People Are At Their Wits' End With Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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Have you ever been in a position where you truly didn't have a choice but to follow your reflexes and ended up hurting some people in the process? We've all been there, but only a few of us have been able to explain why we did what we did and prove that we aren't really jerks. Here are several stories from people who are still trying to figure out if they are the jerk. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

17. WIBTJ If I Didn't Show Up To My Friend's Wedding?

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“My friend is getting married this afternoon and I’m a bridesmaid. I’ve been really sick since last night; throwing up, uncontrollable poop, no sleep, and the worst stomach pain imaginable. I called my friend, the bride, and told her what was up. She was like ‘omg rest up and see if you can come to the reception’.

My sisters and parents have been yelling at me since this morning about how I’m a bad friend and how could I miss her wedding. They called my grandparents to convince me to go. I am really sick. Like every other 15 minutes, I’m puking or pooping. The bride called me and told me to rest if I’m sick but my family has been screaming about how I’m a jerk and a terrible person for even considering missing the wedding.

They’re saying the bride is lying to me about not being annoyed, she’s just trying to save face but in actuality, she’s going to hate me forever for this. They said that I’m messing up one of the few friendships I had, and they don’t wanna hear me complain when she drops me like a rock.

I kinda understand. It is her wedding after all, and maybe she is secretly upset but just doesn’t wanna show it on her wedding day. But I’m sicker than I have been in 3 years. WIBTJ if I don’t go to her wedding?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’ll make lots of other people sick if you go.

They will all look at you and wonder why you showed up when you’re clearly so sick.

If you’re worried about your relationship with your friend, tell her how horrible you feel about missing the wedding, and offer to do something special with her afterward to catch up. She might have lots of fun recounting her special day.

Tell her you’d love to sit down with her and look at the pictures when they’re ready. It’s very possible she’s disappointed and sad that you can’t come because you are her friend, but also because she’s your friend, she will understand that you didn’t get sick on purpose.” New-Representative74

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, she would have less sympathy for you if you had accidents in front of the guests or kept disappearing into the bathroom, asking if unavailable.

The smell of sickness really sticks to clothes too. But more importantly, hasn’t You-Know-What taught your family anything? Spreading diseases because you feel like other things are more important is silly. Please rest and take care; it sounds like a stomach bug, and it often takes more than a couple of days to get better.

I would suggest getting some medicine for the symptoms (so vomit and diarrhea); you usually don’t need a prescription for those things, and it should alleviate the stress of the illness. If you contact a doctor he might give you an antibiotic if he thinks it’s a bacterial infection. Think about your health first!” kleiber0

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Yes, your friend will be secretly upset and was putting on a brave face. You were invited and asked to be a bridesmaid so they would have wanted to share their special day with people that mean the world to them.

If what your family says is true, then they never were a friend.

I highly doubt what your family says is true. They sound like horrible people that need to be cut out of your life. They’ve shown their colors.

You are 100% doing the right thing in not going. Sounds like a nasty bug, and you really would not want to pass it on… let alone to your friend and their partner. How much worse would you feel if they were sick like you on their honeymoon?” TheKakaStorm

1 points (1 votes)
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16. AITJ For Not Deleting My Son's 1st Birthday Pictures?

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“My (F26) husband Tom (M33) has been admitted to the hospital for some health issues and unfortunately, couldn’t be there for our son’s 1st birthday that my family and I celebrated days ago.

I was visiting Tom and started showing him pictures I took at our son’s birthday party and he looked understandably sad but then, out of the blue asked me to delete them because it hurt not being there and those pictures if kept, will always be a reminder that he missed his son’s 1st birthday.

I asked him if he was kidding and told him it was illogical and selfish of him to ask me to delete the pictures and hide all the evidence of the party just because he wasn’t part of it.

Besides I plan on keeping those as memories for our son so he should think about what is best for our son.

He argued that our son won’t remember this anyway and I should admit that the party was just for me and my family and that I want to keep those pictures out of spite and to be able to use them in every argument to ‘prove’ to our son and everyone else what an awful parent he is to miss his son’s 1st birthday celebration, I kept my cool and just said ‘no’.

He snapped and yelled saying I was disrespecting his wishes and that as a family, we do everything together or don’t do it at all, period. Still demanded I delete those pictures, every last one of them right then and there but I said no and left after he started calling me names like ‘heinous’ and ‘witch’ and said I was devoid of any sympathy and understanding for his circumstances.

He sent his parents over to make a scene the next day, and his mom cussed my mom out and accused me of ‘parental alienation’. I told her and her husband to leave my place but they said my husband sent them to do a job and they want to make sure it’s done then proceeded to demand I delete the birthday pictures in that instant, I said no and his mom said he’s the dad and dad said those pictures need to go.

She then tried to take my phone but I lost it on them and kicked them out because they kept testing my patience and pushing me to my limits. I refused to respond to them as well as Tom thinking we’ll figure this out in my next visit to the hospital but he’s banned me from visiting til I ‘wipe’ those pictures off my phone and it irked the crap out of me so much that I don’t care anymore if I can no longer visit.

Mom and family are telling me to see where Tom’s coming from and keep the peace and just delete those pictures because it’s not worth it but it wasn’t like I posted them publicly on social media so what is this reaction? I mean Tom can be overdramatic and his family is super controlling but AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

The pictures from your child’s first birthday party document a precious and momentous event in your child’s life. Your husband is being very selfish and self-centered in his demands that you delete them. He has severe jealousy and ‘fear of missing out’ issues, and they are bad enough that they are affecting your marriage.

That he involved his parents and had them forcefully attempt to delete the photos is beyond the pale. If I were you, I’d be worried about him sneakily deleting those pictures in the future. Be sure to back them up in a secure location. Moving forward, I’d say that if you want to stay married to him then it’d be best to go to couple’s counseling, if he agrees to it, perhaps combined with individual counseling for him.” TheUtopianCat

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Don’t delete them. They are memories you will never get back. Your son might not care when they’re older, but if they ever asked, and you didn’t lie, the relationship with their dad will forever be tainted. And you may grow to resent him for taking those memories away from you.

Think of it this way – if you noticed there were no pictures of your first birthday, and your mom explained your dad wanted them deleted because he wasn’t there, how would you feel vs asking why dad’s not in them and being told it was because he was in the hospital?

I’d feel angry and would probably forever see my father as a selfish jerk, vs feel bad for him and relating.

I feel like your husband may feel guilty for missing such a milestone, and is tunnel visioning on it because he has nothing else to do. How you (and him) proceed will determine how your relationship goes from here. You’re in a no-win situation here it seems though, so tread carefully and think before reacting.

Could you try to suggest a private redo once he’s feeling better and at home? Bringing it up once he’s calmed down though of course.” FoxSilver7

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your husband sent his mommy over to talk to you?

He and his family are giant jerks and I’d never let his parents in my house again unless they give a sincere apology for their behavior.

If someone tried to grab my phone with the intent of deleting pictures of my child’s birthday, I’d call the cops on them. You also need to tell your mom and family to mind their own business.

You celebrated your child’s first birthday and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. A good father would have encouraged this.

So what if he wasn’t in any of the pictures? There will be more birthdays and holidays where he will be included. If he continues with this verbally abusive behavior suggest that he goes home to mommy while he sorts out his feelings and priorities. Do NOT leave your phone anywhere that any of them can get hold of it.” shlbycindy1

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15. AITJ For "Stealing" My Nephew?

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“My sister (45) and I (42F) grew up with absent parents. They were successful doctors and honestly did not have time for us.

My sister followed in their footsteps, I married at 22 after attending a very small culinary school and decided to be a housewife. My parents and sister do not like my husband because I spent what was left of my trust paying off his student loans and buying our home.

My sister had a kid when she was 30, and ended up being a single mom who is also a doctor. My husband and I stepped up and took over most of his care because I did not want him to grow up like I did. He calls me Mama OP and he calls my husband Papa Dear Husband.

He also mainly lives with us and only goes home once or twice a week. We also have guardianship over him.

My sister knows and does not mind. Like I said very busy and successful.

We were at my parents’ for Christmas, they started throwing shade at me (for not being a doctor like them) and at my husband (because of the aforementioned reason).

We are used to it and decided years ago that we don’t care since we rarely see them and they are great with the kids.

I guess my nephew took offense and he just went off on his grandparents and his mom, some harsh truths were spoken and he ended up telling my sister that he views her as an absent aunt and not his mom.

That I and my dear husband are all the parents he needs and wants. He was so upset and his temper was flaring so we took him and our kids and went home.

I tried contacting my sister to tell her that I put him in therapy and that she should attend too to try and fix their relationship but she didn’t answer.

