People Want To Know How We View Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
36. AITJ For Telling My Brother I Don't Care About Him And Ignoring Him?
“My (35 F) mom was barely 18 in the early 70s when she had her first child and she gave him up for adoption. He found her through an Ancestry site in 2019 and they got to know each other. I was her late-life surprise, so there is an 18-year age gap between my brother and me.
Fast forward to March 2020. We found out the hard way that we are on far different sides of any sort of political/ideological spectrum and his entire family stopped talking to me, but would sporadically message our Mom. I realized I didn’t really miss anything about him or his family, so I was just happy they talked to her.
He reached out a few weeks ago and sent me a meme. I browsed his social media, realized that nothing would change, and just ignored it.
Last night, he sent me a long rant about how ‘we’re family’ and that I should at least respond.
So I sent him a nice message back that I hadn’t heard from him in 2 years, that I thought our moral and political ideologies were just too big of a gap to bridge, and that I hoped he and his family stayed well, and to have a nice life.
He sent me back a long message, which then started openly denigrating my atheism and political beliefs, so I finally just sent a message back asking him to leave me alone because I just didn’t care about him before I blocked him.
He sent the message to our Mom and she absolutely lost her mind. She said he is crushed that I said that and she refuses to believe it. I shrugged and told her it was on her if she didn’t believe the truth. Now she’s barely speaking to me, and she demands I apologize.”
35. AITJ For Refusing To Swap Or Share My Sandwich With My Sister?
“My (16 F) dad (33 M) married my stepmom (45 F) four years ago, she has two kids, Colton (23 M) and Sara (16 F), Sara and I attend the same school but we’re not friends or anything.
We usually take our own lunches to school but a few days ago my significant other (17 M) said he wanted to have a small picnic during lunch break at school this last Friday because he would be away for two weeks.
I was excited so I told my dad and asked for money so I could at least get us something to drink, my stepmom (who didn’t know that my SO planned a picnic) said that I shouldn’t want money since we pack our own lunches so I could take a bottle of water or something. I explained that it wasn’t just for me and that my SO planned something, so I wanted some sodas or juice, my dad handed me $20 and my stepmom said that it wasn’t fair that only I get to eat ‘something different’ so she handed my step-sister a $50 so she could buy something on our way there.
Sara just smirked at me.
Anyway, that day my SO and I were getting ready, she got some turkey sandwiches, cake pops, fruit, and a bag of hot Cheetos (Simple, I know, but he made the sandwiches and the cake pops so it was super sweet!), I said I was gonna buy something to drink but he refused and went to get it himself.
When he left Sara approached me and asked what did he bring, I answered her and she asked to swap her sandwich (because it was a salami one and she didn’t like it) with mine. I said no because my SO made it for me and plus she was already bitten. She was like ‘C’mon it’s just a stupid sandwich!’ I said no and told her to go buy something else but she said it was a waste of money, I just rolled my eyes and when I saw my SO coming, I told Sara to get lost and she did.
When we were having dinner, she told her mom everything and my step-mom tried to berate me but my dad stopped her and said that Sara shouldn’t have insisted after I said no. She said I could’ve at least shared but I just got up and went to my room. My step-mom is giving me and my dad the silent treatment so I was wondering if I did something wrong, it’s important to ask that Sara has had a thing for my SO for a while but he rejected her a few times before we started talking.”
34. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Bake Less Often?
“My wife, Amanda (33), took up baking as a hobby in 2020 and really threw herself into it. We got one of those Kenwood mixers for the kitchen and different tools and pans. She learned how to make all kinds of amazing desserts and cakes. She’s even discussed starting a side business one day. I know she’s very passionate about it, and I love that.
The problem is that it’s become every day now. She’s a stay-at-home mom and manages to make time. I’ve been trying to lose extra pounds for the past year now and every attempt is thwarted by the smell of some kind of new cookie or cake or pastry. I’ve actually put on weight since I vowed to lose it – I’m 250lbs which is the highest weight I’ve ever been.
It’s impossible to be healthy when there are so many home-baked goods in the house.
Our entire family has put on weight too. Our daughter got a letter from the school nurse saying she was obese which Amanda dismissed as ‘puppy fat’. I used to take our two sons on runs with me but they never want to come anymore and when they do they just moan I’m going too fast and get out of breath.
They want to go home to play Xbox. There are always fights as well, about who had how many of each pastry and it’s like feeding time at the animal house because they all want to get their fair share before their siblings. Call me old-fashioned or the food police but I really don’t think that kids should be having dessert and baked goods every day, especially in the quantities we seem to be getting through.
Even my mother commented on how they all seemed to have gotten chubby.
Amanda is the exception to this. I suspect a little that she pushes the treats onto me and the kids because she wants to bake but doesn’t want to put on weight herself as she’s always been very concerned with her weight and size.
I talked to her about it and I asked her if maybe she could bake less often, or give the food to other people, because it’s not good for us to have around the house all the time. She said that I wasn’t being supportive of her passion. She’s said before she feels useless because she never got back to work or her career again, even though I appreciate the work she does around the home.
I told her about how I’m trying to lose weight and be healthier, but it’s really challenging to keep to any goals – and she said that I should just not each what she makes (which is easier said than done). When I mentioned the kids, she thought I was implying she was a bad mother.
She says that it makes them happy and she wasn’t going to tell them what they can and can’t eat if they’re hungry. I told her that if the kids are obese adults one day and they wonder why that she’ll be to blame and she hasn’t spoken to me since.
AITJ for putting the responsibility of the family’s health on her shoulders?”
33. AITJ For Showing My Friend The Screenshots Of Her Husband's Flirty Messages To Me?
“I’m a 31-year-old woman and have been best friends with my friend who is 34 since I was 15. She has been married to her husband for five years, I’ve never been his biggest fan something about him always seemed ‘off’ to me but I never once brought it up or told her my feelings on the matter as I had no reason to suspect he wasn’t above board, sometimes you just don’t like people it doesn’t make them a bad person and I figured it was just that.
Due to our connection through her, we do sometimes talk on social media, not often but he is on my friend list. Three nights ago he made a pass at me sending some rather flirty messages and commenting about a picture I’d put up a few hours earlier of myself at the beach with a friend.
I was naturally disgusted with this and asked him what he was doing and told him I was his wife’s best friend, then asked if he was wasted. He quickly tried to backtrack and cover his arse but it was very clear he’d been making a pass from what he’d written. He then begged me not to tell her at which point I ignored him.
I then screenshot all the messages saving them and the next day first thing in the morning I called up my friend and asked her to come to see me where I laid it all out for her, I had wanted to tell her in person as it’d be easier to soften the blow rather than immediately sending all screenshots to her with no easing into it.
I expected her to be upset but I was surprised when she got upset with ‘me’. She told me I must have led him on in some way to make him think that kind of message was ok, that he’d never do something like this without being tempted first. I told her I’d never do that to anyone last of all my best friend and pointed out how clearly disgusted I was by what he’d written, I then told her I was worried because if he’d do this to her best friend what was he doing with women who didn’t know her?
She left angry with me and hasn’t spoken to me since we met up that day, I’ve sent her a few messages since then but haven’t gotten a reply, I hope it’s just misplaced anger and she needs time to come to terms with this. I don’t know what else I was supposed to do, surely sitting on this and not telling her would have been worse?”
32. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law It Isn't My Job To Get Her A Plate?
“I got married recently, and I didn’t want anything to ruin such a joyous day, but his mom is a huge pain in the butt. MIL has a lot of issues, but one specific issue is food. She is kind of picky. I don’t know if picky is the right word, because she eats a wide variety, but she is very specific about the quality.
For example, she won’t eat off-brand, won’t eat my cooking, won’t eat anything her stepmom or half-sister cooked, and sometimes won’t eat if we are near her. It is a mess, but I decided to wash my hands of it. My therapist helped me realize that this isn’t about me, and MIL was getting hospitalized in middle school for being malnourished, so it literally has nothing to do with me and isn’t going to be the hill I’m dying on with her.
I know MIL absolutely hated the food I was serving at the wedding (BBQ) I didn’t want to listen to her complain. I didn’t want to watch her mom and husband freak out and act like she was going to starve and die. There was a small Italian place across the street from the venue, so I got her chicken parm.
MIL actually seemed very grateful, but now her husband is complaining where is his meal. He wants what she has. I’m a jerk because he is Italian, so he should get it too. then asked where her plate was. At this point I was annoyed and told her it isn’t my job to get her a plate, just eat out of the container, and stop being so difficult.
MIL did eat out of the container. Her husband stabbed at his food and complained, and eventually ate the rest of hers when she couldn’t finish it, but I heard that MIL told her mom that I was making her eat out of the big white Styrofoam thing to draw attention to her and embarrass her.
