People Require Our Wisdom On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

To be a jerk, or to not be a jerk. That is the question... that many people want you to answer. If you've ever been a jerk, you understand how nerve-wracking it can be when you feel that you've ruined an outing or destroyed a relationship with your own behavior. That's why these people have tons of stories lined up where they were the jerk, and they're curious about your notions on whether you think they really wrecked something good, or it was the other person's fault all along. Read on and let us know who you think the jerk is. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk YTJ = You're the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? EHS = Everyone here sucks

19. WIBTJ For Cutting My Late Fiancé's Family From My Life?


“My (28F) fiance (27M) of six years died 2.5 years ago in a car accident. It was absolutely devastating and the worst thing I’ve ever been through. I have never felt pain like it, and truly don’t think it’s possible to feel pain like it again.

It’s like I lost part of my soul. I spent 2 years walking around like a zombie. I’ve only recently started really recovering.

I keep trying with my fiance’s family because I know they’re suffering too, but being around them is making me miserable.

Even before his death, my in-laws were selfish and overbearing.

They’d constantly make plans and decisions for me if I couldn’t make or simply didn’t want to do those plans they’d throw giant tantrums and call me selfish. They made me miss my aunt’s funeral, my mother’s 50th birthday party, and my graduation, every single time because they wanted to go out or booked a vacation without my knowledge.

If I tried to say I’d made other plans they’d get nasty. His sister would make snide remarks about my appearance or how I do my makeup. His dad would make bigoted comments that made me extremely uncomfortable or mock my accent, and they refused to let me plan my own wedding.

I ended up with a dress I hated because they said every dress I loved made me look ugly. We live over 4 hours away, so visiting them was already taxing, so throwing in their personalities on top made visiting them all the less appealing.

When my fiance died I tried to support them as much as possible and looked over their flaws.

But it’s now 2.5 years later and they still demand I drive to theirs twice a month (they’ve never come to me), control what I do by bombarding me with passive aggressive, guilt trip messages if I make plans without them, tried to force me to legally change my last name to theirs (even though I was always going to keep mine) and call the dog I adopted to help cope with the loss of their dog too (they call him the only grandchild they’ll ever have…).

A few weeks ago I started tentatively going out with an old friend, and they found out and started saying if I really loved my fiance I’d never go out with anyone again. The accusation was heartbreaking, and a huge setback in my recovery, so I cooled things off with the friend.

They told me that was the only way to honor my fiance and that they expect me to live the rest of my life alone as “you only get one shot at love”.

I can’t imagine how painful losing their child must be, so I feel bad for potentially cutting them out as I was such a big part of their son’s life for so long, but they’re emotionally exhausting and I don’t know how much I can take.

My mother thinks I should just suck it up and tolerate them while they work through their grief, and that I’d be in the wrong if I didn’t.

My dad is more on my side. WIBTJ?

Edit (because some of you have been asking about my mother): I grew up in a quite religious household that put a lot of focus on manners and pleasing other people which is why I think I sometimes struggle with telling people no.

For that reason, I don’t want to hurt or disrespect people who have been in my life for over 8 years now. My mother instilled a lot of those values in me and didn’t want me to seem rude or ungrateful, but she also had a stillborn and says she relates to them as what they’re going through will be a million times more painful than what I’m going through.

They found out about my old friend and me after we went to the movies and grabbed some ice cream afterward.

We took a selfie and my friend tagged me in it on social media with a fairly innocent comment about how he enjoyed watching the movie and grabbing some food with me. A few days later my fiancé’s mother rang me crying, saying that the sister had just shown her the photo and she couldn’t believe I had moved on so quickly

I will say that about a year ago I tried to tell them I couldn’t visit them as frequently.

The mother broke down in tears and said that all of her last memories of her son involved me. I think now that is probably why I hate myself so much for wanting to cut myself off from them even though I never really liked them.

I tried to justify her berating me as shock because it must be a shock. But now I think I have been deluding myself and I have a lot to think about.”

Another User Comments:

“I’m sorry for your loss. NTJ – I’m willing to bet that in the 2.5 years since your fiance’s passing, you’ve spent an incredible amount of time grieving, processing, laying perspective, and even seeking therapy to cope.

By the sound of your late fiance’s parents, they have done very little of this. They are using you as their coping mechanism to your extreme detriment. They are manipulating you at this point. Nobody should be asking you to drive 16 hours a month plus actual visit time to hold a place for their son.

Why not just stuff you and put you in the corner as a shrine? Then time can stand still.

You’ve done more than your ‘polite’ share (as your mother might say) by being so accommodating. This pattern has you in a hold 2.5 years later – reliving the worst moment in your life over and over.

The sad fact is that as parents, they don’t have another chance at having a son.

But you DO have another chance at finding love! And you had begun the hardest first steps to doing that by spending time with your old friend.

Knowing how much they love their son, if the situation were reversed, I am 100% certain they would NOT demand their own son stop living life – And live like a celibate mourner for the rest of his days… 27 years old! Being ‘polite’, and accommodating that RIDICULOUS notion for one more second is just asinine.

It’s time your late fiance’s parents seek therapy to help them grieve.

No therapist would agree to their behavior and demands towards you.

It’s also time you take this horrible situation you have been presented with, and see the positive lesson it is offering you in terms of your autonomy. YOU get to decide where this takes you.

Not your mom; not these two grieving people…YOU! And maybe your dog.

Live knowing you have your late fiance’s blessing to be happy – to continue growing past the age the 25 – that life doesn’t stop and that you have the right and responsibility to move on and experience the things life offers.

He would do that with you if he was here. He’s not. He loved you. He wants you to do it with someone. Take a month away from everyone parental and get some perspective as a 27-year-old woman. Call your friend and go for coffee.” holdingmytongue

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you are waiting for a time that they will have moved through their grieving enough to allow you to live your life again and it’s not ever going to come to that point.

How long do you put your life on hold, until perhaps when they’re dead themselves?

They want you to never experience being held in the arms of someone who loves you, to lay against the warmth of another person, to have the shared emotional support of a close companion, to enjoy pleasure, to maybe have a child and watch that child grow.

They’ve had all these experiences and to call you out for that is beyond cruel.

I would contact them one last time and tell them outright (it can be a letter, not face to face if they are likely to bully you into giving in again) that you cannot stay in contact with them anymore.

That you acknowledge their grief and loss but that you cannot live under the harsh judgment they have decreed expecting you to potentially live alone for the next 60 years. That their son would never have wanted that. Then block on every avenue of contact.

Phone, social media, and block their friends and family too if necessary.

I’m not sure what your mother expects for you by tolerating their interference and control, does she believe you’ll financially benefit in some way? It doesn’t matter, nothing is worth the mental and emotional damage they are causing you.

Later when this is behind you maybe talk to her about the lack of support from her but one battle at a time for now.

They live far enough away that you can do this. This is not what your fiancé would have wanted for you and you deserve life and joy.

I wish you well and all the love you can achieve.” goosebumples

Another User Comments:

“What a terrible place to find yourself when you have the same source of grief that they do.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you and I’m glad to hear you feel things are a little brighter now in your head.

They weren’t good to you when your fiancé was alive so please don’t mistake their behavior now for the result of grief.

They are clearly controlling and that isn’t going to change. If that isn’t something that makes you happy and comfortable then you are entirely within your rights to remove yourself from it.

It’s nothing like your experience but six years ago I decided that I really didn’t want to spend Christmas with my parents anymore because it was always a miserable and demoralizing experience rather than the love and fun I could be included in with another part of the family.

A friend asked me why I was still going to my parents’ despite the invitation from my sister-in-law and how much I wanted to accept it. I said that my parents would be upset if I didn’t. He said, “well, either you or your parents will be upset then.

Which one of those is better for you?”

I thought hard about upsetting my parents and realized I could live with it. In reality, I think they love being upset. You just ask them about their weekend and the story is full of slights and upsets they have experienced.

Mine was just going to be another in a long line. I upset them, they lived, I had an amazing Christmas and I’ve never been to them for it since. It didn’t get mentioned again after year 2.

So, bite the bullet, upset them by removing yourself from their lives, and let them get on with being annoyed about that whilst you get on with living.

NTJ.” Daisy5915

5 points (5 votes)

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
Ntj. I'm so sorry for your loss. If they were already overbearing and bigoted, they're just going to get worse to you now because he's not there to try to defend you. I would absolutely cut contact with them. No contact at any time. You go and date your friend. You deserve to be happy.
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18. WIBTJ If I Sold My Ex Husband's Grill?


“Last summer I got married, I didn’t really want to and I knew I probably shouldn’t but there was pressure from other parts of my life so I went through with it. We eloped and didn’t invite anyone, but planned to have a reception after we got back for our friends and family.

The party was at his parents’ house and it was all planned out before we even left for the wedding, except for the detail of the grill. It was to be a casual cookout style and we were going to make burgers and hotdogs and sausages, things like that.

We live in a condo and don’t have a grill, and his parents only had a small charcoal grill. We knew we’d need something bigger, so my ex was tasked with looking into grill rentals.

Well, he put it off until the last possible minute, after we came back from our trip and less than a week before the party, so he couldn’t find anything to rent and instead decided just to buy one.

The party was awful, the hottest day of the year, and his parents’ house lost power.