It wasn’t until yesterday that she called me wasted and said that I was so jealous of her that I stole her kid and ruined their relationship. I didn’t reply and just hung up on her and sent her a text with all the relevant info about the therapist and schedule so she could attend if she wants to.

But I am feeling so guilty, I never tried to steal her kid, she really loves him. All I did was try to be there for him so he doesn’t have the same childhood I did.

So AITJ?

Edit: my sister actually helps financially, she takes him shopping and on a yearly vacation and stuff like that.”

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ.

You stepped up and made sure that your sister’s kid had a life that you and your sister didn’t get. Massive kudos to you for being there for him while his bio mom pursued her career.

It sounds like he recognizes how much slack you and your husband have picked up for him and sees his bio mom as someone who values her career more than her son.

It’s understandable that listening to you guys be insulted by your parents really bothered him.

He’s obviously very aware that his mom would rather be a doctor than be a parent and your parents were basically judging you guys for not choosing the same path. It’s clear he’s really thankful for you guys.

And I’m sorry, but your sister has no business crying foul. She has benefited from this situation and has been able to pursue her career knowing full well someone else would be raising her kid. Now she wants to act upset and offended when her son calls her out for her actions.

She has no business making you feel any kind of guilty.

She chose her life and she doesn’t get to blame that on you, so don’t let her.

You and your husband are saints and I’m so glad you guys stepped up to raise that kid. Your sister and parents are total jerks.” jojo_in_space

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Grandparents for calling out OP’s life choices and not reflecting on theirs.

Op (and husband) for not sticking up for themselves (seriously, the kid had to do it?) and taking in the kid when she thinks they would have the same childhood as them. That’s projecting level 100 and people pleaser level 100.

You assumed what life he would have had based on your own childhood. How bold to state it would have been like that. But hey, you have spared your sister some character development where she realized (and she would have known because you had the same childhood) what her kid is going through.

At least now the kid will be fed up in a different way than you are.

Mom for not being honest and a coward to call while being wasted.

And among all these jerks, the kid is suffering the most.” Maala

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You did what you had to do to give your nephew the stable upbringing you never got, and he clearly loves and cherishes the amount of love you’ve given him.

It was your sister’s choice to become a doctor and she made the choice to be as active (or hardly active) in her son’s life as possible. The fact of the matter is, she wasn’t there. You were. She’s become exactly like your parents and now that the veil’s been lifted, she’s not taking the revelation well.

But that’s her problem. Not yours.

You’ve given her a door if she wants to try and fix her relationship with her son. Whether or not she decides to go through it is up to her now.

Your nephew is very lucky to have you in his life. Keep doing what you’re doing and I hope things get better. Wishing you and yours all the happiness in the world.” Fluid_Response_6062

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14. AITJ For Not Inviting My In-Laws To My Kids' Birthday Parties?

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“My second child was born on MIL and FIL’s anniversary. MIL seemed kind of annoyed and I thought that was a childish thing to be concerned with but let it go. It is a summer date, so the kids are never in school on his birthday, and we usually do some sort of cookout/pool party/or family dinner.

Also, MIL and FIL have very flexible schedules. She doesn’t work and is able to get a lot of time off as he wants it, so they could reasonably celebrate their anniversary another day.

MIL did attend the first birthday because we did a big party, but I could tell she didn’t want to be there.

After that, she said she would not attend any more birthday events on the actual day, and that I can’t ‘reasonably expect her to prioritize anyone or anything over her marriage.’ Now I find this extremely bizarre, but it is her right and I’ve never said much.

The issue is she comes to my other two kids’ parties.

She isn’t particularly close to any of them, but she does show up and my middle child has begun to notice. I explained to him that his birthday is her anniversary, but I don’t think he gets it and I don’t know how to make him get it when I don’t really get it either.

I know she isn’t really playing favorites, but to keep it from appearing like that, I told MIL and FIL they can come to all 3 parties or none.

MIL rolled her eyes and said I was being dramatic and that my son should be able to understand that she isn’t going to give up her anniversary.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Listen it may be ‘bizarre’ to you but she is allowed to celebrate her wedding anniversary all day if she so chooses.

She made it to the milestone first birthday but did tell you she would not come if the party was on an actual day. Which I think is perfectly fine. She wants to celebrate her anniversary and her love just as you want to celebrate your son’s bday. The problem is, it’s in the summer, no school so parties can happen on a Tuesday when otherwise if the birthday fell on Tuesday the party would be Saturday or something like that.

I think you and your husband can find a kid-friendly way to explain to your son that he was born on a very special day for grandma and grandpa. It’s an important day to them just as your son’s birthday is a very important day to you and him. Your MIL is not a jerk, she shows up for the other’s birthdays which tells me the only issue is she just wants to be with her man on their anniversary, she’s not trying to slight your second son, it’s just that his bday falls on their special day.

You wouldn’t want anyone telling you how or when to celebrate your anniversary so don’t do it to anyone else. Sure they can show up for an hour or so but if they want to spend their anniversary hooking up like bunnies all day before having a nice dinner they’re allowed.

What yall can try going forward is that they come over the day before or after and say a happy early birthday, drop off the gift, etc because what you’re gonna have now is a situation where your other kids are gonna wonder why grandma stopped coming to their parties ‘does she not like us anymore?’ If you’re gonna find a way to explain to them why she’s no longer allowed at their parties you can find a way to explain to your 7-year-old why she isn’t there for his.” tekwayyuhself

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, it’s obvious that celebrating their anniversary that day is important to MIL.

Maybe it’s due to the fact that she and FIL are now able to spend more time together for it as their kids are grown up and out of the house, or they want to go on a day trip somewhere. Plus, a lot of anniversary dinners are at night and it sounds like the party starts mid-day but the food isn’t served until everyone is there in the evening, and most anniversary dinners are in the evening.

My anniversary with my partner is very important to me, I also like spending the entire day with him and celebrating our love, and just having quality one-on-one time together.

Yes, the anniversary could be celebrated on another day, but also so can the birthday. I don’t ever remember even having my own birthday parties growing up on the same day as my birthday, day of was a birthday dinner and maybe an activity with mom and dad with some gifts.

I don’t think it’s going to affect the kids if the bigger party is another day if you have just a small thing on the day off with just the family, meaning you, your husband, and the kids. It would probably affect them more if MIL quits showing up to all of their parties altogether, and a lot harder to explain to them as well.

My good friend’s daughter’s birthday is on Valentine’s Day, last year he explained to her that I might not be able to come to her party that was happening that night because it’s also Valentine’s day and I’d like to spend time with my SO as we had planned some things in advanced and didn’t know her party was going to be the day of.

She’s 4 and understood and she wasn’t upset that we didn’t come because she understood it was a special day for us to spend together. If you explain to the kid that it’s an important day for them, they will most likely understand it.” alexinhorror

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

So every year you have a party on your kid’s actual birthday? Most kids’ birthday parties are on the weekend, even in the summer, because it’s more convenient for the parents’ work schedule.

Following this norm, the issue should only arise maybe 2 times in a 7-year period because your post says they won’t attend parties held on the actual date. This frequency is certainly not often enough for a kid who you imply is pretty young to have noticed.

Even if your child did notice, a simple ‘Your grandparents couldn’t make it…

look at the ballons’ would have been enough. But you told the kid that it’s because they are choosing their anniversary over the kid’s party. You wouldn’t explain it in a way to make the kid feel bad if someone couldn’t make it due to work. Why are you making a value judgment about whether a wedding anniversary is an acceptable reason to miss the party? Also, your ultimatum is very weird. Stop using your kids as pawns in your power-play with your MIL.” LaNOd1va

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13. AITJ For Expecting Our Visitor To Help Around The House?

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“My partner has allowed his friend to stay at our place until he found a place of his own. The renting situation in Australia is really tough now, especially in Queensland, and it’s not easy to find a place to rent. Initially, I agreed for the friend to stay because I thought it would be only for a couple of weeks, but this has been going on since September, and I’ve had enough.

This friend, let’s call him Brett, has done very minimal to help out around the house and just basically sits around a lot and does nothing. I do most of the cooking and cleaning around the house, which I didn’t mind when it was just my partner and me. But add another person into the equation, plus his two boys around 6-7 years old that come over every weekend, and it gets a bit much.

It’s been non-stop, and at this point, I feel like a maid in my own home.

Our groceries and utilities have definitely gone up, and he only started giving us funds when my partner said something, after weeks and weeks of freeloading. On the weekends and after work, Brett just sits around, smokes and drinks (even our booze), and expects dinner to be ready, whilst complaining about his exes and why he hates the general female population.

My partner had a talk with him about pulling his weight around the house more, but I see very few changes. I am not the most perfect and cleanest person myself, but I like the house to look at least decent at most times. I am really sick of living with Brett and I am over filthy and lazy people! It has definitely caused some tension in the household and I am definitely being very clear that I am not happy with the current living conditions.

