People Ask Us What We Think Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

"I have two daughters, April (f18) and Jade (f15).

I'm a single mom, April and Jade's dad and I got divorced around 13 years ago as he was having an affair. He's never been in the picture for either of our girls after that.

When April was 16, she unexpectedly got pregnant. I took her to counseling to help her organize her thoughts and figure out what she wanted to do, and April decided she wanted to keep the baby.

The pregnancy and birth went smoothly and I now have a grandson Ollie (m2). The father is involved but he and April are no longer together. Ollie stays with his dad every weekend, and the dad's parents give April money to go towards Ollie's expenses.

Earlier this year, April graduated high school.

She's been taking care of Ollie during the week but other than that she hasn't been up to much. She keeps saying she'll start looking for a job but hasn't even started writing her resume.

Besides taking care of Ollie, she just sits at home watching TV. On multiple occasions, April has tried to leave Ollie with Jade so that she can go out partying which has led to huge arguments.

Last week, I talked to April and I told her that she needs to get a job or go to our local community college and that I'll foot the bill for any childcare she needs for it to happen. I told her she needs to get a job or go to college in order to stay here.

April got upset and said that she doesn't want a job or to go to college, she said she just wants to be a mom. She told me it can wait until Ollie starts school. I told her no and that she needs to start something so that she can support herself and be an independent adult.

April said I'm being unreasonable and that these things can wait until Ollie is in school full-time. She said that I'm asking her to 'damage' him and that he needs his mom.

It's not that I don't want April and Ollie here, I love them both, I just think I'd be setting a bad precedent by allowing April to continue to stay with me with no job and no education in the making."

Another User Comments:

"NTJ. She's getting to the point where she's now tryna ditch the kid to go and party it up. She needs to get her crap together and stop acting like an immature brat. Plus being a stay-at-home mom requires being married to a partner who can afford it and leaving a kid behind with her minor sister to have fun outside and possibly wind up pregnant again is more damaging to a toddler than going to daycare while she prioritizes bettering her life for the both of them." yonduDaddy

Another User Comments:

"NTJ

It seems like she is able to get by at the moment due to the support she receives from you and Ollie's grandparents, but she needs to understand that that support will not be there forever, and she needs to start getting things in order so that she will be able to support herself and her child.

If she just sits around doing nothing for another few years, she is just falling farther and farther behind, and if she loses the financial support she is getting, she will have nothing to fall back on.

It seems pretty reasonable for her to start work or school, maybe just part-time for now, but then she will at least be making some progress toward independence.

A lot of schools offer online classes now, so maybe that would work as a place to start.

Seems like she needs some tough love." Tdluxon

Another User Comments:

"NTJ

She's 18. At 18 it's reasonable to expect a child to do work or school if they want to continue living freely in the family home.

Something showing some type of intent to be able to support themselves eventually. She has extra reason to do that since she has a child relying on her.

You're offering to cover childcare expenses, and assuming you're offering decent childcare and not a scary cheap unlicensed daycare, you're removing the main obstacle most young parents have with working or continuing their education.

So... yeah. I really don't see how you're a jerk here. Ollie isn't your child, you never agreed to support a stay-at-home mom situation for his mom/your daughter, so that being what she wants isn't really relevant. If that's what she wants she has to find someone willing (and able) to support that, which you aren't." kittynaed