Everything was miserable, including us because we were thinking about breaking up. Eventually, we did. He moved out of the condo we shared, slowly moved out all his belongings and we split a bunch of stuff up. We were only married a few months, no kids, everything was going to be fairly simple.

The only thing he couldn’t move was the grill, he got a small moving truck but it wasn’t big enough for all his stuff so he left it and said he’d pick it up at a later date. He asked if I wanted to buy it from him but I said no, I had no interest in keeping it as I’d never use it.

He moved out last September and was completely gone by October, except for the grill.

We were on ok terms so talked here and there, and over the course of two or three months, October November December, I asked 5-10 times when he was coming back for the grill.

It didn’t have a cover and had been getting rained on and I didn’t want it to get snowed on as it was a really nice grill. All he kept saying was “I’ll get it at some point.”

It is now the end of February, I eventually dragged it into my living room, not the propane tank, because I felt bad it was getting snowed on and freezing.

My mom keeps begging me for it as her grill broke a couple of summers ago and this is a nice one and I don’t want it. I have been thinking about giving it to her for cheap, I don’t really care about making money on it I just want it gone.

I last spoke to my ex a couple of weeks ago on his birthday, neither of us brought up the grill and I’m sick of having it, honestly, I feel like a storage unit.

WIBTJ if I just gave this grill to my mom for little to no money? I just have a feeling that sometime over the summer he’ll try to come get it and it won’t be here, so I’m worried about dealing with that.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ — he’s had six months to get the grill and it’s been brought up multiple times.

Perhaps telling him “hey it’s been six months and there hasn’t been an effort made to come get this grill and my mom needs one so I’m selling it to her” and leaving it at that.

You’re honestly a lot more patient than I am, I would have sold that thing after 3 months.” katesquid

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ – it does belong to him too and you shouldn’t go from “sure, whenever you can manage” straight to “I got rid of it four months ago and you didn’t even notice.” You’ve been more than patient, but you owe him one last conversation.

Don’t ask him, TELL him he’s been blowing this off for far too long and he now has two weeks to come get it or you will dispose of it as you see fit.

It isn’t that hard. He can rent a pickup at Home Depot for 20 dollars and be done.” avast2006

Another User Comments:


You gave him plenty of opportunities to collect it. Nearly 5 months.

Legally there is a lot of stuff you have to do in Australia, depending upon which state you are in, before you may dispose of it though. Google “Abandoned Goods” for your state if you are in Aussie.” Keelback

Another User Comments:


Give him a deadline. Tell him if he doesn’t pick it up by a certain date you’re giving it to your mom. Then when he doesn’t get it, give it to your mom. If you chipped in to buy it, try to make back some of your investment, otherwise just give it to her.” HMouse65

4 points (4 votes)

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CletusSnow 1 year ago
Let your mom take it but with the knowledge that it technically atill belongs to him. If he inquires, tell himto go get it from your mom's.
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17. AITJ For Accusing My Mom Of Being Entitled?


“Pretty much just a few minutes ago I had this heated argument with my mother.

It all started in the morning, we both had a pretty bad sleep this night so in the morning we were both tired and a little annoyed about it.

No problem right, at least that’s what I thought. She starts complaining about how tired she feels and basically whenever she feels like crap she starts to remember all the other things that are bothering her currently as well. So I kept my distance to avoid anything that could make her even more upset.

Time passes and she comes to me saying she lost her glasses, and she suspects I’m to blame.

I tell her I haven’t used her glasses and the last time I did borrow them was many months ago. She doesn’t believe me and says she wants to search my room. I tell her I’ll search my room myself for her glasses to which she leaves.

More time passes and she wants to go to the store and tells me to come with her, I got nothing planned for today so why not? She picks up a few things for herself and we leave.

This is where she gets super angry with me. When we make it back home she tells me she is super upset I didn’t open the door for her. I tell her I’m sorry, we both had keys on us so I didn’t really think of it as we both were able to open the door.

She tells me I’m ungrateful and should open a door for my mother as good kids do. I get a little angry and tell her that if she wanted me to open the door why didn’t she just tell me, it’s not like I can read her mind.

Then she explodes and goes on a rant about how my problems are stupid and she has it so much worse.

Her words were: “You are worried about some stupid money and a hat but I’m being treated terribly by my own child, you don’t get to be upset.” (Some explaining, my friend owes me money that she hasn’t paid back yet so I’ve told my mother about how it upset me and the hat she mentioned is this old hat my dad gave me long ago that I have managed to lose somewhere and am very sad about as it’s very dear to me.)

So now was my turn to explode and I told her she is entitled and has her priorities out of order if she thinks me not opening the door for her is worse than the hat my father gave me being lost.

I don’t know, it is a whack situation and at this point, I don’t even know what to do.

I personally feel like she gets way too entitled whenever she feels upset or sad and thinks her problems are suddenly so much more important than others.

Am I the jerk? And are there any suggestions you guys have for me and my mother?”

Another User Comments:

“This is hard for me, but NTJ. You can not read her mind, and you lost something dear to you.” Crash4733

3 points (3 votes)

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Stanman17 5 months ago
Some key information is missing. How old are you, how old is your mother and what is the situation with your dad, is he dead, alive or divorced? Sounds like you're a young adult, and if so, you can start looking for some place else to live. You and your mom sound like oil and water. She's irrational and you're stubborn. If you're a minor, it's more complicated. You may have just wait it out until you turn 18, then move out. Either way, you two don't need to be sharing a house any longer than necessary.
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16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Expensive Items With My Half-Brother?


“So my parents are divorced and have been since I was about 1 year old. This was because my mom was unfaithful to my dad and her baby came out with a hair color that should not have been a possible combination of my parents’ hair colors.

And a paternity test confirmed that the baby wasn’t my dad’s. When they divorced they made around the same amount of money and their possessions more or less equaled their debt so after the divorce each of them pretty much broke even and there was no alimony involved.

Now my dad has no debt and makes well over 150k per year as a pilot while my mom works minimum wage. Both of them are still single and they have 50/50 custody.

The issue here is that I have an iPhone 11 Pro Max, an Alienware laptop, and my dad recently gave me his 2015 Corvette Stingray (for passing my drivers test and good grades) and various other small things while my half-brother has an iPhone 5c, a windows 7 laptop and no car because my mom is poor.

My mom tells me that I have to share my phone and laptop with my brother but I told them that I ain’t going to let him use my phone or laptop because I’m usually using them either for schoolwork or to game with my friends and because I have very personal things on them.

She also demanded that I let her hold on to my car keys. When I asked her why she just avoided the question and said that “it’s unfair that the kids from school know that you have a car while your brother doesn’t.” But the last time she got her hands on the keys she tried withholding them from me as a punishment for something petty and let my half-brother use the car to get to school.

This lasted for almost a week before I wrestled them off of him in the school washroom. I declined my mom’s request because the car legally belonged to my dad and because why would I willingly give her leverage against me?

After this, my mom just kicked me out of the house so I just drove over to my dad’s place for the night to which she responded by calling the police to bring me back because she had custody of me now.

Now she is just arguing stupid things like “your dad ruined you”, or “your dad is just using his (screw you money) as a thorn in her and my half brother’s back” or something, and that I’m basically a bad person for accepting those gifts from my dad.

But the way that I see it is that when my dad gave me those things then he was giving them to me and not my mom or half-brother and I am under no obligation to share them with them because they are mine and because it would be blatantly disrespectful to my dad because of what my mom did and why my half brother came to be.

So, AITJ for accepting these things from my dad while my mom and half brother are poor?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – with how this plays out, you aren’t the jerk, but the issue really is the whole living situation.

You’re right that the stuff given to you isn’t your mother’s or brother’s since it was from your dad. I think if given the appropriate conversation, the car could be shared, or just change around cars so that it isn’t a flashy car.

But this is your parent’s fight that they are projecting onto you. “It’s not fair that you have this stuff and we don’t” isn’t an argument that would stand in court. Not here.

Also, sharing cell phones and computers while you are both the same age? Knowing the high school education schedule, even if either of you has relaxed courses, one computer between the two of you where the majority of assignments are online is just not possible.

I will refer back to my second point: this is your parent’s fight and I think you should make that apparent.” gammastarbsn

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but it is a difficult situation to be in. But your mom caused this whole situation to begin with and your brother is just kind of getting by it seems which is really unfortunate.

I mean if anything you could give him rides if you go to the same place or give him rides if he needs them, I think that would be the nice thing to do. As for the phone, that’s hard to share or make work and the laptop could be shared for more important things like school work if he really needs it but that’s up to you.

Does he have a job by the way? Maybe once he starts working he could help your mom and him become more financially stable.

He didn’t ask to be in this situation and it must not be easy for him. But those are all your belongings so you can do what you want with them, I’d just consider your brother when you can it would be the nice thing to do.” basketballguy4

Another User Comments:


It’s your stuff (and in the case of the car, your father’s), and it’s clear the only reason she’s doing it is to force you to “share” with your brother.

While I do sympathize with your brother because he didn’t ask for this situation and probably feels really crappy about the fact you’ve got nice stuff and he doesn’t, ultimately it’s not your fault either.

If your mom didn’t want something like this to happen, she shouldn’t have been unfaithful.