I feel that my partner is also brushing off his friend’s behavior too quickly and letting his friend take advantage of him. My partner is reluctant to ‘kick him out’ because Brett will just end up living in his car. I can’t tolerate this nonsense anymore and it is definitely affecting our relationship.

Edit 1: To give more detail of the messed up situation, just yesterday, when I was just about to pee in the bathroom, I sat on the toilet seat that had dried, sticky urine no thanks to his two boys! Told Brett about it, and he said sorry and will clean it first thing in the morning.

Do you think he did? GOD NO.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Nobody likes to feel used or taken advantage of. I put up with a lot of crap before I say anything and suspect it’s the same for you. If it’s reached the point that you’ve had to say something, it’s gone past tolerable level.

Ask your husband why Brett has nowhere else to go. I’d be interested in his answer.

Meanwhile, you can’t relax in your own home. I live in South East Queensland and renting has gone from difficult to almost impossible. That’s not your fault or your responsibility. Has he looked for share houses? A small flat somewhere? A room in a boarding house? A caravan park? They are not ideal places to live, but it’s either that or his car from the sounds of things.

You can’t be his only option, and if you are, he’s that bad and you shouldn’t have to tolerate him. At this point I don’t think his contributing more is an option – it will make him feel more entitled. In my honest opinion, the only option is to give him a date to move out and enforce it.

Tell hubby you can’t live like this and to make his choice.” Cerulean-Blew

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your partner needs to care about you, not just his friend, and needs to pull his weight around the house. Having a friend who goes off about women and not telling that friend to shut up is bonkers, not stepping in telling Brett he needs to toilet train his boys is bonkers, and letting you do most of the cooking/cleaning/etc shows he might just agree with Brett about women because what a dog.

You deserve better.

Particularly now (I’m in Victoria and seeing the reports of what’s happening after the border opened is coconuts). Things are stressful enough without a jerk being around 24/7 scabbing off you while the person you trust and love does sweet things to make sure you are comfortable in your own home AND expecting you to pay for the privilege of cleaning urine off the toilet.

Brett is an absolute dog but your SO is a bigger one for not taking responsibility for the mess he made.” HannahAnthonia

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

The unspoken rule of when someone lets you stay for free in their home for an undetermined amount of time is that you become the overly appreciative and thankful house helper.

You cook, you clean, you scrub the toilets, you do all the things that need to be done to maintain the home and you do them without being asked and you do them with a smile on your face.

He’s an entitled freeloader that needs to either ship up or ship out.” HippopotamusFart

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User Image
rbleah 2 weeks ago
Now you know why this idiot is no longer married or with a girlfriend. Tell your partner get his friends curious out of your home. He has two weeks or less. If he can't find a place too bad. You are not his mommy to have to take care of him. You? NTJ
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12. AITJ For Keeping My Parents From Knowing Their Only Grandkids?

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“When I (22f) was a teen I got pregnant and my parents kicked me out. Wouldn’t even let me back into the house to get my stuff.

My brother (25m) was the one who snuck me my clothes and other necessities. He kept in touch and helped out with finances. I moved in with my partner and his family and life went on.

I graduated high school, married my partner (23m), and we have 4-year-old twins and are expecting another. We are both in college online and working. Life isn’t easy but it’s a good one.

My brother got married last month and invited me and my hubby. He didn’t tell my parents. When they saw me they wanted to talk but I simply told them that right then wasn’t the place because that day wasn’t about us.

It’s been about a month and my brother gave my parents my phone number. We talked and they expressed interest in being back in my life. I told them no. They kicked me out during the worst time in my life and expect me to just forgive them.

Both my brother and hubby think I’m being too hard on them.

Yes, they did a horrible thing but I’m keeping them from knowing their only grandkids since my brother has chosen to be child-free.

So am I being a jerk about this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Imagine if they did that to you, what they might do to your children should they upset your parents? Good god no, don’t let them around the parents.

If they wanted to be in their grandchildren’s lives they wouldn’t have kicked you out. Don’t forgive the parents, and don’t let them near your children. Good luck in school!” Carnalirium

Another User Comments:

“Some things are ‘horrible’ and forgivable; they indicate a moment of weakness of human error and are deserving of forgiveness.

Some things truly aren’t. This is one of those things.

They saw their vulnerable, pregnant child and made sure she was without even basic necessities. This obviously took knowledge and forethought and discussion. Not everything is forgivable. NTJ.” Carl__Gordon_Jenkins

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

They kicked you out when you were at your most vulnerable. They didn’t care about their future grandchild then. They probably care now bc your brother decided to be childfree (‘oh look! we do have grandkids! but we kicked our daughter out so if we want grandkids we need to play nice.’)” User

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11. AITJ For Being Ungrateful When My Husband Visited Me?

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“I recently fainted while with my in-laws. I told them I was okay after I woke up but my father-in-law insisted I let them take me to the hospital to make sure I and the baby (I’m 6 months pregnant) were fine. I went, and things ended up being fine but I had to stay in the hospital overnight.

My mother-in-law called my husband, who was out of the country, and told him even though I asked her not to since I didn’t want to disturb him while he was working since he hates that. I didn’t expect him to come home since he’s the type of person who enjoys working long hours and is married to his business more than he is to me.

It’s been a sore spot for me since I got pregnant since I’ve become more needy and clingy but he hasn’t been willing to spend more time at home or work less and let other people handle things for him, so we had been fighting over it, including the night before I fainted.

I was having a nap when he got here and when I woke up I was really confused to see him since I didn’t expect him to come. I asked him why he was here and he frowned and asked me what I meant. I told him I thought he was working and he told me he had been so I asked him again why he was here.

He asked me if it wasn’t obvious why he was here and that he had come to see me to make sure I was okay. I told him he didn’t need to come, that I was fine and he should go back and finish his work.

He got more visibly upset as we spoke to each other.

We had the beginning of an argument before he told me we shouldn’t be doing this right now and tried to change the subject. Despite changing the subject, he was still visibly upset with me and has been for the last few days.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Listen, it sounds like you and your husband have established some unhealthy patterns in your relationship.

He ‘hates’ when he’s interrupted at work so you’ve gotten into the pattern of not getting in the way of his work which may mean not expecting him to support you emotionally. And now that you are at a place where you need support due to your pregnancy, you feel that you are ‘clingy’ and feel bad for asking for more attention.

In any healthy relationship, it would be expected for your husband to show up to care for you and your baby during this concerning situation, but you’re so not expecting this from him that now that he has shown up you don’t even know how to respond appropriately.

Also, it’s a huge red flag that he was upset by your response to his arrival and didn’t instead try to comfort you and reassure you.

Y’all should consider some couples counseling.” FixWise399

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

The man you claim is a workaholic, dropped whatever he was doing and came over when he heard you were in the hospital.

HE FLEW OVER TO COME AND SEE YOU.

You know what a true workaholic would’ve done? They would’ve inquired if it was serious or not, and if they knew it wasn’t serious, they would’ve shrugged it off and continued working.

So your husband is worried about you and your unborn child, flies all the way over to the hospital for who knows how long, and what is he greeted with?

A basic ‘screw off.’

Workaholics work even if they don’t need to. They’ll take on extra hours, start new projects that aren’t even close to being started yet, and will stress continuously about their work performance.

Perhaps your husband is not a workaholic but is simply trying to cushion future expenses, given that soon your family of two will be a family of three. Especially so if he’s the sole source of income.

Either you communicate clearly your issues with him working overtime, and I do mean talking, not screaming and accusation match or you accept that he works long hours.

Playing passive-aggressive games by saying you don’t want to disturb him at work even though you want to because you get needy and clingy, only to get annoyed when he DOES come over, is only going to slowly destroy your relationship.

Talk like adults, if need be with a marriage counselor. Communication is key in any relationship.

Your husband is not a mind-reader and neither are you. Bring facts to the table and be open to receiving criticism.

He may be a workaholic. He might be a loving and caring husband who just wants to save up funds for the future. Small issues and frustrations that aren’t mentioned will build up and explode one day.” Shifting2Wolf

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Omg, I can’t believe this poor woman is being called the jerk for this.

I feel so bad for her that after being a longtime lurker, this is the first time I’m ever commenting. You guys are making it sound like her feelings are not valid and that she should be SOOO GRATEFUL that after Months of neglect (yes that’s what I would call it if she’s lucky to have 1 meal with him per week and spend time with her 5 times in 6months) he ‘dropped everything’ to see her.

I say in this situation she has the right to question him repeatedly about why he’s there because he’s made it clear to her that he didn’t care enough before. He’s upset because she called him out on his behavior. Yeah, he can be upset at her, but she can be too.

