wants to continue the friendship, she should do so in a way that doesn’t affect you.
She is a major jerk for sending pictures to you while you are hanging out, and she should definitely think twice before posting them on her story – does she post like that with everyone she hangs out with? She is definitely the bigger jerk here by how she almost rubs him in your face.” AnxiousStrawberry11
3. AITJ For Telling A Coworker I Don't Want To Get Fat?
“Let me start off by saying I’m not sure if my coworker heard or not, but either way I feel terrible. Recently, I’ve been trying to improve my life in all ways. I stopped drinking, started exercising more, and have made efforts to eat better.
At work, everyone is always bringing snacks and sweets, which I avoid for the most part.
This morning, a coworker came to my desk with a large slice of cheesecake, and I told her cheekily to get it away from me. My coworker and I are able to mess around a bit with each other, so there wasn’t any hostility during the conversation.
When she asked why I didn’t want it, I replied by saying “I don’t want to get fat.” I realized as soon as it came out how rude and blunt the statement was, and I felt instant regret in my careless choice of words.
The realization got worse when I remembered that my coworker who works at the cubicle next to me is significantly overweight.
Our cubicles are tall, so I couldn’t see her, and it was so quiet I’m not even sure if she was at her desk.
The coworker I was speaking to seemed to notice the panic on my face and played it off by saying that I should just take it because she doesn’t like chocolate. Now, I’ve been ruminating and worrying about whether my coworker heard it.
She’s very sweet, and I like her a lot, and I would never intentionally say anything to hurt her feelings. It was simply the honest answer as to why I didn’t want the cheesecake, although it was stated too bluntly. I’m not super skinny by any means; I’d say I’m midsize at 5’7″ and 164 lbs.
I guess it just came out because of a force of habit. Whenever I’m faced with temptation, my inner monologue is pretty much telling me things along the lines of how I’ll regret eating it because I won’t feel healthy and, in all honesty, fat.
Am I the jerk for feeling that way and saying it, although not intentionally to hurt anyone’s feelings? Should I try to talk to my coworker and find out if she did in fact hear it and apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It would be an insult if you said, “I don’t want to look like X” or, “I don’t want to get fat like X.” You just said you didn’t want to get fat, which is a fact.
It was not directed at or making fun of anyone. All these YTJ people are being too sensitive. You made a general comment not directed at anyone. If that person did overhear and felt bad, that is their issue.” mrbuenosdiaz1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would say this happened purely by accident, because your statement wasn’t made to target anyone; it was just an honest comment.
Could it probably have been rephrased? Maybe. But we are human—we make mistakes literally all the time. In the case this happens the next time, instead of saying “I don’t want to get fat” potentially close by to another coworker who might be overweight, just say “it’s not healthy for me” or “it’s not good for my body” in THAT situation, just to save yourself from falling into that situation again.
And your inner monologue about yourself when you think of bad food isn’t remotely wrong at all. You have a right to your own thoughts, and nobody can judge you for it. And this is coming from me, a 5’5″ person who weighs 206 pounds. I have temptations almost all the time, and sometimes they are easy to beat, and other times, not so much.
But just in case, definitely reach out to your coworker and just say the truth, because you didn’t mean it in any negative way and were just referring to yourself and not her. That way, she at least knows.” RogueX047
Another User Comments:
“I’d say not using the word fat to talk about yourself is a start.
You’re giving fat a negative connotation from the get-go. You don’t have to babysit people’s feelings, but it is also very easily avoidable and not a nice thing to hear. I find work culture around weight and food so toxic, and you never know who may have serious disordered eating.
‘Ooohh, I couldn’t—it’s a bit naughty’; ‘I’ve been eating so much, look at my thunder thighs’; ‘I don’t want to be fat’; ‘I’ll need to go for a long run to get rid of these biscuits’—these are things I hear regularly at my office, and I’m not someone who has a problem with food, but it gets to me sometimes.
I think everyone has a responsibility to think about what they are saying about food and weight in ANY environment. I am in the UK at the moment but originally from NZ, and was baffled coming here because this isn’t something I experienced at home.” Odd-Antelope4036
2. AITJ For Telling My Mother In Law That She Wouldn’t Be Invited To Our Wedding?
“My fiancé and I met in high school and we were courting briefly, only to reconnect five years later.
We have now been living together for three years and he popped the question three months ago. We are planning a wedding for September. My family has always supported us. We are both graduating this year and he has already got a very good job in IT, but I am a medical student and still depend mostly on my family.
My parents are truly amazing; they have given us an apartment, a car, and my dad gives me an allowance every month, which will continue until I start residency. My fiancé and I have shared everything since day one when we got back together. He didn’t have a job nor education, so my parents and I helped him in any way we could.
Now he gives me half of everything he earns, and I also share my allowance with him. We are hoping that we will be able to move to another country after the wedding and become completely financially independent then, but for now we still depend on my family who are paying for the wedding with the help of my fiancé’s dad.
Here starts the drama. His parents are separated and his mom lives with his brother. She has a terrible drinking problem; she can’t keep a job because of it, and she doesn’t want to get better. We tried to help her. We took her to a psychiatrist and to a psychologist, and we bought her medication, which she didn’t take.
