People Are Wondering If They Can Get Away From Being Blamed In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories

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There was probably a time in your life when you felt you were being too harsh on someone. You might remember yelling at a waiter for making a mistake on your order or saying something utterly inappropriate to a sibling. Are these circumstances ever acceptable in any way? Some would contend that every rule has an exception. Consider the employee who insisted on covering for them on Saturdays despite the fact that doing so is against their culture. Some claim that because they did not respect their way of life, they were the jerk. Some would argue that they have every right to ask because they have a very valid reason of their own to be unable to work that day. Here are some stories from people who had been accused of being jerks to others.  By reading and responding to the following controversial stories, you can assist us in "picking a side." AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

19. AITJ For Not Wanting Our Emotionally Abusive Sister To Hold My Sister's Baby?

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“I (19m) have been arguing with my mom (48f) and stepdad (47m) about the fact that my sister (24f) and her husband (26m) don’t want our sister (22f) to hold their newborn baby (she’s not even a week old yet). ‘Beth’s’ reasoning is that ‘Carol’ was and is emotionally abusive to most of our family, us included, and refused to change her behavior or go to therapy during Beth’s pregnancy.

Carol regularly started fights with the five of us whenever Beth and her husband came to visit for dinners and such. I, who has only recently gotten my first job and don’t have a license or a car, have been stuck at home dealing with the mistreatment my whole life while my mother was working all day (to no fault of her own) and have been forced to not defend/stand up for myself as my mom and stepdad see it as instigating.

This resulted in Beth and I banding together and more or less ousting Carol.

We just recently had a baby shower that the baby attended because she came a bit early and most of the (15-ish) guests were allowed to hold her.

Carol was not. Later, after everyone had gone home and the seven of us were back at my mom’s house my stepdad pulled Beth and her husband aside in front of everyone and without leaving the room and lobbied for them to let Carol hold the baby, despite them putting this boundary in place before we even knew the baby’s gender.

Naturally, Beth and her husband were unwavering in their decision and I supported them. After they left, I got chastised for not trying to get Beth and her husband to change their stance. I told my mother that it’s their baby and they have full control over who gets to hold and see her.

Beth and I have also discussed that our mother and stepdad can lose baby privileges if they keep acting up. After I left the conversation my mom and stepdad continue to talk trash about Beth’s decision. I’m just trying to figure out if we are being cruel or if they just can’t respect boundaries.

Edit: I want to add that I have told my mom multiple times that I don’t make these decisions and that it’s up to the parents how they raise their kid and that if at any point I see something wrong with that I will let them know because Beth and I have a relationship where we can let each other know what’s up with no filter because we trust each other to try and help one another instead of tear them down.

Edit 2: I let Beth know what our parents said as they were saying it because my mom prides herself on never talking behind someone’s back but actually does so regularly and I don’t mess with that.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. NO ONE gets to hold a baby if the parents are not okay with it.

It doesn’t matter who it is being told no, or why the parents feel whatever kind of way about it. And third parties who plan to continue holding that child themselves – cough – mom & stepdad – cough – would be wise to back down before they find themselves on the No Hold list for presuming to tell your sister what she has to do with her baby.” Far_Anteater_256

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Nobody but the parents get any say in that decision.

Sounds like Carol just needs to be put in no contact by your sister/BIL and maybe your parents too because they are a large part of this problem. If they think it’s such a great idea to let an abusive person hold a baby, then maybe they need a sharp reality check.

I really hope your sister never lets them babysit or that child will be in Carol’s hands so fast the air will burn.” Dipping_My_Toes

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

The PARENTS get to decide who gets to see their child, hold their baby, kiss their baby, etc what your parents want doesn’t mean a thing.

I’m glad that your sister, her husband, and yourself have set healthy boundaries. Your parents are enabling your sister’s behavior. I hope that your sister and husband and you keep this great relationship. I hope your sister goes in low contact or no contact with the other ones for the time being.” Old_Guard_9908

2 points - Liked by Botz and IDontKnow
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18. AITJ For Screaming At My Husband In The Car?

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“My husband (S, 39m) and I (39f) have been happily married for 11 years, together longer. We have 2 young kids, 6 and 4 years old. For the past 4 months, we have been in a temporary LDR due to a major transition in S’s work.

This also required a big move. My kids and I moved, and S was supposed to join us shortly. Unfortunately, this period stretched out longer and longer until we hit 4 months. I have been the primary caretaker for our children, while S was working across the country.

During this time, the kids and I struggled with the transition as they adapted to a new school, a new community, and much more. We had some minor health problems, which added to our stress during this time. It’s been a lot.

I tried to keep it positive and planned fun activities for the kids, visits to see my in-laws, and of course, handled all the daily chores/cooking. I tried to give my kids all the love and stability I could during this time.

Fortunately, my in-laws have been wonderful and supported us with love and visits.

S was not able to visit as much as he wanted (distance and cost), yet I was happy for him as he was able to enjoy some relative freedom to go out with friends, eat out, go to concerts, movies, games, etc.

I encouraged him to do all these things! Being apart gave me time to think, and I told him how when we were reunited I would need a) some time for myself, and b) him to be more engaged with our kids (ie not on his phone constantly).

He agreed and we looked forward to reuniting.

S was finally able to join us, and while at first, it was wonderful, he slowly increased his time glued to his phone, and pressured me to do everything together ‘as a family’—especially all care involving the kids.

I was doing just as much as while he was gone, but even more now. I’m a people pleaser, so I went along with it. Today we were in the car so I could go to the gym. I had already put it off because he had errands he insisted we run together.

At this point, he informs me I had to finish in max 20-30 mins so we could pick up our kids from school. I calmly suggested perhaps today he could take on that task, and I could burn off stress without any time pressure.

He kept pushing back and questioning how 20 mins weren’t enough for me, and negating everything I said, at which point I’m ashamed to say I started screaming how I also needed personal space and time to myself, and him pushing me to constantly do everything together when he has had the last 4 months essentially off from being a dad was making me feel suffocated.

I parked the car, got out, and stormed off (to the gym).

Now I’m feeling guilty for yelling like that, but still burning with resentment. That being said, maybe I should have tried again to ask for a day off calmly. I can’t tell anymore, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

He should absolutely not neglect the kids and shouldn’t try to foist the parenting off on you when you have to do all of it most of the time.

It sounds like you acted okay with it and bottled up your resentment until you exploded, which is not great.

Ultimately I stuck with NTJ because realistically you shouldn’t have to tell him to parent—it’s not fair to you to have to nag, and ‘hey honey can you take the kids for two hours once in four months’ shouldn’t require lots of gentle reminders from you.

That’s a lot of mental loads. But from one admitted people pleaser to another: it’s generally best to address this before you’re boiling with frustrated anger. I know from experience, having had resents plosions myself.” thievingwillow

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He had a 4 month’s break full of friends, fun, and leisure.

In that 4 months, you played mom and dad while also fulfilling all housework and childcare.

He promised to give you a break and has not fulfilled said promise.

You can’t even have 20 minutes to yourself? Seriously? One can only handle so much before one snaps.

Speak again with your hubs; I suggest you allocate daily/weekly time to yourselves as well as alone. Hope it gets better, but if not couples counseling might give you some better insight on your expectations of each other and your own needs and wants.” PristineSprinkle

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

He needed to hear that. Do not feel sorry for screaming away your anger and frustration. Some people just walk away without a word because they bottle everything up to the point they can no longer process it. You got mad, blurted out your frustration then walked away.

That is better than staying and trying to have a conversation while you are still SO MAD.

Time off to process things is OK. It will also give him time to process the situation and hopefully, he actually heard and understood half the things you said. Once you calm down, I suggest both of you sit down and have a proper talk. Both of you need to communicate clearly how to move forward from this.” missywitchy1975

2 points - Liked by joha2 and IDontKnow
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17. AITJ For Not Paying My Son Back?

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“We have 3 kids and struggled a lot with money while they were growing up.

My youngest two still live with us but my older son (22) lives with his partner. They have only been together a few months so when he said he was moving in we were not happy and told him it was a dumb idea and he couldn’t afford it and we could not help him.

Our son told us her student loans paid for the apartment and he is just paying utilities/groceries. He moved in anyway almost a year ago.

Things were rough for us and we were not going to be able to make our mortgage payment for one month.

We reached out to our son asking if he could loan us some money. He gave us $1000 and our daughter gave us $500 and we were able to make the mortgage. I fully intend on paying them both back when able.

My son reached out last week and asked if I could pay some of the money back. They are falling short of rent this month. I told him I couldn’t at the moment. I told him that’s why I thought it was a bad idea.

He didn’t need to move out he chose to even though he couldn’t afford it he can live at home for free.

He said forget it and they borrowed money from his partner’s family (who are well off) now he does not answer phone calls from me or his father but we literally did not have the money to give him.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

He went out on a limb for you. And not giving him his money back is now causing hardship? Young adults don’t usually live for their parents. They want their own lives. So his moving was not selfish of him and certainly not unheard of at his age.

He’s an adult. (I moved and went to college at 17 and have not ‘lived’ with my folks since then. Again, its expected in many societies that young adults form attachments and then new families of their own and move away from the nest.) We have a duty to ourselves as much as we have to our parents, after all.

Imagine him trying to explain to his partner that you borrowed money and now refuse to return the money. You’d sound entitled and worse, unfortunately.” AndSoItGoes24

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

He gave you $1k when you needed money, most likely from his own financial buffer.