Honestly, you’re old enough that courts will give strong deference to your opinion if you want to live with your father, assuming your father being a pilot doesn’t interfere with his parental responsibilities too much, although you are old enough that staying home alone for a few days shouldn’t be a huge deal. Unfortunately though, depending on state law, you may just have to suck it up until you turn 18, but I’d recommend that you move out the second you do, and not a moment later.” Hydrasaur

3 points (3 votes)

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
Ntj. Your mom is pissed off because she ended up losing a lifestyle that she enjoyed since your dad makes good money. She screwed it up for herself by being a cheating loser and honestly, she does not deserve anything that your father gives you. She's just trying to punish you because she messed up and didn't think she would get caught
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15. AITJ For Blaming My Ex Roommate For Her Dog's Death?


“In 2015 my partner (19 then) and me (18 then) lived with another couple f20 (FR) and m21 (MR). They had a dog that they said was a service animal for FR’s anxiety.

When we moved in we realized this dog was horribly trained.

When FR would have a panic attack, the dog just ignored her. When eating, she would jump up on us and scratch us until we gave her some. This dog wasn’t even potty trained. She was put into a cage whenever our roommates weren’t home because she would rip things up in their room and pee on everything when they weren’t home.

The dog would go into our room and chew apart my undergarments.

It all came to a head when FR was having an anxiety attack and called for the dog and she attacked her. Ripping her hair out, scratching her until she was bleeding, MR had to pull the dog off of her and hold the dog down.

We moved out shortly, for reasons I won’t entirely go into, the 7 months we lived with them we found them toxic.

FR was a whack job, and we found out soon after this happened that they were actually step-siblings.

Three years passed, and my partner is now my fiancé, they now live in Florida. We have an amazing cat (dogs were officially ruined for us).

Their dog passed away and they reached out to us. We sent our condolences.

Now to the AITJ, sorry it took so long to get here.

FR reached out to me out of the blue today asking if I or my fiancé ever gave her dog substances.

I was confused but just said no, why? She then called me a liar, saying we killed her dog. We hadn’t seen their dog since we moved. She said that she died from eating substances that she had left out and that she wouldn’t have done that unless someone in the past had given her some and made her think that it was OK to eat.

I told her that her dog was one of the most completely out-of-control dogs I had ever seen.

I then said, “if you really think I killed your dog, it’s because you killed your dog for being careless with your illegal substances, and now you’re trying to find some completely out-of-line reason on why it’s NOT your fault.”

She then told MR, who called my fiancé.

My fiancé told him what she said (she’s prone to not telling MR the full story) and while he said that it was ridiculous for her to say we killed her dog, she was trying to cope with what happened and it’s easier to blame someone else than herself, that what I said was still heartless, called me a jerk, and said not to talk to them again.

I didn’t believe what I said was out of line, but my fiancé said that I know how crazy she is and I shouldn’t have added fuel to the fire.

Basically, everyone said I took it too far and said that I should have taken the high road with someone like her, and now I’m starting to feel like a jerk for saying it’s her fault her dog died.


Another User Comments:


You didn’t say anything false or inappropriate. She made a wild accusation about you somehow training her dog to eat her substances, and you were expected to accept that? And then you’re also supposed to ignore her when she concluded that it is what really killed her dog?

Bull crap.

She’s a terrible dog owner who deserved to be called out, even if she’s unstable and grieving. I don’t see how it’s your responsibility to make the liar feel better about the lie she told.

Hopefully, they don’t ever put another dog through that again.” BecauseItsWednesday

Another User Comments:


They were neglectful/abusive pet owners and deserve to be called out on their bull crap, especially when she reached out and blamed you when you haven’t even lived together in three years. It’s incredibly sad for the dog, but honestly screw the people.” ScarletPheonix15

3 points (3 votes)

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
Ntj. She killed her dog, not you. That was no service dog either.
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14. AITJ For Allowing Two Underage Girls To Drink?


“At a recent house party, I allowed two underage teenage girls to get intoxicated. I have been on the receiving end of blistering criticism from most of the people there. However, I believe that mitigating circumstances exonerate me.

The facts: One week ago today I (19M), knowing the proscription against such, allowed two 15-year-old girls to imbibe booze, whence they became ill.

It was known that said teenagers are prohibited from drinking and that allowing said teenagers to drink could threaten the ability of my group to hold parties at my friend’s house.

The prosecution: My friend and his mother are both very angry with me.

Other members of my group are as well. My friend argues that I was sober enough to understand the ramifications of my actions, and I should have known better than to allow the teens (one being his sister) to drink. That I allowed them to regardless calls into question my trustworthiness and my general motivations.

He needs to feel that he can trust me around his sister.

His mother is equally angry. She tries to be tolerant of our behavior. She lets us party at her house because she would rather we be at a safe place where we can spend the night than “God knows where”.

(I should note here that she works as a bartender, so she was working when it happened.) She lets us use her house on the understanding that we will abide by the rules and respect her home.

The defense: While I agree that the partygoers should have created a plan for babysitting two children while getting intoxicated, we did not.

I went to my friend’s house with two basic instructions 1) get plastered, and 2) don’t let the girls take from the case. I was not expecting to have to respond to exigent circumstances.

I’m the most “responsible” of my peers, so I’m not surprised that they chose me for what was a very cunning plan of attack.

The two teens told me that they wanted to go to a friend’s house. This “friend” was a 27-year-old man who was practicing in his garage with his bandmates (all men), and there would be booze. I expressly forbade them from going, and they pointed out that I’m not their parent, and unless I wanted to tie them up, I couldn’t stop them.

I tried to get my friend (the brother) to back me up, but he was plastered and useless. Most of my other friends had either “retired” to private settings or were also intoxicated. I was also very intoxicated, and my reasoning skills weren’t at their highest.

I felt that my choice was between letting these girls drink at home, where they were safe, or go out into the wild as underage girls drinking with an all-male group.

Both were terrible options, but drinking at home was the least bad. Given that I was by myself on this decision, and that the person who should have been responsible allowed himself to get intoxicated, I did the best I could.

I can confirm that the “friend” was real.

He showed up an hour later with a case. Uninvited.


Another User Comments:

“ESH. I was leaning towards NTJ because not your sister, not your house not your problem but then you said you literally gave them booze. Like dude? Really? They’re 15 all you had to do was say no and that if they left you’d call their mothers.

Everyone else sucks because no one is taking responsibility for any of these kids here. Not your friend’s mom or your friend who didn’t watch his own sister.” henchwench89

Another User Comments:

“ESH. YTJ judgments absolve everyone else of responsibility.

Mom should not expect professional child care services from teenagers.

I feel like the brother should not have been blasted.

And what the heck is with those two kids? Are they volunteering to be a “ripped from the headlines” episode of Law and Order? “Let us drink here, or we’ll go to a second location.’

Yikes.” bushido216

Another User Comments:

“If YTJ then so is the brother for not looking out for his sister and her friend, and so is the mom for letting you and her son who are also both underage to knowingly party and drink in her home. Doesn’t matter if you are 15 or 19. You aren’t old enough to drink and it is against the law.” Literally_Mystified

2 points (2 votes)

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Reyne 1 year ago
Mom shouldn't have trusted a bunch of drunk teenagers to care for younger teenagers. Case closed. Especially when they aren't your sisters/your responsibility. You'd think she'd trust the brother more with watching them. Or maybe doing it herself since she's the mother.
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13. AITJ For Pushing My Friend To Pay Me Back?


“This friend was an old childhood friend I reconnected with a couple of years ago while I was still in college. After extended unemployment on his part, he finally got a job. We’ve always talked about going to an NBA game but it never happened since he didn’t have a job.

So he is the type of friend that is indecisive and says to you “Whatever you want to do” when discussing what we wanna do when we hang out or what to eat, stuff like that. He was doing that when I brought up the prices to see what he could afford.

Tickets were cheap like 20-30 bucks for some games and I let him know that. This annoyed me, so I intentionally suggested an 80-dollar ticket that would probably be on the higher end of what he could afford to see what he said.

He agreed and I told him to pay me anytime before the game which would be at least a month.

We go to the game and he never does pay me back. Today makes it basically a year since I bought the ticket.

And I would like to add he got fired and got a new job in that time period so I never really pushed him for the months he was unemployed again. He told me he would pay me back with his first paycheck but never did.

What finally pushed me over the edge was at the end of last year a mutual friend not knowing about the money told me this same friend was flexing his brand new iPhone 11 on social media.

I go to him and tell him how frustrated I am and don’t mention his iPhone.

He says he will stop by my place to pay me back then he flakes. I message him upset asking how could he do me like that and just leaves me on read. I go off basically saying I’m done with him.

He tries to turn it on me and then sends me a pic of his sick grandmother in the hospital and says bro you upsetting me I’m going through a lot. This infuriates me I tell him sorry about his grandmother but you’ve owed me this for a year what does his grandmother being recently sick have to do with that? His last msg was that I was making him real angry and has stopped replying.

My initial thought was that he was trying to use his sick grandmother to try to guilt me to stop pushing about the money and make me seem like the bad guy.

Honestly, I still think my original assessment was right about him but another part makes me think I should have just shelved it for later.


Also want to add never had issues with money with him before but it was like maybe 5 bucks here, 20 bucks there on both sides.”

Another User Comments:

“ESH – you bait your friend to buy a ticket you know he can’t afford, so he promises to pay you back.