MIL said it wasn’t going to work and she didn’t care, but her mom has been making comments since the wedding about how I’m tacky and should have given her a plate. I just feel as the bride, it wasn’t my job to go and hunt down a plate and she is beyond lucky I even got her special food.”
31. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé's Mom At My Wedding Rehearsal And My Actual Wedding?
“I (28 f) am getting married tomorrow. My dad is not ‘insanely’ rich or anything but is pretty well off, more so than the average person.
He is 69 years old and is with a 23-year-old woman. They’ve only been together for 4 months but already she’s moved in with him and they’re engaged. I know that she’s with him for his money and I knew it from the start.
This isn’t typical daddy’s little girl jealousy or anything, she is genuinely just with him for his money. I’ve even asked her before if she thinks she would be with my dad if he couldn’t support her the way he does and she literally said no. He’s always buying her stuff and I’d currently paying for her college.
She threatens to leave him if he doesn’t buy her the things she wants EVERY TIME he wants them. The whole thing is a nightmare.
It would be different if she were at least nice, but she isn’t. When I first met her I wasn’t indifferent to her at all, I actually tried really hard to be nice, but right off the bat, she was so passive-aggressive and rude to me.
I’ve caught her wearing my deceased mom’s jewelry and clothes before and all she says is ‘What? They’re mine now’ which annoys me. I used to have a family birthday party at my dad’s house every year but this year I didn’t get to have one because this witch didn’t want me to, which was really disappointing.
She’s going as far as to tell him I wasn’t welcome in ‘their’ home anymore after only meeting me three times and since then my contact with my dad has died down significantly. She’s never been nice or even civil with me. Maybe if she were I wouldn’t care as much because I know that my dad is grown and can make his own decisions but she’s taking advantage of him because he’s vulnerable and has been sad and lonely since my mom passed and is looking to fill the void somewhere.
Long story short, I told him I wanted him at my wedding but she couldn’t come to either the wedding or the rehearsal because I didn’t want her bad attitude to ruin my day. He got upset with this and it caused a minor argument but he eventually folded saying that he wouldn’t bring her and I thought that was the end of it.
However, yesterday, they showed up to the rehearsal together. I was mad as I had deliberately told him not to bring her and my reasoning for doing so. I didn’t want drama so I discretely pulled him aside and told them that he could stay but she needed to go.
My dad tried to convince me to let her stay but I told him we already hashed this out beforehand.
He got mad and they ended up leaving. That night she texted me letting me know that my dad would not be walking me down the aisle and that this it’s only a result of my own immature actions. This obviously breaks my heart because I love my dad with my whole heart, but when I called him to ask he confirmed what she said.
I’m honestly so depressed about the whole thing and wish to regret it but at the same time, there has to be a point when I stand up for myself against her. AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive?
“My ex-wife lives 2.5 hrs away, has every other weekend visitation with our two children, and per our parenting plan, is responsible for all of the transportation. She wants me to start splitting the driving duties doing the Friday night run.
Some background: We’ve been divorced for several years. Lately, she’s been complaining about money more than usual.
She pays a modest amount of child support and her share of non-child support expenses based on the ratio of our incomes (5:1). Her wages have been stuck since The Before Times, her rent is skyrocketing, and lately gas is up as well. I get it, everything is more expensive.
I’ve said no for a few reasons.
The distance is her choice. She moved back to her hometown because she was having an affair with her high school sweetheart.
When I was fighting her attempt to relocate with our children, she fully intended for me to be the parent who was 2.5 hrs away, have every other weekend visitation, and do all the driving.
She repeatedly told me ‘It was no big deal’. The plan she got was the one she intended to stick me with.
I have no doubt that if I asked for assistance, the answer would be no.
I don’t have a lot of child-free personal time, and driving Friday night (the half she wants me to pick up), would pretty much kill off any Friday night activities for me.
When confronted with a divorced parenting question that is not wanted, I try to see if there is a ‘better for our children’ component. For example, I’d rather not see my ex or her idiot SO, but it’s better for our children if we get along, so I invite them to all kid events like birthday parties, and we get along just fine.
Turns out her SO is a likable idiot and we both have made questionable choices when it comes to women. I just don’t see how my driving Friday night is better for our children.
I’m leery of a thing that requires too much coordination, like meeting her halfway. I’ve tried versions of that in the past getting her some extra time if I was in her area with our kids and she’s left me waiting with no communication.
I’m leery of driving on occasion. She’s always been the take-a-mile-when-given-an-inch sort of person.
Reasons I could be the jerk. I make 5x of what she does. I feel it’s important that she does her part, but I don’t need the money. If I don’t want to drive, I could just waive some or all of her payments.
I tend to look at her requests and my initial reaction is ‘What on earth is this’. I’m long over her affair. I’m actually much better off without her, but I do still hold a grudge at her attempt to relocate with our children. If she was smarter, it easily could have gone the other way.
I don’t have the skyrocketing rent issue. I owned my home, free and clear (inherited from my late uncle) before we married, and she didn’t get any part of it in our divorce.
I’m sure there are other reasons, that’s why I’m posting. In the end, I’ll do what’s best for our children.”
29. AITJ For Wanting To Teach My Friend And Her Partner How To Respect Our House Rules?
“My friend and her partner were left homeless after a series of bad circumstances at their last house, regarding the main renter being illegally sub-leasing. So they have been staying on my couch for about a month, with two more to go. They are both allergic to cats.
I have a cat.
I told them when they moved in that my cat needs access to his food and water at all times, so if they use the bathroom, which is in my husband’s and I’s room, to leave our bedroom door cracked when they leave.
This way the cat can roam freely.
They also are not paying for anything. My husband, approved roommate, and I are not getting compensated for her and her partner staying here.
They came home last night from work around three in the morning, cause they both work night jobs, and when they were done showering, they closed the door to our room, essentially trapping the cat inside.
(We keep the cat’s food and water in the kitchen, cause cats won’t eat their food if it is too close to their litter box, which is in our room) That way they won’t risk the cat climbing up onto the couch bed and aggravating their allergies.
At this point I want to get a set of doorknobs that can be locked from the inside but need a key to unlock from the outside and put them on my and my actual roommate’s bathroom doors, so we can lock the bathrooms when we leave for the day.
(We all have day jobs) My husband (and my mom) and roommate say we should just kick them out. I don’t want them to be homeless, but I want them to learn to respect the rules of a house they aren’t paying rent to stay in.
If they decided my cat doesn’t need food and water, then I have decided they don’t need access to a bathroom. AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Refusing To Give Away My Son's Favorite Childhood Toys?
“I (39 f) have a 13-year-old son. My son has a pretty extensive collection of Beanie Babies, some inherited from my childhood and some that I have gotten for him over the years. They were always his favorite toys as a little boy. He built a little cardboard village for them, and each one had their own job and relationships within the community.
It was very cute and I loved to hear his stories about what new escapades the Beanie Village was getting up to.
As he has gotten older, he claims that he doesn’t play with them anymore, but I suspect that Beanie Village is still an active township (I’ve heard him doing voices every once in a while).
My husband says he doesn’t see the harm in it, comparing it to my sister’s older daughter playing the Sims, and I’m inclined to agree with him.
A few days ago, my sister called asking if Benji had any old toys that I could give to her. I said I’d check with him and see if he had anything he’d be fine with letting go.
She seemed a little surprised that I would even ask him. I went into his room and asked him if he’d be willing to give up some of his old toys. He went to the shelf and took down some Breyer horses and went into his closet and pulled out a bunch of stuffed animals that were crammed in there, with the exception of Sheepo his old stuffed sheep.
I asked, ‘Are there any Beanies you don’t need anymore?’ He said ‘Well, I guess I could look…’ but the expression on his face was a definite no. I said, ‘No worries if you want to keep them, this is plenty.’ He brightened up instantly. I thanked him and took the box of toys to my sister’s house.
She immediately asked where the Beanies were. I said ‘This is what he gave me. I think it’s a decent amount of toys.’
My sister started telling me about how the last time she and her family had come over her younger daughter had loved playing with Benji’s Beanies and begged her to get her some for her birthday.
I said ‘Beanies aren’t too expensive. Maybe you could just get a couple for each special occasion so she can build a collection like Benji.’ She then called me selfish and my son immature for not giving up his ‘baby toys’. She then said that my husband and I were raising a socially stunted child who still played with dolls.
I dropped the box of toys at her feet, told her she was welcome for the free stuff and drove home. I was so upset at her entitled behavior and insults to me and my son. Benji overheard me venting to my husband and is now saying that he feels bad for not giving her any of the Beanies. My mother called me and said I was being selfish and that my sister has a greater need than Benji does (my sister has 6 children). Am I the jerk for not giving away my son’s favorite childhood toys?”