Now he needs money, which would have come from his buffer normally, but you still haven’t repaid him so he doesn’t have it and has to ask you, you’re still not paying him back and are even throwing it back in his face as an ‘I told you so’.

Also, what is it, mortgage or rent? Because it was one at first and then the other. Assuming it’s a mortgage, have you tried talking to the bank if it’s possible to skip a month? And what’s going to happen next time? Rely on your kids again for the money? I doubt your son is going to give anything.

And you don’t seem to have a buffer built up either.” ravendusk

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, for a multitude of reasons. Your son moved out to get away from you and your husband’s poor money management, and unfortunately, he couldn’t get far enough away before it burned him.

You didn’t specify how long ago you borrowed the money which I’ll take as you manipulating the narrative, as you also downplayed the length of their relationship only being a few months old when he moved bout a year ago. You made it a point to highlight that his partner’s family is well-off.

Also, he had to ask for SOME of it to be paid back which probably means he’s been waiting a long time, and you had the nerve to say I told you so. Also… you also borrowed money from what I’ll assume is a teenager considering the oldest is only 22, and I bet you haven’t paid her back either. And I will add, $1K is far too much for you to be asking from your 22-year-old child. Your a mooch, a jerk, and deserve be to blocked.” ConversationFront333

2 points - Liked by joha2 and IDontKnow
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IDontKnow 11 months ago
YTJ!!! You told him he shouldn't move out and in with his partner because he wasn't financially stable. Well, news flash...neither are you!!! Plus, he seems to be doing financially better than you because he loaned you money. But because he was kind and loaned you that money, he is now struggling. AND you have the nerve to say, "I told you so"??? Wtf is wrong with you?!?!?!
I have more but I'm so mad for your child that I can't even.
Take notes from your child and GROW UP!!!!!!
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16. AITJ For Kicking My Sister-In-Law Out?

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“I (22) have been with my partner (27) for 3 years, living together for 8 months, and currently 3 months pregnant, it’s a busy time.

My partner is really excited to be a dad, it’s not that I’m not excited I’m just tired.

Right now my partner works from home most days and goes to the office roughly 2x a month, we still do everything 50/50 so I’ll cook and load the dishwasher and he’ll unload the dishwasher, I’ll sweep and he’ll mop the floor, etc.

The thing we can’t agree on is his sister; she doesn’t like me, I was okay with her up until recently because she’s always around! I get home and I just want to relax but I can’t.

My daily schedule is that I’m up at 540 to leave the house at 610 to get to work at 730, I don’t even have time for breakfast, and it’s a long travel time because I don’t drive currently – I put up with it as they’re training me in my L3 qualification in hopes I can further my career, I like the school I work at and whilst the travel time is bothersome I love it; I finish work roughly 430, sometimes later depending on paperwork/how long it takes to tidy up the nursery so I’m usually home around 7, which isn’t too late if I didn’t have to cook or walk the dog.

SIL texted me on my break one day last week ‘can I come around? Me and ma (MIL) wanna do something with Tom (my partner, fake name) as we haven’t done anything to celebrate the baby’.

I had the worst week, I’ve been thrown up over, my hair yanked, and had so much work to do so I responded I’d rather not, plus I’m the pregnant one.

No response.

I got home that evening to find them all having a nice meal, all the washing up left because it’s my chore (my partner said) and I just lost it and told them to get out, they did… after 30 minutes and I still ended up having to wash and load the dishwasher.

I told my partner when I get home I want to relax, I also would’ve liked to be cooked for. He said they’re his family, they don’t have to ask to come around especially since he would’ve said yes anyway and they had no duty to cook for me especially since they don’t know when I’m home.

My partner says his ma told him it’s a red flag that I have to give him permission to have family around, and that I should fix my work schedule for the baby anyway.

Apparently, the reason they didn’t want to celebrate the baby with me is that I’m not as excited, I am excited I’m just… tired, feeling anxious that I’m not ready? A whole lot of other feelings too.

My partner is upset with me claiming MIL and SIL are worried they won’t be welcome to visit the baby because ‘they’re clearly not welcome to visit’ and my partner is obviously just upset I kicked them out at all.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“They’re one of those families.

In my opinion, NTJ, you’re the pregnant one, clearly working full-time and having it hard as it is. Your partner should be more catering towards you and understanding. Family should always ask to come round, it’s not just your partner’s house, it is also yours and things like that should be arranged.

You cannot be expected to come in cheery from working especially when no food was cooked for you and yet you are still expected to clean up! To me, they’re the red flag!” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That is an unusually messed-up scene.

I don’t understand why she bothered to ask you if she wasn’t going to listen to your wishes. And did he tell you it was your turn to clean up in front of them? If so, that feels like a power move effectively humiliating you in front of his family.

If you didn’t get to eat dinner, you don’t need to clean up. Especially not in this scenario.

I also think it’s a high drama that you ‘kicked everyone out’ but it’s clear that this has pushed you to the brink so I can’t totally fault you for going bonkers on them.

You and he have a bit of an age gap. I’m concerned that he hasn’t grown much in the 3 years that you’ve been together.

This just sounds like so much childish, thoughtless behavior on his part. Though I also can’t imagine telling his family, ‘don’t come here.’ Is it possible that you two can get couples therapy? If you didn’t have a baby on the way, I’d say that the two of you have gone in different directions.” One-Pause3171

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Shared home = shared decisions about guests.

Obviously, both people have to be reasonable within that. If you’re feeling unwell/exhausted that’s absolutely reason enough to say ‘not now’.

Their message about celebrating with your partner specifically was odd. How did they expect that to go down? Did they really think that you, exhausted and putting your body through all the physical changes to grow this baby, would want it implied that the dad is the only one celebrating? Sheesh.

Your partner’s rigidity with house tasks is absurd. Nobody should expect their partner to clean up after a gathering that they weren’t involved with. These aren’t shared dishes from a shared evening. Even if they were, he chose to insist you upkeep this task rather than recognizing that the woman carrying the baby and working long hours might just need to be cut a bit of slack.

Yeah, NTJ, OP.” junglemice

2 points - Liked by joha2 and IDontKnow
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IDontKnow 11 months ago
NTJ. My first pregnancy I slept like 18 hours every day I was so tired lol. And my own mother asks before she comes over. It's just common courtesy. Also, I would've left those dishes right where they were until HE figured out what to do with them and then went and got a bother or something. Don't let your in-laws OR your partner treat you like jerk. YOU are the one doing all baby right now.
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15. AITJ For Getting My Dad Uninvited From Christmas?

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“My (26F) dad got remarried when I was 19 and kicked me out because his new wife and I didn’t get along.

I know I was an adult but I still needed him. I went no contact with him. My uncle let me live with him until I can afford to get my own home.

His family was all really mad at him for kicking me out so they all went no contact with him as well. He contacted my aunt this year and asked to be back in our family. Apparently, he just had a son and wants his family to meet his son.

My aunt is hosting Christmas this year. She told me that she is considering letting him come and asked me if I’m ok with it.

I told her it’s her home and her choice so it’s ok if she wants to invite him but I’m not coming if he does.

My aunt decided not to invite him.

One of my other aunts told me I’m a jerk and should just get over it however my uncle is on my side and says he won’t go if I don’t.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Kicking you out when you had nowhere to go and no money to get somewhere because his new wife couldn’t be the adult and get along with you is a truly jerk thing to do.

He doesn’t get to just ‘return to the family’ because he now wants all the benefits that entail for his new son.

Additionally, you didn’t tell him that HE couldn’t go, you were very respectful to your Aunt and just said that if he was there you wouldn’t be.

Completely understandable.

In my honest opinion, until he apologizes to YOU and makes things right with YOU (and asks if YOU are ok with him and his wife and son coming) then he doesn’t need to be there.” MissSuzieSunshin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your aunt asked your opinion and you gave it, and not giving her grief about inviting him, simply stating that you did not wish to be there to meet him.

She made her own choice, supporting you as she has in the past. Your father made his choice years ago and now he’s finding out that throwing away a kid can have consequences that are further reaching than he might have anticipated.

Your other aunt is free to have her own celebration and invite your dad if she wants to. So glad you have family that supports you; many are not that fortunate.” Dipping_My_Toes

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If he was actually sorry about what he did he would have contacted you and tried to make amends.

Obviously, he doesn’t, as someone else said, he just wants free babysitters for his new kid that he is replacing you with.

You didn’t tell your Aunt that she couldn’t invite him, just said that you won’t be there if he is.

I have someone in my family who my parents know that I don’t want anything to do with. So their decision that I as their daughter am more important to them, means if I am there he does not get invited. Your Aunt made the decision that you are more important to them than he is and acted accordingly.” Mishy162

2 points - Liked by joha2 and IDontKnow
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14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Aunt And Uncle To Babysit My Kids Anymore?

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“I (30f) live with my aunt (A) and uncle (U) and my 3 kids. Without going into detail, the arrangement is a sort of ‘mutual benefit.’ I do most of the cooking/chores and help pay bills and they help out with my kids.

Our living situation is great for everyone and we all agree, that’s fine.

I’m a single mom and even with their help, I am constantly in mom mode and never really get time for just myself. A asked me a few months ago if I wanted them to plan a time to keep all the kids for a few hours so I could have some ‘me time.’ I was ecstatic and told her I would absolutely love that and to let me know a time and day.