And she 100% was not wrong in asking him (even if it did come across as hurtful) ‘Why’ considering the message he’s given her previously is that he’s got no time for her.

Also from the sound of it, OP is just explaining that by her standards yes she is turning clingy because before, she didn’t mind the neglect as much as she wasn’t pregnant.

But now that she is, she’s starting to realize (whether consciously or subconsciously) that her husband is literally never there and puts her on a back burner. She’s literally second to his ‘precious work that he enjoys so much’. And her pleas probably still result in nothing compared to what a normal pregnant wife gets from a supportive husband.

Imagine what happens when the child is born, will he still neglect her? Will he still work and tell her not to disturb him? Will he even care to see the child and spend time with him/her more than once a week? If he can neglect his wife, he sure can neglect his child.

It sounds like the husband is not in this with OP 100%. Resentment is unhealthy but it also sounds like her husband has a ‘my way or the highway’ concept going on, and everything OP points out is not valid or seems ridiculous and minimal in the grand scheme of things, OP needs to reevaluate how to proceed going forward; whether it’s counseling or separation or whatever… But from the sound of things, nothing seems to be progressing toward change and at the end of the day, it’ll be the child that will suffer.” Sharaaza

Another User Comments:

“Speaking from some similar personal experiences, I think everyone sucks here.

He sucks for allowing you to feel for so long that you are less important than his job and that anything you have needed is a distraction from work that upsets him. I know how that feels, OP. It hurts and it’s lonely.

You suck too though for letting things get to this point and not being more proactive in trying to save your marriage or demanding some counseling for you both.

Things are so bad between you that you didn’t even want to notify your husband that at six months pregnant you were in the hospital… that’s kind of an emergency situation that he needs to know about, even if it upsets him by interrupting his work. If you really want to salvage your relationship with him, I just can’t imagine keeping that a secret.

He may be trying to redeem himself by showing up, or he may just have done it because his parents were involved. It’s hard to say.

If it’s a true attempt on his part to do better and be there for you, you just dump on it instead of using the opportunity to reconnect, communicate openly, and have a fresh start of sorts.

I get why you reacted that way, I really do – I did the same in my first marriage. Looking back, I know that if I was really that desperate to connect with my ex I should have handled it differently instead of just holding onto anger and being stubborn.

If he just did it for the show, then based on that and the general contempt in your response and post, neither of you cares about each other much and I find it unlikely your relationship will survive the strains of parenthood.

I hope that you both find happiness in life, especially for your child’s sake.” elliesnaxxx

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10. AITJ For Randomly Bringing Up My Mother-In-Law's Awful Behavior?

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“When I got married MIL was out of control. She threw temper tantrums at every stage of wedding planning, threw actual food on the floor during a fit at my bridal shower, and cried through dress shopping. Someone tried to take her aside and calm her down and I could hear her screaming that it wasn’t fair I was getting married and she wasn’t.

She proceeded to call us toxic at our wedding and not speak to us for almost a year.

We are back in contact now (unfortunately) and things are mostly alright. She is getting married and I wish her the best but we will not be at the wedding as it is childfree and I will have a newborn and a 2-year-old at the time (I totally respect anyone’s right to have a kid-free event but she isn’t someone I want to pay for a babysitter for).

She knows we aren’t coming and is cool with it.

The other day we had a family event and she was showing a picture of her dress to someone. Honestly, I’m not totally sure why I did it, but I was just annoyed, having bad memories, and kind of thought it would be funny and began loudly fake crying because she cried through my entire dress-shopping experience.

MIL didn’t seem to make the connection at first and was just staring at me. Finally, I explained it and she was just like oh, but her sister told me to get out of her house, and when I didn’t go immediately (in shock) told me to get out or her husband would throw me out.

MIL laughed and reminded her that her husband had left a couple of minutes ago to drive their daughter to a friend’s, and MIL’s sister snapped and said ‘then get out you ignorant, ugly witch or I will call 911.’

At this point, I left and will never go back there ever.

My husband’s grandfather called him a bunch of awful names over text and won’t talk to him. We are apparently banned from his aunt’s house forever (the aunt isn’t even the grandfather’s daughter and he wasn’t even there) but my husband thinks it was kind of funny and a huge overreaction.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone here is going to say YTJ, because what you did is petty, and you did it out of revenge spite, so yeah you are kind of a jerk.

However, I personally have a particular intolerance for toxic MILs, because I have one. And, just like you, I have to deal with a sibling-in-law who is a tireless enabler and apologist for MIL’s behavior. There are definitely times when I have WANTED to use petty tactics or tell MIL exactly which part of my butt she can motorboat if she thinks I’m going to let her keep acting like that…

Unfortunately, I can’t vote NTJ because you took the low road, but believe me, I understand.” Steampunk60

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

You made the choice to resume contact with the woman. She was awful to you and you could have stayed low/no contact, but you’re a grown woman, and having contact with her is a choice. You clearly still have anger towards her, you could have tried to resolve that like an adult, but instead, you just stew about it and lash out at a completely inappropriate time.

Act like an adult, and deal with situations at the moment. If she says something rude, address it. But nope, you chose to ruin a perfectly decent interaction with her, and acted just as immature and mean as she has been to you. Congratulations, you’re just as bad as she is.” XStonedCatX

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9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Dependent Mom?

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“I’m 27F and my mom has low eyesight. She’s not blind but almost. Growing up she led a normal life, worked, went out by herself, cooked sometimes and on top of it all took care of my dad on multiple rehabs. My parents had a really bad marriage and I’m pretty sure it was abusive too from both sides, but I don’t remember because I was a kid I could only tell they were never happy.

When I was 19 my dad divorced her and she fell into a deep depression that never got better. It’s been 8 years now. She became wildly dependent on me. If I go out to stay at my partner’s for a couple of days she refuses to eat, even though I cook to cover all the days.

And the food is never good enough when I’m here, too. I became some sort of replacement, she expects me to fill the gaps that he left. I feel like a waiter/nurse/cleaner/husband at the house because I do all the house chores and she’s very verbally cruel. And I’ve become depressed too, which I think is expected.

She started to get verbally cruel when I started to reach some independence. She freaks out when I go out to drink with friends, once locked me at home so I didn’t get out. She can’t even accept that I’m actively sleeping with my partner. She is very Christian, so everything she did for my dad and all the suffering over the years has a ‘God has His way’ point of view.

She always said that I never loved her and that I was born cold, even though she prayed so much for a child.

Now I’m in therapy and my life is way better because I started to set boundaries. I’m working on therapy to get out of the house, but my family doesn’t want me to.

Even my dad, who left. Everybody knows how hard it is to deal with her, but I feel judged.

The combo of low eyesight + depression is very cruel, but I want to help from afar, for my own sake. It’s ok for me to help, buy her groceries, and meds, go out with her, etc.

I don’t hate my mom, I actually pity her, but I’ve tried to be a good daughter for too many years and I feel that’s impossible because, in the end, she doesn’t let me have a healthy relationship with her. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

How old is your mom? Does she qualify for Medicare or Medicaid? How about Supplemental Security Income/Social Security Disability Insurance? The reason I ask is she may qualify for home health care, meals on wheels, low-income housing, and other things.

You need to make a plan to move out. If you’re not going to move in with your partner, rent a small storage locker, and start putting things for your new life in there; such as furniture (thrift store, garage sales, social media, or friends) also put non-seasonal clothing in there.

Put the clothing in big garbage bags and if she asks what that is, tell her you’re donating some old clothes.

Important papers – birth certificate, SS Card, Passport, etc. should go to a safety deposit box at your bank. Also, make sure your mom is not on your account, or even better move banks (don’t forget to change your direct deposit)!

If you don’t want her to know where your new address is, get a PO Box BEFORE you move out.

And forward your mail to the PO Box.

Don’t let ANYONE including your dad guilt you into staying! You’re a 27-year-old woman and it’s your right to live your life how you see fit! And it’s not living with a depressed verbally cruel mom, who will crush your dreams and make you depressed and as unhappy as she is.

So glad you are going to therapy! I hope you are able to move out as quickly as you can for your own well-being!” Grouchy-Storm-6758

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You have carers burnout. It is very common. And everybody is always manipulating the carer into staying because nobody else wants the responsibility and burden of taking care of a person who won’t get better, is cruel, and takes you and your sacrifices for granted.

Do what makes you genuinely happy. If that’s leaving, do so. If it’s taking a break on a regular basis and then coming back refreshed, do that. You should always be your own priority. Because you’re not anyone else’s.” kiwikween80

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Her disability is no excuse for her behavior toward you.

Your family is probably trying to guilt you into staying, so they don’t have to deal with her actions.