27. AITJ For Shaving My Head Despite Knowing That I Have A Part In My Cousin's Wedding?
“My cousin, Delaney (24 F), is getting married soon and I (13 F) was asked to be the flower girl at her wedding. I know I’m a bit old for it, but I’m the youngest girl on that side of the family. Around a month after being asked to be the flower girl, I was diagnosed with Anaplastic Ependymoma Grade 3 (a fast-growing cancer tumor often in the base of the brain and rarely in the spinal cord).
I started chemotherapy, and my hair started falling out pretty quickly.
I called Delaney and asked her what I was supposed to do about my hair, and she told me that it’d be fine, and just to leave it alone for as long I could. We all knew my hair was probably not going last till the wedding day, and my brother ordered me a wig online.
The wig looked a lot like my actual hair. My hair continued coming out in clumps and was getting extremely tangled and was just really uncomfortable. No one ever told me that losing my hair would be physically painful.
Eventually, a couple of days before the bridal shower and rehearsal dinner (they happened the same day), nearly half of my hair had come out, and I was so sick of the hot mess that my hair had become that I just cut all my hair off.
On the day of the rehearsal dinner, I wore my wig so that Braelyn, the family friend that Delaney had asked to be her hair stylist, could figure out how to style it. Delaney walked in as Braelyn was showing me how to use wig glue, and absolutely lost it. She asked me why I didn’t have hair and I told her ‘I have cancer, I lost my hair’ but she kept berating me and eventually I admitted that I had shaved my head because of how awful my hair looked. She called me a selfish brat and said that I didn’t have her permission to do anything drastic with my hair before her wedding.”
26. AITJ For Explaining Why I Didn't Take My Stepson To The Water Park?
“My husband and I have been married for 10 years now. When we first got married he had a 6-year-old son and I had a 5-year-old son. The boys got along pretty well for the first while but then my stepson started disliking that he had a stepfamily. What I think sparked it is around the age of 8 he started wanting his mom and dad back together and he blamed me and my son for not being able to get that.
The only reason I believe this is he did ask his dad repeatedly if he and his mom would get back together ‘now’ and my husband said that wasn’t happening because he and his mom didn’t work together but both loved him. My stepson started to change then. He’d be mean to my son, he was disrespectful to me, and over time it got worse.
He then decided he wanted to stay primarily with his mom and the courts decided he could make that decision at age 13. He still comes one weekend a month and my husband always tries to get some time with him outside our house, during the time he’s with his mom.
I took my son and a couple of his friends to the big water park an hour from our house.
The kids had a great time. My in-laws were unhappy that I took my son and not my stepson. They said the blatant favoritism was not okay. I told them we don’t reward bad behavior and he continues to be mean to my son and rude to me, and I am not going to bring him for him to spoil my son’s fun.
They even know about the last time I brought both boys to the water park. My stepson said he wanted to go off alone and then told my son to go wait in the car because he didn’t want him there, and he refused to listen to a thing I said. The last time my husband tried he had the same problem.
And his son was very bitter when my husband refused to allow him to do any activities there because of his bad behavior. He seemed to hold it against my son instead of my husband.
We still make an attempt at spending time together but we don’t allow it to spoil something my son is genuinely looking forward to.
My in-laws were outraged and said I make their grandson sound like a monster. I said that is not it. But his behavior is a problem and we can’t go around ignoring and rewarding it. They argued that I was just giving a reason for my son to be treated far better. I have always felt guilty about this stuff because I never imagined we would be in a situation with my stepson acting as he does, so their words have made me question myself. AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Telling My Ex's New Partner About My Experience With Having A Dog With Him?
“I (30s F) and my ex (30s M) split amicably several years ago, and are still good friends and have a big circle of friends together. We also own a dog together that we bought when we were still a couple. A few months ago he started seeing his new partner (30s F). She seems lovely and we got along well.
Last weekend we had a little party, when she came to me and said they were talking about children, and since I’ve known him for so long, she’d like to hear my assessment of whether he’d be good father material.
I struggled for a moment because, on the one hand, I don’t want to interfere with their relationship and life plans, but on the other hand, I also want to be honest.
For better or worse, the liquor level in my blood chose option 2, and I told her that I was always on the fence about having children, and getting a dog with him solidified for me that I don’t want to have children with him.
He hated being inconvenienced by the dog in any way, like having to cancel plans with friends to take care of him.
He never remembered or took care of pet insurance bills, vet appointments, puppy classes, food, toys, or finding a sitter when we went on holidays, everything was left to me ‘because I’m just better at remembering this stuff’ (Strangely he’s a project manager at work so he has no problems remembering important tasks and deadlines there).
I told her a filtered version of the above but also added the disclaimer that I think he’s a good person (I really do) and this was years ago and maybe he has changed, and also I’m sure a child will be different from a dog. She listened intently, and genuinely thanked me, and that was that.
I told a friend about the situation, and she said I’m the jerk for potentially meddling in their relationship, and I should have just said I think he’d be a great dad and left it at that. What do you think, AITJ?
I have zero romantic feelings for my ex, and I genuinely wish him all the happiness in the world.”
24. AITJ For Being Mad At My Fiancé's Mom For Changing My Family Recipe?
“I (29 f) have been together with my partner (31 m) for 4 years and he has recently proposed.
When I and my now fiancé started going out, his mother Emma was thrilled. She asked me for a few recipes of national dishes and I reluctantly gave her one of my family recipes. She made it before and it wasn’t bad, possibly she could have used a bit more seasoning but I totally understand her being on the save side here.
This past weekend Emma invited me and my fiancé for a family dinner so I can meet the rest of my fiancé’s family and she said she is going to cook the traditional national dish based on my family recipe again. As she cooked it before and it tasted good, I was happy that the rest of his family will try it.
I asked Emma if she would like any help in the kitchen but she declined.
Dinner was on Saturday. Emma made the dish and introduced it as a national dish of my country and that it was made using the family recipe I gave her, but it was nowhere close to the recipe I have given her.
She replaced a lot of ingredients so it was a completely different dish and was totally inedible. All the ingredients that the dish contains can easily be acquired through a normal shop and there’s nothing fancy that might be required. To put it in perspective it would be the same if someone put super noodles and fried fish in a pita and called it a taco.
As the dish was not edible, a lot of guests tried maybe a spoon and haven’t touched it. I got a little bit upset and went to the bathroom to fix my makeup. When I went downstairs I heard people discussing the dish and saying how unwilling they are to try any more food from my country due to how disgusting was the dish served at dinner.
I got even more upset and after the dinner ended asked Emma why she did that to me.
Emma was confused and said she tried to change it up a bit and the recipe is not good if it can’t be edited. I told her what she did was not fair as my family has been preparing the dish following the recipe for generations and it always turned out delicious.
She should have picked a different time to do her ‘edits’ to which Emma called me ungrateful. My fiancé is on my side and has told Emma that he can’t forgive her for disrespecting me like this after we left.
My future father-in-law called and told me that I’m a jerk for causing all this fuss and dividing the family apart over food.
23. AITJ For Not Adding My Mom's New Family To My Family Garden?
“I lost my dad when I was 8 years old. My dad’s parents came up with the idea for us to start a family garden with these small trees to represent me and my parents. I also added my older brother who died as a baby before I was born. It was meant to symbolize my family.
My mom remarried and had more children and stepchildren. I never added a tree for any of them. This isn’t something that came up because they had nothing to do with my dad’s parents. When my husband and I started house hunting together before we married, my grandparents offered their home to us, cheaply. We accepted and we moved in.
After I got married I added a tree for my husband and when I found out I was pregnant, I added a tree for our baby.
My mom knew all about the garden and what it stood for. She told her husband and then I got asked where his and my step and half siblings trees were.
I said I had never planted one for them. My mom’s husband told me it was hurtful to know I added to it when I married and got pregnant but not when I gained more family through childhood. He said I might never have seen them as a dad and full siblings, but they should be family enough to be put into my family garden.
The argument has only gotten worse because now his kids (stepsiblings to me) know about the garden and the fact they’re not included. I’m pretty sure my half-siblings have also heard. I never brought this up around any of them because I knew it could hurt feelings or be a big deal for them, so I kept it something for me, with very few knowing about it.
My mom has told me it hurts her too. That she married a wonderful man and has tried to build a family unit, and by not including them in the garden, it shows a failing when I didn’t consider them family enough to be in it.
22. AITJ For Not Tolerating How My Mom Coddles My Brother?
“I (20 f) live with my mom (56 f) and dad (62 m). I also have an older brother (28 m) who’s married to his wife (25 f) and they have two kids.