I didn’t bring it up again and she didn’t either for about 2 months.

One day, out of the blue in September she gave me a date and told me they’d watch the kids from noon-6 pm and I could go do whatever I wanted.

I made plans, then the night before she told me she wasn’t feeling well and wanted to reschedule. Which was fine. October was a nightmare due to family illness and hospitalizations. (Not family that lives in our home.) And I really stretched myself thin trying to help.

U noticed that I was kinda burned out and said he would talk to A about keeping the kids for a day. A week or so before Thanksgiving, A and U sat down with me to go over their calendar to figure out a day they could keep the kids.

So we planned one again for black Friday. But they backed out again bc the holiday exhausted them.

(just want to note that I never brought this up to them, it was their suggestion/offer every time it’s come up)

This morning, I took my oldest to school and while I was making breakfast for my younger 2, A came to the kitchen and told me they were going to the next town over for the day to do some shopping and grab lunch and asked if they could take my younger kids so I could enjoy my day off.

I agreed and got them dressed and all ready to go, then just before they left she suggested maybe taking them out tomorrow instead since she worried they’d be bored shopping today.

I’m genuinely not angry or anything, but it’s frustrating that they keep offering the one thing I’ve desperately wanted for weeks and then backing out.

It’s like they dangle it in my face until I get excited and make plans, then change their mind every time. I told A that she’s more than welcome to take them somewhere or spend time with them at home, but please stop offering to relieve me of mom duty if she’s not gonna follow through.

She was clearly hurt by this, I could see it on her face and she said her intent wasn’t to upset me she was just trying to help. I tried to apologize but she still seems upset and U got kinda snappy with me and told me I should be thankful that they even offered/are willing.

Kinda made me feel like I was acting entitled or ungrateful, I don’t know, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – just explain that it’s not fair to you that they keep making this offer and then withdrawing so that at the point you look forward to it, and then they cancel and now you have disappointment that did not need to exist.

It is perfectly fine to say – do not make offers to me that you do not intend to keep as I do not need to deal with the disappointment that inevitably follows. And that if it had only happened once, then that would be understandable but three times in a row is almost like they are messing with you on purpose.” chuckinhoutex

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it doesn’t sound like very much for the kids, honestly.

Just them watching them for 20 minutes at a time or walking them to a bus stop isn’t sufficient for living somewhere rat-free. Literally, you can get someone else to come to live with you pay you 1000 bucks a month and you could hire a full-time nanny.

They either pull more weight – it actually has a full schedule of when they’re going to watch the kids – or they should move out and you should move someone else in so you can get that extra income. So I actually hire a nanny to get that help you need because you deserve some time to yourself.” shellyrad

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Canceling on someone at the last minute is rude. Doing it three times in a row means you can never trust them again in that situation. There’s a reason for the saying ‘the road to the underworld is paved with good intentions.’ They mean it when they offer, but without following through, it leaves you scrambling to rearrange your schedule, cancel plans, deal with your kids’ disappointment, and manage your own stress and disappointment.

Find alternative babysitting though. It sounds like you need it.” RulerOfNyaNyaLand

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow
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13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Sick Mother In The Hospital?

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“My (21F) mother is slowly getting weaker due to stage 4 cancer. She had a brain hemorrhage around thanksgiving and now cannot move much, but still can talk. She is a bit confused at times but still herself.

I don’t want to spend my whole day there or much time with her because she’s insufferable.

She begins to yell at me for the smallest things in front of others. For example, I went to get her food, but since the restaurant was 20 minutes away there and back, plus in times square where parking is near to none, it took a round trip of around 40-50 min.

so come back to her yelling at me, saying I can’t do anything right.

Another example: My father was there and asked me a question. I began to answer and she began yelling at me saying I’m so selfish for talking to my father.

My father tried to explain it was a simple question and she began to say oh you’re defending the princess. She is the princess I forgot we can’t say anything to her. Yelling this while confined to a hospital bed. She has always been horrible to me and hateful towards me my entire life.

I don’t want to waste my days driving 2 hours to her and 2 hours back. I have finals and rather be grieving in the comfort of myself or my friends. My sister (30 F) says I’m gonna regret this, how it’s my fault I get hurt because I have unresolved issues with her.

She is basically guilting me for not being around all the time. As if I don’t visit, yet I do just for about an hour at a time, last week I was spending my whole day there she just began to be abusive and mean again and it has had a negative effect on me and my mental health.

Which I’ve tried to explain this to my sister but she says it’s not my mother’s fault it’s mine for having personal unresolved issues and I’m letting her die alone.

In my POV, if you do not want to pass away alone, then don’t be so abusive towards people trying to help you, sounds harsh but it’s how I feel.

Edit: my sister says regardless of how bad I feel and how bad my mom is, I should be a good person and daughter. That I have unresolved trauma that not seeing my mom while she passes away will become worse

AITJ for not wanting to visit my abusive mother in the hospital?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but also keep in mind that what she’s going through can be normal for late-stage cancer patients, especially those with brain trauma.

It’s unlikely that she’s intentionally taking her situation out on you, and could be either suffering paranoid delusions or other psychosis. While it’s awful to go through (for both of you), you’ll have to find your own balance in how much you can take vs how much of your company she needs.

Sorry your family has to go through this.” BearingMagneticNorth

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Everyone deals with grief in their own way, and it sounds like your sister is trying to project things onto you and your experience that is not fair.

You get to choose for yourself how you need to navigate your mom’s final days, and you are NTJ for choosing to protect yourself from being mistreated.

I’m sorry your mom has been so cruel, and I wish you all the best when you have to grieve all the things she hasn’t been for you – like loving, supportive, caring, or kind. Be those things to yourself, and don’t feel guilty for not subjecting yourself to mistreatment.” tiger_czar

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but I would make it a point to be there an amount you can tolerate.

Even the nicest people can get really mean when they’re dying and it sounds like she has never been the nicest.

Is she on hospice care? Hospice social workers and counselors are really great for advice on how to cope with dying family members.

They might be able to help you facilitate conversations that would bring you, your family, and your mom some peace.

Losing someone in a family often drives a wedge between living family members and people aren’t always rational. You and your sister may have very different feelings towards your mother or, even if not that, about her passing. Your sister is losing her mom too, so while you are in no way obligated to stick around and be mistreated, be as gentle as you reasonably can while maintaining your boundaries and protecting yourself.” Slade_Wilson_4ever

1 points - Liked by IDontKnow
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IDontKnow 11 months ago
NTJ. I don't agree with your sister. And if she's so concerned she can be there.
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12. AITJ For Returning Presents My Wife Bought For Her Friend's Kids?

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“I work full-time and my wife (35F) barely works part-time since she can’t handle full-time work. Whatever she earns she keeps for herself and her personal expenses, and I pay for all of our living expenses. I’m content with this arrangement.

She does have access to my personal account in case she ever winds up needing a bit of extra money, and my only stipulation is that if it’s going to be over $150 tell me about it first.

In the 5 years, we’ve been together, there have been a number of times she’s helped her friend buy birthday or Christmas presents for her kids.

Once or twice she’s been short on what she wanted to spend and has taken from my account to cover expenses. Cool, no biggie because she told me about it beforehand and it was never anything too extravagant.

This year her friend is needing help again and my wife brought up helping her out and she may need to borrow some money from me.

I told her that was okay but to not exceed $300 this year. I have a 16-year-old daughter from my previous relationship, and with our financial arrangement, my wife is hands-off when it comes to finances concerning my daughter. Her mother and I decided to split the cost of a used car for her for Christmas.

My wife did her shopping for her friend’s kids and when she got home she told me she exceeded the limit by a lot. Like closer to 850 spent. When my wife told me that, I told her she had to take it all back and get cheaper things and that I gave her a limit and why.

My wife insisted she couldn’t take it all back because she already told her friend what all she got and her friend was over the moon. She felt it was unfair that less fortunate kids had to get less so my daughter could have a car and asked that I talk about delaying the car purchase with my daughter’s mother.

I told her absolutely not. Since she wouldn’t take them back, when she went to shower later in the day I took her purchases and the receipts and returned them myself. I was able to get cheaper, generic versions of some of the items but not all.

My wife is unhappy about this and has been cold after calling me controlling and unwilling to compromise. I think I compromise plenty but my daughter comes before one of her friends’ kids. AITJ?

Edit: There is a joint account for our house/living expenses that covers everything from bills to groceries to our fun money as a couple and emergencies.

Money allocated for my daughter and my personal expenses go to my personal account.

My wife has not bought birthday/Christmas presents each year or used my money to bail her friend out constantly. Her friend does buy essentials for her own kids and I have no idea what’s up with their father.

My wife and stepdaughter have a friendly relationship – my daughter does not want her involved as a parent and my wife respects that.

My wife did know I was saving up to split a present for my daughter with my ex, she did not know how much, the car conversation stayed between my ex and me since funds for the car would not impact my ability to cover our expenses.

I am fine with her not working full-time presently because she is taking steps to bettering herself and has made progress per pre-marriage discussions.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But here’s how you can prove your point. Tell the wife you will let her buy all of the original gifts that she had bought and that you’ll pay for them, but she has to give you every one of her paychecks until that amount is caught up.