For whatever reason, he goes through tough times but doesn’t make paying you back a priority, and you make it the focus of the relationship. Sounds to me like you intentionally tested your own friendship, and are not happy with how things worked out.” thisisfakereality

Another User Comments:


Your “friend” took advantage of your friendship by not paying you back after it was made clear he would pay you. He then avoided you. You’re never getting that $80 back and he’s not a friend. A friend would pay someone back their money.” lita313

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, he never intended to pay you back.

You know that, accept it.

Now, whether or not you can maintain a friendship with him is up to you. You know the type of person he is, sadly, there are a lot of people out there who take advantage of their friends.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:


It’s like that scene in A Bronx Tale. It cost you $80 but you learned a lot about this person and essentially cut them out of your life for only $80. Consider this a win and screw that guy.” pmathewstx

2 points (2 votes)

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
Esh he's not going to pay you back. He never intended to and you probably know that by now. You got him to agree to a more expensive ticket knowing he just goes along with whatever and knowing he wasn't working. He sounds like a real flake from the get go so you should have known better.
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12. AITJ For Threatening To Block My Mom?


“2 years ago, I went away on training. I left my family and moved to a province 14 hours away for the first time ever. Now, this was only training and I wasn’t being paid a lot, just enough to get by.

Now my mom is a stress shopper and had accumulated a lot of debt at a certain clothing shop (I’m not judging because I’m a stress eater. Whatever keeps you sane.) So I decided to take that card with me and pay it off for her, and she agreed.

My parents have been saving money for my university since I was born, so they used that to pay for my accommodation. All I had to worry about was my food, transport to and from work, my mom’s account, and any extras.

So after I get paid for the first time, my brother calls me and asks for money, which I tell him that I don’t have (and besides, every time I ask him for pocket money for myself and my little brother for school, he always says he doesn’t have money.

We all know he’s lying.) After a couple of minutes with him begging, he hangs up and I get a call from my mom asking me to give him money because “he’s your brother, you should help him out.” Fine! I can’t ever argue with my mom anyway because she’s so sweet and she never shouts and I feel like a jerk every time I argue with her.

This goes on for the full 6 months I’m there.

My brother doesn’t drop in to check on me, never calls, nothing from him unless he wants money. And once in a while, he’ll pop in to ask for food. Not to check on me but for food. You can imagine how hurt I am by this behavior and the fact that I bought my family watches and I’ve never seen him wear his (we suspect he sold it).

In my last month, he calls and I send him the money and say “since you never call me otherwise you need money, this means that this is our last call because my training is coming to an end.” He gets defensive and angry before he hangs up.

I should also mention he never made the effort to come get it from me. It doesn’t matter that I’m tired and just wanna cry because the chef is a jerk, I’m the one making it convenient for him to get the money.

So I’m about to leave again in less than 5 months and I joke and say to my mom “if you and your son gang up on me again, I’m blocking both of you.” My mom just smiles and tries to laugh it off but I can see that she was hurt by what I said.

And now when my brother calls and asks my mom for money, she doesn’t even look at me, she just sends it and I end up feeling horrible that I’m gonna make her choose between her oldest son and her only daughter.

So AITJ for telling her this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your mum is enabling your brother’s behavior and letting him get away with doing whatever he wants. Eventually, he’ll leave and do what he wants, but don’t expect him to help you or your mum out financially. The whole story sounds like my uncle. We just come from a different culture to you.” coffeenightmares

2 points (2 votes)

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NeidaRatz 5 months ago
Your mom is "so sweet" as she blatantly manipulates and uses you, favors your brother and treats you like crap. If you weren't such a jerk to yourself you would have cut them both off and gone NC by now. SMDH
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11. WIBTJ For Calling Out A Friend For Not Checking Up On Me?


“I have a friend that I met online. Yes, we’ve been intimate. No, it’s not exclusive. I’ve known him now for a year and a half. He has told me that he loves me – though I know it’s as a friend.

He emphasizes that he cares about me etc. As much as I would love for us to be exclusive, I do know (and have accepted) that he doesn’t feel the same for me that I do him. I hang in there because he is a good friend, and I need friends.

I am a former Jehovah’s Witness and was shunned by everyone when I left. I literally went from a whole community and tons of friends to having no one. But I digress.

I have a very rare lung cancer (no, I never smoked) and one of the aspects of it is spontaneous pneumothoraxes (lung collapses).

On Friday, I had a small lung collapse. Nothing too bad – small enough that I didn’t need a chest tube – but it scared me and it HURTS! I posted on social media a bit about it. It’s been 24 hours and I have not heard one word from my “friend.” I know he has been online several times because it shows when you are active on there.

But I have not received one call. One text. Nothing. I am deeply hurt. And though I know he isn’t my partner and I have no claim on him, shouldn’t he, even as a friend, check on me? He knows that I have no support system.

He knows I lost all my friends and family when I left the Jehovah’s Witnesses. So he KNOWS that I am dealing with this alone.

Sidenote: yes, I am trying to get more friends. I have joined clubs, etc… but it has been HARD getting new friends when I am in my 40s.

Everyone seems to be married and/or taking care of minor children and though they are nice to me, they have their life already and it’s not like I am their priority, nor can most hang out on the weekends. But my friend can.

He is single, like me. His daughter lives with her mom full time. I just think it would have been appropriate – even as a friend – to check and make sure I’m okay.

Am I a jerk if I call him out on this and tell him that I am hurt and upset that he never checked on me? Is it right of me to expect this of him? Or am I too sensitive about it? I just have so many emotions running in my head and I cannot get it out of my head that I have been good enough for him to sleep with, and he tells me he loves me (again, as a friend) but he cannot even check on me for over 24 hours after I have a lung collapse? Is this what friends do?

Part of me wants to purge all of my hurt about this and tell him off a bit but I don’t want to lose one of the very few friends that I have and I also do not know if I have the right to expect him to check on me at all.

He isn’t my partner. I think what kills me is he is very thoughtful towards others and visited a friend in the hospital every day and helps so many people. But he seems to make a pattern out of doing this to me.

When I had a procedure back in March, he waited 4 days to check on me. I feel like he singles me out for this treatment. Do I speak out, or am I a jerk if I do?”

Another User Comments:

“Soft YTJ, I’m sorry you are feeling alone because you left that community, and you feel isolated.

I think you need to focus more on expanding your circle group. I’ve been there. Making friends after the age of 30 somehow is so much harder.

I think there is a problem here that you want more from this relationship than he does.

I think this relationship is unfair to you and to him to some extent because the expectations are not aligned. I don’t think you should be comparing what he does for his other friends in terms of visiting the hospital. If you want him to acknowledge you are sick just send him a message directly to get a reaction.

If he offers to visit, fine. If not it’s his choice. This posting on social media and waiting for a response is so immature of a reaction.

The real problem is that he’s just not that into you. If you want to find a good significant other then you have to clear some emotional space out to do so.

Sounds like you are wasting your time with him.” BupiBear

Another User Comments:

“YWBTJ. You clearly want more from him than what he is giving you, either as a friend or romantic partner.

First, you are assuming he saw the post, where he may not have.

Second, it doesn’t sound like he sees you as a close friend.

At the very least you aren’t communicating daily by text. You can’t get mad that he has continued to treat you like a non-close friend.

Third, it sounds like he has told you exactly how he sees your friendship. You can either accept it or end the friendship.

You can’t get mad at him that he is sticking with his stated position.

All that being said, I hope you’re doing well!” Shad0

Another User Comments:

“You posted it on social media and expected him to what? Are you expecting him to be checking your social media every single day? Sorry but YTJ here, most people actually don’t look at their phones that much.

You threw a bottle in an ocean and got upset when he wasn’t looking for it. DM him directly if you want to talk to him, and ask for help if you need it, but at the end of the day, he owes you nothing.

Sorry about your illness.” StrangeCalibur

0 points (0 votes)

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
Honestly it sounds like he's just in it for the sex. He's not looking for a relationship with you and he doesn't seem to be too interested in a traditional friendship if all he's doing is sleeping with you and otherwise ignoring you. He may not have seen the post, not every single post a friend shares is seen so you may need to actually approach him and say something
2 Reply

10. AITJ For Standing Up Against My Father?


“So, for a bit of context, I (F18) am what you’d call a perfect daughter model. Good grades, friends, work, lots of studies, everything a parent wants their daughters/sons to become. Although I’m a perfect daughter outside doors, in my house it’s not very…

Well, nice, per se. As I always was the “yes man” of my father, he just kept rising his standards, until getting an 8 out of 10 on a test was unacceptable.

I didn’t have anything to do when I was a kid, because my parents were overprotective of me and we were surrounded by jerks, so I stayed inside most of the time.

I began changing when I met my friends in high school, which are still my best friends, and began picking up my father’s attitude.

How we are? We both don’t like being stepped over. We’re both straightforward, and like to “defeat” opponents in an argument by making smart and sassy remarks.

This morning I had a huge fight with him.

When we were eating lunch, he made remarks about how I wasn’t eating well. Until a month and a half or so I wasn’t eating well, I ate between hours a lot, but I minded myself and began changing that. As I’m coping with university, a job, and music lessons, I barely am in my house but for eating and sleeping.

I barely see him.

One thing I’m better at than my father is taking criticism well. I like improving, and I don’t take anything people say badly at first.

When he told me the first time I wasn’t eating well, I said that yes, I hadn’t been eating well, but I had been improving that since I noticed.