I’m glad you’re learning to put up boundaries! Enforce them. Get out of there and live your life. And discuss with your therapist how to deal with anyone trying to guilt you. Perhaps it’ll help to block people temporarily (or not) if they harass you over this. Just to give yourself some peace, to find your footing.

It’s about time you get to choose yourself!” Throwaway-2587

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8. WIBTJ If I Don't See My Mom's Retirement As My Responsibility?

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“I (39m) was an only child, my mother is almost 59. We are very low, with almost no contact.

Our relationship has been complicated since my parents got divorced when I was a teen. She moved out of the apartment we were living in after I graduated HS. She moved across the country, back to school, back across the country.

Often without telling me anything at all. I tried to maintain contact, call for holidays, etc… I really tried.

I have lived abroad for over a decade and don’t really have any intention of returning to the US. I am recently married but haven’t even been home to visit since leaving the states, primarily due to the expense.

In that time she hasn’t called me once, even as I tried to maintain contact with her, and expressed to her that the only thing I ever wanted from her was a phone call on my birthday. I think she keeps tabs on me a little via social media, and occasionally likes a photo but never messages or calls.

I even found out about both my aunt and grandmother’s passing on social media. Eventually, I just gave up. We talk less than once a year, and one of the last times she basically said she might be more interested in my life after I give her a grandchild.

My mother currently lives with my aging grandfather, basically leeching off his retirement while pretending to work in some MLM scheme.

My uncle, her younger brother who has his life together, messaged me recently. He is concerned that she won’t be capable of taking care of herself if he moves my grandfather (82) into a retirement village. He says doing so could leave her homeless, and the squalid conditions of my grandfather’s house have him concerned that it would be in my grandfather’s best interest to do just that in the next few years.

He then said the responsibility of what to do about my mother would fall on me. He was unaware of the state of my relationship with my mother, but not terribly surprised.

To be honest, I don’t see this as my responsibility. She’s been choosing not to be a part of my life for 20 years.

Financially, I couldn’t take care of her and plan for the future with my wife. Realistically, I suspect she could get a job, even a night shift at a gas station, and rent a mobile home if she had to. She has an MBA and she’s not even retirement age. My uncle thinks she’s my responsibility, WIBTJ if I just wash my hands of it all?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Your mother is an adult with the extra benefit of an education, and if she chooses to be homeless instead of working for a living, that is not your responsibility and not your uncle’s either. It sounds to me like your uncle is shouldering the responsibility for your grandfather, and your mother is positioning herself to live off of him (your uncle) next.

I think that it would be a kindness to make clear to your uncle that neither of you is responsible for her. It may help him to stiffen his backbone, especially if other members of the family are pushing him forward while avoiding any responsibility themselves.” continualreboot

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

She wasn’t a part of your life.

You made your own life.

She lives with her elderly father, yet the house is squalid. Why isn’t she helping around the house? It’s the least she could do.

If she didn’t make her own plans, what did she expect from life? It’s like the fable of the ant and the grasshopper. I’d say to let her stay with you, but I don’t think she’d contribute to the household in chores or money or anything – and that’s even if she has a passport.

She doesn’t sound disabled; she sounds like she’s floating through life letting other people ‘carry’ her.

Your uncle is nervous she’s going to try staying with him – he doesn’t want his own sister there so badly that he called you to another country to talk it out. It’s not your burden to care for her or uproot your life when she was absent for so long.

The prodigal mother… so much hate.” Eleanor_Willow

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ you’ve mentioned several times that you have tried to include her in your life and lifestyle. No matter who we are, we should have reciprocal, equally-beneficial relations.

If your mother has actively avoided you (as opposed to just being passive) then it seems that there’s no relation to defend or maintain.

You’re her child but that does not mean you owe her anything (at least in Western culture, I’m aware China or Asia is different culturally, and in China explicitly in law too, for instance, you must rebate your parents with funds and literal visits).

She’s had forty years to find support, funds, plan, and resolve her estate for her relative decline.

Excluding you means that reasonably how could she have any expectant result from you within all of it, especially when it’s primarily and historically done in the last 20 years of her life, which she has actively rebuffed you during and you’re not even in the same country.

I would be passive myself, in your shoes.

When approached remind your uncle your liability is those with whom you have in your life, and you can’t account for others as it isn’t feasible nor have you had 20 days nor years to expect this.

Your grandfather and her demise are theirs. You don’t owe anyone anything, even if you literally came out of her. There’s an I in family but not neglect?” AllanovichONclash

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7. AITJ For Calling Out My Mother-In-Law's Lies On The Family Group Chat?

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“Thursday we had a big snowstorm. They pay someone to do their driveway, but I was informed that I’d have to clean my own car, which is fine. MIL’s husband went out to clean off his car and MIL’s. He dumped all of the snow onto my and my husband’s cars, so when we went out later, it was so heavy and hard to clean, and then we got yelled at for getting too much snow on the driveway.

Friday was their anniversary. They had plans but were napping before. I went into the room and threw some snow at them because I was mad. I know that was childish, but so was what he did to my car. MIL came down later and cussed at me because she wanted to wear a particular skirt which is pretty short and she had a big red bump on her outer thigh area and said it was from the snow.

She wasn’t wearing pants when I threw the snow, but it looked literally impossible that the snow did that. MIL’s husband laughed and told her that he told her it was a spider bite and snow couldn’t do that. MIL just rolled her eyes. She wore a longer dress and they went out.

She seemed happy the following day when I saw her.

Well then I heard MIL had told her parents and other family that I ‘ruined’ her anniversary by ‘marking her leg’ and she never gets to go out. She whined that she didn’t get to go out on new year’s eve because she got paged in, and I ruined her only time to wear that dumb skirt.

I texted the group chat this exactly ‘Hi, I just wanted to clear up some misinformation about what (MIL’s name) said. I did throw a snowball at her. That was wrong of me, but (her husband’s name) intentionally buried our cars in the snow and I had just spent an hour cleaning the mess.

The mark on her leg is from a spider bite, which you probably know she is allergic to or whatever, and bug bits always get that large and red on her. I just didn’t want people to be talking about me or my name to be slandered. Have a great weekend everyone.’

MIL and her husband have been calling me a dramatic problem-stirrer and accusing me of trying to make her look bad.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here – You were mad a FIL to start with, throwing a snowball is childish, especially inside, and considering your MIL had nothing to do with why you were mad to throw one at her is being the jerk.

Plus to know FIL dumped the snow off their cars onto yours you probably would have seen it and you could have gone out and told him not to dump it on your car, even if you didn’t see it, you could have dumped the snow back on his car. FIL was childish to start with, but you escalated the situation and you didn’t really have to write anything in the group chat or you could have just said something if someone directly called you out for being the jerk rather than just reacting.” Hungry-Dimension7365

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

They suck for not cleaning your car when they pay someone to have it done (if they had to pay extra for an extra car, they could have made you pay for it but that wasn’t even on the table). That’s so rude, it would be rude to a random guest, you are their DIL.

Disgusting lack of manners

Step-FIL sucks for having the snow cleaned onto your car. That’s incompetent at best, and malicious at worst. If he didn’t do it on purpose he should have helped you clear it. Again, disgusting lack of manners.

You suck for not speaking to him about it like an adult.

You suck for throwing a snowball at a sleeping couple.

MIL sucks for claiming you did it on purpose when clearly she just couldn’t be bothered to go to an event and wanted an excuse that got her attention, and for sabotaging your relationship with the rest of the family for her own ego.

People here suck for saying you’re the only jerk and acting superior as if they would all behave like total saints when being treated like this.

Where is your husband during all this, OP? He sucks for not having your back. Let him deal with his family’s disgusting lack of manners and check out.” HiddenDestiny251

Another User Comments:

“No, you are NTJ for exposing the lies.

If MIL doesn’t want her lies exposed, she shouldn’t be lying. That having been said, YTJ for throwing the snowball at her. Throwing the snowball at FIL? Not so much. But this is pretty clearly an ‘everyone sucks here’, with the possible exception of your husband. Whether it was from frustration or just a petty joke, the snowball at your MIL was uncalled for.

The FIL is a complete jerk for starting this. MIL is a jerk for lying. Your husband might be a jerk for not stopping all this nonsense with his parents, but there’s not enough narrative to tell. But he needs to step in and have consequences for all three of you for how you’re treating each other.” vanisaac

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6. AITJ For Thinking A 50/50 Split Of Chores Is Unrealistic?

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“My (26M) wife (25F) and I have a 1-year-old together. My wife stays home with the baby and I work. I work ridiculous hours – 13-hour shifts in a 12 on, 2 off pattern, but the money is good enough for us to be comfortable on just my salary. In my line of work, the only employer is the state, and the hours are set – it is not an option to simply get a new job, unfortunately – and I do not wish to elaborate more on my work for privacy reasons.