I work and I do my share of chores around the house yet my mom always complains that I do nothing when in reality if it wasn’t for me this house would be covered in mold.
My mom gets very tired because she too works 3 different jobs but also cooks for my brother and his wife, irons their clothes, washes their clothes, and babysits their kids. For the record, they don’t live with us but in a different house.
My brother is unemployed by choice. His wife works a full-time job. My brother never cooks or cleans in his house and expects his wife to do everything but because of her job, she barely has time.
My mom blames her for not being a good wife and mom if she can’t do chores in the house. I tell her that my brother isn’t working and he’s perfectly able to wash the dishes or throw some clothes in the washing machine and do some chores around the house. My mom backtracks and says it’s not his job to do that.
She ends up cooking for them and going to their house to do all of their chores.
Last night I finished work, got home, did the basic daily chores I do, and then got ready to go out with my significant other.
My mom started texting me around 10 pm to get home and clean some stuff because she was too tired from my brother’s house and her work to do more chores in our house.
I tell her I’ll be back at 12 am. She then calls me and starts yelling at me about how I don’t care about the fact that she’s struggling to take care of everything and everyone and how I don’t help her and have no sympathy she’s tired.
I tell her that indeed I don’t care if she gets tired at this point.
She makes the conscious choice to baby my grown-up brother. I help around the house and I do most of the chores of the house actually yet I’m not allowed to enjoy some time with my partner because of my mom’s choice to be my brother’s maid. It’s up to her to put a stop to it. I told her that’s not my business anymore, I’ll do my part and that’s it.
She calls me inconsiderate and ungrateful. Part of me believes I’m a jerk for dismissing her like that.”
21. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Stepsiblings?
“I (16 m) live mostly with my mom and see my dad every other weekend, per my choice. My dad is married to Shana and she has three kids under the age of 8. Shana was recently diagnosed with cancer and they started calling on me to babysit so she could rest, or babysit so she could go get treatment and stuff.
I said no. I don’t want to be stuck babysitting her kids all the time and I don’t really wanna be part of their family. I was never super close to my dad and I’m not close to Shana or her kids either and I don’t really want to be.
My dad’s family doesn’t accept his stepkids so they won’t help out and Shana has no family in the US anymore.
So they’ve been pretty mad at me for not wanting to help them out. When I am with them for my dad’s weekends (which I do need to go to, the judge said in court mom NEEDS to make sure I keep some relationship with my dad while I am a minor and even threatened to fine her because I asked if she’d be in trouble if I stopped seeing my dad) they will often get me to watch the kids or it will be a big deal that I don’t help them more.
They also complain that I make it so obvious that I don’t want to be with them.
Shana had a bad reaction to her treatment during the week and I was asked to babysit Saturday so she could rest and maybe go to the ER if she got worse. When I didn’t go my dad blew up my phone saying I was being a jerk and how dare I treat one of my parents the way I’m treating Shana.
I told him he was hardly a parent to me so he could shut up with saying Shana is one of my parents. He said babysitting would be no big deal and would be a great chance for me and the kids to bond. That refusing is abandoning them when they could use an older brother.
20. AITJ For Getting An Entire Table For Myself Instead Of Going Home?
“I (f 32) have been with my husband Bob (m 39) for 3 years, married for one. His mom has a habit of keeping me out of most of their functions with the excuse ‘You work too much’. Not true because sometimes I do make myself available but yet find myself excluded.
Last week, his mom invited us for a celebratory dinner at the restaurant after she completed her recovery.
I had to with that day but I let her and everyone know that I’d be there at 8 pm. Bob obviously knew I was coming.
The thing is, when I arrived at the restaurant I saw that the table was full. All chairs had been taken and I just stood there with complete puzzlement while Bob and his mom just stared at me.
His mom then told me there was no place left for me and that I could either have Bob get up and take his seat or… go home.
I was so upset but instead of going home I just went and took an entire table for me. Bob and his mom watched with their eyes popping out of their heads like they saw something so shocking…
I am not gonna lie, I did get weird looks from the guests but so did Bob and his mom. It was awkward in all honesty.
I had my dinner, and dessert, then went home. I saw Bob and his mom staring grudgingly while I was making my way out. He got home an hour later and yelled saying I embarrassed his mom in front of her guests.
I yelled asking what was I supposed to do after I got denied a seat and he told me that it wasn’t his nor his mom’s fault guests arrived ‘before’ me and took all the available chairs. I told him he could’ve saved me a chair! He said that I could’ve just left instead, and reminded me that I was a ‘guest’ and that I shouldn’t expect this level of entitlement to be ‘accepted’.
He then went on about how I ruined the entire dinner for him and his mom with what I did and has been pouting about it for days now.
I don’t get it, I really don’t. was my expectation really that entitled? I mean as his wife he should’ve saved me a seat. But clearly, I’m missing something here.”
19. AITJ When My Daughter Invited Kids Into Our House?
“I live on a military base where everyone pretty much knows everyone. I just had a baby three weeks ago and I also have a 5 year old daughter that is allowed to play outside with her friends in a little clearing and playground between a cluster of about 20 homes. There is always someone watching when I let my daughter out to play, either myself, my husband, or her best friend’s mother.
I’m married. My husband was showering, I’m upstairs with my newborn getting him changed, and my daughter came in with two girls. I thought one of them was a friend I know but didn’t get a great look because my hallway is dark and the other I know was her best friend so I didn’t think much of it, they’ve both been given the go-ahead to be in the house by their parents but I told my daughter to take them outside, that I’d be done soon.
She shut my door and said okay then I heard a door shut so I figured she took them back outside. I finish changing the baby, open the door, and hear voices in her room, they’re in my daughter’s room. I notice the little girl I thought was a friend is not someone I’ve seen before, tell all three of them to get outside again and tell my daughter I need to talk to her.
I get a call from her best friend’s mom while I’m trying to usher them out, letting me know the new girl wasn’t supposed to be in the house. (I figured) So I go out with the baby and kids in tow to see a group of three moms glaring at me. I make sure the kids are outside and go to talk to my daughter about not inviting people into the house until she asks me.
The mother comes over and says that I should’ve sent her outside immediately and someone should’ve been watching. All of this in the span of 5-10 minutes. I try explaining to the woman, who apparently was at a birthday party at a neighbor’s and doesn’t live here, why it wasn’t that simple but it was obvious she wasn’t listening and wanted more than an apology and talking to my daughter about not doing it… so I walked inside, leaving her at my fence.
My daughter went over to someone’s house the other day without asking and I didn’t blame the other kids or the parents, I blamed and punished my daughter.”
18. AITJ For Bringing The Dirty Dishes To My Daughter's Room?
“I have a constant battle with my daughter finishing up chores, especially with cleaning the dishes. When she was younger, I made a lot of effort to teach her how to do chores but my wife (now ex-wife) always undermined me so because of this, chores have always been a struggle.
When I started remote work, I set up my office near the kitchen because it’s the only part of the house that can accommodate the space I need.
Before going to bed, I always make sure dishes are put away and cleaned. I seldom eat dinner with my daughter because she works part-time in the evening. Sometimes she prepares her own dinner when she gets home or eats at work. I would constantly tell her to clean up after herself yet it’s almost every day that I wake up to seeing dirty dishes on the sink.
When she is not working, she does the same thing. She makes a mess of the kitchen, dumps all of the dirty dishes and never comes back to put them away. Whenever we do eat dinner together, I always tell her that we need to take turns cleaning the kitchen. After dinner, she drops her plate in the sink and storms off.
Her partner comes to visit sometimes and they do the same thing. Use the kitchen, dump the dishes, take off, come back to use the kitchen again and pile more dirty dishes on the sink and take off.
I always remind her and tell her why she needs to take care of the dishes. Sometimes it’s okay to leave the dishes in there for a bit because she is tired, she just needs to do it eventually.
She expects me to do it for her. I want her to be responsible. I am so tired of the nagging that sometimes, I just take care of it because the pile is just disgusting to look at especially when I am working.
Yesterday, she and her partner were using the kitchen again after I cleaned it.
Dumped all of the dirty dishes and stormed off. I texted her about making sure the kitchen needs to be cleaned and dishes were put away when she comes back. Time passed, I finished work, had dinner with a friend at a restaurant, and came back to see the dishes in the sink. I told my daughter who was home to take care of it again before she went to bed.
When I woke up the next morning to get ready for work, I saw the same dirty dishes from the day before only to be piled up with more dirty dishes. I found a plastic bin and stacked all of the dirty dishes inside, took them down to her room, and placed them on her bed.
She went ballistic. I said I can’t stand seeing the dirty dishes from yesterday while I am working and I am tired of nagging her to clean whenever she messes up the kitchen. She called me controlling, and OCD and if I can’t stand the dishes, I need to look for another spot in the house to work.