He kept saying it during all lunch, and I hate it when people repeat themselves a lot. Yes, I understood it since the first time, but as he said it THREE times in just a minute, I began getting sassy. He didn’t take it well and began telling me off for taking it as a joke.

I told him I wasn’t taking it as a joke, and then it began escalating till we were screaming. Every time I tried to speak, to tell him that I was eating variety, he kept telling me not to reply and that I should be more careful, that I’m getting more fat than I already am…

Guilt tripping me.

Since I was very young he’d always go with the typical “you don’t deserve what you’re given, you’re always being disgraceful to the life you’re given, etc.” This made me beg for his forgiveness, as a good girl. But as I grew up, I understood that everything I was doing was just for his sake.

I’m his scapegoat, what will give him a better life in the future, but for such he has to obliterate me emotionally.

Since I grew as a person, and understand it was emotional manipulation, I now stand my ground. I got too many things to worry about to now have to change every single thing my father doesn’t like about me, and every time I confront him about that he gets angry, starts destroying things around the house, and yells at me.

Then he goes silent for a couple of days, ignoring me, until I have something he needs, and repeat.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sometimes, two headstrong people don’t get along very well in close proximity. Also, it kind of sounds like your dad doesn’t like the idea of you becoming an adult. It’ll get better but keep making your boundaries clear in a calm manner. It’ll get better someday.” Reddit user

0 points (0 votes)

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rbleah 1 year ago
Time to get the hell out of that house, as soon as you can. YOU have a life to look forward to and you can't let him control you or you WON'T have your own life. NTJ and good luck and a good life to you.
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9. WIBTJ If I Didn't Go To A Friend's Wedding?


“So Friend 1 (F1) and I have known each other since middle school. But we really didn’t start being friends till the end of high school. After high school, we still hung out and would go to a restaurant once a week and wait till her partner got off work at 11 pm.

Probably would hang out till midnight or later. One day I locked my keys in the car and she and her partner said they had to go and left me in the parking lot alone at midnight while I waited for my mom to bring my spare key.

After that, we didn’t talk for 2 or 3 years until she reached out asking if I can take her mom to her cancer appt. since she couldn’t that day. So I did. We started hanging out again. I would sit with her mom on my days off and take her mom to cancer appts.

They were heading to pick up her grandma 10 hours away and asked if I can come to help (Plus give her mom her booster shots since F1 hates needles). Last year her mom died of her cancer and I was with F1 and her mom when she was taken off life support.

This last year I was with her once or twice a week.

Helping her clean the house, painting, doing the estate, etc. She always said no one else would come to help her, she has no friends around us, etc.

Well, she is getting married. She told me I won’t be a bridesmaid because she didn’t want me to work, but relax at her wedding (honestly don’t care about this.

It’s her wedding) and she’s having people she met at comic cons out of state be her bridesmaids. Her cousin who is on the other side of the country, and whom she hardly sees, is her maid of honor because she’s married and knows how weddings go.

Then she asked me a few days later if I will hold the marriage certificate and help the venue clean up after the ceremony and before the reception. I agreed.

But now Friend 2 (F2) and my mom found out and said I shouldn’t.

That she should’ve chosen me to be a bridesmaid if not maid of honor (again I don’t care about this, they do). That being married isn’t an excuse to choose someone for being maid of honor and reminded me I’ve been it twice (To F2 and another friend) and that I did well.

Said she is taking advantage of me. That I’ve done so much for her (helped with her mom and grandma, helped her with housework and errands, got her mail when she’s gone, been her emotional crutch this last year, etc) and she hasn’t done anything for me.

I tell them she has gotten me a lot of stuff from comic cons I can’t go to because of work but they said that’s her choice (because I don’t ask her to and she just gets it and gives me them).

They said after all I’ve done for her and how I’ve supported her I should be a bridesmaid at least.

That I should just say work refused to give me the day off.

WIBTJ if I refuse to go to the wedding and just go to work instead?”

Another User Comments:


OP, you need to go reread your post like it’s someone else’s (give them completely different names and read it out loud) then ask truthfully if this person’s actions are those of a friend and what advice would you give someone else in this situation.

Even in this post, many of your comments still sound like you’re making excuses for the entitled Bridezilla.

You devalue yourself and you sound like a wonderful person. Know that and own it.

Also, I’d be very careful attending the wedding because it sounds as though, even if you try to put boundaries in place, if push comes to shove on the wedding day, you will still allow yourself to be manipulated into cleaning up.

You’re aware that it’s likely that you’re saving her money by cleaning up, right? She is using you and has for your whole backward friendship. As for the things she brings you from comic cons? Likely it’s swag she got free and doesn’t want anyway but makes a big deal about bringing it, especially for you.

Stick with friend 2, at least she has your back.” ohemgee0309

Another User Comments:


What do you want? It sounds like your love language might be acts of service/doing stuff to show you care. It does seem like she takes advantage of that whenever it’s convenient for her.

This could very well be why she has no other friends nearby willing to help her (because she acts that way with everyone, you’re just the only one willing to put up with it.)

Back to you though. I think you need to really evaluate your own feelings here, not what your mom/whoever tells you.

You sound like a strong, considerate, and giving friend.

If you want to go, go.

If you want to clean, clean. But really pay attention to how you’re being treated. Make sure the love you give is to people who value it.” bbbrashbash

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Chile, she left you in a parking lot at midnight in the cold without even offering to put you up somewhere safe, anything could’ve happened.

The con merchandise are nice gestures and if you feel like they bring you joy then live your best life – just take a step back and think about whether she’s only keeping you around for favors.

Y’all didn’t talk for 2 years after being ditched – a bit of a strange comeback to be expecting all these errands from you but she doesn’t seem to be totally disrespectful since she’s giving back here and there.

Seems in that regard to be a vaguely mutually beneficial relationship, not overly antagonistic, not overly considerate.

Have a chat back & forth between you and your family and you and your friend – try not to be overly confrontational but make sure you’re taking your family’s advice on board & try and weigh up how your friend behaves towards you.

You’ve done plenty for her already (and fairly heavy emotional labor at that from the sounds of what went down with her mom) so don’t feel like walking out at this point would be unreasonable.

But, ya know, if you feel like you’re getting what you want out of the relationship, it might not hurt to stick around.

It’s a whole thing – ultimately only you know what’s up, just make sure you do what’s best for you.

The cold night out might be worth talking about though – if she does anything like that again absolutely feel free to walk out on her, and the same for the partner that was driving too.

Better yet – be mindful not to give them the chance to either.” taeryth

0 points (0 votes)

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
Ntj. She has absolutely taken advantage of you. Honestly I wouldn't go. I wouldn't even talk to her anymore but that's me. Not because of the whole bridesmaid thing but because of the fact that she's a very selfish person who tries to get everyone else to take care of her responsibilities.
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8. AITJ For Asking To Go To My Sister's Thanksgiving?


“My sister and I had an argument last summer because she texted me to express concern about my impact on her children after I shed a few tears in front of them (literally like 2 before shaking it off). I was going through a lot at the time and have severe depression, but I have never done or said anything inappropriate in front of her kids.

Even though they did not even seem to notice, I offered to talk with them about it if they were upset (I’m a therapist). She declined, then began attacking choices I’ve made that she (falsely) believed had led to my emotional struggles.

After some awful words back and forth (all via text), I was finally really blunt about the severity of my depression and said that her kids remind me of what’s good about life. We stopped fighting and she told me to reach out/visit if I was having a hard time.

Fast forward to the week before Thanksgiving. I usually went to my partner’s parents’ house, but we had broken up the week before and my parents already had plans. So, I called my sister, explained that I was not doing well, and said that being alone on Thanksgiving would not be a good idea.

I asked if I could come to her house to celebrate with her family and her in-laws (who I get along with). She said “yes” and everything seemed fine. The day before Thanksgiving, my sister texted saying it would be better if I didn’t come because she did not want her in-laws to “feel slighted or like they are not the focus”.

I told my sister she was being dramatic and it would be fine. Not the best response, but I felt hurt and brushed aside.

Her husband then texted me saying that I was selfish for asking to come in the first place.

Um, what? I was stunned. I tried to call, but neither would answer. I called my mom, who said my sister told her that her husband didn’t want me to encroach on time with his family (who was visiting from another state).

I responded to him that he was the one being selfish, heartless, and cruel. He and my sister then blocked me everywhere. I sent an email to my sister a few weeks later tying everything back to the fight over the summer, asking her to acknowledge the pain this caused me, and saying that I was not sure I wanted a relationship with her husband.

She eventually responded minimally and in a characteristically cold way, saying that it was “emails like that” that make them not want to let me see their kids. My parents have offered to facilitate a visit with the kids (6 and 9) but my sister will not let them see me.

I really miss the kids, but I don’t think I did anything wrong here.

AITJ for asking to join their Thanksgiving? Or for making it clear that they cannot treat me that way (even if doing so means they don’t let the kids see me)? AITJ for digging in my heels and asking for an apology even if this whole situation is devastating my family?”

Another User Comments:


You are NTJ for asking about going to her thanksgiving.

The rest is more ESH. When you showed emotion prior to thanksgiving and your sister pretty much went negative on you, she showed you then that she is not a good person.

After saying yes, THEN saying no shows how little she really regards you.