The problem is that I am always working, and as a result I expect my wife to do the majority of the chores. I know life is difficult for us both, so I do not mean to dismiss what she does but it does feel like I have it harder. Regardless, I do not sit with my feet up while I am at home.

I prefer to look after the baby in the evenings, bath, and bedtime while she does chores because otherwise, I would never see my child but she says this is an unfair split and she doesn’t like chores so we should split them equally.

I physically cannot do a 5050 split I don’t have enough hours in the day.

To be honest, I do not do much, I do the dishes each night and do the grocery shopping on my way home from work, and pick up after myself but the lion’s share is on her. I know it is difficult but I do not understand what else I can do.

There are no other jobs and part-time is not an option. The other problem is that she feels that my days off should be my turn to do all the housework and baby things so she can go out with her friends. Sometimes I like to relax as I have a very stressful job.

I prefer to go out and do family things on those days together, but she says she needs time to herself, and I get time to myself at work and in the car commuting (1 hour each way).

Also, I prefer her to get up with the baby at night because she is not working, and I must avoid being too tired from my job.

I suggested that she return to work and we can use the extra income for cleaning services and daycare but she says that would be pointless. I need help because she wants a 50/50 chore split and I can’t do it.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Soft YTJ – it seems like she just wants a break from being with the baby all day and having to do all the housework.

You’re both struggling to adjust to a new addition to your household.

However – she is working a full-time job. You said it yourself, if she wasn’t there you would pay someone to do childcare for you. So essentially she is also working 13-hour shifts in a 12-on, 2-off pattern. The only difference – is she doesn’t get to go home and relax and just ‘play with the kid’ while you do housework.

It’s not unreasonable for her to want some time to herself. She’s also dealing with a host of other issues – you said yourself you prefer that you get an undisturbed night of sleep because you consider your job more important than hers. So not only is she not getting a break, she’s not getting a good night of sleep either.

She put her body through a lot for nine months and then maybe still recovering, especially if she is breastfeeding. Especially if you expect her to stay home all the time, she’s probably feeling super isolated and overwhelmed.

Overall, your mindset just seems to be ‘me me me’ instead of thinking about how you can minimize the burden on BOTH of you, not just yourself.

Stop putting priority on your needs, and prioritize what your TEAM needs. A suggestion is treating her time along with the baby as her time at work, and splitting tasks evenly when you get home. Good luck, and I hope you have some empathy for her going forward.” Different-Eggplant40

Another User Comments:

“Eh, you are kind of both jerks here.

Question about your job, is it a 13 hr shift and then you are home in the evening? If so, YTJ for not helping out with something minor.

Your wife doesn’t understand the workload you have. I mean, 12 13-hours shifts in a row is a LOT. And I know from my (F) experience being a geologist, being away from home for 2 weeks, home for 1.5 days, and then having to leave again, it’s exhausting.

Did I feel bad for leaving my husband with our kid? Yes, he worked a normal M-F 8-hour day… but then had to fully take care of the house, kids, and pets after hours (the child was in daycare). So SHE doesn’t understand that long shifts aren’t all sunshine and roses, especially if your job is at all physically demanding,

On the other hand, SHE is with the kid 24-7 until you have some time off and take a ‘baby day’ which by the way is great, especially since you are gone for so much, YOU need that time with the kid to bond…

take it from me who didn’t get that time, my kid didn’t want me to touch him since as far as he was concerned I was a stranger (part of the reason I left my job when he was 3, heartbreaking to have a kid pushing against you and trembling when you try to pick them up).

Unfortunately, your wife doesn’t have any downtime, she is 24/7 taking care of the house AND the kid. Not only is that exhausting physically, but it’s also very mentally draining (which can be worse for your marriage).

You both need to talk, and see what chores you might be able to do when you get home from a shift (is it taking out the garbage, emptying the dishwasher?) 1 chore a day, something that’s not too time-consuming…

that way she feels like you are contributing to the house, other than just a paycheck (remember what she does around the house is unpaid and go look up how much it would cost you to have a fulltime nanny and housekeeper).

Look at your budget and possibly see about hiring a babysitter 1x a week so your wife can get out of the house without a kid, or a housekeeper to come in and do some of the chores.

Take some of that burden off of the wife who never ever gets a break.

Also, how ‘perfectionist’ is she in her housekeeping? Does it always have to look like the cover of a magazine?” EndFew4838

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

You deserve time with your child.

She doesn’t like chores? I just… wow… That’s life. You ate, so wash your plate.

You have crumbs on the carpet, so vacuum. Wash the clothes, do a little dusting, and take out the trash… It’s not that hard. Most chores are easy, albeit tedious and repetitive.

Your work should count as multiple chores, then you can do a split. Sit down together and figure out which chores should be done by who.

Maybe you can do a chore she hates more if she takes on something else. If it comes down to it, assign points or ranks to the chores and divvy them out that way – and include your job in that reckoning. Or draw them out of a hat – whatever you have to do so that she’ll agree and you guys can move on.

As another example, it makes sense for her to do the dishes since she uses them more. You could take out the trash as you leave for work. In my home, we broke chores down into parts. Laundry: anyone can start a load, usually me. My arms are short compared to the washer, so my man moves the laundry to the dryer.

I fold/hang, and my man puts our clothes in our closet, or the teen who does laundry does it, and the teens put their own stuff in the closet. Dishwasher: we trade off who loads, and there are specific people who only ever put clean dishes away.

Basically, find ways to make the chores easier for her, and consider separating the steps.

Maybe make a chore calendar. She’s an adult, she has a family and a home, and she has to take care of it.” Eleanor_Willow

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Neither side is seeing how the other feels.

You feel the weight of a job, all the financial support, and the commute as part of your job.

This is fair, I wouldn’t drive an hour for no reason, but paying my bills comfortably would make it work for me.

She’s feeling all of the home care, child care, and weight of keeping the family unit running as her job. This is also fair.

So while you get ‘two days off’ and use yours for family days, she gets no days off, only family days.

Review your schedule. A former friend used to trade weekends with her husband. He got every other weekend to go to the races or whatever and then hunting season, in spite of it being her birthday every year. In return, she got a girl’s weekend in the summer and opposite weekends.

Family days were a wash – you had the family, now be part of it. Sometimes, you have to remember that you are part of a family now, not just an individual on a team. It worked well for them to each have time with their kids individually while their partner got to go be social or handle their own things.

Communication was a big thing, so if an event came up for either one, they could still attend.

You’re both seeing only one view. You need to communicate better and establish a better schedule and system for chores. Maybe throwing in the laundry when you get home and her putting it in the dryer in the morning takes a chore from ‘yours’ or ‘mine’ to ‘shared.’ Same with dishes, feeding the pets, taking out the trash, etc.

Many chores take just a couple of minutes and make a massive difference in balance. If you want your marriage to stay happy, you need to find a system that works for you both.” DntMindMeImNtRlyHere

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5. AITJ For Not Sharing My Winnings With My Family?

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“My wife and I are both 24 years old. Every month we buy a lottery ticket for fun. Well, we won big. After the lump sum fee and taxes, we won around 5.6 million dollars. After paying all our debt (student loans, house mortgage, car loans) we had around 5 million left.

In case you don’t know 70 percent of lottery winners go broke after a few years.

Me being in the financial sector didn’t want to be in the 70 percent and also never have to work a real job again. What we did was invest 3 million in a combination of mutual funds, REITs, and preferred stock funds for a very steady hands-off extremely low-risk solid return approach.

With the 2 million we ended up buying a 5 million dollar apartment complex that cashflows and will give a high return with low risk. When I told my family I thought the first reaction would be excitement for me and how we were financially responsible. But they started talking about a huge family trip, how I was paying for all their debt, and more.

I explained 5 million is a lot but not enough to be giving it away to family and they got mad. They said I wasn’t welcome in this family and that I shouldn’t ever talk to them again. I think I’m in the right because I’m doing what’s best for me and my wife.

So do you think I’m the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is yours, not there’s. If they wanna die on this hill and kick you out of the family that’s their call.

If you haven’t already then you and your wife need to decide what’s going to happen to said funds if something happens to either or both of you.

Who inherits, how much, under what terms, and how to protect the estate from your family trying to claim they should get a piece? In some areas the laws allow them to sue for a possible share if they aren’t mentioned in the Will by claiming you must have just overlooked them, other areas don’t.

If you are in the former find out if it’s legit to list them and say they get nothing to get around that issue. Yes, it’s a morbid thing to think about but you don’t want them to win in the end.” Annual-Contract-115

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

Weird take, but solidarity in a weird, trashy world is hard to come by.

I know it’s easier to say no to folks and keep as much as you can, but if the people close to you are struggling and you’re handed 5 million dollars because of some wild luck, I feel it would be a complete jerk move to not give anyone anything, but only if they’re close with you prior to your winnings.