She also told her mom and now my ex-wife is calling me out for leaving dirty dishes in her room. I told her it was to teach her a lesson. She called me a bad parent. Some friends thought I did the right thing and some friends don’t.
So AITJ here?
Edit: She also goes to school part-time.”
17. AITJ For Giving My Nieces And Nephews Educational Gifts?
“My partner’s brother has 3 young children now 2, 5, and 7, and 3 now adult children. We are invited to birthdays and Christmas and I genuinely enjoyed being welcomed in, getting gifts, and celebrating with the kids.
When I joined the fray, my partner and I discussed giving the young kids physical gifts instead of money or nothing.
He’s not that into personal gifts and thought it would be fine if I got gifts on our behalf.
My partner has never been big into getting the kids gifts, he might give the kids money or nothing at all. As far as we know this was never a problem for brother or SIL.
For the first set of birthdays, we got the kids what the parents asked of us.
The 5 and 7-year-old have birthdays days apart and often have shared parties. They kind of go nuts and fight over each other’s gifts and get jealous if it seems like one kid got more than the other. Normal kid stuff. So the following year in addition to the small parent-directed toy, I got age-specific educational gifts, books, science-y candy/slime/whatever-is-popular makers, and crafts.
I would often schedule a time to do the gifts with the kids.
For last Christmas, I suggested we do an experienced-based gift. The kids were getting a mess of toys from the other siblings/in-laws and we asked if this was ok instead. We got the go-ahead, I made fake tickets so they could have something physical.
The kids had fun and we learned an important lesson, that crap is really hard and expensive.
Fast forward to this year’s round of birthdays. There have been some issues between brother and SIL and they are in a rocky place. We got a last-minute invite to a combined party at a trampoline place. I didn’t want the kids to have nothing so I ran to the store right before and got some reading and activity books.
It wasn’t as planned or thoughtful as past gifts, but I figured it would be fine.
As I’m giving the gifts to the kids SIL informs me they already have one of the books, then walks off. Ok. I guess give it away or I’ll return it? After the party, I receive a wall of text from SIL informing me I am undermining her 20 years of parenting and telling her her kids are unintelligent by getting educational gifts. That I am giving passive-aggressive and insulting gifts.
I was floored and I guess we’ll go back to money or nothing? I never asked her permission about the books this time or add-on activities/science gifts of the past. I don’t have kids and I try to research etiquette around appropriate gifting. AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Not Telling My Parents About My Promotion?
“I (22 F) live with my parents (50 F and 52 M) and my two brothers (18 M and 19 M).
Since I turned 18 and started working, 50% of my salary goes to my parents to help around the house. I earn 1100 (minimum salary) and 550 is for them, the rest to spend as I want.
I had the sweet illusion that they would do the same to my brothers when they started working, and I was irritated to learn that the two of them paid nothing at home. When I confronted my parents, they said that they earn very little because are interns (they earn 600) and that they would barely have money if paid half, I mentioned the idea of paying less then because I also wanted to have some for myself, but they said no, because it was money they count on.
For several reasons that I won’t mention (ADD: health-related – my parents’ house is adapted for me): it’s not that easy for me to move, so I accepted, even though I was annoyed.
It’s been about 3 months since I was promoted and my salary is double what I used to earn (2200). I knew that if I mentioned that I had been promoted to my parents, they would ask to increase the contribution and I’m still pretty upset that they don’t charge the other kids…
so I didn’t comment and my schedule barely changed. I don’t have exorbitant expenses and I’m saving enough funds to actually move and make all the necessary adaptations.
My parents aren’t in the best financial situation, they are tight, but they insist on not charging my brothers (that money would make a difference). They asked if I could pay 60%, but I said that our agreement was 50% and I stressed again that their two children also work.
Well, recently, my mother couldn’t get through to me on my phone and called the service, asking about me and if they could pass a message, I think one of the secretaries said something at the end like ‘I’ll pass the message to the manager then’ ( I was a regular employee).
My parents questioned me and despite trying to deny it, they found out that I’m earning twice as much and started charging for the 50% (1100).
When I said no because it was unfair, they invited me to leave the house, since I was not doing what was agreed, so I could very well live alone.
I don’t think they thought I would go, I’m at my friend’s house (it’s not easy) and I just paid for the two weeks of the month I was there (275).
Since leaving, they’ve been bombing me saying that they need me to help by paying the 550 or moving back (paying more) and now they’re super tight and that I caused this whole fight by lying to them and not helping around the house anymore knowing they were tight.
15. AITJ For Being Done With Putting Any More Effort In Trying To Be Close To My Husband's Adult Children?
“My (56 f) husband (52 m) has three adult children and one minor child. I have three adult children. We have been together for five years and married for four.
My husband pursued me and chose to move away from his home state to be with me. As long as we have been together, I have reached out to his adult children.
I have sent their birthday and Christmas gifts for the past five years. He thinks about it but doesn’t do it and then thinks they will forgive him because it is the thought that counts. I have invited them to our home. I made sure we contributed significantly to his daughter’s wedding. I invited them on an all-expenses paid vacation for his 50th birthday.
I make sure that he calls them when he fails to.
The youngest child is in a different situation and I have a loving and good relationship with him as he spends summers and holidays with us now.
The older children are not overtly rude to me, nor are his father and stepmother. They just pretend I do not exist.
I have never received a birthday card or Christmas present. If I send them a text, they don’t respond. They call him when I am not around. Since we have been together, I have lost a brother and my mother and my father has been critically ill. They have never said a thing to me about this.
Yet I always communicate re weddings, pregnancies, etc, and send gifts and warm, loving messages.
I know they blame me for his moving away. However, he had been divorced from their mother for more than a decade, and he was pretty hit or miss already in showing up for them, he pursued me and made the decision to move.
I am done and told him so. Quiet quitting. He told me that he is sad I feel that way. I told him his family should feel sad for making me feel that way.
I am 99% sure I am not a jerk but also, even though they are adults, should I put in any more effort?
– My husband has been divorced from the mother of his three oldest kids for way more than a decade.
Our relationship was not based on affairs on either side.
– The adult kids have a really good mother. At no point have I tried to mother them.
– My adult kids have a really good relationship with my husband. They are kind and inclusive with him and have a relationship outside of the fact that he is my husband whom they met as adults.
– His adult kids have a decent or better-than-decent relationship with him (depending on the kid).”
14. AITJ For Not Telling My Family About My Apprenticeship?
“I (18 m) started college in August. Two months in and I got offered an apprenticeship that’s in the field I always wanted to be in. The deal is I do two years in college while training on the job. A few of my friends threw a party to celebrate but I didn’t tell my dad until after I had accepted and had started with the placement.
When he did find out he wanted to know why I’d waited so long and I told him the truth. I didn’t want to hear his wife talk about how proud she was as a parent, or to have her act like she helped get me here.
My mom died when I was 12 and my younger siblings were 7, 5, and 4.
They all started calling Dad’s wife Mom after they were married for a year. I was 15 and she was never going to be my mom or my parent. But she insisted that I was just as much her kid as her bio kids she brought into the marriage and my younger siblings. My younger siblings hated that I was the only kid in the house not calling dad and his wife Mom and Dad.
It has been a hurdle in our relationship for the last three years. They think I’m wrong. I just want them to lay off.
When I graduated in May my dad’s wife made this whole emotional speech about being a proud mom and watching the oldest baby succeed. Then I got crap from my dad and siblings because I never mentioned her in my speech (this was all during dinner with my whole family, including the extended family) and how I had talked about mom enough to rub her in his wife’s face.
I told my dad after that it bothered me. That his wife was not my mom and she had not played a role in where I got. I told him he had, my mom had, and even my grandma had because she helped me a lot when I was younger and struggling due to dyslexia and she had been a teacher and an aid for kids with learning disabilities.
I said his wife had never helped with homework, taken me to school, or impacted my education in any kind of way. He told me she might have arrived into my life late but she made a significant impact all the same.
So I didn’t tell him about this, so they wouldn’t all fly out to celebrate and so I wouldn’t have to hear about the speech about how she’s a proud mom and I wouldn’t need to have him and my siblings on my back about showing her more affection and appreciation.
My dad told me it was a crappy reason and he told me so many kids would love for her to have that pride in them. I said I was not that person. He told me I needed to apologize, but especially to his wife and her kids who are always on the outside with me and treated like they’re not family. I refused. He said that made me the worst of all.
13. WIBTJ If I Tell My Friend I'm No Longer Inviting Her To A Day At The Amusement Park?
“I (15 F) come from a wealthy family. I get around 120 dollars a month. I have allergies and can not eat school food, so this budget is for me to buy food to eat at school.