In other words, let her spend her money instead of your money on gifts. My guess is she’ll change her tune rather quickly. And the problem with her having her money but the money you make being both of your money is that she will spend her money on her, and your money on her.

You need to stay strong in this.” xDoublexOxShoex

Another User Comments:

“NTJ: She only works part-time and you don’t even use her money. You set a limit for her and she went over it by like 500 dollars. She did it on purpose Going 50 to 100 might be a compromise but she went a full 550 over the set limit.

Like how does she think that’s a compromise? Like I too like nice things for people but I sent a limit and don’t go over it and if I do and I’m using someone else money I ask or just wait on it because sometimes the price might lessen.

I think going forward you do not share your personal account with her anymore since she seems to think she can do whatever she wants.

On a side note, why do people think it’s alright just to do something that they know they aren’t supposed and expect to be forgiven? Like I find that behavior is extremely manipulative and rude.” waynegeorge97

Another User Comments:

“I’m sorry she spent 850 dollars of your money on her friend’s kids and expects you to delay the purchase of your daughters, her stepdaughter, Christmas gift, so her friend’s kids didn’t miss out, while your own daughter would? WHAT?!

I’m sorry but I’m going to be blunt.

If she can’t handle working full time, keeps all of her earnings and still regularly has to dip into your account, then the only gift she would be getting for Christmas is a financial advisor or budgeting course. To me, this is insane.

Whatever the reasons she can’t/barely works part-time and needs to look into it too if she’s wanting to help her friend to such a degree.

NTJ. You gave her a limit, which was extremely generous in the first place and she completely disregarded it and expected you to put your daughter second to kids that neither you are she is responsible for. I think you need to nip this in the bud and should have done it before this. You already compromised by offering $300, what’s next, delaying your daughter’s birthday? Splitting her college fund?” HunterDangerous1366

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rbleah 1 year ago
Take away her ability to access YOUR acct. Tell her she can buy whatever she wants to give to those kids BUT she has to use her own money. IF you want to give her some money then just take it out of YOUR account and give her the jerk. DO NOT give her more than an amount YOU are okay with. YOUR DAUGHTER comes BEFORE HER AND HER FRIENDS KIDS.
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11. AITJ For Telling My Dad That My Mom Wouldn't Pay For My Tuition?

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“I (20f) have been raised by my dad (40m) pretty much my entire life. He and my mom (40f) co-parented until I was one, but then she stopped coming to see me as often, and that eventually turned into her barely seeing me at all.

When I was 4 she married her husband (43m), and they ended up moving away and having three kids together. I don’t really know them that well, since I live in the same state as my dad and I didn’t visit my mom much when I was younger.

My parents basically had an unofficial agreement when my mom left that she would pay my college tuition to make up for my dad never asking for child support. I’m at a community college, and I’ve gotten a few scholarships so the payments have never been above $600.

I have a semester left until I graduate, and I’ve already registered for the courses, so I texted my mom and told her what the down payment was and when it was due. She responded back saying that since I’m an adult, and I have a job, I can afford the payments myself.

I asked if she just couldn’t afford to send anything right now, which would be fine, I wouldn’t be upset about it or anything, but then she said that she shouldn’t have to give money to me when I’m grown and no longer her responsibility.

I ended up paying for it because I didn’t want to deal with the overcharge fees, but I had to pick up an extra shift at work since I still needed to afford other stuff. My dad asked me why I was going in on my off day (I live at home with him) so I told him that I picked up another shift since I used my paycheck for tuition and I wanted to make up at least some money.

He asked why I paid my tuition, and I said it was because my mom said she wouldn’t.

He ended up calling my mom while I was at work and basically telling her that if she didn’t adhere to their agreement for as long as I’m in school, then he was going to go for back pay on child support and formally charge her for it.

She texted me a few times, annoyed that I told my dad about it. She said that it’s only one semester, and I’m an adult now so I should be expected to pay for it myself.

I feel like a bit of a jerk now since I guess I didn’t really have to get my dad involved and tell him about it, but also like considering that the most she ever spent on me when I was a kid was the cost of a birthday card + postage stamp once a year, I think paying for community college is a fair trade.

Still, I just wanted to know if I was the jerk here.”

Another User Comments:

“It’s really screwed up that after she agreed to support you by paying for your tuition, she turns around and tries to make her agreement meaningless by using the excuse that you’re now 20 and can support yourself.

Even worse, she walked out on you as a baby and left your dad to raise you for the past 19 years, and had three more kids without paying a dime in child support.

I would go ahead and pay for the tuition myself and would tell my dad to go ahead and take her to court for all the backpay she owes in child support.

At this point, the amount she owes could probably even be considered a felony and I hope she gets held accountable for all of it.

NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc

Another User Comments:

“NTJ-

It was her responsibility to pay the tuition-now your Dad should have gotten that put into writing officially, so that’s a bit messed up…

because anything unofficial can be undone and is just looked at as a ‘he said she said’ situation, but you are being responsible. You are going to school and working. The fact that you still paid the money and picked up extra shifts to take care of your bills shows me that you’re a responsible person, instead of just going straight to your dad and saying you can’t take the classes, so props to you.

Sorry your mom didn’t step up-divorce sucks, but she could have been around, even after getting remarried, and that’s on her.” BrilliantPause7202

Another User Comments:

“‘Mom, if you really believe that adults should pay for their own tuition, you should have had that conversation with Dad yourself.

It’s not fair for you to unilaterally change the terms of your agreement with him, especially because you gave me zero advance warning on something that has a serious impact on me. And it’s certainly not fair for you to expect me to lie to my father to hide the fact that you are refusing to keep to the terms of the agreement that you made.’

NTJ.

And your mother is just making excuses in an attempt to manipulate or guilt you. She doesn’t really believe that you should have to pay for your own tuition because you are an adult, she just wants to avoid having to spend money (after all, she has no objection to your father helping to pay your tuition).

If she really believed that her responsibility to you was during your childhood rather than your adulthood, she had the option to pay for child support all along.

I’m sorry you have such a crappy mother, but I guess that means it’s good that she didn’t play a bigger role in your life.” DinaFelice

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10. AITJ For Playing With My Dog While On Shft?

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“I’ve been working at my job for about 5 years now and currently I am working from home full time. Because of this, I get to hang out with my wife and our dog for most of the day. I normally take a 5-10 minute break around 4 or 5 times throughout the day so I can play with my dog.

When I do that if I get a work message I just let people know I’ll be a couple of minutes and then I’ll get back to them. I’ve been doing that almost every day for the past couple of years and it hasn’t been an issue until recently.

My coworker Mark occasionally asks for files or needs me to review something and if he reaches out during our playtime I tell him the same thing as everyone else. However, he’s started to complain that I am doing this.

The most recent one was he asked me to review some work for a project that he claimed was urgent and needed it done immediately.

However, my review is the third to last step for the project and the final two steps are also quick to do. The project also did not need to be completed until the 20th. I told him that I was in the middle of fetch but I would review and sign off on it in 30 minutes.

He then pushed and said it was an emergency and it needed to be done now. I told him we don’t really have work emergencies and we’ll finish the project today but there are still 2 weeks until it’s due.

For reference, I’ve been working here for almost 5 years now and Mark is close to a year here, and I am the senior-most member of our team so I know our processes pretty well.

I haven’t had any complaints from other people about this and my work is always done on time, so I don’t think it should be an issue for anyone else if I spend some time with my dog. But he continues to complain that I was slowing him down and should’ve done it right away like he asked.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but people don’t need to know what you’re doing and you’ll avoid troubles if you don’t tell.

You’re on a break, which means you’re not available for anybody, so don’t even try to answer, do what you have to do, and answer back only when you’re available.

If it’s really 10 minutes break, that should be no issue.

A great habit also is to just ask why something would be an emergency when a coworker seems to insist. Once in a while, they’ll have a good reason and most of the time, they’ll have nothing to say or not serious reasons, but at least you asked instead of assuming, which is always more diplomatic.” Responsible_Brain852

Another User Comments:

“YTJ

Work from home means WORK from home.

And was it a 10-15 min break, or 30 plus however much to be ‘in the middle’ of fetch? And working from home doesn’t mean you get to hang out with your family while you work. You are the type of person businesses want to use as the example as to why they don’t want to let employees work from home, you’re ruining it for the people that make it work.” No-Personality5421

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but I would advise not to be specific about what you are doing in your break.

Knowing he has had an issue with it, stop immediately. If he asks, just tell him you were just taking a break, and if he continues to dig or pester you about it, just say it’s a personal matter. I wouldn’t go so far as to state you being in a more senior position as he might get all twisted about it but if it gets to where you feel you might say that you could either do so, have a stern talk with him where what you do on your breaks is of no concern or consequence to him or speak to a superior/HR.” Severe-Hope-9151

Another User Comments:

“By your own account, you are taking a full hour of a break during your work day, presumably over and above your actual lunch break.

YTJ unless you are telling the boss that you are not working your full 8 hours and only need to be paid for the time you work.