The email, etc., it’s a bit much. She showed you that you matter very little to her over her and her family. She went about it poorly. She and you have issues. That much is clear.

Back off. Go LOW contact with her and her family.

Even the kids. Just back off. Don’t let your parents facilitate anything. When your sister has it all figured out she will contact you. Any future gifts, send to your folks so your sis can decide to give to the kids.

This sounds harsh but you both are not in a good place. Let time heal ya both.

Good luck OP.” CyborgsRHere

Another User Comments:

“ESH. You are severely depressed, that sucks. But at the same time, you are not entitled to go to their Thanksgiving dinner.

They do have their own family to care about and if they feel that your presence is harmful, then yes, you may not be allowed there. Both of them, your sister and brother-in-law suck for telling you that you can go and then taking back that decision.

That said I hope you find a way to deal with your depression.” Thrwforksandknives

Another User Comments:


Husband is horribly self-centered, and your sister either doesn’t see it or doesn’t know it.

Unless you had some history of making every situation be about you that you omitted from your story (which I don’t think you did), they are both jerks.

I debate in my mind who is bigger – the selfish one or the one who sold out her blood relative because of the selfish one.

Leaning towards your sister.


I fear for her children if they aren’t allowed to express their emotions for fear of shunning from their father.” Hestiansun

Another User Comments:

“No one’s a jerk.

Sounds like your sister can’t give you the emotional support you need, which is not her fault or yours. Maybe her husband didn’t want you there because he knew there would be drama and he’s not prepared to deal with any more drama.

You say you’re a therapist, but are you getting therapy yourself? Because it sounds like you would benefit from it.” BiggestFlower

0 points (2 votes)

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Stanman17 5 months ago (Edited)
It's bad manners to invite yourself to someone else's holiday celebration, even family, but it's worse form to agree to let you come then rescind the invitation. Your sister and her husband have showed you where you stand with them, and they are not going to give you the help you need. Your parents can't help; they're caught in the middle. Like it or not, you're on your own. See a physician AND a therapist ASAP and go low to no contact with sis and her family. Your relationship with the kids will suffer in the short term, but I guarantee when they're teens, they'll come to see their parents for who they really are and invite you back into their lives. Good luck, my friend, you can do this.
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7. AITJ For Reaching Out To An Old Friend?


“About four weeks ago I opened my old social media account which I deleted many years ago since I created a new one. I realized that I still had many of my friends from high school on this old account that didn’t transfer over to my new one.

One of my really good high school friends (let’s call her Amanda) was on my old account and I decided to reach out to her since it’s been 7 years since our high school graduation and we haven’t talked since.

We started talking about our lives, where we live now, and what we do for a living.

We talked about our old friendship and our old hangouts. We agreed that we should meet again with our old friends and do a quick high school reunion. The conversation was very friendly and nothing out of the ordinary.

The next day, after the conversation with Amanda, this random person (unknown name and no photo) sends me a friend request.

He starts asking me about my life, about my ex, where I live, etc. Of course, I declined his request and I did not provide any information. He then starts sending follow requests to some of my friends and starts asking my friends for information about me.

A couple of days later, he creates a new account with a similar name to mine and starts acting as me.

He again contacts me and says that his name is actually my name and requests more information. At this point, I contacted the social media site and they deleted this fake clone account acting as myself.

Now, a lot of my friends are aware of the situation and I don’t know who this person could be because a scammer or hacker would not be this persistent as to create a total of 4 fake accounts to gain information about myself.

He was able to obtain information about where I work, where I live, and even the kind of car that I drive.

Today, he sends me a new message but this time is different. This time, he sends me a message from his actual account with his real name and picture.

It turns out that he is Amanda’s partner. He tells me to stop contacting her, that their life is fine, that they don’t need me, and to go and screw myself.

At this point, I thank him for finally revealing who he was.

I explained myself by saying that I was a really good friend of hers in high school and that I just wanted to reach out and reconnect with her. I also asked him if he’s gonna do what he did to me to every single old friend that tries to connect with her.

He got very upset and he said “screw you” and told me that he will come to my job if I try to ever contact her again.

I didn’t reply to his messages and immediately blocked him. Amanda, 2 hours later, contacts me and says that her partner is saying that I reached out to him.

At this point, I believe that both of them are delusional and I blocked her as well.

For 4 straight weeks, this person has been creating fake accounts and gathering information about me just because I reached out to his partner whom I knew from high school.

Am I the jerk for reaching out to an old friend from high school?

Edit: The other issue that I didn’t mention in my post is that she unfollowed me.

And when I asked her why she said that she didn’t unfollow me. So that means that her partner has her password or took her phone and was the one who unfollowed me. So I don’t wanna reach out and say anything else to her cause he might be looking.”

Another User Comments:


Sounds like her partner has some serious trust issues. Not sure if your old HS friend is complicit in it or not, but she could potentially be in an unhealthy or dangerous relationship if her partner is going through lengths like that.

It may be worth reaching out to her one more time to explain the situation a bit from your perspective and see if things are ok.

If this negativity continues or continues to turn threatening, you may just wanna drop it.

But definitely NTJ.” Chewwbomb

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but they definitely are.

I don’t however get why you’d just go straight to blocking Amanda. In all likelihood, her partner was lying to her. Why not just tell her the situation and send her screenshots? Yes, you don’t owe it to her, but from what you’ve written she’s not a jerk either.” nonanonaye

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but maybe you were a bit quick to block Amanda too, it sounds like her partner lied to her and told her you were to one to contact them.

I actually can’t even grasp how you came to the conclusion that she is delusional.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for not warning Amanda what a creep her partner is. He most likely lied to her, and you just blocked her without explanation. That’s messed up.” anchovie_macncheese

0 points (4 votes)

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Morning 1 year ago
I wonder if OP is male or female. It shouldn't matter, but the partner sounds like he is trying to isolate the freind. Classic abuser move.
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6. AITJ For Wanting To Cut My Best Friend From My Life?


“I’m (F23) from Germany, but am studying in the US. My friend M and I started becoming best friends in 9th grade. She’s hard to talk to on the phone. Since I moved to the US, I’d have a hard time hearing back from her or she would be flaky with calls when I put time aside.

She would not message me on my birthdays, etc.

I told her that my partner (who she knows and likes) and I would come to Germany in June for two weeks to spend time with family and friends but that we could only see her during the first week.

We agreed on a Friday evening in the city to celebrate her finishing her degree and hang out.

She canceled the day before because she had already made other plans for that evening. I suggested Sunday when we were gonna be back in the city.

I messaged her Saturday evening, Sunday morning, and throughout the day but got no reply. At a little after 3 pm she finally messaged me saying that she was sorry she couldn’t text me earlier, she had left her phone at a friend’s house after a party the night before.

That was a bit of a ‘what the heck’ moment for me because we had plans and she went to see friends she could meet any other day?

She didn’t leave to go get her phone until at least noon on Sunday.

I was pretty upset and angry at this point. We couldn’t stay in the city any longer (because plans) but I told her she could meet us at the train station if she wanted to. She didn’t. I heard from her the day that we were flying back when she messaged me “when are you coming back from XXXX (city)?”

So I told her that we were literally flying out.

In an effort to be like ‘hey we can still make it work next year’ I said that we would be back in the country in a year for my sister’s graduation from high school.

I asked “Hey, can we chat sometime about what happened that Sunday? I don’t know why we weren’t communicating well, I just don’t know what happened,’ and then she never answered.

I followed up a few weeks later asking if everything was okay but she didn’t reply.

We haven’t talked since then. I’m unwilling to reach out because I feel like I have always been there for her and supported her and she couldn’t even find the time to see me after two years. It hurts my heart to see our friendship possibly end like this.

I got engaged in January and we posted the announcement on social media where she would have seen it. She is always on the phone and posts pics with friends but hasn’t said anything. Maybe she truly hasn’t seen the posts on social media but I doubt it.

My fiancé messaged her more casually to reach out, but she hasn’t answered or opened the message. Am I missing something here and should I reach out to her?

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It sounds like she has already cut you out of her life.

The things she messaged seem like excuses because she genuinely didn’t want to spend time with you. Sometimes we simply value people more than they value us. Moving on is the only thing you can do.” kawaiidupe

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, she is clearly signaling she is not interested in being friends with you any longer but does not want the confrontation.

Sounds like you are initiating all the contact. Time to move on and find new friends.” OneGoodUser

Another User Comments:

“Not the jerk for moving on without her, as long as you don’t announce you’re done with her. If you post or email or text her that you’re done with her, you’d be a jerk. She is allowed to move on too; she obviously has. As long as she’s not mean about it. You’re both moving on.” amek33

0 points (2 votes)

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NeidaRatz 5 months ago
Take a hint. She doesn't want to be your friend anymore. Move on and stop making the effort.
0 Reply

5. WIBTJ If I Went Back On My Word To My Brother-In-Law?


“Last fall, my BIL was going through some tough times. He’s a younger guy who has had some health problems, physically & mentally, and also takes care of his wife who is in college and has a baby. I was feeling pretty bad about it since I see him as a brother myself.

One of the things he mentioned was about their lack of reliable vehicles. It seems both of their cars were clunkers & would break down often, which is dangerous because where they live gets quite cold. I asked my husband (who is his older brother) how he felt about giving him a truck that we don’t really use too often.