My close friend (15 F), Amy, is the complete opposite. She comes from a single mother who is not wealthy.
She and I have stopped being friends multiple times as sometimes it feels like she only likes me for my money. She’ll say she has no money and she’ll pay me back. From this school year alone, she owes me 94 dollars already. We met when I was 9 and she was 10.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m from Miami.
Youth Fair opens in March and Santa’s Enchanted Forest today.
I have another best friend, (16 F), Abigail. Our families were already friends. She comes from a middle-class family. She’s always paid me back. Our families go to the parks every year together. This year is our last year at the same school, however. As I will be attending a boarding school in a different state next school year.
This will be our last year going to the amusement parks together, so we both bought the seasonal passes as well as the express passes.
Seasonal passes let you in as many times as you want. Express is just to skip the long lines.
Amy is aware that it is my last year and is aware that Abigail and I always go to the parks.
Abigail’s parents arent strict and neither are mine so we are going alone whenever we want. Amy’s mom is very strict and would have to come with us. No problem. We can go once with her and just go just us the rest of the time. Amy asked if she could come this year to ‘make memories’ and I said it was fine.
No, she was not originally invited.
Until she started asking when I’m going to buy the tickets for her and her mother. I told her I thought she would pay but that it was fine and I would pay for both of them. I had to ask my father for extra pocket money as I ran out of the 100 for the month already when I bought a birthday present for Abigail.
Both tickets would be 90 dollars. I was planning on buying them single passes, which is just to go for one day. I sent Amy a screenshot of me buying the tickets and asked if that day was good for her. She called me cheap. It would cost me 150 $ to buy her what I and my friend have.
I told her that if she was going to be rude about it I could just not go with her and that buying her mom a ticket was good enough already. She said I could buy the single tickets, ONLY IF I pay for her with all the games and food.
Now see, I did that last year.
My whole group, around 6 of us, went to the Youth Fair. Everybody, EXCEPT AMY, paid for themselves. She insisted I pay for all her food and games and for merch, which I did.
I told her no, and that I was no longer inviting her. She kept calling me and when I picked up, she yelled cuss words at me and said I’m a horrible friend. She believes I’m being a jerk but Abigail believes I just stood up for myself.
WIBTJ if I didn’t pay for my friend at an amusement park?”
12. WIBTJ If I Uninvite My Mom From My Wedding Because She Always Comments On My Ex's Posts?
“Today I (30 m) was checking messages on social media for furniture and a post from my ex-fiancé from college appeared on my feed. This fiancé had an affair with my best friend, lied about it and the entire school knew about it before I did. This was one of the darkest moments of my life and, while I’m now cordial with her, I still don’t like my ex.
I noticed that the reason it appeared on my feed is my mom reacted to it and, upon looking at my ex’s posts I saw my Mom comments really flattering things to her constantly – for example:
‘You look dazzling! You could be a model!’
‘I wish I could hold you in my arms and tell you how much I wish I could take away your pain.
I am thinking of you and I send you all my love.’
‘You are incredible, so smart, gorgeous, and resilient.’
I have asked my mom not to keep in contact with my exes before, especially this one, because she initially ‘both sides’ our breakup (and every breakup I’ve had) and, frankly, it continues to make me feel like she never has my back.
She said she would stop but clearly didn’t.
So when I saw this I called her, pretty emotional, angry, and upset. Long story short she:
– Explained the reason she kept contacting my ex is that she did see ‘both sides’ to our break up.
– Lied about the frequency/recency of engaging with my ex.
– Downplayed her comments on my ex’s public page and framed the conversation as me over-reacting.
– Declined to say that she would stop (‘I need to think about it’) and instead pressured me to tell her whether or not to cancel her tickets for the holidays so she could still save some of her money and end the conversation.
– Every time I tried to ask her to respect the boundary of leaving my exes alone and not disparaging me to my significant others behind my back tried to make a transaction where I curbed vague behaviors as well.
Saying our ‘relationship was a two-way street’.
The conversation ended with her just crying so her husband came to pick up the phone. He then texted and called me again to decide whether they should cancel their tickets to visit. I told him at the moment that my conversation with my mom wasn’t about whether they’d visit – she was trying to turn it into that.
So he said he’d try to work things out with her.
My partner (33 F) and I had a long talk after. She told me that roughly a year ago my mother disparaged me for being too much like my father to her again in private. This is another thing I’ve repeatedly asked my mom not to do, so hearing that she did it again recently also has made me very upset.
I know it’s silly to uninvite her for commenting on my ex’s social media – but the constant sense I get from that action (that she resents me no matter what doesn’t empathize with what I went through emotionally, and doesn’t respect me) make me feel like I’m disrespecting myself by treating her as a guest in my space. I just can’t tell if I’m overreacting.”
11. AITJ For Only Paying For My Meal?
“My husband and I don’t share finances, it’s been like this for the 3 years of our marriage and so far we’ve been doing well, though he’d sometimes try to get me to pay for him but I do it only when I want to do a nice thing for him, say invite him to a restaurant.
This past week, he got a bonus at work, he was overjoyed he informed his entire family and planned for them to go out and celebrate with us. He picked the restaurant, meals, drinks, etc, I naturally thought he was going to pay for all that since, it was his happy celebration. But it turns out I was wrong because when it was time to pay the bill, he told me to ‘take care of it’.
I asked why? It’s his celebration, not mine but he insisted I pay and he’ll explain later. I refused and demanded an explanation, he said that while yes he is the one who got a bonus, he assumed I’d want to celebrate that and offer to cover the bill.
When I talked about how ridiculous it was of him to assume I’d pay for not just his, but his family’s meals he said that I should be happy for him instead of being visibly bitter.
He then said he’s yet to receive his bonus and begged that I take care of the bill now and that he ‘might’ consider paying me back later. I refused and only paid for what I consumed. He and his family started talking about how inappropriate I was acting, I took my purse and went home afterward cause there was so much commotion when they started arguing about who was going to cover the bill.
His mom spam-called me for hours, and he went off on me at home saying I spoiled his celebration and joy because I’m feeling bitter, especially considering I had enough budget to cover the bill right there and then. I said this wasn’t my obligation and he was the one who came up with the celebration idea.
He argued that if the roles were reversed and I got a bonus, he’d celebrate me and my achievements and pay for the meals after taking me and my family out. I casually said, ‘Well, that’s just you, not me’. He got even madder and said that he had had it with my juvenile antics and that he won’t ever forget the scene I made at the restaurant in front of his family. Been upset with me for days now.”
10. AITJ For Telling My Brother And His Significant Other That I Hate Having Her Over At My Parents' House All The Time?
“My (F 20) brother and his significant other have been together for almost four years. For the first two years, she spent one entire weekend every month at my house, but after those first years, she started increasingly coming until this last year, where she’s here every single weekend (plus some Mondays). Last year, when she came less regularly, my mother confronted them about it, and they only added going for walks around my neighborhood to ‘be less time here’, but this year she’s just given up and reluctantly expects her to come every single weekend to my house.
My father doesn’t ever confront them, but doesn’t want her to come all the time either.
This past few months I’ve been quite tense about it. She’s a very nice person, and I’d be fine with her coming from time to time, but she isn’t my family, this isn’t her house, and having her as a guest two to three entire days a week is just plain annoying.
She speaks very loudly, sings and laughs constantly, and I can’t even concentrate on my studies.
A few weeks ago I confronted them about it, and pretty much said everything in the paragraph above, how I have nothing against her, but I hate having her here all the time. She then asked me what exactly I found annoying about her coming to my house, I told her the sole fact of her being here was annoying.
She then told me the problem is they can’t go to her house because her mother doesn’t leave them alone, and he gets annoyed about it to the point of having constant fights with each other. After telling her that wasn’t my problem, that their being unable to be apart from each other on the weekends was toxic, they told me I’d understand them once I get a man.
The conversation ended up with them still doing whatever they want, whenever they want, and me still annoyed and tense. AITJ?
Edit: I forgot to specify three things:
1. My parents have tried several times to maintain an adult conversation on why they can’t constantly feed and lodge his SO, buy my brother answers by screaming every time, and don’t speak to them for days after.
So I tried my best to have that conversation myself because I care less about my brother’s reaction.
2. In my country it’s completely normal to stay in your parents’ house until you have economic stability, right after college.
3. There are no hard feelings whatsoever between us, I made a very bad summary of the conversation, but it all came from us three being alone together and talking about the constant fights I have with my brother for a bunch of other issues, because every time I complain about the smallest things to him he insults me and doesn’t do anything about it.”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share A Hotel Room?
“I (26 f) (A) have got a job (thru campus placement) at a medium-sized company in my country.
We are going on a business trip to secure a deal selling the industrial product my company distributes.