You are inconveniencing others during your work day so you can play fetch. This makes everybody’s life harder and contributes to (1) employers thinking WFH workers aren’t actually working; (2) people treating those who actually WFH like they don’t have real jobs (a recurring theme here); and (3) on a macro level, prices for the rest of us going up because costs of production have to include your personal paid down time.” Prudent_Plan_6451

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rusty 1 year ago
NTJ, but do not forget that WORK from home means WORK from home....or at least if, you actually have to take a "bio break" (go potty) or even play with your dog for a few minutes (30 mins. is ridiculous and contributes to the perception that WFH people don't really work), you do not have to tell everyone what you are doing...if a co-worker gets pushy about what you are doing on your break (your break, your time) be totally blunt with them. Like, if a co-worker pesters you with constant "where were you?" type questions, tell them, "I had to go take a dump if you must know." Works for me every time because it shuts them up since they do not know how to respond. If they do say "Ewwwwww....", just tell them, "You must have really wanted to know since you kept asking."
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9. AITJ For How I Reacted To My Sister-In-Law's Prank?

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“I am deathly afraid of cats. There wasn’t ever an ‘incident’. They just terrify me.

My husband loves cats and had one of his own during his childhood.

He knows how afraid I am of them though and will ‘protect’ me every time we visit someone that has a cat.

He understands my fear and decided pretty early on that he prefers me to have a cat.

His sister can not comprehend this. She’s always talking about how unfair and selfish I’m being and that her brother deserves to have a cat.

I just ignore her.

One thing she’s started to do is tell my kids how great cats are and how they’re missing out and should beg me to get them one. My kids are very young and easily influenced and have been asking me for a cat for weeks now.

I almost gave in and visited my sister-in-law to try and pet her cat but I freaked out and had a panic attack the second it looked at me.

Well, we were having dinner at my sister-in-law’s house. The cat was playing with the kids while the adults were sitting in the living room.

I was stuck with my husband as simply knowing that a cat is in my area made me feel sick.

All of a sudden my son calls me over saying that he needs me. He was in this small storage sort of room for some reason.

Obviously, I go inside and he starts giggling and then something brushes past me and it was the cat. I was terrified and screamed. I began to cry, hyperventilate and I can’t even remember what happened. I almost vomited too but my husband heard and helped.

Turns out, my sister-in-law decided it would be funny to make my kid think that pranking me with the cat would be funny. Obviously, it wasn’t. She thought it was though and tried giving my son a high five for doing a good job.

I was just so over it and I ended up telling my SIL that I hate her and her stupid cat and that she’s no longer allowed around my kids. She immediately started to cry and said that she just thought my fear of cats was silly and that if she made my kids show me, then I’d be more understanding.

She didn’t think I’d act like that in front of my kids (like I can control my reaction?). She said that she understands me hating her but I’m being unfair for not letting her see her nephews.

I just told her that she has her cat.

She’s been really upset and has called me everything you can think of. My mil is asking that I think about this some more and that I should cut her some slack. AITJ for my harsh response to her ‘prank’?

Edit: I have tried therapy and have done things such as figuring out the root cause, discussing reasons, setting short-term goals, helpful techniques, etc.

I really wanted to fulfill my husband’s dream of having a cat. But while I got some useful information, I still cannot touch cats or be too close to them. I can be in their presence now though!

And I cannot do exposure therapy.

Especially after this incident. I physically and mentally am unable to.”

Another User Comments:

“If someone used my kids to prank me with anything I had an extreme fear of because they thought my fear was ‘silly’, I would go off on that person too.

When you’re legitimately terrified of something, you don’t deserve to have someone make a fool out of you and embarrass you like this because they consider it a joke. It’s not.

You don’t have to listen to my advice but I do think it would be beneficial for you to get therapy to help you with ways of coping so you can lessen your anxiety when you encounter a cat, but I do not advise just giving in to your sister and getting a cat because you’re only enabling her trashy behavior and teaching her that if she complains and you get sick of it, you’ll end up giving her what she wants, and that’s not fair to you or your mental health.

SIL needs to learn her place. She can have a cat at her home, but she can’t dictate your life and force you to have a cat in your own household.

NTJ” CyclonicHavoc

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Jesus Christ, she tried to high-five your son after you were panicking and crying? If I tried to prank my mom and she reacted that way I would be traumatized because I’d feel so terrible and guilty for doing that to my mom.

SIL needs to mind her own business and you’re right that she shouldn’t be allowed you or your kids anymore.

Phobias are serious and a phobia to this degree needs a ton of careful consideration and professional attention. Not some jerk thinking it’s teehee funny to throw your phobia in your face.

Exposure therapy is ONLY effective when the person WITH the phobia CHOOSES to face their fear in a safe environment. SIL literally made everything worse and her behavior was deeply disrespectful and entitled.

And if this is how she acts to you having a fear of cats, I’d hate to know how she’d react to any other fear, aversion, boundary, secret, etc, etc that comes up.

What if one of your kids develops a fear of something that seems ‘trivial’—would she pull the same stunt on them?” ctortan

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – prankers are always the jerks. I would explain – you massively crossed the line when you decided to try to manipulate my children against me.

That is nigh on unforgivable. That you fail to acknowledge what you have done and attempt to make amends accordingly is all the reason I need. If you wish to know what amends look like. 1) agree to respect my boundary with cats.

2) massive sincere apology to me. 3) massive sincere apology to the kids including a specific explanation that it was wrong of you to try to convince them of something behind my back. 4) speak to all in-laws and claim responsibility and tell them that they should respect me and that the conflict was all of your making. And then and only then can we even think about backing off.” chuckinhoutex

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rusty 1 year ago
I just happen to love cats, but I understand...my phobia is spiders. Any other creature I tolerate (I really don't like cockroaches, but I understand the childhood trauma involved with them). Spiders will make me scream like a child. I have broken furniture to kill a spider, so I do really understand OP's phobia. Phobias are called "irrational fears" because they are just that...irrational and cannot be controlled. SIL was a petty jerk and getting the kids involved was way over the top. If it were me, SIL would NEVER see the kids until they are grown and can make that decision on their own. In the meantime, when everything settles down, I would calmly tell the kids why they are not allowed to see auntie again until they are old enough to make that decision on their own. "Pranks" like that are NOT funny, they are cruel and SIL has her own set of (mental) disorders to even think they were funny. By the way...SO NOT THE JERK!!!
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8. AITJ For Not Telling My Best Friend's Partner That I'm Bi?

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“So I (23F) have been best friends with Ben (24M) for about 5 years as we both went to the same university. I have been with Lea (23F) for 3 years.

I am bi, however, I never have been and never will be attracted to Ben as he just isn’t my type, and he’s never had any feelings for me either, in fact, he was the one who introduced me to Lea.

About a year ago Ben started going out with Katie (23F). The first few times we hung out as a group Lea wasn’t present and the whole time Katie would either be staring daggers at me or just being hostile. She was rude to all the girls in our friend group but especially me most likely as I’m the closest to him.

Ben was getting irritated by it and admitted to being close to ending it but she became fine as soon as I introduced her to Lea.

I always assumed she felt less threatened cause I was in a relationship but I realize now it’s because she must have just assumed I was a lesbian.

Since that point, Katie was a lot nicer to me and even tried to be friends. I was nice to her for Ben’s sake but I’ve honestly never liked her because of when we first met

Skip to now about 10 months later, we’re all in a bar and the topic of celebrity crushes comes up.

I mentioned a female as my main one but then another girl (call her Jenny) in our group says how she thinks someone is hot and Katie starts disagreeing. Katie was being kinda hostile so most of us girls and even a few of the guys started agreeing with Jenny.

My response to this was ‘I mean I wouldn’t kick him out of bed’. Katie responds with ‘Yeah well you’re a lesbian so it’s not like your opinion can be trusted’ after which I tell her that I am bi and therefore am able to decide which male celebrities I find attractive.

When Katie finds this out she kinda loses it. She starts accusing me of misleading her into making her trust me not to go after ‘her man’, and that I had probably been trying to get into his pants this whole time.

She tells me to leave and looks for backup but no one gives it and after many more very personal insults about my looks etc Ben makes her leave with him.

I was pretty unphased by this and ngl we all laughed about it after they were gone.

We were still at the bar about 2 hours later when I got an angry text from Katie saying that thanks to me Ben has broken up with her and that it was all my fault. No one but Katie thinks that I’m the jerk and I know I had no obligation to tell her but I feel guilty for being the cause of their break up and no doubt my best friend’s sadness, and even guiltier for thinking good riddance.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Katie is the cause of her breakup because she’s insecure. From your story, she treats every girl your friend knows rudely because she thinks he’s so amazing every woman in the world must be trying to sleep with him.

She disliked you for no reason and then immediately started treating you decently when she thought you were a lesbian. The second she finds out you’re not she’s back to accusing you with no proof.

All of your friends including Ben are on your side.

I’m sure Ben is disappointed to be single but there’s no way he was happy if Katie behaves this way.” pnutbuttercups56

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for so many reasons: You didn’t owe her anything about your sexuality; she’s been aggressive and jealous for as long as she and Ben have been together; she only accepted you for as long as she thought you weren’t a threat (while still treating you and the other female-identifying friends pretty badly).

She was the cause of her breakup and it was probably going to happen soon. I’m sorry you feel guilty, and you aren’t responsible for your friend staying with such a toxic person nor for them separating.” fultrovusthebright

Another User Comments:

“You’re not the jerk.

Katie is a deranged crazy person. Ben left Katie because he realized she is a deranged crazy person. You bear no responsibility for her behavior or his choice to end the relationship. You have no obligation to go around announcing your sexuality or history to anyone.

Assumptions people may make are on them, not you. You did not attempt to mislead this person as evidenced by the fact that when your attraction toward men came up in a relevant conversation, you did not attempt to hide this fact.