It’s extremely frustrating for them to see you be able to land all that on chance and then turn around and say ‘nope! we’re going to be responsible with our finances, and being responsible means you don’t get any’. Imagine being in their shoes.

I say everyone sucks here because they should have a bit more decency when it comes to them being rejected.

Casting you off from the family is quite the reaction to such a thing, but again, it’s actually understandable. Those are real people with real lives that could truly use your help, and you’re rejecting them. But again, if they’re just coming through the woodwork now because you’ve won something, then that’s quite crass behavior that certainly doesn’t deserve a reward.

I don’t know. It feels complicated in this circumstance.” SepSev7n

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Congratulations on your big win, big kudos on your financial proactiveness, and what great fortune to figure out, in the span of a few minutes, how little your family truly thinks of you. They heard ‘lottery’, and immediately acted like they heard, ‘meal ticket’.

And that, sadly, is how they proceeded to act toward you. They started planning their own immediate windfalls, with absolute seriousness, because their thoughts immediately turned to themselves. Their response to your refusing to give them funds was nothing less than their jealousy overriding anything else. It’s like they were saying that if they didn’t get a huge chunk of change, they weren’t going to stick around and watch you enjoy it while their indebted lives continued.

When fortune unexpectedly comes into the picture, people get irrationally and astonishingly entitled. I don’t need to ask if there’s some serious family dysfunction involved here. I think I already know. It’s horrible that they couldn’t just be happy for you and ask you what your plans were and instead had to let their self-absorption take precedence.

Personally, I think you should do what they say and don’t talk to them when they inevitably try to contact you again. They obviously don’t want to see you do well unless they of course benefit from it. The prospect of that much fortune, just tantalizingly out of their reach, will get to be too much.

You can bet that a few weeks or months into the future, their initial outrage is going to gel into something else. At least a few of them will get the idea that the reason you refused was that there were so many people at once clamoring for it, but they will think that you might just be more generous if it was just one person asking.

You will need to plan on what to do when some of those same relatives that kicked you to the curb approach you again, one by one and without any internal coordination, and try to make amends/have a few bonding moments with you, before hitting you up again. They might even give you a sob story and tell you it’s incredibly urgent and necessary that you help.

They’ll say it’s a ‘loan’ and they’ll never tell the other relatives, but you and I both know that if you give anything, even to just a few, those funds are never going to come back to you, and word will quickly get out that you helped one of them. And that is going to be a very messy proposition.” thornyrosary

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4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Continue Doing All The Childcare?

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“My (37F) husband (40M) and I have 3 kids (5, 3, 9 months). After our first kid, he decided he wanted to go back to grad school and he graduated last May. He took his licensing exam this summer but failed, and is scheduled to take it again next month. The issue is that he’s been using studying for this exam as an excuse to get out of essentially all childcare.

Our kids are in daycare and school all day, M-F, and I work full time so he’s supposed to be studying all day while the house is empty (he doesn’t have a job). But he claims that’s not enough and he needs to spend all his spare time studying.

However, he still finds time to go run errands, nap, go to the gym, etc.

I’m getting really fed up because I work full time, but am also dropping off/picking up the kids, driving them to all their activities, making dinner, and putting them to bed. When I got fed up and yelled at him about it, he called me a hypocrite because I took the same licensing exam and he always respected my time.

Except I took it 12 years ago and we didn’t have kids. I get that it’s a stressful test and it’s only offered twice/year, but I feel like he should figure out a way to balance his duties as a parent too. Am I being the jerk by not wanting to continue doing all the childcare?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here

It’s only another month.

studying for a standardized exam takes a lot out of you, and I imagine it takes a lot of energy now that he’s older too. People who study for standardized exams are told to actually takes breaks, nap, and go to the gym (it was in prep videos for the SAT, ACT, GRE, and MCAT at least) Also, it may be possible that he studies better during the evening/night time, many people study from 3 pm to 3 am the next day.

I think after he does his licensing exam, ask him to do all of the childcare for a month (or however long) so that way it would be even.” PotentialGap2128

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your husband should be helping out but I think that fear, stress, and anxiety have complete control over him right now and I have to wonder if it’s affecting his sleep and if he lays awake at night which could be why he took a nap.

Yes, he should be helping you out but I think he is absolutely terrified and anxious about this exam, so much so that it’s affecting him to the point where he cannot focus on anything else but eating, sleeping, and studying.

I think he is terrified he’s going to fail again and that if he does you’ll think he’s a failure and maybe even leave him and while the rational part of him knows this is completely untrue, the irrational part says otherwise and he’s probably so mentally exhausted that the irrational side is much louder than the rational and anxiety is chiming in saying the same thing and he is listening to both and he’s listening to fear and stress too, he’s listening to all of this and is so physically and mentally exhausted he’s not thinking straight.

I think it’d be good to sit down with him and talk to him about his mental and physical health. I think your husband has studied himself to exhaustion, he needs to take a break from studying or at the very least study less. I wish you the best OP and good luck to your husband on the exam.” Captainbabygirl767

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, he has all day to study, that should be more than enough.

The things he does instead, errands and gym and whatnot, are things you need to do as well. You shouldn’t be punished because you have to work all day. He needs to schedule all his studying during the days and you can take turns taking care of the kids and doing other stuff in the evening.” CrazyButHarmless

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3. AITJ For Calling My Mother-In-Law "Pathetic"?

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“MIL was really awful to me for about two years including the time of my engagement and wedding. She seemed depressed. She wasn’t doing the best with eating and sleeping, and she was partying pretty hard and having almost nightly one-night stands. I’m not saying any of this to shame her, but she obviously wasn’t in a great place mentally.

She has up to this point claimed she was fine and she’s always been thin (true, but she was getting dizzy from not eating) and she’s always been promiscuous (also true but this was very frantic and seemed like an obsession, plus putting herself in dangerous situations).

We did a mutual no-contact after the wedding.

She was actually in agreement that we just shouldn’t see each other, meaning she didn’t see her son for a year and a half. She is a lot better now, not coincidently she got a man and that was the time she calmed down. MIL hates being single, and I’ve always felt that was the reason she was being so mean.

MIL got engaged recently and is extremely happy, and almost nice, and my husband wants things to go back to how they used to be. My issue is I can’t forgive her for all the hurt she caused when she hasn’t apologized, and secondly, we have a child so things just are different now.

I don’t want him around her toxic personality, and MIL has put off meeting him for a long time under the guise of I don’t want her to, even when I invited her.

We sat down the other day and my husband laid out everything she did which hurt me. MIL admitted she was acting like that because she was lonely and nothing was ‘ever about her.’ She also didn’t really apologize and said she was sorry that it hurt me, but she thinks we did a lot wrong too, and doesn’t think apologizing is necessary, because she knows I’m not sorry for my ‘role in it’.

I replied that it is kind of pathetic that she needed a man that badly. I believe you shouldn’t need anyone like that and have to love yourself first. Also, she has everything, her dream job, she is attractive, she has good friends, hobbies, and a dog, if she needed a man that badly she is pathetic to me.

MIL replied that I’m just cold and people are meant to have a partner. I also said I don’t accept that apology because she clearly isn’t sorry. MIL said that’s fine and she thinks we’ve come as far as we are going to, and isn’t sure what my husband wants from either of us.

My husband left the meeting very sad and feels like I went too far by calling her pathetic.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I call nonsense on ‘you don’t need a man’ and ‘you have to love yourself first’. Everyone’s broken, even you, and everyone needs love from others, even your MIL, and it’s not pathetic.

It’s the way humans are made. Everyone also has to learn self-acceptance for its own sake, outside and regardless of romantic success. That’s just as true about the things she has that you want. Maybe you don’t love yourself enough to deserve a good job, or friends, or a dog, eh? Quit this Lumpy Space Princess ‘She just jealous of meh ‘cuz I got a hot guy’, and stop pretending you aren’t jealous of her.” Equal-Comprehensive

Another User Comments:

“The only jerk I’m seeing at this point is your husband.

Sometimes people won’t get along. Both of you (you and MIL) seem to genuinely dislike each other. You’ve both done perfectly fine without seeing each other. Your husband seems to believe that the two of you have to get along. That you MUST make up. Meanwhile, even though you’re both immature, you are grown women who don’t have to be around each other.

She doesn’t owe him a relationship with you, and you don’t owe him a relationship with her. The ship has sailed and he needs to let it go.

If she wants to be around your kid and can refrain from taking cheap shots and being cruel about you around the kid, let her.

Not alone, but with your husband for sure. If she genuinely hates you to the point where she wants nothing to do with your kid, cool beans. He can have a relationship with her without you being involved.