We will be staying at a fairly upmarket hotel where the arrangements would be: My boss (b) (40s M) will have his own room, and two other colleagues (C and D) both late 20s/early 30s males will be sharing a room.
This is quite standard in my country.
I was assigned a room (the same type as my boss and colleagues) that I was to share with my other colleague (30s M) (E) who is openly gay. I do not have a problem with him being gay. But I told my boss to book us separate rooms because I do not want to share a room with a man no matter his sexuality and asked for him to room with the other men instead (ie they could book a suite with three beds instead of the current two).
He said that it was unreasonable to expect the exchequer to pay extra just cuz I want comfort. I told him it was not for comfort but for the above reasons. He seemed to understand and tried to explain his perspective and that since E was gay there would be no quoted ‘undesirable consequences’ and that if the # was straight I would have got a private room.
I told him that I don’t want to for my own feelings and boundaries etc.
B then shouted and called me homophobic and that there would be no problem and I yelled at him saying he had no respect for his female worker’s wishes, another colleague (d) stepped out of his office and then broke up our argument but on hearing the situation lightly berated me as he thought there were no problems since he was gay, and that d wouldn’t have a problem rooming with a lesb female.
Boss then called C and asked him his opinion and C said it was okay to share a room with a gay man but if I wanted my own room I should be allowed to have it, and suggested I pay the difference out of my paycheck. I disagreed with this saying I shouldn’t pay for a company business trip.
Boss then told everyone to get back to work and told me that I shouldn’t be immature and told me that even other people think it’s OK and I was being unreasonable.
He said that C’s idea was the best solution and we all went back to work (never mentioned again till today, almost two days after).
My boss, in general, is very reasonable and kind, I have never had any issues with the boss earlier, and have got easy 3-day paid leaves for my grandma’s death.
I’m not exactly experienced in the job market in general and my field in particular (~ 1 year) so well AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Telling My Pregnant Wife To Leave If I Am That Awful To Live With?
“I (30 M) and my partner, E (27 F), have been together for three years, and we have lived together for 2 years. E is 6.5 months pregnant, and we are both going to be first-time parents.
Ever since E has been pregnant she cannot stand me, which is completely unlike her. In fact, before the pregnancy, she loved spending time with me, and we never fought or argued.
I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that mood swings and hormones have turned E into a completely different person. Things that she would’ve been mildly irritated by before, now make her furious. Things as mild as humming along to a song in the car have gotten me the silent treatment. She’s only like this with me, family and friends do not have the same effect on her.
I’ve been understanding and patient with her because I know that it is not easy to be her right now… However, I feel like there is nothing that I do that doesn’t upset her.
Yesterday morning I left the eggshells from when I made my breakfast in the sink, as I was in a hurry to get to work today.
She texted me to tell me that I needed to clean the kitchen when I got home since I left it in such a mess. I apologized and said that I would clean it when I got home in the afternoon.
I had a pretty tough day at work, and I was feeling drained physically and mentally when I got home.
I did my usual routine of taking a shower and changing clothes and sat down for a minute of phone time. She walked in and made a snide remark about how I did a good job cleaning the kitchen because it had not been done yet. I told her that I would have it done in a minute and just to let me relax for a minute because I had a rough day at work.
E got even more upset with me, saying that she also had a bad day and that on top of that the kitchen is a wreck (it wasn’t). I told her if the mess was that big of a deal she could’ve cleaned it herself (she’s not helpless), and she told me that she shouldn’t have to pick up after me just because she is home all day…
(I have a 9-5 job and E works full time from home)
The argument ended with me raising my voice and telling her that if I am so awful to live with that she can leave and we can break up, and that I am sick of feeling like trash every time we are together. She started crying, said she was sorry, and that I could forget about the kitchen and the dishes.
I immediately apologized when I saw how upset she was, but she told me to leave her alone.
I went on a walk to clear my head before I cleaned the kitchen, but when I got home she already did it.
It’s been a full day since this happened and she still hasn’t spoken to me at all, besides to say that she’s not ready to talk about it. I made her lunch before I left for work today and she didn’t touch it.
I know that I messed up by yelling at her, but there is only so much of her hating my guts that I can take.
7. AITJ For Answering My Husband's Boss' Call?
“My husband (33) has a habit of making up excuses to get out of work. Simply for just not feeling like working on certain days. This has affected us financially because his boss kept lowering his salary as a result. I had to get a 2nd job. He’s now bought a ps5 from his 14-year-old cousin and started playing with it day and night.
Meanwhile missing work and lying to his boss about why he does it. This time it’s because of bad diarrhea and he couldn’t get off the toilet, that time is because of a fever, etc.
Honestly, I got fed up with him ruining his job and causing us money. I told him he needed to knock this off but he told me to stay out of it and focus on my JOBS.
Days ago, he was asleep after staying up all night playing video games. He’s decided to skip work even though his boss gave him a last warning. His boss called at 8 AM and I picked up the phone. He asked where my husband was and whether he was coming to work. I straight up said no, because he was up all night playing video games and decided he wasn’t going the next day.
His boss ended the call with me then I went to work.
2 hours later, I got a call from my husband panicking saying he found a text from his boss saying he was fired and asked if I told him to get him to do that. I said I told him the truth, but he blew up at me saying he was cooking up excuses to get his (now former) boss off his back and give him the day off.
I went and I screwed it all up. I told him he can’t blame me after the pattern he’s set and the lack of commitment he’s shown to his former boss. He yelled saying I did this to get back at him and to mess with his livelihood. He hung up but the nasty texts kept coming. I went home and he’s gone completely silent while occasionally venting about how I ruined his job for him when I could’ve lied and told his former boss whatever excuses instead.”
6. AITJ For Refusing To Get Up From The Library Computer?
“My 7-year-old laptop peaced out yesterday, I have to submit my first thesis draft on the 7th of July so I decided to go to my town’s library to work on it. Couldn’t go to the one in my university because it would be nearly an hour’s commute.
I get there and go to the computer section, and the librarian tells me that I am allowed to use a computer for up to two hours and that I can’t touch the ones with RESERVED signs on them because they are meant for a teen’s program that they have.
Cool, I queue up and wait 30 mins for my turn and for a non-reserved computer to free up, and then I get to work.
52 mins later exactly, a group of about 8-9 kids walks in, and they take up the reserved computers. The librarian then came to me and the girl next to me and told us that we will have to leave because the group had two more kids than usual with them and they need the computers.
I asked her what they needed the computers for, and she said just to play video games-watch stuff because it was a program to keep teens off the streets during the summer. The girl next to me gave up her seat and left, but I told her I couldn’t because I was working on my thesis and my two hours still weren’t up, and plus I didn’t have a laptop at home and I can’t fix it anytime soon so this is the only time I have to work on my thesis.
She got really mad and kept trying to convince me, but I stopped talking to her because I didn’t want to waste any more time. She straight yelled at me for being a selfish adult and not prioritizing kids and threatened to ban me from the library. She then went and shut off the computer I was using to get me to leave, thank god I was using google docs and everything was synced and saved.
I refused to leave after that just out of spite and anger and kept sitting in my chair with my earphones playing music. She left me alone after that and I left after the group of kids did.
There is now a social media post about me from one of the teens’ mothers, and let me just say the comments are very much not on my side.
My friend who I told this to also said I was being a jerk, and that I could have just left when asked like the girl did and came back after the kids left. I admit that in the end all of my actions were fueled by pure spite and pettiness, so that may have clouded my judgment. I’m planning on going back to the library tomorrow to work on my thesis, but don’t know if I should report the librarian and double down or if I’m in the wrong and should apologize. So AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Telling My Sister My Daughter Won't Be Her Flower Girl Anymore?
“I (29 F) have three children with my wife (28 F), R (6 F), J (4 F), and A (3 M). My sister (31 F) was getting married and asked that my eldest daughter be the flower girl. My sister and I aren’t close, since I live in France and my family is in the US, but I agreed.
When we flew to my hometown a week before the wedding, I was surprised to learn that there were multiple flower girls — three others, ranging from 3-7 years old (the daughters of friends) I didn’t have a problem with that, but I did worry a bit that J would feel left out. My wife asked my sister about it casually over dinner at my parents four days before the wedding, to see if there was any chance J could be included.
I didn’t want her to have to change any major plans and I was okay with her saying no, but we were more so curious about the reason for the exclusion.
She told us, however, that the reason was because she and her fiancé wanted a certain ‘look’ for all their flower girls. For context, my wife is blonde with blue eyes, and she carried R and A — both of whom look a lot like her.