In the long run, this whole incident was for your friend’s good. You had no real role in it, but it is good for him that he ended a relationship with a deeply troubled person with toxic jealousy issues who wanted to come between him and his best friend.

Another important thing to remember about Katie is that between her toxic jealousy, unhinged public outbursts, and other assorted personality problems, it was only a matter of time before she would do something to put a reasonable person off of wanting to continue an intimate relationship with her.

You have supported your best friend and been civil to his partner even when you didn’t care for her. That was good.

What you need to do now is be there for your best friend. Let this strengthen your bond, not create awkwardness in the relationship with your friend that is not on you.

You and Ben may go through many more crazy relationships with other people, but if you and he lay a strong foundation, you can be best friends forever and have a bond that transcends all of these other relationships. Your best friend loves you it sounds like.

He stood up for you and exercised good judgment about a partner. I imagine that with time, you and Ben will look back and laugh and tell stories about the time he dated ‘crazy Katie.’ Be there for your friend. Support each other. Put Katie behind you and help Ben to put Katie behind him too. It sounds like Ben dodged a Katie-shaped bullet.” righteouswind

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7. AITJ For Canceling My Mother's Ticket?

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“My mother lives in South America and I live in the UK. I’ve lived here for almost 15 years. I married here and had two children. When I first got pregnant, I begged my mom to come and stay with me for a couple of weeks as I was going to give birth to my first child and her first grandchild.

We’d pay for her ticket of course but she said it wasn’t her problem that I decided to have a baby on the other side of the world and she couldn’t come anyway because she had work and studies.

I sadly had a miscarriage last month and almost passed away from complications (hemorrhaged severely, went into cardiac arrest, and had to undergo emergency surgery to save my life).

I was telling a friend from church about it later and how after a scary situation in life even as a grownup I still wished for a mummy cuddle. My friend called me a couple of days later and very kindly said she and her husband would like to pay for a ticket for my mom to come so we could spend the holidays together.

I called my mom who told me her passport was expired and a new one will only be ready by mid-January. Oh, that kinda sucks I thought but I guess I can wait a bit more. But then she told me that she can only come in February after my sister’s graduation.

At this point, I became so upset. I’ve lived here 15 years and not once did anyone bother to come and visit me. It’s always my husband and I paying to go and see them at least once a year.

They’ve always had each other for events like these.

My parents were there for my sisters’ marriages, first births, holidays, and when they were ill or going through hard times. I haven’t had that and dealt with every difficult situation with only my husband by my side.

I told her not to bother anymore and canceled her ticket.

Even almost passing away is still not enough to get her to leave things for a while and come stay with her eldest daughter for a few weeks. I’ll spend the holidays with the only people who seem to care about me: my children and my husband.

AITJ? Guess I needed to vent a little.

Edit: I think I’m ready to accept that my family moved on and I’m not exactly a priority – more of a second/third thought. I did think that paying for a ticket (again) would have been enough for my mom to want to come to visit since all she needed to was pack and drive the 20 minutes to the airport (plus as a South American, a trip to England is very much the trip of a lifetime).

It’s a sad realization that you’re not as nearly as important to your family as you imagined but I guess at least now I can move on.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mom obviously could’ve visited you, and has made the choice not to.

All I want to say is that while you may not have any other family to rely on, you obviously have really great friends, because not many people would hear about your struggles and then go to the action of giving you money to buy a plane ticket for your mother.

So if you have the energy, try and spend time with and build up your relationships with the good people you have around you, and keep your family where they are – on the other side of the world. I’m sorry for your loss, and I hope you and your family are coping as best you can.” Legitimately-Weird

Another User Comments:

“YTJ.

You chose to move far away, nothing wrong with that, but it makes it much harder for families to get back together. It’s a long travel distance and takes time to plan it. Your mom has her own life and can’t just stop with everything to travel across the world.

She can come in two months, I think that’s pretty reasonable. She needs to get her things in order and plan everything.

You are sad she wasn’t there for you the same way she’s been here for your siblings. That’s logistically pretty impossible.

Besides, not everyone likes to travel and I don’t think they should be expected to visit frequently since they weren’t the ones moving away.

Furthermore, you are asking your mom to stay for a few weeks. That’s not easily achievable and she already promised your sister to be there for her graduation.

That would be unfair to your sister whose event was known for a long time. If you stayed closer it would be possible to do both, but not like this. You want it all, your mom’s presence and to live far away, you should’ve thought about it before you made your choice.” Labelloenchanted

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, yes you chose to move, but any excuses they had flew out the window when you offered to pay for the flights.

And not one visit in 15 years? They don’t even care enough about you to save up their holiday time at work to make a visit possible. I know cutting ties with family can feel impossible, I’m still in close contact with my dad who disrespects me every day because he’s my dad, and I’m too scared to cut contact, but you almost did not survive and they still didn’t care. Your husband, your kids, those friends that offered to pay for the plane tickets, they’re your real family, not the people who don’t care.” purple235

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6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take Down A Wedding Photo At My House?

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“My family (mom, brother, and sister) have asked me to remove/photoshop/ alter a large group photo from my 2016 wedding day that features my brother and his ex. The photo has about 100 people in it (many of whom I don’t talk to anymore either) and is not displayed in a very prominent place in the house (ie: one could easily avoid looking at it if they found it very offensive).

My brother and his new fiancé’s relationship has been plagued with insecurities – especially in the earlier stages of being together. I obliged them last Xmas by taking the photo down temporarily. And this past summer, when I hosted an outdoor BBQ (there was no need for anyone to be inside so I didn’t move the photo), my sister put a post-it note over the ex’s face without my permission.

My brother is starting to act weird about coming to my house this Xmas (not answering texts, hinting that he ‘doesn’t know if he can make it’) and I suspect it’s because of the freaking photo.

Some additional context: My brother’s POV: his arm is around his ex, and they are toward the front/center of the photo.

He and the ex had a bad breakup/tumultuous relationship. His ex and his current partner have known each other since childhood and did not get along. He has volunteered to have it photoshopped.

My POV: the photo has 100 people in it, I am not displaying it because I have fond memories of this one particular person.

It’s a large photo and I spent a lot of time and money getting it properly formatted and framed (I don’t think my brother realizes what it takes to photoshop/print/frame it properly). I think it’s incredibly rude to go into someone else’s house and ask them to change something (I haven’t said it to him this bluntly).

I’m torn between taking down the photo to keep the peace and standing my ground to end this madness… this conversation has been going on for 2 years now! If it was a photo of just me, my husband, and my siblings with their significant others, l would gladly take it down… but it has so many people in it and was ‘the’ photo that I always wanted to be displayed in my house from my wedding day.

Help! AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you should put effort into being one.

Get the portion with your brother and his ex blown up to portrait size, crop out everyone else in the frame, have it digitally enhanced, frame it, and put it up in place of the original.

Point out how great they looked on that day. Then he’ll have a legitimate gripe with you and you can do something to atone for it – like taking down the portrait and putting the full group shot back up in its place.” JsCTmav

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

And to be honest, now they’ve made such a huge deal out of it they’re still going to feel the flooding awareness of this ex when they notice the bleak empty space where the photo used to be! The association goes beyond the photo at this point.

If their relationship is so delicate that a group photo from 6+ years ago in someone else’s house is going to wreak havoc then I’m guessing the photo should be the least of their worries.

It is incredibly rude to ask you to change something in your home, especially something so sentimental.

I’d be petty and offer to Photoshop ex’s face over all the wedding guests’ faces but we won’t stoop that low..” junglemice

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This said, there are some very strange dynamics at work here. If this brother and his partner are making such a mountain about one person in a photo with 100 others, what is going to happen when there is a real crisis? The deciding factor, as I see it, is not the inconvenience of taking the picture down (it’s easy enough to take it off the nail or hanger and stow it for the duration in a spare bedroom) so much as the emotional blackmail.

I’d explore the option of just caving into their demand not because it is reasonable, but rather to allow the situation to work itself out without your having given anyone a pretext to bear ill will. I’d frankly be surprised if this relationship lasts long.” Argatlam

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IDontKnow 11 months ago
NTJ. I don't care of the photo WAS offensive. It's YOUR house!!! Do NOT take it down or get it photoshopped. Those people are ridiculous
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5. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister To Make Foods For Her Kids At My House?

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“I come from a broken home so we have our Christmas with moms side the first weekend of December. I (44 M) hosted. Usually, my sister and I switch off host duties.

My sister has 2 daughters who are incredibly picky eaters at 18 and 15 years old.

My sister would come to family parties with a box of pasta and a bag of frozen chicken tenders that she will make for her daughters.

I want to know if I’m a jerk for what I did here. I knew that is her drill with them, but I’ve always found it to be very annoying especially when I’m trying to cook and she’s taking up space making the pasta and chicken tenders.

This year I told my wife we will not be letting my sister in the kitchen this year and the girls will have the choice of eating what I prepared or not eating. My sister accused me of being a cynic and getting joy from watching the girls be uncomfortable.

I told her they are old enough to eat like adults.

Also, the food I make is pretty standard. I do a fillet roast, bbq ribs, cheesy potatoes, stuffed artichoke, breaded cauliflower, ratatouille, and a salad. Certainly, some of these must be foods that an 18 and 15-year-old should be able to eat.