It sits in our driveway the majority of the time, available to use for weekend “work” projects that we or family don’t want to use our newer vehicles for or if someone needs to borrow a vehicle temporarily. We talked it over and agreed to offer it to his brother.

BIL was overwhelmed (in a positive way) and we discussed ways of getting the vehicle out to him. My husband told them that if he could find a way to get it then he was welcome to have it. We live completely across the country from each other.

Google Maps says it takes about 40 hours to drive to where he’s at. The truck is ok to drive around for shorter trips but I would never drive it cross country. So it turned into “if you can get it then you can have it” to “let’s see how we can make this work.” We would have to tow it somehow.

We looked up costs for delivery which ran well into the thousands which wasn’t feasible.

We have a newer truck but we would still have to find or rent a trailer at our cost. All in all, between the time it would take (which we didn’t have then seeing as we would need at least a week to drive it out someway) and expenses (cost of gas, any equipment we would have to rent or buy out of our own pocket, using time off work), it didn’t seem to work out.

We dropped the discussion seeing as how it didn’t make sense. Instead, we bought them tickets to fly home for the holidays to see family. BIL was happy and we moved on from the topic or so I thought.

I saw on social media that BIL’s wife was selling her car.

I didn’t think anything of it until she asked my husband about possibly meeting with the truck halfway. My husband is way too busy right now and will be for the next couple of months so the topic seems dropped again but I started to feel a bit of remorse about the whole thing.

Since offering the truck and buying their tickets, my car started to act up. Obviously, with the holidays & tickets, we didn’t feel great about having to repair my car. I ended up driving around the older truck while it was looked at & thinking how lucky it was we had a vehicle for stuff like that.

We still haven’t repaired my car either (it’s drivable).

Now I’m kinda thinking we ought to keep it or at least sell it (if only to pay for my car repair). But I also feel bad because we offered it to BIL and at least his wife seems keen about getting it at some point.

So would I be the jerk if we didn’t go through with it?”

Another User Comments:

“No one’s a jerk.

You offered it and they are taking a long time to get it. In that time your car went down and now you legitimately need the truck.

It’s not their fault they can’t afford to get the truck, and it’s not your fault that your car broke.

However, for the future, think more deeply about offering things that it sounds like you can’t afford to give away.” Reddit user

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The offer was “if you can come get it, you can have it.” They have not been able to come get it.

You’re not reneging on the offer. You’re just realizing they aren’t able to take you up on it. Them wanting you to do more than you offered does not make you the bad guy.” spaceforcerecruit

Another User Comments:

“Sort of a cross between no-one-is-the-jerk and light YTJ.

If they were so desperate for this car, I do feel like they could’ve gotten it sooner. But going back on a promise does kinda suck here since it seems like they can still use it. You said if you can get it, you can have it, and never changed that stance as far as I can tell.” alalal982

0 points (2 votes)

4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Family Didn't Reach Out To See Me?


“So Thursday was my cousin’s birthday, she turned 19. We hardly see this particular aunt, uncle, and 5 cousins, because they live pretty far from us. About 45 minutes via freeway.

Yesterday (Friday), they apparently came over here to have her hair dyed by my uncle’s brother who has a hair salon one town above ours.

My aunt checked in at the salon on social media, and my mom and I were so shocked that they had come all the way over here and didn’t tell us. My mom works at the middle school that’s down the street from that salon.

I commented on her post about how she was so close to us and how we were just up there for my mom’s work. She replied, “Sorry we missed you!” Keep in mind we live about 8 minutes away from the school.

So my mom kind of brushed it off, her sister can be secretive sometimes, but she finds it so weird that they wouldn’t tell us they were down here, especially since we hardly ever see them.

They don’t usually come out this far.

So later that night, we’re eating dinner at the table and I’m checking my social media. My aunt checked in again for their dinner, and they’re at a restaurant down the street from our house!! I could walk to this place!! We couldn’t believe that they would just be down here so close to us and not try to visit us or even tell us that they were down here! We want to go out and celebrate my cousin’s birthday too! We are family and we love them! My oldest cousin is in the military, but besides him, they were all there! My 4 cousins and my aunt and uncle!

My uncle commented on the salon post about having an appointment there with his brother but it went really long and the brother refused to take payment so they took him out to dinner instead.

My mom just looked at that and said “Oookay.” We have met my uncle’s brother and we are friendly together and I just don’t understand why we were snubbed like this.

I would also like to mention that I leave on a huge study abroad trip in about 10 days, which I mentioned to my cousin.

I told her that I would’ve liked to see them before I go (since there are no family parties planned before then). They know, my mom posts about that a lot. I guess they didn’t care enough to see me though.

Despite being 9 minutes away from us during their 2-hour salon appointment and 3 minutes away during dinner.

My mom gets pretty annoyed with them sometimes because she goes out of her way to get all 5 of their kids presents for their birthdays and go to some events, but they never give me presents anymore, my mother’s one child. My birthday is Sunday (tomorrow) and they didn’t even stop by to say hi.

I don’t know, am I the jerk for being mad at them for not getting together with us? It’s pretty rude to come all the way down to our hometown and not invite us out or not want to see us, especially when they hardly leave their own area.

Our family is fairly close, but we don’t see them a lot and it would’ve been nice.”

Another User Comments:

“No one’s a jerk.

You’re not TJ for feeling hurt that your family doesn’t seem to value your company as much as you value theirs.

I have relatives who are like that too, and it sucks.

At the same time, they are not obligated to include you and your immediate family in their plans.

If your relatives are like mine, it’s just easier to accept that they’re self-centered or lazy and stop stressing about it.

Enjoy being with them when you do see them, but don’t expect anything from them.” stellesbells

Another User Comments:

“No one is a jerk. You aren’t TJ for having feelings. Those are natural occurrences beyond control, what matters is how you react to those feelings.

If you start a fight with them, then you’d be TJ. Vaguely stating “I’d like to see you” doesn’t get things done; make an actual plan with them, set a date, offer to go to them, etc. Other people’s lives don’t revolve around us, effort from both sides needs to be put in to maintain relationships.

Them being nearby doesn’t entitle you to a visit, they clearly had other things going on.

That said, I understand why you’re hurt. If you consistently put more into your relationship than they do, think about whether it’s worth it to try anymore.

Sometimes the best family we have is the one we make, not the one we’re born into.” International-Aside

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – first of all, 45 minutes away ain’t crap. If you don’t often see someone who lives that close to you, there’s probably a reason for it, and it certainly isn’t the distance.

If they actually lived very far away, I might see some point in being upset they didn’t visit. But 45 minutes away isn’t the sort of distance that would make me feel obligated to visit family whenever I’m in the area.” Wikidess

-2 points (4 votes)

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Gamergirl 1 year ago
I don't see how 45 minutes away is very far. I go that far every week to see my daughter, my brother and his family. That's actually really close by. Not the jerk though, you're allowed to have feelings but how you respond could make you the jerk
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3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Screen With A Child?


“I am currently traveling on a moderate distance train (roughly 4-hour journey) from somewhere in France to somewhere in the UK. These trains typically come with allocated seating with your ticket. My allocated seat is with a grandmother and her two grandchildren.

I am by no means a fluent French speaker, but typically try and engage in French where possible. I came to my assigned seat to see that it is occupied but as it’s in a 4 with a table, I figure no biggie, I’ll just take the remaining seat.

The seat in question has the grandmother’s jacket on it.

I say, ‘excuse me, but I am sitting here,’ in English. Unfortunately, my French draws a big fat blank so I end up just showing the grandmother my ticket while stammering in broken French.

She proceeds to roll her eyes at me, tsk and then snatch the jacket. I sit next to one of the grandchildren.

I am horrendous with children. I will avoid them where possible and generally dislike them. These two are loud and not exactly controlled.

I don’t know how much of this is my own reservation towards kids, so I just keep quiet; but the child is often clambering over on my seat (ie into my lap), touching me, and staring at me.

I ignore this and peel an orange to eat (and do not share).

Question 1: was this a faux pas? The kid was staring and I felt like I was supposed to offer but didn’t because… well I’m selfish and it’s my orange.

I then decide to watch a show on Netflix on my laptop with my headphones in.

On the basis that there was a child sitting next to me, I did make sure I picked something that wouldn’t be offensive if accidentally glanced at. However, the child then proceeded to stare at my laptop the entirety of the time.

I got progressively uncomfortable and after an hour or so I closed my laptop and resumed watching on my phone. The kid then asks in French (not to me) why I put my screen away and the grandparent says because I didn’t want to share my video with her.

She then glares at me and brings out a video on her phone which she plays on loudspeaker for the remnant of the journey.

So question 2: should I have just… kept sharing? The child was no longer causing a loud ruckus because they were watching my screen but also…

I didn’t want to share.

And finally, question 3: AITJ for basically just being a jerk and not flat out telling this grandparent that I was uncomfortable with the child constantly touching me and staring at me. I am not sure what constitutes as normal social behavior with children since I have friends who’d take no issue with this, I just dislike children (and people in general) being in my personal space.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but putting the screen away was a bit petty.