My family and I have brown hair and brown eyes. I carried J, and she looks like me. My sister dyes her hair blonde however and her husband is very fair. I quickly realized that the other flower girls were all blonde, so I asked my sister if that was the reason for J’s exclusion. She told me it was, and that she and her fiancé thought it would be cuter if all the flower girls were adorable blue-eyed blondes, like his family and their future kids.
My wife kind of freaked out at this, and called my sister some pretty nasty things and I backed her up because I was angry too. We left and the next morning I texted my sister that R would not be a flower girl. I didn’t think this would be a huge deal, since they had multiple.
She was furious though, and she called me crying about how stressful wedding planning is and how my wife and I were being very inconsiderate. She told me that my wife needed to apologize for her outburst at dinner. I told her that she’d done nothing to show that what my wife said was wrong.
On the day of the wedding, my wife and I decided to just leave all the kids with a friend of mine, since we didn’t want them involved in what was going on.
My wife and I were polite throughout the wedding and mingled with other guests, but didn’t talk to my sister.
Now some of my family members have reached out and told me that my wife and I were really selfish and horrible to my sister and that we made a big deal over nothing on my sister’s big day.
My aunt likened the situation to picking out bridesmaids’ dresses, and that wanting her flower girls to all look alike was totally normal. It still feels wrong to me, and my wife is still livid. I do realize though that maybe we spoke a little too harshly to my sister in the heat of the moment, and I’m wondering if I should have apologized for getting so angry at the very least. I don’t know, AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Being The Topic Of Conversations During My Cousin's Wedding?
“So, my cousin was having a destination wedding and we were all required to book the hotel rooms ourselves. My parents booked two rooms, one for them and one for my brothers and me. Everything was going well until we got there. Apparently, one of the relatives did not book a room for her family (uncle, aunt, cousin).
There was no more room available and they wanted to bunk with us. To keep the peace, my dad said yes.
The plan was the couple will be staying in my parents‘ room, and the son will be staying in our room. We had two queen size beds and a pull-out couch. I told the cousin (15 M) to sleep on the pullout couch but he wanted to sleep on a bed.
MY BED. I told him no because I don’t feel comfortable enough to do that with someone I only met once or twice per year or so. He started to say mean things about me and my body, saying it was rich of me to think that he ever hit on someone fat like me. I’m not obese, but I am thicker, and in my community, everyone else is thinner.
I tried to go on an extreme diet before that made my parents so worried and stopped me from continuously starving myself.
My brothers overheard the conversation and pulled him out of the room. They were fuming and wanted to do more, but I stopped them and went to tell my parents. My parents were also fuming and worried that this would trigger me, so they kicked my aunt and uncle out also.
Uncle and aunt told my cousin to apologize to me, saying that he was just a blunt person, and I really shouldn’t assume anything since we were cousins and related. My parents were not having it and told them to find another room or go to another hotel somewhere.
People were talking about this during the wedding, some thought I was too sensitive and should not assume anything since he was younger and my cousin, others thought my parents needed to chill, etc. Well, the bride (cousin) was yelling at me for being too dramatic, saying I just wanted to have all the attention on me because I’m an attention seeker. My family left the wedding early because of it too. AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Getting A Pixie Cut Before My Sister's Wedding?
“My sister is getting married soon and picked me as one of her bridesmaids. I’ve always had short hair as I think it looks best on me but I usually keep it chin-length and not shorter. Last month when discussing wedding plans and the bridesmaids’ final look, my sister said that she expects me to get hair extensions for the wedding since my chin-length bob was ‘way too short’ and that all the other bridesmaids had longer hair and my short hair would be odd and attention-grabbing, I told her that I won’t be getting hair extensions as I don’t like how I look with long hair and that I didn’t want to spend a lot on extensions that I’ll have in for one night only.
That was the end of that conversation but last week she texted me asking if I had picked the hairstylist for my hair extensions and that she wanted to see her previous work before I got them done, I once again said I wasn’t getting hair extensions she then replied saying that it ‘wasn’t up for discussion’ and that I should pick or she’ll pick someone for me.
So I went and found a hairstylist near my house and I sent her the Instagram page, she liked her work and texted back saying that it looks great and I should go for it so I went for it, except I cut my hair even shorter and got a pixie cut. I then sent her a pic of my new hair and she called in a panic asking if it was photoshopped, when she realized it wasn’t she hung up and I got a call from my mom asking why I’m trying to ruin my sister’s wedding and that I was being cruel and difficult.
They’re still trying to get me to get hair extensions and my sister threatened to uninvite me from the wedding if I don’t. LOL. AITJ?”
2. AITJ For Wanting To Have A Private Family Time?
“I (35 f) and my husband (36 m) have been married for 12 years and have 2 kids (13 and 9). My husband and I met at college and settled in my hometown to raise our family. My husband is from out of state and all of his family is spread out. We live about 7 hours from his hometown and try to visit at least twice a year.
His family has not been to visit us in 7 years. They travel often (for pleasure or to see other family) but never to see us.
Now to the issue. My husband’s family (siblings, spouses, children, and parents) all decided they would come to visit us on Christmas this year. Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday. Although I wasn’t initially thrilled at changing my Christmas plans, I jumped at the opportunity to have everyone visit us for the holidays for once instead of us traveling.
During the initial discussion, I mentioned that we would love to have everyone come, but that we would want to keep our Christmas morning tradition of just the 4 of us (me, husband, and kids) opening gifts together. One sibling immediately called my husband and asked why they couldn’t come over to open gifts on Christmas morning.
My husband explained Christmas morning was the time we always set aside for just us and the kids to spend together. We told them we would get up as early as needed to not interfere with their visit and make sure they could still come over when they got up on Christmas morning. I told my husband I was willing to only open some gifts during our private time with the kids, and save others for when everyone arrived so they could still see the kids open gifts.
We don’t typically exchange gifts with his family so I didn’t realize opening gifts together would be a big deal.
After the conversation with his sibling, we were under the impression everything was good. Then days later, another sibling messaged the family group chat saying that no one would be coming up for Christmas because they were angry/hurt/upset about not being allowed over Christmas morning for our gift opening.
There were some hurtful jabs thrown at me in the group message because everyone knows Christmas is my favorite holiday and I’m the DIL/SIL, so an easy target. I never meant to offend anyone or make them feel excluded or unwelcome but that didn’t matter.
I eventually groveled, apologized repeatedly, and begged for everyone to still come up for the holiday. I agreed to give up all my Christmas traditions this year to accommodate them and keep the peace, and now everyone is back to agreeing to come up for Christmas, but I want to know if I am the jerk for even requesting our private family time at all?”
1. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Mom's Retirement?
“My mom and dad helped me through college. I took out loans, got scholarships, etc. and they paid for the extra bits. They paid ~$10k each. They are also divorced so all the money is separate between them. I am extremely grateful that they were able to help me and I have made that clear to them.
They know that I’m grateful and there are no hard feelings there. I’ve offered to pay them back in a payment plan if they wanted but they both declined. I graduated a year ago with a BS in mechanical/automotive engineering and a minor in Spanish.
Ever since I started college and even in high school to think of it, my mom always said ‘Oh well I don’t need to save for retirement.
You’re going to be rich’. I thought this was a joke and she was just saying that she was proud of me. Well recently, she’s been more upfront with her money and she’s actually planning on me paying for her retirement. She and her partner who I do not like. She tells me how much she’s spending and making and how she’s ‘rolling in money’ but she spends it all.
They both have a landscaping company and they make ~$150k a year before expenses and I would estimate they keep $50k-$75k. The issue is that they make all of their money in 6 months and they don’t know how to run a business. They just have all this money floating around and they don’t really budget or plan.
So they’ll make $20k in a week and think they’re rich, but they’ll make $1k in January. So they eat prime rib and lobster all summer and then basically starve in the winter.
My mom used to clean houses and I told her many times to hire people and have them do the cleaning for you. I was trying to set her up for retirement so that she could relax and let that business pay her.
She even could have hired a manager to deal with everything. She declined because she ‘felt like she’d be ripping the workers off’. I get it but she had no other plan and she ended up quitting cleaning pretty soon after this convo. She also only worked 15 hours a week because that was the minimum she needed to work to pay the bills.
Anyway, recently, she’s really been pushing that I’m gonna finance her retirement. I make $60k right now and after 10 years or so I’ll be at ~$125k. This is all if I stay in the same company (which I’m planning on). It’s definitely enough for me to live on, but like I said, I want to retire early if possible.
And my mom is expecting me to pay her ~$60k a year for 15-20 years for the rest of her life. I don’t think I can afford to pay out $125k a year for us both to live.
I just feel like I worked really hard to get my degree and I’m ‘suffering’ now so I can relax later. I don’t want to prolong my work life so that my mom can relax and eat lobster. I feel like I tried to set her up and help her but she never wanted to put in the work herself.