Well, the girls sat and ate bread and butter while telling me that my food looked gross. I looked to my sister to calm them down but they told me I deserved this and it was not their fault for being picky eaters.

I know I could have just let my sister do her thing but it was the principle of the situation. I’m not sure if I was being a petty jerk or if I had a legitimate reason to be upset.

Edit: there are no medical conditions or food allergies.

Edit: I made it clear to my sister in advance that I would not be allowing this. She decided not to listen.

Edit 3 I did not anticipate this blow-up. I am willing to compromise. If the girls really won’t try new things my sister can make their food at home and bring it.”

Another User Comments:

“Funny, your situation is borderline, but you sound like a jerk.

Preparing a rich and somewhat nonstandard meal, NTJ. Wanting a clean kitchen to work in, NTJ.

Trying to fit your guests to the occasion, rather than the occasion to your guests, YTJ.

You disapprove of your nieces’ behavior. You disapprove of your sister’s accommodating the behavior.

I suspect everyone in your family is aware.

If you want to change your nieces’ behavior, the change you will accomplish with your behavior is that they will no longer attend dinner as soon as they are allowed.

If you want them to appreciate the traditional meal of your family, and for them to be connected with this tradition, apologize to them, explain why you are upset, and ask them to compromise.

You provide something they like, they try something you like. Maybe create a compromise dish, a dumbed-down version of something you love. Invite them to help you prepare the food, so they understand what goes into it. Be inclusive, instead of exclusive.

Just trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, that you might have a motivation beyond disapproval.” kgfPatsfan2

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You are definitely the bigger jerk.

You’re an absolute jerk for how you talk about your necessity. The ‘they will eat like adults or not eat’.

Guess what… adults can make adult choices in what they eat. They have autonomy… you are treating them significantly more like children. And you are happier to watch them eat nothing but bread than you are to have them enjoy themselves.

You’re a terrible host.

The only reason that your sister is at fault is that your complaint about kitchen space is valid. She should bring the pasta and chicken tenders precooked and just microwave them, or stop at McDonald’s on the way there.” Usrname52

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ – you clearly set boundaries for your kitchen and your home while preparing a feast for them.

It is extremely disrespectful to offend the cook while they are preparing a meal let alone a feast! I would have been beaten over the head if I was so ungrateful for a Christmas feast. These kids are obviously spoiled and need to grow up.

Their mom is bending the world around them and teaching them how to be very bad guests in other people’s homes. Maybe they’ll have the luxury of mommy cooking and housing them for the rest of their lives but that doesn’t mean you can’t have boundaries in your own home.” Excellent_View_9191

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here.

The food you listed is not standard and even though they sound good I definitely would not have enjoyed most of that when I was a teenager. I’m giving you an ‘everyone sucks here’ because of your attitude about the whole thing.

Picky eaters get judged constantly and I have definitely met people who will get legit sick when pushed outside of their comfort zones. I have pretty extreme anxiety and will have trouble eating most foods in certain uncomfortable situations. If someone spoke down to me because of that I’d probably never go to an event they were hosting again but I’m an adult who actually gets to make choices like that.

Your sister is also the jerk here because she feels entitled to others’ kitchen because of her children. She should them up fast food on the way or bring already prepared food in a warming bag if she wants her children to have individual options. A kitchen gets crazy stressful while cooking holiday meals without a random person running around trying to make solo meals.” ElectricalDrama3558

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rbleah 1 year ago
She can make the food for her kids AT HOME. You are already cooking a bunch of stuff and she does NOT need to make a mess in YOUR kitchen. does she clean up after herself?
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4. AITJ For Wanting My Mom's Recipe's Back?

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“My mother passed away a few months ago. While we were cleaning out her house my DIL (son’s wife) took her box of handwritten recipes because she wanted to make a recipe book for Christmas for everyone in the family. I thought that was a nice idea so had no problem with her taking the recipes.

Last Friday we had a family dinner where she gave everyone the recipe books it was very nice and everyone loved them. I thought she would bring the handwritten ones but she didn’t.

I texted her on Saturday asking if I can have them back the next time we see each other to make sure each of her grandkids got some of her handwritten ones but never got a response.

My son came over yesterday with the box of recipes but told me his wife felt very disrespected, she made a recipe book for all of us and she didn’t think I appreciated the effort and I was being ungrateful by asking for the handwritten ones back when she assumed they were given to her to keep and she is disappointed she will not have them.

I never meant to give them to her to keep just to make the recipe book which is nice but most of the recipes in there are ones she never made. DIL was only around for the last few years while she was sick and never really got to experience her cooking.

She left out most of my mother’s staple dishes that she made all the time and all her grandkids remembered. I don’t hold that against her but it’s the truth. I told my son I was sorry and do appreciate the books she made for everyone but he told me they need to take a little break from me.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Even if you were actively rude when asking her to return them.

There’s simply no basis for her assuming she was being given the originals to keep.

Go through the box and make sure that everything is actually there. I actively distrust your DIL. Double-check that the favorite family recipes are still there and not ‘mistakenly and totally by accident’ still in DIL’s kitchen.

Trust but verify, and she’s acting weird and sketchy about the whole situation.

If she continues to make a fuss about it all, retract her apology, make a book of your own with all of the actual family favorite recipes, give it to the whole family.

Good intentions do not entitle her to praise and favoritism. She totally missed the point of collecting and publishing family favorite recipes. You’re not obligated to be grateful for her intentions.” admweirdbeard

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

Did your DIL actually ask to keep the recipes? If not, you are not responsible for her assumptions.

Also, I think it was a bit presumptuous of your DIL to think you would not want to have your mother’s hand-written recipes.

If any of your mother’s staple recipes weren’t included, it would be nice to make sure that everyone gets copies of those as well.

Your DIL did a lovely thing by making the recipe books, but she really didn’t know which recipes should have been included if she left out so many favorites.

Give your son and DIL some space for now. And maybe send a hand-written note to DIL thanking her for her hard work, explaining that the hand-written recipes mean a lot to you and that you want everyone to share in the recipes, and that you are sorry for any misunderstandings that may have arisen.” MerryMoose923

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

The gesture of making and sharing the book was very thoughtful.

But I would never have assumed I could have the handwritten recipes of someone who was not my biological grandmother and a relatively recent in-law.

It was an unreasonable assumption I think and it was incumbent on her to ask if she could keep them permanently.

She can be upset if she wants, but in what world would you not have wanted your mother’s stuff back unless you explicitly gifted it to her (or it was gifted in a will)?

If someone who married into the family came to clean my late grandma’s home and said, ‘Look at all these old pictures! I will digitize them for everybody,’ I wouldn’t then assume we had given up family photos for them to keep.” einsteinGO

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Botz 7 months ago
I'd want a break from that type of entitlement, especially since she choose some recipes from the book and not all. Ntj, enjoy your break. 🙂
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3. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law To Wear A Seatbelt?

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“My mother-in-law of ten years is now living with us unexpectedly. When I drive, or really any time she’s in a car, she refuses to wear a seatbelt. She would rather buckle it behind her instead of actually wearing it. I have tried asking nicely and demanding she wears it when I drive, but she adamantly refuses it.

She is very physically sick, has a bad shoulder, and has an artificial valve in her heart. She says it hurts and puts pressure on her chest when wearing it, so she refuses to wear it because it hurts. It’s not safe for her to drive with her issues so we have essentially taken her keys, so she can’t drive herself.

I understand that it hurts, but even when I say I don’t want to be responsible if she does die or is injured if we get in an accident, she says ‘we won’t get in an accident, I’ll be fine. Are you planning on getting in an accident?’ And will stare me down because she is a stubborn mule.

My husband says he isn’t getting in the middle, that he has tried himself and she refuses him completely. To just let her do it and it’s on her when she gets hurt.

My roommate also just says let her do it and stop making a big deal about it, but I feel like it’s a huge deal and unacceptable.

AITJ? I feel like I’m being reasonable and understanding that it’s painful, but it’s plain, NOT safe.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

She’s not physically comfortable in a seatbelt. You’re not emotionally or morally comfortable knowing what could happen if she doesn’t wear it. She doesn’t get lifts with you if she isn’t willing/able to match this.

You’d feel absolutely awful if something happened to her whilst you were driving, and you’re right not to put yourself in that position.

Plus I’m sure there’s something the law in some places about not driving whilst knowing a passenger isn’t safely belted in.” junglemice

Another User Comments:

“‘MIL, I’m not going to continue to have this conversation.

The rule in my car is that everyone needs to wear a seatbelt. This is a safety issue because an unsecured person in the car becomes a missile in an accident. You don’t have to agree with me… You are free to use public transportation, catch an Uber or get someone else with less restrictive rules to drive you instead.

But you cannot be in my car without a seat belt.’

Have this conversation with her when you are not in the car and be very clear that this is not up for discussion. Next time you are scheduled to take her anywhere, make sure it is either something you don’t care if you miss or build in a substantial amount of extra time.

That way, if she refuses to put on the seat belt, you will feel completely unpressured and you can unbuckle yourself, get out of the car, and walk back into the house.

NTJ. If she has a legitimate physical issue, you can offer to assist her in finding products that can help (she’s not the only one who has physical difficulties with using seat belts, and there are a number of products available to assist with seat belt placement).