The orange yeah your food, not your job to feed the kid but them looking at your screen was causing you no harm and stopped the kid crawling on you so actually did you a favor. While it’s not your job to entertain others maybe grandma didn’t have a screen she could just plonk the kids in front of.” HelplessFoot

Another User Comments:


I would be uncomfortable sharing adult content with someone else’s child, even if it was not blatantly inappropriate. Sometimes things pop up unexpectedly. Plus, I wouldn’t want a kid climbing on me. At the very least the grandmother should have asked if it was OK that the child watches the video, if for no other reason than to protect her grandchild from inappropriate content.” PheonixRisingToday

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your food and your phone.

You do whatever you want with it. Would it be nice to share? Of course. Did you have to share? Absolutely not. The grandmother was the one that should have brought entertainment and food for the kids.” ShadowTryHard

Another User Comments:

“ESH – I’m American so I’m not sure if things are different culturally in France, but I think it was pretty thoughtless of the grandmother to let the kid just crawl on you and touch you and feel entitled to your things? But also if the kid finally sat still to watch whatever you were watching, and what you were watching was ok for kids, what was the harm in letting them look? Keep them occupied? Your behavior was also childish.” VagabondBackbone

-2 points (6 votes)

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tami 1 year ago
NTJ. She should have prepared HER kids for the journey, brought things to keep them occupied, snacks etc. NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Kids need to know the world does NOT revolve around THEM.
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2. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother See My Son?


“I (F29) have a 2-year-old son I adopted from Ukraine when he was 6 months. He is the light of my life and my partner (M31) and I went through a bit of lengths with the process, but it was worth every stressful minute.

My older sister, brother, and younger brother love my son to bits since he’s still the baby in the family. They don’t love him any less than the other children, even though he’s adopted. I swear the one person who seems to love him more than my partner and me is my mother, but she’s like that with all her grandchildren.

Now my mother knows my relationship with my oldest brother is practically torn, we’ve had too many differences in the past. He’s the bad apple of the family, so to speak, and I have cut contact with him.

My mother and sister are the only ones who really keep in contact with him, and my other brother keeps some contact with him, since they grew up together, but doesn’t put effort really.

My younger brother was still a child when a lot of our problems happened, and he’s only 17, so he doesn’t really remember much when a lot of the problems happened, so their relationship is okay as far as I’m concerned.

Anyways, recently my mother has been telling me my brother wants to see my son, but I’m not too comfortable letting him near him, since my brother has suffered from intoxication issues in the past, and still does to this day.

I’ve spoken to my mother about it many times; her always saying things like “It’s his nephew.” Or “He really wants to see the child, you can’t deprive a child of their aunt or uncle.”

One day she brought the argument up again and I snapped and reminded her we never really had our extended family growing up, and that my son has his grandparents and uncles and aunt with him always, missing one isn’t going to scar him for life.

That if he wants to see his deadbeat uncle, he can do it when he’s older, but for now, I don’t want to expose him to a toxic person like that. My mother stopped talking after that, but I felt horrible and apologized a bit after, but I told her I don’t want my oldest brother anywhere near my son.

Of course, my sister told me I was too harsh, and that our mother just wants all of us to be happy, and I should make her happy.

My partner and older brother are on my side, and while maybe snapping at my mom wasn’t the best option, my brother told me it’s ultimately mine and my partner’s choice if we want our son near my oldest brother. My younger brother has tried siding with my mom and even tried going behind my back to get my oldest brother to see his nephew (and nearly succeeded), but I found out before anything could be done.

Now my mother is a bit upset, my sister is angry I’m doing this to our brother, and now my oldest brother is aware of everything.

So then, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:


I have “family” and “people I’m related to”. There isn’t a lot of overlap, frankly.

He doesn’t have some birthright to a relationship with your son.

Trust that spidey-sense – that niggling feeling. Kids rely on our adult intuition to keep them safe.

I think your brother’s insistence on meeting your son is performative virtue-signaling to the family.

Addicts always want to play the victim and blame others for their shortcomings. Your refusal will be the excuse for the next binge. His Beast (see Trimpey’s Rational Recovery work on addiction to booze) is lining up future excuses for addiction.

Politely refusing your mum’s request failed repeatedly.

Snapping at her was the next logical step in the conversation. Don’t let her sulking wear your resolve down. Your decision is valid.

Good to see that your partner has your back.” lvk3

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Clearly, all of this drama is getting on your last nerve (understandably).

All your siblings are getting up in your biz when you’ve obviously made up your mind.

Boundaries Time! Lay them out, state the consequences, and maintain them:

Boundary: “Listen, Relative, the decision is made. If Kid wants to know Uncle when he’s older, that’s his choice.

FOR NOW, HOWEVER, the answer is No and I’m not going to relitigate it.”

Consequence: “If you keep bringing this up, I will hang up the phone/walk out of the room/burn the house down (don’t burn the house down).” Just state whatever the consequence is, and FOLLOW THROUGH.

Maintain: Mom: Blah blah Uncle Blah

You: (Cheerfully) We’ve had this conversation and we’re not having it again.

Talk to you later, Bye! AND HANG UP.

Do not let up. You’re doing what’s best and your kid always comes first. Good luck OP!” WildlifePolicyChick

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your family is full of enablers who are willing to set themselves on fire to keep someone else warm.

It is very common with families of addicts that they expect everyone ELSE to compromise to please the toxic person. Keep standing your ground. Also, if you haven’t already, Al-Anon can be a really great resource. Hugs, momma, you’re doing the right thing.” shenanigah

Another User Comments:


I’d like more context than him having some addiction problems. That doesn’t make him a bad person or incapable of a visit with a child. I’m not sure what other differences you’ve had but I hope you just don’t like him because of his addictions. Regardless of all that your family should never go against your wishes.” total_brodel

-2 points (4 votes)

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NeidaRatz 5 months ago
Thanks to the 17 year old no one gets unsupervised visitation anymore. They clearly can't be trusted to put your wishes and your child's safety first. Make it clear to them that's what is happening and explain to them that NC is an option if they bring brother up again. NTJ
0 Reply

1. WIBTJ If I Told My Cousin The Truth About Her Father?


“My grandfather died two years ago and left the majority of his estate to my grandmother, with small bequests for me and my two teenage cousins. My grandmother decided that instead of waiting until she died, she wanted to sort out the inheritance for her grandchildren straight away, so we would each get £20,000 now, but no more after she dies.

Fair enough, good plan.

At the time my uncle was going through divorce proceedings with his wife, who turned out to be incredibly money hungry and basically took him for everything. He and my grandmother decided not to tell my cousins about their share of the inheritance until the divorce went through because they suspected my uncle’s soon-to-be-ex-wife would hear about it and try and take some or all of it, too.

Uncle had to remortgage his house in order to pay her off, but that wasn’t enough – he also decided to “borrow” the £40,000 due to his daughters in order to pay off his wife.

He is now in a significant amount of debt, so I don’t see how he will be able to pay back the £40,000. When asked by my grandmother and mother, he says it’s “his business”. Now he is legally divorced and his ex-wife has no way to get any more from him.

Since then my eldest cousin has turned 18, and I believe she has the right to know about her inheritance.

Obviously telling her would mean that her younger sister will also find out, I don’t imagine it would be kept a secret. In addition, my grandmother has since been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, so doesn’t remember that Uncle took the money, even when my mother reminds her (we do have bank records, however).

My uncle also says that he wants a lot of valuable non-cash assets that are part of my grandparents’ estate, and wants to buy my mother out of her half when the time comes (we’re talking six figures).

When asked where he will get the money for this from, he says it’s his business. I believe he’s deluding himself and will never be able to pay his daughters back or pay my mother for the things he wants.

The most logical thing to happen now would be that my mother (as the person who currently manages my grandmother’s money) ensures that my cousins get their £20,000 each from my grandmother’s remaining money and that my uncle ends up having this deducted from his share of the inheritance.

However, this is far from certain as they are joint executors of my grandmother’s will, which names them as the inheritors 50/50, and legally the will cannot be changed since she had her Alzheimer’s diagnosis. I really don’t see this being resolved fairly, especially if my Uncle doesn’t think he has to repay his daughters because they don’t even know.

WIBTJ if I told my eldest cousin about all this, and let her draw her own conclusions/speak to her father about it?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and yes you NEED to tell them!!! They can’t fight it if they don’t know what’s going on!!

My father and my mother were supposed to put a check in my name for $10,000 in a trust account every year for three years before it was discovered what my parents had done to my mother’s parents.

My grandparents fought on my behalf to make sure that I got that money back and that my parents could never go near that money again. If you don’t tell them you are being an accessory to your uncle’s theft in your cousin’s eyes.

And do you really want them turning their back on EVERYONE in their family?!” blackcat_tara2011

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – but say it in passing. Just say “now that you’re 18 you should be thinking about saving up and buying a house, you are pretty lucky that you already have £20k but you still need to save a bit to build your credit score” or something like that.

See what I mean, tell them indirectly with a fact that you already know is true. The rest hasn’t got much weight because you don’t know the whole story.” MissyShadows

Another User Comments:


I think you and your mother should talk to the uncle and give him a chance to tell them himself.

If he doesn’t, then you and your Mom should do it together. I specify your Mom being there because there is a chance the uncle will try to blame her.” dorothydunnit

Another User Comments:

“It doesn’t sound like they actually have an inheritance from your grandmother since she agreed to give “their” portion to her son instead, which she is entitled to do. YWBTJ if you went to them without more information.” no_good_namez

-5 points (5 votes)

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tami 1 year ago
NTJ, you should ABSOLUTELY tell them!
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