We even paid some of her bills. None of it has any effect on her. The last straw was last summer when she got intoxicated and ruined my fiancé’s birthday. We went out to celebrate, and when his brother got home with his partner, he found her lying unclothéd on the stairs in a pool of her urine.
He called my fiancé and we had to go and deal with that. After that, my fiancé decided that he didn’t want her in his life at all. He had been experiencing issues like that for years, and he just had enough. I supported him, of course, but I also felt bad for her because I get that she has mental health issues—a disease.
We cut contact almost completely. The problem, however, started after my partner proposed. My parents invited his family over to dinner and he didn’t want his mother there. However, his dad completely ignored his wishes and brought her anyway without even telling him. We both were extremely mad, but my parents supported the decision, saying that she was his mother after all and that she should be involved. We decided to keep the peace, so we went with it until now.
Last weekend we went on holiday and my parents were out of the country, so we needed someone to look after our dog. We asked my fiancé’s brother and he said okay. However, two days later I received a text message from his mother telling me not to worry because she was taking care of it, although she didn’t know she had to, and that she was lower class, just a babysitter, while we, the higher class, should enjoy their vacation.
Needless to say, I saw red.
Firstly, I have never been anything but kind to her; secondly, the subtle attack towards my family made me extremely mad. They are doing everything for us—and that “us” includes her child—and instead of being grateful, she has the audacity to talk like that.
I gave her a piece of my mind and told her that we had asked my fiancé’s brother, and that we will never do that again, and that she should be ashamed of herself. Instead of always finding the blame in others, she should look herself in the mirror and think about why both of her children don’t want to talk to her.
Then she proceeded to state that we had stolen money from her purse to go on our vacation. She made it seem almost like we were all abusing her, and I was truly shocked. I blocked her—which I should have done the moment my fiancé asked me.
Then this woman proceeded to call my mother and try to give her a piece of my mind about raising an ungrateful child and being a bad parent, and stuff like that. Surprise, surprise, she was intoxicated yet again. We went back to get our dog a day earlier because we were really worried that she would poison it or something.
She threw water at us and told us not to bother talking to her until the wedding. So I told her that if she thinks she would be invited, she is very mistaken. My fiancé completely agrees with me, but we are worried about backlash from his family.
Do you think I am the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, you’ve shown this woman way more grace and compassion than most people would have in your shoes. Addiction is a disease, yes — but so is narcissism, and it sounds like she’s got a toxic cocktail of both.
There’s a limit to what you can excuse when someone repeatedly disrespects you, your fiancé, your family, and crosses major boundaries.” User
1. AITJ For Posting My Wedding Date And Provoking My In-Laws?
“I, 23f, and my partner, 25m, got engaged a few months ago, and we have just posted our save the dates for June 2025. My partner’s brother “R”, his partner “C”, and my partner’s other sister-in-law “T” are all cracking it. Six months ago, they let us know they were planning their wedding for June 2025, but they never told us a date (they still haven’t, and this supposed wedding has been postponed three to four times now).
“T” saw my partner’s save the date post and sent it to “R/C”, and my partner received a message—a summary of their conversation as follows: “Are you and OP trying to annoy us? We told you six months ago we were planning ours in June.
I hope she’s worth it.”
For some background context, “C&T” has never liked me from the get-go. I have no idea why. “T” is studying to be a nurse and has, on numerous occasions, picked on my parenting (I have a one-year-old from a previous relationship).
One instance that stands out is when she was telling my MIL and FIL that my child should be in warm clothes (he has always been a rather warm kid, body temperature‐wise) while I was standing on the other side of the wall. I spoke up and said, “My son’s parent is right here; why don’t you talk to me?” and “T” went silent as everyone was on my side.
Fast forward to the start of September 2024. My partner created a group chat to plan my MIL’s birthday party. We had a theme in mind, and everyone was happy with it. We left the chat open for everyone to put in ideas and dates, etc. “R&C” called my partner at work to say they wanted to help plan, which we had no issue with, but I did warn my partner that they were going to take everything over, and they did.
They planned a theme that my MIL doesn’t like (as she had told us before), kicked us out of the planning, and had a go at me for it all. There is much more to this, but I needed to provide some background information.
AITJ for posting a wedding date?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and they’re the jerk. It sounds like you’re all just trying to stick it to each other. You wanted to have a Halloween wedding or an elopement, but now the wedding date is the 27th of June.
The others keep postponing, and now also want June. Just sit down and talk about it, or just elope on your sentimental day; then have a small gathering afterwards, or have a small wedding at a later date! This is all too messy. Just do what you want to do.” AmbitiousCan1001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No save the date from them? Too bad. I don’t subscribe to this ‘I get the whole month’ for my wedding. The only exception I could see is if your friend group is deeply intertwined and you want to have similar wedding parties.
And that caveat is so the friends can manage their time, not for the bride. Similar for siblings. Future sister-in-laws are used to being the top dog in all of the family dynamics. They are working hard to establish dominance over you so they can continue to be the family boss.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“Eh, NTJ, because their wedding has also been postponed several times. If they wanted a June 2025 wedding, they had six months (and three to four postponements) to send out a save the date. They seem weird and rude anyway. I guess luckily for them, your fiancé isn’t petty enough to ask R&C if they’re sure their relationship is worth it since they keep postponing the wedding.” chaenukyun