But this isn’t a live-and-let-live situation… The driver gets to dictate what safety rules apply in their car, and if passengers don’t like it, they are free to use alternate forms of transportation.” DinaFelice

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – If the seat belt hurts her, can she not seek advice from her doctor?

No one should have to deal with someone not wearing a seatbelt in a car – that is literally tempting fate, does she want to actually get hurt?

Your driving can be influenced too knowing that someone in your car can fly out of the window if something were to happen.

I would refuse to drive her until the issue is taken care of… bubble wrap her and put the seatbelt on, or try those padded seatbelt cover that you can buy.” outstanding_move_ko

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Justa33508 1 year ago
I have literally left people on the side of the road if they don't wear a seat belt. My dad DIED bc he wouldn't wear one, so yeah, I feel you. You don't want to wear the seat belt? Find your own ride!
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2. AITJ For Trying To Reduce My Partner's Hospital Bill?

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“My partner had to go to the ER after an accident, and he got a truly ridiculous bill back. I offered to fight the bill for her because I’ve done it before, and he said sure.

I went all-out, because honestly if we were out 5 grand, after insurance, that would screw up our holiday plans pretty bad.

So I had he called the hospital and authorized me to handle his bill and access his medical records? I got an itemized bill and compared the prices for each code to the fair prices. I then called billing to dispute the bill, but was told that billing only collects bills, I’d need to contact admin to dispute.

I bounced around a call center for hours trying to get someone who was actually qualified for bill disputes, and getting nowhere. I went to Google and LinkedIn searched for the hospital board of directors and upper management. I got 30 emails from the most influential people at the hospital, plus the hospital’s investors.

Every day, I would send a few emails, working my way up the chain, and writing an (increasingly long) email describing how they billed my ‘client’ at 7 times over the fair price for services rendered, and how their billing department, customer service department, and the growing list of management I’d emailed, had failed to address the issue.

I escalated the emails until I was writing the director-level staff with the entire board of directors and a number of outside investors CC’d, asking for a written statement regarding their justification for billing at a rate 7 times higher than the national average, for commensurate services to what is available at other hospitals.

And sternly laying out the failures to appropriately respond, at every level of the company.

Well, once I’d done all that (which was honestly only like 15 minutes a day) they reduced the bill… From $5000 to $26. Yep, twenty-six dollars.

Well, I told my partner the good news, and he was at first overjoyed and blown away, like literally jumping up and down and hugging me and saying I was literally a Christmas miracle.

But then when he asked how I did it, I said it wasn’t too hard, I just had to send a couple of emails each day. He was curious about what I’d said, and I handed him my phone.

He started to get stressed and flipping back through other emails.

Which there were like 60 of them.

He told me I went way too far, he was expecting me to dispute through their billing department or something normal and reasonable like that, not internet stalk every single manager and board member and investor and harass them into dropping the bill.

I was frustrated because I’d just saved us 5 grand, actually made it possible for us to afford a nice Christmas and save some money, and he was mad at me because I’d been a bit of a pain in the butt.

I was furious, and he was also mad at me, saying he authorized me to dispute a bill, not basically threaten and harass a whole hospital for weeks.

AITJ for how I got my partner’s medical bills dropped?”

Another User Comments:

“You are a friggin’ rock star and should be a professional advocate for those who get ripped off in healthcare like this.

Your partner is so unappreciative and is clearly clueless about how diligent you need to be to challenge an erroneous bill. When the hospital, doctors, and insurance companies are unwilling to help you resolve their errors, what else are you supposed to do? So many people just quit and either pay the massive bill or go into debt.

Tell your partner this is the only Christmas gift you’re giving him. Clearly NTJ.” shuckyducked

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Corporate healthcare is designed to rob the patient and make billing dispute resolution processes difficult. You offered, he accepted, and you succeeded. If he’s going to get mad at you about your impressive tenacity, he doesn’t deserve access to it and should learn how to handle his own problems.

Either he wants to pay 7x value, or he likes what you did. It’s worth noting that you not only saved the holiday; you saved his credit score, too. Next time, he can pay the entire bill or take the hit to his credit score instead of having your help.” untenable681

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you’re a legend in my eyes.

The only way things will change is by making these kinds of ridiculously overpriced bills more trouble than they are worth. My only caveat would be that I hope you weren’t too mean or rude to anyone at the bottom of the chain so to speak, direct and firm yes, but I never like to see those with the least control over the situation take the brunt on of the anger and frustration for the decisions of those on much higher paychecks.

But presuming that wasn’t the case, then I think you did brilliantly and your partner may just need to be reassured that no one was distracted from doing like actual medical duties from the way he complains about ‘threatening and harassing a whole hospital for weeks’, like, you’ve told him you weren’t haranguing doctors and nurses, or even medical secretaries right?

All things considered, the managers, board members, and investors have very little to do with the day-to-day running of the hospital and probably do very little of importance on a day-to-day basis other than sit around and try and look important and busy, they can spare a few minutes to deal with your claim after they tried taking advantage of you and your partner.” Tay74

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rusty 1 year ago
OP should be congratulated and commended for this truly miraculous bit of advocacy she pulled off for her partner, instead he gives her grief for "harassing a hospital"???!!! HE DOES NOT DESERVE HER! OP needs to look into becoming a consumer advocate for the less fortunate regarding this type of predatory billing practice. They thought they had a "live one" and she proved them wrong! OP is not the jerk, she is a miracle and an angel!! Partner is a big fat self-centered jerk on steroids!!
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1. AITJ For Telling My Dad He Couldn't Prevent My Brother From Being Exposed To Gay Stuff?

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“My (19M) dad (47M) and his partner (dunno her age) took me and my brother (13M) to the movies. We were scheduled to watch an action movie, but my dad and his partner changed the movie after he found out that the first one was ‘inappropriate’.

When I asked him, he told me (out of my brother’s earshot) that it had a prominent gay character in it and he didn’t want to expose my brother to that kind of stuff cause he was just a minor. Despite this not being the first instance he talked negatively about gay people, I got really annoyed this time and told him straight to his that he can stop trying to ‘protect’ my brother from that kind of stuff cause he already exposed him to a gay man for his entire life, cause I’m gay and so he failed miserably from not exposing my brother to that kind of stuff cause he sees me almost daily and already knows for over 2 years that I’m gay (and my dad was the only member of my close family that didn’t know yet).

Well, this kind of ruined the entire movie night and after it, my dad called me on the phone to tell me how much I embarrassed him with my public outburst and that I made him out to be some kind of bigot to other people when he doesn’t care about my ‘lifestyle’, but he just didn’t want his minor son to get exposed to it.

He also tried to ask me if I date anyone currently and how many men I’ve been with, but of course, I didn’t answer him cause it’s none of his business. And while I don’t regret saying that stuff to my dad, maybe he’s right that I shouldn’t have had a public outburst about it and instead have a private coming out (like I was initially planning to).

So AITJ for the scene I made?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It hurts, so bad when your parents don’t know you’re queer and they say that kind of crap in front of you. It reminds you that they’ll have to learn to love you in spite of your queerness, not just unconditionally as they did back when they thought you were straight.

Your outburst as a response to that salt in a wound is understandable. He’s mad that everyone knows your orientation now, and he’s mad that he looks like what he is–someone who thinks a 13-year-old needs to be protected from the existence of LGBTQ folks.

Go live your best life, and see if he can get himself together.” distrustfuldiscovery

Another User Comments:

“YTJ and so is your father. You for causing a scene. Father is ignorant. He probably would not have said that about the movie character and maybe would have viewed gay differently had you been honest for the past 2 years instead of telling everyone (including an 11-year-old brother ) bro shouldn’t be hiding ANY secrets at that young age.

It sounds like your father would have been open to knowing you’re gay and you could have TAUGHT him that there is nothing wicked about it. His calling you after to talk and asking you questions is good and normal. You have a right to be angry at his bigotry not to embarrass him and take him down in a verbal rampage and give him zero room to grow .” FLATtireneedsalift

Another User Comments:

“NTJ

In my experience people who are concerned about ‘appearing to be a bigot’ ARE BIGOTS.

Also, your identity as a gay man is absolutely not a ‘lifestyle’ – it sounds like you know that, but I want to reinforce that.

Your Dad is very clearly homophobic and only pretends to sort-of-not be because he loves you. Thankfully he hasn’t literally cast you out for being gay, but incidents like this show that he is casting you out for being gay in various ways.

It seems like he desperately wants to ensure your brother is straight because he thinks he probably ‘exposed’ you to gay stuff at some point and that’s why you’re gay.

I hope you have a solid support system! I struggle with being out as queer with my mom – she always talks about my exes from high school and pretends she barely knows my partner of 3 years.

She ‘accepts’ me, but also not really. I think it’s good of you to be able to call your dad out. Keep doing it, if you have the energy. He needs to know you feel disrespected and that his behavior is harmful.” Letsgetreal4real

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for the way you handled it, but use it as a learning experience.

The problem with what you did is you made your dad need to defend himself to save face. You just made your and your brother’s situation more difficult. While it shouldn’t be this way the reality is too many people look for any excuse not to accept that their behavior is wrong.

You gave dad a great one, he can play the embarrassed victim instead of having the focus be on how uneducated and hurtful his behavior is.

There is no chance for introspection when you are in defense mode. Better would be to see the movie he wanted to, then have a calm talk with him at some point when he is more relaxed. Maybe it plants some seeds. And yeah, it’s not his business how many.” FreeRustProofing

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