I’m as confused as MIL, what is he expecting from you two? Yeah, it makes his life somewhat easier if you got along, but why can’t he just keep you separate?” Comfortable_Iron2284

Another User Comments:

“Sorry, but I have to say soft YTJ.

I understand you are still hurt and have resentment because she really hurt you. And she should apologize. But I don’t think you should have called her pathetic. I think that is a low blow to call her names and you seem very judgmental over her previous lifestyle choices. Also, although I can see your point about how people should find happiness within themselves and without a partner.

But not everyone has the emotional capacity to do so and it sounds like she doesn’t. And that message may not have resonated much with her, especially when you have a loving and supportive partner, that happens to be her son.

While I don’t agree with your MIL and empathize with your anger over how she treated you.

It sounds like she has issues that she may want to address in therapy. And if you ever want to mend the fence, you might have to take the high road and forgive and move on. Otherwise, I agree, you should just go no contact, for your own well-being.

Good luck! It’s a tough situation.” Aware_Memory3005

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here – I can see you wouldn’t be happy with a fake apology but seeing as I don’t know what your MIL did to upset you apologizing for the fact you were upset about it might be enough, and if you want an apology for the things she did that hurt you, then you should also be prepared to apologize for anything you did that hurt her.

Also calling her pathetic is mean some people act out when they are lonely and it might not be how you would deal with it if you were in the situation but it doesn’t mean that she’s pathetic for wanting a man. That being said the way she was wasn’t exactly healthy.” Hungry-Dimension7365

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2. AITJ For Asking My Son To Open Up?

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“I know it’s not always a good thing, but I’ve always been an admittedly hovering parent. It’s hard for me to help. I try to stop myself from being overprotective, but having kids is really stressful, and I’m a pretty paranoid person.

My son (10 years old) has been feeling really down recently, and he wouldn’t tell anyone why for a while.

I tried checking on him, but he always wants to stay in his room or watch TV. I guess it’s normal for a kid, but now he eats less than he used to (he had a huge appetite before) and he just isn’t acting like himself. Usually, he’s so full of energy and it’s really heartbreaking seeing him depressed.

Earlier today, I sent my daughter (15) to go get her siblings downstairs for dinner. She took a while, and then everyone came down except for my son. When I asked my daughter where her brother was, she told me he didn’t feel like eating. So I went upstairs and found my son in his room, and he seemed really upset.

I asked him what was wrong, but he didn’t want to tell me. I told him how I was worried about him because he’s been pretty down for a while. He told me to go away, he didn’t want to talk about it. I got super worried. Usually, he’s so open and honest, so I asked again, telling him how he can trust me with anything, and then after a while, he told me that the other boys at school are so mean to him, excluding him, making fun of him for wearing pink shirts, and other things like that.

He told me a lot, and I was really angry. No one deserves to be bullied, so I sat with him for a while and promised we would talk to the school, and if the problem continued, we could think about going to other schools. My daughter is in a therapeutic school and is really happy there, so maybe that sort of thing might work for my son too.

He felt a little better and came downstairs, and my husband asked me what was wrong, and I told him about the talk I had with my son. He told me I was being an overbearing mother, and that if my son wants help, he’ll ask me for it. Later on, we started arguing about how much space the kids needed, and my husband tells me that I should know when to back off.

I don’t know what to do, so please tell me if I should have left my son alone.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Take it from an experienced childcare worker. You did exactly what you needed. It is soooo hard to let your kids have space when you know something is up. You gave him time to come out of it on his own, but the problem persisted; he needed some help.

At 10 years old you are starting to really care about peers and opinions, this is super difficult to navigate alone. Bullying has taken so many innocent lives, I’ve seen this firsthand. I am so glad you stepped in and persisted when those instincts kicked in.

How you handle this from here is important.

Let your son be a partner with you and lead the conversation with the school or other resources/people you may speak to about the bullying. You are there to support him and guide him if needed. He needs to feel like you are his comfort from this, so I wouldn’t push any further than what he told you.

He will naturally tell you everything once he feels that safe space. I would really look into that other school if he wants to transfer, no school is worth your baby’s happiness.” Mamasclassroom

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You knew there was something wrong with your son. You let him have space but he obviously had a big issue.

He is ten. He needed help because he was being bullied. If you guys had done nothing, not talked, and continued to ignore his obvious problems, then he would have just gotten worse and honestly end up feeling like you guys did not give a fig about him because you didn’t seem to care how miserable he clearly was.

Kids have hurt themselves because of bullying. It is very serious and something you needed to know. He feels better now, you can help him to fix the problem, and he knows he can come to you in the future for important problems. You are a great mom.” Double-dutcher

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you didn’t badger your son, you asked him a couple of times and made sure he knew he had your support.

Leaving it alone after the first casual question would be the wrong thing to do when your child is demonstrating significant behavioral changes.

Your husband is right that kids need space, but he seems to think that your kids are emotionally mature enough to either handle their problems on their own or come to you for help on their own. Sometimes that’s true, but it isn’t always. He needs to remember that children are still emotionally developing and often need help processing and problem-solving. It’s okay to be a little persistent sometimes when their health is clearly being negatively affected.” AngeLabrador

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1. AITJ For Pranking My Struggling Friend?

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“Recently one of my good friends ‘Mike’ was having a birthday party and when trying to figure out what to get him as a gift I came across these fake lottery tickets that are supposed to all be ‘winners’. As soon as I saw them I knew it would be an amazing prank to pull on him and I can just give him 50 dollars as a real gift.

For some background, we prank each other all the time, usually small harmless things. But that’s always been our relationship.

So the party comes and everyone’s having a great time and Mike’s opening all the gifts. When it’s my turn I hand him the lottery ticket and make up some excuse of not knowing what to get him so I got him this.

So he scratches the ticket and as soon as he sees it’s a winner he starts crying, like intense crying. I haven’t seen him cry this badly in a long time, and in between tears he’s thanking God and me and at this point, we’re all starting to get worried and ask what’s going on.

(I should mention the fake winnings were $50,000, so not a small amount.) Mike starts telling us about how he recently lost his job, which we all knew, but what we didn’t know is his savings were pretty much gone and he hasn’t been able to make his house payments so they were going to foreclose his home.

And the winnings from the ticket would be almost enough to finish paying off his mortgage.

At this point, I realized the prank might have gone a bit too far so I told him it was a fake lottery ticket and gave him the 50 dollars as the real gift. He looked pretty upset after I said that and said a soft ‘oh thank you’ for the gift and went into the other room.

Everyone basically went off on me telling me that was a horrible prank to pull and that I should not have gotten his hopes up like that, and to go apologize to him. Well, when I went to apologize he blew up on me telling me he was sick and tired of all these stupid childish games I play with him.

And that he doesn’t want me around for a while. He said he’s really not sure if he’ll ever want to be around me again. I told him I feel like that was a bit of an overreaction to one bad prank and I didn’t know his situation when I did that.

So while I do feel it may have gone a little far, it was a prank and we always prank each other. It’s not like I made his situation worse and he really should have had more savings than what he did. Plus like I said, I didn’t know his situation before getting the fake ticket so it wasn’t malicious.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. No question, no doubt.

It would’ve been at least a little understandable if you apologized profusely when you found out his situation (and truly it was already a bad idea because you knew he was unemployed). Instead, you’ve chosen to blame the person you pranked and criticize his situation.

Gross.

You publicly humiliated him, OP. When he is already stressed due to his lost employment (and the impending loss of his home), no less. He’s well within his rights to be upset and inform you that he needs space from you. You don’t get to decide that’s an overreaction. Ultimately, you made a choice, it didn’t go well, and you have to live with the consequences.

These are the consequences.” jetfuel_o

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Pranking is fine especially since both of you participate. I know you did not intend to hurt his feelings but you should’ve considered his situation. He did overreact but he’s way past his breaking point. It showed when he saw that lottery ticket. Even though it was sort of an obvious prank, he was so desperate to get out of that situation that he actually believed it was real.

He needs help. Think before you act.

Sit your friend down and make sure he’s ok. Help him figure out a plan to help his situation. He’s so focused on losing his house and all the funds he owes that he can’t think clearly. Get some paper and start making a plan.

I promise he will start to feel better and have a clearer head.” SadCloud0

Another User Comments:

“You didn’t know the entirety of his position but you did know that he’d lost his job, so from that point of view he’s not going to be in the best position, is he?

Yes, it was a prank but I think your timing was dreadful, and to justify it as ‘he should have more savings than he did’ is just cruel.

YTJ. If the friendship means anything to you suck up the treatment he is entitled to give you and apologize from the bottom of your heart. If it means anything to him you might be lucky and he might forgive you.

Whatever happens, start reading the room better where your ‘pranks’ are involved.” GingerBagpuss

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